Friendship That Sparks: Biblical Bonds Beyond Small Talk

Music. Welcome back to the Life on 11 podcast, the podcast where we turn up the volume on faith and everyday living.

Today, we're diving into one of the most important parts of life, friendship. What does the Bible really say about friends? Is it someone we hang out with, or does scripture paint a deeper picture? From a proverb reminding us that a friend loves at all times, to Jesus calling his disciples friends, the Bible shows us that friendship isn't casual, it is covenantal. It's about loyalty, truth, encouragement, and pointing each closer to God. So without further ado, hey, friend.

What's happening, my brother? Nothing. How's your day? Oh, it's been a pretty good day, actually. Yeah? Yeah. That's good. Yep. Yep. Honestly, I'm still trying to get back in the groove of work, even though I've been back from vacation for a week and a half. Maybe it's a sign you need to retire. Hey, I like the sound of that. All right. There's a cricket in here.

There's a cricket in here and there are multiple flies buzzing around all right so just so folks know maybe maybe it would help to let folks know that the the lord's lair the life on 11 studio, is under some pretty major renovations we may or may not have major ish major ish we may or may not have busted out a wall so it's uh and by may or may not we did it definitely it definitely happened so there's there's just a lot of stuff and yeah so there's a cricket in the background a lot

of stuff including a cricket a cricket hey we did something fun this week we did we went to the to the commanders and bangles preseason game yep we saw four plays four plays by the offense by the offense the starters yeah by the starting offense which really was still missing like three linemen both wide receivers or two of the three wide receivers and terry and yeah so it's it It was missing a lot, but man. Man, they looked good. They looked good. For them four plays,

they looked good. I don't know, man. That Jaden kid. He's all right. Pretty special. He's all right. Pretty special. He's a pretty good football player. It was a good game. Shout out to our friend Justin, who got us some tickets. So we took Aiden and Elijah and went down and had a good evening. I watched a little foosball. Yes, sir. It's been the highlight of my week. Mine too. Yeah. I mean, it had to be a pretty good something to overtake that, I think. It's fine.

Now, I'm going to my second professional sporting event this week on Saturday. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Sick invite. Okay, friend. Sick invite. Are we no longer friends now? Well, I guess we'll find out by the end of the podcast. Ooh. How about that? Wow. All right. This is getting serious. Tomorrow's the start of school for all the Rockingham County, our local school systems. Goes back tomorrow, so both of your kids are headed back?

Yep. Yep. They're both headed back. And I would bet that probably at about, I'm going to say about 830, Tara will be at the house sitting down on the couch with a blanket and the dog and her coffee and just enjoying the silence. I'm going to drive by and like lay on the horn. No, go park in the driveway. Oh, that's even better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't just drive by because it's kind of hard to hear from that far. Okay.

Yeah. Just go in the driveway and just. Yeah. Or blast some music or something. Oh, man. She would love me. She, yes. She would very much be your friend. Yeah. So in case you haven't figured it out yet, today we're talking about friendship. We talked about community and why Christians need community, and that's all well and good. Yep. But we were kind of, well, I think it was when we were on the way to the community's game, wasn't it?

Yeah, it might have been. And we were talking about friendship and acquaintances and what the difference is and how you determine what's what. Yeah. Just a little bit of everything. Yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, we all have different circles of friendship, right? I think every living organism kind of has that. I think the church, I think even in churches, you have like a core. One of the, Nelson Searcy was a guy I read some stuff from a few years ago.

He talked about how you have your core, your congregation, your community, and then your crowd. Oh, okay. And people kind of fluctuate between those layers of community within the church and what that means. Yeah. And so I think all living organisms have that. So we as human beings, we have friends and we have acquaintances and we have, what other layers can we think of? I mean, there's, I would, I would even, I would say there's different layers of friendship even.

Okay. I don't know, like in the English language, we don't necessarily have different words for them. You know, I love the English language. I can love my wife and I can love a taco. Makes a lot of sense to me. Makes a lot of sense to me. Are you saying you don't love them the same? Is that what you're telling me? I'm saying... Maybe taco wasn't a good example for you. If my wife was holding a taco, wow. Oh.

Now that's... That's double the love. Double the love. Wow. Yeah, but yeah, English language doesn't do a great job. Yeah, it does not do a great job. But I know once we talked a little bit about acquaintance. You have an acquaintance, which is somebody you know who they are, but you're not necessarily going to go out of your way to maybe have a deep conversation with them. It's, it's normally just like a, Hey, how you doing? You get the bro nod. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The head nod.

And then you have like your, your friends who are like, you would maybe go out to lunch after church or just get together occasionally. But then you, I mean, and it's probably more than just three levels, but this is just what I'm thinking of right off. Then you have your, what I like to call your ride or dies, your homies, your homies, which is the person you can call anytime, day or night. And if they see that it's, they see who's calling, they're always picking up the phone. Yeah.

Yeah. That's true. They're there for you. That's true. Yeah. Can you think of another layer? I mean, I'm sure there's more. I mean, there's definitely more, I think. But yeah, I think those are kind of like painting with broad strokes. Okay. That sounds right. Well, I'm not much of an artist, so painting with broad strokes might be the best thing for me. There you go. We talked that the New Testament has different words for friends.

Again, because the language is just different. A statement like John 15, 13 to 15, Jesus says, you are my friends if you do what I command. And the word there is phylos. It means loved one, dear friend, or companion. It emphasizes affection and closeness, someone who's bound in love. But then, like in Matthew 20, 13, the parable of the workers, and in Matthew 26, when Jesus actually talks to Judas, the one who's going to betray him.

The word is heratios, which means comrade, companion, or associate. I'm not 100% sure if I'm pronouncing that right, but hey, it looks right to me.

It can be less intimate. it is it can mean just an associate not necessarily a trusted companion right you know i thought of another layer since you said that when you said associate work yeah like you know people that you don't want to call felt forced fellowship but i mean i mean in a way there's a it kind of is like we we we live in circles of social we live in social circles that are sometimes created by power is bigger than us that's

a very good way to put it yeah you know so you don't they always say you don't get to choose your family and that's true you also don't get to choose your co-workers unless you're the boss then i guess you do yeah yeah in a way i guess you could yeah yeah so so let's let's let's think about this for a little bit what it what is it that we think, determines a person who is a let's just let's start with acquaintance versus friend what's the difference in an acquaintance and a friend,

trying to think of a good way to describe. An acquaintance of somebody like you probably you know their name you probably know their family then half the people i know are not my acquaintances okay all right all right fair enough i guess if you know you maybe not necessarily know their name know their face you've been around them, you are, you recognize one another. Okay. Okay. Okay. Where you say you see them in the store, you give the head nod or, Hey, how you doing?

Or you might even have a short little conversation. Okay, cool. But it's not like, it's not like they're, you know, at the top of your list of people that you're texting or calling all the time. Okay. You know, like you're not necessarily, you don't necessarily know what's going on their life unless you run into them somewhere. Okay. Okay. Is that fair? I think that's fair. Yeah. I think that's fair. Well, with the book face, you can see all the good stuff that's happening in their life.

Yeah, we might get into that by the end of the podcast. We probably will. Okay, cool. I like it. So then a friend would be someone who you are more aware, at least, of what's happening in their lives. I'm going to guess you probably know their name. I would hope. I would hope so. You know? Yeah. I mean, I would almost say that's a requirement. Okay.

At that level, I would say. i'd probably agree with that and you're probably texting each other and call i mean and and probably getting together fairly regularly i mean not necessarily every week but right like you're getting together and doing things right okay i like it the people so i would say for me one of the differences between a friend and acquaintances if i see an acquaintance in the store i like hey how you doing it's good to see you you know how's everything if it's a friend

then my kids are They're probably sighing in the background like, oh, we're going to be here forever.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What do you think that do you think that someone becomes an acquaintance to a friend? How does that happen? Is that intentional? I would I would say yes. I would say it needs it has to be intentional. Okay. Yeah. So like like there's something that maybe draws you to that person, whatever, you know, You find out you have something in common, some way, some conversation, or you end up at the same place together and you're like, oh, hey, I didn't know you like this or whatever.

You find out you have something in common, then that usually sparks more conversation. And then you're like, you know what? We should get together sometime. And then I would say, you know, it builds from there. You start hanging out more, getting to know more about each other and likes and dislikes and all those things. Okay. I mean, that's what I think. Yeah. I mean, I would agree with that. I would agree with that.

I think that there has to be, I don't think that you like accidentally become friends with somebody. Fair. Right? Yeah. I think you can accidentally become acquaintances or that like forced fellowship.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. absolutely yeah like you should say you show up to a friend's birthday party right and they have invited other people that you don't know right well you you become acquaintances with them because you meet them at the party and you know maybe you have a conversation that night and you run into them at the store two weeks from now and you're like hey i saw you at so-and-so's party like yeah yeah okay

so then the next layer of friendship then would be the rotterd eyes your homies your family or whatever you want to call them, your BFFs, your BFFs, what is it that makes somebody that?

That's a really good question, too. Man, that's a good one. Because obviously you have to go from acquaintance to friendship, and then that next step to become homies or ride or dies or whatever, there has to be something else. Mm-hmm. To draw you together, whether it's. Similarities in personality or similarities in your families or just things that you find out you're like, man, like we, we see eye to eye on a lot of things. Like we're just, we are there. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

And the world I think looks at that differently than we do as Christians. Yes. I would say you're right. You know, I believe, I believe in divine friendship. I believe that there are people in our lives that God places in our path. Oh, yeah, for sure. That we are, that relationship is literally a gift from God. Yeah. I mean, we talked about some of that last, when we did the community podcast. Yeah. And like, I mean, I've said, I don't mind getting all emotional on the

podcast. Like, I believe that my friendship with you is a divine gift from God. Agreed. because like we, we met, I mean, you guys are coming to church, but there was a time in my life where I needed a friend. And there are a lot of people who, of course, lots of people, even at church know that we are very close.

And I've told them that, you know, COVID was going on, Jess was pregnant with Libby and we were, had a lot of questions and God, I just believe that was, that was literally divine appointment. And I think there are other friendships like that. I think that there are people that God like literally places us in space and time and it is almost unavoidable that our past would cross with that person in the same way. For sure. Yeah. So.

Yeah. I mean, same thing. Like I would say about, you know, I mentioned the friends with the special needs daughter. Yep. That Tara and I became friends with like same thing. It was amazing. We had seen them before, so we were borderline acquaintances, but I ended up on this mission trip with the husband of the couple, and next thing you know, we come back from this mission trip, and we're starting to talk about hanging out and getting together, and the rest is history.

Yeah, I mean, 100%. That was divine intervention. Yeah, yeah. For sure. And I think Jesus even uses some of these terms, right? Because I mean, after all, like the parable of the good Samaritan is about neighbors, right? It's about that everyone that you interact with is in fact your neighbor, right? Right. It teaches us that, you know, even if you are just passing someone on the street that they you should treat them as a neighbor.

But yet there is there is a closer a closer love for brothers and sisters that Jesus Jesus, I think, talks about. And we even see that in Jesus's ministry. Right. Like he had 12 disciples. But inside of that, he had, you know, three that were like his inner circle that, you know, they were maltransfiguration. They went to the garden with him. Like he, you know, Peter, James, John, like those were his like three core guys that he was in.

Right. And so I think for us thinking of this as a Christian concept, it doesn't mean that we treat people any worse.

Oh, yeah. No, definitely not. I agree with that. I mean, I would say as far as like helping each other out and doing things, I mean, I would help any of my friends as much as I would help my homies. Right. In that sense. Right. Yeah, I mean, maybe not at 2 o'clock in the morning, necessarily, depending on what it is, but, you know. Right, right.

And there's definitely that, like, there's, like you said, like, there's about four or five people in my life that I knew that, like, if tomorrow morning at 2 o'clock I had an emergency, like, I would have no problem calling them. And it would not bother me, not even a little bit. Yeah, and it wouldn't bother them either. I hope not. Fair enough. In my mind, it wouldn't. You know, only one way to find out. That's true. That's true. Like, hey, man, I really need a burrito.

Don't talk about a burrito because I didn't eat dinner. Oh, baby. Buc-ee's. We go to Buc-ee's anyway. So but that there is something to say about that, right? Like there are people you just wouldn't hesitate for. Yeah, it just wouldn't be a thing. Yeah. Some of the some of the scriptures talk about this, too. Here's what I think a biblical when we talk about a biblical. A biblical divine intervention friendship. There is a few that come out to me. One of them is Proverbs 27, 17.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. I think a biblical friendship, especially one of divine intention, is one that forms your life in Jesus. That person has not only access, but has permission to help shape you as a human being. Yes, I would agree with that.

There are some people in our lives that say things to us, and even though they might be our friends, we resist their counsel or we resist their sharpening because either A, they don't know us well enough to actually know what's happening in our lives to speak that to us. Or B, there is not a high enough level of trust or camaraderie for that person to say that to you and counsel you in that way.

Sure. Okay. So I think a biblical example of what a close friend is, it's somebody who you have that kind of relationship with.

They could be like, look, dude, we need to talk about the anger issue that you had like i'm seeing this in your life or whatever that is they're they're actually molding you and and influencing who you are at the most core of your being sure you have friends like that i mean oh absolutely yeah absolutely yeah yeah yeah i'm trying i mean yeah i'm trying to think of a number right off hand i mean yeah probably four or five yeah six yeah people yeah absolutely,

And related to that then, right, is then Proverbs just before that verse, a few verses before, it says, the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. Right? I think friends care about us enough to tell us the truth and to give us counsel. Yep. Right? Like, there are people, now it's a little different, and I actually thought maybe I might talk about this from a pastor's side for a minute.

But there's there's there's definitely people that they say something and you're like, I don't have the ability to speak to them about this right now and recognizing that. And I think that's one of I will tell you, friendship is a very I think friendship is very hard for ministers. And your dad was a pastor. So maybe you know where this is coming from. It's very hard as a minister because I just told someone the other day. A big part of my job is relational management.

Ooh, right. It is managing relationships between people, between people in the Lord, between people in the church. And so, and that's not a bad thing by any means, but I, as a minister get entry into some of the most intimate parts of people's lives because I'm a minister and. Sure. Okay. I see what you're saying. That makes sense. Yep. Right? Yeah. And so there's a level of trust that's built on the calling God has, not the friendship that we have.

And so it can be complicated because while someone lets a minister into the most intimate parts of their lives, there's still this like, but there are people that I've talked about some of the most intimate things that they've ever went through. But I don't know their kids' names.

Yeah. I mean, when you think about it, that's even, as a minister or pastor, however you want to phrase that, that is probably one of the only professions where you have some level of relationship with the person, but also the conversation or the emotional involvement doesn't necessarily match the friendship. Exactly. Because when you think about, you know, you think about someone who is a counselor there, they are literally a third party.

You know, they're not a, they're not necessarily even an acquaintance because you're literally going to them to talk to them about whatever's happening in your life, whatever you're dealing with. But they have, they're not privy to any of it. They don't know anything about it until you tell them. Right. So yeah, that's definitely a complicated situation for sure. And even as a minister. So like right now, our congregation has about 300-ish members.

So you could make this false assumption that John has 300 friends. Right. And that's not true. Yeah. I have 300 people that I love dearly, and I have 300 people that I will serve, but I know that, like you said, there's definitely layers to that, right? Oh, yeah. And to be clear to everybody that's listening, there's more than three layers. We simplified. Oh, absolutely. We definitely simplified this. Absolutely. Absolutely. For the podcast. Right.

And I think that's one of those moments where it's hard in the context of a church, right? And we're kind of, in a way, we are blessed, I think, more now. I think that we have ways of connecting with people. Connecting with people is easier than it's ever been. Oh, absolutely. Facebook, Instagram, text messaging, all the things. Connecting is easy. Intimacy is hard. Yes, there you go.

Right? And so we live in a world where we are more connected to people than we ever have been, but we are less intimate because I think we are all trying to manage things. Expectations and relationships. I mean, if I, I don't know how many friends I have on Facebook, it's at least seven. How many of those people would I have no access to their life? If, if the internet dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow, how many of those people would I literally never have another piece of contact

with for the rest of my life? If not for. Oh yeah. I'm going to say, I don't know how many friends I have on Facebook either, but I'm going to say more than 50%. More than 50% of those people, if Facebook ended or whatever, more than 50% of those people, I probably wouldn't even cross their path again. Well, I just want to let you know that you have 569 friends. Oh, well, thank you for letting me know that. Good job, dude. Good job. I bet you have over 1,000. Just over 1,000. I have 1,033.

1,033. Which is kind of depressing when then you look at how many people like actually like your stuff. But all that to say, do I have a thousand and thirty three friends? No. Do I have a thousand and thirty three acquaintances? Well, obviously. Yeah. Right. And so that's that that trick. Right. Social media. Man, what a horrible term. Yeah. What a horrible term. Because it's I don't know what you would call it. What would you call it?

I mean i i don't think that's what jesus had in store for us do you no no i don't think so at all i don't no yeah no i mean yeah it's hard to even it's hard to even say like what it would have been like in ancient times that would yeah that's hard for me to even fathom honestly yeah. Because, I mean, even, you know, even our generation growing up was the beginning of like instant messenger and all of those things where somebody who in the past may have just been an acquaintance. Right.

It kind of changed things because you were able to talk to them more than you would have in the past. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it's hard for me to even imagine things any differently.

Yeah. Yeah. strange it it is it's very interesting because you know one of the things i often hear especially in the the older generation is talking about like oh nobody sits on the porch and you know on sunday afternoons and talks anymore like there's not a need to do that right i mean before that's how you that's how you communicated yeah right and then now there's just not that um because i mean i'm an old soul in a new body and so i mean there's no

better part of like i would love that like that would make me happy as a lark i mean you and i are both social people just sitting on the porch just sitting on the porch and people coming by or going over and spending time but man like there's just well why would i do that i can just text them yeah why would i do that just i could just call them yeah i mean not not to change i mean everything's so busy now too yeah that sitting on the sitting on the porch is like all right

i there's something else i gotta be doing? I can't just sit here on the porch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is interesting because then, you know, one of the things that I've noticed, and maybe you have too, is the amount of people and the amount of things now that they label themselves to be family, right? Or which, you know, more like the friend term for family. But that bugs me. Like, you know, you'll hear people like, oh, come to work at Taco Bell because we're all a family.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. No. You know what I mean? Like, people are so desperate for those relationships. Yeah. Because there is something that, I mean, God made us to be intimate with him and then intimate with one another in him. And when people are missing that, like the fact that you are going to turn to, you know, the that we have to project as humans of, you know, well. This is your family, you know, and we use that a lot like sports teams use that like this is your family.

And it's like my family, according to the scriptures, my family is my biological family, and my family is those who are together in Christ. And I think it's very interesting that as much as we have going on, as connected as we are, people are starving to have intimacy with other human beings that is being fabricated by man-made institution, and people will run after it.

You know, and really, I would say, I can't remember where I heard the statistic, but a lot of younger, younger people are getting back into church. You know, there was a strong decline for a long, long, long time. And I really think going back to the community podcast, I really think that's what's bringing the younger, younger people, younger families, younger couples, younger individuals back to church is they're searching for not only Jesus, but those friendships.

Because it's easy to get the acquaintances at the bar or at the party or at whatever and maybe a little bit of friendship but to get a real divine friendship. Church is the best place to find it. It is. I don't know. Maybe you've seen the little meme. If I can find it, I'll share it on our podcast page. But it's like a bunch of guys sitting around a boardroom. It's like a little cartoon. And it's like, how are we going to go to the church? And the guy's like, oh, we need fog machines.

And this guy's like, oh, we need to have a big band with all the lights. And somebody else is like, oh, we need to have giveaways every week. And then the guy at the end table is like, we need to have transparent relationships where we care about one another and empower one another and love each other like Jesus. And then it shows them like throwing the guy out the window. Right. I mean, there's a lot of truth there, right? Yep. You're right.

You're right. It's more about a production than... Right. And I will say, dude, I was gone for two Sundays, and I missed people. Yes. I was itching to get back to church. I was giddy on Sunday morning about, it's church day. It is time to go. Yeah, I was excited to be back in the house to worship the Lord, but I worship the Lord all the time. I was excited to see my friends and worship the Lord together with them. Yep. Absolutely. And that man, that is just, that's amazing, right? It is.

And you even talk about, that's the critique that I've heard because for a while we had the megachurch movement. Yeah. And everybody's going to these big megachurches. And more and more people that I've talked to, it's like they went to a megachurch for a while, but then they realized there was an intimacy that they were missing. Yeah. And so a lot of those folks have now found smaller places to worship and smaller congregations to get that camaraderie, that relationship that they want.

And I think, like, ultimately, that is what Jesus wants for us, to have those. 100%. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. So last question. How do we use our friendships to show other people Jesus? Hmm. I mean, I would say, you know, when we're together around other people that maybe aren't our friends or just, I mean, just see the love shared between one another. I really think that's, I mean, you almost don't even need to do anything. People can see it, whether you're doing anything or not.

People just see that there's a different kind of connection. Right. And it makes them ask questions often. And I think that's the best, best way to be an example in public with our friendships. Yeah. And, and to understand, like, so it's okay to show that first of all, I think as guys, like lots of guys can resist that, right? Like for sure, you know, it's okay to, to show that. And then it's okay to want that kind of connection. Like, oh, absolutely. You know? Yeah.

And there's definitely, I mean, you and I both, we are married to introverted women. Yep. We are. And so it plays differently for different people because, you know, Tara and Jess are both, their idea of a good time is sitting alone and reading a book or watching a movie or doing whatever they do or like, so Jess has intimate friendships and her intimate friendships look very different than mine because we are made differently.

Right. Sure. And so we're not saying like in order to have an intimate friend, you have to be together all the time. That's, that's not necessarily true. No, it's the person that you, you bear your whole self with. Yep. And that's also part of how, how you become like you find someone that's, that's like you and, and can have a friendship the same way that you do.

Absolutely. Absolutely. So in short, The Bible calls a friend somebody who loves, somebody who stands by you, someone who encourages, speaks truth, and ultimately points you to God. Last thing, friendship is covenantal.

So I think that's the other thing that we forget. As far as the Christian context goes, friendship is not a contractual relationship. So in a contractual relationship, you get something and I get something. And if you don't give what you're supposed to, then I'm released from my bond. And biblical friendship is covenantial, right? It is more than that.

It is one of the things that I often say to couples who are getting married is the second that you think that marriage is 50-50, you believe the lie. Because marriage is never 50-50 because that's perfect. And depending on the circumstance, one of you is always going to be giving more than the other, just depending. And so I think we must also remember that in Christian friendship, it is deeper than just a give and take relationship.

Yep, I agree 100%. Yeah, and maybe that's one of the things that makes people ride or die, makes people your best friends and things like that. There's not this expectation of, well, I give and so you get, and the second that is imbalanced, we're out of here, right? Yeah. It is a covenantial, like, this is what we're doing together. Yeah. No, I like it. Good stuff, man. Well, I'm glad that we could unpack that. I'm glad that we could unpack that. I'm glad I could do it with my friend.

You said that sarcastically again. No. We're going to have to look up a counselor after this. All right. If you know a good relational counselor, just holler at us. Just send it to the show. Unbelievable. And we'll see what we can. It's actually pretty believable. Yeah, it is. You're right. Okay.

Well, thanks for tuning in to Life on 11. Today, we discovered that the Bible calls a friend more than just a companion. It's someone who loves at all times. They speak truth into your life. And they point you towards Jesus, the ultimate friend who laid down his life for us. And so as you head into this week, we want to challenge you to think of one friend you can encourage, pray for, or simply remind of God's love.

Friendship is a gift, and when it's rooted in Christ, it becomes a reflection of his kingdom. So if this episode encouraged you, share it with one of your friends, and don't forget to subscribe so you won't miss what's coming next. Until then, keep it living life on 11, full out for God's glory. See you next time. Later.