Red Flags Everywhere

a release for me, a stress reliever. So I've been coming up with these ridiculous songs and I'm singing them around the house and then my kids. So you just make up random songs, not singing, but they're not songs that we know. No, no, they're like they're like, um, you know, fuck this ship, I'm done. I've had it today. You know, like that fact that you're singing them like their church and you're throwing me that one. I don't sing around my kids. I wait till they go to school.

But like, yeah, when I'm doing the laundry, ill like seeing different songs about like people trying to like, you know, help me things like that. So that's where I'm at today. But you know, that's just how I'm feeling. But honey, how have you been doing telling me everything that's going on? Feeling amazing? Care you know, I'm working out, you know, leave it, you know. Work. It's a lot, not even gonna lie to you. And we're not even back in

full time yet, you know what I mean. Like there's still that whole hybrid situation here and there, you know. But like I mean, I feel like for the most part now most of the nation is back into the rhythm of being like back at work, you know what I mean. But just managing it all has been a lot. People are being so picky with even going back to work. People are making demands and I love it. And you

know what, employers are very open there be. I never thought I would see the day, Carolina, are they well? You know what? Even even our company, we got an email and the gist I got from it from our CEO was work wherever you are most productive and work with your manager on where you will work from. I thought that was pretty flexible. It could have been like, hell, no, everybody got to bring the ash back to work Monday, January second, something like that. No, it wasn't no hold

on that that email is coming. Just wait, Like even though we're past January, that emails coming does wait? You know it'll be here. The thing is, it's like, you know, we've got to get back until Like I said, it's like the rhythm of like things. But you know we don't have to go back to like the rat race, you know what I mean. And I use that freeze because that's New York City, you know what I mean. Like it's go time. When you wake up, you're like shot out of the cannon. You gotta keep up with

everybody else. You got to get on that train. You gotta get on the bus. You gotta do all the seed on the bus. That's saying, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. What was it true? Man? Like girl, you'd be over here like this me and trying to grow me on the train. You gotta like move carts when there's a weirdo or a freak. I'm just glad I got strong elbows. I know, strong elbows. I'm just like, you know what out my way, Get

out of my way. Um No, you know what we were going to talk about something that I thought was like really interesting today because I think it still applies, like even though it happened a while ago, like you know, you're still seeing it pop up on social media here and there, and that's the whole Like, do you remember when the red flags are trending on social media? Red flags? Like, let's say, as an example, in dating, Okay, so you

know what's the red flag? A red flag is something that you're put on notice about somebody where you begin to notice something about them that might not be what you would normally vibe with. Like, for example, you're on a date and the guy or the girl is rude to the wait staff. That to me is a red flag. You know, having been a waitress, I know what it feels like to be disrespected by patrons. And so these are the things that like kind of give you that heads up like this may not be the person that

you think they are. You know, I don't know, Caro, because sometimes I'd be having like bad days and that could be rude to the wait set. That doesn't mean I'm not a good catch, you know. So it's weird red flags. You never know what date a person is having. And I'm always here defending myself because you know, a lot of stuff can't go wrong during the restaurant visit. And don't fuck with my food because you're gonna see

aside of me, that's not good girl. Oh maybe that raw salmon, because I'm gonna be like, nah, this ain't it. I think that this is more of like you know, um, it might not be situational like yes, you know, people do have bad days or you know, the restaurant doesn't get it right or the cooking staff doesn't get it right.

And like, like I said, as a former waitress, I remember those days and I would actually be very sympathetic to people, and I would feel bad, like, you know, I want you to have a great meal, because if you don't have a great meal, I don't get a great tip. You know. But there's a difference between somebody who's having like just a terrible meal or a bad day, and someone who is inherently rude or nasty to people. You know, like you you can begin to tell them

apart of fun, I know what you're saying. You know what I mean with dating, you know, it was always a big red flag for me someone who was overly sexual like off the rip. Oh yeah, any any a boot comments, any booty, any type of comment that alluded to sex, like let's stay first date. I was like, nah, this saying it definitely, you know my eyes were like nah, this guy over here just trying to smash Definitely, Let's just grab this food, let's do this movie, and let's

get out of here. Growing up as a Latino, right, parents were always like no, they could get the talking, you know, they stuff like you know, we were. Our parents were always very like sex was taboo, and he was always like, don't let guys touch you, don't let guys used you. Men only want to have sex with you. So that stood with me like throughout my adult life.

So I think immediately if I went out with someone and they were being overly sexual, mom and dad came to mind right away and not to get it by sato. So immediately that would just pop up, especially because you know I was always boluptuous. You know, like twelve years old, I probably had a third or four d really oh wow, so you develop pretty I developed pretty early, but not like that, like I mean you really, girl, I had dies I had asked. My mom went through it girl.

And you know, we lived on a hundred and fifty one and Broadway just you know, the heart of the hood. So it was just like I was always very alert and like I was hyper aware of like men being sexual. So first day, any type of sexual thought red flag. Absolutely no, I have to totally agree with you there, because it's like, you know, like my mom would always

say that, didn't you know what I mean? Like, but for me, if somebody is being overtly sexual, like even in the text messages and things like that, if you're not respecting me, Like I definitely thought that was a red flag when I was dating. But it was also almost like let me be the freak, like let me show you, you know what I mean, like, let me be the one I don't know. I guess that's always how I was, you know. And if I wanted to go there with somebody, I wanted to have the option

to go there with with a guy. I didn't want it to be like part of the plan or part of his master plan, you know. Like the other thing too, it's like, you know, obviously when you go out to the restaurant, how do they treat people. Another flag for me was the way they spoke about their mother, because I always wanted to know kind of. I feel like you get a really good view of what a person

is like based on the relationship with their mothers. So, you know, there were guys who I legitimately would go out with it would like trash their moms, and I was just like, dude, what like that is the woman who gave you life. How are you going to sit here and talk about her like that? So that for me immediately, and like, listen, I know every situation in life is very different. You know, I wasn't there when they were growing up, But I also think that there's

just a time and a place for it. And despite what you may have been through, the way that you speak about your mom, I think speaks volumes about you. So I would definitely say, like the way they spoke about their mom if they were overtly sexual, red flag, red flag, if they needed to borrow money for me for the date flag listen, I'm wanting to go Dutch.

We can go. I always like that. You know. My husband still mentioned he's like, yo, you used to pay some time, but that was more of a control thing. I wanted him to understand, like I got my money, I don't need to pay for this I just I just just like the flex on him. But yeah, you're trying to borrow money, that's the ft flag. We're not doing that at all. Well, you know, I dated a guy and it was like, you know, this was back when I was working or living in l A. And

he was such a disaster. Everything was in his mother's name. He always paid in cash, he never had Sometimes he would have a surplus of money, sometimes he would have no money. And then finally my girl was like, girl, wake up. I was like, what, she's like, he's a drug dealer. I said, what, I made a plenty of those, girl, don't worry about it. But I never But that's what I'm saying. How naive I was that I had no idea.

I'm like, he always pays in cash, and like you know or or you would always ask me like, hey, can you give me you know, this amount of money until you know next week, because you know next week I'll get paid for this job that I was doing. He told me he was in construction. He was just trying to re up on his drug talk about can you can you let me hold three thousands so I

could get quarter brick and break it down real quick. Absolutely, And I'm sitting there counting ones and fives for my tips as a waitress at a freaking restaurant, and I'm like sitting that. I'm like, you know, and it's like, I like, I like the guy, but I had no clue that he was actually like doing some devious stuff on the side, you know what I mean. So it was until my girlfriend, she had the light on me and she was just like, baby, wake up, that guy's

a drug dealer. And I was like no, she goes, yes, it's crazy. Drug dealers would never read flag for me. They were actually green flags because I knew we would have cash, we would go everywhere, we would eat whatever we wanted. Oh take me to May season and my Apparlina. My trick was with the drug dealers, just sak me shopping. Oh no, no, I'm not gonna try anything on. I'll take this, this, this, this, this, this, and that. Give me their seat. Next day, I'll go back, bring everything

back and get the cash. Oh my gosh. See that's where I feel like I am so small town. Never thought about that. I I'll I remember was saying, like, you know, I didn't want to date this guy because God forbid I was in the car with him and he had something. I was like, there goes my dream

of ever doing anything in my life. My mom and dad would tell me, if you get arrested, your life is over, you know, so like I don't know, I guess that that was Like that was definitely a red flag for me, and that ended the relationship because I was like, I cannot be messing with somebody who was like and I put me in danger. I was like so afraid. After then I found out he was just like a weed dealer, you know what I mean, Like it wasn't even anything serious, but no, no, a chopel,

no way. I wasn't you know Robin Albos with people like that back in l A. Well, Like you know what red flags, I don't think it's even limited to just dating. Red flags can be applied to like your friendships, your cold workers. You know. I had a friend when I moved to New York and it was the big

red flag and I didn't pay attention to it. And it's something that I wish now in hindsight, that I would have caught on very early, because it definitely caused me a lot of story us and a lot of pain later on, But I met this friend and you know, I moved to New York and I didn't know anybody.

I didn't have any girlfriends. I didn't have any like you know, friends of friends, nothing, So you know, I was basically out here on my own and I met this girl, and um, she came on really strong at the beginning, and I was like, you know, what, what do I have to lose. Let me go get a drink with her, let me go hang out, you know what I mean, Like I wanted to go out and feel like I wasn't just alone all the time, you know.

But when I started making other friends, and she would make comments and get jealous and be like, oh, so you have time to go out with X, Y and Z, but you can't meet me for lunch. And that's where I was just like, oh my gosh, like, don't be jealous. Like I'm meeting new people and I'm hanging out, you know, And to me, I thought like, oh, she must really

value our friendship. But no, that's a red flag. That means somebody is like really investing too much in that relationship where they're not allowing you to grow and have friendships with other people. They want you for themselves, Like I ignored a red flag with a friendship. You know, you know us, you know, we we get invited everywhere, we go to events, you know where around celebrities, we go to concerts, and you know, I had a friend down for everything, ready to go everywhere, very very oh

what do you need me to do? Boom boom, boom everything everywhere? Every concert, every backstage okay, boom, come to pandemic. Didn't hear from her ever? Aga Wow, And I was like, wow, I didn't realize that I was just you know, being used for a social life. Well you know what I call that. I call that the equivalent to the employee discount. Okay,

so here's the correlation. So this has happened to me so many times, and and you're right in our industry because we get invited to cool things and people want to be a part of it and they just want to be like and that's where people say, it's really like your crew, like who do you hang out with? Who are you you know, vibing with? So I equate

that with the employee discount. You know, there are people who work at I'm just gonna make it up Macy's and they get that thirty percent discount, and whenever somebody needs something, they're calling you for that discount. Girl, can you hook me up? Like, I need this pair of ugs, but I'm not trying to pay two hundred dollars? Can

you hook me up with your employee discount. That's basically the equivalent of what you and I have been through, where people want to go to concerts or meet certain managers, or meet you know, label people, or even just set foot in the stations we work for. It's creepy and it's weird. And then you think back and you're like, oh, yeah, this person, I guess they used me, but it's so weird because you don't even realize it. You get caught up. You're like, that is this cool? This is cool, this

is cool. And then you look back and you're like, Okay, they never really give a funk about me. It was just I was cool to hang out with and I took you to cool places. And red flag definitely missed for me on that one Poachers friend. Poachers, that's another red flag, you know, where you introduce your friends. So this happened to me where you know, I introduced one friend to another friend. That other friend was super powerful. She has a very very high position in a company

which you know, obviously I won't name. And so this one friend who I introduced her to because I knew that they had similar interests, all of a sudden, I'm seeing on Instagram that she's hanging out with my home girl. They cut your ass out, and I'm like, whoa wait a minute, when did you guys make a plan? I would have loved to have come to dinner with you guys.

And I was actually in the city that day, and and the realization to me was like, wow, so you used me because this was no secret that they were in there in the same industry. But one of them was lower level, one of them was higher level. The lower level used you to get to higher level, to get to higher level. And then when I brought it up to my higher level friend, you know, she was very respectful and she was like, man, that's messed up.

But she understood exactly what was going on. So throughout time she began to see that my friend, who was in the same industry was basically just using her to get her connections. Red flag. She was like, listen, red flag, Yeah, well, because if I'm cool with you and if you're my friend, like if you're truly my friend, I don't want anybody

taking advantage of you. And that's why I said to her, I said, Yo, I'm really sorry that I introduced you to this person because now I'm seeing that you guys are getting together, and I'm just gonna let you know. There's there's an m o here, like there's the reason why she is reaching out to you, and I don't I'm not cool with it. I don't like it, and

I'm just gonna let me you know. And so my other friend was just like, you know, thank goodness that we're close the way that we are and she respects me, and she was like, wow, you know what, I'm definitely gonna keep an eye on it. And then she realized it months later when the person who I introduced her started reaching out to the people that she was connecting

her with. So, you know, it's just very obvious when people are users, you know, now are there are there a certain reflex that you can get over with Carolina? You know, I can get over certain things, like you know, if you make a mistake and you own up to it and you say, you know what, thank you for letting me know that across the boundary with you, I'll let it go. It's when you do the same thing over and over again, then no, I'm not I'm not

here for it, you know. Um when I did call out my one friend who was like reaching out to other people, and I just said, I was like, look, you know, I really feel like you, um, you compromise my relationship with this person, you know, and I introduced you in good faith, thinking that this would be a great you know, but like for you to go behind my back that makes me feel a certain type of way. And she said, oh my gosh, I would never do that to you. Are you kidding me, said all the

things that she probably should have said. But then when I saw the behavior and it kept going on and on, I was like, yeah, you're canceled. I'm done. You know, I don't I don't need somebody like you in my life. Just you're using me for your own personal as. That's a fact, and I feel like moral or the story. Don't ignore your gut and don't ignore the red flags, you know, because sometimes we want to see the best

in people, but they're showing us the worst. And you know, there's a Maya Angelou quote that people use all the time, you know, like it's something to the fact that like when people show you who there are, believe them, you know, and sometimes ignoring red flags at the end of the day, then we're not gonna have anybody to blame for ourselves when people look us over and you get stuck though,

you know what I mean. And like even if at work you can find the red flag, you know what I mean, like here and there and there are sore in our industry. I've been used. I remember this person, I helped them so much, and now they don't even know me. They have people, you know, not that I have people that I have fed that I have. You know, you need red much and then it's just like okay, no, like genuine like love. And then they're just like, oh, thank you, I'm good. Now you open the door. Hey,

I'm good. Peace, have a nice life. Yeah, yeah, you know that's the thing it's like for for me at work, I think a red flag is somebody who says that they're there to help you, and then they don't do ship to help you. They see you on the ground struggling, you know, what I mean, like crawling on the ground and they are in a position to help you and they just don't do it, you know what I mean.

Or the people who go behind your back and they stay they're your friend, and then they go over to somebody be like, nah, you know what I would be better for this, Like why don't you use me? And I'll do this for less. That's the one that burns me. Person that undercuts maybe messing up the game when it

comes to the bread, that's for sure. And you know what it's like how many years And that's the thing that I've always said, it's like when you undercut me, you're undercutting yourself because I have made these moves to make more money for all of us, like for the game. When you out here, let's say like in New York. Here it's Customerica people the whole clubs and hosts parties, right, and you know some people might ask, let's say, for a thousand dollars to just pull up and hang out

at the club. Somebody might ask for this. But then you have people, oh, I'll do it. Just give me a bottle of hooka and I'll be there and I'll promote it and I'm like, yo, ro y'all over here fucking up the game just to make a corny flyer for Instagram. Like so when somebody legit says I want three thou dollars to host, they're not gonna get it because they're like, Okay, I'll get this one over here for hookah and and some models. So it's like, stop

messing up the game, bro. The people that came before us worked super hard to raise the bar on what the dollar amount is for certain work. You're devaluing us in the industry. So I feel you on that one, Karen.

I hate for sure. I hate them for sure. And I have a friend who doesn't work in the industry, and she said there was a red flag that like, you know, she would always ask for help, like to cover her shift, all right, and like there was a certain manager that wanted her friends always love to like work with because this manager they got along really well,

and sure enough they're up for a promotion. She had covered a couple of shifts before you know it, she went behind my friends back told the manager, well, you know, I'm here all the time, I'm always covering her shifts. And I'm like, but she offered to cover your shifts, so it was an ulterior motive, you know what I mean. So it's like you just gotta always watch how people move.

You gotta be super hyper hyper alert. Like it's you can see red flags being waived everywhere, but you have to be looking at what's happening because sometimes, you know, we just get caught up and we don't see it, and then a year later you're like, oh, all the red flags, I missed them by It's all used and abuse for a whole year because you fail to see the red flags. It's so true though too, and you

know what that that's the whole point. It's like you don't want to be made to look like a fool, you know what I mean, So you just gotta at yourself and like and and it's so true. It goes back to like what your parents told you when you were younger, like watch the company you keep, you know what I mean, Like the friends that you have surrounding you.

Like I forget who it was. I think it was like Hohoda or something like like the friends that you surround you with, or like the sum of all your parts or so I don't know, I'm messing up the quote. I'll figure it out. But but like she she basically is saying, like who you surround yourself with, Like that's who's making you know you who you are. So surround yourself with the good people who aren't gonna undercut you, who aren't going to go behind your back and try

to get the promotion, you know. And I feel like there are so many people who need to hear this because we're sometimes we're afraid. We're afraid that we might lose that relationship, or you know, you're afraid that you might be a little bit too hyper alert. No, listen to your gut. That little voice inside is telling you something for a reason. Let me tell you one thing. For years, Bella called me skeptical, and then I thought everybody wanted to use me. And now she's like, wow,

I see it. You weren't skeptical, you were just being aware. And it's true because it was just like, oh, does this person want this? Do they want? Like I was just kind of like trying to see true people in order to avoid you know, getting used. But you know where I hold back though, even just to bring just to bring this whole subject full circle, do you know

where I hold up on the red flags marriages. I will not if I got a married friend and my married friend is telling me about her issues with her husband, and if I see these red flags, I will only say them if she asked me, because then they make up. Then you know, he knows that I was saying X, Y, and Z. You got to be so super careful with those red flags on a marriage because friends go to

friends for advice. And I'm not saying that I don't tell my friends the truth or that I don't give my friends good advice, but like I will not go there unless because like, for example, I I have a friend who is in a repeat relationship. I mean, it's just like you're just so sick and tired of hearing about like oh my gosh, what did he do? Now? You know what I mean? And it's like you get to the point where you're like, I'm done giving the advice.

Like I'm not gonna sit here and tell you because like you're gonna end up with them anyway, and y'all are gonna hate me, you know what I mean? Yeah, you can't because then they're like, oh, Carolina was right when she said then it's like target, then you got the target on your husbands, like I want that bitch in my house. Yeah exactly, exactly, So, no, you know what it is. It's like, you know, the red flag thing. I know that it was like trending, and I did.

I stopped for a moment, and I thought back on my life, like when I've ignored red flags, and like, I think it's you get older, you know, But no, I don't even think it's aged specific, because there are some people who are better at listening to their gut than others, you know. I mean you could be in your twenties and making better decisions than me and my forties. You know that's a fact. Yet age has nothing to do with it. I think it's just being a where

and you're just trusting your gut. You know, your guts never gonna up steer you wrong when you feel like that's wrong or I shouldn't post that, or I shouldn't have said that. Maybe I should have walked down that street go back. Yeah, exactly, trust your gut, trust the mental red flags because they pop up. It's true though, No,

it's so true. Now let's talk about something that I wanted to ask you more about because I am really still not I know, I know, it's like this is so long ago when only Fans started, and I still don't get it, honey explaining this only fans to me because there have been so many teachers in the news like that have been fired from their jobs because it

was discovered that they were on only fans. I remember reading a headline about like, you know, a high school cheerleading coach got let go because she was on only Fans and the neighborhood discovered it. But then I'm hearing celebrities like Bella Thorne, that Bad Baby Girl, Bad Bad Barbie, Bad Baby. I don't even know her name, but cash me outside that one. She They're making millions of dollars on this website. So what do you do on only fans? Shockingly,

I don't have an account. Well, yeah, because it turned into you know, at the beginning, only fans started as something for artists, right, and you're like, let's say you played the guitar, you made an only fans account, You played the guitar only fans, and your fans only would be there watching. But then what happened was, let's say, like washed up like Instagram models, would start posting new

pictures of themselves. Like they would post like a picture, let's say like this, and then they'd be like, for the full pictures. She's showing me her by the way. Now I'm kidding. I'll try just one move right for the full for the full picture, go to my Only Fans. Then you have to pay a membership and then you see the full move you know what I'm saying. So it became Only Fans became a sexual porn type of

website where people monetize and make money. Because you know, you can't you post the thong pictures on Instagram, You're not making bread. So all these people that you know wanted to make money off of their sexuality all migrated over to Only Fans. I think they like switched it to like something else. You know, they tried to clean it up. But when it comes to the teachers, Carolina, they don't make no money. And I understand you're a teacher,

but you're not a preacher. It's like you don't want to show your face and you want to do only fans. That's not affecting your teaching job. You're just trying to make a little extra bread. So I'm not mad at them if they want to do only fans and they're not affecting the kids or touching the kids in any which way. Yeah, go for it. Yes thoughts as a parent,

now you're bringing it up. No, you know, I've honestly never really thought about it because I didn't really know what only fans is, and I truthfully have not researched it. I remember hearing about it here and there, and I thought, like, what is it, Like does bad Baby go on there and and talk for an hour and people go and watch her because like it's a pace. I I really didn't understand that it was like more kind of a

pornographic thing. I mean, yes, I think like it kind of like became that, you know, it was used heavy by like porn people. And I'm trying to bring up her only fantasy what she does on there, Yeah, because I don't even have it on my phone. That's my whole thing. But it's like, you know, this is the thing.

We live in a society of judgment, right, and so it's like, yes, if you are a preschool teacher and I'm making this up obviously, if you're a preschool teacher and you're working for a district, there's got to be kind of like a moral code or you know, something that you have to follow. So if that is indeed part of your contract, then it is a conflict of interest. Then you are compromising your job to go on there.

I'm not saying that you're wrong or that that you don't need the money, but what I'm saying is a lot of people don't read the fine print and they say, Okay, I'm gonna get this job, and then they realize that there are repercussions for doing something like this. Now I agree with you. If you do it on your off time, you're not hurting any kids. You're not bringing not influence into the classroom. You're an adult and you're dealing with adults. Do you don't bring it to my babies? You know

what I mean? But like that's the thing. What did you find the bad baby account? What does she do? I find it? So I found it, So give me Halloween costs of ideas and the best response in my d M, I will send you a titty video with a nip slip. Okay, So basically I'm never going to have an account on only her like laying in boy shorts with a bra. I mean, look, it looks kind of like sexualized. I'm not in it because I gotta pay her money to be in it. And how much

you have to pay? How much you have to pay to be in a bad Baby? How much is only fans? I've never looked at it, because you know, I do know that like men. I know, like guys. I have four brothers, and they're like, I'm like, what are you looking at? Oh? This is um let's say Tahari, who's like a video model from the area. Oh, this is pictures from Tahi. Is only fans. I'm like, oh, you follow her own fans? No, a man pays the membership and then he sends all of us to pictures. I'm like,

Jesus Christ, oh my gosh, that is that. So it's become this whole other realm of like talent. I guess you could say, you know what, I'm using air quotes, But you know, if I were to go on only fans, what are you going to see my CD section scar? You would do? That is not cute sexy mom pictures, I guess, but listen, only fans a month and the

top tier accounts a month. People pay for to see a titty, and then you can also um tip and and get paid for private messages, like if they want me to send a private message, they can, they can pay me and then I guess a sexty plivate message. I don't understand what other types. So that basically it's a combination of cameo where you get private messages I guess, right, like where you pay people to give you a message, or pay somebody, yeah, to give somebody a shout out.

So it's the combination of cameo and I asks what like one of the porn sites listen. I don't know, man, I just think that like we're such an oversexualized society and it's so unnecessary. I mean, half of this stuff that people are seeing on only fans. You go to Europe and you turn on the television after eight pm, you're gonna see it. It's normal. It's so crazy, Carolyn. And you know what's nuts that Like if I'm out and my nipples get hard, I feel terrible. I feel

like I'm being geographic. Yeah, I'm like I covered my chest, wasn't here. We're so over sexualized in this country that even a wind hitting you and your nipples getting hard. You feel exposed, and it's something so natural and you're right. Like when I was in I say, like Parish TV on I'm like, what the hell is what is this? They'll have naked girls with pastings on on the television and you're shown and night almost like a talk show or something, and all of a sudden, titties. I'm like, Wow,

I like this. But see, like something that you just said, like maybe because we've been shamed or we've been taught to treat sexuality as taboo. Like now, like I said, I'm forty three, I'm not trying to go out there with hard nipples. But if the wind comes and hits it, it is what it is. That's nature. I seriously don't. I never ever feel like I have to cover up or you know, because there's nothing wrong with it. My Latina mom super shamed me, you know, about body being

sexual in any way anyway. So it's like even when I wear workout pants, Teralina, I've bent over and I actually, can you see my underwear before I go anywhere with with workout pants because I feel like if you could see my underwear and I've bent down to get something. I'm being sexual and I'm being lude and I'm being launching and I'm being buggler. But that's my mom's fault because it's the Latina mom. She shamed me not I wasn't allowed to wear shorts Carolina at all unless they

were above the knee. Right. Well, you know what the thing is, It's like, I feel like I got mixed messages from my mom. Truthfully. I love Like one minute, my mom would be like ayala and then and then she would say and then later on, as I was like dating or getting married, she'd be like, long, ha, I see that, Like she would she would show me like, you know, show off a little bit, like this looks beautiful. Like so, I feel like my mother did definitely give

me mixed messages. You know, I think I think mom understood the difference between child and adult, which is amazing. I still feel like my mom is stuck on child mod you know maybe maybe yeah yeah, because something like that, you know what I'm saying. She seemed like she's like like she over mothers, and I'm like, Mom, it's a

very long time. You can let it go. I love your mom because you know, as a woman, she wants you to be coquetta sexy, and you know those are old things that we shouldn't be ashamed to do or to be. No, and she'll she'll always say to me, like, you know, it's so funny. She'll say, simpra sexy. Yeah, goanna Mark Bay, you know, And I'm like, you want you to come on like Peggy buddy, Yeah, No, for real.

She'll always whenever she's home. I swear to you guys, whenever my mother comes to visit, it's a beautiful thing because she'll cook and she'll help me with the kids, and it's just like, oh my god, it's a light it's a godsend. Right. But then, like I will know, she'll start looking at the clock. And I know my mother so well. She'll start looking at the clock and she'll be like, Hi, huh, you gotta Mark. And I'll say, I don't know, maybe like round seven. He normally gets

around seven, okay. By she'll tell me. She'll say, like, go get ready. He's in a way, you know, helping your marriage. You know you still want him to see us. You know, the woman he's attracted to, she's spicy, pretty, she's sexy, so she's helping me. You know, know they had it. And you know, my mom says that, you know, to us, my other my elder ship is married, and my mom does say like the you know, like you know, so I understand where your mom is coming. And I

do myself too. You know, I tried not to let my husband see me too tore down, because I'm like, no, I don't let my husband see my malasma. I gotta be honest with you. I try to cover that shut up before he wakes up. You know, I got malass after I had asher um. I got malasma. It's like these dark patches that are on your face. That's why I never do like no makeup Monday, all of that stuff like I never do because I don't need to do no makeup Monday. I know it makes me feel

more confident to have some cover up. Okay, leave me alone, but I don't. I normally try to just put a little base on or something, you know, just so he sees me. You know, with the little bit on indecent you. You don't want him to still want to be married to you, not be like okay, I need me a new hope because this one right he is run down to the ground this rundown. I'm knowing, I'm tired. I am tired, but you're right, you know what, Like my

mom is fostering that relationship. And as somebody who has been married to her husband for almost sixty years, you guys, my parents, it is unbelievable that they still got it, like my mom, it is. It is one of the most beautiful things. Now, don't get me wrong. They constantly bigger, They fight, and my mom calls it negro. I like she they yelled at each other all the time, but

it's one of the most beautiful relationships. She'll see that my dad is coming and she's like, no, no, yeah, my boy, yeah, my wife yeah, and she'll go into the bathroom. She will get herself ready. So it's almost like she's she practices what she preaches, you know what I mean. And I think that that's a beautiful thing, you know what, and one have married for decades and necades and decades. I will take their advice. They must

know something there. They honestly did something right. And I'm not taking advice to nobody whose marriages failed or from nobody who's single. Like I'll listen to them, but I'm not taking them to heart. Now, your mama tell her to call me because my mama is a marriage number three And I don't know if that I love your mom. I'm able to be very very candid about you know, my mom and our relationship. But yeah, for sure your mom she got the gems and she's got the game downpack. Well.

I don't even know how we went from red flags to only fans to marriage advice from our moms, but that's the way we roll on life in Spanglish. And you know, by the way, if you guys have any feedback or tips, please share them with us so we can share them with others. But definitely like make sure that in your life you look out for those red flags.

Maybe this is the universe today by you listening to this episode, Maybe that's the universe telling you to maybe pay attention to who you have around you or like what's surrounding you in your life. But I always hate to go honey, but you know what, we do this every week. I love you so much. Thank you so so much for joining me today. We need to tell everybody to follow us. Yeah, follow us on Instagram eli spanguish and also subscribe on iTunes because when a new

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be following people back because I like connecting. Hit me up you too. We love it. We just don't like to connect on only fans. Okay, we gotta go. He Life in Spanglish is a production of Life in Spanglish Productions in partnership with I Heard Michael Podcast Network