This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Laura, what is wrong with that?
I'm Brittany. I've been trying to figure out what's in my eye and I've just realized I'm like, something is my eye. I'm pretty sure it's a flake of my croissant, because it was just all over me more shuffling it in before the record, and I think I have croissant hied. Do you want me to come get it out?
What with your tongue?
With my with my tongue? No, maybe I've got a maybe you can't get it with those nails. Do you want me to no?
I think figure her eyeball on record.
Brittany, I would figure your eyeball because I'm wondering now if I've actually got the flake out and the flake left a mark on my eye. You know how sometimes your eye get scratched and then it feels Yeah, I think I've got it. I think I've got a croissant wound. Wow, that was crazy.
Croissant debreed or get your could you go?
You got to be careful croissants. I'm dangerous.
Okay, So, guys, if you're just joining us, you will know that we've been on holidays.
Clearly things are not back to normal yet.
But we actually can't update you on the holiday because we haven't had it. So we're recording this just before we went away so that we can, you know, school ease an.
Extra day out of it.
This is our last day before holidays.
And this is technically my last holiday before I have a baby and never have holiday again in my life because you actually never will. Yeah, so that's it. So hopefully I had a great time. I'll tell you all about it on Wednesday.
What can you tell us what you're doing?
Yeah, I'm going what do you think I'm doing? Going to holiday and I'm going down to Ala Dallah. That's all we do. We were talking about it recently.
Matt and I were like, okay, so technically, I mean we will go for other trips locally, but like, technically, once this baby comes, like we're never going to be able to afford to fly anywhere again because like you've got to once your kid turns too, you've got to pay for three seats for children.
So I was like, that's it. We're never going anywhere.
We're gonna stay maybe you can just leave them at home?
No, why not?
Why is that such a bad thing? Actually? Okay, like my can't parents have a week to recover and leave the kids with the grandparents or some boom? Is that like shamed?
Not everyone has grandparents?
Who you do?
Capable? Alia is super capable.
I wouldn't leave her with the kids for a week, right, I certainly would never leave her with three kids for a week like me.
I could take a You're like, hell no, you would call.
The dog sitter and be like, sorry, can someone please mind Laura's children.
I would've got seventy dollars an hour. I would leave them at home and Delilah look after them.
I'm like, girl's got.
It, very mature, like where is where's Poppy?
Bree?
You're like she's fine and maybe.
Not she's too, which went, oh is a fan?
But anyway, well, we will update you on holiday stuff and everything that's been happening, but like we said, hasn't happened yet, so we don't want to make up stories for you.
I forgot to tell you guys something and I got I saw it again today because I screamed on it, but got me giggling.
Was it thirsty hams, so because let me tell you that's going off.
Was it the thirsty hands? Did we get any responses from people that have been thirsty Hamstring?
No, I've had a few people DM me about the thirsty Hamster. If you don't know what it is, guys, just go back and listen to the first ten minutes of the last askar and cut we did or it was truly unhinged and.
It was obviously we hadn't been on holidays yet.
I don't recommend ever trying it at home. A lot of people commented, no one's tried it. I'm yet to find someone who's actually tried it. Slide into my DMS if you have, if you've had a man just playing on top of the car for the good of the nation.
I just don't. I think it's some Do you know what I think this is? I don't think it's like a trend or a thing. I think one sicco's done at once and has written about it, and now it's turned into something like people aren't doing this.
Let's not call people sicicos just because they like to have the car adventurous sex capades.
Anyway, what is your update?
Well, I was just going to say, it's very small, it's not an update. But I'm on Dancing with the Stars at the moment, as are you, and you guys know, well, sometimes I forget myself because we recorded it so long ago. I'm like, oh shit, that's right, I'm on Dancing with the Stars. But you know, it's so funny, you know, when you go to respond to a story or send it to a friend and you accidentally get it sent to you. I didn't know if I explained that right.
You know how you can go to forward someone else's story to a friend, Yes, but sometimes you just forward it to the person. And I remember the most prime example is when you put up a photo of Maley as a little kid Malie May is a little baby Laura, and someone responded someone went to send it to their friend and say something about her looking like a turtle, or like oh she finally looks cute, something rude, but they accidentally sent.
It to you. So it was when Maley was two years old.
I put up a really cute picture of her and somebody replied to the picture very very obviously meant to send it to their friend, and she said, oh, look, I guess her kid finally got cute, and I was like, she was an odd looking little baby, but she was still cute to me. God damn it, she was cute to everybody, thanks for the The cross side that she had when she first came out was a stigmatism that really was she was totally cross.
That made her cute. No.
So I had put up some stories from dancing and I had three responses in my damn from the same person, like they'd responded three times and its very evidently wasn't supposed to go to me. The first one said ill just one word eat two laters ill, and I was like, Oh, that's unusual, weird. Next one yuck, and I was like, okay, interesting. A couple of minutes later, who even is she? So
somebody messaged me ill, yuck? Who even is she? And I was like the fact I get that you're trying to send my story to somebody else, and I'm ill, like you don't like red, that's cool, but imagine trying to send the same story three times to a friend to comment like that could have been one sentence, that could have been one sentence and one comment. And I got it, and I was like, oh was it was that bad.
I still think honestly, when I see things like that, I'm like, you're a fan.
That's a fan.
She's doing your favor, she's engaged with your content. You should be grateful, brit But.
It was also weird because I did go on a little investigation. She doesn't follow me, so she's obviously that's why she said who is she? Obviously, but she's she stumbled across my It just it's just weird to me. When I see that stuff, it makes you wonder how many people are sending that to other people. But I'm like three messages to a friend sending just a random
you don't know her, she's on a TV show. You've sent it to really double down on like ill gross, discussing vomit in my mouth, like like clomped out, Oh did I tell you?
I think I've told you this one before, but like cut it out if I have cash. So Matt, because like obviously Matt does really silly videos, and for like the longest time during COVID, like some of those videos got pretty weird, right, Like Matt would be dressing up in my dresses and doing all weird types of things. Anyway, we went to England when we first started dating, and Matt used to live over there, so he's got a really great group of friends over there.
I remember really great group.
Of friends and I met them all and they're so lovely And anyway, came back here covid hit. He was like, we were doing enough funny videos and one of his friends, actually it was the wife of one of his very very friends, just sent the video to him and was like like, oh my god, this is so cringe. I can't believe he would post this. And then he never heard from her again. He wrote back and was like, oh, thanks for that, and then never they've never spoken since it's been five years.
Like, that's really shit because it's your private group. Anyway, it's an actual friend.
I was gonna ask you if you replied to the person who said yuck, who is she?
I just put a hand up.
It's me.
Yeah. I sent her the vote number.
I was like, click a link.
Oh guys, let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes for answering your questions, Brittany, what is your vibe?
My vibe is nothing new, but I'm sure a lot of people haven't heard of it. It is something that my family and my group of friends have been playing for a very long time.
It's a board game Monopoly.
No, have you heard of Monopoly? No? I want a vibe. I'm disappointed at how sucked into my phone I can get. And I'm trying to bring back some wholesome interactions with people again because this got me thinking. It was off the back of an article I read about George Clooney and a Mile Clooney, and so whenever they have people over to the house, they entertain a lot. There is like a phone basket and you go in and you can't go into their house without putting your phone in.
And it's because they, I guess, they get no privacy in their life. They're huge. They want to be able to feel safe to have their conversations knowing that no one has the phone anyway. That's not my vibe, but it got me thinking about those interactions and I'm bringing back and my sister Sherry and I and Jay we played a couple of weeks ago when I visit them. But just the board game Articulate, I don't know if you guys haven't played it.
Articulated is great.
It's so good, so We've got two favorite board games that we've been like playing for years and we've just sort of brought them back. Balderdash and Articulate. But Articulate if you haven't heard of it, it is so much fun. It's literally just you team up. You've got thirty seconds and you just have to guess. One person describes whatever word it is and the other person has to guess it and you just churn through them. But it is so much much fun, and it's really fun to play
with a group of friends. Like I just think we sometimes needed the reminder to go back and have these wholesome interactions where A you're actually present and B you're using your brain. It's like, but so that's my You can get it literally anywhere. Twenty five bucks, Big Wa so great.
When we used to live together, Nasa and I Na's our video editor. For anyone who is new to the pod Articulate, it used to get a very good run in our house.
It's great. A couple of lines play game articulates.
Sherry and I a band from playing in our family because we're so competitive. No, not that we know each other. We spend our whole life living together. We shared a room our whole life. We've worked in the same hospital our whole life, live together. We know each other inside out that it's just not fair. It's like, it's no we finish the telepathic community. Sometimes we say one people think we're cheating. We'll say one word, not even we haven't got a syllable out and we've got the answer,
and people think we're cheating. I'm like, how we But we just know each other too well, so we're allowed to play together.
Do you know what'd board games really anti climactic?
That I tried to wheel out recently and play with Matt's mum Scrabble.
It's fucking sober.
It's a bit like seventy plus now.
So slow moving, isn't it?
Anyway?
Can just watch your vibe So slow moveing.
That's because you're slow. It's spelling subscribers Scrabble.
My vibe this week is for anyone who perhaps was not taught handy little things while they were growing up, whether that came from your parents or your grandparents, and you were just missing. There's a couple of gaps in how to do shit around the house. I have been using the Bunnings Warehouse how to videos extensively. I now feel like I've gone from a novice. So over the weekend, I.
Know I'm building my first house out.
I'm now a pro.
Well, I removed wallpaper and I was really I was like, oh, this could be a really big job. I've heard people say it's really challenging.
Blah blah blah.
They had like a two minute thirty video on everything that I needed and how to remove it, all properly and different like if it's on this surface and if it's on that surface.
Anyway.
The videos are short, they're concise, They're obviously made by people who know relatively what they're doing, but it's not too complex. I've also watched ones on how to paint because I've been painting as well, and.
How to rip up grass and replant grass.
So Keisho is now a Diway queen.
I mean, you've always kind of been a Diway queen, but now you're like really erring into Doway pro category.
Now I'm allowed to do it. Before I had to hide it from the land lawn. Now I'm actually a load to two things.
It looks great, Thank you, thank you.
I appreciate that I tried very hard, but yeah, They've got some really really good practical videos.
So if there's anything that you're not really sure that here, they've.
Got how to clean tile flows, how to install a security camera, how to hang a TV, how to identify and fixed drafts. Like, they've got this whole video series that are only a couple of minutes long to help you kiss.
She's also like squeezing away into my family. You know, she's got a crush on my dad. I get a message, Hey, just got off the phone from your brother, a really great fifteen minute chat.
I was like, what your brother.
She's like, he's talking me through my renot. I'm like, what, he's the best. He's a painter, So I asked him.
I was like hey, he replied to sorry, I think his partner, Kim replied to a story that my boyfriend put up of me painting. So they got, in my opinion, they opened the door to ask for unsolicited advice.
My boyfriend put on a photo and that my brother's wife commented on that told my brother that that opened.
Up the next thing.
I was having a twenty five minute conversation with Dane.
It was very helpful.
He helped me like what types of paints for skirting boards.
It was very good. Maybe he could start a series.
Can I just say we've gone from the vibe being Bunnings related to being just called Dane called Dane.
Feel so in the show notes I will put Dane's photos.
We absolutely will not, But no, my actual vibe is the Bunnings Warehouse how to video series.
Cool.
I love this because I honestly do believe that if you I mean, apart from like surgery or something really high level, go to go to school for that. But for most things in life, there are such thorough tutorials on how to get started, especially for things in like business, not just handy things, but there's so much you can find online. They can, like step by step help you through all the stuff that you think you can't do.
And then you get this little sense of like, oh, look at me.
The number of times I've poot three quarters of away through a business course online and I just get bored. I've never finished it, but I've restarted the same one so many times, and I'm like, well, boring, what are all these numbers?
All right, all guys. My recommendation. It is a drama slash biopic. It's called scoop. It came out in twenty twenty four, and it's all about the behind the scenes story of how the women at BBC were the ones who brought that interview, that very famous interview of Prince Andrew in twenty nineteen where he spoke about not being able to sweat and everything else, all of their links to Jeffrey Epstein off the back of a pat picture that was taken in the park of the two of
them together. I thought it was a really fascinating story. I had no idea that it was the women of BBC who were the ones who absolutely brought that to the forefront, who were the ones who who curated the relationship with the royal family and also with the royal family's pr relations in order to bring that to being a possibility. It doesn't have great ratings on Rotten Tomatoes, and I saw that, and I think it's like seventy
something on Rotten Tomatoes. Went into it thinking and expecting that it wasn't going to be very good as a result of this, But I think if you're interested in media or you're interested in that whole story and how it unfolded, for me, I found it utterly fascinating. I watched it with my mother in law, who's a total royalist, And the thing about it is that Prince Andrew did that interview, and the royal family were all privy to that interview and they thought the interview was well done.
Their perception of that interview was that.
Actually, you know what, he nailed that, and he did a really great job at at least educating the public on his version of events. And as we know, it was the most damning pr interview that he could have ever done, and he was stripped of all these royal titles.
And the flow and effect from that.
But it kind of raises the questions would the pun been as severe had he never done that interview, Because if he hadn't done that interview and had just stayed quiet as he had done up until that point, he potentially would still have all these royal titles. But the backlash from it was just so incredibly severe.
So it's called Scoop.
It's on Netflix now, and yeah, it's about an hour and twenty minutes, and I.
Really thoroughly enjoyed it.
This is the one that has Julian Anderson and Billy Piper in it.
I've seen it. I absolutely loved this film.
It's really good, so good.
Billy Piper unrelated, She's amazing. She's a bit of an underdog. People don't give her enough credit. I reckon what was her band she was in? I can't remember. She's in secret director diary. But she was a singer, push was an actress and now she's actually a really good actress. Anyway, that sounds great, Laura.
Yeah, Okay, go watch it. Let's get into your question.
Kay, question number one, to look or not to look during birth? That is the question. For a bit of background on Mother's date, my entire family had a bit of a heated argument about a certain topic, and I want your opinion on it. The disagreement was about whether the father should have a peep at their child being born during active birth. My opinion is that the father should at least have a quick glance at what the
woman has to go through to have a child. I really don't want to sound insensitive, as I know some people can be grossed out. I'm also a nurse, so I don't know if that impacts my opinion, as I don't get turned off by these things. I also understand there are certain circumstances where this would not be encouraged by midwives or doctors. But in best case scenario with a healthy vaginal birth, I'd love to hear what you all have to say.
I remember when Matt didn't want to cut the umbilical cord. Matt's really square, like he's really squeamish. He doesn't do well with blood. He's not the best person to have by your side during a birthing experience.
But you know, like he makes up for it in otherways. But he absolutely by.
How he nearly missed it getting the chicken sandwich no.
Usually, but how he makes like funny content reels when I'm in active labor about things you shouldn't say when your wife's in labor.
But I'm actually legitimately like, okay.
Matt, things you shouldn't do when I'm in Where is make it video?
So Marley, this happened with both babies.
They're like out of me, connected by the umbilical cord, like still there and like everyone's like a baby. And then the obsctrician hands him the scissors to cut It's like a clamp and then scissors to cut the umbilical cord. Matt was like like not even looking and like just waving scissors around.
I was like, dude, I.
Push this kid out of my who heart.
You can at least look at it to cut the umbilical cord and not accidentally stab it. Anyway, he cut the umbilical cord and it was I'm not kidding you, about fifteen centimeters long because he was just so squirmished. The obstrician just looked at him and recount it straight away.
Looked at like, what the fuck was that recut it?
Look my opinion, yes, I think that they should have get over it. Get the fuck over it. However, I understand that some people might then pass out. They might then make it about themselves. I think you've just got passing out.
It's making it about yourself, like if you're conscious, and I guess so selfish. It's like convulsion on the ground. That's what happened with Carest and you're like, you would have a heart attack.
Podcast on doting Dad's ash fainted during the birth of his first kid.
I think a lot of people would. Dude, my ex fainted when I got a splinter. I've never seen not what It's not their fault, obviously, he's gotten an aversion of blood. But like, I got this big splinter ones and I was like, oh, can you get this splinter out? I'll never forget it, talk about getting the ick. You can get this splinter out. And he looked at it and it was really it wasn't even a splinter. It was like a big chunk of wood in my finger.
And then he just looked up at me and I was like, you're right, and then his eyes just rolled back and he just fainted every time he saw blood. So there was no if I was still with him, which I'm obviously not, There's no way somebody like that could watch a birth like you just couldn't. You just couldn't.
I think it is you know, obviously I make lots of jokes.
It is definitely dependent on the person and what they can. You know, if you've met you can't stomach it and you're going to pass out, and then it's going to be more of an inconvenience. Like obviously, I understand that there are parameters to it, but I do not like it when men use it as an excuse because they don't want to take on the responsibility of looking. And I always think of that fucking Robbie Williams quote where it's quite famous, where he's.
Like, oh, it's like watching your favorite pub burned down.
If that's the reason, though, I don't agree with it, but I haven't heard that same, haven't you.
Oh, but it is funny, it's like watching it's like my safe place. No.
But the thing is is like.
If that's the reason why you're not looking, then you need to get a grip and like.
At least you said favorite pub, because there are many.
I love him to.
Security and I'm not even allowed jobs that bas has. Yeah, I've got a need a timeline.
I think it's like, I mean those types of tropes and the jokes like, look, you can laugh about it, but it is deeply entrenched in misogyny. As a woman, you don't get the opportunity to not be one affected by childbirth or have the luxury to not look, not feel, not anything, whether it's coming out the sun, ruth, or you're having a vaginal birth, Like that's affecting you in ways that are beyond your control that you have to
look at whether you're squirmish or not. And it's like men get to have the option to choose because they might feel uncomfortable or it might change their opinion.
Or guess what, my vagina is uncomfortable.
Yeah, I just I just don't have a lot of sympathy.
And even when you know, we make jokes about partners passing out or whatnot, I still don't have a lot of sympathy.
I'm like, I do, kick them to the side, continue on with birth.
They're making it about the I do only because I worked in a hospital so long. I've seen so many family members pass out over different things, like some people can't stomach stuff, and I get it. And the reason I mean, I want to say, yes, everybody should be having a look, and you should be there and supporting it if you can. I'm talking about people that are extreme, like not people that just don't want to see their
pub get ripped apart. But I also think the people that say it'll ruin it for me, like I don't want to remember it like that, I won't ever be able to look at the same Guess what is not the same? A watermelon just came out of it, like it's changed, We've changed. I hate I hate that kind of stuff, But I just think, and you know, your
partner This is what it comes down to. You know, your partner, if they're not gonna faint over, like, if they're not blood fainters, then yes they can have a fucking look, they can be there with you and support you.
But on that, let's unpack that for one second. When you say it's changed, you just birthed the watermelon. It's not the same, absolutely, But then we're inferring that a pre virginal, perfect, unspoiled vagina is like the preferred version, and like, yes, it might be changed, Yes there might be things that don't go back to exactly the way, but like, let me tell you, you can have vaginal births and then go and still be able to, you know, have fantastic sex and not be able to tell the difference.
No, but it's I'm saying it's their mind, yes exactly.
And that's the problem is that there's this like psychology that once a woman's had a baby that.
Like it's all, oh, they've destroyed them. Yeah, fucking have it.
And it's just like I hate that it adds to that sort of sigma around it for women.
Yeah, but they're like freaking weirdos that are like, oh, I can't I don't want to watch your breastfeed because I can't look at a breast the same like they should be sexy, not a way of lying. And I know that they're a minority, like that is not as common, but they exist, like those people exist, So I don't know, you know your partner at the end of the day. Whilst you might like them to be down there, you
can't force them down there. I think it's a conversation you need to have before you go into birth, like how do you feel do you want to have a look It would be really cool. I would like you to see that moment. And if you think that they're doing it for the right reason, like they're very vomity, fainty, lightheaded, don't force them. But if they you think they're just doing it because they're like can't look it a the same,
then fuck that. Yeah, and you grab their hair and you push that down there.
I'll get it.
You get that head down there, you get it in there.
Do you know what?
I actually find really reassuring about this though, And this is very subjective. It's only within my own sort of like friendship network and people that I've spoken to. I do think that often men have a perception of how they think it's going to be, and they might even have written their own sort of version of narrative of like what childbirth is going to be, and Oh, I don't want to go down there, I don't want to look.
I would say ninety nine point nine percent of dads that I know that I've spoken to who have had a look have been like, Wow, that was fucking amazing, what absolute miracle, Like that was a really cool thing. And the dads I'm thinking of in particular are probably people who I would have thought would have been a bit more like, oh my pub Burton down but really they were the one that was like, hey, can I
send you the birth video? And I was like, maybe check with my best friend first before you sent me.
Ben I'd because he was so excited.
You know, I'm interested to see how Ben would go because he isn't actually very good with blood. I haven't seen him faint, but i've seen him like with needles and injections. I've seen him go very pale like he's and he'll say I'm not great with it, which is weird, like I don't know the psychology behind it. Because he said he can get tattooed all day, Like, it's not the needle in the pain, but it's something the psychology to do with, like maybe you're withdrawing blood or it's
like a placenter injection or whatever. But I'll be interested. I'm not convinced he'll be down there, but we'll see, all right.
Question number two, how do I tell my husband I've been adding tomatoes to Sorry, this is so stupid to his dishes?
Hear me out, though, you'll know why.
My husband told me when we met that he is allergic to tomatoes, as in, he gets ibs from it and he ends up on the toilet. For six years, I have not cooked with tomatoes. Can you imagine how hard that is? No tomato in any dishes. It has been hell. But about four weeks ago I got ballsy. I started adding tomatoes to things.
Like that is ballsy if someone's allergic, like.
To the bolonaise loll She writes.
I even blended it so he wouldn't see it. Oh my god, it tasted amazing. God I'd missed tomatoes, it had been so long. Anyways, he didn't run to the toilet afterwards, and he said that that was my best bolonnaise yet obviously because I had fucking tomatoes in So the last four weeks I have been adding tomatoes to our dinners and hiding it, and then he has been completely fine. So my issue is this, how do I tell him that he's not allergic to tomatoes? Or do I just never tell him?
Help? He will soon be so mad if he finds out what I have done to him.
I mean, first of all, I think we need to put a disclaimer in if your partner's allergic to something or things they are, don't like secretly try and test it. We don't advise that why haven't you just cooked your meals with tomato for six years? Six years is a long time to like go without something.
No, because then you've got to cook two separate meals.
Like often, if you're the one who's cooking, you'll just create one dish that is suitable for everyone.
Do you know what I think has happened. I'm going to give him the benefit.
Of the doubt.
I think he probably did have reactions to tomatoes. Tomatoes are like a proper IBS trigger. They are in the fodmap group because of their high fructose, and a lot of people have issues with tomatoes, but you can outgrow that. He might have had that issue not consumed it for the last six years, and maybe it's changed and he's not having the reactions the same way. Like I don't think he's lied to you about it. I'd be bringing
it up. I'm telling him because you can't. You can't go the next twenty years of your marriage secretly like dosing his food with tomato.
I think that it's important to distinguish and now I'm going to take it real science y and probably more seriously than I should. There's a difference between an allergy and an intolerance, right, very different, and I think that sometimes we conflate the two, and that's what makes people annoy it. There's so many people out there who are like, I'm allergic to dairy, I'm allergic to wheat, I'm allergic
to gluten. Unless you are celiac, or unless you have like a very severe reaction where you're anaphylactic and end up in hospital, you are not allergic.
You have an intolerance, which means that you can have small amounts of something.
The more you have of it, the more that there is a likelihood that you'll have an adverse reaction. And for me specifically, I have an intolerance to MSG. Like I'm very sensitive to MSG and I have ended up in hospital because I have had an anathletic reaction to it. However, if I have small amounts, I'm okay. So if someone was microdosing my food.
I'm still in hospital with it, be like, I'm not gonna stop.
Like I really love Asian food, It's my favorite cuisine.
No, But the thing is is like I can have small amounts and I can cope fine. My worry for you in this situation is that your partner has an intolerance to tomatoes, and yes, you might be microdosing him, but the poor guy's gonna wake up in a few weeks time be shitting the bed because you didn't listen to him and he's just used the wrong terminology. So I do think that that's a very very plausible situation that's going to occur, and like he's gonna start having
these reactions and not know why. So I don't think it's really like necessarily an aha moment, I got you, you lie totally. But I do think we throw around the terms to willy nilly these days, and people are too quick to be like, I can't eat that because you know, I'm allergic to it, and it's like, oh you might, you might get the runs for four hours, you're find you know, die.
I think sometimes people say it because it's easier to say to someone, so like if someone says, hey, like, what are your dietary requirements? Sometimes so for me, because I have such painful reactions with my ibs to garlic, now it's easier for me to sometimes say to someone, oh, no, garlic, I'm allergic. Like sometimes I'll throw the term away because it's just easier to say, like, yes, I have a
severe reaction. Am I going to die from it? No, but it's going to make me extremely uncomfortable for a long time.
I wonder how restaurants respond to this. I'd be so interested if you're a cook or a cheffer working in a restaurant, because when someone says, you know, I'm allergic to shellfish, the way that they have to prepare food is so different to just you know, oh, I'm intolerant to dairy. Like they're totally different ways in which they have to prep a kitchen. So when everyone's like, oh, I'm allergic to this, I'm allerged to this. It just like creates, it's just becomes a bit of a pain in the art.
I would never do it at a restaurant because that's when I eat it, Yeah.
An Italian restaurants. Like I'm allergic to garlic.
I go to a garlic restaurant and I'm like, no garlic, I reckon, I am.
I talked about this before. I have like the most severe reaction. I'm fine, digestively fine. I just fucking stink after garlic.
I look so bad.
It's like outrageous.
Like now we know we see you every day. Yeah, I know.
I love you guys. Even even last night that was like, did you eat garlic today? I was like, no, I haven't even touched it. Did you look at garlic today?
I secretly micro dosed Ben's food. So Ben hates, like detests mushrooms. He will not eat them, which is fine, like I don't care for them. I cannot have them in my life. He doesn't like the texture mainly. But I really like one of my favorite foods to eat out for an entres aran chining, and I really wanted to get this aran chining, and I wanted to share it with him, but it was mushroom and like a parmesan or something. Anyway, I just lied to him and
told him it was cheese. He didn't look at them menu.
I just ordered it.
And he ate it and loved it. And then in my head I was like, maybe he don't dislike mushrooms, so maybe I'm going to start microdosing his food with mushroom.
But you did say that you think it's a texture thing because a lot of people haven't abe to bit, a lot of people have aversions to food. It's actually got nothing to do with the flavor. It's got to do the feeling and the texture of that food. So like, yeah, I mean that's how you get kids around trying things that they think they don't like. It's like they're like, I hate mushrooms, You're like cool, you blend them, put them in a soup, and then you figure out, actually they're fine.
I want to back this woman and support her. I once had a boyfriend who was a use of shit. He used to about cheating on me all the time, and he also turns out lied that he had an a lactose intolerance when basically this went we were together for.
Like I don't know six months or something, maybe a bit longer. But he used to claim that he.
Was completely lactose intolerant, and I used to use butter to cook and I just kind of snuck it in at one point.
He never had a problem. When she thought she could get away with killing him, She's like, I'm going to put the butter in.
It was when you found out he was cheating on you, wasn't.
It if you lie about everything, you check a stick of wur pack in there, and off you go.
Let's see you go cheat on me now?
But no, he was always fine, and so I was like, I knew that.
He made this up for drama, Like I knew he just thought it added to his personality. I really want to just say this because I know someone is going to come in the reviews or the comments. Ways Lifers, please do not do not follow this woman's advice. Do not if your partner has told you, or someone your dating has told you that they're allergic, just believe them because the negative outcome that could happen is way.
Worse than you being right. In this instance.
You can go and do all guys, you can do an allergy test. Go and do it properly. It's like you don't have to eye it's not one extreme with the other. You don't have to never eat something again or try to kill them with microdozing, like you can go and get tested. Have we answered whether she should tell her husband? I said, tell him, Yeah, we have it. Actually the question I think you need to tell him.
I think, but making a mistake, be like, oh my god, I blanked and put tomato in the bolinnes last night.
I put posada in that. I had no idea that posada was made from tomatoes. I have a much more important question for you. I would love to know how the fuck you were making bolinnies without.
Tomatoes in the first sounds like the worst, No wonder he loved this one, Like what what?
Because bolonnaise is such.
A marmardo sauce, That's what I don't get. Wow.
Okay, I raise your question with another question.
Okay, this definitely needs to be an aftermath.
Tell us how you cook your bolonnise.
Next question, not inviting mom's new boyfriend to my wedding. I'm getting married next year, yay, yay. But I have a bit of a dilemma. My parents split a few years ago, and since then my mum has had a string of short term boyfriends.
So Queen, she's now dating someone new.
And will likely want to bring him to the wedding, as she will want to parade her new man to the rest of the family. That sounds a bit scathing, doesn't it. That sounds like there's a bit of something going on between the mother and daughter. Here's the issue. I don't like him, fair that's pretty okay, that's pretty platant issue. It's very likely they're not even going to
be together by then. Anyway. Our wedding is very small and intimate, and I really don't want this random in the photos, especially someone who might not be around long term. Am I being unreasonable if I don't want to invite him or whoever she's dating at the time, or is it okay to gently set that boundary. I would love to hear your thoughts.
I think we've answered this question in many variations over the years. It's a really tricky one because of course it's going to come with a drama. But in the same instance, you don't have to have anyone at your wedding that you don't want there. Does that mean that your mom is going to react in a great way. Who knows, Like, I don't know what type of person your mum is. I don't know how she responds to feedback.
I don't know what scene she will cause. She might say, of course, honey, like whatever you want, it's your day, it's not my day, and I'm not going to make it about me. She may also be a mother of the generation that makes everything about her, so like, it's really hard for us to know.
Exactly how this is going to impact you.
I am getting that from what she said, though, even the way she said parade her in her the term parade, and we've spoken about like how much our word can change the structure or the meaning or the feeling of a sentence. But the word parade, I'm getting the impression there's a bit of disdain there. You feel like she will want to make it.
About her totally, which you know, in your mom defense, your mum would categorize that as I'm just happy and living my best life and I'm proud, and you see that as me parading. I do think that in this instance, especially if the divorce is kind of recent or there's some dramas there. Obviously your dad's going to be there. Maybe that was her husband. I don't know, you know, I don't know what the relationship set up was, but I do think you can say, like, Mum.
You know, I really just want immediate family.
I don't know your partner that well, and I really want it to be about us and having special time together, not so much at being about the relationships. I just don't want you to be having to spend time with him when I want you to spend time with me and be a big part of my wedding.
That could be a way around it.
I think that there is an uncomfortable conversation that's going to happen here when you don't invite him. However, I don't think that you're out of your rights not inviting him. I think that you was totally within your rights to say that you don't want him to be there.
I agree it gets tricky when it's someone so immediate to you, so like type it's like an aunt here, uncle, or a cousin or whatever. I feel like it's easier when it's your mum. It's different, and I think it might be different. You say it's like next year, so it might be another year's time. If he's still around by then, it's tricky because that is classified as a lot a lot of term relationship that she deems as I guess serious, because that's, you know, well over twelve months.
I don't know how new new is and I don't know how far away the wedding is, so it gets trickier. I would maybe train wait it out a little bit and see how the relationship goes, like do you have a few more months to see you'll get the impression of if that relationship is probably gonna last or not, And you said maybe it won't. You did also say or maybe she'll be with someone else by then. That's different if she's just met someone absolutely like you're like sorry,
like it's found me, only I don't know him. He's been around for ten minutes, Like I think that that's okay. It's only tricky because it's another year away. I'm getting some underlying issues there, and I don't feel like it's
going to go down well. That conversation that it doesn't mean you can't have it, and you're not entitled to bring that up, Like plenty of people bring those conversations up, and they're tough like I had to bring those conversations up with people in my extended family over my wedding and that was hard, Like I couldn't imagine if I had to have that conversation with my mum or my dad.
Yeah, And I think you hit the nail on the head, brit when she says parade her new man around. If they've been together for more than a year and a half, let's say, as an estimate, by the time the wedding rolls around, it's not really her new man, is it.
It's just her partner.
So I can understand why when that date rolls around that that will be something that will be a real wedge. Like I said, it's really going to depend on the personality of your parents. And I think we all have a bit of a I think most of us can kind of look at our mums or look at our dads, and at the age that we are now, have a gauge as to how they're going to react based on the way that they have reacted in past situations, because
you know, parents don't just spontaneously behave differently. I don't think surprise us with this like newfound sense of grace or self awareness they usually are pretty set in their patent behavior, and so I do think that you probably know how your mum's going to react. Hence why you've written this in because you know what's going to cause a drama. You know what's going to be a big deal, and you want to know if you're the problem in causing.
That big deal.
That's probably the bigger question here, and it really just comes down to whether or not like what's going to be the biggest problem is having some guy there that will be in a few photos going to cause you more distress than the potential family fallout or drama that might happen by not inviting him.
And that's for you to weigh.
Up also because if it is, I mean, it's more than that you don't like him. It's hard you flat out don't like him, right, I don't want someone in my wedding that I don't like either. But if it's more around the photos. We spoke about this in the last couple of weeks on an ask on cut you just do photos without him as well? Hey, guys, immediate family only now and then you always have the best of both worlds.
I totally agree, totally agree, all right, last question.
It's a bit of a long one, but you got some skin in the game with this one who moves long distance love. I'm twenty spoiler, I wrote this inn I'm twenty five now, yeah.
Right now, that would be me.
That would be me.
Hey guys, I'm twenty two.
I'm twenty five.
I met the man of my dreams during a two week Kenttiquy tour. We clicked the moment we met.
Dude.
He genuinely is everything I've ever wanted and more, except he lives in Canada and I'm Australian. I have spent literally my entire life focusing on my academics, sacrificing every family event imaginable to do this. I'm now a junior doctor with an immaculate reputation and planning to specialize in anesthetics, which is very competitive. I don't have a medical license in Canada. To get one, it would be two exams
costing five thousand dollars. Assuming that is that I passed the first time, then I don't think I'd have much of a chance getting into anesthetics in a foreign country. He has spent ten years working his way up the hierarchy of a jewelry store company where he is now the top manager. He's moved twice to open new stores for them. Apparently there is very few jewry suppliers for the stores, like the wholesales I assume in Canada, and his dad owns one of them. And this guy plans
to work for his dad eventually. This work opportunity for him sounds like it is potentially a multi million dollar opportunity, So it's going to be incredibly difficult for either of us to move. It feels like one of us will take a massive step back in our careers that we will never overcome.
What should I do? Do we need to give up?
Now?
We are both on the same page that we've never had a connection like this before, and I truly think he could be my penguin. We've been spending hours on the phone every day since we met, and we want to make it work. But how I don't know how to ask for one of us to make the ultimate sacrifice when we are both so career driven. Who should sacrifice their career to move for long distance love?
This is so hard but also not hot.
But it's like I can't even relate.
No, I mean, this is my dire life. Yeah, I know I read this and I just felt everything that you're feeling, and I know how it feels. But what I do want to say is, for me, this one's a little bit more more obvious. There is not one part of me that thinks you should give up your career to go and move and be with him. And I say that because not all careers are equal. And this is because if you get onto the anesthetics program, which you've studied for, it's like another eight years of
trying to study, do your exams. That's if you get on straight away, do your residencies, become a consultant, like that is your whole life. You've dedicated and you've even said that, You've said I've dedicated my whole life. You've looked into going, so you are willing to. But if it's going to be detrimental to your career at this point, I would be looking for a different option.
Now.
I don't want to diminish this guy's career by any means, but from the information you've given me, I just think he has more leniency to come here for a little while. If it's a family business, I'm sure he can talk to his dad in some capacity and say, hey, I could have met the love of my life, like she could be the one. You guys need to spend some time together and figure out if it's even a thing, because like we all know, a month, look, I married
the guy I met for three days. I get that, but that very well could have gone down the gurgler and not been something like you do have to put in the time to try and see if it is it. I would be going down the track of trying to see if he can make his move to Australia work, or if not, if he can just travel in between a little bit more, because you can't travel anyone that knows what it's like when you are at the stages
you are of your study and a doctor. You don't get time to just duck over every couple of weeks to Canada. It doesn't look like that. You barely get a fucking day off. So I would be saying, can he work around it? Does he have any leniency with his dad's like it's his family's business. Maybe he can come back in a couple of years and you can move back. I tried to go and work in Canada. My sister and I and it to get the medical license.
Some countries you just go over, you pay the fee and you can start working.
Right.
You think medicine is medicine wherever in the world. Canada's laws are so hard, like there's so many exams, you sit, it's so expensive that we ended up. I'm just going and doing nothing. My sister was a bellboy, Like we just said, hey, too hard, basket, which is going to work. So I totally get it, but I don't want to say give up on the relationship either. If you do
think it is it. But I would be so upset for you if you gave up all your hard work to get to this position now without one hundred percent knowing if this is your person.
I think I disagree with you slightly in this because when you say not all careers are built the same, I think what you're saying is that then there's a hierarchy in terms of importance.
And I don't think I don't mean importance. I mean with your ability to travel, Like some careers can travel, hers cannot totally.
But it depends on what the career is that he has and the opportunity he has in where he's worked he's also spent ten years working his way up the hierarchy of this juristal company where he is now their top manager.
That's important to him, and.
That's something that is of a priority to him that he's communicating, and it's something that he has spent a decade being ambitious and working towards. I think it's unfair to expect that he would give that up just because his is not in a medical field and yours is. Absolutely some have the flexibility to travel. I don't think, by the sounds of the way that this question was framed,
that this man works for his dad. He works in a company that his dad owns one of the businesses of with the intention that in the future he will work in his dad's company. But you also said he spent ten years of his life working his way up the hierarchy of a jewelry store company where he's now
their top manager. I understand why he doesn't want to make that sacrifice either, And I guess my feeling towards this is I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone when neither of us are willing to sacrifice, because that's the thing that you have to probably get to the bottom of if you can't and you won't and you're not able to, and he's also saying he can't and he won't and he's not able to, regardless of whether you think he's able to, regardless of whether you think
he should be the one to move, if he's not willing to make those sacrifices or you know, isn't able to because his career is something that's so important to him, then I'm kind of am curious as to why you would put all of the time and energy into it. I know, well, like brit when we've had this conversations about it being about you, like your career is different. You know, if there's going to be someone who's going
to move, it would be you. Of course it would come with sacrifices, but you would still be able to do a lot of the things that we do here from overseas. I don't know if this is the same situation, and I know that you've said that it's going to cost five thousand dollars and there's all of these caveats. I do think that very very big and deep chats
should be had. It's great to spend, you know, so much time on the phone, talking but figuring out like if it's a possibility between the two of you, because I don't think it's fair for any one of us to sit here and say who should sacrifice their career to move long distance, because I don't think it's just about career. It's sacrificing your family, it's sacrificing your stability, it's sacrificing your friendship groups, it's sacrificing living in a
completely different country. And the thing is is that in order for this relationship to work, one person has to be willing to make that sacrifice, and it sounds like at the moment neither of you are, So I don't know whether it is worth the emotional investment. But that's just how I would rather have those conversations upfront and figure out whether it's a possibility, because you've made it really clear in your question that that's just simply not a possibility for you.
So you're expecting a lot of him.
The thing is, every relationship, long distance or not, every single relationship has sacrificed. There's no such thing as a relationship without sacrifice. In the day to day, in the parenting, with work, with moves, with everything there's definitely more sacrifice from somebody in a long distance relationship, without doubt, and one of you does have to be okay to do it. I just don't think in this situation, and I mean
we only know what you've told us. I don't think in this situation it is the right thing for you to do, to go now, unless you know that it is something solid and real. Because if you go there and you see the exams, you spend ten to fifteen thousand dollars if you part them, and then you start in a new country your medical training, then something goes south and he says, you know what. Not for me, you're stuck on a program in another country with people
you don't know. I'd be trying to spend some more time together. Whether he can come to you in the interim for a holiday. You definitely need to spend more time than two weeks on Kentiqi, because I get why there's chemistry after two weeks in KENTICKI, like, I've been there. I get it, But I would be then having those conversations. Yes, it sounds like you can go. It's not easy. You do have to sit exams and it is a lot of money. I would be asking him to pay half
of that as well. Everything's half like if you're going to make that sacrifice, But I would also be having bigger conversations about what it would look like for both of you to do it. So write down and chat about what it looks like for you to do it, What has to happen, what has to be in place, what wheels are in motion, what sacrifice there is will put your career back, do the same for him? Maybe, and this is what Ben and I talk about, but
maybe there is an opportunity for both. Maybe in some world he can come here now for a couple of years, and then when I'm like more locked in my career, we can go over there, and then maybe you can be a doctor in Canada. But at the end of the day, if you both come and say, well, I'm not moving and I'm not moving, you either are going to be in a relationship that has no end date, which is no point if you're not seeing each other
and you're not working towards the future. It's okay if you're in long distance, but you're working towards the same thing. But if you guys can't get on the page of what you're even working towards. Yeah, I would probably be cutting my losses.
If you were willing to do that, then the cost of doing that is absolute parody. Like he's he needs to show the commitment to the sacrifices that are being made as well. I think that when you are doing and navigating a long distance relationship like this, look, go over there, have a holiday. He can come here for a holiday. See if there's actually some sort of stability and reality to it.
Yeah, when you're not on cantique.
Is that even going to be like necessarily enough, like you know, going on a two week trip.
I mean it was for you, Britt. Is that going to be the case for everyone? I don't know.
Some people live with a partner for five years and it's not enough.
If you don't know, you don't know. But I think that that part of it's worth a try. My only thing though, is when you're in a long distance relationship like this, big conversations have to happen earlier and the sooner that you can have those big conversations where maybe the answers aren't the answers you want to hear, but you need to hear them in order to progress or make decisions. I think, don't shy away from this conversation you're having with us, have it with him. Like you
can have that conversation with him. It's not overbearing, it's not too much because you're both trying to figure out how it could be possible for your.
Life to work.
And if he turns around and says, I'd love you to come here for a holiday, but I want you to know there's absolutely no possibility that I'm ever going to move to Australia or could ever move to Australia, well then you know, you know who's going to have to make the sacrifice. But I don't think it's fair to assume that he would be the person to do that when he's saying he's spent a decade of his life working towards something that's clearly really important to him.
You know, with Ben and I we had that conversation both ways where I said, well, well, look like if I come to you, and what does it look like if you come to him? He looked into coming here, but you can't just come. There's X amount of teams that sign positions for three years and they're in contracts and if there's not a spot for you. There's not a spot for you. So when I say not all
careers are created equal, that's what I mean. No one's more important in their career, Like you can't say that, but some careers physically are not malleable enough to be able to pick up and take somewhere else. The only other thing I want to say, and it's like contradictory to everything that I did. I know, but you don't know if he's a man of your dreams after a two week Wintiqui. And he very well could be. But it's really easy to get caught up in the chemistry and.
The love and excitement.
And I know you've been speaking every day for an hour, but they are the moments where you are getting the best of somebody, and so I don't want you to get caught up. He might have everything you need on paper, but you just won't know until he spend a bit more time with him.
I have a very specific to you bit of advice, and from what I'm gathering, it sound to me as though you're not yet on the scheme program of Anaesthetics, which is the program that you go on to. It's usually about four to five years where you specialize and then you become a n necestist. Right, I would actually go right now to your supervisor of training or whoever looks after that particular part of the hospital that you're
working at. I would have a conversation with them and just float the idea of, like, do you have any good relationships with anyone in Canada of the place that you actually do want to move to to be with this person, and just suss out what their medical programs are like, because yes, it will mean that you basically will have to take a one to maybe two year step back because you're going to have to sit these exams rebuild those relationships in another country. But Canada has
fantastic medicine. It's not like it would be a detrimental move for your career long term to be training over there, and you could get onto a program over there, and you could be as happy as Larry. I know people who have gone over and done fellowships over in Canada. The medicine is fantastic, and you know, maybe that could
be something that you could actually look into. I think it would be better for you to make that decision now before you're on the program before you're locked in to four years here in Australia.
The only thing is Kesh with that is it's the same thing brit said. You're then locked into a program there. The relationship doesn't work out, you're stuck there with no family, no friends and support, no boyfriend, no nothing, and you're the one who made the sacrifice.
I think you would have to make that move knowing that you wouldn't be resentful if you did end up on a program there and things didn't.
It's hard, but I just don't think she should move. I just I just don't think she should even like I know you just said, Keysh. You know it might be a step back of a couple of years. That's fucking huge as a woman. And I say as a woman because two years as a woman step back is huge if you have a biological clock and you want to have kids, and like another two years onto like
eight to twelve years of training is so big. I just would be thinking very carefully before I made any move, and I would be seeing if he can come here for a holiday first. Let him come here and spend some time together and make your decision. Unless you have holidays coming up one of you needs to commit to spending some time together. But it's fucking hard. Man. I feel Sophie falling in love with someone on the other
side of the world. Don't recommend. I know I've got a husband on there, best thing to happen to me, but it's not been easy. Like it has not been easy.
Well, guys, that is it from USK.
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