Stress Over Gift Giving + Toxic Masculinity

Carolina Bermudez, and we are ready to do this. Are you ready? I'm ready? Are you holiday ready? That's the question I want to ask you, girl? We were? This is the thing? Okay, No, you first, because how many people do you have to buy for? I feel like you have a bigger family. So then like, do you have an actual total of people that you're doing. I'm probably doing like eighteen, I'm doing kids, and then I'm doing everybody that really like part of my life in

some way, shape or form. So I'm doing like my hair girl, my makeup girl, my nail But you have consistent people that I do. Yeah, yeah, these are like my right hands. And then I'm doing like everybody who works on my Sunday show, my my producer, my board op. So I my list was long, but for many years my list was only children. But I feel like I've had such an amazing year thanks to old these people that I have in my life. It's great that I want to give back and I want to make them

feel special. Well, I haven't done a damn thing. I have not do, not purchased one gift. Honka is now and my husband, God bless him, said you didn't get anything, Ronica. I was like, uh, really, it's it's it's like today, it's happening now, what are you talking about? So I would frantically get things for my kids, but like, honestly for Christmas, definitely not Christmas ready. But I'm not alone. I feel like anybody who might be like listening right now.

I feel like there are some people who are very strategic and they have their lists, and I just feel like life was so crazy easy that Cyber Monday, I was trying to like buy a bunch of stuff, and then I was going to the car the H and M site kept crashing. Sorry, but I'm gonna throwing under the bus h and m and um. And every time I would go to my cart, it was like things were missing because then they were sold, so it was

I got so frustrated. I was like, no, no, I'm going to devote like one day because I just don't know how that. Are you going to devote one day and go to the stores? Are you going to devote one day and go online? Let's not go crazy. I'm gonna do one day and I'm just gonna like look at my entire list, and I want to be thoughtful with my gift giving because I don't like just giving a gift just to give it to like cross that

person off the list. You know. I'm kind of like I prepared this year and I asked people like, what what do you thinking? Did you really what do you want? The only thing that I did prepare is that there are thirteen children in our family, all of the grandchildren, and so I said to my brothers and sisters, I'm like, look, we all end up getting gifts for the kids that it's like, oh, what is your kid? And do what

are they? You know, and we don't know what each one because we all live so far apart, I said, why don't we just do gift hearts everybody. That's a good idea, and then we say to them, you get to spend it anyway you want. If you want to spend it on gaming, if you want to spend it on going to the movies with your friends. That's from your family and they want you to enjoy that. So yeah, but then also, you know, you get the kids their

gifts and stuff like that. But I feel like your husband might be onto you as far as what does he check? Like does he say, like, do you guys have a holiday budget? No, you don't, don't. We don't even have a joint bank account. Wait, so how do you guys do things at home? Like? Wait, like I be like I need money for the light bill and then he'll like memo it to me. You guys each other. That is so millennial. This is like the coolest thing ever. He doesn't know how much I make? What are you kidding?

I sound like little John right now, Like his check is his check, my check is my check. And then um, we just split the bills. Do you guys know each other's credit scores? What's really? And we're shaming you, I'm not. I don't want no, no, no, no, I don't want anybody who's listening right now to think that I'm shaming at all. I'm just I'm not taking it that way. No, no, I'm gonna qualify this because I'm married to a financial planner. Oh so he needs to know everything that's happening. That's

why I'm saying this is so different for me. No, nothing, Like I shop for my family, he shops for his family. Or so it's kind of like we're very um fifty with everything. So it's like the cablebile is fifty the like. So yeah, it's very even. But we've always kind of been like that through our whole entire relationship. But he has no idea how much money you make, or how much money have in a bank? What is that retirement savings? Like nothing, It's just and we like to keep it

that way. I don't know why, but it's just like it even though we're married, it kind of like still gives us a sense of being independent individuals, if that makes any sense. It's just like, you don't know how much I spend, You don't know how much I make, You don't know how much I have, but if he needs me for anything, I'm there, and if I need him, he's there. But it it's we're really big on privacy. We both have our phones with passwords, so we don't

have each other's password. You don't have his password. Oh my gosh, this just happened to me the other day. So I'm getting a new car and um, my husband was communicating with the person and I said, have you spoken to this person? And he said, oh no, UM, it's on my email and I know his password to his phone. So I went over to his phone and I picked it up and then I was just like, I go, you're you're yah? Who was logged out? He's

like why and I'm like I don't know. And he was like, oh, put in my password, and so I put in. I put in his password and it came up again. He was like, well, what's wrong with my phone? So we spend half the day trying to figure out we know each other's there isn't anything. Well, I'm trying to think we we do do something similar to what you guys do. But I mean as far as my phone, he picks up my phone all the time and like, I don't mind if my husband holds my phone like

he looks at anything. But as far as like him being able to go into it, if I die, he wouldn't be able to. Bella knows all my passwords, you know what I call him. That's a lean up crew. Yeah everything. Don't let them know how crazy I was. My memories and pick too. That's right, because we had a problem with some pictures. Girl, please, we don't want to go there. So we do something similar to you guys.

When it comes to expenses as far as holiday um expenses, um, we don't really have a holiday budget, which a lot of people do have, and I would recommend because the one thing that you don't want to do is carry debt into the next year. This is my finanity, this is my financial year. This is my this is what I've learned from my husband. If you don't have the cash, you can't buy it. That's like, that's we did our wedding like that. I'll tell you that much. We did

our whole entire wedding cash. And I tell people that's one of the best things you can do, one of the best decisions you could have done. Absolutely. So my husband and I we um, we know what the other. We know what we both make and then um, we have the joint family accounts, so that takes care of like you know, mortgage insurance, cars, like kids. I've always wanted one of those things like that. We've never been able to make it to the bank. Do you know? No,

you know what you need. You just need to sit down and get every bill that you guys have to pay and then just because then that that will eliminate the venmoing. No, seriously, like that that may be mad ragic. Can you vemmo me the damn grocery money? I'm telling you, I think this is like such a millennial thing and like there are people who are listening right now. I am forty years old. This is like not we have a joint bank account, and this is that's not how

we do it. That doesn't mean that you're not doing it the right way the supermarket, like give me the money now before I pay it, because I'm not chasing you. So I just went the whole foods okay, So then um, what we do though. The funny thing is is that I have my my m X and he has his and then it's like he would never question me and say like, oh, would you buy you know, so it's like I can buy my own things. Like it's I don't know. I think maybe our is are set up weird.

Is are set up a little bit weird because like we don't know, you know what I'm saying, Like, um no, me and my husband moved very privately in a weird way, and I think that came from us living together for so many years without being married. So it's like, okay, we're not co mingling anything because if you cheat on me, I'm kicking you out into the streets. And then we got married and it kind of stood that way. Well then that's like then you guys are kind of it's

a habit. Then it's like for you guys worked in the beginning, like you formed this habit. But yeah, my my husband has been the biggest asset to me as far as financial planning because I was in order well you know what it was. I actually had a financial planner before I met him. So I had been working over at Z for a while, and um, I had a person who was like managing my money and I you know, I wasn't happy with what he was doing.

And I met this guy and then I said to him after like three months of dating, was like, so, when are you gonna help me figure out I say. He was like, uh no, because I like you too much, and I don't like because they didn't want to mix the business and you were just eighty three months. So it's kind of exactly. Yes. Later it took about a year before he would do it, before he would really take me on as a client, you know. And and I said to him, and so now I'll be like, uh,

when is my appointment? It's your end. I have not had time with you. I'd like to look at my assets office, I know. And then he's like he goes, he goes, we can have our meeting. I like where He's like, um, go to the bedroom. We'll talk about it exactly. But I think it's important for people to talk about finances, especially like in this day and age, and you know what it's like you can get caught up in the whole, like you know, keeping track of everything,

but you really do have to maintain a budget. Do you and your husband actually meet, like meet me? You know what we do? Yeah? We do? Where do you meet in the kitchen? And at least you don't go to the office. No no, no, no, no, no, I actually I love his office. Um, I would actually prefer that, but no, we sit down at the kitchen table and we'll just go through things. He'll just be like, you know, what do you what do you like? Like what you know? Where do you think you want to grow? Like what

do you want to do? Like he's just he's the brains behind the operation. That's good that you actually have that. And like we talked about our goals as a couple, like where do we like, where do we want to end up? Like what do we want to do? Do we want to buy a place like we you know for the kids, And so there's just a lot of stuff doing. No, no, but you know what it's it's just different different strokes for different folks, you know. And it's like that's why I say he was the best

thing that ever happened to me. And I truly mean that because like not even just from a emotional perspective or a love perspective, but it's just like mentally he's challenged me, he's introduced me to new things. He's really like helped me grow as a person. But yeah, yeah, I'll I'll hook you up. You know, it's crazy, Like all the time, I would be like, the only type of husband want was a plastic surgeon so he could

keep me snatched all your long. We'll probably have you know, a clinic at the house with me every time I pull off the bandwagon. No, you know what it's it's funny because my brother is actually a dermatologist and he won't work on me. Here we go. I know, I'm just like, why are you so selfish? I would pull up to office and be like, I'm waiting, I'm outside coffee for me to come on hook us to strup. But no, my mom. You know what my mom always tells me. She's like, when I'm you already know that.

I tell my husband all the time, I will leave you. I don't need you. Do you know that I do not. I do not have a secret bank account. There are a lot of women who do have a secret And that's what my mom was saying. My mom was always like, you know, you always have to have like a little side hustle or like a little side money. And I'm like, you know what, I've always been a true believer and like I am who I am? I'm not who am I going to hide it from hid it from my husband,

like he sees everything. I don't even let him see my timber seats. Are you serious? Now? It sounds like, you know what, it's kind of sexy. He'll apply pressure to me. It is it is, and it's very like it's very mysterious we are. And it's like if he has like an t he'll like crumble it up and throw it out the window, and then you'll go and dive into the I'm like on the Guarden State Parkway doing like tumbles trying to get to piece of paper.

But yeah, if you see honey on the side of the road with a stick, she's looking, you already know what I'm looking for. My man's a TM meracy. I want to know how many bands you got in here. It's so funny. But wait, so now, what do you guys do as far as buying each other gifts? Like does he give you a list or does he tell you I have my eye on me. He'll tell me exactly, and then what do you do? And I'll tell him what I want? Okay, so why don't you just go

buy it exactly? That's what we should do. And we kind of like we're weird. We kind of like I want to match each other's amount that we spent. Oh really, I was like, I spent a thousand dollars on you might get better to be a thousand hollars to Like we're that type of people. I swear were like kids. I guess you guys are the most entertaining, adorable couple. You have to come over. He told me what he wants.

What does he want? He wants like a coat, like a really good winter coat, probably a month clear exactly. That's already like that's already like that way I need to go get Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll show you heard you. But you know what, I feel like, that's a very practical smart gift. It is, and he'll wear and he'll wear it a lot. Sometimes I tell him like, don't

buy that. Yeah, Like sometimes you look at things, I'm like, you know with that like three times, yeah it's to trendy, or if it's like a Gucci T shirt or something like three snakes on the chest and it's green, I'm like, where are you going with that? Right? So you know, spend final jobs were two times and then it's just gonna sit in the drawer. But let's say it might be a Gucci belt that he might wear, then I'd

be like, definitely buy it. I don't care, so I kind of like sometimes have to pull him off the ledge with the things that he bought. I love that he is so definitive about his style. He definitely is. He is, and he's very finicky about everything he wears. He even tells me like take that off, that don't even match. What's his real name? What's what's his name? I call him noony Noon is so cute. He looks liked his sister give he is. I call him teddy. But you guys have to follow us on Ali Spanglish

on all of our social media. He is we have to post a picture of We do have to put yeah. But here's the problem with I don't post pictures of him? Why oh am I not supposed to? Because you know, he has been around a lot, like born and raised in New York. And then sometimes you know, somebody will tag somebody and be like, look who I found? Did you found my husband? Why are you tagging somebody else? Talk about look who you found? He has no social media, so whenever a picture of him goes up like on

a friend's account or something. I will look at the comments and then it's like old school females, and then you're like me, No, don't say. He doesn't need a hide from you. He's been living fine without your heart. You know. He was kind of like a mail that before I met him, so, oh my god, the whole entirely. Well, then we're not going to post it. We're not going to post him. I hate to disappoint you, but just take my word for it. He's an adorable little t browntle.

All right, Well, let's move on. Let's talk about our listener emails, which, by the way, we love when you guys email us Life in Spanglish podcast at gmail dot com. Uh, when it was the ladies. I'm a mama to two beautiful boys. Oh, just like you, Carolina. They are my whole life, and I couldn't picture a better job than being a mama. I agree. Okay. Recently my five year old entered kindergarten has been getting along better with the

girls in his class rather than the boys. My husband recently sat me down and asked if we should be worried about him hanging out with too many girls. I love my son, and I hate to think my husband thinks less of him for having girlfriends. Should I tell him to lay off and let our little boy just be? I'm not worried about my son, and I don't think he should be either. Please help. Yeah, So there's a

lot of different directions that this can go. I'm not I don't know if your husband is letting you know too, So forgive me because I don't have that information. Um. I think that there are times and it's not just letting you knows, it's other you know, ethnicities or cultures that where people um tend to be very like macho. They want their son to be like a football player, you know, testosterone and you know, trucks and things like that. Personally, I believe your son is in an exploratory age and

it's a beautiful thing. And I think that by talking to him about it, you might be putting thoughts into his head that aren't even there to begin with. You know, um my son's and I'll just tell you from my perspective, um my son asked for a kitchen one year, and we were like, absolutely, there was not even because you know, a lot of traditional latinos or maybe, um, you know, just anybody who's macho or anybody who's old school traditional might be like, I'm not getting a kitchen. So that

for a boy. Well, but you know what, look at your chefs. You've got Bobby Flay, You've got like David Burke, You've got all of these wonderful, notable chefs, and their passion for cooking came from something, whether it was from watching their mothers or whoever they were brought up by in the kitchen. So for me, I never equated my

son asking for a kitchen with it being girly. I thought, oh, wow, he wants to like play house and he sees me cooking all the time because I cook all the time, So maybe that was like his way of being like mommy. I really think that him having a little girlfriends, that's not a bad thing. That's not like a bad life skill to have either is to be able to connect to the other sex. So what I would say, and this, I would go to your husband and just say, look,

let him be for a little bit. If it turns out that you know, you want to have a conversation with him about it. But like, what's the conversation is my question, hang out with the guys. You know, some some men are just like that. It's like, why are you not hanging out with the guys? Why are you hanging out with the girls? And you know it also comes from again macho old school mentality. But I would say, just tell your husband and layoff or let him be.

Maybe he's just gravitating. So it's kids to have similar interest and sometimes it's gonna be girls. Just maybe some of the boys are kind of you know, he doesn't get along with them. Yeah, maybe you have the connection because of that. But um, I don't know. I think that like little boys and girls that personally. Asher one of his little best friends, he tells me all the time he is a Hunter. It's a little girl. And I said to her mom, I said, we have to

have a playdate. I said, because my my son's so highly of her daughter. And another one of his best friends is Logan. She's a little girl. You know, can we rewind Hunter and Logan are both girls. I love these names. Yeah, and um and and so, I said, you know who asked here connects. I'm just glad he's making friends. That's bay when everybody hated you in class and I don't have friends, I know, and you were

like the only person needed lunch by yourself. But you know what too, I think it's very important to focus on something like this because, um, there's a lot of like gender inequality. There's a lot of gender speak in the news right now, and so, um, I believe that as this next generation grows up, it's important for us to kind of dispel those like previous thoughts about like what a girl should be doing or what a guy

should be doing. You know, we were putting together the Christmas tree so funny, and Noah says to me, Mommy, do you need Daddy to come and do that? And I said, do what? He goes put the stand together. I said why he goes because and I said because what I said, girls can do anything guys can do. He was like, okay, Mommy, I'll help you, and like, but it was you broke that cycle right there at that moment. It was a moment and it was almost like you know, but then instead of getting defensive and

be like why do you think that way? And you know, and I was like, wait, why why would we call daddy? You know? And he was like, oh, because you know, you might know, Mama can do it. You know, that's right. So, you know, it's almost like raising my boys to recognize that women are capable. And my hope is that they end up with strong, independent women or if they're you know, whatever it is that they decide to do and be, I'm going to be supportive of that. And it starts now,

it really does. What do you have more girlfriends or guy friends? You know, I'm really proud to say at this point in my life I have both, but for a long long time, mostly men I connected to. Yeah that's interesting because I always say, um, I worry about women that connect more with men and women. Well, and I'll be honest with you, I was more with gay men growing up. So it's like, really women where I

grew up, it wasn't an easy thing. Um. You know, there were times where I was targeted because I think I mentioned to you guys that we're talking about back in Ohio. Back in Ohio, it was a problem predominantly white, uh you know environment in town. So um, yeah, I grew up kind of like going more towards you know, guys and having guy friends. But I always had a monogamous, like long term relationship so you know, I was always like I feel like I was maybe like the home girl,

like you know, but like not in that way. Um, and until like recently in my twenties and thirties is when I really I've had some very long term friendships that I've taken with me throughout my life. But no, I've I've really connected more, I think with a lot of like guy friends and gay friends. Yeah, what about you your girls, I've connected more with girls. Just recently after I started working at Power, I made guy friends.

I'm my husband really doesn't believe them, like guys and girls being able to be friends without being sexually attracted to each other or eventually having some type of sexual contact. So I really had think guy friends wasn't really a thing for us, like since we've been together for so long, and it's like, yeah, I had like my gay guy

friends that he's like, nothing's going to happen. They're they're cool, But as far as like having like a male regular hetero sexual cute potentially could slip up and give them the buns, No, that wasn't a thing in my relationship. You want to hear something so funny Cubby and I, which we do our morning show together on KTU. Comby and I met in two thousand three. We remained friends and then we ended up working together, you know years later.

At One always remained friends. Michael Yo, one of his interns, an attractive dude. We were always friends. Like these are the people that I would talk to at night or text or they had asked me for advice about their girls or like you know what I mean. So it's like, I think it's a responsibility of a friend, though of

a woman, to not let it cross that line. So you know, I mean, that's why I feel like I was raised by I have three brothers, so for me too, I have that connection with with men where I can, like, I laugh at the jokes. I think farts are hilarious, you know, like I really do. I mean, stuff like that doesn't offend me. So um yeah, I think throughout my life, I've definitely had like a lot of guy friends, and I appreciate that because it's given me a different perspective.

Now I now I have guy friends as adult guy friends that I can go to, I can ask question. Now he doesn't now he doesn't really care. Now, no offense to my guy friends, but now he feels like I'm like at such a stage in my life that he feels like I probably don't think anybody is worthy of like ruining my marriage over well. So now he's like super confident, like, oh, she'll never like mess with that guy. But when I was young, when I was in college, it was just like, why are you talking

to this guy? So now it's like now it's like to whoever you want, Like, I know you're my wife. I know you're like a career woman. You're not going anywhere. You're not gonna be like trying to have lunch on the sneak tip behind the station. So he's more comfortable with me where I'm at in life. And the guy friends that I have are are super mature and and adults and established and have their own relationship. So now

it's different as opposed to like everybody just being single. Yeah, I'm trying to think I'm actually gonna do something I'm gonna do. Well, look, John John Pascuarella just texted me. He's one of my one of my best das. I love want. Uh he wants to know if I want the Target coupon for this let's see. Um, Yeah, I have one, two, three, four in my text messages. Okay, there's more girls in here, but I have five five dudes all married. What one's married when it has a

partner too? Are married? Now I'm going up. Uh yeah, I mean, and we just talk. That's it, and it's it's a it's a great thing to have a friendship because sometimes I'll go to them and say like, hey, I'm dealing with this, and there's nothing that I ever say to my guy friends that is so intimate that it would kind of like break across that line between me and my husband. But um, and I think that's

important too. It is, It definitely is. And and also what's very important is not disclosing too much information because my husband, like, you didn't say that to anybody, did you? Or like if my friends come over, he's like, were you talking about me to them? I'm like, no, I was not. No, I know, But that's the thing. It's like because then they wonder, like, what are they saying about me behind my back? Yeah, that's that's another topic

for another day. And we'll do it definitely. We definitely will make sure you guys hit us up on email. Life and Spanglish podcast at gmail dot com. And then also make sure you follow us on social media. It's Eli Spanglish on Twitter and Instagram. Let's all be friends. Let's do it, and make sure that you subscribe to our podcasts on Spotify, on I Heart Radio on iTunes. We're everywhere. Yeah are we? Yeah? We are okay,