Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land.
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm Kat, I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is it.
We finally finished live shows. Feels like we really quickly were at the same time.
I feel like we've been talking about live shows forever.
We actually have. It's been since of July.
No, we drip fed it, but the last month we're obviously talking about it a lot because it's happening. Then we're there and then it's on Instagram, and then we talk about the next day and how it went. But it's been fucking phenomenal.
It's honestly consumed every single part of our lives, every heart, our waking life, my sleeping life, my like I go to bed thinking about the live shows or unpacking, Like, did I say this bit right? Could I have said this better? I like rehash every show after.
The Yeah, I don't think about it. You're fucking like dumb. That top of stage.
Doesn't not one thing from that night is in my head, like I think about how cool it was and how much fun I had and the adrenaline. I do not go through the show. I do not analyze anything, do not critique a thing. When people write to us after and they say, like, my cheeks are hurting, I just it was just such a great night with the girls. Like for me, that is what I thrive on.
I'm like, yes, Like, So last night, just so you guys know, we did the Brisbane show. It was our very last show. Brisbane was fucking unbelievable. Last night's crowd was amazing.
Brisbane was littly city.
You were wild, not lily city in the same way the Gold Coast was though, because you guys were like litter litter city, which is you're a drunk city.
Brisbane was lady city. That's the difference between Service Paradise and Brisbane.
Though.
So last night, for those of you who there, you would know this, but for everybody else, we interviewed Sam Frost on stage, and I mean, I knew that it was going to be great, and I love talking to Sam, but I honestly think the interview with her was the one out of all the interviews that we.
Did that caught me completely by surprise. Was it?
Yeah, like her vulnerability, her conversation around mental health, her talking around what she has experienced, not just recently, but what she has experienced from a little child. We're going to get her on the podcast to have a proper chat with her. So, Sam Frost, I mean, so many of you know her from being back on The Bachelor, you know her from her radio show Home and Away,
is her most recent accolade as an actress. But then recently she's kind of turned away from the public life and she has really leaned into her mental health advocacy. And I honestly, like there were tears in my eyes, There was tears in the audience. She spoke about how dealing with mental health has been something that has been a part of her family since she was a really
little kid. She also said that she grew up thinking that her parents didn't love her, and I think for me when she said that, I just, I honestly, I can't believe how abandoned you would feel growing up feeling as though your parents don't love you. And that was because of the complex mental health issues that her mum had.
But then Sam also, and it was I was not expecting her to go where she went to with the conversation, but she spoke about how she had tried to end her life, and it was something it took the wind out of everyone in the audience, but it really was this incredible reminder and this really humbling reminder that it doesn't matter how beautiful someone is, it doesn't matter how successful someone seems, it doesn't matter all the things that
we think are important that would be fulfilling to someone else. If you were struggling with depression, if you were struggling with bad mental health, then all those things don't matter. And that's something that Sam really communicated on stage, and it was fucking beautiful. She's an incredible person.
Yeah. And I think the other thing that Sam spoke about that must be so like, so frustrating and so infuriating is that she got a lot of backlash about being an anti vax and people were trying to cancel her for being an anti vaxxer. And what she did say is she's like, it's frustrating because those headlines keep coming and coming and coming. She goes and guess what, I am vaccinated. I am immunized. My son is immunized. But people don't care about that. People care about outrage,
they don't care about the truth. They want to jump on a bandwagon and drive someone to literally want to leave the public eye, to move to a new city, to go quiet, to go off social media, to need to go to a psychologist, to someone that's experienced depression, to make that tenfold.
So Sam Frost was the most controversial, and I say controversial loosely because she's absolutely not at all, but in terms of the response that people had when we said that, we were interviewing all different people, and so when we put up her post on our Instagram, ninety percent of people were like, Yeah, love san FROs. She's so amazing, We love all the work that she's done with believe.
But then there was a small portion of people who were like, oh my god, I can't believe you're having the anti vaxer on which, if you guys know the story, it was a big thing that blew up during COVID and it really was taken out of context in a lot of ways. And I mean, it was the first time that I've heard Sam speak about it, speak about what she experienced speak about it in terms of the impact that I had on her, and I would love
to do an episode on her. But honestly, as much as the live shows have been like fun, fun, silly, silly, gag gag gag, it was just such a special conversation to have on stage and the one that really will stay with me forever.
It's funny that you say Sam was the one guess that shocked you the most and that you're most surprised about. For me, it wasn't. And maybe that's because I know a lot more about Sam's story, like in terms of I followed her closely over the years, and I've spoken to her a lot in the DMS because we've both experienced very low points in our life and we connected
over it. But what shocked me the most, or who shocked me the most, was Tones and I. For me, that was the one Tones and I. Tones and I doesn't really do interviews, she's not big on giving that information. She doesn't love it. And we sort of dug a little bit deeper into the why about that, and that's what really impressed me. She said, people don't don't ask me questions about me. They don't care about me. They ask me questions about my music or my top hit
dance Monkey, and that's about it. And she said it felt different for her at our live show with us and the audience. She said, I've never felt safer in an audience, and I've never felt more like now it's the time to share some of my life. Maybe Tones and I will come on an episode. She did say she was keen, so hopefully we can lock that in.
But she opened up about some things in her life that she has never spoken about ever, and she said that she goes, I don't even know why I've got the pull for it now, but you guys just feel like a safe space for me. That was a moment I was like, this is really cool.
Yeah, and you know that it's like a it's such an attribute of what you guys as the community create, because I mean, it's such a reminder for us. We do this podcast in silos. We're sitting I mean right now, we're sitting in a tiny room by ourselves, producer to each other. Poor thing is really unwell with which she's on the ground, on the ground, but it's just the
three of us. And then when we got to go and do these live shows, we saw thousands of you in the audience, and it's just this incredible reminder that we have honestly the most amazing community around us. You life as are fucking phenomenal, and over the years, so many of you are connected with different stories and that you hold space for people to tell theirs, and for
that we are so so grateful. But honestly, seven shows all around the country, part of me can't believe that it's all done and that we even got to do it. And then the other part of me is like, when do we do the next one? The only thing is this is the issue we have now, like how on earth will we ever top these live shows?
We can't, we can't. We have to go out a high. No, next year's going to be different. I think they're gonna be intimate chats, maybe smaller venues. We want to go, maybe hit regional towns because we don't want to miss you guys all the time. We've got to cook up some ideas, but right now I'm too cooked to cook the idea.
Give us some time and we'll come up with something. But also another conversation that we had off the back of the live shows, and one that's going to be dropping soon is We interviewed Sam Fisher. Now Sam's story and it was another one that we kind of explored and discovered whilst we were on the road just Morris friends. We all became like family and friends, and he started talk a lot about his life and we were like, wow, yeah, but also his relationship with his parents and how he
doesn't speak to his dad at all anymore. And I always find it so interesting when there is somebody who's had the bravery and the confidence to cut contact with their parents, when they reach a point in life where they decide to choose themselves over choosing that like expectation, or that relationship with their parent, and especially obviously when that relationship is toxic. So Sam was really vulnerable. It's
a fucking amazing chart. But yeah, we have so many good things coming in the pipeline off the back of these live shows.
Do you have a vibe for the week, Laura.
I do have a vibe for the week.
Okay, before we get into answering your deep dark questions, my vibe is it's a podcast. It's a New Zealand based podcast. Now I'm a couple of across the pond. So it is called Dear Jane Now it is. The story is from a woman named Jane. She's forty years old, but she's reflecting back on a relationship she had when she was thirteen. And this is a relationship that she had with her youth group leader, like a pastor from
her church. And at the time, she didn't realize how abusive this relationship was because he was in his twenties and she was only thirteen years old.
She thought that this was the love of her life.
And it's her now as a forty year old, looking back and working through all the trauma that she's lived with and the realizations that what happened to her was not something that was within her control and that she was actually a victim in that situation. And I think
the storytelling of it is such a human story. You feel so sorry for her and you hate that she experienced this, but it's a very it's like it's a real like understanding and self discovery of being able to forgive yourself for the things that you might have carried from your childhood.
Well interesting, I'll like that to a list. Well, my Vibe for the Week is on Disney Plus. If you guys have Disney Plus it is the Wagatha Christie documentary. Now I have spoken briefly we have about Wagatha Christie. What do you call it wasn't a conundrum, it was a It was probably the funniest but not funny, but it was the funniest fight between two women that has
hit the public eye ever. So it's it's I mean, if you guys know the Agatha Christie books, this is a pun on that because these two women are wags.
Why set up?
Because I didn't know this story until like about three months ago, and you said it a lot, which is like so weird. I know, as someone who actually lives in the world of media, I didn't know it.
This has taken over the world of media for many, many years, Like this has gone on for a couple of years. And it's these two wags wives and girlfriends of these footballers over in the UK, Rebecca Vardi and Colleen Rooney. They're the two women. So both of their husbands played for different teams, but they're very high profile. So Wayne Rooney was one of the best footballers in
the UK and his wife is Colleen. Long story short, Colleen had a private Instagram account in a public Instagram acount, you know he can do like a close friend's kind of a thing.
I find it so fucking interesting.
So all of her, all of a sudden, all these stories that were very private about her and her family she only had, like I don't know, five hundred followers or something, they were all being leaked to huge media outlets in the UK, and she's like, how how is this happening? And then she clocked that every story that was being leaked and sold to the papers was something she hid in some capacity put on her private Instagram.
So I don't want to give it too much away, but it turns out that she gets to the bottom of who it was.
It's this war of.
The wags because she she accuses another wag of leaking it, the other wag denies it. The other wag makes her go to a trial, a huge trial, a trial that costs five million pounds in legal fees. The husbands of these footballers got dragged into it.
But it's it's something.
That everyone always laughs at over the years because it's like it's so quote unquote stupid, right, so petty, but actually it goes so much deeper into that it is problematic. It's a level of online trolling and bullying. It caused a lot of distress because these this woman's private life was being plusted all over the sun paper and.
She had no control of it, because someone in her close network was actually just like trying to sabotage her, basically was betraying her.
Yes, And then when she called out the person was betraying her, people came for her, saying, you shouldn't be calling her out. Now you're publicly bullying. It was this whole big thing. But this is the first time she sat down and spoken about it. And so the documentary is from Colleen's point of view. She talks you through the three parts series and she's just so normal and I really loved looking into her life and I'm like, you are not what the meeting made you out to be.
And I just really loved it. I really liked her, and I liked the way it was produced, and I enjoyed It's only three parts.
Disney plus is this it's Disney plus Disney okay, right, and it's three episodes.
Three parts? Yeah, easy quick watch, alrighty, it is time to answer you deep your duck and you're burning questions.
Question number one. My best friend and I have been besties for about seven years. A couple of months ago, we both went traveling separately.
I went with my boyfriend and.
She went on her own because she had just broken up with her partner, so she went overseas to find herself. Now she met a guy while she was over there who she's now living with. So it has happened very quickly. I never saw an issue with it. It didn't raise that many red flags until she ran into some trouble and needed help from me, her mum, and her ex boyfriend back home. Now I'm guessing that's money trouble. This
is when it all unraveled for her. It turns out she never broke up with her boyfriend from home, has been lying and cheating on him for a couple of months. She'd ghosted him back here. I was the one that had to feel him in. I was the one that told him she was cheating on him, told him that she'd had another relationship overseas, that she was living with him, amongst many other horrible things. She lied to everyone about breaking up and going overseas, so we didn't think it
was weird that she was leaving. I broke her boyfriend's heart. My question is, how can I go back to being friends with her after she's lied, manipulated me, and put me in a very uncomfortable position with her boyfriend? How can I trust her again? Plus this is the second time in our friendship I have been in a similar situation.
Oh what a dog.
So basically she was in a long term relationship. I don't know. My imagination has gone to the point of, like, I reckon, she's met someone online somehow overseas, because.
Okay, you're filling in some blanks.
Oh no, I am this is how I see this going, right, I reckon, because it's a pretty big thing if you're in a long term relationship to say to your boyfriend, I'm going overseas completely alone. I gets that it happens, But I reckon, she's met someone online, she's gone moved quickly with him, and then probably falling in love with him, not knowing how to deal with it, so just ghosted him and stayed over there.
When I see I think that I'm filling in different blanks.
I reckon. The question wasn't fill in the blanks that we're doing it color of my numbers.
I get the feeling with this sort of messiness is that when she left her current boyfriend or her boyfriend that was in the country that she's from boyfriend, what the boyfriend of origin, I would say that she left with things being not good, like she had obviously said, oh, maybe we'll stay together, like we'll work through it. But I feel like there might have been some sort of jeopardy there, right, So in her mind she's like, oh,
we're kind of together, we're not together. She's not been clear, she's been very ambiguous because she's clearly someone who cannot be completely on her own. So she's like half broken up but not really broken up, just done enough to like create a bit of distance but also keep him there for when she wants him there. And then she's gone overseas and she's had this whole other relationship. She's told her friends that they've broken up, but she hasn't
actually broken up with him. She's just done a bit of the groundwork of like, you know, I don't know how I feel.
I need to go and find myself. And no, she broke up.
With him in her mind, but that doesn't count.
You don't sell the person breaking up with them totally.
She hasn't said we're not together, but I think she's done enough to kind of be like things are not good. But the problem here is regardless of what she's done in her relationships, regardless of like where she in life, because it sounds like she's a bit of a mess. She doesn't know what she wants. She sounds like she is a hot mess. But that's now impacting your friendship and your relationship and your ability to trust her and
to trust the things that she's saying. Because even if she was doing all this, but she was at least being honest with you and you knew about it, you wouldn't feel so betrayed and feel like you don't know who she is as a person. The problem is is that she's living these lives that are not true, and she's telling the people in her life what she needs to to try and appease them, because she obviously doesn't
want you to think badly of her. She doesn't want the guilt of having to be honest and own up to the stuff that she's done or said, or how she's treating these different men in different countries. But ultimately, I would be questioning more why is this a relationship
that you want to salvage? Why is this a friendship that you want to hold on to if you so deeply don't agree with the person that she is and how she's behaving, Because if you don't trust her, just like trust is important in a romantic relationship, it's important in a friendship as well. And so she's not showing up to your friendship as the person that she says she is, why do you want to keep being friends with her?
So to be clear, it was written here as well boyfriend of origin one, he was actually waiting for her return, so like he didn't think that were on the rocks.
He wasn't unsure about the situation.
He thought she was doing a thing alone, you know, obviously when you're in a long term relationship. We've spoken about this on the podcast before. Like I have always said, I don't think it's the strangest thing in the world, if you do want some time alone in a long term relationship, going overseas on your own.
It was weird.
I mean, I'm not against it, but I know that if I said to Matt, hey, honey, I need to go overseas and find myself.
He'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with what's different? Now you're married with kids?
If you were like bye, yeah, alarm. But if you've been together from a young age for many years and you're like, you know what, I want to just do a trip on my own, I think that's great. But I don't think that's quite what's happening here. I think, well it is. I think she has said that to him, and he obviously loves her and trusts her, and he's like, yeah, go do your things, see in a month, seeing weeks whatever. But in her mind, which doesn't count, she's broken up
with him in her mind. Now, everything you just said I agree with, like that position. I don't envy the position she has put you in because it's not cool. And we all do have a level of grace for our friends to make mistakes because we do love them and they are our best friends. You've been best friends with her for nearly a decade.
And also, like you know, if your friend has been in an affair or they've cheated on someone, they might not tell you because they're ashamed and they're worried about what you're going to think.
Of them. Well, I don't think she'd I mean, I'm feeling in the blanks again. I think it was more she just didn't want it to come out right. I don't think she was ashamed. I think she was like, they're all too close back home, and I'm not ready for it to come out for whatever reason. But the situation she put you in is really shitty. But we do have to have a level of grace for our friends.
I don't think they make one mistake and cut up and you're like, fuck off, Like you know, the problem here is she said, it's not the first time she's done it. But I think what you need to do is talk to her about it and be really blunt, how could you have put me in this position? Like I get that you're living your life, but you need to understand what you did to him is really really hurtful and wrong, and what you've done to your friends and family, me included, is also really wrong. Let's talk
about why again. I say this a lot, but somebody's response to a situation I think is everything and is what will make or break the relationship, whether that is in a romantic relationship or a friendship or family. When you've gone to someone you said, this is how I feel, this is how it's affected me. Their response to that is really telltale accountability totally. So see what she says about that. I don't think you need to diss a
friendship straight away. But having said that, friendships, I hate that saying what is that really cool? He's saying for a season or reason or a lifetime whatever, like I think, or a grievance in this case. Yeah, we get to the sunk cost fallacy, Like we get to this point in relationships with friendships and stuff where we're like, oh, we've been friends.
For ten years, like we should always be friends.
Yeah, like, you know, I don't want to throw that away, but sometimes that is what happens with friendships. Like I have had friends and people in the past where I'm like, this is my soulmate friends, like we are how connection is so insane, We're going to be best friends for ever and the like a year light, I've never seen him again because it's like you don't know the time, but it becomes situational or life changes, and yeah, that's
totally fine. So I think at the end of the day, you don't have to stay friends with her because you've been friends with her for seven years. If you genuinely don't agree with her morals and who she is, the positions she's put you in multiple times, it's okay to walk away, and you actually don't need that much of an explanation. I also think there comes a point in life when you say the X why she's her own boyfriend she does.
I also think when you've been in a situation she said that this has happened twice now that there's been two separate times where her friend has cheated and put her into an awkward situation because she's not been honest, And I mean, I don't know what her friend expected to get out of trying to live these double lives
and lie to everyone. But there does come a point where you have to assess your friendships and you have to weigh up what am I getting out of this person and what drama are they bringing into my life?
Because if the constant is that you're just getting drama, that you're always being thrown into these situations that make you uncomfortable, that are very taxing and time ring on your mental health, on your other relationships that you're responsible for the cleanup and the aftermath of your friend's X or now you know, current boyfriend, whatever that mess is, that you have to explain to them what's been going on.
I would be really considering what are the benefits that I'm getting from that friendship, because you know, at the end of the day, you only have x amount of time in your life to dedicate it to the things that are important to you. And so if you're constantly dedicating it to relationships that are bringing in drama, that are creating toxicity, that are putting you in situations that are completely lacking in any sort of respect, I would be saying that life's too short and you don't need
to have friends like this. But I understand why it can be really hard to leave and to walk away from a seven year friendship, especially when the things that they've done aren't directly involving you. But in this instance, it has involved you, and it has made your life hell and it's really brought to the surface. Is this the type of person that you want to be friends with? And I think a lot of that comes back to
what you said, britt accountability. How has she reacted to this, her response and what is she doing to show that she isn't someone who feels like people's feelings are just completely flippant and she doesn't care about them.
Yeah, the end. Okay, bear with me here. I've just decided did you'd fill some more blanks in no, this is the next question, but I've decided to keep the best friend theme.
I'm gonna roll with that. Okay, cool. For the entire episode.
We got a lot of best friend questions.
And I understand this because we answer so many questions on relationships, but I think we undervalue how important friendship relationships are and how they can be just as tricky to navigate.
Well, listen to this one.
Oh, I'm ready. My supposed best friend.
That's my supposed best friend organized my twenty first birthday present.
People paid her for it because.
It was a group present. But it's been a year now and I still haven't got it. It's like the next birthday and she's like, eh. I've asked her multiple times if she can drop it off or I could pick it up, but she always has an excuse on why I can't get it. It's a present. I really want. I know this because she told me what it is. But I'm also stressed that she didn't actually buy it
and she just kept the money. She's organized presents for people in the past, and they've always got them on the day of the party.
I don't know what to do because it's something I really want. So fucking stupid this is so how did you think that this is just gonna go away?
I don't know, everyone's giving you a hundred bucks.
Who knows how much?
She's just one thousand dollars? Is this two hundred? I don't know, it's irrelevant, but like the bitch stole your present, okay. I think that you text the other friends first and you say, like, hey, Cindy, Sarah and Jemima.
I don't know if you guys up my little pony.
I don't know, but I don't know if you guys know this, but I haven't got my present yet. Do you mind saying something to Stephanie about it? I feel like you use that you use that little in first you go and text all the other friends who contributed money.
But then if that.
Fails, your next bet is next time that you're driving around, you're doing something and you know your friend is home, like you know she's at home, you say, oh, my god.
I'm in the area. I'm gonna come by right now, right this second. Well, she is stopping by.
Yeah, she doesn't have the present. Like spoiler, she doesn't have it. She's definitely spent the money. One hundred percent what I would do. I would text the other friends as well, because you've tried texting her multiple times and she's made an excuse. I'd text the other friends, but i'd probably say genuinely, this is what i'd say. Hey, question, I know this was ages ago, and I actually don't care, but I just want to make no I do care.
I would say, I don't care, but I just would hate to think you guys passed on money that never made it anywhere. I never got that present from Jemima, but I know that you guys said you throw in, so I just wanted to make sure that, like, did you actually put that money in or not. I would say that I would put it in, Like, look, it's
not for me. I don't care about the present, hynough you really want it, You're more like taking the root of I want to make sure my friends didn't throw their money away.
So well, she can go out party for a night.
I like this be a little bit passive agress I don't even care, but like you do care.
No, it's just like it's not about me, it's about you, Like it's about you. I care about your my friends, your money. I want to make sure that you didn't throw your money away. I would take that angle.
Otherwise I would just be really directed with the girl.
I'd be like, look, i'm getting the impression you didn't actually buy the present. Let's talk about this.
But also that you know, that's so awkward that like having like, hey, I know you said you bought me this thing, but I haven't got it yet.
You need to get it for me. Like, that's fucking awkward. You're never going to do that. That it's a year on and she stole money from a friend.
Totally totally, but also, let's give this other girl benefit of the doubt for a second.
No, yeah, I'm going to do it. No, I'm going there.
She bought cokaine.
She probably did.
I'm joking, she probably did. Okay, let's say she had like three hundred bucks or something. Let's say she had three hundred and fifty dollars and she spent it on something on.
A night out.
I think she has the intention of still getting you the present.
No I do I do birthdays come around. She hasn't got the next birthdays present.
So the reason I think that she's like it's something that in her mind she's like, oh, I've got to do that thing, and then she just keeps forgetting to do it, and then you will send a message and she'd be like, fuck, fuck, okay, I'll organize it for next time. She's not going to get away with saying that she doesn't have it for like the next five years, because that's just going to be awkward if she knows you're going to stop asking after five No, to stop asking, and that's your job.
Never stop asking, keep making it awkward.
She's eventually going to go and get the present, but she hasn't got it yet. I think that it's one of those things where she's like, oh my god, so much time has gone and now it's awkward. I do think you need to text the friends, and I think you can send a really honest message and be like, hey, Jemimah, big Ted here, I would really love you.
Know these names. I don't know it's big dead.
I've been watching to much play school, Like, hey, Jemimah, I know you said you picked up x y Z.
I know the girls have put in for it. I don't want it to be a big deal, but I really really want it. I've been so excited about it.
So if there's a time that I can come this week or in the next two days to pick it up, I would really love that.
Ender a shared.
Google calendar request, let me know when suit totally let me know when suits you, because I'm going to come and pick it up this week. And then that way you've given her a couple more days that if she hasn't got it, she can go and organize it. She can go and get it sorted or give it to her like open it up and say, like, you know, if this is a problem, let me know why. And then at last she can explain because it shouldn't be about situational Oh I can't come get it all, you know,
I'm busy all blah blah blah. She can put it in the fucking post, right, I just say send me the money back. Then just say send me about child. Then if you don't have it, yeah, but you took up my friend's money. At the end of the day, like we're laughing. But you took a bunch of people's money. It's the step is reminded me. I actually owe my girlfriend a present, which I organized. I didn't take anyone's money, but my.
Best friend Kaya.
Sorry Kaya, she's still waiting on her dinner plates which are for her birthday, which are coming.
Is she listening?
Yeah, but they just didn't have the and this guy is good.
She doesn't.
Yeah, Kai wrote in, but she just like changed the name Kaya. They didn't have the green ones available, just so you know. And so I was waiting on the stock to come in. But it's arrived now and I just forgot about this. So now I'll organize them. And it's awkward. It's awkward, but.
I don't know.
I feel like that this No, yes, it's so awkward. I agree, but I feel like that this doesn't have to be an awkward thing.
But I think you need to go through the friends. Well, it's always awkward.
It's not all awkward asking for something. The awkwardness comes when you've asked for something four times. That's when it gets awkward because you like, I don't know how else to say it. The awkwardness isn't like, oh, my god, you have my present the first time. That's easy. Hey babe, sorry, I know you forgot, but let's get that present this week.
I'm so pumped for it.
But a year later and five, six, seven times of asking, it starts to be like, I don't know how to do it, And that's probably what.
She's banking on.
But I also think if your friend has managed to go this long without getting it for you, and you've brought it up one like, I think that she doesn't think it's as awkward as you do. You think you've brought it up enough. You think you've mentioned it enough times. She obviously is just fucking cruising and like for her, it's not really registered as an awkward thing yet.
So I think you need to make it more awkward. You need to send more messages.
You need to be more direct, because maybe you're someone here it is. Maybe you're someone who's really indirect, like you're not an asker. So you've been like, oh, hey, han, can I come pick blah blah blah up, and that's been as forceful as you've been about this, whereas your friend is someone who needs you to be more direct. Hey, I'm coming to get that present on Tuesday. If that's not good, let me know a day this week that
I can come. I think you need to be more direct and then it will be a little kick up her ass and she'll go, oh shit, like she's serious she wants this present.
I would also love to know two things. One, what was the present? Yeah, well just let us know writing what with the present on?
She just had a curiosity. How much was it? Two?
Does said friend listen to the podcast? Because that's brilliant if she does so, here listening right now, give your friend her present.
Yeah, if you're listening right now and you've been holding onto your friend's money for the last year and haven't bought your best friend her birthday gift, stop being an asshole and go and get it.
Is that helpful? Yeah? Okay? Question number three?
Have my ring? Oh?
Yeah, fuck, I also have BRIT's ring? Britt? Are you sure you didn't write this?
Yere?
Brimio and I have teamed up to get our presents. Brinny gave me.
Back her Tony May ring to be polished, and that was two months ago.
It's just sitting on my desk. Yeah, it's standard.
Also, I bought Laura a present, This is like.
Not that similar.
I bought Laura three hundred dollars worth of massage vouchers because because I.
Was like this, she's so stressed.
Stressed out all the time, I'm going to buy a massage vouchers.
And then I was like two years ago. It was no, I think it was three years ago. It was when we first it was my first birthday after we became friends.
And then it came out that she hates. If you've been to the live show, you'll know Laura hates nothing more than a massage. So I'm like, well, I was great to know that that money went down the gurgler. You should have given it back to me so I could spend my own money on my massages.
I gave them to Matt. I got Matt three hundred dollars.
Went to be fair, I went and had one of them, and then Matt had two of them, which he enjoyed, and then that brings me joy. So in turn, your present was well joyed. Okay, I'm glad, well joyed, well joyed, heaps of joy all around.
Question number three staying on the friendship train, Oh more friendship questions. Yeah, I thought we may as well, stay with the thing. We got so many friendship questions this week, and can it's crazy? Can we throw in the question that we answered at the live show.
I was having a few.
Glasses of wine on Saturday night scrolling through Tinder when I came across my ex bestes X situationship my ex best is X situation. She had a best friend. Yeah, I had a situation ship. The situationship ended.
The best friend ship ended around the same time. Who knows?
But yes, okay, well we don't go We're not privy to You're not friends with her anymore. And she once upon a time was dating this guy great situation shipping not dating, I mean loosely dating. Who knows situationships can be more to one person than they are.
To the other. Okay, you'll let me finish the rest of the sentence. She has always said it was just purely sex and she didn't really like him that much. So proper situation share.
I swipe him. We like we match.
He messages me very flirtily, asking am I still living with my ex bestie? So they were best friends and mats so it's like a double whammy. Wait, so when they were living together, she was fucking this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so she would have been here in them in the room next door and stuff, bang bang, But he said, yeah, I used to living with the expreste as. I'd love to come over and see you. We moved things to Snapchat. I don't know why people to stap them.
We moved things of.
Snapchat, I know, and things I deleted Snapchat last night and things got hot. I no longer talked to my ex Bessie, and it seems she is in a very happy one year relationship from what I can see online.
Should I feel bad.
For wanting to have sex with her ex situationship? Because I don't actually think I feel that much shame. He's very cute and I'm very tempted to text him right now to come over, but I won't until you answer my question.
I know it's going to lead to sex. What should I do? I need girly advice.
If you happen to read this, please creep it private.
Of course, all I have a question.
Magim not bang him.
Oh, Brittany, let's unpack this a little bit more. I think only you can answer this question, but I think you need to ask yourself a very important one. Why did your friendship end?
Why him? No?
Why are you no longer friends with your ex bestie? Did you do something that ruined that friendship? Did she do something that ruined that friendship? Did it just naturally come to the end of its life cycle? Which is weird because friendships don't usually just best friend friendships don't usually peter out.
There's usually a reason. Yeah, like why something happened.
Don't get the present at their own Yeah, you didn't get the present, and so you broke up with your friend. No.
I think that's a really important question because if you were, and that well might take some honest self reflection. If you were the reason that that friendship decayed, then I think it's a real see you next Tuesday, move to go and also sleep with her ex situationship. But also she's probably one never gonna know, especially if it doesn't turn into anything that's important. So like, you can go and live your best dreams and do whatever you want to, really.
But will you feel guilty about it? Should you feel any remorse for it? I don't know.
I think that only you can kind of come up with that answer. It's like just go bang him. Yeah, irackon bangyim bang him banging banging, Get him over right now, get him on WhatsApp, send him in disperop photo, get him there. The reason I say that is it would be different for me if they were in a relationship and the friend had feelings for him like the ex friend, if they had a proper relationship where she loved her or yeah I really felt something. But she has said
I don't even like him, it's just sex. I think he's hot, he thinks I'm hot.
We bang.
I think that's fine. I think you don't speak to anymore. She is also in a relationship for a year, so she's happy. And if she's been in a relationship for a year, this situationship had to be a year plus, right, so eighteen months two years, we don't know, but it's longer than a year.
But the question is do you want to ever restore? Okay, it also comes down to the friendship, right, do you want to ever restore the friendship?
Do you have?
You just had to have some time out from each other. You miss the friendship. You want to spend time with her again, you want to rekindle that at some point down the track. I think if you want to still be friends with her, then I would be prioritizing the friendship over the hangs and bangs with this one guy.
But if you don't care about the friendship, if you don't feel like it's going to be something that you are going to resurrect in the future, if both of you have come to a point where you're like, our life is way easier not being in each other's lives, then I think, do whatever the hell you want to do, and if you don't feel guilty about it, if you don't feel shameful about it, then that's okay, Like you're
allowed to do what you want to do. I get it that we have kind of been almost like conditioned to think that if one person has had some sort of intimate relationship with a person of their interest, that they're then completely out of bounds to all of their friends. But the reality is is like, we don't own people, We don't have DIBs on people, especially when it comes to loose dating connections. So if you're happy to sleep with someone who your ex has slept with, are your ex best friend?
Fuck?
That got confusing.
If you're happy to sleep with someone who your best friend who is no longer your best friend once upon a time was sleeping with Then I think you can do whatever the hell you want to. You're not breaking any rules. Would it upset her? Would she be mad if she found out?
Maybe? But the reality is you're not really friends with her anymore, so do you care?
Also, the other thing is we live in a world where everyone has this loose connection, right, like social media now means people are if you have met someone out once in a group at a party and you follow youa other on Instagram, all of a sudden, you quote unquote know them right or you have a connection to them.
So there's so many loose connections in terms of, oh my god, do you think I can hook up with this guy knowing that like Sally's birth friend, I'm a friends with an Instagram hooked up with him.
Like, I mean, that's nice in theory, but I feel like this connection is not that loose, Like he's been inside her and being inside her old apartment totally.
But I don't that's a tight connection.
It doesn't, we hope, So it doesn't ring alarm bell for me, and I really don't think it is because it's been a long time and it meant nothing, and you feel something now and you want to do it. So I do think it's okay if you were still friends with this girl. I really want to reiterate, this would be different. If you were still friends with your friend. You would have to sit down and have a conversation with her before you went there, and I think you
would have to respect what she said. So if you were like, hey, I know you were having sex with Freddy for a year. I'm kind of vibing him now, would that be weird for you? If she said yes, then you have to respect that. But this is you're not friends with her anymore. You don't talk to us, she's moved on, she's happy. You want to bang a guy that you've matched with a year two years later?
Five, I have some fun.
I have a question for you. How would you feel if I was single and I.
Were trying to bang Ben?
That would be very wrong?
Yuck.
No, if I was single and I was trying to bang someone who you had slept with in the past, even though.
You're happily in a relationship like Jordan. Also no, or like the situationship before.
My stomach is growling. Yeah, like the situation. Yeah, yeah, the one.
I'd let you do that, but would you think it's weird? Also, we do all have to hang out. I'm fully thinking about it.
But I mean it like if I was like, hey, I matched with him on Tinder. I match with him knowing full well that you guys dated, but now I'm gonna sleep with him.
How do you feel about it? I would be.
Fine, And I genuinely say that honestly, because I didn't have the love for that person. Like that was a bit of a situationship, like we were dating and he definitely felt a lot for me.
But for me, if I had loved Flaxpread, no am I I wasn't my ex. You guys know that, So it was like a hit different for me.
But I think that it's okay because I have moved on and I didn't. I wasn't like head over heels in love with the person. I'd be like, you know what, Yeah, he's actually a great guy. It just wasn't for me.
Well, you guys probably, I mean, if you're new to the podcast, we've spoken about it many years ago, but you probably don't know about it.
We did feel new, we Britt and I at the same time, tried to fuck the same person. Okay, so I make that sound so much worse. Not at the same time.
So I matched with this guy prior to obviously being on The Bachelor and meeting Matt all that I matched with this guy on Tinder. I liked him, he was great. We hung out quite for a couple of I would say, like a couple of months, nothing serious.
It didn't really go anywhere.
By the time we got to know each other, we realized that we weren't really each other's person by any means, but like we were sexually attracted to each other. So whatever, because he's a smoke, because he's so he's so hot, like he is, he's really nice, He's Mayor Mountain. So yeah,
climbed to that mare mountain. Anyway, Britt and I became friends, we started the podcast, and then Britt one day was like, oh my god, Laura, I've matched with the hottest guy on Tinder and I've gone on a couple of dates with him. And then I didn't like I didn't see photos of him. Straight away, I was just like, yes, get a girl about it.
But we were talking about not specifics but loose loosely like sort of a nickname, and like what we've been doing and how I've been hanging out, and that he was super hot, what he looks like yes, And then.
Britt one day says something about him doing a specific job and having a specific dog, and I was like, I'm sorry, you want to show me a photo of this guy that you're currently banging and she was like sure, and she showed me a photo and I was like, wow, okay.
I think we needn't know. You hadn't banged him yet. I didn't bang it. Oh okay, well you didn't, all right, Sorry I went too far.
Well I couldn't then I going to banging that nine. Then I was like great, now I've got an abort mission. I can't bang my business partners ex bank.
Okay.
So she showed me a photo and I was like, wow, this is too close to home. But anyway, did not care. Once I was like you that is all yours. He's a beautiful man. I hope you have a better time than I did.
And you didn't care because you'd had Matt.
You're in love later, so like.
It was years later, I was in love and the relationship itself meant nothing to me, and I can also appreciate that he he's a great person and would be a great person for someone else.
I still couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I ruined my life from the Daily maun.
You could be with him, If anything, I set you up for bigger and better things, so I know.
But I didn't even get to, like climb him.
Yeah, I didn't even get to climb that Mountainnumber man didn't go that far.
Now we're just going to be friends, and we are friends, and now he has a really hot girlfriend who's super hot. Yeah.
Yeah, he did good, really good. He's not sad at all. Anyway.
Okay, I have one more question for you guys. This is a question that we answered at the Gold Coast Live show, and it was saucy, and I want to know how you will feel about it, because I mean, we all agreed, we all had similar feelings. Produced a Keisha, Brittany and I were on staf talking about it. Basically, the summary of this was, this girl has started dating a guy. They've been dating for five weeks. She's really
into the hym. It's going really well, it's heading in the right direction, and she can see it being that they're exclusive now. He has told her just casually one day because he wanted to be honest. He said, Hey, I want to let you know that a couple of months ago, I slept with my housemate. It happened twice, on two separate occasions. We were really drunk. She was into me. I'm not into her at all. It meant absolutely nothing to me, and it's never happened since now.
The question that she posed was when is it appropriate for me to bring up with him? How uncomfortable it makes me that they live together? And also is this a situation that I should be worried about? And she was really sort of talking about how she has this real anxiety now around the fact that he lives with this girl that he's had sex with, even though he says it means nothing, and even though he says that he would never do it again. How would you feel?
Do you think think she has the right to say anything? And lastly, what should she do?
I think this is.
An unfortunate situation in terms of you've met a guy you like and he happened to have banged his flat mate. You've been within five weeks, It's very early. I do not think that you can go into this relationship if you are not okay with it. And I say that because it's too early to put those limitations on someone. It's too early to say, Hey, I'm not comfortable with you living with her, so you're going to have to move out. Because what happens, right, I'm not comfortable with
your leaving her. There's two options. She moves out or he moves out. You're five weeks deep. You cannot have that conversation. You have the knowledge now of what the situation is. You can decide if you're okay with that to enter the relationship, or if you have too much wild anxiety.
You've got to try and lack your crazy down. You gotta lock your crates down.
But of course it's warranted for you to have those feelings, Like, let's not take that away from you. You like somebody that literally spends all his spare time at home with somebody that he has banged. Right, he might be coming home drunk. You're going to know she's there. She might come home drunk. You're gonna know she's there. You're not gonna spend every day with him. You're gonna know that they're living in the same house. It's something that you
just need to get your head around and accept. And if you don't think you're going to be okay with it, I wouldn't probably pursue the relationship. But you can have that convo with him. You can be honest because he's been honest with you. Hey, I've done this in the past. It means nothing. You can be honest back and say, look, I really like you, but I don't think I'm going to be happy going forward not knowing what you're doing, and it's not a trusting with you, but it's going
to be something in the back of my head. You can say that he might not like it. He might reassure you and make you feel great, but I think you have to have that conversation. If you are actually feel that unstable by their current situation, you have the conversation, but decide do not. You can't go into it and say you need to move out. You can't go into a say she needs to move out. It's not your place. It's just far, far too soon.
This is why you don't ship where you eat. Just don't fuck your housemates. No, you can't unless you're in love with them. Don't fuck them because it never ends well if you can't just like have like casual hangs and bangs, because then even if it doesn't Yeah, but then even if it doesn't cause an issue between you and the housemate, it causes issues between you and anyone else you want to date in the future.
Who was your houseman?
I've lived with someone overseas in Scotland. When I first moved over there, I moved in with someoney.
Just as a flow. But he was in love with you, No, but not at the start.
We just lived together for ages and then one night we bang, and then we started dating, and then we split up and then I had to move out.
Yes, exactly.
But the problem is is you weren't bringing home other people after you banged.
No, that's why I moved out exactly because I couldn't break before.
But that's what I mean, right.
I think that it's he has created such a shitty situation for himself now because he couldn't abstain and Helen know what, he didn't need to because he was single and he can do whatever the fuck he wants to. He shouldn't be reprimanded for that. But the problem is, I don't think that there is a single person out there in the world who would not feel a little bit anxious about the fact that the new person that
they're dating has fucked their housemate. I don't think that there is and it's okay, And you are absolutely validated in feeling insecure about this. When I first heard this question, there was part of me that was like, I just wouldn't want to know. I would never want him to tell me that. But then you would be so angry, you would feel so betrayed if he didn't tell you and and you found out another way. So I guess like,
essentially he's done the right thing by being honest. He knows that this is not an ideal situation, which is why he's told you early on to be transparent. Now you're never going to be able to find out through other means, and he's given you all the tools exactly like you said, Britt, He's given you all the tools
to make a decision that is right for yourself. And I think in these moments sometimes we have to be really honest with ourselves around what's going to inflame our crazy, what's going to make us feel insecure and mad and like we can't trust the other person. And if you know that you're someone who is jealous, is insecure, and this is going to absolutely inflame those feelings, then this might not be the relationship for you, and five weeks in you're not so invested that you have to continue
to pursue it. However, if you are someone who's like, Okay, this isn't ideal, but let's see where this relationship is going before I express to him how uncomfortable it makes me, then I think you can kind of like take your time and feel it out and you don't have to make a decision either way. But definitely at five weeks it's too soon for you to say I think you need to move out so.
That we can date. No, it's something that the conversation can happen six months, eight months, a year in Like when you guys are more serious. I think that's when you say, Okay, let's let's take this to the next level and be a bit more serious. Do you want to move in together or like, now that we are at this level, I don't know if I feel comfortable with you being in the same house as her.
I don't know if you have to wait six months.
I was more thinking like when you do make it to a point of being quote unquote exclusive, you know, and you have those kinds of conversations around the fact that you want to actually dedicate your time and everything to each other. I think you can say, look, I really want to be exclusive with you, I really want to see where this goes. But I have to be
honest with you. This living situation makes me really uncomfortable, and I just want to make you aware of that so that you know that this is something I'm going to really struggle with. If we are in a committed relationship, that gives him them the opportunity to make the decision because he might move out. He might go, Okay, well I want to be with you. If this is going to be fucked for you, I'll move out.
Yeah.
I still don't think it's something that's going to land with that person. If it happens too soon, it's not he's going to feel like it's a level of control or a lack of trust. The last thing that I want to say is, and people might not agree with this. If you don't trust the person you're about to go into a relationship with, don't go into the relationship with them, because you have to have complete trust in a relationship.
So if you are going to get into this relationship and think that he's going to cheat on you with his flatmatee again, don't go into the relationship.
Why would you do it?
It's the same as people say to me, like, why would you do long distance when someone he could cheat on you all the time? Of course he could, But if I thought he was going to cheat on me all the time, I wouldn't be in the relationship. I have complete trust that he wouldn't, And I think trust is the basis and the foundation of any relationship.
So if you if you are actually worried, like I.
Don't know if I can date him because he's probably gonna fuck her one night, cool, don't date him? Then, do you know what?
Though, it may not be that she doesn't trust, It may not be that she doesn't think he's going to do it again. It could just be that it makes her uncomfortable that she can't she doesn't feel like she can be herself in the house because she feels like there's this girl who's in love with her boyfriend who lives with him. Because that's what she said. He said, you know that she was really into him. He wasn't
into her. It's this like weird power play walking into a space that's not her home, it's his home, and it's the home of a girl who's got the hots for her boyfriend.
You won totally, You did win at the end of the day, but it is.
This like a very unique and uncomfortable power play that happens in the home then, and you're not going to feel comfortable and you're not going to feel like it's a space where you can just be yourself and be
with your boyfriend and relax. So I understand why you feel on edge by it, but I do think that you can have this conversation with him in a non controlling, non accusatory, non demanding way and still air the fact that it makes you uncomfortable, because I think anybody in your position would be uncomfortable by it.
Also, Guys, I would love some aftermaths. I know we've said that, but a lot of these questions today, I genuinely am going to lose sleep over unless I know what happened, Like, I need to know if you had the conversation, Do you have the conversation with your boyfriend, how does it go does he want to keep dating you? Did you find out what the present was?
Did they give it back?
Like? Please ride in the aftermass so we can sleep easy.
Slide into the DMS at Life Uncut podcast. Also, if you just want to join our cute, little sweet community of lifers who are absolutely the best people in the entire fucking world, you can join that at Life Uncut discussion group which is on Facebook.
And you know what that is? It from us.
Thanks to everyone who came to the live shows. We're still in claud nine. Can't believe it's all over.
Absolutely I know until next year though.
Maybe we're going to do some regional talents to you.
I think so, but like, I'm absolutely cooked, so let's not look.
That in yet. Yeah, regional, we're coming for you next week. We'll be there. See us soon.
Orange and don't forget tell your mum to your dad, tea dog, tea friends who shared a love because we love love