Welcome to Fucking Candy Land, hosted by Rampage and Gemini. Welcome back to Candy Land. We are here and we are so excited because we had a surprise for you all, but now it's being extended. We did and like divine timing, right, like we had to reschedule it because I wasn't feeling well and then turned out that the surprise, you know, other person involved in the surprise needed to extend it to. So it worked out. Yeah. And what I really like about how we work is Gemini is the person.
It's like, I'm just going to push through even though I'm on my deathbed and I'm like, no, I'm going to take a nap, Let's reschedule it. And so before she even replied about, like, I was like, let's just reschedule. I texted the guest and the guest was like, wow, this makes so much sense because I feel off today. So it's just really funny because Gemini was like, I'm going to push through even though I don't feel good.
And I was like, no, not. It's so good that we didn't record because that night, like I had such a bad fever. I was losing my voice. Brian kept, Brian was like super concerned and kept waking me up throughout the night. And like, taking the blanket off of me and was like, you're too hot to have a blanket on. And I was like, what? I'm so cold. So you know it happened for a reason. I feel like with Mercury retrograde, so many things for other people are like not going
to plan. Like this morning several people like texted me and like one person had to cancel their whole trip, another person totaled their car like and it just makes me really happy that like I don't go out at night anymore. Like after 9:00, your girl's in the house Speaking of things being cancelled. So you remember that trip that I was going to go on for content with other with other girls? Yeah. So. And then I was like, I'm not going to do it.
Like it just it doesn't make sense for me to do it. They ended up rescheduling it anyways and had I stressed myself out trying to make something happen that I knew I wasn't going to be able to make happen, I'd have been stressed the last month and a half trying to push through and make something happen. That in the end didn't happen anyways, I feel. Like traveling?
Getting married, doing anything like changing during Mercury retrograde is just like frowned upon and so many people try to push through and do like the craziest things. And with Saturn, also in retrograde, like don't sign any contracts, don't get a lease, don't move, Like don't do anything that's logistically not making sense just because your human mind is like, we should do this.
Trying to force yourself into situations and positions that like you know that you shouldn't be in but you're like, but I have to be there. I'm real big on protecting my piece and just being like, no, I'm not coming like quickly, quickly after invited. I'm like, actually I'm not going to come. I already know. You know what I was I was thinking about the other day and
I who was I talking to? I I was talking to somebody about the dynamic that you and I have and I was laughing at the fact that like, you know, people always have their assumptions about you and I, right? And there's like this predetermination that people have that like, I'm more assertive than you are or something like that.
And what makes me laugh is that the things that make me uncomfortable to, like, communicate about like rescheduling or, you know, like something coming through and me being like, this doesn't make any sense. Why would we do this? This isn't making sense. And I don't want to ruffle feathers. You're the one who gets like in the cracks of things and you're like, listen, this doesn't make any sense. Why would I be doing this? Or like, this really doesn't
align with us right now. But thank you so much. And like, I seem to let anything that's a direct kind of confrontation about things or I feel like could disappoint somebody in some way. I'm like, ooh, I better back off. And you're like, absolutely not. The bowl is coming. Let's face it, head on. I am extremely assertive and like really dominant and I think that's why a lot of people tread lightly around me like they
don't. Come for me if they're really not ready to handle what I have to offer, whether that's like in business or in friendships or in relationships. But I just really know what I want. And it's funny that you use the bull reference because that's my Zodiac and I do feel like most of the time I just face everything head on, like whether it is something to do like with.
A legal matter or like a personal matter, I address it the same way and I take my emotions out of it because I don't want to be emotionally charged, making decisions from like 17 year old me's mind or something like that. I tend to emotionally process things and then try to figure out how to what's the word like when you're like logic. Like I I try to like logic out what I'm going to do. And I definitely emotionally think about things. And I also strategize before I have conversations.
And that's come from years of just being told that I'm a bitch when I communicate. And so I'm always like, let me make sure that I'm like, trying to say it in a way that everybody's going to understand. But really I should just find I'm. I'm trying to find my middle ground right now of not being like seeming like I'm being a raging bitch, but also not having to pick and think about every little thing before I have a conversation. I just think because communication was my major.
And my degree in college that I learned a lot of those like social dynamics where like a lot of people cave under that pressure. I know for sure I could get on a stage and talk to 20,000 people and not stutter or miss a beat. And I wouldn't even write what I was going to say. I would just channel it. And I just think that like building that confidence in something that like.
College is uncomfortable. And a lot of people, once it starts getting hard, they stop going, you know, because no one's forcing you to go. No one's like, okay now, little Timmy, I'm going to hold your hand the whole time. Your teachers, like, I don't care if you ever come to class, talk to you later, you know? And so being in that position where I had to do things I didn't want to do, I think it's taught me a lot about just. Facing that problem head on.
Because if you go home and you're like none of swords laying in bed, worried about it, you're really manifesting it to be more than it needs to be. And I know we've had conversations in the past where you're like, I thought you would be mad and I'm like, I don't even care at all. Not one part of me cares and you're like, really? I'm so relieved. It's because you went home, not a sword's energy. It was like overthinking it, and that's like a Gemini trait with Mercury.
Being your ruler is like overthinking the process when most the time if you just put it out on the table, people are going to be a lot more receptive and respect that assertiveness if you do it in the right tone and you're not emotionally driven. I work, I'm. I'm working really hard on it. I I've talked to you a lot about how since we started the podcast, my communication is a lot different than it was when we very first started.
I was very uncomfortable with even though I had coven, I was very uncomfortable with having a conversation where we have to be ping ponging back and forth. And there will be a lot of times that I would pause and I didn't really know how to say what I wanted to say. And a big part of that was, was, I think, having a concern that I would say something in a way that you didn't like, or I would say something that you didn't
like. And I used to be nervous about things like making you upset or making you mad. And now I'm not like, I used to be nervous that I would say something and you'd be like, well, fuck you, we're not friends anymore. I'm done with the podcast. I'm deleting all the episodes and now I just can't see. Even if we had a disagreement, which we haven't, I just can't see it being some kind of disagreement where we just don't talk it through. My favorite thing about our
friendship journey is like. How many people have been on the opposite team trying to like, come between us and they're like, aren't you mad that Paige is the captain of the team and you're like, no, it's fine, I'm the star player and they're like, but she's the captain. You're like, but I'm the star player. And they're like, you're not mad that she's the captain and you're like, I'm the star player. And like, no one understands
that honestly. I have a lot of like skills on one side of our spectrum, but like without you I wouldn't have known what an RSS code is and all this stuff that you need to like start a podcast. I mean, clearly I could have done the research and done the work and made it happen, but I think that the difference between a lot of people and their goals is they want to always be on top. And I don't really feel that way. Like in any dynamic, I want people who feel equal.
Are like equally seen and supported. And that's why I like in the past I let people into my community to support them, that like, don't even support themselves. You know what I mean? And that's where I have to draw the line. It's like if you're not doing the work on your end of the spectrum, it doesn't fucking matter what the captain is doing or saying, because you're not going to win that game.
Something that I had recognized, I was having a conversation with somebody that she used to be a well, she is a client, but we've just had like this longstanding friendship too. And before I started doing the mentorship, I had conversations with her about mentorship because she had been like with me as I was growing all of this. And and so when that whole thing happened inside of the community, she was in mentorship at the time and she saw everything that kind of
happened. And between you and I, she listens to the podcast. But she was first hand like in the chat. And we were having a conversation I think like two or three weeks ago. And I was telling her like, how much I don't give a fuck, while at the same time like I don't give a fuck about those people anymore, necessarily. But I felt like I had this like trust issue, an issue rebounding after that happened because I was no longer feeling the same way about the community.
Because all of a sudden I felt like, well, I feel unsafe and misunderstood by people who were like learning things from me. And I felt like something had been taken from me. And I was realizing how kind of unfair that is for people who have stayed loyal and are giving that connection and are here, like still wanting to learn and still wanting to be poured into
and what not. And ever since I realized that, I've really been shifting my mindset about that whole experience that you and I went through. And I really am taking that as such a learning experience and
recognizing energy. Because there are situations now like you know we'll text about something or something will come up upper or I'll just have a feeling or you will and we'll be like this really feels like that over here and we're going to avert it. Like this really feels like that pattern trying to catch us back up and this is the kind of like boundary I need to have. What do you think about you know what's your opinion on this? OK you feel the same thing.
Cool. And it's it makes me feel like and I'm pouring back in that same energy now and that community is rebuilding itself and the strength and I feel like there's so much more growth and opportunity now because of that.
Oh yeah. And honestly, I think that that was more of like a detour in going back into that limited mindset of like, well, I can't trust people or no new friends or I'm just going to stick to the same patterns and cycles that I like, and I'm going to reject the patterns and the cycles that are difficult. And honestly? If anything, it really solidified the foundation. Kind of like when you're pouring cement, you've got to kind of like brush it and make it like even in every area.
Just because you poured cement doesn't mean it's going to be even or solid, you know what I mean? So I feel like a lot of that was like, how solid is your foundation? And is this going to deteriorate like your progress? Because in the past, I would have wanted to ruin those people's lives, like I would have not slept until they were out on the street, broken, miserable. But then I realized they're already broken, miserable. So what more, what more could
really happen here? You know, like. I will never in my life feel like I need to be affordable for everyone. And I think before that experience there was like, this part of me that was like, well, maybe I owe something to the universe to offer this where everyone has access. But if anything, I think it made me realize that, like, you can hate from outside the club, but you can't even get in. And that's that.
Oh, shit. As you were talking, I was oh, I was thinking about how I wonder if things would have been any different if you and I hadn't actually met in person and been inside of a situation where there was literally confrontation in front of our faces.
Because what that experience did is that showed both of us how we respond inside of hostile situations, situations where our safety is at risk, situation, you know, like that was a legitimate thing that we went through meeting for the first time and that solidified a friendship too. Because I know how you move, I know what to expect from you. I know how you react and what your thought processes are. And in turn, you know the same about me too.
So when someone says that you handle situations a certain way, or that you say certain things or whatever, I know right off the bat I've seen her handle worse. And that's not any part of her processing mechanisms. My favorite thing is like, I think that term, like, not my circus, not my monkey, kind of comes to mind. But it was our circus. They just weren't. Really in the act, like they weren't main character energy. And I feel like I want everyone that I rock with to feel like
the main character. I don't want people to feel like their sideline or their Assad friend or they're not good enough. And if you feel that way, that's a personal problem. That's not coming from me. That's not coming from you. I've never once set everyone down and been like, now I'm the leader and you're going to listen to me like I understand that people have free will. And you outgrow communities. You outgrow circles. You outgrow mentors. And teachers.
And there's a beautiful saying that's like when you outro the mentor, that means it's time for you to become the teacher. And I've learned this even just in spiritual communities locally that no matter what, if you never got out of that high school mentality, then you're going to continue that in your adult life and mean girl energy. Isn't it? And you will never turn me into something or villainize me, because that's just not who I am.
And I think that a lot of what was taught there is that you can't please everyone. And like, you're not everyone's cup of tea. But even though they want to drink the tea, they may still not like it, you know what I mean? Like they're still trying to sit the. The T but they deep down had some type of resentment or anger that was like aside from us, and I think about it regularly on how much my business has
elevated since then. Just by like upping my protection and my words and my banishing like I just did a full return to sender like every other week, baby, we are sending that crusty but energy back to whoever and I don't even care about. Specific people. It's just the world as a whole. If you are struggling or you're in lower vibration, it's natural to be envious or jealous of people who have elevated past that. Like if you grew up in the mud and you see someone get out of
the mud. Most of the time, just like rappers, it's people from their hometown that shoot them that, you know what I mean? It's their best friend, it's their brother, it's someone that they've put their life and name on the line for that ends up killing them. And I just don't got time for that. Like I don't have time for that energy in my circle, so. I think that just taught me a lot about not giving everyone access to the club, not giving everyone access.
And that doesn't make you a mean girl. It makes you like Stern and in your power to be like, you know what? I don't need 45 people in this circle to feel like It's a big circle. There can be four people who really support me and I'm going to get a lot further. Maybe there was only there's only four directions. I don't need 45 people to solidify my spiritual abilities or to hike me up and blow gas and smoke up my ass all day. Like, I don't care.
I don't even want people that feel that way. You know what I mean? Like they're too much support can be fake. Just from the jump, yeah, I get what you're saying. I feel like we've learned the difference between actual, like support and being appreciated and having smoke blown up our asses. And we also, I feel like again with the boundaries thing, because what you're saying, yeah, I used to have the same
mental thought processes. And so I would keep people that weren't, you know, paying for mentorship or weren't even like energetically really compensating what not compensating, but like returning that energy. And I would have them still participating in things, doing things for free, because I need to be available because like, you're needing something and when people are actually wanting to find energy, find finance, abundance in whatever way. And share that with you, they will.
If somebody wants to go and get their hair done and they're going to find the however many dollars it is for them to go get their hair done. If they need new tires, if they need something done, you're going to prioritize that and you're going to end up making that happen. Whether that be the financial way, you're doing some kind of different energy exchange, you're doing a trade in something, you will find a way to make that a priority and make people feel fulfilled. And so I no longer.
We started our new tears after that and I was telling Brian last night, I was like another fucking person is on our spell work tier. I said, I remember when we talked about doing that and I was nervous if even one person was going to sign up and I was like, and now we have multiple people doing our spell, working, you know, monthly with us and getting all kinds of crazy fucking energy.
And those are the people who who actually are, like putting into, like, the mentorship and the spell work and stuff like actually putting into that are the people who ask for the least and are just like you're worth all of this. Like, you guys are doing so much for us. Thank you so much. Every single day there's a message about, you know, you and Paige, this and oh, my gosh, you
gave me this reading over here. And then Paige just did my birth chart and this keeps on coming up in my birth chart. No, you know, it makes total sense. And all it does, every, every outside obstacle, I feel like all it does is push us closer together inside of our bubble. And I'm like, oh, you're the person that I can trust. Well, the freaks are coming out. I feel like the days of giving spiritual mentors and teachers bread crumbs is fucking over.
Like that's over. And if you're not putting in the work, I don't care. What you're doing, I don't want you as a client. I don't want you in my life. Like, if you're not going to put in the work on your own time, I'm not here to save you. And so many people will be up shit Creek without a paddle and then they're mad at everybody because they're in the boat with their paddles. But my boat has a motor baby, and I don't need you to paddle me and I don't need you to coddle me.
And I think that's where people are like. Gemini makes Paige mean no y'all, just didn't know rampage because I was trying to like put put her like to bed early so she didn't get grumpy or angry. But like at the end of the day, I don't have any patience for. The lack of accountability that I see in the world and especially in men like that is the worst place that I see. Lack of accountability.
Like they're blaming their mom, their third grade teacher, their dad didn't take them to Disney World and they're secretly a Viking. I don't know. It's just like leave me out of it. And I think that that's where. A lot of my power was being given away, was trying to serve too many masters or include too many people. And you know the sad thing is is like a dog's going to be loyal to someone that beats the shit
out of them still. And I just not doing that like I'm not your metaphorically like. Or your I'm not like your punching bag, you know what I mean? I'm here to be a leader, a spiritual leader, and that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to lead and I'm going to make sure that what I'm leading people towards has potency and has. Validity. I don't have time for false gurus or my spell works better than hers or I do this and she does that, but mine's better. I do not care.
I just know for a fact that we started the power circle back in January and there's about 14 people on my timeline that all of a sudden have a full moon circle. Or we started the podcast a year and a half ago and now there's fourteen people on my timeline that got a spiritual podcast that clearly stole Gemini's logo at the same time for their podcast. It's like.
Get a grit, Get a life. You're never going to be able to do it like I'm doing it, like Gemini's doing it, And you can take tidbits and you can take notes, but you should want to put your own spin on it. Like I never follow a recipe to a tea period. Oh my God. Listen, we see it. We see promo that is literally the exact same promo that we word for word.
Just the date has been changed. I mean, I did have my logo for Coven completely stolen, but the nice thing when you have original ideas is you can just come up with new shit. So I just never launched that logo and came up with a brand new logo. People are out here really fucking wild in these streets and yeah, it's just unfortunate. I. Just don't even care like. The thing about being the person with the recipe is like, you
don't have the same flavor. You can get all the same ingredients, which you're not going to cook it down the same. And that's cool with me. Like, I don't need to be like. You're jockeying my style or you want to be like me because I don't care. And as a leader and a spiritual leader, of course people are going to want to take what you're doing and try to make it their own, but you'll never be
able to do it the same. And that's why when I see people literally word for word trying to do what I'm doing or what we are doing as a unit. It does not matter to me because I don't ride the coattails of people. I already have my seat at the table, I've already got what I need, and I don't need any outside source of validation to continue. If you take an idea, we just level up from that. If you do what I do, I'm doing it different and it doesn't have to me like.
In a mean way or that I'm doing it better, I'm doing it different. And my unique, energetic blueprint is different than yours. And you can lead your own cult, but you're not going to lead it Like Gemini's leading it because she's the cult leader. Thank you for throwing that in there. Yes, I I had a point that I wanted to make and then I completely lost my train of thought while you were talking. She's following all this sauce and she's trying to make her own
recipe. Y'all. No. I'm kidding. It's crazy, though, because the podcast really has brought us so close and, like, our friendship is so, like, unwavering. Just like a candle flickers in the wind but it doesn't go out. Like, you can keep blowing on it and blowing on it, but you're only making that flame bigger, Period.
I remember what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I feel like we have this kind of similar topic that comes up a lot when we talk and it's come up a lot like since the very first season. And I feel like it's because these are the things that are our everyday things that everybody goes through, right? People. Whatever status that you are, whatever you're doing, trying to manipulate you and giving you some stank ass energy and
projecting on you. Whether they're meaning to or not and discussing what you were talking about about the audacity of men working back at the office, I had completely forgotten about the amount of men in the fucking world who just thinks that they can do anything that they want to talk to anybody the way that they want to. Women specifically. And the office that I work at, it's myself. One of the owners is a woman, and then one of the owners is her husband and myself and my
female boss. We get men in the office who are short, inconsiderate, rude, argumentative. We get men who their wives have to sign cancellation policies like they'll have an appointment, the wife will have an appointment and sign a cancellation policy. No, show the appointment and get charged and their husband will call the office and yell at me for their wife. And to the point now that I'm like, oh, I'm, I'm so sorry, Office policy. I can't discuss this account
with anybody but the person. Oh, yeah, I I know you're their spouse, but there's no way for me to verify that I can't have this conversation with you. And when my male boss comes up, they're always kind, considerate, too impatient with them. Oh, yeah, no, you know, I know how it is running a business and yada yada. And there it used to really pissed me off. Like, I used to really take it personal and be like the disrespect. And now I just laugh.
I just like giggle behind the scenes and having that shift of energy and the way that I respond also changes how my bosses respond inside of things. And it makes, you know, my both bosses know that, like, I can handle it because even if I'm annoyed, it's not going to ruin my day. Whereas before it probably made them feel on edge of like, oh shit, they're going to talk to Diana this way and we have to let go in there. And you know what I mean.
I personally feel like men have so many limitations within their emotional system because men have been taught to suppress emotion that vulnerability means. Weakness or that showing emotion means that you're not manly or that you're not a leader. But The thing is, I personally love a well-rounded person that can be like I overreacted, that can address things in a calm manner, Like even like what? Like a sensitive manner be sensitive to the other person.
Like. The person on the phone didn't miss the appointment, you know what I mean? Like, I didn't create the issue. I'm just withholding policies and boundaries. So that's where I feel like a lot of men and women have an unemotionally balanced connection where they're not being seen or heard in all aspects. I don't want someone who. Is puppies and rainbows all the time. I don't want someone who's overly positive, but I don't want someone who's just constantly.
This is the worst day of my life. I can't believe this is happening. My cats have the zoomies and they are just running back and forth. I'm trying to like, not be distracted by them. But whenever I say this, we are living in a very unemotionally imbalanced world. The Goddess, the divine feminine, has been suppressed for fucking centuries. Thousands of years.
And they lead us to believe that all of this is outside of us, that you have to put your trust in God or authority or the government or all of these units. But. They truly fear people being in their sovereign and balanced power. That is why men stay very off balance and women can be overly compensating with emotionally charged feelings because they're not being validated within connections, family units,
relationships, or whatever. And I personally feel like the more that I have softened my energy, the more protected than I truly am. I don't need to. Be aggressive and assertive all the time. And I don't need to be emotionally driven all of the time, but there is a need for both within a balanced system and I personally love a man who's in touch with his inner feminine. A man that doesn't feel like
ashamed to show emotion. But in this world, the way that they're brainwashing everyone, they're so absent of their true feelings. That their emotions are wrapped up in money or in their finances in a way that charges them and makes them angry. So like a cancellation fee could really just derail someone's entire day because they didn't have any accountability and they thought there would be no consequences or repercussions for that lack of accountability.
I agree. And also people can make excuses inside of their mind and not not be okay with being frustrated with themselves. And I think that's a big part of not having emotional responsibility, not being able to self reflect and be like oh, it's actually my fault that I double booked and has nothing to do with. It's not the office's fault that my schedule is double booked and I can't make it so the conversation then isn't well I'm not coming because I'm double booked.
So you guys are going to need to figure it out, but I'm not paying for it and instead being like shit. I made a mistake. I double booked myself. There's no way that I need to go there. I can't really afford a cancellation right now. Like is there a way, you know you can work with me? There's A and and people are willing to have different conversations with you and have a different response when you're not going into it with like an entitled, like an entitled
narrative. And we can do that in a bunch of different. We can do that inside of relationships and all different stuff without recognizing it and going in with like, well, this is how I'm feeling. Well, there's another person who has their own perspective too, and you have to figure out how to communicate and take self accountability for what you're feeling and also see the other person side. My favorite thing is that. There is a totally different version of you in every person's
head that you've ever met. And the version that you see in the version that you are is totally different than every single person that you've ever came across. You know, there could be plenty of people that truly support you that would never have the vulnerability to express that. I will have a client book of reading and they're like. I've been watching your social media for a long time and I've
been watching how you move. I've been building trust and faith in you before investing in you. Or I've heard like I've been burned by other readers or I've had other practitioners tell me XYZ. And so watching you and learning how you move has taught me a lot about like. Why? I should have trusted my intuition in the 1st place and not spent money with that person. But the entitlement and the lack of accountability will always be a major red flag in unregulated emotions.
And I just don't have time for people who can't regulate very simple emotions like anger or uncertainty or whatever. All of these feelings are very natural in this human world and we came here to be emotional beings who are well-rounded and well versed in tragedy or in victory. And The thing is that some people get attached to a certain way and they're like, well, this is my life and this is how it will always be. And that annoys the shit out of
me because point blank period. Just because that's how it's always been, or that's how you were raised or that's what you've been around, doesn't mean that that's your whole life, doesn't mean that everything. Was set in stone. It means that you need to push the envelope to become a better, more elevated version of yourself. Who is working with the wisdom and utilizing that wisdom to create clarity. I have no sympathy for people who get one reading and expect their life to change.
But they did not meditate. They did not start journaling. The reading told them to cut off the toxic relationship, so they decided to marry the person. And bind themselves to that person. You know, I just don't have respect for people who point the finger everywhere else but never shine the flashlight inward. Speaking of like, I don't know.
I don't know what you said that made me think of this, but I recently was having conversation with somebody that I was having to explain how when you have sex with somebody, you're having an energetic, like contract with that person and you are exchanging energy with them and she and like creating a bond. And she had never heard that before. And she gave me permission to talk about.
It was like if you sleep with somebody that you do not fucking like at all and they don't treat you with respect and you're constantly walking away saying, I don't know how they feel, well, I don't know how I feel well, I don't know if we like each other. Whatever. You are telling the universe that you are okay with those types of interactions and those types of connections. And so you end up seeking those same things out.
And then you're also trying to have your healing journey and your shadow working and you're like, but how come I'm not getting over, you know, not feeling enough as a kid and whatever, and it's because you're putting yourself in the same situations. So while you were talking about like the healing journey and whatnot and we're talking about like selfreflection, I just wanted to point out that we can
not understand why. Where you can call it shadow workings, you can call it healing in our traumas, you can whatever it is self analyzing. But what you're doing now in your actual life and the the interactions that you're okay with having with other people, a lot of times they're stemming from a way that you processed as a kid, or you were treated as a kid, or you look for validation, or you were never heard and you were never used to being heard. And so now you're going to find
partners who don't hear you. And we don't necessarily think about our healing journey in that way. And we don't understand why we're having to do that selfreflection. And we're like, none of that shit bothers me anymore. Like, I healed from my dad leaving. Like it doesn't even bug me anymore. OK, cool. Like, you may not care in your heart that your dad left you, but you are still going to have of like codependency maybe and a
fear of people leaving you. And so you overcompensate and you give things of yourself that you don't want to because you just want people to stay. And so on that healing journey, we talk a lot about boundaries and things, but I think that and other people and how other people don't selfprocess.
But I think that it's really important that we also discuss like how to self process for people who don't know, because people may listen and be like well I react that way or I respond that way and feel a certain way and not know how to change it. I think that really writing out all of your limiting beliefs throughout your life like.
I don't feel like I'm pretty enough, or I don't feel like I'm smart enough, or tall enough or skinny enough, or like all of these limiting beliefs about yourself worth about your character, about who you are as a person writing that out and then asking yourself, Who told me this? Who told me that? Who Where is my first core memory that I'm not skinny enough? Was it 5th grade? Somebody said something to you
or gym class in 8th grade? Or was it your parents or your sister or your brother or a partner? You know, a lot of these belief systems that we hold as truth were just projected onto us. And so my favorite thing to really uncover limiting beliefs is to ask myself who told me this and why do I feel like this is true? And once you start going through that list, you will start seeing that like 45% of these things on this list are bullshit. Just from the jump you can just see that.
Then we have the other 55 Okay. I truly feel that I don't feel good enough in my own body. Well then you want to ask yourself, well what am I doing to change that? What am I doing to personally change that? And I'm not saying like go get a surgery or jump in the gym or XYZ, but what am I doing to change that? And you're like, well, every morning I drink 3 Mountain Dews on the way to work and then I get to work and I eat Jersey
Mike's because it's next door. And then I come home and I don't do anything with myself. And I'm not being condescending. I'm being honest. Like your life choices from the moment you woke up are adding to your unhappiness, especially since there's a lot of colors and dyes and artificial flavorings that actually depress you.
And I know this chart has been circling around about like Red 40 and how when people removed Red 40 from their child's diet that a lot of the symptoms of even like a DHD and autism and different things started to improve. And where their child wasn't understanding or was acting out with anger or extreme emotion, it changed. Not saying that it cures autism or a DHD, but what I'm saying is 20,000 years ago none of this shit existed and guess what also didn't exist? Diabetes, Cancer, XYZ.
And it's just the facts that a society is easier controlled if they are depressed, angry and sad, period. You are easier to manipulate. You buy things that you don't need. You do things that you don't like. You surround yourself with people who don't see you and who don't support you. So when we get down to these core beliefs, you're going to find it Probably 45 to 50% is just straight bullshit, and then the other 50% you are playing a role in your own suffering.
And I believe that five years ago when I really decided to start making life changes, the only reason I did that is because I was tired of my own shit. I was tired of sleeping with people who I didn't really like, dating, people who manipulated me going to family events to just be judged and ridiculed XYZ. And once I was tired of my own shit. That's whenever accountability stepped in.
Well, I'm making these choices. I'm answering the phone when they call, I'm showing up like I'm invited or XYZ. And I love using XYZ because this is a whole spectrum. You know what you're tired of. You know why you're unhappy and you know what to do to change it. And don't even say the government upsets me or my job or my finances, because all of that is a reflection of how you feel within. If you don't feel good enough, you're going to go to work and that's going to be reinforced.
If you don't feel abundant or, you know, seen, that's going to be reflected in your finances. If you're emotionally charged by the government, that's going to be the reflection of your lack of selfcontrol. You can't blame everyone for everything all the time. You have to take accountability, and the moment that you're tired of your own shit is the moment that the lights come on and there's some type of salvation
on the other side. Quit putting your power into a partner, or a mom, or a dad, or the lack of because that's where you are allowing something outside of you to drain the light that is within you. Thank you for coming to Polly's Ted Talk. I really wanted you all to know that, like, it is possible to be tired of your own shit and still
be positive and push through. Because a lot of the programs that we have are taught to us, and I love whenever I have some limited belief that'll come up, I'm always like, who told me that? Where does that come from? My favorite is like we'll never be able to do. We'll never be able to buy a house or pay our student loans. Those are programs that my generation is just attached to, and you want to blame the generations for you.
But guess what, baby? While you were out on spring break, other people were learning a trade or investing in their skills, or while you were getting fucked up every weekend, other people were going to school at night and raising a kid and being different. And I don't want to hear shit about it. I don't have sympathy for people who don't make lifestyle changes and jurastic ones. Because if you're that miserable, that's a reflection of your own energy. It's not the government, it's
not your bank account. It's not your job. It's none of that. When you decide your worth, the universe responds to that. When you set your boundaries and your unwavering intentions, like for me, if it disrupts my piece, it's gone. I don't care. If I like you, I don't care. Who you are. I I do not care. And I'm willing to cut my own mother off in that sense. And guess what? Now my mom acts right because she knows I'm not dealing with
her shit. You're not going to project your unhealed BS on me like you did when I was a kid. I am my own person. I set my own rules. I ride my own wave. And honestly, I'm kind of thankful for the government, because a lot of you all need to realize that it's not them. It's our lack of accountability with voting, with rallying, with protesting, with doing things that matter and spending our time making a difference.
The only difference between us and the people that were born in the 50s, sixties, 70s and 80s is they actually voted and knew what was going on a little bit. Maybe they weren't super smart, but they knew what the heck was going on and we don't, and that that is by design. They wanted us to be brainwashed and depressed, which has developed a lot of offset diseases that I don't believe were natural to humans. I believe they're natural to the reality that we've agreed to.
I agree and. Okay. So going back to discussing like Red 40 and and foods and things like that and and linking that with ADHD and whatever. So my son is he's, he has ADHD and to the point that we had to medicate him because he's not able to focus at school and like it. It's it's been a really difficult thing for him and. Something that we've done is we've also limited his diet. So we've taken out him having sugar, him having dyes and things like that.
And So what I want to say is there's a difference between when you take something out of somebody's diet and it. I work for a nutritionist, so I'm trying to figure out how to how to educatedly say what I'm trying to say. There's a difference between. When you're removing something from somebody's diet and there is an immediate difference versus, it completely changes their diagnosis. So for instance, like he is extremely different if he has sugar and dies, you can tell like.
Wow, what the fuck is going on? And like the medication isn't going to work and there is no, like, rational talking through things. There is no being able to slow yourself down. And so I think that a lot of people, they don't remove things out of their lifestyle and they're just doing like the pharmaceutical cure for things. I have depression and so well. I stopped, you know, eating this over here, but like, I'm still depressed, Okay.
But when you were eating those things or had those things in your diet, that medication wasn't working for you at all. And there was a hopelessness. And so I. Want people to like mental health wise. Like do what you have to do on the end of. Like if you do need to have a medication and it's not just a lifestyle change, but also understanding that you can't have a quote UN quote like crutch for something or something to ease something and expecting that to be the only thing. That works.
It's the same thing as like if you are somebody who is a little thicker and you decide like, oh, I want to go and do gastric bypass surgery, okay, cool. That's what you're using to help you. But you have to make a complete lifestyle change. And since we have done that, and it's been a conscious thing of, I mean, I'm talking like. We've noticed how much sugar is in all kinds of things that, like, people think is totally great for their kids. Like Jelly. You would think, OK, well, Jelly
is just fruit. No, actually, if you look at most jellies, like Jelly from Costco, the first ingredient is sugar and the 2nd ingredient is sugar. They're two different types of sugars on top of the natural sugars that are inside of the fruit. And so you know, I see videos now of. On my TikTok of people making their kids lunches now that it's
time back to school. And the algorithm is like, we want you to feed your kid all that sugary shit that you're trying not to. And so it's all these people saying like, it's okay for you to pack a yummy snack to reward your kid at school. And you know, don't listen to that and you can do this and that and I would never tell another parent what they should do, but. I do think that when you say things like, well, don't worry about it, you should just do it anyways.
And you know, whatever. It makes a lot of people who are uncertain about their decisions for their kids feel like, well, fuck, maybe I'm making the wrong decision, then maybe I should be doing this over here. So I don't think that everybody's kid should be. Sugar free. Whatever. If that's what you decide that you know you don't care for your kid. But I do think that people should.
You should at least pay attention and make the conscious choice of I'm giving them a peanut butter and Jelly today, knowing that this Jelly is 24% of an adult's sugar intake for the day. The craziest thing? I recently got a bunch of blood work done, and the really cool thing is it says my health age is 27. So I'm like, yeah baby, I'm going backwards, I'm getting healthy. But they wanted to talk to me about my sugar because it's drastically low compared to what
I should have. And I never thought that a doctor would tell me that I should wake up and eat something sweet. Like she's like, you should start your day with sugar. And I'm like, I thought sugar wasn't good for you. And she's like, well, yours is low and low sugar isn't good for you either. And I'm like, I've eliminated a lot of, like, sugary drinks. Like, I used to love body armors. And I would drink them like nonstop, but they're full of
sugar. Same thing with like orange juice or apple juice or any of those things. They're so much full of sugar. And I started watching where, like, independent labs were testing different juices and things. And there's like rat feces in it and like arsenic and just random things. It's like, even though it's just less than a percentage, it's in there. And I started to cut out a lot of those processed juices, especially like, Simply
lemonade. I love simply lemonade until I saw that they have some crazy chemical in there that like, shouldn't really be in there. So I just cut all of those out. And she was like, well, do you wake up dizzy? And I'm like, if I wake up before 8:00 AM, I'm dizzy for sure. And that's just because my body's not ready for the world at that point. Like, I'm ready for the astral at that time.
So she was like, well, if you find yourself getting dizzy in the morning, it's because you need to eat something sweet. And I'm just still not listening to her. Period. I'm not going to start my day with orange juice and Donuts because you want me to be unhealthy, you want me to move forward in age, and my body is
literally reversing. And just for anyone listening, I know from the experience between the ages of 23 and 25, not only was I doing like, street drugs, like pills and things like that, but I was on a lot of medications for a bunch of, like, stomach issues. Like they could never figure out what it was. They injected dye. They did all those things like they would try to say that it was one thing and then it, like, would completely change to something different. At one point I was on about 12
prescription medicines. Starting in the morning, I would take 4 pills midday. I had two more. If I would eat anything out of the realm of like a bland diet, I had to take a pill before. Then I had an emergency pill for when my stomach would really act up. And I mean, there were times that I was like in the fetal position, could not move or like leave my house. I was in so much pain and I know for a fact it was from all of that sexual energy exchange with crappy ass people.
It was the environments I was in. It was the things I would say to myself, how I would speak to myself. And all of that manifested stomach issues, which is your intuition like your sacral and solar plexus chakra being blocked could cause, you know, gastritis and I BS and those types of things. So the crazy thing is, is really unlocking my power. Reverse all of these medical diagnosis that I had consented to. I was even on depression medicines. I was on a Sleep Medicine.
Now I sleep like a fucking rock because I have aligned my energy with peace and harmony and rest. Where I felt like in college I had to do Adderall and all these things just to stay afloat just to get to class and go to my full time job and go to my student work job. I had two jobs and full time 18 hours. That was so much pressure on me to withhold that without any parental support. I bought all of my own books, barely had a car, lived at my
grandma's like, struggled. But combine that with street drugs, smoking cigarettes, doing alcohol, all of those things like, I manifested that sickness. And then at 26, when my spiritual awakening cranked into the next level, I completely went like cold Turkey on the depression medicines, the sleep medicines. And then periodically through that next year got off all 12 to 14 prescriptions that I was on and then like really elevated my energy into the next level. We're around like 2728.
I got completely off birth control after being on that since I was like 1415 years old, and I just realized how much power I had given outside of me that really was making me sick and miserable. And if I would have stayed in that energy and stayed consenting to that bullshit, I would not be healthy right now at all. So the fact that now the doctor's like, you really should have some sugar, drink a Coke, where's your Mountain Dew now? I'm like, it's working. Like it's fucking working.
I would say that if. You do feel like you need like a sugar or whatever they have. Like definitely don't start your morning out with like Donuts and a fucking Coke. But something that I do is I find for me that even sometimes my protein, because my protein powder has a little bit of sugar in it, sometimes in the morning that's even like, holy fuck that's a lot of sugar. But even if you did like.
Protein shake like inside of a smoothie or something like that in the morning that has like a sugar that your body's actually going to do something with that may be helpful for you. And I only am like saying that because I think that a lot of times doctors say things and then they don't actually like give any type of example of like. This would be a healthy option for you.
And so for you, you're probably like, I'll figure, like you would figure it out, but for somebody else, they're going to hear that and be like, Nope, I have to go. I have to have pancakes this morning because my doctor, doctor recommended that I start my morning out with, you know, some sugar. I was on medication a lot for my mental health when I became an adult.
And then? I got off of that medication and then got diagnosed with my brain disease and was taking a medication for that and I had to make a choice of like are the side effects that come with medication really were mental health side effects, physical side effects, whatever that come along with medication something that like I want to deal with or would I rather just. Like work on healing it
naturally and whatever. And I have found that for myself, that medication that I was on, it didn't do anything that I was able to recognize positively, like I don't have. It didn't help me with my pain. It didn't help me with like controlling any of my symptoms, but it made me feel this is the medication that I was on when I had that death experience right before I had my reading with you for the first time. And that was a direct correlation of a side effect of
that medication and. I have just found that I'm able to listen to my intuition and my body better. Not taking something because I just. I just feel like I'm a little bit too sensitive for that and if I'm taking something else to drown out. Anything mentally, anything physically. Like, I don't even like to take Tylenol because I feel like I just feel out of tune with my body. If I'm taking something that is, that is altering the way that I'm supposed to be naturally feeling.
And I can't tell if a natural approach that I'm having is working because my body is numb when I'm taking Tylenol or when I'm taking this crazy ass, you know, medication. I can't tell if. Making dyes out of my diet makes my brain feel better. You know, honestly, I think that in this society, if they keep you sick, you're constantly buying supplements and medicines and really like funding the Pharmaceutical industry, which is a multibillion trillion
dollar industry. And anytime you hear the word billion or trillion, you need to think corruption. And not Okay. And the problem with all of these medicines being pumped into children or being exposed in the home is children think that's normal. When I was a kid, my mom always had pill bottles and always had medicines and a lot of things going on.
I think, you know, I learned that through, you know, seeing that in my reality and going to the doctor and complaining like I have anxiety and I have these things felt very natural rather than addressing what was causing anxiety. You live in an environment that's unsafe. You date a person who has multiple partners you don't know about or whatever, Like energetically you're picking up on that and you will treat yourself like a doormat if you don't take control over your own energy.
And you will let anything and everything walk in and out and over you rather than just addressing that core issue. And I really liked what you said earlier about people will allow certain partners to treat them a certain way and not realize that they're keeping a mother or father wound active. One thing I really learned during the last couple years was that I had an abandonment wound which made me attached to people
because of longevity. Well, we've been friends our whole life or I've known them forever or XYZ. And longevity does not mean loyalty. Someone you meet a year in could be more loyal than someone who is in your life for 15 years. And I think that's what I've learned with Jim and I is we don't have to spend every day together for me to wholeheartedly feel like she's loyal and supportive towards me. And I know a lot of time she may be making a decision and I don't just run and give her my two
cents. Like she was going to start this podcast with some crazy girl like 2-3 years ago. And the whole time I had such a dense feeling about it. But I was like, is that your abandonment wound thinking, well, she starts this with her, she's leaving me behind. Or is this something that is stemming from loneliness or jealousy or something like that? So instead of addressing it, I
just let it run its course. And then it blew up and went up in flames quickly before they started any project together. And then afterwards she was like, well, why didn't you tell me you felt like that? Because honestly, I think it was a test for me to be like, is this an abandonment thing? Like, do I feel like because she's starting this with that person, that means that we won't be as close. And at that time, we hadn't started a podcast or done
anything. But I felt something cultivating within our friendship. And I saw that girl as a distraction that was trying to, like, ride your coattail and I was trying to, like, let you make your own decisions without my influence. And that's what I want everyone to know. Like, I can support you and still not agree with everything you do, but your underlying morals have to be in alignment with me.
I don't have to support every partner that you love or every person that you're associated with. But if the morals are not in alignment, that's just where I let you go. I don't have any anger or resentment towards you. It's just like that's where our path goes at the Y and you go left and I go right. I don't need to chase people. And that's what spiritually awakening really has taught me, is that when you feel the need to grip so tightly, you are going to get rope burn.
Like if you hold on to the rope too tight, it will cut you. And I just feel like I would much rather let go and let someone go in the direction that their heart desires, because now I know what they truly want, rather than telling them what I want them to do and then coercing them to do that. That's unfair. And that's why so many people refuse to relieve or like relieve someone from their life, whether it's a friend or a relationship, without there
being some falling out. How come people can't just be like, you know what? We don't grown each other? I'm going to move out and I still want to be friends, but in a different way. We're not going to be in constant contact, but our morals, our beliefs are too different at this point in our life. We've grown together, we've evolved together, and now we're going our separate ways on good terms.
And that's just a level of maturity that a lot of people do not possess Because their parents are spiteful. Because their parents are envious, Jealous. Who does she think she is with her boob job, or who do they think they are? They don't think about you at all. Because I promise you, people that are living their life for themselves are not doing
anything to spite you. You just feel spited because you're not in alignment, and you feel triggered because you're not in your power and you're giving power away to people who abuse that power. And I just want to leave everyone with. Like, you can start today. Yes, Maybe you grew up in a household that reacted this certain way, So you've always acted like that. Like with me and my abandonment issues, I had always clinged to certain people based out of longevity.
But then when I realized that I needed to let those people go, really amazing and supportive people came into my life. And I think that that's what has really taken me next level is cutting those sandbags so that I can elevate. And the people who want to be in the hot air balloon are in the hot air balloon and everybody else is on the ground taking pictures and talking shit. And what I want to say too is you don't have. This is something that I've
really been fucking learning. You don't have to. Say goodbye when you are creating distance. There doesn't have to be a problem. There doesn't have to be a fallout, there doesn't have to be a conversation foreclosure for you to just start to take several steps back and I think that.
When we're talking about like, releasing people that are that you don't want in your life and whatever, we're not saying go and have a fucking argument with this person that you've been friends with since you were 10 years old and tell them that they're a piece of shit. We're saying limit starts talking less, limit that contact look. Outside. Look at finding different friends to spend some time with. Look at spending time with your
fucking self. Look at not having to text them all throughout the day, every little thing that happens so that somebody can validate your thoughts, choices and decisions. And I respect that you didn't tell me about having the podcast with that person because I needed to. Stand on my own having a disagreement with somebody through social media because that's the first time that I had ever experienced any kind of like I met this person online and I had a falling out with them.
It's the first time that. I had built something that somebody may be wanting to have a piece of and not have put work in for. It was also the first time that I had had anybody make videos about me and say things that weren't true, or say things that were true but were only from their point of view. And so there were a lot of lessons inside of that that I had to learn.
I also had to learn. Starting a podcast with somebody else, what my expectations of somebody are and what I'm going to be able to bring to the table. Because I recognized that somebody who's never had a podcast before at that time, I had had Coven.
There's these certain things that they're not going to know how to do that happens to work out fucking perfect for you and I. Because all of those like logistical things behind the scenes that I was already doing are easy for me to do for us. And you are always promoting and marketing and you're networking and you don't have a problem talking to 20,000 people, whereas for me.
I'm like you but may not know, but I'm going to stutter and have an anxiety attack and be like I don't know what to do. And so we it. It made me appreciate and recognize strengths that we have in our dynamic that maybe if that situation hadn't happened, I wouldn't realize. And since that I've had, you know they're different. Conversations and people be like, Oh my God, what about a podcast idea or, you know, whatever.
And I'm able to be like, if this isn't the type of level that someone's going to show up with and the time that they're willing to dedicate the communication they're willing to have whatever it is, I don't want to be a part of that. And also. And I can recognize if somebody would have a strength in something and be like, why don't you start your own podcast all alone and like work on these things? Because I know that, you know, maybe there's somebody who like needs to have control over
something. And if you need control you can't Co collaborate. I think that's where people want to poke holes and something that's working. But The thing is, is when you're doing something from your heart center and it's in alignment with your purpose, it does not matter how many people cast stones your way, you're going to be untouched, unharmed and unfazed by it. And I think that I just let people show up in the capacity that they're going to show up. And then I personally decide, is
that enough for me? Is this person giving me what I need? And then if they're not, I don't shame them or get upset with them or yell at them or let these anger feelings come towards them because it's like they're just showing up in the ways that they know how. And it's up to me to have discernment and alignment with that or not. And a lot of people want a project, friend or person or relationship and they want
someone they can fix. Because if you're fixing someone, you're not worried about your own fucking issues or your own problem. And I see this mainly in relationship dynamics, where you can tell who's riding the coattail and you can tell who has nothing going on aside from said relationship. You can tell when the person is pushing your business for you or or leading you to water so you can drink. And it's not cute. Like, I personally only admire people who are willing to eat
alone. And if you can't go to a restaurant and eat alone in real life, you need to understand yourself deeper. And some people are like, well, I don't want to do that. Well, nobody wants to do that. But that means that you're going to settle eating with people who don't see you, who don't support you, and who are not good for you. I personally love going to eat by myself because it pushes you out of your comfort zone.
You will meet someone there, not necessarily like romantically, but you'll say something to someone in passing or conversation. Ironically, I go to this sushi restaurant a lot, and I went there for lunch one Friday and I'm sitting there eating. I'm kind of a regular. So the servers are all kind of talking to me because I tip well. So they know who I am and they know what's up. So I sat down and I'm just eating and this girl looks at me and she's like, this hibachi's
so good today. And I said, Oh my gosh, I know. So we start talking. Come to find out, she comes there once a week by herself because her husband doesn't like it. Tell me why. If not, like two or three months later, I come in and this girl is there again by herself and I'm like, are we on the same timeline? Like what timeline are we on? But that's where insecurity versus security comes in.
A lot of people are too insecure or embarrassed XYZ to go do things alone, and that's because you don't enjoy your own company. You're being told who you are, you're being led to water, and a lot of people follow celebrities or follow trends or follow BS that's like, not them. So when it fades out, you fade out, your inspiration fades out, your momentum fades out. And I think that's where I've learned a lot about being alone and why.
I originally had surrounded myself with people who were not good for me because they were a distraction from my own misery and self hatred. And the moment that I decided to not settle was the moment that I went next level. So I just hope that anyone listening has a fire lit under their ass and they're ready to make changes in big ways and in small ways. Because every day matters, and one day at a time, we'll get you where you need to go.
On that now I'm going to pull the human design card. I pulled card 37 and it's Chamber of the Pearl. It's got this ocean. I love the water coming up in spring. You've got the mountains. It reminds me a little bit of Big Sur. The sign is Pisces. Ooh, I love this. Your gift is new vision and the shadow is division, the gift of new vision. To honor the gift, we must first acknowledge our ever present equality. We're a global family built from the same cloth.
When we forsake our inherent oneness, we rely entirely on the false narratives of the physical world, division, destruction, power, and control. Accessing this gift means taking back your power and your ability to see beyond these limitations. It's an act of courage, as many people will forever be hypnotized by the allure of power. Detangling fact from fiction is a lifelong endeavor.
Finding balance within the polarity doesn't mean burying your head in the sand, but it allows you to see the whole world stage through a new lens. Become conscious to your own innate sovereignty and follow your heart's direction. Salvage the Pearl and then, which is basically what you had been talking about. And then shadow is division.
This, a lower frequency state, is characterized by outdated power structures, imbalances, and worn archetypes of the Old World. When we're unable to see outside of our duality, we tend to favor one side, right or wrong, masculine over feminine, power over apparent weakness. The narrative runs deep. As a collective, we've often championed masculine models, equating force, hegemony, and the quest for power with greatness. The pendulum must not swing too far in the opposite direction in
order to repair division. Instead, we must call upon a union of both feminine and masculine energies, reconciling the collision within and moving beyond hierarchy. The perpetuation of war, conflict and separation within the global arena highlights are reticence to abandon masculine driven modes of survival that no longer serve the collective. The first step is to heal this wound within and witness our own contribution to the continuation of these obsolete systems.
Exit the fun House of mirrors. The themes are duality, peace, healing, and innate power. And that's exactly what we fucking talked about too. Talk about alignment and Spirit will show up with more aligned energy. We love you all and we just want you to be the best version of yourself who does not freaking settle. So go pop your shit, go be great, and we'll see you next time in Candy Land. Bye.