17 MOMster

Shawna:   0:01
Welcome to the Less Stress Family podcast where we believe you are valuable and what you do matters  

Justin:   0:14
This is Episode 17 I am Justin Wood. 

Shawna:   0:20
and I am Shawna Wood

Justin:   0:22
Are you doing great? I am fantastic. How are you? I am awesome. I can look out this window. I can see those trees. I can stand up and see r pond down there. I'm just imagining it's me and you talking, all

Justin:   0:35
right.

Justin:   0:36
And you are imagining

Shawna:   0:37
I've got a lot of people in the audience. All right,

Justin:   0:40
so today we're talking about a very important topic. It's all you, honey,

Shawna:   0:46
we're talking about Mom ster

Justin:   0:49
scare. This is a Halloween episode,

Shawna:   0:53
and Justin will probably let me do most of the talking today so that he doesn't find himself in trouble

Justin:   1:00
later. Don't stab.

Shawna:   1:04
So, mom, ster is me.

Justin:   1:07
What is a momster?

Shawna:   1:08
Mom, when I go into Ma like monster mode So it is definitely parenting in my low self,

Justin:   1:18
right? If you've not listened to the last episode Episode 16 about high self and low self

Shawna:   1:27
and you should be there,

Justin:   1:27
then you really need to do that because you might not you know, you probably understand if you're a mom. You understand? Momster mode.

Shawna:   1:34
Okay, so here is an example. I didn't know what story to share. So I asked my Children, and you know, if you ever want the truth, ask your kids. They'll just tell you how it is. So I was like, Mom, our kids. What was the time? That mommy was kind of like a monster, like, super. Not fun to be with in our second

Justin:   1:53
give us day or year.

Shawna:   1:56
Like like last year. Mom, I was like, Okay, you want to get more specific on that? And he said he was like, last year when you were trying to work on the computer while you put everybody to bed and nobody was listening and everybody kept getting out of bed, and then you would just start like, being really angry with us. It was like that was a good example. Yes.

Justin:   2:27
That was a good example. Yeah, there's a quote there. I didn't want to be around you. Yes, that is spoken like a true son.

Shawna:   2:36
Yeah, Yeah. Ah, and maybe that would be kind of the definition. Like when mom's hit that place that nobody wants to be around them. You're probably in mom ster mode. Yeah. So the problem is, nobody likes to be the monster. Nobody especially

Justin:   2:59
I would say the moment

Shawna:   3:00
I know you

Justin:   3:01
feel so yucky afterward. There is

Shawna:   3:04
so much I

Justin:   3:05
have to listen to. You complain about how terrible of person you are.

Shawna:   3:09
I'm so terrible. Such a thanks for me. So it is. It's like full powered mom guilt once you've hit that level. And for me, it's just like that place when I have zero energy left in any of my energy buckets.

Justin:   3:30
Yeah, they're all drained.

Shawna:   3:31
And I'm still, like trying Thio Kratch and scrape and crawl my way through Parent is Yeah, So there's lots of things that can trigger turning into mom Ster. I kind of like gremlins, you know, it was like feedem past midnight and like everything's so one of them is that when you are physically, it always happened at night After I worked a really long day, right? And looking back in hindsight was trying to do too much.

Shawna:   4:06
Really enneagram three. I don't see that.

Shawna:   4:11
So, trying to maintain one business grow and other business home school Children take on volunteer responsibilities serve in church. All of these different things. It just like, was too much then. For me, it was often triggered by a parenting failure or perceived or perceived parenting failure. But that was a real one. Last year. I was not doing a good job with our system of getting the Children in bed, right? Therefore, the Children had, like, springs in there, but they kept hopping back out of the bed. I need to drink. I need a good bathroom. I need this.

Justin:   4:50
It was a systemic usually monsters. Our systemic problems, right? Calls both system problems.

Shawna:   4:58
And the good news is, you can look at them as an opportunity to improve some area.

Justin:   5:05
Oh, for sure. Here's the deal. If you're a monster mode, you have to zoom out far away. You have to detach All those things that we talked about knows that we need episode list to talk about. Where do we talk about? Right? Um, I got a list here somewhere. No, I don't know. It's all right. Just say yeah, whatever it is, um, focusing on what you can control, right? That's episode 14. Yeah. Uh, let's see what else? How do I have the right perspective and zooming. That's episode 12. That's what I'm thinking about. Yeah, Yeah. So it takes some time. It takes some time to get into monster mode. It takes a little bit of time to get out of it. Yeah, you know, you know what I mean? Like on a, uh, more than a day to day basis, like on a monthly basis. If you want to see your life switched to the high self, right, it's not gonna happen overnight, Right? Because you're because Guess what? Your husband will have to adjust to new things, new expectations, and your kids will have to adjust even though you're moving in a very positive direction, right? It takes a while to get the team moving, right? Yes.

Shawna:   6:11
And I think you know you can when you realize you know, when you've hit that place and you like

Justin:   6:17
No, I say sometimes you don't know. I disagree. Sometimes you don't know.

Shawna:   6:24
Okay, afterwards, you know that you have that place when you basically just had an adult meltdown, right? And you just basically need to put yourself into adult time out.

Justin:   6:35
Yeah, that's true. That's true. If you think of it like a toddler just throwing a tantrum. That's pretty much what parents do. Also. Yeah, it is. It gets sucked into that.

Shawna:   6:46
I mean, we did. Yeah. You just can't. Particularly when you're tired When you're sick. When you've got physical stuff going on, Um, it's easy to do that. So solutions one like you mentioned zooming out right too, is looking at the system like you probably are having a breakdown in the system somewhere. Right? In that instance, we had two breakdowns. One I was I was trying to multitask way too much. So we have

Justin:   7:15
because you have that skill.

Shawna:   7:16
I can do it, but it doesn't make it the best choice.

Justin:   7:19
Not with our kids usually in bed

Shawna:   7:22
while I'm trying to work on work. Yeah, hindsight is 2020 people. So anyway, so now we're block scheduling something.

Justin:   7:30
What does that mean? We need to find gas system.

Shawna:   7:32
We'll talk about block scheduling, but basically, it's the opposite of China. Multitask everything right? And, um, we didn't have a good structure going on for home school at that point. Jeffrey, Um, remember that when he was telling me about Oh, that was a time you were really a monster. A end again. It comes to self care like when you realize you've hit that meltdown tantrum place asking the question Am I taking care of myself? Right, Jim, really. The answer is no,

Justin:   8:03
Right. Because when you get a monster mode, you've got there because you're like, Oh, I just needed to one more thing. Yes, I just need to do this. Or if I could do just do one Maur. Yeah, whatever. And that's the lie.

Shawna:   8:16
That's when all the classic lines like my delight person you could pick up around here This'll is why we can't have nice stuff like that's about all those terrible lines. Come out, my goodness, yeah, yeah,

Justin:   8:29
it's not funny, actually,

Shawna:   8:30
You there. So just like when we talked about in the episode of how to move from Your low self to your high self, those things work in this place to like once you've hit that meltdown, you know, being able to do things to move yourself back up, whether that's music, whether that's physically taking a wall, moving your body, looking at pictures, journaling, worshiping, praying, venting to a friend,

Justin:   9:00
no self, not your husband usually just different.

Shawna:   9:02
Yeah, whatever, whatever. But I think that once you get to underneath all of that stuff, like, yes, I recognized it. Yes. I'm going to do something to help improve the system. Yes. I'm gonna do something to help take care of myself. There's this ugly little lie that's buried down in there.

Justin:   9:21
It's a nasty

Shawna:   9:22
that says that I am a failure. Mmm. I had an adult temper tantrum. I melted down and said silly things. I must be a failure as a mom. Right? And that is the lie that has to be plucked out, just

Justin:   9:38
thrown away, right? Being a monster is part of the process of parenting. Like it's like, Listen, I believe this Moms, moms who don't have monster form and sometimes they're gonna kill the kids. I'm serious. I am dead serious moms who don't just blow up every once in a while. If I'm around Mom and I'm like, Oh, she they're really nice. Oh, they're really nice. Every time I see him, I'm kind of concerned like, Seriously, I don't call the police, but you know what I mean? Like is part of the growth process, right? it's It's nothing to be a failure about, right. It's a time to your kids are going to tax you more than more than possible

Shawna:   10:19
rights. And we often tell parents, you know, we're like, Oh, new parents. Or they just find out they're expecting my Children are a blessing. And part of the reason I am convinced that the scriptures say that Children are a blessing is because they refine you and they make you more like Jesus.

Justin:   10:39
They might look cute and cuddly, but they're like sandpaper. Just get in those corners.

Shawna:   10:44
Where away those rough spots

Justin:   10:47
they are? Yes, absolutely. So, yeah, being a monster is part of the process.

Shawna:   10:52
It is. So you have to have grace for you.

Justin:   10:54
Don't stay there. You don't say that spot. You don't have to stay in that spot. You shouldn't stay in this fight. Right. But it might take you a little bit too months, years to start to recognize it and move away from it,

Shawna:   11:06
right? Hopefully not years that could. That could not be. So you're still

Justin:   11:10
gonna hit the wall, right? Because it all changes. Your kids change. Whatare you gonna do when they get to Tween years and teenage years. You don't mean there's always a monster moment because you have to grow, right? You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. I know. You're getting toward perfection. I still I still have my crystal ball here, and I still see some monster.

Shawna:   11:30
I'm saying monster moments have, right? Yeah, we're not talking about

Justin:   11:35
Oh, right. You're No, no, no. Just moments.

Shawna:   11:39
They they're just moments and they pop up. And it doesn't mean that your failure, it means congratulations. You're human being

Justin:   11:44
right. It's time to go.

Shawna:   11:45
Time to grow. And here is something really beautiful That has come out of my personal monster moments is that it has been an opportunity for me to model to my Children sincere repentance

Justin:   12:00
in your

Shawna:   12:00
and my husband.

Justin:   12:02
It really is.

Shawna:   12:02
And that takes a lot of humility. But if we expect our Children to be able to come to us in a safe place and say Mom, Dad, I made this mistake. I'm really sorry, right? And for us to offer them forgiveness, right, we have to model that first.

Justin:   12:20
Exactly. And when I go into, I'm really sorry, guys. I blew it. My kids are usually shaking their head. Yes. You know, Toby, it's somebody right? Way had Tonto. I have that come to Jesus moment. I'm like, Okay, guys, everybody sit down. Listen, I'm sorry, guys. I have been a jerk. They're like, Yeah, second there is. I thought I was like, you know, you're kind of like the last one to know when you're the monster, right? Like you turn into, Like was Jekyll Hyde, right? Which one's which?

Shawna:   12:46
I don't know.

Justin:   12:47
Any way you turn them on. So you don't realize that you've been this bad person, right? And you and you're like, I'm really sorry. Everybody else is like, Okay, we're glad you got to that point, you know, But it is if you've

Shawna:   12:58
seen the light,

Justin:   12:59
right, But you have to get that transparency point, right? For your family to grow. Yeah, because otherwise you're just creating toxic. Yeah, good relationships.

Shawna:   13:09
And so that is I feel like the silver lining of it all. The gift of being a monster is that one. It's a trigger for you to realize there's a growth area for you. Whether that's better. Self care, different system, whatever it ISS and two that you have that opportunity to model, um, repentance and forgiveness with your Children.

Justin:   13:32
Right? And it is gonna be very powerful. Yes. For you? Yeah. And for your kids. Yeah, process.

Shawna:   13:38
And I tell you what you want. Talk about healing when your child looks at you and says I forgive you, Mommy, That is powerful stuff. All right, guys, thank you so much for tuning in and hanging out with us in listening to all of our craziness. Remember, you crazy is normal. I think, uh, you are valuable. And what you do matters, you are not alone. Please connect with us and the rest of the less stress family community

Justin:   14:09
on Facebook. You can call connect with us on our website, which is l s f podcast dot com, where you can connect with us on our personal instagram accounts. I am Shauna Cherie Wood. Just wait. You have a blessed day. Thanks.