I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and I'm a body positive advocate.
I'm Carolina Bermudez Sonika wins it. But I was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama, and a worker bee.
This is life in spanglish Carolina. I am about all things with the word honey, right, honey.
Yeah, honey.
I use honey pot to watch my koochie.
Wait, wait, hold up, pulled up. Wait, A lot of people don't know about this. You use honeypot too? Do you use the sensitive? Do you use the watch one I use?
I use the sensitive one, the one with the blue label. I don't like sense. And you know Macha has to be treated very nicely. But which one do you use?
Girl?
I feel like I use the honey yeah, and.
Then I use the orange wipes. And I love the honey pop pantyliners. I mean, we need to get them on because this is what I said.
I'm sending this to the salespeople. But anything honey catches my eye, whether it be saved, the honeys, honey jack, whatever it is. And lately I've been seeing baby honey and lately I've been seeing this thing called honey fund ooh oh, is.
This the wedding thing. It's like it's a registry.
It's a honeymoon registry. It's like an alternative to registering for glassware at William's Sonoma. And I am loving this, Caroline. I am one hundred percent here for this.
We need Okay. So lan're saying, is this has come up a lot recently because it's wedding season, and normally people say, like when does wedding season start? Well, for me, wedding season is all year round. I don't think that there's because you know, there are some people who dream of like a winter wedding. There are some people who dream of like you know, June is like the most popular for brides. Anyway, it's this trend that is happening
that has people either all in or all out. So the honey fund is when a couple gets together and instead of giving you the option to buy them things off of their registry, they say, we would like for you to contribute to our honeymoon. So instead of giving them like a check or money, you just go online. You look up their honey fund, and you can contribute like whatever amount of money that you would have given them for their wedding to the honey fund.
So this is pretty much go fund me but for honeymoons.
Ooh yes, good take, yes exactly. But it rubs people the wrong way because they don't well oh well, you know the etiquette experts, right, okay, so like etiquette says, I don't think anybody's following etiquette. In twenty twenty, everybody's out, girl.
People be having GoFundMe for like vaginal rejuvenation surgeries and shit like that. There's no anymore.
God, Okay, yes, people are tightening the and they're also created and they want you to pay for it exactly exactly. No, And that's where, like, you know, again, I always reference to my mother whenever we're talking this podcast, because God bless her, she just like is a wealth of like just content. My mom is like, go the gofundmes for
the vaginal rejuvenation. My mom would be mortified. But also my mom would be mortified about this because you know, when you're getting married, there are a lot of people who potentially can't come to your wedding, especially if you have a big family. I know, for my sake, I have of our family lives in California and Florida, nicaraua like everywhere. Right, So you have a registry so that people have the option if they can't make it, to send you a little something, you know, like wanna go Sita,
you know. But when you're doing the Honey Fund, you're like, no, I don't want your choch keys. I want money so that I can go and live my best life in Bulhard Bora Bora right right. But a lot of people are saying that it's tacky. And actually, for those of you who are listening to Life in Spanglish, I have a morning show and I have a co host and his name is greg T. Greg T was invited to a wedding where they they gave the link to the Honey Fund. And when I tell you, this man's blood
pressure was through the roof. He was so offended, so offendil.
He was like, how theare they asked me for coal hard cash to go have wild sex in Fiji?
Well, you know what? And I always like to think, Hey, if my money contributes to your love making, that I am here for it, you know, because I'd rather you know, some people say like, oh, whenever they use their china, I want them to think of me, Honey, did you get china for your wedding?
You know what, I still have. I have the blender that I got for my wedding. But you know what, me and NOONI were already living together for like five years, and I just made a wedding registry because my wedding planner, which happened to be my older sister, was like, you have to register somewhere. I'm like, but I don't want anything. She said, well, you replace things, you know, maybe things that you don't own, if you want to get, like
something that you would never pay for yourself. And I felt like a lot of it was waste of money. Like I have albums with our names engraved. They've never been filled. I have a million champagne glasses with our initials that have never been used. Girl, I would have one thousand times more preferred that honeyfund existed and that all that money that everyone spent would have went towards an amazing honeymoon.
Well so now here's the thing, though, if somebody's listening right now and they're thinking about getting married, there is a catch with the honey fund or with these sights, because it's not just honey Fund. There are a bunch of different ones. There's like wanderable dot Com. There's like a bunch of different like websites that you can go
to to register for this stuff. So what happens is what ends up happening is they don't I don't charge the person who is sending you the money, but when you withdraw the money, there is a little fee that
they take out for their services. So you know, you're not getting this like completely scot free, you know, for the sake of saying that, but yeah, I mean, I guess it's like it's a different approach to looking at your gifts or the things that you're going to receive and whether or not it's actually something that you will use. Like you're right, honey. A lot of people now they're living together. This isn't like nineteen seventies nineteen eighties, right
where people would get married out of high school. They would get married out of like you know, after college, and it was forbidden for you to live together. Now you're getting couples who live together for like five, six, seven years and they already have blenders. Yeah, they already have a salad spinner, which, by the way, I still have my salad spinner for my wedding and it works batulously. But no, you know, I think that there is something to be said about the creativity and whether or not,
you know, I would have done it or not. I mean, look, we ended up like you end up losing money when you throw a big wedding. You don't even I don't know about you. But like, we got gifts, but it didn't even cover like what we spent on the wedding. It put a small debt into like what we ended up spending.
Yeah, I got gifts like during my bridal shower from like the all the women that were involved in the wedding. But I had a destination wedding and I did not feel comfortable accepting any gifts at all. So I told all of my guests that they did not need to give us gifts or money. So we our wedding. We just paid for it. You know, some people like I made all my money bag, Well no, we made zero dollars back. All my wedding was completely funded by us cash.
That's the only good thing. We didn't charge anything, So the day after the wedding. We didn't have any debt, but we didn't have no envelopes either.
Well, you brought up the D word, which was what I was going to bring up after we go to breaks. So a lot of people are talking about whether or not this is tacky if people are taking away from the special moment of their wedding because they're requesting money. Basically like, look, we didn't do Please tell me did you do the money dance? You know that's like a thing in some cultures, right, No, you know what the money dances.
I've seen it, but my Dominican culture, we don't do it.
No. Yeah, my mom was against it, like from the very beginning, from my sister getting married back in like nineteen ninety or whatever. My oldest sister got married when she was younger, right out of college, and my mom was like, no way, we are not having people pin dollars onto your wedding dress that they saved up so much money for. My mom was like, that is not happening. But there are different ways that people, like air quotes
make money at their wedding. But honey, you brought up something that I want to discuss next after we go to break and that's the debt of the way wedding. So we'll get into it right after this. So now experts are saying that if you are going to get married, the number one thing that you should consider is if you can afford it. Okay, a lot of people cannot afford to have weddings that they imagine because once you start getting into it, like, for example, you did a
destination wedding. We did a wedding in New York. We put a deposit down. That deposit was for the space itself. That didn't include the tables, the chairs, the linens, the food, the entertainment. You know, like so all of these things. You start looking at it from a bigger picture and you're like, oh my gosh, what are we doing. Look at all of this money that we're going to be spending.
You need a spreadsheet when you're planning a wedding. You need a whole Excel spreadsheet because if not, Carolina, you'll end up spending so much money you don't even know where it went.
I think you don't even need a spreadsheet. It's just like you need to make sure that what's going in and out. Yeah, I was going to say you need a money manager at that point, because like people don't realize unless you have a fixed budget and you're willing to do like you know, have you seen these people recently that catered their wedding with Chili's And people were pissed off about it, and other people were like, I
think it's smart. You know that what your family is going to like, you know that you're on a budget, and it's like, hey, the people who love you are coming to celebrate you. They're not there to like criticize
what you decide to serve for your wedding. But what experts are saying is that before you get married, you need to look at the bigger picture and say, is this money worth it to me for one night where my family and friends get together and we have this big celebration, or is this money better well spent as a down payment for a house, which is also what some people are using a honey fund for. Some people are saying like, look, my my now husband and I
traveled so much when we were together. Now what we really need to do instead of a honey fund, we need a down payment for a house. So instead of giving us gifts, you can contribute money to that, which I have to be honest, I don't find any issue with that.
I don't either. And if you're listening and you don't know what to do, there is a show on Netflix that's called Marriage or Mortgage, and it puts a lot into perspective, and it's couples and they meet with like a wedding planner and a real estate agent, and actually they compete, like one person wants the wedding, one person
wants the mortgage. It's a cute little show. And if you're right now contemplating, like should I spend sixty thousand dollars on a wedding or put it down towards a down payment, maybe that's a show you can start with.
I never even heard of that. I'm definitely gonna have to check it out.
Yeah, I've watched it, and I would still do my wedding care I didn't own my home when I did my wedding, but also it was a week thing. I don't regret it. Eventually I got more money and I bought a house, and I bought another house. But I could have never had a wedding and another wedding and another wedding, So I'm glad I spent the money I spent on my wedding. That was one memory that I could never recreate. The money for the house. I could raise it two, three, four or five times over.
Yeah, I have to agree with you. I have no regrets. And just like having all of the people who I loved and loved me in that space and seeing Mark and I, Yeah, and just like the vibe that we created. I truly think that that was probably one of the best nights of my entire life. Where you know, most brides say, oh, this went wrong and that went wrong, and Mark and I, like, we didn't spend the nights we were already living together, and we didn't spend the
night together before we got married. But we looked at each other and we said, no matter what, no matter what happens, this day, this day, like when we get married, is going to be just all about like the love that we share for each other. And when I tell you that nothing went wrong. Even my wedding planner was like, I don't think I've ever had a wedding that went this smoothly. She's like, no wakeups, not one thing. It was crazy. If it did. She kept it from us
because she was absolutely fabulous. Claudie Hanlin over at the wedding library shout outs to her, the check is cleared. But yeah, it was one of those things where I would never take back that moment because it's like, I have pictures of me dancing with Maya Waalita. He was not here anymore. You know, Mark has pictures with his father. His father isn't here anymore, and he got to actually see us get married. So those are things, those are moments that I would never ever, you know, regret.
Yeah, that's that. My wedding is actually the last time I saw Maya Walita before she passed away. So and the reason we got married in Dominican Republic was because Maya Worita was in a wheelchair and she couldn't travel. So I said, you know what, this is the most important woman in my life because when I was born, my mom was in New York City as a young woman and she was still trying to you know, she was still trying to get her feet wet and get
her money up. And she set me as an infant to live with my Aweila, and I was there with her probably till I was like five years old. So this was my first.
Mom, right, yeah, and you had that connection.
I was not getting married unless this woman could be there and dad alone, Carolina makes having had that wedding the best decision I've made in my life.
Well yeah, I mean, and that's what it's about. And listen, there are people who may not be close with their families and don't need that, and that's perfectly fine too, you know, because there are people who say, I'm happy going to the courthouse. It's just a piece of paper. This is the love of my life. This is what I want to do. And I'm a big believer in
doing whatever makes you happy. But the only the thing that really bothers me about this, honey fund, I'll tell you the truth is that people have so many opinions, and it's like the world evolves. People evolved, people change, and it's just like what I told you before. It's like people aren't getting married when they're eighteen and nineteen years old anymore. You can't go and buy a house in a neighborhood as a startup house, and I mean, for real, like that. That's the state of the world
that we're in right now. So why are you coming down on people for being creative. To me, I think it's a creative idea.
It is, and you know, shout outs to this couple that came together and put this website together, because it's not something that I guess we would come out and ask and be like, hey, traditionally I want to go to Thailand. Why don't you? Guys like you just you feel bad even people giving you money nonetheless putting together whole landing page and saying we want to go on an African safari? Can you give us fifteen thousand dollars?
But I feel like through this it's acceptable. And you know what, I'd rather give you money to go to let's say, Bora Bora, then to buy you a set of towels and some forks and some pots. I don't want to buy you none of that. I want you to have an experience that's gonna be emblazed in your brain forever.
Well yeah, and also this is something really cool. When I was researching these different types of funds, I feel the exact same way that you do. I want to help somebody create an experience and a memory, and I want to be a part of that. Right. But like on some of these different sites, like you can say like, oh, this is for I'm making this up. This two hundred and fifty dollars is for your first dinner when you get to your honeymoon, and you can like, isn't that
so cool? So like if the husband loves to golf, okay, you could put money toward like his golf outing, or you could put money toward her spa day so that she can relax after the wedding, which I think is like a really nice gesture, so that when she's getting that massage, she could be like, oh, honey, I gave this to me. I am thinking of them while I'm getting my massage, Like I wouldn't have gotten this if
it weren't for them. So I do think that there are ways that you can personalize it and make it a little bit more special or sentimental, if you know what I mean. Because like a lot of people give you know, items thinking like oh, every time she uses the salad spinner, she's gonna think of me, you know what I mean. So it's like that way, that's what I feel like they get around it. And I do believe that that is a wonderful way to remember somebody's beautiful gesture for you on your wedding day.
And I see it because two different people while we were in Dominican Republic, decided, oh, okay, I want to gift you guys some samba dancers. That was dope. I love that. I will ever remember the samba dancers. And then someone else said, I want to gift NOONI a cigar roller experience. That was super dope. Those two things forever stick in my mind as two people that were there decided to add that on to our wedding and it was special.
I don't know. I just hope that, like maybe we're opening people's eyes to like maybe not be so judgmental or to be open to like different ideas when it comes to showing your love to the people that you care about, especially on such a big day. You know, you don't want to go into that with like hurt feelings or bad feelings. So I we don't know. Yeah, yeah, maybe be open to like these new creative ways that
people are doing this because the world is changing. Like I said, honey, you know, it is not like how you and I when we got married. The way that things are and it's gonna be different. Five to ten years from now. I always I look at my husband and I wonder we talk about like our kids, and I'm like, gosh, I wonder what's gonna happen with our boys? Are they going to be like the type to get married young late? Like what are weddings going to look like?
Then?
So you know, sometimes you do you have to roll with the times. But you know, when we come back, we got to go to the salon. I'm so excited to read this letter to you because it's so June, see, and I cannot wait. You know, everybody says that they love Honey's opinions on the salon, so I got it up my game. That's coming up back. Well, if that wasn't a tease, Honey, ooh, we got a letter in the salon. And you guys know that you can always send us your issues or dilemmas or your problems so
that Honey and I can hash it out. And typically we don't agree, which is always great, but you can send us your letters so that we can try to figure out your problems for you.
So today's second Carolina. I'm putting a little bit of oil in my mouth because you know, lanes come my tongue has got to be ready.
Go ahead, Oh she is ready ready, Okay, So here we go. This comes to us from Chloe. She said, Hey, ladies, I hope y'all are sitting because this one is messy. My younger brother has always been my best friend, mir Manito. We have an inseparable bond and I love him so much. But his nobe two years. Let's change her name. I'll call her Maria. Maria is a doll. I would be honored to call her my sister in law one day. Now.
That's all fine and good, but recently, one of my homegirls caught my brother hooking up with another girl at the club. Yes there is photo evidence, and yes it was confirmed that he was creeping on his girlfriend. I feel sick to my stomach and don't know how to bring this up to him in a safe way. I don't want to ignore it, and it also has me
second guessing who my brother really is. Any advice please, that comes to us from Chloe, and that is I'm going to leave that right there like a cat that just caught a bird outside and dropped it on the doorstep. There you go, okay, honey, here we go.
Delivered First of all, Chloe, one word loyalty, and that is only to your brother. I don't even know why Maria was even mentioned in this letter, because Maria shall never know about this. I don't care how much you like her. Your brother is the only person that concerns you here.
And this is where I step in. So yes, I do think that you have to be loyal to your brother. But I also do think that part of being a good friend or a good sibling or family member is to keep people accountable. I'm sorry, because you know what, don't be out there doing something dirty if you got this good girl that the family has accepted that you're bringing around for two years. Because that's the thing that
a lot of people don't remember. When you are cheating on your girlfriend or boyfriend or your spouse, that person also has ties to your family too, And when somebody comes in, that's also difficult. Now, I'm not saying that Chloe should go to Maria and tell her what her brother's been up to. I don't think that Chloe shouldn't even go to her mom or dad or anyone. I think it's something where she goes to her brother and says, hey,
you've been messy. You got caught. If you don't like this girl anymore, do the right thing and let her go. And I won't say anything, or I don't think she should say anything period to Maria. But I think that she should call him on the carpet and be like, why are you doing this, Carolina?
Because men are men? But the hell why?
No? No, no, no, no, he's doing this the fun.
He's probably young, he met somebody, they saw him creeping. It's not like they saw him having sex somewhere. And I don't feel like men cheat because they don't love you. Here I go. Noone has brainwashed me. And he's always told me men don't cheat because they don't love their women. They cheat because it's an activity and it's fun, and then they eventually go back home. What do you think about that?
But he think about closed and go pick up pickleball if you want some activity, noony, because that is not my not my style. Baby. No, defend all the men that cheat.
He always defends them. He's like, there was no emotion behind that. For men, sex is an act, there is no attachment. It's an activity and then you go home.
But that in itself is so wrong because like, there are two things that have an issue with that you just said, honey, and I'm gonna call you on it. Number one, like.
Ill you're calling, I'm calling on this this type of behavior in my home.
No, no, no, of course not. But what I'm saying is like the whole boys will be boys mentality, It is twenty twenty three. Okay, that is the biggest croc of bullshit. It's also like preventing you from being a man. A man thinks about other people. A man thinks about how his behavior will affect other people that he loves before he does something that's a man.
But there because you don't find out.
Well, no, but that's but that's why I'm saying, Chloe, your brother is exhibiting little boy behavior because the little boy can't make a choice and he's out there in the streets grinding on some random girl, making out with her at the club while his little girlfriend is at home thinking that he's like, you know, being faithful. That's what a boy does. But a man would be at home with his girlfriend, not going out to the clubs
and acting crazy. So that's where that I think that that's an issue that I don't like that phrase at all, because, like I said, we don't raise our boys like what the whole boys will be boys mentality. You know, I've said to my sons too, even because you know, Noah's getting to the point, like he's nine, he's starting like
the girls are starting. The stuff is starting. And I say to him sometimes he'll be he'll treat me badly because he had a bad day, or he'll talk back to me, or he'll be snippy, and I say, hey, Noah, I know you had a bad day. But you know what, when you love somebody and somebody loves you and you treat them that way, they're not going to tolerate it. If you love someone, then you have to communicate. You have to say I had a really bad day today.
I'm sorry if I'm being short with you, it's not fair. I know I need some time to myself. That starts now, you know what I'm saying. So it's like this whole thing about like him being her brother and not being able to the video is out there, so if she doesn't tell him the friend saw it and recorded it, somebody's gonna find out. That's why I feel like it's being loyal by telling your brother. Hey, the word is out on the street. You got caught. Now you need
to do the right thing. You got yourself from this situation now.
Definitely, if there's video footage, I need.
It, she said. Hold on one second, she said, she said, him hooking up with another girl at the cup. Yes, there is photo evidence. Yes, it was confirmed that he was creeping. So boom right there. It's like, you put yourself in this position.
Nah, you definitely got to put me on. If you and my sibling, you got to put me on. But don't think you're gonna put me in my place. Don't worry about what I'm doing in my personal life. You gotta be like, bitch, there's a picture if you creep in exactly. You gotta get ahead of this. You got to get ahead of this. But I don't expect you to look down on me talk about oh, you shouldn't be cheating.
Nah, don't get involved.
In my personal life. You know you don't know what's going on here. Just put me on so I could get my story straight. But don't try to.
Wrap absolutely well that you know. I mean, I guess like it sounds like they're very very close, So I don't know if she can help herself, because when you're really close with somebody, it's almost like you know, I love you. But I don't think that this will affect their relationship. I think it would affect their relationship if she goes to Maria and says something to her.
And also close a viihilation that right, theere is a violation. If my sibling snitches me.
Out on cheating, oh forget it.
Our relationship is strained for life. I'm never gonna let that go.
No, that breaks the bond right there. But what I am saying is, Chloe, you need to go to your friend and say, hey, do me as solid. Don't send that out to anybody. Don't snapchat that shit. That's my brother,
that's my baby brother. Whatever. Let me repeat it to him, right and let me figure this out, like do me a favor, and like don't like that stays between us, like me, you and him, Like, don't be sending that out to other people because like that's the other thing that happens, and be a you know what I means. And now this one tells that one and that one
and it's gonna get back to Maria anyway. That's why I'm saying Chloe, like, if you are loyal and if you're a good sister, you need to approach your brother and let him know he got caught. You know about it. There's a picture. What are you gonna do about it?
Put together a plan? Okay, tell your homegirl, Yo, hold it down. Don't blow up my brother. We don't want to hurt Maria. She's an innocent victim and all this. Then pull up on your brother and be like, yo, you out here, be a messy. We got photographic evidence. If that makes it on socials, it's over. But you and Maria, you're gonna break her heart. And she said, sweetheart, and Mommy likes, how are we going to handle this? I'm pretty sure exactly. He can still come out of this, you know what.
And that's why I agree with you there too. And I was gonna say, Chloe, like, so many relationships have gone through these ups and downs. It sounds like you guys are young, you know what I mean, And like there are so many relationships that have gotten through a cheating you know. And by the way, it's like he's dancing with a girl at the club. Maybe he made out with her, all right, Like you can bounce back
from that. But I think it's the dishonesty that is really really the issue here, and that he needs to like grab a hold of it if he's still interested in Maria, because we don't even know, he might be.
Over it too, especially if he's already out here creeping. But then again, if it's a young guy, you know, young people, they like variety. They're fluid. They don't know what they like today, they don't know what they like tomorrow.
I know, thus fluid. Everybody's fluid. That's another episode too.
I don't blame them. I should be fluid too, girl. Sometimes I feel like sometimes I feel like men just don't get women. But that's another episode too.
Oh my gosh, you know what, we are going to create a compound and we're just going to go with like all women come and you know, we're gonna start raising our kids together. It takes a village, seriously, but no, oh please, I've had visions of it with my best friend. We want to raise allainess well garden kidding you everything for everything from the earth. I mean, no preservatives, no GMOs,
not hair, what hair, dried hair? Come on now? But yes, Chloe, I hope we helped you, and please please keep us posting because we love to hear follow ups to this and you can reach me. I'm at the Real Carolina on all socials.
Hit me up on Instagram, It's I am Honey German, and make sure to follow and subscribe.
And leave us a comment if you can. If you're enjoying life in Spanguish and you get it every single week, first of all, thank you, but second of all, leave us a comment so that we can see your feedback because we always love to hear from you.
Guys.
We hope you have a great week and we'll be back next week.
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