Making Plans for Mami + Papi

dealing with mom. Dealing with parents is weird. My mom just calls me NonStop, Caroline, and she's and then when she calls me, she keeps repeating things over and she said, well, you have to forgive me. I'm seventy and when people get old and I'm like, mom, you told me this ten times. I love how honey comes out with. My mom keeps calling me, how dare she love you? And want to know what you're up to? I don't know, it's like and then she'll text me so mean that

I'm like, oh, my fault, my fault. I'll call you later. My mom will call, or I'll call my mother. My mother never calls me very rarely. Will my mom call anymore. She's got six kids, And have you ever seen that thing? On social media on Instagram, where the guy goes, what's up, Mom? Your phone works to mom? Like we all of my brothers and sisters feel that, like that because we always have to call our mother. It's the opposite of you, honey.

I always call my mom and my mom will say I theensemen, and I'm like, no, girlfriend, you were not going to call me because you never call my ass she'd be up to in her old age. So my parents moved to Miami. I think I told you guys this. They have their forever home and they are living their life. They form their little community. I don't say they do get lit. They're partying with my cousins, my Anna and Veronica,

having to HeLa and and things like that. I mean, my parents are really really fun, but I find that it's so challenging. As the youngest of six, I'm always worried about them. I'm constantly worried about them. You know, my mom had COVID a couple of weeks ago, and the minute I got the text message, I called her. She didn't answer. I called my dad, Daddy, what's going on, how's mommy feeling? Oh, she's sleeping, she's you know, but it's just when your parents get older, I feel like

there's this little switch that gets flipped. At least for me, it has. And I see them they're moving a little bit slower, They're not as fast as they used to do their repeating stories. Maybe they're asking you the same questions. And I always think to myself, how would I want my kids to treat me in that moment? How do I want my kids to receive me at seventy eight years old, if God blesses me with that to live that long? You know, so aging parents it's a reality

for somebody in their forties. My mom had me when she was twenty nine, so now she's getting so much older, and it's like, I think it's challenging. It's it's it's one of the things that I don't like talking about. Don't they say that, you know? It's like a cycle, like they first parent you and then in the end you parent them, like they end up becoming your child. Yes, And I saw my mother do it with her own mother.

It's like and then it's like you have to take care of your mother or your father, and it's a it's a really difficult thing to discuss because not a lot of people like to talk about it, whether your relationship with your parents is strained, whether it's not, even if you're close. I think it might be harder for some. I saw my mother fly out to San Francisco every other month to go and take care of her mother because they didn't want to put her in a home.

She lived with my aunt. But these are discussions and conversations that families really don't have, Like have you spoken about this with your sisters? Like where is your mom? Honey? Is your mom? And well, my mom lives in Orlando but she travels to do here in public all the time. Yes, I know, she's always there, has like business is um, she has like properties, she has cows. I'm like, okay, but I think that makes her feel like she's still young and she's still alive. But yeah, there's a lot

to be thought about. And I do have five siblings, and I think about it sometimes because you know, with us Latinos, it's like where is mom gonna live? You don't want to put you know, but we haven't really talked about it. But there are certain things that must be discussed, you know, as your parents get older, to make sure you know everything is properly aligned so that you don't end up with a big old mess. Let's say you lose your dad and now mom is alone, Like,

where do we go from there? While I love that we're having this discussion right now, because as uncomfortable as it is for me, I know that it will be helpful to other people, or it'll at least spark the conversation and other people's homes. So when my parents started building their forever home, I was piste. I was so mad because I said, how dare they? What are they thinking They're building this big house? Oh? I was the most vocal what are they going to do there? Well,

who's going to take care of them? And we had to have the conversation where my father and my mother said, look, we've already thought this through. We never want to end up in a home We've saved up. We know that should the situation arise, we have money set aside for an aid or a person to come and help if we need it in the future. So they were the ones that really plotted this out, and I think it

was because of my mother's experience. I think it was because my mom again, you know, one of six um saw how difficult it was for everybody to take care of her mother. Like I said, she moved into my aunt's house. And then it was like one sister wasn't as helpful her. You know, she had a job, she had this, she had that, and then the brothers were all living their lives and they were doing their thing, and that was just you know, that was her story,

you know. But um, I think that that motivated her and my father to think about what their future would look like. And they're in their late seventies, so you know, this is the time where you really need to buckle down and get an idea. What do your parents want for their future? Would they be okay living in an over fifty five community or one of those high rise buildings where they have activities and and lifestyle choices and things like that for them, or do your parents want

to live in your home? Is your partner okay with that? My brothers and sisters and I would fight for my mom and dad literally fight. I would say, no, I'm taking her, No, I want her know I love that, But you know that's not every family care Carolina. You know, some people I know are like, I don't have the room let's say you Let's say you live right here in New York City. Maybe you live in the projects and it's a very small apartment, and you have a

couple of kids. You gotta figure out, you know, well, where will mom live, you know, making living arrangements. I think that would be like a great first step if you have siblings, you know, it's a great conversation to be had, get all together, especially if maybe your parents are suffering from health illnesses or something like that, like some type of issue, and you know, God forbid they passed and then another parent is left alone or they

need care. That's another thing. You know, if a parent falls ill, who's going to take them in? Who's going to be responsible for their for taking care of them. Well, I think that those are all things, yes, that need

to be on the list of topics to discuss. But then I think that there's one overwhelming, just fact, and that's that it always falls on la And my mom always said to me seriously, it really really does, because I think just with her experience, her brothers were out, they were living their lives, they have their families, they have their careers, and it's challenging for them, know I want to say this just you know, out of respect for my family. Um, I'm not throwing dirt on anyone.

I'm saying that was the reality of it, you know, Uh, I know the cousins, and yeah, yeah, I know that people listen, and I would never ever disrespect my family or my uncles or anyone like that, or my aunt's But I just think the reality was it came down to two sisters to really buckle down and take on the brunt of the work. My mother has six kids of her own, so she would have to leave her kids to go out and do things for my grandfather

or my grandmother. So that's where I think that My mom always says ia ths barons and I say mom, She's like I am but and I'm like, Mommy, because we were done having babies, She's like a yang. So you know what I do now, it's a little secret. I have. I have two little I have two little boys, I would saying, and I go like a little voice of a yahita and I say, ah, sure, will you always take care of your mama? And he's like, yes, Mommy,

I love you, of course. And then I say I say that, Noah, Noah, will you always take care of your mama. So either way, one of them is going to do it. I'm I'm telling them both the same story that I need them to feel sorry for me when I'm a little old lady's and I said, don't put me in a home. Don't. It's so crazy because it's like just a few days ago I told my husband, I said, I don't have no kids. Who's gonna take care of me. He's like, I'm gonna take care of you.

I'm like, what, you will get old too, man, I said, I'm gonna have to adopt me a couple of kids. I'm gonna have to go to d R adopt me a couple of kids, give him a great life, be the most amazing mom in the world, so I can make sure I have somebody to take care of me and my old age. Well, but the thing is, it's like, Okay, so we're sitting here and we're talking a lot, and we're saying all of these things right, and we're saying, oh, I don't want to go in a home or um.

The reality of life is just that people have their own families and if they can't, like you mentioned New York City, plus the rent is high, mortgages are high. You know, it's very challenging for people to just move someone into their house. Or you might have a husband or a wife, or a partner or a boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, that's not down to have your aging parents in the home. These are all discussions that need to be had, but

it's when do you have them. I feel like the sooner the better, if you haven't a parent that is ill or a parent that is aging, have the conversation with your spouse and your siblings, because that's really going to be your support system and those are gonna be the your little circle that's gonna help your parents navigate their old age. Because I don't I feel like some spouses might be like not Like, let's say me, I

have five brothers and sisters. Who's to say that I that I told my husband, Oh my mom is six, she's gonna live with us. Who's to say my husband's gonna be like, nah, she needs to live with your sisters, she got the big house, or now she needs to live with your brother. His wife is a stay at home mom. You know. So it's like, I have the conversation. Now, put everything out in the open with everyone that you love and everyone that loves your parents. I also look

at it as a benefit. There are so many things that my parents could teach my kids that I would love for them, to keep their culture alive, to tell the stories, to relive those moments in their childhood that they could share with my kids. And I always say this, my kids are the youngest in our entire family. There's fourteen grandchildren that my parents have been blessed with, fourteen, and my babies are the babies. And it's the reason why I make it a priority to go to Miami

a lot. Everybody's always asking me, why are you always in Miami. Those are memories that my babies are going to have because they've had the least amount of time with my mom and dad. And it's crazy how I think. My sister is like, You're so morbid, and I said, no, I'm a realist. This is the reality that we have a Mommy and daddy have been here, They've they've seen one grandson get married, they're about to be great grandparents. But they haven't had those moments and those memories with

my children personally. And so that's the reason why it's so important for me to be around them and to have them share that time with my kids. May Abulita lived to be years old, Carolina, so your boys might just have They might have another twenty years. So I pray your parents live a long life and that your boys you don't get to build great memories, let's say in the next twenty years. Absolutely, And it must be something.

It must be something in the water. Because my grandmother lived until four I think my great grandmother lived until a hundred. So it's in the jeans baby. And I keep saying to my mom. I call her, I say, girlfriend, did you take your vitamins today? I mom. She's like like, come on, Mom, and then she's watching her carbs. She's like, no, I'm watching my carbs. And I said, a woman, take your vitamins. I bought her liquid I V I had Amazon send it to her house because she wasn't hydrating,

she wasn't drinking enough water. And I said, Mommy, I'm gonna send you something in the in the mail. I go on the Amazon Amazon okay boy, and I sent it to her. She goes and I said, Mom, you drink it. You need to drink more water. You're not drinking enough. You know and so, and I told you they still go out their party, they drink tequila, she has hangovers, and I'm like, at this age, you need to take better care of yourself. So I feel like

I'm more of the parent now than she is. Listen, you didn't need to tell me anything else than they built it forever home in Miami. That's all you needed to tell me. I love it now. As far as let's let's talk about medicare and medical insurance. That's that's super important for older people because you know they're gonna start going to a million different doctor appointments as soon as they're eligible, get that paperwork rolling. But health care in this country is so wild, man. I mean, I

gotta be honest with you. It is just it's a tragedy. It is a tragedy that it in this country. When you go and see a doctor, if you get any kind of treatment, that it will put you behind. And as we've spoken about another episodes, most people don't have a whole lot of discretionary income at their disposal. So what are you gonna do if, for example, my uncle who is diabetic needs insulin and it's not covered. He's paying so much to get something that is literally essential

to his life. It's essential, and that's what's so wild to me. Nobody cares. Our country is out of control. That's all I can say about that. Well, you know what, don't know. I did see recently and I would have to go back and look at it. But recently there was news that Mark Cuban has been doing something with um and if you have a parent, or maybe if you have some medical issues, I would definitely google Mark Cuban pharmaceutical or UM or medicine because he has been

changing the way that people get their prescriptions. So Mark Cuban is doing the damn thing, and I feel like that is any time that you can do something to better humanity, that you can help other people because he basically is cutting out the pharmaceutical companies and he's making medicine that would be super expensive for people very affordable.

So these are all things, and like I know, this isn't a sexy, fun conversation because, like I mean, talking about your aging parents, it's not something that people look forward to. But these are the types of things that you really need to start looking into, especially if you're the one that's going to be targeted as the one to take care of them. I'm looking here. You know, I couldn't even wait once you said Mark Cuban is helping. And what you guys want to look for is the

Mark Cuban cost plus drug company. That's what it is. And you know he's offering like these generic drugs. You know, yes, I love it. We need that. We definitely any type of help that we need, specially for elderly people they needed the most. But with Medicare, you know, there's also a Medicare supplemental plan. It's like Medicare, let's say we'll cover up to and then that supplemental plan can cover

once your parents get to that age. Make sure you do both for them so that they don't have, you know, medical bills causing them stress coming to the house, and they can also seek all the medical help that they need without worrying about having to come out of their pocket because income will most likely be limited, especially if

your parents are not parents that have a pension. Not every parent work, let's say, their entire life in the United States, especially if you have parents that were immigrants. Well that was that you brought up a really great point right now, How many times in our lives. Have we been the people to translate for mom and dad? Or have we been the people who have to call and make airline tickets or what have you? Whatever it is.

If you think that's hard for your mom and dad, imagine tackling healthcare and medicaid, medicare, all of these other things, or submitting their explanation of benefits and trying to get money back for f s A, you're you're flexible spending account. All of these like f s A, c B, like all of this stuff, at least for most people, is

very confusing. So if you just sit down and ask your parents what their wishes are, what they see for themselves in their future, and have the conversation of what do you want me to do in a situation where you know you you might not be well enough to make your own decisions, what do you want us to do? All of these things these are just grown folk things that I never wanted to encounter. But it's like it's

right here and it's in my face. And if you know, if you have siblings, I think again, sit down, talk about it. You know, there's different siblings that are good at certain things. You know, like you'll be in charge of taking mom to our doctor disappointments. You're in charge of legal paperwork. You know, you're in charge of making sure the house is cleaned, you do the grocery, like if you have siblings, start putting together a plan because you never know when that plan has to be executed

at the drop of a dime, Yeah, definitely. And like I said, we are here to help you guys as a resource. I know that there are some people who are really really just uncomfortable about having this kind of a conversation. Maybe we can help you with something that could spark that conversation with your family or your your loved ones so that you can begin to plan for it,

because I'm telling you, life is crazy. You make a plan and God laughs, and you just at least have to try to prepare the best way that you can. I know an older couple, right, I see them as like grandparents, And guess what they did, Carolina. They went into the funeral home. They already made all their arrangements. They said, we don't want to bother our family. They already picked up their casket. They were and they're like, well, like maybe like in their eighties, and this is a

little set already. They're like, you guys don't have to do nothing but show up. They paid for the everything. I'm talking the plots like everything, you know, maybe your parents to maybe your parents. They're not financially straight to do something like that, but you can also, you know, look at the funerals, ask them what their wishes are, where they would want to be buried or whether they want to be cremated, and have all that, you know,

just set up because you just never know. I just have to add some comic relief because you know that I'm just saying this, like because I know my mom will want somebody singing. You know, my mom is gonna need violins, okay, because that's pretty much the story of her life. They're gonna want a party, They're gonna want a total blowout. So definitely, at least we can, you know,

end that conversation with a smile. Now, you said you wanted to step into the salon because somebody wrote to us, and I want to make sure that we hit this before we have to get off and jump off of this episode. Today's Jenny, she broke up with her boyfriend of two years, was somewhat, but two years and they broke up somewhat amicably. I don't know what that means. I don't even think breakups can happen that much like friends. He said, Well, he wanted a family right away, and

she wanted to focus more on her career. But they had a trip to Greece that was already planned together and it's non refundable. She wants to know she should. She wants to know she should just thug it out and just do the trip. I guess you don want to lose the money. They're broken up, they're cool, would you What would you say, Carolina? I love the use of the phrase thug it out to me? What were you thinking? Girl? If your relationship was shaky, you always

get the insurance, like pay the extra hunter bugs. Um, so here's the thing, a trip to Greece. I can't think of a better opportunity for somebody to go and explore something on their own, just because you're not with that person. Oh wait, but no, I'm trying to think though they might have the same room. I so you could switch the plan. C you don't have to fly with this person, but you would probably be sharing cars, hotels,

you're not down for it. I don't know. First thing is find out if you could switch the name of the person. Yeah, it's not refundable, but I'd be like, yo, I'll give you what you paid. You don't lose all your money. But let me bring somebody else's I'm saying, Carolyn and I want to go to Greece, but I don't want to go with my ex. Even if we're amicable, I still don't want to be there with you. Who knows I might have a new little size situation. He might have one, so again, talk see what you guys

can do. But I wouldn't go just to go a situation I love it. I gotta agree with you. I would not want to be uncomfortable. You know it's over. You know they know what's over. There are some people who potentially are better than you and I, honey, that could put their relationship aside and say, oh, we're just friends. I'm gonna but then you're gonna have those pictures after the breakup. You can't be like talking to anybody, you know,

you can't be bringing anybody back to the room. If you're gonna go on a trip with your ex boyfriend and you're out at the club and you guys are hanging out and some guy tries to like roll up and you cannot take him back to the hotel. Now what could happen, is Carolina, maybe maybe he's the homeie. Now maybe he could be a photograph for all of agrees. You gotta have Instagram timeline popping. You know, it's got to be a point. Your reel's gotta be nice and

tight and just, I guess, enjoy it. Don't lose the money. I changed my mind, Carolina, fucking listen, if he don't, if he doesn't want to give me his his ticket at discount, and he's like, I'm going I'm just gonna swallow the pill. And a pill is all I will swallow, and I'm gonna go him. Oh my god, I'm dead. I am dead right now, That's all she will swallow. See,

I want to be a bigger person. I want to pretend like I could put the relationship aside, that I wouldn't be like looking at him, breathing like at night and having him annoy me all of those things that annoyed you in the relationship. But now you're gonna be in this beautiful location and you're gonna have this big Harry Gorilla in your room because you hated that he didn't shave his back. You know, like all of these things are gonna start coming up, and I feel like

it would ruin the time for me. It would ruin Greece, and I don't want anybody ruining Greece. Athina really don't like exes. She said, he Harry Gorilla, that's gonna ruin Greece. File He's done, he's done, he's canceled, goodbye. I'm not, I really am, And there was no ex boyfriend that I would ever allow back in. But I do think it's like it's that's a tough one because number one, you've already spent your money. That's a load of cash

they are. I looked into Grease me Bella, and I was like, girl, we gotta wake till we have an extra fours hanging out for no asked reason. Then we're going to go to Greece, don't don't. We took the boys to Grease before the pandemic. Astropeted his pants on the plane. I had his little baby pajama pants up to that air event like an animal, because I was like I don't even know. I only packed one extra outfit for him. He peeed through the next outfit. He

wasn't potty trained. I was. That was, like, honestly, for me, the most mortifying mom moment. But Greece is spectacular, it's breathtaking. You want to do it with people who will enhance your experience. And I don't know even if you did end it amicably, I want to say to go ahead and do it, but my heart is telling me for some reason, I don't know, Girl, don't do it, Jenny.

Try to hustle him, Try to get him to sell you all his stuff and change it to somebody else's name, your sister, your best friend, your new joint that you let and take it down that he don't know about yet. You know, we tried to change my son's flight. I had a flight to Miami. Actually, um, we were flying to Miami over Easter. The boys got the flu and we had to cancel, so we canceled all of our flights. Great, whatever,

you have a credit, so we had the credit. Now my son left for summer camp and we had to go to North Carolina to visit my brother. Well, they would not change my son Noah's name on the ticket, and I said, but his father wants to use the ticket. It is his biological father, it's within the same family, so what So then I'm gonna I'm gonna be stuck with this credit for one child, and now I have to fly your airline again for this whole situation. It

was so messy. So I would just say, Jenny, do the research, see what you can do, because the airlines aren't really gonna, like bend a whole lot for you. But maybe you could call, like if you got it through Travelocity or Expedia. I don't know. I'm just like, this is a really tough one. I know. I feel bad for her because I wouldn't want to lose three, four or five dollars. I don't know how much money

she spent. Oh Carolina, why don't they go and just get separate hotel rooms and then he could do him and she could do her. Sound some eat, pray love type of ship. I actually really like that idea. I don't think I think that's a really good solution. You're gonna spend a little more money, but you'r you would have lost a lot more if you didn't go on the trip. So Honey with the solutions today, I love it. Yes, Look,

you know what, you can rent a car together. You can tolerate him for a couple of hours when you're driving here to there. Because everything in Greece you gotta drive two hours here, you gotta drive it. You know, you gotta take a small little charter plane. You gotta do all this bullshit, right, But it's so worth it. Trust me. It's one of the most beautiful countries I've ever been to. So I would say take Honey's suggestion, spend a little more money to have the experience you

have the companionship. Look, I mean it's three were women. Yes, we're going out. Is the world safe still? I don't know. Necessarily. I think I might like having a man or a male figure. Not that I'm some little woman that needs to be saved or anything, but it's just smart to always have somebody who knows where you are. All right, So, Jenny, we just solved your life problem. Um, come back to us for more if you need a If Jenny, don't dm me a picture of her time in Greece, we

don't have a problem. That's it. We are going to now. Well, you guys can always right into the salon. We're at l I Spanglish on all social media. Um. Also we have our Gmail honey, which it always escapes you. What is it? Life in Spanglish at gmail dot com. L I Spanglish at gmail dot com. So send us an email, send us an email, send us a d M. Tweet us. We check everything you know. You can send a tweet. It could be two sentences and we'll know what a problem is and we'll take care of it for you.

We are totally wrong. It's Life in Spanglish podcast at gmail dot com. Hilarious. Shout out to producer Andrew, who always saves us, who's listening in the background, and who actually creates the episodes for us and gets the salon letters. That's the reason why we never have to log in. We love you, Andrew, so yes, we are looking forward to your emails and stuff. Look, if you guys have issues or anything that you want us to help you with, we are always here for you. But have the conversation

from the beginning of the show. Think about what you want to do with your parents. You know, as Latinos we always take care of each other, and I think it's something that might pop up before you even know it, and make sure you hit us up on social media. I'm at the Real Carolina. Follow me on a Graham It's I am Honey German. Yes, and we'll be back next week. We got so many more great episodes for

you guys. And if there's anybody who's like a one to watch or anybody who you guys think that we should be talking to, hit us up and let us know. If you're interested in finding out more about somebody that you want us to talk to. We are so open and down to do that. Let us know. Why is that. Lifense Banglish is a production of Lifense Banguish Productions in partnership with My Hearts Michael Podcast at Work