10 What is an Extrovert?

spk_0:   0:01
and welcome to the lustrous family podcast where we believe you are valuable and what you do matters. This episode 10 I'm Justin and I'm Sean. I'm excited to be talking about this. Yes. Why's that? That's all you. I know it is, guys, we're talking about extroverts today.

spk_1:   0:30
Extroverts, Extra verse. If you did not catch the last podcast Episode nine on introverts that you know, these two go hand in hand because extroverts and introverts it's really just a framework for understanding people how they get energized, how they process and their behavior

spk_0:   0:49
socially, socially. Yeah, I think of all the categories of people, like not Democrat, Republican or not even black or white, I think, or any race or any language or anything else I can think of. I think it's Farid. Relationships in the home introvert extrovert are like two very important foundational pieces. Yes. Do you think? Yes. So I have a story. Are you gonna say something?

spk_1:   1:16
Well, just kind of We had mentioned this in the introvert thing, the introvert podcast, but it's also not just you don't necessarily fit in one of those two boxes. It's a spectrum. So you're somewhere along the Grady in

spk_0:   1:30
1 to 10. Right? Let's do this One is introverted. Side extreme. Okay. Tan is extroverted side the extreme. Yes. What are you? Do you think

spk_1:   1:39
maybe seven,

spk_0:   1:41
maybe a seven? I'm probably about a negative 11.5, and we're talking about getting the energy right. That's so let's define that extra Burt is the person who gets the energy from

spk_1:   1:55
being around people. So you would rather work on a team as opposed to working on a project by yourself. Right? So

spk_0:   2:03
find so funny are hard wired. So I have a story about this, Okay? For two years, your loving husband has talked about building a podcast, right?

spk_1:   2:13
This is too.

spk_0:   2:14
Okay, So I love the thought of a podcast because it's me and my wife in an empty room with sometimes an empty house if we take the kids out in the yard. But they're all inside right now, right? It's winter. But the thought of that in a room with me and you just talking to a microphone that just makes me so happy because I'm an introvert, and that makes me happy. But you, on the other hand, right when you see?

spk_1:   2:44
Not wanted to do a podcast, since it does not sound like fun sitting in a room. Even I love you. Just you and a microphone.

spk_0:   2:51
Right? So what's so funny? We didn't realize this until we talked about it. We actually deleted the 1st 6 or so podcast we made. Yes, because why?

spk_1:   3:02
We weren't quite in our high energy cells.

spk_0:   3:05
I was right. But but no, Seriously, you you we're not picturing something, right? So now you're picturing because that's what you do. You speak in front of lots of people? Yes, throughout the week. So now, in your mind, when you do a podcast, I'm like, Okay, you pumped you ready? And you start picturing what

spk_1:   3:27
I start picturing lots of people

spk_0:   3:29
in this city, and I picture you right or I'm looking out the window. Yes. Something very not. People related. Even though there's thousands people gonna listen this by, I guess. Right? Yeah. So that's my story. It

spk_1:   3:42
is funny. And it didn't even come up until I like toe. Look at the time. Because when I speak to large groups, being, you know, concise and in a certain amount of time is very important, and you started getting really frustrated with me.

spk_0:   3:57
You wouldn't look at me. You're looking at this

spk_1:   3:59
thing looking at the timer and my imaginary people.

spk_0:   4:03
It's so funny. I tried to turn this computer away from you, so you couldn't see that.

spk_1:   4:07
Then I got 20.

spk_0:   4:08
Yeah, you got real, Georgie. So that's your extroverted. So

spk_1:   4:12
So it's a great example. I think of why it's important to have an understanding of introvert extrovert, because it sounds simple. You're gonna have to people sit down and chairs, talk to each other, talk into a microphone and share information. But my internal processing the story happening in my head right is very different from the story happening in your head.

spk_0:   4:36
Yes, as long as we all know my stories. Correct. Correct. But no, seriously, that is the problem. If you don't understand, there's two stories going on. Yes, um, that's good. I think I wanna start touching your leg. Now you have to eat. You pay attention to me now that you otherwise you're like I'm, like, trying to talk to you, and you like looking at the wall or the imaginary people out there, right? So I found a new just talking about this. Yeah. Every time I touch you, do you look at me like that?

spk_1:   5:03
Okay. Good reflex. Glad we worked that out. So the problem isn't being an extra Burt or an introvert. The problem is not having a grid for understanding yourself and other people.

spk_0:   5:16
Exactly. Yes. It's the same thing we talked about. Interpret, right? Right. Same thing. Okay, What else? When you talk about here, this is your podcast, Extrovert. I

spk_1:   5:24
know this is my thing. So something's in being aware even of yourself. Like for example, I am 43 years old, and I have lived by myself for less than eight weeks because at one point in my young adult life, Oh, my good friends had gotten married. I was like, the lone single person. And so I did with the lone single person does and gets an apartment by themselves, hated life, hated capital letters. Hated. Even though I was teaching school, I was surrounded by people throughout the kids. But I would come home like I would avoid going home because it was just going to be me, and I got really depressed. Makes sense. And so then I was just praying fervently like Lord, there have to be other single women in this large city. I need roommates, So that is a self awareness. Um, you know, But I think also, like in our marriage, we figured out like I ordered to the fact that you need to be by yourself sometimes. Yes. And you honor the fact that I need to be around people

spk_0:   6:42
when you are going to, like, a meeting or something that you're excited about seeing people, especially if you know them already. Right. But any meeting and gathering, which makes me twitch even thinking about going to a room full of strangers, right? If you have a room full of strangers and you're gonna meet new friends, you get this look in this energy like

spk_1:   7:00
boom on,

spk_0:   7:02
I just like it just makes anyone like vomit, right? Right.

spk_1:   7:06
And I wish that even though I have heard of introverts and extroverts, you know me way back in, I think high school's when I first got exposed to the Myers Briggs. But like when I left my public job, we had our first child, a boy, and I came home. That was really hard,

spk_0:   7:29
right? Yeah, it was hard, and I did not know how to help you. You know what I mean? I thought that was the baby I thought was just a baby. But it was the social interaction.

spk_1:   7:38
It what?

spk_0:   7:38
We figured that out eventually.

spk_1:   7:40
Weight. But not until a long time afterwards.

spk_0:   7:42
Right? Right. But it wasn't like just going to the store. You needed like you needed, like, lots of because you're more heavier. That's so you're more than a seven. I think the problem now, the numbers dropped because we have six kids in the house who are like Mommy. Mommy? Mommy. Right? Right. Maybe so. I think. I think the extra virgin this is probably higher. It will be higher in a few years. We have less Children in our home.

spk_1:   8:06
Yes. So one of the times that this became really obvious to us was when we had I think we had two kids at the time and we had moved to a new city. So our new town, small town. So I didn't know anyone besides your family. So it was like I was, like, trying to work in to your relationships. Um, and I was home full time with the kids, and I went to my first like Mommy gathered. It was like a little play date. And I came back and you were like, You need to do that more

spk_0:   8:40
often. It's right, Right? Right, right. Yeah,

spk_1:   8:42
because I was so energized, I felt better about life, right? Just overall. It helped me immensely,

spk_0:   8:49
right? It help? Yeah, Because I realized I'm an introvert, and I better not try to make you an introvert, right, Because you're gonna be miserable. And I was kind of like she might just pull a knife on me in my sleep. Could be like one of those women. Like, after they get arrested, like he deserved it. He needed that, you know? I mean, that was like, because, yeah, it's just so important, right? The owner, What the other person is,

spk_1:   9:12
right. So I think you know, that's a great just example of particularly like it. It's hard to transition. It's fantastic to be able to be home with your Children when they're small, But that doesn't mean that it doesn't come at a price, particularly if you've been successful in a career, right? You're extroverted any of those kind of things, right? Um that that transition is really difficult. So another thing is realizing, you know, that I need to have those times those girl times to go and hang out with my friends. And it kind of goes back to self care, being able to recognize that when I do that and I take that step away when I come back, I am so much better is a wife.

spk_0:   9:58
Oh, yeah. And it first I might have been resistance like, Oh, I can't believe you're gonna leave me home with kids. And now I'm like, Oh, yeah, you go ahead. We'll we'll take care of something. You just go ahead. You have your girl time because you're so much more fun to be with you when you come back. And it lasts for a long time, right? You know, I mean, like, we're talking like a few days investment equal three or four months of

spk_1:   10:20
more fun to be with

spk_0:   10:21
more fun to be with. Yeah,

spk_1:   10:23
for sure. So something else that again, You know, I think that this does fit with introvert extrovert. It's not just unique to us, but I need to process at loud. So here's the thing. Have you ever had a friend that you talked to? They have a problem and they just talking, talking, talking, talking, talking the talk. And they solve their own problems while they're in the midst of talking. And then at the end of the conversation, they say something about you're so great. You always help me solve my

spk_0:   10:53
problems. I have a wife like that.

spk_1:   10:57
But the reality is you didn't do anything. You allowed that person to process out loud, right? Exactly. And I think that is an extrovert thing.

spk_0:   11:09
And I've learned that slowly,

spk_1:   11:11
right? Because I have the most brilliant ideas when we're taking a walk and I'm processing out loud. But if it's just me in a room thinking

spk_0:   11:20
you're walking alone,

spk_1:   11:21
I can't come up with a solution.

spk_0:   11:24
Yeah, right. And so now I can recognize that in you and now I'm growing to try to recognize that in my extroverted especially sons, right with with our daughter, I can handle her talking. I don't know why, but like after the boys talk after awhile like look, date, what do you trying to say? Like just so I have a lead. It's almost I don't know why, but I don't know if it's just like a stereotype. I've always thought the boys will have less words, but some of our boys don't have less words. And at some point I was like, Maybe they're just in a certain phase of life. I don't think so. We have one just happen you don't mean but that's just gifting. But he's gifted. This

spk_1:   12:04
is he is so another way to look at it for parents. And I think this is like I looked back and I can see this in my life that there were times that I probably was not choosing the best group of people to be around or the safest, smartest situation to be in. But I would rather have been in that, you know, maybe hanging out with the wrong group. Maybe being in the wrong place at the wrong time, as opposed to being by myself,

spk_0:   12:35
right? Yeah, and that is huge. That has impacted how we're talking about parenting our pre teens. Yes, because we're saying, you know, our our first one's probably an introvert, right? So in some ways, I feel like we're getting a pass on some things, right? Because he doesn't want to be in a big group of people, right. But for our other kids coming up, we're gonna have to figure out how do we find a safe place for them? You know what I mean? Right? Build. Ah, good.

spk_1:   13:06
Because they're already verbalizing that craving me.

spk_0:   13:10
We see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they do a great job with each other, right? So I feel like we've that's been a check check. They're good friends with each other. They can interact well with each other. And they do have social interaction, obviously. Right. But we're talking about They can leave the house for hours at a time. Like that's where you want to be, like, Okay. Who are they hanging out with? You wait till

spk_1:   13:33
day when their mobile on their own. You know, they've got driver's license,

spk_0:   13:37
right? Right, right. So I think we've got to figure out for us. How are we gonna create good channels of relationship and communication, right? For extra body kids,

spk_1:   13:48
Right? And I think just recognizing that that is a really need a cz Muchas They need to eat. They need sleep. They need that time to interact socially.

spk_0:   13:59
And we've started talked to them about that. Yes. Okay. I think you might have more of tendencies toward this. What do you think, right? Oh, yeah. I think this And then some of my kids do get pretty irritated if they've been alone right here with me all day at home. Yes, because I just grunt at them, huh?

spk_1:   14:18
Yeah. So, again, you know, it's not a problem to be any of these things. The problem is, when you don't have a framework for understanding yourself or understanding other people,

spk_0:   14:29
right and we call it goes back to whatever that episode we needed. Like, have a list of episodes. Yes, we did. Proactive and reactive. Yes. If you could be proactive and extra vert and introverted nous, right, it will. You will go miles in your relationships at home.

spk_1:   14:44
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, Very cool. Thank you so much for taking time to tune in and hang out with us. Remember, you are valuable. And what you do matters you are not

spk_0:   14:56
alone. Even connect with us in the rest of the less stress family community on Facebook. Researching for less stress family podcast. Or you could check us out and connect on our personal instagram accounts. Shauna Suri is a just have a blessed day. Thanks.