Welcome to season three of the Let's Talk the Things Podcast. Can you believe it's season three?
Like I can't.
I feel like we just started two seconds ago.
Now, I know what you're saying. It's been a while.
I know, I know. Just think of me as the human version of mild but my reach. If you're listening to the podcast on Apple Podcast, please remember to rate and leave a comment below. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Let's Talk the Things. Now, grab your tea, coffee, or a glass of wine and Let's
talk the Things. Hello everyone, Welcome back to the Let's Talk the Things podcast, where we discuss person no growth, travel, music and wellness while encouraging you to live fearlessly and fabulously. I am your host, Ash and this week we are talking the things with a true powerhost in the Trinidadian media scene, media personality, host and broadcaster at Trinidad's number one hit music station Hot ninety three, Kemba Joe Hi kJ.
How are you wow for me? It's you.
I'm I'm just eating your accolade. It's not me a promise.
Oh. I am so humbled and so glad to be on here with you and sharing in this space. As I was telling you, you know, full fun girl moman to that I get to share in the Yeah, let's talk the things, all things wonderful things about life. And you went back through when your lil intro there and these are all things that I love. So I am get up for an amazing conversation with you today.
I'm very excited to have you, so thanks for being here. So I know you're an avid listener, but for our new listeners, they wouldn't know. I begin each episode with our listener's favorite segments. You're laughing already, so you guys know it's good.
She's laughing scared.
Upright, and it's called that Nason safe. So what I'm going to do is read messages or social media posts that listeners sent in, and if you think it sounds crazy or a bit concerning, you would respond that nasounds safe and explain why, and if you agree, you say you agree and explain why.
Sounds good? Okay, sounds good? All right?
First one someone asked what's your toxic trait?
And the person.
Replied, I show up for people who don't even show up for themselves, and then wonder why I'm doing all the heavy lifting.
That not songs safe but right because it is, and everyone's throwing around they would, right, it's start codependency out there.
It is a toxic trait more for the person who's overextending themselves because the more you give and give, and yes, we're called to love and we're called to you know, bleed ourselves for the people we care for, really and truly, at some point it's you're gonna kill yourself, right, and the pain and the worry of not having that person reciprocate that not song safe, take care yourself first, absolutely, absolutely.
And I think that as women, a lot of times we are socialized to overextend, right, girl, and especially in our culture, right in Caribbean culture, that's what we're socialized to do. Like we're expected to give our all, to give our last dollar, to give all of our energy, you know, when we have family or are married or have kids, to just focus on them.
And of course, and nothing is wrong with going the extra miles for these people that we care to what costs? So, yeah, what is today? Is it Sunday at church?
No, it's true, it's true, and I remember I forgot where I heard it, but basically the fact that everything has a cost, right, So when you make any decision in life, you have to think, like, what is this costing me?
Number one?
And like you said earlier, and I think that was so well said, it's really the person over extending that's toxic. I think a lot of times when we've been in those positions of over extending, you think like, why is this person not you know, reciprocating or how could they not see I'm so great and I've done all these things, but that's not their job. If you do something right and you see that it's not appreciated and you continue to do it, I mean, that's not come on, you know what I mean?
Dan a right, and you're absolutely right. So I mean, as you get sex for a little bit, that is actually something that I've been teaching my son. So I have a son preteen age at this stage, and I'm not trying to make the decisions for him as much as I'm trying to help him understand this is the cost of this thing that you want to do. So, okay, you want to play video games and not go to
bed at a decent hour. Sure, what's the cost of the decision of you staying up late and not going to bed, and how will you pay for it the next day? Do we have an early start? Do you have to you know, not be completely zonked out on a screen? At what cost? I say that with my employees as much as I'm in media as well. You know, corporate is the beginning of my entire career and it's just played a role in everything that I do. And that's something that I tell my employees as well. Okay,
so you made this decision at what cost? Right? Or you're going to do this thing? My friends, people that I care for sure, go ahead and do this thing, you know, at what cost? And I feel like when we start asking ourselves that question, I could do this footyboot At what cost? Am I robbing them of their own accountability? Am I keeping them from learning the lesson that they perhaps need to learn? And at what cost?
So I'm with you, absolutely, absolutely no, that's for sure. That's definitely something to think about and maybe something that people can take with them this year. You know, as far as I know, it's still early in the year and everyone's deciding like what their goals are still or maybe what their.
Word is for the year.
Because the way January has been going, I want to do over February first, but that's another another time.
Listen, I'm giving myself till April because the real New Year is when spring time. Right, That's true, That's true.
I would have to agree with you on that for sure.
Okay, the next.
One, what has been someone's ride or die gotten you? Besides writing and energetically dying? Yeah?
I agree? Yeah, what has it costed? What? Tell me again? I think you blow me your way and got the phrasing right. Yes, what has it cost me? Being the writer? What are you saying?
What has been someone's ride or die gotten you besides besides just writing and energetically dying?
Weight loss? Look at Maga, Look at Maga, Maga and not the good guy. Yes, yes, that will do it. These stress of this thing. And I am loyal too. I always say, if I had to talk to trade, it would be loyal to Afford because when I'm in your corner, I'm in your corner. I am learning that I could be in your corner and you can do wrong and then we get to grow through it. But once upon a time, once I'm in your corner, you could do no wrong, and that has definitely the ride
has been magavell skinny skinny, lose it. And then I also think, you know, missed opportunities. And I feel like, oftentimes, and maybe you relate to this as a Caribbean person, we stick with the people that we care for. We band together right with our friendships and our you know, close knit people because you're like, well, this is the
threat that keeps us together. But right or die? How so imagine I am not giving myself the opportunity to form friendships with people, true story, because you do something to my friend. I am the friend where you can't break up with my friend because I pass and you straight right, you've done wrong forgive me place right right? You know, my I wasn't not watching now all because because how are you going to my friend that? You
know what I mean? I agree, I feel like the added stress for sure, and mostly in a romantic sense to being a ride or die Bonnie and Clyde, Okay, you just said it at what cost? Like to what end am I going to do that? And I do? I do agree. I definitely agree that. Yeah, we ride in and then dieing energetically agree.
And I just feel like the ride is never quite smooth, it's giving roller coaster, it's it's not it's not what you think it is. But I think it's a lesson that our mothers, grandmothers, you know, just in the realm of women can't really tell us, you know, because I know we've all been in that space where we think our mothers or grandmothers specifically mothers though because that's a.
Little bit closer.
Yeah, we feel like they weren't once our age, like they were just born old, you know, like you know, it's something. It's something when you're like a teenager, young adult or even us being in our thirties, like you think like, oh, you don't really know or that was then this is no. And the world is really cyclical, like it's a lot of the experiences are very similar, you know what I mean, even if we're in different times.
So I I they used to see the old people used to see yogo lu. Yeah, you go find out when you're reached what I reach, you go understand and listen. It's a good thing. Who though taste too much like right?
And it's true, Like you know, there's a saying in Jamaica, who don't hear will feel, you know, and it's like, you know.
How you go feel, We have that too. Yeah, it's like you have to experience it.
And like you said, I used to be very much like that. Like the way I initially viewed friendship was that you know, this is a person you can trust, and this is a person that you know, like you just said, if somebody does them wrong, especially a man, it's like you're done with them. But then I got to realize, wait a minute, that's specific to not only my culture as in being Jamaica or being Caribbean, but also my family.
Like just what I thought, that's the family culture.
Right, that's the exception to the rule. And I found that it was doing me a disservice because then I became known as the loyal friend, the writer or die if you will. But everybody else just did what they wanted. So if you know I needed you, or you know I had to if I needed your help for something or your advice or anything, it was like, ah, she's fine, Like she can handle it.
And you know we've lived the same life. Clearly we have. Because then that almost ironically, as loyal as we are, makes us replaceable or the feeling that we're replaceable, because when people believe by our actions, especially that well I could do this person whatever and they will stick around, then they take it. They take a idiot, and you know that just does not, it's true, sit well with
me anymore. And it's so funny that you say that I have been growing through and healing through, you know, probably one of the most devastating ends of a friendship that you know, I think it will go down in history as the one, the one I had to learn the most from, you know, and I love I still love that person two pieces. I've just had to learn now what that has got me in the end. So all right, it's true.
And just to close the loop on that, I think that when you've lived your life being the loyal person or the writer die and you know, experienced teacheth wisdom, right, so you get older and you go through things and you realize, wait a minute, this is what was happening or this is how this person was treating me, and then you decide to you know, not do that anymore.
If you should say or like put yourself first, then you become the villain because the person is now looking at you like, wait a minute, I used to be able to get away with this behavior, so why all.
Of a sudden.
So it's a very odd dynamic that somebody that has maybe not been treating you the best, or you know, just not being a reciprocal friend, or you know, a romantic partner or a family member or whoever, they would be so shocked the fact that you're putting yourself first. You know what, I the day, every time yourself.
You have to you have every time, every time, and you know what, the very first couple of times, it's going to be terrible. You're gonna feel awful for doing this thing. But that's the beauty of boundaries, right. The more you practice that thing that is really important to you, the easier it becomes over time, or it doesn't, it
doesn't scare you as much. You might still be scared, right, God, here we go again, But that the first one will will hurt, you know, hopefully you learn from it, and then the other one doesn't hurt as much, and it also doesn't take as much time because you're like, oh, hold on, I've seen the way that this two on
two is full exactly, not twenty two. And then you can either speak up earlier to resolve it, to work through the conflict or realize and doesn't make sense exactly exactly exactly, so it's it's burning.
But you know everybody takes their own individual time. So life, right, that's exactly life. Indeed, all right, I'm.
Okay, so all right, so far, so good.
All right, a few more so the next one. I am in my anti era, so please do not invite me anywhere where I will not have a place to sit.
That song kind of unsid, Okay, you have to explain that one, of course. So my initial thing was, yeah, I a one hundred percent agree because I have to sit, but don a song safe because I am also Caribbean and I love Carnival, and therefore I could go off fat and stunt up whole night, jump, whole night seat nothing. No, it's I go on the road for two days, right right, kind of a Monday and Tuesday. One of easier is you're going to have to really come. I am not
tired at all. And then there are are the events where it is who it is? What kind of please? Where's the chair? My old people back is killing me?
No, I agree, and I'm glad you brought up carnivals, because we're definitely going to talk about that. But I'm with you, Like I'm known in my friend group as the one that does not sit down, Like when it comes to music, a dance floor, a dance floor, I hate to see me coming. Okay, I need to see me coming. And I've been that way since I was little, you know, Like I just say, I love music. I
love to dance. My parents love to dance. I used to find it very embarrassing, but they just love get it from, you know, to show I'm with you.
I'm with you.
It's kind of like teetering on the lineup. And it also depends on what shoes I have on, because let me tell you.
Girl and burning. Yeah, you have to know the right tell you the right story. Listen. And you know, when you're young and stupid, you want to go to the club dressed to the nine. All of the millennial posts about like going to the club and business.
Oh my god, like.
Insane, insane, right, but those those pumps right, someone, I'm heeled, wasn't it? I have taken my shoes off in a club before I know. It's embarrassing. It's down a sound safe for sure, but no, my why my toes must be burning me? And so now I've learned we do flat a full platform in the kind of spice girls era will get you through it. And I know a lot of fashionists out there will probably say terrible things about this. Give me a wedge. Let me wear a
wedge from now until because I'll be good. I'll be really comfortable. You can have a good time.
Like I find that when you're uncomfortable, you can't really enjoy yourself, you know, in any.
Kind of way, whether it's you shoe or the dress, or the environment or the energy, it's just not going to be. So that was a kind of innimate. I agree with you.
That one, all right, Next one, I have to stop letting people who are at war with themselves destroy my energy.
Amen, I agree one thousand percent. Tying back into you know, the whole topic or the previous ones, right, So when you believe that you're loyal to fold or when you you know, just have to be in this space with this person at whatever caused. Yeah, But now when I recognize the storm inside of somebody else, I can hold grace, I can hold space. I can have compassion and empathy,
having walked through many a storm in my life. But there's there's a health distant and that's what a lot of folks tend to call a boundary, right, which is the distance between myself loving me and loving you too, or something to that effect. And yeah, no, please please stay away. That is dangerous because you're at war with yourself. Anybody that tries to get closed is going to automatically become the enemy in your war, because you are an enemy to yourself.
So I agree at absolutely, And I think one of the most dangerous things is envy. I think it's worse than jealousy or any other type of emotion. And I think when you stay around persons, particularly friends that have only time and time again that they actually really don't like you, And sometimes they don't even know that they don't like you, but you can tell by their actions that they have just distained for you, And if you continue to place yourself in their environment, that can be
very dangerous. So you know, I'm holding space for all those things, but when it gets to you seeing some sign of envy in that way, I'm holding run like you can run it, because you know I'm not.
Even letting you exit. I exit must say exactly, you can stay, I peep this thing, and I am gone because I can what cost and that those kinds of situations have fueled the low self esteem or the unwithiness or really feeling like, well, I clearly have to be the problem if X y Z keeps happening. And it's only when you really break free from that kind of torture, because that's really what it is, and then you allow yourself to honor your boundaries any things that are important
to you. When people come along that are not envious or that really do care for you, I love you, you see the difference in the way that they treat you, and then you feel that. So you feel that, and then.
You're wondering why were you suffering all this time?
And then you simply look at yourself with compassion and say, I did the best I could have with what I knew.
And you know what, that's the bright and cherry answer. But I found that in addition to that, or that was something I got to after my first emotion was being upset. Because once you experience like what a friendship, let's say, let's just stick with that, it's supposed to feel like you're like, what the heck was I putting up with NBC?
And D like what? Correct? It's not the anger for me, I don't know me and anger of a really interesting relationship. I get sad. I just I feel a deep sense of sadness more than I feel anger. I feel anger, yes, but it's fleeting. There is a sadness that stays with me sometimes. When I said and I realized, wow, I really put up a duetition this time, there's no way.
And of course, you know, sitting in the sadness and in the grief of because that's really kind of what it is, right, it's the grief in some way, and that's a dark cloud, and I mean if you sit there too long it gets unhealthy as well. And then you move into pharaoh skies and the rain clouds pods, and then you really get to focus and love the fact that, at least for me, I love the fact that I learned. I learned something from this, and and
that's where it's it's a charity side of things. So for sure, it's the entire process, all of these odd feelings, the terrible stuff, what I was really doing, And then you get to that with compassion, h to the other side. That's right, the only wall just through absolutely only way.
I just through absolutely and I think for me also, I don't have any bad feelings towards that person or those people like I actually feel bad for them. That's so that's where I feel sad. I feel sad for them because when you open your eyes and you recognize, wait, you only treated me this way because you likely saw something in me that I didn't even see in myself. So you figured that if you treated me this way,
what would happen what you said earlier. You're gonna get low self esteem, You're gonna think, wait, something is wrong with me. You're chasing after this person, so you're fueling their ego and their sense of importance. And then once you come to the realization that waits a minute, I don't have to put up with this, or I don't need this, or I don't and it's like they're looking at you like wait, wait, wait no, but I need
you to be this person. I need you to allow me to pour my hate for myself onto you because it makes me feel good.
You know what I mean.
So it's kind of like for me, I just come to a point where I'm like, whoa, I if anything, and I feel bad. I feel bad for you, Like I really, I really hope that you change that, you know what I mean, because you're not living a full life by the envy or jealous exactly or whatever you are exactly. That's really sad. But like you said, it's a lesson righting.
It is it is it And that's the only thing I remember having. A friend of mine lost her brother tragically terrible accident and and you know, connecting with the family over the month after his passing. I spoke to his mom while their mom and I asked her, I said, you know, how are you able to get up and face the day? And she said something, She's like, you really have to forgive them because they know not what they do. And I was like, it took a while.
It took years for me to really understand what she meant by that. And as you were sharing just now about feeling sad for them, that's the moment and it's almost like, Okay, wow, I feel sad, yes, And then it's almost like I'll send her a positive thoughts on.
Positives right right, because the sadness that you have to feel for yourself is huge you know, And it's not about being righteous or you know, as Christians and Caribbean people as well, we have to be careful.
With how those things can come across. And it's not the I'm forgiving you to make it to heaven. There's a true, true sense of compassion and a true sense of healing that comes with forgiveness, whether it's for yourself or whether it's for those who have wronged you. The full feeling of healing to then not repeat the pattern comes for me at least, has come from sitting with forgiveness. They may never be sorry, but it's okay. Yeah, I'll be okay.
It is.
It is, I'll be okay even if they're never sorry. So Envy, jealousy, you know, not loving themselves enough. I am becoming their punching bag all of those things. Okay, I I need to find a way to be okay even if they never apologize. So taken the things today?
Okay, two more, I'm the next one. Normalize luxury in your life. Suffering is not an achievement.
Agree, Yeah, agree, one thousand percent. Agree. Little things, it could be the big things. I made a big girl decision just this week. How are they letting us be the adults. But some may look at it as luxury, but I'm looking at it as a way to not suffer. So there's big things, and it's the investment in myself and in my craft and in things that will help me to then enjoy and not have to suffer all unlemit tell you it is as small as at least for me, simple luxuries, getting ice cream at the end
of hard day, right going doing my nails. Girl. I don't know when I became this. I must do my nails when someone puts on. I don't know when when that happened, you came along. I mean, I can tell you when the exact day and time. But this shift and sometimes simple luxuries like that helped to reduce the suffering, whether it is because the nails were not looking Rabbi or the suffering of just ceiling down and outs. I agree, no luxury me please, Yes, we are not suffering overhead
time for that day exactly. I agree. That's definitely sound safe, very very safe. Okay.
And the last one, which I think is perfect. It just kind of bring everything together that we've spoken about thus far in this segment. Knowing when to leave is so important, the job, the party, and the relationship.
It's safe, I agree, save for an Selassie, I brief, chase, lock it up, put it in. I can't marriage. Oh it has to be, it has to be, it has to be. And sometimes I don't know, tell me if you agree, right. Sometimes sometimes you not really know when it is time, but you know when it is time.
Oh, yes, your body is telling you. Your body is telling you, but your brain, especially going back to what we talked about being loyal and the whole writer Die thing, is saying, well, maybe such and such didn't mean it, or maybe I'm taking it mm hmmm, or.
Maybe I could endure a little bit more of whatever this thing is. Or I knew what I signed up for when I said I will do this thing, and so I'm going to do it anyway, because like my loyalty, my level of commitment is sometimes too high and I don't know when it's time for me to dress back and say hold on, what's really going on here? And enough is enough? And then the courage that it takes to admit that. So yeah, So you don't always there's never a right time, but there is always a right time.
Absolutely at the same time. Absolutely, I love that perfect perfectly. Yeah, oh wow, amazing. I feel like the next one if I get to be to talk the things again, we had to guess some more crazy to say. Nothing apart from me, I think the first two or the first one was really out there. Everything else has been such an important part of this journey that I have been on and the learning that I keep having to show
up in the this. You know, I can't get over the introduction that you gave me, and it's you.
I'm just delivering it. But that's that's who you are. I think it's sometimes it's a beautiful thing to hear other people talk about your accolades and your achievements because I think, probably.
Don't say it to yourself. I mean, who does that you know exactly? And or maybe truly I just don't see it because so much of what I do in this space of life, you know, media or otherwise, it's fun. I just go in and I just have fun. And I think because I go in and I have fun, I don't see, yeah, what other people see. So thanks my fun.
Yes, So that was both will say, hilarious and insightful. But no, it's time to really talk the things. Sure, so you've built an incredible career in media, as you briefly spoke about. So I wanted to know what's one thing that you did early on that you could say or you would say it helped you push past any fear of failure.
Hmmm mm hmmm. I'm going to quote my program director at Hot ninety three, Big of War repe just press play, press play, get out of my head and worrying about if the volume levels are right and if Mike is positioned properly in the studio, and just press play. And that's been something. Yeah, take action. That is the taking the action. So I think for sure, yeah, doing that and then if I can maybe stick in like a secondary thing that has helped ask a lot of questions,
Just ask the questions. Sit with the pros in the space, the people that have been doing it for years, sit at their feet, and learn from them of zoo, how they have mastered their craft, and not that you want to be like them, but just observe how they show up in the space. And most times what I've seen is imperfection. Any sense of you know, you forget to press a button, not something is to a level is too low, a level is too high. But they really just they just press play. They just do it. I
love that. I love that play. Yeah, that's beautiful.
Yeah, And I think you know, there's really no perfect moment. Sometimes you just have to go for it.
You know, if we wait for the perfect moment, we're going to be waiting on each sidelines for But that's true, that nothing whatever have. That's so because the form. Let's you know, to think of your podcast too. You got up one day and you said, I'm doing this right. How do you waited for the perfect space and location and schedule for all of the episodes? It probably would not be this thing that you've now curated for three seasons, you know, uncounting, right, you just kind of freeze in
the need for perfection. But you just got up and you did it. And it may not be the same every single time, but you still your press play.
In your case, in your case, your press record literally and figuratively.
Yeah, it's exactly exactly that. Yep.
Thinking about or I guess staying on that topic. In a world where so many people, especially you know as women, are maybe just doubting themselves a lot, what would you say to someone that's hesitant to take that first step, you know, like to just press play.
As you said, that's a really good one. Trust in yourself, Trust in yourself, trust that that you can do it, whether you have the applause or not, trust in yourself, and then do it. Do it imperfectly, do it, maybe not as consistently, but just do it the thrill of oh my god, I did this thing, like I really what? Yeah, that's gonna and you know what. And you may take two steps and then get shy again and stop. Just
don't go backwards. Trust yourself to stay in place, and then trust yourself to take one little step again, or if you really want to go big, take the leap of faith. Trust yourself that you're ready to do it and that you'll be enough in whatever whatever chance you take. And maybe it won't work out the first time, or maybe it won't work out perfectly okay, and then learn from it and then dush yourself off again. For first you don't succeed. Hey, I was like, I don't want to interrupt.
I don't want to interrupt your flow with my foolishness.
Let me say I've been saying it. If at first you don't succeed A Liah said it perfectly, and then they are all of the other philosophical ways of saying what is the same? Yeah, you know? Okay again, So if your knees puts a little, you know, Ginger Violet, you know the Ginger Violet Denies Poople stuff and on the bruise and go again. Just tiger Bomb, the Tiger BOMBI whatever it is. And yeah, trust that album. My advice. Trust yourself. You're capable. Yeah, I love that perfectly.
Well, a little music segment, speaking of music and entertainment. Music and entertainment are obviously a major part of your life. So how do you think music has shaped who you are today?
It's everything, It's everything of who I am today, family history, story time. My parents met in a band. Oh wow, so they have that their musicians. My mom is a whiz at anything with strings, just as far as I'm concerned. She loves amazing on the piano and recorder, wind instrument. She's just musically inclined. And my dad is a drummer. So when they met in the band, my mom came in to do voice and keys, and my dad was a drummer. So music has Foreshore shaped every single thing
that I have ever known myself to do. Growing up in a house with musicians. Yeah, the instruments everywhere. It's a late night reheusal. My little sister when growing up, you know, she would have performed in and competed in collipse of competitions during carnival season. So you know, I had to drag myself out, you know, from school to a clipse of competition or whatever the cases. So I can't ever see myself without music. It will be, I think, the greatest tragedy if I were to ever attempt to
live life without music. It is absolutely shaped every cell of who I was, who I am, and who I will continue to become. I love it. Well.
We do have a couple of things in common. That is a drummer, and my dad used to play with Byron Lee and the Dragonairs, Whoa and yeah, and you know in his in the majority of his career to tend the metals and like Bob Marley and all these different kinds of people. So I grew up with es the entire life. So what you're saying, I one hundred percent resonate with that. My mom, though, is not musically incline.
My mom's more like.
Educated, has the whole heap of degrees like that type of thing. So yeah, that part is not so much. But my mom loves music though, so you know what I mean, Like, even though she doesn't play an instrument or anything like that, she loves music like I Just like I told you earlier, both my parents loved dancing.
So either way, music was always around me.
So whether it was hearing you know, the band my dad was in, or just being in the car with my mom or you know, going to different functions with her and they're playing music. That's where I get it from because my mom does not know how to sit down.
She's the entire time I have these same parents. So as much as you know my parents met in a band, my mom was a primary school teacher for just shy of about forty years. She only recently retired. Yeah, that's right, and she's just as much all of those things, you know, teaching and additional certifications and degrees, and then decided, you know, she was going to go get her official degree music and that open door she went and got certified to do.
Was it dyslexia? Is that something with dyslexia, and so she learned how to identify children with special needs in that way with learning challenges. She's done it all and she music is still at the core of everything that she's done. And I have vivid memories and it's only
as you mentioned, you know, your dad's own journey. I've been in a studio with my godfather, who is you know, also a prominent musician and stuff in Trinidad, and he I have memories of being in the studio and there are certain songs that I hate and it takes me back to I can smell the you know, the cushion walls in a recording studio. How it's the sponge. I can smell the sponge if I hear certain songs or you know, you go all these years later you meet people, Oh,
you know this is my daughter. You remember when we would and she was under the table. Now my new Isagela like to sleep, so we have to be outlked, no problem. I am going to write sleeping when I have to wait. And you know, the memory that is probably most prominent, and I encourage you, if you've not yet seen it, is to look up panas P A N A Z. Z literally Panjazz and Daddy was, you know, a drummer with Panas for a long time. And I'm
sure you have those memories too. You know, they're traveling for music and they're going on a on a trip and it's all of these things and seeing Panas the movie that was my entire childhood, literally and and it was so weird seeing people be like, oh, Panas is such a great group, and I just know these people as Uncle Barry, you know what I mean, exactly, so so wild. So I like you. I think we share so much in common that way. My mom can hold up.
My mom doesn't say still, either retired or not. She is go away, Mentellia, go away. She will not sit still. And I told her, said, she when I retire, you're not going to catch me doing anything. I said, okay, wait for it. But she has to keep moving. It's just, you know, it's just just what, it's just who she is. And she's really good at anything that I think she puts her mind to. So I think too, that's also where I get some of my inspiration. Just do it.
You know, my mom has been the person and one of the women that I could look up in my life too, and say she really never let anything get in the way of whatever she needed to accomplish, and that is so admirable. So I think having strong women in examples absolutely helps you know, whether it's a family friend, or a boss, or a mentor or a teacher, just a woman who is that level of Okay, if I could do half of what she does, then I feel like I'll bear it. No, I agree.
I feel like I didn't appreciate it as much until I got a little bit older, Like just the benefit of having such a good example of a woman that is just you know, able to focus on her goals, you know what I mean, and not allow people's what we're talking about before, maybe opinions of themselves or hatred of themselves, you know, stop her from doing anything or stop her from being who she actually is, even if
that's different than other people. And I find that when you get older, you understand your mother a lot more, like I understand certain things that she's gone through, or you understand certain behaviors or just how she carried herself. And it's really a blessing because you have a lot
of women that might not have that example. And like you said, they have to look to maybe you know, aunts or friends or godparents or and the truth is, you know anyone you have in your life, right because it could even be a man that's giving you certain
advice or whatever the case may be. But I think it just it lends to the point that it's just so important to have someone in your you know, vicinity that you look up to and you can and particularly when it is a woman, you know, you can say like, oh, you know, I don't have to follow the crowd, like I can be my own person. I can do music but also teach. I can you know, write a book,
but also do this, like we're not. I feel like the generation before us and the generation before them, I feel like women were expected just to do one thing and not really expected to do maybe what they love, you know, give upon their dreams when they have kids or whatever. And I think that's so such a beautiful story that your parents continue to do what they love.
And no, no, Ma Manal, she give up dreams?
What not?
My mother?
But you know what, it's interesting because I feel like the thought in previous generations was that that's selfish, but it's actually not. It's self full. And I heard that one time and I thought, that's such an interesting quote, and then I applied it to just my life that I've heard in my life.
And I said, whoa, that's so true.
Like thinking back to when you know, my mom was a flight attendant for many years for UR Jamaica, and that was like something where she's always traveling and we were always traveling. So traveling is like a big part of how I grew up. And I've just phone like, man, my parents are so weird, like don't have the you know, I just thought they were so strange. They have a nine to five like everybody.
They know, and I feel like that is such an important thing that people may not always appreciate about the other. So let me see how I can how I can get my thoughts to make sense. I feel like we may have grown up in spaces wondering, well, how come my mom can't be here for this thing, because you know, in your casion, she's probably working a flight or she's just she's not there. She doesn't have a nine to five,
But my friend's mom is always there. And then on the other side, your friends may be looking at you and saying, oh my godsh she's his mom is just so cool, you know, every time she has and she calls my friends love my mom, like all of them. And I just feel like there's such a missed We just don't know what we're missing, right, so we would maybe have missed structure of some sort. And then other people look at us and we're like, well, you have the best of this, And I think it shapes how
we decide want to live. We either go all out and we follow in that same pattern, or we go in the a full one eighty and we're like, no, this costed me way too much and I will not
repeat this kind of thing. That's one. And then the other thought I have is to your point of generations before, it makes me curious about if women like our mothers lived with guilt for doing that thing and chasing after their dreams in a society where the norm was and the next tan still is that they must be grounded, punintended right, and they must just you know, well, you should be a mother and you should cook and clean and take care of da I do now wonder how
much guilt they may have had chasing this life that inspires us, not knowing that they were going to inspire us and just maybe wondering, Okay, well I'm going to be judged for this because I am not in the house taking care of my husband and my children and the way that I'm supposed to, you know what I mean? Right? Right? No, that's so true.
And I think that that kind of goes back to what we were talking about earlier as far as like everything having a cost, right, because.
I look at it is if they were.
To say, you know what, I don't want to be because you know, what has us Caribbean people in a choke hold is what people are going.
To think, right.
List, So well, unless you're unless you're our mothers, obviously they don't care. But you know, for the most part, that's usually what people care about. So if you look at it like that, it's like, what would the cost have been to them, as women that were our age or younger, you know, to give up on their dreams and say, let me just do it because I don't want to hear from this one and anti so and so and just do.
What they want me to do.
They would be so resentful. I think, yeah, never know because you know that route, but I think they would be very resentful.
I think it comes out at the cost, at what costs. So I'm chasing the life of my dreams at what costs. Well, maybe I'm not going to be cooking three times listen and my big age my mother still don't cook a week. I will see it now, we big you have to beg her mommy, please cook to a little oxtail. Mommy, please curry mummy. I have beg your you know. And then what I was really going to say is, I think the resentment does come out you. I do feel
like you see it, whether it's in being judged. So women who may not have been courageous enough to be rebels and make those choices, and not that it's right or wrong or good or bad. It's just they did what they were able to and what they felt they needed to. But that envy shows up for other women in other spaces and then and then it shows up in the way that they may have raised their families or may have approached it. And so I've seen it
as well, and TV shows have it too. You become everything to your family, and then that kind of feeds into the self sacrifice. Right, So if all I'm able to be is a mom, then I'm going to be that to the thousandth degree at the cost of my sanity or my boundaries, or raising children who can do
things for themselves or taken care of a husband. I don't know if I'm allowed to say these things, but you know, I extend myself so much because it's all I know, because I didn't have the space to chase after my own dreams and to figure out who I wanted to become. Mmmmm, yeah, m hm. And I feel like, yeah, we keep seeing it, so we don't, you know, and
we're like, oh, life now starts. I am embracing and loving how women in their fifties and in their sixties they may have lost their husband, right, and it's almost like this switch goes off in their heads. Wait a minute, I can I can start over. I can live life again. Yeah, and all of that coming down into the conversations of generations before hours did not feel like they could have done those things.
We have to talk about Marshall's Tiny Desk performance. I'm still not over it. I thought it was an absolute game changer for SOCA, and you know, I think it really because they had Shampaul before. And I want to say some other reggae artists I can't remember, but specifically Soca, right, it was shaggy.
It was shaggy.
Okay, specifically Soca. I feel like it showed the world that Soca isn't just party music, you know, because he's such an incredible musician. I love that he showed the art form, you know, with depth and culture and meaning and the whole like call and response and that whole thing.
I just thought it was so basically done. I really wanted to.
Cry, and as a bad guy, I don't cry, you know, But.
I'm joking. I'm joking, but I really felt like emotional about it.
No, I didn't know if I wanted to like chair or get on bad. It was very confusing. There was so many So I just want to know if he saighed and how you felt about it, because I'm sure as a trainey at that you are very excited.
Let me tell you, I have tased in my eyes and goosebumps as I just think about it. Yeah, there is a sense of national pride that runs even more deeply as a result of seeing Marshall on tiny desk. Okay, got the I don't think that's a bad yeah, because I have come here and actually up. Okay, the pride, the pride, the pride, and then of course you know, being training and knowing Marshall and loving my culture and love Carnival and not just the mass aspect but all
of the aspects. Of course, you know, this is my shameless plug for Culture Shock Season two that we're doing myself on one of my colleagues in media, literally exploring the culture with a focus on Carnival for these these first couple of seasons. And so anyway, so loving Marshall and appreciating the legend that he that he is right from singing Calypso Too Young to Soka to making it
to NPR, the pride is like none other. I think for most trainees, even if you weren't a Marshall fan or aren't a Marshall fan, you could appreciate what he did and you could.
Appreciate every everybody's not a Marshall fan.
I don't want to. I'm not trying to starting people like I'm not trying to start No Island War. So I continue Island was and that's okay, right, but there you know, even if you don't love love his music, you could definitely appreciate. Wow, this is what he's done.
This is he's He's chosen this thing. And then seeing musicians that I know be his musicians, the drummer and the person on guitar, and you're like, these are these are people that walk on through tomorrow is a hug up and how you're going and just putting our place on the map. And also to know that you know, because the last tiny desk that I looked at before Marshall Zone was Billie Eilish. Oh okay, I love Billy Eilish.
You're talking about music. I just haunted in a beautiful way by her music and just the raw emotion that she comes with. And so that was the last one that I looked at from start to finish, and I was like, wow, you know, Billy has done so much for herself at such a young age. And then boom, Marshall drop a tiny desk. What do you mean, Marshall, what do you mean? And then yeah, I wasn't ready. I was not ready, And then I think I was not ready. I felt full at the end of it,
but I felt incomplete. I'm like, no, this is done. Why is it done? There needs to be more? Please Okay. I was like, this was so quick. The party just can't done write that, like what you doing? That was no, it was amazing, such an amazing move. And now I'm just curious to see who else is going on, because I'm tell you, when chess decide, he went on, oh okay.
Hello or hellomm no, that is going to be something.
Else, write President of the Redman Association, going to the people on them NPR, Tiny Desk and and he's incredible. He's grown so much on his presence is ridiculous now. And I mean and he and Marshall represent two different sides of the genre of soka but still doing so many a mea marshallist power and alle casses, not that he can't do power songs. He won Road March in
twenty twenty with Stage Gone Bad alongside Iowa George. And I think it's because of who Iowa George is as an artist or in himself, the hypepond, the crowd casses, no Bunchie casses, no Bunie. You understand CA's God sing, CA's good Arold sing. And at the same time, when I think of what Tiny Desk could be, Marshall doing what he did hypenny crowd, but still realizing that is not a whole fat but it felt like you were enough. Fact, it was so confusing, and.
That just shows you, like he's just incredible musicianship, and you know he's been doing this since he was a child, so like this is like second nature to him.
And even Relicious, Oh yeah, perform easy, easy, easy, peasy. I just I really just wish there could have been more. We want more and engagement they definitely was there. He's paved the way for sure. I don't even for sure for sure, I don't even think there was any other artist that I have seen on Tiny Desk that had such amazing crowd response, like pan out to the audience like there's a day.
When I was watching it, I thought to myself, I don't think I've ever seen the audience before. Now I will say I have not watched every Tiny Desk, so nobody come for me if you have and they've done it before. But I literally had that same thought when they showed everybody with the flags and everything, I was like, wait a minute, I don't think I've ever seen the audience before.
For sure they did it. That's a point, So I will tell you right, Tiny desks juvenile because millennials juveniles. Tiny. That's was really nice. I enjoyed it a lot, and well, of course a show for me was fantastic. Yeah, that was a good one too, so you know, and even then, you know, you see that they are people, right, but the kind of energy and that just encapsulates I think everything that soca is to us as a Caribbean people, and well to me as a Traine, it just Soca
to the bone, Carnival in the bones. Everything about it is just so secret and so special. Yeah, yes, definitely.
Oh you know what I just thought of the other reggae artists, it was Chronics.
Chronics is ridiculous. He is so amazing. Yeah, and he's actually like such a show. That's always helpful, you know, always, always always so Tiny Desks.
If you can't watch it, match it, yes you have. If anyone has not watched that, you have to watch it, like honestly, like now, like yesterday, so right right now, well no, after this episode, don't the episode yet, yeah, but speaking of that, right, so on the heels of the Tiny Desk performance, and like you said, if Kats gets on there, it's over done. But like just opening the door for so many artists. Right we have to talk about the women, and right now, one of my favorites is Nyla Blackman.
I love her because I.
Feel like she's she's bringing something like fresh and unique to Soca and to just the Caribbean music scene as a whole. And I feel like when I see like her poster, you know, just whatever she she comes up with, videos or whatever the case may be, it's so evident that she has amazing work ethic, like Beyonce esque, you know,
like very very amazing work ethic. And I love that she has her own sound and her you know, she has this unique blend of like traditional Soca mixed with kind of modern sounds, and I love that she's not afraid to experiment, you know what I mean. And I think that is what sets her apart, that she's not trying to like fit into a box or she's just creating her own lane, which which I admire. Like we talked about before, I think that's just such an important trait,
especially with Soca being more male Dominminan. You know, you having that boldness and willingness to break the mold is so important. So who would you say, is one of your favorite women in Soca?
Ant to that just shortly, I can't not talk about the culture that we have and why Nyla has been so successful. I agree. When Nyla first started, she did not start singing Soca. Oh really her? So she is gosh, I hope I'm getting this one right off the top of my head. She is the grand child of RASHORTII, who is the pioneer for us with soka. Right. He was the person who decided that, or not decided. He got up one day and he fused these gens and what we know are souka or the evolution of it
started within her bloodline. But her and her family, this most of her other family, and you can look it up in Marge black Man, Isaac Blackman. They're all family. They sing very soul roots rock reggaeish almost kind of energy. That's when Nyla started, correct, That's right, And then she crossed over into Soca. So I feel like her whole pathway is, as you say, beyond sask like she was
legendary just because of where she started. And I think that fear or that lack of fear that she has the fearlessness to show up in this space and experiment comes from her being a woman that has experimented for most, if not all, of her career, like from you know, exploding onto the scene. So she's able to be comfortable trying new things while still yeah, while still having her sound right. And it's funny because I could say it
saying it's in big. Her voice is something that we've had to get used to as a For me, I've had to get people and they were mashmupenee comments. But for me and someone who's grown up in music, it was hard at first to appreciate Nyla's voice. And then she's I'm telling you. And then as she evolved and she tried new things, and then ironically her manager whose producer,
I know him, like we grew up together. He came lining in my house during vocation and playing piano, wanting like it's crazy, just that closeness to the certain people in the industry anyway. So yeah, so her now manager and son, he and producer before, they've just experiment and what we know now or what we see now of
Nyla is just the beginning. And now you know, she's gone and she's signed on to uh this international US label and so it's just opening doors for so Nyla is carving her path and she's doing it so well for herself. It's my respect big up every little way that she's maintaining her individuality. So Nyla is definitely there. But for me, not the answer the question. My yeaersonal favorite SOCCA artists that's a woman is deshtraa Ceo.
Oh I love her.
Too because the woman could sing oh good, oh yeah, yes, I can never forget. I'm an affect, I am sweaty. I have just wan on to be grown. Because she's singing was a trembleet or something? Right? She comes full circle the song set changes and belting out note for note Whitney Houston, I will always love you. Come on what I'm telling you? Come on? That was? I mean that beautifully And for me, there is no other to date, I'm not heard. I've not seen other SOCA artists, female
SOCA artists that can do what Destra does. I just hands down. I love Destra's her talent For me is nobody is touching her, not a Fean, not a Nila. I love Nadia Batson but vocally and that gift that Destra has had hands down my favorite, hands down. Wow Wow that was crazy. That was crazy. She now wind up problems on the stage and then stops and the crowd a little bit and saying, Whitney Houston, well, we
love your certility. So that's l and I really think that, Yeah, that's that's probably one of one of the biggest reasons why no one else has been able to to top that. For me, I love I love them all, appreciate every bit of contribution that they make and the laine that they said, because Nadia is a powerhouse by herself. She's written songs before she became mainstream and the artist that we know, she's a songwriter. You know, for Terce would
have singing Calypso. My little sister sang in competition with her all of those years ago in Calypso. And when Patrice became after she became the junior Monarch, she decided, you know, she really wanted to go into that space and metter with Marsha and some of her first big hits would have been collabsed with Marshall. So when a little arriven today, Loan and you're comfortable. Make sure it's stumping them. Yeah, honest, soul of stumping. Now I need
to go and put on my playlist. Let me finish it, because.
You're just waking uptary giving us so much history, especially me, I did not know a lot of those things, and I just want to go back a little bit. So when you explained Nylah's you know, upbringing in that whole thing, because it definitely makes everything makes sense and how I perceived her as an artist because I didn't know any of that. And one of the things you said about her voice, that's so interesting to me because I actually think that's the best thing about her.
Really so distinctive. It is no, but it is five.
I love that her voice is so distinct because anywhere in the world, you're going to know that it's her. And that's why I lend it to being Beyonce esque, you know, because Beyonce.
Has such a.
Powerholes of a voice, but just such a unique voice that you know that it's her. And even though people can try to replicate her voice and things like that, you know it's her. She doesn't sound like anybody else, and that lends to her courage in being different, right, because suppose she heard those comments, which I'm sure didn't make her feel great, because it's literally her voice, Like
she can't do anything about it, you know. It's not like, oh, we don't like the way she dresses, and then maybe she can get a different stylist, Like it's literally her trichia, Like she can't change it.
You know.
But I suppose she had the mindset like, oh my gosh, nobody likes my voice. Let me just pack it up because I can't do anything about it, she continued, And basically, in my view, is saying like, oh, you guys are gonna love this voice. Don't worry, like you'll catch on. I actually know who I am, but now you have
to catch on. And I think that just makes me love her even more because like, I love stories like that where people didn't like you or get you or thought this of you, and know everyone is seeing like really who you are and what you have within you.
Because although she has all of that in her background, I think what people don't understand is that when you come from a family that has already made it, let's say, per se in the industry, right, has already made your mark in the industry, it's actually more difficult to make your mark.
I think people have that individual Yeah, the individuality. People think that it makes it easier.
Now granted, I'm sure it in a sense I can attest to you have more like connections or maybe people you can talk to. But I heard one of the Marley sons say this. I can't remember which one, but a lot of people used to tell them like, oh, you only get this because you're a Marley, or you only get that because you're a Marley's something that really
resonated with me. He said, Yes, that might get me in the door, but in order for the person to want to work with me or to keep me in the building that I'm walking into, I have to bring something like I have to have a talent.
Like something more than just my And I almost feel like it's hard because I mean, come on, we're talking about the Bob Marley who is my birthday twin. But that's okay, And you know, there's a lot of pressure. I feel like there's just so much pressure to be to have a name. There is power in a name, you know. So you hear a name like the Blackman family, and off the bat, they're like, well, oh, you know, you have to understand, you have to know about I
do think that that is something important. And then as you were talking about just Nyla's distinct sound, and it's true, no one else has a voice like she does. Hate it or love it or get accustomed to it. It's it is distinct. But I feel like she just had that trust in herself. She just said, I'm going to do the amazing what I'm going to do regardless, and you're just gonna have to adjust. And if that's not a lesson for all of us, okay, I don't really
know what is. So that's amazing. I love that, love love that.
But thank you for sharing that with myself and with the audience for sure.
Of course I do love learning about anything, my culture especially, And so who knew that me appreciating these things would come back around folks to culture and so light and maybe a horriblement or something to inspire some else too. Go do some reading, go do some digging. It's it's all there.
And that concludes this week's episode. Stay tuned for part two, when we'll discuss the influence of Caribbean women in the beauty industry and all things Bacanal or Carnival for those that are not so familiar, don't forget to leave us a five star rating. If you enjoyed this episode and share the episode, follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast, and on Instagram. Remember life is too short to live with regret, so go after
your dreams with everything you have. Stop waiting for permission. You know you have everything that you need inside to succeed, and the fear won't disappear, but you can work with it. You can work through it, and that is what's important. Keep living fearlessly and fabulously and just press play