Here we go. This person puts their name really bold. Sparksy. Sparksy has their contact information up front and they have an objective. To leverage my experience in highly collaborative theatrical production and design, so that I may support and add value to a strong team to learn new skills and technologies and use them to help those around me. Okay, a few comments. This is all talking about yourself.
and it's which is okay ish and an objective but it's um it's all over the place you want to be in theatrical production and design but you also want to learn new skills and technologies i'm like i don't know i mean i guess production and design has technologies i think of tech as software tech um i struggle with this objective it's not my field though so maybe other people
can help. I do think if you can shorten this objective, it's better. It's got a lot of polysyllabic words. It's really like, look at my thesaurus. leverage experience collaborative theatrical production there's a little bit of a break and then technologies it definitely feels a little bit highfalutin i would try to simplify I don't mean dumb it down. I mean, as Mark Twain said, if I'd have had more time, this would have been shorter. Good writing to be concise is hard.
This person selected a two column layout. Two column is fine if it's clean. This one to me feels like the gap between. Here in here like they're the columns are too close together. It feels a little crammed in Okay it feels a little pinched for space so i might consider how can i make it a little broader so there's a little more of a clear two columns but let's see what they've done we'll go down the left column so they went to a liberal arts school
they got their degree they were at the workforce investment corporation and they're calling that education i guess because it's conflict management workshop okay fine They have skills. They know some Python. They've got some other basic stuff. I feel like this isn't that important and doesn't sound like results to me. And they volunteer.
I'm really feeling like this left column has a lot of stuff that can go at the bottom of the resume. That's my opinion. It's like I would think one column and yeah. Now they're working as an underwriter. So in that case, given that they want to be in theatrical design, they better put the liberal arts stuff and the theater and dance up top.
So in this particular case, given their objective, I would put their education second because the work they're doing is clearly not theater. All right, let's see what the chat's saying. okay um all right uh chat can add other comments to help spark see So now we get to their work. Now, the interesting thing is their work is not going to directly support their goal of working in theater because their work is as a mortgage underwriter. I bet, by the way.
And I'm sorry, Sparksy, I mean no harm, but frankly, my ratings go up when I'm mean to people. So thank you for volunteering. No, seriously, you've got to be living in hell because... if what you really want to do is theater and dance and what you're actually doing is underwriting mortgages that's what we call misaligned and so i will try and help you out of that because i can't imagine someone
who sees themselves in the Nutcracker Suite or Swan Lake or something, Hamilton, and is in fact working the back end of some house underwriting condos in Poughkeepsie. um so i feel for you we're gonna try and get you out of that what your work can do for you given that you want to change fields is show work ethic and progress and capability but your education And hopefully some volunteer activities need to cover that. And so I would maybe take this part that says successful local theater here.
and figure out how could I blow that out into some job experience that looks like I'm ready to do theater production I would take this out of volunteer and make it experience and i don't know like i would try to write more that shows that you really should hire me for this
Because this stuff, no matter how good you make it sound, isn't going to help you get a theater job other than you're a good worker. Unless... the person run running the theater needs a mortgage and you can slide him some help um okay uh let's see so now we're going to give you the same critique we gave everyone else
You consistently exceed sales goals or exceed goals. Great. What were the goals? How much should you exceed them by? Numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers. Results. Why tell me you exceeded goals for accuracy and quality control when you can say, achieved 117 percent or whatever uh you know um achieved probably would be less than 100 but hit 42 errors per month or whatever seven errors per month versus goal of 100 or 27 below um accuracy threshold uh or
tolerable error threshold find a way to turn it into numbers and as opposed to saying you consistently exceeded goals list the goals and list how you exceeded them show me don't tell me you evaluated mortgage loans great say something about how fast or how well you liaise between the lender and insurance representatives to ensure policy documentation is accurately updated okay
boring try and try and somehow make it stronger owned what would i say here owned insuring insuring is a weak word too owned updating policy documentation between lender and insurance representative for accuracy or something like that owned you want owned action result owned ensuring accurate policy there we go owned ensuring accurate policy documentation delivered to each lender and insurance representative that's powerful
um organizes data according to the needs of proprietary software what the hell does that mean right give me something like what that says is i'm a gopher for a piece of software i'm in the position of doing the software bosses me around and i do it try and find out like again i'm giving you the harsh version so you can see how disempowered it sounds
what was the valuable result learned proprietary software to ensure rapid functioning of complex bespoke system bespoke such a great word make the guy look it up okay you get the point very few numbers in here very few results you're telling me how great you are not showing me i think the biggest single piece of advice though that's the winner for what you say you want
is pull this theater up to the top okay grades people grades grades let's hear it sparksy we've got to get sparksy out of being an underwriter at a mortgage company and in to dancing swan lake how do we do that yeah and i agree with these grades this resume is not going to do it for you um oh isn't that a good sound listen to that You're gonna have to pivot on your community experience. And I would give this resume a C for the purpose you've given it.
And you can also improve it if you're stuck working as an underwriter or want to do some others end up, you know, needing to be a starving artist and having a regular job. Those other things will help it. NBA hits. Yes. I figured since we're talking about a mentor network and a contest for a mentor network, it was time to bust out the collared shirt. And with that, we are done with resume.