¶ Navigating Childhood Maturity and Relationships
I don't understand . I hate when you do that you be trying to make it seem like you be trying to make it seem like the thing is is you have this presumption that I can't do certain things , and so therefore I won't do certain things , or that I don't know , or that I'm not aware . You're like you won't know what to turn off .
You won't know .
How do you know you don't hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do .
I'm your host , nisha G , and I'm here with my husband , maurice , also known as Molito , so freaking , dramatic .
Forever , my lady . It's like a dream . Oh , you know what ? What's up ? I meant to tell you that Drew Hill is going to be in , I believe , Temecula . That's good for them and I want to go again .
I'm not going to take you nowhere , so you can yell another man's name in front of me .
I need to go back to see Jazz .
You groupie .
I need to go back to see Jazz , you groupie , I need to go see Jazz .
Y'all . Let me tell y'all something . My wife was yelling for jazz so hard .
I said , I'm right here , I'm right here . I was like , oh my gosh , it's jazz .
Yes .
Everybody was always hooked on Cisco .
It was never Cisco , for me , it was always jazz . So then I had to be petty , and when Coco , I was like Coco , oh my God .
We went to a . What was the concert name ?
Oh my God , it don't even matter what the name was .
I forgot what the name of the concert was but , Jodeci was headlining and this was what was it ? The beginning of this year or last year . It . Well , we went to the concert and it was the Jodeci tour thing . But Drew Hill was with them , and so was SWV . Hold on , hold on .
It was S-double-U-V-S-double . Oh my Cocoa looks still good .
Oh , that chocolate woman . But anywho , it came on my timeline when I was scrolling through Facebook and it said that Drew Hill was going to be performing . I believe it was in Temecula you ain't going Facebook and it said that Drew Hill was going to be performing , I believe it was in Temecula .
You ain't going Pechanga ? Yeah , I believe it was Pechanga you not going Anywho .
as soon as I seen it I was like I'm in it , like lit .
I gots to see my little jazz . You not going , you not going .
Why You're not going to hurt my feelings again . Did that really hurt your feelings ?
You were screaming for another man next to me .
Oh my gosh , but does it count ?
It does count .
He's a performer . He's an entertainer . I was entertained . He has a penis . He performed for me .
He has a penis , that's all that matters .
That's not a thing . It absolutely is . How was ?
your week babe .
My week was okay . Why I mean it was just okay . It was , you know , yes , it was okay , but my , like your daughter is just growing up . That's what . I'm checking it up to . And she's going through like these little . I see these little personality changes starting to emerge .
You don't like them .
And I'm not the biggest fan of them , and I'm just trying to navigate , like my parenting patience and my parenting , you know , trying to develop my parenting skills to find different ways of engaging with her instead of just being , like you know , wanting to grab her by the neck Sometimes sometimes , sometimes you got to Sparta , kick these kids .
No , I would never . This is Sparta , no , but you know , she's just , she's starting to just like be more aware of things around her . Her little personality traits are starting to come through and I do love seeing it and it's great , and it's not great at times , that's all .
Like we said before , it's hard for us to see our childhood in her childhood , because she's being allowed to be a kid . Yeah , but aside from that , it's just , but she's getting to experience something .
A kid , yeah , but I mean , aside from that , it's just , but she's getting to experience something that we have not experienced Because we had to grow up faster .
Is that what you want to check it up to ?
Yeah , she's a kid , she gets to be a kid . Yeah , you know that's so like her maturity curve is not the same shape as ours , because's not being forced to do it .
And I think that's kind of what part of me has to constantly remind myself that her brain is still developing . You know what I mean ? She is still developing . Things are still coming at her 100 miles per hour . She's still trying to navigate and evaluate things . A lot of the things that happen she doesn't have words for .
So that's why we try to talk as much as we can , but you know that's what our conversations have been like , just like her maturity with certain things and .
I try to do my best to not . I'm going to have to stop you right now what You're looking good .
Oh , thank you , babe . It's been a while since you've been gone Bye .
And that's too long .
I feel like in certain I think it's just also too in certain situations , when I see her amongst other different types of kids , her maturity changes , and then when she's with another set of kids , you know what I mean .
So I think that's just her filtering . She like camouflages herself into the pack .
Yeah , it's like trying to filter , filter her way through . So I mean it's all normal . I feel like we do it as adults . We definitely do it as adults .
I think she's just trying to figure out who she is .
Yeah , I mean that's cool . Yeah , you know she's got . She's got a lot going on .
The only thing we know for sure about this girl is that she loves dance and she loves gymnastics . Those are solid .
I'm starting to just kind of lump that into . She just likes to perform , Maybe , and that's why I'm just like well , every day is not a performance . That's what I try to like , girlfriend . Every day is not a performance . Girlfriend . But yeah , other than that , my week , my week was good . Got to spending some time with my sister , my great niece .
That's always good .
I be missing my sister and them 90s R&B just hit different .
I be missing my sister . Are you asking me about my week or are you sitting there having a jam session to yourself ?
because I'm looking at you and I'm thinking about all the songs that I can sing to you right now . I appreciate it .
Thanks , babe because I haven't been . I'm trying to have you balcony . Okay , how was your week ? I'm not doing this with you today . I'm not even doing this with you today . My week was cool .
You know what I mean . Like I just went out here and did what I'm supposed to do as a husband and a father . I provided protection and security , and that's what I did . You know , I just I played my position .
Did you feel like a man when you came in from the lawn ?
with 20 ? Yeah , I was like man I'm out here doing I ain't did yard . Look here . Let me tell y'all something .
He came in the house after doing a little bit of yard work . Talking about I'm proud of myself , I was having fun .
I'm being a man . Let me tell y'all something . Those were his exact words . I'm being a man , I haven't done any yard work in probably like two years , because no , it hasn't been two years . No , it's been like two years because , yeah , trust me , doesn't feel like that long , I didn't know .
I didn't know yard work since that front grass got put in , so that's not
¶ Home Improvement Projects and Procrastination
true .
You used to mow the lawn until I got on you when you started getting lazy about the lawn when I put the sod down .
We got to , I think I cut the , I think I cut the sod maybe once or twice , and then I got a gardener and he's been our gardener ever since . So , anyway , it's been a while since I had to do anything . But then I I hit my gardener .
I was like , hey , I want to put a sprinkler right here , you know , because our grass seems to die at a certain location every summer .
And what's funny about it is OK , just really quick , because it made me think about it . Excuse me , the area that our grass dies in right , we had our driveway widened right , so the area where the grass would die in , I was like , oh , we're going to take that part of the grass up anyway because we're going to widen the driveway .
So we took up like a huge chunk of our front yard and laid cement down to widen the driveway . And then we put new grass down and everything looked great . It was beautiful . The grass was even beautiful and green . Slowly but surely the same exact spot the grass started dying again .
It's one spot in the yard , same exact spot , the grass started dying again , just that way .
It's one spot in the yard . We just honestly , we learned that it's the reflection . It's the reflection of the sun off the concrete that's making that grass hotter , so it needs to be watered more . And then the reflection from the ones , but anyway , I digress .
So I had called the gardener and I was like , hey , how much would you charge me to put the sprinkler right here ? You know , I'm like I'm not trying to do no work , I'm just not . And he gave me that price and I was like I'll do it myself , em .
Bye , I'll do it myself .
Em , I got everything I need for it , because before we laid the side down , I capped all the sprinklers . I dug , dug them all up . I'm I , you know . I moved the ones where I put them where I thought they'd be best . Yeah , I know . So I'm like I already know about that whole process .
I remember about capital sprinklers no , when you were like taking some sprinklers out and putting because we didn't need that many , and I was like what I was like if there was 35 sprinklers . Just leave the 35 sprinklers we had .
We had 27 sprinklers in our front yard from the last owner and I felt like I said this is ridiculous felt like we should have left , so I . I got the 27 down to um 10 and now there'll be 11 , and all I did was I just put in . I put in 25 foot sprinkler , so they each sprinkler shoots 25 feet .
So I don't have covers the entire yard , so like yeah , so like when the the corner is pretty much covered , the whole side of yard , and then we have like a little patch that's like not part of the main patch , so that area has two sprinklers . That covers all of that . And then I have a half like a 180s at certain points .
But anyway , I was like man I ain't did this in so long I'm finishing but you know . But I was out there being a man .
He was like babe , I'm being a man .
Because I was telling her today I was like I got to get on this to-do list because it's getting longer and longer .
And it goes back to 2022 .
You didn't have to say all that .
I did . I think the people needed context .
You know what ? When a husband says he's going to do something , he's going to do it . You know what , when a husband says he's going to do something he's going to do it . He may not be when you need him , but you're going to do it Like .
I'm still going to put some towel racks up in the bathroom from four years ago . It's on my list . We renovated that vanity space at the beginning of the pandemic . It was our first little house project after being in our home for like two and a half , three years .
We redid the entire uh vanity , like you know , area of the bathroom like , took things out , built new things , like the whole little reno looks amazing , love it . We bought these handles and every day and every weekend he was like no , I'm gonna put them up , I'm gonna put where you want them . And he would keep asking me where you ?
I'm going to put them up , I'm going to put them where you want them and he would keep asking me where you want them .
I'm going to put them up today , Today . I'm going to put them up today I don't even think I want them anymore .
That's the problem . Wow , that's just like okay . So we bought lights . There's legit like $1,500 . Worth of lights in the box . I look at them and I say I don't even like the style of the light anymore .
They still going up .
And I'm pretty sure we could return them .
Like I'm 100% sure . I mean we can try today .
I'm 100% sure , and like , pick out new lights and maybe that'll , oh , maybe that'll re-motivate us to be like let's get these lights up .
We can try today , but we don't know what they're going to give us .
No , they'll give us what we paid for because we'll have proof of purchase . It doesn't matter , you have proof of purchase . Just find the card that you put it on and it'll show up .
Anyway , the lights have not been put up because— . We didn't realize it was a task because of our ceilings yeah , because we have like we have pretty high ceilings , and every time I call it he was like , he was like for one light so , but what happened was okay .
So I this is something I didn't know either we , um we had our ceilings redone , we got the entire house repainted like resurfaced um textures and everything . But when they did that to the house , that was the time we should have had the lights installed , because they already had the lights down the lights down . But they all , they had the what's the thing ?
They have to build the bridge they had to build the walk across the stilt or whatever . Anyway , the contraption that they had to build in our house to be able to get to our ceilings and to redo the walls and stuff like that . When that was built , that's when we should have had the lights .
Because now that we've done all of the work on the inside and then , after that was done , now we're saying , OK , we want new lights and the bulk of the cost is coming from them . Having to build whatever it is the little contraption .
The scaffolding . Yeah , that they have to do to get up there and then redo everything take everything down , because in my defense I put up everything I could do on like a regular 12-foot ladder I installed myself , like I installed the ceiling fans .
Yeah , all that stuff looks great , yeah , but it's just like it's the modern , like we've brought everything up to date , like the painting's up to date , the resurfacing's up to date , yard's up to date , everything is up to date . There is legit two lights in my house .
That's up to date .
That is up to date . No , that's not up to date . Oh yeah , there's two lights , only two lights that are not up to date it's like you walk in and you're like , oh okay , this is nice , up to date , it's modern . And then you're like , oh , this is , this is a little character you know how people call old stuff character . This is so , this is .
I like the little character that you guys mixed in with the modern but honestly like no we just never got around to it right honestly it'll be fine , yeah , I was gonna say , now that I'm thinking about it and talking about it , we should just go ahead and get it done . I feel like that we're both being kind of like being cheap .
I'm looking for a handyman bye .
No , because I also want it done like properly . I want it done right , let's get a handyman okay , anyway , yeah , but yeah , so that was your week . Oh no , you Um , but yeah , so that was your week . Oh no , you said you wanted to finish the thing I do have .
I also haven't finished putting all the new outlets in the house either . Which ones haven't you finished ? Like cause we cause the cause . We had the house painted right , so all the original outlets were that , those cream color outlets . So I I've been slowly but surely changing all the outlets to white outlets .
Yeah , which ones didn't you change ?
I haven't done anything past the dining room , so the kitchen's not changed , the formal's not changed .
Oh yeah , the kitchen , and yeah , the kitchen and formal's . Oh , this one's changed .
No , everything in this room that we're recording has changed . Oh yeah , that one's changed yeah and everything where we eat at has changed .
Just everything Basically .
No , because we still have that wood , one by the stairs .
Oh yeah , that's right , but that one doesn't really bother me because it matches the staircase .
It bothers me so much .
But it only bothers you because of the paint , like because of the color of the house , it bothers me so much . But it doesn't bother me too much because it matches the floors in the staircase , so it doesn't bother me , but I also be around here changing things while hitting switches .
I just let the power run .
Yeah , see , and that's exactly why I'd be like I would rather just pay the dime and call somebody out who's going to be safe .
You know why ?
Because I don't want to walk .
Because she ain't going to go out there and cut it off for me . Who me yeah ?
I will , if you ask me to . You ain't going , it seem like you be trying to make it seem like the thing is is you have this ? Presumption that I can't do certain things , and so , therefore , I won't do certain things , or that I don't know , or that I'm not aware . You're like , you won't know what to turn off . I just you won't know ? How do you know ?
You don't know what I know look here .
All I know is , as long as I don't touch the exposed wire , I'm not gonna get shocked that's probably . That's probably not a true statement and I just don't want to touch the exposed wire .
That's probably not a true statement . It is , and I'm going to have to consult an electrician .
You can do all you want , but I'm not paying for that . I can do it myself . What we got today , babe , we're going to talk about 15 minutes about other stuff .
I feel as though now this is kind of like right on point , because yeah , because you always be trying to downplay my , my greatness I'm never trying to downplay my greatness in this home I'm never trying to downplay your . I try to speak life and truth into you do you make it difficult at times .
Are we lying today ?
absolutely , but nonetheless , it is a valid effort on my part . Um , we're going to start today's episode with a clip , are we ? Because I really wanted to discuss this and I really wanted to get your feedback on it , because , you know , Is it a woman talking ?
Because it's probably two shits .
Oh hush . Okay , you ready Whenever you're ready . Okay , Let me make sure the volume's up so you can actually hear . Not too long , okay .
What would you say to women that maybe they see stuff that they want developed in their husband , but it's like it's not our job to correct them . It's God's job . Yeah , how do they handle that ? Okay , so there's a king and a fool in every person , and the one you speak to is the one you will see emerge , oh , wow .
So if I'm feeling like , oh , he's such a fool , he's so ignorant and he doesn't pray and he's not a spiritual leader and he doesn't care about Jesus like me which is all pride , what I just all said right there so now we're looking at him as a fool in our eyes , we see him as lesser than , and then we go address it . You're in trouble .
You're absolutely in trouble . All you're doing is actually feeding all their fears , because they have fears just like we do , all their insecurities , just like we have insecurities . We're feeding all of that .
So what the Lord told me was because I'm quick to act , that's just how I made that he says do not address him until you see him the way I see him this advice what are your thoughts about that ?
because I I really my well , my first question was how does god see me ? Because that's that's that's gonna determine how you address me . First thought . But what she ? I , I
¶ Effective Communication Strategies in Relationships
agree what she's saying . I'm a lot of times , and how you communicate will get you a more , uh , effective response or answer or quicker development than to come off like like like for us in general . Right , if you come across as nagging to me , I'm not going to move .
Yeah , but we've we've had this discussion before .
I'm not going to move .
Because sometimes , sometimes , I can come to you in genuine concern or genuine suggestion and you just automatically have a defensive wall up in genuine concern or genuine suggestion and you just automatically have a defensive wall up and you take it as me nagging Because your face . How is it my face ? What does that mean ?
That's not even Baby . I have been with you 20 plus years . Okay , you may be speaking calm , but your body language is not reflecting your voice .
What does my body language say ? Like right now , I'm like loose and I'm relaxed . Right now I'm trying to have a conversation with you .
I'm talking about . In those instances in which you're talking about your body language , say you better be panting . I'm saying because I need you to correct this now .
Well , no , it's not necessarily Okay . So there's some truth to that extent where I want you to hear me , but I also want you to understand that it's coming from a genuine place , it's not coming from a place of nagging .
And so , for me , when I feel like I'm making the valid effort to come to you and to be genuine and to be mindful of the words that I speak to you , to be mindful of my tone with you , and you still are not taking it seriously or you're still not taking it into , account .
It's not that I don't take it seriously .
Then that kind of that stirs something within me where I'm just like OK , even when making a valid effort , you're still confuting , like my anger and my calmness together .
OK , ok , let me . Let me . Let me address what you just said , right , so I can't speak for all men , but for me personally . This is what I do when you come to me with a concern or a complaint , I put it in the priority list , right , like now . It may not go to the top , it may go to spot five or six , but it's on the list , right .
And then that's just how I process things . I am one of those guys where I do better when I'm singly focused .
I can understand that that's right .
So if you're coming to me about a complaint or about something you want me to do or change , if I don't necessarily see that as something that is more important as far as now , this is like relating to like tasks right , I'm not talking about behavior but if it's not like more important than the tasks I have working on at that moment , or because , like a lot
of times , like you may ask me to do something , but what you want me to do is like it's not time-sensitive , but I'm already like trying to do something that is time-sensitive .
Right , and you're going through your list . Right and you're going through your list Right .
So that gets kicked down . That's why the to-do list is so goddamn long , because it's like well , this is something I want to do . I don't necessarily have to do . The things I have to do get done in the time . They have to be done right .
But when it comes to behavior , I do try to address the behavior things out the gate , I try to be more mindful of them . But , again , behavior changes are something that you have to practice recognizing over the course of time . That's not something that I can just change immediately .
That's something where I'm going to have to be outside myself in a moment to recognize oh , this is what she's talking about here . So slow down , right . So it's not that I don't listen to you , that are take you seriously .
It's just that a lot of times I just I put in order and you know , a priority order of what needs to be done , based off what's going on in the moment , and a lot of times I can tell like which are body language . Sometimes things are like , really , really important to you , but they're just not that important to me , right , right .
So then in that decision and that and those decisions I make the decision of , okay , well , do I just do it so she can be okay and then go back to whatever I'm doing . Or do I just say , okay , I'll take care of it .
And so a lot of times I just say , okay , I'll take care of it and I may not take care of something it's normally done , like in at least 48 hours , right .
And that's something that I can depend on .
So it's like , if I say I'll take care of it , like I may not take care of it in that moment , but it's going to be , it's going to be , at the very least , addressed within 48 hours . Yeah , it's just like . Ok , so it's like I hear you .
And now granted , I will say I have gotten better with hearing you because a lot of times when you come to me with the body language , and I'm like okay here we go . No , and I and I understand that . That's why .
That's why when I when I saw the clip it , it resonated with me because I know that how , especially early on , how our like we never had terrible communication , but I'm speaking for me personally . I know how I could come across when engaging with you .
I'm happy you said that .
I don't want to necessarily say get you to move or get you to do what I want you to do , but it's more so like I guess , for a failure of better verbiage to get you to do what I need you to do or do what I want you to do .
I can understand and I can see now that my approach has not always been the best and as we've matured and we've gotten older and , like you know , got a little bit more life experience and me wanting to take the initiative to understand that you know like what a relationship is and how I want to be in relationship with you , my communication also needed to get
better and me also recognizing and knowing that I didn't come from a situation where I had an ideal model or a role model of how men and women communicate or how to speak to your husband or how your husband should speak to you .
But I did start to recognize that sometimes the way I would come off , it would instantly put you in a bad mood or it would instantly like make your face turn up .
And so before you know like even before this you know , obviously the clip , because this was prior to TikTok and all that it's something that I literally recognized in myself and was like , ok , if this is the result that you're trying to get him to do , then it starts with the approach . Right , it starts . It starts with the approach .
So how you approach it is going to really determine the outcome most of the time . So that's why I try to say I do try to be intentional . Just like , for example small example , but an example when you started to become overwhelmed with doing the yard work right Prior to us coming together making a plan and getting the yard work done .
I was on the phone with you . She wanted to go outside and play . The backyard was not to my standard , right , and like I've said before , I love our backyard . She loves our backyard and that should be a place that she can go all the time .
Oh , that's beautiful man and the backyard was just not to the standard that it should have been , and in that moment I could feel how annoyed and angry I was , and I was directly annoyed and angry with you because your responsibility was the outside . I quite literally took a moment , calmed down and before I called you I asked you how your day was .
We chatted up a little bit . My energy was good . I made sure to check my energy and I simply said hey , babe , I can see that you become overwhelmed with the yard because you've been working so much . Take the stress off of yourself . Let me try to find us a gardener and we'll just rework it back into the budget . Like it didn't come off .
¶ Effective Communication and Motivation
I was very mindful of not trying to be like coming at you with such negative energy and saying because originally , if I would have picked up the phone when I was feeling the way I was feeling when I went and looked at the backyard , I would've been like seriously , dude , like you said , you were going to take care of the yard . The yard is a mess .
She can't , like I can . I know how I can get one size , so when I get on a roll , I know how I can get right . I was just like . It resonated so much with me because it is so truthful and it doesn't just apply with husbands and wives and speaking life into your husband , it also with your children , like speaking life into your children .
And I , what do I always say ? What you think about you , bring about . You speak your words to be your reality right your your . Your words become your reality . So if you're constantly harping negativity onto somebody because you're engaging with them , because of your own pride , you're only going to get more of the thing that you want them to correct .
Right , and I was funny . You said that because I was thinking about a couple of days ago , like I came home and the night you had made me the turkey burger , mm came home and I was like here we go again . Like you know what , I want to be buying lunch .
Gina cooked dinner today because her sister's here and now this is throwing everything off track and I said I'm not gonna know , my clothes are not done yet and I'm in my head . I'm like I walked in the house . I was in . I walked in the house , I looked around . I was immediately irritated . Did I mention that to you ? I didn't say that to you at all .
I was like , and on top of that , I was like all these people in my house and I'm trying to get some cut bye , it's a mail . I said I've been wanting my wife all week . Goodbye . I said they gotta go . I almost started handing out eviction notices around here . Goodbye , including your child . Goodbye because she was .
She was blocking the most no , but but hold on . Oh sorry , go ahead but like , like I said , like in that instance I was like , okay , I'm not gonna . Like I kind of calmed down and then when you come up there , hey , babe , just want you know I need this , for can you at least give me this for the morning .
And like you went through and you fall and you got it , but like again , well , I was doing . No , I was already yeah , in the process of doing it , so that's why I was like what do you mean ?
it wasn't right .
I was literally in the process of doing it when I walked in , but okay but you know the time I get home , most of the time right , but like I've , I've , I've . Personally , I've matured . Matured to that point to where I could effectively communicate with you , and earlier , when you said , we always had good communication .
I was , like I said , decent .
Oh , decent , I said I didn't agree with that because early on I was not good at communicating with you at all .
I meant , like you know , fairly good , not great , fairly good , but it was enough to get our points across . Were the points coming across with sincerity and love at all times no .
No .
But were the words being said ?
Yes .
Yes . So that's why I said fairly good , to the extent that we weren't holding on to things and blowing up at each other , but we also weren't in a space where we could have a heated disagreement but then also still go out to dinner and enjoy each other's company .
A heated disagreement , but then also still go out to dinner and enjoy each other's company I think that's huge , because a lot of times people will get in a disagreement or an argument and it's like go your separate ways . We can get in a disagreement .
It doesn't always happen that way , but we can get in a disagreement or an argument and then right back be like okay , you want to watch a movie and cuddle .
So for me , what I can say is my communication got better in how I talked to you and deal with you once you got pregnant , and it's because when you were pregnant , my whole model was like I don't want to stress her . So I literally was like I'm not going to tell her bad news , I'm not going to argue with her , whatever she wants .
Yeah , but that wasn't protecting me , you're just trying to protect your kid , right ?
but that's where it started . It was not about you , it was , it was about my child growing inside of you . So , but that's what I'm saying .
That's where I started to , uh , communicate more effectively once you became pregnant , because before that it was like , well , I guess we're gonna just be in here throwing smoke , because we just gonna , I'm gonna say what I gotta say , you gonna say what you gotta say , and it , however it turns out , we might be mad at each other for a couple days , but we'll ,
we'll come back around . We'll come back around . I'll ask you if you wanna go get some food , and you gonna say yeah , and we gonna be back at 100 . But to the point of the clip , she's a hundred percent right , you need to speak . Um , this , this is like again , what they say about , like speaking life into someone , right ?
She's basically saying , like you need to address all things in a manner in which you're speaking in life into the person , to motivate them so that you can achieve the outcome that you really want . So you got to put yourself in the position to where , um , you're uplifting them , even in times where there may be , you know , disconnection or lack of something .
Yeah , you know what I mean , because you want them to be able to .
You want them to be able to see what you see in them , but you want them to see it for themselves , right , right . So I know there has been times where I have expressed to you your potential in certain areas of your life , like when you , when you say things like you , would always say , man , if I could go back to being 20 , I would do this .
I would be different .
I would , I would do this different and I would look at you and be like you're not that far removed from 20 .
I am you still have ?
you still have a lot , of , a lot of life .
You know , to the knowledge that we have , which is not much , but just generally speaking , like you know the saying , you have your whole life ahead of you , but you have now and you have more resources than you did at 20 and you have more life experience than you did at 20 , so really , and I also have more responsibility . You also have more responsibilities .
That is correct that I responsibilities .
That is correct , that I cannot .
But in the same token , the way I see it , is the time . There's not going to be a better time than now to pursue and do those things that you think you are no longer able to do because of your age , because it would have been better to do in your 20s . But think about all the things you didn't have in your 20s .
Right , but the thing you did have was ambition , listen , but the thing you did have was like the inspiration you had the ambition , the things like that . But now , yes , Well , not , but I'm just saying that , like if you're thinking about that now and how you think things would have been different had you taken a different route in your 20s .
I think things would have been different . I just uh , if I actually was like on twitch while I was gaming but in any case , whatever it is , it's just I go for me .
It's just like the thing with new year's resolutions , right ? Yeah it's like whatever you think you can wait to the new year to do , you can do it now , right ? there is there you can do it right now , like you don't have to wait until January 1st to start a new regimen . You don't have to wait till January 1st to , you know , start .
Like that I'm always like . But if you would just either put yourself out there , take the little bit of risk or just , you know , just go for it . You never know what this could be .
And it's like I tell you , it's hard to take a risk when I it's hard , I completely understand . I am responsible .
I completely understand For the family . I understand .
I can't , I will't , I will not take risks that would lead .
I understand , but you're , but you're also , like I always say , you're also not in it by yourself . You're not in it by yourself , like you know what I'm saying , but I that's
¶ Navigating Communication and Marriage Boundaries
. That's why , like , I really wanted to just like touch base with you when I heard this clip , because I think it's so true and I think it's something .
Well , you need to speak more life into me .
Really , you can't take anything serious . You can't take anything serious .
Y'all see how she was laughing . That's how I got her pants on . You can't take anything serious and I don't know you love it .
I don't know what to do with you , um , but it it is the truth and I just like , just like with our child I do . I do try to be mindful with how I'm speaking with you , because men and women are very different , Right , especially when communication is involved , because just because you say something don't mean that's how I heard it and vice versa Right .
Because I could say something super sweet and I think I'm being , you know , loving and I think I'm being soft and I think I'm being soft and I think I'm being gentle , and your ears did not hear any of that .
I don't know .
Your ears did not hear any of that , but I think it's also something that just takes practice , it takes time , it takes awareness and , like , if it's something that , like we're working at , I think , the judgment portion of it also has to be taken out . You know what I mean .
And the grace portion . Well , I think judgment period in relationships should be taken out .
Yeah , but it's hard . I know it's hard . Yeah , because we're human , because we're human Right .
I mean , I'm an Android , so what iPhone it was ?
hard yeah , because we're human , because we're human Right .
I mean , I'm an Android , so what an iPhone .
This has been another episode of Because I , because I don't , I just don't know what to do with these sometimes .
You know , people say they're Martians . I wouldn't want to be , I'd be like . I want to be like . What do you call people from Jupiter ? Jupiterians , that's what I would be a Jupiterian , Because I got the rings .
Because you got what .
The rings .
Because you got the rings . Okay , babe . I don't even know what that means . I don't , you'll get it . You lost me on that one , you'll get it . You lost me on that one .
I swear , my wife is smart .
Are you talking about for the planet ? Because the planet , the rings . That's what I thought you were talking about Wait .
Saturn has rings .
That's what I thought you were talking about , but I couldn't be for certain . Yeah , so what do you think about that ?
I think it was .
I think I think you need to speak life into me more and I will speak more life into you we'll make a valid effort I don't know about valid we'll make a valid effort we'll make a commendable effort we'll make a commendable effort to speak life to continue to speak life into each other , one another and our child and try to set plant seeds and grow them .
I don't know about that . Okay , All right , let's hop into our two cents . Okay , so let's see Our two cents . Listen to this one babe . Okay , wife has asked to open the marriage and I asked for a divorce . I'm wondering if I've jumped the gun or have been reasonable here . We've been married for 12 years now .
Things have always been great , without any particular up or down . My wife has always been kind , sweet and a gentle woman . Up until this I thought the world of her and then she went and broached the talk about opening our marriage . What if we consider opening up the marriage ? Because all her friends did it ? And it's 2024 .
I didn't get angry or anything like that , I just listened and offered my counters . I asked her if her friends are influencing her into something like this and she said no . I asked if she already had someone in mind and she said no . I asked her to give me some time to think about it and she agreed , stating we don't have to do it .
If I didn't want to or if I wasn't up to it , I shouldn't have . But in the days after I checked her phone and her laptop , nothing suspicious or that suggests she was cheating already Last week I told her that I had thought about it and in my opinion she can date anyone she wants , because now I want a divorce . Cue the sobbing , the begging and the .
If I knew this would happen , I wouldn't have even asked . She refuses to move out , and so do I , so I choose to sleep in the guest room . She's taken sick leave from her work and every time I'm home she keeps begging to talk to me and to go back to our bedroom with her .
I believe that her friends actually tried to influence her and she didn't do anything at all , but this unraveled my perception of her . Was I too fast to mention divorce ? Yes , yes .
I agree yeah , you , you were um . I agree and I do believe that she's been influenced of course um because everybody is , if we're on social media and I can also see how this could be like devastating to him , like especially like if you really love your wife , and it's like it's almost , it's almost .
It's like it's like she's telling him by asking this question you're not enough for me .
You think so ?
Yes , this is my take . This is my take . Okay , I know I know the comments may be different , whatever , but it's almost like this is what . This is probably how he received it , because when you're pouring your all because it seemed like they didn't have issues , right ? Yeah Well , he didn't say they had any issues , right ?
Um , and like she doesn't have any complaints , and now , like , obviously she regretted and I I do think that it was strictly influenced from her friends , because , you know , her friends are probably telling her all these great stories of how they're having these great times with these other partners or whatever , and he's just not that type of man .
You know what I'm saying ? Like he's the , I mean he's , I mean like I mean like I'm not , I don't , I will never agree to share my wife with anyone , right ? Like she's my wife , right , I'm her husband . I'm not going to share myself with anyone else , right ? So it's like , and that see that that very question be hurt , be hurtful , be hurtful .
But I do think , like I don't think that divorce should be the main answer . I think I would probably have a conversation , I would continue to have conversations and get to the bottom of this .
I don't see an issue with him sleeping in separate rooms , because if that's how he feels like he needs the space , yeah , because you know that that's how he feels like you have to honor , you have to respect that . But yeah , I don't . I don't think divorce should .
I'm not saying that it won't lead to divorce , I'm just saying I don't think that should be the first thing right , I mean I , I I agree with that . I also think that she might have brought it up too because she's been on social media . Everyone likes likes to throw out it's 2024 . Like , these are things we're not dealing with .
These are the things we can do that are socially acceptable . And on some level , she was probably thinking if this is something that I have thought about , this might have been something he has thought about Then she should have phrased it .
This is why phrasing things , the phrasing of things , matter . If that was her line of thinking , she should have said hey , babe , have you ever thought about right yeah ? And then say , no , I'm not thinking about it , I'm just trying to see if you're satisfied in our current arrangement , right , right .
That's why the wording and how you answer things matter and how you approach it .
I absolutely agree . But , yes , I do think that you're jumping the gun to asking for a divorce . I can understand when you say that your perception of her has been a little diminished , but again , like you said , I think that warrants for more of a conversation . Yes , where is it coming from ? If your friends aren't influencing this ?
Where did this idea come from ? Is what I'm saying Like ? And what about me ?
gave you the impression that I would even consider it and they said you've been married 12 years , right , so it's like we've been together this time . Have I ever indicated to you that this is the kind of lifestyle ?
I want yes , or given you any type of idea .
So like do you really know me at all ?
Yeah , that too . But yeah , I definitely think you're jumping the gun with the divorce . I think it warrants for a conversation . If you feel like the need to not sleep in your marital bed for a time , then okay , so be it .
I used to do that . I did that for different reasons .
But you need to have a conversation , like you owe it that much at least a conversation .
Okay , and like my homey future said , all these hoes for the streets , okay .
Next one .
Stick to the strip .
Next one .
¶ Dating Ex-Wife's Boss Ethical Debate
Am I the asshole or the a-hole ? Am I the a-hole for marrying my ex-wife's boss ? That's some savage shit . My ex-wife and I that's some savage shit . My ex-wife and I were married for a decade . We have two kids together . I only met her boss face-to-face once before my divorce . Afterwards I met her in a club .
My buddy and I were trying to game women for some one-night stands and she was there with some friends . I decided to talk to them and we kind of hit it off . She talks to them and we kind of hit it off . She's a very sweet woman and has been very supportive to my ex-wife .
My ex-wife has been playing victim a lot and she is surprised that I'm not in the oh her boss and she's surprised that I'm not the man with horns that my ex-wife had told her about . We've been dating for the past two years and we plan to marry this year . I finally talked to my ex-wife about moving in my fiance and introducing her to our kids .
My wife has been crying and refusing to let my kids meet her . I told her that it's not her choice anymore . She wants me to break up and marry another woman . She has even sent me photographs and text messages of her friends who are single . I have enforced the only call if emergency rule in our relationship because I don't like the drama Advice .
You started the drama .
You are the drama . You can't sit here and say I don't like the drama , but you're dealing with our boss . Come on now .
I mean okay .
He the drama .
Now hear me out .
I'm not saying he wrong .
Okay , I was going to say but just hear me out , because I think it's . I think it's one of those conversations too , Like if your friend and their partner were to break up . Would it be wrong of you to date their partner ? Yes , their ex-partner ?
Yes .
Okay . Some people will say , that's not the same , because it's like friends .
No , that's guy code . That's guy code , okay . No , I get that . I'm not saying I disagree .
I do get that . So in this instance , where it's like my , it's my boss . So if it's my boss , you and I break up , you don't see anything wrong with you dating my boss Me ? Yeah , no At all .
At all .
Why .
Because she's not your friend , she's your boss .
Yeah , but what if we're friends outside of work ?
Then that's different .
Like because I've always been friends with my bosses .
Well then that's like if you guys were close , then that's different .
Okay , but what if we were close to my standards , but not close as for ?
your standards , then that's , it's different .
Okay . It's different so how are you so ? What's your standard of being close ? To somebody to come , but then , but then like .
But then like I like , like I told you earlier , like I got , I kind of felt like the the boss was already like looking at him right and just like waiting for her chance I think I think the perception that the boss had drew for um , that the ex-wife drew for the boss , like , of course , she was probably been painting her ex-husband in the worst light .
Then the boss meets the ex-husband and has a completely different experience with him . Like he said , I'm not the man with the horns that my ex-wife made me out to be , and now it's because there's such a stark difference between the two , you know , between the two .
Now she's even more attracted to him , right , and now it's just like can't help how things played out . Like this was just a really nice man that I met at a club once , that I met once before , who so happened to be my subordinate's ex-husband , and I have no loyalty to like to you because you know , you're know , you're just my subordinate .
So long story short , you don't think it's wrong ? I know I don't , okay . I mean I think I'm with you on that , to be honest .
To me it's like if it was like it's wrong , if it was like her best friend or like a close friend , like if it was somebody she hung out with on a regular .
Yeah , that's like , like you , you pushing the line right , and at the same time , the wife been going to work this , because this is what a lot of women do they'll talk to anybody that will listen , and so she's been going to work talking to her boss . Giving her boss the game plan ? Yeah , giving her .
Giving her everything , the yeah , giving her everything she needs , the play-by-play Everything she needs .
That's why you got to be careful who you talk to out here , you got to keep your relationship private .
You out here trying to , you know , talk about your problems to everybody . You're giving somebody the playbook .
Yeah , yeah , I got to be careful . Who y'all talk to ? Everybody is not your friend . Guess what's in the playbook ? Everyone is not . Let me get closer to the mic .
Everyone is not your friend , and if you tell me your problems , I'm going to tell my wife , because I tell her everything .
Bye .
Marie , I'm going to tell my wife . I'm going to tell my wife . If I know , my wife know . And don't get it twisted . If she know , I know Because she's going to tell me too .
I don't tell him nothing , okay . Y'all believe that if y'all want to , but rest assured the secret stops here . It's like you can tell me I'm not going to tell anybody but my wife .
But after that .
And you know she's good . Look , she good Cause , she , good Cause she good , nobody else will know . Nobody else will know she ain't going to say nothing , cause she good .
Now if you was over there speaking life into your husband .
Bye . Okay , this has been another episode of Life After I Do Podcast . I'm your host , nisha G , here with my co-host , my amazing husband . He's a good man , savannah . If you're not doing so already , you can follow us on our social media platforms on Facebook .
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