How often do you do your tea injections.
Weekly yeah.
Same same here.
Yeah when i first started every other week but there was like too much of a spike and dip right right and so just do it every week yeah and i like the i like stabbing my leg with a two inch oh it's so much fun like i'm a big pervert i put the.
Little needle in my tummy and i'm like yay girl.
Oh i can't do that shit no no i can't do oh no i can't do the subcutaneous the little tiny needle you can do i am but you.
Can't that's so crazy.
Yeah no i stab my leg with a two inch needle once a week yeah fine with it see i did that one time it was shaking i.
Could not pull.
It off no i love it i am such i do needle play too so like i'm just like hell yeah i'm just gonna be a sicko death uh yeah but like no doing the little tiny little tiny little baby needle in your tummy i'm like it just hurts.
For a second it's okay.
No i just want to stab my leg it's fine it doesn't i know it doesn't make sense but.
No we are a land of contrasts.
We are each of us yes and.
They give you the wrong needle size all the time.
They do they certainly.
Do i end up with the wrong shit all the time they actually didn't give me they gave me syringes but no needles this time so i have to go back and be like.
Hey always give a they always give me sub q and then when they my injection needle they always like forget to give me two inch and they give me like one inch and i'm like this needs to go i need it deeper i had to be able to hold it in my leg for 10 seconds and then pull it out and the juice not leak out juice i know there's the bullshit z lock bullshit that i've never been able to get down the what so you pull your skin to the side and then you do it and you pull it out and then you go back
and it creates like a this where it closes off the wound yeah you're there's also like a air lock air pocket technique so you can get everything i don't think it's caught in the needle but i'm afraid of stabbing myself with air so i don't do that and i just i'm like i'll just lose a little bit in the needle it's fine yeah.
Yeah i do like a really long draw until i get like a bubble and And then I slowly push it back up and the bubble goes faster than the E.
And escapes out. And you want to get a little drops out because that lubes it up when it goes in your skin.
That's right.
Especially T isn't oil. I don't know if E isn't oil.
E is some kind of oil. I can't remember. It's called estradiol valerate. I think it has some kind of oil to it.
Testosterone sipionate.
Isn't that fun?
This has been the trans corner.
On the very trans episode.
Yeah.
All right, we'll do the intro. Why does everyone always laugh when I start doing the show?
Because it's a weird transition.
It's like... It's cool. That's what we're here to do. All right, we'll play the theme song. And then we'll introduce ourselves with our pronouns. We use our pronouns. You don't have to. I'll say, we have a guest. Would you like to introduce yourself? And then you can introduce yourself.
Hell yeah.
All right, let's do it. Where is my theme song? I'm Justin. I'm a Skoll Cotton Library. My pronouns are he and they.
I'm Sadie. I work IT at a public library, and my pronouns are they them.
I'm Jay. I'm a music library director, and my pronouns are he him.
And we have a guest. Would you like to introduce yourself?
I would. My name is Audrey. I'm a retail worker and podcaster, and my pronouns are she and they.
Yay! And you did our theme song. i.
Did do that i'm also a composer, what's.
The chanting wrong guess justin that's for kyle that's for kyle coming on.
He's friends with a baby now.
This is an anti-baby podcast just jk we were the first podcast the little labor abby made noises on so yeah, But we're also antinatalist.
Speaking of antinatalist, we were at your sick live show where I assume nobody got pregnant because nobody got pregnant. There were too many gender and sexual configurations happening.
None of it. None of it lined up for procreation. That's 100 percent the case. Yeah.
Very queer show. as as donovan said in the in the midst of things well you listen to this show there's a 50 chance you're trans which i thought was the line of the night i thought it was really funny, but yeah good time was had by all i hope very soon to be back in chicago illinois doing more of those fucking things because like going up live and like the second my foot hit the stage everyone fucking erupted into cheers and i was like fucking
hold on let me get the girl you You fucking killed it.
Like, it was so good.
I'm so happy about it. I'm still buzzing. Three weeks later.
Yeah. And you were answering questions about, you know, people's various quandaries. And then a segment that I like, which is bargain humpers.
Yes, we did. We do, you know, heartfelt relationship advice and dumbass goofs. And then we like to go to the bargain bin of sex toy websites and find goofy nonsense and put it up in front of people and go, hey, look at that. You know, the classic podcast content minor way of doing things.
Was the theme that you did all Amazon stuff?
Some of it was Amazon stuff. I think I got the what do we even do? I kind of white it out in the middle of things.
There was like, yes, you were. there was the like hungry hungry hippos blowjob thing.
That was an amazon pick yeah the fidget spinner butt plug was from extreme restraints yeah and oh gosh what was the other one, Does anyone have the other one? I can't remember what the other one was. We did three.
I think I peed at some point during that, so I don't think I missed one of them.
Yeah. Like I said, I whited out because I was very anxious. I did not show it, but I was very much gone for much of that. I was just running on instinct.
Yeah, no pauses, no breaks. It was just bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
Yeah. It was great. Yeah, trying to keep up. Just trying to keep up up there, you know? but we got it we got it down.
Nice alright so we've got a segment today which is, we do as of like 10 minutes ago when I looked on my phone which is reddit ask reddit.
Library reddit is an interesting space I see.
So this one got cross posted onto our library or no this is this is on our library so it's not cross-posted my local library accused me of pissing on the door and flashing people now i'm embarrassed and don't want to return what i borrowed.
Bring it back.
This is what i like this one because it sounds like one that would end up on rftb Yeah.
The relationship with your local librarian having peed on the door. Why would you accuse somebody of peeing on the door if they didn't pee on the door?
So, there was a guy who pissed on the door before they opened. Apparently, I looked like him. Cops were called a case of mistaken identity.
I see. I see.
Chacuse.
Chacuse, indeed. Yeah, like, return the stuff. Do the night drop. Like, he has to go do the night drop and then never be seen there again.
Okay, but I actually read, like, I read into the comments. And he's not returning them because he's too embarrassed. He's returned to, he doesn't, he doesn't want to return them because he's pissed.
Hmm. Yes.
That's fair. Valid.
Yeah.
You're, you're valid.
You're so valid.
Like, yeah, I actually feel really bad for this poor guy. Cause like, he's like the library is one of the few places I actually go because I'm in an anxiety ridden agoraphobe and like some fucking chump security guard is like, Hey, I thought we told you you weren't supposed to be in here for pissing on the walls or whatever, like in front of everybody. So like this poor dude just got the fucking security needs to go.
This is why you don't need security in your libraries. They just they're just embarrassing you.
He got hosed much like the door.
Yes. You hang on to Spider-Man to the PS5 game for an extra three weeks, buddy. I don't think anybody's really going to argue with you.
They will just buy another one. manga a.
Manga goodbye area.
Manga goodbye area a manga I love the final sentence I could still use my grandma's library card yes, fuck the security guard ACAB steal spider-man ACAB includes rent-a-cops yeah ACAB includes library security, Yeah, no.
Spider-Man 2 is a good game on PS5. They really nailed it.
I didn't know I could rent current-gen video games at my local library.
There's a lot of things you can...
And you don't rent them because you don't have to pay for it. It's free. I know.
I could borrow them.
Well, you pay for it with your taxes, but that's what taxes are. Because they pay for it.
You're telling me that I could borrow Armored Core 6 Fires of Rubicon if I didn't already purchase it as a pre-order?
Probably.
Maybe.
If there's a physical version of it.
If there's a cool library near me that has armored core 6 in almost rural kentucky probably not probably not request a purchase do it.
In a library load.
That's what i should do i should definitely hit him up and be like i'm trying to play yakuza 8 bring him in here yeah.
Especially with the crazy way that playstation especially deals with physical media because what PlayStation does is you put a disc in and then it downloads the game, anyway off the PlayStation network and then you take the disc out and it goes, ah, can't play your game.
Can't play your game. You have it on the thing, but you can't play it because you don't have the disc.
So your disc just becomes a physical fob for your digital video game.
So cool. So cool. DRM's so cool. The future's working.
I really was like sometimes I still want to buy physical PlayStation games because I'm like well what if I just want to game stop it but then all the game stops near me I think went out of business sounds right.
They didn't go to the moon, yeah.
Because there's a new what is it? meme stock no there's a new game out that's like playstation exclusive but i didn't like the last one now i don't know what video games are call of the west they keep giving them weird names forbidden mountain forbidden mountain.
Sounds very for sure you've.
Ever been forbidden mountain.
Like to climb that forbidden mountain day.
The one where you fight that would.
Refer to you.
Fight the mechanical animals anyway oh.
Horizon Zero Dawn.
Yeah I.
Call it Horizon Zero Dawn because it's a cis femme protagonist Horizon Zero Dawn right you know what I'm.
Saying that's right, up yours woke moralists.
Yeah I don't know what video games are still but I hope this person steals this one from the shitty library Yeah.
Available for pissing practice on a portable Nintendo.
That's the best JVP line of all time.
That's before he was... That was back in his, like, fedora days.
He was literally wearing a fedora when he said that. It's amazing.
I've got a photo of him saying it. He's got a black jacket, a gray shirt, a blank white tie, a black fedora with a white band on it. I don't know what he's trying to do. He's trying to look like a black and white film gangster, I guess. I don't know.
Can I get a print of that photograph and have him sign it? I want that very bad. Can you sign the white band in the fedora? Thank you.
Thank you.
Speaking of Reddit and information seeking, I just thought it was funny that I clicked on this link to go to this. And my recent on, not that I use Reddit, but sometimes like Quora, you have to go to it to find your answers. My four recent R's are R, consensual non-consent, R, sub-sanctuary, R, submissives, and R, C&C.
Mine are all like show research. Mine are probably boring, but...
I was like, oh.
Huh. Did you go to sub-sanctuary after they talked about it on Quora?
Maybe. Maybe.
It's where all the subs go to be mad about all the doms and then they went to the dom reddit and everyone was having a great time, but it sure is great being a dom.
Where are your recent ones I want to find on the left side it's under home yeah, I've got my communities are announcements, which is our, our audio engineering, our dark souls, three, our gun Lance and our magic TCG.
Hell yeah. The two, the two gender.
Those who fuck and those who game.
Mine are like our ask Reddit and like our like creepy threads. Okay.
I like.
To read like the ask reddit but like the creepy ones like the like what's the weirdest shit you've ever seen happen in real life kind of like.
Hell yeah okay.
I like to especially during spooky season I like to go through and read a bunch of those and then find the good ones and then read them aloud to people yeah.
I follow the two sentence horror one but like on twitter where it posts the screenshots of the two sentence horror, horror what's your favorite two sentence horror oh god i always love the unhinged ones where like the second sentence has like nothing to do with the first sentence and just like throw some wild shit in there it's like but little did they know it just like throws in whatever scary thing in
the last bit and it just like doesn't connect like they don't do anything clever the andersons were on.
A picnic in the park.
Xenomorph little did they know the xenomorph yeah like shit like those are always the ones that I love, What are you squinting at?
Justin, what are you looking at?
I, for some reason on like the front page of Reddit, there's an Our Libraries one. And it's like, we're finally banning the problem bathroom guy.
And I'm like, okay.
This is just like someone complaining about a homeless dude using the bathroom. But then I get to the second paragraph because they're like, we talk to United Way. We're trying to get him clothes. We're trying to get him granola bars. He's a young guy, whatever. And then I get to the second paragraph. shortly after he started coming someone started pooping behind the dumpster every single day it's like that took such a turn.
There's there's somebody.
Who's been doing that at one of our libraries they shit in.
Front of the staff.
Door like every.
Night oh yeah you just got to get one of them grabbers you know what i mean one of the like old folks grabbers just go in like the doggy bags.
The dog bags, yeah. Yes, that too.
Yeah, yeah. The things we deal with. We live in a motherfucking society, that's for sure.
We sure do.
Librarians deal with some bodily fluids.
That's so weird.
Deeply unfortunate.
I wonder if you deal with more or less than when I was a bouncer. Like, I had to, there was a lot of vomit mopping and piss cleanup, but I wonder if librarians have to do more, than like a bouncer at a club i.
Would much rather hire a library bouncer than a library cop yes.
For sure i.
Want a cooler at a library like higher pieceways and roadhouse, you need a 22 year old with.
A ponytail and a security t-shirt to walk around like check check x's at the library.
Who's the hot old guy in that that's in also big lebowski and he takes the ponytail out at one point and I'm like, whew! I forget his name. It's like Sam something.
Yeah, it's in the...
I'm going to say Sam Neill.
I wanted to say that too, but isn't that the Jurassic Park guy?
It is.
Yeah, that's what I wanted to say too.
Now I want him to have a cool gray ponytail.
Yeah, because he's hot too.
Yeah, Sam Neill ponytail.
Yeah.
Sam Neill ponytail, rule 34.
I'm sure it's happened.
Just adding rule 34 on the end of any random Google search. This is what Chuck Tingle probably does and gets ideas for tinglers.
We'll have to ask him.
Fucking AI porn. That's actually a good idea. Sam Neill with a ponytail. Everything else is normal.
Is Sam Neill Australian? Because he is.
Zealand.
Yeah, he looks incredibly Australian in this one photograph that I found of him.
I thought you were going to do a joke like, because he can get my Dan under.
Yeah. Yay.
All right. All right. All right. All right. Break it up.
Too much fun.
That was Reddit. Boo.
Boo.
All right. So I wanted to do what we want. This is our library. This is my idea, motherfucker. This is our Valentine's episode. We wanted to do a Valentine's episode.
Here I am.
And yeah. Finally, I thought we need to bring a queer person on this podcast to talk about information seeking behaviors of queer people. And so we've reached out.
Our powers combined.
This was my idea. Stop stealing my valor. You wrote the notes. You did, but it was my idea.
I'm going to get this document pulled up. I'm going to do that.
Yeah. But I started looking for things because Jay has done research on information seeking behaviors of queer people before. And I was interested in particularly like, what are the zoomers up to? What are the kids doing who are like.
Yeah are they all right the kids yeah are they okay what.
Happened during the like quarantine.
These are the great adhd transiting every every.
Like everyone trans to their gender.
Um i have a friend has a really cool theory about that is that you spend just a couple months away from the strictures of society and what other people expect of you and all of a a sudden you're like wait i don't have to do any of that shit like i was interviewing an article about that yeah well.
I mean when you're literally watching society crumble around you like at that point it's like fuck if i want to go transgender why not.
Yeah fuck it what's the worst that could gonna happen what are they gonna do to me yeah i get.
New interactions with doctors.
Yeah kelvin calcicay wrote about the experience of trans people during quarantine both like people who transitioned before and also people who transitioned during.
And.
I was one of the people he interviewed for that.
Sick because.
My dysphoria got worse during quarantine.
I discovered that i had it in the first place during i'd already started.
Transitioning but yeah i.
Did face app uh because that was like a facebook trend i did the face app thing and saw myself and then instantly went and shaved off this big fucking dysphoria beard that i'd had for years and went and did another one so I could get a better picture and went, wait a second, why did I remove this part of my, that had been part of my affect for years, why did I remove that so I could see myself better as a feminine, oh no.
Laughter laughter, no i do love hearing people's stories where they're just like you know i don't think it'll ever be me but i just think they're neat yeah.
Exactly i used to watch velvet goldmine be like you know if i were a guy i would want to look like that but i'm not a guy so oh well right we're.
Like hearing stories about transgender people and being like wow i wish i was transgender because then.
I
Could that's.
A very cis thought to have i could be allowed to feel all of these feelings.
I have if i was trans.
Absolutely normal yeah everyone feels that way right hot dog.
Yeah i'm legitimately the only one person in the post ponies discord who's just like yeah i do just think they're neat i think i look i did some soul searching in there, no but i don't think so i might i don't know give it time you know what just wait find out hold.
On this is pending pending further investigation.
I mean this is basically what happened on my tumblr was everyone just transitioned between 2015 and 2019, and i was like cool i'm following like i didn't have to change anyone i followed but they're all, it was just that meme of the guy talking to porn bots and it's just like i don't know what's going on with you hello ladies just following a bunch of politics dudes who transitioned yeah, It's pretty cool.
It is.
Although Instagram is still convinced I'm trans and it's like, do you want underwear that truly fits your body? Yeah, but this won't work.
There are other reasons why Instagram is giving you those ads.
I've been getting them for years.
Oh, okay.
You getting ads for pepper? Getting the pepper bras ads?
I'm getting ads for the thing that Jay always talks about. His little travel needle thing.
Oh
Sure i'm.
Getting ads for those now.
This is so cute i want one so fucking bad.
It's so good it's fucking life-changing look at this goddamn shit it's like it's advertised to trans dudes but it's for anybody who uses needle-based medication yeah.
Yeah heroin users yeah.
Yeah exactly if you if you like are do injectable drugs of any kind right legal or otherwise this is very nifty yeah.
You need something stylish and transportable for your needs whatever your needs may be.
Yeah you can like stick it like your vials like in in here it's got all these different little pockets it's a little pockets yeah shouts out to the uh stealth bros and co stealth.
Stealth bros also sounds like a trans porno.
Collective yeah it's um it's a black Black trans men. Yeah. Hell yeah.
Company.
Yeah.
I'm just saying, it just sounds like what's, what's the, what's the one jock pussy. That's the one.
Oh yeah.
Jock pussy.
I always think of.
Such a good name. And there's like two trans guys that are always in jock pussy.
Ari Coyote. And I can't remember the other one's name.
The guy that's got the fucking Aries tattoo. Yep.
Yep. Yeah.
Him.
I love the intimate level of knowledge the two of you had of this I'm just like yes the two dudes from Jock Pussy right you're just like oh yeah yeah listen they're slim pickings.
There's a reason I watch straight porn it's because the gay trans.
Porn on Pornhub sucks.
It's true, anyway there is a lot of trans femme pornography available but much of it is makes me feel bad to be the person that I am.
Actually that's a perfect high end i can't believe we got here hell yeah so we're gonna have like and look at us because this is like our first bullet point which is because we're like thinking about like info seeking behavior of queer people but particularly trans people at least you know it just kind of came out that way and anna valence had a video recently about like who took porn and the depiction of the trans feminine body in media and just like
erotica and like how it came from like this sort of fetish thing in Japan to becoming like a trans woman thing in the United States where it's people are like, Oh yeah, I could see myself in this.
Pooja porn also helped me realize I was trans too.
Yeah, like what if I just had a big bummer?
Oh, that would be neat.
That'd be alright.
That'd be nice. That'd be cool.
Yeah, hentai just made me want to have a second penis.
So you could do the Donald Trump dance to yourself?
Oh yeah.
Do the thing where you're like... Yeah. Yeah.
So I see the first bullet point question is like, what was our first time that we encountered a trans body that wasn't porn? Can you be more specific about trans body? Are we talking about nakey or are we talking about like a trans person in general?
Trans person. I was just using body in the academic sense.
Sure. Sure. My first experience meeting a transgender person in the wild, in real life, I was working at the Renaissance Festival and there was a woman who was like on the younger end and kind of just figuring things out, I think. You know, and maybe maybe transvestite never really spoke to her, but she was met with widespread ridicule among many of the people that I was close to. And I felt awful for her.
like I was like that's really shitty that you would try to go to ostensibly a place where you could feel safe and accepted among you know because a bunch of freaks in the Renaissance Festival why the fuck not me, but like you know lots of jokes, Lots of jokes. And that, I think, kind of pushed a lot of shit down for a long time for me. And I'm like, well, you will be the subject of ridicule if you are to express yourself in that way. And so that kind of put me back in a few years.
I remember being in middle school and watching daytime television in the summer. And there was a trans woman on who was just talking about herself and her experiences. And she was one of those like, oh, it doesn't make sense for us to be lumped in with lesbians and gay people because I'm a straight woman and all this stuff. And this is why Lou Sullivan is so important because the whole establishment was like, strange people can't be also gay. And Lou Sullivan was like, cool, all right.
But I was very deeply religious. but this whole like oh this was just a person wrong body and chain fixed it and they're straight and that's fine like i never had like a bad like negative connotation for that and then by the time that i started exploring my own gender because of tumblr and then i started reading futa porn i was like that sounds neat and then i like sort of consider myself gender queer since like 16 or 17
um but like a in the flesh person probably college and like i met that was when there was a lot of like trans like like the one of the big trans masculine waves, on like tumblr and this was in like 2011 and stuff like that like that time period i feel like there's a lot of like like trans masks like former dykes out out like coming out of the woods Thank you. um and i and i met one that did not know that i was one yet.
And so that's such a fun experience when you're like it's almost like meeting yourself from the future yeah you know if only if only they knew speaking of people knowing my girlfriend in college no scoped me from a decade back like it was literally like 10 years ago she just goes so what's your gender identity we had just been to a panel on transgender identity and like like just people talking about their experiences experiences she goes so what's your gender and i go what do you mean what do
you mean what's my gender what's my gender they drop my voice an octave what do you mean what's my gender, and she's like no really think about it what's your gender and i'm like well i'm sitting here i'm six feet tall i got broad shoulders i got big hands i got a deep voice what's my gender and she's like no think about it take a second and i go i well fine fine. I've never been attached to a masculine identity for even half a second in my entire life.
But look at me, I'm a guy. And she goes, okay. Okay. And just kind of drops it. And then we never spoke of it again. And then 10 years later, she messages me on discord and goes, congrats on the gender.
With my first girlfriend, when we would have sex, I used to like, be able to like, and then we didn't really, we didn't like use a strap or anything.
But I'd be like we'd even just be like clothes on just like making out stuff and I'd be like I can feel myself having a dick can you feel it like, very very very girly feelings not like cis girly feelings to have like having a wiener very cis girl feelings to have like oh god I feel like I have a dick and I'm penetrating you right now isn't it so hot and romantic and I love you so much oh isn't this intense and wonderful and then i would like cry anytime
i used a strap because i couldn't feel it i don't know what these feelings are, zany i'm just stone butch i guess leslie i'm gonna leslie feinberg this shit, just kidding jk J.K.
J.K.
Use a stone, but just such a mirror universe, J.
I know. I was really bad at it. I was really bad at it. I was a top.
He said, lying.
He said, I was.
I was.
I promise.
Yeah.
There was a time when I was ostensibly. there was a time when I was ostensibly a six foot tall dude with long hair. So everyone was like, that's a Dom. And I was like, Nope, not really.
All right let me get the step ladder, he's imagining me having to dom someone six feet tall well you put me on my fucking.
Knees that's how you do it you get me on my fucking knees justin.
No i've got some ideas for standing.
I'm supposed to be standing i.
Was talking to another dom i was getting ideas.
Climb like a tree like literally.
Oh yeah stance up motherfucker i'm going up, all right all right brace like.
When they like when they test when you do katas and karate and yeah it's up and they hit you like yeah, oh that's funny i did karate yeah dude shit and martial arts for a long time very masculine thing that I did.
I think first trans person I was exposed to in any way would have been like, probably just some story about like a trans man giving birth on like the news or whatever on like TLC kind of stuff, trans dad but honestly the first person who like and I'd be like huh okay but the first time I really like had to think about it was probably like Eddie Izzard's stand up, yeah and that's like transvestitism of course she's like girl mode now but like
at the same time it's like it's still a transing of presentation yeah and and she was explaining, the male lesbian thing.
Was very telling with.
What's going on yeah.
Yeah i said that a lot said that a number of times.
Yeah Twitter is reheated five-year-old Tumblr discourse and Tumblr discourse is reheated Eddie Izzard jokes from 10 years before the whole she no-scoped he him lesbian discourse, oh lord, I remember being on a trash feature stream one time, and they were just all talking about something thing and Milo Edwards who's a straight guy was like well surely there aren't he him lesbians and everyone and the chat everyone stopped what they were doing and went Milo no Milo.
No you did it Milo.
No you said the activation phrase.
Shouts out to the he him lesbians that's fucking.
Funny shouts.
Out to the bisexual trans lesbians whoo.
Hell yeah Thank you.
We're a strong contingent. We hold a lot of ground, actually.
Yeah.
I was reading that one article talking about the percentage... Or no, I was talking with some coworkers while I was reading the one article, because I do pod work at work, which feels good.
Good. Steal time. Steal time.
Must. Simply must. And one of my coworkers was like, how many people are trans? And I was like, well, let me tell you. not that fucking many and yet they and yet they like make this this huge fucking deal some like 330 million Americans and 1.3 percent 1.3 million identify as trans in the United States something like that, get off my dick why do you why are you so mad I can't help it that I'm beautiful yeah it's jealousy it's gotta be.
That's a good protest sign for trans women.
Get off my dick. Yeah, for sure.
That's such a good...
Yep, I'm going to bring that to the state house.
Just going to thank you, speaker, for letting me have this time. Can I just say that Learning Council, I would like you to get off my dick.
Thank you.
And it just goes viral on Twitter. It's like, yeah!
Yeah.
So one of these articles I read and because of like the horrible delay in academic publishing, this first one that I looked at from 2022 was actually the surveys were done before the pandemic. So they're all from like 2019. I thought it was interesting. Yeah, I thought it was interesting because they got mostly trans boys and men as their subject sample, which they weren't trying to do. Like they just were like, huh?
Ended up that way. but they were talking about like how they talk about so they sorted them into those with dating experience and those with no dating experience which is very interesting because they would talk about like concerns about the ones with dating experience would be like don't use the apps it's just not gonna work for you right now jaded 18 year olds well it's just like legality they're like we're 18 if you're under 18 please don't be on these apps yeah for real,
also concerned about ending up in long distance relationships minors without dating advice gave more general advice you know be yourself which is good good advice i guess um kind.
Of got to be everyone else is taken as they say.
The those with experience and without both they both advised not not going too fast online. Don't know if they're getting that information from like their general sex ed or just talk on the playground. These are children. I don't know how old children, when did the children stop using playgrounds? Like 35.
I stopped. I'm going to try to stop next week.
There were, there were some, some really interesting questions about, that i thought i pulled more than this but these were kind of like like radio free tote bag questions i thought i would pull them in here because participants had several questions about safety and trust which focused on how and when to trust others and how to protect one's personal, safety during online partner seeking and one question was how does sex work before surgery do
we use a strap on this trans trans boy um do we strap on or do we just not have sex at all or do we just do things like kiss our partners i would feel uncomfortable having sex with a vagina when i want a penis fair enough so if you got that radio free tote bag well.
I mean there's there's also that really good so i know that there's the infamous fucking trans women zine and there's not quite the same equivalent with trans men but there is this one i forget forget who put it out, but this one pamphlet online that's about men who want to have sex with trans men. And so it's like how trans men can have gay sex. And it's things about what kinds of lubes to use and things about prep and pep, things about birth control, things about fisting, stuff like that.
And that was interesting. But I also have a feeling that a lot of trans men who are maybe... older teenagers just getting starting out or maybe having sex with cis women and yeah hand stuff.
Hand stuff that's gonna be my answer it's like um it's basically do what you feel comfortable with do what you do what feels natural to you and fondling each other's shit is a pretty natural outgrowth of like getting into bed with somebody in a sexual context so hand stuff's a strong contender for your clitoris is a little dick it's a little wiener it's good it's good to have yeah.
So it's it's called prime the back pocket guy for trans men and the men who dig them yeah it's really good.
It's very.
Yeah it's very general uh.
It's not quite got the esoteric like fingering the the tubes.
Channels that yeah fucking trans women which by the way i don't i I don't know. I don't know if I would like that.
I tried it on mine.
I did that to a girl who had an orgy. I bet I would like it more if I had an orgy.
If I had an orgy.
I probably would like it a lot more. She told me to do it. Pretend the rest of her ball sack that was still there was a vulva, kind of.
Sure.
And then you could just be like...
Okay, maybe I'm on team do that now.
Yeah, she told me to do that. So it seemed better once she had an orgy.
Sure.
You know when you get those little tabs You pull off the plastic shopping bags And you stretch them And you make a whistle Yeah, Do that with a scrotal If someone was really into like Scrotal torture Do you think you could get it thin enough See if you could get it good Because vulvas.
And labia are like too thick I think Yeah I guess it.
Depends on the vulva slash labia If you had.
But Justin's really thinking this through.
Yeah.
You're on hormones.
Yeah, yeah.
Skin textures can be a little different.
That's true.
Yes, it is.
And you grip it hard enough. But I mean hard enough.
It's quite thick.
Don't grip it hard enough.
Mine is quite thick. Mine is quite thick. Not everyone's is.
That's true.
Vulvas are a wide tapestry.
I'm talking about ball skin right now.
Ball skin.
I'm going to start working on my flexibility.
Ability for trans guys they turn the vulva like the labia into they like turn that into the ball sack and they put little implants in there because that's what the same skin is the vulva like the labia is what the scrotum is yeah the same skin we.
You know all penis havers we have a seam from what used to be our situation down there used to be a more.
Used to be more open format kind.
Of situation than it is right now.
Yeah open source same type of skin yeah same type of skin yeah that neat should you.
Put a little bluetooth speakers in there instead yeah.
I probably could do that.
That'd be really cool.
Because i don't want full bottom surgery i quite i quite like my downstairs situation yeah um for the most part i don't want it sealed up or anything i don't want testicles i would put a little bluetooth down there that sounds fun you know like the The kind.
That like pick up energy off of like movement.
Oh, hell yeah.
Jump a couple of times to recharge them.
Jiggle them around a little bit to, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is great. We're breaking new ground.
We're cooking.
This isn't Don Haraway shit.
Open source genitals.
That's what I'm hoping for. Like I hope biotech advances far enough that I could just like hot swap my shit. Like if I want a wiener one day, I can have it. If I wanted a vagina the next day, I can have that. That would be the dream.
I saw porn with a trans guy who had a phalloplasty but kept his, pussy sure and i was like you can do that do that and then it like changed my whole life yeah there's also there's phallus preserving.
Vaginoplasty for trans women as well so i'm like keep.
My shit i want to keep my shit i want the the abode i'm with the bone yes yes i want bone i want.
More i want i.
Want more genitals is really what it is i don't want to change the ones i have Yeah.
If I want more.
Yeah, some of the addition, please. And add-on. What's it worth?
Browser extension. Yeah! Yeah, we really are the ones that the right warned everybody about, aren't we? We're the...
Exactly.
And if you listen to this podcast, you will become one, too. Yeah.
It's a cyborg manifesto but it's like teledildonics is the main focus i.
Mean that's just a cyborg i.
Found it difficult to read well that's why we did an episode on it you read it thank.
You let's say it's in english isn't it me.
And donna harroway wherever.
That's not, you saw some of these articles i know i always make that joke whenever somebody said something was hard to.
Read i'm like it's in english and then what.
What's the problem yeah there were some other questions i don't know if they made an appendix of like the questions no i hate when, journal articles give me a table with the.
Questions you asked that's a good journal article in your method.
Section. Or just don't write a journal. Just publish your data and I'll make the conclusions.
Give me an appendix. When I did my master's thesis, you know I put the questions in an appendix.
Important.
Yeah, so they had lots of questions. So if you could ask a more experienced LGBTQ teen for advice about looking for LGBTQ partners, what would you want to ask them? And so they coded it into three different ones. So one is strategies for relationship seeking. So how do you find gay guys who would date a trans man?
They're out there. But also, so this is real. So in my experience, and this is just my own personal experience, I find that particularly gay trans men are more concerned with dating cis men, particularly cis gay men, than trans women are, especially if the trans women are lesbians. I feel like trans women are more open to T for T than trans men are. For example, I am not T for T because it often gives me dysphoria.
Like the times I've had sex with trans men, I fucked trans women and it was very fun, but they were like friends. So it wasn't like a sexual attraction thing. It was just like, Hey, you want to fuck? Yeah, sure. It was great. and there's this sort of like oh if a gay man wants to fuck me then i.
Must really.
Be a guy.
Right you.
Know like there's like this gender validation where like i i just like i don't know if i've seen trans women have publicly expressed that kind of neuroses as much much.
Um because i totally.
Have this neuroses as well.
I feel like so i.
Completely get this i.
Feel like we get more of our gender validation in the ways in which we are fucked over generally as women like we get our gender validation by not having pockets and spending more on deodorant you know what i mean like we don't need it necessarily in a sexual context and it's just like i don't know for me dating t for t it's sort of like oh you get the same downstairs mix up i do and you're fucking hot you're like a hot lady I'm looking at you and you're
a hot lady and you've got the same shit going on as me then maybe I'm a hot lady let's do this you know, like that's kind of how I feel about it.
Yeah seeing like yourself in someone else.
Yes and that's like that's been a big thing with like finding identity and like finding my divine feminine if I may use that fucking mystical ass term.
Ursula K. Le Guin just jumps through your window and kicks you.
Kicks my teeth out of my head. But like... it's like do i want to date her do i want to be her thing you know what i mean like that's a.
Very very much.
A part of this of this whole journey that that i think a lot of us are on so yeah you know do i want to date her do i want to be here the answer is yes i want to do both and i.
Am a breakthrough then i had the oh it's the both actually yeah because i was like am i actually gay now or is this just guys i think are hot and i want to look like that no i just i'm just gay but yeah i mean the one the one week that i went on grinder, in the very beginning of the pandemic i have nothing against grinder i'm just not necessarily a seeking out hookups person if i go to a bar i have hooked up with people at bars before but i I don't necessarily seek hookups on an app.
I'm horny, but I can masturbate very well. So I don't necessarily need that. But when I was on Grindr, it was very obvious. And I know there's a lot of discourse around chasers and if they're bad or not. They have their uses.
I'll say. That's how I feel about them.
They have their uses. but it was very obvious when a guy was attracted to me and found it very hot that I had a pussy and was actually attracted to that and a guy who only focused.
Right. Right.
On that to the point where I was just a pussy attached to a person. Right, yes.
Fetishizing the genitalia versus...
I want my genitalia fetishized, but in the context of also liking the rest of me.
Right. I need that. I need that too.
I like my transness to be something that is arousing to people. I don't want it hand-waved over. I want someone to be like, it is very hot that your body is this way. and I like that your body does this thing and looks this way.
We had a good conversation about that with Left at London when she came on.
Oh.
When she came on.
I love her.
She's great. She was a lot of fun. We had a really good discussion about chasers and that end of things and that's basically where we came to in that discussion. It was like, as long as you're not solely there for my genitals, then I'm okay.
Yeah. I want, like I, I especially like when I would like read like fanfic or something I I hate the whole like oh I don't care what you have it's wonderful no matter what like sure but I want someone to be like it is so fucking hot that your setup is that you are a guy with.
That setup yeah.
Yeah I like that it does like that that is to me is better and some people would maybe consider that chasery um and if if it is then fuck it whatever but maybe maybe.
More the like like the acknowledgement of the gender of the person first followed by a hotness of their genitals do you know what i.
Mean yeah yeah i will say that like i've met i've actually had like more success on like tinder and stuff like my i had an ex i was with for quite a long time that i met on tinder, you don't have to limit yourself to bi guys or to gay guys trans guys, bi guys are there every guy I've dated since coming out has been bi, So, like, bi guys are great. And I used to be very insecure about that when I first started transitioning.
I'm like, well, if, you know, do they only, are they only okay with my setup because they're also into girls? And so that's why they're okay with my pussy. Like, I had that hang up and that's just like a personal hang up you got to get over. And it's okay to feel that way, right?
You know what? I do worry about that with bi girls specifically. it's like are they like.
Yeah yeah it's like would they be okay with fucking me if they weren't also into the other gender you know but like I feel like trans men who are into men feel like oh if I can't get a gay guy, then what are we even fucking doing here what am I fucking doing here it's like no like, and just because a guy is bi doesn't like I always ask like I'm always like, hey, by the way, I'm trans. Is that okay? Because sometimes people are still weird about it. But most times they're like, yeah, that's fine.
Why don't I give a shit?
Yeah, it's great. So I would say just do what you adorably do and then a guy will find you. Yeah. I don't know.
Yeah. yeah i would say like having been a person who's had sex with men as a woman and as a man like it's very obvious when a guy like now that i'm a man who has sex with men the way that men who see me as a man interact with my body yeah even when i'm as like a bottom bottom right like even as someone who's like bottoming like the way that they like, interact with my downstairs um is like different than the way that men would interact with it when i was living as
a woman yeah absolutely um so like that's like it's very easy to tell if when you were when you were having sex with someone what they see you as how they think of of you because like i'm getting.
Head as a guy from a guy was a fucking nightmare for me because it's just like it's just all all suction and speed and just like i'm like what the why why why does it feel this way i hate this and then they like i feel like guys take their time more with my body and like our care more careful with me in a way that i really enjoy actually.
Yeah i remember once with an ex he was like i know you said that like wearing the strap made you dysphoric so i never asked if you would wear it even when i was fucking you like not asking me to fuck him but he's like would you wear it so i could like suck you off and like fuck you while you're wearing it and i was like yes um and and like that was like a really like because he was like listen i love having sex with you so much but i i miss
cock a little like i want like i want you know i'd be like well i got right like i want my hair it was like great like having like him go down on me while i had like a strap on like it's very obvious and like i know that especially if if you are a trans guy who still uses your downstairs mix up and that it can like feel like, Oh no, I'm getting eaten out or I'm like, you know, like, like it can be like, Oh, how is this different?
But like, I don't know. It's, it's there. There's vibe checks around. Yeah. Someone is. Yeah.
That's why this is so, this is so difficult to talk about without getting into like really detailed, like, this is how I am treated in these circumstances. Like, cause it's all, It's all very vibes-based. It's not academic, baby. It's deeper than that.
Yeah. I don't know. And like, I had never had sex as a man. Well, I had had sex when I started transitioning, but I didn't think I was a guy yet. I was in a non-binary nebulous phase, and I'm still binding. And both of those times were with women. And it was weird. And that's what made me realize I wasn't into women anymore.
Um and.
I didn't have sex with a guy until i had already had top surgery so i don't know that experience of like having the chest interacted with.
Yeah as.
A as a man because i i'm flat now.
Sure um.
But because i was like i don't want to have sex until i'm at least got got these chopped off.
Right i had i had been with a guy who was early in his transition, when i was like the egg had just cracked and i'm like okay i think i know what my name is but i haven't changed anything else like i you know i didn't know what my name was yeah i'm gonna buy some clothes i guess is what's next but do you want to get indian food and fuck and he's like yeah and at one point he goes he's like wearing a binder and he goes this thing is uncomfortable comfortable as fuck can i take this off i'm like
yeah yeah sure and so he takes the binder off and there's just they're there and they're i like i like boobs a lot and i was like can i and he goes what and i go can i play with your boobs he's like i mean yeah yeah and like okay cool cool cool good good and i did that and it was good and cool but like i tried to like like nipples are fun and great yeah i tried to i tried to treat them like masculine nipples do you know what i mean like the way you
would the way you would engage with masculine nipples, despite the fact that they're on female presented feminine breasts yeah exactly ask.
Them about the game.
See them jaguars and you're just like.
That's gonna have that dex coming along.
Yeah no i wore.
I would do a sports bra before.
I had.
Top surgery the times that i had sex i just put a sports bra on instead so.
That i wasn't dying yes so that it wasn't like hell because.
I was listeners i was a 36 double g.
And i would that was.
Not comfortable so i had sex i had a sports bra.
Jay has a double g's.
It was not fun no i imagine that sounds.
That sounds awful tell me what it's like to have giant boobs because i wanted.
They weren't very they weren't very full and so they didn't look good when i was naked they were flat almost and like yeah no i they would they lived in my armpit when i was laying down i once had an ex said that the texture was like pizza dough oh yeah don't say Say things like that.
To another person.
I know. I still have really bad stretch marks. I think I damaged... I have bad connective tissue anyway, so that probably didn't help.
They're okay. They're homegrown. I'm doing okay with what I got going on.
Seriously, if there was anything, it would be like, if there could just be a titty exchange.
Change yeah i like.
So so many like of like the trans women i've like known or been friends with it's just like like i know so many people it's like if you could just literally transfer from.
Like the.
Trans man or the non-binary.
Person who doesn't want them.
To the woman who just really fucking wants him like that would be scientists get on it.
Scientists for real life.
Changing i'm sure.
Yeah should be able to just go down and pick some up you know like slap them on i'd love that yeah.
I remember like i first had made the appointment to get a a reduction, instead of getting them chopped off because i wasn't sure i was like but what if i get them chopped off and i want them back and eventually i was like you know what if down the road if i want it back i'll just get implants or something.
Yeah and then yeah that's the worst case scenario scenario yeah i kind of had that too i was like okay so i'm gonna start e and what if i grow boobs and i hate them it's like well you just get a mastectomy you know worst case scenario.
Get them lipoed out.
Yeah just get them get them done just slurp them out they.
Just literally they just do lipo.
They just like they.
Just cut it and they lipo it and then they like contour it.
Sure yeah.
It's very fun.
Yeah i my experience has been a lot of joy my favorite thing is like the big concern among right-wingers is like yeah but what if you regret it it's like regret feeling at home in my body for the first time in my entire life yeah i might regret that at some point you fucking chuds also.
Like if i do you do you know the rate for knee surgery the regret rate for knee surgery.
Is like 15 fucking percent right it's.
Wild the like the like elective surgeries that people are like you'll regret it no it's like you know what the The regret.
Rate for children is?
Oh my god.
100%. No, I like... Also, it's like if I was able to like body... Mod my body already, can't I not just mod it again?
Right. Right. Your body is a malleable plastic thing.
It's malleable. Yeah. You can do stuff to it. I am but flesh. Yeah.
Fucking A. And your gender is...
And that's why I'm going to get that second dick.
There you go. Trace your bliss.
Phallus preserving phalloplasty, you get the.
Same like scar on your forearm that these guys get you get a.
Bonus you gotta inflate it but did any of you actually see the reddit thread of the dude who actually had two dicks yeah.
Yeah of course classic.
Okay good because like that was some a plus content there i was like this is fascinating yes like i have a boyfriend and a girlfriend friend. I'm like, yeah, seriously. I want that life.
Yeah.
All right. Jay actually sent me something from earlier, which I thought was an interesting question and more library related than a lot of the stuff I was looking at. So there's this researcher called Rothbauer and, She was doing research back in 2004 on like her master's thesis and was focused on like this research that she did with a sample of 17 lesbians between the ages of 18, 23, specifically who like to read.
And so her whole thing, you know, I assume there's there's gamer lesbians or something.
Hi.
That involves reading. You got Dark Souls. What did you say to June?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. You got a PS4, and she said, and Bloodborne.
Bloodborne, that was it. That was so Riz. That's me. That was Riz. That was amazing.
That's me.
Right on stage, too, in a performance. Killing it.
Yeah.
Hey.
Gotta do what you gotta do.
Yeah, you gotta shoot or shoot.
Yeah, shoot or shoot.
Shoot anyway i thought it was really interesting some of the things from this this research that she pulled from her from her thesis which was like fanzines and online sites especially around like buffy because buffy had a very early lesbian relationship but it was funny because most of the respondents were like no i'm attracted to buffy the willow thing's interesting but i want to fuck Buffy which was very funny as she's.
I mean she's she's hot-coated.
Yeah in a way yeah yeah yeah yeah oh have you seen vampire willow come on yeah.
Come on I was more of a willow girl personally actually I.
Can see that.
Yeah.
She just.
Just like me for real she's.
Just like you for real.
But.
A research dress like.
That, i dress like well i honestly do dress like willow, you.
Need to get the big overalls too style.
Icon yeah i should get the big overalls but that's nb coded but i guess i am nb trans femme like i do consider myself non-binary to a certain degree.
It's also Mario-coded.
That's true.
So, I mean, don't worry about it.
I get to do the hands.
Yeah. But anyway, her research is really interested on, like, the process of reading and what reading... how it interacts because because one of the theories of reading is like reading fiction is an escape for queer people and her thing is is like no actually reading is community building, and self-discovery uh for lesbians who are reading in this group so i had some questions just kind of based on like her because she doesn't come back to this like specific queer aspect she keeps focusing
in her career on like what is reading time like how do you interact with the passage of time when you're reading like stuff like that so what'd you find what what did you do for reading and finding yourself was reading an escape or was it recognition did you build community by reading much.
Of the reading that i did was specifically of like trans autobiography in the form of like social media posts so that was all that was very much like self-discovery that was like like like i said she just like me for real like reading about women's experience of, discovering their gender and then rediscovering their sexuality in the context of that gender and going wow okay so this is all ahead of me i'm so fucking stoked.
Yeah i remember being in high school and i will include movies in this as well but like the books and movies that I got into in high school when I started getting into queer stuff. It was not about escape. I have never been an escapist type of person with fiction. It was very much about discovery of either like.
Watching or reading things that were like an established not finding myself or what i could be in them but knowing that this movie or book was like something that queer people liked and so i would watch it or read it and then was like oh now i'm a little bit more into this community i know this reference now i like this thing that these other people like like it's like like learning a language 100 almost like that aspect of community building that's why i have like the tastes of like i like
someone in the like 80s or 90s or something like i just i just watched like todd haynes films and derrick jarman movies and like i don't know about fucking any of these like trans girly pop pop stars that y'all listen to now like i'm like no i just i i just just want to watch blue on repeat and and watch hedvig you know i mean i want i want to redo, or bound i want to redo rocky horror.
But like all of the songs are hyper pop somehow i think that would be.
I saw rocky horror in fifth grade that's well.
That did it.
That's my favorite movie ever since i've got a tattoo i was frank in college i think yeah Yeah. But yeah, so for me, it was very much about not escape and not even recognition of myself, but of learning a language of a shared cultural memory kind of thing.
That's so hot.
That's what it was. Yeah. Although I did also read, and this is when I thought I was a dyke too, so I did read middle sex.
sex and i was like this is making me feel things i don't understand why oh no i'm i'm very mad that she decided to be a boy at the end why does this make me and like just being weird about it, and then i got really into like lesbian pulp fiction in grad school and shit like i like own like bibo brinker and all that but yeah i i mainly got into stuff that like gay dudes liked and then I like a lot of the movies and then also like Bound and I could love Bound I own Bound on VHS like a,
screener copy of Bound, yeah it's cool yeah or like I got into Showgirls that movie I.
Never saw that.
I'm like woefully disconnected from this community through.
Film and stuff but like, fucking dark souls is a trans girly thing that's like i don't.
Know what video games are.
See that's oh fuck we do i just watched carrie grant movies i can tell you all about the furtive pygmy so easily forgotten i can tell you all about the soul of manas i can tell you all about these things i got bringing.
A baby on blu-ray.
I just.
Went gay.
All of a sudden.
I I had kind of an epiphany about reading because I started reading gay romances before I realized I was bi or gender fluid. And I felt really guilty because I felt like I was exploiting something that I shouldn't have been exploiting. Because there's a whole lot of that sort of romance is written towards cis women.
right so like i was just like i'm one of those and it was just about the time that i was starting to figure out like that like queer people like existed because being raised warm and sucked, but like and so i was like reading like and my tastes haven't changed that much i still when i read romance which i read quite a lot of i still tend to go towards like, like men and for a long time i was just like this is really weird because like.
Cocks are hot.
Right and then in this season and then and then i realized i was just like oh no it's a gender thing it's not an attraction thing it's like i don't get to have that experience at least not in my current body and configuration so it was more of like a. Curiosity like not even necessarily a curiosity it was a way to satisfy that part of my weird gender shit without having to like get angsty about it if that makes sense and it's the same reason as like as a writer i also like to write
romance i tend to go towards male characters, so it's just like oh no it's a it's a gender expression thing like the whole exploitation angle could be you know i'm sure there are plenty of arguments to be had about that but that was kind of the thing that made my brain click and go okay so i'm not fucking somebody else over by enjoying this i was just like i had to kill the gender cop in my own brain if that makes sense yeah which is like and i should
have seen it coming because like growing up like i really loved like books where like a woman pretends to be a or like a girl pretends to be a boy to like become a knight and shit. And also Ranma 1.5 was like, it's just hot and cold water. I would fucking love that shit. Yeah. I should have realized a lot sooner, but again, the religious suppression. Yeah, so it shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was.
I remember seeing... I'm hearing about sorry we keep doing that to each other I'm so sorry I remember hearing about Ranma one half and specifically avoiding it because I was like oh gender bending shit that's gonna make me feel stuff like I remember like there was like a feeling of like that being sort of titillating or like satisfying of something in me but like being real fucking afraid of it and so specifically like seeing the Ranma one half
DVD case at the at the Hollywood video up up the street from my house and like wanting so badly to pull the trigger on that. But like knowing that I wasn't ready or like couldn't do it at that point, you know?
Yeah. Yeah. With me, it was like, there's the trope I would say of queer trans men realizing they are thus by reading and or writing slash Vic, right?
The, you know, fujoshi to queer man pipeline basically but i didn't read really read like romance especially between men or fanfic until after i started transitioning and i started reading it because, like i was one of those like okay i'm straight no i'm bi no i'm a lesbian no i'm bi no i'm a lesbian like i was one of those people and i was like i don't like having sex with men i can't look at penises it's weird i'll have sex with
one that's fine but i don't want to look at it or really interact with it except when it's like in me that's fine but i don't want to like there was like a lot of like anxiety so i was like am i into men again i better test this and so i read had like romance and like slash fic of dudes being like okay do I like this, that's so funny it was like research.
And so yeah it's just like I know so many trans guys realize they are thus because they are really into like slash fic and stuff at least now it's.
Now available Is that.
When you're reading.
Think of England?
Yes. And all of the KJ Charles stuff. KJ Charles is probably my favorite romance author.
The Magpie Lord? Yeah.
Yeah, her.
Okay, I've read those. Those are good.
Yeah, I don't really like the Magpie Lord ones as much, but her one Think of England is really good. As well as I love the series that's based off of Penny Dreadfuls. That one's really good. But yeah, I read her stuff. Cat Sebastian, very good. And then I read Captive Prince and it ruined me. so god.
It's so it yeah.
It's ruining it's so good i when they started selling merch i've got i've got an adequate mug i'm.
So jealous and.
I've got a bracelet that says a kingdom or this on it and it's a gold god i'm jealous i know i know i know i know i know it i have brain worms because of captive prince captive prince is what.
Got me writing slash again i wrote a lot of slash.
As so good i wrote a lot of slash.
As like a in my early 20s when i was like in a phase of doing that and then i like didn't for years and years and then i i read captive prince and it fucking unlocked something in my brain again and i was like all right.
That's why i started writing fan fic was because of captive prince i was like i have these feelings and ideas and i have to get them out somehow yep don't make these two people kiss you know no kiss no kiss, that was.
A lot of the information seeking behavior in the the rothbauer paper as well from 2001 2003 was this the period the period studied and a lot of the was people just hung out in fan sites.
Of the things that they.
Really liked like x files and buffy and just talked about about X-Files and Buffy all day. And we're like, this is how I find out.
I probably would not have figured out I was queer if I had not been on LiveJournal.
Mine was Tumblr and it was... I mean, I figured I was queer because of Tumblr, but then the trans thing was unfortunately because of Call Me By Your Name. Yeah. Word. Call Me By Your Name made me realize I was trans. But that's a good movie and a good book, and it's unfortunate about Armie Hammer.
I'm legitimately sitting here thinking about what what i mean it was like liking dudes that got me to thinking that i was queer and like being attracted to to the other guy like i don't know what like media or like where i was that kind of opened that up for me i just kind of like accepted it as elemental about myself and then it was like.
A switch flipped.
Yeah i was like oh Oh.
I'm into this now.
I remember being, I was, I was in like sixth grade and I like another kid on the playground asked me like, so what are you gay? And I was like, I don't know. Maybe. I think I like girls too.
That's where, that's where that shit was for me. And then like the gender shit was, um, just like, it was like it was in the air and I i was breathing it all the time but i could didn't know what the fuck it was and then it took it took face app it took a lot of experiences we'll call it boutique pornography that sort of cracked that shit open and led me to where i am today yeah yeah yeah.
I'm queer because of tumblr like I was on Tumblr in 2009 2010 and it was in the air and I learned about things like genderqueer and genderfuck and all that.
And I was like oh.
Well I feel weird about my gender and I'm not a girly girl but, hmm and then and then one i remember one night i went to bed and in my head it was like a switch flipped and it said you like girls and i went no i don't do i and then i went to a dance competition and i remember sitting there in the audience because i did competitive dance and i was just like sitting in the audience and i saw like a girl like do the splits and i was like and then it
took a while for that to i remember my gender therapist was like it's impossible for you to be straight i think i'm like yeah because i was like i don't know if i'm a guy am i straight now and then i started liking dudes it's a girl okay yeah thank god yeah it was me starting to like men again that made me realize i was a guy because i was like this feels different than the the times i like men before yes yes the liking.
Of the liking of guys feeling different than the liking of girls and that context changing again after my gender transition that's that.
Is a very interesting web.
Of feelings that i don't know that i fully parsed at this point.
They're like the same thing like my gender and sexuality like i can't untangle them yeah they're like just the the same thing to me yeah i know i'm not a man i'm a gay guy you know i know.
That being into girls as a girl like to me rocks harder like i feel like you know i feel way cooler about it.
Yeah i love being gay yeah it's great kicks ass it's fucking rad kicks fucking ass dude, i love like leather and i i love fucking Fucking, I don't know, like Liza Minnelli?
Yeah, I love having the body that I have and being really tender in bed. Do you know what I mean? Like being as big as I am and being like very tender. Do you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
It kind of kicks ass. where you at.
Justin what are you reading you.
Look you look.
Just looking at my soundboard, just see.
What I can throw in.
Trying to snipe it trying to snipe the moment.
Trying to snipe something just see what it's just I don't know hell yeah nothing there, yeah I mean I think to wrap up one of the things that.
This just turned into me and audrey talking about our transition which is a type of info seeking this is how trans people figure this shit out as we talk to each other i think this is.
Generally genuinely going to be helpful to somebody if not if not a listener than me or.
Like like just like i know like so many trans people even if it's like a trans femme and a trans mass like talking even though our transition experiences are different and still like oh you went through this too or oh it's like this for you oh it's like this for me instead yeah like so value there i have shepherded so many a trans femme through the beginning of her transition because it's like if i knew someone grow like
from my hometown or my area i'm like the only trans person those people know and so they reach out to me i love i this has happened to me a.
Few times i love it when somebody hits you up and goes i think i'm a girl and you're like okay okay all All right, calm down. It's okay. We're going to get through this. It's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out together.
Were you going to say something, Sadie?
Oh, no.
Yeah.
I think in conclusion, librarians. So the reason I'm so into this topic is I studied a lot of info-seeking for my master's thesis. And info-seeking and question formation, right?
And I feel like in librarianship, when we think of information-seeking, we think of, oh a student or a patron has a research question and they're looking up information about it in the databases tm and here's the boolean and here's how you do it and but there's other types of information and there's other types of sources that people might find information we talked a little bit about this in the infoshop episode where there's like types of information information that like
you as a library worker should even if like you can't provide that information you should be able to take if a patron has a specific information need. You should be able to go oh we don't have that kind of resource here however here is where you should go or here's what you should look up instead like the library databases don't have this And you can't look this up on the library computers because of stupid reasons.
But when you get home, if you have a computer, you could look this up, or there's this resource in town, or whatever. Like, it's important as library workers to be at least kind of familiar with, like, okay, if someone has, like, a question about, like, sexuality and they're queer, like, where might you direct them? How do you help that kind of patron and information need?
Because.
People have information needs outside of a traditional library context and sexual and gender information is just as important as someone writing a research paper.
Yeah and i think the availability of that information through like literature and things like that is like of course one of the main things that they that the opposition wants to eliminate because that's where we figure shit out is through media and through um why do.
You think they're doing book bands.
Yeah and talking to each other and forming community and deciding these things are like affirming that these things are true about ourselves like these things that we feel like we are by twitter because he was.
Like oh my trans daughter is trans because she caught the woke mind virus.
On Twitter.
Right.
Good. I'm glad she did.
Yeah. He should go after 4chan instead, if I'm being honest. You know? If he wanted to nuke it.
So yeah.
I'm becoming an anti-vaxxer for the social contagion theory of transness. Like, no. There's no cure. We need herd immunity. community everyone needs to everyone needs to go meet a trans person yeah and make out with them the only way to make sure no one transitions is that everyone transitions yeah.
Exactly i mean that's that one no game a short story.
And when everyone's queer then no one will be, i mean isn't.
That the kind of angle of.
Queer theory kind of yeah it's anti-category but i was just doing a reference to the movie the incredibles by pixar oh well he turns everyone into a superhero but it's been a.
Long time since i've seen it is he a little queer icon the one who's the bad guy in that.
I'm sure someone wants to fuck him in a gay way he reads.
I think he's a little queer coded maybe he's a little queer one of those queer coded villains yeah he.
Looks like that republican strategist who does all the polling frank luntz um yeah he looks like frank luntz he does look like frank luntz he looks exactly like frank luntz that's really fucked, always i've always just been like who the fuck does he look like i just had just this just always sit in the back of my head for years.
And then we figured it out.
Proud of us.
Go team.
Go team six. Audrey, do you want to plug anything additional aside from your podcast?
Let me tell you about this. If you have information-seeking needs and you are a queer person, head on over to rftb.me to access the radio-free tote bag, backlog, show about relationships, heartfelt good advice, as well as Goofy Japes. Go check it out.
rftb.me or anywhere you find your podcasts. Additionally, if you want to have some more talk between trans femmes you can find that at data transfer anywhere you find your podcast it is a trans feminine reading of the digimon adventures animated series that i do with my lovely partner corla which i'm actually going to go record an episode of right after this so that that's going to have a very good energy i think so uh be on the lookout for that data transfer anywhere you find your podcasts
oh and uh at odd on blue sky and at rftb audrey on twitter, them's the plugs we've.
Been on there on both of those shows.
Yeah yeah.
I was really high on my episode but i feel like it was a good episode.
Yeah um that's.
That's where the paguman.
Yeah that's what it was from there i don't.
Know i don't know if i could ditch you.
On but.
Yeah that was my episode.
Yeah he's a good boy I use that emoji fucking constantly I.
Know you do.
I really.
Was hoping that Squatch Pog would take off more but people don't really seem to like him but that Sasquatch doing the.
He's.
Got his lips out it's very funny.
It's in the cryptozoology museum yeah in Portland.
Maine damn, check it out it's the only reason to go there because I don't think I'm ever going back.
So check out the cryptozoology museum go check that out I want to thank you guys for having me this has been a lot of fun I'd love anytime I get to talk about like violently queer shit that's like my favorite topic hell yeah.
Hell yeah now listen you, let's let's let's, Justin I need to make you I need to make you watch that so Audrey if you could not tell that was Gore Vidal and William Buckley that sounds crazy yeah when so there was I forget what year was but there was like the presidential debates happening and the news media decided oh what if before the actual real debates and conventions we had Gore Vidal who was a lefty democrat person and William Buckley, right wing person. These are two intellectual titans.
A Yale failure who wrote a book complaining about how the deacon at Yale's, the official deacon wasn't the christian enough for him.
And so they like but he was like held up as like the like intellectual republican icon right and so they would have debates before the real presidential debates and stuff and the reason like our news media is the way it is now because of this right and there's a good documentary about this called best of enemies and there's one of them that they like had the tapes destroyed and did not air but someone someone preserved some of it somehow where they're like arguing and gore vidal calls
william buckley a crypto nazi because he is and gore vidal is a bitchy little bisexual queen and we loved him i love gore vidal he's my favorite bad gay every gore vidal clip.
I've ever seen i'm just in love with the.
Dude i love him i was listening to a gore vidal audiobook when i had my car wreck it was great my head on collision that's how gay I am and I was a dyke at the time and I was listening to a Gore Vidal audio book I was bad at being a dyke but William Buckley goes listen here you queer you keep calling me a crypto Nazi and I'll sock you in your goddamn face and you'll stay plastered and Gore Vidal is just like laughing because he knows he's won now, he's fucking nailed him and william buckley
was like you better have these destroyed and they were they were like the tapes were destroyed it wasn't aired but you can watch it on youtube uh ass william buckley calling gore of a dollar queer listen here you queer in that like mid-atlantic yeah yeah yeah it's great i love it um yeah so that's justin tried getting the drop but it's like they talk over each other so much that it's hard to maybe with the power of.
Ai we can separate their two two voices.
I mean, probably actually there, there is like a, like the same kind of tool that, that new Beatles song that helped isolate John Lennon's vocals from the rest of the track.
I keep hoping that acapellas and instrumentals are going to get more widely available with AI being able to separate those two.
Yeah, because that Beatles one, it wasn't that they took a John Lennon AI voice. It's just this already existing tool that helps separate the vocals from the rest of the track that was a little magnified with AI to help it a bit more. That's what I'm saying.
I want to be able to make more chocolate rain edits and I need more instrumentals available from various songs that don't have instrumental versions released.
Exactly. Yeah. This is like the actual good use of that kind of technology.
That's the art, not the generative AI shit. That's the art is when you can use tools like that to make audio more usable and then make tracks out of them.
Yeah. Yeah. thank you for coming to my tip talk.
Yep alright I'm going to cut it here thanks Audrey for coming on.
Thanks for having me.
Goodnight.