Hi guys, and a welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and if you have joined us for the very first time, well lucky you. But also this is our short and sharp episode. This is our usk uncut episode where we answer all of your deep, dark and burning questions.
Also, if this is your first time, welcome. I feel like I forget sometimes that we do get a lot of new listeners every single week, and we don't really ever say high.
We just expect that people have listened to all of the episodes in the past, and we keep referring back to them just to really weird people out. Anyway, you have one hundred and two episodes to catch up on or welcome to the party.
I have one little update. We are going to get straight into the episode today because we've got a couple of screaming kids hanging around the house.
Matt is one of them as well. We've got three screaming fuck my life. I've got a really funny update today.
If you guys listen to Tuesday's episode with Mark Manson. We actually got great feedback from that, but there was at the end we do suck and sweet at the end. My suck was that I accidentally wrote an email to somebody, a business email to c S I A N and an auto Cora.
Isn't it Shan? Is si a and Shan? Or is it Sean? I cannot confirm Norman if I feel like I also don't know how to spell it in my head. I read it a se it auto corrected to Asian, so I wrote, dear Asian. I got an email today from Cian herself. She said, dear Brittany.
She's like, I want to let you know.
That I'm actually a big podcast fan, and she goes, thanks for giving me a chuckle, and I lost it. I wrote back and I was like, oh my god, you are Sean, and I was talking about I do feel better knowing that you found this whole thing as funny as I did. We've all been there with an accidental autocorrect. I mean, I've told you about the time that I signed off my email with kind regards Laura Burn and actually it defaulted to kind retards Laura Burn.
And we don't even use that word.
It's not even okay, no, please, it's not if there's so many parts of that. So I mean, for anyone who missed that story. I didn't just send this to one person. I had just started a new company and I was c seed into all of my directors. There was thirty people on this email, and I wrote kind retarts, Laura Burn and then I didn't really stay at that job for very long, very surprising. But I also sent an email to a customer of mine. This is like on Mother's Day last year, and she bought a special
peace It had been custom made. It was for her mum. And I wrote back to and I said, I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day with your bum.
I was not expecting that.
As she wrote back and said, I'll be hanging out with my mum. My bum will also be there. Anyway, let's get into the episode, guys. We have three quick sharp questions for you guys today. The first one is and I'm just gonna paraphrase this because it came in weeks ago and now I can't find where it is in our inbox, But basically this listener has written in saying, ladies, I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and
a half. Congratulations, Yeah, longer than most my relationships. He has a full beard normally, but recently he decided to shave his face and I cannot tell you how I felt when he shaved it. I've realized I'm completely unattracted to my boyfriend.
On this one hits a couple of spots.
I've been there, I've been I know this feeling. I dated a guy for several years who had some good, meaty facial hair, like and I like, like a bit of facial hair I need. I love facial hair, but just at least like a three day old bit of facial hair. That's when we're getting good anywhere from three days until like three weeks. I'm very very happy with this.
I don't want a smooth skin face at all. I want to feel some like prickle on my face.
Yes, MI said my face half before you jump in. Okay. A boyfriend several years ago shaved his face for the first time. Same thing. We've been dating, but maybe for like six months, and I was like, I'm not really sure what I do with this. Oh wow, there was a there was a weak jaw hiding behind that hairlines, which you can't say like it's so mean you No, I didn't say it, but you can't even think it.
You can think it, you can have an internal monologue, but you just don't voice it.
But also, like you would think that after being with someone for x amount of time six months, a year and a half, obviously your attraction to someone is not skin deep. You're not just attracted to them esthetically and what they look like. So for me, I was also very shocked by the fact that I had this visceral reaction to like, holy crap, that's what your face actually looks like. That makes me a very shallow shit person.
No, but this is the thing, right, This doesn't make you shallow. This is what I think this. Oh god, I just love this topic so much because I am going through this currently with my new boyfriend, Jordan.
Every time you say my new boyfriend, I'm like, Britney has a boyfriend.
But do you know what it's like, I'm the extreme. You know, when someone gets engaged, they keep going my fiancee. I just do it with a boyfriend because I've never had one.
My boyfriend. This is my boyfriend friend. I'm just not used to it. I have a boyfriend. Okay, I have a boyfriend as well. You know what I found out yesterday. It's been two years since Matt proposed to me and we're still not married.
A boyfriend, you're a fiance. If you don't know what he looks like, go and google him if you want. But he's a tennis player that has only for some reason, I didn't know this. He only plays with a mustache, a big, thick, dirty.
Mustache, like a Sanchez mustache.
His nickname on like the tennis circuit is Mario. It's like Mario cart But when I met him was in his off season, so I didn't know him. I've never watched him tennis. I know follow tennis. We went on this date and it was in his three month off season, so he had this beautiful beard. Now he's got the most luscious hey scene. His beard was beautiful, and I was like, oh my god, Like he looks like a hot lumberjack and that's my jam.
Like this looks like a lot of cushioning. I can sit on that.
Super tractor to him. And now I got no warning that this happened. He will flew down to do the Australian Open. I flew down to support him when I arrived. I flew down a week after him and I arrived and there was someone standing there waiting for me, and I was like, who's that guy staring at me? I didn't know.
He shaved his beard and had this dirty mow, and I was like, oh my god, I can't I don't know what to feel about this.
I don't like it. And I told him I was really honest. I was taking aback at the start. I wasn't like, whoa, what the hell?
I was like, may you missed a spot?
I was like, oh, wow, talk me through this.
No, see, I disagree. I think that as a female we take leeway and telling men how they should and shouldn't look, and I really disagree with it, because imagine if he turned around and said, hey, Brittany, I really don't like your blonde hair and you really should do something about that, you would be so offended, and you would also be like, actually, gin know what. You don't get to tell me how I look, how I dress, and the way I behave. But we do it as
women to men way more often. I think, No, see, I disagree with you. I disagreed to disagree your disagreement.
I'm not saying you can't do this, but I think you're entitled to say I love when you do this. I love when you look like this. He's done the same thing to me. He met me as a blonde. He didn't know I had long black hair. He hadn't, and I showed him a photo and he was like, whoa, I don't love it like that. Like he's like, I prefer you like this, but that's because hee how he met me. And I'm like, oh, that's interesting. I'll probably
still go back to that color one day. And he's like, oh, I just want you to know I like a better blonde. I think it's in your delivery.
So I have said to him, look to be honest, I'm so attracted to you when you have your beerd like, it really does something to me, Like I love it. I had a tingle in my lady past.
Yeah, and I get less of that.
There's less tingling where there's a mustache, he said.
But it's not me saying you can't do that anymore. I'm just like, you know, I love you, you do you, but this is what turns me on. Okay, guess what. He's decided not to shave his mustache anymore.
However, I'd just like to tell everyone to know this the reason why Jordan has a mustache when he plays tennis is because it's his good luck charm. And he's just recently played very big game without a mustache. Had he go britt It was his first game yesterday and he for me, he didn't shave it. He left his Beardny lost.
I was really hoping you would win because that was going to be me being like, told.
You so, okay, we haven't really answered this girl's question, and I even know, no, no, we have it. We have it because the crux of the question is that she's not attracted to him with her shaved face. And I think that there is two parts of this. I think like, yes, one, you're absolutely allowed to have your personal preference on hair. You know, you can voice to your partner in a very positive criticism kind of way.
I prefer when you xyz Like, for example, Matt used to always shave his chest like he did not have a follicle of hair on that chest. When I met him, there was no gray. It was not one grain to be eaten, not one inside. It was a vast desert land.
But now he has a slightly hairier chest because he knows that that's my preference and of course, I think just naturally, you want to look good for your partner, and like, you know, if your partner tells you something in a very positive way, I like it when you do this, Usually that's met with a positive reaction. However, I do think that the reason why you're like, I'm not attracted to him with a shaved face isn't because
you're not actually attracted to him. Of course you are, it's just different and it takes him fucking getting used to anytime Matt shaves his face now after not seeing his perfectly shaved face in weeks, months, years, literally it's like,
whoa you were twenty four? I am dating a twenty four year old by me, Yes, it just totally changes not only like the shape of his face, but it makes him look so much younger, and so it always takes me like a couple of days to readjust and by a couple of days, I mean until his facial hairs going back. I honestly think, I really do think you can voice what turns you on or what you're attracted to, because what you're saying, you're not telling me not attracted to him.
Don't go and say that like that's just nasty. He knows that you love him, and I hope you don't love him less because he shaved his face. But I think it's just in the delivery. You just have a conversation. You're like, this is cute, this is nice, but I love it when you do this. It's like positive reinforcement.
Positive reinforcement goes a long way, and you're just letting your partner know what gets you going because you do want to please each other. Like Jordan is not if I dye my hair back brown, He's not going to break up with me. If he has a mustache for the rest of his life, I'm not going to love him less. Do I prefer the hair, Yeah, but it's
not going to change anything. And I think, like Britt said, one, it's in delivery, but two it's also in like reflecting on how you lack things being said to you, Like how would you react if your partner said to you, I want you to dye your hair, I want you to wear these clothes, I want you to whatever. You would react pretty poorly to being told what to do and how to act because you have agency and you're in control of your own person and your partner's going
to respond in the exact same way. We don't have a right to control the people that we're with. We shouldn't want to, and we should love them for exactly who they are and however they show up. No, that's not true unless unless there are Yeah, take that back. That's our motto here at life unhun You should love them for however they look and however they show up. Because like realistically, we're all going to change over the years. We're going to put on weight, we're gonna lose weight,
our boobs are gonna get saggier. Things are not the same after two children. Let me tell you that people, and you know, you want your partner to still find you attractive, and if there's bits and pieces about you that maybe they prefer when you have a middle part then a side part. All of that's pretty non offensive. And I think facial hair is one of those things that's non offensive that you can kind of critique compliment them in a very constructive way.
The other thing you can do is it's again with the positive reinforcement. When he's got his beard and how you like it, jump his bones, tell him how sexy is telling him it turns you on and just like have the sex, have all the sex, and when.
He doesn't have it, never have sex with him, don't touch him. Be like wam dry as the Sahara desert. Right now, what's happened? What's changed? Oh, it's your face and there isn't a hair follicle, insight, not a grain.
Have you lost? I have? I have?
All? Right onto question two. Sorry to anyone who has just joined us to this episode. I swear I'm not usually this battie. I've had three hours sleep every single night for the past six weeks. We're gonna excuse you apologize before we get into the next question. I'd just like to compliment the size of your breasts that are in my face.
They are really lush us right now and they look great.
Thank you. We are recording this episode in my bedroom, as we always do. I'm wearing nothing but a bra and some jeans and they're great. They're really voluminous. I just did a breastfeed and then came straight in here, so yeah, I'm ready.
Okay. Question number two is a little bit more serious, So I'm interested to get your opinion on this, Laura, because we do get a lot of questions based around this topic, and I'm not convinced I know how to deal with it yet. Okay, I've been married for four years and we have a two year old girl. Since we got married, my mother in law has literally turned on me. I always thought we had a good relationship, but looking back, I've realized it was a bit of
a show on her side. I haven't seen her in eighteen months now because of her destructive behavior towards me. I have never reacted or spoken back to her when I've been attacked, and yes, I say attacked. She's literally the mother in law from hell. I do complain to my husband about it privately, as it really upsets me that I always get singled out of family gatherings. The thing is, my husband thinks we need to sit down and have an intervention. I'm just not sold on this.
I can see the situation snowballing even further. I know I will never get an apology, and I feel for my husband being stuck in the middle. But her mind is made up about me. Should I confront her and have this intervention or do you think I just continue to avoid it?
Oh, this is such a hard one. Now we have Actually, you're so right, Brett. We've received so many questions from people in regards to how to navigate relationships with in laws and with all family members. But I think in laws are a really big one because you can treat your own family members in a very different way to the way that you can treat your partner's mom dad. I think because the relationship in the history isn't there.
You know, and you do expect respect from all of them, but you can't come back from it the same with your parents in law, do you know what I mean? Like you could have a falling out with your mum and you'd be fine the next day, Whereas if you had that same falling out with your mother in law, you wouldn't necessarily be fine the next day, Like you just don't have that same relationship all the time.
But also, I didn't realize until we started this podcast group and we do get all your guys' emails, I didn't realize how common it was to not have this amazing relationship with your in laws. It's we get this question every couple of days. This is a really tricky one. I think that apart from divorcing your husband, the only other thing you can do is sit down and have the conversation. Now, I have tried to think of what
I would want to do in this situation. Your husband is right, I think the conversation needs to be had. I would want my husband to have the conversation with his mother without me to begin with. I would want him to speak to her and say almost like it's
not like it's me bringing it up. It's almost like the husband can go to his own mother and say, look, mom, I've noticed you know you've singled Sally out a few times and have you is there something going on that I don't know or has she done something to upset you? I just noticed there's a lot of tension there, and just make it look like it's an observation on his behalf, so he is not attacking his own mother. Also, it's not putting you in the middle straight away, because it's
not like you have come with the complaint yourself. See what she says, see what happens, and if she comes back with something quite aggressive, or if she's really honest and just says she's got an issue, then I think you do probably need to all sit down and work out what the issue is. Where's it stemmed from and what you can do about it to resolve it.
Yeah, I totally agree. I don't think that's sweet under the rug is a good idea because all that's going to do is manifest in says something bigger done in the line, And like right now, you're probably in a situation where it could be salvageable and you could talk through it and work it out. And maybe there is something that you have done that you're not aware of that's been taken out of context or it's been taken personally.
And you know, maybe your mother in law there's just something that's happened that's made her behave the way that she's behaved. And in no way am I saying that you're at fault. What I'm saying is that maybe she has perceived something that's happened in a way that wasn't the way you intended, you know. And I think that people can misunderstand each other, and misunderstandings that go without speaking and without communication can then manifest into something so
much bigger. But I totally agree with what you just said, Brent. I think that once you've committed yourself to somebody else, you live with them, especially if you have kids with them, that is your nucleus family, and that family needs to be given priority. That's the family that you have to nurture, do you know mean, because like that's the family that's going to see you throughout your good old age. And like, as much as your parents are still so important, you
are the bridge between those two relationships. Your partner has to sit down with you, understand what your concerns are, and then he has to go and have those conversations with your mum because it is up to him to be that bridge between the two worlds, especially if he wants you guys to have a great relationship. There's a massive responsibility on him. And I think often what we find is when there is a little bit of tension between people, the person who's in the middle goes, I
don't want to get involved. Well, unfortunately, in this instance, he does have to get involved, and I think it's a conversation that needs to happen before dragging you into it. And then if it's not something or there is a reason,
then yeah, sit down, have dinner, make it casual. It doesn't have to be an attack, it doesn't have to be an intervention, which I think sounds very aggressive and it sounds very formative, But you can sit down and have a conversation about it and explain to her how it makes you feel and why it upsets you so much, and why you want to get back to a place where you feel like you can have a great relationship with her.
Look, I totally get why you don't want to have the conversation, and I totally get why probably more of you wants to avoid it. Continue on as you are. That is what I would want to do, in all honesty. My personality with conflict, and we've done a whole episode on this, I will avoid conflict to the death until I know it's going to be extremely detrimental to my life or someone in my life's life. And that I
riddled me that. But the fact for this is as much as you want to avoid it, something that Laura just said that I was also going to say, it's a really great point. There could just be one huge, ugly miscommunication and it's festering. It could be the most ridiculous thing. Probably the biggest fight I've ever had in my existence was with a friend and it was over
a miscommunication. It was one of us thought something was said that wasn't and someone took it the other way via messages, because you know, anything can happen via text, and we both just thought that something horrendous was happening between us, when really, as soon as we finally spoke about it, we're like, oh, that's what you meant and that's what you said, and it was ridiculous. With one adult conversation, we could have avoided the whole thing. But I get you want to run away. I get you
want to run for the hills. Get your husband to have the conversation first, feel it out. He can report back to you, and then you can all decide as adults in a family where to go from there.
The other part of this as well, like before we quickly wrap up, is you are married to your husband. You're not necessarily married to his family, and you can't choose the family that he comes with, right, And so yeah, sure, maybe you will have this intervention, Maybe you will sit down,
maybe you will have this conversation. Maybe you just have two personality types that absolutely do not mesh, and you are not going to have the relationship that you want to have with her because you're just two very different people.
Also cool.
He's okay so long as there is absolute mutual respect there, so long as she's not saying things about you, or treating you away or putting you on blasts. It is absolutely fine that you don't have the level of closeness. And I know that that can be disappointing and that in itself can be something to overcome, but it's not necessary. What's necessary is that you can still go to family events without feeling like on edge that you're going to end up having a fight or there's going to be
some passive aggressiveness. So I think that that's where it's important. But have the conversation. Do do not ignore all this? That's a terrible fucking idea, I reckon. We've answered this question well enough, right, let's go to question number three.
Okay, Question number three is one.
I feel like a lot of people have been in this position as well. I've been in this position before. Hey, girls, please help. So I've recently been going to the physio for a shoulder injury. The phisio I'm seeing is pretty damn cute, and I feel like he's been flirting with me. We have really good banter and we've both chatted a lot about our lives. I really want to see if he wants to go on a date, but I don't want to make my future visits with him super awkward.
If I've read the situation wrong, how do I subtly find out if he's interested in going on a date or should I just hope that he makes a first move?
Thanks, girls, I am such a worse I would never ever, ever, ever ever ask him ever.
I would.
I am such a fanny when it comes to stuff like that. I don't think I've really ever asked many guys out on dates.
I've literally asked every guy I've ever dated. I'm like a go getter like that. But this situation is different. Whilst they think you need to put your feelers out there for it, because I'm really big on if you have feelings and voice them. This is a little bit tricky to navigate because medically you do have a relationship
here and he has to honor that patient relationship. But my advice would be you could put feelers out in conversation about like if he's got a girlfriend and stuff like you know, what are you doing on the weekend? You can you can find this information out.
I'm sure, or you could just stalk his Instagram.
I'm sure you've stalked him on the Gram. But the other thing, there's two things you gotta be careful of here. One, he could just be developing a really good patient physio relationship where he is chatty and he is friendly and he does have that rapport with you because you're his client and he enjoys treating you. He enjoys getting your money and your paycheck at the end of the day, he enjoys your money. No, But like, if you think this is someone who's in the medical industry, your word
of mouth is everything. So if you're going to him and you're having a great experience with him, you're gonna go and tell other people, like, he's such a great physio, he's got a really good bedside manner, he's friendly. There is a chance here that he's just been a really leap person. Now, if you are going to ask him out, I one hundred percent think you should do that, But I don't think you should do it until literally your last physio session. You're not gonna have physio forever, is
my assumption. If this is a shoulder injury, you're on a program for physio. I would wait towards the end.
You've put your feelers out over the next coming sessions, you've stalked his Instagram, You've done your due diligence. Wait until the end, and then you can either go hardcore where you're like, thank you so much for treating me, like I would love to grab a coffee with you
or something. Sometime he'll either shut you down and say I've got a girlfriend, or he'd be like that sounds great, or you just thank him so much for helping you rehabilitate your shoulder, and then you slide into his DM after the fact and be like, do you know what, I would love to see you again?
And then that's it.
I love that this advice comes from you because you are the literal dating queen of ten years. This advice comes from a wealth of experience. I would have been
like just a fade off into the nether. We did have this exact question come in about six months ago, except the girl had already reached out to her physio whilst she was still seeing him, like, you know, for treatments, and she had asked him out and he had said, I'm sorry, I can't breach the patient doctor relationship here, which was just a really subtle way of him being like, I'm just not that into you, but I think I totally agree with what you've just said. It's not going
to be forever. And if he shuts you down when you're only going to see him one or two more times, so fine. You just don't want to have to go there and then be in that awkward space or have to find a new physio that also sucks.
Even if he does shut you down, just take this little bit of knowledge with you. We had a girl that accidentally fart it in front of her physio and it's not going to be as bad as that.
But also who cares, Like, once you finish a course, it's a very good chance you're never going to see him again. There's plenty of physios wherever you are, wherever you live, unless you live in the middle of Australia, plenty of physios that you can go to, like take a chance. And we do advocate for this whole idea of you need to be proactive in dating the people
that you want to date. And as much as I say, like I suck at asking people out, I went on the Bachelor, so you know, I gave it my best shot. But if you like someone, just fucking grab it by the balls, not literally, metaphorically, and don't him take that responsibility. Because by asking somebody out, you are choosing the types of people that you want to date instead of just
being passive and having people choose you instead. And I think that's a really important thing for you, ending up in a relationship that you want, not just a relationship that was like, ah, that was good enough, you know, a relationship that means you're settling. Additionally, yes, pretty.
In addition to all these really great points, the other thing I want you to remember is it's okay to ask someone out and them to say no. It's okay to be rejected if I don't be scared of that, And I think that's probably a big part of Laura, like why you've never wanted to ask people out. You have to come to terms with the fact that if somebody says no when you ask them ount that it's not personal. You don't have to be upset by that
because there are billions of people in the world. There is absolutely no way that every single person's going to want to date you. And that is nothing about who you are. It's about compatibility, and we don't know what's going on in someone's life. You actually don't, So if someone says no to you, don't take heart to heart. Just say okay, cool, no worries, have a great date, and walk off. Like I've been. I've asked people out
before and it's gone swimmingly and we've dated. I've asked people out before and they've literally said no into my face, and I'm like, cool, have a great day.
So true, Like, your value is not based on what somebody else wants from you, or what somebody else thinks if you, or if somebody else wants.
To date you.
Like, if somebody says no, it's not a reflection that you're not funny enough or cool enough or sexy enough or whatever it is, Like, it's just a reflection of where they're at in their lives and whether or not they think that they're compatible for you and were all attracted to different things.
I mean, my person was chaining ting and but whatever the same.
I guarantee you that not even em Rada has had every man that she's ever asked out has said yes to her. Again, they probably have to want to be in pimbly or something in school as well, there would have been some reason why a guy would have said.
No to her.
I mean, I think that will make every single person has experienced rejection, every single one. You can just mediate this or mitigate this rejection by doing it on your very last appointment.
Yeah, or just by Instagram message.
Faceless take the coward's way out and just slide on into his DMS.
I actually want a follow up on this one, like whether you put it in the group chat or whether you send us a dam. I want to know what you do in this. I want to know if you actually ask him out in person. I also would love a follow up on the mother in law, if you sit down and talk to her or not.
We had a couple of follow ups from the last episode of Ask Guncut that we did and both had left their partners.
So did they take our advice?
Well, I think one of them had already done it pre and then one of them was like, I'm heading to break up town. Oh that's miserable.
Anyway.
On that note, thanks for listening guys. Guys, that's another episode for us for Ask gun Cut.
Thanks for tuning in.
Please keep sending your questions in you can send them to our dms on at Life Uncut Podcasts on the Instagram, which is on the interweb, but you can also is it on the interwep, wasn't it? You're from your phone? Call it on the interweb, so.
You can get it on Yeah, dude, that's internet.
Okay, what hell? Little bit a month for You can jump onto our Facebook group which is also a Life Uncut podcast group and if you want to share your questions that it's not anonymous, but like, there is such a wealth of knowledge there and there are so many supportive people who will give you their thought, their answers and give you a little bit of help as well.
There are also some great meetup groups happening on the discussion group too, and I know there's one that is going to kickstart in the eastern beaches of Sydney too. So if you are listening to this and you're living around here and you want to go meet up, jump on there, because there are people are making some really amazing friends in this community. Actually, here's an update. My
sister Sherry is moving up north really soon. She's going to Queensland and she's already said that through the life un cup podcast group. She's got like a book club up there, and she's already met people through it already, so she talk about I mean like I don't even know what I'm having for dinner. She's already lined up a book club. She doesn't even know when she's moving.
That's amazing. And we get so many questions that come in which are around like how do you make friends as an adult? And we've done full episodes on this, and I think if you are in a situation at the moment where you feel like you would love to meet some new people, you would love to kind of, you know, move out of your own friendship circles and just have some fresh life in your life, then maybe joining the group is a great way to start.
I don't I My circle is literally you. I don't know how I can leave it.
My circles, you and two screaming children, which I have to get back to. But anyway, guys, if you enjoyed the episode, please leave a review, jump on to Apple and you can subscribe there as well. And you know the drill, Tell you mum, tell your dad's who friends, tell your dog, just tell everyone, share the love, because
We we all love,