Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Before we get into the episode, we want to remind you all to go stop, drop whatever you're doing and go to the Australian Podcast Awards link. We're going to put it in the show notes and vote for Life on Cut in this year's Listener's Choice Award.
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Have you noticed how oil Love, Britt Sneeze are today buck and lubricated.
Look at those c I actually was so offended last on.
Yes, I did, thank you. I'm glowing. Thanks. I put a tan on.
And then this morning I woke up and as I was Ben and I have our morning FaceTime chat, and as I was leaving, he was like, you look great, babe, have a great day. And I was like thank He was like, don't forget to moisturize those knees.
And so you went back inside luke your knees up and then left. I'm glad I.
Should ask here's my knee moisturize that I have on me. I'm so glad I brought it to work because I was so self conscious.
What I take from this is that I make you a better person. You should thank me.
No, you kick me while I'm down, because.
He's fantastic knean improvements that you have though.
Thank you, Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of life.
I'm cut, I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and I have very moisturized knees.
Well done, Thank you, well done. I didn't realize that it caused you so much upset I did.
I'm glad you equally noticed how moist my knees are, like you noticed how dry they were the other day.
Everyone, welcome back to another ask on can't where we answer? You're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions. And I have a question for you guys, both of you. Have you ever in later in life discovered that you have an allergy to something?
And if so, how Yes I have?
But my story is going to be so zero point zero zero one percent.
I realized that I had an allergy.
To rats, as in like men, no, I wish.
I'm allergic to them all I wish no, because you can develop allergies. You can develop like sensitivity, certain things like after prolonged exposure. And back in my past.
Life, which was over a decade ago.
I worked in a research lab and I ended up developing an allergy.
To the rats.
And it was really bad because you're already gowned up and stuff like you already covered.
But I just think that that's like revenge the rats though, because you're there trying to stick things in them and doing experiments on them, and they're like, you know, how, we're going to really fuck her up sinus problems.
Fair, but they did get cocaine every day.
When Samuel Loose summerrat them.
It was a trade off.
I have developed two allergies later in life, I was one of those kids that went through. I didn't have anything wrong with me, Like I didn't need the braces, I didn't have sinus problems, I didn't have I just perfect.
But I just scooted through.
I'd say this because my sister got the short end of the stick, right, Like she got everything. She had flat feet, she needed athotic, she needed bracest, she needed hearing.
Eight she lost her hearing.
So like she got everything, and I didn't ever have an allergy or anything any great.
His nickname at school was ski jump Nose because she has such a perfect ski jump nose, which I wish.
Was a joke, but actually it's true.
Yeah, but that wasn't a compliment. There were ski jump noses weren't in when I was seven.
Laura Rhinoplastiah, that's what everyone goes for, do you know.
And I'm going to sound like a winker, but I'm it's a flex I do like my I think it's a great little nose. And now I know that it is apparently a desirable nose. And I say that because when people call me ski jump nose, Laura, it was offensive.
They were bullying me.
They were like, oh, I could word to jump down your nose, and I'm like whatever, But people send me messages now I'm not kidding, saying that their screenshot my nose to take it to get as the reference to get a nose job.
So I'm so flattered. I'm like, I'm like, people want my nose. That's incredible. And I always sound like a wenkup, but I just what it is.
Anyway, go off, queen, I thank you, ski jump right off that.
No, but I have super bad hay fever most of the year now, which I've never had in my life.
This happened like the.
Last two years. And I don't want to go into this allergy too much because I have a feeling it's your allergy. But this year I'm allergic to garlic. I cannot eat garlic. Guys.
Guys.
So I went to the pub the other night with the kids and Matt and my favorite food in the entire world is a pub chili prawn past Oh.
I fucking love it.
So the kids are running around, I ordered myself my chilipron pasta. I was walking around like watching the kids and eating it at the same time.
Delicious.
Halfway through.
I was like, God, it's really got a bit of garlic to it, doesn't it. And I was like, hmm, it's very garlicy. Anyway, we're there were some other friends and I got about three quarters away through this pasta, and then I started talking to a girl who I know not that well, mind you, and she was like, Wow, that pasta must have a lot of garlic in it. I stunk so bad that it was coming out of my armpits.
I was to try and to have sex with me that night, and he was like, Laura, you smell like garbage.
The garlic perforated everything. And I'm talking everything all my whole body alergy.
My poos for two days smelt like garlic.
My farts smelt like garlic, My underarms smelt like garlic.
My mouth smelt like garlic.
I also don't know how to break this to you. You just smelt because because you don't consume a food, dude, And it comes out your pause thirty seconds later like, I'm sorry.
This happens with me in asparagus and twenty percent of people have the same enzyme deficiency and it makes your peace smell like asparagus.
So you have it for garlic.
Yes, so it's very similar. It's an enzyme reaction, but it is an intolerance. So I I went deep on the research and I have a friend who works in allergence, and I was like, dude, something's not right, like intigestion problems, like it really went off.
I also went off sis and it was fucked up.
And then I had this revelation where I was like, because I wasn't drinking, I was like, back in the day, i'd go to the pub, I'd have my chili prom pasta several glasses of wine and be fucked up. And now I go out with my children, I have a prom past and it's the garlic cultures.
This is a dream a year old? How did I get here? Like it's garlic, that's all Gali? Has anyone seen that kid? There is a hilarious reel.
This little boy, he must be like two years old, and he keeps saying.
Gali gomic and the mom.
The mom's like, what do you want? And he wanted, you know, minced garlic out of a jar. You know what, We'll just put it in here, Garla. This is what you want to eat, Garlaic you want garlic garlac.
Do you want turkey?
You wan't garlic?
Can I put it in a ball?
Glic? I think our Instagram feeds it very different, algorith quite unique. No. If I eat garlic now, I have been a garlic fiend my entire life. Cannot get enough of it. Put it in everything, cereal garlic wee picks nekay exaggeration.
But I eat it a lot.
Now I can't eat it. If I eat it, it's like an IBS trigger. I am like I've swallowed a watermelon. Like my belly is huge, hard, and I.
Thought, like, our boss, what your own pit smell like?
They're not too bad, but it's the it's what's coming out of me seasoned. Yeah, oh my god. Like now Ben will not put in any food. He's like, you cannot be trusted. Yeah, So that's like the earthquake.
Is it the type of thing like bo where you can't really smell your own.
No, No, it's not like that. I wish it was.
I could smell everything. It was so offensive, even to myself. I was trying to get away from myself. But it's a real shame because usually.
Away for myself that's hard to do.
Usually it's Matt who instigates like the adult time in our house, Like he's the one, he's always up for it, and unfortunately I was the one that was up for it, and he was like, I would rather go and sit in the bathroom and masturbate than have sex with you.
Right now, He's like, you stink so bad.
No, it's a low point where they're like, it's a no from me.
That was two days straight, two nights ruled out. Yeah, anyway, that's I just want to give you guys that update. No more Garlly for Laura Garli.
What are you gonna do with the chili pasta? We can do that. You're in a new era. It's really upsetting.
It's like one of the small joys of my life that has been taken away from me.
Maybe it's a specific species of garlic.
Maybe you could try like garlic powder. You could try the minxed one. Don't give up yet. It's like people who just accept gluten allergies and lactose allergies. I'm like, that's the best things in life unless try other things first, unless you're a Celiac, and then I really highly highly recommend that you don't take Keisha's advice and you share yourself.
Definitely avoid gluten because you could die from that. So yeah, if you are shitting yourself, you stop eating.
Laura would happily shit. I would should.
It's the stand it's how it affects everyone else. If it was only affecting me, I'd be okay.
All right.
Well, before we get into vised and unsubscribes, Keisha, you also had an update the other week. We were talking about something that you stole from Bunnings if you missed it.
An alleged store.
I stole it from a hardware store that will not.
Be named Bunnings.
And also mit atand basically, you know how you go into a store and you get a sample pot of paint, turns out you're supposed to pay for that sample pot of paint.
And Keisha, that was like a real revelation to her and she has stolen many sample pots of paints over the years.
Turns out I'm not the only one.
Because firstly, we got I specifically to my own Instagram, got about one hundred messages from people being like, so today was the day that I learned that also I am a thief.
I should also be doing communities.
Ever there were so many.
So so, so many.
But the funniest thing was after I posted this, we asked everyone, like, what's something that you've accidentally been doing that's illegal? And the amount of people that have been stealing barbecue gas bottles is out of.
Role, which is so funny because there was this one go in particular that so Laura's looking at a shock.
But the gas bottles is something called swap and go.
So when you've when you've got a gas bottle and it's empty, you go in and you swap it out, so you leave yours, get the new one, which you pay for, and then you leave. But people people thought you just swapped it and went.
In the name. They need to change the name that's on them.
Swap and go is very misleading. But someone also wrote to us and said that this is actually the opposite.
This is someone being super generous. They tried to pay for the air that they put in their tire.
They went to the petro station put air in their tire and then went inside to pay for it.
Revelation, that's not that funny. You pay for air overseas, that's such a I just did this big Scottish road trip. You have to pay for air in your tie.
Are they getting it.
From an oxygen tank or are they just getting it from the air and they're charging people to funnel it into their tires.
It's literally the same, and there's lots of other countries that do it. But it's the same setup as you would hear.
When you go and pull up.
I actually think there are some places in Australia that you pay for air too, but it's the same setup where you just put the cord thing into your tires.
And then have you seen The law Axe? The Law Axe is a kid's movie. It's all a kid's book. Brilliant, brilliant movie. If anyone's free this weekend five an unsubscribed The law Axe is a scene in there where the guy who runs the town starts charging for air.
He's bottling air. That's what this reminds me of. It's like a dystopian universe. But no, I've never once paid for air. Turns out, I've never paid for example, Potter paint. However, I have paid for my swap and go barbecue gas bottle. Guys, let's get in to our vibes and unsubscribes. Britney, what is your Vibe for the week or unsubscribed.
It's the same thing that moisturized my knee this morning.
People sit back.
This is a little tiny tub from summer Fridays that I've recently discovered. What it is is actually a jet lag mask. So for anyone that's flying, I mean they say jet lag, but it's for a plane, right, Like you know how you get so dehydrated on a plane. I don't know if anyone else is like me, but I was for a long time that person that would take like the big scary white face mask on and I was sitting my seat next to all these people planted on my face and keep it on for an hour or two.
So fine, I have nothing against that. When I see your checky has done that, I'm like, she was prepared. That's excellent.
Yes I did it.
There's nothing wrong with it. But now you can do it without having the big white scary face masking on. So this is literally just a cream that's really thick like a mask, but when you put it on, doesn't look like it is. It just looks like you've got a really moisturized face. And I used it for the first time my recent trip to Romania. And I absolutely
loved it. It was very hydrating, very moisturizing. I just sporadically put it on, like topped it up through the plane because I was flying for like thirty hours.
It's also excellent if you have carpet burn on your knees.
Great for carpet burn on your knees. It's called Summer Fridays. It's in like this bluey little tube and it is the jet lag mask. So that is my recommendation this week for anyone that might be flying, but you don't have to do long haul flights. It's even if you've got like an hour or two. It's like that that aircorn in a plane sucks you dry.
Keisha my vibe for this week. It's an episode of The Human Lab with Esther Perel. Now Esther Perel, she's been on lifel on Cut before. She is a world redowance psychotherapist. She's probably the guru of relationships and sex right she's the bee's knees. And I did find it quite hilarious and kind of ironic that Huboman did an episode with her on relationships, because allegedly he had six going.
At the one time.
I'm not sure if you's those articles back in like I think it was like June July, there was a whole thing about human.
However, this episode I really enjoyed that.
It was kind of a mix between studies about relationships and science and neuroplasticity or synaptic plasticity and how that kind of changes brain connections and why that impacts our relationships as we age.
To be fair, Hubanman sounds like the perfect person to talk about relationships. He had so many of them on the goal at once. But that's why it's so ballsy.
Fancy fancy having like cheating with six different people and allegedly, No, it's not allegedly. I mean they've all come out and said the same thing. They've got proof. I don't think it's allegedly. I think it's just he did it. I don't think we have to He can't see us now. He did it. He put his dick too many places. But fancy having the balls to do that and then go on get like a world leading relationship specialist on unless he's talking about infidelity, like why do people cheat?
That would do.
Speak about infidelity in this episode? Yeah, So it's over two hours, so it is a long one. It's not going to be for everyone because Hubanman, I mean, his way of delivering content is a little bit robotic. He like he's a lecturer. You know, he's an academic and dry. You've got to kind of be into that if you're into his content. But yeah, Esther, if this this is, I mean, I've listened to a lot of Esther Perel. I think we all have. We've all consumed a lot
of her things, her books, her podcasts. This in particular, I just felt like she she shone. I feel as though she just shared so much knowledge and she had that perfect balance of well, this is what the studies teach us about relationships, and this is what people have experienced in therapy. She's been a therapist for gosh, it must be like over forty years now. So yeah, I really recommend it. It is on YouTube or anywhere you
get your podcasts. It is called Humanman lab Esther Perel How to Find, Build and Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationship.
I love everything Esther Pearrel. So I'm into that.
Well let's link that, but let's also link the episode that we did with Esther Perel. We did a wonderful episode with her like that was such a for me. It was a bit of like a highlight being a relationships based pod. To sit down and talk to her was really cool. So we'll link that one as well.
I have a Netflix recommendation and at this Court Into the Fire you might have seen it. It is a documentary that is currently trending, but I honestly want to say it is one of the best documentaries I have ever seen. It is truly fantastic, fantastic but also devastatingly sad. But the way in which the narrative of the documentary is constructed is so well thought out. The storytelling is brilliant, and the story itself is just like it's.
Unbelievable that this could possibly happen.
So to give you sort of like structurally, it's two episodes, very easy to watch in one evening, which I did, And the story is about a fourteen year old girl who goes missing and what happens. And I won't tell you the full you know, I don't want to give too much away, but basically, she was adopted out when she was a newborn baby nine months old, sorry so not newborn, but nine months old. Her mother was very very young biological mother was super young, and that's why
she adopted her out. Now, her biological mother found out when her daughter should have been twenty four that she had been missing for a decade, and obviously her biological mother, Kathy, she really felt compelled to find out where the hell did her daughter go. And so this is a documentary all around her and how she describes it, going into the fire to find her daughter and to find out what happened to her. And the documentary does have a resolution.
I hate documentaries where it's unsolved, especially in this instance because it surround such a young girl. You do find out what's happened. There is closure in it, but it is horrifying and fascinating, and it's just brilliantly, brilliantly put together. Everyone should go watch it Into the Fire on Netflix.
Yeah, that's it.
Let's get into the questions.
Question number one. Recently, I found texts on my boyfriend of five year's phone that appeared to be organizing to have sex with a sex worker, as well as messaging other girls to meet him out while he was working in another country. I don't know if this ever eventuated, but the messages were there, stepping it up. We don't see each other. Mascha's ie work in Australia and he works overseas for a lot of the year. He has a much higher sex drive than me and long distance
slash not much. Sex doesn't bother me, but it really bothers him. I haven't told my boyfriend I know this yet, and I haven't told any friends or family. I know as soon as I tell anyone, they will hate him and tell me the things that I would tell anyone else to break up with him. The problem is I'm thirty next year, I want to have a baby in the next two years, and I had my life pretty much sorted with him on paper. He has his faults,
but he is my best friend. What's that. The thing is he makes an enormous amount of money and I don't. In our future, I know my children will be looked after and they won't have to struggle. I know I won't have to struggle financially. That is, I come from a family who doesn't have a lot of money, and being with my boyfriend means I know I can take care of them better than if I would just single
on my own. Right now, I don't know whether to confront my boyfriend, because I know as soon as I say this out loud, I can't take it back and it will mean that I have to break up with him, as cheating is not something I want relationship. Is it morally wrong to just look the other way because of the benefits this relationship brings me my family and my future family. I know this seems like a super obvious answer,
but I know how hard life can be. Being with him means my life will in some ways be easier with him in it, or if this will always be the back of my mind and ruin my happiness even with the security it brings, help me. Please, I feel like I'm old, have nothing to show for myself, and I'm scared I'll never be a mother if we break up. Now such a sad question.
I know how and what I want to say, And the problem is is that it does emulate what your friends are going to say to you and the things that you would say to yourself if you spoke it
out loud. And I want to tread carefully because you know you've said The reason why you don't want to tell your friends is because you know that they're going to tell you that you should not be in this relationship, and it is what I want to tell you as well, because I just don't think that the benefits of financial secure in a relationship outweigh the necessity of trust, respect,
and fidelity if that's what's important to you. There are people in the world who can be in relationships that are open relationships where they know they know that their partners are doing X, Y Z, and they're okay with that. But this is a very different situation. You are not okay with it. You have said that you know what will mean that you need to break up with him, as cheating is not something that.
You want in your relationship.
The reality is is that whether you confront him about this or not, this type of behavior will continue to happen. And the only way that you can have a conversation about it that doesn't necessarily have to end in cheating, but at least brings everything to the surface and gives you and him the opportunity to work through it, is to tell him that you.
Know there are so many parts to this that I want to break down.
Yeah. Same.
The first part is I want to validate your feelings of your financial insecurity and your issues around that because that is a really huge issue. The cost of living is so expensive and it's really hard to make ends meet. And on top of that, if you want to have kids and you're not with a partner and you want to do that on your own, that's another expense. At the end of the day, you cannot deny that it's
more expensive to be single. When you get into a relationship, everything the stresses and the pressures and your financial stresses, everything harves right. All of a sudden, you're paying renting a house on your own, someone moves in, you harve it, You have the groceries, you have the bills. If you're struggling a little bit, you have someone to rely on. Like it is, definitely has a comfort in a security.
What you need to decide is what you want more, because, like Laura said, if you're okay with having that family life and kids and financial security, know when your partners off doing that, that's totally fine. As long as you are happy with that relationship. There's no right or wrong. But you've said you're not and you've said you feel old. You said you're old, and you're worried it's not going to happen to you. I want to stop you in your tracks right there. You are not even thirty yet,
you are twenty nine years old. Yeah, and I don't want to keep bringing this back to me, but I just want people to realize that it is not old and age is literally a number. Of course that is not accurate when we're talking about your biological clock. But I only met my partner at thirty five, I only froze my first eggs at thirty three.
I met Matt at thirty one, and you're.
Twenty nine, and I know I remember feeling. You always feel at that age like you are older and time is running out, but you're not. And it really distresses me that you think you need to settle down with someone that has this these morals that don't align with yours because you think you're running out of time, because you're absolutely not. There is so much time. Laura and I went on The Bachelor at thirty years old, like we started that chapter of our life older than you are now.
I think, look, there's, like we said, there's so many parts of this and firstly the cheating part. Obviously we need to go deep on that, but I think that more so than going deep on that, there's a self esteem part to this. You are allowing your boundaries that you have in place to erode. And what happens when you don't stick to your boundaries, your boundary being that the two of you agree to fidelity in your relationship.
You go, Okay, I'm going to turn a blind eye to this because I'm so scared that he's going to leave me, because I don't think I can get better than him, because I think he is the best person I'm ever going to date. Then the next time that he does something that is against what your boundaries are, it's a little bit worse. But you're already there. You already forgave one thing. So your boundaries continue to erode.
And what we know is is that as your boundaries erode, so does your self esteem, and so does what you think you are valued at and what you can give it a relationship and what you can receive back. And as that happens, you will continuously put yourself second, third, fourth, fifth down the priority list. My fear for you here is is the imbalance in this relationship that you are creating allowances simply because he has a lot more money
than what you do. And I guess for me, like you said, Britt, is a huge conversation for yourself as to whether you can be okay with it. You have said you're not okay, and I think most people wouldn't be. There may be some people who are able to turn a blind eye and physically be okay, but I would say that that relationship's probably not based on love. It's based on a financial beneficial situation, and that's not what
your relationship is. You're not with him for his money, and if you are with him for his money, then that's a totally different relationship. So I think a conversation has to be had. I don't think you should be turning blind eyes to massive, massive fractures and to things that people do that really compromise the trust and respect that you have for each other.
There'll be people that don't agree with this, but I truly believe not all cheating is equal. There are so many different categories of cheating. This kind of cheating. This isn't the kind of cheating where it's like I found out my partner made a mistake. He went out, he was on a bux, he got drunk. He's sorry. He's never done before this year. Also isn't just premeditated like he's having it with one per He's booking sex workers,
he is organizing sex and hookups with other random people. Like, there's a lot of premeditation here and a lot of commitment, and he's also going as far as to pay for it. I think that's different to slipping up one night and being really apologetic about it. So you're also still in your early days. You haven't had your kids and settled down long term yet. So if this is what he is setting up for your future, and this is the foundation he's saying, like I'm already okay with this, it
won't get better. It will get worse when you are together for ten fifteen years, when you have kids and kids. I don't have kids, as we all know, but I know that kids are not the band aid. Kids are not going to fix a problem. Kids going to add so much more stress and pressure. Chances are it could very well drive him further away if he's not already connected to you in that way. I think the best thing for you to do here, and it's really fucking hard, is to accept that this is the person that is
in front of you. Yeah, you can have that conversation and see how he deals with it. You know he's doing it. I don't think you will be able to live with that long term. Even if you say you're okay with it now, it will wear you down.
It's so look, I mean, I second guess even the way that we've answered this question, because I think if you took away the financial aspects, I know how we would answer it. I know the response we would have, and it would be a lot more cutting, and it would be a lot more pointed. I think the reason why we're trying to be so gentle is because it's obviously something that's so hard for you, and you are
literally saying, I will put myself second. I will put myself second if this relationship will continue to financially benefit me in some way. I don't think for your own sense of self that you can continue in this relationship, regardless of the fact that he is your best friend, regardless of the fact that financially you're going to have to you know, figure out. But the reality is is that sometimes life takes big pivots and things are not the path that we thought it was going to be
for us. And the reality is is that sometimes it's better you will meet someone else. You will be in a new relationship. You'll be with someone where there's not an imbalance of power, where there's not an inequality, where you're not staying with them simply because they financially have money and they're cheating on you. Like, think about that. That is so fucked that you're like, I'm going to stay in this relationship. It's okay that he cheats on
me because he takes care of me financially. I also want to say, I think it is a very bad idea to not speak to any of your family and friends about this, because family and friends, as much as sometimes they might be a little bit brutal, they're also very very good at holding up a mirror to the values that we want in our life and to the things that we want. So do not isolate yourself from your family and friends for fear of the things that they will say. Talk to the people who you trust.
Talk to the people who know him and who know you, because they are the people who will give you the most honest feedback. And I think that with that feedback, it will give you the confidence to figure out, Okay, what are my next steps?
Reason I'm being gentle about it, and I am being gentle about it. Do I think you should stay in that relationship? No, But I'm being gentle because I understand this isn't just a Hey, my boyfriend's cheating. I don't want to be alone, which should I stay? That's different. But you are not only putting yourself first, but your whole concern is around your extended family. So obviously he's making enough that you are helping them. So I understand
you thinking walking away isn't just you. You think walking away could affect your parents in a way, or your siblings, or whoever it is that you are helping financially. That is unfortunately a lot of extra stress that you are taking on yourself. And I know a lot of people do take that stress on so I totally get it. But you will meet somebody else, and you will create another life with somebody, and you will be able to
have kids with somebody. I don't want to say you will be able to, but the opportunity is going to be there. A lot of us get stuck in, you know, we speak about it all the time, the sunk cost fallacy of we've put five years in and I'm already thirty, and I don't want to waste the last five years. I don't want to start again having to meet somebody. And that is all also a dangerous place to be because you're not wasting that time. And I really want everyone to get their head around this. It took me
a long time to get my head around it. You're not wasting that five years if you leave and start again. You've had an amazing five years with somebody. He was your best friend, You've created memories together, You've learnt from him, you know what you do and don't want. One of those things that you now know you don't want is a partner that cheats on you. You want somebody that is committed to you. You will find.
That, but you may also not leave this relationship. Having a conversation with him about it and telling him you know and holding a mirror up to his behavior doesn't mean that you are taking the very first step and being like, fuck off, I'm out of here. Like it doesn't mean that you're leaving right away, but it means that there are consequences for his actions, and that he knows you know, and so maybe who knows, Maybe that
might kick him into gear. It rarely does, but it might like she's not going to leave straight away, like she just isn't. I would guarantee that if you spoke to your family and said I am in a relationship with a man who cheats on me because it financially benefits all of us.
Your mum, your dad, your.
Siblings, whoever is financially benefiting from this situation.
Would be horrified. Well, we don't know that. I think they would be.
I think you can say we don't know that, but I think there would be very few parents who would encourage someone to stay in a relationship of infidelity because they felt the pressures too financially.
I don't know I would.
I mean my advice would differ. I wouldn't be telling my family right now because that's just too much external pressure everyone, every single person in your life that you tell, I can guarantee you will say, get the fuck out of there. And that's probably not what you need right now, because you already know that. I think you need to go in a bit more gently and get there on
your own. Everyone. There's no one that you were going to tell that it's going to be like, oh, what a catch, Like stay you know, so it's real, but I wouldn't you do need to talk to someone. Definitely, don't isolate yourself, but personally, you know, the second you tell all your friends and family that that's all, they're going to be talking about why you still with him? Have you had the conversation, Yeah, when you're leaving fuck him off. He doesn't deserve you.
I don't.
I'm not convinced you need that pressure right now. But whether you speak to somebody that is an acquaintance, like friendly, but not like that's who I used to download on, not my closest people. Maybe it's a therapist, like, maybe it's professional help. But you shouldn't be keeping this to yourself. And I love that you've told us. We feel so grateful for that, but we're not there with you in the day to day I think.
I mean, I would love to know, Bri, like, what are your opinions on relationships that are based purely on financial gain? In terms of like, I'm going to be in this relationship with this person. I love them, but I'm going to turn a blind eye to behaviors that absolutely are so compromising to what I want in my life. But I financially benefit from this, So I'm going to stay.
It's not for me, but I have nothing wrong with it if it suits that couple, Like I'm not gonna yuck anyone's yum. If there's a relationship that's happy to make compromises, they still live happily together.
I mean, it makes you think there's loads of really unattractive, very very very wealthy men.
Who get fucking hot as models, and it makes you question.
It's not their personality.
Would she date him if he was poor? Probably not, But that's what I mean.
Finances play so much more of a role in relationships than we either a wanna admit and want to be truthful about, which is why she's told us and not her friends, because we're not gonna judge her and we're not in her day to day life. We're in her face. But finances are a huge thing. You cannot deny that, even if it's not your most important thing there is. I can guarantee you there's not one person listening right now that hasn't thought about money today.
Even if you've got money, there are so many things that this is not a guaranteed for. And the other thing that it's not guaranteed. For is, if you have a baby with this guy, if you start a family with somebody who is consciously cheating on you, what's that life going to look like when that kid's three or four or five. Are you gonna continue to turn a blind eye to this for the rest of your life
You're okay with that? Or are you're gonna raise children in an environment where their parents have such a disdain for each other because one of them's cheating all the time.
But there's also the fact of, like, you know, you're gonna have to be good doing constant SDI check how frequently is he with them? Like, you've got to look after your sexual health, and you've got to be hyper aware if he wants to come home and have unprotected sex with you, you have to have the conversation. You don't have to break up with him. We're not saying that, well, we are saying you have that convo and then you.
Decide question number two.
I've recently got engaged and we have already started talking about when and where as these are the biggest questions we have to answer. We would like to have it maybe this time next year to allow people into state and internationally to sort their lives out and come, Brittany, did you write this question in?
Now? The big question is where?
My family is all East of Australia. Literally, this is you and we live in Western Australia.
That's not you.
My fiance's immediate family is here in Western Australia as well. Our friends are in WA. I have family that are elderly and wouldn't be able to travel. However, we have both brought up the subject with my fiance's parents and mother in law and it didn't have a very good reaction, which I knew would happen. How do I say that I don't know how long my elderly family met will be with us, and I want them at my wedding
as they mean so much to me. How do I approach this topic and not seeing like I'm being a bridezilla making us have our wedding east or do we just elope and have two parties, one in the East and one in the West.
So is she saying that most of the family are on one side, but the oldies or on the other, so she wants the majority to travel for them?
Is that what she's saying?
What she's saying is is that her whole family is on the East. Yeah, his whole family is in Wa and they live in Wa, and they've also got a big friendship group that's in Wa.
So it makes slightly more sense to having Wa. But she wants it East.
But she wants it east because it would mean that her grandparents absolutely couldn't be there for if it was in Wa, just have it in the East.
I think you can just have it in the East, so your wedding it Also, picking the location doesn't make you a bridezilla.
It'd be different.
I would say you're a bride dealer if you're like, none of my family can afford to travel, they're all dying, so I'm going to Italy.
That's different.
But Slash, that's a bit more like I would be like. But at the end of the d it's only the other side of Australia, and it sounds like there's almost equal amounts of people that would have to travel either way. So you're just suiting the people that are really important to you. At the end of the day. The people that are important to you obviously include your grandparents. You want them there. If they are not there, you will regret that for the rest of your life totally.
And let me say this, it is wild the amount of people that will come to your wedding who you in ten years, fifteen years, twenty years, will will lose touch with. Like it's actually wild, funnily enough, like our wedding video, I mean, like, like, who is that awkward? But like it's got Mitch and Hayden in it. So Mitch being our co host on the pickup, Hayden's his ex boyfriend. Haven't seen Hayden since they.
Broke up, never saw him before, literally.
Never saw him before.
So now I've got someone who I'm never going to see again in my wedding video. Also, the other person in my wedding video is Matt Sex girlfriend, who I never see. So I've got two people in my wedding video who I have not seen since my wedding. The thing I want to reiterate about this Rea, why I'm bringing this up is simply because it is more important to have someone like your grandparents, who you are not going to see much, who you don't.
Get to see very often.
I would do anything to have had my grandfather at my wedding, to have him walk me down the Aisle. I would give anything for him to be there. It's not a Bridezilla review to make that decision. And also, if your mother in law father in law are going to react badly to it, just get your fiance to say, hey, Mom, you know Sarah, it's really important to her that grandparents are there. They can't travel because they're a bit old, and so we're going to have it in the East.
You just made me realize that, Like.
At my wedding, Nana Hockley, No, at my wedding, I'm not going to know anyone, and Ben's not gonna know anyone.
We don't know each other's families.
I'm like, who are all these people? And he's gonna be like, who are you?
Like, we're going to be a lot of us, like extended friends and families. We've never met his best friend, his groomsman, I quote unquote no, because we FaceTime. I don't know him.
Your wedding would be the best wedding to wedding crash because you'd have no fucking idea if the person was.
Supposed to be there or not.
Guys, it's in.
Come crash the wedding. Brittany's going to be like, that's probably Ben's cousin.
She got no, it had a big camera.
No. But one thing that I can relate to is and I am grappling with it a little bit at the moment because it's like new news to me. But my I only have one grandparent left, my Nana. And if you're a listener, you'll know that. A couple of weeks ago, I went to Port mcquarie, to my hometown, and out of nowhere, she pulled all the rings off her hand and she goes take these because in case I die. And I was like, well, Nana, like, you're not going to die down.
But then you.
Know she was going to come to the wedding overseas. And I sometimes forget how old she is because she's she has an age to me, you know, she's still the same Nana as twenty years ago. But at the end of the day, she's in a late eighties and a couple of weeks ago, she's like, I don't think I'm going to be able to calm makes me really sad. I'm not going to cry, And I'm like, of course you can come, and she's like, no, I don't think I can. Like I'm old I can travel that far.
And you know, she had a fall and broke all these bones not that long ago, and she's like, I'm in pain a lot of time. And then I just think I have to accept now that she can't come. And there's a part of me that was like, do I cancel my old wedding, like but I can't. But I think I'll have to have a little mini one here. But I feel what you feel when you say that, like they're important to you. So I think you make that decision absolutely, and your fiance should one hundred percent understand.
Yeah, I agree.
I don't think that this is not the benchmark of what makes people bridezillas, that's for sure. And it's not like you're having people have destination weddings, like we said BRIT's gone to BALI like you have this destination.
Am I.
Maybe it's in Italy. Maybe I've been trying to throw you off the scent.
But I think you know, Western Australia to Sydney, Like, yeah, it's a bit of a ball leg, but it's not that bad.
It's not nice holiday, it's not Europe. People will come, don't worry about it.
And also it's a good way to read people out and keep your numbers down because maybe they won't and that's fine.
Maybe your mother in law will decide it's too far. Sounds a good option, dude. Weddings are hard.
Fuck it Elope, alope with you non.
Heard in these? Okay?
Question number three? Now, this one was in the Facebook group. If you're not a member, La Funker discussion group is where all the fun ship goes down. This was in the discussion group and it was really popping off, and people asked if we could talk about it on the podcast, so we.
Uh, pop off. It was pumping off.
I'm in a tough it's also do with cheating, so there's you know, it's a flavor of the month. Unfortunately, it's just something that so many people go through, right flavor of life. I'm in a tough situation to need some advice. I overheard my partner talking about a night out where one of his co workers cheated on his partner, who is home with their six month old baby.
Dickhead.
I feel awful for the woman and want to tell her, but I don't know her partner or her very well, and my partner would be furious if he knew I was eavesdropping. On top of that, if I say something, it could put my partner in difficult positions. Since the cheatah is connected to management, I can't shake the few feeling that I need to do something, but I'm worried about the consequences for everyone involved.
What should I do? We did get some additional information on this.
So the woman's partner who was having the conversation, he works in five FO and he was very disturbed about this news when he heard that the coworker said he was cheating.
Yes, so he wasn't like high five and now I good on your bro, Like, get that bussy?
Sorry? Is I how guys talk?
That's how I picture them talking, John, because I hate you talk. Do you call your friends? In my head, that's men. I also pictured her up against the wall with a glass like eavesdropping, like trying to hear information. This is tough, but not tough. Every part of me is like, yes, like girl's code, girl's code teller. But the truth of it is, I probably wouldn't. You don't know them. I know it sucks you don't know them, And it could directly if it's your partner's boss, it
could directly affect his work. Like, it's a pretty big thing. It'll be different if it was one of your best friends or a close friend, but if you literally don't know either of them, you overheard one half of a conversation, not the other half. It's a pretty big thing to go and explode someone's life.
Yeah, I agree, And look, even if you did choose to say something, you are not the one doing the exploding. But some people may feel differently to this, But I do not believe that it is our job to hold up the moral compass for other peoples in their lives, in their relationships, especially people who we do not know. If it's someone who you are very close with, if it's someone who it directly affects you and you feel as though you cannot live with yourself, that's a different situation.
But I think in this instance, it is going to bring so much drama into your life. And even though the best thing and the right thing might be to give the woman the information, the problem is is because you don't know her, you also aren't there to do the aftercare. You're not there to ensure that she's okay. So you're dropping an absolute bomb in their life with the information that you've found out, but you're not able to actually be there to see the damage or to
tend to what that does for that person. We don't know what state she's in, we don't know anything about her. I just don't think I would be inviting this sort of drama, toxicity, the way in which it's going to affect your relationship with your husband, the way in which it could affect him at work, into my life. I think that the risk for you far outweigh your responsibility in this situation.
I would not be able to not talk to my partner about it.
Oh yeah, you have to talk to her.
I would be like, Sozzy, I overheard him say he was under the bed at the time of the conversation I heard about the pussat No, I would have to say that I could not keep it to myself and go about my day. And I think if he's your partner, he's not going to kick off that you accidentally overheard a conversation unless it was in a really private place where you had to like sneak there, Like if it's in the men's change room at the gym, like, don't own up to that shit.
Keep take that.
To the grape, I'd ask him about it, because you do only have one side of the story. He might have hung up the phone call and been on the phone to someone else you don't even know, Like there are so many variables here. You haven't seen any proof. You've heard one side, and you don't know them, so curiosity would get me and I would want to know more.
The other thing is is look, I mean, I know it comes with all good intention, but actually play this out in your head. Right If I received a message from someone who I have never heard from in my entire effing life and they said, hey, my husband works with your partner. I overheard him saying that he cheated on you, like hope you're okay or whatever it is. And then I sat down with Matt and I said, hey, Matt, I've received this message from some person who I don't know,
and they've accused you of cheating on me. And then Matt turns around and says, Laura, I would never I have no idea what they're talking about.
She's crazy. Why is she trying to ruin our relationship?
I love you.
I would of course believe my husband.
Because I have That puts a red flag in my brain.
It would put a red flag in my brain. But I would question Mark one hundred percent. But it wouldn't be an enough for me to leave him. It wouldn't be enough. All it would do would be.
It would create so much distress, but actually not enough distress for me to actually leave my husband, you know what I mean. So it's like you're not there to give enough of the information or enough of the aftercare that I actually just think it's super damaging without having like a good resolution to the problem and without actually allowing that person to have all the bits of information that they need. I don't know, I just think it causes way more problems that it needs to.
I agree. It also like puts some questions in my head about how many times we do get questions And this is just a curiosity thing, like Laura and produce a key show. I don't know. You guys can chime in on this. Are there things that happen that you feel like you can't talk or ask your partner? Because sometimes when I get these questions, it really takes me by surprise because there's nothing that I wouldn't feel like I could talk to or ask Ben.
I think everyone's relationship's very different. I think there's lots of people who have more privacy within their relationships or more ambiguity around things like finances or friendship groups. I think that there's no rules and every relationship is pretty different.
No, of course, but I'm just asking what you how you guy, like if this was you and you had accidentally overheard this conversation. I know, we joke about the men's locker room and stuff. It's obviously just you've walked past the door or something. But would you feel like you could approach them about this and say, look, I am sorry, but I overheard.
Oh yeah, absolutely I would too.
But I think that we get different variations of this, and it's usually where the person who needs to go to their partner and talk about something has done something wrong, you know, even if it's like one percent. In comparison, it's like when people go through their partner's phone and they find out that they've been cheating on them, and they're like, oh, but I feel bad about going through their phone, you know, because technically that's wrong too, totally.
So I think it depends on how wrong the thing that you did is versus what you found out.
And also we don't know how when you say is droppers, she might have gone through his phone, do you know, I mean, like it could.
Have been computer like joint iPad whatever. It was like a forty five minute conversation, So you can't be like I just walked past in her She could have recorded it, and she's got to do it like a podcast. She's got like a cup of tea at the door. She's like really sitting there settling in.
Yeah, I mean I get the feeling that it probably was some situation where she's seen messages or something, do you know what I mean? Like, I don't know, because if it was just overheard in passing.
Like no, I think she ever heard it.
But the eavesdropping part is just so weird, Like how were you eavesdropping?
Why?
Like did your partner have often have conversations with colleagues that you're not allowed to hear, Like.
That's weird in and of itself.
No, maybe he was just on the phone and he had it on speaker or something.
But then that's not eavesdropping if someone is if you lurk, if you stop intentionally just to intentionally stop and listen, like if he was on the duney and he was taking a call and then you stopped, You walked past and you heard, so you fucked her. I would stop too, I'd be like, oh, tell me more.
Yeah, But you would also just say, hey, I was walking past and I heard that. That's not eavesdropping. That is, like, you know, there is more intent here that we don't have the backstory for. Is what I'm saying, eavesdropping and just accidentally hearing something like how were you eavesdropping?
And I agree with what Keisha said. It depends on what you've done wrong as to whether you feel comfortable or not explaining that that's how you came across that information.
Yes, so my advice is maybe lie about that.
Gaslight him, maybe turned down the volume on how you found out and.
However you did. If you did actually just hear it by walking past, you're pretty in the clear to just bring it up. If you found out through other means, maybe you'll have to be a little more creative with how you go about bringing it up.
But even so, I don't know if you need to bring it up. I don't know if you need to.
I want to know. For me, I want to know.
I want to know the story. I want to not one hundred percent.
I am pretty for the gossip. IDI.
I think in this situation, I would want to know because I would want to get my partner's take on it. You know, she already said that he was kind of disturbed by the information. So exactly like you said at the start, if I found out that this had happened and I overheard a conversation, I would want to talk to my partner about it and be like, hey, do you feel the same about, you know, cheating when you have a six month or baby at home?
Like we need to get clear on where your values are.
I've had this conversation with Ben. I had actually think I had overheard it too, but it wasn't like I was in the same room right and I had overheard that somebody that he knew's friend, basically a teammate a couple of years ago, had cheated, and I wanted more information because I wanted to know what he thought about that. I'm like, do all your teammates do that? Do all your friends do that? Have you ever done that? How do you feel about that? Do you think it's okay
that they do that? And he was absolutely gave me the answer that I wanted, and it wasn't an answer I wanted, it was the truth. He's like, fuck, no, it's terrible. I would like, He's like, I don't encourage it. If anyone ever talks about it in a locker room or a training or whatever. He's like, I don't even contribute. But you know, cheating is out there. It happens. But that's why I would want to be having the conversation.
Yeah, and I think in her particular situation, because he does do FIFO, Like, I just feel like there's this thing about FIFO where what happens on site stays on site. You know, there's a real like bros culture around FIFO workers, and I know a lot of them myself, and I'm not saying that they're all like that, but I would even.
I want to be careful with that because there's a lot of people who listen to this podcast who have husbands or partners who are Fifaux workers and whose partners are fucking great and so like, I don't like the idea that people can be branded just in the same way there's loads of professional sports athletes, there's lots of celebrities, Like.
I just want to be careful because I don't want to. I've just kind of realized it. The way I said that could be really hurtful to people who either have partners or are themselves Fifoux workers. I'm not implying that you're all the same. What I mean by that is that when you spend time in those environments, you're spending like twelve to fourteen hour shifts with these people. You're spending a lot of time around them, and I, as a partner, would want to know what the culture of
those environments was like. That's why I would want to have a conversation about it, not because I would be accusing my partner of being exactly the same as this person who's cheated on their part.
And it's obviously obviously jobs where you work away not just five fox, but your periods away, doctors, pilots, whatever, like people that work overseas in business, It doesn't matter. Present you with opportunities to cheat doesn't make you a cheater, Like you have more of an opportunity to cheat if you're in London for four weeks than you are if you are living at home in a nine to five.
That doesn't mean you're a cheater, just as many people cheat that are married and live with your partner, Like, we do want to one hundred percent say that.
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