Welcome to Fucking Candy Land, hosted by Rampage and Gemini. We are so excited that you're listening to us. If you want to elevate the experience and see these interviews on video, you can join either one of our Patreons. They are LinkedIn the description wherever you're listening to this podcast episode. In addition to getting to watch the full length video interviews, we also both have tons of additional content and support for the spiritual community.
So go ahead and check those out and then if you're ever interested in readings with us or personally connecting with us, we also have our websites and social medias, LinkedIn the description as well. Feel free to share this episode with everybody that you know. Get the look it like a lollipop name spread around and we hope you love this episode.
Welcome back to Candyland. We are just really grateful to record our last episode of the year and it's amazing that we've been doing the podcast for three seasons. So we just thought definitely wanted it to be just us, but we are getting so much feedback on the guest. I love it. So thank you to everyone who has came on, new listeners, people that are just starting to listen like we appreciate you so fucking much Jim and I.
That coffee cup looks adorable. It is adorable and I would really love to find somebody who can like custom make cups like this because I have so many ideas of like ways that I would like things shaped. But like learning how to clay mold on cups is a whole ass hobby because I googled it thinking like maybe I could have a new craft bitch. No, no, I can't. I've seen it. It's a lot. It's like you have to have a super passion for that. Yeah, that's that's not my
niche. And you have enough fucking hobbies, bitch. You got enough things that you're doing every time. I always have something new, dude. Every. That's because like, anytime that I see like something that I want done inside of my mind and I try to have somebody else create it, they never do it the way that I am, like envisioning it. And so I'm like, fuck it, I'll learn how to do it and I'll do it myself. Move aside. Move aside, you know, I also
have seen something. It's like, why would I pay you $50.00 to make that when I can spend 85 and make it myself? I'm saying. It took me out because sometimes I'll like when I first started my spiritual journey, I was experimenting with so many things and one of those things was candle making, which props to anyone who makes candles.
It is a lot harder than it looks and especially like my friend's shout out Megan. She knows I was putting things like I was saving jars and I thought that I could make candles like out of any old jar. But they're not fire safe and I've had them crack and I've also had candle jars that say they're fire safe, not be fire safe. And yeah, so I was like, this is like a hazard. That's a hazard for sure. I'm not. No. I can't be like a Candlestick maker. That's not my calling in life.
It wasn't a Candlestick maker. It wasn't like the fucking fairy tale thing. I was imagining, like, when Shrek pulls the ear wax out of his ear and like, sticks it down and, like, lights it. I don't know. That's what pops in my mind when you're talking about making candles. And then he said fairy tales. And I'm like, are we syncing the same thing? Yeah, we're synced. And I also was just saying I was putting them in like one time. I remember 'cause we laughed
about this so hard. I put it in a jalapeno jar and I was just experimenting. So I didn't even bother to take the value off, like the great value jalapeno label off of it. I just didn't even care. I was just experimenting and I had gotten this right idea to use like herbs and different things in the wax and it it was a hot mess. In the wax itself. Oh yeah, girl. Oh, you were. You were sciencing. That's what we call that. Yeah, I was experimenting.
I was letting my inner child make things and then we found out they could also burn the fucking house down. So I don't know. Now if I ever made them again, I would use the wax for like intention wax melts and I would make intentional wax melts for certain spell work And like anybody could do that. Like it's not hard you can order a candle kit tomorrow, but to make them the right way or with magic then you need to do it the right way.
At that time I was not doing it the right way, I was doing it the very dangerous way. But I have, I have learned, I have learned that you can't just literally do whatever the fuck you want. You can experiment, but you probably shouldn't put lighter to the flame, lighter to the Wick. There are people who like everybody has like a different hobby. Like I could never be somebody who like makes cakes and shit like I That's not something I could ever do.
The math thing that you have to do for like multiplying your recipe and shit, I don't want to do it. It's a it's a no for me. It's not going to burn, but it may be undercooked because I don't want it to burn. So then I just pull it out. It's a whole thing. I sent you something really cool or the podcast room that I've literally forgot to send to you several times. Like, I don't remember when I bought this, but I forgot that I had it and. Then I it's for me, for the pod
room, yeah. It's in the. I have something, oh, I can't plug it in while we're live right now, but I got a pink neon sign. It makes me think of you. It glows and it says fuck off and I'm going to put that somewhere I'm going to. This is just a temporary background, so I'll put whatever you're giving me. I have my fuck off sign. I've got these like super cute, like distressed wood shelves. I'm going to put with like some plants and stuff. Yeah, I literally. Why do you say it like yeah?
I just had this forever, and I just think that you're really going to like it. I'm excited. I can't wait. Like, I almost forgot what it looked like until I seen it and I was like, that's for Gemini. Like, I've had this for so long. So I was like, it's perfect to send to you now for your Christmas present, 'cause you didn't know about it, I forgot about it. I mean it's just crazy, but I I love that we have the podcast now for three seasons cause like when we started everything is
just changed and evolved. Like everything has changed and evolved since that moment. And I feel like when you like resonate with like a podcast or music or something, you associate that with a time in your life and being able to like replay your life or like re listen to yourself and see like how far you've grown. I can see why a lot of people have been talking about wanting to start a podcast, but there's so much that we've grown from since we started it.
I feel like we were completely different people in our friendship, too. Like we're just so much more comfortable with each other and it's evolved so much. And I think that, like, the vibe and the energy of the podcast evolved too, because we didn't talk like more personal shit about our lives or, you know, sending things to each other or whatever. At the very beginning, we were very like, this is the positivity for you. And now we're like, listen, bitch, today was kind of fucked.
Let's talk about it. I do things that we like. We had a lot to talk about in the beginning though, like we really dove right in. And some of the like beginning episodes are really fucking good. Like really good with like knowledge and just like stuff. But now it is a lot more personal. I feel like after we met in real life, there was like a huge shift just because we basically almost died together. We trauma bonded in a healthy way.
Yeah, like, we had a moment and I feel like it was just irreplaceable. And how it all unfolded with like, it being a surprise. Like that is the only time in my life I've ever been surprised. Like planned, like a secret surprise ever. So it was super monumental for me. Like it's crazy how that all happened. You know what? That just made me think of when you said that it was a surprise was and this is going to be a walk down petty memory lane for
a minute. But was when that whole thing was going on where I I told that one girl like in my community that, like, knew you too. And I was like, oh, yeah, like, I'm going to be going out there. I'm going to be surprising her. And then she's like, this was not a fair position that I should have been put in to have to lie to Paige. And I couldn't even tell her that you were going on that trip. And do you know how hard that was on somebody like me? That was so difficult.
Meanwhile, the girl have been sending me messages. Like, I'd really love to be closer to you and like be a friend. Like I feel like you're a little bit distant and so I'm like, here, let me tell you about this surprise. And then boom. First off, that bitch is the weirdest bitch out of anybody.
That woman that she's referring to, you all was a member of both of our communities, but at the same time when people would leave our communities, which is sometimes due to death, financial reasons, job loss, retirement, fucking sickness. I mean, the list goes on of why people leave a subscription service like it's their business. This woman would write you and put you on the spot. Like why did you leave Gemini's community? Or why did you leave Paige's community like it was any of her
damn business. And then over the summer I saw that her and some girls from the communities met up for like a trip. And I just want to say if you all are still listening and taking notes because you fucking should be y'all are a joke and no one cares. But when you make little sub posts like like hold on what was something I read it was just like you know all the good that my. Crown can't knock off now. I've been blessed or some shit like that, bitch. I'd knock your fucking crown like.
Not even that, but it was more like it was. After all I've been through, I came out on top or some shit. Like you're the one that was in the drama. You were the one that was starting drama. You were the one that was like, you know, confiding in all these people and stirring up all this shit and then to write Gemini and be like, I really want to get to know you more. This is you. And I went to high school with this girl and we weren't friends then and I really never
considered us friends now. Like we like she was a client and I liked her as a person for what it she was showing. But also when I'm working with a client extensively, I'm not going to be like, I don't like your vibe or I think you're a shit person. Like I'm trying to help people grow and mentor them and help them like change their life.
Everyone has a shadow and this girl literally would just say and do the craziest shit like, I have to air this out 'cause it's been weighing on me. One time she sent a photo of like a house and home that she had been living in with her child's father and she was like, he broke up glass and put it in the litter box. And the cats have been trapped in here for a week. Yeah, like some weird fucked up shit and like, why would you tell anyone that?
So now that I'm saying that it's off my chest, it's out in ether. Why would someone as a client slash whatever the fuck tell you some craziest shit like that? Not just tell you that, Tell you that like on a regular Tuesday, not in a session, and send it to your community chat and tell everyone else.
Yeah, she did that. I think that I think that I have tried to be so like whatever with the situation because I understand that like when you're inside of a like healing place or whatever, there's going to be triggers for things like I had. There was so much fucked up shit that happened inside of our community this year that stemmed from that person.
And what makes me the most frustrated about it is you're contacting people who are on a healing journey, who have been very vulnerable inside of, like, community spaces, and you're saying shit like that. She would also say wild shit inside of our community chats and whatever. And I understand if, like, people have their own hurts or whatever and they project and like, that's a normal thing.
There's a difference between somebody having, like normal projections of like, negativity in their life and somebody who is like all of this awful things are happening right now, but I know nobody can do anything about it. And I actually don't want to heal from the situations. I'm not going to change anything. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, but I just wanted everybody to be able to know that's where the problem lies.
The wildest thing for me is people who don't have natural like friends or friend groups that get into community spaces with literal strangers and then begin the trauma bond process that you're supposed to be acknowledging and healing from over and over again. And as like petty as this girl is, I could see her still listening to the fucking podcast because she was also the person like shouting us out, love
bombing us constantly. She bought me like a couple different little gifts and I ended up giving them away like just I don't like, I don't like the little trophies from people that are like not genuine. And her energy was not genuine. And if you think I'm gonna keep something you gave me when you're. I you're talking about gifts.
I even this this is Oh my God, it brings back so much literally within the week of finding out that she had been doing all that fucked shit with everybody for weeks and messaging people that were leaving and stuff. And these poor people don't want to message me and say anything because it's like a positive
community. I literally sent her money because she was working on that jewelry business and she was talking about how she wanted to make us lollipop things, and she wanted to make me things for witchcraft boxes. And I was like, rooting her up, Told her that I would put her inside of witchcraft boxes, like whatever, sent her money so that
she could get items. When she was talking in the community chat about how she didn't have money for that, she was crying to me about how she couldn't be on the mentorship level of Patreon anymore and how she was getting so much benefit out of the community chat. And I was like, you know what, Like you're really active in there, you can stay. And I had her in there for two months that she didn't have to pay for the mentorship program and was in the mentorship chat.
She got additional readings with me, even though she wasn't paying for that tier because I was like, OK, like if you're if you are doing what you can, then I'm going to give to you or whatever. And then to turn around and tell people that, like, not only have I just been like, I'm this awful cult leader, but then that you're not getting services, you're not getting readings, you've been messaging people like and I was trying to help boost your business like that.
Nobody was even upset with you at all or even brought you into anything. It was all about how mean I am and how I'm making you mean. And it was like you were the victim and I was the mean villain corrupting you. And then as soon as you're like, that's not my friend, like my friend wouldn't do that. My friend has receipts. She you didn't you know there's nothing owed to you.
Then all of a sudden it's what an awful person you are and how nobody can fucking stand you and what the fuck are we doing? But everybody was just on our fucking Dick, sharing our podcast, talking about how inspirational it is and driving from other states to fucking come and stay at your house and treat it like a fucking dump. Yeah, there's just so much that
I could say. The fact that multiple people have bonded in that situation and are still like making sub tweet style posts, it's like the only reason I want to air this out at the end of 23 because after next like after this year ends, you will never be relevant again in my life what so fucking ever. Like come around, I got receipts, we got cameras, we got everything we need and I don't give a fuck. Like I don't care what you bitches think you know about me or know about Gemini.
You don't know shit because you wanted to spread lies, try to defame someones character, defame someones name and their business and poach customers and clients and beg people to do services and events and things that you're literally joining
our ship for free. Because there's another person in that scenario that was in my chat for free because they said they couldn't afford it but yet was accepting money for birth chart readings and spell work from people in the community but yet couldn't pay to be in the community.
And I even made my community where you can promote your stuff like if you have a business or you're selling something there's a promotion channel in my discord like pop your ship, Boo, post it there, don't solicit people but let them know where to find your information and let's move forward. But at the end of the day, the fact that this is like continued on and then like mid August or whenever the fuck people are still like posting about it, I just really have had some shit
on my chest about that. Because those people were so manipulative. That there are still people that are like being in a community space is too much for me because of them. Like literally because of them. Because of being in a vulnerable place, opening up to strangers, which is hard as fuck. But if you can open up to strangers and be yourself around strangers, then you can slowly learn to do that around people you love and care about.
I'll tell you, it might seem like it's harder to open up to strangers, but it's actually a lot easier. Because if you're trying to become this version of you, they don't know about that version of you. But trust me when I say me and Jim and I can see that old version of you, and if that's still really you, we can now also see that. But we're giving people the benefit of the doubt that they're joining a healing
circle. I'm not going to be like, no, you're not healed enough to sit with us, you know what I mean? Like at the same time, this environment stemmed for like such a big part of the year from like January into fucking July. There was just straight drama the whole time between the girl and Utah, these people. And it was almost like a universal takedown of the podcast and like of our friendship, and I love that it only made us stronger.
We created a a spell work Patreon level that we do spell work every month for a collective group. And you know it's funny because most of Gemini's people upgraded to that and it's like balls deep in there. So you know, at the same time, a lot of things that were meant to like destroy or mess up our friendship hasn't at all. No. There's been tons of shit and like we like send each other like friend videos of like your friend that like lives like away from you or whatever.
It's so interesting to me, the people that I see trying to do businesses in person that like it's just not working for, but they're right there with each other and then how much we're
able to do being spread apart. And I don't think that like, unless somebody has done it, you don't understand like how much maneuvering it is to like work time zones, to like really make things match up when you are never physically with each other to be able to keep your friendship going and checking in and the business shit like it can be a lot.
And to actually be relevant and have like real life topics along with like niche topics for us to talk about like you've never heard an episode where we're just repeating the same stuff. But I will tell you, there are other people who after our episode comes out, they like to make the song title, use it, use the episode title, I mean, and whatever else that people like to do and use that information And like, that's cool.
We want people to learn from it. But it's almost like this year had so much like illusions and and like masks being lifted. Like people say they want to wake up spiritually and 1st it's waking up to yourself, waking up to your own drama, your own internal bullshit and limiting beliefs. And then it's waking up to everyone around you like the world as a collective. Then that makes you zoom in on
to the people close to you. It's like you collective world, then everyone that you've ever known, whether that's a connection that is by blood or by water, whatever the fuck it is you this. Human. Device see whatever baby. Like whatever. And you will see like how is this person been actually holding me back. Every time I share my ideas with
them, they take them. There's been people came on our podcast and they're having drama with their friends because now their so-called friends want to be like, oh I want to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do this. Oh or ex friends are like, who are the dopest podcasters in Louisville or Indiana? I want to do an interview and like there was this big chain of like maybe someone's got to ask
you to be on their podcast. You can't just be like, hey, I have a story, I want to be on your podcast. Like people have to ask you. It is such a turn off. When people say I want to be on your podcast if I haven't already either manifested them to be on it or ask them like I've been manifesting you and you say it, I'm like, yes, this is working. If I ask you and you say yes, I'm loving it. But you don't just get to be like, hey, I know you don't know me for real, but can I be on
your podcast? OK. I just want to say too, I would feel that way about anybody with any level of following, credit, whatever. I think that people make it sound like you guys need me. Put me on that so that I can put you on. That's the energy that like it comes from where is like if we want to talk to you, it's because we want to get to know you as a person. Like we're interested in you,
like we want to learn about you. It doesn't have anything to do with whether or not you have a following. You're going to put us up. You're going to do XY and Z because we may not like you. I've had. That's just on facts. I've had people who I've never talked to them before. They'll message me like 3 times or they'll I'll start, you know, talking to them in a conversation and then they'll slip in there. You should really have me on your podcast. I've been some through some shit.
And OK also though, that goes hand in hand with what you and I were talking about earlier when we were talking about people who just are like, Oh my God, you're a tarot reader. I can't wait for you to read my cards. It's. I don't know you. I didn't say I was going to read your cards. Did you go to my website? Why is why are you just expecting this? Like it's probably how mechanics feel anytime you go to their house and you're like, oh man,
my car's been making a noise. Could you take a look at it for me before I go home? And people do that to tattoo artists, too. Like if you tell someone you're a tattoo artist, they tell you like their next 15 ideas that they know they damn well don't have the money for. And they're probably not even going to have you do them at all. They're going to go back to Billy Bob at his kitchen and get the same caliber level of
tattoos they already have. And that's what I love about any industry, that someone has spent their blood, sweat and tears to become an expert or become, you know, good, good at something. It's like, oh, help me, help me do this. Like, how many people find out you have a podcast and ask you to help them start their podcast? Right. You know how many people find out that you're good at something and then instantly
need your help? Like, that's the one thing that, like irks me a little bit about people is, First off, they want to tell you how much you can make for your skills or what's what's in their budget. So that's what you should be accommodating for. And I'm sure like contractors and people that do homes and, you know, damage jobs, they probably get that nickel and dime shit 24/7 because it's like a lot of times you don't, I want to get this done. You have to now like you have to.
And that's what I feel about spiritual maintenance. It's just like your home or your car. Getting a reading is spiritual maintenance. And if you are going to invest into that spiritual maintenance, you're going to receive back. Like earlier I had a client say she needed to downgrade her level and then another client
sent me $500 five minutes later. So it's like I don't really have to like worry about the ups and downs, but I think so many people are attached to certain outcomes that they don't want to invest in a reading. So they see that you can do it. And they're like, well, there's no investment on my part and I'm going to benefit at the expense of you. It's annoying, you know, We don't like that.
Also, please don't tell me how interested you are in readings and then tell me how difficult that you are to read, because that's something that comes up. People will say that all the time. Oh yeah, I would love a reading, but I don't know if it's going to be successful because everybody tells me that I'm really difficult to read.
No, you want to be mysterious and you want to be unique and so you're closing yourself off to even having that healing energy come through to you because you want there to be a mystery. And really that stems from you don't want anybody to see you. So you're going to put walls up and you'll pay for somebody to try and prove to you that they can put your walls down so that you can show how strong and powerful you are and how self
preserving you are. But it's not a flex to not be open to having healing vibrations, healing energy, and evolving and moving forward with things. So don't brag about being difficult to read. And also, if you have somebody who's reading you because they're truly channeling, connected to spirit and connecting with energy, it doesn't matter how much you don't want a message to come through or whatever.
If that message is coming from somebody who is authentically reading you out of their ego, the message is going to come through regardless of how the fuck you're showing up. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. And with that being said, like why would you want a reading if you're not open to the messages? Like, that's why someone is opening a circle. Why would you like want to be Difficult for one. Most people that do that, though are hurting the most too. That's what I'm saying, yeah.
Yeah, like you're hurting the most and you need it the most versus someone who's just like, Oh my God, never done this. I'm excited, you know? That's normally what I get, 'cause I just block people like that, Like not block physically block them on the Internet. Like I energetically block them. I don't want their money. I'm not proving shit to you. I'm not no. Like if someone showed up to a
reading like that, I don't know. I would just be like, this isn't comfortable for me and I'm refunding you by. Yeah. Like, I'm not a circus monkey and I'm not here to, like, prove something to you. Yeah, totally, 100%. There's also something that I'm going over in the mediumship class.
Well, as I'm putting it together is we're going to be talking about different types of clients that you encounter because there are so many different clients as a reader and different personalities that you're going to come into and everybody comes out there reading with a different energy and a different expectation and all kinds of stuff. That's so true. And I that's why, like I kind of just blocked energetically clients who are not ready for
the messages. Like I don't want clients that are just gonna inherently play the victim like or deny things that are actually true. Like I like a a client that can admit like, Yup, I am going through that I need help, like let's move forward. This is what I need to tell you. This is what you know or I don't want to tell you anything. I'd rather a client not say anything and just listen and rewatch their reading later, you know, then be like all closed off to something and acting like a way.
Are you pulling our card early? Yeah. I was just shuffling them. Jim and I likes to pull the card in the middle of the episode now instead of at the end. She's switching it up on you all. Yeah, because I feel like there's always something that, like, pops through on the card that we want to talk about. But we've already been talking for an hour and so we're like, dude, I need to go eat food. Bye. You know, I don't, I don't want to talk about this anymore.
But there's always a message in there that we. Just, well, you can pull it and we can talk about it. Yeah, we will. Oh, you're just going, Ghost. You're like fine. I just won't even talk. A couple. I had a couple messages and I was just wondering, and I'm actually doing spell work for one of the clients in the group right now. And so to take a picture of her spell work because when I asked you to record, I wasn't expecting you to be like, yeah,
I can record in 20 minutes. So I was like, you know? You said right now. Well, I mean, but that was random when I asked you that. Wasn't like I had planned when I started the spell work two hours ago to. Yeah, but you asked me because you felt energetically that I was available. And there you are in the flesh. In the flesh, we got card 56 for Moonrise. Oh, where's the camera now? Cancer Moon. Yeah, it's like a it's like a table, a little isolated table.
It's card 56. It looks like a date night. The signs are cancer and Leo. Oh, we were talking about balance inside of the spell work, and now we've got the water and the fire. Can I tell you something? The full moon two days ago was in Cancer and now the moon is currently, as we speak, in Leo. OK, well let's go Moonrise. The gift is enrichment and the shadow is distraction. Reaping the rewards of the gift is not about abstaining from life and its wealth of offerings.
It is not about denying your senses or aspects of your world. When you are completely in tune with who you are and what you cherish, you no longer require the outside world to be the source of your joy, forever fleeting. Instead, joy follows you. It lives within you. The air of desperation that you once held in the shadow state melts into a gentle ease and you're able to engage in your experience with a jovial, full hearted essence.
The moon rises with a softness that you feel in the core of your being, and your shadow is distraction. Buried within the shadow is an addiction to stimulation, especially with regard to sights. Much of our current social world thrives on entertainment and distraction. As such, our attention span has shortened substantially and despite the onslaught of images, sounds, videos, and media, we still find ourselves wanting
more. There is never enough, and there never will be. The Shadow urges you to keep seeking for some elusive cure in the outside world of fantasy and facade, while the real remedy can only be found within you or alongside the stars. Your themes are Attention, Fulfillment, Essence, and Stillness. I've also been feeling that way with like especially around the holidays, Ads, emails, just people.
It feels like very much I've been over stimulated and that's why like tonight I was maybe going to go to a concert, woke up, was not feeling good. Then I got invited to a comedy show and I was like, look, I'm just, I can't be in public like I don't feel good. I feel like I've just a lot of heavy things have happened this past week and it's just like, you know, you never really know what people are going through.
And when someone close to you is going through something and something bad happens to them, it's like, you know, there's so many mixed emotions about it. And I just feel like I have so many mixed emotions that like from one minute to the next I'm like two different people. And I'm trying to like just go with that. But shout out to all the people who are seriously like clinically depressed because like y'all are the real MVPS. No, I'm serious.
Because, like, I don't know in the world like how I could deal with this every fucking day. Like to feel as bad as I feel today. You know what I mean? Like, just sick. My body hurts, my head, everything. It's just like, I don't know. And I mean that sincerely, Like legitimately. I don't know how people like, deal with that every single day. And I wish peace and happiness and freaking healing for
everyone. And I'm doing a World Peace, love and harmony smell later for myself and the world. Because I just believe that it's not just about ourselves. It really is about everyone. And if everyone was happier, our collective vibration would be bigger and better and stronger. And we're so much more connected than we know. So those distractions that keep us separate from everyone, it really isn't true. It's been.
I feel like it's been a difficult like couple of months, like this year was really big on. I feel like going inside yourself and having reflective moments and it was like a huge year of shadow work. And something that came up when I was doing the end of year collective reading for my Patreon was how much like from 2020 to 2022 we didn't have any like outside world really. Like things were starting to open up in 2022 and people were starting to be going back, maybe the jobs or whatever.
But 2023 is when people have really been settling in with, like, being at home jobs more and figuring out different ways of having income. Because before the pandemic, you just went to a job. And then during the pandemic, everybody realized, like, wow, I have all of this like energy and time and whatever. And that's when people really started like, working on healing themselves too.
So this year out in the real world has been a bunch of traumatized grown-ups who had were locked inside with children having free time trying to navigate the world and like get back to whatever the new normal is or whatever. And you notice that, like now we're just functioning in society like nothing ever happened. There never was a fucking pandemic, but people were over here like, you better go get jab right now or fuck you, I'm never
talking to you again. And here we are all fucking living, all doing our shit and I don't hear nothing. So like, it's been a year of having to get back to living real life in a new adapted way while you're having trauma and while everybody's going through some level of a healing journey. So this year's just been really intense for like inner perspective work. And I feel like with that card, that's where, like that part of the joy comes from like within
you. I feel like it's a huge thing because everybody had to live inside of their depression inside of their home or had to. So many people were trying to find these other outlets for their emotions and stuff like that. And that goes into the cancer card too. Yeah. And like the home is like Cancerian energy and water, and then like the sun is like outward persona in the chart. So Cancer and Leo are the only two zodiacs that are ruled by
the sun and the moon. So they're really significant because then the other 10 zodiacs are split between, you know, like they they mirror one another. So like the Cancerian energy, with the full moon being the very last full moon this week, the day after Christmas, and we're in Mercury retrograde. Like, it's definitely a lot of energy. And I keep up Nirvana myself, like it's the full moon brief. Like it's the fucking full moon in Cancer. It's a lot.
Cancerian energy is super motherly, brings up Mother wounds traumas, A lot of people have that around the holidays, just even from like all levels. And I just really, really want people to understand that, like, the outside world is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, and we have to work through our own fears and negativities and things that we're just mean to ourselves about. That's what I tell clients a lot. It's like, quit being mean to yourself.
And, you know, quit being so fucking hard on yourself. And that's something as humans, we all can learn from. We can all learn from, like stop being so mean to yourself behind the scenes and then pretending like everything's OK on the surface, you know, or whatever. I think sometimes, like we don't even realize that we're being mean to ourselves because it's been taught to us. Yeah, I agree.
And because you get so used to it, like, sometimes you don't even realize that you're talking bad to yourself or about yourself, but there are, you know, if you sit there and you think about it and you have a quiet moment, what are you thinking about? Are you thinking about like, God, I need to work out more, 'cause I don't like the way that I look or, you know, whatever it may be.
And I say that because that's a personal fucking one that I've had to work really hard at, like getting over and not talking to myself certain ways. Or, you know, also too, not comparing on social media, that took a really long time. Like now I just, now, that's not something that I even have to,
like, correct my thought about. But there was a long time where I used to be like, I wish I looked like that or I want to look like that Or, you know, oh, I wish that I could express myself the way that they're expressing themselves. And that can be a really difficult thing too. If you're not happy with yourself, is comparing yourself to others a lot, 'cause you're never going to be able to sustain that. And Barbie was.
So when Barbie came on and we talked to her and she was like, oh, it's literally just all an image. I've had surgery, like, that's the realist fucking shit.
And she's always like that where she's like, yeah, I know that I'm hot, but like, I want you to understand that, like to attain this thing has these consequences to it and these benefits to it. At first when you said when Barbie came on, I thought you were talking about the Barbie movie, because in the Barbie movie there's like this whole big message about that kind of as well, like.
Oh, I've never seen it. Well, I just watched it really for the first time, but it's basically like in Barbie world, you know, the girls do everything and then Barbie wanted to learn the truth about the real world and when she went to the real world. She realized that the guys do everything like that. The guys are in the most important roles and the president and like all these
things. And it was like this whole dynamic about, like women, you know, being good enough and being like strong in in numbers and just like a whole thing. I got to tell you, yes, being back at the fucking office in the real world with men, I am triggered by the amount of men that are absolutely different to women than they are to other men. And it's something that, like I
I've worked there for years. So like, I encountered it before, but then I left for a couple months and I stopped like mingling with them out in the natural habitat. I was very isolated away from the male population. And then now I'm back in the cesspool. And what makes what what gets me is the fucking audacity of people to invade your personal space, to talk to you down, talk to you, talk to me like I'm fucking stupid. And then they'll go back to talk to the doctor, joking, funny,
kind, laughing all the shit. And I he'll walk out and I'm literally, like, what? Like, do I need to pull my Dick out? Like, what do I need to do around here for you to not talk to me like I'm dumb? Because the guy you're being nice to, he doesn't work at the front desk. Bitch, I'm the one charging your card. Be nice to me. Like I don't. I hate it. I think it's a lot of just people in service style jobs, like you're at a desk or like, you know, people behind
counters. Like people are just fucking rude to those people because they see them as like less than or whatever. And I was having this conversation with someone the other day, like they always say like oh if you're not happy, just get a better job. But it's like we need people to do all jobs no matter what they
are. But people treat people different because they're women, because if they're pretty versus society's ugly or, you know, whatever, people label people well, like, it's just fucked up how there is so much different interaction depending on who you are, what color you are, what age you are, how attractive you are, XYZ, you know what I mean? Like it's just like the way society is set up is like, I'm
better and you're less than. And I always like to ask myself, like, how do these people talk to themselves? Because they're probably not that nice to themselves, but they, You know what I mean? Like, because nice people are nice to other people. People that are doing the work and are healing are nice and inspiring towards other people. Like, you can be doing the work and still be an introvert and still be nice. You know what I mean?
Like, it's just weird to me. Like, but I always see people who are just predominantly nasty. I don't care who you're nasty to. If you like them or don't like them, you can't treat someone with respect as a human. Fuck you, for one. And the way people treat animals as even a whole other level of fuck you. And then men in general, like, I think just have such a weird dynamic with the way that
they're raised. Like depending on how they're raised, if their mother and father had a good relationship or not. Super effects men where I just don't feel like it affects women as much because women are. I mean, even though it affects us, it's like more. We're more naturally healing and compassionate and loving because we're literally chosen to be the portal here to earth. Welcome. And men just, they can't resonate with that concept of eternal kindness and support and
like love naturally. Like I think it has to be taught to them from a very young age. That's why I say that like, if I was never not with my husband, I just do not think that I'd ever be with a man again. And I mean that like totally sincerely is like I the qualities of like somebody being like gentle and commutative and being more in like that feminine energy is something to me. Like, I feel inspired by that.
I feel motivated by that. That's why I've always been like totally open to like Poly dynamics where like two wife, one husband mentality, like outside. It's not polygamy because polygamy is religious based and like spiritual based. But like, I totally liked that. Because then you can have the balance of, like, feminine and masculine, and there aren't a lot of men who are able to comfortably be inside of both roles.
And so, like, I feel like I married the one person that I'm willing to have, like, that masculine energy with. And then after this, I'm like it. Dude, it's straight pussy vibes. Yeah, I personally find it really hard to connect with men who don't have a healthy
balance. But in like recent years I will say that I'm meeting people with more balance and I think that you know, just being self aware is like the first step, like anything that needs to be brought into your world through lessons, obstacles, people, relationships, whatever. Like it will be brought to your world.
And I just believe like there is so much room for change, but it could really just start with like some self accountability from most gender like roles where it's like I'm man, you're a woman, you have to do this and I do that and you be nice and I'm this, you know, like I don't know just some of that shit's just laid out like it's just laid out.
I feel like men need to feel safe enough to open up about their emotions without being judged or being seen as weak or lesser than or Sissy or whatever. You know what I mean? Like that's that's how these people are brainwashed and built into this like robotic almost emotional standpoint where physical touch is like top love language and then fucking acts of service as the next like oh so you just want me to suck your Dick and wait on you perfect. Like no, I'm sorry. Like I cannot.
I I will totally take a man if his first love language is physical touch and the second one is words of affirmation. I'm with it. Like if I can talk to you I can be sexual with you and I would want to be. But at the other side of it, it's like I'm not waiting on you hand and foot. Like no, I just feel like 2 acts of service. People probably aren't going to get along very well because it's it's one taker and one giver. At the end of the day, one's going to do more and one's going
to feel less. And so I just feel like when love languages match up, they almost need to be a little opposite and not the same thing because you would think like, oh we have the same love language, it works. But like, if both of your first love, loving ages, physical touch, you're both going to get burned out on sex when you can't
communicate with one another. So here's the thing too, is that I think that when people take those tests, especially if you've been in like a super, like if you're married and you've been in like a long or a long relationship with the person actually taking the test from the standpoint of what is your actual love language? What do you actually like and not just what have you been receiving? Because I've noticed that my love language has evolved over
the years. I've thought, but that's only because that's the way that love has been given. And so that's what I have grown to say that I like. And so when I'm doing like my healing journey, all of a sudden I'm like, no, wait, but I like these things over here. And I just told myself that I didn't like them because that wasn't your shit. But that's still my shit. And I can have my own thing. And so I know that especially like when you I know that you're like not married.
And so I know that like, it's a different like perspective. But there does end up being this phase where like you're just around each other so much that like you mold so closely together and you have to a lot of people get lost inside of that and then they get lost inside of like that mother role too. And that's where people are like I've just like I don't know who I am anymore and I've always been fucking determined that I won't be that person.
But when self reflecting like it's natural if you're around the same person all the time and your goal is to like love them and make them feel loved, you take things on as like your personality that aren't your personality. To help make somebody else comfortable and like that is inevitable. It'll always fucking happen.
But then you have to also, like, find yourself and the couples that I feel like are really strong or the people who communicate those things, and you either work through it or you don't, but that are honest about those things. Because then you're not stuck somewhere for 30 years and you're like, oh, I fucking left Bob one day, you know? I don't know. I also feel like love languages should evolve as you grow and evolve.
But I do see what you're saying. Like, sometimes you think that's evolved, but you've really just started to choose that because that's what you're. I think my biggest thing that someone told me, they said always know where you end and the other person begins. Like even though you will mesh with them, marry them, have kids with them, whatever it is, whatever it may be, always know where you end and they begin,
period. And like, I don't know why that is stuck with me. I could not tell you where I heard that from or who told me that. But they were like giving me advice on marriage or like telling me something about like, you know, just relationships in general. Because I think a lot of people have toxic attachment. It's not even just a trauma bond. It's toxic attachment to not being abandoned or not feeling left behind or not feeling
alone. I cannot even count how many people, clients over the years that are like, well, if I left this person, I would be alone. Or, you know, I had a client tell me before, like when I was younger, I could depend on my looks. But now that I'm in my 40s, I don't feel like that as confident or sexy or seeing anymore. And this person makes me feel less seen and less heard and less confident. And I don't know how to leave them.
And that really hit for me in a sense of like what do you do in that situation? Because at that point, she really doesn't know where she ends. And they begin their words, their manipulations, things, programs that they've instilled into her for X amount of years has drained her of that confidence. Sometimes, like, I've seen where it's like, if you're attracted to me because of my light, don't come over here and try to dim it. And we've all had a boyfriend or
a girlfriend. That's like, you can't do that. You can't hang out with that person. You can't go there. I don't want you to wear that. Or why are you wearing makeup? Who are you getting ready for? We're going to see my brother and my family kind of thing. And like, that's toxic to me. Like that's where I've seen people say, like if she used to get ready all the time and then gets in a relationship and stops, it's not because she's
happy. So with that particular client and like that thing I would be like, well then you're not leaving for reasons of like healing and evolving. You're you're just wanting to leave so that you can have a totally different like situation without healing.
Because if you are actually leaving somebody because that isn't working for me anymore and and you're not the person that's meant for me, you should be leaving so that you're finding what you need and you're rebuilding yourself and you're growing and evolving yourself and you are leaving to take care of you. And if you happen to meet somebody while you're doing that, great. But like, what's the point of being with somebody?
Simply so that you are with somebody and that like, our our media does it and social media does it, where like you're supposed to be in these just like happy, glorious relationships and like you should just be booed up and that's your worth. But there are so many fucking single people out here in the world that are doing so many amazing things and are super happy, and you have relationships and friendships with other people in your life. It doesn't have to be a romantic partner.
You can get Dick on the street that you don't have to have a commitment to. Like why this is, it's like 40s style thinking that we're trying to have in 24 while we're also over here talking about wanting to like be taken seriously and wanting to have everybody like respect our independence and things like that. But so many people don't want to
be independent in that. Well, I think also like society convinces women that like in your 40s that you're like expired, so you better make them happy, so you better. I think it was more of that, I think. I don't know if I portrayed that correctly or not, but it was more of that. Like this doesn't make me happy, but I'm afraid that if I leave that I will end up alone or more unhappy I guess. And yes, they had a lot of healing and things that probably needed to come into the, you
know, they. Got plenty of They got plenty of older daddies on likematch.com and shit like that. You could find yourself. You could find anybody. These days. There are plenty of men getting divorced because women are fucking tired of men and they have midlife crisises and they become lesbians. And so there's plenty of Dick Havers just wandering around in this world aimlessly, not cleaning their dishes, not picking up their house. And they are looking for a woman
to do for. Them, that's what I'm saying. Like she was saying, like there was the caliber in quality. I don't know. It just isn't hidden anymore. Like, yes, she was unhappy, but I guess she thought, at least this way I have the lifestyle I've been living. I'm comfortable. I'm in my comfort zone, even though he doesn't make me feel seen or sexy or appreciated.
You know, I don't know. I mean, it was this was a while back, but I mean she definitely had some healing and reflection to do. But I do feel like this person was pretty manipulative. And when someone's coming out of a manipulative or an abusive relationship, you literally believe what your manipulator or abusive. Oh 1000% you have to reprogram yourself. And the only way you can do that is away from the person, away from the environment. So I feel like really, she had
two options. Stay or leave and it's still be very hectic either way, probably. You know, should I stay or should I go now? Yeah, if I go, there will be trouble. Yeah, it's a little bit of. The fuck out? No, I'm just kidding. I mean, I think that once you're on a healing journey, like I said earlier, you start to see other people for who they really are and you start to see other people for the roles that they play and the roles that you
allow them to play in your life. I think a lot of it is like, what do I allow? Because if I allow someone to give me bare minimum treatment or communication or whatever in a relationship, then that's me settling. If I tell someone this is what I expect, this, you know, these are my requests. It's not a demand because you can say no and move on, but this is the request or this is the boundary or this is the bottom line for me. Like, I need these things to feel safe and healthy in a
relationship. If I don't have these things, then we don't have a relationship. We have a friendship or we're roommates, or we're not. We're not close. We're not actually having the energy of connection. And that's where I think that people do what they want to do for who they want to do it for. And you have to want to do it for yourself because doing it for someone else is never going to be sustainable.
It's easy in the beginning to do it for your family or do it for your wife or do it for your husband. But at the end of the day, if you're not doing it for you, you're gonna feel resentful towards those people for asking you to change or asking you to step up or asking you to contribute in whatever way. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I think accountability is what we need in 2024 is like hold people accountable.
Be honest and vulnerable, but don't wait until you're angry and bottling over and like a volcano is exploding and erupting. Like, speak on it before because when the storm comes, they should have prepared because they knew it was coming. But don't just hit people like a tornado and expect them to read your mind. I think that's one important thing is like just because they are close to you doesn't mean they know how you're feeling if you don't tell them. Yeah, dude, that's such a big
one too. And I had, I think it was my husband that pointed out like if you don't communicate, people can't just read your mind and automatically know. And just because you think that something is obvious, that somebody should know what they've done, doesn't mean that it is obvious. And the difficult thing too is like, and it's inevitable is to have an extreme after that, after where you haven't been communicating and then you start
to communicate. And there's almost like I'm going to over communicate because I have to now justify why I feel this way, because now I'm starting to communicate to you. And I feel like that's where I was when we first started the podcast. And I was so nervous about talking with you because I felt like I had to explain every little bit of why I was thinking something or whatever. And that came from an insecurity of, like, I didn't want to be misunderstood.
I didn't want you to not want to record with me because you thought I was weird. I didn't want to like, you were like like the most positive little like, bubblegum droplet ever. And we hadn't gotten into like, nitty gritty of anything. And so I'm like, if she knows that I've had a bad day, like, it's going to be a wrap on this fucking podcast and like this whole friendship. And then we survived Utah and I was like, oh shit, you're the girl. That'll be like, I'll go tell
her. And we bonded. I loved that so much because you were so background. Go with the flow. I'm just going to sit here and whatever you want to do, You want to make my plate? Please do. I'll just be here taking pictures of my butt. And then when shit was like, actually going down, you're like, well, I'm actually going to let her know that we're getting an Airbnb and she's dropping us off there because we're not staying at her house. Actually, I already went and bought the Airbnb.
You guys can just pay me back later. I wanted to make sure we had a place to stay. Like, oh, actually, we're going to go and get this rental car right now. And that's what we're going to do. And it was. I was like, yes, take charge. And then I learned I was safe with you. Because if shit went down, I'll get us out and you'll get us an Airbnb. I literally fucking love that. And also, I feel like that's because I have been pretty much in my masculine energy for most
of my life. And I got an aura reading recently and it said I'm completely in my divine, feminine energy. And I was like, yes, like it's happening, I'm doing it. But with that being said, like that masculine, I'm going to take charge and fix everything. Like that's because I don't have a lot of people in the past that I could rely on now. I have amazing people that like support me and that are coming into my life every day with support and love and gratitude and all of those things.
So I don't feel that way as much anymore. But when it comes to like something needs to get done, I'm getting it done because I don't like to wait. I don't like the anticipation of waiting. Yeah, I get it. This is our last episode for the new year until the new year. How do you feel about that? I feel fine. It's not the last episode of season three. It'll be weird when we end the season and then we have like a little gap, but I feel like we have episodes to go before that happens.
Well, we're going to try to make it to 100 episodes. So we've got like, what, 20 something left for this? Yeah, yeah, 'cause Barbie was 69. Yeah. So it'll be more like probably spring whenever we take a break. So yeah, this is the last episode of recording in 2023. Do you have a message for the world? Fuck you. No, I'm just kidding you guys. 2023 was fucking rough. Take a bath, leave it in the past.
Working with the element of air. If you have a lot of things that or even anything that you feel like you need a different viewpoint on, you need to see things from a different perspective in order to like heal from it and move on. I think that working with like, air energy is really helpful with that. I'm not just saying that because I'm a Gemini, but really like that does help you with evolving and getting new perspectives and things. And I think that new year, new me is bullshit.
You're going to be the same you, but you can make a consistent effort with your energy to leave things that aren't serving you anymore and to think about those things before you go into 2024. And if they're a piece of shit friend in 2023, they're going to be a piece of shit friend in 2024. And if you guys broke up in 2023, leave them in 2023. Don't take them back in 2024. It's bullshit. Still, they haven't changed at all. They still don't wash their ass correctly, and you deserve
better. Thank you. My message is seriously, just step into your power this year. Make that your only goal. Goal. Like, don't make like physical goals about your body and fitness and things like that. All those are great, but like, they put so much pressure. And I'm not going to lie, the gym is so busy in January, I think I said this last year, because people start shit and they think they're going to do it when winter is like not the time to start anything.
So if you don't listen to anything we've ever said, listen to this. Cultivate all of your patience, your preseverance, your energy this winter. Focus on letting go, letting things die, letting things be put to rest. And then whenever we have the spring equinox in March, open up the the floodgates, baby, and let that shit roll. Wait for Aries season. The Aries new moon will be huge for manifesting and huge for
starting projects. But if you have all of your if you're cultivating your skills and you're cultivating patience, and you're cultivating the drive and motivation that you're going to need to get through those hard times, you will be so much more successful than jumping out of the gate Because it's January 1st, go with the astrological new Year. If you seriously don't know what that is, Google it and follow it this year and watch how different things will be for you. And we love you all.
We will see you next year in Candyland. Bye fuckers. Bye.