The following is a conversation with Bert Kreischer, a stand-up comedian, podcast or actor, and a man they call the machine. I've been a fan of his comedy and podcast for many years, and I highly recommend you watch him on Bert Kast to Bears One Cave with Tom Segura, his cooking show called Something Is Burning, and finally, the new movie that tells the story of the man, the legend, the machine. And now, a quick few second mention of each sponsor. Check them out in the description.
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I enjoy their stuff. Maybe you will too. This episode is brought to you by Eight Sleep, and it's part three mattress. As Bert and I talk about in this episode, Naps are the portal to happiness and joy in this life. He talks about naps on the tour bus, and I have to say, I've taken quite a lot of naps on buses, Greyhound buses, public transportation. I've taken so many buses in my life. So much of my life has been being completely broke in public transportation.
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And now dear friends, here's Bert Krasher. I read somewhere that you like Ernest Hemingway. Love him. There's a quote. There's nothing to writing. All you do sit down at a typewriter and bleed. Do you agree with that? I agree. I agree. I agree with that with journaling. I can't write. I can't write stand up. I can't write a bit. But if I journal, I'll find something that I go just write. I'm kind of writing where your depends move faster than your brain and they're kind of doing it together.
The thing I liked about Ernest Hemingway is so stupid. I'm a little dyslexic, so I'm not a good reader. So he wrote very simply. And it wasn't until after I read a bunch of Ernest Hemingway, I was working in parts of Noble. And this person said, don't you love his titles? And I was like, yeah, Sun also rises. And they're like, yeah, but the Sun also rises. And I was like, yeah, Sun also rises. And I was like, no, the Sun also rises. And I went, oh, oh, yeah, this fucking badass.
Yeah. And then I'm like always late to the party with anything. And then that night we were all doing coke and it was like five in the morning and we ended up on the roof of my apartment in Greenwich Village. And the, like, I'm a Sunsack guy, I grew up in Florida. But Sun rises in New York are electric blue, like electric blue. And I was like, the Sun also rises. Yeah, he was so good with just the handful of words.
Yeah. And then the city, the choice of words, like basically his process is carving down. Right drunk at it. Sober. Right drunk at it. Sober. Yeah, but he was good at like, like a small amount of words to get a point across. I'm the exact fucking opposite. Well, he's also said the first draft of anything is always shit. Is that, is that true for you? I think so. The best one I have. He was done here from there. So for you editing is destroying the original.
The first time I tell it, the first time I tell it, it's perfect. It's perfect. It just, it works. And then I go great and then I take it and I try to fix it and make it better and jazz here. I just joking, razzle dazzle about my daughters and I driving past a deaf child's line. And I just told it on stage. It just happened. And Louis was in the audience. He was like, I love that joke. I said, really? He was, yeah, and I just told it and I went done. Louis C.K. says he likes a joke.
It's fucking, it's in the special. And I tried to fucking razzle dazzle that joke into like a 15 minute bit. It got to the point where it was so, it was so bad that I told him, I did a podcast with him. I said, what did you like about that joke? Because I can't get it to work anymore. Because it was just simple. It was simple that your daughter didn't know how they'd figure out where deaf kids lived. And what that said? He was like, yeah, I was like, nothing about gun control.
And he was like, huh? I was like, oh, fuck, man. I really fucked that joke up. And then I had to go back to the beginning of it. But that first time, that's when the joke comes out purist for me. And then it's always chasing back to get that first telling. Some jokes are different. Like the machine obviously is a much longer story and like, and like, escape room for this one.
The longer stories take a little work, but the simple ones, like, like the deaf child and pajamas and those first times are perfect. What do you think is that about the machine story that works that was so captivating for people? I think it's a, I think, I don't know. I really wish I don't know. I think it's a good story. I think it's a good story.
I think everyone has something similar that happened in their life where they had a crazy night and that no one believed and they told their friends and the, and, or they experienced that with a friend like that and, and I think, I think that's got to be it. I really don't know. I think there's a part of, I think there's a part of the, like, our community of, of comedy fans that were that early desk, that was fun to watch. Someone take something from the podcast and turn it into a bit on stage.
Yeah. I think there's a lot of that. But I think people identify with a wild, crazy night that got out of control that they've probably had to. I think I don't fucking know. You think Putin knows who you are because of that story? I hope so. I fucking hope so. I hope so. But there's a part of me that you got to understand is like, I'm not, I say stuff like that. I'm sure there's someone here and they go, who is this fucking narcissist? You know, like, no, that's not it.
I'm just telling you the truth. Like, I understand what I'm supposed to say. We know I don't know. I, you know, I, I don't know that's hard to say. But I don't fucking give a shit about that guy. I'm not that guy. I'm telling you everything that comes out of my mouth, the second it comes out, I'm going to be 100% honest. I don't know any other way to live. I kind of hope so. That would be fucking cool. And I look, I know he's a bad, I guess he's a bad dude. I don't follow politics, son.
But it'd be cool. Like, one day someone's like, he's on his computer and someone's going to go, sto at that. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I'm going to see that. And he's like, duh. Kunyehsta, by the way, by the way. And he's like, and he shows it to him. And then he's like, what the fuck is this guy? It's not out of the realm of possibility that Putin has watched it. And this podcast is kind of made me realize how like, small the world is.
I've gotten to meet some incredibly, like, especially the people. Yeah. That's the thing where I go. It's gotten really crazy. The internet's really insane. And Netflix is really insane. And the reach of like, people that like, this is really simple. But like, I'm a big fan of the show Drink Champs. I didn't think in a million years, nor he would ever know who I was. And then he offered me to come to his podcast. And then when I got there, he told me he was a fan of mine.
And I went, like, I remember moving to New York, listening to you and component, like, I'm sitting there going, wow. Like, and then the phone calls I've gotten since the movie came out. And since Razzle Dazzle came out, have been really insane when you realize as much as I know about people. And I like, there's people on fans of the Don't Know Who I am. That are like, they're like some pitcher in fucking Florida that I follow the kids. I like, I just fun to watch them pitch.
There was a softball player in Tempe that she's do catching drills. And I was really into softball with my daughter. And we watched her catching girls. There's a girl deglazer who me and my daughters will watch her dance videos. And then I hit her up and she's like, you know who I am? And you're like, oh, yeah, that's the way the world works. What world leader would you drink with if you could? So you might shan't Putin. So Putin doesn't drink much. Yeah. Zelensky drinks more.
Yeah, also not much. Of course, y'all said, well, it'd been a good one. You would have been a fucking good one. I mean, like, I go, Hitler was a pussy. Like, he drank wine with a, with a, with a spoonful of sugar in it. You know, drink was Churchill. That's my whole end. That's my guy. Yeah. You know, that's my guy, right? No, I don't know. That's your guy. So he, uh, he did champagne. Well, let me, what? He doesn't tell me a thing about Winston Churchill.
He, I found out about his daily routine. Yeah. So his daily routine was a big breakfast, cigar coffee, eggs over, eggs on his side up toast, bacon, sausage, tomato, beans, fruit, orange juice, soft scotch, cigar and bed, and he's sit there for three hours. And he'd hold morning breakfast, and that's what they'd come in and he'd run through his day. And then he'd get in the bathtub for fucking an hour and drink champagne.
And then he'd go to lunch and have some goose or whatever the fuck day back then with more champagne. And then, and then, and then, and then he'd take a nap and like, I love that. So every year on hit the day of his death in January 24th, I celebrate Winston Churchill's life by living the way he did. And so I have breakfast in bed with a soft scotch and I just party all fucking day. That would be the guy to drink with. That would be the guy if you could pick anyone to drink with.
He drank every day throughout the day. And he lived like 94 and was one of the most heroic figures in human history. Never, never surrender. I mean, what a fucking badass thing. You know, he taught the queen the queen was like a like a window looking idiot, right? Like she was, she had a third grade education. So like her dad dies and she's like 10 or 12 or whatever. The first thing they do is they pull her out of school that like you've done learning, you're just going to be the queen.
You got to know this is what you need to learn. I'll make let people make eye contact with you. Put your hand down like this. Don't let people touch you. So she like had she had like a really, I saw the by the way, I didn't do this research. I just watched the crowd. Okay. And Winston Churchill kind of taught her about world politics and was like they like coming and she'd be like Winston, what did we do in Africa? He's like, this is going to be a tough one.
And so yeah, so but Winston Churchill is the badass. But if I had to drink with someone living like drink, there's like there's a two obvious one. It's fucking Kim Jong Un, right? You kind of want to he drinks. No, he does. He think my IVs are good in the morning. You know, Kim Jong Un's IVs are next. You're like, I feel up and he's like, it's unfettered. I mean, he would be a badass to drink with like drinks. Hard liquor. I think Scotch Johnny Walker blew. I saw I've heard.
I don't know where you heard this, but I like this. Okay. So I say things like that, but then I'm sure I, I, I, I, I, I don't know if you have a party with someone who just parties a little different than you and then you notice like, like sometimes celebrity, like athletes. And then like you're at a strip club and then they, they talk weird to a woman. You're like, oh, that's not me. I'm so sorry. So that'd be the thing. The atrocities would be hard to get past with them.
Not just the atrocities, but the way of being I agree with you. Actually, I don't like drinking with rich and powerful people often. There's something weird about them. Yeah. Not all of them. And I don't like, I don't like a drinking meeting. Like with some of those. What's like chicken feet? Like like, what was that? But people go like, hey, I'm taking you out tonight. We're drinking. Yeah. And then I go, oh, that's not the way I like to do it. It gives me anxiety.
Like, um, I mean, our lives are very different. You and I? Yeah. Were you in a 30? No. We could stop there. No, I was not. Okay. That's it. And the difference is continue from there. I'm sure. So when you get your pleasure pin, they take you out and their whole thing is you're going to, we're getting you fucked up. Yeah. That energy is not my energy. I don't like that. Like, I just go, why don't we just get drunk and feel really good about ourselves?
Like I never like took mushrooms to see Jesus. I just wanted to enjoy rain eggs on a windshield. Like, so like that, that for me, uh, is like one of my things. So if Kim Jong-un flew me to North Korea to drink with them, I'd be like, I'd have to start really getting black out drunk on the plane to enjoy drinking with them that day. What's your favorite, like, different occasions? What's your favorite drink? What's your favorite way of drinking? It's, it's, I've got, uh, it's various.
So what are the different contexts here? It's like one on one. One on one? Like you sit down with, I don't know, Rogan invites you, like it's a godfather to sit down and finally have a talk about something. It's going to be whiskey. It's going to be like a nice whiskey. Neat? No, I like it on the rocks. And I like lots of rocks. It won't be something expensive because Rogan is not, he's not a fancy boy, you know, like he's a real regular, he's a really regular dude.
He's gotten less regular, the more millions of dollars he has. I think there's parts of him where you're like, like, where you're like, oh wow, we can do this. Yeah. Um, but he's a, he'd be like, Jack on the rocks or like, Buffalo Tracer, one of the, maybe a little whiskey he's buying. Rogan be, uh, whiskey rocks. And then like that's a good one. I haven't hung out with Joe by ourselves. I take that back. I was with him the other night, but like, it would be cool.
My times with Joe's are always on podcasts. Yeah. And his, I missed the times where it was, we just have you and him at a, at the store late night. Yeah, I, I'm okay with podcasts. Like I, I used to think this is like, uh, performative or something like this, but it's not really. No, just a chance to really sit down. I enjoy it because of the people I could never sit down with. Uh, like David Cross.
I wouldn't never sit down with David Cross because we don't run in the same circles and, but it's nice. He has something to promote and then he comes to my house and then we can sit down for an hour and talk and then I, and then we're Kevin Smith. Like, people I would never really hang out with. Tom, um, I enjoy being alone with Tom more off mic. Tom's a good. Yeah. We have a lot of history.
There's a lot of things, secrets we know about each other and there's a lot of secrets going on in our, each other's lives that I would never share on podcasts that I, that I can talk to him about. Um, and I really appreciate his, and I know this isn't on brand of us beating each other up, but like, I really appreciate his insight as a, as a dad and as a dude and as a son. But, but he makes me giggle harder than anyone. So doing podcasts is fun.
So there's something on podcasts that's performative for you with him and then there's a part of me in him because we're trying to make each other laugh. But I'll tell you if we're going back to drinks, I'll tell you like a great, a great afternoon drink. It's a comparte spritz. It's my, one of my favorite drinks in the world. I don't even know what that is. Oh, comparte spritz.
Comparte is an interesting alcohol because I think it's a bitter, or it's a lacour and it's got a weird, rooty, earthy taste. It's red, so it looks like coolate. That's why I got into it. I thought comparte on ice would be also nice. It's an old commercial, but man, it's fucking like sucking the green giant's dick. It is earthy. What's earthy? It's like, it tastes like roots. Oh, nice. It's not, it's not, there's a bitterness and like a, it's just not great.
And then someone introduced me to a negroni, which is comparte and gin and a little soda water and then comparte spritz. Comparte spritz is comparte, prosecco and soda water and like a wine glass. And it is so enjoyable. It's got so many different profiles to it where you get the bitterness, but the sweetness of the prosecco and then it flattens it out with the soda water and it looks like coolate. So I love it. That's one of my favorite drinks to share in what context.
Oh, you're in Italy and you've been walking around Venice and everyone went their own ways and the whole family comes back together and you meet at a statue and your wife's sweating and she's uncomfortable and your daughters are 16 and 18 and they're like, what are we doing with rest of the day? And you go, hey guys, it's Europe. Does anyone want to comparte spritz? And everyone goes, I don't know what that is. And you go, for comparte spritz. It's minor in alcohol.
So it's not going to light them up, but it gives them a little bit of a buzz where they're like, Dad, these are nice. I let it drink her so I drink hers. I Georgia had hers. Leanne had hers and we ordered another round. I ordered and they're fucking refreshing and the buzz is perfect. It's not too much because it's just a little bit of champagne and some comparte. It's the buzz is perfect and then a couple them and then they kind of disappear and then you're just walking around again.
That's a great fucking drink. You have a drink alone. So there's two kinds of alone. One is alone like at a bar. There's other people but there's strangers, right? They're kind of like out there. Carefully. Keep going. Don't walk me through all the alone. And then I'll tell you the rest. There's all kinds of alone on a train. I've drank in a little lane. Train and plane. And then there's just a loan in an empty home or a hotel room. Hotel. And it's Sunday night. Sunday night.
And you're packing your bag and you got to fly it at 6 a.m. But roadhouses on and you're like, shit. So you get out of the front desk and go, is the bar still open? And they go, yeah, can I order something to take to my room? Sure. How about six high-knitkins? Yeah, my wife wanted one too. She's not up there. You murdered her. And you just stayed here, just getting six so that if I have four, I just know I have two extra ones and then you go through six and you're like, oh man, I'm not done yet.
Dude, I've drank in every alone scenario you can possibly think of. I've drank a loan in a helicopter with a dude who didn't know I was drinking. He was like, I was like, I'm drinking here and he's like, absolutely not. And then I poured it in a flask and opened it and drank it. And he's like, dude, we're in a fucking helicopter. You don't think I spelled that? The best alone drinking you can ever do, in my opinion, now we're getting to the weeds on it, is a loan behind someone's back.
What do you mean? Like when they don't know you're drinking, but you're drinking. Like Christmas shopping. And your wife says, all right, let's all split up and you go, cool. And it's like 11 o'clock on a Sunday and they just opened that bar by the elevator and the Beverly Center and you just sneak over and you go, hey, man, can I get a double jack on the Ross box for Ross? And they're like, sure, and you just have it and you just go, let's just, and then you're off. And then you're like, yeah.
And then you just a little sneak one, sneak it, sneak it. And then you buzzed and nobody knows. And then your wife's like, maybe you've been drinking. You're like, yeah, I'm drinking by myself in a fucking mall on Christmas. How sad do you think I am? And then you go, yeah, I am. What about mood? Do you ever drink in a dark place?
So I broke, I had a chick break up or a chick cheetah on me when I was, when I came back from Russia and she's something of my best friend and I didn't know how to deal with the emotions I had and my buddy, my cosmo, and said, I can tell you of this. If you drink, they go away. And I went, okay. And that was the first and kind of last time I ever did that because I did it. I've done it.
I've done it a couple times, but I try to avoid, I try to avoid if there's emotion going to alcohol, like meaning I'd not want to anxiety, but like depression. I kind of sit in the depression because or anxiety, I lean towards alcohol like anxiety, like about flying or or or just like getting worked up on over something. But with depression, I try to avoid alcohol and just sit in it because I've gone there before, but anxiety is a land, I land all the time.
But depression, heartbreak, all that, you just sit in the feeling. Yeah. Heartbreak's a weird one for me. So like the last time I got my heart broken, it leoned dumped me. We were dating for like four months and she broke up with me. And my instinct was to have a drink. My friends went to this, this Middle Eastern restaurant and I told them what was going on on them. But of course, that's going to cocktail and I was like, I don't want one. I got to figure this out because I want this chick.
And if I start drinking, I'll be like, I fuck it. So I got to figure it out. Like I wonder, I'm going to find out my dad dies one day. Oh, my mom, but my dad will be the rough one. My mom will be equally as rough. My dad and I were really close. And I wonder if I've thought about this a lot if I'll have a drink dealing with that. Like I think about that a lot. I keep saying everything I get with my dad is extra. My dad, my dad had a hundred percent blockage in his window maker twice.
And both times they save his life and they got a stint, I think 12 or 13 years ago. And then he just got a stint this last year. But so everything I get to do, I feel like it's extra. And so, you know, he was just at the premiere of my movie and he got to see that and he had a very emotional response. And I got that from him. And I was like, that's a little ice going to cake. I did, you know, the arena in Tampa was the first time he ever saw me do stand up. That was like a little extra.
So all these things I'm getting with them are all extra. So I have, you know, at least 74. So yeah, that'll be a tough one. Well, at the premiere, he was what proud? Yeah, he came out, he was sobbing crying. And he goes, I've underestimated your whole life. And I was like, what? And he was like, and he was shaking. Yeah. And he goes, I just underestimated you. I didn't know. I didn't know you were this, I didn't, whatever. It was really hard to understand them to be out with you.
I don't know, totally what he said. He might as well not like the movie. I think you were here and what you wanted to hear. Would you learn about life from your father? It's not going to make sense. I want to feel like sometimes I'm like a professional fucking wrestler. Because all I care about is you come and see me do stand up. So whatever I got to do to get you there, but the number one thing, my one takeaway from that man's humility. And I applied it in different ways throughout my career.
On my 26th birthday, he gave me a really aggressive speech. He, I was hungover and I thought he was going to say, happy birthday. So I picked up the phone and I was like, hey, and he was like, you are a tremendous piece of shit. And then he broke me off. You have no humility, you have no this, you have no never succeeded anything. You're lying to yourself, you're lying to everyone around you. You're not doing what you're going after your dream. I broke you.
I failed you as a father this and that. I was like, I thought you're going to wish me happy birthday. And so in that speech, he told me if I wanted something, I had to go at it and I had to go after it as hard as I could. And I had to do whatever it could. I could do to achieve that. In this case, it was working, offering to do anything at the comedy club to get on stage. He told me, I told him, it's not how it works.
And he said, no, that's how it works for some poor kid from Harlem because that kid needs it. He goes, you've grown up with privilege or life, you don't need it. You think you're going to be fine. And so I went and I ended up getting a job at the door, but it was, it was, it was, it was humbling. It's really like, it makes me feel, it made me feel uncomfortable.
And so that humility is, it's the first time I really understood humility and I've applied that in many respects in like, in like getting to be a paid regular at the comedy store that happened late in life for me, which I think most people would give up and be like, fuck that. I'm already a touring comic, I'm on TV, I don't need that. But it's something I wanted and I knew I wanted. So I just humbly went after it.
And then I think I, I still apply it when it comes to selling tickets or selling a project to the fans. Or even to doing podcasts, I try to be as honest as I can about whatever I'm going through or whatever I'm dealing with. But when it comes to like selling things, I don't have a problem trying to make fun of myself or get in front of people so that they know that I have a show because the thing I'm good at, the one thing I know I'm good at stand up.
And I say that humbly, but like, I want them to come there. So like, I've heard people make fun of me like before. They're like, yeah, I'm not some clown in a speedo who's going to, I'm a real comic. And I go, okay, but I want them to have my shows and you can be that guy and I'll be this guy. Yeah. The clown in the speedo. Yeah. It's like, what are you going to do? Funny people make fun of me for taking my shirt off. Like I guess behind my back, no one ever does it to me.
Like no one would ever, comics aren't, comics aren't, comics aren't that manly. Yeah. Yeah. But I always go like, I was going like, what do you care? What do you, what do you, what do you care? And you love taking a shirt off more than anything. You know, when something becomes me and becomes super popular, it, it becomes easy to not love the thing anymore to get tired of it. You still love it. Well, more than anything.
Like being shirtless more than having a shirt, I'm very uncomfortable in a shirt. Like right now, and I've tactile issues, like I have legit tactile issues. I'm most comfortable in stretchy jeans with a loose fitting belt and then these shirts exactly, but I don't, I like more like a V-neck. I can feel this on my neck right now and I can feel it on my arms. And so I'll sit a certain way because it, it just rubs me wrong. But you have more comfortable shirtless.
I can never wear what you're wearing. Yeah, well, this is my shirtless. We, each of us have to find our place in this world in terms of fashion. I would love to be able to wear what you wear. Yeah. Because it looks good. It feels like an escape from convention. But you or me? Both of us. Yeah. Because this, nobody wears this. Unless you work security for somebody. Yeah, but it looks good on you. Does it, I don't know.
I think people think, I don't like, they would say like, what if you lose weight? You can't take your shirt off anymore? I go, no, I can't take my shirt off. Yeah. If I can add your mind, I'm going to take my shirt off all the time. You mentioned early on heartbreak after the Russia trip with a girl who slept with your friend. Let's go back to Hemingway quotes. The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. So to go all in with the trust, I love Hemingway so much.
Have you been betrayed in your life? Yeah. What do you think about trust? It's an interesting question. I've been betrayed in my professional life a couple times by really close friends. And I'm not someone who can't, like I have a mantra that I mean, I'm, I'm not, I'm I don't know if people have heard it or not. And I hate, I hate sharing it, but it's, but it's true. The mantra is, so you think I'm weak. Like you think it's like that's my thing.
So I feel like people take advantage of me and I go, so you think I'm weak? You forget everyone that like, and I'm named the people that have betrayed me. I'm a larger man than all of them. And, but I, and so that's what really fucks with me is I go, so you think I'm weak? Like where I grew up when you do stuff, there was physical consequences. I grew up in Florida. Like I've been beaten up a bunch. I'm not saying I can fight, but like I'm not scared of getting beaten up.
And the times that I've been betrayed and, and, and even I know even like by Ari, whichever that people see that drugging as a betrayal. And I did for a period, but it was, it was only because it was Ari and he was my one of my best friends. And me and him had to work through that because I, I couldn't not love him. Like I couldn't not have him in my life. He meant he means a lot to me. He really does.
He's a great friend to have, but he's also, I don't know what was going on with him at that time, but he made a bad decision and I had to forgive him for that because I knew you, he knew my mantra. I think I'm harder to trust people now. I'm not as apt to trust people at all. But there was a moment, I don't know if I've ever shared this and I don't know how this will sound.
But there was a moment that information got leaked about a thing and all my managers and agents both, both Tom and my, Tom and our managers and agents would like to separate, either separate us or one of us, one of them get both of us. It's just more lucrative for them. So they have always kind of pitted us against each other a little bit and they do it subtly. They'll do it to me and my team and then his team will do it to me and then my team will do it to him and his team will do it to him.
And there was a moment where information got leaked about this thing I was doing and my team was like, just so you know, your boy Tommy is the rat. And I had to, it was the one time, and Leanne said, do you think Tom would do that? I said, I don't know how faith works. I'm not a super religious person, but I will tell you that I believe in Tom and I don't think he did it.
And I will stand by that ignorantly and I will and I will ride or die with him because I cannot live in a world where I don't trust him. If I don't trust him, then I am so fucked. And it wasn't him. It wasn't him. It's a cool feeling to know that you could like, that you could blindly trust someone, blindly have faith in someone, know that they have your best interest in heart. But yeah, it took me a while to get there.
Rogan helped me get there because I wasn't trusting him or Joey or Tommy or anyone. I wasn't trusting anyone. I've gotten to know bad thing and I just wasn't trusting anybody. Rogan was like, yeah, man, we're trying to be your fucking friend. And I was like, yeah, I don't need friends. I couldn't understand why Rogan was interested in me. And I said to like someone, I was like, ZGay, like, what the fuck? And then he was just a nice guy. He was just a nice guy.
That'd be hilarious if Joe was sexually attracted to you this whole time. This whole time's the reason he keeps inviting you back. I would be more excited. I would be more excited if he tried to kiss me on the lips once and just like in a Scotty J way from Boogey Nice where he's like, what, do you like my car? Yeah. You know, nobody would believe that story. No one. If I was Joe, I would kiss dudes all the time and then when they didn't kiss back, go, you know, no one will ever believe you.
Yeah. When you trust people like that and they fuck you over, that can really, really, really hurt. You end up on a treadmill in a hotel room fighting with them. You fight with them all the time. You fight with them all the time. You fight with them constantly. And I have this thing where I go, ruminate on an idea. And I can't get it out of my head and I hear the words they say and I end. So all in your head on a treadmill in your head just fighting just fucking fighting. And then yeah.
And then one day you get past it. Like one day you just go, yeah, fuck them. I'm not going to leave you in real estate and then you just forget about them. And then they reach out and they'll still try to be a dick or a bully because they're bullies. They're bullies is what they are. Don't ever forget it. They're fucking bullies. It's not their fault. They got bullied. And then they try to bully you and you don't have any connection anymore. And you're like, oh, you can go fuck yourself.
You can actually go fuck yourself. You're not my boss. You're not my wife. You don't fuck me. Don't pay me. Get the fuck out of my life. But this kind of mantra that you're not weak. You still want to be able to be fragile to the world and appear weak almost. Why am I am? I mean, that's the problem is I think I am pretty fucking weak. I'm not the strongest dude out there. I have really thin skin. I get my feelings hurt all the time.
And so but like, but it sucks when you watch like your friend see something in you that you go, where can I go? I have fucking. He's not paying attention. Fuck him. Let's just fucking let's take his money. You know what? Fuck him. He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Look at me. He's a drunk alcoholic and you go, oh no, bitch. I pay attention. Like I'm wide awake. I'm here. I'm working my ass off. You're not going to fucking. Well, that's the tough thing about like you and Tom Segura.
You're at the top of your game and the top of the world, some of the most famous comics in the world. And you could see money start to creep in like business decisions. Yeah. I don't know. It's a tough place. It's really tough. It's really tough for you know, especially as we're growing. And I'll tell you what. I don't know how much I'm allowed to say, but I can tell you this.
We had a business deal where feelings were getting involved and money was involved in that and the money was causing the feelings. And one of us said to the other person, our feelings are more important than the money. So let's just split the money. And it was and it was and it was and. And it was really like a solid moment where we're both of us were like, that is how we should run this. Yeah. That's the interesting things like with bands, you have like popular bands that split even.
Yeah. Even though it's clear that the contribution is not even. It's like, there's a frontman and all that kind of stuff. But it's ultimately the right thing to do to say fuck you to the money for the most part and prioritize the feelings. Yeah, especially because like I couldn't do it without him. He couldn't do it without me. We do it separately. We'll have guest bears on. Some will blow up. Some won't. You can never figure it out. But when we're together, it does well.
And so we need each other for it to work. And we've, you know, like I said, we're on a handshake deal with two bears and no one likes that. But we're like, hey, I mean, we, I don't like to the point where I like, he'll call me and go, yo, we have a deal to do this for X amount. Are you in? And I go, yeah, I'll check the books. I don't need to. I don't, I know him. I just know him. Yeah. What do you love most about Tom Suga? We saw a gay couple one time. Mm-hmm. It was a good start.
And there was one guy who was in khakis and one guy was in gene shorts with a python around his neck. Yeah. And Tom goes, if we were gay, which one would you be? I said, I'm fucking python. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I'm khaki. And I go, really? He goes, yes, why would we work? And he goes, all relations to pythons and khakis. And I went, really? And he goes, look at you and the ant. Who do you think you are going? I'm python. And he goes, she's khaki. And he goes, me and push.
I go, oh, she's python. And he goes, and I'm khaki. And he goes, always be khaki. And sometimes I'll have a relationship around the python, but it's, I'm usually a khaki. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I am a little bit of a lunatic. I'll tell you the, one of them, a moment that explains me and him that the world will never see, it was just a great moment we got stem cells with rogan one weekend. Yeah. And one day, and I'd had surgery in my arm and tied and want to do it. I was terrified.
And Tom just said, just come out and meet up with us. Tom knew he was going to make me get them. And so I got them and he, you know, Joe's there. And so we're just all talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Tom can see that I'm spinning out a little bit. And I get in the car and, you know, Tom's got a poor soul like right next to each other. And I just want to feel if it's swollen and it is a little swollen because I just got an injection.
And then in Tom's driving and he's got his hand on the thing, he just puts his hand on my arm and he goes, you're okay. He's just, he's watching, he knows me so well that he knows that I'm spinning out of control. He's like, you're okay. And then I was like, and I felt okay. I was like, you're right. I'm okay. What the fuck am I doing? My brain's that brain. Man, I got so much love in him. Dude, he does. You know, he had a fantastic relationship with his dad.
And, and I think whatever that did, that dude did to create that dude, he hit it out of the fucking park because he has so much love that he doesn't need reciprocated like at all. Like he can just love and then he feels good for him to give and to like take care of someone. And like, you know, he started the whole birthday gift thing because, and he didn't need to. He just was like, hey man, I had this bike. I thought you'd like it. And then of course I've turned it into a fucking bit.
And now we're upside down, I'm one 20 upside down on a fucking race car that we can't make our money back on. I love it. What do you love most about Joe Rogan? Oh, that dude. I could go on and on about Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan is the most selfless individual I've ever met. He doesn't care if he has you on the podcast. He wants you to be the funniest person in the room. He wants you to be the smartest person in the room. Let me tell you something. Joe Rogan is 10 times smarter and funnier than me.
He wants you to shine. He wants to put you over to his fans. That shit did not exist before he started doing his podcast. People didn't share you with their fans. No one was like, hey man, come on on the road with me. They brought you on the road because they wanted you to suck. And they put you in bad scenarios. Joe Rogan wanted you to shine. He gave, he gave so many people, beautiful career, gave them careers, gave them. Joe could have looked at his podcast as his thing. This is my thing.
I bring on these guys. I'm going to be the funniest guy in the fucking room. I know some guys that have done that. Might be me. Might be talking to my talk over people and not listening really well. Joe did the opposite. Now, look, I've tried to learn from Joe on my podcast and do the same. That guy, I mean, you think about it. You name 10 of his friends. I bet eight of them are doing arenas right now. They're all doing theaters. All his friends do theaters. All his friends do theaters.
He is just, you know, I, I, he, and he won't accept this compliment. I tried paying it to him in, in Austin when I was in Austin last night. He's not going to accept in compliments. I gave him a gift to him. I said, hey, I need, I need to show you. I can't just tell you this because it's going to fall in debt fears. I need to give you a minute. So you have something. So you know that I think about you and I'm grateful for having you in my life a lot.
For many reasons, I'd have more friends in my life because of you. He taught me how to trust people again. I have a career because of you. I have a major motion picture because of you. I do arenas because of you without you in my life. A lot of these things maybe never would have happened. I never would have told the machine on stage. I wouldn't have gotten, I would have never started a podcast. I wouldn't have three podcasts.
Like I mean, all these things are things he not just, he didn't just take me to the water one time and give me a drink. He gave me a machete and he said, this is how I get to the water. You got to put your own path, but just give me a heads up. You can also use my path whenever you want. I mean, he is the most selfless individual. He will go down in history as one of the 10 most important people in the stand up comedy without a doubt. He changed the game. It didn't exist like this before him.
And he won't accept that compliment. It was a gift you gave. I can't tell you. Is that a dildo? There's a dildo. The double side of dildo I go, hey, when you get free time, can we, says are fuck each other? You're happily married off of 19 years. So I think you're a good man to ask, how do you find love? How do you find, how do you date in order to find the love of your life of a lifetime? This is going to sound off.
But don't tie yourself down, meaning don't spend time fucking with those little mini shrimp and peel them every night when you know you're looking for a lobster. So I think what happens with a lot of guys, they're so busy and getting pussy and going from here to here. I was never that guy. I always wanted to find someone who understood me. I always wanted that. And so granted I haven't had sex with a lot of chicks, but that's, and it's not by choice.
I'm saying like maybe there was times I would have done it, but I know that I was always looking for someone to figure out, to get me. And then, and then I will say this, when you know, you know, when you know, you know, when you think there's, I can't imagine a life without this person. That happened to me. And I can only say my experiences. I had Leanne. I loved her. And I didn't even realize it.
And the second she dumped me, I went, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I don't get to live a great life without her. She's the thing that's going to give me a great life. I knew it undisputed. I went for a run and she dumped me. I went to my shower. I cried. I went to Barnes and Noble. I bought men from Venus, women from Mars. I bought fight club in my closet. I didn't drink. I did drink a lot of nightquil to sleep. And then I went for a hike in, in Run You Canyon.
And I was running back down outpost by Benaflex House. And the sun was setting. And I just said, I God, if you're listening, just give me this check back. I'll never fuck it up. This is the one. I won't fuck it up. I won't cheat. I'm not going to be a bad dude. I want to have kids with her. I'll be there. I'll be a great fucking dude. I'll take her out on dates. Like I'll love this chick. And I got home and she was in my room in a sundress. And I was like, oh fuck you. I didn't know he was real.
Yeah. I was like, shit man, give me like one more night. Let me get some strange tail real quick before I commit forever. But I think when you know, you know, this is so silly, but I follow that in business. Like when you know, you know, and like my assistance with us. And someone goes, how do you find a good assistant? I go, when you know, you know, like people will show you who they are. I can tell you when I fell in love with my assistant. We were doing a TV show.
And we worked past dinner and all the dinner places were closed. And he just said, hey, I got like four meals. I didn't know which one you'd want. So I got four different meals for you. I ordered them there up in your room and just let me know whichever you want. I'll take care of the rest of them. And I was like, that dude thinks about other people before himself. He didn't even get himself dinner. He just got me four dinners. And I was like, fuck.
I did the same thing with my social media manager. The way she was operating was I was like, I feel like she's thinking about me. And we connected on so many levels and so many levels I could talk to her about things and ideas I had. And then I was like, okay, I want her. I want him. I want, I think you, I think it's got to be that thing when you know you know.
And it can be so simple as like, like a personal trainer or like a Jiu Jitsu class or like just where you go, oh, I'm connecting right now. But you have to allow yourself to notice that person. You I think you do. I mean, I think you have to put yourself out there and you have to be available for it. You know, that's the hardest part is just being available for it. Because so many people just want to be busy just dating. I just want to have someone in my life. I don't want to be bored.
I don't want to, what if I die alone? I don't want to, I like just be available for it. What does he said peeling the baby shrimp? Yeah. When you could be having a lobster. Lobster's still a lot of work. I have to say. Yeah, but yeah, but it's lobster. This is a fucking baby shrimp or like, you ever get to, you ever get the ones in Brazil where you just go fucking all eat the shell. I don't care anymore. I'm like, I'm so fucking hungry.
You just handful of lobster like a popcorn or maybe shrimp like a popcorn. I've done that in Vietnam. I've done that. I just go, it's too much work. So when you're in it, what's the secret to a successful marriage? What do women want? Or a crusher? Oh, fuck, that's, I'm the wrong guy to answer that. I think how to make love to a woman by her crusher. How do you make love to a woman? I'll tell you how I do it. I go down on her first. Makes me see as an orgasm.
Yeah. And then I get my turn and that's over pretty quick. It's like a, it's like at your ears pierced. It'll feel a little prick and it's over. I, um, I don't know if I've done a great job keeping her happy. I think I keep her interested. Like I think I, I, I, I keep her occupied. Like I'm like a, a little bit of a rodeo clown. Like I don't know. I mean, like I, I know we're happy right now. I know we're really happy. But I don't know if I ever did as good a job as she did.
Like she's always been like, she's always been a gangster. Like done it, did everything. Just does everything. She does it all. She does everything. Like fucking everything. She does it. And then she shows love for you by taking care of you. And so like I have a lot of time just been this like, almost like stepping repeat husband where it's like I come in to take a picture like, Hey, money Tuesday. I'm all right. I'm on the road Wednesday. Take care guys. Or like travel channel.
I'd loop for two weeks at a time. I left for the movie for three months. So like I don't know that I've ever done a bang up job. I buy it. I go, I remember one time I was just like, I don't cheat on her. I don't hit her. I don't yell at her. I'm a pretty good fighter. I'm a really good fighter. Like I'm good at like going like, Hey, we're on the same team. Oh, you mean de-escalation? I'm really good at like, I'm very self, I'm very accountable. I'm very self-correcting.
Like if we're in a fight and she points something out and I go, Oh, you're right. I go fuck you right about that. You're right. You're totally right. Oh, in the moment. In the moment I'm really good at that. And my wife's not. I'm not a good apologizer. Like she needs to sleep on an apology. And then she can do it. I can apologize in the moment if I realize I'm wrong. And I'm really quick to find my fault. Yeah. I look for my fault because I go, tell me what I did. It virtually is apparent.
I have pulled my daughters aside and been like, Yo, that wasn't you. That was mom. Yeah. I'm giving you a heads up because I don't want, because I got really confused as a kid because my dad always made sure I knew I was wrong. And sometimes I wasn't. And then as a kid you kind of fucked up me like, well, how do I know if I'm wrong? And I think that raises. So I was really good with my girls going like, yo, and then parenting Georgia taught me a lot about self-correcting.
Self-correcting was that my oldest and only my parent did like my dad parented. Like just like raise your voice, get up to here. That's it. No, that doesn't fuck this. How come the dogs don't have goddamn leashes or the collars on their necks? And so with Georgia I had to learn through therapy. That if the consequence is here and the highest it goes is here, then why the fuck wouldn't they lie and do everything? Because they go, well, I know what it's like to hear.
But if you can vary your consequence with a child and find some conversation in it, then all of a sudden they're like, well, fuck. Well, I don't want to lie because this does suck. I like this. I like where we talking. I like a thousand words on why driving around your kids in a car is bad. So throughout an extreme violence every once in a while just to let them know the dog can fucking bite. Yeah. The dog can park the dog can bite. But if you're pedamonous belly, a wag its tail.
Yeah. Do you worry about being away too much? I mean, you're one of the most creative content pushers and creators out there. You're just constantly innovating constantly putting stuff out there. Do you worry that pulls you away from like the mundane experience of life that can bring contentment and happiness? Yeah. I feel like sometimes it cannibalizes your real life where you start going, you start thinking in promo videos or you start looking at a vacation as a bit.
Yeah. We should go to the zip lining. I don't want to do. I was shoesy wearing. It can definitely cannibalize your life. My wife's really good at going like no, like no phones. The girls are really good. The girls when I started Instagramming stuff, they started saying stuff like dad hits mom and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. They're like, no, put your phone away. Dad, dad less boys and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Yeah. What's, what are some secrets?
What is a wisdom you can say for how to be successful online and all the, everything you've learned? I kind of like the Mr. Beast of comedy, just innovating constantly in terms of how to promote stuff, in terms of how to present stuff across the different social media, across YouTube, podcasts, all that stuff. I think the number one thing is don't be afraid to suck. No one sees the shit the sucks. It doesn't give you use. You just guess for God.
Yeah, guess for God. The good stuff they remember and then that's all they bring up. The stuff the sucks just goes away and they're like, oh yeah, did you do that? I don't even think I saw that. Fuck it, who cares? Yeah. You know, it's like, it's like, I watched, one of my favorite stories about this is a guy named Sean Patton. I was explaining Instagram stories to him and Ari and Mark Norman and I was explaining that you can set now sell tickets on Instagram stories.
It was a, back when they swiped up instead of tap the button, swipe up and they didn't understand it and I said, let me show you and I put up tickets for sale and I said, you know, hey, you guys, swipe up and then I just showed him in 10 minutes. Look, this is not many people swiped up. It's 145 people. It's a lot of people to buy tickets for a fucking comedy club and they were like, whoa. And then I go, what do you do? Stories about, I go, fucking anything. Who gives a shit?
Just anything and some things work, some things don't. And I watch Sean Patton, shout out to Sean Patton, try for about 15 minutes to do an Instagram story about his cup of tea. He was making cup of tea and he was making any cup of one. Hey, okay, hold on, hold on. I was filming him from the couch. I was filming all these at the whole thing. Yeah, I filmed every single one of my like 15 different stories of him trying to do that. I had 145,000 views on each story. He never posted it.
He never posted it. And I was like, I was like, man, if he had just posted that one, he never posted anything in his stories. That one 145,000 people would have gone to his story to see that cup of tea being made and see which one he finally went with. And so sometimes I think the biggest mistake you can make is just not doing it. Just do it. Just post it. And we'll be right back on the idea. We'll show up. And that's the number one thing. Just turn the camera on and it will come up.
You'll figure it out. You do multiple takes or no? Maybe I do three. And I'm talking even like in the dance video I did where I did the hip hop dance. I did two takes on that with when I had the marching band come to my house I did two takes on that. Once you start doing more takes, you lose the fun of it, I think.
And then the fun ones, I mean, my favorite one I've ever done without a doubt, my favorite promo I've ever done is I needed, they added a second show in some city and they added a second show like Friday and Saturday and our third show and I said, they just told me I was like, fuck, I'm leaving like tomorrow. I need to tell tickets. So I said, real quick, girls, meet me outside and lands like girls are doing homework. I go to take five seconds. I put on a speedo. I got the American flag.
I gave Ila the hose. I gave Leanne the leaf blower and I gave Georgia the drone and I just had Georgia drone it back to reveal the leaf blower and the the mist you were seeing was coming from Ila and Leanne. Yeah. I'm in a speedo with American flag. I have Bob Seeger playing, Rambling, Gremlin man. And and that night Larry the cable guy texted me and he goes, this is fucking genius.
And I was like, it was just and it was just like, yo, just let's just shoot something who gives a fuck like just shoot something just just just say something and and and put a little just do a little movement into it and those are my back and that was I used to be I watched a bunch of my promo clips back from back in the day. I used to be really good. Now it's like, I'm promoting so fucking many things. I'm just like, I'm almost like I'm exhausted my promotions.
Yeah, because you know, the the world can dry up in terms of ideas. Yeah, and it's like how many times am I going to show a picture of my ass. My ass sells really good. Whatever my ass is on Instagram, fucking million views guaranteed a million views. You're asked and and and and and it's and it's an active post like people are like, I did the best one. I did the other day was where I superimposed my ass on my front and it just looked beautiful. Yeah, no views. I'll say you got reported.
Oh, I see. It looked like a front vagina. Oh, is that what it was? Yeah, I think so. But like, put your ass ass. I'm in a place right now where I am promoting. I'll be promoting this movie. I'll be promoting this movie until it goes to a streamer. I'll be promoting it shamelessly. I am proud of it. I had a great time shooting it. It's in theaters. It'll be on video on demand. It'll be on a streamer. I'm sure. I don't know, but I'm sure.
I'm promoting fully loaded my summer festival with 19 different comics. I'm promoting the top soft world tour that starts again this fall. I'm promoting my cruise, the fully loaded cruise. I'm promoting Red Rocks. I'm promoting so many things that today was the very first time in my career where I said, in January, I'm going to take a break. I'm going to take a break and go like, hey, man, let's get your resting heart rate down. Let's get some sleep.
Let's maybe take off like three months from drinking. Let's just really slow it down and also not think. When you're thinking in promo all the time, it can be a little exhaust. I mean, you think it's exhausting to look at my feed? I think it's exhausting to be my feed. I'm my feed. That's less is more. One of the things that... Nope. One of the things that inspires me about Rogan, for example, is he almost never does this kind of stuff.
Yeah. And the Hell seldomly does his podcast because you're right. Less is more. Like, once a month. Yeah. No, he does it three times a fucking week. Yeah. But more is perfect. But for example, when he does like a story or something like this, he does one take. It's kind of shitty. It's the same day. It's the same. It's elk with a bunch of jalapenos, a knife that he had sent to him by a fucking knifemaker and him going, look at this. Look at this, a dragon smoker. I reverse seared this.
This is what's great. Look at this. I'm about to put it in the butter. And like, this is grass-fed butter. It elk really raises my testosterone. Rogan is, it's, you're right. With guys like Rogan, when he does do a story, they're a little precious. Yeah. And there's, I don't think he's ever done a second take. I didn't even know stories. No. And you have to really admire that. Like, if the shot is framed poorly, if the audio sucks, doesn't matter.
Do you remember when he, this is like, like, I can get in the weeds on Rogan, and especially when it's Instagram. Do you remember when he got his polar plunge and he couldn't sit in the minute? And then the next day, and then he must have gotten it on the internet bad. He must have gotten it bad. The next day, he sat in for 20 minutes, and he lowered his core temperature by like two degrees. And it took him like a month to get that back. That is that fucking man.
What an interesting, you know, I told you at the beginning, we were just talking. I like, I really enjoy, I draw inspiration from men I'm not like. You David Goggins, Cam Haines, Andrew Heberman or. I do Heberman, I love fucking, I mean, there's so many guys like that Rogan, you know, Tim Kennedy. Like there are a lot of guys that are like, just very different men than me. And I love Jocke Willnik.
Like I love, I love reading their stuff or listening to their audiobooks or watching their podcast because I'm so not like that, but that for me when I add a little bit of that in my life, like I remember you went, I don't know what you were doing, but you were walking us through your day. And it was so fascinating. It was like, I ran eight miles today. I listened to an audiobook, I was running eight miles and then I came and I worked for about three hours straight on AI stuff.
And I'm like, and I was like, you sat at a desk, like you like sat at a desk and like, and I actually, I wouldn't even know what to do. I was start doing crafts. Like I wouldn't, like that you went, I was like, is your computer like? Yeah. Have you sat for like four hours focused on the single task? Me? Yeah. No. No, I'm sleeping for four hours.
Yeah. I don't have that, I don't have a brain that like, I really admired it when I listened to you do it because then you were like, you were fasting at the time, you're doing your fast and then you talk about what you ate. And I was jealous. I wanted to be able to be like that. And I think at that time we started, I think you're doing maybe bone broth or something.
Yeah. And we started doing bone broth pretty religiously and adding that into a fast because I was like, it does for someone like me, it does feel cool to add a little bit of control into life. Do you have life? So integrating a little bit of a way of being from another person that you're not like. Yeah. Like so, so David Goggins is consistently pushing himself. I love, I did it over the pandemic more, but I loved going, today I'm running a marathon.
I'm going to get on the treadmill and it's not going to be all at once. But I'm going to get through a marathon today. So let's get up, get up to six months from coffee and let's see if we can be like five miles and then know that we started there. And that was really fun. It's like, um, Cam Haynes does that too where he goes like, he almost just sets the limit and then and then achieves that.
His son, Truett is really fascinating because his son Truett's right now is trying to get the, and like, I bet people would never think that this is why I watch, but I get real inspiration from those people because I showed Jaco, I should have clipped to Jaco to Eilah because Eilah's like me like, like a person of her fluids, impulse. I walked in on her one time. She was in the pantry in a bathrobe in the dark, drinking the root beer. Yeah. And I opened the door and she went, I said, what?
She goes, I thought you were mom, shut the door and I shut the door to let her finish the root beer. Yes. It says a hard time waking up. So go Eilah, come in here. I want you to see this clip from Jaco. She goes, who's Jaco? I say, he said maybe Ciel. She goes, he works at the zoo. I went, no. He said, maybe fucking seal. I go, it's a badass job. She goes, it's a silly name. And I went, no, it's not, it is an silly name. These guys are the toughest dudes in the world.
She goes, she's kind of right though about the silly name. I never even realized that. Well, yeah, he talked to a child. Yeah. And so I go, watch this. What he says about waking up. So it hits the thing and Jaco goes, first thing you do when you hear that alarm clock, you could roll over. You could go back to bed. You could go to the news, but you get out of bed. And that's your first victory. And Eilah hits pause and she goes, how great is that nap right after you hit snooze though?
I went, it is pretty funny. I go, hang on. You're missing the point. You have this whole speech. He's with Casey Neistat when he's telling the speech. He's with Casey Neistat. And so I hit it and then he goes, and then you've got a victory under your belt. Then you go to the gym and you work out and I go, you listen to this Eilah and she goes, yeah. And he goes, then when you go to the work, then you've got two victories. You've worked out and you've woken up on time.
You didn't hit that snooze button. So when you go into that break room and you see Donuts and she hits pause, she goes, if he's about to say no to Donuts, I'm done listening. I always definitely know to say no to Donuts. Do you think he's going to have a donut and she goes, you like this guy? I go, I fucking love him. And she goes, do you think he's like you and I go, what do you mean? She goes, Dad, you hit snooze, you skip working out and you love Donuts.
And I'm like, yeah, you're making a good fucking point. I go, but I do love that. Like I love to watch that brain work and go like, like I don't, I don't hit snooze. Like I don't hit snooze now. I go fuck it because I'm up. But I, and then, and then I go to the gym every single morning. I go to the gym every single morning and today is National Donut day. I didn't have a donut.
And so like I, I like try, I like try to apply these a little bit because I, I mean, the other side of me is like tonight after we do this, I'll do another podcast and then I'm going to call the end and go, yo, we're in Beverly Hills. Give me out here. Let's go have drinks. Let's go have fucking couple, couple party spritz. I was over friends, house and overnight. Let's get some edibles and let's fucking have a night about it. Get some sushi.
Go have sex in the hot tub and I got to work out at fucking time in the morning. I got to tell you that nap, let me press snooze. Is the sweetest. That's my, that's my victory. First victory is pressing snooze and getting the nap onto the belt. Have you ever had, I had, so this, this morning I didn't work, I didn't work out. I'd press like five in the morning until about six. You're going hard right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm moving. I saw you flew to Austin. I was like, what?
Huh. Yeah. What? Just run around theaters and now you're back. Yeah, run around theaters to do, to promote the movie and then look, you only get one shot at these movies. So you might as well do it and look, it's really hard to get people to go to a movie theater right now. And so I woke up at like six, did five or six to seven, did press and then I went and I said, and I'm really into a podcast, a history podcast right now.
And I was listening to this one about the conquistadors and I was, and I was like, before when I woke up, I was like, I wouldn't mind going back to that. And I said, I'll tell you what, I'm going to take a little nap and go. Now I slept, good last, I slept like seven hours last night. Boy that 30 minute nap, it felt like five hours and I woke up going, I got to read just my sleep score. That has to be in the 97. That's the best fucking nap. Those little snooze naps are monsters.
You know, there's, I don't care. That's probably for me one of the peak experiences of life is those naps. I don't know what that is. Have you ever slept in a tour bus? A tour bus versus a regular bus. Like a tour bus, like meaning like, it's in a bunk. No. I've taken a lot of buses in my life though. Like mean like just like a, like a great, those are very different. And people are talking about it. Listen, they, it's just part of part of life and a Greyhound. I was on a Greyhound one time.
I was on a Greyhound one time. I was on a Greyhound one time. Right. When notorious B.I.G's album came out in college and I was going from Tallahassee down to Tampa and the dude got on the tour bus, got on the bus next to me, black dude. And he sat down. He said, we're headed and I said Tampa. He said, you grew up in Tampa. I said, yeah, I said, you know, yeah. I said, you go to school of fam and it goes with fam you before say the two schools once black ones white.
And he goes, no, it's kind of prison. I said, you got a prison and he goes, yeah, yeah, man, I got a prison. I stabbed the dude and I've been prison. I just got out today because what you listening to. I said, notorious B.I.G. and he goes, oh shit, that's out. And I went, yeah, and he goes, I want to hear it. Can I hear it? And I was like, yeah. And he used my head, that's the whole bus ride to Tampa. I didn't have the bus. He stabbed a man. There he was.
Now he's just sat next to him and I was like, is he enjoying it? He's like, this is good. No tour bus snaps. Yeah. When you're in a bunk, it's ice cold. Bus isn't moving. It's like 5 o'clock, like we work out from like up until like 5 o'clock, 530. Show starts at 7. But that 5 o'clock to 6.630 nap. It's pitch black. It's like a coffin. And it is ice cold. And you got all your pillows and blankets in there.
And you put a little history podcast on in the corner and just listen to like Kurt Mimbashi or like, oh my God. So you're talking about like 5, 6 p.m. for a 7 p.m. show. Oh, it's the best nap you'll ever have. You wake up so refreshed. Yeah. Like I've woken up from naps like where I'm like, fuck yeah. Like there are those tour bus naps are the best naps. I think having a full productive day and then like 5, 6 p.m. You do a nap and then you do something really stressful after that.
Like really hyper, like a show. But if I do, like I really like doing podcasts late at night. I think I fucked up my podcast rhythm because they were doing them in the day. Yeah. And so sometimes I'm just like, like if I work out the morning, I'm going to a podcast. But if I don't work out, I suck on a podcast. And I'm just like, huh? Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. No, I, I'm. My favorite is I used to do this a lot. I haven't done it in a while is a full busy day nap at home.
Box a wine on the treadmill and do that until like midnight or watching TV, box a wine, box a wine. I don't treadmill. It's the best. How are you, how are you sipping it? You have a glass, but you have a box. The box fits on the corner on the treadmill. So you've got a little spik it. Yeah. And you sit there and just put on like guys grocery games or like just something. It's like a walk in there. You're running. I walk. I walk it like a three five.
So what will happen is if you started a three, started a three, casual walk, 20 minutes getting a mile in and then you're going to feel loose. Get up to a three, five, you can do seven miles on these things and just and you're just enjoying your night, especially like my wife back in the day when we lived in our old house, my wife would come into the man cave and she's on the couch and we watched TV together.
Yeah. And like watch Game of Thrones and use like for an hour and use the treadmill and do it. Oh man, I loved having done that as much lately. That was the fucking. You're going to lose yourself. You're going to forget yourself. You forget going to treadmill and you just are like walking and you're sweating. And you're having wine and then certain points. You like like you like you start jogging, especially like are we watching a not all quiet on the restaurant front.
What's the one where they've got to they've got to get the message to the front line. I would run like I was in World War II. I have a run when they would run and it was fucking awesome. And I would be like because they were doing drinks and be like take a drink. You got to run up there and be like, okay. Yeah. I'm really into it.
You're trying to be a changeable out entirely of personal depends on your support think for me in one one two three three three two three three four four for your pop football düdyny by a gang of those fucking load balls. You know, and Blicking Jam, Berkfried and Telly, came into my world to swings and curl lemon stuff. All of my pretty broken pointers areiker Bombay and lots of bad party things, but that was pretty good. Dan следs. Hopefully don't worry about that.
So you didn't forget that, you know, yeah. Let me let me dream that you look like Kim Kardashian. Yeah. And then I listen to that one today. I listen to World War II a lot. Oh, a lot of books on World War II a lot of podcasts about it. What's your favorite theater, the Pacific or European? No, European. I Pacific well because my family's so much of it has died in that theater. So it's person so much of it. I hate to sound cliche like a Martin Schwarz thing in an 80s movie, but it's personal.
Well, you know what I find funny about that is Lenin. It was Lenin, right? John Lenin? No, no, no. Was it Lenin was World War II, right? Or was it Stalin? It's Stalin. Stalin. Stalin thought him and Hitler would be friends. Yeah. I think that's so cute that he was like, we're going to be buddies. Yeah. Like we're boys. Yeah. And then Hitler was like, oh, fuck you. I'm Hitler, bro. This is what I do. Well, first he was like, fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll be friends. Yeah, yeah, sure.
Call me. Better yet, I'll show up in winter. How's that sound? Yeah. That, that I find that I find all of that so fascinating. When I was a kid, I had a hard time understanding how, because we were always at war with Russia when I was a kid. And I had a hard time understanding how we could be on the same team as Russia in World War II. And I was like, wait, how did that turn South? And then you've his list of podcasts. Yeah. I'm that. All of that. All of that.
All of the World War II, I got really into the Pacific shit for a while, but I'm really deep in the whole, we went to Normandy from the cliffs of Dover and to think, so that's the fucking beach. That's the fucking beach. Oh, shit, this is cold as fuck. These dudes jumped in ice cold water. And this isn't like a cool beach. Like this is, and it's just so insane to, and then to see like the, it's pretty intense. I don't know why I got into history late in life.
I wasn't, I was kind of into it, but I'm really into it now. And I love just learning a little something about, you know, today was, I listened to like the noise or has a great history stuff. It's like, history for dummies, I think. Like I get to, I can't listen to the really smart stuff. Just losing me too many names, I'm calling. Yeah. Well, Dan Carlin's always the best. Your podcast with Dan Carlin was so fucking good. He is, I mean, I only know about Martin Luther because of Dan Carlin.
I only know, like I would have, I made a joke about some Lutheran the other day. And everyone laughed and I was like, did you guys listen to the same podcast I did? Because I just am quoting Dan Carlin. That, his podcast. I mean, we all quoted the same shit about, uh, Genghis Khan, about how he could shoot a dove off a horseback. But we knew that all four hoofs had to be off the ground at the same time they shot. They would sometimes take their meat and stick it under their saddles.
And that, I mean, Dan Carlin is, he is the motherfucker. Yeah. Those were man discovering podcasts was the coolest time of my life. And the interesting thing about him is, is audio. And so it's the voice. So for me, I mean, everybody has a story with a prostitute in a motel. Dan Carlin was my prostitute in the motel. I invited him to a motel. I don't even remember in the middle of nowhere. He shows up with that voice. And the rest, the rest is history. Things they'll never know what happened.
He'll, oh boy, did he like, no, I'm just kidding. And I'm really running with the... Yes, we did. We got along. He's an incredibly kind and thoughtful person, constantly self-critical thinking he's not good enough. He just works on those episodes forever. Forever. And he just thinks that there's these, just like with Goggins, there's these other historians that I think like weigh on him. Like they're going to judge him or something like this in his mind.
I talked about... I talked to him with him, but Daniel Petelian, and I guess his thing is, I guess his hang-up is, Carlin's is, he's not like this. He doesn't feel like he's a real historian. But he is. I mean, it's the way he shares the story. Look, we had a history teacher in 7th grade who was a con artist. And he came into our 7th grade and it was a total con artist. All he taught us about was barnstorming. And the JFK assassination.
I walked away having such an appreciation for barnstorming, a very small blip on Americana. I know a lot about barnstorming because of this guy and he, because he was passionate about barnstorming. It was a fun to say 7th grade history class, I'll overtake my entire life. You mentioned Torbos, what's the best road trip you've been on? Have you, have you joined across the country just you?
No. We had one road trip in college where a bar had burned down and we found out that the alcohol was still in the bar. So we took my jetta over to the bar and we emptied out the bar of all the burnt up liquor. We didn't know what anything was. We threw it into the trunk with no clothes, like no clothes and we said, let's just start driving. We drove from Tallahassee and ended up in West Virginia and just drove. Just drove. It was like five dudes. We drank one person drove.
I wasn't a big drinker in college until I went to Russia. And so I drove the majority of the way and then we'd get somewhere and we'd get a hotel room. And it was one of the most epic fucking weekends of just debauchery in chaos. I think we took mushrooms and we went down a river in tubes. So it's mostly about the bond between the five people versus throwing yourself into meeting strangers in this kind of stuff? Yeah. It was when I was trying to be a poet at that time.
And so we were actual poetry. Yeah. It was really bad part of my life. Well, you were like, is music is there too somewhere? Yeah. I tried to be a band too. That didn't work out the way I wanted it to. I just was never I was never the I'm not a good serious person. Like I'm a good funny person. I'm good to be the fool. But I'm not good when I try to be serious, it looks foolish.
And so even like you know, someone said showed me throwing out the first pitch the other day as something and all I could see is my gut flying everywhere. And I was like, that's why it went viral. I was like, fuck, I thought it was my throwing style. That was a pretty epic one. The best road trips I ever took was during the pandemic. During the pandemic when we were when we would we're doing that driving movie theater tour. I created a driving movie theater tour when no one was working.
And the very first one we all no one had left our houses. We all went to my house. We got my tour bus. We had just wrapped the day the tour bus showed up. We just wrapped the cabin just wrapped doing the cabin on Netflix. And we got COVID tested. We got in the tour bus and we said, let's create our bubble and stay safe. And that night we drove I think just outside Gallup and we stayed in a and we no one had been outside and we stayed at a K O A camp on arrival.
And we watched thunderstorms come in on a lake. And we were all smoking cigars and drinking IPAs and it was fucking mat and that whole road trip. We road trip across the country to start the tours. And then we just and we were outside for the first time and we were and it was that period of my life. I'm so grateful. I didn't make a ton of money because we had a big crew and I made sure I was trying to make sure everyone because no one had paid bills in a while.
But that fucking tour was the funnest. We took up pickleball. We took up disc golf. Everything was wide open in the middle of the country. You could do things, but we were still in our bubble and we lived in that tour bus. And at night we just get back in the tour bus by ourselves and get fucking wasted. And I mean that fucking run. It'll nothing will ever be like that. Yeah, because you like rediscover the humanity, the camaraderie because the pandemic kind of killed that.
At least suffocated us from like the basic connection. Yeah. And there was this. You always had an anxiety attack halfway through that you got COVID. Because when you know COVID was killing people and you were like, I know I've got COVID. And then we'd come in to Sedona. And this was also why I didn't make a ton of money. We'd come in to Sedona and we'd get a house in Sedona for five days at Airbnb. And we'd all isolate there before we went home to our families.
Yeah. I remember the first time we did it, we didn't isolate. We just pulled back into LA and all our families were freaked out. So I had to stay, live on the tour bus at a different house. It was 4th of July and I came in and they were doing an egg toss. And they're like, well, you can do an egg toss. Didn't know this stuff had my anxiety gets. You can do an egg toss with a daughter, Ila.
So I did an egg toss and we fucking got it to like legit like 40 fucking feet where I was throwing overhand, lobbing them to her. And the egg cracked in her hands and it broke over her face. And I got in bed that night, high on weed, fucking drunk. And I went, what if I gave my daughter COVID from an egg toss? I go, that would be the most horrific way to kill a child. And she got from an egg toss and broken her face or dad did COVID. Yeah. I mean, that's the scariest thing about COVID.
I think is not you dying, but because of you, somebody else dies. Oh, I got it. That's the fear I think that really like took hold on people. That's why they were way more cautious than perhaps they needed to be. Just like, I don't want to be the guy that's responsible for killing somebody I love or somebody that somebody else loves. But Leanne gave everyone in our family COVID. She came up to me and she gave me a hug. Yeah. After Christmas. And it gives me a hug. So what's the matter?
She was, I think I have COVID. I go bitch. Six feet. Fuck you doing it. Back it up Fauci. Like fucking. And then she, we went, we went, oh. And then she had it and it went away and we were all fine and we're like, okay, we're still going to park city. So we all go to park city. Then Georgia gets COVID. And then Georgia starts crying. And she goes, I think I gave you COVID. And I was like, I'm fine. She goes, you're in high risk. And I'm like, when she's like, you're a fat alcohol.
Like I'm like, whoa, easy. Where the fuck? What about feelings? And then Georgia got COVID. Me and I live were still in park city. Leanne and had it. My tour bus came up, picked Georgia up. Georgia, Leanne took him back to LA and I was island and I were there. And I tested and then we get on the plane and I cough and I was got a mask on. I just looked at me. You know, the best thing. The one thing we missed are the eyes over masks. Yeah. And then we get home and I had COVID.
And I was like, if you gave me fucking COVID and then she never got COVID. She never got COVID. Oh, you mentioned IPAs. What's the lay of the land of great beers in this expansive world of ours? I like pilsners. I'm a pilsner guy. I'm an ice cold beer guy. Ice cold pilsner. I like an ice cold beer. I like an ice cold. One of the best beer buses I ever had is we had bought a new house but we weren't building it.
And over COVID I didn't drink for like three months, four months until we decided to go back out on tour and we figured that out. And I was in the backyard and Leanne came back with like two tall boy German pilsners and cracked them. And I was like, fuck yeah. And man, that second that beer buzz is different than anything. Yeah. Because the second it touches you, you feel the sparkle and you're just like, yeah baby, I'm back. And then she's like, you want another one? I'm like, fuck yeah.
And then we have another one. And then that beer buzz is especially afternoon beer buzz is just so pretty. It's different than a night beer buzz. It's like, I guess we'll have a beer and then couple I gotta go to work tomorrow. All right. But that afternoon irresponsible beer buzz. Pilsner. Pilsner, there's, I don't mind an IPA but it's gotta be at somewhere. I gotta be at somewhere. They gotta have an IP like a local IPA. It's gotta be food involved. And then I'm enjoying an IPA.
I threw up an IPA in a bathtub in Salt Lake City one time. It was like, oh, you threw up in the bathtub, okay? No, no, no. I was drinking in the bathtub. Like, bathtub with some water in there? No, no, no, no. You're sitting in the bathtub? No, I'm getting ready to take a shower. And I had a grower of IPA. Yeah. It's about six in the morning. Yeah. I have to fly that day to Vegas to jump off the stratosphere. Yeah. All I need is a little bit of a buzz to get myself on this fucking plane.
Yeah. I've anxiety going through my fucking head because I'm jump, I'm the first person to jump off stratosphere. And so I'm drinking an IPA out of a grower in a bathtub at six in the morning. And it just didn't sit right. And I threw it up and I was off IPA's for like 10 fucking years. I didn't have another IPA until I was like 46 because I was like all I could think about was throwing up that IPA in a bathtub in a shower and being like, I'm gonna throw up thinking about it.
But yeah, I don't, I didn't fuck with IPA's for a while and then during the pandemic, I got it, I got back in IPA's. I was that way with Jack and Coke, Jack Daniels and Coke. Really? That's so drunk many, many years ago that just couldn't look at it. I can't touch. I can't touch what's Janice Chaplin's drink, Southern comfort. I can't touch Southern comfort. She just drinks straight. Well, Southern comfort is that 40%. That's hard. No, it's almost like a decor. Honestly, it's really sweet.
Jack, Jack double jack on the rocks, lots of rocks. I had a quote that I got a video that was viral about, I'll never quit drinking. And I have not gotten on a plane since that without having a flight attendant, not even asked what I want. Walk up with the double jack on the rocks, lots of rocks. I mean, it happens. So on time, I don't want to drink. And I flew to Austin the other day, I was like, I'm not drinking on the plane. What could I felt sick?
And man, he walked up and he goes, double jack on the rocks, lots of rocks. I was like, fuck, you know it. Yeah, that's my drink. Wait, what's your drink? I thought you'd be a vodka guy. Well, vodka, I associate with a lot of moments in my life of happiness because vodka is associated with shots and camaraderie. And there's the Eastern Europe in general. A bunch of guys get together and you celebrate life intensely.
People fight, people just feel, people experience life in a deep way, just get too drunk for like for a reason. But I don't see that as like drinking drinking. That's like a journey towards a destination. It's like, to me, drinking is like whiskey neat or beer. Like you said, ice cold beer. Yeah. This is that afternoon beer. Like for a person like me who's extremely regimented and disciplined. Sometimes you get to a situation.
I just remember, I mean, just I remember there's a bar at MIT where I just remember in the afternoon, there was like a business meeting and I said, don't, we started with a beer and they're like really crisply cold, some kind of logger. And then just one beer and two beers and all of a sudden you say, fuck it. Bless you just the rest of the day. This is what this is. And you said, bright, like you just like nature is beautiful out there.
And you just said, fuck it to all the meetings, fuck it to everything else. Just the camaraderie that just talking about life being silly, being, you know, all of that. See that, see, you're describing something I'll never get because I'm not regimented. I would love, I would love, I would love, I only for the moment that you get to have, you get the most precious little angel's breath that anyone's going to get because you live this life that's dialed in and it's scheduled.
And so when you say, fuck it, it's like, that's like me doing coke. Like it's like, oh, fuck it. And you can just do that with beer. That is fucking amazing. I would love to live a regimented life just to get the chance to go, hey guys, I'm not performing surgery today. Fuck it. Hey guys, this bus full of kids, kids got to drive itself home, fuck it. I couldn't even, I couldn't even tell you, you know, it's so interesting about me and you. I was like, you know, I'm a fan of yours.
I couldn't even, I don't really know what AI is. Like other than like, Dildo's or AI, right? Like, like if I had some electronics in it. Yeah, I'm not like, I don't think, I Dildo classifies this a robot. Cause I thought that's how they were going to take over fucking mankind. Just, well, they start with these, the fucking womanizer that knows how to eat a pussy and then they're like, we don't need men anymore.
But like, it's so interesting that I couldn't even, like I can barely tell you what my dad does for living. He's a lawyer. I could kind of, like he's called me and say, hey man, you guys stop talking about what I do because you're not doing it right. I go, what do you mean? It's like, that's not you. Whatever you're saying I do, I don't do. And so, but like I couldn't even begin to explain your job to my daughter.
Well, I think there's the way you do the job, which is the way you experience life, the regimented just, even just a 95. Job, right? You're up for you work nine to five? No, but I work much more than that. But there's no, every kind of lifestyle has its complexities. I think nine to five means you have to wake up at a certain time every day. Do people tell you to pull it back and then I can't you're working too hard? Yeah, a lot of people.
What I want in my life, what I love in my life, especially people close to me are the ones that say work harder. Cause everybody, how do you get them? How do you get them? I don't have anyone there my life that does. He's always worried about me. I'm always worried about me. Everyone's always worried about me. The only thing I know and ever says, if I showed you my DMs right now, my, my tax, all this is like, hey, I'm not worried about you. Like Joe, I, I love Joe the death.
Not once has he, he always, I don't know if you've seen the caring Joe eyes where like, I'm worried about you. Where it's like, you're like, man, don't do that. He's like, I'm worried about you. And you're like, don't fucking worry about me. I'm working. It's, I'm just working. I love working. I love what I do. I love what I do. I can only imagine that you love what you do as much as I love what I do. Cause that's all I ever want to think about. It's all everyone to talk about.
It's all everyone to be like, I, I, I, when my wife wants me to take August and whatever the, whatever the fuck. Not about this. September. That's. I'm not. No, but like July and August off after we do fully loaded. And I was like, no, I was like, what do you mean? Like, what's so like, what I'll just, what am I like, sit no chair and stuff? Signal you can do, like take up a hobby. I go writing jokes. Can I get on stage? Can I do sets in the city?
Cause I'm not going to fucking, you, do you want me to like, like, I don't understand what, I don't understand people who don't, I don't understand people who don't have to drive to work all the time. I don't understand that. I envy it. I envy it because I go out with love to just be like, I'm going to play video games. I can't play a video game. If I did up, you know, I'm trying to make money. Like I love how do you find so many goals you need to work harder?
Yeah, especially when they see like, I don't know what you look like, but I, I look tormented when I'm working very hard. Like it means like it's easy to worry for my well being. It's not like I'm happy. Go lucky, but I'm happy underneath it.
My working too hard is like on a plane every other day or every day, getting up at six working out and then going into like two in the morning or one in the morning and then going to sleep and then getting up at six working out, getting on a plane, going to another place. Like that's what my working is just a lot of travel in mind. If I didn't drink on planes, I don't think anyone would probably worry about me at all. They'd be like, no, you're doing great. But the working out is there.
So I got to ask you because you and I seem to have a similar relationship with the running. I like this idea of slow treadmill. I like running slow. Yeah. You know, like at 10 minute miles, something like this, I'll just run forever. Just listen to an audiobook, listen to Brown Noise, think. I love it. What's Brown Noise? It's actually Brownian noise, but short, brown noise. It's kind of like white noise, but deeper. So it's just noise like that. Oh, wow. It kind of sounds like a waterfall.
I'll just listen to it and something happens to me. I think there's, you can ask a human about this. I don't, but apparently there's some science that kind of focuses the mind and so on. It's funny because I think sometimes with people don't get about running is they go, they get on and they put it on like a six right away on like a treadmill and they go, I can't do this for fucking 30 minutes. But you can, if you build yourself up to your six and you play games, I play games with myself a lot.
Like I'll play games where I go. And I can do this. I can do this. I can do this almost not all day long back. I can do this a lot longer. Like I did it for two hours the other day before my workout or no hour and a half before my workout where I started a three point five walking. And then I get my jog up to like a five and then I'm like five point five and then I go six and then I go and once I'm in a six, my body's really loose.
And so then I go, all right, bring it down to a three point five and then I go punch it to a seven point five for a quarter of a mile. And then let's walk at a four, let's jog at a five. I can do that. I love the called Fartlets, I think. And I love those like where it's like it's regimented running and sprinting at certain levels. I love that. And I love also when I work out to listen to music, but put on foreign language cooking shows on Netflix. Can you explain that? They just put it on mute.
You don't need to hear it for some reason. They're sexier the way they're shot. They're sexier. Yeah. And it's like street food Asia. And they're just watching them make street food in Asia. There's one called broth. It's called broth, the nation of broth. And they're just making broths. And you're like, fuck, what's on broth? So this is South America, this is Asia. South America, Asia. They do one on pizzas. I've watched this one on pizzas that I've watched it. There's like four episodes.
I've watched every episode so many times that my trainer goes, God, that's that fucking, I watch that again. Yeah. I love watching foreign language cooking shows on mute when I work out. I'll blast the music. You're daring. All right. Why use your run outside? But I do this thing. Oh, I can't think. I don't mind hiking. And I like I do, like you know what?
My fun thing, the fun thing I would do, and this is a, this is ripped off totally from camhains, is I like to go, there's a great hike called Framing Canyon out in the valley where I live. And I'd be like, all right, I'm going to run to Framing Canyon. I'm going to jog to Framing Canyon. I'm going to hike Framing Canyon. And then I'm going to jog back. And then I wonder how long that is. And I go, don't think about it. Just know that that's your thing. Just know that that's your thing.
And then I'll suddenly, like shit, that was eight miles. You're like, that's a fucking beast. The hike doesn't even feel like anything. The hike, once you do the jogs, the hard part there, the jog home is a fucking cakewalk. I had the best jog when I was in Serbia. I had the best jog. I think it was in the hide park. I think the name of the park's hide park. It was, get this. It was 80% downhill. Wow. So this jog, you started the park and it was like, and I'll do it like this for you.
You went like, downhill like this, downhill like this, downhill like this. And then it was like a little steep incline to get to the beginning of it. So it was like a little like nice like lower back pain. And you're like, okay, okay. And then the jog was perfect. And you did four times, it was four miles. I loved it. The first day I did it, a butterfly got in front of me. It's like six in the morning. So yeah, six in the morning. And a butterfly got in front of me.
And it ran the whole first mile in front of me. And I was just, it was like so surreal. It would disappear and then it would show back up in front of me. Yeah. You sure was real? Definitely real. And then the next day, and so I go, I'm on the right path. I'm on the right path. The next day I go for a jog, six in the morning and it rained. And as I'm doing this deep uphill incline, a tree collapsed in front of me. And I went, whoa, a tree fell in the woods and I was here to see it.
Shut the fuck up. I was like, that's crazy. And it didn't hit me. I go on the right path. And then I started getting overthinking it like the next ass saw condom. And I was like, this is a good place to go. I was like, people fucked here last night. But yeah, that was one of the best jogs I've ever had. I could do that. I could run that park every single day and no one jogged that park in Serbia. I actually recently had condom on my doorstep.
And I wanted to ask whoever is up there above what that means, what the story behind that is. Yeah. You know, just a pissed off UPS guy. Was it compromised? What do you mean compromised? Like, was there stuff inside it? Oh, I didn't look very few people put on the economy. Oh, it's not for me. I'm going to take it off. It's a little tight. It could be to send a message like a horse's head kind of thing. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I don't know what the message is exactly.
Do you use condoms if you had one next time with you use condoms? I don't know what a condom is. I never heard of. I'm learning. Good call. I've learned about sex with you today. If my wife dies, there's no condoms in my future. I'll get it. I don't care. How babies I don't give a shit. Your man of principle. I like it. Mark Mara and wrote something about your book many, many, many ages ago, Life of the Party. I think there's an interesting question in there.
First of all, wrote eloquently about you. Burk Rysher is one of the great American wild men. A gonzo warrior driven not by cynicism or desire to reveal dark truths, but instead by a deep, almost essential need to have a good time, no matter what. Histories track the trials and tribulations of a big hearted dude trying to fit in, help out, and party and find himself. After all is said and done, we arrive with him at the true humility of joy. So, when was this desire for pure joy born in you?
It seems like you are driven towards this joy. Yeah. I think I arrived at it in college. I wasn't always the guy. I was really a serious, pretty serious dude like when I got to college. A dark, brooding serious. Yeah, I wanted to be like Eddie Vetter, to be like a poet and a fucking lead singer.
I wanted to be taken seriously and I wanted to be attractive and I wanted to be wanted by chicks and respected by dudes and slowly but surely, I think the bird I really am chipped away at that and was like, hey man, I would say funny, I would say funny things that would surprise me they were so funny. Meaning like in my fraternity I'd say things that were the funniest thing that I go, how did I think of that?
And then slowly I was like, and I remember as I chipped away at that and as I got older, I would lean towards that. We would go on a bus trip to like Clemson and I would get on the walkie-talkie on the bus and I would do stand up for like an hour, I just make jokes for an hour and I loved the impulse of like, you know, you get on the bus and everyone's like, we're gonna drink and you get that one group of girls that was gonna drink and then to break them.
And like a fucking fine, let's drink and then that to watch that happen and I think, then once I, and then when I went to Russia, this is so cliche for me to say but interacting with those young banditi. They were pretty serious dudes. They didn't have like, they were pretty stoic dudes and when you could make them laugh, it was like a real joy, the silliest things. I remember, you know, we were told there was a club, it was called Cafe Europa or maybe Cafe Americana.
There was where everyone really hung out like all the real dudes, the real dudes. In St. Petersburg and they had told us that like, they told us in our class that Russian women didn't have tampons. So they were like, bring tampons to give to the babushka, the Davuchka that ran the floor. After all this time, the fact that your Russian sucks is awesome. Yeah, it's just keep mispronouncing words horribly. I'm horribly. I'm so fucking bad. I am so bad.
You know, that's how I got to name the machine, right? Yeah. And I said, I'm a car. Yeah. And they just were like, huh? And so I came into the room one night with a top pocket full of tampons. And they were like, what are those for? I said, girls, how are you going to pick up girls? And the look on their face was so, it was so pure joy. I remember the first night I pulled out lemons. And this is, it sounds, it sounds make believe now to say it because it's been in the movie.
And by brought out lemons, we were in lemon drops. I had vodka and lemons, a sugar and a pocket knife and a fanny pack. And I put out lemons and this guy, Igor goes, oh, the machine runs on lemons. Like it was just so foreign that you would need lemon for them. And so I think, and I made friends with those guys, like I mean, like friends, whatever you can. But like, definitely me and that guy, Igor, legit friends, legit friends.
Like, before a place of joy, like, yeah, like it was like, it was like real seeing them light up. And then I was like, we're back packing through Europe after that. And realizing I could bring a spark of fun to like a campfire. And I had little tricks like I learned all the currencies around the world. And so I challenged people to a currency game. I go, let's go head to head. You say, you name a country in the currency and I'll name a country in the currency.
And I would, I would slow roll them. I just do all the dollars, right? The Chinese dollar, the American dollar, the Australian dollar. I'd run through all the dollars and they'd be like, you only know the dollars. And then I'd get start getting really deep. I couldn't make an event out of a night. In Europe, I could make an event. I remember we were in Straussburg and the bar was supposed to close, but I had friends coming to the bar. They hit the train I hadn't gotten in yet.
And I said, I said, don't close the bar. I'll stand on the bar and I'll entertain everyone in this room. I'll dance. I'll do whatever it if you just keep the bar open. And the guy goes, if you can keep me laughing, I'll keep the bar open. And I danced and made this guy laugh on a bar for legit. I'm not even saying like, I'll legit 30 minutes until my friends walked in and they're like, what the fuck's going on?
I had this ability to, to without humility, I had to mind looking like a fool and like doing, and there were really stupid jokes at the time. It's very like based American Frappoy jokes, but I had a spark. When I came back, I feel like I learned how to do that and do funny things that were like fun. We go to a football game and I brought a camera around with me a lot. I like to take pictures.
And I remember one of the jokes I'd go, he's like, hey, everybody, I told my parents I have a lot of friends. Can you guys gather around and we'll take a picture? And so you're like 50 people would lean around like, hey, and like just the dumbest, the most dumbest things and I wasn't a big self promoter. So these would happen and I would just, I was just doing them for me and my friends. I bring a guitar out and I just make up songs.
And so I think in watching this serious bird get chipped away at until my like six and a half year of college where it was just this silly guy and then rolling stones written about me and I'm like, and then I'm like, well, and I remember a couple serious dads going, you know, you got a chance to turn this into something. You need to go to you, you need to follow your dream and I tried to stand up the first night.
And I was like, maybe not wasn't the funniest guy, but man, they laughed and we had a good time for 30 minutes and it worked and it was stream of consciousness. And I was like, yeah.
And then of course, you know, that same little path you take gets convoluted in New York because you want to be a serious comic and you want to be taken seriously and you want to be edgy and you want to say the, and then slowly but surely that you, the real bird chips away at it and he's like, yeah, man, just fucking take your shirt off, kill a beer. Like fucking tell the machine story, tell a story about your stupid kids. Like just you don't need to be the fucking edgy as dude in the room.
Leave that to the good ones. Let, let Bill and fucking Joe and Tom, they're the, those are the legit fucking gangster comics. They're, I mean, those are the fucking, you're never going to out fucking shepel. Those, those guys are fucking gangsters do what you do have fun. Make life fun and seize the day and fucking try to bring a spark to people and let them forget about their fucking day.
And the, the interesting thing about alcohol that I don't really like drinking in terms of the actual physical like how it makes me feel, but there's the fact that camaraderie that happens. What it at, I wish there's another way to get there, but I don't think there is that joy you get of just everybody getting together and taking shots or drinking. Not the polite kind of drinking, but just everybody just, the, the fuck it kind of drinking.
Yeah. And when someone goes, all right, I'm in like that. All right. Yeah. That's the funnest. And then especially when you have a big group. Yeah. And there's like a big group and like we were at the premiere the other night and, and I was working. I was legit working. I had to, I'm trying to sell the movie to outlets, media outlets and bust them with the, bust them with the boys. My wife flew them in to surprise me. And they're over on the red carpet.
And then like, you know, let's, let's scull a beer. And I was like, oh, and then I'm like, oh, fucking, I don't give a, this is what life's about. And that moment where they're like, yeah, that's the funnest fucking, especially when I can get Leigh-Anne to do it, when I get Leigh-Anne to get a drink. And she'll, and she's like, like I was supposed to drink last night. And she was like, you want to just, we should have a glass wine in the front yard. And you're like, oh, my heart skipped a beat.
I go, glass wine in the front yard. Are we going to talk wild? We're going to say crazy, should we, each other? Like fuck yeah. The front yard. You're doing the front yard. Let the dogs play. Oh. Big trees in the front yard. Like sitting on the, what were you sitting sitting in the, in the atarondax on the front porch, letting the dogs play, letting the dogs rest in the front yard. Maybe go over, pick some cherries. Look at the fucking trees. Here the wind going through the front yard.
And then you go to the backyard. That's where the cigar comes out. A little more privacy. But yeah, glass wine. Red wine, mall back. Keep our soul fights low. Yeah, wine isn't a whole another one too. I feel sophisticated. Oh, yeah. I've, I've went, I traveled before Ukraine. I went to Paris for the first time. I drank wine there and I felt like I was a sophisticated man, you know? Dude. I mean, let's speak which French, but. You don't need to. You don't need to. Let's just start smoking too.
Just have a fucking cigarette. Yeah. I was going to start riding poetry. Dude, I'm having a way. Just like a glass of wine in Italy and like, like, just out in, like we went, we went, ah, the most beautiful fucking day of my life. Just outside Florence, they have all the vineyards and stuff and we took a vestibule. And it was fucking an eyeless to young to ride. So she's on the back.
Now everyone can drink there, you know, you're not supposed to drink and drive Vespas, but they don't, they go, a glass of wine is nothing. Yeah. And you're like, okay, I guess I'll have a couple then. If you think one's nothing, then I think dude's nothing also. So this is drunk, but on a Vespas. Drunk, not even drunk, but just lightly, lightly feathered. Yeah. Where and it's beautiful. My wife hasn't been drinking. Georgia has, Georgia's too young.
Eila is too young, but I had, I had dinner with her a couple and we're going through these hills and it starts raining and it starts raining. And I go, Eila, what are we missing? And she goes, music big boy. And I go, what do you want to hear? And then she just starts going, Uca, Uca, Uca, Uca, Uca, Uca, Uca, Uca, Uca, Uca, Uca, Uca, I can't stop this feeling. She's screaming it behind. And then I hear Georgia screaming it. And then Leanne singing it.
And Sandy and her two daughters are singing it. We're all these Vespas and we're all singing it. And I swear to God, if I hadn't been lightly feathered, I don't know if I would have been like, Eila, what are we missing? Because you know, alcohol will give you that thing like, what's next? What's bigger? How do we take this to the next level? And then I got this little girl who's still my little girl at that moment when she's singing, sing it all the good times.
And then we stop at the light and all of us are looking and it's pouring rain. Oh, oh, oh, the feeling, no, it is, I mean, I remember sobbing crying, sobbing crying, sobbing crying. And then I was like, let's get these fucking Vespas up and get to a vineyard. And then we went to a vineyard and all the girls trying a little while, no one got buzzed or anything, but you're just sitting there with your family going like, fuck, dude.
And I'm not certain you get that without a little bit of, a little bit. But then a lot is also interesting. I had a lot of whiskey with Rogan once. I think I saw that. Yeah. I think I saw that with Whitney too. You would push up concert contest. You with David. It's the only time I met David Gogan's in person. One of the great embarrassment in my life is trashed out of my mind. I'm trying to just say how much of a fan I am.
And I could tell by the look in his eye that what is actually coming out of my mouth is not good. It's not good. And his wife is embarrassed standing right there also just everybody's embarrassed for me. Man, I'm trying my best. And then somehow I find myself a minute later doing push ups with him as a challenge. What's your job? I didn't, it wasn't counting. All I knew I'm not stopping. And he was polite enough to stop. I think probably like 50, I don't know.
There's a gift someone gives you when they get drunk and they allow you, they get drunk and they lower their guard and they allow you to see them that way. It's a gift. It's a real gift. It's just as cool as like pulling someone side and going, yo, I'm into anime. Like you cool with that and then they're going, yeah, I'm, yeah. Can I show you some cool anime? And then you're like, that's not my thing. But it's like cool thing.
It's like sharing cool music with someone or like tell them something about your childhood when you, when you get drunk, like real drunk around someone, you're giving them a gift. And that gift is, I want you to see me for everything I am. You're not going to get any lies. You're not going to get any bullshit. This is me at my absolute worst. I have a rule. I will never, never get mad at someone for getting too fucked up. Because they're giving you a gift.
They're saying like, yo, I did this on accident, but I trust you enough to let you know that this is who I am and this is what you're getting. I love it. I love it. Especially when it comes to someone you don't expect. Like you? Shut the fuck up. David Goggins should have hugged you and said, thanks for showing me this. Yeah. I guess really haven't, you're right. I haven't thought of it that way. There's an intimacy to that. That is a gift of like fragility. Like this is me.
I mean, I'm, I'm a very loving drunk, but I'm blame I had dumb drunk. I bet you haven't seen dumb drunk. Well, dumb in terms of the eloquence of the words that are coming out of my mouth. So like you're just not stitching words together correctly to make sentences. No. I turn into Hemingway loss in translation. Like I'll start saying random words, but like translated to Japanese and back to English. It's not making sense, but there's love.
Like I think what you feel is this kind of desire to connect that I think I always feel towards other people. But when I'm drunk, I'm just say fuck it. I don't need to be polite. I'll just be loving fully. Yeah. It's cool when people let you see that in them. Because some people are really like measured. There's no one drink and then I'm done. I don't want it. No, no, no. And you're like, show me a little more. And then like it's cool.
And I never like I love my favorite moments in the next morning when they're like, that I make an asset of myself and you get to say not it all. Not it all. That's the coolest thing. Because some people bad people will leverage that over. Yeah. Okay, it's a bully tactic. The leverage that the bad interactions I've had with in this business that we were talking about earlier, they were people that that when you got fucked up, they used it against you.
They held it over your head and they said, listen, man, I don't know what the fuck, but if you want and you're like, hold on. And then they made you they gaslight you into thinking you were the only one that was fucked up. And you're like, okay, I guess I know who you are now. And I was like, didn't you get fucked up a little bit too? Yeah. Like I know we smoked weed and I thought we ate Xanax, but like what about the I know I had a couple beers, but like I wasn't that fucked up.
Well, Whitney is really good at that because she's the person I woke up next morning and she just said, yeah, you're wonderful. You're eloquent. You're great. I'm sure she was making that up completely. It was funny. I got blackout truck at Whitney's roast of me. Like blackout truck. Don't remember any of it. And don't remember any of it. Don't remember speaking on the microphone. I don't remember talking on the microphone. And I did diss that apparently.
And I said to Whitney, like in a real moment of vulnerability, Whitney's like a sister to me, like a legit sister. My daughter's color aunt Whitney, Leanne, she's like a sister to Leanne. If she comes over to do a podcast with me, she'll open an hour early and sit with Leanne out in Leanne's Rose Garden and just talk. And Whitney, I said the next day I call Whitney and I was getting on a plane. And I was, I was hungover. I said, how bad was I last night? She was, you were fucking fantastic.
And just didn't let me sit with it. And then I watched the video and I was like, oh, I was fucking out of control. I was way out of control. Thank you for lying to me. Yeah. So while being a wild outdoor comic, she's also this like carrying and loving human being. So interesting. She is, she has the most nurturing sensibility. She is, she sends my daughter's gifts out of nowhere. Just out of nowhere, there's send Georgia gifts up at college. Just a gift box.
Like she is just, she takes care of people. That's her love language. And she's also the person that taught me what, what the hell love language even means. Apparently there's a book and there's like five of them. Oh, you know Whitney, I would love to sit in the fucking room and watch YouTube talk. Yeah. She has a robot. She looks like her. And that's the future, that robot. I told you she should have that robot do porn. Let someone fuck that robot.
And then, and she, and she had deep fake the face. If she wants, but I go promoted, promoted special that way. Like a full on, not like showtime, soft court point, like full on, full on, like to do like, say hi, welcome inside. You look tired. Do you need a drink? Yeah. Oops, I'm stuck in the dryer, you know, what's the promotion you're most proud of that you've done without a doubt? It's got to be what I took dance lessons. Yeah, that was epic.
Because I tried to get Joe and Tom and Ari to do it for so October. I was waiting for you. And they said no, Joe's like absolutely not. You and Joe was going to say no. But Joe said legit dancer. Like he can legit dance. He took like dance lessons for a movie and is apparently an amazing dancer. And so you're right. You could have said yes. You could have said yes. Because I remember listening to that podcast where you really made the pitch. Yeah. And I said we all take hip-hop dance lessons.
It's your cardio through the roof. And then you do an hour dance lesson and then we all do a hip-hop dance and then we all put our hip-top dances against each other and we see who has the best hip-hop dance. It's different than the typical stuff we do. It's fun. And we can also work out. We can do everything. But like let's do hip-hop dance. And Joe adamantly was like, it's a horrible idea. I will not do that.
And then Tom and Ari just, you know, just whatever they were like, yeah, I saw it with Joe. We'll do something else. And then I was like, I bet I knew I liked hip-hop dance. And so I was like, I'm going to take hip-hop dance lessons anyway. I'm going to just do it over so October and I'm just going to, I'm going to do it. And then maybe I'll do a hip-hop dance video and then show it to them and let them rate me. And then we did it. And it was $1,200.
And I for hip-hop dance lessons for like a month or whatever for like a couple weeks. And then when we did it, I thought, you know what? I bet we could put tour dates next to this because it was, it turned out being like kind of good but kind of funny. I thought we could put tour dates next to this. And it was the beginning of me figuring out the whole like, my promos were short and quick and they were always like something silly. What's up guys? It's your boy, Bert Kreischer.
And then that one blew up and immediately, I was announcing the tour and immediately every tour date sold out. And then every, we added shows that day, we added shows and every one of those sold out. And I was like, whoa. And then Tom was like, the fuck was that? And I was like, I think I just sold out my whole fucking tour. And then Tom, and then when Tom did his one like that and put his tour dates on it. Went over at the top. He sold out his tours and he was like, whoa.
He's like, just sold out every fucking show we've added shows. I'm doing like an arena here. And this is before we were doing arena so I was like, shut the fuck up. And that changed my game where I was like, all right, so everything's got to be. And then I was like, I don't mind spending a little money. And then the next one I did was the marching band. And I was just like, and but it was, you know, it's real crazy. I just said, can you guys get me a marching band?
And they were like, yes, like it's like $2,400, I go cool. And they're like, what do you want them to do? And I go, I don't know, we'll figure it out. And they came over and they had outfits. And they were like, so what do you want us to play? I go, what song do you guys know? And then they didn't even know each other. They were all hired people. And they were like, rubber band man. And I was like, oh, sure. Yeah. We just scripted it out. I was like, all right, I'll pretend it's a regular thing.
We'll just go, wait, I'll walk out and then I'll blow a whistle. And then you come out with the, and then, and then we got like two videos out of that. And that sort of updates. And then I was like, fuck. And then, and then, and then, and then the real baller one, the fucking real one, the real one was I tore all the muscles in my arm going into and shoot in the movie. And I ripped all the tricep muscles off and they were retracted. So I had to go in for surgery.
And the anesthesiologist said to me the night before he's like, what music do you want going in going under? And I was like, what? And he goes, you can pick your music going under. I said, wait, hold on. What is it like? He goes, I go, is it like casual? And he was like, yeah. I said, I'm doing a promo read going under. He goes, what do you mean? I'll explain to you tomorrow, but I'm going to, I'm not going to count backwards. I'm just going to do a promo read until I pass out.
And my phone's going to fall on the ground. All I need you to do is hit stop record. And so they rolled me into surgery. I had red rocks. I had only sold like 75% of red rocks, which is a big. It's 10,000 is the biggest venue I'd ever played in. And I rolled in with my thing with CCR playing in the background. And I just was like, I was like, I lay here on this mat or on this steel pile, terrified as I go into surgery. I want you to know one thing. I'm playing red rock September 10th.
And I started doing my promo read. And he was like, yeah, I go Jimmy Buffett's there the night before and the night after. He's like, for real? I go, yeah, you want to come? He's like, hell, yeah. He's like, all right. He's like, you're going under. And he hits it. I go, and I drop the phone. Woke up at a surgery and the first guy said, where's my phone? And he goes, you got it. And Leanne's like, I've already watched it. It's good. It's good.
And so like that was a, that was a, that was a, that was a big one. That was a big one too. Yeah, that was genius, but that was sort of opportunity kind of jumping in an idea. Have you ever met Mr. Beast? Jimmy? No. So he's, I got to hang out with him for a day and listening to a brainstorm with the team ideas. Yeah. He kind of sounds like you, but on steroids in terms of like, first of all, willing to spend any amount of money on an idea. Like anything, anything is allowed. I love that energy.
The only thing is, no like rated R stuff. So he's really trying to go like, for the broader audience, for kids and so on. So that's the limitation. So you can't do like most of the ideas that pop into my head when anything is allowed is kind of dark. But the point is to really aggressively brainstorm every single day at the whiteboard. Like what? And he does that for YouTube shorts too, for one minute videos. Really? Like what is the coolest thing we could possibly do? I love that.
I love that energy. And that energy, most people don't do that. And they should. Basically, YouTubers do that because they're obsessed about this particular YouTube algorithm and so on. And Jimmy is the best at that. But like that can benefit you if you're a scientist, if you're a comedian, if you're whatever. Just go all out. There's something really authentically fun about just coming up with a really stupid idea and just go and let's see what happens. Who gives a fuck?
We've had those like, I thought I could catch an arrow one time and then my wife's like absolutely fucking not. And I go, I really think I can. I go, let's just get really close, shoot it. And then I'll see if I can catch it. And she's like, no, that's not what you're doing. And then my cousin's like, hey, we could cheat it to make you look like a card in arrow and I went, what? He was just, okay, let's do it like this. And so we did it. And I got sold a ton of tickets.
It looked like I really caught it, everyone knows that in catch an arrow. I mean, for the movie, we did a promo, legendary, it was like you do all the promos. And we did a promo and I thought I could slide out of my car like Tom Cruise did in a helicopter and with roller skates and get behind the car and then skate behind the car. And we just ran over my foot and it was real and it was scary. But we just caught it all and in doing it, my cousin's like, give me the read.
And I'm like, my movie comes out. Memorial day weekend. I think we have to go to the hospital and then we went to the hospital and I'm in the speedo with a helmet on. One broken roller skate and then and then that did really well. And so like I said, the whole thing is just turning the camera on. You never know. It's going to fucking happen. And don't be afraid to look stupid and all that kind of stuff. Just go all out. Fucking ego is the death of comedy.
Like when you when you really give a like if it's hard to be the coolest guy in the room and still want to be a comedian, it's just let yourself be whoever you are. And you'll see the great ones. They're like that. They don't, they're just regular fucking dudes and you get some real slick ones. Like Dave's probably might be the coolest guy in the fucking room. He might really might be. Yeah. But I think that's just who the fuck he is. Who are the outside your close friend group?
Who are the greats to your top five? Outside of my friend group. So like for me, probably normal Donald, Mitch Hydeberg, George Colin, Tom Sagoore number one. Oh yeah. No. I wanted to say that. It's an interesting pairing. No, Mitch Hydeberg, David Tell. David Tell. David Tell. Every everybody deeply respects David. More than even his comedy. I love this show where he was in Somniac. In Somniac. He's so good at just the natural comedy of human interaction. He's a brilliant comic.
He's just a brilliant fucking mind. Norman McDonald's a fucking genius, an absolute genius. I mean, look, you know, Shepell and Bill Burr are the two best in our generation, in my opinion. And that's understanding that like I'm still friends with some of the best in our generation. But like just the way their brains work is really on the next level. Like, you know, those are guys. Stand hope is the same way. Just fucking genius. You know, I wrote in Sugara. Those are my friend group.
That's my really close friend group. But like those other guys I'm friends with, but they're not like that's like, yeah. Louis CK. Oh Louis CK. He's amazing. It's hard to do because you start like forgetting the people and then it's almost like people go, oh, so you didn't like that person? You're like, no, I fucking love that person. Yeah. I mean, there's for me like Robin Williams, which is a whole other thing. Oh, yeah. Just like sober man. Fucking, I love Janine.
I mean, I'm fucking big Janine fan. I love her brain. Marin's fucking hilarious. You know, Patton's brilliant David Cross. I mean, there's like, it's, you know, it's really to ignore those guys and those guys were like the whole forefront of the alternative comedy front. They're fucking amazing. Yeah, and the people that have like Marin or Joe that have podcasts is interesting. It's an interesting parent because you get to know like everything about them, but then they're also comedians.
And I've gotten, I've gone to Joe's club a lot. I listen to Joe and just that whole group of comics do comedy and go to the same set over and over and over and to see how it changes. It's really cool. It's the coolest thing when I first started to watch someone like a tell was really brilliant at it because you'd watch him tinker with a set. Yeah. And he'd have an idea like hitting someone over the head with a hammer from behind. And then he'd work it in nine different ways.
You know, and you'd be like, whoa, so you're the hitting hammer in the head is the thing that he's working on. I hope Eddie Murphy comes back. He's one of the greats. Chris Rock. Chris Rock is fucking, bring the pain is like the reason I got in the comedy. Yeah. Do you have advice for young folks? Do you seem like a stellar example of a successful human being or more seriously, a very kind of non-linear life? Do you have advice for young people in high school and college?
I don't have a good life they can be proud of. Don't worry too much about what you do when you get older. But when you do start worrying, find the thing you love and it'll never feel like work. To fucking, I can't imagine what it must feel like to be a lawyer and have to read papers or whatever they do all day and know that that's my day. I mean, it must feel like what I was school felt like for me.
If you find that thing you love to do, you will work endlessly, effortlessly and hard as fucking shit every day and you'll love every day of your life. And would you love and let it kill you, Bukowski, said that? For the next fucking thing, because I'm doing, I'm letting it fucking take, I'm on that fucking bullet train to fucking nowhere on this fucking comedy journey. I love it. I love it. So it's like the Hunter S. Thompson thing. What is it? How are we put it?
Basically, you're not supposed to be end up in a well-preserved box. You slide it in sideways. Smoke. Just beat up. Yeah. Just a giant mess. I love those guys that can really live that life that are like, yeah, man, I'm breaking it. I'm breaking it down like a guy like Tony Hawk or Matt Hoffman. I'm like, yeah, if I don't fucking break the fuck out of this thing before I, I'm the numb that doing it right.
Then again, there's also Churchill who tried to break the thing and he couldn't lived in two's 90s. A bad motherfucker. Just a bad motherfucker. So I guess the only hope we can have for Bure Christchurch is that you're going to be the Winston Churchill of comedy. My life is lived perfectly if I'm 95 years old and all my friends are dead. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, can you believe that wolf got Rogan? Can you believe sogar 600 pounds and they had to carry them out in a crane out of that house?
Can you believe that it's just Bert Christchurch and Joey Diaz left? Just standing there in October. So October, just the two of you left. Just laughing. October is just I'm 95 at the Mark Twain award. And they're like, Bert Christchurch still fucking here. Who saw that coming? I hope so. Bert, I'm a huge fan of yours. It meant so much to me when you said that you knew who I was. Like we were talking about. It just, it's so cool. It's so cool.
Thank you for putting so much joy and love out there in the world. I'm a huge fan and thank you for the love you're going. Thank you, man. I am a huge fan of yours. You keep doing you. I'll keep doing me. And then let's see if we can meet in the middle sometime. I have a cold beer in the afternoon. Love you, brother. Love you. Thanks for listening to this conversation with Bert Christchurch. To support this podcast, please check out our sponsors in the description.
And now let me leave you some words from Hunter S. Thompson. Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and weppers of body, but rather to skin in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming, wow, what a ride. Thank you for listening. I hope to see you next time.