Good morning, Good afternoon. Good night to all of the lesbians around the world. Welcome to this week's episode of the Lesbian Supper Club Podcast. Sorry that there was no episode last week. We again let ourselves down on the planning front. I don't think so at all, actually. I think it's because we had a bit of a manic. Well, I had AI had a psychotic break, which I don't care to delve into right now because I'm still recovering from it.
And we were down in Cornwall moving our things into our property, which is another very long and stressful story which I don't fancy going over. That's why though, that we had to delay the podcast for a week because we physically didn't have the time and I mentally didn't have the capacity. And that's absolutely fair enough. Yeah, Do you know what? We're juggling a lot.
And I'm a perfectionist and I think the worst of myself all the time in terms of punishing myself and not doing the right things or not being present in the right places. And I let it get to me a bit much. So I'm, I'm on the path of recovery now. My better help therapist is getting an absolute fucking shafting. She's she's probably rinsing her. I think she's probably going to go into hiding and make an excuse to not see me anymore. Which, like, do you know what, Fair.
So that is why we've not been around. It's been really good that you've been doing all those things, though, because for as long as I've been with you, you've never been as proactive as you are now and I do genuinely think it's because. Desperation will do that to. You desperation will do that, Yeah And no. But I feel like you've I do. Feel like I'm really going through a shift in my life, whether it be good or bad.
I think as we all mature, we discover ourselves all of the time, new elements about ourselves. And I'm just, I think, discovering parts of myself that I'd kept hidden for so long that they've come to the surface. And even though it's difficult, it doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. And it's forced. Me to try and take control and work on myself, which I think we should all do all the time and I have no shame in being honest
about that. Like, I think it's important to, you know, looking from the outside in sometimes on people's lives specifically like we put ourselves out there. I think it is so easy for things to look perfect and for people's lives to look perfect and for them to look happy and and that's not the case. It's just as much not the case as it is the case, you know, for. And I think that's the same for everyone.
For every bit of good there's some, there's normally some sort of difficulty that comes with that. No one has a perfect life. No. So for all of the amazing things that happen, that also brings a lot of pressure and a lot of stress and a lot of time consuming and a lot of back and forth, Like it's just a great thing to have to juggle. If that makes sense. Like it's a it's a high pressure thing that we have to really grind ourselves for that we love doing, but it doesn't not make
it hard. I feel like you have had to put up with my anxiety for 5 1/2 years and now I'm getting a taste of my own medicine because I'm dealing with yours. I'd actually rather be the one suffering because I hate seeing you suffer with it because I know how bad it is. So I'd actually rather it be me, you know? I'd probably rather it was you as well. I'm sure you would. I'm sure you would. I'm sure anyone would. Because I think like you're more equipped to deal with it, sadly. In 20 years.
You know, I haven't suffered this badly this physically since I was 11 and that's when I had my really bad school phobia. Like I've had anxiety throughout, but my life, but it's not manifested in the way that it is right now and it is really fucking hard. So shout out to anyone that is going through it. It's such. A cliche, but believe me, like you're not alone.
No, you are not alone. I think that can be the worst thing about it, right, is that you feel really fucking lovely when you go through it. But you know what? It's going to make you feel better, JoJo Siwa. Yeah. JoJo Siwa's Karma has now been released. It has now been said that you know those dance moves that she was doing on TikTok where I this is an audio podcast. But she's like flailing her arms down onto her hip and she's going, Karma's a bitch that bit.
She has admitted that. That was all a piss take and it fucking worked. She's a mom and genius she is. Love her. I hate her. You're still looking at her. And I know some of you will be listening to us being like, who's JoJo Siwa? Oh, I don't care about this person. You're on your own because the whole fucking Internet cares about her right now. JoJo Siwa is a kid. I mean, she's 20, but I'm going to call her a kid from dance
mums. She made her debut on dance mums like 15 years ago and has out of, I think all of them managed to take the notoriety that came from dance mums and the popularity that came from dance mums and just create herself a whole fucking media career. And she's quite literally done everything. And then she came out as a lesbian, which was amazing. I mean that was that was actually incredible when she done that because it really took a lot because of her connections with Disney.
Oh, and it's being a child, child, like all of that. Not one of them. Yeah. Not that it should make a fucking difference, but obviously it did and it made it harder for her and she actually dealt with that incredibly well. And then she went into her lesbian villain era that she's been living in for the last couple of years, creating chaos, which like, do you know what we can all sit back and judge her for? This song's about, yeah, she's cheated, she's made some bad
decisions, She's lied. But. Haven't we all? Everyone fucking does it. Everyone goes. When she was 18. Yeah, fuck. You know, I've said this before and I'll say it again. If I had a camera around me and a fucking following when I was 18, I would have done way worse than JoJo. So you go for it, bitch. And also I yeah, I actually, Joe, what the video as well. There's something about it that is just addictive. I think you're on your own there. I mean, you showed it to me earlier and.
She looks like KISS, you know, like the band KISS. You showed it to me earlier. I can't say that I'm desperate to watch it again. I mean, I'm glad I've watched it the one time because I don't feel like I'm missing. Out and she's like dry humping on the girl on the beach. Yeah, it's disturbing because I think I still see her as a child. No, I don't. But that just really made me laugh. I don't like it personally. But I might reenact the whole video. She's living her best life.
She's doing what she wants to do, and who are we or anyone else to judge? She's like, it's the same old right? She's not fucking hurting anyone. No. The Internet is a weird place where people get really judgmental. And karma is a bitch. Yeah, and entitled to you. Shouldn't know better. Opinions that are like so vicious and I just find it. It's so preachy, Really weird. People get so preachy online, they act like Bible bashers or something.
Oh, by the way, someone messaged us saying Look. No they didn't. They replied to us like so you guys will probably know on Spotify at the end of the episode. You can be like, what did you think about this? And someone replied and said. Basically along the lines of I know like this was a bit of a joke, but you need to realise you have Christian lesbian listeners shock. First of all we have a whole episode dedicated to religion and homosexuality, period.
Secondly, it was this is just our sense of humour and we do take it too far and we love doing that. Did I enjoy doing the nun impressions? Yes I did. And did I laugh back when I did it? Yes, I did. When it is so far out there, it clearly like, I would hope that everyone listening is a certain level of intellect to know that it's fucking satire. Like obviously we support you if you're Christian and gay. Obviously we support you if you're Muslim and gay. Obviously we support you if
you're seeking gay. If anything we fucking support you more because you guys are having to like fucking put in the work on both sides. But. We don't support you if you're straight. No, we do. Because you're probably listening to this because you're straight and curious, but I'm joking, like we're going to take the piss. If there is an Ave. for us to take the piss. Best believe the piss is being taken and. You know that this is 5% of my piss taking.
That's what's bad about it. So if any of you get offended then I'm sorry. I hate to tell you probably never want to meet me in person. So on. Today's oh, no, really. Quickly. Beforehand, though, we talk about music. We've got to talk about Fletcher's new album. Oh, it's really good. It's amazing. It is really good and we Freya hasn't watched any of the podcasts that she done with Shannon. No, I need to watch that. I watched some of it. I did. It didn't really, to be fair.
I watched it when I was down in Somerset, in the mid state of absolute anxiety, and I began it whilst I was in the queue for McDonald's, which I really thoroughly enjoyed. Actually, I've been in my since again since I've had anxiety. I don't know if this is the same for other people, but it's really affected my diet and I've owned like I don't eat meat anyway, but I've only been craving like beige foods.
It's the only thing. I think it's because you feel sick and also because you're really tired, so you crave like sugary salty. Food. So I started watching it then. So maybe I wasn't in the best mindset approaching it. I found it a little bit dull, to be honest, but I don't know if that's because the the Shannon and Fletcher narrative has gone on for so long now. I just don't know if I'm a bit over it, so I wasn't really interested in the. Incident.
I don't think that they owe anyone any more of their kind of journey, I mean. Fletcher, I think, is very honest about the fact that she made a shit load of money out of her breakup and she. Should. I think clearly loads goes on behind closed doors that none of us will ever know nor should we because. But Can you imagine how fucking annoying it is for them though? For every single comment and every video to have comments
about and I've. Actually never understood it at a level until now until like we are, I mean nowhere near in the position that they're in. But you know similar we put ourselves out there and stuff and I'm so hyper aware now of of that that it does definitely impact me and I mean we've not had to deal with any like backlash on anything. No, but I I'm. Imagine we broke up. Oh, I would like shit myself like I would.
I know that it would make it 10 times worse because as much as people can say ignore people on the Internet, who cares? I know it would fucking hurt because you're trying to go through something on a personal level and actually you without wanting to or not. Yeah, you're having to consider thousands and thousands of people's opinions. I mean, it must be awful for them, actually. So yeah, kudos to them for the other side. And doing it, I think it was great that they did just do an
episode together. I think as well. Fletchers new album is so good. It is. And it is miles above her. I've always loved her music, but it is miles above her other songs that she's done. Yeah. And she's, like, glowed. Like she didn't even need to glow up, but somehow she's glowed up. She keeps getting better, both attractive, wise and as a musician, so hot. Oh, she's ridiculous. Yeah, like, let's not lie, she's. Really, really hot.
Yeah. So I really enjoyed that pretending music video, and I wish that she would consider me for the next role. Thank you. I don't wish she would consider you. Not because I would be jealous just because you would be insufferable. No, I wouldn't. I would just love it. Yes, you would get. Into. It you would be. I'd be your love interest, Fletcher. I would. I would do anything.
I wouldn't mind it because I'd be like, fair you're making out the Fletcher, carry on like, can't say anything to that. But I would mind you, your behaviour would be out of fucking control. Are you joking? I'd be so jealous that you were getting with Fletcher. Yeah, you'd be jealous of me, not jealous. Yeah. No. Yeah, exactly. No, I don't want to get with Fletcher. I would be a bit jealous of that, but like I would, I would be happy for you. I'd be like, you can give me a kiss.
I still taste like her. I'd be just as happy for you as I would be jealous. Fair enough, A few minutes. So guys, you've all been in the DMS telling us off about smoking, so we finally decided to do something about it. Today's episode is sponsored by Ripple. Ripple is a 0 nicotine puff device and has benefits of natural botanical blends so you can still get a kick. They come in multiple flavors that have an array of different
benefits. I love Relax as I quite clearly need it. Relax is a Jasmine aroma and helps with the oral fixation of like having a cigarette, so I always feel like I've got it on me. I've been loving the boost which is the pomegranate aroma usually to keep me going whilst I'm ranting on this podcast. If you want to jump on the bandwagon and satisfy your cravings in a delicious way, use Code LSC for 15% off your first
purchase. Each Ripple Max is loaded with 1000 plant powered puffs which is guaranteed to keep us away from the cigarettes. So lesbians come and join us on the fuck Nicotine movement and again use code LSC for 15% off your first purchase. We love you, Ripple. And so we want to cover two sex type related topics today and the first one is someone DM Ed us and I can't find the DM.
But as I've mentioned before I write things down in my notes when I think that they are good and this is one of them. And the the message went something like hi, I have been in a long term relationship for a while now and I masturbate and my partner classes. Masturbation whilst in a relationship is cheating and basically yeah and basically like what's your thoughts on this? And I don't think any of you are going to be shocked to hear that. I think that's fucking weird.
Like if you are jealous of your ex, if you're banning your ex and masturbating. No, your girlfriend. Oh. Sorry. If you're banning your, you're. Banning your girlfriend from masturbating, Masturbating, masturbating, masturbating. You're banning banging. Fuck me, you're. Banning your girlfriend from masturbating? Masturbating. You're fucking weird. You are weird. I'm sorry, that is. Sorry. Get a grip, get a fucking grip.
And that's. Also a love level of insecurity and jealousy that I would personally find. So. Unattractive. So unattractive. I'm sorry. You are not telling me what I can and cannot do with my own body. It's got nothing to do with you. I hate it when I because I've had it before with like people that we've been previously friends with where she'd be like, so she doesn't want to fuck me, but she masturbated earlier and I was like. OK, two different. Things. Two different things.
Masturbation and sex are so incredibly different. Like you can't actually put them in the same round. Yes, you get an orgasm. Whatever. But like, it's a different kind of like release. There's no pressure. You don't have to have sex with anybody else. Like, it's like, it's like an entirely. It's literally a. Form of self-care. It's a self-care, yeah, this is. It's like an antidepressant as far as I'm fucking concerned.
I find it like I if you ever said that to me, not that you would, but like say you had a personality change and you like that to me. Would said a fucking brain hemorrhage and I turned around. Would be like a. Relationship vibe, to be honest, because I'd just be like, uh ick, that you would control me to a point where like, I can't. Imagine me like, what did you think about? Yeah, What did you think about? Sorry, it's it is. Fucking gross. I honestly just weird Joe.
I don't know where people get the audacity to behave like this. I don't who gave people the fucking rush. Who gave you the right to control someone over their own self pleasure? And I know that actually this happens a lot. Oh, I was going to say the same. I don't think this is. Rare. I don't think this is rare. Which is worse. If you're it is worse this and you're one of these people like going back to the beginning of
this episode, honestly therapy. Because like you've got some severe insecurity problems that whether you acknowledge or not, you need to fucking resolve. I think maybe also you just need to be told that that's not OK. Like I think that if you're around a load of other people that maybe are the same who are in like all their different relationships and they're like, yeah, I don't like either. Yeah, I don't. They all validate each other. I don't.
Know who would be validating this behaviour? But they do that. But I'm trying to think of a single one of our friends that would ever. Think like that. Well, we had friends that thought like that. One friend that fought like that but. The other one didn't. I think her thoughts were not necessarily a true reflection of most anyway. So but I'm just trying to think of like the friends that we've got now, A one of them thinking it, and then B another one validating it.
Because I all of our friends would literally go around and be like, you're weird. I might. Actually, do you know what I'm going to do right now? And I'm going to ask the girls to voice note back in A very, very short short answer is what do you think about a partner of yours masturbating and just see what they say? Oh God, I really hope Leonard doesn't let herself down. Right. So I'm going to wait for them to
get back to me on this one. But yeah, the only reason why I could ever imagine that someone would ever get upset about their partner masturbating is because they are so fucked in the head. Oh, hold on one minute. Leo's already come back. So Leo has come back. And also Olivia. No, I don't mind quite fit. Why would it be an issue? Yeah, exactly. No, I don't mind quite fit, which is very true as well. Like if you were to tell your
part. I also don't think that you owe it to your partner to tell them either. I don't think you need to be like, oh, I masturbated today. I don't tell. You. No, I don't give a fuck. Why would I I? Don't give a fuck if you. Asked. I'd be like, yeah, but other than that I wouldn't even think to tell you. Because I don't. Oh, I don't need to tell you. Every ounce of every part of my life, every fucking thought that I have, every action. I. Also, agree with Leo.
I do think it's quite hard too when they tell you that they've just like and you're exhausted. Think of themselves. OK Liv, I didn't need to say that, but OK, fine. So yeah, we're all in consensus. So if you're the person that wrote in and asked us the question, rest assured there is nothing wrong with you. You aren't in the wrong, and that is grounds for a fucking divorce in.
My. Because that's the level of control that if they're telling you that, they're probably telling you who you can hang around with, where you can go and when you can go, probably telling you when you can fucking shit. So that is a level of control that is not acceptable. It's insecurity. They're not going to change. Also imagine having that like shame and guilt when you did masturbate. If you had a partner like that, Can you imagine how that would make you feel? Horrible.
Made me feel like how I felt when I was like 11 doing it. That was just not necessary. Hold on, Beth's replied. No, I don't mind at all. Like, why would Why would you mind? I don't understand why I would mind. Yeah, exactly. Literally everyone's all of our. Friends know that this is. Like so. Rest assured, it's not just us. It's everyone. It's everyone else's problem.
So yeah, if you're listening to this and you're like, I'm not listening to Freya and Scarlett, listen to our friends, I'll hold on. Just send another one. Actually, I would mind if they weren't having sex with me. But then we're masturbating all the time. That's when I would mind because I'd be like, OK, well, our sex life isn't good. So why are you having a good sex life on your own? Do you know what I mean? Interesting. So many layers to that.
There's so many layers to this. OK, So it really depends on the person that you're with. Again, like I said, like masturbation is so because even asexual people masturbate. Don't. Do they? I think so. I think it's quite common. Yeah, I don't know. I need to look into that. I think I kind of get where Beth saying I do. Get where she's coming from. Because it would make me feel a little bit shit if I felt like you were masturbating all the time but refused to shag me, yeah.
If it specifically, if it was like all the time that you were addicted to it and then couldn't like didn't want to have sex with your partner, that would. Again, there is so many layers to it. It's like how long you've been together. If there's any sexual trauma in the relationship. Like, it could be like depression, anxiety, but if you're. Health. If you're blaming the lack of sex on a low libido though, but still masturbate, then you're like, hold on a minute, what's going on?
And then you might want to have a talk with your. Partner. I think that's then. Like couples therapy, Yeah, But on the groundscape, like on its foundation, everyone is entitled to masturbate. And it's You shouldn't feel guilty about it, and no one should be punishing you for. It Amen system. Can't be of the sexual topics of today is stigma around women
watching porn. Again, why would 80% of porn involves women and yet they find it weird or men find it weird when women want to watch porn but we're in most of it. I want to actually know the statistic of the percentage of women that is in porn. I don't watch porn, but I definitely went through a phase. I remember being a bit of a. Porn addict at 1.0 No saying. When I was like, but when I was quite young, I really had a thing for it and I don't, I
don't watch it anymore. Maybe because you had like less experience as well? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Like maybe I hadn't my my. Frontal lobe cortex. My imagination wasn't quite as developed as maybe what it is now. Who knows? But yeah, it's weird that there's stigma associated to this because, like so many women do watch porn and absolutely love it. And I think that's fucking great.
Like, don't get me wrong, I didn't stop watching it because I didn't think it was good, because you can find some, like, really good erotica porn as well. That's like done very artistically. And I wish I remember the name of the website that I used to go to. Because, oh, hold on, you did you did show me one once where it was like kind of like vlog style? Porn. And I was like, wow, it was amazing. And I completely forgot what it was like.
Porn hubs, things like that doesn't really interest me. Never had, but I'm all for it like. Again, if you ever watch something that's just pretty fucking God awful and then you're like, why? Well, lesbians love watching gay men porn, don't they? Yeah, but Even so, it could be literally anything. You're like, why did I come to that? Yeah, yeah, it's you. Sometimes you you feel better. But like, there is no shame in it. And there's no shame in it being a woman doing it either.
No again. It's just like, well, why? Why is it that men can watch it and yet women are expected? Because men rule the fucking world, that's why. We should be able to watch porn, enjoy porn, be in porn. Like we all so many fucking women in porn. So why is it odd? For women to watch, like, yeah, it's a really. Sometimes, like we can't enjoy our own craft. It's like being a fucking chef
and not being able to eat. It's like you can be a servant to it, but you're not allowed to benefit from it. Oh, so do you know what's funny? Liv has just messaged in about porn, she said. Hang on to porn, I feel different, I said. Yeah, it could be, she said. As in, I think I'd feel different if my girlfriend was constantly masturbating to porn. Why? No, that wouldn't bother me. No, Sorry, Disagree.
Sorry, they don't insecure. If if it's in, if it's in your head or on a screen, what difference? Does it? It doesn't make any difference. If anything it's kind of a bit more innocent when it's to porn because you don't know they'd be thinking about their fucking ex whilst they're masturbating. Hold on, Leanne has sent in a voice note. This will be good. I love. When my partners masturbate, I
think also more masturbation improves your sex life. 2 They're two separate things like your own personal sex life and then the sex life that you have with other people or IE your partner. Masturbation makes everything great, like it's two separate things and if they know their body then they'll know what they want and I think it just improves your relationship with sex and it's fucking sexy. I also just love watching my partner masturbate like that.
Turns me on to fuck. Hold on like whispering to them. Touch yourself. Go on, Liana. Watching someone masturbate is so yeah, I love it. Personal gain. Very, very is a very response from Very good response. Very. She's right. She's entirely right. Hold on. I'm going to have to voice sent them back and just say very, very good response. Girls, both of you, very insightful. Give us a lot to talk about. Thank you very much. And the end of that turned me on a little bit too big anyway,
Freya more. Why say things like that? That's. A joke, anyway, I think that's a very good response, because that is true as well. But yeah, whether it be to porn or whether it be to your mind, your imagination, whatever it might be. Why? Why does that make a difference? Yeah, I agree. And yeah, it is just coming down to the fact that, like, men still think they have a right to control what women do. Like, I saw this really weird TikTok that was trending the other day.
This guy was basically like, if you're a woman and your goal in life is to not procreate, what are you doing? Having a fucking life. And I just thought, and this was he was quite a young guy as well. Yeah, they're like this, So. And I thought, what a bizarre thing to say. First of all, not all women can have children, So what the fuck do you say to that? Second of all, why? Why does it have to be the Be or Nando? Why?
I don't get it. Men cannot see value in women unless they're able to reproduce. They see us like they see their mothers because deep down they're all fucking in love with their mums and they want someone to be a mummy. They want them to mummy. Their sons are weird. They. Are they want them to mummy them, but they also want them to mummy their own children. It's very, very weird. That aside, there is since like the whole Andrew Tate bullshit, there's been a load more like young guys.
Yeah. Dangerous. What? I know, I know. We're on a podcast right now and I know we've got mics, but what is it? What is it with young guys then? It is young guys, like CIS straight men who have a microphone put in their hand and all of a sudden they're like, I am God, yeah, you have to listen to everything I say and. Everything I say is really important. Because I've got a mic in my hand, I'm a man and I've got a
mic especially. When they talk about things like literally like the most pathetic stuff like comic books, and they're like, my opinion on this comic is absolutely 100% correct and I couldn't be questioned otherwise, it's like, what the fuck are you talking? About I know, but also just like their opinion on women. Yeah, you know, they go, dude, if she doesn't shower as soon as she wakes up, she's a dog, man. She's a dog. And they're like, yeah, woof,
that's fucking disgusting, man. That's weird. Very. Weird. They are weird. And they love to just berate women on a podcast. I'm like, what is up with you? But then that's why I also love that like Plan Brie, those two American women who just take the piss constantly out of men. And I feel like I want to keep doing that because I love taking the piss out of men. I love seeing them angry. I love watching them go. I love watching them. I. Just do love watching them
suffer. Like, I'm not even going to lie. Even argue on Facebook sometimes. Oh, we had. I had a fantastic argument with a twat on Facebook a few weeks ago. It was it was so good. Like I was thriving. He posted a racist status. I called him out on his racism. Obviously he A didn't have the intelligence to understand what I was trying to say. And then B had to get aggressive and personal and tried to say that he doesn't like me because he dated my best friend when we were 14.
And apparently I caused the break up like I cannot even. A poor. Guy it was. It was one of the most bizarre interactions I've had for a very long time, but it did feed me. It was fucking. Hilarious. You know what? I even got involved. Freya ended up getting involved after telling me to not give it time. Ben ended up getting involved. Like honestly arguing on Facebook's. A fucking hobby of mine. Yeah, I don't care. We don't care that it's sad and
pathetic. I it's it's not sad and pathetic if I'm setting bit bigot straight and even if it wastes my time, I still personally find it worth it. Because the one thing I always say to people is when I have these conversations with bigots and I do spend my time and you can't. Do you know what? You can't change people's opinion. 9 times out of 10 you
just can't. No. And I agree with that. But the one thing that I always say to people is next time that Dick head goes to post something like that, he'll think about someone like me calling out and. Yeah, he'll just tag you. And it'll put him off. No, it'll put him off doing it. I. Don't know. I think this dude is another level of fucking crackhead I just came in taking the piss with. We shall call her Judy. I go Judy. Judy.
Judy. Judy. Apparently Judy's like had three husbands that have died as. Yeah, so, I said. Watch out, Judy's got you. What? It's not supposed to me do. What I love to do is just to get really pathetic in moments like that, because it's the only way that you can really have fun with it. Yeah, and I love getting pathetic with me. Match them with the same energy and I really enjoy it. I had it once with this guy. They. Can't deal with.
That recently, who he I haven't told this story, but it's something that has been bugging me because every time I see him, which is all the fucking time, he was working at this place and we were having a drink and he seemed like a nice guy. And then he goes, oh, I teach boxing. Me being in my more like gym era, I'm trying to exercise more and I really love boxing. I was like, oh, sick, like, you know, do you do any classes? How much an hour, blah blah.
Is that £25 an hour? I was like, fuck yeah, that's great. Anyway, so I got his number. Half an hour after getting his number he comes and tracks me down whilst I'm innocently looking at the fucking menu because I wanted to see if we'd like, go there for dinner one time and then he's like, that's your girlfriend over there, right? And I said, yeah. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, I respect your choices in this time. I said, but it's not really a choice.
And he says, yeah, but you know, do you ever want like a present every now and then, just like, and I was like, what do you mean a present? And he pointed down to his Dick. And I remember being like, I just said it to him. And I was like, do you want to Dick up your ass? Is this what you're trying? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, I was saying, is this what a choice if it's a choice? I said what you're saying. It's a choice of why don't you get a Dick up your ass? You're saying how great they
are. You must know. Tell me your experiences. Maybe you want to try. Maybe you? Want to make sure enough Bambam fuck down when you when you hit the narratives? Me off so much, and especially when he says I respect your We haven't gone back. There since either because I actually can't bear to look at him. He's just like he's just an. It's just which is really annoying because like. And that's a public space,
right? So we should feel entitled to be able to go to a public space and not be fucking rest. And it happens, right? But if he wasn't a boxer, I probably could have taken him on. But it wasn't a good choice for me. I don't think that day, but I'm just. So when are they going to give it a fucking rest? Yes, I am a man hating lesbian. And what? Yeah, and what? So moving on to today's Horror Story after our It's been a bit of a rant today. I mean, when isn't it a? Rant No.
I love ranting. I took some time off. I had a break and I took some time off. Tell a bitch to tell a bit I don't know. What? What is that? From so take this a fucking trend Tonight we're. Going Who's going to clean your toilets, Donald Trump, I mean, in the sense. Tonight we are going to the Lioness game to watch the. Lioness. Versus. Sweden. Sweden Can you not try and score me on the football because? Well, I said it first bit. Sweden, Sweden, which I'm really
buzzing about. Yeah, I'm really buzzing about. I fucking love watching the football and it brings me peace and enjoyment and helps me get out some of my anger issues and me and Liv always say that the atmosphere is quote UN quote electric. I hope that we bump into a few of you tonight. That'll be fun. Yeah, hopefully a few of you are there. Come and say hi, even though this will be airing like days after we've already gone but. We'll put it on this story
though, anyway, yeah? So, today's Horror Story subject, Horror Story all the way from sunny South Africa. This is quite a long one, by the way. OK, so strap on in my friend Scarlett. Love the podcast, the sense of humor and band between you two is elite. Thanks for blessing us. Thank you, baby. Knowing that you both love dogs, I thought this story was too good slash traumatic to keep to myself. I'd prefer to stay anonymous as I'm from South Africa and the lesbian community is pretty
small and interlinked with. That being said, I happily and theory. How do I theoretically? Theoretically, God, tell this story. After about two glasses of red wine titled An actual Lesbian War Badge a couple of years back, I got up a relationship and was admittedly doing a bit of sleeping around, just making sure everyone knew what they were doing.
Guan girl. I traveled to a different city for work for a week and decided to stay there for the weekend with friends of mine that lived there. The Friday evening I met with these friends at a bar for a drink and the alcohol was flowing.
We were all pretty fuzzy, festively drunk, and I noticed this very attractive woman sitting with a Group A few tables away, as I have the unshakable confidence that can only be compared to that of a white middle-aged man parallel parking a four by. 4. I walked over to her, introduced myself and told her I thought she was really attractive and that I'd like to get to know her. Fair. I really respect that. Good for you. We ended up chatting for most of the night and had a lot in common.
The night you on and my friends decided to leave for a different spot. I assured them I was perfectly fine. I was sitting at a table with potentially one of the most attractive women I've ever seen. I was more than perfectly fine and that we would catch up with them later on. We ended up sharing a few more glasses of wine and we were admittedly quite intoxicated, albeit unspoken. I think our intentions were glaringly clear and to be honest we were eye fucking each other
all night. She then explained that she needed to go home to feed her dog and let him out, but that I was welcome to join her and that we could have another glass of wine at her place. Sounds like us. In that moment I didn't buy the whole I need to feed my dog story and thought she was just looking for a polite way to ask me to come back to hers without being aggressively obvious.
I love dogs, I love wine and I love sex, so I was pretty happy to head off for whichever of the three would be on offer. So off we went to her apartment, which was in a neighbouring suburb. As soon as she opened the door, and before I could even see the place or confirm whether there was in fact a dog, she pounced. Only way to describe it, and it wasn't long before she started taking off my clothes and
leading me to her bedroom. Oh, I thought she meant the dog Same. I'd only caught a glimpse or two of the dog, but could hear and feel the little yapper waff waff waffing at my ankles. It was some form of some form of pink knees, sausage dog crock. Oh, they're the worst. They're the. Nippers. These ones entirely under, entirely under. Entirely undeterred by her noisy dog, we continue to make out. She led me towards her bedroom with the little dog closely
following. A bit awkward, but what do I say? Sorry, no your dog is following us. To the hot woman that wants to have sex with me, No, I'm not that much of an idiot. Once we were in her room, she pushed me down so that I was sitting on the edge of the bed and she then undressed herself, straddled my lap so she was sitting on top of me, and proceeded to run my hands over her now practically naked body. I think I actually lost the capability to process thoughts
at this moment. As things were progressing. The little dog decided he was in no way, shape or form enjoying the fact that he was not getting attention. So he, being about the size of a 30 centimeter ruler, hopped onto the bed and just sat there on the edge of the bed. Not my vibe. I didn't really know how to move them away as my hands were quite engaged at this point. I thought that maybe if I switched up the position that we were in, the dog would be startled by the commotion and
jump off the bed. So I wrapped my legs around my waist. I'm so sorry. Why do I find this Horror Story so funny? She tells it so well, she does. I know I'd get home with this person. So I wrapped her legs around my waist, stood up and placed her down on the bed on her back and lowered myself down on top of her.
Much to my horror, The little dog severely disliked the idea of someone topping his owner, and in a moment of what I can only describe as pure evil taking over his cognitive function, he launched himself through midair, landing with his razor sharp teeth gripping onto my upper arm. The dog was hanging off of my arm by the mouth, growling and ripping my skin to a point that I had teeth marks gushing with
blood. I quite literally back flipped off the bed, flying into her dresser with the little dog in hot pursuit. Sorry I've lost my place with the little dog in hot pursuit. He wanted to finish what he started. I have never been more scared of something the size of my foot in my life. What was even more horrifying is that this woman did nothing at all whilst dog was mauling my. Arm yeah.
It was only when she saw how much I was bleeding that she picked him up off of me in probably the most blase way I've ever seen anyone do anything and chased him out of the room. Her first words were lol sorry about that and she tried to carry on kissing me. Not really at lol sorry about that moment. My arm was literally pouring out blood and I was pretty sure I needed a stitch or two and maybe a tetanus shot. Needless to say the mood was
ruined. We didn't have sex and I made-up an excuse that I had something on the next morning that I needed to get back for. So I left the hot babe and the little dog and went back to my friend's place. We managed to clean the wound up and said we would reassess in the morning whether I needed to go to the doctor the next morning. The wood was not much better. SO1 tetanus shot later and some derma bond glued to put my skin
back in place. That's I was 1 Horror Story richer and I still have remnants of the scar on my upper arm. Hope this isn't. As entertaining for you as it was traumatic for me. All the best. That is brilliant. And yeah, it was. That is what that is what happens when you bring a sausage to a lesbian sex event that is. Hello. I can just imagine the fact that it's a small dog makes it a lot funnier. Yeah, the thing. The thing is like she tells it so well, I could.
I've I've lived the whole thing in my brain. Would you have stopped? Because I don't think I would have. Yeah, because I reckon it's fucking painful. I know it's painful, but you know when you're like fucking blind, yeah? Depends how hot she was. Yeah, like if she was really fit. Because I think I. Made her eat the dog out the. Bedroom.
I would have probably drop kicked the sausage out the room and then carried on. Yeah, that is so funny though, The fact that this, the fact that she didn't do anything though is yeah, but she's awesome. Classic small dog owner. I I could. I reckon this is Leo. I reckon this is Leo with our fucking sausage dog. Small dog owner because. She would, If that was Lula coming in, Leo would be like, sorry, sorry. Sorry about that. I'll Lula, get out the room. I'll always find that would be
it at the end. Yeah, small dog owners are another breed though. Like if Ziggy. Because like Ziggy's reactive as much as he's a big baby, can be reactive and like, I'm so conscious of it and like he's never done that to anyone. No. Like if he even done something close, I'd be fucking mortified. Oh my God. And like he'd be getting a real good time. We don't have the privilege. He's a rescue. Like he's a rescue. He's the. Big. So, like, yeah, yeah, he he, well, I just it's not about
privilege. Like it just shouldn't happen anyway. No, but it is. People do react differently. But that is that is funny. But sorry the dog bit you. But I'm also sorry that you actually never then got to shag her because like, if she's as hot as you're saying, I'd be. That's what I'd be most pissed off about. That is because like every time I'd look at the scar, I wouldn't think about the dog biting me. I'd think about the shag that I missed. So like commiserations to you on that front?
Is there any chance you might be able to see her again? Maybe invite her around to yours? She brings the dog. Wait for the dog to die and then invite her. How old do you reckon the dog was? How many years do you reckon you've got? Don't know them sausages, they The thing is, I was about to say they didn't go off that long, but I think they do. Yeah, they do. Especially the evil ones. Evil doesn't die. Evil doesn't die in. Cuba. Evil dogs live forever. Yeah, they do.
Yeah, that's a fact. Well. Thank you for that. That was a roller coaster. Today's episode's been about a bit of a roller coaster. We've covered a lot, We've gone through a lot. We've started off with me on the edge, JoJo Siwa pushing me further off the edge. Fletcher picking you back up off the. Edge Fletcher picking me back up. Masturbation. Masturbation. Mellowing me. Rage, maybe? No mellowing me out. The porn raging me and then the men just talking.
About men rage and then back to happiness with the dog. So that's all for today. We hope you've enjoyed this episode as much as we have and we're off to get home now. I might try and squeeze in a nap because I need all the energy I've got to be starting fights at the women's football. I'm joking. The women's football and the football overall is a place for peace and community. I'm joking. No, they no.
Violence allowed. They do a speech at the beginning of the football which is like, no, basically to like, say to everyone you know, no violence, no homophobia, like nothing and. I think there's going to be homophobia at the Viking football game. I feel personally victimized when they give out that speech because I think part of that does apply to me, actually. It does. Especially the homophobia, especially the homophobia scarlet plot. No violence today, No spitting to.
Yourself. Keep your fucking tongue to yourself and shut the fuck up. Keep your mouth shut. No, I am quite well behaved. It's just sometimes it like bursts out of. Does anybody else have a girlfriend that goes? It is when they watch it. It's a voice that comes out of you is like something. Else I'm a fucking egg. Yeah, I know it. At least I can wear. It. Anyway, guys, we love you and we will speak to you. Next week, Next week. See you soon. Bye.