27 Saying Your Last Goodbye - Every Night

spk_0:   0:01
and welcome to the less stress family podcast where we believe you are valuable and what you do matters. This is

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episode number 27. I am Justin would.

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And I'm Shawna would.

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How are you, honey?

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I'm good. How are you?

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Good, beautiful. Sunny day

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outside. It is. It is. Thank you for tuning in and listening to us. We super appreciate just your time because we know that your time is valuable. And so we hope that we're bringing you a lot of value to make your day better.

spk_1:   0:33
Yes. So today's topic is

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saying your last goodbye Every day,

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every day, every night, whenever you say. Whenever you say goodbye. Yeah, and the story has to do. And this will get posted. Probably, I don't know. A month after so but, um, the tornado that hit Middle Tennessee. Um right. It happened in Illinois. It stormed here. I mean, we're like, a few miles from Tennessee, the state line. It's storm really bad here. Electricity was out on bail tonight. Ah, Thunder hit so hard in our house. That was like it was like I had to tell myself. This is not an earthquake, right? But in Nashville and the surrounding counties that the tornado went through. A lot of people have died, maybe, like, 24 or so right now. And they're still, like in one county. There's, like, 30 almost 40 people they still can't find, And it's over, like, 24 hours. And so, you know, I was thinking, and we want to walk this morning and we're talking about I was like, You know, I'm so glad that I hugged the kids last night, right? Because it was like I was thinking about those parents and the people that they loved in the whole family's not just parents, but the people they loved. Did they say goodbye? Do they go to bed angry? You know what? What were you know, no one thought no one thought that night,

spk_0:   1:50
right? I'm gonna go to sleep and tornadoes gonna hit my house tonight.

spk_1:   1:53
And yeah, and whole families were being, you know, just devastated. Not just their homes, their homes and all that are just not even talking about that. I'm talking about loss of life. Um, so just we think 38 people in the county, they can't find them, you know that. Says then That's yucky. Skinner. That's scary. So? So we don't wanna wait. Don't want to be sad and all the time, and we don't want to do things out of fear, But I think there is a lesson to be learned here. You just never know when you're going to say goodbye. So as a result of never knowing, what can we do about that? You return the dog. I'm gonna drink coffee.

spk_0:   2:32
Okay, So I think, you know, just just remembering me. We all know. But just reminding ourselves that none of us are promised another day, and so that means today we really have to make the most of it, because that's all that we know that we for sure have. Um, so, you know, really communicating with our loved ones how much they mean to us, because I think a lot of times we take each other for granted. Sure. Like, it's like, uh, I'm exhausted. I'm just gonna go to bed right now. You know, everybody knows that I love him. You know, just I'm gonna go do that.

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Exactly. And like last night yesterday I woke up it three because the storm came through lights were off. It was, you know, I was just up at three. So I stayed up because I had to be a before, and I was just really tired. I've been writing on this book all day yesterday, and I was wiped out, and I was like, You know what? There's part of me at one point. Had been like, You know what? I'm not gonna having the kids. I'm just gonna go right. Just go to bed, leave everybody alone. They'll leave me alone. But I was like, You know what I'm gonna be get which I'm

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so glad I did right and not to call you out, But I am going to call you out, okay? You were just really, really tired. And you weren't so much fun to be with last night

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around you.

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And so, you know, like the kids knew that. I mean, they they understand things, but, you know, I mean, there were several things that they got scolded for whatever. Just little things, you know. So they knew that you weren't in your high self, But there was actually a shift that happened in our house because even though you really didn't feel like it all of a sudden. You're like, Hey, I love you guys. Come give me a hug. And there was a very positive thing that happened. And so, you know, heaven forbid anything like that happen. But if it had of, then you would know afterwards. The last thing I said to my kids was that I love them,

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right? Right.

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It wasn't, you know, or for them last memory of you wouldn't have been grouchy, Dad. It would have been your day. It would have been a hug from Dad and him telling me that he loves me.

spk_1:   4:45
Right? Right, Right. And again, I don't Do you know, you could always you can base your your whole life on existential fears of in phobias about right? This is gonna be my last night.

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Yeah. You

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know, you don't want to live that way, but you do want to build strong relationships, you know, right of the people that we love.

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And that's what and the people

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you work with. Sorry. Go ahead.

spk_0:   5:08
Yeah. And typically we're looking at things and we're like, Okay, how does this cause stress in your life? But I think in this case you know that the solution is being really intentional and communicating often with the people in our lives what they mean to us. Um And so I think it's it's almost the opposite of this case. Because when you implement the solution of just getting into the habit of when you leave the house, you know, given somebody a hug, tell them I love you when you go to bed at night. You know, any time you're getting ready to have that separation, if you're in the habit of letting that person know how you feel about them Hail of you. Hey, I appreciate you. Hey, your rock star. Um, thank

spk_1:   5:54
you. Call me a rock star lately.

spk_0:   5:56
Okay? Maybe. Maybe that's reserved for other people. But then you have stronger relationships. And, you know, hopefully nothing catastrophic happens. And hopefully everybody dies of old old age in their sleep. That would be kind of the dream, I guess. Um, but even if you don't die into you're 100. If you've lived your life so that you've told the people you love every time you've been separated from them, how much you care about them, you're gonna have some fantastic relationship. Right?

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Right, Right.

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And go. Hold up. Sorry to complete that. Go. Um, fantastic relationships help. You better handle all of life's for sure

spk_1:   6:41
for sure, Because you're depositing good things into that relationship and you can withdrawal. You know what I mean? Wait, we need Thio. Write that down when you do it, so don't deposits in withdrawal of love. But here's the deal. This is what I'm learning. It's just a Z Z to build bad habits into your life as it is to build good habits. I really think that, like, I'm really start believe that more and more like. And so with this, if you just learn and you're gonna feel awkward, like like you know what I mean? Like, we talked about this with the hugging episode, just giving people hugs. You're gonna feel on awkwardness with anything new that you do right. And you just got to keep moving through that because eventually, after a few weeks or whatever now it work. I don't know what you need to do, you know? Do you get people have five? You tell him you're a rock star. You know what I mean? Like,

spk_0:   7:27
that's what I do. I shake their hand. I'm like your rock star.

spk_1:   7:31
Yeah, Exactly. Exactly. Very chirpy like that.

spk_0:   7:34
Very chirpy,

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be annoying. But no, no, you need You need to find out whatever that is. Whatever feels comfortable for you in a way that encourages other people. And we're not talking about sarcasm. We're talking. We're talking about not being going to that genuine level right of true nous of yourself expressing something to someone else. Not in sarcasm. You gotta let that guard down. You know, I really like you gotta get past yeah, making a joke about it. You gotta get past having to put a something, you know, like sometimes people get a little bit vulnerable and they're like, uh and then I'll put a zinger of something you don't

spk_0:   8:15
mean, right?

spk_1:   8:16
Not that I would ever do

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that. And I think maybe that might be a little bit more male tendency to

spk_1:   8:20
Oh, yeah, that's what. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. So it's like you got to go to a place whatever level is where you can be genuine and true and not have to feel like you gotta put a guard back up

spk_0:   8:32
right And that might just

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be given somebody high five right to start off with. You know what I mean? A fist bump. It might be something very simple, right? With your kids or with your spouse or with your co workers. But we need to get to that level. Yeah, whatever. That level is writing a note. Whatever.

spk_0:   8:48
Yeah, and I'm gonna take it to the other extreme. So that would be like in the most casual, you know, just starting out. And so on the opposite extreme. Your most intimate relationship hopefully is with your spouse. And I think that we could even apply this. Like when we first got married, we decided we made a commitment that we were never going to sleep apart when possible. So I'm not talking about like, if I'm traveling and you're here. But I'm talking about like if we get into an argument, nobody's allowed to go to the county, have to sleep in the same writer and just putting that policy in place because there have been times that both Oh, for sure. So, like, I mean, what's your energy reaching over to my side?

spk_1:   9:34
I don't e think about breathing the same air. Right?

spk_0:   9:38
Um but we've just decided this is non negotiable. This is what we're gonna do. And it helped us. You know, there's the verse about Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Um, you know, and it really helped us with that because it's hard to go to sleep when you are fuming mad at somebody next to you,

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Right? Right, right. Yeah.

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Kind of forces you to get to that place where you're back on good terms.

spk_1:   10:03
Yeah, I remember, Like, at high school, I don't know what happened. Something, Something like maybe this tornado tragedy that hits in to see something happened while I was like, You know what? I'm just gonna try to give her by hug before I leave my immediate family. Mom and Dad, like my grandparent's was a high school. That was kind of like I don't know. I can't Really? Why? I decided that, but I'm glad I did, because I really it was just became a habit. And, you know, I'm kind of, you know, you feel awkward. Uh, but you like no go do it. And so we've kind of instilled that with our kids right? Like, did you give them a hug right before you left?

spk_0:   10:35
And I've learned that from you because, like, it's not necessarily like Like, this is weird. I don't. But, Michael Gosh, I just told my kids to give whoever a hug. And here's my husband giving him a hug. I guess I should give him a hugger out. Stay in shape. Does that? What does it

spk_1:   10:51
cost? You know, I mean, like, really, what does it cost to give my order to give him? Ah, whatever. And you know, I'm not a hugger.

spk_0:   10:59
I know.

spk_1:   10:59
You know that I'm not. So it's not like I, you know,

spk_0:   11:02
right? It is you very intentionally trying to build up that person and right relations, Right? Because I

spk_1:   11:08
get the benefit to you once. Once you kind of work through that, you realize that you get the benefit of that process. So

spk_0:   11:14
for sure. All right. So the problem is, we never really know when we say goodbye for the last time. And so the solution is that you can treat every goodbye as if it was gonna be your last and not like in a big drama sob No. Started just I'm gonna give you this little deposit of encouragement, and I just want you to know you mean a lot to me, right? You know, right? And then you can head out building that you're you, and you will have stronger relationships.

spk_1:   11:45
Yeah, and and it's really good when you're mad. Like when you're married kids. Right? But, you know, this is bedtime routine to give hugs, right? Or to give, you know, whatever bedtime stories or, you know, you go play with the kids and you're like, I just don't like this kid right

spk_0:   12:04
now. If it

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makes you work there, your own junk, you know what I mean. So that's really it's almost like a safety valve, right? For anger and whatever else.

spk_0:   12:14
Yes, and a little bit of a teaser. We're getting ready to do an episode on Like when you don't even really like your kid and you don't want to be around them. Yeah, So stay tuned for that coming up. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to hang out with us. Remember, you are valuable And what you do matters you are also not alone. We would love it. If you would connect with us, you can find us on Facebook. You can find us on Instagram. You could hop on our website. L s f podcast dot com and give us some feedback. Let us know. What are your thoughts about this? What are your rituals? That you have to make sure that you're building those relationships And, you know, when you're saying goodbye, it's you're leaving on good terms. Awesome. Thank you. Have a blessed day.