Best Practices for When the Devil Wants to Take the Wheel

gotta just resist. It doesn't happen to me often because I want my mom. No. I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I'm here to talk you through this because this is something that happens to all of us, and it's you know, it's a term that as Latinos we grew up with. My mother used to say that, like, it's just like something that happens that takes over your being. You don't it's like an outer body experience. You no longer know who you are, and you're not responsible for

your actions at that moment. You know what this is an interesting topic, and I really feel like as I've gotten older, as I've matured, I've definitely gotten better. But when I was younger, definitely Semo and I would say with boyfriend's situations, you know, not necessarily with girlfriends, like with my like my best friends and stuff like that.

I've never really been that type of girl. I have girls that are pit pulls, Like I have friends that will like literally destroy anyone you like, don't want to go to the club with them when you were younger because they would always end up in my friend christ Yeah, I was never that girl, but definitely when I found out that one long term boyfriend cheated on me and I got in my car and you, guys, I swear

to you, I don't know what happened. It was like I felt like I want to run this motherfucker over. But then I thought about my life and I was like, I have a beautiful life, Like why would I do this for this guy? You know what I mean. I'm part of my language. But yeah, it's like one of those things where it gets a hold on you and you just can't even see straight. It's it's nuts. It's crazy that you mentioned ex boyfriends, because I feel like the one time that I acted most out of character

was with an ex boyfriend. We barely broke up, right, I go to Jimmy's Bronx Cafe and he's there with somebody. I go to talk to him, and the girl's like, that's my boyfriend. Your boyfriend. We just broke up three days and girls and acue me, I'm sorry you. I first fought him and her at the club. Yeah, I don't know to make it. And I went over the throgs Neck and right to his house in Queens and I had a club and I remember the club. Oh my god, I had a club in my car. Girl,

I went hand with the club. His poor mom, Columbiana, God bless her soul. She was like no, And I couldn't stop myself. Carolina, that was a whole night that I spent. But you know what, because like you could have legit gotten arrested. Oh no, I could have, Carolina. But it's just like, imagine you break up with somebody in three days later, somebody's like, don't talk to him, that's my man. That means the cheating was happening for a very long time. And I just couldn't listen. I'm Latina,

I'm Dominican, I'm from New York. I'm a Capricorn girl. It was a perfect storm for that to go down. Well, see, here's the thing, you know, I feel like this kind of reared its ugly head and I hate to even revisit it because I feel like everybody's over now. It happened so long ago. But like the whole Will Smith Oscars situation, I feel like it's a perfect example of you know what I mean, and like, here's the thing,

my mom, Will Smith. I'm like, mom, yes, of course I saw what happened with Will Smith because I work in entertainment. Like, yes, my mom, I'm like no, you know right, Like you're almost like, come on, this is like low hanging fruit. But that is a situation where it is so out of character for someone, especially a beloved person like Will Smith, because you look at his career,

always a good guy, smiling, jovial. But it happens, you know, And that's the reason why even Denzel Washington after that situation happened, and that night, I think a lot of people talked about Denzel Washington and Tyler Perry coming to console him, and pray with him backstage, because like I'm saying, prayer is the answer, and no, you know what I mean, we gotta work harder because he's out in these streets.

But even Denzel said the devil approached him. And that's why when when he said when Denzel said that, it really just triggered something for me because we make fun of my mom all the time, you know, like my mom will always have these sayings and you know what I mean, like and if your family is Catholic, you know exactly what I'm saying. Like my mom's like, you know, like all of these little superstitious things and stuff. So when my mom made that statement, I'm like, here she

goes again. But then it's like then you have Denzel confirming it, and you're like, you know what, They're actually right. There are those moments where anyone it can happen to you, you know what I mean, You just get into this mode where you cannot be stopped. And I pray that I never get to that point because I do look back and I'm like, man, there were so many times when that could have happened to me. But how do you keep a level head when you're in that moment

of rage. How did you keep a let? You didn't keep a level head? You got your club. But you know what I was, I was like twenty one years old, out partying and drinking. So I don't even think I could have kept a level head. But I am disappointed in will and I am disappointed in myself. I probably could have handled it differently if I had Jesus in my life back then like I do now. Well, you know what it is. I think that hindsight also, and I think, like I said before, to maturity and age

have a lot to do with it. The only regret that I have for you is that nobody got you on World Star. We didn't get Honey swinging on the guy and the girl. All we had was like me, Hank the I think like me, Hankden was around. That was about it. And our cell phones didn't even have cameras. So it's all good, I'm being I think. But yeah, no, it happens, and I've seen it happen to really great people. But you know what, Carolina, it also happens when these

people are pushed too far. I see people that are amazing, they are great, They never react, They take everything in they ignore everything. They just okay, I'll let it, you know, brush it off my shoulder. But then there's a moment where and it is over, and then everybody wants to act like, oh my god, you saw what happened. No, have you seen what you've been doing to that family member for twenty years? How did you expect them to react the one time that they did decide to react.

There you have it, And I feel like that's kind of like what happened to Will Smith. Yeah. No, I definitely think that there are moments where, like I mean, you can go to any celebrity, really not any celebrity. I shouldn't say that that's a generalization, but I think that there are many times where celebrities have been provoked. I mean, one of the more famous ones, which is just a tragedy, seriously, is Britney Spears. You know, where everybody can go back to that moment it when she

had the umbrella. That to me, it's almost like and if you look at those pictures, Diablo, you know what I mean, And it's like one of those things where it's like she just couldn't take it anymore, you know. And now I think about Okay, so myself, if you want treatment, I'm always ready for that. This this situation I think happens in romantic relationships a lot if and we're gonna reference back to will Smith, Jada, this and that and Nona out whatever, but if you really think

about it. So, we know someone, okay, we know someone on Long Island that was cheating on his wife. The wife knew. Okay, he had ramante Okay, like he had another woman. The wife found out said I'm going to the other woman's house. Okay, I'm gonna confront this bitch. Right, goes to the other house to confront. By the way, um, this is my cleaning ladies, cheese ma, but I'm gonna share it with you'all. She goes to the other woman's house and says, you need to stay away from my man,

my family, Nana. No. The guy comes to the house. They have life three sixty. He knew where she was. He goes to the house and tells her get away from my girlfriend because that I love that woman. So if you want to tell me that, that's not going to bring the devil out in you. That's where I feel like, what do you do in a situation like that, Like how do you retreat? How do you handle your emotions? Like what do you do when you're super piste off,

honey and you try to handle your emotions. It's either internalize it and explode or explode and risk catching a charge at that moment, you just got it. Think about what you're trying to be and right because or you trying to be at the house later on, scrubbing your skin down, getting rid of your sending you stop that, get out of here. No, but you know what like so so this is where I said to I said to a cleaning lady and I said, yeah, so you know, and she said, it gets even dirtier. They all they

live in a share house. Okay, they used to live in this sharehouse. You know the people along island do that they live They used to live in rented rooms exactly. So they all lived in this sharehouse together. Then the couple moved out of the sharehouse, but he still had a little hanky panky, a little something going on with the girlfriend back at the sharehouse, so she knew exactly

where she lived. It was drama for days and I was like, it's like a damn novella And That's why I kept telling her, you know what I mean, because I was like dying to hear what happened. Ends up, he left the wife to be with the girlfriend. Now it as messy as hell, But that's where I'm saying. It's like when you have these I think their primarily motion, you know what I mean, Because like you think about love,

love is a primal emotion. When you feel that that that chemistry that see toastin gets released, you're getting that, you're getting them good vibes. Right. For rage, it's a primal emotion too. You know. When it has to do with love, it can turn ugly really really easy for sure, for sure. And there are crazy things. That's why they say crazy and love. Right. I think there was a there was an artist by the name of Beyonce who put it in a song, and it's called crazy and

love Looking so crazy. You got me looking so crazy and love, you know what I mean. And that's what it will do to you. Love will make you do some crazy things. And you know that's why you have all these what passion crimes, that's what they're called, where women kill their significant other, men kills her their significant other at that instance, how mad you have to be to actually do something like that, especially if you stablim that.

So it's so fun me that you bring this up, and not funny because of the content, but so crazy that you bring this up because I wonder about our fixation on all of these crimes. Like, you know, I'll sit down and I'll watch a night's worth of Dateline or a night's worth of forty eight hours mystery, you know, and then they'll be like, oh, they were a beautiful couple. They lived in a cold desac in Illinois, you know.

And then it's like, all of a sudden, I don't know where, you know, they end up like killing each other. But I remember when I was younger, my mom used to watch like mad inappropriate things with me. I remember watching like the Burning Bed. Did you ever watch the Burning Bed with fair faucet? Nah? Oh that was crazy. That's an eighties throwback Listen. My parents used to watch this guy his name was I think, and he was like this big fat guy and he would have like

show girls, like topless show girls come through. I'll send you. It's all coming back to me, and I remember being like a baby and watching like show girls. I think their tops were off. I don't remember, but it was very inappropriate too. Yeah, but like this was like inappropriate in a sense where it's like this woman went crazy because this guy was like abusive, he was mentally abusive

and like all of this other stuff. And then it's like, you know, you you go into these like dark dark spaces where you know you almost wonder, well, like what would she have done to get out of that relationship? You know? Or like you know, I always think back to that. Like I think her name was like Betty Broadrick. She was married to a doctor. The doctor was like

cheating on her with his his nurse or something. I forget and I'm probably paraphrasing right now, but anyway, I get so excited about this ship because like I think she'd gotten her Mercedes and she ran this dude over her husband, you know what I mean, Like you got a family, You got to think about this, like what are you doing? Like that man can go away, let him go on his way. You can still have your beautiful life, you know. But then it's like me talking

about it, now, how do you go home? Yeah? But like me going talking, I've never been through that, so God, thank God, I haven't you know what I mean? So that's where it's like, I feel like just this fascination with people who go there where you would never expect it from them, you know, but picture this, Carolina ding Dong talk about e Mark? It's ducky? What you mean

is Mark here? Oh? It don't matter. The kids that they had this they had nobody's wait wait wait wait wait, but you know this happened to me, honey, right like with an ex boyfriend. I never told you this story. Oh my gosh. I'm working at Scottsdale Fashion Square mall. Okay, I will not name names. I'm working at guests in the mall and this woman comes in with two of her friends and she's like are you so are you Carolina? And I said yes, yeah, you know what I'm thinking,

like did I help you before? You know, totally oblivious and you know me, like people used to call me Bambi. I was like a deer in headlights, Like I was very naive to make that commission. Yeah, I was like, wait, so, um, I'll get my nine percent right now? That what's up? Like, let me help you. So she comes through and she's like, are you Carolina? And I said yeah, but like aggressive, and I said, um, can I help you? And she's like, yeah,

you can stay away from my man. And meanwhile, I had been dating this guy for months and I was like, I'm sorry, who who's your man? And she told me the guy's name who was my man? She lived in a different state, came to Arizona to visit him, found out that we had been dating. And this is back in like the Nokia days, So I don't know how.

I used to only play Snake on my phone. I don't know how she found out like the little text messages like whatever, but yes, confronted me about dating her guy, and I'll tell you, my stomach dropped, My hands started sweating, and I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. And I almost wanted to like explain to her, I'm not the bad one here. Your boyfriend of three years that I've been dating for the past six months never told me he had a girlfriend, do you know

what I mean? So it's like, you say, like, what would you do? And honestly, I almost pissed my pants because I had no idea what was going on. I was scared. I was legitimately scared. And then after after she left, I got piste because you go through these emotions where it's like you really don't know how you'll react to someone you know, like you don't know, and and we ended it like and I said to her, I was like, I'm sorry, I have no idea what

you're talking about. Like you're coming really hard at me at my place of work, like you can't do this here. Then my manager had to get involved. They had to escort or out of the mall. You know. I think that after I was shaking, I was crying. He was calling my phone NonStop, and I was like, oh, no, you didn't, I said to him. I was like, do not talk to me ever again. I don't want to have anything to do with you. Go be with your girl, like you lied to me, Like you totally lied to me.

So you know, in those situations, yeah, I think it's like you get in that fight or flight mode. You don't know what you're gonna do. Some people fight, some people they go away. So I guess for me, I was trying to explain things. It's like an idiot, you know, But if it happens, you know, it's crazy. I think about it. If it happened now, Like, how does one react? Do you just start breathing? Do you remove yourself? Like?

How can you avoid the devil taking over your body and making you do violent and crazy things that you wouldn't do under normal circumstances. Give me some tips, Carolynacusette, still be having some anger problems here and there. And you know my husband is worth a lot to me alive too, Yes he is. Honey. We cannot be talking about that life insurance right now. So I don't want to. I don't want to get crazy. No, and we need you to calm the crazy, Okay, we need you to

go from crazy to calm. You cannot be the one to act out, Honey. We need you around too, because this podcast relies on you. Um. You know what, there's something really interesting and it's funny because you know, my children are younger, you know, their elementary school age, and I do work with them on anger manage, you know, because Danny Latino, you know, I mean, they they are fiery, they get they get heated, you know, And I always say to them, think of your think of yourself as

a balloon. You've got to find a way to control your anger. So think of balloon breathing. When you breathe into a balloon, the balloon gets bigger. You fill your lungs with air, then you let it out, then you fill it up again. Uh. There. There are a number of different like breathing exercises that you can do in the moment. It's practicing that stuff before you get in

that moment. So, for example, I always say to them, let's do some balloon breathing right now, because, like I know, when your brother gets mad at you, you don't go there. You don't think I'm gonna start breathing, you know, to to give myself that space to think. So you have to almost practice it before the occasion in order to be able to use it when you're in a situation where you might get really upset, you know. I mean, look,

I think that it's a really difficult thing. It's a challenging thing to manage your emotions when you're feeling certain things. It's a really hard thing to manage. It really is, you know, And I wish I envy those people who are calm and who can maintain that sense of calm. I don't know how they do it. As I've gotten older, you know, it's gotten better, but I was always very reactive. And you know, it also comes from the type of household I grew up. I grew up in a Dominican household.

You know, everything is in my house at least, we talk very aggressively, We're very loud, we're very opinionated, We're always ready to go, and you know, like me and my older brother, we fitted for it pretty much every single day. So I grew up thinking that physical violence was a way to resolve things and something that was

completely acceptable. Because throughout you know, elementary, junior, high school, and high school, me and my older brother would physically assault each other and that transferred over to my I like to call that training. I was ready to go in school at all times. I don't know, I just did twelve rounds in my crib last night. Who want this sauce today? Yeah, that's right. Don't be looking at me sideways. You know, I think that just when you

have older brothers or sisters. You know, my brothers were never allowed to touch us, which was actually one of the best things. Yeah, because we knew and that was like a rule. You know. That was my mom's one thing she would say to the boys, you know, but we would harass them. You can't touch me. But then my sisters and I, my oldest sister Jenny, never ever

once did we ever get in a physical fight. My sister Elizabeth and I. I dented a hairspray can on her head one New Year's Eve while my mom people downstairs. And here we are upstairs fighting over the Aussie hairspray because I wanted my banks to be bigger than her bangs. And you know, then it got ugly. She wouldn't give me the hair spray can. So here we are scratching each other's faces off, Happy new Your mom girl almost went to jail over some spiky banks that Auntie sprunt

spray that was the ship back then, you know. Like, but that's but that's where I'm saying. It's like, you know, now, if I were to ever fight with my sister, I would never lay a finger on her, you know. And that's where I say, it's a combination of like immaturity,

your youth. You do learn and you do better. But then, like, what's the explanation for these fifties sixty year olds like I was telling you that are still fighting and like, but also like just to go back to my to the to the cleaning lady Chiefsman, I'm not done with this story. I have questions. He's in his sixties, still messing around. I'm like, come on, guy, you better like I would be hanging out on your lazy boy relaxing girl. You're you're too young for these things? Are you too

old for these thing? Okay? Behavor in Dominican Republic. They over here trying to still hold on to their youth for as long as possible. So of course they're here creeping trying to find young girls. They're not gonna let it go. They're not gonna go out with out of fight, Carolina. They're trying to have kids. You know what I think

to like some pulling some Julio Glessia ship. Um, you know what I think is important though, I think that and I'm sorry, I don't want to get deep, but this this is just something that really drives me insane. And I said it myself just right now, I said,

my two kids are too fiery Latinos. In order for us to lose that stigma, we have to do better in these types of situations, because that's what's expected of us right, you know, And I think that that's where we start to change to the narrative of you know, well she's this, well she's this, or she's that. And you know, I've encountered that at phrase or that description in my career many many times because of the way

that I've approached things. So I think that, like, that's something that I've actively been trying to work on with my kids, even with my nieces, because as young women coming up in this world, I always tell them you are going to be judged by your looks. They all look Latina, they all they all have like, you know, our our tell tale. You know, they're they're not white girls, like where as far as like my son's they look white, they're passing white. Right, So I think it's really difference.

It's a big difference. And that's why I'm saying, you know, I'm not finding the right words right now, because I gotta be honest with you, I need a little bit of caffeine. I'm so tired. But like you guys understand what I'm saying. I think that as we continue, we have to try to find different ways to express our our passion or our anger or our frustration. With things in order for people to take us seriously and not think that we're going to go to that space all

the time. You know what I mean, did you understand any of that? Because I know I'm all over the place. Of course, it's like we're already a minority. You can see where minority. So when we're out here, we want to make sure, you know, we're changing that stereotype and that stigma that might have been following us throughout you know, hundreds and hundreds of years. We have to let them know. Yeah, I'm gonna ask, very fund very calmly, take my money.

I'm gonna walk out, So I understand where you're coming from. You know, we're all responsible as a community, you know, to make sure that the way we are viewed and the way we are I guess checked off in boxes continues to progress in a positive way. Yeah, you know,

maybe you can identify with this. Maybe right now there's something that's going on in your life where you know you've been heated, or somebody keeps pressing you, or there's a situation at work, whatever it is, you know, you have to find that space where you can get a better understanding and get a better handle on those emotions

and those feelings. So you're not the You're not the sucker, you know what I mean, Because like even now you look, I mean, and going back to where we originated the conversation with Will Smith, you know, look at what it did to his career, Look at what it did to you know, the image that he worked so hard to uphold, and that you know, that's that's thinking about it on a grander scale. But like think about you and you're standing in your community, and you know, look, we're all human.

We're all human, and and I feel like that's something we all deserve grace, we all deserve mercy. But you know, we got to do the work. We have to do the work within ourselves. And you know, I'm constantly trying to work and evolve, and I'll tell you right now, I am not without fault. I get mad. I know that there are times where I'm embarrassed by myself and

the way that I react. But I also know that, like I'm actively working to just be better, you know, So hopefully this will give you out one little nugget. Maybe this is the maybe this is the wake up call that you needed to do that inner self work to try to like get to a better space for yourself. And I'll add to that, the closer you are to God, the further Aleablo will be from you. Amen. Amen, you know you got to keep him in your life. And I know that we have so many people who listen

that are of different you know, religions. You guys, you know I have different things that you believe in. But number one, whatever it is that you do believe in, be close to that because like like we said before, the devil is alive, he works harder. And you know, we've just got to make sure that we maintain and I mean listen, I hope that everybody. Yeah, I hope you guys real quick. You know what it is. I've never been more connected than at this point in time,

I really have. I feel like it's um my perspective has changed. Um once I started putting my children into Catholic education shin they go every week. I think it's just so important to have something, any something for you to believe in. And that's the reason why I always say I would never ever pressure anybody to believe in what I believe. I honor you. I I think that that is a wonderful thing for everybody to have their own thing. But whatever that one thing is, put your

trust in that. Be careful out in these streets. Okay. And on that note, Carolina, that's right. Well, let us know guys, share your stories with us. We love the chiefs man uh l. I Spanglish is where you can find us on Instagram. I'm at the real Carolina follow me today, please and make sure you follow me to I Am Honey German. All right, and make sure you guys subscribe and leave your reviews. We love reading those reviews. Me and Carolina go through them and it's like you're

writing us a letter. If you do actually want to write us a letter or send a question for the salon, hit us up on our Gmail, which is Life and Spanglish Podcast at gmail dot com. Yeah, please do like and subscribe and email us and just do all the communicating because we love you. Thanks guys. Okay, I love baby by, I love you too. Lifense Banglish is a production of Lipense Banglish Productions in partnership with I Heart's Michael Tura podcast Network.