Are we noticing a trend? I'm noticing a trend. Acceptance continues to be the most useful skill while also being the one I'm least reliable to use. Here we are again with another opportunity to practice: while I'm having an episode of extreme pain after a treatment that was supposed to stop the extreme pain from happening. Judgements, feelings, and urges ABOUND. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Traini...
Aug 19, 2025•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 44
Note: a version of this episode was uploaded on Aug 14, 2025 (1 hr, 8 minutes long). I have deleted that recording and replaced it with this one (1 hr, 1 minute long). You'll hear why in this episode. I’m back from a 2-year hiatus and (wouldn't you know it) shame is still kicking around. I give a “summary” of all that’s gone on since last I’ve posted. I’ve got updates on the remodel, searching for a job, my living situation, and relationships. I’ve also learned that I have a very sticky brain an...
Aug 15, 2025•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 43
Recorded on Oct 18, 2023 This is a deviation from my normal content, but a genocide warrants it. Part 4 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on what is and isn't antisemitism, shares the perspective of some Jewish folks, and ends with the most important voices in the room: Palestinians in Gaza. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much period), I've collected videos, posts, websites from dozens of Instagram accounts, TikTok accounts, news outlets, non-profits...
Oct 19, 2023•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 42
Recorded on Oct 17, 2023 This is a deviation from my normal content, but a genocide warrants it. Part 3 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on white supremacy and the United States' complicity in the Israeli genocide against Palestinians. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much period), I've collected videos, posts, websites from dozens of Instagram accounts, TikTok accounts, news outlets, non-profits, etc. that have helped inform my understanding of what'...
Oct 18, 2023•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 41
Recorded on Oct 17, 2023 This is a deviation from my normal content, but a genocide warrants it. Part 2 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on propaganda and how to identify misinformation. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much period), I've collected videos, posts, websites from dozens of Instagram accounts, TikTok accounts, news outlets, non-profits, etc. that have helped inform my understanding of what's going on in Gaza. Palestine must be free. Resou...
Oct 18, 2023•1 hr 57 min•Ep. 40
Recorded on Oct 16, 2023 This is a deviation from my normal content, but a genocide warrants it. Part 1 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on the historical context of Israel's colonialization of historic Palestine. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much period), I've collected videos, posts, websites from dozens of Instagram accounts, TikTok accounts, news outlets, non-profits, etc. that have helped inform my understanding of what's going on in Gaza. Pa...
Oct 18, 2023•1 hr 38 min•Ep. 39
During this episode, I’m pretty annoyed at the experience of doing therapy and I’m not shy about showing it. So I observe and describe what it feels like to do exposure therapy. In listening back to the main recording, I have an epiphany: part of what makes exposure so painful is that I’m judging my own thoughts as I’m having them. And like a bull in a China shop, I wreak a lot of havoc on myself without meaning to. Join me as I peel back the layers of my judgements. Helpful resources from this ...
Aug 29, 2023•1 hr•Ep. 38
It’s post-exposure processing time while climbing stairs! After doing exposure to traumatic invalidation, I know enough to know that I need to practice acceptance to something, but I’m not sure what that something is. It takes some venting and meandering to home in on the facts – which include my feelings. I also come up with a coping thought to use in the future. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Trai...
Jul 17, 2023•57 min•Ep. 37
I'm observing some surprising behavior from a couple former partners and feeling absolutely ill over it. I practice some observe and describe to figure out what I'm feeling, chat with my wise mind a bit, and ultimately practice opposite action to the guilt that comes up when I'm communicating boundaries. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-ow...
Apr 08, 2023•56 min•Ep. 36
Wanna hear what intellectualizing emotions sounds like? The recording featured in the middle of this episode has a bunch of that. As part of my exposure therapy homework, I'm doing exposure to job hunting and intellectualizing the shit out of my feelings of hopelessness and despair. It's not effective. However, I do end the episode by trying out a new skill: Mindfulness of Current Emotions, specifically riding the wave. And whoda thunk, it's ACTUALLY effective! Helpful resources from this episod...
Apr 04, 2023•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 35
A couple episodes ago, I was dealing with anger about my autism diagnosis. This episode, it’s time for sadness! I’m hopping right on the “it’s hopeless” thought train, heading for a cliff, so I reign myself in with the Distract skill, specifically using comparisons. I also talk about using diary cards and competency tiers to remind me of where I’m skillful. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Ha...
Apr 01, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 34
One of the skills that helps build a life that's worth living in the long-term is identifying one's values. And I hate doing it. Ergo why it's this week's exposure therapy assignment. I go through a couple questions designed to help me imagine what my life might look like when I'm acting from my values. I grumble about it, but I do it anyway. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Work...
Mar 28, 2023•51 min•Ep. 33
Fresh off my autism assessment and with official diagnosis in tow, I’m angry as hell. I have a ton of anger come up over past invalidation from my parents, and walk through the pros and cons of telling them and not telling them. I take a step back and observe and describe how my anger feels in my body, and I practice nonjudgement towards my parents. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version or buy a physical copy from a B...
Dec 19, 2022•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 32
Six weeks into exposure therapy and I’m feeling INCREDIBLY low. I know enough to know judging myself isn't going to help, so I bring out the big guns: the validation skill. Self-validation freaks me the fuck out, so only after doing a bunch of distress tolerance was I able to practice the validation skill on myself re: feeling isolated, angry, abandoned, and hopeless. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version ; DBT Skills...
Dec 09, 2022•1 hr 50 min•Ep. 31
We dive into another therapy session with my therapist during my 6th week of doing exposure to traumatic invalidation. I process a lot of feelings including sadness, rage, and isolation. And my therapist points out how I use non-judgment to invalidate myself. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT handouts used in this epis...
Dec 05, 2022•1 hr 35 min•Ep. 30
I have my first guest!! My sister Ruth joins me to talk about why we get so annoyed when a skill actually works to help us regulate and/or be more effective. We practice some observe and describe with each other, and rant about the Puritans and capitalism. As one does. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT handouts used in...
Nov 21, 2022•1 hr 32 min•Ep. 29
This episode features the first time I’m including a therapy session! I share my 5th week of doing exposure to traumatic invalidation. Listen as my therapist and I go over my homework from the previous week, dive deep into a memory of invalidation, and then process what came up for me. The big skills I practice are observing and describing, and we get some tears in there too. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT...
Nov 19, 2022•1 hr 29 min•Ep. 28
Four weeks into exposure therapy and I’m feeling pretty low. So given that I’m doing exposure to traumatic invalidation, I try my hand at practicing self-validation. I go over what validation is (and isn’t), and then practice validation step-by-step. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT handouts used in this episode: Inte...
Nov 06, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 27
Continued from the previous episode: I go through the process of determining how to process shame that came up during my autism assessment. I Check the Facts and determine my shame is NOT justified, which leads me to practicing Opposite Action to shame. And before the shame goes down, ohhhh boy does it ever go up. One of the key steps of Opposite Action is repeating the action over and over again until the emotion decreases. So we get a little repetitive, but you know what?! It fucking worked! H...
Oct 31, 2022•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 26
While answering a questionnaire for my autism assessment, I have a TON of distress come up. Is it fear? Is it disgust? Is it sadness? I practice some observe and describe to determine that HEY! it's unjustified shame! I do a deep dive into the triggers of shame, how it feels in my body, how I express it, and how it lingers. Check out part 2 (Ep 26) to hear me process my shame. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DB...
Oct 25, 2022•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 25
While doing this week’s exposure assignment (reading my parents’ prayer newsletters), I have a ton of disgust come up. I feel nauseated and generally ill as I practice radical acceptance to all the body sensations, emotions, and thoughts that come up. It's a roller coaster of judgements, stomach gurgles, and a fair amount of repetition. Acceptance isn’t a one-and-done proposition, so this is a long one. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Workshee...
Oct 23, 2022•1 hr 43 min•Ep. 24
Huffing & puffing on the stairs brings up some pretty intense concerns around invalidation: notably potential invalidation around an autism diagnosis and potential invalidation from my dad. I start off doing some mindfulness of current thoughts and then meander into identifying what I need to practice accepting. Spoiler: my feelings about being invalidated are part of what I need to practice accepting. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Works...
Oct 19, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 23
I've got some strong self-destruction urges going on in this episode. My old behavioral patterns of self-harm and dissociated sex are screaming for attention and emotion mind is angling for the steering wheel. What's a human to do? I dig out some wise mind and practice some visualization exercises. And I also practice the fuck out of nonjudgement cause I am determined not to go into a shame spiral. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – ...
Aug 02, 2022•1 hr•Ep. 22
After a rescheduled therapy session is cancelled, I have a very hard day. I have all kinds of thoughts about not being able to get the help I need, and spiral pretty intensely into despair. I practice observing (and describing, cause hey, it's a podcast), and mindfulness to current thoughts. And I judge the fuck out of myself until I understand that my feelings and thoughts are part of the facts of the situation! Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts an...
Jul 18, 2022•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 21
Fresh off a 3-month break, I jump right into feeling like absolute shit. I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and have no idea what the deal is. I practice observing and describing my body sensations and my thoughts, and share what I've learned re: the impact of being invalidated. Oh and I get super judgmental too, so I practice some non-judgement and a bit of self-validation as well. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf v...
Jun 20, 2022•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 20
Normally, I use a lot of skills to keep the metaphorical glass of water from falling off the table. This episode, I practice a skill so I can catch the glass of water before it crashes to the ground. Turning the Mind is annoyingly simple and annoyingly effective. It takes me a while to observe where I'm at, AND once I've done that, the rest happens annoyingly fast. I'm generally annoyed. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf ...
Mar 15, 2022•57 min•Ep. 19
I THINK this will be my last episode about the breakup for a good long while. After a 2-hour long phone call with my former partner, I practice the Mindfulness of Current Thoughts skill and create a mountain of Kleenex. I sit with a lot of thoughts that bring up deep sadness, and while I start off pretty despondent and despairing, I don't stay there, ending on a hopeful note. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT...
Feb 28, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 18
I finally got around to feeling angry about my breakup. My former partner dropped off the last of my stuff and I process ALL the feelings. Well, really, just two: sadness & SO MUCH anger. There's some blame, there's some judgement, there's so much crying. It's shocking, I know, but I end up practicing acceptance too. Go figure. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – bu...
Feb 20, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 17
We made it! The final part of my trauma anniversary trilogy. I describe how the anniversaries feel in my body (including my self-harm urges), read a couple old Facebook posts that double as journal entries, and then get into the meat: acceptance. Acceptance of how my trauma anniversaries have gone so far, and acceptance of my judgements about it. Oh and I'm super annoyed about it too. Helpful resources from this episode:DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf ver...
Feb 13, 2022•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 16
Here's some more traumaversary content for you! I've got some serious librarian voice going on this episode, recording while recovering from a cold. I use the Pros and Cons skill to address my self-harm urges. But this isn't your mother's pros & cons list - listen to learn more! Helpful resources from this episode: DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version; DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – buy the manual from a Black-owned book store! DBT h...
Feb 11, 2022•55 min•Ep. 15
