Ask Uncut - A Posh Wank Or Is He Cheating?

Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land.

This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.

Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.

I'm Brittany and I'm Keisha, and producer Keish is feeling for Laura today.

We know Laura's been going through a lot of personal stuff the last couple of months, so she is having a few days with herself and her family. But we love having you, Keish, So welcome to therapy Thursday.

Ask Uncut, where we unpack your deep, dark, dirty, and burning. I don't even know what the tag you think new questions, Yeah, dilemmas. We should we get a literation deep dark, dirty dilemmas.

I mean we're five years deep and we haven't done that, but we can update it us.

Thank you. I would appreciate.

Hey, Okay, you just did something that rocks to me, shocked me to my core.

You sat down and we're about to record. You were chewing chewing gum and I was like, keeh, you can't chew chewing gum on the record. No one wants to hear that for an hour, and you were like, no worries.

And swallowed it. I'm like, what kind of a sociopowse swallows chewing gum.

It's not my choice. You made a choice to do.

No, you actually made the choice you had. You had a choice to spit it out or swallow it. It's fair, yes, the whole if you swallow it stays in your guart for seven years.

Not true.

I don't know who started the rumor. I don't know why it took off so much.

It's one of those myths that hes around as like at school.

I mean, I can't imagine it being good for you.

I'm not recommending, but prior to the recording, I had done a couple of things that just took up a bit of extra time, and I was like.

We just need to we need to get started. We got lots to do today.

What things did you do that took up time? Keisha, I don't want to talk about it.

You had to go find an empty toilet block so you could do a poop because you tried to do one poop, you got poop anxiety. Poop anxiety because someone was in a cubicle next year, so she had to go out of the building to like another level. She had to take a swine card go up three levels till she found it him to cubicle so she could take a dump.

Just do it.

The amount of poop talk on the podcast makes me uncomfortable.

It's crazy how much poop anxiety you and Laura get.

We get it very differently, though.

She would have had no problem with the fact that someone else is in the cubicle next to us, but they're like, over my dead body. Would I comfortably sit next to someone who I don't know who it is? I don't know if I'd be more comfortable with an anonymous person or with a friend. What if it was me, I don't know.

I couldn't.

I'd feel more comfortable with you than most other people.

But Laura's made me leave the bathroom before. She's like quick is brah, And then I'm like washing my hands, and I'm.

Like, okay, you know, I just it's a step in the right direction.

Because I used to be the type of person when I would first start dating a boy, I could hold it for three days.

Woo.

That is equally on par with swallowing you chewing gum for how unhealthy that is for you.

He just wasn't comfortable, Like it just wasn't comfortable.

They would have to not be in the house, and even then I'd be like, that was still no.

Do you know one time you've just made me remember this. I can't even gonna say this. I remember when I first started dating my ex. It's like I've Baltimore, Like I can't use his name, Jordan, he must not be named. No, he's great whatever when we first started dating.

No, he's great. Everything's fine, I have we have really good marriages. It's great.

X send in love.

I was living right across from the beach, but I lived in a tiny, like one bedroom apartment with a tiny kitchen. Keisha lived there for a while, so she knows. It had one bathroom, one bedroom.

And the bathroom was right next to the bedroom, same.

Thin acoustics thing.

And the house was so small that if you did do something that may have smells, it would have stung the house out.

Anyway.

I remember, I was like he was just living at my house, like we were inseparable.

Great, but I was like, oh my god, I need to go so bad. What am I going to do?

So I pretend I was like, I'm gonna go pick up something to eat from the shops, and he was.

Like, oh come.

I was like, dah, you just chill, I'll go anyway. I literally ran across the road to a public toilet.

I went to find a public toilet rather than at the start and use my own bathroom.

That is how much anxiety I had at the start.

I think that's the most relatable thing I've ever heard in my life.

It takes a long time to be comfortable. I'll never be comfortable with door open situation, like never ever, That's not for me. But I feel like it's a step in the right direction that I'm now. I mean, I don't know if it's that I'm able to go at work. So anyway, Yeah, I chose to go to the well.

Back to the chewing gum. It is a myth that it stands in your stomach for seven years, but it's not a myth that it's actually really bad for you. So it doesn't ever break down. It will not break down.

It stays in there like corn straight through.

Well, it doesn't go straight through, but it does move very slowly through and then it does just get excreted.

But in children, I don't know why I'm going so indepth into this, but in children it has been known to like block their bowl passage and it can be like really severe.

So I think the myth starts so that kids don't do it. Anyway, Probably good, let's move on.

That's people come here for the education.

Far too much about our lives.

Well, I wanted to tell you something really serious that happened to me last night. And this is not a joke.

But I could have died last night. And I'm not exaggerating, And this is like a warning to people.

This isn't a haha.

This is not a haha.

I literally feel like a message. Ben I said, I think I could have died last night. Like that's how close I think I was.

So my house is really cold. I've talked to you guys about that before. Like I don't have heating in the house, and I'm always wearing jumpers. It's not insulated. Well, it's freezing, so I do have heaters.

I have a heater in my room because I've freeze to death at night, and I have a heater in the lound room. Anyway, I always put the heater on for a couple of hours in my room before to heat it up.

And then I turn it off. And so last night I woke up because I was cold, so I put the heater on. It's right next to my bed. I don't even have to get out of bed. I lean over and just put it on at the wall at the soccer. So I put it on, and I was like, I'll leave it on for an hour or so and then I'll turn it off, just sort re heats.

What type of heater is it.

It's just a little portable heater like it's actually one Ben bought me. Then this not I'm not blaming.

Ben, but Ben, you could have killed me.

I'm not blaming Ben. But if I'm blaming anyone, it's Ben.

But its air, like an electric one, not gas. No, yeah, you just plug it in electric. It heats so well. And I've had it for months and months.

It's fine.

So I lean over put it on and then go back to bed. And then I am woken at about two in the morning. My smell woke me up, and I'm lucky I'm a semi light sleeper. The smell woke me up and I opened my eyes and I was like, something is wrong. My whole room was smoke and I looked down next to the bed flames like I'll.

Show you the photo.

I was like, I'm about to dinifire, like it was about I reckon if.

I was, So, this is the wall socket like it was. It's burnt. The wall socket is burnt right next to my bed.

It's like it's almost as a candle out. Yeah, all the care and all dust goes over the lid. It looks like that on the socket.

It's all black smoke. The plug is completely melted. So flames were coming out. Flames were out right next to my head.

The room was full of.

Smoke, and I was like, oh my god, I just I don't even it was black and like the light went on and I just ripped the plug out of.

The wall, picked it up, threw it into the bathroom. Because my room is all carpet and bedding and stuff. I was like, the pouse is going to burn down. Threw it into the bathroom tiles, and then my bath mat was there. So I got the bath mat and just soaked it. This is in seconds in a black I don't even know how I was operated and dropped.

To the bath mat on top of smother, just to smother what was the flames that were there, just to put it out. And I was like my heart was beating, and I thought if I didn't wake up because of the smell, my room would have been on fire, like seconds away from disaster.

That is a terrifying situation.

Yeah, And I could not believe my whole house from that tiny little socket smells of It's like a fire has been in there. Like I cannot get the less. I could not get the smell out. So I've turned all like the power off. I'm gonna get the electrician and to come and check the sockets.

But I don't even know what my warning is here, Like I don't even know there's not a warning, but I guess it actually, I guess it is.

I guess it's like don't leave those kind of heaters on through the night, yeah, because that could happen.

But I mean, like.

You're in situations where it's like, what's the alternative? Your house is fucking freezing? You want to be warm enough to actually like be comfortable. It's the housing standards in Australia are actually cooked, Like it's actually not reasonable.

And not cooked like hot. Yeah, like your heart is on fire.

Do you know what? Though?

The only thing I'm very grateful for in that situation that I have sleeping issues, and I know it's that it wasn't the heater out in the land room near Delilah. Oh.

I thought the same thing. I would never leave that on.

But the other thing, I took a sleeping tablet last night because I do have trouble sleeping, so I had taken a sleeping tablet.

Imagine if that's how potent the fire smell was. So I'm so so lucky.

But you hear, unfortunately, you hear fires that electrical fires in a home, you know, over Christmas time, you always hear it's Christmas lights or it's it's the extra things that are plugged in.

So just be careful. That's my how are you? Did you nearly die last night?

I didn't. I had a wonderful sleep. I got one hundred percent on my sleep score. You said that no one really cares about that. I disagree. I had a great sleep, And I'm really sorry that.

That story has absolutely rocked me because that is fucking terrifying.

I love that I'm putting fire out at nine you have one hundred percent sleeps.

I got kudos from my Whoop app. It's wonderful. I'm feeling great.

But something did happen to me yesterday afternoon, and I thought back to the episode that you and Laura recorded of as gun Cut last week that we got a lot of feedback about. So it was the question where there were a couple they had a click and collect the director boot order for their groceries, right and they went to the store and I think because of the Microsoft outage, like things hadn't been processed properly.

So they collected their groceries.

They got home and they got this notification saying that they would get a re fund for their order because it wasn't able to be processed.

But they already got their order.

They'd already got it, and.

So they were having this debate between them where her partner was saying, we should tell them, and we should you know, own up to the fact that we did get them and we should pay for them.

She was saying, I think we should just take the.

Win because they're struggling farmers. They've been in drought.

I almost don't even know if those factors matter.

Time, it does matter. I think those factors mean a lot.

I was kind of seeing and.

I was like, I wouldn't even batter a single eyelash to this, which was the feedback that we got from most people being like, grocery stores are not the little dog in this scenario. If it was a small business, probably would have felt differently. So overwhelming feedback was that most people were like me. So last night, I'm at the grocery store down the road from my house.

Oh, here we go, TI. She's gonna blame master of a tight ass.

You know the reduced items.

Always go through those because I'm like, if it's something that I actually need, yeah, I'll get the reduced one.

Going to use it tonight, no worries. There was a packet of chicken.

Breast and it was reduced because you had to use it by tomorrow, and.

I was like, that's not a problem. I'm cooking this tonight.

So I had a reduce sticker on it and I got to the counter and I went through self serve and I scanned it and it came up as zero dollars and four cents, and I was like, winning, But that's that's not stealing for you, because that's you scanned the barcode, that's the price of it.

That's the price.

Absolutely, the actual price on the sticker was eight dollars and eighty cents or something like that, right, So you put it in my way for it, put it in my little bag in the self serve checkout where it weighs it, and.

It comes up with their like, oh you haven't bagged the item, blah blah blah. And I was like, you know, kip bagging, skip.

Click a board, get out, because the anxiety that the checkout person is going to come and actually go through and compare what you've scared.

It's exactly what happened.

And I was like, I don't know, I don't know why, Like you know, I'm playing by the rules, scanning your way. And he looked at it, and he looked in the bag and I was like, that's the chicken.

And he looked and then he saw the price. Anyway.

I was like, mate, just let me play on. It's scanned as chicken. It's not my fault. It's been put in as the wrong price. I didn't say this, I was thinking it in my head. I was just trying to get away with eight dollars. Anyway, this ended up in a three minute debacle, three staff members trying to avoid the price, and I was like, it wasn't even worth the reduction in the chicken.

It wasn't worth the four set.

No, they made me pay the full price.

They entered it as like a miscellaneous sale, and I was like, you're not a person of the people.

Okay, well, I think this is on you.

I don't know, because you should have when you put it in the basket to be weighed, you have to hold it up a bit so it doesn't know the actual word because obviously it thought it was like an apple or something.

No, it came up as chicken breast. It came up as like it.

I think that when they entered it into the system as the reduced price, they'd put it in wrong.

And I don't know how to system worked out that.

I don't know how it happened, but it ended up wasting me time and money.

Well not wasting money, because you paid what it was supposed to be. Do you know. I was genuinely.

Surprised from the feedback that we got on that ask gun cut that you guys were far too virtuous. Well, I say that because I genuinely thought more people would.

And I said this off camera, like when we were discussing it.

I said, oh, I think the majority of people would take this back and do the right thing, or at least feel extremely guilty, like.

It's take it, but at least have that.

Little smidja guilt like you throw the guilt in on the side.

But they weren't you mother buckers.

You were like steal that, steal your groceries. You wasn't stealing it was their stuff.

You own that, But I was, I mean, all for it. You all gave your valid reasons.

I'm not here to judge anyone except to say that I was semi shook us to the core.

I wasn't shocked at all.

I would not feel gill and I want my chicken for four cents ago.

The overarching feedback was if it was a small business, that people would take it back, but they could not care less about the big conglomerate switch.

Fair.

All right, let's get into the vibes your dirty little thieves. This week. I'm gonna vibe. And I decided to like really lean into it.

I have done my hair with the curls. The curls that you've all been talking about. No one's been talking about it. The curls that I have been rocking the last week or two. And I do get a lot of d MS about it. So you saw, if you're following me on Instagram, I tried out these heatless curls in my hair that you sleep in, and I sort of was knocking them. I was like, this is ridiculous, this is not going to work, Like, how do people sleep in this?

Anyway? I'm obsessed.

Is it worth not having my night sleep? Yes?

Is it worth almost signing a fire in my room? Because I did have the.

Curls that's what saved you. Maybe you should be thanking.

The heatless curl No, if anything, it's material. If a flame got onto that heatless curl in my head, my hair would be I mean, I'd have more worries and cares.

Flammable anyway it is?

Yeah, I have burnt my hair before on a candle, so I can confirm that it's flammable. So you can get these heatless material curls anywhere, right, Like, there's so many brands. I originally found it by just googling them online. Found one on Amazon or something.

But I've got one from Mermaid Hair. You can get them from literally like any Yeah.

But the difference with mine is it has four I'm gonna call them like doodles almost because they's like tentacle tentacles, thank you, bit nicer.

So you put like a comb.

It's like got a little tiny comb that you put in the front of your head at your hairline, and you split your hair and you literally just semi dry your hair almost dry, wrap them around, put them up. I put them in a bunch on my head and so I can sleep better. Take them out in the morning, and your curls are incredible. My particular one is called Bouncy Blowband. That's where I got it from. They've got loads of hair stuff on there.

But that's it. Four tentacles. You can do. Two tentacles My vibes for the week.

And I'm saying clarial because I'm gonna quickly put one in here because Laura's not here. So the first one is an episode of Modern Wisdom.

It is the.

Podcast by Chris Williamson who is to Australia soon.

I love how many times you have planted seeds like your Vibes are someone that you want to speak to.

Okay, guys, it's in the works.

He's coming to Australia and we are in the process of securing an interview with him.

He's one of the biggest podcasts in the world. He's originally from Love Island.

But he has his podcast Modern Wisdom. It is one of the world leading podcasts. He has a particular episode really recent. It came out like a day and a half ago. It is with Andrew Wilkinson and it's called how to Stop Feeling like your success is Never enough.

The goalpost keeps moving.

Yeah, it's pretty far in the like self help. If you're into that type of stuff, you will like it. If you're not into it, you'll probably find it a bit of a drag because it's a long episode.

It goes for like two hours or something like that.

But I also don't per personally as a podcast and someone that consumes a lot of podcasts the time. Like the length of a podcast doesn't bother me. Like when I see.

A podcast that could go for two plus hours, it doesn't turn me off because I don't need to listen to it only one. Like I'll happily start it, go for half an hour, walk, and then pick it up the next day. Yeah, but I know a lot of people don't it almost. I think it depends on your listening habits. I think it depends if you're the type of person who listens while you commute, or whether you do the dog walk, or for me, I mean, I'm such a consumer of content through audio mediums, so I

I'm going to tell you you do not need this.

It is a want so a couple of weeks ago and leading up until I got this because we wear headphones, Like I wear headphones so much, because after we record the podcast.

I then go and edit, and I edit a lot.

And I want to make this really clear, we wear road headphones when we record. I'm not speaking about these ones. I'm speaking about another pair that I had. I was getting really bad headaches because the pressure of where the headband sits on my head too much. I don't know, Like, no matter how much I adjusted it, it was just giving me really, really, really bad headaches. I tried on my friend Soave's headphones at one point, and I was like, what is this luxury? How if I never felt this before?

Oh god, how much they retail.

For eight hundred and ninety nine dollars.

That's an expensive headphone.

So to be clear, these are not earbud AirPods. They're the ones that go over your head the headband type right, and they see over your ears.

They are the most comfortable things I've ever had in my life.

I am now wearing them by choice, like I've switched out my AirPods, the ones that like I put into my ears, and I have just been wearing them.

The sound quality is obviously very very good.

That's not why I purchased them. I purchased them because of the comfort. So I feel like for me, I can justify it because persontly tax right off.

Second, I was about to say it's a tax deduction, but also there'd be a lot of people out there that would not be wearing headphones for the length of time that you are, So I think it's more to those people that are like excessive headphone uses.

But I do think that people wear them more now, like people who work from home a lot. If they've got meetings and that kind of thing, they have to wear headphones. It's, you know, to block out the sound that's around them and whatever. But yeah, if you are in the market for a really good, really comfortable pair of headphones, I highly recommend to the Apple AirPod Max. I did get them on a fifteen percent off sale, so you can get them on sale every now and then.

Buggin.

Firstly, I don't want anyone to be like, this.

Is the most unrelatable thing you've just spoken about, trying to get chicken for four cents.

Well, this is why, because it's all about balance. This is why you can't eat this week.

Hey, let's get into the questions.

A few years ago, when I was around seven months pregnant, I noticed a condom missing from the pack. The only reason I noticed this was because we don't use condoms and had only been using them while we were going through fertility treatment, and we were advised to use them prior to egg collection an embryo transfer.

So that is a thing like when you are doing your egg transfers and stuff, you.

Have to wear condoms.

You have to be really really careful because you don't want to be implanted with an embryo like you don't want to conceive at the same time. Basically, I confronted my husband about it, and he said he just likes to wear them when he relieves himself because he likes the feeling of it. Fast forward to now and we have been trying for a second baby for almost nine months. We have embryos frozen, so I've decided to go through fertility treatment again. We have been advised to use condoms

So many things are running through my head.

A few hours passed and a comment was made and we ended up talking about it. He told me again that he liked the feeling of ejaculating in a condom and that I had nothing to worry about. My sex drive has been very low the last few months because we're trying for a baby and sex now feels like a chore. He doesn't want to push me or put any pressure, so he says he finds the need to relieve himself, which I do understand. I explained to him

What the fuck? Okay the show she said, what the fuck?

Not me. My initial thoughts on this were very, very very different to when I spoke to my boyfriend about this last night, because I was like, hmm, male opinion.

My initial opinion was I would also be suspicious as anything. This sounds really clear that perhaps something odd is going on.

Oh yeah, my brain would have jumped straight to like he's doing the dirty.

I mean, there's kind of a few factors, more condoms than what you expected to be missing, different packets, staying.

Away for work, like having him in your bag.

I would have been like, oh, the writing kind of sounds like it's on the wall. My boyfriend had a very very different opinion, and he was like, yeah, it's called a poshwink, and I.

Was like, it's called a what is that?

The technical name Okay, so I've googled, Sorry, I've urban diction read it.

Is that a verb?

Yeah?

It says to wang using a condom. It then says number two or if you're really posh, you get your butler to do it.

Kind of gross.

I don't think they have a butler.

Okay, So poshwank is apparently a thing, And I mean, I don't want to yuck anyone's yum.

But we hear all the time that guy's like, well, it doesn't feel good when I've got a condom one.

And for whatever knows reason, Yeah, but apparently it is a thing, So it is possible that your husband actually does like the feeling of it. Also, if he is doing it while he's staying in way, like at someone else's house.

Well don't be doing it at your friend's house.

I kind of feel like this is a respectful version of it because the cleanup's easy.

It is hands down. If you were to masturbate at a friend's house.

Yes, it's respectful, but it is not respectful to masturbate at a friend's house. You reckon no, especially if you're only going there to stay for one night. It's like you've got a sick fetish that you're saving it up for the friend's house. If you are going to stay a friend's house for one night a month or whatever it is, why are you banking your wank friends out? Like maybe because he feels more comfortable just doing it when you know he's partners.

Like, I don't know, I don't know if I understand, I do understand. I want to say, like, I get that some people masturbate into a condom for cleanliness, totally get that. And if that's your thing, that's fine. And it does sound like he's not doing anything else that's giving you a red flag. There's no other reason for

Because if he likes the feeling so much.

We don't know if sex and masturbation are the same, though.

And I don't know either. That's why I'm posing the question. I'm not a man, I don't have a penis and I've never jacked off myself like that, so.

I don't know, do you know?

I would almost be asking, And maybe I'll do a round of male friends. I'll ask a bunch of my male friends and we'll report back next week.

But maybe you should ask. If you have some male friends that are close to you that you trust and you respect their opinion, et cetera, maybe ask them say, is this something that maybe you don't do it, but maybe other men do it because a lot of men, even if they don't do something, they know the trends that other men are doing. They know if something is.

Yeah, I get what you mean.

I mean, it's kind of one of those things though, if it's like if it's not normal and putting that in quotation marks, does it matter like he might like it.

It's kind of one of those things.

And it's like, well, I think, firstly, I want to validate you in the sense that I don't think you're crazy, and I also don't think it's your hormones that are making you think that this is suspicious behavior. Like I think anyone in this situation would be a little bit raising their eyebrows going this seems odd.

You know this seems unusual.

I think it's gonna have to be one of those things that you accept his answer for what he said, and you accept that maybe that's how he does like to pleasure himself, and that's fine if it is. You know, he's not doing anything wrong, as you've said, and maybe just look for other signs. I don't I don't want

It's just the sporadic few.

So she's like, more haven't been used, and also he hasn't said he's bought Moore so that's more of a red flag if it's just a few for me. But there's nothing that you can do in this situation at the end of the day, Like this is your husband and you have to either trust what he's saying or not trust what he's saying, and the conversation has to happen. But if he's giving you no other reason, I think you have to take it at face value and take

Don't you know, And they're in the position where she's about to have a second embryo transferred.

Yeah, but you're definitely not Also what Keisha said, like you're definitely not overreacting or anything like that.

Like, these are all very valid.

I would do exactly the same thing if I saw Ben had condoms in his.

Bag knowing we don't use them.

Yeah, and he stayed away a couple of nights and he was going away a few nights a week or something like that, I'd be.

Like, and he smelt like women's perfume.

Yeah, Like that's the one thing that I want to be careful saying, Like if it were me, I think it would kind of made me put a bit of a magnifying glass on some of the other behaviors. But that's such a negative place to be in your relationship. Like it's when you've planted that seed of suspicion.

I feel as though you look for things.

That otherwise you wouldn't and it can be such a poison in your relationship. So you're in a really, really tricky position. But I think play on for now and maybe just keep your wits about you for other behaviors that don't quite add up, and maybe you'll ask questions about those a little sooner than what you otherwise would have. Yeah, alrighty question number two. I've got a friend who seems

We've never had an ick in a friendship before? Come into lifeln gerd. I've actually don't think I've ever had an ick in a friendship, have you?

Yeah?

I've had friendships deteriorate, but for different reasons, not because like the ick for me, I relate to a relationship where you're like, don't kiss me, don't touch me. The thought of your tongue in my mouth or in any crevice is disgusting. But for a friendship, I've never had that revulsion.

Before, you know, Yeah, for.

Me, I don't think it's revulsion. I think it's actually get to the limit of your exhaustion. And I've been in a similar.

Situation to this before.

The reason that I got to that point was because these chaotic stories, they can be very fun, but they can become almost like you feel as though in the relationship, the person is coming to you and they're telling you the stories, and they're so large.

And full of emotion and like it's so hectic that you're like whoa, Like that's a lot.

And when that happens time after time after time, you can be put in this position where you're like, I'm not your therapist, Like I'm not your therapist and I'm not here to kind of unpack the ins and outs of this.

Over and over and over and over.

And it kind of depends on whether they're telling you these stories because they think they're funny or because they want your advice and they kind of want to vent to you because I do think that there's a limit to how much you can kind of tolerate just as a bystander in the situation.

Does that make sense, Yeah, I think what it.

Is for me is it's really frustrating when you hear a friend that might always be the victim in something when you know they're not actually the victim. That's what this screams to me, Like, she's like, you know, it never works out.

It's me, I'm the common denominator.

But you have given them the same advice over and over again, and you've watched them do the same thing over and over again.

That's when it's frustrating.

That's when it's like, I don't know what to fucking tell you anymore, Like you want this, That's when it gets really hard.

And maybe she does want it.

Maybe she is thriving off that and that's something that she needs to unpack. Maybe she's actually commitment avoidant. And a lot of people We've spoken about this so many times, but a lot of people feel like they need that in a relationship to feel alive or to feel like that the relationships worth fighting for, you know, it's just love. This chaos and this roller coaster is because we have so much chemistry and we love each other so much, and like it's bullshit.

We all know that that's bullshit. We've unpacked that enough to know that interestingly. And I really want to sit in this point for a bit, and I'm speaking before anyone kind of comes to me and is like, how do you say this? I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who has experienced this and has.

A variety of psychiatric conditions.

I found crazy, Kisha, well literally though It's been really interesting for me since being diagnosed a medicaid for ADHD, looking back on some of my past relationship and dating experiences, I had absolutely no awareness how much I chased a dopamine hit in relationships. It made me so impulsive, it made me do things just to feel something.

But I didn't know at the time that that's what it was. I thought that that's just how I was.

And I experienced the highs in relationships and what came.

With that was the very, very down lows.

So I think it can be a very different conversation when you're talking about someone who is not neurochemically balanced.

You know, that's the current theories I've.

Experienced friends do this as well, and I relate to that chaos chasing because it makes you feel so much dopamine at the time, and it sounds a little bit like maybe your friend is someone who does experience a similar thing, and maybe, like me, they didn't have as much awareness of the fact that that's what they were doing and that's why she's chasing these same guys over and over and over again. But you're in the position where you're like, this is exhausting and I don't want

Hookups or whatever.

It is if you are really trying and you are just unlucky and keep meeting dickheads that are treating you

Sometimes they are situational, you know. Sometimes they are for a period. What's that super crazy.

Season or a lifetime?

Yeah, that super crunsyr quote that Laura would have posted a hundred times in her life in every relationship. Yeah, friends are like a season for a reason or a lifetime whatever, you know. And I've had all of them, and I think everyone has had all of them. And I think everyone listening to this right.

Now knows exactly or has had a friend in this situation before. I do think you talked to her before you just abort mission that. I think you can say you're the problem, it's not me.

If you actually can say that, like if she knows that too, and she's talking about it, you have to say, like this is this is going to keep happening to you as long as you're aware, this will keep happening over and over if you keep doing the same behavior over and over and then it doesn't have to be a big friend breakup.

But you can easily just pull back and not be as available.

Like that's fine, Like, hey, we're adults now, everyone has busy lives. He can say, hey, not available this week anymore. Maybe catch you So maybe you catch ups a bit more sporadic.

But at the end of the day, fuck no, it doesn't make you a bad friend.

I think the only caveat that I want you to be a little bit aware of is whether you're projecting your own desires for relationship standards onto the other person. And what I mean by that is, does this person want a long term relationship but they're acting super chaotic, they're accepting really toxic behavior. They're also doing really toxic behavior, and they're wanting this fairy tale outcome.

That's incongruent.

But if they want to just be having fun and dating and like, they don't want anything serious and they don't want anything long term, then you kind of expecting that that's what they want for their own life and judging that choice and their behaviors towards it probably isn't the right thing either.

Yeah, but she does say she loves like the girl says she loves red flags. Yeah, like she's in her red flag era. Go queen, We've all had our red flag era, but you.

Might be weren't aware that that's what it was.

But it's hard.

It's hard when you're in your red flag era and everyone around you's in the green flag era, Like when you've come through the cyclone of the red flag era and you're out the other end.

It's hard to be in different places.

So let her do a thing, if that's what she's frothing, then like, that's on her as long as as long as she's happy in it.

But seems weird.

To be happy in the red flag era.

Some people get highs from it, like sometimes you get the thrill from it, and I think that you kind of hit the nail on the head. It depends on whether she is making herself the victim in these situations and whether she's making out that all this behavior is happening to her she's so unlucky. Yes, she's not really taking any accountability. To me, it screams of the type of person who's like, I just didn't feel the spark for anyone who is not super toxic. So it really

But yeah, like you said.

Sporadic, Yeah, sporadic, catchup at a movie where you can't talk jokes, okay. Question number three, My family is going on a big holiday for an entire week. I'm talking about my sisters, their husbands and their kids, my parents and me. Everyone's in like relationships and families. But I'm single. I love you doing the math, thank you.

I'm counting them, like, how many people are we talking?

One of my sisters has been the arranger of the entire trip. It was her idea, so she has booked and budgeted everything and explained how much everything is costing and how it's going to be split. Now it's coming to the crushing time of paying everything and getting close to us all going. But I'm starting to feel as if things haven't been fairly budgeted.

What's your perspective.

We are three sisters helping to pay towards our parents' holiday. However, two of us have partners also contributing this.

Okay, bear with me.

Two of us have partners also contributing to the third expected on each of our behalfs. Then there is me, who has to support the whole third on my own.

There's a lot of mass here.

I'm going to do the math.

So there's sister one with a partner, so that's two people, Sister two with a partner. That's four single sister who's written the question in so that's five plus the parents so seven people. Yeah, but the costs are split between the three sisters.

Yes.

And in those three sisters, two are in a couple, yeah, and one is alone.

Yes.

Okay, I understand.

So her question is is this just the way the cookie crumbles or should this actually be split by five to include my sister's husbands? I I mean, oh, this is just down to the family dynamic, because technically speaking, yes, the husbands are part of the family, But is it their responsibility to be paying when the sisters have said let's cover our parents. I am leaning on Yes, I'm actually lee and I think that this happens not just

And it's split evenly between you and your sibling.

But your siblings in a partnership, and then you've got to get them both birthday presents and Christmas presents, but you only get one in return because it's a joint gifference, like this is feeling very.

Personal from Keisha's behalf.

And sister in the way are very very generous, But I think that this happened. This kind of like splitting of money, happens within more dynamics than what just a holiday would and I can firstly understand why you are a bit miffed about this.

How weever, is.

It split evenly between the five of you to account for the more cost towards your parents?

I don't know.

I don't know if it's one of those situations where it's like an even five because they're your parents and your sister's parents, but they're not their parents.

Well that's why I mean. It depends on the family dynamic, and it also depends on how.

Each individual couple does their finances, because whilst I think the most healthy thing in a relationship is to be sharing your finances, especially if you're married with kids, like what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine? Not everyone does that, but in this case, they're married with kids, So these couples are locked and loaded. They're not newly dating, because if they were newly dating, I'd be like fuck no, like that's not on him, he's just coming to the family,

But I just think it's probably one of those conversations moving forward that you need to have before you lock it in and pay for it, so that you say, hey, I think that you know, you guys might need to put a little bit more in for this reason. Are you guys happy with that? I don't know if it's the conversation you.

Have after the fact, after you've made the plans and everyone's paid, and it's you know, she's paid and it's time to pay up.

I think it's a bit too late to have that conversation. You could have it.

You could pay it now and have the conversation to say, hey, moving forward, I think would you guys be happy if we were splitting it a bit more evenly between.

All of us.

I think it also depends on your relationship with your sisters, because I've just.

Been doing the math in my head. Yeah.

Love that not my strongest point, but I think what would be deemed fair is you work out the cost of the trip in seven portions, because that's each person, and then you split the cost of your parents between the three of you. So you split those two portions by the three of you, and therefore the partners are paying for their share in the holiday, but you guys, as the siblings, are covering the costs of the parents.

Yeah, if that could work ish.

I like that. It is a lot of math, and I don't know whether it's like achievable or if it's realistic, but I do think that in these situations, it's also kind of up to your sisters to acknowledge the fact that that's not fair to you to be split like to be putting in so much more, and you know you're gonna get the ship room.

I was about to say, you're on the fucking trundle. You are on the trundle. You don't have a bathroom, You've got the portal.

You just know that that's a situation that's going to play out.

Well.

It's sort of like the equivalent of if you went to dinner with them and you all paid evenly even.

Though they ate double.

That happens all the time.

Yeah, that's what I mean. But even then, but even then, most of the time, when you're at dinner, you'd be like, well, you guys ate, so you pay doubles, do you like?

I just think when it comes to splitting money, it can be such an.

Awkward situation, and especially if you're not like super tight with your sisters and you don't want to look like you're the stingy one.

Especially if this was like your.

Idea to go on the holiday and you know, shout your parents and kind of have the mixed Like you said, I think it's going to be a hard thing to bring up after the fact.

It wasn't it was the other sister's idea. It was a sister who planned and budgeted. It was her idea, which.

She's quite the genius.

She's the rich one.

She's getting the discave holiday.

She knows what's up. She's gone exactly where she wants to for cheaper.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't think it's fair that you split this by three when there's seven people going and unless you can bring a friend, can you bring a friend and then like you're the friends, Nah, you can't. A friend's not gone on a family holiday with kids and your sister's husbands and your parents.

They're not twelve.

Maybe you want someone there to share the experiences with you.

I'm sure she does want someone there. Keisha thin Ice. That's it from us today.

Guy.

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