ASK UNCUT - A guide to flirting

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.

Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode Life UNKA. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany. How are you Brittany?

It just boggles me.

Hang on, I'm gonna lean know over as we speak to turn my mic up.

It boggles me that we've.

Been doing this for four years and it still takes us so long to set up what we want, like the mic, the levels and everything but going to change.

You seem like you're shocked by this, But like I would have thought that after four years you would have just become used to the fact that we still.

I am shocked because four years is a degree, Like we could have done a degree in this and we still can't figure out the bloody knobs.

If only we had spent more time being productive in our life, not talking about breakups and shit.

How are you on?

Great?

Because it's almost holiday time for me, holiday.

One of us is holiday because you're going to see Ben and therefore it's a holiday.

But with Bay, yeah, I caught holiday and actually you're vomiting your mouth day to each other.

He's like, can't wait for holiday.

Regular bread is fine. Maybe regular Ben not fine.

No, because I've seen regular Ben.

Ben's pretty chill. He's great, He's so chill.

But I read something today that was concerning Actually, I read something in like one of those psychology todays. It's like, if you have more than two orgasms a day, you're like a psychopath or somewhere something that was and I was like, holy shit, do they know what holiday breed is?

Psychopath?

You're allowed to have five orgasms a day when you're visiting your long distance boyfriend.

That's like any honeymoon period, right.

Well, that's why I was concerned, as Holiday brit as psychopath?

Do know? Yeah? Probably maybe?

But also who's maintaining Who is maintaining a two orgasm a day average throughout a law term relationship all like.

Their whole life, like consistently twice a day.

Also, because twice a day is probably not going to be in quick successions, so it's probably gonna be like once in the morning, once at night.

I don't think it's like bang bang, which.

It doesn't mean you have to be having sex, like when we say orgasm, you're doing this to yourself, Like this is all on you.

We have a really good ask on cut surrounding that today actually, but we'll get into the okay, rah, Well before we get into answering.

Oh you're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions. You know the reason why you came here. We'll do what we do every week, which is talk for way too long. First, I have something I need.

To tell you.

I have been duped. I got duped, I got tricked. Okay, okay, I'm that person. You know those people are like, hey, you'll never guess what happened. I'm the person actually tries to guess.

I'm scammed.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of what you would have got duped or scammed on. Not a regular scam, not an Australia post. Hey click the link and add your detail and then I'll take all your money. No, not a scam like that. So okay, recently I moved into a new house. Now, the thing thing that I was likeing this it's beautiful. I was the garden it is it's a Magical fairy Land. I'm sure all the girls in the girls imagination. That is like the fire Away Tree.

Dick and Fanny? What their names would?

I can't believe you didn't read it The Magical Fireway Tree. Hang on, the character's names are Dick and Fanny. I'm sorry, but Moonface and sawcepan head.

People know.

If Roll Dahl wrote a book and the main fucking characters were Dick and Fanny, that guy has some issues.

What was Dick and Fanny were names back then? Fanny was a common name. They may have been names back then. But he knew what he was doing. Oh, In Blighton wasn't a Roll d In Blyton. She was a great kid's book, so Roll Dahl. He didn't write about Dick and Fanny, but Enid.

Was a sick go.

He went on to write some adult romance novels after Dick and Fanny.

It is actually a really great book for you to read the kids. If you haven't read it, it is so so magical. So I'm pretty sure this could be wrong. I'm pretty sure they've had to change names. They've changed names now and like as adults, and they've re hang on Producercations found something. The main characters are Joe, Bessie, and Fanny, but it's been updated to Franny. Do you know that's really sad that you can't even have a name in a book called.

Fanny because it wasn't it? Okay?

The story is so the garden is so pretty, and I am I am terrible with plants, but this is my new passions.

It's keeping plants alive.

Having luxurious, blossoming, beautiful, healthy plants is my new hobby. I'm going to be one of those old people that love to garden, and I'm okay with that. But then I went out into the garden to do my gardening, to do some weeding, because that's what I do on all weekend. You and the plants in the back of the garden, along the whole side of.

The fence, fake are dying, And I was like, what is going on?

And every week they're slight like they're dying more it's getting worse and worse. And I was like, maybe they need some water, so I did that, and I was like, maybe they need some fertilizers, so he did that. Anyway, they're now pretty much dead, and I was like, Okay, I might just pull one out and see what's going on.

They're not real trees, they're just sticks. The guy who owned the house, what are you mean cut? He'd basically gone and gotten all these yuckers and just cut the yuckers so it was just the branch of the yucker, and he'd stuck the branch.

In the ground to make it look like it was.

No, Laura, that's how you grow yuckers.

Don't pull them out they're dead.

No, you just cut the stem and put the yucky in.

They're all dead, all of them. No, you tend dead yuckers. That's how you pan yuckers. But they're not growing, they're just dying.

You can cut a stem off the yucker and reput it in the ground.

That's absolutely how you grow them.

But they're all dead. They haven't grown root.

That's not from the guy.

He didn't jupe you, and that's it.

That's how you can grow yakut okay, Well, anyway.

You're like, I got double y jike. I jipped myself.

When I said that gardening's my new passion. I don't know anything about it though, like I know, it's just started. Anyway, we have lots of things to talk about.

Today. I came across an article which I wanted to talk to you about.

And the reason why is because, Britt, I feel out of everybody who participates in life on cart there's three of us and Mitch Jury.

You are the best flirter.

I think you not an akolai. Do you know how to flirt better than anyone? I am an awkward flirter. I am a terrible, terrible flirt I never ever got better at it, I don't think, which is surprising that I managed to find a husband who stayed around.

I think he was like, well he was locked in a mansion. He didn't choose to stay around you all locked there for three months.

You're endearingly terrible at this, Yeah, but he kept me around.

You're war emmed out. I did, I did, but you, Britt, are very good at it. Anyway.

So this is an article that's been written by a thirty five year old bisexual bartender, so she's.

Flirting with both sexes.

Now she's written out the steps of what she thinks are the most important parts of what makes someone a good flirt. Number one, don't give your life story. I feel like I always give a little bit too much. I usually end up talking about my ex's on a first date, which is not recommended.

For one golden raw, just a little bit. I just talk about them a little bit. It makes people feel comfortable, No.

It doesn't. It's like, why is she on a date? We've me talking about her ex? Okay, from this moment forward, as a listener, you listen to me and not la.

Okay, At what point in dating would you talk about an X on a date?

If and only if they ask you about it, and you give them a little bit and you don't make it emotional, very factual.

The last person I dated was probably six months ago.

It didn't end well though, Like that's a whole nother story. And then it's a couple of dates away. You do not sit there for the rest of a date and spill your trauma about what happened.

Trauma dumping is not a good idea.

And then this one time we had been out and then we got into a really big fight, and like, no.

No, you don't want to go into the details of the nitty gritty, but you give big picture things.

No, okay, I do not go on a first date and say I am going to have the Sydney Rock Oysters please, and then you see he had this double life and I didn't know about it.

You don't do that, Okay. Obviously this is an easy one. Eye contact really works, but make it subtle. Don't eye contact. I think there is a fine line. There's a fine line between sexy and creep. That fine line sits somewhere in the fact that one you have to already be slightly attracted to the person. Like if you're not attracted to the person and they're making intense eye contact with you, it is very off putting.

Stop trying to make eye contact with me. Now, did you just see what I do? Like this?

I do it.

I just did it. I just did it.

While you're talking asholoaded with you in my eyes.

You do this and your lashing I lid raise a little, eyebrows, not eyebrows, just a little, and you know what you do.

You gotta describe it.

I'm going to do it to you.

Now, it's not a visual medium.

You look at the eyes for a minute and then you do a little smile, and then you glance down to the lips and then you look back up to the eyes.

It is how you do it. No, that's a thing.

So men particularly respond really well when you've subtly glanced at their lips.

That's actually that's from flirting school.

So there is this thing which is like, let's talk about the golden try it.

I definitely did not attend the golden triangle of the face. Yeah, the golden triangle of your face is your eyes, your nose, your mouth, and you're meant to just go between those three zones. So you flick between looking into their eyes. I mean, do you wish because you have to go between both. Look at the mouth, look at the nose, look at the mouth, look at the eyes, look at the nose.

Don't just a couple of glances to the lips.

But that's the key and a little smirk like I was flirting with you before I said it, and I could tell.

You I was like, I know what you're doing right now, you fucking creep.

And then conversely to that, to make someone feel really awkward, you look at their forehead.

Did you know that?

So when you're talking to someone, if you look over at their forehead, they immediately think that something's wrong. Really yeah, because no one looks up at the forehead. It makes you think that you've got something on there or it's so if you want to.

Make someone feel awkward, you look up at their feat So maybe if you want to do the anti flirt, you steer at someone's forehead and definitely don't look at their mouth. And then obviously this is very I mean, I feel like if you're getting positive affirmations from the eye contact and the mouth and the up and down and the golden triangle, try some light touching. Try some light touching. Touch their knee, touch their arm, places that are consentually Okay, don't grote them yet.

I'm big on that one, but I could probably give away too much when I'm not interested because my love language is physical touch. But I do that with my friends even like I'm quite a if someone's close to me, I will laugh and touch that leg, even if it's a friend or whatever. Like I'm quite physical, but a little touch goes a long way, And particularly I think the leg or you know that like cliche laugh if you lean into them and laugh and just put your hand on their arm, I think that.

Works as well. Look how much you're loving this. This is such like your area of expertise.

If I did this for ten years, I like successfully the girl honed her skills.

I know these are very obvious ones.

Don't get too drunk on a first date, or if you like someone also offered to pay, even if it's like you know, I know that sometimes when we've spoken about who pays on a first date, and like the gender norms, but I actually do think it goes a long way as a female to kind of flip it and offer to pay for a drink or something. Obviously you don't have to pick up the whole tab, but I do think it shows a level of investment and interest if you at least offer to pay for their tab.

I'm big on this, but because I get quite awkward with money, I always have been, I'll often pay at the beginning, or I will at least be offering, and it's not an offer, It's not like a throwaway offer. I genuinely want to Ben. The weekend that I met Ben, we all know we spent this lovely weekend together.

I bought the.

First dinner because it was just takeaway, right like, he was coming to my house and I just ordered in, so like's stand it.

I paid for it.

Yeah, but also the guy was coming over for a one night stare and you bought him a chicken snitzel.

Okay, hang on.

What I probably haven't told you guys is I hadn't met Ben yet.

I sent Ben when he was in the uber to my house and i'd never met him to have sex. I sent him the menu of a restaurant I was going to order from, and I said, pick you want, I'm going to pre order some food. I had to give him some sustenance because I thought we're up for a big night, so he had the menu as well. But I paid for that dinner. And then the next day we went and got some coffees and stuff and I just ordered for him and paid, and he mentioned

Negging negative. So the idea that like if you.

Like someone, you will be a little bit sarcastic or a little bit like make fun of almost as a way of flirting. The reason why I think that this is a tricky one to kind of, you know, navigate, is because we have been told and I think when you grow up, when you're a kid that that whole rhetoric of like a boy is mean to you because they like you, and then we have overcorrected that nobody should ever nag, because you know, you don't want to reinforce this idea that when people are mean to you,

I agree.

I think a little bit of this lighthearted, sarcastic banter is perfect, and I mean like that's inherently like I flirt with humor more than anything. That's who I am and how I am. But I just think it can't be too personal. You're right, there is a line that you can't cross, and I think it can't be too personal because it could very much hit.

A saw point with people.

But fuck yeah, I want someone to make fun of me, as long as it's not like really wildly offensive.

It also comes from a level of truck.

I remember, so when A Matt and I first started dating, it was like the first week that we'd been thrown out of the whirlwind of the Bachelor and we were like properly together, and I remember making a joke about something and to me it was a joke, like it was me negging him and he was so offended and it wasn't in context. Now like if I was to make the same joke, he would not care because he

Like I said, do you remember a couple of years ago.

I don't know.

I guess two years ago. This makes me sound like a wanker, but I'm gonna say it because I think it's funny. I went on this one date with this person from Hollywood, like he's a movie star and he was in Australia filming a movie. And I've never said who it is. I'm never gonna say who it is.

I'll just say it good because it will make headlines.

Guys.

Just look up Daily Mail and you'll figure it out. They got packed together.

No, no, not him, you've even forgotten. You'll remember when I tell you. He took me to this amazing restaurant in the city and then we'll go into this big party afterwards that had like some fancy people there, and I was just like, you know, this is just a random ones in a lifetime thing.

I'm going to go with it.

But this guy was like being really lovely to me, really was like, and he's.

Around for a while. He wanted to keep seeing me while he was here. Anyway, the date had been going for about six hours by this point. We're outside on the balcony and he was trying to flirt and he said to me, you've just got such a masculine energy, and I was not sorry.

He's like just saying about you so manly, and I was.

Like, did he mean that as a compliment. Yes, he was trying to sleep with me, and I was like, I'm so. I was like, oh, that's quite offensive, and he's like, no, it's hot, and I was like.

One of us is confused here.

He's like, I can't put my finger on it, telling about you so masculine.

Anyway, of course, I slept with him that it did me doggy for two hours, but.

I was like, I'm so confused by your idea of flirting.

I remember because I was offended.

I was so offended because for me, I didn't want to I was trying to be who I was.

I was trying to be I'm feminine, That's what I thought.

But he just kept telling me how masculine and I was because and then he was like, you're so strong, and I.

Was like, what are you talking about.

I also think that it's problematic that we see in terms of like beauty standards and like how we as women feel attractive. That like, obviously I wouldn't use the word masculine to describe.

A woman in the wrong word. It's the wrong word.

But I do think this idea of like that you need to be a pretty little, tiny feminine is.

Well I'm not that. I get that.

It also shouldn't be the only beauty standard that's attainable all that we're driving for totally.

But he went on to talk about my quads and like it was it.

Was he was calling me strong and athletic. Yeah, but like the wrong I could tell what he was trying to say. I meant athletic, but he said masculine, Yes, absolutely, and I think that was where it went wrong. Anyway, I just remember saying and I think I gave him a lesson that night. I remember saying to him, just so you know, moving forward in your life, I know what you're trying to do, but this isn't it. And he's like, oh really, And I'm like, no, You're like.

You never say this to someone. Just look in my eyes and then look at the mouth and look back up that.

Just look at triangle, buddy, feed me and look at the triangle.

Okay, all right, well look we thought that out of the way. I hope that somebody learnt something about flirting. Get into our vibes and under sound subscribe. Okay my vibe this week.

If you follow me on Instagram, this is not going to surprise you. I am so blown away and I can't believe I didn't do this two years ago. I've spoken a lot about my dog Delilah and how she's amazing, but she can't walk properly on a lead. She's never been able to. I sent her to military school for three weeks to learn to walk. Didn't work. I have sent it to dog trainers locally in the day, didn't work. I have done everything I can. I've tried no pool harnesses,

Try this.

It's the walking lead that goes over their snout, around their head and clips to their collar. I thought it was restricting their snout like I thought it was almost like a muzzle, but it's not at all. It doesn't stop anything. The dog's exactly the same. They chase balls, they eat, they drink. It doesn't restrict anything. It's just that it's more like you know a horse when you're training a horse.

Do you know what I mean?

How that goes over there snow? Yeah, it's exactly the same for a dog. Anyway, I finally got her one this week. I put it on disaster. At the start, she was jumping around like a maniac. She was trying to scratch it off, rolling on the ground, scraping against walls. But I stuck with it and I had trees and I really worked on it, and it literally took one hour. And she is the best dog I have ever seen. I did not if you told me that you could put this on her an hour later, she'll walk immaculately.

Where do you get this?

It's literally halty. I don't think he's the brand. I think it's the style. Get it from anywhere. I went to a pet store. I just went to pet Pine or.

Something and picked one up.

So is this meant to be that she only will walk thatt away she's wearing it, or is it meant to be a training mechanism or she always has to wear it?

Now?

Well different, So it's just a lead. You could wear it every day forever and it doesn't do anything to them. It's just a type of lead. But also a lot of dogs might walk on it for a year or so and then they just learn to walk side you. And now the otion is do they meet them? In children's size? Absolutely, you can muzzle you T welve. So that is my one hundred percent probably the best recommendation, best vibe I'm ever gonna have.

Okay, well I have a Netflix recommendation this week, even though I said last week that.

I don't have a TV.

The irony in that is that last week I recommended not having a TV, and then the day, the day that we recorded that, I walked in the door Matt to a big TV that Matt had just bought and it had been delivered, So we now have a TV. It was nice while it lasted I do recommend still trying to minimize TV time, which we are doing, and it's been like so much better. The kids are not watching TV and they are not on iPads and it

Japan is one, isn't it. There's one in Japan, there's one in Sardinia.

Now, the thing that's so interesting about this is that these communities who have these high populations of people who are over one hundred, it's not people who are living and they are one hundred and they are elderly and unwell. And what we see in Western society when we associate old age, they are thriving, they have no levels of

And that is very much the normal within our society.

The thing that's different about these communities is that there are no nursing homes and so the elderly are cared for within the home structure. And I guess it pertains to this idea that community is so important in giving people purpose, in still having a job, in not retiring. Another thing that was really beautiful about it that so many of the communities they were gardening still. Hence, when

Yeah, I did.

I was absolutely obsessed with this, as you guys know, I'm on my wellness journey, sleep journey. They did speak about sleep in the sleep is important. That it was important, But some other things that I thought were really interesting is like, obviously, like you said, diet was a part

I really love that.

We have kind of traditionally thought about that as like a psychological thing, but studies on these people who are living to such long lengths of time are showing that social connection actually has a physiological impact on your body.

Yeah. And also this idea of like mastery, you know, like being like really skilled at a job.

You know.

I think we celebrate in Western culture this idea of like retirement, get to seventy and retire, Whereas all of these societies that had these centurians in them, they all were working up until the day that they dropped dead. You know, they're working throughout their old age because it keeps them going, it keeps their brains back.

Did I don't want to work till I dropped dead?

Fuck?

Like when we live in my best life.

But they're working on things that they love, on things that they get joy from, you know, not like they're not slogging it out, like digging holes and stuff, you know, building wells and things.

You know.

And I guess there was also this idea that usually when you're wealthy, that wealthy people have the ability to live longer because they have access to healthcare systems and everything else. But some of these communities that they looked into were actually some really poor communities but had some really incredible life spans. And it was all around, as you said, keature, this sense of purpose and this sense of community.

Yeah.

I loved it.

So it's on Netflix. It's called Live to one hundred Secrets of the Blue Zone. I think it's four episodes. Yeah right, Yeah, I really enjoyed it too. I have an unsubscribed for this week.

Okay, what are you hating?

I am hating on people who list things on things like Facebook Marketplace.

I assume gum tree would be the same, but I don't use that.

With descriptions of the item that include words like stunning, beautiful, like an.

Example of words I like descriptive words.

Well, it will be an example of Like let's say it was a I've got a denim dress on right now. So let's say I wanted to go and sell this dress later this afternoon. If I were to post it being like stunning denim dress, gorgeous buttons.

I would buy a stunning denim dress over a denim dress any day, Kisha.

I feel like do you remember when we talked about the one percent better and your patients.

I think that this might be linking into that.

I'm looking at it and I'm like, stop trying to sell it to me. They are trying to sell it to you.

It's on a.

Facebook marketplace to sell you. The draft puts me off so much. If it was that stunning, you'd be keeping it. If the buttons were that gorgeous, you wouldn't want to be letting them.

Go from your wardrobe.

A case.

Stop trying to convince me of this item that you no longer see value in.

I reckon Producer Kation needs to go back and re listen to the episode we did with Steve Bartlett and rethink about her one percent.

I'm all about this recycling, reusing.

I sell them buy a lot of stuff secondhand, but I don't want you to try and convince me of its value by using descriptive words.

Okay, Kesha just doesn't like the hard sell. That's all it is.

Before we get into the questions, we do want to just very gently remind.

You and aggressively both that it's it's that time.

Of year again.

The Australian Podcast Awards now for us the podcasting world. This is the Oscar, This is the Logis. This is like the award that gives you.

The warm, fuzzy feeling, the tingling downstairs. This is the one that means the most to us.

That's actually just so important for us as individuals and as a team and for life.

I mean when you say it's like the Logis, if you've ever been to the Australian Podcast Awards, it's kind of like the ut look like the came up. Look it's look, it's the sizzler of the logies. But it's delicious and we are very much looking forward to it. I mean last year. I remember I posted some videos of the Podcast Awards last year and someone was like, is this a bad school Paul recital?

Yes, it was like in a step fit.

But okay, I know that it looks corny, and I know it is even corny, being like it's the Podcast Awards. But this is so like for our little weed industry where we sit in rooms and record, you know, together. It is so important to us and we are so incredibly grateful for the last couple of years where you guys have gotten behind life on caut you have given us your vote for the Listener's Choice Award.

And now there are so many awards.

At the podcast, you know, and we never ever ever even get nominated in the Sex and Relationships even though we started off as a Sex and Relationship.

We never get nominated.

No, we never make it into our category. You guys have always come through with the goods and you have been so incredible in voting us for the Listener's Choice, so.

We can actually have a chance.

So yeah, and it's the one that we care about.

It's the one that matters because it's basically you saying that you know, you choose the podcast that you listen to and that you've loved coming along the Life and Cut journey.

Well, so a lot of the.

So you guys understand like a lot of the other awards, because there are so many different awards and categories, but they're all voted by industry professionals. This Listener's Choice Award is the only award that is voted by I don't want to say the people that matter, but the people that listen you guys, you guys that are consuming podcasts. You're the ones that are saying, you know, we absolutely love your podcast and it would mean so much to us.

Does it sound like we're begging?

Yes? Are we begging?

Yes?

It would mean so much to us if you could vote, And it's super easy. You just go to the Australian Podcast Awards website and it will say who do.

You want to vote for? Listener's choice?

You type in Life Uncut and then you just have to make sure you verify that in your email, so it'll send you an email and say, did you really mean.

To vote for Life on Cut?

Yeah?

So yes, it's got an annoying little last step that you have to do. But like, look, if you've got Burner accounts, you can vote for us from Motive multiple accounts.

We won't tell any university accounts, like any accounts.

But the one thing I do want to say is I know that when we started this podcast, we started recording this.

In my bedroom.

You know, Mally was a newborn baby. She was under the table. Britt was in her struggle.

Longer than table.

That sounds so bad.

She was literally under the table in a bouncer or strapped to me, you were coming in in your scrull.

I would be on a twelve hour hospital shift.

Laura's got the baby strapped to a titty and we were still just trying to put this out just because we loved them.

Yeah, and we've been through this like incredible journey. But you know, four years on, I think some people think that four years on we had this massive team around us and that now because we do the radio show, that we are like well into the radio world in terms of podcasting. We I do just want everyone to know that our entire life Uncut team is Britt, myself and Keisha.

That is it.

We create this podcast, We put all the content together, Keisha edits every episode. I do second edit of everything. We all book in ge like this whole podcast is run by the three of us. There is no commercial backing in terms of no of the creation of the podcast. And if you do and you feel as though you would like to go and give us a vote, or you've ever listened to an episode that's meant something to you or touched you in some way, we would be

Okay, question number one. I am currently on maternity leave, so I'm home a lot. We have a security camera at our front door, that myself and my film say get notifications for when someone's there.

However, my film.

Say is obsessed with looking at it every time it goes off, literally every time, so it feels like I'm sort of being watched with whatever I do, and he'll text me if someone comes over or if I leave the house.

I made a comment a while.

Ago that it makes me feel a bit weird and it's giving controlling vibes, and he was apologetic and said it was absolutely not his intention. He said he will stop looking at it, and he stopped commenting on every time a notification went off. So now he's doing it again. Is this normal? Is this just a modern technology thing? Or does it sound a bit controlling? He shouldn't have to look at it for security reasons if I'm home.

Wait, so it's for packages and stuff like when the doorbell goes.

Yeah, it's a doorbell thing.

So what he's doing is he's seeing someone or something arrive. He gets a notification and he goes to check out just who it is that's coming to a place.

I mean, to be fair, if I had something like that set up, and my sister does, so that's why I'm kind of like I can empathize. You get sent a notification to your phone. So if I was being sent a notification to my phone saying someone is at your door, I'm gonna look at who's at my door, Like you know, I'm gonna be curious. And I'm not doing that because I'm checking it on Matt. I'm doing it because I'm like, ooh, my phone told me someone's

I completely agree, it's what's going hand in hand with this behavior. If there's a lot of other behavior, where have you been put your location services on your phone?

Report back to me?

Yeah, mat sure, you answer your phone when I'm calling, or text with it.

But if there's none of that and he's just been reactive, it's like it's like holding a red flag in front of a ball and being like, don't look. Of course they're gonna look, so we can't answer the rest of that. Is it just weird if he gets a notification and checks who's there, No, especially when at the end of the day he's thinking, Okay, my fiance and my newborn baby is at home alone and there are people turning up. I'm just gonna check in what's the other behavior that

Yeah. Or maybe he's just put so much stuff off iconic lately and he's like, oh God, the delivery driver's coming again. She's gonna know that I've been buying all these pairs.

Now, I think it's the opposite.

I think she's at home buying from the Iconic and he's like, what are you ordering again? Yeah?

Maybe, but like, okay, I do think that. And the reason why I don't feel alarmed by this is because I know, Okay, watch my sister do it every day at work, Like whenever we're in the Tony May office, she'll get a little notification. She'd be like, oh, I can see the camera at home, someone's dropping off a package or someone's doing this, Like she will always check and her husband works from home, so I don't see

Yeah, I just don't have a camera. I understand why people have it now.

People have dash cams, they have cameras on their front door, people have cameras everywhere.

I don't, Yeah, I mean I do.

If you're listening cameras everywhere, back door, front door, dash cam.

Brittany always has her house fully locked up tight too. On the more about the safety Okay, anyway, question number two. Last night at dinner, my partner told me he had masturbated the night before as he was in the mood, but I had fallen asleep. He always watches porn if he's going to masturbate, which I'm totally fine with. However, my question is this, is it weird for your partner to masturbate while watching porn when you're in bed next

I mean, it's not ideal, is it.

It's not ideal for him to be jacking off in the bed while you're asleep, But he obviously just didn't want to wake you up. He's obviously horny, you've gone to sleep. Maybe he was trying to be considerate by not quote unquote poking the bear.

Should he have gotten up and gone to the shower, probably yeah, or like the.

Spare room or any other room.

But I think he probably didn't think it through and was probably lazy.

Oh.

I think this is a very big gray area because I reckon that this is going to cover the full spectrum. There are gonna be people who don't care, and there are going to be people who would be really weirded out by this and really really really think it's not appropriate across a relationship boundary.

That's how I kind of see this. I think that the scope is so great.

I want to start by saying, we have answered a question similar before, where the question was is it okay for my partner to masturbate without me knowing? Firstly, I think it is totally fine for you to masturbate without telling your partner. If you of your hornting, do you want it? You can do whatever you want in your own time. Wherever you want in your house. But I

Yeah. Look, I don't think in all honesty, I don't think it's that weird in terms.

Of I'd probably be okay with it.

But I think it's a very personal thing in a relationship because I put the shoe on the other foot, and I think, Okay, if my partner's in bed asleep, I've gotten home from work, like whatever, I end bed, I'm horny. Would I touch myself or would I say I can't touch myself because he's asleep. And I'd probably touch myself, but I wouldn't see that as offensive as what you're saying, Laura, where it's like he's jacking off next to you asleep. So I'm trying to put it

What would you do if you woke up in the middle of the night and Ben was watching porn and furiously masturbating in bed next to you does have to be furiously furiously join in.

I'd probably join in.

Yeah, Okay, it wouldn't be as big of a thing for me. I'd probably be like, why didn't you wake me? But we're still also in the throes of the early relationship, you know. I think it's different when it's you sleep deprived. There's kids you've been to get a long time. You don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night to have sex.

Yeah, And I guess that's why I say, like, the spectrum to this is going to be so big, because there will be people who would be completely fine with it, and there would be people who will listen to this who think it is a total betrayal and a boundary.

Well, there are people that don't even like their partner masturbating at all.

So of course it's the spectrum.

I think it's the issue here, and the reason why that this person feels so weird about it is because it's the not knowing. It's the waking up the next day and them just so casually saying that this happened next to them while they were unconscious. That's like, yeah, it's pretty fucking weird. If I found out that Matt of a nighttime was masturbating next to me watching porn, I think I'd be a bit weirded out by it.

What if he was just like, oh, babe, I was just so cold and I didn't want to get up go downstairs to the bathroom.

He lazy bastard.

I don't know.

I also think, just don't wake me up with the sound of poorln either.

I think it's disrespectful.

I think he's prioritizing his comfort and his like laziness and his you know, want to not have to get out of bed or go downstairs or whatever or go into another room. So he's just like, oh, I'll get away with it and you won't know because you're no.

He doesn't think it's He doesn't think he's getting away with anything, doesn't think it's a problem. He told her about the next time true, like he's not sneaking around and thinking like he's not getting off on the fact he's sneaking around. He was like, by the way, I'm mass bayed last night. I don't think he thinks he's done anything wrong. It's not necessarily anything wrong. But at the end of the day, you don't feel comfortable with it.

Yeah, go somewhere else.

I'd be interested to know what people's opinions are on this as too, And I think if we did a poll, I think the votes would be very interesting to see who would be okay with it and who wouldn't be.

But I do you agree with you, Britt.

I think him telling you, like point blank that that's what he did, then that suggests he does not even think that it is remotely wrong. But at the end of the day, the big conversation here around which there

And I think that that's where the bigger conversation in this is.

But I would love to know how everybody else listening to this feels and what they would do if that was their relationship.

Well, I remember, I can't remember how long ago it was, would have been a year ago plus. We did a poll on just masturbation in general, like are you happy with your partner masturbating or does that make you upset to think that they're masturbated in a day without you when you're at work, And I was actually surprised how many people didn't want theirner masturbating without them. I found that really surprising. So I think this pole would probably lean similar to that.

Yeah.

No, And I think our response to that was that that's problematic, Like we shouldn't be putting restrictions and rules on our mother's bodies and trying to dictate how they pleasure themselves. I mean, like there's already enough rules, like we're allowed to have autonomy over our own body and our pleasure.

It's only unless they're masturbating instead of having any intimacy with you. Like if you know they're masturbating all day and then they don't want to touch you or have a connection or have sex with you, and it's causing a problem, that's when it's the problem. But if they're just masturbating and then you still get everything you need or I think that's fine.

Yeah, but I reckon that there's people who have an issue with it because there's like almost like a form of jealousy. There are people who have an issue with their partners masturbating because they feel like it then infers that they're not good enough or they're not doing a

Sometimes go jack off on your but service.

Yourself in another room or check that your partner's okay with you doing it in the bed. Next to them like it's not a big it doesn't need to be a big deal. But I definitely think it's a conversation that should be had. But I reckon there'd be so many people who have experienced this.

Laura, that's enough masturbation, chap Let's move on to question number three. This is an interesting one, and I think it might rub a lot of people up the wrong way. One of my absolute pet peeves is not receiving a thank you for my generosity. Recently, a lot of my friends and family are having babies, so I've given them gifts, home cooked meals.

And heartfelt cards.

Some of them I don't even receive a thank you from unless I bring it up. I am the type of person who sends a text on a bigger occasion thank you cards, but some friends and family haven't even sent me a text to say thank you. I've previously traveled into state for a wedding and contributed.

To the wishing well.

I thanked her for having me at the wedding, but I never received a thank you for the it I made and the effort I make with our friendship, and we haven't spoken since.

I know times have changed, and thank you cards aren't really a thing anymore.

But I also think it's not hard to send a text thanking someone for the generosity.

Am I being unreasonable? Ooh, I maybe people are not gonna agree with me.

I think if you are going out of your way to help, if someone who's just had a baby, if you were in the throes of very early motherhood and you have a newborn, and you were someone going out of your way to either bring food or to send a present, or to do something that should just be out of the generosity of your own heart, without the expectation of receiving anything back, and if you want to

I don't think that's a tricky line.

I don't think you should ever be doing something with your intention of getting a thank you. And of course you can feel undervalued if maybe it's a particular person that you're constantly doing things for and you never get anything back. But your motivation for helping people out, I personally think isn't to get a pat on the back, and it isn't to get these thank yous. You should know your friend would be so grateful if you've dropped

Something we can do in all relationships, not just friendships, but definitely in romantic relationships as well. And it's so fucking unhealthy, and I know that sometimes I do it when it comes to like having little TIFs with Matt Is scorekeeping. Scorekeeping is so toxic in your relationships. It's toxic in friendships, and it's toxic in romantic relationships. But it sounds to me like you are keeping score, that you were doing things with an expectation of getting something back.

I think the thing you do really need to ask yourself here is, and this is what's popping into my mind, is you're obviously an amazing friend and an amazing person, but no one's making you do this. And I don't think they're asking you to do these things. I don't think they've asked you to make them a dinner. You're doing it because you really want to do it. So maybe ask yourself, why are you that offended that you're not getting these cards and thank yous back? Because everybody

It to you.

Yeah, but there does come a point in friendships though, like if you feel as though a friendship is one sided, it can't be one sided indefinitely. You know, you can't just keep showing up to a friendship where your friend is not returning serve you know, over and over again, because that does give you a sense of feeling like you are unloved or unappreciated or all of.

Those sorts of feelings.

So I think, like you have to be the one to kind of figure out is this repetitive behavior by the same person. Is this that I'm showing up to the friendship and they're not meeting me here because they don't want to or they can't. At this point in life, there are periods where people deserve and are allowed to be a little bit in would focused. But I guess it's like figuring out whether it's repetitive behavior or whether it's just a part of the season of your friendship.

Well, I was gonna say exactly that, Laura. Friendships do have seasons as well. Sometimes they run their course, and this could be running its course. If you feel like it's not being reciprocated, you're not on the same level, You're not getting what you need from the friendship. You don't have to maintain it. Sometimes it's time to take a step back and maybe you can revisit it in six months or a year. But if you're feel like you're putting in in, in, in, in, not gettything.

Bad, take a step back, do less, do less, take us stop cooking, stop sending presents, stop sending cards, and thank you.

That's enough from us. Tour round this out. Go and get your live show tickets as well.

If you have been thinking about coming and watching Life Uncut live, we are coming to a capital city near you and it's going to be freaking amazing. We've got Sam Fisher, we have Mitch coming, Keisha's going to be there. We are all going to be on stage with some absolutely incredible guests.

It's going to be wild and it's going to be hilarious.

You can get your tickets from Life on podcast dot com dot au and yeah, it's gonna be so so fun, So please don't miss that. It's happening the whole month of October. We've got eight locations across the country and over the pond in Auckland, even all the way to Perth.

Perth always says that no one comes to them.

We're coming. We're coming. We're coming all the way to you.

So bring your friends, and don't just bring your friends, bring your boyfriend, bring your girlfriend. It'll be such an eye opening revolution.

You will learn some stuff. You'll believe a different person, a better person. Smellia right anyway, that's it.

Don't forget tell me mom, don't dad, tell you dog. Tea friends and share the love because we love love