You've actually lost it.
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. And this is our very special Thursday episode. It is our down and dirty episode. It is our quickie and that's where we answer your deep, duck and burning questions.
Laura's had a wine. I'm a born again drinker. Guys.
It doesn't take much to hit the signs, but when it does, oh, your mama's feeling fruity.
Guys. If you are new to the podcast, I'm Brittany. If you're new to the podcast, I'm sorry. My name is Laura.
Anyway, on this episode, what we do is we answer your questions that come in. We have chosen I think three, maybe we've chosen four. I honestly can't remember, but we've chosen a couple of questions. We're going to give you out enthusiastic, very unqualified, but extremely heartfelt advice for each and every question that's asked.
Before we do, I have a few little life updates for you, guys.
Give it to me, britt Where are you at in your life?
Okay, just quickly.
Number one having a lot of phone sex because her boyfriend is very far away.
My phone sex like these days well, I can't tear anything. No, I have some life updates. Look number one. A few weeks ago, I told you guys about how I turned up to that event really huffed and puffed and burst into the room and the event wasn't on.
Do you remember, Yes, you went to a yoga event and you were a whole.
Week Anyway, this is a life update. I when today and it was right, it was on, So that was great for me. Next update, I want to shout out to you guys because I got a bunch of you comment on a whole multitude of my Instagram post today saying if Jordan's not going to comment on your posts, I will. You're a babe. Love you love this first trap like, and I was like, you know what, this
is what the community is about. You guys are responding to my first traps to my boyfriend because he didn't respond, and I want to thank you for that.
So for anyone who doesn't know what Britney's talking about. On the last episode, we were commenting about how Britt had put up a first trap and Jordan her boy for the boyfriend, not for anyone else who is overseas.
At the moment. Completely ignored it, and so we.
Really love that our community of life Uncutters is there to just support us down. And I also have another thing to say. On Tuesday's episode, I made mention that no one had invited me to their wedding, and I now have two wedding invitations sitting in my guys, I'm really grateful thanks for that.
I also got a bunch of new wedding. It's a competition. Shut up. Oh no, I'm just maybe we can go to get a.
Bunch of new But how many did you get?
Brittany how meand you get two? I got three? I'm joke anyway. On that note, let's get into the questions. So I got one more thing I want to tell you. I just think you're going to be really thrilled about this. It's an update on Gwyneth Pultrow.
I do like Gwyneth. I really love steamed clam Gwyneth.
Bouldrow, and I just have to have a laugh. I don't know if you guys have read about this or you've seen it, because there are so many piss takes going around from it. Gwyneth did an interview one or two days ago basically, and she was talking about her hardest times throughout the pandemic and what it drove her to do the lengths she went to to stay sane. No.
I do remember actually when the pandemic started and we all were in lockdown at the very beginning, and one of the most infuriating quotes I had read was actually from Gwyneth Paltrow and she was like, use this time, get a new hobby, write a book, exercise, be a better version of yourself. And I was like, Hey, I'm stuck inside with the toddler trying to survive. Could you please take your fifteen bedroom fucking mansion away and just go, like, just go away, just disappear into the atmosphere.
It's a touchy subject for Laura, but what I was.
Living in a tiny two bedroom apartment with a toddler and a fiance who sometimes gets on my nerves.
But I love it very very much. Chang, take a moment to spare a thought for Gwyneth. Please, I want to tell you what she's been through.
Okay, sorry, you know I'm a wine deep guy.
I'm going to drink GWe Gwyneth came out and said the pandemic got so tough that she had to start drinking two drinks a night. Quote, I mean, who drinks multiple drinks seven nights a week? Like it's not healthy and that's crazy. I mean I was like, okay, whoa, that's me every night. Okay. First, Secondly, she said things got so bad that she had to quote start eating bread, specifically making pasta in eating bread. Things got so bad, ladies and gentlemen that she had to start eating carbs
in the pandemic. And I was like, you are Wow, You're so out of touch that it wasn't even gluten free bread. She ate straight up carb filled, gluten filled bread.
Could you imagine your life spiraling so out of control that you have a bowl of pasta?
I have got you a breakfast. I'm saying. Anyway, enough about Gwyneth. Let's get in for the episode. So Laura, can you please hit me with the first question?
Yes, I certainly can.
Okay.
Number one off the bat is one that I have a lot of feelings about, and it's also something that I think I've experienced in my own life throughout my parents' divorce. When I was nineteen I'm now twenty five, I fell out with my dad's sister who is my auntie due to horrible things she said about my mum and the accusations that she made up during the court process. So I'm assuming from what she's written that the accusations that her auntie made up about her mum were completely fabricated.
And then she's gone on to say we have only spoken here and there since the relationship has broken down one hundred percent. I've since bought a house, I've fallen pregnant, and I've had a baby, and I've never heard from her once, not a congratulations in regards to the birth of my child or my wedding. Now, my dilemma is this, my dad is really wanting me to try to mend this relationship. She has just now, with my child being three months old, given my dad a present for my
baby boy. Really torn, Is it totally okay for me to not have this relationship with her, to not acknowledge the gift. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything in my life from not having a relationship with her, But it's my dad who is constantly pushing for me to amend the relationship. I feel like I'm in a bit of a moral dilemma with this please help.
So the question is does she mend the relationship for her dad or does she just continue with a broken relationship. Look, I'm gonna be the first person to say, I don't think that being blood related to somebody means you have to have a really healthy, loving, friendly relationship with them. I don't think just because someone is blood related that that means it's a pass and a ticket to do the wrong thing and say the wrong thing and that
be okay. I think in this situation, it doesn't sound like the auntie has made any steps or any initiative of her own to come and mend this relationship with you.
It sounds like, you know, three months has gone past and she's like, oh, I sort of probably want to know what babies like, has probably got nothing to do with you, So she's reached out to you through your father her brother, and I just think that straightaway it's a bit of a red flag for me, because I think if you really have a problem, or you really want to make amends, you should be speaking directly to
the person you have the problem with. I don't think you should be playing Chinese whispers and going through circles to different family members so I think she should have
come to approach you. Long story short for me, if you get nothing from the relationship, if she has done nothing to contribute to your life in the last however many months, if she was the cause of something quite detrimental to you throughout your parents' divorce and made you feel really horrible and feel really low and put you in a bad position. I don't think you have to
do anything. I don't think you have to go and fix this relationship if you absolutely don't want to, but you probably do need to explain that to your dad and have a conversation and open conversation with your father because it is going to be important to him. He probably wants you to fix it because it is his sister. He loves her, you're his daughter, he loves you, he wants a happy family. So you need to make that very clear to your father before you make any ration decisions. Yeah.
I completely agree with you, Brett, But I also think, and what I want to add to this is like, families are incredibly complex, and I think issues that happen during divorce are incredibly complex as well. And there are lots of different parts of this. The most important part of this is that you don't have to have a relationship with anyone that you don't want to have a relationship with, whether that's your friend or whether that's your
family member. But you can decide, and you can kind of get to a point in your adult life where you go, Okay, maybe I don't get anything out of this relationship, but it means a lot to the other person. And if it doesn't affect your mental health, if it doesn't affect your well being, then maybe you do put in some effort. But I'll get into that a little
bit further down the track. The one thing I want to bring up first is you mentioned in the question that your auntie had said some really defamatory things about
your mum and some accusations that weren't true. The one thing that I think that you should consider is if your auntie had said some defamatory accusations are about your mum, is could those accusations and could those defamatory comments have come from your dad originally, And could it be a case where maybe in the heat of the moment, in the hurt and the frustration of divorce, your dad has said some really negative things about your mum and your
Annie has repeated that wanting to protect your dad, which is what you would do as a sibling to try and you know, really support and protect the person that you love in a very very hard and difficult situation. Maybe you aren't aware of the full spectrum of the conversation that's happened between your dad and your Annie and your mom and everything that's happened here. And I'm not
saying that your mum has done anything wrong. I think that she is the innocent victim probably in this entire situation. But the thing that you need to kind of strip back is sit down with your dad. Have a conversation with your dad. Why is he so hell bent on restoring the relationship, Why does he want that to be renewed, and why does he want you to be this happy, loving family if it doesn't make any difference to you, and I think you need to sort of voice to him.
These are the things that have heard me. These are the things that my auntie has done that has really really driven a wedge between us, And this is what I would need from her in order to be able to reconcile the relationship. I need her to come to the party and apologize for these things and acknowledge that she's done these things that hurt me. Because with that and maybe with that acknowledgment, you guys will be able to repair the relationship.
But there could be something more.
At play that you're not aware of or that you haven't been able to fully see the full picture, because we do put our parents up on pedestals as well, and we do think that they are kind of infallible.
What I would like to add to that is just one other thing that I want you to consider, because look, there is this whole idea that we do want to get one family, and for sure we do. If there is any way that you can get to a point with your auntie that you can be in the same room with her and it's okay, you don't want to tear strips off each other, you can be really amicable and have some sort of relatively healthy relationship. I think that's in because I'm trying to like picture my family here.
I have a huge family, like with all these relatives, and I'm very lucky that we all love each other, but we do big family gatherings, so like Christmas is a big gathering always, and as everyone's in the same
house for three days. If your family is like that, and there's gonna be a lot of social situations and family situations where you're in the same place and there's a lot of people around, I think would be really nice for you to be at a point where maybe you don't have to go and have a wine out the back and talk for hours, but it'll be nice to not have any tension. And because your family are gonna feel your tension, they're going to know you don't like each other, and it's just going to be like
a snowball effect on the rest of your family. So that is just something to keep in mind. If you can get to a place where you're like, look, I don't love what you did, but maybe you can speak your money, maybe you can say why did you say these things and get to the bottom of it, like Laura said. But if you can get to a place where you're like, you and I never gonna be best friends, but I also love you because you're my honey. You've
been there for a lot for me as well. But you know we'll catch up twice a year, if so, in Christmas, and that's it. So there's always that to keep in the back of your mind, but that's very dependent on your family dynamic.
Yeah, And I think the last thing that I want to add to this is, like, like I said, families are super complex and that there are so many different great areas around how you should navigate relationships with your family. I think we give a lot of allowance and we do have a lot of leeway for the behavior of
our family members. Like I am sure, britt, Like, the shit that you would put up with from your brothers or your sisters is very different to the stuff that you would put up with from your friends.
If you knew my brothers. Oh my god, I'm need a medal.
But that's just it, right, Like, we are so much more accepting of bad behavior from family members than what we are the people who we choose to be friends with and the people who we choose to have in
our lives. But there does come a point where, at the end of the day, the most important thing when you get to a certain age is protecting yourself your now nucleus family, which is the family that you have with your husband and with your child and if she is actually someone who you do think is a genuinely toxic person, and having a relationship with her, it's gonna have strain on your mental health, it's gonna have strain on your well being. That it's not fucking worth it.
And you don't owe it to anyone, not even just because they're a family member, to accept or tolerate that poor behavior. And if you get nothing from the relationship at all, and you don't feel any guilt or you don't feel like there's any reason why you need to maintain that relationship, don't just do it for your dad, because you're going to end up resenting that as well.
All Right, That's totally enough on that one.
That's a big one because I feel like I can relate to it massively. I feel like I've had those experiences with my extended family that was a very diplomatic.
Way, so broad ill love that, all right. Question two. Question two, ladies, I have a bit of a pickle for you. About a year ago, my ex and I broke up as we just wanted different things. I was looking to settle down and he was still wanting to party hard. Well, the same thing happened to one of my best friends, but switched around. Her boyfriend wanted to start talking babies and buying houses and settling down, whereas she was the one that wasn't ready to settle and
she wanted to keep traveling, et cetera. Fast forward to now, her ex boyfriend has recently been messaged me on Instagram. And I was friends with him too, so it wasn't that weird and I was replying. However, now I'm starting to notice that I get really excited when I see his name pop up on my phone, and I'm really disappointed if I find out it wasn't him that messaged. I'm thinking this is turning into something. Am I awful? Yeah? Am I an awful person for talking like this to
one of my friend's exes. I can't help but think we're both wanting the same things from a relationship. We want to go the same way. We get along, like a house on fire. We have so much in common. Can I see where it goes? Or a friend's exes just simply plane off limits. I've never been in this situation before. Ufed, Actually, I wrote uft.
Oh man, you have some massive decisions to make. Yeah, and I think that the biggest decision that you have to make is you've got to draw enlighten sand and figure out what's more important to you. Is the potential of this relationship more important to you than your friend, because I'm going to guarantee that, even though their relationship has ended, if you were to pursue something with him, it would cause a humongous wedge between you and your friend.
And I know that.
I feel like you're gonna jump in and be like, he could be your soul mate.
I know.
But what I'm gonna say is, and this is what I preach on all of the episodes, is we have multiple partners in this life, and you are not. Your feelings, feelings can grow, they can manifest. You can create feelings for someone if you have never felt that spark before for him, just because you want the same things in life. There is a fucking lot of people out there who want to get married and have kids and settle down.
He doesn't have to be your penguin just because he is the most available option right now, because I feel like this option is going to be very complicated. It's going to come with a lot of heartache. And even if Brent wants to tell you that he is your soulmate, be wary because he might not be.
I'm coming in hot with a few opinions. All right, brace yourself everyone. The heart wants what the heart wants.
No, I'm also it does. The heart does want what the heart wants. But I do think we have more control over the heart than what we think we do.
Oh we or I disagree. The heart takes over the brain at all costs, always.
Totally, but we don't always have to listen to it, and we shouldn't always listen to it because the heart doesn't always want what's best for us. The heart is impulsive, it's passionate, It is driven by things that aren't necessarily
always rational and good for our well being. And I think if you always allow yourself to be heart driven, which I know is important in a lot of situations, but relationships that are entirely heart driven can often be very toxic and can often be damaging to other relationships. You have to go into all relationships with your heart and your head.
Yeah, I can completely relate. My heart wants pasta carbonara every night. Do I go and have it?
No?
Tonight I had a piece of salmon and all I wanted was my bacon pasta. What I think is when I say the heart ones what the heart wants. I'm just saying I feel for you because I've been in positions where I have wanted something so badly in my heart and I'm talking about a person and a relationship and it was so wrong for me. Every part of me. My brain was like, run the other way. What are you doing? Swim out to see do anything but be
with this personop, stop and roll. But you don't. You're like, oh, i't just test the waters. I'll just send the sneaking message.
I just double tap that one. I'll save that whatever, because it makes you feel good. It's like dope, you get a dopamine here. You're like, oh, yeah, it's really the life science.
I will say a few things we don't know, and I do think this matters tremendously. Is this your best friend of twenty five years or is this a friend that you run in the same circles and you sort of know each other, Because that is a huge difference. If this is your best friend of forever, like the dumbest thing you'll ever do is try a relationship with this person. If this is like an acquaintance that runs in your friend's circle, they weren't together for that long,
it wasn't that serious. That's a whole nother matter. So only you guys listening, if you're in this situation, or if you've ever been in this situation, you're the only person that's gonna know how long they were together, how serious they were, and how close to your relationship is with her. One hundred percent what Laura said is right. Even if it was in the same friendship circle, it's
not gonna end well for you in that person. Doesn't matter your level of friendship, there will always be a part that's like, I can't believe that girl when undated my ex, Like, I just can't believe she did it. And then she's gonna talk about you, whether you want it or not. She's gonna tell your other friends. People are gonna get their judge underpants on, because that's what people do. But I know people that have been in
this situation. It was very questionable at the time, but they went on to have three kids and be married for ten years. They think that their soulmates and that is why they did it because they were so so sure. So you need to be very very sure that this could not just be something cute and fun and great sex you need to be sure that this could be something forever, and you are saying that, You're like, we want the same things. We want to settle down and
have kids. If you think this guy is your penguin, I would double I would test it out, but I wouldn't I would. You have to really, really, really thoroughly consider this because whether or not you like it, it's going to change your life in more ways than one.
I agree with Britt to like seventy five percent capacity. I think I'm not gonna run out there and say you need to dabble, because I think dabbling ends up. You can't just dabble. You always end up too deep.
You dabble too deep with a dick, just like just message him and have a chat. No, but she's already doing that.
Everybody always dabbles too deep until you get yourself into a bit of hot water.
And that's where the dabbling leads to just so many puns. I'm trying to hold myself back.
But okay, my first thing of this is really sit down and genuinely ask yourself is this just desire driven? Like?
Is this just impulsive?
Is it desire? Are you a bit lonely and you've been in a relationship for so long that you're so used to being with someone that you've found someone who wants the same things as you. They tick the boxes, so maybe it should be them. I think, have a really fucking honest conversation with yourself. And I say this only because I feel like this is something that I
would have done in a part life. If I was alone and I had no other romantic interests and someone was paying me attention who wanted the same things as me, I would try and make a triangle fit in a cube. So if you actually genuinely think like Britt says, that he could be your penguin, then look, maybe sometimes there's other relationships that you have in life, like some friendships that you can sacrifice. But if you are honestly like, I don't know, this is hot water, stay away from
the drama. Ain't nobody got time for that shit in their life? Well, yeah, I keep your life simple and care free and just go on Tinder and have sex with other men who are not with a friend with a connum, who are not your friend's ex boyfriends.
No, But if it's just because you're like, we want the same things, he wants to settle. I want to settle. He wants kids. I want kids. That's not enough. Reason. There are a billion people in the world that want to settle and have kids too. If that's it, if you have this deep, burning, soul crushing connection, for sure, for sure consider it. But if it's just like, oh my god, I think that we want to both live in Byron Bay and have kids, then it's just not enough.
Like it's not enough to ruin all the potential friendships, your relationship with him, your relationship with your best friend, the relationship with your ex, the relationship between this new guy and your ex, because obviously you're all friends. It's just that was a lot of connections. It's just not worth it.
But trust me, and I think this from the way that the question was worded. If this was a full, fully blown soul connection, the question would have been worded differently. The fact that it was worded in a way where you were like, we want the same things, We're on the same page. It could be something great makes me think he's not it, because you would know the desire to be with that person would be so overwhelming that you would be like, you know what I have to
go with this. But right now you're playing into something that seems unnecessary and I'm gonna say you're playing with fire. It seems super dangerous. Don't bring this drama into your life. There is somebody else out there who is better suited, who doesn't mean that you're going to have to sacrifice a friendship.
That's my advice. Okay, I've got another question that's directly I mean, just for you. Really, I can't answer this one. It's pretty funny. I feel I can answer it, but not from experience.
Okay, it's gonna have something to do with childbirth, isn't it. Yes, Okay a loll.
I can't believe I'm asking this. But nipple play whilst breastfeeding? Is this a possibility or not? Because it's my favorite part of sex And it's only to cross my mind the other day that when breastfeeding it may become typicult, you know, it might shoot out everywhere. Does it still work? Do you have to modify things? Or should I prepare myself to miss it? If I have a kid one day, I mean, I love the fact that she doesn't even have kids, or she's not pregnant. She's like if I
have a kid one day. Oh, she's not even pregnant. She goes, If I have a kid one day, do I have to miss nipple play? WHOA, this is really a big thing for you. This is really interesting to me.
Okay, I kind of want to put a call out to other new mums who are still breastfeeding. I used to enjoy nipple play, sure, like I used to enjoy it.
I think that you enjoy it.
The full spectrum, the full ensemble of whatever sex entails. Like it's enjoyable since having kids, and especially now that I'm exclusively breastfeeding. No, I absolutely hate even trying to touch my boobs anyway, nipple a surrounding the my saggy boobs and everything. No, Okay, I'll explain this, and I think that other moms who listen to this will be
able to understand. There is this feeling of being touched out and there is this feeling of having a body part that no longer feels like it's yours.
And maybe not everyone is.
Going to experience this feeling, But like my boobs used to feel like a sensual part of me. Though I used to feel like I had autonomy over I used to feel like I was, it felt like they were an you know, boobs were like a sexual organ.
Boobs were sexy, and now they're a feeding tool.
I feel like boobs before you have kids are definitely part of like what is sexy and what you know gets you off. But for me, since having Lola, they became having Mary even, they became a huge no go zone because they are oversensitized. It fundamentally feels like their purpose has changed. And Matt touching them, I hate anyone touching them.
They don't really know well.
I mean when Brittany does it better, like no, they feel they don't feel sexy anymore. And I don't think that that's going to be the normal for everyone, But I do know for a lot of women who have had children and who are breastfeeding, a lot of my friends we've had the same conversations. But anytime that Matt tries to touch me in like a romantic way, as in like because he's aroused, I can't. I cannot stand it,
and it's an instant turn off for me. So look, I mean, if you're not pregnant, and this is just something that you're forecasting for the future, your taste might change. You might find something else that gets you off. But there is this thing which a lot of women who are breastfeeding describe, and it's this feeling of being touched out.
So when you have another human that's completely attached to you, that's constantly touching you, that constantly needs something from you, you feel exasperated by somebody else's touch and when your partner tries to be romantic with you, you are exhausted by it. And I had this really badly with Marley. And we actually had a sex ologist on the podcast.
Her name was Juliet Allen, and she called it this thing being touched out, and it's this idea that like, no matter how much you love someone and no matter how much you want to be romantic with them, just having any other human touch you when you have been sucked dry, literally from a baby all day, you just can't stand the feeling of somebody else touching you. And
it doesn't matter if you love them or not. And I experienced it really really badly with Matt, especially with my first baby, especially with Marley, because I was not used to constantly having something touching my skin. And that's a very real thing that mothers experience with their first and second and third of however many children you would have.
Then there's me who goes and pays for massages the last ten years just so someone would touch me, like just she's like, where are you saw, I'm like nowhere, Just touch me generally, love, just hold me. No. But that's really that is really interesting and that makes so much sense, of course, but I would like to think and again put the call, because you're not at that
point yet. I would like to think that once the kids are a little bit older and you're not breastfeeding, you're back to feeling your normal self, that you will then enjoy it again. That maybe it's very time sensitive and very situational.
One hundred percent, Like as soon as you stop breastfeeding, your boobs go back to being normal, Like it's not like your boot It's not like your boobs stay this oversensitized. It's not like your booths stay in this oversensitized situation. Like once you stop breastfeeding, everything goes back to normal. But when you are breastfeeding and like your sole focus is keeping a little human alive, there is this feeling like, okay, the purpose of boobs has changed, Like my breasts are
not here for your play. They are here to feed this small child. And I'm sure there's going to be somebody out there who's got kids who breastfeeds and they feel completely different about their body. But for me, there was a very clear distinction that was drawn in the sand when I had children.
But let's actually get a bit more like literally get technical with this, because she's saying, can you physically do it when you're breastfeeding or is the milk gonna come out?
The milk will come out, like okay, So for example here it is this is gonna like weird out people who have not had kids or not.
It's nothing that we say any more. Laura could weed out any of our listeners, but we have done that.
So I'm at the twelve week mark with Lola and I only exclusively breastfeed her. I haven't brought myself to the point where I'm pumping. I'm still it's just baby taboob, that's it, because I don't really like pumping. I actually hate it. I feel like a bit of a cow. And I tried it with Marley and it wasn't for me. So I was like, cool, I'm going to try and just breastfeed Lola exclusively for as long as possible, and
then I'll put her onto formula. So every single night I have to sleep with a towel because I leak breast milk onto the bed. And that's what's gonna happen when you have sex. So it'll be like one boob just gets to capacity, and then as soon as it's a capacity and you're supposed to feed a child, if you're asleep, your boob just goes. I'm like a little wei in the bed and it just lets go and they go.
I didn't actually know that. I didn't know it was just gonna come out and ye sell you oh yeah.
Just dribbles out, or like when the baby latches on one side, you'll just spray out of the other side. And that's like it's called letdown, like you want to catch that shit because it's gold.
Well there you go. So you're answering.
It was like nothing could shock me, and then she's like, fucking stop.
It actually doesn't shock me. But it's a good contraception for Meny okay, do we want another question? Or are we gonna wrap it up at three? Do you want I'm not hit even it I don't know if you want. I'm playing a roll, all right, I've got one more. Honestly, give the girl one wine and she's unstoppable.
It's been a while, guys, it really does hit the sides. Okay, I've got one more. My brother and I have somewhat mutual friends because he's not that much younger than me. His best mate has a beautiful girlfriend. She's a fucking awesome human being, and he's been cheating on her. He's cheated on her a few times recently, even though they've just moved in together. I know of two occasions just over a month ago, and I'm not sure if I should tell her if and when I see her again,
which might not be for a little while. But do you think I should tell her? I don't think it's any of my business, but if I was in her shoes, I would be mortified if this was happening to me, and I wouldn't even give a fuck if the postman told me.
I would just want to know.
Also, if I did say anything to her, everyone including my brother, who I rent share with, would hate my guts.
Is it worth it? Am I being selfish? Help?
This is such a big one.
And I think so many people have been in this situation. I straightaway will just relate this back to myself, because that's all you can do. I obviously was in this situation to an extent where I was with this sociopath for a few years. He had a double arm. He was with someone else for six years while he was with me for two years. And I found out about her and she didn't know about me.
Wait, guys, if you haven't listened to that episode, it's episode number three from our first season, I feel like you need contact to this if you're new to the podcast.
So yeah, long, stay short. He had two girlfriends.
Brit dated a guy who literally was engaged to somebody else for a very long time. It's a big episode, go listen to it.
But I was the one that found out and she didn't know, and I was like, you know what, stuff for this, she deserves to know. I'm going to just tell her. So I did tell her. I will never forget her saying thank you so much, like you didn't have to do this. You could have just walked away
and brushed your hands of it. But she was. She was then armed with information that she could make her own decision whether she went to him and spoke to him about it and they sorted it out, or whether she walked away from him, which she absolutely did with his credit card. Love that where you know, like, that's at least she was armed with all information. And I
know that it's easy. Like there's a big part of me that thinks that if I was in a bliss for what I thought was a bliss for relationship, there's a big part of me that would love to say, like, ignorance is bliss, don't tell me, don't burst my bubble, don't ruin it for me. But that's probably forty nine percent. There's fifty one percent that's one hundred percent. Arm me with that information and let me be able to do what I want with it. You're in a tricky situation
because your brother's involved. There's there's three or four people involved in this. I'm gonna have to say, speak to your brother first. I think that could be an option and be like you either need to tell him to pull his head in or I'm going to tell her and maybe just see where it goes. But how do you feel if you've seen him doing the dirty behind her back and he's just moved in with her. You would want to know. I know I would want to know. I don't think it's the end of the world. Your
brother's not gonna hate you forever. If you go and tell a girl that his partner's cheating on him. It's not like you're dubbing your brother in either. So I think it's like, morally, are you gonna be okay with it? That's what it's going to come down to you. Are you gonna be okay with it? Are you going to be okay with the repercussions? Only you know what these people are like, only you know what their reactions are
going to be like. But if it were me in that situation, I would want you to come and tell me.
Yes, I one hundred percent agree with everything you just said. If it was me in that situation, I would want to know. However, does that mean that you are the one that has to do that hardlifting and if that's going to have a huge impact on your life, do you need to be the one to bring that news to the table. No, it is anyone else going to exactly, But you need to sit down and look at your own situation and have a think about how this is going to impact your life and whether or not it
is worth it, whether or not morally. And I know that this is a shit thing to say, because I think that there are going to be some people out there who are like, no girl code.
You have to tell her.
She has a right to know, and she absolutely has a right to know. I don't for one second like I'm not for one second defending this guy's behavior. I'm not for one second thinking that she shouldn't be told. But what I am saying is is it worth your lifestyle? Is it worth your current living situation? Is it worth
your friends turning against you? I think just consider your own personal situation first, because you don't want to put yourself into a situation where you're being ostracized by your friendship group, where your brother is getting upset with you. And I know that you can have these conversations with him and obviously bring him around, but I think, like brit said, have those conversations first, because you need to protect yourself and your own mental health is extremely important as well.
I was in this situation last year. I actually blocked it from my memory until right now. I was so traumatizing. I was the one that sort of brought to the attention that there was somebody in our group whose partner was cheating and had been cheating. They were a long term couple, they were living together. I didn't even witness it myself, but a very reliable source had said to me, you know that this is happening. That's been happening for
every year. And I was like, oh, and I'm not close with this girl, but I'm very close with her friend and I've been in groups with her. And I weighed this up for so long, to the point that I went and met with the friends, not the girl that was being cheated on. I met with my friends and I posed it as a lifeline cut question. I sat there and I said, hey, can I read you guys a question that came in because I don't know
what to do about it. And I pretended and I asked them because it was their friend, and I was like, would you tell these girls that their friends being cheated on? And they both and in my mind I was like, if they say yes, I will tell them. If they say no, I will just forget it. They both said absolutely, and I was like, Okay, that was a mad up question. It's me it's this person, this is happening, and what ensued from that was so much drama. I can't even explain.
I'm so glad because they broke up. She's happily with someone else now. He was not nice to her at all. So a year down the track, I feel great that I did it. She's happy and everything is happening in her career, in her life, and she's in a really good place. But there was like, oh, eight months of emails being bombarded of dms of text please tell me this? Who said this? Why did you say this? He would never have done this, and I was like, WHOA, what the hell have I just done? I should have mined
my own business totally. And that's the problem.
The problem is is that you will end up becoming the mouthpiece for this relationship and you will have to give evidence. It'll be his word against your word, and there is going to be a lot of drama that's going to come your way. And I think if you morally cannot live without saying this and without really going you know, like, this chick is awesome and she doesn't deserve this. And I don't really care what the fallout is. I just think be hyper aware of how severe the
fallout could be. And I think, in an ideal world, I'm going to say to you, absolutely, one hundred percent, tell her the fucking sisterhood is way more important, Like I would want to know, and I would want my friends or my friends of friends to look out for me and tell me that is the thing you should do. That is an ideal world. But we all know we don't live in an ideal world, and we all know
that decisions we make are way more complex. Really consider what could be the fallout and how you will manage the fallout before you go ahead and do something like that.
The only other thing that I would say that you could do if you're in this predicament where you're like, I do have to tell her, but I'm also worried about the fallout. And this is not fool proof. But you can go and speak to her and say, look, I felt I have weighed this up for a long time, and I think it's wrong not to tell you, So I want to tell you. Tell her and then say, but I'm going to ask you from the bottom of
my heart that you don't bring me into this. Please don't say that it was me who told you, But maybe you can just sit and have the conversation with him. Oh, she one hundred percent, But it'll and I mean, you take a very big chance of it end up being him being like you either tell me how you know or you know, or it's not gonna happen and she'll say,
what was Sally? You know? So that's a risk. But I'm just saying, if you absolutely can't live with yourself and look them in the eye every time you see them, then that's an option. But this one's I mean, fuck, it's so true. I don't envy you at all.
Yeah, and this one is, like, it's not a black and white question. I think lots of people have been in the situation where they've found out that someone that they know has cheated on their partner, and usually it comes down to a proximity thing, right, It comes down to how well you know that partner, whether or not you take the risk and you jeopardize any friendships and you tell them, like, I think this is so common. It's just that it's not so common that people jeopardize
their friendships in order to have those conversations. So think about it, consider your options, sit down with your brother, explain to him how you're feeling and what you want to say, and then I think you know from there you can make a decision. But it isn't black and white. There will be some drama that this will bring into your life. But morally, if you feel like that, you need to tell her. Fucking tell her because people don't deserve to be cheated on.
I'm going to put a pole up tomorrow. That's great.
Yes, okay, you know what, screw everything we just said. We're going to put a poll on Instagram or whatever the pole says is what you should do.
No, but we will put a pole up. I want to know if you've ever had to tell your friends that their partner's cheating on them, and then I want to know if there was a fall out. But guys, that is it. We did four today and that episode went longer than usual, but we hope we helped you in some way. Please keep those questions coming into life, Uncut, podcast, Instagram, in the dms. Just make sure you put the head
in ask Uncut. Also keep any funny stories rolling in and you're accidentally unpilpossed too, because you know.
We've froth that.
Thank you, all for the love, thank you for the support. We're going to see you back next Tuesday. Remember to tell your mom, to your dad, tell you dog, tell your friends, and share the love because we all love
Kaa