49 Connect Together when Stuck Together

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welcome Todo less family podcast where we believe you all fallible and what you do matters things Episode number 49 I am Justin and I'm Shawna Would How are you, honey? I'm doing well. How are you? You look tired. I am a little bit a little bit. Okay. Today's topic is connecting with those around you. Oh, sounds Luffy like you don't want to talk about it. Look, Fluffy may know we're in the middle of Kobe thing. Still. Yeah, no telling when people listen to this, but, uh, hopefully the future will be out of the Kobe thing. Right? Um but we want to talk about it's actually been like this huge social experiment because you have people from every, you know, socioeconomic level, every ethnicity, every religion, every everything who are all of a sudden trapped, trapped with their families at home. Right? And so it's been interesting because, like, the other day, I was on a business meeting like a virtual business meeting, and we were I was waiting for the actual meaning. It started. So I was talking on the computer with another participant and she said, Well, I tell you one thing, Divorce rates are gonna be on the rise. Right? Right. Right. Because everybody is getting on everybody's nerves. Right? Which is funny, because most people you would think get a divorce because there to they never see each other there to their schedules are too different. And now that's not the case. That's not the case. And, you know, it's kind of crazy because so we have the two of us plus six kids in the house all day long. It's all they don't and still the conversation comes up. So what'd you do today? Yeah, like, I don't know what you did like, You got a meeting. A meeting? I don't know. You know, I had a meeting. You know what I mean? Like, what did That was a good was it? You know what I mean? Like even though we're still like never, like, we're working, like 30 feet apart, 40 feet apart of the most, right. Um, that's pretty crazy. And it is. It is. So today we're gonna talk about the problem of not really connecting with people, even if you're in the same physical space with them. Right? And we've got a couple great strategies. We do we? D'oh! I'm so excited about it. So just because you're in the same space doesn't mean you're actually in the same relational space, right? Yeah. So in the podcast that we just record in episode before this, we talked about understanding your streaks and how that was important. Not just for yourself, but for your relationship, right? I don't know why you other people are messed up and not as good as you are. That's how I summed it up. Yeah. Yeah. So the 1st 1 of these tools for connecting with the people around you is realizing that people actually process things differently. Right? And if you get these two tools in your tool belt, you will. Is if you'll be a better person. Oh, yeah. This would be a game changer. Cove it. No cove it. Whatever that would be a game to. You need to work on this, honey. Just getting okay. Good job with us. Thanks. I try number two especially. All right. So, processing. So people think things process things different ways, or fill things differently in the processing, right? Right. And so we assume everyone processes things through experiences, things the way we do the way I do, the way I do, which is the right way, and that's what everybody thinks. But actually, there's three big, different ways that people process the world and reality. Okay, what are the Big three? Some people are visual, some people are auditory and some people are kinesthetic. So I used to think that was on Lea learning styles. All right, when I was a teacher in the public classroom, I would make sure I was showing things on the blackboard, speaking things out loud and offering my students away to do something hands on to experience, right? Which is how I explained in my mind why you never wanted to podcast because you do not like listening to information. What, especially May Charlie Brown's teacher is what a lot of talking sound like to me, right? Because you that's not the way you're not how I process, Okay, But I want to see things visually. Yes, and I have noticed that when I talk to people, even though talking is like an auditory thing, I will say things like kgc it. Well, here's the picture, right? Yes. So is even giving like word clues that for me. I'm processing everything visually with pictures and people who are auditory processors. Like, if I'm sharing an idea or something like that. Oh, yeah, That sounds good. I think I do that more. Sounds good. Yeah, I think you're more auditory. Oh, yeah. Why, You can binge on all these podcasts? Yes. I'm like, out of the 100. You listen to you. You may Ford one, too. And that is all I will listen to. Maybe. And we have kiddos who are kinesthetic, and they're processing like that. Crazy. Oh, yeah, like there were not that straight. Hands on action. Yeah, kind of people we say, Hey, let's don't talk to you about this project we're about to do, like, the only way they can process. And now I have grace for them because I just wanted to hurt them really bad. But the only way they're going to process the information is they have to start doing it. Yeah, and they will make a lot more mistakes. But, man, their skill level is so much higher than the other kids are other kids, You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's against our strength, but it's also their their differences between, right. Like we had one, kiddo. The everyday Who because every so often, for our sanity, I'm like I kick all the kids out of the house. I'm like, we're blessed. We have five acres. You need to go have an adventure, right? And do not come back in this house for a little bit. Right? Um, and one of our kids went out, found a space that nothing was growing because it's like straight Clay Wright. The soil dug it out, went over and found like, a little stream kind of thing happening. Got some water and started making vases right out of the clink. Right. He is so kinesthetic. Right? Right, Right. But we it helps us because we have a greed for him, right? And we're like, That's how Just how he learns. Like he just wants to learn that way. Yeah, and so what? I'm talking to him. He might something he might say Something like all that sounds or that feels right to me, you know. So again, it's that, like, tactile the clues Number one is like recognizing the first tool we're offering for connecting with people is recognizing the people process differently. So if you want to connect with them, if I want to connect with you, Yes, then I'm going to say something like, Hey, honey, how does this sound right and share an idea, right? Because it's like I'm shifting to try to be, like, as compatible with you as possible, because I'll integrate that a lot more easier. Yeah, and even like sometimes you'll talk about things I'm like, I just don't understand. Can you drop right? Draw that out, right? Because in my mind, exactly, Because I need the visual right. So understanding that people are gonna process and need that differently really is a huge advantage because I'll take the information. I process a visual in my head, right? But I don't like it necessarily when you draw me a visual and I have to follow your picture. Hey, how about yesterday when I was asking for directions and I was standing there? I two hands out. I'm like, Okay, So if this is this store and this is this store, where is the barbecue place I'm supposed to get pick up from? And you just looked at me like I was an alien. Yeah, because I said where you oriented to, I like that picture was clear in my head. So then you kind of took a step back like, Oh, if I'm coming from this direction, then then then where do I turn like? Oh, well, now I understand where your picture is, but I don't like to jump in other people's pictures in their mind. Scary place as dangerous. That's dangerous. Okay, So if you're not connecting with people in your house, the first step is to try to figure out how are they processing And how can you speak a language to connect with them so that they understand after you tell them the way they process it? If it's different than yours, is wrong? Because that's always helpful. Yeah, that's super helpful. You're not like me. So you're wrong? Yeah, Exactly. Great. Okay, Number two, this one is huge. You saw mirroring. Yeah, mirroring mirror with I N g Make it a verb. It's hard for Southern people to say, Murray. So you marry someone? So what does that mean? So that is when, like you see someone, their body position, their body language. You listen to how they're speaking like all of those things. Those mannerisms. And then you try to copy it, right? Not in a mimicking way. Not like Whoa, look at me. I'm I like kids do with us, remember? Look, I'm Dad. Uh, not like I'm making fun of you. Wait, no, no. But in a genuine like I am connecting with you way, right. So the first time this was so crazy I heard about this. It was actually, I think, like a Tony Robbins podcast or, I don't know, like a YouTube video, but I was just listening to throw this in my contacts self. You driving me crazy? Just saying random people's names. I heard this on a podcast. YouTube that drives me crazy. It was Tony Robbins. So now I'm whatever you say next. I'm like, this lady doesn't know what she's talking about. It was Tony Robbins. I was listening. Well, Tony, whatever. You're fired. It was on Mary, and he said, if you want to connect with somebody next time you're in a meeting, you just act the way they act. Right? So I went into a business meeting. You did? This lady came in and she was like, you know, like a supervisor lady from, like, the corporate office. Okay. And so there was a history and multiple people in the room had issues with her. And so I was like, You know what? Today's gonna be the day I connect with this lady. So when we were having, like, coffee chat time before the actual meeting started, I went up to her. I engaged in conversation. She was standing there with her arms crossed, so I crossed my arms, and then she kind of tilted her head. So I tilted in my head and then she started speaking like in a little bit faster cadence. So I started speaking in a little bit faster cadence. By the end of that, like, five minute interaction, we were B F f, right, right. Remember, And I had broken through in a relational way. Yes, that no one else in the room had been able to break through with her, right? Exactly. And that's the key. You're not like manipulating the person, right? You're just getting into their into their world, almost right. So, like, you're getting into their groove almost where they're at. And so then you can do it. It's almost like animals when they're like checking each other out, like you don't know me like it is really like like don't go sniffing dog but you don't know, But that's what it reminds me of. You know that animals are like kind of you anyway, right? So I've tried to do that, some with our kids, you know, if they come in and they're like, Mom, I gotta talk to you about this It's so awesome. I built this new thing on Minecraft. Then I'd try to be like, really tell me about it you and like I tried to engage them in mirror their energy. Great. Where's me? Out. But if it's like one of our older kids and he's feeling really frustrated, defeated because you know there's a school assignment and it's really hard, then if he's sitting, I come sit next to him, and if he's like speaking in a quiet voice, then I come. I tried to meet him, I because I am a loud person by needs, right? Right, But it is so powerful, Yes, so powerful and it's crazy, so again, like you want to do it. But you kind of want to be like on a stealth mission. Like you don't want to be, like, so overt that you are copying someone that they are offended. Because if you make it right, But it's one of the things that just body language is so important. Yeah. Yeah. So Okay, those two things, those two things. So just because you are quarantined in a small space with the people that you love does not mean you're actually connecting with them. Yes, for sure. And we love you guys and we don't want you to all go get divorced or kill your Children Children, and bury them in the backyard. Or murder your Children or your spouse or your spouse. So we're offering these two tools for you guys to use. So number one just a recap is that you're going to think through, like, what kind of processor am I interacting with our They audio or visual? Are they kinesthetic and then trying to speak that language to them? And then the second thing is marrying them in your tone, in your volume, in your body language, right. And I think I would love to hear some feedback on this guy's like. Try it. Please send me a message. Sent me a Facebook. You know, Comment. Whatever. I would love, love, love, love to hear some feedback from people who just do it is a social experiment. Sounds good. You got nothing to lose. A lot to gain, really

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a lot to gain. All right. Thank you so much for taking your valuable time to hang out with us. And listen. Remember, you are valuable and what you do matters. We would love to be connected with you. Don't forget, you can get a free tool on starting your morning and a meditation time If you go to our website. L s f podcast dot com Put in your name and email and bam! We will send it to your inbox. You all have a blessed day. Thank you.