¶ Navigating Arguments and Disagreements in Relationships
You know , this is a person that I have vowed to take care of . This is a person that I have vowed to protect , the vowed person that I vowed to love . And why would I , even when I'm angry , want to speak to them like they're just some person off of the street ? You know ? Hey guys , and welcome to Life . After I Do podcast .
I am your host , nisha G , and I'm here with my finance husband .
Mo Lito .
Hey boo .
Hey boo .
How's it going ?
Good how you doing .
Good , I'm assuming you're giving me that look because of the background noise that you can hear right now . It's like all of a sudden now people want to mow their lawns instead . Right , it happens . So if you guys hear lawnmowers or something in the back , it's our neighbor . He just got up to mow his lawn .
In the middle of a hurricane .
I forgot about that . It's like wet outside . The grass is wet .
I don't know how he's cutting the grass in the water . I don't know how he's cutting grass on wet grass .
How's your week been so far ? It's been good . How's your week Weeks been good ? We got some family time in , so that was fun . We took the little to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles .
Which her favorite part was the fighting .
Yes , she expressed that her favorite part was the fighting and the movie was rated PG-13 , right , yeah , I didn't know , in PG-13 they could still say damn .
Well , god damn .
Yeah , they could still say damn Well , all right . And what did he say ? He said damn and hell . And he said ass . No , he didn't say ass . I didn't hear that . He said ass . Did you , did he ? Yeah , I don't remember . No , I think you're conflicting that with yesterday . It's the one we watched the first one at home .
I'm not somebody who said ass .
Because , no , we probably would have left if I would have heard ass , because I was going to say I don't know what's next . Because I was already feeling some type of way hearing hell and damn , and I was like , oh OK , that kind of caught me off guard .
But I was like , ok , let's see , if I would have heard ass , probably would have left because I wouldn't be able to know what's coming next . So , yeah , I did that . I had a pretty cool week . Yeah , got to spend time with family , stuff like that . It's always a good time when we can have a little bit of family time Always .
Yeah , I mean , I guess that's a good thing , you like your family , because if you don't , I mean , I chose you all , I got no choice right . No , you always have a choice . There's a choice , I have a choice , that's all . Life is based on choices . You always have a choice .
So you're telling me there's a chance .
No , I said there's a choice . Choice and chance are two different things .
You always have a choice . You have a choice .
You always have a choice whether you want to spend time with your family or don't want to spend time with your family . Even if you feel like you may want to spend time with your family but you can't spend as much time with your family , you can still make a choice to either make the time for your family or not . Understandable .
So everything we make choices on a daily basis , so life is created from your choices . That's cool . That's cool , so let's just hop right into it today .
What we got today , Matt .
Today we are going to be discussing something that everybody does .
What's that ?
You know the disagreements . The disagreements , the fights , the arguments , arguing , arguing , fighting .
The fair one .
I don't know what that means , because the second time you've said that to me , I don't know what that means .
Fair one means you want to . You know it's a one-on-one fight . Fair is a fair fight man . It dukes up man to man one-on-ones . Catch a fair one .
Oh , OK , that must be . Is that something New ? The Kids are saying oh , my god OK . No , I'm asking Because I really , I literally have never heard that before no baby .
It's not nothing new , but OK , OK .
Well , I mean , you know , I'm used to what is it ? Catching fades . You can catch these hands . I mean , granted , that's in like literal fights , but Catch a fair one . Ok , catch a fair one . All right , fair fight . Ok , catch a fair one . Yes , so we're going to be talking about disagreements , discussions , arguing , fights in your relationship , right ?
I think , like everything else , how you interact with your partner , whether you're in a marriage or in a committed relationship , how you interact with your partner when you guys are arguing or when you're having a disagreement or anything like that , is really really , really important , right ?
Because a lot of things can be said in the heat of the moment , when you're upset , when you're not on the same page . So I think it's really important that there's some what I would say like ground rules . I mean , I think back to before we were married .
There was no ground rules , everything went . I mean , then it was a battle or a battle Right . There was no , whatever you had to do to win the argument .
Well , there was no said ground rules , like we didn't have a conversation of , ok , we're not going to do this , we're not going to do that , but I do believe that there is unspoken rules that you follow .
I mean , there was certain levels of respect that you didn't want to cross those lines .
That's the thing I want to say .
There is a certain level of respect that one still has to maintain , even in an argument or a disagreement with your partner , because if you don't have respect when arguing , in my opinion I feel like that just bleeds over to other things and it's like arguing is , and shouldn't be , one of those situations where all bets are off .
And I respectfully agree .
Right , ok , ok , the jokes are over here . So I would say , babe , what are some points that you think that we have matured from how we used to have our disagreements and our arguments ? Like , what are the four main things you think that we really focus on ?
not to Well , I mean , I think that's the point I mean you tell me about after marriage , after I do I mean after the idea , After the idea .
Bye . That too but also after like you know , just growing .
Well , I think , after we try to listen to each other and be mindful , you know we would raise our voices at each other , but now , since we've had our child , we are mindful not to raise our voices at each other unless we get into a real heated discussion I don't even want to say debate . Is this a discussion ?
Yeah , like , and even if it's a really , really heated discussion , we do , we do our best . I will say that we're conscious about doing our best to not have those disagreements in front of her , but you know , I do think that we're really good at just walking away . Like we realize that we both are , that we both
¶ Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution
are .
I need to go calm down because I'm about to say something out of pocket . Agree , Because I know . I know how my mom is .
Agree and I know how mine is too , and I am quick . I am quick . What do I do ? I grab my keys , and it would be so peaceful , whatever . Whatever , I am quick to grab my keys , like if I know that it's headed towards somewhere where because here's the thing you can't hear each other when you're both trying to like , make your point right .
So if I know that this is something that is you just going to keep going in and keep going in . And then I know my personality type and I know how my mouth be , like I know how you know she can . She can get disrespectful . If I'm not , if I'm not conscious about it , she can get . No , she will get .
She will get disrespectful and I just be like , okay , well , this , this is the moment where I just say , okay , babe , and either he will say , like you know I'm , I need to go upstairs for a minute and he'll go to his office , or I'll just be like I'll be back and I'll grab my keys , like he knows where I am .
We share each other's location , so it's like it's not a problem there .
But apparently it's weird that we have .
That's going to be another discussion .
Yeah , um , but you know you have to be mindful of if you , if you understand how you are in a disagreement and an argument and you understand how your partner is , if you come to a situation where somebody has to walk away , you can do it in a way where it's not looking like you're turning your back on your partner , because that will that will pee me off
too Like if you do it in a way where I feel like you're ignoring me and you're not trying to get to the root of what we're disagreeing about , then that will piss me off . But if he's like you know what ?
Okay , babe , I just need to go to my office where it's like I need to step away because I'm getting to a point where I don't want to be disrespectful .
Like you know that . You know I've had anger management issues my whole life and so I know I'm at the age now where I can I can see what when it's coming on and I'm like yo , like I need to .
I'm just I need to step in this other room for a minute but maybe maybe , uh , you know go for a drive or a ride or whatever the case may be , just just to kind of calm down , because I'm about to .
I'm getting to the point where it doesn't even matter what you're saying , even if what you're saying is logical and makes sense , I don't care , because now you're to the point where now you , literally you've pissed me off , right . So now I'm not thinking clearly .
So now I have to focus all my energy on showing you that I'm pissed off instead of actually having a conversation .
So when I get , when I'm approaching that point , that's when I know I'll say I need to step away , because it's not , I'm not doing anybody any good by just being here and just you know , just just to be sitting here in anger and not really trying to resolve the issue .
Right . So I think , um , yeah , what you said is is perfect . You know , we neither , like I said , neither one of us will hesitate to be like , hey , we need a minute or I need to step aside . He's usually really good just about going to his office .
Like he'll go into his office , close the door and then it's like I call it the apartment , um , because I mean he he legit has everything in there except for a mini fridge . Like once he gets a mini fridge in there , I'm confident that we would be living in two separate households , like that's .
So he goes to the apartment he , I have to , I have to like physically leave the house . Like that's just how my brain works . I get my keys , I get my purse and I go and I either walk around stores or I'm really good about just taking my iPad or my book and going to get some Starbucks and I will sit in a parking lot .
Like no joke , I will sit in a parking lot or find somewhere behind a really big building where nobody is and I will park the car there and I will just sit there for like an hour or so .
And see , I mean , this is kind of maybe a little off topic Sometimes I'm like that's , I understand why you're doing that , but I'm like it's kind of extreme . Like I go to the next room over and I and I still have to be mad and in my feelings and still be dad Right Like , but you leave .
I leave and you leave you .
Leave me here in my feelings and my anger . Yeah Well , I'm still dad . Why you go off to go ?
Yeah .
No .
No , okay , no , okay . There's zero remorse there . Sorry , I don't know if you were looking for a little bit , but there wasn't so yeah , there's that .
I was expecting you to be you .
Another thing is , I would say , like hitting below the belt , right . So what do we mean by hitting him below the belt , calling people out of their names ?
You challenge over do the wall ?
Okay , babe , but like seriously , when you're in an argument like calling each other like you , you know , a popular one amongst most people is like the B word , like calling a woman a B word .
I never called you the B word .
No , you haven't Give me a face Right , right . And then we all know what happened when I thought you called me .
Yeah , you should be behind bars .
So . But here's the thing like just going below the belt , calling each other out of your name , like that's , that's , that's not acceptable . Like I don't care how upset you are with your partner , I used to always tell him .
I used to always tell him you can call me as many bitches as you want , and I do , as long as I never hear it come out of your mouth and I do . I don't care what you can call me every day in the book , as long as it don't run , run off your tongue with sound to it and it reaches my ears , that's it .
But to be arguing and calling people like out their name , I feel like it also takes away from what you're trying to , what you're trying to resolve in the first place , right Cause now you're just now , you're just being dirty because now you're just letting out all your hair , Because once you call someone the name and now you've introduced disrespect into the
disagreement .
now it's no longer about let's resolve . Oh no , who the fuck you think you're talking ?
to . Right Now we're fighting against each other .
Yeah , so that's why you , that's why you should , you shouldn't do that .
You shouldn't do that . Another , another key point is probably I mean probably number one but never throw around . If you're married , never throw around the D word so loosely .
I think that depends on the , on the why the argument is being happened .
Well , yeah , that's what I'm saying , but I'm saying so loosely . Like , if you're having a discussion , a discussion about the D , the divorce is the D word . Let me actually say that . Let me actually be clear about that . If you're having a discussion actually about divorce , I think that's different .
But if you are having a discussion , you know you're trying to explain to your partner like you know these habits you've had for years and I keep trying to tell you and I deserve better and I should just divorce you .
Like I'm saying like that in a , in a , in a way where you're trying to use it as a dagger , or you're trying to use it as um , using the weight that it carries , to express your point to your partner . You know what I mean . Like have you ever been so upset to where it's like you're , you want this person to understand where you're coming from ?
So bad right . And it's like I just want to say and do anything just to get you to understand where I'm coming from . And I know , I know what would get your attention if I say oh , yeah , you know what , we should just divorce or you better be lucky . I don't divorce you , or I've been .
You know what I mean , like using the weight of the word to try to get your point across is what I mean . But if you're actually having a discussion about divorce , I mean those are different , those are different discussions , like you know .
Like the argument , the argument's going to be different , but not just loosely using the word divorce in arguing Right , do you agree ?
Respectfully .
Cut it out . Cut it out .
¶ Impactful Words and Arguments
I answered your question . I was , you know . It just made me think of something .
Um , this was , this was years ago , and I remember one time we had gotten to a disagreement , we had an argument or whatever , and , um , you were in your office and I was in the room and I was about to get in the shower and we were kind of like bickering back and forth like through the rooms , you know , and um , you said , do you remember what you said
?
I said I'll be falling in the shower .
It's like funny looking at it now , but when you said it , when you had said it , I was like , oh wow , like you're wishing harm upon me now . Is that how you really feel ? And that was like that was tough for me to hear , because you're like and you can say , I hope you fall in the shower .
You're like I hope you slip and fall in the shower , like that . And I was like really , so now you wish that I hurt myself . But how long did you have to hear about that and go through like me dealing with that ?
In the words of Dante I walk into the day , right , right , if you don't let them go .
No , I do . But it wasn't just the fact that you said I hope you something from the shower , it was for me in my mind . I was like so now you're so upset .
You were so upset that you would wish you had really pissed me off .
You wished bodily harm upon me .
No , you had really pissed me off , and then I walked away and then you followed me .
No , I did not follow you . We were . I was in the bedroom and you were in the office , I remember you were in the office .
I was in the bedroom but we had separated . We had separated and you were still yelling at me through the room .
You yelled at that from your office . The bedroom and the office are like right next to each other , so it's not like he's like screaming across the house or anything , guys . So he was just , he was sitting in his chair . I remember it like it was yesterday .
He was sitting in his chair , he was for you and he was , and he was like I hope you slip and fall in the shower .
I had more bass in my voice than that , but okay .
Okay , you're like I hope you slip and fall in the shower and I was like , oh wow , so now you want me dead ?
No , I didn't say I want you dead . I said I want you to fall .
But that's what I'm saying . In my mind , in my mind , you can slip and fall and die in the shower .
That's true , but to my point that it wouldn't have been the first time you fell in the shower .
Babe . Okay , but still , that's not the point . He's referring to our wedding day . He's referring to our wedding day . I slipped and fell on my hip on our wedding day when I was taking a shower and he was like if you didn't want to marry me , just say that . No , that's not it . But yeah .
But I say all of that to say when you start using , like , when you start hitting below the belt , when you start calling each other out of your names , when you start getting disrespectful and stuff like that , you don't know what you're saying in anger , how that could impact your partner and how your partner internalizes that right ?
So he said that because he was angry and that's something that stuck with me even after we resolved our issue and moved forward , because now in the back of my mind like I don't ever doubt that he loves me , right , but in the back of my mind I was just thinking like you would get so angry that you would wish that I would seriously hurt myself .
But you knew like deep down , I didn't want you to hurt yourself . I know you were just angry . I was lashing out , yes , and I understand that .
I understand that because I understand my partner right .
That's just like I could call you a name that made me hurtful to you , but don't let nobody else say it .
Right .
I'm still gonna knock their fucking teeth out .
But you know not to call me like derogatory stuff , like what , like the B word . You just said I could . I did not just say you could call me a bitch .
You said , as long as I said it in my head oh well , yeah , when I can't hear you yes , or in a rap song .
No , not in a rap song . Not in a rap song either .
So when I sing Drake , when I say as long as my bitches love me , you know who I'm talking about .
Bides of Mal .
Anywho , you never know how your words can impact your partner , just like when you're trying to be supportive for your partner or when you're trying to care for your partner and you wanna use words that are positive and encouraging and things that you know can lift their spirits , or things that you know can get them through the day , and you know that your words
have impact . The same is true when you're angry and you're spitting daggers at your partner . You don't know or you do know because you're doing it with an intention of how that's gonna impact your partner . So , like he said , to this day , that's still something that I think about .
Even though I understand the whole situation surrounding why he said it , or because he was angry and things like that , it doesn't change the fact that I still feel like at some point , when you were so angry that you still wished harm upon me , because in my mind , like I said earlier , I was like you wish death upon me and he's like no , I did not , but
in my mind . See , that's what I'm saying In my mind . I took it as far as okay me slipping , falling , hitting my head in the shower . Now my brain is busted open and I die in the shower Like dude .
It may sound dramatic to you You're looking at me like I know how it can sound but I'm just telling you those words were impactful , okay , and I didn't like the way those words made me feel . So be conscious of not hitting below the belt . I think another big thing is using profanity when arguing .
I feel like that goes hand in hand with respect , and I mean like cursing at your partner , right , like you know , you ain't shitting , you ain't you like all of that ? That's a no go .
I disagree with that . I feel like some cuss words are necessary fillers to get your point across .
Like what .
Like damn .
Okay .
Like you know damn well .
Damn is difference . I was in this , motherfucker , at the right goddamn time . No , no .
See .
That's not disrespectful , those are proper fillers . Okay .
That have that make the argument more impactful .
When's the last time you used those fillers in an argument with me ?
It was for reals pre-marriage , but I used them . You did , yes , I did . When did you use ?
when have you ever said you know damn well the mother fucker , you literal babe .
I have said you know damn well . I say you know damn well a lot .
Damn well . Yes , we both say damn well , but I'm talking about like profanity as in like cussing each other out and using profanity language . With that I don't call you a motherfucker .
I use the word motherfucker as like a now or like as something else in the sentence not as you in the sentence . Uh-huh , you know , I think it's impactful .
You think it's ? Impactful so impactful that you don't use it .
Like like , like , like , or like , or like as an adjective , I'm like oh , no , no , no , I put the motherfucking key over there . Or I know , I've said , I know I've said this to you . Thanks for that . I know I've said , I know I've said to you , I've handed you my fuck , I handed you the fucking phone .
I don't think you asked , sir .
Okay , all right man All right , all right , you know this delusion we have two different recollections because this delusion in your mind where you think that you're this delusion in your mind , where you think that your husband is always nice and sweet to you .
Oh , it's . First of all , I am not deluded to think that you're nice and sweet to me all the time , because you are not Right . However , you also know what type of you know what type of wife you have and you know that I am quick to not tolerate a lot , so the fact that you think that you have spoken to me like that is really comical you have .
When was the last time you said something like that to me ? When was ever you said I handed you the fucking phone ? I gotta hear this because maybe my ears weren't working that day .
When we went to . We took our daughter last year to Sesame Street and we're trying to leave .
He just brought us something random .
I'm gonna continue on . I'm done .
No , tell me .
No .
I want to hear I'm sorry , I apologize .
We took our daughter to Sesame Street and we were in a rush to leave and you're like did you get something ? I forgot what it was . He put something in the car and I was like I had said something along the lines of I gave you the effin thing I did . Okay , I did .
Babe , I'm not gonna deny your truth .
Oh my God , now it's my truth . Now it's something I made in my , in my metaverse . Huh , in my metaverse , all right .
I'm not gonna deny your truth In any situation . That wouldn't constitute an argument . I'm talking about , like when we're fighting .
Oh no , I don't say things like that when we're arguing , I mean like when we're arguing and when we're fighting Like , do you use like ? Language as a bitch fuck . No , because you don't use language like that when we fight . You know why . It's not that I don't want to .
Oh I know , I would like to myself .
I don't use words like that because those are triggers for you . So it's gonna , if I use those type of words , it's gonna trigger you to not actually hear what I'm saying . True , that's why .
Because you know your wife .
So I do it for my benefit , not yours . Just so you know it's for my benefit , it's not yours . Oh yeah , because I'm not trying to spare your feelings . I'm trying to be heard .
Okay . Well , whatever it is you got to do , because you also know your wife and like , just like you wouldn't tolerate , you wouldn't tolerate me using profanity at you , would you ?
I'm not scared of you , would you ? I would just walk away . I'm not gonna .
I'm not violent ? I know you're not violent , but you wouldn't just walk away First , first I feel like .
So I would call you out to the end , and you don't walk away . You would give me the death stare because you wouldn't be able to believe that I was like speaking to you that way , Because my first response was I know this motherfucker did his dress .
Come on , it's just .
Oh no , but I'm only like B , like you ? Yeah , I would .
Yeah , but I think I think too , if we were to start speaking to each other like that during an argument , I do believe that would change the dynamic of our relationship . Do you think so ? Like I think that would change . I think it would change our interactions .
But you're a lot more sensitive when it comes to the worries of my own .
Because I that could be true , and I think that's true because I understand how impactful words can be .
¶ The Power of Words in Relationships
Like you , a lot of people don't understand that you can . Actually , you can make or break someone's day with a word , with a word , right . So I think it's really important for us to be mindful about the things that we say . It's even like I always tell you , too , about when you speak to yourself , right , I always , I always say that to him .
Like it's just as important to speak to yourself in a good way or positive way , just like it is when you're interacting with other people . So that's not to say that you don't have excuse me , you don't have days where you're not feeling the most positive , or you don't have days where you know you just feel like like the bottom of the towing pole .
But your words hold weight , your words create your life . Like I'm a firm believer in , your words create your life , your words and your thoughts are are a direct correlation to where you are in your life and your words have power and they hold power and they can change and they can make or break , like you know , a person's day .
So when I think about having a disagreement with my husband . This is a person that I said I would love , no matter what right . He's the person that , just like how he protects me , I protect him . You know , like I don't be protecting you .
Yeah , man , he doesn't see how he you don't see how I protect you , but that's fine , please elaborate , you don't see how I protect you .
How do you protect me , love ?
We're gonna have a whole discussion about that , okay , about how women protect they men too . Okay , we're not talking about just we're not talking about just physical strength , but you know , this is a person that I have out to take care of .
This is a person that I have out to protect the person that I vow to love , and why would I , even when I'm angry , want to speak to them like they're just some person off of the street ? You know , like I said , things can get heated , emotions run high .
One of the key points that I can think of right off top of the head is when Phoenix was a newborn . Phoenix is our daughter . When she was a newborn , and it's like between trying to make the adjustment of becoming parents , trying to , we were trying to buy a house at the time .
Like you know , the money that was coming in , money that was going out , me not working him going in between it can be a lot and temperatures will run high and tempers will run high , right . So it's like you can be annoyed and say something that you wouldn't normally say , but it's like , okay , calm down , because I know there's a lot going on right now .
There's a lot of moving pieces and I know you're frustrated and you're upset and everything like that , but we need to be mindful in this moment we're still on the same team , right , like it's still something where it's still you and I . At the end of the day , it's still you and I .
So when we talk about hitting below the belt , using profanity , loosely throwing around the divorce word , like those are things that you still need to be conscious about , even when you're having a disagreement with your partner , because at the end of the day , it's you guys against whatever it is you're arguing about , and as cliche as it sounds I know it sounds
cliche it truly is it's not us fighting against each other to try to see who has the best resolution for the issue we're talking about . It's us coming together and how we can best attack the situation to get to some type of resolve . Do you agree , mm-hmm ? Right ?
Because it means the whole point of having a discussion is to get to a resolution , right .
Otherwise we wouldn't have gotten into the discussion in the first place , Right ? So I you know , but I know that sometimes you , you , you feel very strongly one way and I'll feel very strongly another way , and we'll just do whatever you want . No , we don't Okay , and I always just do what I want .
But it does take me into how do you , how do you think that we normally resolve things ? Like , how do we normally resolve things ? We discuss , mm-hmm . Like , once everything gets settled down , we discuss , we do .
We , we , uh , logically , logically think about both of our views and then we make a decision . Mm-hmm , if we can't come up with a decision that we most usually agree on , then we typically just do whatever you think is best .
Is that the point at which you have given up ?
Yes , because I always live by the motto of you I can win the war . It doesn't mean I have to win every battle . You gotta know when to hold them . Know when to hold them , it's true . Know when to walk away , it's true .
It's just like I , like I would tell you about when you're interacting with Phoenix , when there's like a pair of shoes that she doesn't want to put on , when you're asking her and she's giving you all that pushback .
I give up on that . And I , just I , I , I if she wants to wear uh uh Saletos with , with , with , with soccer shorts , I don't , I don't even fight her .
I . I mean , there was just just like a little uh , off off topic , Our six year old .
Like you know , she's very much at the stage and has been at the stage where she wants to just have control over the things that she wears , as she does sometimes , Right , and so , like when we're getting ready for school , you could tell her okay , go ahead and put the pink shoes on , cause that'll match your outfit today .
And she'll be like no , I want the blue shoes and this one . My husband over here , who'd be like , put the pink ones on . Because I said , put the pink ones on .
And then she gives him pushback and then there's like this big tug of war and I I just tap him on the shoulder and be like babe , you have to know when to just like let it , let it be what it is and just move on with the day , because YouTube bickering back and forth is not even worse , Like everybody leaving the house high stress because she wanted to
wear blue shoes today . Just let her put on the blue shoes , it's fine . As long as she goes to school with the blue , as long as she goes to school with shoes on her feet .
I mean last year she went to school on those rain boots in like half the year .
Oh , yeah , she did , she did .
And then it didn't matter .
She wanted to wear those rain boots and I said you know , if the rain boots are what make you happy and it's what's going to get us out of the house on time , put your rain boots on , Like it's just , it's just shoes , Like .
Put your rain boots on the ideas that you have when you first like before it , even you having kids , and when you first have , like your first child , all that changes , like all of it changes all the things that you said oh yeah , my kids are not going to do this and I'm going to make sure my kid doesn't . It changes . Okay , Because they are individuals .
They are people like no , they wear you down , they just wear you down and you like , at some point you like , I just need some piece from somewhere .
So you just eat this .
So if this will let you leave me alone for 20 minutes .
Just put the blue shoes on , just do it .
It's not that big of a deal , just do it .
But anyway , getting back to resolving , you know , discussions and stuff , yes , we do . We have a conversation . Once our temperatures and our tempers are down and everything , we come together and it's literally like a okay look . That's usually how he starts it . He'd be like okay , look .
And if it's something that he's really passionate about , that I'm just not on board with , I will say that he's really good at trying to let me see it from all angles . Like he'll come up with like a little pro and con list .
So have you , so that I can get a better picture of what it is he's trying to explain , and then we just kind of go from there , you know , instead of just telling me this is what it is and we're going to do this because I said now sometimes I do do that .
You do Sometimes , you , I will , I will amiss Sometimes you do , but sometimes I'm like no it's not up for discussion , because this is what we're doing for the family .
This is what's happening . Yes .
Yes , he does , he does and and I want to say to that it doesn't necessarily bother me all the time when he does that , because , again , this is the person that I chose to marry .
So if I didn't think that he had leadership skills and if I didn't think that , you know , he could take care of a family or , you know , take care of me , not just like in a , you know , financial sense , but I mean where I can lean and depend on him Goodbye when I can lean and depend on him , then I shouldn't have married him .
So he does have moments where he comes to me , he comes to me and he'll be like babe , this is like I'm just letting you know , this is the decision that I've made and we're going to do this . This is what's going to be best for the family right now .
Even like and it can be something where he knows that I'm not totally 100% in agreeance with , but I also have to trust if he's saying that this is what's going to be best for our family right now , in this moment , I'm going to get , I'm going to trust him on this Now .
Granted , if he starts creating a track record of me not being able to trust his judgment and trust his leadership and trust his decision making , then most definitely , I'm going to it's going to create more of a pushback in me , right ?
And that should signal to him like , well , dan , what is it about my , my decision making and my leadership skills that she keeps giving me pushback and she still feels the need to keep questioning me , right ? So , yes , he does take the reins where he's like as the leader , this is what we're doing .
You know we are still partners , but he does , you know , have have the say in some situations to be like this is what's going to happen , and I'm like , go ahead , like , okay , this is , this is what we're going to do , and if it doesn't work out , I mean we don't have to deal with that too .
But if it doesn't work out , I'm fully prepared and ready to fall on the sword by myself .
You don't have to , but I'm just saying you know , I know I don't have to .
What I'm saying is I am , I have decided that this is the course of action . We're going to take this all to . I deemed to be best , and if it doesn't work out , I am willing to take the consequence of that .
Yep , that's fair , I think . I think that's absolutely
¶ Navigating Disagreements With Respect and Understanding
fair . Another thing is like how he said someone just gives in , like as part of our resolution . If we find that we can't come to a resolution or we're just not going to see eye to eye , we can agree to disagree , or one of us will just say you know what , let's do it your way , let's try it your way .
You know , we're just going to do it your way because you feel this passionate about it . And if you feel this passionate about it , then you know , maybe it's worth me just saying okay .
I think it's worth talking about a lot of times when you bring things to me and I'm like , okay , whatever you want to do , that's what we'll do . And I'm like no , but I want your feedback and I legit have no feedback to give because I give zero Fs about what you're talking about and I'm like , no , we can just do it your way . But what do you think ?
I think it's a good way to go about it , because I don't really want to think about it , I think it's a good way to go about it , because I don't want to think about it .
And then we low key get into a little argument over me not having , but I'm like I don't care about this this is true , but you want me like so that's another thing .
That's one thing like if you care about something and you bring it to me and I don't care , then now it's like okay , so now I've learned where I have to at least act like I care .
Oh , all the time . So it's not important to you just because it's important to me .
I mean that's why , that's why I act like I care , because it's important to you , wow . So , like you know , when you come to me with things , I'm like , oh , that's a tough one , babe , you know you know you a crap .
It's a tough one babe .
And my back of my mind . I'm like I'm going to go walk away . That's like I'm thinking about this and then go . You know what ? Babe , I think you're right .
Yeah , so it's important to you . You're like so you don't care .
That's cool with me , though I mean because I get it , because I don't care about .
I suppose I mean it works At the end of the day . I guess that's part of a resolve , right .
Again , like I was saying earlier , like I'm prepared to lose this battle if I won the war . That's why I don't , like you have to realize is like when you , when , when you're , when you're fighting the war , there's certain points on the map that are really not that important , Obviously . So we can , we can do that .
They can have that town , they can have that city . You know cause it's not ? It's not as impactful as the other one .
Wait , you're analogy right now .
It's not as impactful as the other one you know .
It's not as impactful as taking this spot of land right here .
It's just like if we're paying Dungeon and Dragon . I'm going to protect the healer before I protect the tank . You know cause the healer is important , oh .
You know , oh , okay .
It's like you gotta , you gotta pay your pieces , right . It's like in chess , like I was . I was just for the day , like in chess .
Now he's about to take it to chess . You're just fooling me today .
You know so I . So when you bring me something , I assign it a piece or a role and I'm like oh , it's not that important , so if it , if it works out , great , if it doesn't , it's a piece we didn't need anyway . You know , it's a piece we didn't need anyway . That's how I look at it .
Oh , okay , well , I mean , I guess that works , it's . You know , I always say , it's just so funny about the dynamics in which men think and how women think . It's just , it's so interesting . That's where that , that like yin and yang , comes in , I guess .
I guess , but yeah , so I mean overall , like I would say my best piece of advice when dealing in a discussion or a disagreement with your partner no hitting below the bell , no calling each other names out of each other names , profanity towards each other , like cursing at each other loosely , using the divorce term , like none of that , but just keeping the respect
. There's still a level of respect that has to be maintained .
It doesn't necessarily have to be respect , you just need to .
you need the understanding , the empathy and understanding .
You need to . You need to move as if don't do the things to them that you wouldn't want them to do to you . It's that simple . It's that simple as following the golden rule in the Bible .
Oh , look at you .
Is that simple ?
Is it that simple ?
It is that simple .
People will be making it real complicated , though .
No , that's because they think too much , people will think about the wrong shit . That's true .
I must admit that's true . Well , I hope that you guys have enjoyed this week's episode of Life After . I Do Be sure to follow us on all the socials at Life After I Do podcast Until next week . I am Nisha G , and this is Alive , though , and we will see you all next week's episode . Bye , bye , bye .