Your friend comes to you with a secret sin. You are his accountability partner, and he asks you to keep his sin secret. How would you respond to him? Is it okay to pledge confidentiality or have an expectation of it? Does confidentiality have value in the context of confession? Are there instances where we should tell others about a transgression, even if the guilty party is against it? What biblical principles should guide us regarding secrets, secret keeping, sharing, and biblical communicatio...
Apr 13, 2023•17 min
Shows Main Idea – Each local church has visitors, regular attendees, non-engaged members, and engaged members. In many of these churches, the visitors, attendees, and non-engaged members are more numerous than those doing the ministry's work. When this happens, the church's infrastructure—leaders—is weaker than those who expect care from the church. You'll also find that those who expect more care complain more. Thus, each church has to wrestle with how to identify and develop more engaged membe...
Apr 09, 2023•34 min
Are you more concerned about what God thinks about your sin or what others think about your sin? How you answer this question will determine the quality of your life and the way you interact with your friends. If you're more concerned about God's view of you, there will be a desire to live openly and honestly before Him and others. However, if the opinions of others have more control over you, the temptation to hide your true self while presenting a false narrative will be immense. To know what ...
Apr 06, 2023•33 min
Did you know it’s possible to know God but still have a hard heart? Though we have many means of grace, like prayer, the Bible, our local churches, and each other, Christians are not impervious to the infiltration of sin or its dastardly effects. It only takes a little evil to create havoc in our souls. Knowing and experiencing God does not prevent us from moving down the path to hard-heartedness, making it critical to understand how to diagnose the sequence that leads to a hard heart. Read Here...
Apr 06, 2023•36 min
God did not create all friends equally. You have some friends you want in your inner circle because they are biblically mature and reciprocating. Perhaps there are others that you must keep at arm's length because they are tedious and require more work to maintain. This second group is unidirectional friends—acquaintances who cannot speak into your life, making it a one-way street: you always serve them. If you have a challenging friend, here are seven considerations. Read Here: https://lifeover...
Apr 04, 2023•16 min
Shows Main Idea – I had the sex talk with our son when he was 12. I took him to the beach for a few days to discuss the most intimate relational dynamic between a man and a woman. One of our Mastermind students asked if I would share a few details about how I went about it, similar to Lucia’s talk with our daughters. What we did is only one way to have this vital talk, and I trust these ideas and perspectives will serve you, particularly if you’re planning to speak with your children. Show Notes...
Apr 02, 2023•35 min
Job’s wild ride through the crucible of suffering was coming to an end. The devil was nearing defeat, the Lord was receiving glory, and Job was changing. I knew the first two things would happen: Satan would lose, and God would win. What I did not expect was all the Lord wanted to do with my friend, Job. I did not even know he had a problem. He seemed to be a good man, going about doing good (Job 1:1, 5). After Satan turned his world upside down, he refused to sin or charge the Lord with any wro...
Mar 28, 2023•35 min
Shows Main Idea – A friend approached me, asking how to help his church because they have a weak view of biblical counseling. He is a lone voice with an effective biblical model for sanctification through discipleship. He wants to motivate his leaders but knows they prefer an integrated worldview and practice. It’s not that they have thought about it but have been affected by a psychologized zeitgeist. He asked me how I would address the issues if it were my church. What about you? Perhaps you l...
Mar 25, 2023•35 min
When things do not go according to our plans, and the losses keep mounting, it’s only a short step from walking away from God and the caring friends who are willing to persevere with us and our suffering. It is possible to get to that place of giving up, a perspective that buys into the belief that things won’t change to a more favorable outcome. It’s a tension between humans and the Divine when God does not act as we think He should. Though we know how this tug-o-war will end, it does not alter...
Mar 23, 2023•35 min
Does anyone love God because of who He is, or do we love Him for what we can receive from Him? I’m not implying it’s wrong to want things from the Lord because we should desire things from Him, like His salvation. However, there is a priority with all relationships. Do we enter friendships for what we can get out of them, or are we primarily interested in being with and serving that friend? Pertaining to God, it’s vital to examine the quality of our faith, always making our relationship with Him...
Mar 21, 2023•36 min
Shows Main Idea – A friend asked on our private forums whether you can tell if someone has changed. Of course, you cannot know in the ultimate sense—not at the heart level. I told my friend it would be unwise to focus on whether a person has changed since you cannot know for sure. Biblical counselors make this mistake too often, even at times releasing a person from counseling when they can never honestly know if they have changed. Alternately, it would be better to focus on better things while ...
Mar 19, 2023•39 min
We have two possible responses to our problems. We can be problem-centered or God-centered. That’s it. The first reaction leads to anxious complaining and fear-motivated comments. Been there, done that. The second response is the path to peace, even while we are suffering. It’s hard to tell how mature we are until the suffering comes, so it’s wise to pay close attention to our thoughts and words when difficult times arrive. Perhaps the suffering will necessitate the Lord to take action, like whi...
Mar 16, 2023•33 min
Sometimes, God can seem distant and possibly disinterested in what is happening in our lives. The silence of God is deafening as we seek answers when life takes a turn for the worse. We feel all alone on the ground level, a painful loneliness that turns our hearts upward. We are muttering and sputtering through life while God is off fighting battles that seem more important to Him than tending to our business. We want an audience with the King. We need to hear what He has to say about our proble...
Mar 14, 2023•35 min
Shows Main Idea – Since Adam and Eve fell in the Garden of Eden, there have been injustices. It’s vital to recognize we live in a fallen world, not a utopian one. It is similar to getting married, thinking it will be happily ever after without defeats, setbacks, or injustices. Setting up an unreachable standard is a setup for disappointment, leading to responses that can never hit that high mark, only making things worse. Some folks can have a misguided idealism. But rather than focusing primari...
Mar 13, 2023•36 min
What the world, flesh, and the devil mean for evil, the Lord God Almighty intends for our good, creating a unique place where good and evil intersect to do battle in a Christian’s life. That spot is our crucible of suffering. While in it, confusion mounts, tempting us to take actions we would not take during ordinary times, but even in those moments, God is with us, always persevering for our good. As you reflect upon the most painful times of your life, haven’t you seen how the Lord sustained a...
Mar 09, 2023•34 min
Silence does not have to be a bad thing, even the silence of God. Quick to listen and slow to speak is biblical, according to James. The gifts of reflection and pondering seem lost in our impulsive, ready, fire, aim culture. There are times when silence is wisdom. Have you considered the deliberateness of God? During the Lord’s quietness, He can communicate some of the most profound truths if you’re willing to listen. Whether speaking or not, we must trust the Lord’s wisdom because life does not...
Mar 07, 2023•34 min
Shows Main Idea – Spending time on social media does much harm to our lives and relationships. You can easily find 1000 studies to support this claim, and it matters not where you land on the political spectrum. We are addicted to social media because it feeds our deepest cravings, similar to any addictive behavior. The difference is how we have rationalized this addiction through our collective participation. For the courageous soul, I appeal to you to consider these five reasons to curb or get...
Feb 26, 2023•38 min
Let’s Start Here: Are you problem-centered or God-centered? A quick way to analyze my question is by assessing your most common responses to the problems the Lord brings to your life. All things, big and small, provide the contexts for us to examine the strengths and weaknesses of our walk with God. There is nothing like heat to draw out impurities or solidify the good things we want to preserve. When trouble comes, it will tell you quickly the depth and hold your faith has on you, whether we’re...
Feb 23, 2023•34 min
Letting God be God is one of our greatest fears. When the circumstances are the most adverse, the temptation will be the strongest to bring God down to our level so we can argue with Him. This instinct is not unusual; we do it with folks who need a piece of our mind. To be angry at someone requires elevating yourself above them to let them have it, and it matters not if the object of our frustration is human or the Divine. The fearful, angry soul is not far from this kind of exalted arrogance wh...
Feb 21, 2023•36 min
What would you rather have if you only had one choice: a change of circumstances or a change of mind about your circumstances? My question is critical and ties directly to the quality of life you will experience with God and others, especially when things go badly for you. I suspect most of us would prefer a change of circumstances over a change of mind about our circumstances. I would. When disappointment comes, I usually look for the exits and go into flight mode. How fast can I get to higher ...
Feb 16, 2023•34 min
Shows Main Idea – It sounds odd to title this podcast episode with a plea to stop caring so much, so let me explain. One of the side effects of chronic, debilitating sickness among caring friends is unsolicited advice from folks who love you. Yes, there is a tension here: you want them to care for you, but there can be an unwitting burden attached to their advice as they suggest the latest cure or Google research. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/motivate-christians-stop-caring-muc...
Feb 12, 2023•34 min
Everyone knows God comes through for us when we get what we want. Did you know He comes through for us when He gives things we do not want or appreciate? What did the Lord do for you that you did not understand at the time but see His wisdom in providing that thing now? This truth troubles our souls and challenges our perspective about the Lord. Like a loving parent, the Lord knows what is best, and sometimes He makes decisions that do not appear to be for us. As the child matures, he returns ho...
Feb 09, 2023•36 min
God operates with unexpected purposes that come in unsuspecting moments. He does this because He can observe our lives from an eternal perspective as he stands outside time. His creatures have a limited field of vision that is no wider than what we can see in front of us. Indeed, we can reflect on what has happened and guess what may happen, but we only have today's fleeting moments as we subjectively anticipate our next moves. Because God operates on a different plane, there is always an other-...
Feb 09, 2023•33 min
The crucible of suffering reveals our most authentic thoughts about God and others. Sometimes the Lord puts us in that crucible, even while we are doing good things for Him and others, to prove our genuine faith. Job was a man like this. Say what you want about him, but he was a good guy. He was a terrific guy who loved God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 22:37), but his world fell apart while doing good. Let’s stroll through the first chapter of his book to learn about his...
Feb 07, 2023•35 min
Shows Main Idea – There have been many liabilities of the biblical counseling movement because of the proliferation of training and naming average disciple-makers certified biblical counselors. One of those liabilities is creating crutches to offset the counselor’s inability to counsel competently. Examples are books with lists of topics and accompanying verses so the counselor can have a quick reference guide to give a struggling soul a verse. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-4...
Feb 05, 2023•33 min
The pressures of life expose our strengths and weaknesses. It happens when things outside our control go awry; we either rally our souls under the Spirit's power or we come apart at the seams. The suffering is the test. In those moments of unexpected challenges, we reveal our functional view of God. Our unwelcome challenges become diagnostics that reveal any abiding spiritual deficiencies. Though nobody seeks suffering, we mustn't miss its purpose when it happens because we want to understand Go...
Feb 02, 2023•33 min
The suffering God took me through was my most significant disappointment after becoming a Christian. My “prior to becoming a Christian thought” was that this new religion would be an enjoyable experience because suffering would not be part of it. I was ignorant. Christianity and suffering are so close together that they could be synonyms. It’s our suffering that becomes the primary context where God produces the most abundant fruit in our lives. Though it’s counterintuitive to the natural man’s ...
Jan 31, 2023•36 min
Shows Main Idea – What are some of the core elements that help to have a vibrant small group life? Is it best to have mixed small groups or gender-specific small groups? What are a few other things that make up a small group experience to help folks genuinely pursue each other with truth and love for each other's sanctification? This episode delves into small group life, answering this lady's question, plus aiding leaders and members to serve each other effectively. Show Notes: https://lifeoverc...
Jan 29, 2023•39 min
We can agree that personal suffering is the one thing we fear the most. Who wants to suffer? Think with me for a minute. Certain things come to mind that tempts us to fear. Maybe you don’t spend much time thinking about your fears. Good for you. Fixating on fear is not the way to spend our time or minimize soul noise. But if you do think about your fears, even for a moment, you may pinpoint at least one recurring worry. We all have them. There is a reason the oft-repeated theme of “fear not” pop...
Jan 26, 2023•33 min
On April 8, 1988, it all went wrong. I would later call that day the “beginning of woes.” I walked into our home shortly past 5 o’clock, and after a full day at work, and noticed the missing piano in our living room. I immediately knew what Had happened. My wife of nine years decided she had enough: it was time to leave. A simple note was left on the kitchen table. It read, “You’re right; we can’t go on like this. I’ll call you later.” I had shared those sentiments about a marriage impasse a few...
Jan 24, 2023•33 min
