Mister Gray will see you now. And hopefully you're.
Ready because it's.
It's about to get weird.
You're prepared for it to get weird.
Things are gonna get weird.
It's getting weird. I'm gonna get real weird with it.
Let's get weird. Let's get where where getting where?
Are you ready to get weird with Hoodie and Eric? I'm ready. Listen heard Eg just said the water and eight D. Let's get weird.
My name Hoodie, I'm aware. And every week we come together give you the weird stories from the sheets, the smut sheets, the upside downs, the all around the smut, the romanticies and everything you can think of.
Rainus.
And you're in the Internet, don't forget that's where most of the smut starts at.
Or it starts in books too.
Like it's it's it's online book and then becomes a book. It's like that. I'm just a bill on Capitol Hill. I'm just a smut that's on his website. All right, we're not, but we have had a week. I will tell you that right now.
Can I tell you a funny story. So everyone thought that we were watching the second one together of the Fifty Shades Darker was the second one.
Right well, preface set up for someone who didn't listen to the last week's episode, last episode of an Idiot but one.
We were tasked to watch all three fifty Shades of Great movies because Hoodie got the fourth Wing novel, which he let me borrow, and he's on page five and I'm on page six maybe, and there's some smut in there. And so then we started talking about smutty stuff, and we went down the rabbit hole of fifty Shades, and me and Hoodie watched all three movies separately in our own establishments, in our own achorfe. He watched it with
his wife. I watched it alone on my couch on your laptop because last night was the National Championship game.
Yeah, but you sent me. Here's the thing, Eric sends you a picture you really did want to live tweet me the whole fucking dime. Dude. I was like, damn, bro, what you texting me? I saw it yesterday. I can't live tweet you right now.
Well, I was live texting you because I'm like, this is so bad.
It was like ten o'clock is a promise? Sleep now do you keep texting me about this movie.
I was away watching the movie, but you will tell me a picture like I'm watching it.
It was your lap with the lap. I was like, what the hell?
It was my lap And it was a scene right before there.
Was a naked scene. I was like, what the hell is this man doing? Right now?
They were screwing like every two minutes in the last one. In all three movies, it's like.
Sex, sex, sex. That's why people like it.
I get it, But it's also like, this is come on, let's be realistic. Can we talk Can we talk about it now or what do you want.
To Yeah, you just gotta set up why we were talking about it.
Movie one, fifty Shades of Gray.
Well, okay, so overall, let's start overall big picture. Then we go micros the Crash.
The movies all three are trash. The acting is terrible, The actors were terrible. Nobody looked like they wanted to be a part of it, except the in the third movie, the villain Guy Hardy Handy Jack Hardy. He looked like he was the only one that wanted to be there. Rito already want to be there. Dakota Johnson was Rita or in the first one, because I know she's not in the first one. She's only second and cast the sister.
I was like explaining that rita Or is a different ethnicity than everyone in this family.
She adopted, but all the kids were adopted.
I thought the other two words, they all were adopted.
That was the point that you that you glazed over that the family.
Adopted one of the movies.
I felt the end of the first one. I forgot the first one. I didn't see the end ning well.
So the funny thing is more has seen these movies, and she she swore that I had seen them too. I didn't remember any of these movies if I had seen them.
And but you thought, would you have seen them in the theater now, like on Hulu or whenever whatever they're on.
They're on Peacock this time last time, because I was like, this is not how I thought the third movie ended. I thought it was like something else, and that's not what happened. I was like, oh, this ended in the warehouse to every damn Seattle movie films in where it's like, oh, we're doing our das in this warehouse.
In the first one, yeah, yeah, or the third movie, yeah, the third did end in a warehouse, and.
It ended in that little warehouse dish.
Oh right, No, no, after she shot him, they go back.
Yeah, he's like essentially ended in that warehouse.
Okay, be a little more specific, Sweetet, because I actually watched all three of these movies that.
I watched them on time. You didn't watch them?
No, I just have a lot going on in my life. What he so, I don't have just a teddy Okay.
God, you didn't have Max this weekend.
No, but I had to work and I got my family and the Commanders were in the playoffs.
Oh oh oh, oh, like I haven't caught you watch movies.
Yeah, you should watch movies on Mondays and Tuesdays and at work. No, at home, Okay, I can't watch the movies here. No, I got to watch watch the news and the show. Can't upstairs. I probably did it a couple of times. A lot of times didn't work out.
TV Door about Doyways movie one, Can We Go?
Micro one was they didn't have chemistry. I didn't feel any chemistry. Chemistry. It was atrocious.
They are there, They didn't look like they liked each other and like his whole trying to be dark and onymous thing was bad, like it was forced, and then her trying to play this virgin get.
The get out of the Yeah, so her dad's Don Johnson. Yes, wasn't there something like he like disowned her or something because of these movies or something one point find out.
Maybe he did. Because the first I mean, all three of them, there's a lot of team I mean, oh my god.
Well there's a lot of male poobage too. They show a lot of his poobs.
So what they can't show the cheft.
But they could show the poobs.
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
I'm saying there was a lot of a lot of his butt too, a lot of everybody.
Also in the first one, were those cigarette burns in there? Or we don't really notice them until the second and third movie?
On his chest? No idea. I'm not don't make me go back. I don't want to.
Either, But I'm just saying, like this, it's so bad. All three that was the same director, by the same guy.
I did not pay attention to that either. Usually I would pay attention to that.
Because it's like who, who like directed these movies and why did they pick these actors?
All right? The first one was a different director than the Back two, Sam Taylor Johnson. What a shot director. She's done filmography, nothing really after Oh wow, oh she did Oh well, that's interesting because I didn't do too well. I heard yeah, she did the Bat, the Amy Whitehouse movie that came out last year. But I heard that didn't do too hot. So that's probably.
The next gypsy.
I don't know what any of these are the TV shows. It's a hunter, okay, okay, but anyway, all right, so different director. And the second director for the other movies was James Foley, who what's his He hasn't.
Done anything, tell us every fifty shade curse right there.
But yeah, I think, uh no, chemistry. It is funny, how like they're also like he's twenty seven and she's twenty one or something like twenty one, twenty two, but she's never been to the bar. She's she's a lit major, you know, Like.
Yeah, that was also weird too, like lit people are more lit than anybody. People that are working those industries, are they party hard? Oh yeah, in my experience of meaning them. Yeah, So it's like this whole thing is just it's just it was just bad, Like it was bad.
And it also ended, well that's the last I'll talk about that a little bit. I remember how the first one ended. I can't remember second one. I will say the first one I had the best soundtrack of all three of them, okay, because at the Weekend and Nellie Golden, and the second one had Zane Mallick. The third one didn't have any anything notable that ever. Remember. It had left me like you do a game. I was like, this is the first one.
Again, yeah, and the second one just Beyonce song too was in the first one. Yeah, yeah, the second one just ended and it was like, will you marry me?
Okay? Sorry, So let's move on to darker now where they recast Rita or now it's the sister sister and Rita Or wasn't given that much really, that's okay. Oh, the first one it ends with That's why it ends with the elevator. She breaks it up, breaks it off with him because like he's a little too rough, and then she calls it off and then she leaves and she says goodbye, mister Gray. That it ends all right. Yeah.
The second one picks up, I say like a month after or something like that, and she's avoiding him, but he's trying to like get her in the good get her in her good graces and stuff. But then what is it that he slaps her butt but he slaps it too hard? Is that the first movie?
That's the second one, I don't remember, yeah, or something like a punishment thing and she didn't like it, but she liked it. But again, it was just it's just it's just such bad chemistry. It is just so awkward. Even the sex scenes were awkward.
Then this is the second one, and the second one introduces this book publisher, like, okay, cool, and there's this HR lady. You're like, all right, cool. They're both kind of weird. With Dakota Johnson, You're like all right now. Granted, same directors, and I don't reading read the book, so we can't really tell you like that's how the books
be and all that good stuff. But like they're planting seeds for stuff and all of a sudden, and it's funny because they do have the commentary of like you only got this job because, you know, because of your boyfriend or your husband. Later in the third one, and it's like they are right, like if I worked for this players, i'd be pissed as hell, and they all of a sudden, this assistant is now my boss.
Well, yeah, that's because he got fired. The guy got fined.
Yeah, but she was just his assistant.
Well yeah, yes, and then he tried to like a certain assistant.
Here was all of a sudden running the whole company, right.
And then and and yeah, there was a little bit of incesse nepo bait, nepotism, but again it's just bad.
It was all just bad because then we find out, oh, the second one introduces the mystery lady, which is this former submissive.
Huh it was stockery, which is stalkering, which he then which.
Was which was in the beginning. They do play at the sea, I told you this, Like watch the seeds they're playing because she's in the background of every scene, even the ones they're not like calling her out that she's back there, which was what's good, which.
Is cool, but again it's like they could have done more with them. And then when they and then when they have the altercation in her apartment of honestly's apartment, it's like and then she kneels down in front of Gray down girl. I was like, Okay, come on, dude, and then she doesn't really get it on. I also think they should have done more with blondhaired woman. What was it?
What's the actor Missus Robinson?
Yeah, but what's the actor's name? She's so famous? Uh not Christy Brinkle, Kim Bassinger, Kim basing your basinger, No, basing your.
Yeah, where she's like the older lady that had sex with Christian when he was young.
Right, but did you see in the third movie.
We're not there the third movie. Let's get we'll get the third movie, but you are right, like that character was just like there, yeah, And then she's also like I don't even there for like a scene, and then she's mentioned in the third movie but like, yeah, it's weird. And then eventually they get to the point, the point where everything's okay. Christian says, I'm going to marry you give me my birthday present, which we find out was
a key chain that says yes, yeah. But all of a sudden, there's a hellicraft of crash, like wait, what what the hell's happening? Third that's the second movie, is the end of the second movie, and then he survives, He survives with his coworker or whatever, No scrapes, no scraps.
Then he immediately comes back to Seattle and somehow the press didn't see that whatever he survived, yeah, which is like that no one outside of his hotel saw cars or anything, his apartment whatever, going into the barn building.
And then and then she gives him the birth the birthday. President says yes, I'll marry you, and then it.
That's how the movie ends.
And then the third one starts with the.
Immediately the wedding, which is just a montage during the credit. You're like, Okay, at least Twilight gave us ten minutes of a wedding, you know.
And then the Jack Handy guy hardy whatever is hi, yeah, stalking everybody, which again, oh they.
Do tease that at the because the movie ends, uh with the engagement party and he's lurking in the background.
Writing it burns out the picture with a cigarette, right, That's right. He was in the background and up in the high in the mountains watching from above, which is like, okay, what are we trying to make.
Now we get to the wedding. The third one, yeah, I was boring. It was well nothing, we didn't even barely even saw a wedding because then he left halfway during the wedding.
Like, damn all, just I mean, I get it, you're rich, but.
Like more than I like, were getting our value out of this wedding.
Right then he got mad because she was topless on a topless beach in France. I'm like, okay, buddy, you're trying to You're trying too hard, trying way too hard. And then when he talks about how he I.
Do get it though, because now that she is famous, paparazzi be taking photos of.
Her, but they never see anything.
You never exactly, but do get a little bit of that reason. You're like, well, if she's famous now, so anything she does now bring paparazzi around them more. There's paparazzi everywhere.
But there should have been like that song, what what I'm saying, hoodies, you don't you don't see it in any of the movie. They could have put camera exactly to make it more real. Also, the guy that played the security guard, he's been in a lot of stuff.
Also, we forgot to mention Jack Hi got arrested the second movie after he tried to uh assault annat part of the second movie.
To go back was when Gray and Hide meet at the bar and he's like, oh you'r I'm her boyfriend.
And they leave. He's like he just bought a beer. It was so weird. Okay, so all right, now we're in the third movie. We're now going back to the second movie. We're in the third movie, the third movie. All right, So what it happens? They are on their honeymoon, like Frank Paris, France, wherever, they're on the boat. They have sex, all right, having sex. He's got jeans on. You do have a new respect for jeans. I'm wearing
them today right now. Okay, I don't know what's gonna happen to you later, but all right myself, okay, you want to know. I don't want to know that you love it. But they having sex everywhere? Yeah. Oh the second one we forgot forgot to mention the auction where she has the the plug thing up for you who?
They weren't They weren't up the bead, I said her.
You who has Crispin Wall? But why can't I have good references?
That was aggressive?
That was not an aggressive reference.
People.
More people will look like who, and then we'll look it up and see what it is said. But uh, this movie goes nowhere. Nowhere. I think she has a butt plug at one point, which is the whole thing.
And they go buy the house, and the real thrill tries to hit on.
Which is the lady from John Tucker Must Die, one of the ladies from John Tucker Must Die. And she's like flirtatious with Christian because like she's bought houses for him and all this stuff, and it's like, no, you will not talk to my husband. I am the owner of this house.
And then also but she also slept with Christian's brother back in the day, back in the day because christian brother finally.
May proposes to A's friend who they're just a subplot, that's just they're just there with a friend, hispanic guy that tried to make out with the first movie.
It's still friends after that, okay, and they're going to and the guy and the other nipple the three couples.
But oh, in this movie, then Anna has now made the editor of the book publishing thing because the jack Hi guy HR Lady isn't happy about that, which signals, oh, she's going to be the bad guy. It turns him in when they're coming back from the house, which is
when you started texting me. Is Anna is given control of the car and somehow, all of a sudden, this car chases them because they went faster than the security car, obviously, and it chases them all the way back to Seattle, the Pike Place Market, over the aqueduct that doesn't exist anymore. And then bare knees of there, I know that highway doesn't exist anymore, that they in Seattle, that they overpass, thing tore down to extend like living in city stuff,
a little fun fact. But they escape by the nigg of the thing. And then they park and they make out in an open parking lot, make I may I have sex? Sorry? Correct, sorry, thank you for you got it in And then they lost the car.
They don't know where it is.
And then Anna and Christian have this talk about whenever she gets pregnant one day, and this is where Morris said, oh, remember she's on the pill or she's doing some protection, because we remember we talked about well, you and I talked about off and the first movie they put drill in your mind. He's got condom on, He's got a condom on and then' and then I texted you in the second one, no no condom anymore.
Yeah, and apparently he was taking a ses taking a shot, so she's taking Plan B the whole time.
I don't know something or some contracepted whatever. But then all right, cool, all that happens. They have sex with the car. They talk about being pregnant. Chris is ready for a kid, especially find out she is pregnant. He gets mad, he storms storms off. I think I think that's where the butt slap thing is really aggressively butt slapped.
Because he comes back drunk. They wake up the next day. He then tries to have intercourse with her.
And then finds out that he was with Missus Robinson. Huh, and then they part right yep.
She then sleeps in the red room. He then wakes up the next day freaking out.
For her, and then we find out that same day she's meeting with an author who turns out to be Superman from the CW. Tyler Hocklin. He's there for one scene, Yeah, and Christian Gray comes in. Doesn't like him, like br he's our phone, he's our client. Deal with it. They leave. That's then when they go to ASP and they come back all that is happens. We get to the point then where Jack Hyde is kidnapped Rita Aura and said you will give me five million or your sister won't
make it. Ever. Uh, then we had this whole subplot of Anna trying to break into a bank stealing Christian's money.
Finds the gun that was from the second Up movie, brings that with her, so she has a gun, then twitches cell phones with the bank.
Christian's freaking out. Christian finds out, oh, she didn't lose her phone. She tracks her. She ends up at the warehouse to meet Jack Hide. Turns out the HR lady was in on it too, because he gets blackmailing her. Eventually they're getting a fist fight, which, by the way, Anna's injuries didn't match what happened in a fight, because you got she got slapped, punched and then kicked in the gut and she had this huge, like traumatic I
was like, she didn't have that. That's a little aggressive there with the bandages.
They got to make it look bad.
I'm like, your sister was taking hot and she shot him in the leg and he.
Just laid and I was like, oh, you could have shot him in the dick. Up and better right shot.
Him in the leg and he just laid there and then they rested him, and he's to do the same thing because also who paid his bail? How do you have five hundred thousand dollars in the pain?
You don't talk about that. Yeah, so many plot holes in this damn movie.
And then the movie ends with Christian and Ana going back to the Red Room. And I didn't like this ending because all of a sudden she said, let's go the Red Room. I'm like, all right, cool, Maybe this is where she flips the turn on him and then she like dominates him or whatever. And the whole time, I said told Maura in the first movie, like watch the last movie. They get pregnant, they turn the Red room him into a playroom. They didn't do that, like
a kid's playroom. She then becomes submissive again. I'm like, there's all the movie ends. This should have been the first movie ends, not all the last movie ends. They did to do two credits, and then it's flash forward. She's pecked up with baby number two, they have their sex, their first kid's named Teddy. That was just weird. Uh, And then that's how it ends. Yeah, oh, they had the montage there too.
That was stupid, which was stupid, which was so stupid because it was just a montage of sex. And also to Christians, not a dom he's a sadist, which is not really what it is. Yeah, it's because he wants to flick rit Or was the sister in the first one.
She was I don't remember being Universe one. She's in there, but like they barely showed her. So maybe that's why we didn't. Maybe that's why we didn't pay attention. All right, Well that makes that defeated that purpose we just talked about.
But I just can't get over the fact that, like the acting was so bad. They just were not good.
It is interesting that, like especially you know, when did I twenty fifteen was the first one? When did what was Twilight's last movie was twenty twelve twelve, So this three years after, like we're used to stiff acting, you know at the time, you know, at all parties included in that movie are down a way better actors than they were then. Robert Pattinson, it was a lot better.
I mean, yeah, but like what's Taylor, what's his face done?
Nothing? Hanging out with his wife it's just weird that it was so stoic and like, this is the twenty fifteen's baby, it's just stoic acting you were in the MC movie.
But it's not beyond that, Andrew. They did not look like they like being there, Like they just didn't look like they wanted to be in these scenes or in the Yes, it's uncomfortable to be naked in front of people. I get it. I probably could never do it. But like, god, they were so bad, Like it was just bad all around. And then the plot holes. I mean, probably these are this probably movies where the books are way better than the movies, but my goodness, man, these movies were bad.
My god, and then the whole like how they end. The third one ends, Oh, she's got a pregnant number two and they're happy as can be. What happened to the red room? What happened to all his money? But what I think is that they missed the plot is that in the end of the towards the end of the second third movie, excuse me, when Anna is in the hospital and Christian is in there with his mom and he gives his adopted mother a really said long hug.
She was probably the missus Robinson, the real Missus Robinson because she had brown hair. He never liked blondes. He only liked brunettes. So it's probably like a whole like Judge then didn't do that. Yeah, like that's like that or that that was actually.
His mother now that was adopted mom. Mm, which is weird because like the dad was in it at all.
And also how did Christian get all the money or the family the family rich? But why did the other brother not get into the family business?
Then? Because he was he was here. Yeah, that's a confusing thing because I think they adopted Christian. F No, they brought Christian home, So the brother is the actual kid? Are you sure? I think?
I don't think. I thought all three were adopted.
Let's look here, all right, so gosh, what's your name? What's your name? Elliott Gray adopted older? All right, So he's older, but he's the playboy. He didn't want to go in. But Christian he was the younger brother that was adopted, so he's gonna, you know, do some things.
Yeah again, never doing this again, never telling anybody to ever watch these movies. They're atrocious. They're bad. Dakota Johnson and what was it?
The guy's name, Jamie Dorton cannot act well, man, web I'll tell you that you haven't watched all that. You need to see. Madame watched all that.
It's this, but with superheroes, that's just kidding, it's bad. If we ever have another idea to watch a trilogy, what's next? What? I already watched Twilight?
I love Twilight movies.
Movies were bad, but they were not as bad as they all Right, let's.
Look bad movies to watch with friends. Oh, burks will beat them.
No, I don't want to watch that stupid movie Girl eighteen.
Bad movies people love to hate watch because they're so bad. Okay, Mama Me is good.
Get the get the.
Hell off of mama.
Mean.
Day after Tomorrow is dated. It's dated. Do wear my Car? Is also very Yeah? Teen, I don't you know what that teen Witch movie? The original Super Mario Bros. Movie. You watch it all the every day. Well, you both on it because you bought us both the DVDs. Alright, so maybe we'll wait a month, Maybe we'll watch that next or something. All right, so that I don't know what Maximum Overdrive is. Today's d is just it's a.
It's the concept movie The Room. I've never seen, Escape from La remake, treet Fighter, Starship Troopers I could talk about all day. But Tremors is good. It's all right. Yeah, it's not that bad. Roadhouse is good. That's bad. Show Girls I haven't seen, but I think that's very dated too. That's data, but very bad. Sharknado movies we can watch. That's that's that's we got like seven of those. Oh god, so Mario than Sharknado.
Terry's so bad.
You're those are of those are of their time?
Shoot them up?
I don't even know what that is.
You've never seen shoot them up? Oh, Clive Owen is a good.
Actually is a Predator. The second one is horrible. You can't see anything. Twilight's good. I mean, like those are not all those movies are bad. It was a bad list, but I mean belive BuzzFeed. BuzzFeed's list have not been hidden since twenty twelve. It's like two thousand and nine, bro, I was in high school in twenty twelve. Yeah, yeah, you're right, got them old. Fuck? That's right. If you know what is never all and stands time.
It's just the fact that you love me so much.
Yes, friend, is some.
Got access.
Where we read actual Mixican actions from watch to DC dot com, Craigslist or doc craigslist dot org slash m I s we see whose free gear is a DC, Maryland or Virginia.
Virginia and I'm gonna go first this time. Okay, do it make it sexy?
Buy your nudes? Any woman want to sell me your picks and foods include a Facebook in face pick and a response.
That's not the point of the nudes, so you're not supposed to see their face.
Just send them freaking give me your face and I can blackmail you to the end of the time. Idiot that's in the water That isn't the one river? All right? Top that one?
Eric uh personal trainer needed four hours ago. Double male client hiring for a male personal trainer for in home workouts.
Who mantros Parkway.
My condo has a gym great slash experience cash pay, please be local to the Rockville area.
There you go go. I didn't need to do that. Sorry. You wanted me to dress up nice meeting you in the mall in wheatn ask me if I would dress up for you. I said that I'm too old to dress up smile.
But for you, I probably would probably would dress up and smile all right? Eating me alone? Oh okay, still don't know why he doesn't please me anymore. Let me know what you're thinking. Wait what, Let me know what you're thinking for info? What is that word? This shall disillusire?
That's delicious, oh delicious.
Lover dot com slash kate. Let me know if you can help.
Thanks was more of an ad more thial misconnection. Yeah, that's okay. I want to learn Spanish. Hi, I was tired a guy hom depot and Laurel. He was a Latin guy. We were talking about kitchens and I made a comment about wanting to learn Spanish. I was a guy in the red sweatshirt. He said he would teach me Spanish and I could help him with English in the bedroom. I hope you see this EA Street market. Okay, oh god, that's a.
Lot Florida Myrtle Beach. If heading that way, Florida picked me obviously, willing to share the expensive have small dog traveling with me? Check us out if you're applying.
No, yeah, I lost interest. That was too long. That is too long, And let's go with our last one, chill mode activated, miss for mister new in DC, just here for solid company and taking things slow, phone number last chaotic. But I've mastered the art of making time for the essentials like chilling out and savoring the got plenty going on, but I'll make room for those who actually bring something to the table. Graceful hands, stress, relief
and Ben's chili bowl are my priorities. Catch you later after I've had my moment with chili.
With chili.
I don't know if eating chili before that is like the move, you know, why not? Because I feel like if you it doesn't agree with you, it's not gonna be a good time if it's missed.
And mister why not.
You both eat chili, the chili doesn't agree with you, and you're gonna have sex.
I mean, worst things have happened.
I know, I don't want to know about it, or do I? I don't. You don't you know you want to know? But that does us. I know you're excited to go to fog, go to child. It's okay, am I I don't know yet.
I gotta figure out. I probably gotta take max lunch.
I don't know those days A day your day just went from empty to filled with everything. But you can always follow me on socials at Andrew Hoodie with the wag fall Eric at mister Eric V. That's m R E R I c k V.
Have a great week.
Superbar Bros. Is on the horizon and Sharknado is in the farther horizon. Probably the summer that seems right for Sharknado. Always remember it's okay to be weird and sexy. It got weird, didn't it.
Yeah,