Guidance

Okay , I'm frustrated , I'm angry , I'm sad , I'm whatever the case may be . Okay now , why are you sad ? Now , why are you angry ? Okay , now , let's talk about this . Now , we know what you are . Now let's talk about how you got there , and then let's talk about whether or not you should be there or what we learned from this situation .

And when he tossed it over to me , the corner of the bottle of the lotion went straight into my hip and I'm like bleeding on my hip and I didn't know I was that strong . It wasn't like I threw a flashball , literally like threw a you threw a spin because it had like a spin on it .

I was so proud of her when she went to her first little ballet class . They were doing stretches and stuff and the teacher had them doing right split , left split and center straddle .

And I was looking at her on the video recorder and as the ballet instructor was going by like helping everybody and trying to correct their split so they can get flat and stuff , she didn't get corrected so I was like , oh , so much progress that she's made Her shuttle split is nice .

What's funny is I just had this conversation with my mother not too long ago and she swears up and down that she never woofed us Okay , Me and my sister . She swears it and it's not true .

I remember one time she was going to woof me and I told her I was like I'm going to tell my dad , and that just sent her over the edge and she was like who do you think you are telling on ? You can't tell on me . Tell your daddy , and as soon as not like that sounds familiar . What does it sound like ?

I mean not that blue , that gray like rubbery rope . Is that even considered an extension ? You mean like the window seal the window ? Yeah , you remember the window seal , it was like a gray rubber and you would put it .

So , in the era of disciplining children and rearing children , the thing that has talked about a lot is gentle parenting , and what gentle parenting is Hold on , you can be gentle , and I feel like a lot of people have different and varying opinions about gentle parenting .

I think , and I don't know for us , gentle parenting for us , is really just about setting boundaries . You know what I mean . It's not about trying to be so nice and give in to kids . That's not what it is it's about . For us , it's about teaching her boundaries .

It's about emotional intellect and getting her to a place that she can acknowledge her own feelings and also being able to express her feelings , regardless of what they are , but also learning the boundaries when being respectful , like to her parents , or being respectful when she's out in public , and knowing how to speak to people and knowing how to voice her opinion

, but respectfully . So I think , in today's terms of gentle parenting I know with our parents' generations , it's one of those things they look at and it's almost like we're judged for it , because we would hear a lot of . Back in my day , you , a child , stayed in a child's place . Back in my day , children talked to children .

You didn't talk to adults Like right , okay , right , that's what I'm saying . That's like how it was , and it's almost like kids didn't have a voice at all . If you were a child , you are a child and that is it . Your emotions don't matter , your feelings don't matter . I am the parent and it is what it is Like .

You can't have an opinion about nothing , you can't say or disagree with anything , you can't speak up for yourself or anything like that , and I think For saying hi at the wrong time . Bye babe , I am online . Why did you get popped for saying hi at the wrong ?

Yeah , you said you were being respectful and ended up getting disciplined because they viewed it as disrespectful . Do you know what I mean ? That part so . And then it would have been something different had you walked in the house and not said anything .

Then you would have been in trouble for being disrespectful because you know you should have acknowledged them even though you walked into their presence .

Yeah , so the whole gentle parenting thing for us is , like I said , about establishing those boundaries and really trying to get her to a point where she can self-express as well . You know what I mean . I think , with kids nowadays , times are so different .

Times are so different when educating kids , when raising kids , rearing kids , as opposed to it was , you know , in the decades before us . I think , like now , as far as communication when it comes to children , we really try to create a space for kids to communicate and to open up and for kids to have a voice .

I think that's one of the biggest things about this whole quote unquote gentle parenting thing getting them to a place where they can express their feelings and be honest with their feelings . Because this is what I kind of take from the differences between the generations before us and us when it comes to the gentle parenting thing .

Like I said before , as a kid I can't even believe , I have to say , back in our day , but back in our day when we were being raised , a child stayed in a child's place and you really didn't have a voice , right . But then , as you get older and you become a teenager and you become a young adult .

It's like now you're all of a sudden expected to have these type of skills . All of a sudden you're like yeah , all of a sudden it's like why don't you talk , speak up , say something for yourself ?

All of a sudden , you're supposed to now know how to be a full functioning young adult and then go out into the world and know how to present yourself to society and know how to find your place into society and stand up for yourself and have a voice for yourself and defend yourself . But that wasn't an environment that was cultivated at home .

I know sometimes there was times where I felt like I tried to be open and it was always met with what you got to be stressed for . You don't pay no bills and it's like people in the generations before us didn't understand that .

Yes , my stresses may not look like yours because I'm not paying bills , I'm not running a household , I don't have to get up and go to work , but that doesn't mean that the environment that I'm in as a child or a preteen and a teenager couldn't be stressful for me .

And then , when you get out into the real world , and it's like people are expecting you to know what to do , you know and it's like , okay , but give me some direction . Because I've been cultivated in an environment where I've constantly been told what to do and how to operate and what to focus on that .

Now I go out into the world and it's like the world is my oyster and I'm opened up to all of these different ideas and all these different things , but I'm not sure on the direction in which I need to go because I don't have anyone directing me . You know what I mean .

So I think one of the biggest things that I like about the whole gentle parenting and I really hate calling it gentle parenting I just think that with the like , our generation or millennials , it's just , you know , you kind of parent based off of how you were raised , right Like , you take your experience and what I'm talking about . As far as your experience .

You have taken some of your experiences that you've experienced in childhood and you think about how that made you feel right . And then you , you kind of want to implement something different when raising your own child .

It's like if I wanted to be up to one o'clock in the morning , two o'clock in the morning , it didn't matter , as long as when I alarm clock got up . I got up so that's one thing that it was like , okay , I never really had a bad time , I learned the lesson , you know . But I was going to say , but you learned , and then I learned . Also .

It's like , as long as I do what I have to do in school like there's nothing I couldn't do .

I don't necessarily , okay , I can't say it don't work . Like I , I feel like I didn't need all the weapons , like I understand why I got them . You know what I mean . You thought there could have been a better course of action , right , but there could have been in hindsight .

There could have been a better course because a lot of times I got like , a lot of times I got the weapons without the explanation , the explanation Right , like it's like you don't do this , you don't do this , but why ? Because in the moment , me as a kid , I'm thinking there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing Right Right Now .

Obviously there were times where I was deserving of it , when I was you know , breaking windows , starting cars and driving into 11 . I was deserving , like I deserved that I was . I was right , I was doing something that I knew that you shouldn't have done . Right , that I knew I shouldn't have been doing . So that's different .

But a lot of times I feel like , when I didn't really understand what was going on , or because I didn't necessarily believe what was being said or my question was being said , it's like I didn't really have . A lot of times I didn't have the space to actually think something different .

Right , you know , I had to accept what was being told as fact , even though to me I was like , oh , don't seem like you want to question it . Right , it don't seem all the way like that's how it should be .

So I can see how , like , what my parents are like when it comes to our daughter Like I let her , I try to let her be who she is , I try to let her shine , and but I do have hard limits was like no , this is what it is . I understand , don't do it . Right ,

I understand this . A couple of some things are going to come up and daddy's not going to explain why . It's just .

You'll get why once you get older , right , but right now I'm not going to I don't explain it to you because if , if it , if this has to do with your , with your personal health right now , like it has to do with your safety , right now , I'm not going to explain to you .

Right now I'm going to prioritize keeping you safe and then we'll worry about your feelings on the back end . Yeah , yeah .

of the time and one thing it brings true that I completely agree with that comes from generations before , as is everything starts at home . Yeah Right , everything starts at home because that's the environment that you're being cultivated into , so everything starts at home .

So when you know she learns a new word at school and she comes home and she's like saying something and I'm like , oh no , that's an appropriate Phoenix . We don't say that and then she goes . But why ? Because it could hurt someone's feelings and because you don't know the , the word in which you're using you don't ?

You don't properly know how to use that word . So , yeah , in the context , but I just tell her , you know , of course , because she's sick .

So I have to simplify it for her , because it could potentially hurt someone's feelings and we don't want to intentionally hurt someone's feelings or unintentionally hurt someone's feelings , so we're just not going to say it , because it's not a word for you to say right now , and then she'll . She'll be like , oh okay , you know what I mean .

Like we haven't had thank God , we haven't had any issues where we've got the school calling saying that she's done something inappropriate or she said something inappropriate , you know , but for sure she has come home at times and have said something that she learned from somebody else at school or has , you know like , learned what was it ?

That new hand thing she learned from her friend that gymnastics , ice tea , coca Cola , pepsi , turn around , touch the ground , kick your boyfriend out of town . I said , hold on . I said I was like mm-mm , what boy can we get here ? Whoops .

You know , that is between you , know , him and I , and in our home where , if she is angry , I want to know and I want to hear you say like I am angry , so we can have that dialogue . You know , I've had this discussion too with with my mom and she's like , well , you know why you got to explain everything to her .

I don't have to explain everything to her , I don't . And , just like you said , there are times where it's not going to be an explanation , the answer is just simply no .

But I know , for me , when I was a kid , like it would have been nice to have some type of explanation , but , like you said , when I was getting in trouble , can you really break it down for me ?

You should explain yourself because so that way they can follow a train of thought and have better comprehension and develop the habit . I will say this we both do sometime getting the motive of we believe in life lessons . We're going to let her oh , absolutely . Let her walk off this cliff .

So they would jump off the vault and they would jump into a foam pit and her coach was getting everybody's attention and she was like it's really important that you guys turn your big ears on and that you listen , right , and she told all of the girls .

She said , when you are jumping off of , you know , a high platform like the vault , wherever your eyes go , so will you ? Right ? So if you focus on jumping into the pit , you will go into the pit . If you focus on the floor , you will jump to the flat floor and you will hit your face , right .

She reminded them all as soon as they got up to the form to jump off , to go into the pit . Our child , you know she did that day . I guess she didn't think fat meat was greasy , because she sure did .

She sure did look at the floor and she jumped off that vault straight onto a floor and smashed her whole front face and the coach went over to her and she asked her if she was okay , like that's why I loved her coach from last year . She was like are you okay ? And she was like yes , and she said where were you looking when you jumped ?

And Phoenix said the floor . And she said what did I say ? Where did I say you should be looking when you jumped ? And Phoenix looked right at her and said the pit . And she said okay , this is what happens when you don't follow directions , right ? So in that case I didn't like baby her . I wanted to make sure my child was okay and safe and she was .

And so we'll be like , okay , we'll calm down , let's take a breath . That's another dynamic of it .

Okay Now , why are you sad ? Now , why are you angry ? Okay , Now , let's talk about this . Now we know what you are . Now let's talk about how you got there and then let's talk about whether or not you know you should be there or what we learn from this situation . So we're talking to her , explaining things out so that she can .

Then , once she gets older , now she can have the tools to process her emotion . Now , like you said , it don't mean she's going to use them .

Right . And then it also teaches her to be empathetic to other people . So , like when she sees like me upset , she's very empathetic . When she sees like me upset or you upset , like the first thing she wants to come do is like rub your head or tell you it's going to be okay . Like with me , she always says mom , just breathe , mommy .

Or like this morning when I was like oh man , my stomach is hurting . And she was like you have a tummy ache . And I said yes , and she was like when I have a tummy ache , sometimes I just need to eat . Maybe you need to eat . And I was like you know what ? Maybe I need to eat , phoenix . And she was like I hope you feel better .

And I was like I hope I feel better too . But it's , you know , it's about trying to give her those tools and showcase that to her so that she can pick that up as part of her norm . You know what I mean .

And it doesn't , it doesn't look , it's not perfect every time , right , and when she is frustrated , when she is angry , when you can't like cut , cut that emotion out at the moment , I let her have her moment , like , okay , you're angry , that's fine , have your , have your angry moment for about five minutes .

I'm going to give you five minutes and do what you got to do and then , after that five minutes , I'm going to need you to help self-regulate calm down so that we can talk about it , right , or so ?

That's why we always like we'll put her like in the corner , I'll have her just sit down in the corner and I'll say you just sit here , have your moment , cry , be angry , do what you have to do , but in five minutes , when the timer goes off , you're going to need to calm down so that we can talk about what happened . You know what I mean .

So I think that comes with the like , understanding , the empathy , the recognizing and validating her feelings and at her emotions .

It also helps to cultivate an environment for us to further discuss boundaries and mutual respect , because even though you're upset and you're angry , that still doesn't give you the right to yell and scream , right , right , because that's what she'll have her moments where she , like , raises her voice and I'm like , just because you're angry doesn't mean you're about to

sit here and disrespect me either right , and that's when that .

Right , just like the same . Just like the same . You know if , if I've yelled at her or if I've allowed my anger to get the best of me with an interaction with her , I have no problem apologizing to my child .

And then that didn't make it better , because when I'm already annoyed and upset , like he'll call and he'll like try to be cheery and I'll be like nah , it's not the time . Like it's not the time , my annoyance is on 10 . Like I'm frustrated , I'm tired . I still have dinner to cook . I still have a house to clean . She is tripping out over homework .

We had a game plan . She ain't sticking to it . She acting like she don't know what the hell to do . She , either she , finna lose a head or I'm finna lose a head . Like we were going through it . And so he spoke to her on the phone . I had a conversation with her .

We ended up getting through , getting through the evening , had dinner and everything , and when I went to tuck her in before reading time , so we do prayers and then we read , and so before we went to reading time , I called her on over before she got in the bed and I gave her a hug and I gave her a kiss and I said you know , we both had a really

rough day today and she goes . Yeah , I know , mom . And I said I apologize , you know , for raising my voice at you , excuse me . I said I apologize for raising my voice at you and she said I'm sorry too , mom . And I said what are you sorry for ? I'm sorry for making you sad . And I was like mm-mm .

I said you don't have to be sorry for making me sad . I said you didn't make me sad . I was telling her . I said you didn't make me sad , it's just because we had a game plan . You didn't stick to the game plan . You knew what you had to do after your nap and you didn't want to do what you , what you agreed to after your nap , you know .

And I was like don't apologize for hurting my feelings , because you didn't hurt my feelings . And she was like I'm sorry , mom , I just didn't want to do my homework . And there it was . You know what I mean . Like once we really got through it and to it , and while we were talking and I was explaining to her , like it's not about you hurting my feelings .

This is what happened , right , this is what happened . We had a game plan . You were supposed to come home , you got a snack , you got to read one book , you got to lay down , and then , when you got up , you were supposed to do your homework , take your shower , like you know what I mean .

That's the same thing we do every single week , but every once in a while she gets into these moves , and so we , we hashed it out and I apologized to her and she apologized to me . We hugged , we kissed , I read her bedtime story , she went to bed . Everything was great and I had told her .

Before she went to bed , I said we're going to have a better day tomorrow . And she was like yes , mom , we're going to have a better day tomorrow , did you ? We did , we had a much better day . And this is just making me think about it . On the way to dropping her off at practice tonight , I had saw a TikTok and it was talking about um .

It was talking about um asking your child what's something they like doing with you . Right , it's almost like a reflection thing , and if your child doesn't have anything to say , then you know how are you spending quality time or cultivating that type of environment , and so on the way to practice . It came to me and so I was just like I said , phoenix .

She said yes . I said what is what's your favorite thing to do with me ? And she said her favorite thing to do with me is to talk to me .

But I also think that has to do with the type of environment that we're trying to cultivate for her .

She knows she can't do this , she can't do that , but she also has the space to where she gets to just be herself and express herself and she's never , she's not . You know , she don't get popped in the mouth or or or I don't get on her about jumping on the couch .

She's going to fall off the couch Like I've let her jump on the couch .

If you tell them just no and it's something they really , really want , they can act a fool , like a plum fool and something that Wednesday , wednesday With the home run . Yeah , like she , yeah , yeah .

You can sit here and finish your two pages and be done , take your shower , eat your dinner and still have 30 minutes left before we get to bed time that you can do whatever you want play or whatever or you can not do your homework . We could put your homework away and you just won't complete your assignment .

And when your teacher , like , messages me and asked me why you didn't finish your assignment , I will let her know that Phoenix didn't want to finish her assignment . And I was like and then you don't get to decorate your pumpkin .

So do you want to finish your homework and have 30 minutes to yourself to play , or do you not want to finish your homework and not be able to decorate your pumpkin and finish your assignment ? Right ? Like it's really . It's really that simple

. Because the thing about it is too , if she would have chosen not to do her homework , I wouldn't have pressed the issue . Oh , like you know , I've done that before . Like I'm not going to press the issue .

You just will not do the assignment , because you're going to have to understand that when you don't , you know , meet your obligation or stick to whatever your commitment is , there is going to be a consequence , there is going to be repercussions .

And the only way that you're really going to understand that is if you get to experience the repercussion or the consequence , because there's some things that I can't just tell her about . She , when she experiences it , then she understands . Then there's like that click of the brain Right , you know what I mean .

So it's like I can message the teacher and just simply let her know her work will not be completed this week because A , b and C happened . And then she's going to be fully aware that she's getting a consequence , because every action has a reaction .

But she also wants to play the little games of taking her time and getting dressed and moseling around when it comes to brushing her teeth . And here's the thing . You know , some people just be like okay , well , she's little you have to do .

She's six and she is more than capable of doing those things on her own , because I'm not going to constantly enable her to where I'm constantly having to do all of those like , especially smaller things for her . Right , right , you know how I was when she first started , like doing things on her own .

Like even oh , you was you was oh my gosh , oh it is tough . Okay , and people who have kids know , because the more independent my baby don't need me anymore . But it's not about my feelings .

It's about making sure that my child , when she grows up , she can feel confident to know that there are things she can do on her own , because I can't be there and I'm not going to be there all the time , right , do you know what I mean ? So , yes , some people will be like oh well , she's , it's , she's only six .

But that's when it starts Like we can't start just implementing these things at 10 and 11 . Your brain's already pretty much on its way .

It's not , it's not perfect , and I'm pretty sure like I'm sure I always say this when she gets older , I'm sure there's probably going to be something that she complains about , about her upbringing , like definitely .

And you're he was like he said what are you wearing ? And she was like it's cute . And I was like I'm not , we're not doing it . Today I said , girl , you're cute . He wanted to pick out her clothes and that's another step in her being confident in her decision making . That's what I want .

I want to cultivate an environment for her to be confident in her decision making , whether you know , I agree with it or not , and whether it's right or whether it's wrong . It's about her using that part of her brain so that she can , you know , be decisive about something and not have to second guess herself all the time . You know what I'm saying .

So it's like you have to understand that each child has like different entrance . So what we try to do , like especially for us , gymnastics is a big one , like cause she loves gymnastics , so it's like feeding in the corner and losing gymnastics privileges .

Those two things she like okay , well , I need to get my , I need to get my act together because , come come time for practice , I want to be at practice . So it's like if we and we don't just say that the buff , there's been times where she didn't know she won't go .

It's going to be like , okay , yeah , she's going to say I'm a miss gymnastics , but guess what ? Friday I'm going to gymnastics . She don't forget all about what we talked . No , it's like I will mark it off on the calendar so she can see it . I will put a nice little line straight through .

So there's a visual representation that you have officially lost your privilege to do this , never mind me .

Yeah , she's to go to your room Like just you don't get to apologize and think that the consequence no longer exists . So go to your room and so that day I think she was maybe in a room for like 12 hours because she , by the time she went to the band and woke up , it was maybe like 12 hours , but she struggled , yeah she .

It was like if you would have looked at her , she was doing a hard time .

So emotional regulation and self care , embracing flexibility when it comes to discipline . Like I said , we don't , we don't whoop her . We normally just like sit her in the corner that I'm having .

Right , we hopped her , we've popped her , but for me personally for speaking personally , I don't feel good popping her , or I didn't feel good the times that I have popped her , um , and then also it didn't really have an effect and that's why I didn't pop her .

Like she never got like a whooping where I got like a bill and like whooped or anything like that .

It was like open hand on the butt , um , but the times that I have done that for me it didn't make me feel good , but it's all and for for two , it didn't really it had an effect on her , but the effect was so much more like emotional , like emotional devastation , right , right , because it wasn't something that was um usual , it wasn't something that was

normal . So when she did get popped on the butt , it was like , oh my gosh , like you . Just , you just beat me and I have a bloody nose .

You did something that that warranted my reaction , but it's like , you know , she , it's just so like , she's so used to , like she's not used to being hit , right ? So , and that's another thing that , like , our parents are kind of like , why don't you like ? No , we don't do this .

Um , thank God , um , but when she you know if she's having a moment or something like that , we do our best to implement like that self reflection .

So today we were discussing parenting and boundaries and relationships , so we have a couple of reactions that we want to get into . So it's reaction time , guys . Yeah , we're two cents , all right . So this one said um , it's an eight .

My eight year old daughter is self conscious about her body . We were just at the pediatrician who said that her BMI is within normal range and she is perfectly healthy overall . Her body shape is a bit well built , like her mom's , but she's gorgeous , strong and healthy .

Both my wife and I have witnessed moments in which , with the characteristic bluntness of small kids , she has been asked in quote what did you have for lunch that made your tummy so fat ? And things like that . The case is that she is insisting now on wearing baggy clothes , self conscious about bathing suits , and so on and so forth .

We keep telling her that she's gorgeous and perfect and beautiful , which is true , but at this age it is her peers whose judgment counts Any experiences , advice or ideas . This is all very triggering to my wife , because she too has also struggled with the very same issues as our child . Thanks in advance .

If she's not in a space to receive them , I don't think much will happen , and the harsh reality is that kids are brutally young .

Like her body type she hasn't hit a puberty yet and leaned out , or whatever the case may be but it's like I don't think there's nothing you can really do as a parent and from that aspect I can understand this hard , because as parents we want to protect our kids all the time , but I don't think this is necessary area where you'll be able to give her much

help .

She looks different for a reason and there's beauty in every single person here on this earth . Maybe some positive imagery of , maybe other kids or things like that that can boost herself esteem , so that she doesn't feel like she's such an outcast , or doing activities with her that can help her realize that she also not only is beautiful , but she's also strong .

And you can do this and you can do that and just trying to attack it from a different angle and trying to attack it from a different avenue . And then maybe I don't know if that's still a thing big brothers , big sisters I'm pretty sure you can find it .

Yeah , I'm not sure if it is , but if it is , maybe getting her connected with a big sister , right , if she's also having issues with having friends at school , because he didn't really mention it , but from the comments of the other students who are making comments about her .

Like you said , she may not have a friend , so maybe getting her connected with a big sister , that can also help boost her confidence .

Getting her into things that are confidence boosting , like a sport or an extracurricular activity Not only does that help with continuously help with her health , gets her moving you know what I'm saying but it can also help boost her confidence .

It can put her in a different environment with other children that are not the kids that she goes to school with and that can help be a confidence booster for her . But it's about kind of just helping to guide her through this , because you can't be there on the campus when kids are making comments like this , right ?

You couldn't tell her she was staying on the street .

So I was like I'm going to just give her a little pineapple ponytail today and I sprayed her hair and picked it out in the little mini fro and gave her edge down her edges and everything .

And she , I mean when she saw herself in the mirror .

Her first week of kindergarten she came home and she was like Mom , can you do my hair like this ? Like she was trying to mimic , like straightening her hair , because all the little girls in her classroom had straight hair and her hair wasn't straight .

And I remember having that conversation with her and telling her that , yeah , we can try your hair straight if you like to try it too , but don't forget , your hair is perfect the way that it is , the way your hair is . It's so beautiful and you can wear your hair straight , you can wear your hair curly , you can wear your hair in braids .

Like constantly trying to tell her like there is nothing wrong with the way your hair is to you , but if you want to get , you know , play around with it and straighten it out , let's do it . Girl , you know what I'm saying ? Kind of just trying to reinforce that .

So that's why I was saying like getting her also like in a different environment , or getting her with a big sister or something , or getting her in a sport or an extracurricular , into something that can give her like a confidence booster . I think that might help too and help her to see herself in a different light .

The next one we have it is feeling mom guilt over a three , over my three year old attending pre-K due to speech delay . So I'm a stay at home mom to a sweet three year old boy and a nine month old boy as well .

This morning I took my older son down to the school district to have him evaluated for our state's free ESE pre-K program and I just can't shake the feeling of guilt , like I could have and should have done more for him .

I felt so bad when the evaluator asked him to point to a ball on the page , a choice between a ball and a spoon , and I knew the exercise will be in vain because my son he couldn't do it At that moment .

I would say he has had 10 words at most , but knowing he should be able to label body parts and colors and identify objects and have over 250 words has left me spirally . Has anyone been in a similar situation ? Has your child improved with pre-K ? For what is for what it's worth ?

My son has made a lot of improvements over the past year when it comes to pronunciation and different continent sounds , and his attention span has also dramatically improved as well , and he started private speech therapy a couple of months ago . I will say for for me personally , first of all , mom guilt is the worst . I'm sure there's that .

Is there a dad guilt ? I'm sure there's dad guilt . It's worse among them . Okay , they're both probably terrible . The amount of pressure and what is the word I'm looking for , just the amount of pressure that you put on yourself as a parent to try to be all things for your child is . It is daunting and it is stressful .

I remember when Phoenix was , you know , at the preschool age , I homeschooled her for preschool and I remember you and I we would have conversations about our concerns with her comprehension , her comprehension and her speech , because I would and you really shouldn't do this .

Like I always say , you do not compare your kids , but it's also one of those things that you can't really help when you see your children amongst other kids who are their age and you notice that some kids are more advanced than others and I would see other , you know , three year olds and I'm like , well , that three year old sounds pretty clear and I don't

understand why my three year old doesn't sound as clear . And my brother-in-law , who's a speech pathologist and works with children , I would always ask him like , okay , what should , what should she be saying or what things should she be doing at this age ? Should she know how to complete a sentence ? Should she know how to ?

You know what I mean , and he would give us , you know , good indicators and good pointers as to how we should also be interacting with her to also help with her speech and then with her comprehension and everything .

But one thing that I have learned in these past what she's been in school two years now one thing that I have learned is that a lot of it does come with time and also , like when kids are really small , like two and three sometimes it can be really difficult to see what is a genuine concern and what is something that they could potentially grow out of Right

. So I know , like , as she's gotten older , her comprehension is her comprehension's , you know you know exactly what she's doing Right .

. I was like I will come to you all the time and I'm like I don't . I don't know if everything is like okay with her . I was like it's fishy , yeah . It's like I don't know where should we go . Should we talk to her pediatrician about this ?

Because I'm a little concerned because , whatever it is , I want to catch it soon and I want to like get on it right away .

I was like , okay , yeah , you should , especially because you stand at home .

By the end of the year he'll talk better , he'll comprehend better , he'll know these things and I don't think he'll he'll . Kids , kids learn . They're like sponges .

There are certain things he's gonna get . I know , when Phoenix was at home , when I was home schooling her and we would try to work on holding the pencil , like getting her acclimated to holding the pencil it was not strong , she wasn't strong , she didn't have the pressure .

And then for me that would make me feel some type of way because I'm like , okay , I can't teach you how to hold a pencil , like what is the deal ?

Because I had the thing in my head was Since I'm taking on the responsibility of teaching her at home , when we , when we decided to put her in school , like when we knew we were gonna put her in school for kindergarten , I didn't want her to like be behind , even though essentially some of the things that she was doing in kindergarten was the same things we

were doing at home for preschool . But I didn't , I didn't want to feel like I failed her by Making , not making sure that she wasn't prepared for kindergarten , right , because I also knew that her going into kindergarten she was also really young .

Going into kindergarten she was the youngest , one of two , of the youngest in her class because she started kindergarten when she was four . And I remember , remember , we had the conversation with her teacher and her teacher was like , technically she probably shouldn't even start kindergarten until you know next year .

But when she came in she was , you know , she was keeping , she was keeping up , so there was no need to make her wait to do kindergarten when she turned , you know , you know next , the following year .

But I can totally understand that , because there is like a form of mom guilt , because you do feel like , well , damn , did I let my kid down and did I not Best prepare my child for the next step and next phase in their life ?

But it's okay , they're going to be okay , like three , four , five , six , seven , they are going to be fine and we as parents really have to allow Ourselves to give ourselves some grace , because it's not easy raising children .

You can't see everything , you're not gonna hit all angles , but you do the best that you can , but what you got with what you have , the resources that you have , the help that you have , whatever it is , those babies are gonna be fine , right , and if there's still more cause for concern after that , then we take we take that step and we start going through

the Evaluations and we get the help that we think our child needs and we do all the things that we need to do . But outside of that , like they're gonna , they're gonna be fine . You also have to give them time . They're just not on the same time limit as other kids , that's all . Some kids are more advanced than others .

That is a fact , but that doesn't mean your child is behind Just because you see another child their same age Performing at what appears to be a higher level . Right , that's all Agreed , that's good . Yeah , all right , guys , so this has been another episode of life after I do .

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You guys , when we're not on , we're not on only fans . I don't . I don't know why he said that we're not on only fans , but yeah , it's , it's been another episode and and until until next week we out , we're out , hey .