Faith, Leadership, and Finding Your Fire

She empowers them to find their purpose , develop tangible action steps and create the energy and ripple effect to inspire others . She brings experience working in high pressure environments , drawing on her two decade career as a foreign service officer with the US Department of State , where she also served as a leadership coach .

She's an associate certified coach through the ICF and a certified professional co-active coach from the Co-Active Training Institute . Welcome to the Lemon Balm Coaching Podcast , your cozy corner of the world where we'll sip on life's lessons and squeeze the most out of every moment .

I'm Melissa , your coach , cheerleader and maybe even a little bit like that mom who always has a warm hug and the best advice waiting for you . If you're a woman over 40 , feeling like life's left you a little lost , aimless or downright stuck , you're in the right place . This is where your joy , your freedom and your purpose come back into focus .

Together we'll laugh , learn and rediscover what makes you come alive . Because it's not too late , this is your time , so grab a cup of something warm , settle in and let's start creating the next most beautiful chapter of your life together .

Jennifer , I am so glad that you joined me on the podcast today , because we've had conversations before and we're kind of in the same area of coaching , but with a little bit of a different twist , and I just love that you wanted to come on here and support the listeners of my show . So thank you so much .

I also look at the leadership role that women occupy , leading from wherever they are , at home , in the community , at work . It's where we are extending influence and I just I appreciate that you and I have that same heart value .

And when I work with my clients , that's always kind of in the back of my mind is how are we connecting with that which is greater , whom I call God , right , that which is greater in our life experience ? So I just love that we both kind of share that and it's a big part of what we do .

With some clients we just know that that's a piece of what they're looking to do is to deepen their spirituality and their faith .

My company name , my coaching name , is Journey of Grace , so that extends itself into that discussion upfront with clients and I just believe that by putting that out there , the right people find you , they find what they're looking for , and so you know , I think that when we deepen our own faith , we draw in people who are seeking more of that support .

I spent 23 years with the US Department of State , so I know diplomacy . I was a foreign service officer living abroad for about 11 years and spending the rest of my time in Washington . I get diplomacy and in the faith space in this new chapter , I feel I am being called to be God's ambassador .

So using that diplomacy , if you will , in a way that aligns with my heart and my faith , I love that aligning with your heart .

Because I think words really matter and the words that we choose really , really matter , and you're choosing to use the word balance .

I would always joke that I was running on empty , like my son is Jackson and I'm running on empty , and so I use that humor as a way to deflect the pain I was carrying from being so exhausted , so burned out , that I was losing myself .

And so when people talk about work-life quote balance , it just makes me have that like feeling in my stomach because it doesn't exist , right , it just doesn't exist . We can use the fluff words , but I have just , I've created my own invention on this and I call it it's a pendulum , and we are the CEOs of our lives , are the CEOs of our lives ?

We have to know when to make that pendulum intentionally swing to the work side , to the personal side , to the community side , to ourselves , right ? So wherever you are in your life , it's your responsibility and privilege to know how to make that pendulum swing . Is it easy ? No , of course not , and so it requires that intentional work of being self-aware .

I had a wonderful boss , mentor and coach all wrapped in one during my time with the Department of State , and as he was coaching me one time he said to me you have to put your own oxygen mask on first . Now , that's a quote we've heard before .

Right , we hear it on airplanes , we hear it wherever , but it just it was like this gut punch of I'm not putting my oxygen mask on first , and how can I pour into my family , into my son , into my team at work , how can I be that best leader when I'm so depleted ?

And so I really realized I have to bring this pendulum back over to me first , and from there then I can start to do some shifts and I really incorporate the Pareto principle , the 80-20 principle . I don't do it perfectly , none of us do but the whole point is where is that 20% in my life where I really need that pendulum to be okay ? Focus right here .

And then how , intentionally , do I decide when the priorities need to shift to the next 20% ?

We do what we do because we lived through it on our own , without support 100% . Right and I did have some support 100% and I did have some support .

, and like , who do I turn to ? You know , I went to my medical doctors . They couldn't help me . I went to a therapist . She helped a little , but , like I had , I had to figure it out on my own . And that's why we say it's not easy .

But I guarantee you , if you work with a coach , it's not that it's easy , but it's much easier because somebody who's been there before they're walking with you , they're helping you , they're showing you the path that they walked to accomplish what they did .

So I mean , I just wanted to jump in and say that , because I don't really generally say that to people , right , I don't do that . I'm not going to push what I do on you , but right now I just felt like , oh my gosh , people need to know it's not easy if you're trying to do it on your own .

I spent 10 , a good 10 plus years of living with chronic neck and shoulder pain , because that's where I carry my my stress , and it was like to the point I couldn't turn my neck Right .

So that's not a healthy place , but I didn't know coaching was really out there and so and in fact , I want to put a plug out to our sisters in the younger generation , because I am hearing more podcasts , more people focused on how to get that clarity before they're at the burnout place , and that's exactly what we should be doing .

We should be walking with them and serving as models of . I hope you do reflect and be intentional much sooner than I did . There's no need to carry that stress in your body . Right , and I will put a plug out there . I was just on this wonderful podcast from someone who hosted MLED .

The podcast is Wrestling With Life and she's focused on her target audience people in their 20s to early 30s . I love that she is so intentional about wrestling with these questions , right ? How can we support each other and lift each other up so that we put our pain to purpose for them and for others , right ? Yes ?

I'm helping the women in our age group right , Overcome all of this stuff because we've realized this isn't right . I shouldn't be feeling this way at this point in my life . That's right . Our grandmothers and our mothers they just did it because they had no choice . I actually have a choice , Right .

And and the next generation has a choice now , Like they don't have to wait until they get here . They can do it now because we're showing them it doesn't have to be this way .

. I mean for all the negatives of social media , the positives are that we have platforms to share this information much sooner . Yes , absolutely .

Whatever was next is what I did , but I didn't know my purpose until recently . Now my kids knew it . They could see it clearly , what my purpose was , what my passion is . It took me a lot longer to figure it out , but like what are your thoughts on purposes as it relates to your coaching practice and who you serve ? Yeah , I love this .

Like being able especially to help US citizens in their most dire circumstances overseas just filled my heart . So I knew there was an element of service that truly spoke to me . It was then as a leader .

When I hit my burned out stage and I had a leadership coach , I saw what doing the inner work could do on me to ripple out into my team and lift them , lift the production , lift the morale , like really come together , and I just became so passionate about leadership work in that space .

Then I had some personal downfalls we'll say some trials and I went through personal coaching and I saw , oh my gosh , I can rise again . Personally , it was really at that point of hitting rock bottom that I knew I wanted to be in coaching . I want to serve people who need that holistic approach of I'm lost .

I'm so numb I don't know where to go and I'm supposed to show up at work with this happy face and compartmentalize , but we're not meant to do that . Yes , we have to , sometimes right Professionally , and yet we as people are meant to show up as our full selves and live in our full worth , and I wasn't so .

I knew that's where my pain to purpose was , was calling me .

I knew that's where my pain to purpose was calling me , and what I love is that on this journey I have continued to grow so much through my coaching certification , through working with my clients and seeing their aha moments and just celebrating their shifts , also in the tough moments when it's really hard and those transformations are not immediate , right , and so

that privilege and honor of standing in the mud with them and feeling the feels as they find their purpose and their way out of their pain point . So part of the work I'm doing right now is I'm in a John Maxwell leadership certification program .

It's not a small investment financially , emotionally , mentally , time-wise it's . It is a , it's a commitment , it's an intentional way of adding value for me and for my clients , and so one of the quotes that I or , yeah , one of the things I want to pull out from his book of intentional living is that regarding purpose .

John asked three main questions to help us get to our why . What do you cry about , what do you sing about and what do you dream about ?

And if you answer those questions and think about the things that are on the should list in your life and I'm doing should in quotes , because should to me can be like this negative judgment voice in our heads , and if we use , though , the should in a good way of I should be doing this , well then what is it about that should that is calling to you and

your purpose ?

We know we're never going to achieve perfection , but we can be on that path toward it . And healing and continuing to heal and heal . And when an old wound surfaces , go , oh , that needs healing now . Or when an old thought pattern resurges , you can go oh , that needs healing now .

Or when an old thought pattern resurges , you can go oh , that needs my attention now , you know . And just being on that healing , path ?

And so , even if we walk down the street and just make eye contact with someone and give a smile , how many times are those small yet significant acts showing someone ? I see you and you matter ?

I share this story and I don't know why I'm sharing this , but in two major cities , new York City , and in Buenos Aires , argentina I would walk down the street as I was visiting and staying there for a little while , and you know , these are like big kind of cold cities , right , Like people are just busy , move , move , move .

I would make it a competition of how many people can I make eye contact with and say hello to , and sometimes people would just kind of give me like this what are you doing ? What's wrong with you , look ? And yet I was always surprised by the number of people who would smile and like wonder of like this person actually is looking at me .

Yeah , and I thought it doesn't matter . I am doing this because this feels right to connect with people .

My whole family , other than me and my oldest son , are introverts . They need time alone to recharge , but they always come back to people . We always come back to people . We need to be with people . We were designed for connection with God first and then connection with others , and without that we suffer . We suffer greatly .

And I'm pretty much an extrovert , I just love being out and about . Yet I am so inspired by my time alone in nature in particular , as my connection place . It goes back to that how am I putting my oxygen mask on so that I can then go , go , go in a thoughtful way , not just to be busy ?

began my healing journey and it was about getting things done . And I still want to get things done . That part of me is still there . I haven't thrown that part of myself out the window . I still love to get things done . I'm still very task oriented , but it's not for the sake of doing the task anymore .

There's things that just need to be done , but that's not for the sake of doing the task anymore . Right , there's things that just need to be done , but that's not who I am anymore . That was kind of how I judged my worth was how much I could get done in a day , and that's not who I am anymore . I'm still a doer , but it's not my worth .

Okay , I've wrestled with this my entire life because I learned from an early age that perfection and doing equaled accomplishment and success and praise and promotion , and I didn't have that foundation of inner self-worth .

It's not that I was raised to feel that way necessarily , and I will put that caveat out there because I really want to dive in here for a minute .

I'm also doing work in the positive intelligence space that was founded by Shirzad Shamim and he wrote the book on positive intelligence , and what I love about this work is that it dives into our inner thoughts , our operating system in the brain , and really some of the most critical thoughts that we have about ourselves formed from our childhood , from like as early

as age five .

So there are true strengths there , right are true strengths there , right . And what I learned is that by overusing those strengths , I defined myself in a way that created this negative loop of I'm going to beat myself up if it's late , if it's not perfect , if I'm not pleasing people , if I'm not doing the next best thing to define success in quotes .

And so that became my identity . And let me tell you , go through some personal transitions , transitioning from your longstanding career and your kid going off to college , and you will question your identity . How do I know ? Because that was me within the last several years . And so I really had to get real with myself and my thoughts .

Who am I and where is my worth ? Is it really my job , my career , is it really that I'm a mom ? And those things are part of it , but they're not me fully .

And so , as I started diving into this positive intelligence , tq work , what I realized is , oh my gosh , these negative , inner critic thoughts are on autopilot and they're just bam , bam bam going through my mind without me even being aware of what's going on . I love mindfulness , don't get me wrong . We need it .

The first step , though , is that we have to be aware of what these thoughts are and we have to catch them .

And then , from that catching these , what Shirzad Shamim calls the saboteur voices from catching them , we actually get to make a choice of shifting into the wiser , what he calls more sage region of our brain right , the more creative space of taking the step back and looking at the strengths that are available to us and how we are going to act .

And I say act , not react , because from the sage place , we are being intentional , whereas from the autopilot , saboteur place , we are reacting in a way that does not serve us .

Right , I was stuck on autopilot , there was nothing I could do about it , because I didn't even realize there was a problem . Right , I know there's something wrong , but I don't know what the problem is .

Right , and then I start coaching and I start working on this , the inner child and all these thought patterns and stuff , and you see , and you , finally the light bulb goes on . Right , and you see something clearly .

And then you have a choice I can keep doing that , I absolutely can , sure , I can keep doing that , or I can choose to do differently , but until I see that , until I see it , I can't do anything about it .

And when I say everything changes , I mean everything changes , not just that one thing we were working on , because , because everything in life , now I can see it easier , I can see it clearer and now I have choices .

. If we are not aware of the choices , the mind is going to see all those negative things on the repeat button , yep . And once we're aware that we have choices , more choices start to come in , yes , yes .

And so like we start to see and this is where I get the goosebumps , I know it is so transformational in how we can show up and how we can be ourselves and find that self-worth that's not defined by quote success .

Even though I'm technically not working with them anymore , I'm still getting benefit of their transformation . It is just incredible .

She was aware of the options she had and how she chose to think , and this gets me into results . Right , because we all want something in particular . We don't want to be in the pain point . Melissa , you and I share a business coach , and so our clients don't want to be stuck in their pain point . They want to get out of it , right .

And so when I first became aware of coaching 15 years ago or so , I listened to Brooke Castillo's the Life Coaching School , and her model is one that many have had . Right , the circumstances are neutral , and then you have a thought .

From the thought , you have a feeling , then you have an action , and then you create a result , basic model of what we want or what will happen , right ? I personally like to reverse engineer this , though , because what's the result that we want ?

We don't want to be in the pain point , because what's the result that we want , we don't want to be in the pain point . So what is it that we want ? We don't want to be stuck , we don't want to be numb , we don't want to be sitting in the car crying when we get home from work because we just can't face going in the house . We're exhausted .

So what do we want ? I want to be happy to go inside and see my kids . I want to be happy with my team and empowering them and lifting them up , and I want energy . I want to feel that physically , mentally , spiritually , I am all my game .

And so , from knowing what that result that we want is , then let's take a step back and what actions would get us to that result ? Right , right . And so then , through coaching , we work through the actions , so we know actions are needed . Then what feelings are we going to need to feel to motivate us to take these hard actions ?

And I say hard because they're intentional If you want the result that you want , it's not going to happen overnight and you're going to have to work , and this is where the coach can help you be inspired to do this . And it's your commitment to have these feelings . But you know what ? You can't just jump to a feeling of I'm inspired today .

I had four hours of sleep and I'm inspired today . That's not going to happen . So what thoughts do we need to bring into this model to get to the feeling of being inspired ? And the thought is where we get to stop that inner critic and say I'm making a choice and these are the thoughts I need to cultivate to get to that place .

And so when my client tying this back to what my client had shared about channeling she was doing the work , she was looking at the end result that she wanted and knowing the steps she needed to take to get there and channeling that thought as the number one step .

I can't lay out the path to get there . And unfortunately , in our society it's so easy to focus on the problem . We watch a commercial . All they do is focus on the problem . They focus on the . Everything focuses on the problem . It's easy to focus on the . Everything focuses on the problem . It's easy to focus on the problem .

It's it's intentional to focus on the outcome , to focus on the result , to focus on the solution . And that takes . That takes work , just like you're saying it takes . I have to do the work to be able to shift that thought process and it doesn't just , oh , the toxic positivity drives me crazy .

Right , just meditate , just use essential oils , just do this , and all those things are wonderful . I'm not saying that they're not . But just doing that is not going to shift everything for you . It's a process and it requires knowing what you want everything for you .

I love all of that right , but that in and of itself is not going to get me from A to B , and so , in fact , you know , going back to the PQ work , what I love about the positive intelligence is the focus on mental fitness , and I can't tell you how many times I'm in public or somewhere where I'm like I don't have a couple minutes to go , like do some

mindfulness , like do some mindfulness longer . Exercises per se , right , like meditating . Breathing is always available to us wherever we are , and so that , of course , is one of my go-tos .

Another one that I really will go to is rubbing two fingertips together , like really deeply where I feel the fingertip and the skin , and then , you know , kind of rubbing my fingertips down from fingertip to palm on each hand .

Doing that for 10 to 30 seconds can snap a negative thought , so that then I can be back in that what's possible realm , right , but notice that I had to do something here , right ?

And I love to remind people we don't have to stop every single thing that we're doing to shift right . We can still be doing and shifting at the same time , but it takes practice , it takes awareness , it takes you know there's work to be done . I don't have time to just stop everything I'm doing and go over here and do some , you know , do some meditation .

But I can stand and rub my fingers and I can think differently and I can believe differently in the moment , but I still have to do the work .

fitness rep to that habit , because if we have to create a new habit and more time , yeah , that's not probably going to serve us because we are busy . So how can we start ? Simple , in a way that sets us up for success . One of the things I love , I love Mel Robbins . So one of the things I love about Mel Robbins is her just real approach to life .

And she says I'm still working on this one because I still work in that self-worth space . But one thing she said is , as you're in the bathroom in the morning to brush your teeth , give yourself a high five in the mirror . And that ties back to Byron Katie , who started with the yourself .

I love you in the mirror when I was first starting in the self-worth space . That was a leap a little too far for me . I couldn't look at myself and say that in the mirror , so I started with the I want to love you . And then I got to I like you , I like this , you know , I like my eyes , whatever space was available to me .

And what I'm getting at , though , is these are habits that I could easily easily quote do , because I was already standing in front of the mirror to brush my teeth . It wasn't that I went to the bathroom with the intent of doing those things . I attached them to something I was already doing .

I love you and I love this conversation Like if people wanted to find you , if they're like , I really like Jen , I like the things that she's saying . I think I'd like to know more . Maybe I'm not ready to work with her yet , but I like her and I think I'd like to know more . How do

they , how do they get in touch with you , how do they find you ?

I'm on Instagram , jen underscore , journey of grace , and LinkedIn , jen Brown , dash coach .

I have sat , like we have the same business coach , yes , yeah , and I have sat under other business coaches because in my business I knew I was floundering , I didn't know what to do , so I would go through their masterclasses and stuff and usually by the end of the masterclass I knew if they were not the right coach for me .

And the reason I love that is because I've been there and I know it , and so I look forward to walking with clients to help them get to that other side where so much joy and energy is there to be the light .

And it was really through that verse where grace entered my life in such a way that shifted me , and that is why grace is a part of my company name , because the importance of accepting grace for ourselves and giving it to others is what makes it so that we can all be better .

It's right there and you know if , if , if you're in this leadership position and you're looking for a coach , it would be Jen . It's not me right , that's not my forte . Sure , I could help you , but you know what the great thing about being a coach is knowing other coaches who have the skills to help the people that I don't .

is this the right one for me ? And if it's not , ask them hey , I don't . I would never be offended if someone said I don't think you're the right coach for me and if it's not , ask them , hey , I don't , I don't . I would never be offended if someone said I don't think you're the right coach for me . Do you have anyone else that I could talk to ?

If you loved today's episode , let's keep the conversation going . You can find more inspiration , coaching tips and resources over at my website , lemonbalmcoachingcom . Don't forget to follow me on social media for encouragement and updates , and you'll find me on Instagram and Facebook at Lemon Balm Coaching .

And hey , if you're looking for a supportive , uplifting community of amazing women just like you , come join us in the Reignite your Flame Facebook group . It's a safe , welcoming space where we share , grow and cheer each other on , and you can find the link on my website or just search for Reignite your Flame on Facebook . Remember , honey , just be yourself .

The world needs what only you have to offer . Take care and I'll see you in the next episode .