I literally probably hadn't even finished saying hello and her tongue was down my throat. If you did watch the first one, you'll know that intros are clearly not our thing so we won't put everyone through the pain again. Actually, I feel like we can probably spin this podcast over into like a magazine at some point. Actually is TA? I really want to talk about this because I love to hate on that and I feel like everyone else. We kind of put this out on TikTok, didn't we?
We? We've done a very passive aggressive video of us leaving the cinema. Being like that took the piss. But I also love Cate Blanchett so fucking much. I was going to. I could never diss her. We don't speak I'll of mummy. Cate Blanchett. Let me just start off OK. This is not a Cate Blanchett slander at all. But what I do feel like they did with Tar is that months leading up to prior to this movie, I was getting myself more and more excited. Oh yeah, they didn't give us
much. Of course they didn't, but it's all they gave us. No, but it is quite literally all they gave. It was all the segments of the lesbian inning. Hmm, the lesbian happenings in the film that they drip fed us throughout the months leading up? Spoiler fucking alert. That was literally that was all that was in the film. Yeah, that was all that was in the film. Bit of a habitat touch through the car. Pathetic. That was pathetic, absolutely. Pathetic and also just like a suggestive look.
Oh, and the kiss with the wife. But it was kind of so emotionally fucked up that I didn't. That didn't count enough. That was. Also, apparently Kate actually ad libbed that. Of course she did. So she, of course she did. Big bloody lesbian Kate. Yeah, she had left it. So that kiss wasn't even in the script. So they weren't even going to give us a kiss in.
And this isn't me. And I've had a few people saying that, oh, you shouldn't, you know, it's not all about sexualizing lesbians, et cetera, et cetera. I completely get that. But if it was in a scenario with a straight person like a man and a woman in there, there would have there would have been a lot more. That would have that's the thing, like don't call it representation when it's also not like I actually think the film itself was incredible. It like.
Incredible. It was a it was a brilliant film. Yeah. And for what it actually clearly was meant to be, it was great. But I didn't like the whole marketing using sad little people like us. Yeah, exploiting us. I spent my Sunday evening going to the cinema, which I wouldn't usually do. Actually spend that at home with my. Daughter spent extra on a VIPC. Yeah, we've spent an extra £2.50 in view for you. Bit disappointed. Yeah, let us know what you think because. I feel like.
That we have spoken to people about they they definitely agreed, but. There is a whole thing though, with queer baiting because they do know that it gets the audience going involved. Well, when Kate's involved, it's always queer baiting. I mean, she doesn't even need to play a queer character. She just oods lesbian. She could be with a man and then every time that a woman, what's in you see her face light up, right?
So it's not about that, but it's about using lesbian moments to reel us in and make us believe that that's what the film is going to be about. And actually, it had nothing to do with that. And so then your expectations in a way is like, oh, that was like that was nothing that I was expecting, but there we are. Well, talking about reeling in, you guys have actually asked us quite a few times how we met and it's a it's an interesting one actually, isn't it?
In in classic gay culture, of course, it was never truly easy, nice, and actually romantic. Like you said, it's not typically romantic to you, maybe like when you just said it, but I think it was kind of oddly like I. Because I'm a sensitive person. Or think about the other people involved in the situation. Obviously I'm not, so we it was one of those things with Scarlett is that when I kind of see someone that is dead, my type, I'm like a dog with a bone. Can I actually jump in here
first though? Because I saw you before you saw me. You did, yeah. So this girl, I love her now we're all friends, kept posting Freya on her stories, but obviously this girl was clever and she was right. She didn't tag Freya for a very, very long time because she knows what I and the rest of the lesbian community are like, and I was just very interested in this person. Can I say at this point I had like no lesbian? Friends yeah, she wasn't on the scene scene. So it was fresh.
Me quite literally at that time I was just coming out of a relationship, my one of my really good friends. I was like, oh, they may be a match. So I'd sent her to my friend to be like, I don't know if this girl is with the girls social media who I saw her on or if they're just friends, but like we need to find out who she is because I feel like she'll be a good match for you one day.
This girl obviously went out with Freya, you know, probably had a few drink like the like the best of us do and probably got a little bit confident, a bit cocky and thought, oh fuck it, I'll tag her. Of course, me within 10 minutes I'm on that profile. I'm I'm I'm two years deep. I know her dogs names. I know every member of her family a new biscuits name. I I probably knew more about you than you knew about yourself already and I just followed.
Didn't didn't do anything else, just followed. Obviously behind the scenes has done a lot else, but to you I just followed. Well I couldn't believe it because like honestly, I'd seen Scarlett's account but at the time I was in a relationship and it was actually shown to me by my ex as well. So part of me was like, and I saw it and I was like trying to like. Oh yeah, because both of our exes have mutuals, but I'm just
a standard. Your name with my eyes, like as soon as I saw your profile I was like, it's like one of those. Remember what was that programme where it's like all technical Black Mirror, Black Mirror? You, you want that camera in your eye? Oh, you're like fuck fuck fuck. I literally was panicking because you showed it to me for like 2 seconds. I was like, who's this girl? And then, which is terrible, terrible, so bad, so naughty. But it's just the way that I was.
Also, I was like 22, I think when I was with her by this point, as soon as she followed, I was like, OK, I need to meet this girl. But how can I slide in the DMS without it looking really obvious that like, you know, I'm not messaging you being like, hey, you're hot. Like I wanted to. Be able to be fair. I'd appreciate that if anyone else wants to slide into my DMS, that's actually a good way of doing it.
Same with me, right? But like I was so nervous when I came to talking to you because I was like, there's no way this girl will ever even respond to me. So I. Remember, I also feel like we were all in the era of trying to have really cool chat up lines and now we're all in the area era or we definitely are. And I feel like our friends are of just saying it how it is, saying it how it is, and I'm much preferring that. I do also think it's not just era, it's getting older.
True. Like I'm now 4 1/2 years old rather than I. Wouldn't start talking about age, but true. But I am so, yeah. So as soon as that came up I knocked things off with my ex and then I and then I slid in your DMS about car delivery and that you shared or whatever it was. Anyway, we spent I think it was like 6 weeks talking to one another. Yeah. So anyone watching this who had a little conspiracy at the time that there was crossover? That wasn't.
There was not crossover, and actually even if there was, I wouldn't have really given a shit. But just that, a principle that wasn't. That wasn't. But yeah, so then we were speaking for those six weeks, and then I knew that you were coming over to Windsor to come and meet me. When people say, oh, that, when they say, oh, you're shitting yourself because you're so worried. No, I was terrified. Did you like shit yourself a few times? Before I had a really bad belly, OK, I was. I was.
I was in a bad way, emotionally, physically, babe, you don't. Have to fucking tell me I lived it. OK, but I I lived it, darling. But I was working. I don't need. Convincing and I knew that I was seeing you the next time you said you know what, fuck it, are you free this evening? And I was like fuck, but I'm not going to like let her slip away. So yes, I'll literally do anything for you. So I got home and I got ready and I literally made myself like a bomb, like a old mole rat.
Just I just completely. God. I didn't know what to do. I was like, what do I do? I shaved my arms. I shaved everything I didn't. I was like, let me be seamless. Let me be the most perfect person she ever gonna meet another. And I stood in that bathroom. Seamless doesn't mean perfect. Can we just say that because you're saying that as if like having hair would not be perfect. No, that's very true, but. I mean, for you it made.
You because I was so panicked. I was like, let me just like I was so close to just shaving off all my hair. I was panicking so much. I was doing some crazy shit, OK. And then I, I did my makeup like 3 times and I knew you. I'm actually like, I'm shaking thinking about it because it fucking terrified me. And then I was like, I was looking at myself being like Freya, you're chilled like whenever you go on a date, like you're like, you're fine.
Like that's the one thing that I would say about me that like when I'm on a date, I'm absolutely fine. So I was like, you're nervous now, but it'll be cool when she arrives. Was I fucking? Wrong. Yeah. So on that note, she'd messaged me because where she was staying, the garage was actually behind the house, which isn't an official Rd. So she was like, drive up this road, I will come out, meet you, I'll get you in the car. I'll get in the car and you can drive round the like back of the
house. I'll show you how to get round to get into the garage. So OK, great. So I pull up outside of the house message to be like I'm here. She walks out like at this point call us a cucumber. Really like you were holding it together well anyway. I had my hand on my bum.
She's got a nappy on. She opens the door and I literally probably hadn't even finished saying hello and her tongue was down my throat where she some reason in her mind just threw herself at me. Like literally just threw herself on me. And I went with it for about 3 seconds and then I was like actually, no, this is a bit uncomfortable. So then we kind. Of like, let me say it from my perspective. So I got into the car, I went go kiss her on the cheek, go kiss
her on the cheek. And then your face kind of slightly turned and because it's that awkward thing of when you've been speaking. So somebody packed. So I could have 100% just packed, right? But I didn't want to give you a cat bum lip as your first to go at me, right? I don't want to be. So I had to, I had, I had to show you, I'll show you what I was working with. I think it was nothing actually at that point. So I it was such a mistake.
And as I was doing it, I was like, oh, I'm I've given myself the biggest fucking ick ever. I can't. She's been giving me a nick every fucking day. Ever since. And I couldn't believe that I'd done that. So I was in disbelief. Sat in that car like, oh, it was bad. It was so. We we got over that and she showed me round to the garage and we went into the house and I was kind of like sat on the stairs. The stairs kind of end where the kitchen begins.
So I was kind of like sat perched on the stairs and she was in the kitchen. I don't know what you were doing. Probably frantically cleaning now I've no. You. I was getting A and you asked do you like? Do you want a bit? And I was like yes please. And she gets a beer out the fridge and goes to give it to me, but goes to give it to me in such haste, drops it was pretty much throwing it at me and the beer just shattered at my feet
and went everywhere. And because I'm an asshole, I was like, oh, you're going to have to clean that up now. And I just sat there and just watched her clean it. Up. Actually, that's nasty with the better reflection on it. You're the cun. I shouldn't have done that. You were the cun, not me. I admit I shouldn't have done that. I was. To be fair, I remember you saying you were kind of like do you need help? Not like do you need help. It was do you need help?
So I was sweating, like quite literally sweating on the floor thinking what the fuck is going on. Look, can we also just say as well? How I was giving you early insight into what you were going to get right, and I've stayed true to it. I'm a fool, OK? I'm a fool. I could have helped you clean that up. Sure, let's help me clean up. Let you in and oh, let's not go into cleaning, let's not go into role division. Joking. I'm going to have an argument.
Joking. I could have led you in under a false sense of security, OK? And then we would have been arguing for the next 4 1/2 years quite intensely, because you would have been expecting me to be someone I'm not. Very true. And do you know what? That was very reflective of me. Do you want to know something that would break your heart, though?
Is that that day I was sitting in Waitrose for so long trying to pick out like the right beer because I started to like really panic because I thought I don't want to buy something like Heineken because she might be like, no, I don't. I don't know. It's. Now we drink Stella. I love Stella. Now you know the real. Fucking love Stella, man. Yeah, but I love Stella. I looked at you online and I thought this is not a stellar girl.
So I stood there for ages trying to pick it out, only for me to just go and drop it on the floor as soon as I tried to give it to you. So. And then in classic lesbian style, we went to one bar, got really drunk, got back in phrase at the time, Fiat 500, what a fucking experience that was. Finger in the Fiat. Had sex in the Fiat so loudly that a man in one of probably the most richest streets in the UK walked out of his house to come and tap on the window to ask us to quieten down.
That was not great. And do you know in the film where where the windows are steamy? They were genuinely steamy. Because then I could horny as well. I didn't give a shit. No knew that me now I would probably recoil and cry and make you drive us into a brick wall. I was in like first date stance and I was like, yeah, do you know what if some middle-aged 50 year old bald man with a beer belly wants to watch me carry on? All right. You enjoying this, Jeffrey? Do you like it?
Do you like what you're seeing? Afraid not that. No, darling, I don't. Think it should be amazing. I'm there with my feet on the horn. Don't make references to Jeffrey fucking Epstein. Oh it. Wasn't for Jeffrey Epstein, that was just the first thing they came into my fucking head. The random Jeff? Yeah. It was just a random. Jeff, it couldn't have been fucking Steve, could It couldn't have been Steve, people. Used my dad's name. Why would I use?
Steve, you wouldn't use Steve. That is fair, actually. Fucking idiot. Yeah, went there, I had sex in the car and got caught then and. Bread, by the way, you look like you're at like, what is it? You know when they do, You know when they do the church service and they just give you a round, a bit of bread. It's like mousy portions, so I'm going to put it down because I'm making myself feel sick. No, now you've got a mouth of bread. No, it's not full because it's such a pathetic bite.
That's why it's gone. Not talk about the Jodie coma bite. Very quickly, actually. What? Whenever she eats it's like a big like bite. Of love. I love when piles just don't give a fuck. They just like eat, and they're not trying to act pretty about it. Eat a burger on the first date and also I'll never even look at you because I'll be too busy eating my food. I'll never. Look, yeah, we had this conversation the other day where me and Freya have. So obviously we've been together
4 1/2 years. We have so many photographic memories of each other and our faces at different times. Like I know what Freya looks like when she cries, when she's asleep, when she's happy, when she's laughing, when she's angry. I do not know what this bitch looks like when she eats because we are both so greedy that whenever we sit down to eat, there's utter silence. Probably the only time there ever is we eat like literal animals. Eat like we've never.
Eaten and we only look up and lock eyes again when we've both finished our last mouthful so we genuinely don't know what each other looks like when. We halfway through them. Like you like it? Yeah. Yeah, but I'm still facing downwards. I'm in my like, I'm in my zone, yeah. Yeah, genuinely, I don't know what you look like. No I don't, Just finishing the first date, then how we met.
Then we ended up in the weirdest karaoke type bar thing ever where Freya got on the piano, sold me with a song and swing my Dick. I was that basic bitch. And I was like oh she can sing and play piano yay. Not that she hadn't already gotten in my pants, so I don't know what point she was proving. But I wanted to. I wanted. To it worked for longevity clearly and in classic lesbian style U-Haul.
That was basically it. I don't think we've basically really spent longer than probably a week apart since, other than COVID, which you made my life hell about, but we'll save that for another day. Yeah, I did. No, but actually it was a SEAL deal for you. From the first day, you had a massive. Oh yeah, I in my mind was like. This is fine. Oh it oh, it was for me too. But I my perception, I wanted you, but I didn't know if you wanted me again. So like the whole of like the the whole.
Yeah, Day 2 I had a massive panic attack, which I won't go into as to why, because again, we'll save it for another day because that's a whole story. So lesbian A panic attack on day 2. But Freya gave me Valium for my panic attack because it was so bad and I'd never had Valium in my life. So then I started having the time of my life. So I don't know if it was your singing, your bad chat up lines, your average sex, or the Valium that brought me back. No hate like lesbian love.
No hate like lesbian love. I find that so. Far. I'm getting that, Leanna. I'm getting that tattooed on me, tell Annabelle. On the bum. No, somewhere you will never find. So guys, we've asked you to give in some of your horror stories of lesbian dating again, which, oh, I'm obsessed with. Like actually obsessed. You guys have sent in some of the best stories I've ever heard. Obviously we have to pick one per episode. You will get your chance.
But this one really really stuck out to me because I was entirely horrified, but I now can't remember because I played it ages ago. It was traumatising enough that we've actually put it to the back of our brain. But yeah, these stories that you guys are sending in are like, if I ever needed a reason to keep doing this, this would.
That would be it. Like everything else could be going wrong and the sadistic nosy bitch in me would continue doing this podcast to live vicariously through all of your sadness, heartbreak and trauma. And I don't apologise. So this is from an anonymous reader says I was talking to a girl for like over a year and a half. She lived halfway across the world and it was during COVID so we didn't meet for a long time. This is very lesbian already, we told each other. We love long distance.
We do because we have. To put ourselves through more pain than society already puts. Us also, I just feel like there's just less. Lesbians. Yeah, except for Yeah, Well, it never works. We know it never works. Leanna's in the corner with the thumbs down because her long distance relationship. It was long enough for it to not work though, so it's. Like 2 hours, four hours. But then I I to be fair I had a long distance relationship that was like 10 hours away so that
also didn't work like. Playing this was There we go. We told each other we love each other, planned our wedding. Classic. I know before even meeting, planning a wedding, even down to the details of what food to have there picked out, baby names, etcetera. Anyway, after a year and a half I flew out to finally meet her 6000 kilometres away. Spent two days together, she was out of the gym one morning and she also what like your two days? Why are you going to the gym in
the morning? Like grow up so having enough? Sex you don't need to don't. Even need it. Just wear that strap on and go ham. Do you know what I mean? My ABS have never. Both of our ABS have never been better as to when we first met and we were just strapping all the time. Yep, and I keep telling you that that's the reason why I want to continue having sex in this relationship, but it turns out that maybe you just open a back fit.
She was out of the gym all morning and she left a book on the table and out of curiosity I opened it. Turns out was a diary in which she had been writing about her soul mate, who wasn't me. The fuck? This diary basically explained how she'd fallen in love with a man. A man. I'm sorry, that does make it worse. It does make it worse. I'd rather. It was another girl. Me too. Percent. All during the time that I knew her and bought a fucking house with him.
All while she was planning her life with me and telling me she loved me. Bro when I tell you that I was the calmest I'd ever felt when I confronted that I was so dumb but so relieved. Literally could not write it. That is like that is traumatic that for me. But do you know what's sad about this is I know so many people listening to the podcasts will probably say that happened to me or I've got a similar story. It's probably the same girl.
Because if there's so many ways you can break this down, right? But that girl's clearly living a lie. As in the girl that's bought a house with a guy is writing in her diary about the the Disney Princess love story that she's having with a man. You don't have an intense online emotional relationship with a woman for no reason. And invite her over it have her. Come, you know she's either bisexual, she's lesbian or she's pansexual.
She's some you know, but for her to basically lie about this part of her life is more is actually one of the most concerning things because she's living a lie. Was it not be like me and you being together? You know, I would 100% class myself as a lesbian, but it would be like me now having an emotional online relationship with a man. I bet. Well, clearly you're not a lesbian. And that's. Fine, yeah, and that's fine. But she's very sad that people. Like what?
She's living this double life. So I think that's why that girl is saying that she was the calmest she's ever felt because that is closure. But then also it's like you've shit on me from a height and you're a piece of shit. But also good luck to you living the rest of your life living a lie. And that's not me saying that I think it's easy being out or that people should be forced to
come out or anything like that. But also don't implicate someone else's feelings if you can't deal with your own. But this is keep another. Person but this is this is very, very common like there is a lot of times and and actually I can hold up my hand and say that I was that person in the other
seat. So when I was younger, I was very much in the closet and I would really, really to hurt the people that I were, that I was with and the person that I was with purely because I was too terrified to come out because it is a fear, it's a real fear. And so I do believe that people in that scenario, they don't really care who they who they hurt. Because they want their thing, and they don't want. To they can't see it.
I couldn't see it. I was kind of aware of it, but I was like, I was so busy trying to protect myself that like there was no way. Do you know what? But like, I would be really annoyed about that flight. Couldn't have been cheap. So pay for my flight. I'd have been invoicing that bitch. Yeah, like that's what I would have held Rover about. It would have been invoice. And it would have also been
emotional damage. I'd have been like do you know I want monthly repayments for the next 4 fucking years at this price And if you don't do it, no we don't out people that's wrong. But I would tell her husband or her the boyfriend because that's not technically outing her being naughty. It's still a. It's still but. She's still cheated. Yeah, right. So that's how I'd get my payback. I would cash. I'd cash the fuck in. I'd cash in. Yeah, it's mad. It's absolutely mad.
You always think though there's, there's always like, there's always a reason. But then. She clearly wasn't going to the gym then when she she's probably checking in on the boyfriend or the husband or not. Sure. I didn't think about that. I would, yeah. She wasn't pressing. Wait, she. Was see, I was going to say then that would like this whole situation wouldn't have got past me, but it would have because I've been cheated on and I believed that I believed that it wasn't happening.
Also, it's like you want to believe it. I also think this is again why she says that she was so calm because her gut knew your gut. It wasn't a surprise. Like every time I found out I was being cheated on, deep down it really wasn't a surprise because you know. I mean, man, I feel for her regardless. I feel for her. But I feel. She's in a good place right now. She's told me how good of a place she's in. Sometimes it's it's character
building. Well, I'm glad that she's in that place, but I'm sorry that it happened. And, and just FYI everyone, can you stop fucking planning your weddings and your baby names of people that you've met online and never met in person? Like you're not that you're not. I know that you're all thinking, oh, we're the only people to have done this or Oh my God, no one else could possibly have felt like this and been doing this and we are unique and we are special. You're not trust me.
You are lesbianing 101. And I am now old enough to say that we're going to be like, if you're anything like your friends or anything like us and our friends, like, you're going to have this shit absolutely ripped out of. You put that ring back in a box, take your knee back up, babe. Yeah, take that Argos ring back, take it away, right and. Rethink your decision. You can spend that £200 in Sheba. Yeah. On multiple little girls. Not little.
I haven't seen that. But like multiple ladies, I said little. Let me I need to explain why I said little because this baby giants and also because the ceilings are so fucking low in she bath. You like me in the end and anything above 5/9 and 1/2 which you and Beth won't ever be able to relate to you literally touch the fucking ceiling of that club or bar or whatever you want to call it. But clunge dungeon I think is the most appropriate word for sheba.
Yeah, just put your put your fucking baby carriers away. Put your Argos rings away, get downstairs into the devil's den that is Sheba and enjoy that and. Pop your pussy. And pop your puss until you find your wife. It's actually the lesbian war bunker. There you go. Lesbian war bunker. Exactly. And you will probably find Beth McCarthy there every week. Oh, she even goes on the Wednesday as well. Doesn't even need to be a weekend.
See the pink puss for yourself on Karaoke Wednesday at Sheba. What would be my ideal lesbian bar, right? Or club or whatever it would be, there would be 3 levels. OK, so the top level, well the level that you walk in on would be bougie and it would be like really good fucking food, really good drinks. Like dress code has to be not wanky, but like, you can't dress decent, right? Yeah, yeah, because it's my ideal lesbian barley and everyone. Is gay.
No, no, because it gets worse and then you go down one floor once you've had like 3 or 4 drinks and it starts to get a little bit. There's dancy bits. The bar's still there. Some people are still, you know, just eyeing up other girls at the bar. Some girls are crying texting their ex in the corner, but there's like a merge. Not texting corner. Yeah, it's like in a in a quiet booty.
Yeah, and it's not too hectic, but it's like good that you can sit and people watch and the girls will always bring the drama. And then you go to the third floor. Titties everywhere. Like not naked but just titties. And then when you say not naked but just titties. Because I don't mind, like everyone's tops can be off. I don't actually need the trousers, like, but everyone, because we always all take our tops off, right? We always get drunk and pull our tops up. We always do it.
I don't know why we do it. We do. It's fucking weird. Yeah, we do. I don't know why. I actually put it over my head. And yeah, I put it over my head and then run around the club next week. Alex, please come. She's got the most ohh we don't. Fucking ask you. You do it voluntary. FaceTime and the next thing I've looked away, the next thing I know, it's this just in the.
Eye I know why we do it though. It's to slightly show off the nipple bar is if again, we're the only lesbians in the world with a nipple bar, but we're we're still a minority. And yeah, then you get to 3rd floor and it is titty bar. It's it's a titty bar. Hooters. Yes. Hooters, no. Lesbian Hooters, No. Why not? No, because Hooters. Is T-shirt competitions. Yeah, but like, yeah, but like not no, no misogyny there. And I feel like Hooters gives a bit of that, Yes, the L word,
that kind of just the manic. First of all is the planet. First of all, is the planet 2nd floor? We don't have any other fucking references. It's so depressing. You will will make the reference. Do we have any other not existing London lesbian bars? But what I do need is that we need lesbian bars to no longer be underground like we are in the 1940s. No, I've got it. OK, The top 1 is the planet Elwood. Second one is Coyote. Ugly bar, no men's.
That's the second floor page. 2. Because I love the vibe. That's what I'd go for. Just no guys. And then third floor, the third down, it's not floor, we're going down. Food but and just call it fries. No, guys. No, it gets nastier as it goes down. Why do you say I have to say it like that? It gets I. Need a nasty reference. It will be like, no, I'm going to. It's going to get too rogue. What did he say? Kitten Kittens. Oh, killing kittens? Isn't that like a club?
And. No, that was a Netflix series, wasn't it? That's how to kill a cat or something like that. That's right. And that woman tried to make us go. Remember, we were at the oh, when we were at and we sat there opposite to her and she was like killing kittens. Do you want to come? And I was. Like, oh, when we were with Chloe, Do you know what I. Say. Yeah, so I just don't. So then it's a lesbian only sex party and. Yes, yes, and it's. Only red. Yes, only red. Alas, super hot there was.
I'm all for it. There was many simplistic ways that we could have described our bar, but we've done it in a complex way. The Lesbian Supper Club, the Lesbian Supper Club floor one, the Lesbian Supper Club for two, and the Lesbian Supper Club floor 3. I'll just call it like clip with like an exclamation mark, no? Clip. Lesbian. No, we're quite open. Other than that, Alex. Alex turns up in a wig. You can, you can. Do you know what? You actually can.
Wasn't there a whole debate on TikTok recently where straight men wanted to identify as lesbians? That's pathetic. It's actually pathetic. Then you just throw up. But they don't think that. They don't think that. They think they can change us. They think that they're going to walk in with a room full of women and they're all going to turn around about. Also, do just watch anything. You should talk about lesbian porn. Oh yeah, can we actually get you both? Here I don't remember that.
I must have been too drunk. They were so Leanna and Beth were making out at my birthday party, which was a. Lot. Oh, I did try. And yeah, I tried to record it. I. Didn't I was sat next to them basically like stroking both of their heads. I don't know why I did that anyway, these men were I just wanted to be involved. These men were staring at these girls like they're in a zoo, right? And for me, I get it right? Because they're both hot and they're making out OK, cool.
Like I want but. It's still just fucking rude. Rude, but it's not only. I would want to look, but I wouldn't. But it's more than that. It's spectating. It's them gathering together. It's them pointing. It's them small. It's them also thinking they're getting a live porn show, not that 2 girls that are generally attracted to each other could just want to be making out. Yeah, and that's the thing again. But they were thinking, if we don't watch them, then why are they doing?
It exactly. They think it's for them, so they think it's for. So if you're a straight girl that goes out and get to the girls in front of men, stop fucking doing it. You make the rest of our lives really hard. Feeding into it. But that's the thing, I I just looked at these men and I was like, fuck me. There's there's Yeah. No, don't fuck me. Don't That's what they're after, darling. That's not the wise. Words to use. No, it's yeah. So it's, it's horrendous. I think it's really
demoralising. I think it's one of those things where, again, if that's why queer spaces are so. Important. Important because it's also a lot less. Queer spaces that let you in as well. Because we've spoken about this so much with lots of different people and it's happening a lot and actually think it's happening more and more as time goes on. Which is weird because it should be the other way. Why do gay bars stop keep refusing entry to quite clearly queer people?
And I don't mean queer presenting because there is no way of looking queer. So sometimes if you are old school and I don't look like a classic enough lesbian for you, and you initially say OK, you're not coming in. And then I proceed to tell you that I have 4 1/2 years worth of content with my girlfriend and you won't let me in.
That's problematic. Not that we should have to prove it anyway, because actually straight people by nature probably wouldn't really want to go to a gay bar, and you could quite easily sniff out the groups of men that are going there for one specific reason. But if our, for example, like our group of girls are going to a gay bar, we're going there because we're gay. Like come on. And we won't never refuse entry. And we aren't the only ones as
well. No. And this really needs to be sorted out, because it's actually very, very distressing for. Because it is purely safety. It's not about us trying to take over, it's about us wanting to have fun, have a fucking good time and feel safe whilst doing it. I don't want to be in a space, yeah, where I'm constantly having to look over my shoulder because I do it all the fucking time. My peripheral vision is amazing now. Amazing, because I'm constantly
aware. That's also because you've been playing in Call of Duty on your phone, like intensely for the last I can't talk, I'm ready to go. Our relationship has got to the point where she's Call of Duty to the left of me and she rings up our friends now and gets them to shrine down the app so they can play together. And I sit there and utter silence.
I've turned off all of my notifications so if anyone's calling me now I'm not actually looking at the screen waiting for the phone call to end anymore. I'm on Grand Theft Auto. OK so I'm going to give you 5 celebrity names and I want you to list them in most like to fuck. Least like to fuck. OK, so that was Cate Blanchett, Gillian Anderson, Aubrey Plaza Fletcher and Angelina Jolie. I'd be doing myself a disservice if I didn't always put Angelina at the top because she's always
going to be there and. You know that she's probably I would put bets on she's the most wild. I would never walk again and I'd be absolutely fine with that. OK, because I know that she's bringing out some crazy fucking. Yeah, it might not even be through like multiple WAG orgasms. She may actually get out a knife and cut your leg off no problem. Again, that would be fine. She'd be like, she put out, she'd bring out like a 15 inch dildo and be like, do you do anal?
I'd be like yeah like try it you can try it. I'm screaming it's an exit, not an entrance while she's yeah anyway I've got number. Okay, so I really Kate Blanchett is so. So hot. She is technically married to a man in real life though. Yeah, but Aubrey. Good to prove a Aubrey. Yeah, Aubrey Plaza is so hot and so weird and I. Love. And again, you know that she's a
bit of a sadistic bit. I know that she loves really make me laugh and for me, I know that Cate Blanchett made me laugh, but Aubrey would be so fucking weird. I know that I'd like come into the bedroom. She'd be like dressed up like an alien or like, I know that she'd be probably doing like a weird like. You you're into like alien play. No, no, but I know that she'd be doing some like exorcist weird like crab walk or.
Something so you're into that. Well, no, but I, I, I'd be into it if it was Aubrey. Sorry. So you're into exorcist play, but when I come home, 10 tequila's deep and I'm acting like the fucking exorcist in the bathroom chucking up, you have a problem with that? But if Aubrey Plaza does it, she don't if. She's doing a crab walk backwards with a trap on on. I would find that fucking hilarious. So Aubrey Plaza is number 2. So fuckable.
Angelina Aubrey Plaza Then obviously it's going to be ah. Gillian Anderson could probably ruin my life as well though, because she's also like super like sex. Like she knows everything like grapefruit. Hey, this is her. Yeah, she'd be a great. She would know what to do with my. Grapefruit and should be a banana. Although I don't she's. Fucking stiff Aubrey would be a pear. Aubrey would be a pear. Because she's like, got length. Mean. She's a bit of an odd shape, bit of an odd one.
She's a bit odd but then also she's got my she's got my boggly eyes so me and her could look at each other in the eyes without you could also look like sisters. Perfect. Is that what you're into? Perfect, perfect. And then so Gillian Anderson would really show me like. But then The thing is as well, I like to kind of like show her a good time. I would want to make Gillian squirt. Sorry, Gillian next time. Who else is there? You've gone, Ange. Or repulsive.
Gillian Anderson, Gillian Cate Blanchett. I would like to make sure like a pig and I would I would want. To Fletcher last. I'm sorry, Fletcher, like I do love Fletcher, but she's going last because. I think as well you like an older girl, I. Do I like an older woman? Fletcher, I'm younger than you. That's funny. No, but Fletcher is obviously very hot, right? And she's a singer that's also really sexy. But like, you can't fuck a voice. I mean, I'm gonna go with who
did I say? Cate Blanchett and then Fletcher. But Fletcher, it doesn't mean that. Fletcher, you're still very, very, very much on the card out. Of my league it's fine she is still very, very attractive and very beautiful. Hot. OK, she can't be my. Fair order. I like your justification for everyone. I I I'm not sure I agree with the ordering, but I agree with the why. What would your order? No, because I want you to give me 5 now so the five can be different.
So I'm now gonna give you 5 okay? Fuckable to least fuckable. Miley Cyrus, Renee Rapp, Megan Fox, Zendaya and Jodie Comer. This is going to be very controversial, and it's even controversial for me. I put Renee first only because she is. She is my obsession of the moment. OK. And it probably won't last, but I'm in crushing era, Renee. Wrap her legs around your. Neck. Yeah, Renee.
Wrap fucking strangle me so Renee Megan because I know she's just actually fruitier in real life than Jodie Megan because I know that she would be nuts and I love that Jodie would have to go forth because I would make her do Villanelle and all the accents and stuff and that would be fucking Hawks when she talks, when she talks Russian, literally. Do you know what The thing is? I haven't watched Euphoria Euphoria and I feel like Zendaya in Euphoria.
She's obviously fucking beautiful, but I've not watched her in action enough to create an obsession with her, to be quite honest. Whereas I have watched Miley Cyrus's, I've watched her since Hannah Montana. So there's been a lot of obsession progression. So Miley. And then it would have to be be Zendaya. But again, that's a very, very, very, very unfair list because the rankings impossible.
Miley in that flowers video is like next level, next level like as in Miley and as I say video, I want to be that sprinkler. I want to make her that sprinkler that she's. Running you're apologising to Renee, to Fletcher. I'm like, no, I'm not ashamed, but Renee should be fucking thanking me for listening her because I would be taking that as a very, very, very high compliment. So yeah, give us more stories, give us more topics, give us controversy. Episode 3 is an open.
Dance floor unlike Sheba which is always cramped. So that was it for today. We hope you enjoyed. If you did enjoy, please like and subscribe so we can continue to exist as I think really the only real lesbian supper club podcast ever.