34 Five Stages of Stress

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welcome Todo less family podcast where we believe you all fallible and what you do matters.

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This is episode number 34 and I am Justin and I am shot of wood. How are you, honey? I am making it way. We're in the middle of the Corona. Whatever this is, we're Corona Week, Leading Cove waiting. Yeah. There we go. So

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and today we're talking about State of the Union as faras the wood family goes as we enter into the beginning of week three, which, interestingly enough, we're marking this whole thing based on when the sea devil a canceled like that's our starting point on the calendar,

spk_0:   1:09
for sure. So it seems like a long time ago.

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I know it feels like years, but it's really just the beginning of week three. Right. So today we're gonna talk about the stages of stress.

spk_0:   1:22
We read about this in a book somewhere. Way so like that, if you haven't felt stress, you

spk_1:   1:30
probably like a robot. Er,

spk_0:   1:32
yeah. So, um, I do we deal with stress? Obviously, in different ways. On Sunday morning, I woke up. Always wake. I woke up early on Sunday morning and at some point I came in here was came in our old bedroom. I was like, Hey, honey, how are you? I don't know. I didn't even go that far. Did

spk_1:   1:52
I think there was that? How are you to it?

spk_0:   1:55
It's like, Hey, what? What about what about moving our rooms? Because we've been talking about this moving rooms with the boys, our oldest two boys. Because why?

spk_1:   2:05
Because our two oldest boys had a much larger room than the two of us had, which was fine, because we only have one bed, and they had to, um, but with all of the changes, I am not working away from home at all. So all of my meetings air here, and they're all on the computer, and all of your work is here, and it's all on the computer, right? So we needed a space to do that because it was getting old, just like crouching on the bed, typing all the time. So I was thinking that would be like a nice week long project, right? That

spk_0:   2:41
we have our

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stuff. All the boys stuff purred clean. I mean, they're teenage boys. Lots of cleaning.

spk_0:   2:48
Yeah, So basically, we just went all out. Whole family. We switched both rooms, which was like a move, I would say, for most people. Yeah, it was like a movie. Four people for people. Four people moving. Yeah, that's basically what it would equal to for most folks. So we did that on Sunday, and we went to bed so tired, and we talked about that. It was like we didn't talk about the Corona virus at all. Yeah, it was super nice. So we didn't talk about anything.

spk_1:   3:12
It was good.

spk_0:   3:13
Anything negative? And, you know, everybody really like because our oldest two are so different personality, but they didn't like everybody. Just we made it through, right? It wasn't that ugly. Yeah, because usually moves for us are pretty ugly because you approach it totally different than I do.

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I know because I'm like, if I'm gonna touch it, I should decide if I should get rid of it, or I should, you know, going away or if I should clean it. And he's, like, just

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and moving our demand. My thought is, if you haven't decided that thing's been there for three or four years, you haven't decided. If you like it or not, it's not. Today's not the day. Yeah, that's what I think.

spk_1:   3:51
Yeah, so Okay, so notice self. We did take a day of rest, so we just had it more lined with the Jewish week than the American Way week. So we took a day rest on Saturday and then kicked our butts on Sunday.

spk_0:   4:07
OK, so I've been noticing with the Corona. Let's get into a little more meat and potatoes. Um, I think it beginning. Everybody's like, Oh, this kind of feel like Christmas vacation or something, You know what I mean? It's kind of like, Oh,

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yeah, kids were a little bit excited there, Coop that canceled. And they're like, Whoa, wait

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right And we were all like,

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Oh, yeah,

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this will be cozy, right? And I think we've realized now how big a deal it waas those people. Yeah, most people were like, Maybe this is just unnecessary. And now people like, yeah, this is bad. Yeah, right. So that Scott's kind of started, but I think a lot of people and you've dealt with a lot more people in business world, But some people just have their head in the sand. Steel right.

spk_1:   4:51
Some people are still like, you know, I just think in a couple days it's gonna blow over, right? And I just want to virtually hug those people and tell them you are so wrong. Yeah, like I love you. And I wish that is how it was. But this is not gonna be done by next week.

spk_0:   5:07
Right? Right. So, yeah. I mean, no one knows for sure. Um, what's going to happen? The projections. But I think there is some good news. Germany has done a lot more testing than pretty much any place. And they basically found a nutshell that a lot of people have it but don't know it or just had a, like a regular cold. And it wasn't that serious. So their death rates are super low, and I think part of it is because they've tested. So hopefully the bottom line is for us. Maybe we a lot of us have already had it. Maybe I don't know. It

spk_1:   5:39
makes it seem less scary.

spk_0:   5:41
Way whatever. Okay, So what are we talking about today?

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So, talking about the saviors of stress, there was actually an article by Dr Jamie Carlo Casellas, PhD Um, and she went through and had the five stages of stress. So she said, First you go through the alarm stage and that's fighter flight. Or I think we should call it the buy toilet paper phase.

spk_0:   6:10
Yeah, I think so. People bought massive.

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Everybody was like, 00 my goodness, I'm gonna be at home. And the one luxury item I can't live without is toilet paper,

spk_0:   6:21
right? So So that was the alarm

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stage. And I think that we saw that for a good, you know, a solid week. And that was when people were going and they were buying all kinds of things They usually don't buy in bulk,

spk_0:   6:34
right? So which is fine. And I would say, and I would recommend You don't have to be alarmed, but you probably still want to keep buying stuff. It's good for the economy. It's good for Walmart, at least our Costco or whoever. But it's probably good idea to keep buying if it's on the show.

spk_1:   6:51
If you help your local businesses, that air thing is you can buy online or pick up on the curb side or something like that. We really need to be rallying around our local business owners. Okay, Stage two is the resistance stage. And this is where, like, you know, that there's a crisis happening. But you just want things to be normal right now.

spk_0:   7:14
Right? Right. So maybe you go out more than you need to or you go do stuff. I don't know. You resist the Is that right? Is that right?

spk_1:   7:22
Right. Like the alarm of it. Um, like a very fantastic elderly woman that we know who cannot stay still.

spk_0:   7:33
Are you talking about my grandma? June? She's

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had a Facebook. She doesn't listen the podcast, but bless her heart like she just like I don't need anything. But I have to go out and interact with people like Grandma. That is not good. Like, can you just go for a drive and see the people through the windshield and not get out?

spk_0:   7:54
Good luck with that.

spk_1:   7:55
I think it's also, you know, the people kind of the head in the sand thing of Oh, it's not today. It's not normal yet, but it will be tomorrow.

spk_0:   8:03
Right? Right, Right. Which is okay to be hopeful, but right. Okay.

spk_1:   8:08
Um, so then number three comes the Reese the recovery stage. And really, when you're recovering in the stress cycle, that's gonna look like doing things to take care of you. So

spk_0:   8:22
for us that was switching rooms with our kids so that you and I didn't kill each other as we both tried to work. My kids. They're happier now. Yes, because everyone's taken ownership in a whole different level of their room. And the other other rooms have been reorganized now so that everyone is happy, right? What they have.

spk_1:   8:40
But that was a good thing we don't recognize. Hey, we need some different working spaces if this is the square footage that we're going to get all of these different things done in. So that was self care for us. I've been taking more baths and using you got told me under the bus. She

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this is there. How many? How many bags of these evidence of you

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agree? I know, like we're walking miles and we're gonna have to do that. Around

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£100. About 200. About to wait was £202. 38 ounces, £2.6 ounces. There we go. Ah, of Eminem's. Yeah,

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You know what? I live for such a time is this That's that's what I'm saying. So having some love for yourself and even, you know, if you know you have, like, little creature comforts like M and M's or whatever else

spk_0:   9:33
you took a bath in

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moderation, it's not like I don't shower.

spk_0:   9:37
No. Yes, like you like relaxing bath. That's very rare sometimes, right? So, yeah, you have to take care of yourself. Because if you just turn on the news, you're gonna get stressed, bombarded, right? And then you're like, I don't know about you, but I've had multiple times where I've like is

spk_1:   9:54
this a

spk_0:   9:55
dream? Like, I've really had that, like, literally, like looking around, going Is this really like what it feels like to be in the midst of, like, a world historic historic event? Yeah. Yeah, so you know it

spk_1:   10:06
for sure. So hopefully, if you will do self care in this time, then you will be in the recovery stage and this stress, you know, it'll be OK, and it kind of comes in waves. So, you know, we've had some times that were like, Oh, we're rock stars. This is great. And then

spk_0:   10:27
we're like some of our kids won't make

spk_1:   10:30
it. Yeah, I'm like, I don't know that we're gonna make the kids Might not make it, you know? So it's okay. It comes in waves.

spk_0:   10:37
Yeah, for sure.

spk_1:   10:38
But it's important to keep recognizing when that alarm hits when that resistance hits. Okay, this is this is a trigger for me to do a better job of taking care of myself right now. Good. If you know, if you don't do that, then you're gonna hit an unhealthy adaptation stage. And that is where you might notice that you just feel a lot more lethargic, but you can't sleep well and you're just becoming Maur irritated. It's not just a wave. It's kind of like a cloud that has settled upon you just of being agitated and irritated and having more arguments with the people in your house being more frustrated, a CZ you're adjusting with technology and the other things that go with work. All of that.

spk_0:   11:26
I think that's a big thing with you because you hate technology. You know, you could do so many things that you've learned to do. Yes, but you just don't like you don't enjoy right technology for technology's say right you like.

spk_1:   11:39
I want to be there in person to give you a hug,

spk_0:   11:42
right?

spk_1:   11:42
I don't want Thio.

spk_0:   11:43
Yeah, you've been having hours a day of

spk_1:   11:47
just staring at the computer meetings.

spk_0:   11:49
Right, Right, right, So which is necessary? But it's also your realizing now like that. Stressful, right? Like the first day you didn't realize that boy, I did like Oh, sure, that's not happy. What did I do? So it wasn't may. Thankfully, it was just the Internet, the Interwebs. And again, it's not your first rate with those people. It's just the process of having to learn to do all these meetings and get things set up. And you just don't enjoy that. That's not your favorite.

spk_1:   12:23
Everyone that I have talked to that is a business owner is in that same place. I mean, everybody's having to use new platforms whenever we learn something new. There is a huge learning curve, and let's be really, especially as adults, we don't like to feel like idiots. And when you're trying something and it doesn't work and you do feel like an idiot, that just increases your frustration increases your stress level so again. Hopefully, if you get to that place where you're just like you realize you're in that cloud of just overwhelm, that needs to signal you. And Q you to go back to that self care piece you know, making sure, even though I am eating a bag of Eminem's. I've been really making sure to get lots of greens. And we've been walking a couple miles a day, that kind of thing Thio to take good care of us because otherwise in these five stages of stress, then you would hit an exhaustion stage. And that is actually really bad, because that, as the author describes it, is just where you have a total meltdown. And that's where um, and I think we really have to be on the lookout for people in our community because that's where, like, really serious depression hits really serious levels of anxiety. We're all feeling some anxiety because we none of us knows how this is gonna play out. But these are the levels were like the mental health is really a scary place,

spk_0:   13:46
So, yeah, if you can provide ways to help people, the stress, like for us and our kids I think it's X bucks. They play video games a lot more, and I'm like and they're playing a little bit more. But now, thankfully, it's getting sunny outside so we can send him outside. They run and play there, covered in sweat. And then it's like, Yeah, you want me to go play some Xbox will be good for you to write that. And so, like, I'm kind of taking a little bit different approach. I think maybe yeah, way

spk_1:   14:14
we've allowed more screen time, just is it down? But then we've also been some other things, you know, creatively. Putting out paints on the table and letting people, you know express themselves that stuff. I know whenever it makes a mess. He's like,

spk_0:   14:31
I don't think you really want to come in there because there's like paying everywhere and crayon dollar floor and I'm like, Okay, I'm just walking out

spk_1:   14:37
but it's been really Oh, yeah, it was a different kind of thing for the kids to express themselves on and there were some pictures that were like anger, right, frustration coming out in marker on the paper right? That was a really therapy thing for us to do

spk_0:   14:57
music. We did some music, so that's been good. Um, I think going outside and playing for all of us walking that it's been really good when you do the podcast about play, how to play, right, that's good.

spk_1:   15:09
And we've started. We're in rule Kentucky, and it's starting to be the time that you can plant scenes. So you're probably not putting things out. Um, with the frost date and that kind of thing, the final frost hasn't happened yet, but, you know, starting Thio to do some gardening kind of activities are also really therapeutic. And I've seen on Facebook. I mean, people around here can rocket in the garden so way should have some really pretty gardens this year.

spk_0:   15:38
Yeah, I I have done is a major. We have planted carrots, kale, cabbage. We have cabbage up. Um,

spk_1:   15:46
onions. Red

spk_0:   15:46
potato. Yeah. And it's almost been like this, urging me to just go do something. Right. So we're gonna talk about that. Another podcast, right? Yeah.

spk_1:   15:56
Yeah. Okay. So one other framework that I'm gonna mention just really quickly is that I do think on some level, because this has been such a punch in the gut toe everyone around the world that you could You could reasonably look at the five stages of grief as we're going through this. And if that helps you process a little better, you know that first stages denial like all this, this isn't really a thing. All right, then, anger. Then

spk_0:   16:23
I was very angry. Then see the turn. It was cancer in the NBA. Play off.

spk_1:   16:26
A lot of people, I think, more upset about the sports canceled in the actual

spk_0:   16:32
I think, Uh, I think I've had a lot of discussion with different guys, but I think it's just such a de stressor for so many people. It's just a wayto zone out or to cheer for something that's, you know, just out there,

spk_1:   16:42
right, um, and then bargaining. And then finally, um, have anger written twice. It's maybe there's another anger and acceptance. So I think

spk_0:   16:53
maybe you're really angry.

spk_1:   16:55
Honey, baby is a reflection of myself. But then, you know, finally getting to that acceptance state of okay, this is what it is, and we are gonna make it through it. So trying to again go back to that self care, how can we make this the best experience possible for ourselves and for the people that we care about.

spk_0:   17:14
Yeah, that's good.

spk_1:   17:15
All right, guys, I hope that the state of the Union and your own homes is going well again. I just encourage everybody thio do some extra self care that could be even just put it on YouTube and exercising in the living room. Or there's all kinds of different ways we would love in the comments. If you want to tell us, how are you taking care of yourself in this time?

spk_0:   17:36
Stretching? I'm doing more stretching. Just my neck. Nothing fancy. Not even a nap. Just stretching 32nd holds. It's amazing how much it helps.

spk_1:   17:46
There you go.

spk_0:   17:47
You can't tell the difference of Kenya.

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All right, moving right along. Thank you so much for hanging out with us on Facebook. Thank you. It fills my heart

spk_0:   17:58
with joy. When I see the little emojis come flying through and people join us and leave comments. Remember, you are valuable and what you do matters. You are also not alone. We would love to connect with you. You could visit our website. L s podcast dot com. You can leave us a Facebook message. You can even find us on Instagram. Although we're not quite rock stars there yet. All right, you guys have a great day. We'll talk to you later. Thanks.