Hi everyone, and welcome to episode 6 of the Lesbian Supper Club podcast. I feel like we're going to have to stop saying the numbers soon because. I know, but do you know what's really weird actually that you would say that is that I was randomly looking at other podcasts earlier and a lot of people number their podcasts. Yes. And we don't number the titles, that's why I feel like I have to number the intro. I feel like we give everyone quite a warm welcome on ours.
I feel like whenever I listen to a podcast I don't even hear welcome. Yeah, it's because we don't have any sponsors yet for attacks. That's why I'm the sponsor. We're having myself personable. Please love me. Give me some cash please. I'm on my knees. Welcome back everyone, we hope that you loved episode 5 as much as we did because honestly, Lewis had me absolutely creased.
I was kissing myself like. That that episode when we had to go through and send the edit notes over to Marcelo, like we were actually crying like at some points because there's just something about him that is so fucking funny as well. And I also think it's got to a point now. Oh God, the dogs just stole the limp roller. He's like, don't you dare raise any memory of me. Go, sit, go, go, sit down, please. Because we're not having it. We're not right. Up and lie down. Lie down.
Good boy. The Invisalign is up. What did I say? I actually can't remember. No, we were talking. Yeah, we're talking about Lewis. Lewis. And it's got to a point now where, you know, we. Say it again. Oh, sorry, it's got to a point now where we edit, you know, we, we help edit these, these podcasts and I get so bored of the sound of my own voice and yours actually. And it's nice to have someone else just just voice coming in,
you know? Yeah, and and also we we kind of had to keep in a lot of the mistakes that we made just purely because he made them so much funnier. Just the way that he talks is just like and just interprets things as hilarious. So thanks again, Lois, because we love you and we loved having you on and we can't wait for you guys to see kind of what guests we've got lined up as well and in store for the Lesbian Supper Club.
So it's only up from here, baby. A couple of days ago we put out a story on your Instagram to say that you guys should send in some topics that you really want us to talk about and a massive one that kept coming through was our coming out stories. So we've listened and we're going to do today on episode 6, our coming out stories. We've got a van of therapists parked outside, particularly for Freya because Lord knows that
she's going to need it when? She's going to say I'm going to have to relive this, which is yeah. And yeah, so today we're going to be mainly focused on a coming out story. We're going to start off talking about the L Word again, because what else do lesbians talk about? And we're going to finish off with, I know we say this every time. But this is this is a pretty viral. One, this is the worst Horror Story if you think piss in the mouth was bad. Just you wait, baby.
This is this is actually took the medal and I didn't think we'd. Be able to medal that no one actually wants. No, I don't know. Some people might. Want some people might want it OK well I think we should start handing out medals of like the most fucking disgusting lesbian supper club Horror Story the. 2nd. Idea one we should give. Lesbian medals If your story makes the Lesbian Supper club podcast, you get the lesbian. It's a bit like a Blue Peter badge, but just more disgraceful.
Yes, yeah, that's such a good idea. And I think it's like going back on the L Word thing because there's been more development. So we listened and we love, by the way, the pants pod. So shout out to the Pants podcast by Alicia Haley. And Kate Menig is her last name, I think so Shane and Alice from The L Word. And this podcast is amazing. And the way that they speak about things is, is just really. The way they don't speak over each other, that's. Beautiful.
Yeah, I walked home and went. Babe, they don't talk over each other and it's not my cars. No two people are the same. No2 pussies are the same and no two people are the same. If I all right, and if you want someone that's not going to talk over to you, hinge, you've mentioned a few times how much it's progressed since you were on there. Off you fucking are. Looking a lot better these days? No, honestly. Everyone thinks we're in a polyamorous relationship, so they probably.
They do on there anyway, yeah. That's for another episode. That's for another episode. We Oh. Shut up. We're actually in one with Marcelo. No, I think listening to that podcast made me think, shit, I didn't realise the kind of back story behind what happened with L Word Generation Q, So I didn't know that. So Kate and Lisa, Shane and Alice were behind the development of bringing back the L word with Jennifer Beals and Eileen Shaken. So they were trying to release another L word.
They obviously could see that there was a massive gap in the market for it and it needed to be done. And like so they also loved their characters, which I really, really love. And they wanted to bring that back. And then I think it got taken over and and turned into a way that they really didn't want or like, which I could see just by watching it wasn't it was
nowhere near on the same level. I don't think Alison, Shane, Kate and Lisa were not happy with how the L word developed because it didn't develop in the way that they thought it should have done for a start, which I agree with. I don't think that the characters developed quite in the way that we would have all. I also think the whole way that it was filmed was not reflective of the L Word at all.
So understandably, there were things that needed to evolve from the first kind of, you know, L word, which we all agree on. But what I loved about the filming of the original L Word is that you did feel like you were there, like it felt very raw. Whereas L Word generation Q, despite the characters, despite the storylines, despite anything else, the way that it was actually filmed felt very fake and toy like.
Yes, do you know what I mean? It had no like authenticity to it. It felt very like almost like a cartoony. I really hated the vibrant colours. No queer lot are that fucking happy. No, we're not. Do you know what I mean? The. LGBTQ flag should be pastel. What? Because we're not be like a pirate flag? Really. Yeah, because we're not that fucking shiny, do you know what I mean? No, we're not shiny and we're not happy. All right. Generally genuinely laughed for
once in my whole life. No, no, no. Don't laugh. I did. I laughed at Jessie Carson. Yeah, you did. I think that's the only time I've ever. Yeah, actually, I want to say really quickly, if you guys haven't heard of Jessica Carson by now, you need to check her out. She is the funniest comedian. I don't even say that loudly. She's a legend, the funniest comedian I've ever seen in my life. And when we went to go and see her live, I was in pain, but I was also in awe, like watching her.
I was so just like, what's even the one inspired? Like I watched her and she did AQ and A at the end where she was really like she had a lot of like humidity about her. Like not only is she hilarious and, and talks about things that maybe like other people don't want to talk about, like her grandparents having sex and reenacting the whole thing,
which I thoroughly enjoyed. Scarlett then and me were like, OK, well, we want to go say hi to her afterwards because we we've kind of shared a few comments online to one another before and like we follow each other. We follow each other. And I was like, I love her. And now I'm a bit starstruck because she was so funny. I don't know what to do with myself. So we were then in the quietest room after everyone had kind of said thank you and got in a photo with her.
And Scarlett said to me she was like, my asshole is wet, I've been laughing so much, I said. This whilst we were laughing like so whilst the show was taking place I looked up for I was like I'm laughing so much I'm sweating from everywhere including my asshole. Yes, OK, right. But I. Don't ever give the correct context. You're fucking weird. Nobody needed to know that anyway, so I then was like, this would be a really funny thing to say.
I'm just going to go up to her and I'm going to break it to her anyway because the room was so quiet. I go up to Jessie. I'm like, hey, yeah, that was amazing. That was amazing. Her assholes wet. And then, oh, she said, and then and then I just looked at her and then she looked at me.
Jessie, to this day, I don't know if you actually heard what I said or if you did hear what I said and you were mortified or you didn't understand what I said and just kind of wanted to move past it. But I just looked at looked at her with the most mortified look on my face. And I was just and Charlotte was like, and I could I I can feel Scarlett's energy when Scarlett is like, you're a fucking.
Idiot, I don't think it takes any energy feeling to think that when you've gone up to someone you don't know and looked at them after saying hello, pointed at me and gone her assholes wet. You're not fucking spiritual for thinking I might have been pissed off for that, you fucking idiot. I literally in that moment was like I the last five years have been a terrible mistake. I wish I was getting in the car
on my own. I literally, I, as soon as we walked away, you know, and you're like, you think about that moment and every day I've been thinking about that wet asshole moment. It's been months. Sleepless sites. Yeah, I'm sorry, Jesse. I do. Really. Love. I do think it was a bit of gay panic. I panicked massively. The gay panic came over me. I was hot. Just quickly back to the L word. Then I so they had basically they were the ones that come together, put it all together.
It'd been, they said 10 years in the making, yeah, of really getting the show back off the ground. And then they had and they were one and also one of the last people to be told that it was actually going to end, which I think is. Disgraceful. That's one. Disgusting that you just shouldn't do that. Right. I also mentioned that they there's a lot, there were a lot of new people involved that didn't actually give a fuck about the project. That was very clear.
Which makes me think that back in the early 2000s, right, No one else would have touched this unless they were quit because they wouldn't have wanted to have jeopardised their career, you know, Whereas now people will jump on things if it is quit because they think it elevates them in a lot of ways. So there probably was a lot of CIS heterosexual people on that set who had no fucking idea the lives in which they were trying to portray, and that was obvious.
The L word has like helped me develop yeah like and and accept my sexuality. L word generation Q would have made me go back in the fucking. Closet but it just gave me nothing either it. Wasn't good, It wasn't. Good. And there was, there's still a lot I have to learn about this community.
You know, even speaking with Lewis a few days ago made it really prevalent that there's still a lot of things that I just haven't, you know, understood about the community or or don't know enough about because I stay in my kind of
lesbian lane, so to speak. And for the diversity that the ELWA Generation Q brought, it didn't, I mean, it did show me things about different characters that maybe you don't see as much on TV. I don't think it really dug deep into a lot beyond the surface of just tick boxing. That's. How I think it was just surface level and yeah, I mean, it just wasn't for me.
I think like with the original Our Word, I loved the fact that Dana did that line, which is like, I don't want to be seen with you like a dyke, like for me. Because those conversations do do. Happen and it's funny and it's just stupid and it's in like little pass away things like that. But actually the deepest storylines within the original our word really dug into the lives of lesbian women and what that looks like and what the what toxicity looks like as
well. The positives and the negatives, just everything about it. It didn't seem like they took that blueprint. It just seemed like they took a few of the older characters and kept the name and then that was it. And also why didn't they use the original theme tune? Because the hat theme tune, but no. It would not leave my head then for another decade. They need yeah, every lesbian
can recite that off my heart. Just to end the L word generation QL word chat here, I'm sure we'll revisit it many times going forward is I really want all of the so Jennifer, Leisha, Kate. Bring Kit back. I don't care if you killed her off in Generation Q, just bring her back. And Eileen to come together and launch their own L Word again, forget L Word generation queue even happened. Yeah, L Word coming back,
bringing new characters. Obviously update it in all the ways that needs to be updated, but keep the basis of why the L Word was so successful. Very there. I don't work with Cox, which I know is really hard in that industry, but try not to. I will come there and put a fucking producer's hat on. Do I know a thing about production? No. Would I give that a good guy? Yes. And yes to lesbians as well. And do it again. And because we still don't know who fucking killed Jenny.
Yeah, they didn't even fucking do. They didn't even give us that in Generation Q. Just pretend as if she never existed. And she did exist. Yes, we all may have hated her, but she very much existed. Yeah, very true. Well, I'll take you on that one, darling. I think your blood pressure has gone. High. I've wound myself right up and now I've got to talk about coming out stories. But yeah, let's go into coming out because. That's gonna wind me up even more.
I know that so many people have asked about this. I think that everyone's coming out stories is actually really important because I think that it I think expressing that and telling people about it is somewhat comforting, even if you've had a bad experience. So because mine was not a good experience at all. I was in the closet for 21 1/2
years of my life. I had already had a girlfriend and was going out with her for two years before I came out and we were in a long distance relationship, which is another thing that I kind of want to talk about on another episode because I know quite a few of you have talked about, you know, how do you handle that? And I know that lesbians fucking love to travel. So so I think that that's quite
like an interesting story. But that aside, my coming out, the one thing that I'm going to mention and you'll understand why is never let somebody force you to come out and never let somebody come out for you. I think when I when I was in this relationship and it was a very serious relationship with a woman, I really, I felt petrified to come out to my parents because I even though I actually have an older gay sister, Megan, my mom was not okay with Megan's sexuality when
she came out at all. So knowing that bit of information kind of made me very reluctant can. I jump in there though and say that your mum did come to accept her again and absolutely love her and love Whitney as well. Megane wife. Yeah. And all was good. All the storm had come. This is something that is important. I know that you very much remembered the difficulty that Megan had, yeah. But by this point, everything
was absolutely. Yeah, and she loves, you know, my sister's wife and she's welcomed her into the home and has been fantastic. But you know, when you just know, you know, it's not going to go down. Well, she was always asking about boys. She always seemed a little bit shady whenever I was like, speaking about anything queer related. So even when I said, oh, I, I mean, I remember I was 16.
I went to go see Jessie J for like a fiver and then I came back and I was like, oh, I could marry her. She literally looked at me and was like what the fuck? So I knew, I knew in my in my gut that it was going to be bad. But I had spoken to a few people about this because my sisters knew that I was in this relationship. I tried to keep it very, very quiet because I also just because of this, I wasn't comfortable in my sexuality at all. I was like, I'm only in love
with this one girl. There's no way I could be gay. And I pushed it down so much because I was petrified as to kind of like what that would look like for me in my life and what that would look like for me in terms of my family. And I remember, actually, I don't know if you guys will be able to relate to this, but before I came out, I remember every time that I would see my mom and she didn't know about,
you know, my sexuality. I was thinking, I'm going to cherish this moment right now because she's being really loving and she doesn't know about my sexuality. And it made me feel so inherently guilty all the time. So anyway, Long story short, I ended up travelling to Brazil for a few months and I had an amazing time. I came back. Let me tell you why it was amazing. Brazil's fucking sick.
Secondly, because I was able to be gay and openly gay over there, which I just didn't categorically didn't do in the UK, just in any fear of getting caught out. So then I came home and I was depressed because obviously I was away from Brazil and I was away from the girl that I was going out with. And my mom actually saw me crying because, you know, obviously I was in a terrible way. And she was like, why are you crying? Is it because you miss Brazil?
I was like, yeah, yeah. I just really miss it, really miss it. She's like, is it because you miss Natalia? Sure, she won't care. Is it because you miss Natalia? And I was like, yes. And then she said, are you in love with her? So she coerced me to come out. So by this point I thought, well I can't actually now lie and. Everybody asking that question in that way, it's quite like a nice way to ask it is, do you know what I mean? It's quite like open. And also, my sisters have said go on.
I think mom will be all right with it. Just go for it. Just you've got to do it. You can't keep lying to her. And I knew kind of in my head I was like, oh, well, Dad was fine when Megan came out, so I'm not really too worried about that. But I was like on my own with her in her room. And I said yes. And I started crying my eyes out and she was like, you're disgusting. Sorry, I'm laughing, I mean. Because I find you disgusting for many rays, but not that one.
Thank you very much, babe. I was in you're a cunt. I was in a really, really bad way. And I was like, what? I kind of, I knew that she was gonna react badly, but actually the reality of them then acting badly is like, you're joking me, right. And she was like, you're sick, you're sick. And I was like, okay. And I and I said as well though she's like, are you gay then? And I was like, no, I've, I mean, this is, this is stupid on my behalf, but I had to try and
claw back anything that I could. I was like, no, I'm straight, but I'm just like in love with this one person. I'm in love with her. And my mom was like, I can't believe you. You know what? My mum is like Jesus Christ. And she just really. How they make it out as if it's a choice, like you've told them that you've just gone and robbed a bank. I think as. Well, she's like, I don't believe you made they always make it kind of like sexual, which I don't really understand why they always.
Make it about sex. Because you could me, I'm like, just can you not mention that at all? Do you know? Like it just makes me feel inherently uncomfortable. I'm already. Fucking actually care who your child is having sex. No why? That's what I would like. It is a weird when you think about it, because that's what they always come down to as well. And it's that's like such a small part of being of any kind of sexual orientation. I mean, I was so she was like,
tell your father. So obviously I went downstairs and I was like, no. And I and I told him I said I'm in Natalia. And he was like well why fuck me, my daddy's bad as well. Yeah, because you really thought your dad was gonna give you a bit of support. But I think it is also because my daddy's brain doesn't tick on all the same levels that he then in his head was thinking. If you like men as well, why don't you just choose the easy
option and just stay with a man? And that's exactly what he said. Why don't you just make it easy for yourself? And I was like, OK, it's not like that. And then my dad just whatever. Earlier on in the day, I bought myself some, like, some vodka, some ice and some limes because I was going to make them kind of Oscars because, like, they really wanted to try them. So I said, well, fuck you. I got the vodka and the ice and the limes.
I was, like, crying, driving away over to my sister's house. I just, like, knocked on the door. And as soon as she saw me crying and she's like, OK, yeah, I get it. I was in such a bad way because it was every everything that I had thought and more, you know? And I ended up having a few drinks with Megan. And then I think Lauren, my other sister, spoke. To her on the phone just about to just come in there because you know, you've, we've spoken about this at great lengths.
And I think the one amazing thing about this is that your sister's really rallied for you. I mean, Megan you would expect because she'd been through it. But but also but Megan was getting the wrath as well because it was also like you're the gay sister. This has happened because of you or the but Lauren. Also, you know, being the straight one, yeah, she she also really defended you both and stuck up to your mum. And I think at that point as well, Lauren was always the voice of reason.
Yeah. So for Lauren to come forward and say it and call out that injustice was a massive, I mean, I turning point. I think if I could have done it differently, I wouldn't have been alone because it would have been much better to have had a room full of my sisters there or like a good friend or whatever I think. But I got fucking bamboos or didn't I? So I don't really have much of A choice. I then. One of those things as well though where there is never a right time.
No, there isn't a right there's. A right time for you. There's never a right time for anyone else. Hey, look. I'm glad I did it right because look at me now. I'm very happy. But it but it's more so, you know, I, I went back to the house and I, you know, I said, look, I could be pregnant. I could be addicted to heroin. She was like, that would be easier to deal with. Jesus Christ.
And then she's and I said, would you rather I just didn't tell you then and just lie to you the rest of my life? Yeah. Wow. And then she said, you just go swanning off into the sunset with your girlfriend. And I was like, wow. That sounds like a bit of jealousy. That's lovely, doesn't it? Sounds like a bit of jealousy. As far as I'm jealous and. And for the following weeks after that, I just got ignored. Like proper silent treatment just was. Yeah, but it made me feel how.
Long did it take for? Her to see. How long did it take for her to come round roughly? Well idiot little bitch over here me I it was her birthday coming up in like 2 weeks after I came out. So what did I do? I fucking throw a surprise birthday party while she was ignoring me. I was like yeah, but also trying to mention this before. You are the beaten puppy. I am the beaten puppy. So yeah, I know. So it gets kicked, it's starved, it's riddled with worms, and it's like.
All of those would bring. You a bit of like infested chicken carcass and Freya will throw you a surprise birthday. Yeah, literally not. Probably one of the best ideas you've ever had, darling. You know what? It's also probably not one of the worst. No, I've definitely done worse. I mean, it worked. She loved the party. OK, it's a great party back in her good books. And then I think over time, The thing is, is that she actually really liked my girlfriend as
well. And then when Natalia came over, I was like, right, well, I'm obviously not going to because at this point I was living at home with my parents. I was like, obviously we're not going to stay here, so we'll go stay over at Megan's. She's like, no, I'm like, you actually joking? Oh my God. So even though she'd made your life hell over it, then when you'd been like, well, I'll go and stay somewhere else. No, no, no, no, no, you won't. Oh, no, you don't have to.
Oh, don't be so. Were you allowed to stay in the same bedroom? Oh. No. OK. That's still snuck in there, yeah. But that's that is weird because you're both like fully grown adults at this point. So again, yeah, it comes down to a bit of a control thing, doesn't it? Because it's like she's. The same I don't.
Necessarily want you here, but I don't want you to go anywhere else anywhere else but if you stay here it has to be on my rules yes, which I really don't like like if my parents told me they just would never but I'd be. I think also I was like, I was really just like clinging to any form of acceptance. So, you know, whether that looked like spare rooms or not. Yes.
And I also didn't want to kick up a fuss about it because she'd already been weird about the whole sexual thing and if I then she wants it to be like. We're together, but we've never talked. With the best of friends, honey. OK. Yeah, I kind of get that. Yeah, and but over time, you know, is what it is. I ended up just getting more and more confident in my sexuality. She then very slowly figured out that clearly it wasn't just Natalia, there were other girls because it.
Took until me. I. Still like until me remember we were all sat down having breakfast and one day a remark was made like, oh, do you know? But you're not you're not a lesbian. And I went yeah, she fucking is. And she looked at phrase if to be like you taking the piss, bearing in mind I was her third girlfriend at this point. You'd also dated other girls.
Yes. Yeah. And she was like appalled because I think she thought like you were going to do a bit of a Libby May, if you don't know, Libby May, by the way, is. Libby May with a boy, No. But she always does this stupid fucking TikTok. She was like, when I turned 30, I'm going to marry a man. Oh, that one's annoying. I think your mum genuinely still believed that you were going to end up with a man one day. So that was a second quite hard swallow to pillow.
Swallow pillow. Swallow to pillow. Pillow to swallow, pill to swallow because she was convinced that this would be a. Tale I wasn't doing any swallowing at all. But I do just want to say that, you know, now she's amazing. She's amazing with me, has always been amazing with me as well. And day one has always been very, very welcome and very amazing. This is no tea, no shade on my mom because I actually love her so much, right? It's just the situation and that moment, it was horrendous.
You don't need to say that, I always feel like you have this guilt thing where you have to disclaim it but you loving your mum has got nothing to do with the fat. But that was fucking traumatising. For you, there's two things in this world that you can control, and it's your reaction, but it's not somebody else's actions. So you know your reaction to things is something that you have. God, I need to take that advice. But but with somebody else's actions, you're not responsible.
There's nothing that you can do. And I think the key take away that I would give to you guys if you're either going through a similar thing have been or feel like you may reach a bad audience when you're coming out is that don't. Do it until you're ready, first of all, to deal with that. To deal. With that, go bad. Make sure that you have a great support system around you if you feel like it is a really dangerous.
Environment and women say support system as well because I think we're in a really privileged position and always have been where we've always had amazing friends. Not everyone's in that position. So we will make sure to tag a lot of amazing resources and places that and people that you can turn to. And also, this is one of the most incredible things about the Internet now is that you can
find your people online. So even though they may not physically be there, there are so many queer groups, queer spaces like you guys. I mean, there's us. Well, yeah, but that's the thing. Make friends in our comments, you know, like the lesbian horror, sorry, the lesbian heartbreak story. People are commenting underneath saying, yeah, it was heartbreaking for me this happened, that happened. And I, I briefly see other people come in and sort of help help that person, which is amazing.
We're all there. We've all been through the same thing. No matter what our coming out looked like, we're all going through the same thing. We've all had that worry for sure all. Had that worry, that anxiety, but also it's so cliche. It does get so much better. I think that when you start to really accept who you are as a well look. At you now you literally have a podcast called the Lesbians Saba Club. Yeah, I if that. Doesn't say it all, then I don't know what does.
I'm scissoring left and right. That was a topic for another time, someone said. Yeah, actually. Scissor. I know. It's really interesting. An awful lot. Did you not make your Barbie scissor? That's how you know you're gay? I am my Barbie scissor. Yeah, that's why you're a lesbian. I. He walked into it every. Time, I know, but I honestly am so glad that I did do it. It was a horrific story. I live to tell the tale. But but also I, you know, we are here and we are very visible as
lesbian women. I am so deeply happy to be gay. Back then, if somebody said to me you can be straight tomorrow, I would have done it. Somebody said it to me. Now I'd run for the fucking hills. I love being gay. And get us away. Yeah, I am. Shout out to those who are going through a really shitty time. I'm looking at the dog right now so this is really distracting. By the way, lovingly looking into my eyes like I am the best thing he's ever seen in his. Whole life come over to me first.
Because I said to him, mummy and your mummy, all right, piss off. No, I'm Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum, mum and mummy. So my. Coming. But I want to hear, yeah, I want to hear your coming out story because mine's very different. It's a lot lighter, but there was still, there was still some painful moments in it. So I grew up, I think a lot of you know this now. So I grew up in the depths of Somerset.
So I've said it before, like I quite literally, I think for a period of time was the only gate of the village village. Well the one that was definitely only out. I mean I know there's loads down there, yeah, I could probably name them all, but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to out all of those straight men at the local pub. I fucking hate gay people all. Right, Jeffrey, we know you're taking out this is. Not a Jeffrey, but yeah.
And so I had a lot of because I think you grew up in a really liberal place. No, no, you would think that Windsor was liberal. It wasn't. There was no one was gay when I was at school, obviously in the time that we were coming out, but that we were actually, I mean. With you being in quite close proximity to London, but you never actually really went to London as a child, did you? Oddly enough lived really close to it, but never. OK.
So we both grew up in quite conservative places, so mine was conservative. But then also, you know, like they're 20 years behind. So like we're living now in 2023, they're living in 2000. And yours is definitely worse than Windsor for. Sure, yeah, Windsor was still quite progressive in the sense of like you live in the same time relatively, probably about 3-3 years behind London. Somerset is probably a good 20. So I mentioned this briefly before. Was in love with my best friend
that didn't work out. Had a fling with someone else who it made me realise that it wasn't just one person that was definitely a rebound just to make sure that I was gay. And once I realised that I chucked that person. So yeah, had a bit of a fling with this person. It definitely validated what I wanted it to validate. Realised that me and this person, I mean they were absolutely lovely, but like I had honestly absolutely nothing in common. So I got up one day, walked out,
just never went. Like literally never showed up my face again. Met my first girlfriend in Bath, which we all had the absolutely delight of hearing about in the heartbreak episode and kept going back and forth to Bath. And I kept dropping hints to my mom because me and my mom are super close. Like my mom is genuinely one of my best friends. Like I FaceTime her about three times a day. And other than Jessie Carson, I think my mom is one of the only people that can make me laugh.
Like, I love her, but again, didn't know how she was going to react because, like, we just hadn't ever been around gay people. Or, like, you know, she's never outwardly said anything really homophobic. I mean, they definitely say slurs down there, but it doesn't come with hate. Right? So they say things that are problematic, but because it's just a regurgitation, not because they actually feel that way. Yeah, it's a really weird thing
to say, but it is the truth. Like there were two gay men that used to work at my auntie's pub and they'd come down from being upstairs and my nan would be like, you just had a bum in. And she loved him. She absolutely loved him. I'm going to go to the pub to see Paul and Chris. But she would just say things like that, right? So I just didn't really know. And my I kept dropping hints. Then one day my mum was like, is that girl your girlfriend? And I was like, you know, this is my moment.
So I just turned around and I was like, yeah, she is. And she just looked at me and went, what am I going to do about grandchildren? I was like, mum, are you that fucking thick? I can still have kids. And she just went all right then. And that was it. And I was like. This is the best story. Ever. Anyway, told my mum, didn't really feel the need to tell anyone else, didn't tell my dad even though my dad literally adores me and me and him are also really close.
He comes from quite a devout Catholic background and again, he'd he's my dad's super, super liberal, but I'd never, I think because I was always such a straight girl as well, I think. As well, you always live with the fear of never being that same person that your parents adore. Yes, right. So you, you, you feel guilty about taking that away from them, even though you're not. You're just being yourself and you're always who you were.
You. You fear that they're just going to turn around and be like, no more. Yeah. And and, you know, in a way it would have been easier if I'd had those kind of hints about, you know, I don't know, like the the the classic hints that down in Somerset you'd be at Vash on lesbian, which is wrong.
But if I'd have like shaved my hair or got tattoos or, and then because I just was so straight passing, particularly at that time, because I was trying to just actually blend with all of those around me, it just would have never have crossed their minds like ever. Whereas Lewis was saying, you know, his parents knew before he knew pretty much. And sometimes that makes it easier. So hadn't told my dad for the first year and a half of dating
my girlfriend. And then it was New Year's Eve and we were, I was out with my girlfriend and two of my best friends from home who also grew up with my dad. So knew him really well because we'd often, you know, go to like Thorpe Park together and he'd take us all shopping and things like that. And I, I said to them, I was like, oh, my dad. Like, I still haven't told him.
I've just, it's just one of those things, like I just really didn't know how to say it. I wasn't even particularly scared, but it was like, how do I just drop this into conversation? So because they know him so well, they were like, well, if you don't ring and tell him now we will. And can I just PSA this by saying that wasn't them forcing me to come out. My friends know me very, very, very well and they know my dad
very, very well. It wasn't like a pressuring like, well, we're going to out you. It was like, we know he's going to be absolutely fine. So if you don't do it, we'll do it for you. That kind of thing. So at that point, he rings me because it was New Year's to be like, happy New Year's. I'm going to ring you before it's 12:00. And it goes absolutely mad. And I was like, what you're doing is like, I'm having a bit of a like house party, a few few
friends around. And I was like, OK, well, I've got something to tell you. And he was like. What? Because my dad has also with some things like, you know, I'll never forget once I drove around his house and the the tread on my tyres was well, it was non existence. And he was like, get round to the garage now, like he could get really angry about the not the weirdest shit, but dad shit, dad shit, like the classic stuff. And he's like, what?
And I was like, oh, fuck. And I just went I'm gay. And he he just in the most calmest way ever, just went Scarlett. I don't give a fuck. And I was like, oh, and it was. That was the biggest relief. I think I broke down in tears because even though I think I knew deep down he'd be OK, there's. Sort of worry. And I, and as well, I think it's because I know how much my dad loves me. I really didn't want to let him down.
And then my stepmom told me that apparently he put the hung the phone up, went into the house party where all the music was going off, turned off all of the music, looked up to everyone in the house, and went. I just want everyone here to know that Scarlett's a lesbian and if any of you don't like it, you can get the fuck out of my house now. Like. And that's legend status. That is your legend and. Like ever since then, like both my parents have always been incredible, amazing.
The only person I had a problem with was my nan, who I was also really really close. If still am like a second mum. So my mum's mum and me and my mum had kind of always just hidden it from her and I don't know why. It wasn't like my mum had ever asked me to. It was just an unspoken thing where we just didn't mention that side of me to Nan. So we'd all be out shopping and she'd see someone and be asked a nice bit of stuff for you Scar.
And I'd be mum would just look at me and like roll her eyes and just be like go along with it. And I'd be like, yeah, whilst I'm literally like my vagina is turning inwards. Does it usually turn outwards? Maybe you wouldn't know. You don't go near it enough. I'm joking. So yeah, this had gone on for ages. And I then got to a point where I did start dropping hints. And she definitely knew, but she was playing fucking dumb for her own purpose. Like not satisfaction, but for
her own comfort. And then it was my, I was either my mum's 50th, like a big birthday. I think it was my mum's 50th and we were talking about who was going to come and I said, well, obviously me and my girlfriend are going to come. And she was like, oh Scarlett, you know, Nan's going to be there. And I was like, so she was like, well, you know, it's going to be awkward. I don't want to cause a thing
about that. And at that point I just lost my fucking time because I've been with this person for over 2 years. My cousins had boyfriends coming in and out every fucking six months. They could come to every family event ever. And I was just like, do you know what? At this point, the level of fucking disrespect because I at this point as well, I got so confident in my own sexuality. That you couldn't give a flying fuck. I don't. Care if people don't like me for
being gay? Show me as soon as possible so I can boot you the fuck out of my life, yeah? Especially when it comes to family members. Like, man, she just fuck you, Mum. Me and mum didn't have an argument about it. Actually. It was more me flying off the handle. I think of the kind of the, the secretness that I'd had to keep him for so long that I blew up, packed my stuff and drove back to London because I was at home at this point and I. Was like, you know what?
Fuck it, like I don't care, didn't say anything. Obviously my mum was then so upset, had gone round to my nan's and been like, look, you cannot put this strain on the family anymore. Like Scarlett's gay and you have to accept it whether you like it or not. So my mum's actually a legend for doing that and I wish I had the text and I tried to find it and I couldn't.
But about two days later, I received a text from my Nan and it went something like Scarlett, this is your nan as if her number doesn't come up on my phone with their contact details. I just want you to know that me and Charlie love you very much and I am sorry if I've ever made you feel a certain way, but you have to understand it was different when me and Charlie growing up. And I'm thinking, well, it wasn't. People just went out or you were just too.
Blind really quickly before you say this. I feel like so many people find comfort in using their generation to back up their own bigotry. And I fucking it's not OK. It's not OK a great. Excuse, carry on. Anyway, she goes on to say all this and then basically was like, if you're in love with this person and you're happy, then I'm happy to love you always Nan. And then that was it. And then she was fine. But I did hold on to her projection of homophobia for a while.
And so we met actually, and I was so nervous to introduce. I've been. I'd again had two girlfriends long term. They'd met my No, they hadn't. One had, one hadn't kind of kept them away because I was just really awkward by this point. She hadn't said anything bad. It just made me so awkward. So my Nan's a massive country song. Sorry country music enthusiast. So I was so nervous of her meeting Freya.
Within literally 2 minutes of Freya coming through the door, I threw a guitar in Freya's laugh and was like sing for her because it was like that was my brain's way of breaking the ice. And to be fair to me, I mean it worked. That was a good she was. Stroking my leg. Within no time I was playing that she. Yeah. And now my nan is so fucking funny, like she loves Freya more than me. And we were all sat at her house a few months ago and sadly my
granddad passed away last year. And we were all talking and Freya came over and just gave me a kiss on the cheek and she went oh isn't that lovely? And then she just looked up out of no and went do you think I could be a lesbian? And Freya looked up and was like, well, I don't know, Nan, do you reckon you could? Well, I think I could, but I couldn't do all that licking and. We were like. Probably not. Then no, I didn't say probably not.
I said that's fine, you just be a pillow pillow Princess. What's that? But don't you worry, you'll find out. But. But yeah my whole family now are absolutely fine. I was really blessed. My 2 closest friends, when they came out, they literally laughed in my face and was like do you think we're fucking blind? We know I've been crying over a girl. For the past five years, as if it wasn't obvious that I was in love with her. I mean, we always think that it's not obvious, but yeah, it
was obvious. Yeah. And yeah, I was really lucky by then, everyone surrounded with me. I had a couple of bigotry comments from like family members. Once my auntie looked up to me and was like, oh, you're gay. And I was like, yeah, I thought she knew. She was like, oh, why? It's disgusting. And I looked up and I was like, yeah, a bit like you having a different boyfriend every fucking three months for the past six years. But I don't look up and say
anything, do I? No, you fucking should. Well I did. I did look up and said that and that shot her down. I'm not slut shaming anyone, but it was more like it. Was more like, you're coming to judge me. It's more the earth. That's what gets this done. I'm facing your growth. One thing I could say that, yeah. No, it's a pretty good one. It's pretty good comeback, I mean. I'm quick because.
I remember that when you are very quick it's actually fucking annoying when I when I went to an all girls school which was literally like a factory of just cunts everywhere and in the worst way. Possible factory, not the kind that we'd like. Yeah, shit cunts. And, and it was it really was like lesbian. They'd be like like it was everything was like, do you know that she kisses girls or like there was this one girl who was obviously a lesbian and it was like, stay away, don't let her
look at you. When, whenever like we were in the changing room, they were like, oh, she's walking in hide, hide your tits, like those kind of stuff. Meanwhile I'm there like ello tits. Jokes so bad. I didn't want to fuck any of them, they were all ugly. PSA so all of those straight girls are like, Oh no, she's a lesbian. She's going to fancy me. It makes me feel uncomfortable. You being straight and a female doesn't make you any higher than A2. No, like you you do you know
what I mean? Yeah, it doesn't suddenly make you attractive. So and also probably fine. That attitude sends that rating straight down to the that guy Sarah. No one's going to want to touch you with a 10 foot barge pile. So you're fine. You're absolutely fine. I hate it when girls say that. Oh, it's. The one it's going to. Fancy me? No, I've got a pair of fucking eyes. Trust me, I'm not.
I've also got a pair of ears and the shit that comes out of your mouth even if you're a 10. I wouldn't. I have to. Two drinks I'd probably consider it, but before that I would never. So on the coming out story, we kind of mentioned this during Do it when you're ready. Yes. Freya's advice would be different to mine, so I'm going to give mine, and I know that I'm in a privileged space to be able to say this. Do it when you're ready.
You will lose people and I know even if some of those are family members I couldn't actually imagine so I can't really comment on that. But definitely friends, acquaintances. Fuck em. Do you not just fuck them? If you tell them and they react badly? Thank you and fuck you goodbye. It will make space for you to be freer in yourself and find people who love you just for who you are.
Like even when I was in the midst of worrying and I was lucky because a lot of people did accept me, but people don't accept me every day now for being gay. You know, we meet people every day who don't accept me or us. It doesn't bother me because I don't care because I'm so happy. And I think that's the biggest piece of advice I can give is hold out going through, you know, keep hold of yourself going through the, the trauma and the, the difficulty that
will be coming out. Because I'm not sure if it ever is 100% easy because it will always be very emotionally fueled, even if it's positive. So I think everyone's always struggles with it, but know that you will come out the other side eventually and you will never regret it. No. You'll never regret it. You would regret never coming out and living a life.
Yeah, you've really got to be true to yourself because I think about all those years that I beat myself up and wasted, and I did waste it. And like I said before, I'm so incredibly comfortable now. The only thing that I can say to you is make sure you're in a safe space to do it. Yes and no. But also, you know, I do genuinely think that we're also not here to educate other people. I think that the resources are
there for everyone. They have to be fucking blind and deaf to not be able to know that gay people exist. And we are very happy. We can live very fulfilling lives. Yeah. Don't also let them say, you know, I'm just worried about you because of what this might look like for your life. No, no, no, no. Our lives are great, OK. We've been and. You had amazing jobs, you. Do have the odd thing that happens, you know, and that's just due to big to people everywhere.
But honestly, just live your live your truth and come out and do what's best for you. And just know that there is a massive community behind you that will love and support you no matter what. Absolutely, yeah. I wish you all the best of luck. If you're looking at doing it and if you have done it and you've had a bad experience, then I'm so sorry, but I'm right there with you. Ben, you will also find your way. You will find your way eventually you will.
So Marcelo, our producer just made a very good point there in the background that we will, we're going to just mention is, you know, when, when and people make comments about, oh, you fancy the same sex, like that's disgusting, or your two boys or your two girls. And it's actually quite funny because they're talking about, these people are talking about themselves. So if you're a man saying that you find 2 men disgusting, you're basically saying you find
yourself disgusting. And the same with a woman. So that's actually a very bizarre angle to yeah. How bizarre being like, oh, so you're like going down on girls then? But it's like, but do you not like? I mean, in all fairness, I don't understand. 99% of the time now I actually get straight women say to me I fucking hate my husband. I'm disgraced that I'm gay, I'm straight. I wish that. I was gay. You're, so the tables have turned.
Not even in the way where, like, I wish it could be of a woman because it'd be easier as in like, fuck me, I really, really wish that I was gay. Yeah. So the tables are turning. They are. They're turning. But yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah, for sure. So on a much lighter note, but it's not, it's not light on the stomach. We've now got Horror Story, which I'm going to get Freya to read out.
So today's Horror Story is next level like I this out to me earlier and I was like, oh man, but we got to say it because I can't I can't keep this one away from you guys. So this has come from a I'm going to keep her anonymous because I think she might need it. You asked for horror stories about a year ago. I went down on a very hot girl, or tried to. It turned out that she had a really bad executive dysfunction which made it very difficult for her to shower.
I found this out because I dove down very enthusiastically, touched her with my tongue, and immediately threw up. In fairness, there was alcohol involved, but it's probably the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me. Yes, I literally threw up on this poor girl's crotch. I still think she should have said something when my face started descending, given that she had to have known that she
hadn't showered in weeks. She only told me this after I profusely apologised while sobbing because I literally threw up on her pussy because it tasted so foul. She goes. Please don't mention my name if you do tell this story and I'll be able to go out of public again. OK, look. Oh. God, wow, Oh no, right. I've got a lot to say on this. So first of all, very much understands that some people have physical and mental health issues which make it much more difficult for them to keep their
personal hygiene app. Right, that's just a preface. We know that, okay, This is not the point of the story. That is fucking disgusting. That is disgusting. You're a dirty. Bastard, Nan would say. Dirty old bastard. Just get a bit of Imperial Leather up there. What's wrong with it? Well, Thrush and BV Nan but. Yeah. That is no. Do you? Know what it is the not telling. It's the not telling, right?
It's just a bit like rude. If you know that you have this problem, you're probably not best off engaging in oral sex with someone or. Any kind of sex, I'm sorry, don't dismiss. You because like you would see them go because like even like no. I'm sorry because even if you were to. But also you think about the amount of public toilets that they've used as well. I can only hope they write wipe front to back and not back to front. Just a bit of poo. That's just come into my mind.
Yeah, you say not oral anything. I wouldn't even want to strap someone who'd not showered and weeds because you'd smell it. I'd probably fucking pass out. And then as you'd pass out, you'd pass out into their pussy. That would just be my. Wearing a strap on. Oh, I just. Yeah, no, I'm really sorry because like, that is a really? Did she? I have a question though. Did you not smell it before you put your tongue on that though? Because I feel like you've been drunk.
I feel like me and you are very very sensitive to smells though, so this may not. Apply to the general and she. Drove down so she was dedicated to the purse, which. I respect the dedication to the purse, but I also feel like you would smell that if I can mile away shortly. Depends. Depends what the girl was wearing and as you say as well, like sometimes like my perfume. It's not her fault. No, babe, it's not your. Fault. Sorry. My perfume's quite strong that I don't really.
I can smell my perfume a lot when I'm walking around, so I don't. No, sorry. I don't necessarily always detect other smells. Yeah, because I'm smelling my own smell. But I think that she just owed her that common courtesy to just say absolutely, let's not do this right now, absolutely. And she didn't even have to say that she has this issue. She could just say no, I'm not failing.
She could have said, look I do have an issue, I've not showered in a few weeks and go down there take a whiff and if let me know if you fancy it and if not no worries. I imagine it to be like you don't have a pink. You know, yeah, they will. You know, when like you've just bought a load of cheese and then you open up the fridge door? I imagine it to be like that, worse gone off milk. I quite like that smell. Maybe. Me and you would be fucking great.
Maybe you'd be great. That's another charity, Dirty Purse Charity. The Dirty Purse Foundation. The DPS. Yeah, I can't. I'm just so, so grateful. I've never. I've never encountered that I can actually safely. Say that I've never. Yeah, obviously all vagina smells and tastes stiff right in it. None of it is. Ever. You know when there's a? Problem. Oh, you know when and again, we all get BV, right? We do. We all get BV. But that again is also very because that's not a cleanliness
thing. That's actually a dog best friendliest thing. Dog biscuits and a packet of skips. But that's very different. Oh, what a lovely dessert. I love skips. Spit out for a couple cocktails, nothing in the fridge. I'll munch on that pussy because it's some dog biscuits and a bag of skips. I need to get rid of this microphone. Put it in the bin. Yeah, put the mic. I need to put myself in the bin. Yeah. Well, so to this person, I mean, you are, you're actually an Angel for crying and
apologising. I would have been calling it out way before this person told me that she had an executive dysfunction disorder because I would have literally just been like, I don't know if you've noticed, but that reeks. And that's why I've had to vomit, because that was like jumping into a Victorian sewage. What now? She now she has. Oh, imagine if she didn't. No, Imagine if she didn't clean it. Or after it got vomited on as well.
Maybe that's why it smells so bad, because every girl just keeps vomiting on her. It's like the. Human Caterpillar, but the pussy, the human centipede. I'm. The Caterpillar. We've really taken this too far to the girl, I'm sorry that ever happened to you. I hope that doesn't put you off vagina and to any of those straight in quotation marks girls that listen to this podcast, let me tell you statistically, and this is a made-up statistic in my head
that I fucking. Know 99.9%. 99.9999% of pussy tastes like vanilla and sugar and I can guarantee that that pussy is 99.999% cleaner than the smeg that is building. Around your ex-boyfriend. 'S bell end. OK, that was. Was. True. That was beautiful. You bring Smeg into the conversation. It's true. Once you bring, I can't. Go through an episode of The Lesbian Supper Club without dicking on men. So true. Anyway, that is it for today's episode.
Thank you guys so much. Honestly, it just gets better and better as far as I'm concerned. My advice for today's episode is wash your Bajaj, come out Bajaj, be gay, be proud classic and wash your puss puss. Use back balance active clean your bajean. Don't spray it though. Because then you will get nose spray nose just. Just a bit of water. There are products out there, I mean. I Oh my God, are you? Gonna say what I personally use. No, that's wrong. Well, yeah.
Until Fem Fresh want to sponsor? No, until Aesop want to fucking sponsor us, I'm not going to go into how I use their products. Anyway, thank you guys. We love you. Thank you. We'll catch you next week. Catch you next week, guys. Bye. Bye.