Change Your Story, Change Your Life, with Bridget Cook-Burch

Bridget Cook-Burch: I'm so delighted to be here. I love your premise. I love what you stand for, and I'm excited for our talk today. Let's jump right in with a moment that really changed your life, which I understand was a near death experience for you? Bridget Cook-Burch: Yes, well, for a long time I didn't talk about it because it was such a sacred and bewildering experience to me. But now I share it quite frequently

because it happens to more people than you think. But for me, it was so extraordinary because, you know, I was in the hospital, I'm listening to nurses outside in the corridor, and they're saying she's not going to make it until morning. And so I just had the most extraordinary sadness, because I knew I had not fulfilled the measure of my creation. I just

knew I didn't know what I was here for. I was working three jobs, going to school, like working myself to the bone, which is why I was in the hospital, and here I am unable to get better. And what we didn't know was one of the medications they were giving me was killing me. So I came in sick and got sicker, and then I had this extraordinary presence that filled my room with so much unconditional love Gary that it changed my whole world. And I was I was told I was being given

a second chance at life. And I woke up and they had been giving me intravenous antibiotics in what's called a subclavian and the heart, because I was so emaciated, I couldn't have a regular IV. And I picked out to the nurse, I said, I can have all of these, but I can't have this one. And she looked at me like I was crazy. She was like, this is the only thing saving your life. We thought you were going to die. And I said, No, seriously, this one's killing me. The rest of these I can

have. Well, she looked at me like I was a French fresh eye of a happy meal, that's for sure, right? She refused to take me off of it, but I was so adamant that she went to speak to the doctor. And fortunately, he'd had other patients who'd had these type of experiences. And so he said, Well, I think we better listen to this. We can take her off. She's on the rest of these, and we'll see how she does. And 24 hours later, I

walked out of the hospital and on my own power. So it was a profound experience. Wow, wow. And so through that experience, you learn the power of a story, that if you can change your story, you can change your life. So what sort of things did you start telling yourself to regain control of your own narrative? Bridget Cook-Burch: What was fascinating when I got out of the hospital, you know, I had a lot of fixed beliefs about

myself, so I'd been adopted. I had three sets of parents. By the time I was six months old, I was always waiting for the big people to go away, you know, like I could only trust so much, and I was fairly independent, because I I just, I didn't feel supported until the hospital, and suddenly it was like, Oh, I can't tell that same story. It's not true. And all of a sudden, I was able to look into the eyes, well, my own eyes, for the first

time, and see love there. That was extraordinary. But then as I went out into the world, I wasn't afraid of people anymore. I could look into the eyes of anyone like I can see real people, and I can see potential, and I see who they are without their story, and I also see the importance of their story to them. And so just working with them to disentangle sometimes fixed beliefs from from those that are, that are the truth for them is really been extraordinary.

As you've been successful as a storyteller and writer, you've had several national best sellers, including Divine Turbulence, The Witness Wore Red, Shattered Silence, and there's been others. How did you go through this whole process of putting this on paper and putting into a story? Bridget Cook-Burch: Well, it's a little miraculous, that's for sure. In my estimation, the first book that I went to write,

I was so taken with the lessons of gang kids. You know, they came from different worlds than I did, and I was so fascinated by who they were and what they had experienced already, so young, and then where they were headed, and I thought, wouldn't it be great to write a story of redemption? Right? So a kid really gets in a lot of trouble, the blood in, blood out, mentality, like you have to spill blood to get in and and you can't get out. And that's what was happening in Denver at

the time, as I was working with these kids. And. What if you could be forgiven in your community, forgive yourself and feel like you could be forgiven by God, like, what? What could happen then? And so I was playing with this idea. Was writing some things, but one night, in the middle of the night, I had a dream, and I had character scenes, plots. I say I even had eye color, because it's true, I wrote. I wrote for

hours, like from two o'clock in the morning until about 10. I wrote this whole novel out, thinking it was fiction, and then I had to do some research, because a lot of the kids that I worked with in Denver were Nuestra Familia and the Bloods and the Crips and, you know, some of the local gangs. But in my dream, it was a skinhead. And so I was like, well, that's fascinating, you know? So I, I had to do some research, and I

come across this guy's website, a former skinhead. Everything Gary that he had written about his life, everything that I had written about in my fictional novel, were in Dan. It was crazy. Wow. There were so many things that were the same that I'm like, this is the guy. And then he said, I'm looking for someone to write my life story. If you know of anyone, have them call me. And I thought he's got to think I'm crazy. Who is this

crazy? Whack, a woman. But I did call him, and his story was different than my novel, but the big, main turning points were all the same. And so that's why, to me, it felt really miraculous. A young woman read his story, and she said, I think if there's a writer who could take a story of so much darkness but create hope and healing, it would be you. And then she said, I'm the daughter of the happy face serial killer. Would you write my life story and Gary, I gotta tell you, I I was so

floored, I did not know what to do in that moment. I kind of like, How in the world could you ever write an inspiring, love filled story about the daughter of a serial killer? But we did. Her dad was always weird, but he was also the Savior. So there was this like pendulum swing of behavior with him. So part of him was the Savior that would come into town and fill her poor mother's cupboards with food and buy her blue jeans, right, and

the things that a teenager needs and sustenance. And so he was the Savior in some regards, and then in other things, you know, we always had these detective novels, and you know, duct tape in his in his truck. But every trucker has duct tape. You know, there were things that she never put together in her mind. Because, why and how would you ever do that? You wouldn't write about your own, your own parent. But when she found out, it was

very life shattering. It was difficult too, because when we came out with the book, there were people that were saying, you know, you're benefiting from your father's killing, and usually those were the victims families, but when they read her story, there was so much healing that took place. Because, you know, no one had ever written a book like this before. And she's successful now, you said she's a successful producer, right?

Bridget Cook-Burch: She is incredibly successful. She's created a lot of shows on A & E and other beautiful cable networks, and she's known for bringing compassion to to true crime. So she did one called monster in my family, and she brought together victims families as well as the serial killers families, so like the Boston bomber and others that they were able to come together and understand each other and heal. Gosh, that's crazy. That's crazy good. Bridget Cook-Burch: Crazy amazing.

So your storytelling is such an important part of leaving a legacy, that's so much in our company is called Southwestern Legacy Insurance Group, and it's all about, what are you doing to leave behind for others and your actions today? And it's not just money and leaving money behind. It's your, it's everything that you're leaving behind. Bridget Cook-Burch: Gary, I've got to tell you, I've had three

businesses in my lifetime that have legacy in them. My publishing company is Inspired Legacy Publishing and Inspired Legacy LLC is my overarching business. I think we have a lot in common. I love it. Love it. So why is story more important than money or a monument or an award? Bridget Cook-Burch: You know, we have been telling stories since

the dawn of time. You know, we first began with with sticks and and petroglyphs, right and and drum beats and other things, but around campfires, we have been using the power of story and then words and language as it came about, ever since the dawn of time, and it's how we learn roles. It's how we learn to relate to one another. It's it's how we learn the heroes and she rose journey, you know, which is very cyclical, and some of us will be on three or four of those in our lifetime,

especially if we're adventurous. But I will tell you that. Uh, the power of story, especially the stories that we love and believe in, really dictate what we manifest and choose to create

in the world. Because if we believe to our core that we're not enough, that the world is an unsafe place, that life sucks, that there's never enough money, that there's, you know, we we believe those things, we move forward in life as if that is true for us, and we will find that truth wherever we go if we choose to believe that the world is great and that there's messy people, but the world is inherently great and there's goodness in everyone, and that there is something for us to

learn every single day, and that there is a beautiful legacy that we can leave the world. Then we begin to act accordingly. We begin to manage our behaviors in a different way. We do all kinds of things we wouldn't do if we believed the world was rotten, and by believing that the world is good, we create incredible miracles each individual. And I've seen it over and over and so those are just the stories that we tell ourselves. Then

there's the stories that we relate to our children. Then there's the stories we give as teachers, the stories we give, you know, as an insurance agent, as a business person at their story after story after story. We're built on stories. We are more story than just about anything else when you think about it. How do you inspire someone to change their story?

Bridget Cook-Burch: One of the things I found most effective is to work with people on what their core values are, or one of my authors that she's writing a book, it has to do with what she calls it's in your bones, innate drivers. But we all have these

intrinsic values, and they are story driven. But when we get in touch with those, and we recognize like to my core, oh, my goodness, I am these amazing things, and this is what I stand for, and this is what I believe in, then suddenly that that tends to have an energetic effect on now, how am I going to show up today? It's so true. That is so huge. The deeper question than that, how do you get a person, Bridget, to even know what their "why" is, if they don't know?

Bridget Cook-Burch: Right? Well, I have seen the power of knowing the why. In Japanese, they call it ikigai, your reason for breathing like you find these ways to get down to that inherent self of I have a purpose on the planet, you know, and in in ikigai, it's doing something that you're good at, that you love, so that passion comes through, but also something that will serve the world. I don't know if you've ever like seen the fishmongers in in Seattle, at Pike's place?

I have. They're so excited and throwing the fish around and the whole thing. Bridget Cook-Burch: They have the stinky, smelliest job on the planet. They have to get up at like, 3:30 or four in the morning, and they're freezing cold and full of slime. They

have the best time. And this is what is possible. No matter what your job is, I don't care if you're an accountant or a data programmer or or whatever it might be like, we have the ability to to find our why and then bring that why out into the world. But I will tell you this, when a corporate culture actually loves the why and incorporates like, here's the

why of our business, here's the why of our team. Now let's get down to the whys of our individuals that make up this team, and let's see how we can do extraordinary things together. That's when the magic happens. That becomes amazing, because then there's three different stories that can coalesce beautifully together, and individuality and purpose all come together. It's amazing.

It's interesting how the all of this kind of comes into the story, and creating the story, and being able to share stories from different perspectives, where a person would think a serial killer's daughter's story would not be good. But really, in reality, it brings out so many good things to take a look at crime in a different way, right?

Because people get so narrow minded in certain things in life, and if they just store it sounds to me and I and what I believe this is what you're saying, that story gives people a blank canvas to look at it in a different way. Right? Is that it? Bridget Cook-Burch: Oh, absolutely. You know that old saying that, that we learned as kids, never judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Tell you something.

Anytime I have held a judgment, God will bring me a person in a story, and all of a sudden I get blown away, and that judgment is blown out of the water, but it's like you have an opportunity in a book to walk more than a mile in a man or a woman's shoes or a child's shoes. You get to see like the inner processing and and the reactions to things that have happened in the world, and

then what this person decides to make of it. And so I write more extreme stories, but they have an indelible impression, because somewhere along that wavelength, someone can find themselves like, probably not to the full extreme, but they can find a piece of their own story in the rises and falls of this character, and then how they overcame such tragedy, their own

dark night of the soul and really rose. And they're like, Wow, if this person can do if the daughter of a serial killer can get up in the morning and create a life of joy for her family and for the world like maybe I can get out of bed today. I can find a place where I can be a contribution. Maybe I can face this Goliath of paperwork that is that I'm facing today, where I can, I can face this, this health challenge that I'm that I'm facing, and so we do. We find power in these

stories? I first saw it in a lot of entrepreneurs, but I have also seen this through the years. I've done some work with AT and T lucid technologies, many other businesses through the years, and I saw when they could be uber effective at telling stories, and I saw when they failed. And you know, even Warren Buffett says, like, if you want to be worth 60% more in your lifetime, understand how to express yourself on paper and in

person. And so I'll give you an example. I was on a leadership retreat that I was hosting in Italy for women, and there was a woman that was just this extraordinary, kind, incredible, loving woman, and she had a health business, and it was failing, and so we talked about her story, and inside of it, she had some grief, because she'd lost her husband to some medical issues, and she'd been a western medicine physical therapist, and had done all kinds of things in that but she lost her father,

her mother and her husband in quick succession, and she saw some problems, like huge problems in western medicine that impacted the life that they had and how quickly they went to their death. So she went into more Eastern medicine and found these really effective things that she's so passionate about telling people, but she didn't say her why. She didn't tell her why. So she's trying to shove this eastern idealism and some

some solutions onto people, and they were just pushing back. So we started to work with her story, and what she what she learned to do, was to watch, and if someone was, you know, struggling with health, or they were having these things that she would say, I want to I want to share with you my experience. And then she would share a bit of her story and why she was doing what she did, and now what she knew could help them, and the no strings attached, she's like, I just love people so

much. I want them to be well, and you're someone I would love to be well. And suddenly she was having clients coming out of the woodwork. So it's, it's, that's a simple one, but the same thing happens in corporate all the time. So making sure that the culture is in alignment with the story, and that the that the team actually has buy in to the why? Why are we here to serve people? What is it that we can do that actually improves the

lives of of our customers, of our clientele? And when people become on fire about that, whole cultures change, and the numbers change as well. Absolutely, I want to shift gears for a moment and talk about the importance of persistence. You ooze, like, I'm not giving up, but talk to me about how it's affected your life. You call it your inspired story. Talk a little bit about

persistence in your life and how important it is. I mean, you ran a trucking company, you ran a phone book, PR agency, I bet you, without even asking, persistency was there in all three of those cases. Bridget Cook-Burch: Absolutely, absolutely. In fact, I came to learn a lot by failure too, how persistence was absolutely key to be able to succeed. And you know, there are different stages

that you go through as you're building business. And usually there's a little bit of self sacrificial, you know, parts in the beginning of almost any business, until it can stand for itself. And so I definitely went through those stages as well. But there's also, you know, when you have a dream that's so rich and fulfilling, then there is that. There's a passion to your

persistence, there's there's a beauty to it. But anyone who gets up in the morning and goes to bed every night understands that there's going to be rises and falls, there's going to be things. That come at you and understanding that we're messy humans, and we all have these come froms that we're learning and growing from. Instead of being in so much judgment like I used to be of myself, I have learned to be a lot more self compassionate and to understand the lessons, and I will tell you

what I have like a I have a very creative mind. I have some ADHD qualities, you know, oh squirrel, oh squirrel, me too. But what I found through books was that I had to temper some of that and and still have vivacity and joy and passion, but also make sure that when I would commit to something that I was in it for the long term. So, you know, books take a while. They generally take about a year, sometimes up to a few years, to complete, depending on the quality and what you're writing

about. And so a little at a time, I learned just how beautiful a long term project could be if I chose to be persistent. Because when I was younger, it was I struggled to finish anything, even my meal, you know, I'd be off and running into something else. Persistence, I have found, as I'm working with business owners and and others, it is the key to success. The one thing that I think is important is sometimes people are dogmatic in their persistence, and they don't fail

fast enough. We have to allow ourselves to fail fast enough too, so we're not hanging on to something that's not working, but allow it to progress to where it needs to go, so that it, it can get out of the way. That's so huge. That is so huge. So what would you say is your professional legacy? Bridget Cook-Burch: That's a beautiful question. And I think what I would share is, is when people do the deep dives into their own stories, their own past, two things happen. Number

one, they heal profoundly. And number two, they like themselves better, and they're more able to become leaders in the world. And so I think my professional legacy is for people to learn that there is power and magic in your story. There is power and magic in your past and in your words and in your patterns and the ability to express those that serve you, serve your family, serve your community, serve your work. And I love, how shall I say this enabling and ennobling leaders? Because I

love it when they find their own answers from the inside out. You know, it's not my job to tell them who they are as a leader, but oh, do I love to spark that process. That's awesome. What would you say is your personal legacy? Bridget Cook-Burch: I think now I'm gonna get a little emotional to be what I experienced in that hospital room, to look into someone's eyes and be unconditionally loving like just to set aside all judgment and to want to hear the story. I think that's my personal legacy.

Do you feel you've arrived there? Bridget Cook-Burch: I feel like I work on it every day. So I feel like the longer I live, the more legacy I have to give. And I'm definitely not done yet. Now, you mentioned a little bit ago about heroes and then sheroes, and there were probably some people going, what's a shero? So you're the co founder and former executive director of Sheroes United, a nonprofit organization that helps women and girls arise from trauma. Can you tell us a bit about sheroes?

Bridget Cook-Burch: Yeah, we're a nonprofit that has been in service to humankind for the last 10 years. Right now, we're working on our one, three and five year plan with 100 year impact, because the work we do, it actually affects generations. It has to do with education, story, advocacy, we've generally helped we're like in prison populations right now, helping

them to tell a new story. We work with victims of human trafficking, victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, and what we provide are the guidance and tools for them to be able to prevent further abuse for themselves and anyone in their generations following, and then also to not only rise beyond abuse, but to thrive beyond abuse, and to be able to use that to become an exceptional leader in their family and their community. Beautiful. So how would people if they wanted to

hear about your books, get your book. Get involved in your organizations. Have you speak for their company, or coach them, or whatever it is you do. How would someone get in touch with you? Bridget Cook-Burch: So you can find me at yourinspiredstory.com, that's one of the easiest ways to reach

out to me. I'm also on Instagram. The Book Whisperer, Bridget Cook-Burch, and Inspired Writers Retreats, which I do a couple times a year, I get a lot of people from many different walks of life around the world, and a lot of people love to come to those to explore their own story. So any of those places would be wonderful. And then our nonprofit is sheroesunited.org.

Well, I really appreciate, Bridget, you coming on the show today, I know you're going to hear from a lot of people because of your kind words and just who you are as a person. What a blessing. Bridget Cook-Burch: Thank you.