8 Self Care

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way. Welcome to

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the less stress family podcast, where we believe you are valuable and what you do matters.

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This is Episode eight and I'm Justin and I'm Shawna would. Honey, how are you?

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Good. How are you

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today? It's a beautiful, rainy, rainy Saturday morning.

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It is, and we are tucked away inside our house so I can appreciate the rate. Send the kids out there not outside playing there just in an outside building,

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their own outside building, punching a punching bag. So

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which is good for them? They asked if they could go hit the punching bag, and we said, Yes,

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we're just waiting for someone else to get punched, but

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it happened. Could happen.

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Alright, so today's topic is self care, something that we don't as a society talk about much at all. I don't think

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No, I think you're right.

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So how what? How would you define self care?

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So I think, interestingly enough, we could define self care, or is the things that you do to care for yourself

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beautiful. And you have a story

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I do. You have a story. So in the early 17 hundreds, a lady named Susanna Westley was busy trying to raise a large family. She actually birthed 19 Children. She, uh Yeah, yeah. Let me just say that enough is enough. Oh, yeah. Pre any kind of medication to deal with pain. And nine of them actually died in infancy. So she had dealt with a lot of grief. She had 10 Children that she was raising in her home. And there were several periods when her husband was actually gone for extended times due to all kinds of different circumstances.

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And we're not talking about 2000 square foot home. What,

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right, Like, we're more like very tiny cabin kind of picture.

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Yeah, something like that.

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Something like that. Um, So one of the things and what's amazing about her is that even in the midst of all of these very trying circumstances, she two of her sons were Charles and John Wesley, and they essentially founded the Methodist Church. They had a huge impact in the Christian world, and so much so that she is sometimes known as the mother of Methodism. So how would

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Susannah Wesley self care and a home full of

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so in a small home with no electricity and no running water and all of these Children and an absent husband. Partially, she would at times go to her chair, pull up her apron over her head over her face and praise. And this was the thing. The Children were trained so that they knew that their mother was praying when she did that and that they were to leave her alone. They were to give her some space and allow her to have that time. I think any mother of some old Children understands that you, if you have to have that time, and the reality is in a modern home most the time. That's like Mom's trying to sneak into the bathroom and lock the door before the Children realize they've gotten into the bathroom, because even there, they usually don't have privacy.

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Who still story about this?

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I did see and in anyway. I heard of a woman who hid chocolates in the tampon box in her bathroom because that was the only place that she could get alone, and no one else would look for her chocolate treats.

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Problem is really the

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problem, Israel So the example here, though, is that Susanna was she recognized. She had to have some time away from the kids to connect with the Lord's

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noise canceling apron. That's

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probably wasn't a noise canceling, but I'm sure those were very disciplined Children. Um, so similarly, there have been times we have trained our Children so that sometimes, especially when I'm just super frustrated, I'm just in the end of my rope. Whatever is happening in the home and I look at them very sincerely and tell my Children, Mommy needs to go have time with Jesus. Do not knock on my door and I go into the bedroom and I have, even if it's just a couple minutes, like two minutes but two minutes to myself to kind of bring myself down, think, breathe, pray a little bit before I come back out. And the kids will all be the first ones to tell you that Mommy is more fun when she has had some time When Jesus.

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So I think the problem or a problem with this in our society is basically you're considered to be selfish, a terrible person if you take any time or energy for yourself. Yes, and that create, that's That's the external problem, right? Right. But the internal problem is you can't do that without resting. You can't be a good mom or dad or brother or sister or, you know, work at your employment or do whatever right out, ingrained somehow in your system. Self care, right? Because if it don't, if you don't, if you don't self care, you're gonna get sick, you're going to get hurt, you're going to get injured. And that's your body's way of saying Listen, you didn't take care of me. I'm shutting down for a while so that I can rest.

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Yes, yeah. And so I think that, you know, if the lie is that it's selfish to care for yourself, then a meltdown internally is that I must be failing if I'm not able to continue this pace continually caring for others,

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right? Because look around you on instagram social media. Everyone's taking wonderful care.

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I know they all look so happy and their Children look so clean. That is not how my world works. So I could go on ah whole soapbox here about my issue with the number of filters people use on their social media pictures to make life look beautiful.

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Oh, you mean the actual pictures themselves. Air filter? Yeah,

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filtered in many ways, but I digress. So the truth is that caring for yourself allows you to do a better job in caring for other people.

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Right? And we talked about before. I don't have time, punk ass, But basically, it's just the oxygen oxygen mask dropping out of the airplane when they give you the instructions. If the oxygen mask drops, put your zone first. Right? Because if you don't take care of yourself, you're going We're going to be the problem, right? Right, So right.

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And you can't help anybody when you are having your own crisis melt down your body Shut down. Your mentally exhausted all of that kind of thing. And this was something that someone Why said to me when I was in the throes of having lots of little people around me and feeling spent is that she looked at me and she said, Do you want your Children to grow up and not take care of themselves? Because that is what you were modeling for them right now,

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right? Which is the irony of that is because we poor so much into our Children. Right, Because we want to take care of them. Yes, but if we don't teach them to take care of themselves in a good, healthy way, it's like you just It's almost like you're self destructing. All that hard work you're doing, You know what I mean, Right? You're putting a little bomb in them. That's going to be like, I never taught you how to take care of yourself. So all this work is gonna blow up right? At some degree,

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right? And I was, like, a punch in the gut, literally toe have that to think about. And not only for themselves caring for themselves, but that expectation of their spouses One day. I mean, how did that set you up for all kinds of fights in your marriage if you get married and you don't expect the other person ever take time out to take care of themselves,

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right? Exactly. I mean, you're just setting. You're saying yourself up for no more marriage, right? You know, your divorce or whatever, because there has to be energy in that relationship that's flowing right in a positive way. Not in a negative dream.

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Exactly. So ways to take care of yourself It's all over the board. Like I have a girlfriend who takes an annual trip to the beach on Lee with her other girlfriends. She leaves her husband and her child at home, and she goes, And at one point in my life, I judged her for that. I was like, Oh, my good is your terrible How could you just abandon your family? But then I realized, When she comes back, she's like a 1,000,000 times better wife and mother. Then she waas.

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The payoff is riel, right? Dividends from Yes.

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So most of us, it's not very practical to do that kind of thing, but it could be a part of your daily routines, which, if you haven't listened to our podcast on morning routines and evening routines, do that. Um, but it could be small things where you are taking control of your own health and doing things to take care of your body, your mind, your spirit,

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right? Like for Maia, big trip isn't worth as much as multiple or daily, or at least weekly self care things. Right? You know what I mean? Yeah, I feel like for me. So part of that physical taken care is exercise right for me? Yes. I think that's important thing. Yes, I think you're coming along to that. No,

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I am. I am very good to me, but I I've been convinced.

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Yeah, because it's just I don't know. I'm to the point now. I don't exercise. It's well, it's not gonna be a day. I don't exercise in some way, right? You know, that could be stretching or whatever, but it's going to be something just for my psychology. Yes, because I'm like, I'm taking care of myself in some way shape before.

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Yes, and that could be self care can be your diet, you know, making the choice that you are going to avoid the foods that you know cause inflammation and pain and the ones that upset your stomach Or, you know, I mean, I know that sounds simple and silly, but sometimes, you know, even with our family there times I tweak my meals to be a little bit different from what the rest of the family's eating. Because I know that's what my body needs right now.

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All right, but you're listening to your body right, which is a huge step toward self care, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. So for May. Also, journaling is a big self care thing. Yeah, cause for may I don't pay attention. A lot of times I just take my emotions and lock them up and tell him to be quiet. So journaling and journaling is a thing where at least aware, I tried to be aware of what I'm feeling. At least for that five minutes. I don't make a big deal of my journaling, but right, I keep coming back to I just got a journal,

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right? So I think self care could be a simple as drinking a glass of water and taking a lap around your house by yourself so you can breathe and think clearly it can be going and seeing a therapist if you realize you've got some issues that need to be addressed and let me to say on that everyone does. Everyone has an issues that need to be addressed. You cannot live on planet Earth without having some issues that need to be dressed. So we are big advocates. If they're basing counselors, mental health. Thanks. Um, and it could be, you know, having that time to go out with just the guys or just the girls. I think you could also categorize dates with your spouse as self care.

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If they're structured, in a way, relaxing way right, and for us, we try to walk every day together, right release, sometimes twice a day. Yes, because it's talking time just being in nature time. That's good.

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Yeah, absolutely. All right. So, interestingly, we started the episode with a story about a lady who lived in the 17 hundreds, and we're going to close with a quote from a gentleman. He was an English writer, Samuel Johnson, who also lived in the 17 hundreds. And his quote was to preserve health is a moral duty. We can no longer be useful when we are not well,

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yeah, and that. Yeah, that's good. That's really key. Reading one of them

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to preserve health is a moral duty. We can no longer be useful when we are not well,

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yeah, I like the moral duty part.

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How do you two Because it's Yeah, it's true, because at some point, if you aren't caring for yourself, it's bigger than not being able to care for your family. You really not being able to contribute to society at

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large, right in Scripture says we're our bodies are God's temple, right? So it's like people, You've got to take care of your body as best you can start somewhere,

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right? Right. Absolutely. Yeah. And one other little thought when I was struggling to take care of myself. I realized, in hindsight, I kind of had, like, this false martyr thing going on. And let me just say

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that. What do you mean? Paul Smart.

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Well, like I'm going to sacrifice and I'm gonna clean the house. I'm the only person the whole house, whoever picks up, and I'm gonna do this. Nobody wants to live with that person. That's true. So that that's just an extra little freebie. We're going Tuck in there. Don't

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be the martyr.

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Don't be that person.

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In fact, just the opposite. It's like if you really want to be a martyr, like, take care of yourself so you can actually, like lead and serve your family.

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Yeah, How about you just don't try to be a martyr at all. What I'm saying,

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Like if you're going Thio. Yeah, you're right. Don't be a martyr.

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All right, So the problem is people don't realize that caring for themselves is not actually selfish. So we hope that this conversation has helped point that out to you. We want you to remember that you are valuable and what you do matters. You are also not alone. Connect with us and the rest of the less stress family community on Facebook by searching for less stress family podcasts or connect with us on our personal instagrams. Shauna Suri would have a blessed

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day. Thank you.