THE PODCAST ON HAUNTED HILL EPISODE 175 - THE SUBSTANCE AND ENTER THE DRAGON

The podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work. I saw this when I come. And be one of us.

Hello, and welcome to the podcast on Haunted Hill, episode 175. A minute ago, I gave Dan a totally wrong number, and he went along with it, and then went, no!

Jesus.

Just before we started. Welcome. If it's your first time, welcome back. If it's the...

Hang on a minute. If it's your first time, welcome front.

That's it. If it's...

If you're a regular listener.

Welcome back.

And if you like to pop along now and again, pop him around the side.

I have to write it down. My brain just goes, no, we're going to put these words in different orders, and you're just going to say it.

And I'm just going to smile at you while you do it. Every episode.

And every audience could be like, why don't you just get a little fucking... Do a little catchphrase, can I? A little thing, jingle, I could put into it.

Welcome, everyone, to episode 175 of the podcast on Haunted Hill.

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to you.

It's my birthday.

You.

It is my birthday episode. Exciting. Very excited to discuss the two films I've picked, but also very excited to just be happy and birthday boy. I'm the birthday boy.

And Dan, and Dan dropped me something earlier, which I was shocked with. And I think it's a problem with Facebook. Dan did not get one birthday message from anyone like on this page, like the comments, not one person. And I'm like, that has to be a problem with Facebook. That has to be.

I think.

So one of you out there, did you do it? And if you didn't, that's fine. But like, I'm sure people did. I just find it so weird to not one person, not even a random person. Do you know what I mean? Because you get people just, oh, happy birthday.

Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. It's so weird. What was weird was not even on my Facebook page, Dan Bone, you know. But my wife thinks it's something to do with the decline of the use of Facebook or something. Not many people use it. I don't really use it other than for the podcast that much.

I didn't do it because I sent it to you in person, not in person, but on WhatsApp. So more personal. I prefer to do it more personal.

I'm really not that bothered about it. The only reason I mention it is because 17 years of using Facebook on that old. It's the first time really, but it's not bothered. I had all my WhatsApp messages, text messages from my dad, of course. Text messages, you know.

That's more personal anyway.

I've had all my cards with, you know, money in and whatever.

Less is more.

I got, for my birthday, I got lots of chocolate. I got some 0% rum, which I'll be indulging in later on. I got some, a big stack of tattoo vouchers. I'm going to get a tattoo, Butterfly Memorial for my mum. Just to finish off my sleeve. What else did I get? Oh, I got, really generous for my in-laws. I got a lovely cinema voucher, which will probably last me at least a year to 18 months. So that's decent as well.

Depending if Holly would actually bring anything good out.

Yeah. Well, there's always going to be a couple of Marvel films for me to sneak along to. And there's a couple of things coming up I want to see.

I could segue into what I saw the other day. I actually went to the cinema, went to my son, and I watched a Minecraft movie. I know this is a horror podcast. I really enjoyed it, though, to be honest with you. Fingmejiggy, what's he called?

Jason Momoa or Jack Black?

Yes, Jason Momoa. He is channeling, without the voice though, he's channeling Macho Man Randy Savage.

Ooh, brother!

Without the voice, though. But he's got exactly like the way he is, his pink leather jacket tassels and the glasses. But he's an idiot, though. He thinks he's like real cool and he's an idiot. And he's a failed 1989 champion of an arcade game.

I really like Jason Momoa.

It's really fun, though.

I like Jason Momoa.

He played it really fun.

But it's getting a lot of slack at the moment, that movie, because children in America mainly are spitting and throwing their popcorn at certain times in the film.

It's a cool thing, because we were there and there was somebody said something, and then they all just clapped. It's like an order. And I was just like, Elijah's clapping. I was like, this is strange.

This is it. It's something to do with when certain characters are introduced. There's things that you have to do, and it's based on stuff in the game, which I've never played my own.

Oh no, is that funny?

Yeah, but so in the UK, I know, and in some American...

They've created a monster.

They're sort of saying, you know, when you go watch this, you have to behave. You can't just like shout things out or throw things.

That's so funny. I didn't, it's a different generation. So I don't know.

Well, I can segue from that because talking of Jason Momoa, I watched on my birthday after a very busy day, because I took the kids to the beach. It was a beautiful day. My daughter rode a donkey. Then she went on the ghost train with me and cried, which is brilliant. Yeah, we had a really good time. My son got to meet loads of pretend dinosaurs. It was a good time.

Oh, definitely watch it.

He plays a very camp, almost gay. I'm not sure if he is supposed to be gay, but very camp, but massively hulking bad guy in sort of very pink tassels and his nails are all done and he's got his hair all done with little jewels in it.

So kind of like Minecraft.

But this obviously came out two years before. How funny. I know you are going to agree with what I'm about to say, but I have such a fucking hard on for the Fast and Furious movies. There is something about them that is just so ridiculous.

It was only like two years ago for me, I think it was, wasn't it? I hadn't seen any of them. Not one.

You got the box set, didn't you?

And I went, right, that's it. And I went on this weird autistic thing where I was just like hyper focused on gathering these movies wherever I could at the fastest I could, at cheapest I could.

As fast and as furiously as you can.

It was that was definite. Fast and Furious, you collect the Fast and Furious movies. So like Charry Shop here and there. Oh, that's cheap. Oh, that one's on Blu-ray. Nice. I had a mixture of them. And I went furthermore. I got rid of most of them. I did keep the only one I've kept is Hobbs and Shaw.

Yeah, really good. That one is.

I remember out of all of them, that was one I really enjoyed. But I did also, I don't know. I enjoyed all of them in a way. There's quite a few. Even the second one is such a Tokyo Drift. Such a different film, but actually okay. It's kind of like your Halloween 3 season of The Witch.

I think the third one is Tokyo Drift.

Oh, okay.

The second one is called Too Fast, Too Furious.

No, it's the third one then. Yeah, sorry. Which is like Season Of The Witch.

Yeah.

Yeah. They're fun. They're fun movies. I'll check that out though, because it's popcorn action, isn't it?

It's on Netflix in the UK and Vin Diesel has managed to bring everybody back who's dead or alive.

Didn't he have some beef? Didn't they?

He had some beef with the Rock, but the Rock shows up in it in an after credit scene. I'm not spoiling it because you can't really spoil these movies really. But anyone who's been in it, whether it's Gal Gadot, Helen Mirren, Jason Statham, everybody shows up in it. I think Kurt Russell is the only one that didn't come back.

I thought her name was Gal Gadot.

I think it's pronounced Gal Gadot.

And I was thinking, isn't that the name of the bad person in the Smurfs?

No, that's Gargamel.

Oh, not Gal Gadot. I thought her name was Gal Gadot. What a weird name. That's just me.

And yeah, it's good fun. And look, I'm not going to spoil it for you. All I will say is if you want to see Vin Diesel drive a car, down a dam, whilst he's chased by an avalanche of fire, then this is the movie for you.

Yeah. He's lucky that he managed to be like a star of like a movie, which happened to spawn a massive franchise, isn't it? Because he doesn't really do that.

Well, there's only one more. There's going to be one more and that's it.

And then he's like, well, I'm staying fat on that boat.

Because he said, you know, he wanted, he always apparently he always saw 11 movies in the franchise. It will be 12 if he include Hobson Shaw, because that's like a spinoff.

But he always reminds me of a baked bean. Yeah.

Or a baked potato even.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But a potato baked potato with a baked bean on its head.

He doesn't try to be anything more than he is.

That's fine. I'm not.

And he's looking good. It's 2023, this is now, but he's looking good and muscly, you know. Yeah. And I know everyone makes fun of him on that yacht.

There's only one picture. Come on, everyone's been there.

Yeah, I'm still there, man. Look at me. I've got my dad bod going on. It's fine.

I'm still down. Jim's down early. I'm feeling strong.

Yeah. Well, you're Dwayne Johnson and I'm Vin Diesel on a yacht. I'd rather be... somebody commented on that saying, I'd rather be on a yacht without a shirt than with a shirt without a yacht. Do you know what I mean? And I agree. I'd rather be on that yacht without a shirt.

Yeah, but you could also be on a yacht with a shirt.

That's true. Anyway, moving on.

I haven't really watched much, to be honest with you.

Well, there's only one other thing I wanted to mention. It's very dark, very deep, and it's on everybody's lips at the moment, especially parents. But I sat down. I had insomnia again, Gav, you'll be pleased to hear.

Oh, no. Did you break it, by the way, on the third day?

I did. I did. But I had it again. But it wasn't so much insomnia. It was just I got woken up at 2am by one of my kids. They went back to sleep after five minutes, but I couldn't go back to sleep.

So I got up. That is a form of insomnia as well.

I got up and I watched all four one-hour episodes of Adolescence. Have you seen it yet?

No, I know. For technicality points of view, with the one takes, I need to. No, I haven't seen it yet.

Yeah, I mean, that is the main reason I wanted to watch it. I'm also interested in the whole Andrew Tate incel thing. So it was interested to see a take on that.

Oh, I don't know what it's all about, to be honest with you, really.

Yeah, it's elements of bullying, cyberbullying, Andrew Tate's a penis. incel stuff.

Do you know what I hate about women haters? Is that they soon forget that they actually came out of a woman.

Well, actually, they don't, but that's a whole other thing to go into.

Oh, is it?

Yeah. But anyway, this is technically one of the most incredible things I've seen just to watch. But on top of that, the acting is top-notch. You're not going to get a better acting than this in a British series for years. Stephen Graham is incredible. In fact, everybody in it is brilliant. It's also very well-written. It's very daring because it talks about stuff that's, you know, with all the knife crime that's happened in the UK recently, and we've had some terrible things happen.

Okay.

It's very strong. My wife actually watched it twice in the same week because she wanted to go back and try and understand and unpick the end. And I did say to her, I don't think the end needs unpicking. And I think that's the whole scary thing is sometimes there is no reason for violence and that is the scariest thing.

Yeah.

That's not a spoiler. Still watch it if you haven't seen it. I recommend.

I will get on to it. It's just because it's a sort of subject. So I think, do you know what I mean? I don't know. Oh, what should I watch tonight? Do you know what I mean?

I mean, I watch horror movies, but and you'll probably cry at least two episodes as a dad, particularly as a boy dad like me. You know, it made me want to just make sure that Jack and Edith, but mainly Jack, is protected from all this. And I want him to bring up. I want to bring him out to be a good boy and not a horrible twat. Well, that's that.

Yeah, well, I'm at that stage with Elijah ten and a half, and he's fantastic. He's a lovely kid.

He's a good lad, though.

Yeah. So I'm very happy that adolescence.

Talking of big, hulking men, just wanted to mention me. Just wanted to mention the first Blood director.

Oh, no.

Coach F passed away. When was that? Was it yesterday?

Couple of days ago.

Yeah. Gav just wanted to mention that. We did cover First Blood a while back.

I'm a huge, huge fan. It's a place in my heart for First Blood. It's just, it's, admittedly, it's a nostalgia thing, but it was the movie I'd always watch. We were having a roast dinner on a Sunday as a kid.

And let's never forget that the same director also directed our favorite WAKEN Fright. And he directed, weirdly, Weekend at Bernie's.

Which I've got on VHS, which is a really good segue.

As well as many other things. Yes, let's segue into VHS then. Hang on, no, before we segue into VHS, there is another person who passed away I just wanted to quickly mention. And that is a woman who gave me and my sister nightmares as children. Her name is or was Jean Marsh, still is Jean Marsh. She passed away about a week ago. She played Queen Bav Mordor in Willow. Very scary. But she also played Princess Moonby in Return to Oz. She was in many other things, of course.

Like Wurzel Gummidge.

Like an evil version of Wurzel Gummidge.

Except you die.

If you take your head, you die. That should be the movie name.

Evil Wurzel. Yeah, I can't help it. I'm just like a nerd. Sarah's going to be like, I bought a video player the other day and I'm going to talk about it.

What was it just a video player, Gav? It was a combo.

Well, back in the day, I used to have a fairly cheap LG. LG is not as bad now, but back in the day, they were a little bit cheaper. I used to have a LG DVD combo VHS player. You know, back in the day, and it's quite good. You could record. You can rent it out. I know this is boring. I do apologize, but you can rent out a DVD from the rental shop and you could record it on to VHS tape. So you had it. It is bad. But yes, you could.

Stop segueing.

Can't help it. So we want to make VHS copies of films of all our movies basically, because people still do like that sort of stuff. Even if you don't watch it, the film is on the tape. Do you know what I mean? It's that sort of thing. It's a small collectible type of thing. But anyway, I got this dude put just about 20 quid on Facebook Marketplace, Panasonic Super Dry thing, but it had the instructions, which I'm holding right now. The instructions are in perfect condition.

How do you press that by accident?

No, right. But it's got different inputs. And I bought a thing earlier, an HDMI converter, which you literally just plug in from my laptop. HDMI straight into this little box, plug it into the front of the thing. And I had Amanda playing in VHS quality in front of me, even though it wasn't on tape. It was going through the format. So is that how it would look. And I said, there you go. Got it. Done it. It's brilliant. So I'm super stoked for that. Anyway.

And you've sent me no less than two voice messages today, telling me how excited you are about this VHS player.

The second one, I'd forgotten. I said the first one. So I went through pretty much the whole thing, saying just that story.

Well, I'm looking at mine right now, my Toshiba VHS player, which is my dad's. He gave it to me because he's got his own one. He always had a spare one for some reason. And I gave you my spare one, because the DVD player died on it, but the VHS still worked. But then that's died for you as well. But it's done the works, though. It's done the ranks.

I had a Matsui one, which someone gave out for free, which I've gone and put in my parents loft. But it was really cheap and plasticky. And I've got some real good collectible VA tapes. And it scares me putting them into some video players. But now I've got this one. I'm like, nah, I'm happy with this one.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I think it's got six heads.

They're really hard to come by these days, really. So if I do ever see them, I will pick one up and keep it as a spare.

That one's, someone's flogging one of those for 175 quid on Amazon.

Yeah, it's crazy. They used to be so cheap. But I've still got about 300 VHS in my attic. And I'm actually going to sift through them and probably ditch a half of those.

Man, if you've got any big boxes, we need them.

I'm not getting rid of those.

Oh, I need them.

I'm sorry. I'm not getting rid of the big box.

It's hard to get the big boxes because we want to make big boxes of Amanda.

I've got about a dozen big boxes, ex-rentals they were.

But yeah, this Saturday, everybody, ladies and gentlemen, please watch Amanda. It's free on YouTube. It's not even an hour and ten minutes. It's a found footage movie. Do check it out. It's a fun one. It's taken six years to make randomly. And you've heard all about it through the making, you've heard it through this podcast for years. Do check it out.

The little boy who's grown up.

So he's going to be there doing a talk as well. Robert England's doing a talk. Lance Henriksen and some other people doing an alien talk.

Amazing.

So it's a really big convention. They weren't... I didn't realize how big it is because they're trying to start this off super big from the get go. And then every year now, which is brilliant from us because it's in our neighborhood. It's amazing.

Because sometimes these conventions, sadly, there's only one or two people there that have stunt doubled Corey Feldman as a child in Friday the 13th. But then you get some big names at this one. This is a good one.

But I find quite a lot of them are up sort of Manchester Way and stuff like that, a lot of the conventions. So I don't tend to get to go and it's hard for us to do that. But being in our neck of the woods, so we're there, we've got a stall, we're selling some stuff. We've actually got some podcast t-shirts for sale, actually.

Buy one.

We're giving out little key rings, deadbolt key rings. We've got loads of magazines for sale. We might, I don't know, I think potentially might be selling the Stormtrooper suit there on the second day. But on the first day, Mark's going to walk around wearing it and get a photo opportunity with him.

It's going to get nice and sweaty for whoever wants to buy it.

But social media will be filled up this weekend of us at the convention. So and I will film, I'll take my GoPro camera and I will film loads of stuff there. And if I could, I would get Robert England to do a hi on Robert England and you'll listen to podcasts on Haunted Hill. But he's going to be swamped and he charges quite a lot of money, £90 for an autograph. Yeah, then I think it's like 30 or 40 quid if he wants to say something.

Maybe get Lance Henriksen to say it instead.

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe see if he'll do the knife trick on your hand.

Yeah, he's probably getting on a bit now.

If I see with lots of bandages on your hand, I know that you've at least attempted it.

But yeah, there's a lot of the Hellraiser casting there. So that's cool. So yeah, it's a big convention at this weekend. I saw one thing as a massive film collector as a trader selling them. I was like, oh no. I know. It could be like, I'm going like, oh my God, you've got Suspiria on videotape or whatever. You know, stuff like this.

So I wish that I still, I wish I'd stole them, but I don't. I've always talked about this girl at college that lent me Suspiria and Don't Look Now, and a bunch of horror movies, movies I'd never seen at that point when I was 16.

What video?

She lent them on video, cardboard sleeve video.

Oh, slot in ones, yeah. Were they American?

Demons, Demons 2. I don't know, because they played on my VHS. Demons, Demons 2, Suspiria. She's lent me loads of stuff. And I don't know where she got those from. I think she had a big brother or something that was into it.

I was going to test it, because I've got a couple of NTSC videotapes. I was going to actually test it on my plate, because my plate did say it did do NTSC, but I can't remember what the problem was, or how it didn't do it. DVDs and Blu-rays just don't play other regions. But is it because the lines come up on the screen? Is that what it is?

I honestly don't know. I think if I've ever been...

Because it still plays a tape, but I think something, yeah, maybe like that.

DVDs that I've been lent that aren't PAL just don't play, they're just blue.

Yeah, it's probably something like that, because obviously a DVD, which is a different region to your player, will just say it will not read it, because it's lasers.

And it's the same with cartridge video games back in the day, you know.

Oh, yeah, that's correct.

Yeah. Which reminds me, I haven't actually said, although you already know what movies were covering for my birthday.

Yeah.

But we will be covering for this episode in just a moment, actually. We will be taking a little green injection each and taking the substance.

Yeah.

From 2024, which we're both excited to talk about. Yeah. And we're also going to be wrapping up this episode by going back to the 70s, where everything was a little bit more. But also, but also there was some afros, there was some flares and there was some.

There was afros and kung fu. That's all you got to say.

That's all you need to know. Funk, afros and kung fu.

And John Saxon.

John Sexy Saxon.

John Saxon.

How did, look, we'll talk about that later.

No, because I am going to burst with Enter The Dragon and Dracula-tive.

That's why I've picked these two. Because The Substance is my favorite horror film in the last 25 years. And Enter The Dragon is, in my opinion, the best martial arts movie ever made. And I know that you agree with me on that. And I know that a lot of people love that movie. So yeah, that's what we'll be covering. So I guess...

I've seen every Kung Fu movie, I can't say.

I've seen every single one. So I guess what we need to do is go into a trailer for Demi Moore.

I want to win.

Oh, God. He's trying to win the Oscar, is it? Whatever. She did win. Well, she won some stuff.

Yeah. But no, that was the ending, isn't it? Doing her best RoboCop impression. Oh, man. All right. Let's have a sexy trailer. It's basically a sexy evening full of sex guys. Sit down.

It starts off sexy.

There is sex in both movies. The sexiness of both films.

There is an explosion of bodily fluids at the end of substance, but it ain't sexy.

I was about to say the End of End Dragon. I've missed that part by anyway.

I don't remember that bit either.

I'm sorry. I'm a little tired, but we get to that. Anyway, here's a trailer:

People always ask for something new. It's inevitable. At 50, well, it stops. Have you ever dreamt of a better version of yourself? Younger, more beautiful, more perfect? One single injection unlocks your DNA and will release another version of yourself. This is... The Substance. I'm Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue. You're hired. Let's go. A perfect balance of seven days each. The one and only thing not to forget. You are one. You can't escape from yourself.

I'm fine. Everything's fine. The Substance from 2024, rated R for Pirates. Two hours and 21 minutes. A fading celebrity takes a black market drug, a cell replicating substance that creates a younger, better version of herself. Directed by Coraline Faget. Coraline, she also directed a movie called Revenge back in 2017. Don't know if you've seen that.

Yeah.

Very bloody, really good, very brutal, rape revenge. It's a feminist type film, amazing stuff.

It's quite a leap, this film.

Yeah, I think.

It seems to be like, I don't understand if it's the vision, obviously it is, because she's got a definite vision of it. If it's a vision or just some producers giving her the ability to do it, do you know what I mean?

I think.

And why, when, what, I don't know.

I think getting Demi Moore on board probably helped. Dennis Quaid attached as well. These are both really notable, especially Demi.

It's fantastic for horror, because especially for everybody, the filmmakers and the audience members, because when a movie like this succeeds with someone like Demi Moore, who's later in life, but the thing is she looks still pretty much like she always has done. It's not, do you know what I mean? There's not much of a thing there.

We all age.

Yeah, absolutely, and this movie is about age in some way. And the movie is about that in some way, I suppose. But because she's in it, that just gives it pedigree. And then Oscar's at least acknowledged a department of the film. So it gives it, yeah, it was acknowledgement. But this opens up the, because that means some executives are like, oh, I don't know, but she's like, I want to do like Long Corridors, like The Shining and things like this.

Yes. Well, I forget the studio that originally passed it up. I think it was Warner Brothers or Universal.

Oh, so Moobie didn't create it. It's not an original for theirs.

They distributed it.

Okay.

Because once it was made, they couldn't find a backing studio.

Well, it still goes to the head nod to the people, the executives who originally went, yeah, okay, we'll do this. And what the studio was, because like, wow, and the finances get into it. It's just, yeah. It's good for everyone.

I'll say it right now. This is a film gods movie. And the reasons for that, I believe, are some of the things we've just discussed, the people that are involved, the vision, Carola's vision. I think she is, she's made two movies, really, two features. And I think, what the hell is she going to do next?

This is a horrible situation for her. It's, it's, it's, it's never, Nirvana Nevermind, isn't it?

It's like, it's like, we turn cloud trying to make a second album.

Unfortunately, she's still on the stage and everyone's looking, do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I think another reason this really succeeded is, it's, it's got a little bit of a spark of magic to it. And that is quite meta. They cast Demi Moore, who is an actress, who is an older lady, whose career hasn't really done much. She never quite got where she wanted. She was always a name. She never won an Oscar. She was always a name, but she was always seen as a bit of a popcorn actress, never quite taken seriously.

It is predominantly more women.

It is predominantly more women, yeah. I'm not going to sugar coat it.

Nowadays, we're obviously, I'm not more accepting to everything in this day and age, but yeah, if you go back to say like the golden age of Hollywood, fuck yeah, you get past 40 if I can probably like they're looking, unless there's a specific role for these, you get Betty Davis and some people like Cairne are doing, commanding pretty good roles into her older age, you know.

And Demi Moore must have really believed in this movie because she is stark naked in quite a few scenes, you know, very vulnerable, lying on a bathroom floor.

I know, there has been, there was some, I don't know what, body, I imagine like fake boobs were placed on the younger lady.

Yes, that's right, fake boobs.

They look like they're a whole, because it looks like the whole thing is fake, but then there's no, you know, it just kind of looks like a whole front place.

Well, we mustn't forget Margaret Qualley, who plays, you know, that's the name, sorry, the younger, the younger version. We'll get into all of that in a moment. She's incredible in this as well, incredibly sexy. Everything she's supposed to be, she's supposed to be, if you created a sexy young girl in the lab, which is pretty much what Danywall does.

It's weird science, isn't it?

It is weird science. Yeah, it's got elements of that. And that's the other thing, I think, and I'll come back to this when we wrap up at the end of our chat. Fargeau is obviously a horror movie fan, much like Jordan Peele and Eli Roth, because she has seamlessly spliced multiple references to other directors and other horror films, but not in a stupid way, where it's obviously sewn on to the side of it.

It's not just tacked in, it's put in a lovely, loving way, and it's quite obvious with the long corridor shots. Lots of people have done it. Lord Of Salem has them. There's a few other films that have got these sort of corridor shots.

I've made a list, because this is my fourth watch. I'm afraid anyone hasn't heard me say it already. I'll say it again. This is my favourite horror film, this side of 2000. I think it's an incredible achievement. It's a 10 out of 10 film for me.

Let me just get out of my head again quickly. The reason why this movie is good for everybody is because if someone put the money into making this movie, this kind of whatever this story was, let's say, produced in front of the producers, to say, yeah, let's make it. And it does so well. That means other horror movies will get made, which is kind of a bit more of your Renaissance 80s with the VHS boom where it's just like, you know, yeah, go for it.

We need this. We need Shyamalan and we need, you know, we need these directors that do get bums in seats. And I think people have now, they're waiting for her to do. And I know it's like you said, it's pressure now.

But this opens up to other film directors, opens up to the creative people on things. The movies which won't get made without this movie being made and doing well.

Yeah.

And another thing is, which is really fucking good, this out there right now, I guarantee you, there's many actors, male, female, non-gendered or whatever, of the older age who are going, especially women going, Oh, Demi did that.

Well, what's interesting is...

Which opens up possibilities of you will see, guaranteed, in the next couple of years, come out movies with people like Demi Moore, yeah, in horror films, guaranteed.

Isn't it interesting that a lot of big, and I use air quotations, big actors start off in low budget horror films, and yet Demi's ending her career, not ending, because she's only 16.

She started off there, didn't she?

I'm not sure if she started in horror. She did some low budget stuff. She definitely did. But she's ended up in her later years, as her career is potentially winding down, you know, she's in her mid-60s now. But she's made a horror movie. The other thing I want to mention before we get into this as well is that this is a body horror film.

And I don't like body horror films.

And it's mainly practical effects, you know, which is phenomenal that Demi went through that as well, particularly how she looks for the last sort of 20 minutes of the movie. That's all Demi Moore.

OK, not her first. Her first movie is called Choices from 1981, but that wasn't. But she did do in 1982. I've not seen it, but I now want to see it. Parasite in a post-op in a post-op in a post-apolitic.

Jesus Christ, Gav, in a post-apocalyptic.

Apocalyptic. USA, a doctor scientist infected with a new strain of parasite ends up in a small desert, desert, desert town trying to find a cure. Sorry, I'm going to my glasses on, guys.

Jesus Christ.

That was hard work, actually. Yeah, I'll have to check it out. It's a Charles Band movie.

Well, it wouldn't be that good.

And it was in 3D.

Oh, God. So this movie, this is a hell of a movie. There's a lot to unpack. My wife has some words that she'd like me to disperse towards the end of this, because I think as a woman, there's a lot to unpack from that side of it as well.

You can do that at the end of it.

I'll do that at the end.

That's good, because I'm waiting for Sarah to possibly get back to me, because she did tell me stuff, and I'd hate to paraphrase now, because it was a while ago, I watched it for this, and I'll get it wrong.

So as a woman, there's a lot to unpack for this film. As a film fan, generally, and a Hollywood, someone who follows film like we do, there's a lot to unpack, because it's a real commentary on that whole Me Too movement, Harvey Weinstein, and all that kind of stuff, as well as we talked about treatment of women, et cetera. But then as a horror fan, I think there's a hell of a lot to unpack as well in this.

Wow.

It's probably a lot more, and I've got more detail on that, which we'll come to at the end.

Jesus Christ, all of those filmmakers, you can see little, you could go through, you could go bad, Peter Jackson's sort of bad taste, brain dead at the end, you know, you could see exactly where these are.

Yeah, well, I'll tell you my thoughts on that at the end. But let's get into this, shall we? Let's get into the substance. I went to see this at the cinema. It was just me and one other guy in the cinema because it was, you know, you'd seen it, you were like, Jesus Christ, you need to go see this. My buddy, our buddy RJ, also went to see it and said, Jesus Christ, you need to go see it. And I was like, you know what I'm like, the hype train. I never got on the hype train.

I know you don't, and when you're ever on the hype train, you normally come back with more negativity, I think, than you would if it wasn't the hype train. Do you know what I'm saying? And I was concerned, you could come back and go, that'll bot that, and I was like, no way.

So, well, for the first 20 minutes or so, I was like, well, hmm. But when the credits rolled, when me and this random stranger had a conversation about it, he came up to me.

Can you not?

He said to me, I think we've just witnessed a modern day masterpiece, like a modern classic. I said, I don't, I'm trying to process it at the moment. I said, but I'm trying to just stop thinking about all the references and just think about what an incredible film that was. He then said, was it her first movie? I said, no, she's directed Revenge. We had a long talk outside the men's room before. And then that was weird. Your door just shut.

It did.

You saw this at the cinema. Did you see this with Sarah?

I saw this at Friday Fair. I saw the premiere. The director did an introduction before.

What was the audience vibe when the credits rolled on this?

I've been to cinemas in America watching different films. I saw Saw in the cinema in America, and I saw Blair Witch Project in the cinema in America. I've seen a couple of bits and bobs, but the reaction is quite, to the average English audience, we're very, don't say shit, we're quite polite. No. In America, it's a real hyped up, there's an atmosphere, which is cool.

That's what horror fans want, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. Everyone's clapping, you know.

I think one final thing I'll mention, just attached to what you just said before we do jump into it, is I know a lot of people that have watched this, and I've recommended it to a lot of people. Horror fans are not, and I think horror fans love this movie. But I think one thing that does divide people, horror fans are not, but particularly people who aren't so much into horror is the ending.

It's the best ending I've ever seen at a Fright Fest.

Wow.

It finished Fright Fest. That was their big finisher. You have a big start on Thursday, Thursday, like 6 o'clock in the evening, and a big finisher on Monday, about 9 o'clock. Wow. Yeah, we watched it, and if I'd been by myself, I was with Mark and Ben, if I'd been by myself, I was pretty tired, and I was having heart palpitations the past couple days. I was going to get my heart checked out next day, and obviously I didn't die. I'm still here, unless I'm a ghost.

Yeah. I mean, I'm not very good with injections. I'm not very good with injections. So anytime that there was an injection, which there is quite a few times, I had to kind of like...

That's funny. That doesn't bother me. It's just chicken drumsticks and shit.

Well, you know what I'm like with belly buttons and I think you're the same.

I fucking hate it, especially chicken drumsticks coming out of them. Fucking hell.

Well, let's get into it then. I also want your opinion here and there, and I'll ask for it occasionally if you haven't said it, on some of the technical decisions and choices and camera work. Because there is a real techno vibe, like techno beat music sometimes throughout this.

You know? When she's first coming up with the film, you know, she's sitting there playing with an idea in her head, and then she's going, OK, what's wrong with this film? It's the first time she's ever thought of it. The movie just popped up in her head and she's thinking about it. It's then going, like, what is this? And then, like, where does it fit? Not really genre, but where does it fit in with it?

And it's almost a bit autistic, isn't it? You know what I mean? It's like so many different techniques and camera angles and types of music and direction and lighting through the year.

Prep in this.

Somehow it works.

Prep in this would just be, I don't know. It might be either fucking hard or so to the dumb, it's this and that and this and this and this. It might have been actually been easy. I don't know.

Okay.

But even like this has a sub conversation. I was just talking about fucking how the movie prep could be a conversation. This movie could bring in many, many conversations of every department from the women getting older and aging and not wanting to get older and being younger and to a subject about some, about how great all the arses are in the movie. There's so many conversations could be come from this. Sarah's like, I know why you fucking like that movie.

There's also a big hairy arse on it at one point as well. That guy's got a great big hairy arse.

There's all sorts in this.

There's all going on.

All sorts.

Right, well, let's get into it. So we start off with a very crude explanation visually of what the substance is. We see two egg yolks. One of them gets an injection of a green substance into it.

This is actually an absolute fantastic, simple and such gorgeous look. The colors, the bright contrasting colors. It reminds me of the baby blue table with a yellow and white egg on it.

Do you remember that first layer cake poster and the trailers? It was all very yellow, baby blue. It's that kind of very sort of...

It's almost a 70s sort of art painting.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know my art, so I can't tell you what fucking thing that is.

After the egg yolk is injected, it splits into two egg yolks. And that is basically our explanation as to what the substance is. And actually, we don't really get much for that, because even when Demi picks up the box with the stuff in it, the instructions are literally one, two, and three. There's not really anything more to it, and okay, it's not very realistic, but I'm not here for that.

It's absolutely incredible. Then that's just our, because basically this movie is about Demi, and it's about the substance. So that's our introduction to the substance. Then we have an introduction to Demi, in a way, where it's the making of the star, which John Carpenter has done recently. John Carpenter! The Walk of Fame in Hollywood, which I've gone along to. And I love the hand ones, when you can put your hands in the hands, they're really cool as well.

Yeah, Jackie Chan did his hands.

But it's basically looking over a star being made, one of the stars in the street being made. And basically, this is the essence of this film, because it's about a star being made and created, which is Demi Moore's younger self.

And it's a very clever way to do this, and it bookmarks the film quite nicely, actually, because we'll come back to the star at the end. But this star is laid, and it's pristine. This is Elizabeth Sparkle, Demi Moore's character. She is, you know, the Jane Fonda. She does these workout videos. She's really well known. She's a well-known face. And the star gets laid, and then we get a time lapse of... It's so...

It's just telling us the story.

It starts off with a couple of brown leaves falling on it. Like, it's the autumn of her life.

You could look at this as just like people walking all over her in her career. There's so many things you could pull out of this.

We get cracks appear in it.

Yeah, cracks and people's psyche and stuff. It's so... Yeah.

And then, yeah, and then by the end of it, it's just a piece of concrete really with her name on it, that people are just walking all over that. Last guy spills his burger all over it and tries to scoop it up.

You wouldn't, though. You'd be like, I'm just going to walk off and leave. I don't know if I'm going to scoop it up. It is quite nice of him, I suppose.

I would try and scoop it up, but...

I guess.

I don't know. But that's that. And then we cut to Demi's workout video. And her workout program is called Sparkle Your Life. And she's there in her light crew going, You got it! You got it!

Yeah, no, it's so classic. It's definitely those 80s gym shows. I always think of Sparkle Motion when I hear the word Sparkle.

What's Sparkle Motion? That rings a bell.

Come on, come on. Sparkle Motion. A rabbit's involved in the movie. A fake rabbit.

Jesus Christ. Not The Shining.

Duny Darko.

Oh, OK.

It's the sister's dance group.

I've got you.

Sparkle Motion.

Well, she looks great. Demi Moore. She was 61 when she made this. She looks fantastic. She's doing a workout video. And she comes out afterwards. She towels herself off. She walks up the corridor.

A long, long, orange, obviously, Kubrick-inspired corridor.

With patterned carpet, no less. And there's lots of big posters on the wall. Posters that are celebrating her different career milestones. Like, you know, obviously, she's 50. It's her 50th birthday this day, which is why it's tragic what she's about to over here on her birthday. So she's walking up the corridor, and it's always every time she walks up this corridor, it's a reminder and a celebration of the things she's achieved. Big posters of different TV shows and awards that she's won.

Which is great, Tennis, what's going on? She's got a show, and then all of a sudden, the toilet's out of order, the ladies. So she's got to go in the men's toilet.

She uses the cubicle.

So in she goes.

She uses the Stanley Carubicle.

Oh, very good. And then she's locked up, and then all of a sudden, someone comes in. Oh, it's who when I was a child, I thought it was Harrison Ford. I was getting really confused. Dennis Quaid.

Well, he plays a character.

Was supposed to be, who was it? It was supposed to be someone else. They couldn't do it. And I'm so happy they didn't, because Dennis Quaid is better. I can't remember it was someone else.

And Dennis Quaid plays a character called Harvey, which is interesting, isn't it? Which is brilliant, because he is essentially a sort of...

Radiota.

Radiota, that's right. But he died after making his last film.

And funny enough, I can picture Radiota in this, and I prefer Dennis Quaid.

And as we know, his last film was Cocaine Bear before he died. Weird film to finish your life on.

Sounds like this would have been a good one to finish on, wouldn't it?

Definitely. But yeah, so he plays Harvey, who is this disgustingly sleazy executive producer.

I shut my eyes when he eats shrimp.

Yeah, we'll come to that in a moment.

And a massive screen. That is not nice. The arse is brilliant. That, no, no.

So while she's in the cubicle, obviously she's in the men's room, he comes in and we get like a Sam Raimi close up, right up to his face as he's taking a piss.

Wide, wide, very wide lens. And he's got, his nose will be pretty much touching that lens.

And he is talking about Elizabeth Sparkle. Obviously he doesn't know she's there. And he's like, listen, listen, we need new blood. She's old. She's 50 now, 50. Fuck it. She's out of here. We can't, she's old, old woman. We don't want to, she's not sexy anymore. No, listen to me. Yeah, we want somebody. Yeah, that's right. Hey, did you know that a woman's biological clock, and he's really talking to the guy on the phone.

It's a classic Hollywood get. Let's go out for lunch. And Dennis Quaid is there, basically sitting opposite Demi Moore, and they're both just in the restaurant, just those two. And he's just basically doing all the talking, and she's just sitting back. And he's just saying, well, I'm at 50, well, it stops. And she's like, what stops? And he can't really say, and then he just leaves after a while.

He hasn't got the balls to tell her the truth, which is that we're firing you because we think you're too old now and we want to get somebody else in. But he just sort of tells her like, come on, you should know this.

Well, he doesn't actually care. He doesn't want to give her any more attention because there's nothing in it for him. That's exactly it. He's very much a business, and that's it, in a horrible way.

And he's eating shrimp, which is a disgusting food to eat.

Again, super wide closeups.

He's licking his fingers, he's spitting the food down on the floor.

I have hands again over my eyes.

There's a fly buzzing around. Then at one point...

Oh no, tell me when it stops.

At one point, when he's licking his fingers, he looks behind him at a waitress who's bending over, and he can see a little bit up his skirt, and he sort of just raises his eyebrows and carries on telling Elizabeth that, you know, we want that kind of thing, not you. It's just, and then he sees somebody else he knows.

And just kind of, he basically, she didn't really get her word in, and he just leaves.

So she leaves after him, and she sees her billboard on the way home, being ripped down.

Well, her face, funnily enough, is being ripped off.

Yep. And she thinks, oh, it is, my career is over. And that distracts her enough.

So that, this is a full on car crash. And this car crash was really, really full on and brutal. Whoever sorted this out, well done. I watched it and was like, wow, that is a really full on car crash.

It actually did make me jump in the cinema just because I wasn't really expecting it.

I kind of thought that was going to happen, but yeah, that was like really, I expected a lit, you didn't need to do that much. And it really went for it. And it was like, wow, okay.

And she wakes up in hospital.

Which this reason for this, I thought this was a catalyst for her to get a substance, funnily enough, but she's actually all right, which is not what I expected.

Yeah, so she wakes up in hospital.

She should be fucked and the substance would help her out.

And the doctor is checking her out. And he's like, look, more actually, apart from a couple of little cuts and scrapes and bruises, you're absolutely fine. It's really crazy. Oh, it's your birthday today. I can just see that. Hey, are you, I know my wife, you still love you back in the day. And then he sort of says, anyway, I've got to go now.

Have you ever had the spine check like that?

No, no.

Ask your doctor next time you're there for one.

Well, we find out later, it's because he's checking whether or not she is suitable. And she is, because he says, you'll make an excellent candidate. And she thinks, for what?

It'd be really creepy, though, if you're just there and the doctor leaves and there's like the nurse is there and just looks at you and goes, suitable. It'd be like, for what?

Well, she gets outside and in her coat pocket, she finds a USB stick with a phone number on a piece of paper wrapped around it that just says, it changed my life. This is obviously what the nurse has put in her pocket. And then she bumps into Fred. Poor old Fred. Oh my god, Lizzie, Lizzie Sparkle. Oh my god, I'm still a fan. Remember me, Fred from school? She's like, first of all, she's like, no. And then she's like, oh yeah, Fred, yeah. And he's like, oh my god, I'm such a fan.

Oh, she's kind of like, okay, and then he's like, okay. So like you say, he writes it on this bit of paper, drops it in the puddle, picks up and kind of just flaps it a bit. And rather than just sort of screw that up and write it on another bit of paper, just gives her that. So she's got a small bit of dryness. The rest is just wet of her numbers. So, okay, thanks. I'm surprised she kept it.

You know, he's ripped it off of his doctor's report as well because he says, oh, don't look at my cholesterol level. So he's even written it on his private medical notes.

He's not selling himself, is he?

He's not. But, well, he gave his number to Lizzie Sparkle, so fair enough.

Yeah, but gutted later on, though, because he thinks he gets a date and he gets fucking set up. I wish we could do a movie on him being at the restaurant.

Just waiting. She gets home, back to her apartment. She's got a nice big swanky apartment.

But he would have got, do you know what would have happened? He would have got home, then a couple of days later, watching TV and on her news, a big disaster tonight at the New Year's celebrations.

He would have been like, Oh, thank God I avoided that one.

On New Year's Day, that would wake up to the news going, Oh my God.

She puts the USB stick in her TV and it's a very sort of... Like sounds. And then you've got that... And it reminds me of like, I don't know why, it reminds me of like The Matrix or those kind of like 90s movies that had like Blade and stuff like that. Is that kind of like...

Yeah, in a modern way. And it's just got this big black screen, big white block text, the substance.

Yeah, and it just says, and it just tells you, there's a voice, it just says, one single injection. You are the Matrix, a better version of you. One week each, taking it in turns. But remember, you are one. You are the Matrix. And she's like, what the hell is this? Some kind of cult or some shit.

You would be like, what the fuck is this shit?

She puts it in the bin and fuck that. And then she goes out for lonely birthday drinks on her own. She gets drunk all on her own. Bless her, Lizzie Sparkle.

Is this what Facebook was like for you?

This is like me, I was Lizzie Sparkle. Except I didn't throw up. She throws up when she gets home and she just looks at herself in the mirror like, hey, I'm 50 years old, I've got no one to spend my birthday with. I've just been fired.

Is that her 50th?

Yeah, this is her 50th birthday.

You've got no one, it must be someone.

She's got no one, mate. She's got, apart from Fred.

That's pretty bad.

So she thinks about it in the morning and then she digs the number out of the bin and she calls the number. She says, hello, I'm interested in the substance. And the man on the other end of the phone, he's got no customer service skills. He's like, number, address, that's what he says. So she gives him her address and he hangs up. That's it. And then the next morning, she's having breakfast and she's got a letter already that's got a key card in there and an address for a lock up.

Yeah.

So she wakes up, she showers. She sees an advert in the newspaper that says, Is that her job? We're looking for the next Elizabeth Sparkle.

And it's really small just in the bottom of the page. And it's her job.

She's like, for fuck's sake. So this is what pushes her to just go out to this lock up with this passkey. So she heads there.

And it's a real ghetto. It's a real sketchy neighborhood. The building looks really fucked. Until she gets inside and it's all clinical.

But it's a real combo here for me of what she's wearing is so jallowed. She's got a yellow coat on and massive black sunglasses.

Yeah, yeah.

But we're in a John Carpenter sort of neighborhood where there's just no one around. There could be a gang driving away in a Cadillac soon. You know, we don't know what's going on. But yeah, she gets to this lock up, she beeps the card and the door starts opening. But it only opens like a third of the way. She has to crawl on the dirty floor to get in there. And like you said, inside, it's bright white sort of lights like a doctor's lab.

No, it's really very clear and in your face.

So Demi gets butt naked in the bathroom. Still looks great. 61 years old. She looks fantastic. Come on. Looking good. So she gets naked in the bathroom. She's looking in the mirror thinking, I don't really know if this is going to be the right thing to do, but I kind of feel a bit lost. I feel a bit sort of past it. So I think I'm going to do it. And she injects the activator into her. And everything goes a bit wonky. Her vision blurs a little bit. She convulses. Her back starts to ripple.

Yeah, it's really good effects. I like it.

And then her back rips open.

I don't like body horror, but this is really good. Her back and behind her spine splits open.

She basically gives birth to another person out of her back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sue.

Yeah. And then we get this crazy effect of lights. Like she's going down a tunnel, almost being born, I guess. And it ends with like an image of a heart being made out of flames.

And Sue's body comes out, so they're both sort of naked. Sue's body is pretty much perfect. So like, I mean, like, but absolutely perfect. So yeah, it probably, yes, false bosoms because it's literally like absolute. They're trying to make, put across there the absolute perfect person. You know, so yeah, it all looks top notch.

Well, we see her, we see her point of view, first of all. So Sue is what's come out of Elizabeth's back. So we see her point of view.

I always love when cameras can do that and hide themselves in mirrors.

Really good stuff. She's stumbling around. There's more of that in Into The Dragon.

Yeah, I thought I watched that going in the dragon going, what a nightmare.

That's what I was thinking. I was watching it thinking, where are the cameras? Where are the cameras? So, yeah, the point of view of Sue, she wakes up, she sees Demi lying naked on the floor next to her in a puddle of blood. She stands up, she goes to the mirror, she wipes the mirror. Then she realizes, oh, I'm, you know, what I am, you know, whether she's got Demi's consciousness or not, I don't, it's never really explained to me. Again, it doesn't matter.

Yeah, it's such a weird concept. Like, basically, you're going to sleep for 12 hours of a day, then your other twin is going to start a life and start...

Well, seven days, isn't it?

Seven days, and then do you swap? And it's just, yeah, seven days, not a night. It's such a weird concept.

Some of the best horror films have got rules, like Scream or The Ring, seven days. Or Gremlins, do not get them wet, do not feed them after midnight. And this has got rules, and if you break the rules, which they do later on, we know there's going to be some consequences. So she hooks up the food matrix to Demi, which is basically seven days' worth of this liquid that goes intravenously into her arm. And Sue knows that she has got seven days to go out there and be sexy.

And she, I guess it's in the instructions, but she sews Demi Moore's back up.

She does, yes.

So I guess it's in the instructions. Okay, once you've done that, you need to sew the... Sew all of it. What a weird thing to do.

Yep. She sews her up. She injects the thing, like I said.

Let's look at Sue. Sue just appears. Sue doesn't... Does Sue's mind basically be Demi Moore's? But it's not. They're different people. They're different minds. But does she have... So she wakes up and has no knowledge of yesterday.

I think they do...

No childhood knowledge.

I think they do share some consciousness, some memories.

Be like parts of her, which makes Sue, but obviously they have both a different function in brain.

Because she could be... She does look a bit like Demi looked when Demi was 20, 40 years ago.

Yeah, but...

There are some elements there.

But do you think the instinct of childhood, instinct of fun, instinct of everything, because she just wakes up to go, she's going from... Do you know what I mean? Do you think that must come from the Demi Moore? So you get the essence of what it is to be a human.

But it's a younger, better version of yourself.

But a younger, better version, yeah.

The needles in this, by the way, especially the spinal needle, is fucking massive. Not good with that, not happy about that. Especially when she's sticking in a pus-filled hole in someone's spine later on. So yeah, she goes into the living room, she does the splits, and she's stretching, and she's looking out on the sun coming up, and she thinks, right, well, it's time for me to answer this newspaper advertisement, and I will take that job for the new Elizabeth Sparkle.

It's like what I was doing earlier.

What, working, buying new spandex?

Yeah, buying new spandex in a shop.

Hmm. You haven't sent me any pictures of that, yeah?

Later.

She then goes to the auditions for the, and they are some sleazy pigs, aren't they?

Oh yeah.

Because these women are coming in and giving it their everything, and they're walking out the room, they're going, yeah, tits were shit. That one had no ass. One of them says, if only your boobs were in the middle of her face.

It feels very early 80s Miami or something. Do you know what I mean? That's what it feels like.

Yeah. And then we get this great score kick in. It's almost like Sue's theme, a bit of a techno score. And she walks in, they're like, wow, what's your name? She's like, I'm Sue.

Sue, Sue, Sue.

And then we get the Sue title card come up. Yeah. And she gets called into Harvey's office. And he's like, where is she? Where is the beautiful angel?

Oh my God, look at you. Never get pulled into Harvey's office.

No, he'll pull him off.

Or pulled into his orifice.

Or, don't let him pull you off into a clamp hot. He walks in the room and he's all over her, spinning around, touching her. He's like, you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Oh my God, you're hired, you're hired. And we want you to run and show, just like Elizabeth Sparkle's show. And she's like, okay, great, I'll take the job, but I can only do it every other week. And he's like, right. She says, basically, I've got a sick mum.

I'm surprised. Yeah, go on.

So every seven days, I've got to disappear for seven days to look after my sick mum.

And I think everyone in the audience is probably just waiting for him to go, no. And he just goes, we can work around it. And she's like, oh, okay.

He says, well, we love that angle.

He wants her that much.

And he loves that angle as well. He goes, if people know that you're looking after a sick mother, that's even better. You've got a heart of gold. We love you.

Perfect.

So it's time for a photo shoot.

Like pulp fiction style, fast flash close-ups and stuff.

There isn't, I guess there is some elements of Tarantino in this actually. That's something I haven't picked up on.

And Sam Raimi, yeah.

Yeah. So we get a photo shoot and there's new billboards all over the place of her, giant billboards of her in barely any clothes.

When he does respond to her working commitments and well, old mother commitments, shall we say, he's so passively aggressive of it. And that's him all over, fueled by cocaine.

Well, yeah, because at one point his assistant, whose name you can't remember, he's like, what's your name again? And then she says that and he's like, oh, whatever. We'll just call you Cindy. That's easier to remember.

Yeah.

Wow.

It makes me feel like think of the 80s for sure.

Yeah, yeah, totally. There's, I mean, this movie is a love letter, mainly to 80s horror and 80s body horror. Yeah. We get then a bit of a montage now of her getting photos taken, practicing the dance routines with her backing dancers.

Dance movie montage to fall to the floor.

She takes the stabilizer every day from Demi's back. And then it's time to switch back. So she gets the switch tube and it's basically a transfusion. And she passes out and then Demi wakes up and she's back after seven days. Her back is in absolute ruins. Obviously, she's just had it stitched up. It's only been seven days.

It's not good even. Even just the body being left for seven days, laying there is going to get really weak and fucked.

She looks at Sue, she feels her hair, she feels her skin and she thinks, wow, she is fucking perfect, this girl. Like a mother would look at her daughter, which is something I'll come back to later. So she goes off and she this is where Demi Moore starts comfort eating. She just eats everything she can that's in the fridge. Then she goes and takes a shower and we see a real close up of that back wound. Oh, not good while she's in the shower.

It's so far away. So it's a static shot. The cameras are sitting there doing nothing, that's what static is. The demes are standing there at this massive long corridor and he just walks all the way up, doesn't he? Ages and ages.

He's like a little ant at the end, and then he gets right up.

He just comes up with a box, so we put a little something in there for her sort of thing.

He's basically cleared her desk out, cleared her whatever she's got to shoot at.

Gives her a box and goes, nice seeing you. And just turns around and just walks off and that's the end of that.

He doesn't give her any sort of goodbyes or anything like that. It's actually a cookbook, we'll find out later on that they've given her. So, Demi goes home and she gets her calendar and then she writes on there every seven days, Elizabeth for seven days, then she writes Sue seven days and she's filled it out. She's committing to this because she thinks, I can live vicariously through Sue. That's why I've signed up to this. That's fine. It's going to bring me some comfort, hopefully.

I like to call it Sue's bottom house music. Just her bottom.

It is a real close up of her bottom. Yeah, it's nice. And then she thinks, I'm going to do some home improvements here. So and again, this is unrealistic, but whatever she decides, there's a hollow wall in this.

Strange. She's quite mischievous and devious, isn't she? I don't know why. She seems to be like an evil type that comes out as well.

So she basically knocks a wall down and creates a secret room in the bathroom that she can hide Demi Moore's body in for seven days every...

And essentially where she can hold her body has to be hidden as well, I suppose, really.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

So I guess it works. Suppose she could have made it more accommodating.

Because otherwise the cleaner, because we know Demi Moore's got a cleaner, she'd come in and be like, why is this body lying here for seven days?

Why don't you get a bed or like put some covers down?

I know. Well while she's smashing the wall down, this annoys one of the neighbors in the apartment block, doesn't it?

This dude's hilarious.

And he bangs on the door, Jesus Christ, what's with all this noise for God's sake? Because he thinks it's just Elizabeth Sparkle and he's really annoyed. He hates her. Sue opens the door and he's like, oh, oh, hello. I love it when women do their own DIY. It's fantastic. Well, would you like some help? I'm pretty handy. You know, I can help you. She's like, oh, now I'm the new tenant Sue. Elizabeth doesn't live here anymore.

So does he see us. Oh, oh, oh.

He gets all tongue tied basically. And then she drags Demi Moore off into the secret room and leaves her in the dark.

Yeah.

And yeah, that's the end of that, really. And then it's lights, camera, action. And we get our first taste of the earworm. That is, you got to pump it up. Oh, dude. Yeah, got to pump it up.

After I watched it with Sarah for this, it was a few days later, because I'm going to the gym, I'll be going to the gym, got to pump it up. And I was just singing in my head, because I couldn't stop singing it. Just that.

Because we grew up with things like pump up the gym, pump it up.

Well, it's just catchy anyway.

Yeah, it is a catchy song.

This video is just large, glossy and pink. And it's all close ups of bodies with house music playing.

Mainly vaginas and bottoms.

It's basically an 80s music video.

I put here very pneumatic close ups, because it's just a lot of pumping and grinding, lots of slow-mo.

I bet someone's made a music video from all these clips of that song. If not, why not?

Well, I hope this song's on Spotify, because I will listen to it.

The soundtrack would be, for sure.

And then her catchphrase, instead of Elizabeth's, which was, sparkle your life, or whatever. You know, she says, you got it. That was Elizabeth's. Her catchphrase is-

Everybody's just like, wow, you're the shit.

She says, take care of yourself. Winks at her. Yeah, and everybody goes crazy. You're the best thing we've ever seen.

And she scores and takes a man back.

Well, first of all, she walks up that corridor, that long Kubrick corridor, and she's got one picture up, the picture of, you know, Sue's time, pump it up. So her career has begun. But yes, then it's party time. She puts on this very tight cat suit, which leaves nothing to the imagination. She walks in, looks at Demi Lline on the floor, says, don't wait up for me. I might be late tonight. Like you would to your mum.

It did previously as well. We know what that was because she had to do the injection. Stabilizer.

She says, I'll be back. I'll be back. She goes in and she goes up to Demi Moore and says, look, I just need a few more hours. I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I'm just going to take one more little injection from your back. And she's basically stolen another 24 hours from Demi Moore.

Yeah.

She unzips her. Then the guy unzips her cat suit.

You got to respect the balance.

You got to respect the balance. You are one.

And she reuses like an old tube because obviously it's the seventh up. So it's like, oh, that's already not good. No, no.

And then we get this weird, like Demi Moore has this nightmare we find out, but at the time we think it's real. Whereas her and the guy are undressing each other, he unzips the back of her cat suit. And basically, all her organs and her spine and everything all falls out at the back of this. And it's quite graphic. Yeah. But then it's Demi waking up. And that was like a nightmare. And she wakes up and she hasn't quite yet realized that she's had a day stolen from her.

But her index finger is like an old hag's.

Yes. Well, first of all, she sees a motorcycle helmet. Yeah. And a note stuck on it that says, I'll come back for the bike from Troy.

So she knows that Troy's been giving her more than that, just that helmet.

And then she looks at her hand and this is where she thinks, fuck, my fingers are all like wrinkled and black and weird.

She tries to wash off the old.

But then the nail falls off. Well, then she pulls the nail off, actually, which is awful. And her back's really sore. And this is where she figures it out.

She's been out of sync.

So she calls the substance hotline to complain.

Is this Amazon?

She says, I'd like to report some misuse by the other self. And he's like, well, you need to respect the balance. She's like, well, she needs to respect the balance. And he's like, do you wish to stop the process? She's like, well, no. And he's like, there is no going back. She's like, well, hang on. How do I reverse my finger? And the issue is that we don't. She's like, well, she's she's broken the rules. And he says, there is no she. There's only you. You are one. Respect the balance.

It's a complete bollocks, though. I'd say to the company, I'd take the company to court and say, we are not one, are we? Because she's running around doing all this shit. And I'm here dealing with this shit. So we're not one.

She's humping Troy.

I'm not humping Troy.

And I've got a wrinkly old finger to show you.

I've got a wrinkly old finger and she gets fingered.

There we go. Troy's probably got a wrinkly old finger now.

And she sees the new Pump It Up show.

She does. Well, she's doing a very mediocre task, which we all do, but Hollywood people would probably wouldn't do it. She's hoovering. She's just hoovering up.

Which is interesting. Yeah, because just to show that, because people are going to be doing that, but we don't see that.

George Clooney doesn't hoover his own apartment.

George Clooney might, I know he's a good product, he's a bit too busy, but there's a good chance that he might do. But we wouldn't see that, though. We would see him in the kitchen, maybe cooking, but you wouldn't see someone cleaning.

Quick tangent. I often think this. I often think to myself, sometimes if I'm doing a housework, if I'm putting the bins out, I think to myself, does Robert Downey Jr. put his bins out?

Does, like, well, someone, I would say Christian Bell, yes.

He's putting the bins out.

He's putting the bins out.

Good for you. Put the fucking bins out.

He's putting the bins out, I think. But, yeah, some people aren't going to put the bins out.

Who's folding the laundry? Does Jackie Chan fold up his pants when they come out the dryer?

But the thing is, the trouble is, if you don't have much time for the day, and you make more money than you can spend your time, do you know what I mean? You can pay someone else. You just pay someone else to do that job.

Yeah, does Al Pacino ever put his pants out of the laundry?

Okay, where's my fancy leopard skin pants? Ooh, I got the skin marks right out of there. One foot or one foot, ooh ha!

I'm just wondering, you know, it's interesting. But anyway, she's hoovering, and while she's hoovering, she's got the TV on, and you're right, Pump It, Pump It Up is on, and she's like, oh, so that's what she's been doing. She's getting famous, and then the doorbell rings, and it's the neighbor.

Sexy neighbor, but no, he's not sexy.

And he's just seen Sue Show for the first time.

Yeah.

I just seen you show. Oh my God, can you come over mine for a drink? You don't have to say yes, no, but it's a date. You're coming over, and then he walks off, and as he walks across back to his apartment, he starts singing, Pump It, Pump It Up. Even he's singing it.

Yeah, Pump It Up.

He loves it. She picks up another refill kit, and she stops off in a cafe, and we see an old man in there. And this old man is the other version of the nurse that gave her the original. He's got the birthmark on his arm, and he looks at her, and he says to her, Seven days is a long wait, isn't it? She's like, excuse me? And he's like, seven days, it's a long time to wait.

Yeah, because there's gonna be a lot of other people out there that will do this.

And she says, do I know you? And he goes, all I know is it gets more lonely each time while somebody else is out there living their best life. And she's like, have you followed me? And he goes, well, I just wanted to see how you were getting on, you know? Seen as though I was the one that recommended it to you.

Ah, I see.

And then he says to her, I know what you're thinking, just thinking to yourself, am I still worth something? Am I still someone? You know?

Gotta pump it up.

And then he says to her, one quick question. Has she started eating away at you yet and stealing away time from you? And Demi freaks out at this point, and she's like, oh my god, oh my god, how does he know so much? And she just leaves. So it's interesting that there's this whole underworld. It's very David Lynch, this scene, very sort of like there's a whole underworld going on under an underbelly. Love it. And on the way out, she bumps into Troy, outside of her apartment block.

Fred. Fred! Good old Fred, who's now going to get stitched to fuck up.

She digs around in her old crap and she finds Fred's phone number. She calls him up. Hello? Hello? Hi, is that Fred? Yes. Who's this? Oh, it's Elizabeth Sparkle.

It just goes quiet for ages.

She's like, hello. And he goes, I'm in shock. I'm so sorry. And then she says, I just wondered if you'd still like to go out for a drink or some food. And he goes silent again for about 30 seconds. And she's like, what the fuck's going on with this phone line? And he's like, no, no, no, I'm still here. I'm just really shocked. And then he says, I'd love to. Let's go to Luigi's. It's a great place. And she's like, great. I'll see you tonight at eight o'clock. And he's like, I can't wait.

She texts him, Freddy's like, Where are you? I'm here. I'm sitting inside now. Just waiting for you.

He's like, a big star like you likes to make an entrance. But of course, she doesn't. So she come for eat. She's sitting on the sofa, eating loads of shit.

It's a little bit like depression as well, isn't it?

Yeah, there's an element of that in this. And then it's back to Sioux time. Gotta bump it up, gotta bump it up. And this is where we get the butt lump.

Gotta butt lump, gotta butt lump.

Now we don't know if this is real or if this is in her hand or not.

Gotta lump it up, gotta lump it up.

And we find out it's not real. It's a dream. This whole section now is a dream. Basically, to describe it to you, she's doing another workout and there's a huge close up of her butt. And I saw this in the cinemas, did you Gav? That is one big butt to put up on the screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden, when she bends over, there's a weird lump sticking out of her butt. And she feels it and then she covers her hand over it. And then somebody says, cut, cut.

And she feels it as well, doesn't she?

And we're going to watch the tape back.

And she's like freaking that they're going to see what she saw, which is like a lump come out of her butt.

They put it up on the giant screen. Frame by frame.

It comes out of the top of her hip, sort of the top of her buttock. Well, it's just a lump. It doesn't actually come out. It doesn't come out like the bum hole. Just to explain where it comes from.

So she gets freaked out that they're all going to see it. She runs off back to her dressing room. I mean, she's in her dressing room. She maneuvers the lump in her buttock all the way around the side of her hip towards her navel, reaches in to her navel and pulls out a chicken drumstick, which is what Demi Moore was eating. And this almost made me lose my lunch because I don't do belly buttons very well. I hate things going in to them.

They must have this all the time. It's like, yes, we've told you, we told you about of yourself. You are one. What is it with you guys? They must realize at some point their substance isn't working. Do you know what I mean?

They're obviously making money out of it.

Oh, that's why they don't care.

She then goes to the studio, but do do do doon. Haven't you been told, Sue? What? The show's been canceled.

Yeah.

She's like, what? Go to Harvey's office immediately.

No, don't change now. And she's like, oh, God, that means business. Oh, shit.

She goes there. And he thinks it's a really cruel way of saying, you're so popular that we want you. We're canceling that show. We're going to get you doing a different show. And you're going to host the New Year's Eve show, which is going to have the highest ratings ever because you're going to be on it. Will you do it? Yes, I will.

Yeah.

Great. We're going to start prepping now for it. Let's do it.

Yeah. So this is this is going to be the big ender. That is the New Year's Eve show.

Yep. So she takes more and more spinal fluid out of Demi so that she can do a lot more prep and spend a lot more time getting ready for this New Year's Eve show. At this point, the place that she's removing the spinal fluid from Demi Moore's back is starting to go a little bit gray, a little bit brown, a bit pussy, not looking good. And after probably still in about another week or so from her, Demi wakes up after the switch and she screams, and her whole leg is like her finger was.

Can have a tangent. And that saying, sort of the wisdom is the youth is wasted on the young.

And also it's saying that the youth takes from the older generation. They basically eat away at us. And in fact, and this is one of the things that Alice mentioned.

I'm not even talking about this, but go on.

No, no, go on, go on, go on.

I was going to say, you've been wasted on the youth. If people say that sort of thing, because right now, the knowledge I have now as a 48 year old and sort of more wisdom and know not to do things, what to do, what's the correct thing? You know, go back to when you're younger, you wouldn't waste so many years you do. I know you're enjoying yourself, but it is a lot of time is wasted when you have a very fresh young body, mind, everything, the energy, do you know all that stuff.

But it's also, and I'm sorry to cut you off there.

That's fine, you carry on now.

It's also for me and my wife said this, it's that the younger generations, they don't appreciate how we got to where we are. They want to take shortcuts. And also, this is the literal sense of them eating away at us. And in fact, my wife said in some ways, not necessarily our kids, but your children do kind of eat away at you a little bit. You know, for the first five or six years especially, you're very tired all the time. You have very low energy, very little money or anything.

No, you don't care about time or anything. Yeah, it's interesting. So when I say, for me, when I talk to my children, I try the best I can to fucking just be like, you know, do this, do this. Make sure you have a productive day today, guys. Creative day. Come on, let's just do stuff. Be positive. Let's do things. That's not just...

Eat your greens.

Let's just not sit playing games.

Yeah.

Come on.

Eat your greens. Drink some water.

Yeah.

Don't do heroin.

Eating your greens, that's just impossible.

Um, so we get another phone call now to the complaints line. Because obviously Demi Moore is completely fucked.

She's like, do you want to stop?

He's like, you can stop the process now. She's like, well, we'll reverse. He's like, no, nothing.

We've told you. Do you not fucking listen, you people?

So she says, no, I don't want to stop. Because it would be like, again, this is something my wife says. It would be like stopping your daughter from living her wildest dreams. So part of her thinks, well, I can't really stop because she's having such a great time. I just got to trust that she gives me just my seven days and doesn't steal anymore. So she says, no, she goes and watches TV. She's fucked and decrepit to the point where she can't even stretch her leg out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she gets her cookbook out.

Loads of people are squirming in the seat. I don't know if it bothered, but Sarah has a knee which she sometimes, oh my god, it's gone. And she has to wait and then she pulls it up and cracks it. So I think she doesn't appreciate it. So some people really don't like that. But yeah.

If this was an ankle, you would probably have been a bit more squirmish because you don't like ankles. She then makes a mistake of watching an interview with Sue on TV while she cooks up some terrible recipes from this French cookbook, which is what was like blood sausages and all this other really raw meat. And while they're interviewing Elizabeth, they're like, where are you from? And, you know, tell us about yourself. And she says, were you ever a fan of it?

Have you ever stuffed a turkey angrily?

No, thankfully.

No, just punching it hard again.

Do you know who I think would stuff a turkey really angrily? I can imagine him doing it. Griswold.

Oh, yeah, probably.

I can imagine him getting so cross.

Really give it some. I love the fact that Demi fights back against her now adversary, which seems to be this new cell. She fights back with calories.

Yes, because when Sue wakes up, she finds the apartment trashed.

Oh, goodness. Windows blacked out with newspapers.

And there's...

She's shocked.

There's a butt dent in the chair, isn't there?

Yeah.

Where Demi Moore's just been sitting for hours. You can see her buttocks dented into the chair. So Sue thinks, right, fuck this. So she fills up every jar she can find with spinal fluid from her back. And she just says to her, I need a few more days. That's all. And it actually says three months later, the next shot.

So, oh, wow.

So Demi's been lying there for three months.

So must be starting to feel the effects of that.

But she's taking every day, she's taking every last bit of spinal fluid out of her back. And it's the day before New Year's Eve. And Sue's got this boyfriend, the hairy butt guy.

It's not a long term plan with Sue, is it? She may be, she may have youth on her side and the knowledge of dance, but she just doesn't have fucking sensibility.

And again, you know, you could look at this as a greed. Is this an addiction like alcohol or coke or something? Because there isn't a long term plan. You can't sustain a lifetime of cocaine use.

You don't think next week. You're thinking today, today, today.

So she's got this boyfriend. She goes and looks in the secret room, which is absolutely disgusting. You've got this body line on the floor. There's spinal fluid all over the place in jars. But the spinal fluid is coming out black. She calls the hotline.

There's only a small bit of black fluid left.

And she's in the hotline.

And she's feeling it as well at this point.

Yeah. And the hotline are like, well, look, you know, the rules. It's every seven days.

Respect the balance.

It's been three months, to be honest. Well, you've got to switch.

There's no other option. You have to switch it.

You need to regenerate her spinal fluid by switching back.

And they must have got off the call center for the thing. The substance had got off the phone and went, fuck you know. Oi, Fred. What? Oh, cause it's funny enough, it's Fred who Demi was on a date with. He works at the office. What is it? I was on a date last night. She never turned up, the bitch. He goes, oh, guess what? Not, that's a coincidence, but this person's been three months. This one's in there. Oh, a free month for her. Yeah, she's gonna be in the right state when she wakes up.

Well, she does switch. She switches them back. And she collapses on the floor, obviously. And her boyfriend hears that, and he comes there with his big, hairy, naked butt. And he's like, Sue, Sue, what's going on in the bathroom?

I've got a big naked butt out here, and it's hairy.

And Demi Moore wakes up. Oh shit.

She loses it.

Tremendous.

Locks door straight away before he can. He opens door and she locks it just before. But he should have just walked in. That would have been well funny.

She looks in the mirror and she, it's actually really...

She looks like, do you know who she looks like? Remember Sin City?

Yeah.

The yellow dude.

She looks like that, but she also looks like a cross between Brundlefly and the Elephant Man.

Yeah. And she's just like, get out. Get out, skip. So what the fuck?

He says, who the fuck is in there? And she's like, fuck off. And she looks in the mirror and you get this moment where even with all that prosthetics, Demi Moore just looks at herself in the mirror and just is absolutely heartbroken at her.

And her knees give away and she falls to the floor.

Yeah. And then...

She calls up and says she wants to stop. And they're like, hey, we're the Liver, the Terminating Kit.

I've written here, she's all naked and floppy and hunched over. But she is. Yeah, she calls the hotline again.

She's off to pick up the kit all wrapped up. Yeah.

Well, she, first of all, she drags her picture back into the living room.

Yeah.

And then she puts a disguise on to go and pick up the Termination Kit. Now, this is a whole other story, a whole other tangent. You could go off on abortion here now. Because she's picking up a Termination Kit. She wants to end her daughter's life in a way. Oh, it's just, there's a lot to unpack with this film. The neighbor hilariously is like, hey, what's going on in there, Sue? You ready? And she just goes, fuck off and pushes him out of the way. He absolutely freaks out, which is hilarious.

She just gets guilty, doesn't she?

She does. And then she says, I need you Sue, because I hate myself and tonight is our big night. So she starts doing CPR on Sue. Black fluid starts coming out of her nose. She grabs a switch tube, stabs it into Sue's heart, which wakes up and this is the first time they've ever met.

Yeah.

You know, both of ways, isn't it?

And it's, whoa, it's like, wow, I think she straight away wishes that she hadn't brought the bag.

Well, Sue sees the needle on the ground and the termination needle. And again, this is like abortion thoughts, you know. And she chases Demi around the apartment. She does like a full front kickboxing kick on her. Demi goes flying across the room. She starts strangling Demi more. Demi smashes a vase over Sue's head. Sue does another huge kick. She kicks the bathroom door in. And you know, this pristine white tile bathroom floor is going to get red in a minute.

It is a foot on fight, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a little story for you. My in-laws, Tim and Nora, shout out, they don't listen to it.

What happened around yours, though, with the in-laws?

No, no, my in-laws shout out to Tim and Nora, who won't be listening to the show, but that's fine. My wife told them, Dan really loves the substance. Everyone's really raving about it. They tried to watch it, Gav. They gave up at this point.

Well, I wish they had made it to the end.

They gave up on the face smash. That was when they stopped it and said, it's too much. It is extremely gory.

Yeah, they get a shit kicked out of each other.

Demi crawls into the corridor with glass on her face, and Sue again front kicks her across the room into a glass coffee table. And I counted that Sue kicks her 24 times in the torso now, while she's lying on the floor.

Okay.

Kicks her to death, basically. She's dead on the floor.

It's crazy.

And we get this close up of Sue's face covered in blood, but then these two tears come out of her eyes and leave these perfectly clear tracks down through the blood. Such an incredible close up. It's brilliant. And then it's time for Sue to get ready for The New Year's Eve Show, Gav. So let's do it.

This is where it just... Because this is quite funny. This makes it quite... This ending here makes it quite diverse. If it's almost like we knew The New Year's Eve Show was coming and that was going to be the ending, but it's almost like you feel like you could... The movie could have finished. It could have done. And it's going to stay in the same ballpark that it's created. It created its own little ballpark and it stayed in it. But then it goes, it goes Peter Jackson towards the end there.

I was on board all the way through.

Yeah, go there.

You know.

Go on, what happens?

So she gets this huge blue dress on. And her hearing is going a bit wonky because, of course, she hasn't been able to take any activator. Also, she had some termination liquid in her as well. She gets a bit of a ringing in her ears. She gets a bit dizzy. She coughs up some blood in the bathroom. Well, you know, when she's at the studio, her tooth falls out. She smiles and she's sort of mentally smiling and crying at the same time. And then she pulls out another tooth and then a third tooth.

Yeah, absolutely.

This is very, very common. She screams silently to herself, doesn't she? And she remembers the activator. So she cleans herself up and thinks, if I can just get some more activator, I'll be all right. So she heads down the corridor with her mouth shut so no one can see that her teeth have fallen out.

Yeah, I know.

And she bumps into Harvey.

But it's before though, when she gets there, it doesn't know what to do with her face.

What, when she just screams into the mirror, but silently?

Yeah, we're at the point where she gets to the... Where are we?

Where she bumps into Harvey and all the shareholders in the corridor.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she... Oh, yeah, of course, she hasn't... Yeah, fine.

And he says, there she is, give us a smile. So she smiles without showing her teeth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he says, pretty girl should always smile. And then all those other girls walk by and he's like, let's go, let's go.

Interesting that she somehow manages to speak fine without some of the teeth.

She doesn't speak. She doesn't speak.

She doesn't speak at all at any point.

She just smiles.

No, she does at some point. On the phone, she does. I think when she rings up, does she ring?

No, I don't think she does, no. She gets in the lift. A guy gets in the lift and he's going, but you can't hear him because her hearing is going.

Oh, good. So at this point here, this is the fly.

And then her nails fall off.

This is what I knew Sarah does. I fly and I was like, you're going to like it for this.

She runs. We get an extreme close up of her face. She's running.

She basically runs off a lot. She's like, fuck it, I'll go get you out of here.

She gets home. She finds the activator. Yeah. And she says, please give me a better version of myself. Please give me a better version of myself. So she's now copying a copy. You should never make a copy of a copy. So she injects herself and she passes out her back, spits open all those crazy visuals again. And we get a waking up POV of something waking up, seeing Sue on the floor. Go over to the mirror. Sorry, this is where it's the fly meets the elephant man.

He's so fucked up.

There are teeth everywhere, all over the body. There's ears everywhere. There's a tit here, a tit there. It's just a blob of arms and tits.

I don't remember that nursery rhymes, the child. There's a tit here, a tit there, there. Here a tit, there a tit, everywhere a tit, tit. Old Matt Donald had a tit.

Lying on the floor. She is a mess. And this is where we get the last total card, which is Monstro Eliza Sue. So this is the Monstro version of Elizabeth and Sue.

I wish your parents-in-law were still carrying on watching this.

Me too, me too. But, Gav, now regardless of how disgusting she looks.

Hang on, we got Davey Moore's face coming out of her back. Just a little bit of the face. Yeah. Just, just, just the features. Going, oh, oh, oh, oh. And I was just like, oh my god.

It's like Hansel and Garth.

It was full on.

But she gets ready. She pulls the dress over herself. She's Demi Moore's face.

Nothing's stopping a lady.

She puts on some earrings. She hasn't got any ears. So she puts one in one lump of flesh and one in a lump on her head. Apparently, these are the earrings that were used in the Hitchcock movie Frenzy. Exactly the same.

Wow.

Yep. Yep.

Hitchcock would have loved it, though.

But I love that she just puts them in lumps of flesh. Not in her ears, because she hasn't got any ears, really. Then she tries to straighten her hair with some hot hair straighteners. But of course, the hair just falls out. Yeah. And then just to make things crazier, she cuts out the picture of Demi Moore's face off of that big poster.

It's so good. It's so good.

And then clues it onto her own face.

I do like when she curls a strand of hair.

That's what I say. It just falls out. It just falls out.

But yeah, glaring Demi Moore's face onto her face is brilliant.

Now, we've seen this in Deadpool. First Deadpool movie.

And this is Demi Moore with prosthetics.

Yeah, yeah.

You've got to give hands down, because Demi, we've never done this in any movies. Sit there for ages having prosthetics done.

Brian Reynolds did this in Deadpool at the end of the first Deadpool movie when he glued Hugh Jackman's face to his face as a little joke. But this is like, at this point now, it's so ridiculous and so funny.

Yeah.

But also incredibly tragic.

Yeah.

Like, and it nails it for me. It nails that fine line between all of those things. And I've put here, is this real? Is this a death dream? That's how I was feeling the very first time I watched this. I was like, is this any of this actually happening now? I don't really know what's happening. She goes back to the studio and everyone's like, you're here at last.

It does feel like this could have been a dream. Then she wakes up back at the flat and just, I don't know.

But yeah. And she walks, she manages to go up on the stage in the dark.

No one seems to notice.

And Harvey says, here she is, my most beautiful creation. You know, I shaped her for success.

Yeah, the show looks gone, Dan. It all goes quiet, quiet.

And I'm a bit concerned that there's a lot of children in the audience here, because not because of what's about to happen, but also there's a lot of topless women and a lot of bare asses shaking.

Yeah, I did think that myself.

Why are there children?

And we get the music from her Kubrick come-up.

Yeah, 2001 Space Odyssey. She gets to walk towards the microphone. And on the back, on her back, of course, we've got Demi Moore's face silently screaming.

But then her, she's trying to talk. I'm very honoured to be here and see you all. And everyone's just like, is this like a joke? What the head is this?

And then the mask falls off.

The crowd are just stunned, though, rather than like freaking out. And then, then just to top it off, the piece does a little stunts, a boob, a little boob, just just emerges and comes out of her head.

Almost born out of her head, isn't it?

Wow. When they're writing this and they're like, so at this point in the movie, we're giving you all this money for. You want Demi Moore, a boob to come out of Demi Moore's head. They greenlit this and someone paid for it to get made.

Now, the audience go crazy. One of them shouts, the monster.

It turns into Frankenstein's monster.

Yeah. It's a freak and she says into the microphone, it's me, Sue. I mean, Elizabeth, it's me. Everyone runs around trying to get out of there. She gets pushed over and she says, I'm the same. Someone cuts her head off, but another head grows back in its place. Then her hand comes off. And this is where her wrist without the hand sprays the audience, children and all, in blood. Geezes and gushes of blood.

So much. Peter Jackson's so much blood.

And this, of course, is Carrie as well.

At this point, we've had a 4 to the 4. This turns into a completely different movie, a different soundtrack. We've got metal. This is now a music video.

I've written here, everyone in that audience is going to need therapy. Yeah. We get really Argento now, because not only is it Carrie with the blood going everywhere, but the lights suddenly just go red and blue. And that's all it is. It's Argento all over. It's incredible style. The blood goes absolutely everywhere. We go down a blood-soaked corridor. She manages to leave. She walks down the street, but collapses. And as she falls, she literally explodes into a big pile.

And it's just, I love it. It's very much the thing, isn't it, man? It's getting like the head pulling itself along. It's just amazing. It just pulls itself there, goes, I have to go back to my star. And that's going to be my resting place.

And that's, of course, where we started this film with that star. Yeah.

Wow.

And it's still a 10 out of 10 film for me on my fourth watch.

Cool.

Flawless, flawless.

Nice, nice. This is my second time watching it. Yeah, I really enjoyed watching it again. And it was interesting. Sarah's got back to me of her valid points as well.

Yeah, OK. OK. Well, before we talk about what our partners think of it, then I'll just very quickly go through my references. So the references I picked up on my fourth watch are Stuart Gordon, the reanimator specifically with the green goo, green fluorescent goo that they used to inject into themselves, but also a lot of the body horror generally. Kubrick, obviously, because we've got the patterns on the floor, the long corridor shots, the white bathrooms, the 2001 Space Odyssey music even.

Not Backstreet Boys.

Not the Backstreet Boys. David Lynch, because it's just a weird, there's just weird nightmare visuals in this, but also the Elephant Man, there's a real nod towards that. Sam Raimi, because of the extreme closeups, the camera angles, they almost splatter comedy. Same goes for Peter Jackson, with that splatter comedy in the camera angles, but also that scene, like I mentioned, with the end trails, being able to move on their own.

And finally, Brian De Palma, with Carrie, the ending of Carrie, everybody in an audience soaked at what should be a really lovely event, the prom, the end of Carrie, the same with this, everyone ends up completely soaked. There are probably many more references.

Well, she's first talked about the last 20 minutes of the show. I feel like the last 20 minutes of the show, the monster you can become when you don't accept age and have surgery. And also, I feel like the blood vomit scene is like a mental breakdown over not being pretty or young enough to meet society's expectations anymore.

Wow. Well, Alice, I've already mentioned, she says there's a lot of mother and daughter sort of stuff in this. But also, the other part of that I haven't mentioned is people often compare mothers and daughters, not so much sons and fathers, where they'll go, don't you wish you were pretty like your daughter? Don't you wish you could still do that like your daughter can? And people do say that, Gab, it's very, you know.

Get rid of them.

But that's another thing. So that competition almost, and actually a lot of mums will probably not want to own up to it, but they, and dads, but their sons are probably a little bit jealous of their daughter or son, and they want to live vicariously through them. And the other thing that Alice mentioned as well is this, and this ties into the ending. This is basically an extreme version of what women feel they have to do to be accepted in society and not look old.

It's a great film and I think it opens up many a conversation, but let's get out of this.

Look, it's a thumbs up for me, it's a thumbs up in Gav. If you can tell me you're a horror film in the last 25 years that's better than this, I'd love to hear it. I can't think of one, which is why it's my favorite in the last 25 years. That was The Substance. Bill Murray's arrived in a yellow tracksuit and some nunchucks and Bill Murray, you've been a naughty boy, haven't you?

You've been you had a mask on your face and someone else had a mask. You went to kiss them and they didn't like that. And you thought it would be a joke. And they had to stop production on a whole film. And it's been under investigation at the moment.

You and John Crawford, he thought it would be a laugh.

So to be fair, he only got a mask on a mask. But still, I don't know, maybe don't go to kiss people.

Not these days. It was all right in the 80s.

Yeah, he's been doing it. You've been in the news, haven't you, little Billy?

He's got his num-chucks, so don't antagonize him.

He could probably smack himself in the face. Bill Murray with num-chucks, come on.

Look at him. He's swinging them all over the place.

He's pretty good with a golf club, so maybe.

All right, Bill, take us in.

Let's do it. Hi, welcome back to World Of The Strange. Of the strange, strange world.

It's a very strange world that we live in. Thanks, Bill. So as you can guess from Bill's outfit, Gav, we're gonna be talking about Bruce Lee.

Funny enough today, I was just round up my dad's and I was going through my trunk of costumes, which is stored away in a shed in the garden.

You have a trunk of costumes?

Yeah, it's a big, massive, black plastic trunk, and it's totally full of costumes from all the films he made and all sorts. And I've also got in it, though, my, I noticed I've got my black kung fu suit, which I bought from Chinatown in San Francisco. And it's like, it's very Bruce Lee like. And it just made me think of it, sorry.

Absolutely love it.

Yeah, I should have got wore it. I could have wore it for this evening. I didn't even think about it. I would have done if I'd remembered. I'd have sat here wearing it.

Well, this is our chance before we get into our last review of the episode, Enter The Dragon. This is our chance to really talk about Bruce Lee. Talk about the man, the myth, the legend, the theories, all the stuff around him really, and some of the facts as well.

He's quite a young fellow still, really, wasn't he? Really past.

Yeah, he was. Yeah. So he's an icon, a legend of martial arts cinema, but cinema in general, and just a pop culture icon.

Oh, yeah. Because the thing was with Bruce was that because he had American coolness with the shades and all this sort of stuff, and he was in that era with Steve the Queens and all those sort of people, he just brought that sense of cool. He did what Jimi Hendrix did with a guitar. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. He had, he combined audiences.

Great charisma.

Yeah. And he really brought together audiences from obviously from China or Hong Kong. So Asian audiences, but white audiences, black audiences absolutely loved him. And, you know, his films were shown in Harlem and stuff like that, you know, and he just, he was such a hippie. He really truly believed that.

Hugely diversive.

Yeah. Everybody loved him. And if it hadn't been for him and his films in the early 70s, then people argue, would martial arts films really have ever penetrated, you know, North America, European cinemas, the way that they have? Because if it wasn't for Bruce Lee, you wouldn't have you Van Damme, and she's the Gals, you know, and then you Jackie Chan's and all your other people that have come followed. You know, he was the first non-white action star as well.

If someone walked in a room, certain people, they have this sort of thing where it's just like, do you know what I mean? It's like, they have this thing. And Bruce had that thing. And he is a great spokesperson for Kung Fu in a way. And obviously he started with his Jeet Kung Fu or whatever, and doing his own sort of style, which is kind of the essential, what the 36 Chambers of Shaolin movie is, which is about opening up the martial arts to a wider audience.

Well, Bruce Lee technically invented mixed martial arts.

Essentially, yeah.

You wouldn't have MMA really, because he incorporated every element. And that's what got him in trouble initially. And that's one of the theories we'll talk about in a minute.

And opened it up to a Western audience.

Yeah, he took the best of all the martial arts, whether it was just straight boxing, kung fu, karate, and he created even dancing. He was a cha-cha champion in Hong Kong.

Well, he's good on his feet.

In the words, he's very fast, but he basically took all of those elements and developed not just a martial art, but a philosophy. And that philosophy was, you know, you've heard many of his quotes like be water, you know, work around it, you know, use your opponent's energy back against yourself.

I actually use the be water on a regular basis. And I don't understand if it's completely what the same sentiment of Bruce's, but I take that sentiment as in adapting to your situation. The water, as he says, like the water goes into whatever it goes into, it goes to that shape. If it goes into a jug, it makes that shape. If it goes to glass, it makes that shape. It's basically, so I read that as, and I don't know if he's trying to push that across, but that's adapting to your situation.

And also water can pick up and carry something heavy, or it can smash through something as well.

Yeah, water's an amazing thing itself. Side note, full props to water. I didn't realize he was in three episodes, he was Kato as well. I did three episodes of Batman as Kato.

I knew there was a crossover. Green Hornet met Batman in a crossover.

It's in one episode of Ironside.

He was in Longstreet as well. He had many, many famous students. He was friends with many famous martial artists and action stars like Chuck Norris, Steve McQueen. He's taught loads of people. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. He taught John Saxon some moves as well, which we'll get into for End of the Dragon.

Famously, well, not famously, but in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, that thing.

I mean, that's not real. That didn't actually happen.

No, Tarantino is just, I don't know, he's quite funny because his daughter was a bit annoyed that Tarantino did that or something.

Yeah, Shannon Lee was unhappy with that, the Lee estate generally, but you know, it's tongue in cheek is what it is. I mean, he's become so big that he's now, there's so much legend around him that people forget who the real man was.

Yeah, weightlifting especially, yeah.

Yeah, no one wanted to do that, but that's how he got so fast. That's how he got so fit and strong. And he was a small man, but he was incredibly strong and fast. You know, he developed the one inch punch.

I was watching it there, so it made me feel better because I'm not a very big person. I'll be going to gym lots, but I was like, that's all right, I could be like Bruce Lee.

But his one inch punch was incredible. He developed a technique where he could transfer his entire body weight into his fist and just do this punch, which was literally an inch or two, you know, away from the object he was about to hit and knock it down. We've all seen that documentary footage of him doing that on stage.

I watched it a moment ago when you were speaking. I love the fact he could do like the one finger push up.

Yeah, he could do one arm pull ups.

And apparently was capable of doing push ups with a 250 pound man on his back.

Very, very strong man. And he had to be because he was a Chinese guy. Well, he's actually half Chinese. He was a Chinese guy in America for the most part. And there was a lot of racism. And I tell you what, if you were a racist piece of shit in the 60s, and you went up to Bruce Lee, you've just picked on the wrong guy because he is going to fuck you up big time. He was born in 1940. So he wasn't an old guy when he died.

I didn't see that Elvis Presley had an unfinished martial arts movie called New Gladiators and actually found, it was found in 2003, they found 20 minutes of Lee demonstrating martial arts.

Yes, and he was also...

Unseen, you see.

He was also supposed to star in the Kung Fu TV show, but obviously they bottled out of it at the last moment and thought, we can't have a Chinese guy as the lead role.

Oh no.

So they put David Carradine in it instead.

Yeah, gutted.

Old wanky wank in the closet, David Carradine.

Yeah, that's just racism really at the end of the day.

So I've got a few facts. I've got a few myths and we can just throw in things we know or we've heard about him because it's fun with Bruce Lee to discuss these things. You know, I've heard he stopped a bullet and all that kind of stuff, you know. But yeah, he's an icon and I thought this for this World Of The Strange, we can talk about him. So we'll start off with some facts if you're cool with that.

Yeah, I'll tell you a fact. Now, Jackie Chan, you're probably going to tell me this, says one of the worst injuries that he's ever had in his career was the num chuck hitting him in the face by Bruce Lee in an accident in Enter The Dragon. Yeah, that's right. What a claim to fame, though. The worst pain for me. Oh, what's the worst injury? Oh, it's Bruce Lee, num chuck, Enter The Dragon. Look, just those words. Yeah, you've won.

So, I mean, I've got three facts about Jackie Chan, one of which he told me himself. Oh, look at that, ladies and gentlemen. So Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan was in two Bruce Lee movies. He was in The Big Boss, where he doubled for a guy that Bruce Lee kicked through a window, because Jackie Chan was the only one who had the balls to actually jump about 10 feet through the air and smash through a window and land on the other side into a garden.

Like you do.

I believe this might have been one of his books as well. I can't, it's ringing a bell, that is that as well. But he basically, we asked him, I think we asked him to retell it. So he basically said, he had a feeling he might become big. Jackie Chan, when after shooting his day with Bruce on Into The Dragon, he went bowling with some of the other stuntmen. And Bruce Lee followed him. Didn't say anything. They all went bowling. Bruce Lee sat at a bar with a beer and just watched them bowling.

Isn't that funny?

Imagine Bruce Lee following you to a bowling alley.

Just watching you like a perv.

So, yeah, Jackie Chan is in Into The Dragon. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Time magazine once voted him as one of the top 100 most influential people of the century.

I love that Jackie Chan's story with you was that Bruce Lee followed him to look at him to tell him, I think it's something good. So basically Bruce was sitting there and he thought it was something special with me.

It just looks like you all were like, Bruce Lee made it hard for Jackie Chan.

All right, big head.

No, no, no, Bruce Lee made it hard for Jackie Chan because when Jackie Chan started getting big, because he's arguably probably the second biggest Asian film star after Bruce, everybody wanted him to be Bruce Lee. And after about five films of him doing that, he said, I'm not Bruce Lee though. I'm funny. I want to be a comedy actor. I'm an acrobat because Bruce wasn't an acrobat and Jackie is. So he had to really push back against everybody's what everybody thought he was going to be.

So have you ever seen that Yip Man movie? That's the guy who's taught him for a few years.

Yeah, yeah, I've seen that.

Any good?

Yeah, there's about four of them now, I think.

What are they about?

Well, they're brilliant.

OK.

Amazing. Yip Man is based on Bruce Lee's teacher.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Taught him one of his first martial arts. Yeah, top 100 most influential people of the century by Time Magazine, along with Muhammad Ali and Frank, Marilyn Monroe, Rosa Parks, Mother Teresa. But Bruce Lee is in there because I agree, he is one of the most influential people of the last century. By the end of him being incredibly famous, he charged about $300 an hour for his lessons.

Yeah, I'm not surprised.

Which is why he only taught people like Steve McQueen.

But he was charging, he got to the point of his dancing lessons, he was charging $275 just for dancing because he got so popular.

Oh really?

Cha Cha, yeah.

I'd get taught by Bruce Lee.

Because he was on a passenger boat. And so he gave Cha Cha lessons to the first class passengers to make money on a ship ride to the United States. And his demand got so much that he had the private lessons went to $275 an hour. That's crazy money. Think then, what's that now? Like a grand for a lesson an hour to learn dancing? That's crazy.

He read a book a day pretty much as well. In between working out, he read everything he could.

He was definitely, you can tell, a definite tunnel version of tunnel vision. Tunnel vision. Tunnel vision, where it's just complete focus on what he's doing. So he definitely, with the master, everything, that'd be also known exactly his punches and everything, all that movement. Focus, proper, proper, full on focus.

If he wants to get you in between the eyebrows, he will. Like, he can literally just... One of his most famous quotes, because he was asked if he was scared of dying or scared of death. And he said, I'll tell you what, if I die tomorrow, if I go to sleep and I don't wake up tomorrow, I won't have any regrets because I've done everything I've wanted to do. I can't expect anything more from life. So, he's already...

He'd probably like to see his children grow up, surely.

Don't be mean, poor Brandon.

He had a daughter as well.

Shannon, yeah. Shannon, she's awesome.

Yeah. I was going to say, you could get on to his death at the end.

Yeah, we'll come on to that because the next bit will go on to his theories around how he died and why he died.

Okay. I'm just going to look up these calls and look into that a little bit while you speak to me.

So they had to slow some of the kicks down, particularly in End To The Dragon, because he was so fast with his feet, with his hands, but his feet even more so, because people always said he was fast with his hands. Actually, his feet are incredibly fast. And you all know what this means, but the directors of End To The Dragon had to slow some of the scenes down to 34 frames per second to be able to catch his feet.

Yeah.

Is that slow?

So to say how many frames per second?

34.

34 frames per second. Well, films are normally shot at 24 frames per second. That's the standard.

Right.

So 34 means they've sped it up.

So when they play it back, it's slower?

Right.

Yeah.

So, yeah, yeah.

But basically, the complaint on the set of End of The Dragon was your kicks don't look real. It looks like we're speeding this up. So the only thing they could do is film it at higher speeds, so that when they played it back, it was a bit slower.

So yeah, you film at higher speeds. So when you slow it down, it's not so jittery. So it has more collected more data when it's filmed. So when you slow it down, it doesn't look so shit.

One of the technical aspects around Bruce Lee is with his punch. He had one of the fastest punching speeds ever. If there's a target that was three feet away, he could react and reach it and punch it in 0.05 of one second. So before you've even blinked, you're on the floor.

Yeah.

Is this man real?

As a kid growing up, he was entered Dragon, was kind of entered Dragon, the only my sort of gateway that came on. Maybe it's on telly or whatever. And I just went, oh my God, because it was also westernized that movie. It had stuff I understood. So where his other martial arts films were not on, so they might be on channel four, maybe late at night, but do you know what I mean? And this one I could see really easy. And I just got completely into it. I got ninjas were very popular at the time.

Well, I mean, let's be honest, the eighties was all about kung fu and ninjas.

Everyone had ninja posters, like the sword and stuff.

Ninja turtles, ninja, ninja, ninja, ninja, this, ninja, that. And I was into, because of my dad being into Bruce Lee, that's what got me into martial art films and therefore Jackie Chan. Obviously, I'm a huge Jackie Chan fan now, but it's all because of Bruce. You know, if my dad hadn't gone to see those films at the cinema, and I can only imagine what my dad would have been like going to see those as a 15 year old boy at the cinema.

I was watching a round table discussion of directors the other day, and Quentin Tarantino was saying like, if someone's, I think he was saying like, if he had to show you the last movie you'd watch or something like that. He was Jackie Chan, it's a part three. He said it's the ending of that. He had to show someone movies. He said he would show them that movie for that ending. What movie would that be? It's a part three.

Rush Hour Three?

No, no, no.

Oh, it's probably Police Story Three, probably.

Yeah, possibly that. Yeah, I think it was.

Incredible scene on a train at the end of that movie.

That's what he would show, you're saying. Yeah, not plucky Rush Hour Three. Tertino's is not going to say that.

Well, I was thinking, what trilogies has Jackie done? And there's like four he's done, so.

Okay, that must be Police Story Three. And I've not seen the others. Can you watch Police Story Three without seeing the others?

Yeah, yeah. But Police Story One is the Dogs Bollocks.

Okay.

The Dogs Bollocks.

I need to watch them.

But we're not here for Jackie.

Sorry.

We're here for Bruce. Sorry, Jackie. He became really good friends with Chuck Norris. He picked him out because Chuck Norris was karate champion of the world about 10 times in a row. And Bruce said, well, look, if there's anyone who's gonna fight at the end of The Way Of The Dragon, it's gonna be Chuck, this Chuck Norris, guys. He's American, he's hairy, he's the complete opposite to me. You know, because Bruce Lee was like, no hair, skinny.

I did watch a Chuck Norris movie yesterday, actually.

He did. And Chuck Norris.

Something in The Hero, the Terror in The Hero, and Chuck Norris is so cheesy. He's so cheesy, right at the end of it. It's just him going, ah! Look at it, he's pregnant, what, no, he's got the baby of his pregnant wife. And it frees frame on Chuck Norris' cheesy grin.

Well, in an interview with Chuck Norris, they asked him how confident he was about beating people, seeing as how he was like a multiple world champion. And he said, look, I'm not being a big head, but I can beat pretty much anybody. The only person I don't think I could ever beat is Bruce. And they were like, Bruce Lee, he's like, yeah, no one can beat Bruce.

Karina, do you think he couldn't?

I don't think he could beat Bruce.

And why is this? Just because Bruce is so fast and just can just adapt to different martial arts styles.

Because of that last thing you just said, because he won't, because if-

So whatever the opponent, he can change.

Yeah, exactly. And what I love about Ji Kun Do is, you get close enough to him and he'll take out your leg or he'll- It's dirty fighting in a way.

He'll take out your kneecap. He'll poke you in the eyes.

Yeah. He could also do 50 one-armed chin-ups, Gav. Can you do a one-armed chin-up, let alone 50? A one-armed chin-up? I might be able to do one. I could probably do one.

I presume he's holding on to his other, his wrist, though.

Maybe, yeah.

I thought, yeah, he might do, actually, being him. But also, though, Bruce was extremely light.

That's true.

He's extremely light. I mean, when he died, he was like 75 kilograms or something. It's like next to nothing.

He had hardly any body fat on him.

Yeah. So there is that as well. He had a lot of muscle with hardly any weight. Me, I've got a lot more body fat on me than Bruce Lee. That's for sure.

A lot of people don't know he wasn't fully Chinese. He was actually a little bit Dutch, German and Chinese. He traced his ancestry as well. Okay. So that's another little fact about him. He did obviously become an American citizen though, which he was very proud of. And he absolutely loved that American 60s and 70s fashion and music.

Trump wouldn't have liked him, would he?

He wouldn't have. But when you see pictures of Bruce Lee in the 60s and 70s, I don't think there's a cooler looking dude out there.

That's what I'm saying. There was shades and the big, big collars. But he was living in that time where there was cool people, but he fit perfectly.

Yeah. We should obviously talk about Brandon, very briefly. Brandon Lee also passed away at a very young age, weirdly. We've covered The Crow, we talked about that.

In a way, Bruce's last movie, I know Bruce didn't pass on Enter The Dragon and he did get to see it. I thought he didn't. It opened up the market for a lot more films would have come out now with Bruce. And it's funny if Brandon Lee had obviously made quite a lot of films. But The Crow was like the big thing as well. And it's funny. It's not funny, ha ha. Ironically funny.

Bruce Lee was making a film called Game Of Death, which they paused production on so that he could go and meet Enter The Dragon. And the intention was to come back with even more money and finish Game Of Death. And that would be another smash. But sadly, he never got to finish that. So they finished it with a body double, weirdly. And then, yeah, his cause of death is kind of been it's a series of unfortunate events, but also not. I mean, some people said it was heat stroke.

He didn't smoke, he chewed it.

Oh, did he?

And no, and we don't have done it. Basically, he died of brain edema. It's a life-threatening condition that causes fluid to develop in the brain. The fluid increases the pressure inside the skull, which can reduce brain blood flow and decrease the oxygen to your brain. Causing injury, including brain injuries, infections, inflammatory conditions, tumor, cell growth or death. Symptoms include visual disturbance, headaches and nausea.

He was 32 when he died. When he was lying on the autopsy table, the doctor said, this guy's got the body of an 18-year-old who's in peak condition, and he's 32. So let's get on to the crazy...

It comes down to the brain though, doesn't it? It does. Sometimes even if whatever fit. No, it's not saying people be lazy and don't bother going to the gym, but... But you know, yeah.

But let's get on to the crazy conspiracy theories around his death. Well, there's lots of them. The biggest one really is that he was assassinated by the Triads. And they touched on this in Dragon The Bruce Lee Story and stuff. Basically, there was actually some truth to this, not the assassination side of it. But when he started teaching non-Chinese people, the Chinese community and the martial arts community were very cross with him.

Which, yes, of course, because of Brandon.

Because of Brandon as well. But that's the only two things that have happened. I say the only two things, Bruce and Brandon are both dead. But you can't really, you know, before the internet, these were the sort of pub conversations people would have. Another one was that he was poisoned, because he actually had a mistress, apparently. So he was married to Linda for his whole life until he died. But apparently he had a mistress.

I was going to say David did that to himself.

No, but people believe, some people believe that he had the five fingers of death and then died a few days later in bed from it. But, I don't know. But the main thing to take away really is, is that he was a superhuman genuinely. Like he pushed his body to the limits. Maybe he paid for it. Maybe that's why his brain gave out on him. I don't know. But he was probably the first real life superhero that I knew about.

Yeah, shame, isn't it? Became a cultural hit.

The big boss, Fist Of Fury, Wear The Dragon, Enter The Dragon, and then he did half of Game Of Death. And that was it. But it's a bit like the notorious BIG. He only made one album, made a second album just as he was about to die. And then obviously he died, the second album came out. People say he's the best rapper of all time. But is that just because he never got a chance to do a shit album? And it's the same with Bruce Lee. Maybe he would have made some shit films as he got a bit older.

Yeah, right.

But then would he would he have been like this incredible juggernaut in cinema? And would he have teamed up with like Arnie in films? Can you imagine what that would be like?

80s action movies, if it had got actually properly into the 80s.

And then Stallone calls him back for the expendables.

He would have definitely been an action movie.

Can you imagine what that would be like?

Imagine his first blood.

Can you imagine it though? Like the possibilities are there. It makes me sad to think about it, but also I'm really grateful for what we got from Bruce.

And what we're going to talk about is an epic thing to leave us. And we're going to, in a moment, give you all the heavenly glory.

All the heavenly glory. All right. Well, in that case, let's bow. Don't take your eyes off your opponent. Anything to add to that, Bill? No. You don't want to enter my dragon. No, you don't want to enter my dragon. Thank you. Gav, he's going to take us out of here. I don't know.

Here we go. That's all the time we've got for this week on World Of The Strange. Next week, though, give me iron. Hairless pets. I've come to speak to you about a tournament of martial arts. What's your style? You can call it the art of fighting without fighting. Where do you come from? Welcome. You honor our island. I have a funny feeling we're being stabbed enough to the kill. Let the tournament begin. Boards don't hit back.

Man, you come right out of a comic book.

You have offended my family, and you have offended the Shaolin Temple. It is like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger, or you will miss all that heavenly glory.

Enter the Dragon from 1973. Rated R for Pirates. Hour and 42, flies by. Flies by faster than one of Bruce's punches.

It really, I didn't realize it was hour 42. I thought maybe hour 22, because it flies that way a little quicker.

It's a synopsis, and prepare yourselves because this is quite the synopsis. A Shaolin martial artist travels to an island fortress to spy on an opium lord, who is also a former monk from his temple, under the guise of attending a fighting tournament. What a plot.

Basically, Bruce Lee goes to Jeffrey Epstein's island.

I mean, it's directed by Robert Klaus, who went on to direct the China O'Brien movies and other... He was really into...

Simply a Rothbrock.

Yeah, Rothbrock. He was really into bringing the martial arts to the Western audience. And obviously, Bruce Lee signed on to this. Under the impression it was going to be a slightly different movie, which I think was called Circle Of Iron, which, funnily enough, David Carradine made a film called Circle Of Iron.

Wanker.

But Bruce wanted this. Yes, they do. He is a wanker. Bruce really wanted this film to be to represent three nations, which it does because we've got a Chinese guy, an American, white American guy and a black guy who were the main heroes of this film. And they...

Just look at the poster. If you weren't in the video shop and picking up that movie going, this dad, this one, if you had done that, you were bonkers.

Yeah. So, I mean, let's talk about this then. So obviously I picked this for my birthday episode. I was just saying to Gav off there, both of these films, This and The Substance, both get 10 out of 10 for me on IMDB. So this wouldn't have been my first Bruce Lee movie. My dad would have showed me some of the other ones, but this would have been the cherry on the cake for my dad to show me. This is the best one. This is the best martial arts film still ever made in my opinion.

He, Lalo Schifrin, has done quite a few things.

The Mission Impossible theme.

Yeah.

The bullet theme.

Yeah. He's an extremely good composer. Please go check out some of his stuff on Spotify or something, if you've not already heard it on YouTube.

He even did the Rush Hour soundtrack, you know, which was a bit of an homage musically to this.

His son made a Pod and Bull Snowman movie.

He did. Yeah, he did.

On a side note, oh, I'll tell you, it is a random story. Adam Green on his podcast was telling, because he's friends with Lalo Schifrin's kid, and he said that his kid, Aaron, Kyle, I don't know, wanted Adam to do something. I feel like it is take his clothes off or something for a film thing. And it's like, it's all right in their garden. They're doing it basically. And apparently, I feel like I might be butchering this entirely. But basically, Lalo didn't know what was going on.

That is really random.

I've probably butchered Dan. It's probably slightly wrong. But you know, my brain is mush. But yes, not like Bruce Lee's, whose brain is focused on to the point.

Laser focused.

So this movie, Dan, I don't remember my first viewing. I was a child. But it would have been my friend who came around who was into martial arts, who got me into martial arts. Well, it was my mum's friend's kid. He was older than me, a couple of years older than me. And I was also friends with a guy at school, really good friends with a guy called Quang. He's from Vietnam, but he was going to his martial arts and stuff. And he would show me stuff.

Yeah. A lot of people do say that. Scott Adkins, who I really am an advocate for, he says Bruce Lee and Van Dam got him into martial arts. I mean, Van Dam obviously got into martial arts because of Bruce Lee. Everybody did.

And as a kid, for me, it's things like Hammer Horror, Friday Night, the odd sort of American thing, and then this random thing. And I don't know, I'd watch this over and over and over and over. I'd have posters of Bruce Lee and all sorts. And I just, I don't know. There's something with this. It's just so... I didn't understand it. The opium den thing. I knew something was wrong. I knew something was just drugs. I didn't know what drugs was because I was a kid watching this.

No, that's fine. Yeah, well, we're talking about Ledo Schifrin. I mean, his score.

I think you and I are sort of going to be quite passionate on this one.

What he does brilliantly with his score as well is not only is it an epic score, but he also tailors it slightly so that Bruce has got his slight own version of it. Jim Kelly Williams has got his version of it, like a more funky version of it. And then Roper has got like an Americanized version of it.

Absolutely. And as soon as those scenes come on, it just goes perfectly. What's going on?

It blends in so nicely. And probably the first time I've ever heard somebody incorporate screams into a score, Bruce Lee's screams and cries fit in, like they're musical almost, like they're an instrument, like Bruce isn't in part of the instruments.

Yeah. It's like Harry Randfreen Mancini doing Friday the 13th and just taking it, yeah. It's really interesting to take these things. Sometimes accidents, sometimes accidents, but I reckon if Leila at that time would have been like, hang on, listening to Bruce watching a movie.

I've got the soundtrack, as I'm sure you have, and actually there's two versions of-

I have it on original record, man.

And there's two versions of the theme on there, one with and one without Bruce's cries. And I can't really listen to it without those, because you kind of need those in there, really, as part of the orchestra, really.

What do you think, when people started watching this and then they're hearing that over the music? I must have been slightly-

They knew who Bruce Lee was, I think.

Yeah, I guess.

I think your people, Bruce Lee-

Not hugely, though. There was no internet. You're looking at just whatever's on television, and his- What are you saying, Fist of Funeral, that was on the American television?

It was in cinemas on VHS.

Okay, you're correct. Yeah, cinemas. No, no, no, you're not. No VHS yet, man.

I suppose there wasn't, yeah.

No, VHS is in the early 80s.

I don't know. I just think it was a chance he took-

It was the 70s.

Yeah. The other thing about this-

Cinemas, where are you going from?

The other thing about this, and I've got a story. I mean, I must have seen this younger because I remember my 10th birthday party. I was allowed to have friends over and we were allowed to have a video night. We watched two films. We watched End Of The Dragon and we rented No Retreat, No Surrender.

Ah, yes. That was the other big one, wasn't it? For some reason.

We watched both of those back to back and we were just so hyped up. But the other good thing about this is, for a martial arts film, which are notoriously the plots are so thin in them, this actually has a really good plot. And it's basically because it's a James Bond film, isn't it? We've talked about this before, but it's basically a little bit of On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Bruce Lee basically is James Bond. He has to go to an island, infiltrate it, absolutely, get the information.

It's so good.

And they've got a connection from NARM as well.

Yeah, see, I, okay, this, all right, fine, let me have a quick look at this. So I was, I am a massive Bond fan. And so watching this for me is kind of like Bond, but cool, Bond with Kung Fu, great, sold.

Well, we said this when we reviewed On Her Majesty's Secret Service for your birthday episode. Enter The Dragon would pair nicely with that film because they are similar in some ways. A guy goes to infiltrates an evil fortress, you know, and there's a lot of Bond elements in this, all the spy stuff.

I'm just going to check out what Bond movies were on around 72, 73. This was your OK.

Yeah. Very quickly then with the cast, before we get into this, which we will, my dear sweet listeners, we will. But obviously we got Bruce Lee, we got John Saxon. Now John Saxon was known for his Italian horror films.

Well, he's doing American stuff as well, but it was like that thing to do to like, as in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, it shows him going over to Italy for a bit, having a spate of films being made over there, then coming back to America again.

Then they've got Jim Kelly in this, who was probably one of the first black, or if not the first black martial arts action star. He was making films like Black Belt Jones and stuff like that. And he was actually pretty fucking deadly, Jim Kelly. He was really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A real, he had his own charisma and his own style.

That's the thing, these three main characters, Freezing Magic Number as well, both of these three guys could not have the other two in it and command their own film quite easily. And it could have been without those two. And then just going to the island and doing it. Do you know what I mean?

And they've all got their backstories, which we'll explore in a moment when we get there as to why they're there. And then the other people we got in this film, we've got Angela Mao guest stars in this is Bruce Lee's daughter, who is Bruce Lee's little sister who gets killed or she kills herself. She was a really up and coming female martial artist whose nickname was Lady Whirlwind. She was in a film called Lady Whirlwind. She was really one to watch. Bolo Young is in this as well.

He's straight out of a comic book.

Man. Now, Gav and I are probably going to be quoting elements.

We're trying not to.

We're trying not to so much. But let's get into this film, Gav.

Well, I'm just looking at Diamonds Are Forever was 71. But this came out in 72. So that means 73.

This came out.

Okay. So Diamonds Are Forever is probably the closest you get. And it, you know, a diamond smuggler investigation leads James Bond to Las Vegas, where he uncovers an evil plot involving a rich business tycoon. And I'm pretty sure I feel like it wasn't on.

What year was, what year was On Her Majesties? That is 60 something, wasn't it? Um, I believe it was 69.

Don't know. Keep talking.

Okay, cool. Well, we've talked enough about the score, but we start off with that score, that Lady of Shifrin score, which as a 10 year old boy, hearing that score, you only live twice for 67. Okay.

And so funny enough, almost, I feel like it almost takes out my theory. Dimes are forever 71. So that there's a massive gap between the Bond films. So I don't feel it was like a massive gap. That's really funny though, because you know what, it's like to say the Bond movies, for example. When the Bond movies were getting made, we've talked about this before, they take influences of what movies around them was playing. And they go, oh, we adapted to that style.

It's a film.

It's interesting.

It's a film gods film, isn't it? You know, it shouldn't have worked and it did. And it all worked perfectly and gelled perfectly with from the soundtrack to the actors, to the action, the direction, the setting, the locations, the costumes, just and the dialogue, which is cheesy, but it's so quotable.

Bruce Lee's credited as writing.

Yeah, he did help write this because he developed the story basically. He added to it and added to his character's backstory in the Shaolin Temple stuff.

So the other writer was the first time writing a critic.

Wow.

But then he did like seven things.

Well, we're introduced to Bruce Lee, the Shaolin Temple.

Nothing really.

Wearing a little leather nappy.

Yeah.

And he fights, he's fighting Sam O'Han, for those of you that know your martial arts from Scab. Have you heard of Sam O'Han?

Uh, yeah.

Jackie Chan's big brother.

Oh, right.

Okay. Not real big brother, but he went to Shaolin Opera School, Peking Opera School with him. And so they were all doing the rounds, all these Peking Opera kids.

Shaolin Opera School.

Sorry, yeah, it's Peking Opera School.

That's my new movie. Shaolin Opera School.

And he is fighting Sam O'Han, and basically demonstrating his technique to all the Shaolin monks and everybody else there, you know. And it's also a bit of a lesson for the other students. And he absolutely whips Sam O's ass. Now, while he's fighting him, we also introduced to Braveweight, who is a British fella of the government.

Director, I believe, thought it was quite funny how Bruce said that, because Bruce requested to have that name changed, because he didn't like saying Braveweight, because he couldn't say it very well. And he thought, I'll change it. But as short as the director, one of the producers who was like, no, I hate my director. Like, no, I find it funny the way you say it.

It's a bit like, oh, it's a bit... If you don't know Bruce Lee at this point, then you're going to find out that when he fights, he makes these noises, which everybody knows, everybody imitates. And the reason Bruce made those noises, he made them in real life, is to intimidate his opponent, like a tiger, he said, or like a leopard would sort of snarl or growl as it attacks.

Yeah, well, one of the things is, once you are in the focus of doing the march, lots of stuff, and you've initiated that, wha wha wha wha wha, whatever comes out, you wouldn't even think about it, would you? The sounds would just come out.

So a bit of a demonstration for Braithwaite here, but he basically beats Samahung, makes him tap out with an armbar, all the monks clap, Bruce does a little backflip, everyone's pleased. He goes over and talks to the teacher. We've both watched the uncut version, I should imagine, which has got the nunchuck scene in it, and this scene as well, where the teacher talks to him and says, you've got amazing skills, you know, your jeet kundu philosophy is fantastic. So that's all real stuff.

It's such a coincidence that this dude comes along and says, by the way, this guy Han.

No, go and meet what he says. And the reason I'm talking about this is because there's a guy here called Mr. Braithwaite from the British government. Go and have a chat with him. So he goes to meet Braithwaite, and Braithwaite sits down. He says, would you like a cappuccino? And he's like, well, yes, of course, I'm fucking British, aren't I? Of course, I'd like a cup of fucking tea. He's the most British man you'll ever meet.

And a boozer later on, excuse me. You sure you don't want a drink? No, no, thank you.

Yeah. I don't bloody well care who he's with. You wake him up, god damn it. Anyway, we'll get to that. So he lays out his request.

Making it more bond again, though, isn't it? Having the British side saying, are you going to go in for us as an agent?

He says to him, I know you've probably heard of Han, who was a student here and one of your classmates.

Isn't it funny that Han lost to Hand?

He did. Now he's got one hand, so his hand is solo.

One hand solo.

He says, look, there's a tournament of martial arts, Han's tournament. I'd like you to attend it for us. But before any more can be said, a student comes over called Lau. And Bruce just cuts him up and goes, it's Lau's time. And he's like, all right. So he goes over to Lau and he says, kick me. He teaches Lau how to put a motion into a kick. And he slaps him on the head, doesn't he? And says, kick me with passion. So he does. And he gets it and he goes, how did that feel?

Don't think.

Don't think, feel. And then he says that classic, it's like a finger pointing away to the moon. And Lau of course looks at his finger and he slaps him again. Says, don't concentrate on the finger or you'll miss all the heavenly glory. And that is a great philosophy, isn't it? Don't miss all the heavenly glory. And Braithwaite smiles to himself and thinks, I think we've got the right guy for the job here. And then we get the score kicking again.

Yeah, but also, one thing very quickly. Oh, no, we can get to that in a bit. It's OK. We get to it, because we're going to have a breakdown of the island with Braithwaite again. So we could talk about that in this one.

So we get the score kicking properly. We get lots of shots and views of Hong Kong, planes landing and arriving. We see our stars Williams and Roper, John Saxon and Jim Kelly arriving. And we understand that everyone's starting to arrive.

It's just really goes down, down, down.

It's like, oh my God!

My heart's going to explode.

And I've got a boner. Bruce is then in a room and he's shown, so he's with Braithwaite and Braithwaite is now showing him footage of Han. And he says, so you remember Han, he's built himself up. It's quite the sort of, he owns this island now. We think there's something dodgy going on there. He's got a bodyguard called Ohara.

Sorry to take you off there. I just realized that I need to get a Blu-ray copy. My DVD copier got us one way you can, on the other side, it's got extras, but it's on one side, but it was cropped. When the total credits came up, the name was, I couldn't read the people's names. I was like, oh no!

I used to have that on that version. One side is widescreen and one side is full screen. And I used to have that DVD version. Oh no, I didn't realize. I've got a different version now.

Yes, I'll pick up a Blu-ray copy. I don't know, I haven't got one, but yeah, so I go with Ohara.

Yeah, so he also describes that he's got this bodyguard called Ohara.

She liked the pictures, didn't you, earlier?

Yeah, of Ohara's great-

Fan services, or whatever.

Fan services.

Yeah, so it's in Trafford, Jim.

He says Ohara's got this spatial scar, which he picked up in the last year or two.

We don't know where he got it from.

We're going to find out later where he got it from. And then they talk about the island that he owns, Ohara owns the island, and he has this tournament, which he does, but it's a front, a drug front.

A side story very quickly, or not a side story. I love the fact that John Saxon at the beginning has free carts for all of his luggage.

He does, yep. He's got loads of luggage.

It's so funny.

Always traveling in style. Then they show Bruce some footage of a lady's body being pulled out of the water, and she was last seen aboard Yarn's junk, Han's junk.

She was last seen aboard his junk.

You know what I mean, a junk is a boat. So they also think that as well as heroine or oropium, he also does sex trafficking as well. Jeffrey Epstein. And then this is where Bruce Lee says, well, what about guns? Why doesn't the body just pull out a gun and settle it? And they're like, yeah, he doesn't allow guns on the island. And in fact, he had a really nasty experience with a gun many years ago. Well, that's that he lost his hand from a gun.

Ah, which we'll find out, yeah. But yeah, this is definitely Jeffrey Epstein's sex trafficking island.

Yeah. Well, he says, all we want you to do is go to the island, maybe compete in the tournament a little bit, find the radio, radio us in, once you've got evidence of the drugs. And we'll, and he says, and someone will come. He says, yeah, someone will come.

Well, we got, we got, there is a contact there, there's a lady there who can, you can get some information on the front. But we find out that his agency, the Braveways Agency, what he works for, isn't, it's just information gatherers.

Yeah.

He says, they're just getting stuff to go to court with. Essentially.

He says, you will come. Then he goes, well, someone will come. My agency is more, I will, gatherers of information.

Yeah. So he's like, so you'll make a phone call. Yeah, that's it.

He says, yeah. But also one more thing. We managed to put an operative on the island about six months ago. Her name's Mei Ling. If she's still alive, she might have more information for you as well. So Bruce is like, OK, so I've got to find this Mei Ling.

And this island, he's told, is self-sufficient. So they're totally cut off and totally self-sufficient. I could grow my own food, everything, electricity, whatever. However, they're doing it very much like a Bond villain.

Yeah. And where the island lays as well, no one country governs it. So it's kind of its own government as well, because it crosses over different areas of the sea. So it's cool. Very cool. And then we get BRUCE, and this is so cool how we do the backstories now.

This is now Bruce Lee's dad, isn't it? Not his real dad.

So what we do is here, we get each of our three characters' backstories whilst they're travelling on the boat towards the big boat that's going to take them to the island.

And Bruce more so, because it's a little bit more important showing his backstory. Yeah.

So Bruce is on his boat and he's thinking about it. And you're right, his dad is there and his dad's like...

And I never realised that's dad to review in this film. I've just thought it was a guy that he's talking to for some reason. I don't know why.

Well, he's the guy that brings the tea to raise with earlier.

Right.

He says to him, I need to tell you about your sister, actually. Yeah, basically. And then flashback. And basically, Bruce Lee's sister was just on a little jolly, having a wander around the city when Ohara and a load of Hans men decided they were going to come to town for a party.

Yeah, they came from the island and thought they'd just come and cause havoc.

And they chased her, Dan. She beat the shit out of a lot of them, to be fair.

You know it's Bruce Lee's sister. She's beating shit out of people left right in the center.

She was kicking their asses.

Don't fuck with Bruce Lee's sister.

God damn. But she ends up getting cornered in a little barn. She slices Ohara's face with a piece of glass, which is how he got his facial scar.

Bruce's dad actually slashes Ohara's face.

Sorry, it is. Yeah, that's right.

Which I thought that he would have been killed, but he isn't. He's just like punching, and they just carry on chasing Bruce's sister.

And then they corner her, and she thinks, well, either they're going to rape and kill me, or I can commit harikari. So she kills herself with a huge piece of broken glass.

The only thing is with this story is like, how's the dad telling him that? His dad wasn't there. He was beaten up in an alley. You don't know what happened.

Autopsies.

Yeah, I know.

So he says to him, so basically Bruce, when you go...

She could have been stabbed.

He says, before you leave for this tournament, go to the cemetery and pay respects to your mom and your sister. He agrees to. So now it's a revenge mission as well. Just to add to it.

It's just got a little bit of an element. One of the guys happens to be this guy that killed his sister. What a coincidence. All this is coming together.

Well, he was... Han was in his school. One of the... His bodyguard killed his sister and the government have hired him to go there and find the opium.

Basically, this is what I'm doing this weekend.

So, he goes to the grave and he says, I know you will not agree, but I've got to do it. And he leaves. He says, I hope you find a way to forgive me. And then we cut to John Saxon on a bone.

It cuts to all of them on little small boats going towards a larger barge.

Yeah, but it's his flashback now. So we stay.

Oh, yes. Okay. Yeah.

So he's got a million suitcases, like you said, because he is a man of a certain style.

Which we're going to... There's more some reasons. These facts are more cemented in the moment with the receptionist.

So he's on the golf course and he's got a bit of a gambling habit. He's in a bit of debt, turns out. Because when he goes off into the bushes to find his golf ball, he's surrounded by...

Well, very quickly, to cement the reason he's like, so like, looks so stylish and has three carts of suitcases. He's there and he's got a receptionist in a golf caddy and she answers the phone. Now think about this. This is like 70, early 70s and he's got a phone on the golf caddy.

Oh, yeah.

And so that is just... And he's like, No, Mr Roper's not in the office right now. He gets through in the back and he's just playing golf. It's just like Australia, all of that.

And he's quite handsome looking and he's like, he's wearing, he's wearing like a silk roll neck top, you know.

So that's what it is. But yes, he goes to look for his ball and then these three fucking goons come out and say, would you look at this? Hey, Roper.

So the main one with the moustache is played by Pat Johnson, who also appeared as the referee in Karate Kid 1 and Karate Kid 3. And he is a very well-respected karate master.

He's got a great moustache.

But also a referee in some real life tournaments as well. And they say to Roper, Freddy says, you gotta pay. And he's like, hey man, maybe Freddy could give me a few more days. And he's like, have you got the dough, Roper? And he's like, I don't have the dough now. And he's like, well, we're going to have to break something.

Freddy says, this is for your own good. No, he says, he says something. He says, you want to bet? He goes, you gotta love this guy. Come on, Roper, we gotta break something. Yeah, so good.

And then he, Roper completely kicks their asses.

Actually, it's great because we're not into the cutting stage of 80s filmmaking, where martial arts were cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, where then it changed when it got back to like movies like The Raid came around, opening it all wide again and letting the art, letting you see the martial arts. Here, we see the camera steps back wide, Static just sits there on a tripod and John Saxon actually does some, all right shit.

He takes out three guys pretty convincingly.

He's got some speed, he's got some fluidity.

He's quite a wide guy as well, isn't he, John Saxon?

Imagine Bruce would have been there and obviously, that's Bruce saying, and he's an actor. So Bruce is saying, okay, stand there, kick there like that, turn around, kick here, kick there, do that. Because Bruce would have been just off camera, and he would have just done those moves and said, that's it, perfect. So it's Bruce challenging into John Saxon, John Saxon being an actor challenging Bruce.

So John Saxon goes back to his receptionist on the golf cart, and he says, I think you better confirm that flight to Hong Kong. She's like, oh yeah, okay, when? And he's like, tomorrow. How much money have I got in my bank account? She's like, $50. And he's like, it's all yours. Why, thanks. I think you're going to need it. You guys know where I'm going. And so he's basically fleeing America because of all these loan sharks.

He's going to an extra island. He's basically fleeing, fleeing to get to an island because he's done bad. Brilliant.

And now, conversely, we're going to get Williams' backstory.

Yeah.

So Williams is there. The music changes up like, eh-oh, eh-oh, eh-oh, eh-oh.

And very quickly, all these little, little small boats we're seeing are in this heavily populated area with women with babies on their chests, like working as taxi drivers on boats or just delivering stuff or just working away. And people everywhere just living on boats. And that's just insane.

Hong Kong Harbor is insane.

Have you seen it then?

Yeah, it's insane. If this is Hong Kong Harbor. It is, I mean, this was the 70s. I was there in 2000.

Is it still like this?

It was pretty busy, yeah.

So it's just boats and boats. So people living on them and just, they don't move, they just stay there.

It really smells as well. Like the water really smells.

Well, they're probably just throwing all, like, old shit into the water and stuff, aren't they?

Literally. So yeah, William's backstory isn't that he's running away from bad stuff. Well, it kind of is, but it isn't. So he is a really badass karate guy and he's been invited to this tournament. He doesn't know it's an obviously an opium front. He just thinks it's a chance for him to go and prove himself. And as a black man doing martial arts, he thinks, great, I'll go and represent the African American community. Let me go and do this.

Yeah, well, yeah, but, yeah, they're white racist cops, aren't they? So I think rightly so that he should beat them up for being just fucking dickheads.

Probably didn't need to steal their car, but he didn't get away.

I love the fact that he did because it was rock and roll as fuck, wasn't it? So I'll fuck it, I'll just beat up some cops for kung fu. But they just give him shit for absolutely no reason. But why is it they don't want him to go into Hawaii? He's off to Hong Kong by Hawaii. Why not?

I think they just suspect because he's a black guy. They just think he's probably a criminal. Let's beat him up for the sake of it.

But there's a reason because America does own Hawaii. Maybe that's the reason. Just I don't know. I just think that he's not going to Hawaii because he's going to Hong Kong by Hawaii. He's like, he's not going to Hawaii. So it's like, OK, but it's not going to Hawaii. Do you not want him wearing Bermuda shorts and Hawaiian shirts?

So they all get on board the main junk, the main boat. And when they get on board, Roper and Williams know each other from NAMM.

Yeah, I love this. It's great.

They're like, Roper! Williams!

Because these two now give a little bit of back, a little bit of an info dump. In a certain way, we go up and we ask the questions that we kind of want to know, well, what else is going on there? Like, well, who are these guys? And so they start discussing the various people on the boat.

Yeah, because they say, well, as far as we know, this Han character is this Han cat, as they would say in the 70s. He's assembling, it's like some of the best fighters from around the world for this tournament. And they're pointing out people on there. They point out the Kiwi guy, Parsons, who Bruce Lee is going to have a chat with in a minute on a boat. What's your style? They say, they took about him, then they look at Bruce Lee and they say, well, who's that guy? I don't know who that guy is.

Saxon cannot help it.

He's like, Oh, give me 20 on the big one. Yeah. And these two praying mantises are fighting. And he loses the bet to Bruce Lee.

And he loses $500, just there and then.

Bruce just takes the money off him and smiles at him.

What's that now? Like $1,200, $1,300. Just like there and then. That's crazy.

Well, that then is a nice little interaction because later on they'll be chatting at the party.

Gives a little bit of a connection because he goes over to him later and he's just like enjoying spending my money. It's his first things he says to him.

Wanna bet?

Oh, this New Zealand guy, he happens to be a bit of a bully, doesn't he?

Yeah, he beats up some of the little Chinese kids and pushes them around.

He's pushing people around, just trying to show like, just whatever. Everyone sees that and Bruce sees that. So he goes up to Bruce, he tries to punch out at him, but Bruce doesn't flinch. Of course he doesn't flinch. He asks him, what's his style?

Don't waste yourself.

That's it. So what's your style? And this is Dan, should we just play out?

Yeah, all right. Do you want to be Parsons or Bruce?

I'll be Parsons.

All right. So do your flint, your punch, punch, punch, and I say, don't waste yourself.

What's your style?

My style? You could call it the art of fighting without fighting.

Really? Show me some of it.

Not now. Why not? Okay. But don't you think we need more room?

Where do you suggest?

Maybe that island, that beach over there. We could take this boat.

No, how do we get there?

We could take this boat.

Okay, then.

Okay. And then he lets Parsons go on the boat.

He just lets a bully go on to this boat, and he gets on the boat with a string on it, and then he just lets it go, and he goes, hey, hey, and obviously he can't do anything about it, and he gives it to some kids, and that is the best way of treating a bully. But afterwards, the next shots we see of the barge wide, we don't see the boat.

Yeah, I thought that.

Yeah, see? That's the trouble with viewing movies.

But the kids absolutely love getting him soaking wet, don't they?

Well, it looks like the boat's about to go down.

Yeah, well, it's definitely sinking. He's going, oh, you can't get, pull me back in. He goes, don't try and pull yourself back in or let go of the rope. So he's got to sit in the boat.

He's not there when they dock either, but oh well.

But then they arrive at the island and they dock at the island.

And Saxon sees a white lady that he quite likes.

And we also see Bolo Young in a yellow cardigan. Now that yellow cardigan is even better than something Michael Douglas would wear in Basic Instinct. It is, because it's a short sleeved yellow knitted cardigan.

Yeah.

And Bolo Young is incredibly muscly. It's bursting open as well. And then yes, we see Tanya and John Saxon's like, wow, I think I see something I like already. It's like, put it away, John Saxon.

And Bruce Smirks. One thing is then there's a shot of all the suitcases. Now, they couldn't have been, obviously, there's a lot of them were ropers, but not all of them. It seems to be that I can only source one suitcase from one manufacturer because every suitcase is exactly the same. And there's like 30 of them. Everybody has the same suitcase.

Unless they're all John Saxons.

He didn't have that many in the court, so I was confused.

Then we get a great, great establishing shot of the island with hundreds and hundreds of extras, who are the students, all practicing. We get the, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi.

How good is that?

Incredible stuff, isn't it? Like to get them all doing that in unison, they're all practicing and they're sort of they're dipping their hands in hot ash and they're all doing the punches and the kicks. And it's, this is the scale, like we didn't realize the scale of Hans Island. And it's massive and they're showing around. And then we get the party, like the big party, the night before the tournament starts. So at this party, there's all the different foods and drinks you could ever want.

Would you like to sumo wrestle?

You or just Jiminy?

Just Jiminy.

Are you making a comment about my body shape?

No.

No, I don't think I'd be a very good sumo wrestler.

I'd give it a go.

Okay, I'd like to see that. I've done it in the Inflatable Suits.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was quite funny.

Wouldn't it have been funny if all of a sudden cut to this? Well, in this banquet, there's a couple of people in those Inflatable Suits, didn't it?

That would be funny. Roper goes over to speak to his buddy Williams as well, and they have a little chat, and he's like, what do you think of this? And he's like, well, I can't help but think we're being fattened up for the kill.

Yeah.

That's a really good line.

Totally. I really like this whole thing, that all the people are dancing, and it's just quite fun. It's playful. Nothing, no bad intentions have been shown yet. Do you know what I mean? So I quite like it. It's all quite nice. But then all of a sudden, though, GONG! And the sumo wrestlers stop and they don't move. Everybody is completely quiet and don't move because the boss is coming out there.

And this is to demonstrate.

That's like a dictator, that is.

Well, this is to demonstrate how much power he's got over them all, isn't it?

Absolutely. Well, and then he cements that by using his personal guards, he's showed their skills of blowing darts. But we get to that in a second.

Well, he says, I'd like to welcome you all to the tournament. You know, I've assembled the very best. We forge ourselves into weapons and that's what we've done here. Blah, blah, blah. Please enjoy the food. Enjoy the entertainment. These are my bodyguards and it's like four or five women. Like he said, they all, he throws an apple up in the air and they blow a dart and it hits the apple.

It's so cool, though. She could kill someone just by going...

Well, the Mei Ling, the plant, she is the dart blower. Her apple actually lands Bruce Cattles in it.

Coincidentally into Bruce's hand. He pulls a dart out to show his something.

I don't know.

He just does it, doesn't he? In this whole scene, do you see everyone's having fun and there's not one mobile phone in sight.

Yeah, just to show you. It's everyone's videoing it.

No, no, everyone's just enjoying themselves.

I'm at Hans' party, guys. Whoop, whoop.

Oh, God. Could we go back to it? Oh, man, that's what we've got AI to do. AI's got to do that. That'd be fucking amazing.

Roper goes over to Williams. He's like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm just tagging myself on Facebook at Hans Island. Just making an Instagram post.

It just doesn't make it into the shit. It really does.

And then the gong goes again and everybody unfreezes and the party carries on. And Roper is sort of saying, you know, this guy's got a great sense of style. And I think I could live here. I love it here. Then it's girl time, because Han's gift to all the fighters is some prostitutes.

Ladies of the night, the first sex workers, Daniel. Sex workers nowadays.

In the 70s, it would have been prostitutes. There's a knock on William's door. He's got these massive headphone cans on and he's listening to some...

Well, funny enough, though, it's funk jazz he's listening to, because I was really checking out where it was, because there's jazz. And I was like, really, I thought it would just be straight funk, but it's funk jazz, and more jazz than funk, I might say. And obviously, they put music on Arthur as he isn't actually, he's not who he's actually choosing.

I wonder what he was listening to.

I don't know, I actually imagine that Leila Schiffrin probably wrote that.

Well, Tanya, the girl that Ropa likes, she's also...

He wouldn't have been listening to anything.

Tanya's also the mistress of the Ladies Of The Night. So she walks in and she's like, she's got six or seven girls with her. And Williams looks like, he takes his headphones off.

This is what every man's always like, I reckon one day this will be me.

He says, for me? And she's like, a gift for you. And he's like, oh, well, if you insist, I'll take you, you, you and you. Four girls, Gav.

Yeah. And what does he say?

Please understand if I missed anybody out. I've had a big day. I'm a little tired. And she's like, oh, of course, we wouldn't want you to exert yourself. I mean, the girls are looking at each other like, well, they're quite like impressed that he's picked four of them. Yeah. Okay. Well, at least we can team him. Brilliant. Then there's an awkward Bruce Lee store.

But let's get down to the truth of this. Come on. There's no, if it's me, I know he's going to have a slight, maybe he's got a bit more stamina than me. I don't know. I'm pretty good.

Have you seen his gunk beer? His gunk beer is pretty good.

Yeah. He's going to have a good lot of core strength going on there. But come on, though. He needs some sleep. He ain't doing no martial arts the next day at any fit level with bonking for women. It's just not happening. It's not happening. Or they are not getting satisfied. He's getting satisfied once again. I'm going to bed.

Well, he doesn't. He goes out for an exercise. I know.

So I just don't know how he gets his energy.

Well, there's a knock on Bruce Lee's door, and he's there writing because he's so studious. He's writing in his little book.

Yeah, he's not boning for women.

And then the girls will get all brought up and he goes, Oh, no, thanks. There was one girl at the feast tonight. And Tanya's like, Oh, tell me who it was. And I'll send her straight up. And he's like, the owner of this dark. And he goes, she goes, Oh, yes, I know her. I'll send her up to you immediately. So this is his way to speak to Mei Ling, who is going to give him all the information. And then, of course, we get the knock on Roper's door.

No, no, no, no, it's still the evening.

No.

Oh no, you're correct, yes.

Because OHARA walks into Bruce's room, and he's really pissed off that Bruce isn't wearing the uniform. He says, you must attend the morning ritual in uniform. Bruce is like, outside.

He's just practicing his kicks.

And this is where we see everybody getting ready for the start of the tournament. And Bolo Young, whose only job really is to shout, go! And break people's backs later. He basically introduces Han and the girls, and Han's like, let the tournament begin. And we get loads of fights going on. And the first fight up that we get to really watch is Williams versus Parsons, the bully from the boat.

Well, it's quite funny because you kind of even forget there's even a fucking tournament. It's not even the main point. You're so engrossed in all of these stories, all these people, you're completely absorbed and like really into the characters. At this point, you're like, if you haven't turned the film off, which I don't know if you would do, you're pretty much into this whole thing.

Yeah.

Which is really funny. So some people, I'm not a massive sports fan myself, but some people be like, oh, sweet, but it is still quite fun. Anyway, you go, oh, nice, you know.

Because the last act of the Karate Kid turns into this, doesn't it? You know, you forget about that with the Karate Kid all the way up. All the way up through, it's like him versus Johnny, bully, bully, bully. And then the last act is, oh, yeah, we got a tournament now. Brilliant. And then Daniel Son is taking on all the different opponents.

OK, I only saw it once when I was a kid.

What the fuck? It was all right.

It was nothing amazing. OK, that's your opinion. You throw me.

Yeah, but now it's a sport.

Yes. And so, but still, even myself, I'm just like, yes, as soon as you start seeing these two come up, then all of a sudden in your head, you're kind of like going to your Mortal Kombat or your Street Fighter or whatever, and you're going, I wonder who's going to be fighting? Oh, I wonder if Roper could be have to fight. So do you know what I mean? It's really cool. So I was really enjoying this bit.

Absolutely. Well, Williams has to fight Parsons. And while he's fighting him, Roper is making a little bet on the side because he can't resist it.

Before this, though, Bruce turns up, though, not actually in uniform. Everyone else is. Bruce turns up in a black uniform. Everyone else is in a white uniform. And this guy says, why are you not in uniform? And he just, Bruce just stares him down. It's so funny.

He stares him down.

And he goes, oh, I just walked off. It's like some at some point, some supervisor higher up than you or someone's got to be like, oh, go get your fucking white clothes on what you're doing. But Bruce is just like, I'm going to stare all of you down. I'm surprised Han let it though.

So Roper is making side bets because he knows Williams can beat this guy. But he sort of Williams takes a couple of punches and then absolutely destroys him with his woof woof woof woof woof woof because he does this amazing sort of Bruce Lee style noise as he kicks this guy's ass.

And it's quite good because we've met the New Zealand guy. We've met Jim. Jim is Jim Kelly, isn't it?

Yeah. Jim Kelly, that is Williams. Yeah.

Yeah. William. So we met William. So it's quite nice just having these guys fight. So it starts off just like an actual normal martial arts thing because it's still not enough areas that there's no sinister intention been shown just yet. So still like, oh, okay, cool.

And then it's Roper's turn for a fight and he has to fight a much younger kid.

And how much fun is this though? Because he's been betting with this guy behind him and he's like, great, I've got this, I've got a right fish here, you know.

And he basically takes quite a few punches thinking and Williams keeps saying to the guy, no, no, no, I think I don't think he can beat him. And they're basically doing the whole like pull shark thing. And eventually, when the money's right, Roper whoops this guy's ass, but he takes a pace in himself to get to it. So that's the first couple of fights back to the evening. And Roper is getting a nice foot massage from Tanya. He is.

And there's a few sets of boobs around here as well.

And then Bruce gets his ninja outfit on. Bruce Lee in a ninja outfit. That's what we need. Human fly. He says to me, Lee, I'll come back later. I'll go out and gather some intel. So he goes out, he sneaks past some guards, a dog barks at him.

The best bit, though, is when he's sneaking around. And I love this bit because it's all so quiet. And it's great because we're on Bruce's side. The audience knows Bruce is there. The guards don't. And there's this real, just to show the incompetence of the guards. As a guard comes along, he hits himself in the head.

No, he hits a statue with a nummer chuck. He's swinging it around. He bangs it into a metal statue.

Bruce is just like, disrespectful dickhead.

So he takes a few of the guards out.

Without showing his face.

He finds a trap door hidden under some plants.

It's like a vent as well, isn't it? First of all, he finds an air underneath, so he knows something's underground.

So he ties a rope on and he scrambles down the rope, and he finds a massive fucking opium factory. Oh shit.

And just before this, Jim's seeing him outside, just crawling along the wall, and he just looks up and goes, Huh, a human flat. I actually read around this a few times.

That's a little bit later. That's a little bit after this. That's when he's running away.

That's right at the end, isn't it?

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, sorry. No one sees him, his face.

But then a guard discovers the rope, so he has to climb back up the rope before he can really do any more investigating.

He manages to, well, we don't know. He gives us the, Oh, has Bruce fallen?

Has he got out? Has he got out?

And then we find out that he managed to get out just before the rope was cut.

And he beats up four guys, runs off, and this is where he climbs up the wall, and Jim Kelly says, A human flair.

I've been around this three times with Jim saying that because it was just like, huh, a humor. It's just the way he said it was just like, I want to listen to that again. It's just a phrase and it was lovely.

A human flair.

It's the way he does it. Yeah, it's really cool.

And morning time, back at the tournament.

Hun's basically like, we know someone was out last night. We know it was one of you guys. But basically, my guards were shit. Now watch this shit.

I know. He's like, who it was does not matter right now. What matters is the incompetence of my men. And they will be punished. Bolo! Bolo Young comes out, takes off his cardigan, flexes his pecs, huge, massive pecs. And these four little weedy guys, one of them is the one that banged his nunchuck into the statue. They all get thrown in the middle of this arena. And he basically takes each man, one at a time. One of them gets snapped in half. One of them gets his neck broken.

I remember as the kid just watched this guy, he just kind of squeezed him, his eyes going to pop out. And they all look at each other like, And he looks at Williams, and he goes, You know, you're a bit shocked by this, Mr. Williams. And he says, I'm only shocked at how sloppy a man works.

And it's such a cool- Williams, you son of a bitch. I'm not bothered.

I've just seen three people be killed in front of me. I just think it's a bit sloppy.

Are you shocked, Mr. Williams? And he just says, yeah. Only at how sloppy a man works.

And then after that, it's like, Mr. Lee, are you ready? Then the tournament starts. At this point now, it's all gone sinister because now we get Bruce actually gonna go and kill someone, but we're gonna show, but we're gonna get to this.

Yeah, because he's got to fight Ohara.

And it's just, as soon as you do it, you're like, this is what we've been waiting for. It's not building up to it. This isn't the movie. The movie isn't about him going after Ohara in a karate competition and building up to it. And all of a sudden, he's gonna throw that in there. It's like, this is the, oh no.

We're about an hour in now. We've only got about half an hour left.

I'm surprised Bruce needs to be enticed to kill him though. And Bruce doesn't just, but then Bruce is probably above anger, isn't he? He can probably know not to, but I'm surprised he doesn't just finish it in the first place. But what happens, Dan?

Well, this classic start to it is that O'Hara's there. He punches a wooden board and Bruce just looks at it. He just goes, boards don't hit back.

Boards don't hit back.

So we start the tournament with them hands, but each hand touch him and he does not one one inch punch, but two one inch punches to O'Hara gets him twice. This third time he tries to do it and O'Hara grabs his foot.

Yeah, so he hits him twice fast, then he hits him again. Then Bruce does a spin kick. So this is how many times O'Hara is getting hit here, everybody. Let's just do a counter. Have a drink every time O'Hara gets hit.

He gets a backflip kick.

He then does the lay down to kick to the groin. He then does a 360 kick. Then he does a side kick. Then he does a side kick to face. And then he does a side kick to chest, knocking him over into all of the people. And that's how many times he gets hit. So that's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight times.

And by Bruce Lee. That kick he did to Bob Wall, O'Hara, that made him go flying back into those extras was so hard that two of those guys behind him broke an arm each.

Was O'Hara must have been quite a hard character then.

Bob Wall is an absolute badass. He was a student of Bruce's.

Okay. So, oh, well, that helps then. Yeah. He would have obviously stunted it slightly and gone with it and pushed himself back. So it wasn't so forceful. Do you know what I mean? He probably had some, you know, he's coming.

Probably had some padding under his thing as well.

Yeah, it would have been possibly. Yeah. Cause it was quite a wider shot. So yeah, probably was. But yeah, but you know, eight times hit by Bruce Lee. Come on.

Unfortunately, though, O'Hara doesn't take defeat well. He grabs two bottles.

He doesn't like this, does he?

He smashes the bottles together.

He gets British street tactics.

And he picks up the two bottles and you hear a you hear Han going O'Hara O'Hara because he's like you're now making a twat of yourself, mate.

Now this all of a sudden, this point here is a child. This froze into almost horror movie territory a little bit because we get the film slows down and we have the basically the theme of the song. But it's slowed down with a different instrument and because this is slowed down as well and it's just the anger for me as a kid. I was like, Oh my God, what's going on? This is horrible.

Well, Bruce kills him because and this is how my dad described it to me as a kid. It was him or him. It was either him or of course it was and he had no choice but to put him down.

Yeah, of course and Han doesn't like it and just walks off and leaves.

So he kicks the bottles out of his hand, does that jump up in the air and crushes his chest by landing on it.

Yeah, and it's just that whole thing.

And the look on Bruce's face is like a look of I didn't want to do this. You made me do this to you. But also this is for my sister. It's like many emotions.

It's a lot and I remember it being full on really. But then it's hilarious because then he cut to Williams and Roper. And he's like, if you want to talk about this, I'll be in my room. Imagine those guys have just seen, first of all, this Bolo guy come along and just start killing people. And they're like, oh, my God, this is Bruce Lee. Bruce comes along and kills someone. Oh, God, has the boat left already? Oh, shit.

But before Williams can go to Roper's room, Tanya says, Williams, Mr. Williams, can you please go to Han's study?

ASAP. Yes.

He's like, oh.

But he does say to Roper, which is quite nice, I'll see you in 30 minutes. So he gives a, which helps out, because Roper obviously later on saying, my mate's gone missing a little bit.

So he goes to, Williams goes to Han's office and he says, what can I do for you?

This is a great conversation.

Do you like, how are you finding my hospitality? He's like, yeah, it's good. Thanks. And he's like, yeah. He said, yeah, I find everything I've been looking for. And he's like, what were you looking for last night? You touched my garage.

Well, before he does all this, he's having a general talk and stuff. And he says, I've been watching you. And he says, your style is unorthodox. And he says, but effective. Now that is a real classic scratch line DJs used to use. So in tournaments, quite often DJ tournaments like Kung Fu tournaments, and you have a DJ battle goes on, you have the Kung Fu samples in there. And that one was always in there. Your style is unorthodox, but effective. Then it goes into a routine, you know.

And he basically accuses him of doing what Bruce Lee did, of snooping around and beating up some guards.

And he says, He says, why'd you take your guards? He says, I don't know, it's not me.

He said, well, you were the only one outside. And he's like, I was outside, but I wasn't the only one.

And he says, who?

And he says, you won't tell me who.

And he's like, yeah, I'm not gonna stick you up, so no.

He says, all of a sudden, I'd like to leave your island. And he goes, it's not possible. And that's where he says, bullshit, Mr. Han, man.

You come straight out, but he doesn't say you come straight out of a comic book. In my head, it's always been bullshit, man, you come straight out of a comic book, but he doesn't say that.

It's not until the other guards arrive that he sees them, then he looks back at it and says, man, you come straight out of a comic book.

I had it all in my head, it's the same one.

He kicks the asses of them all.

He does.

And then Han knocks one of the guards out and he goes, Ben, practicing, huh?

And that's where he doesn't realize, and we don't know this yet, it's that he has a false hand and it's probably made of fucking solid steel because he hits Jim and Jim's like, what the fuck?

And every time he blocks it with his metal hand, and eventually he knocks him through a paper wall.

It's an opium den.

Like an opium den full of sex workers tattooing in themselves and doing face paints, and they're all giggling. It's really freaky.

It's really freaky. So this is for me, the movie, when the movie started going a lot darker as a kid, do you know what I mean? It's just like, I don't understand this, and it's kind of not a horror movie, but there's something going on here.

We forgot a classic line, which is where he says, I'm not afraid of anything. He goes, hmm, what about defeat or death? And he says, I won't even notice it. I'll be too busy looking good. It's just like, man.

I think that's going to be my philosophy from now on. I'm just going to make sure I'm looking good at all times.

I'll be too busy looking good.

When it comes, I'll just be looking too busy looking good.

Well, yeah, we're in an opium den. And he basically, he bludgeoned Williams to death with this metal hand, because he takes the glove off after he's finished killing him. And you see it's a metal hand. And that's the end of Jim Kelly. Wow, he's done.

Yeah.

Next up, Roper, Roper and Harn meet. And he says, I want to show you my weapons collection.

I thought about this, because then he's got to say, you see my friend around, really, he was going to come up to my place. So I don't know how long afterwards this happened, but he's just literally just killed this bloke, had this massive fight, and he's straight away pretty much changed, gone to see Roper.

Roper says, well, Roper does say, I can't be too long, because I've agreed to meet my friend, Mr. Williams.

So that means, OK, so that means...

He's got half an hour, probably.

He's got half an hour to basically... No, because it could take a few minutes to get there, start talking to Roper. I'd say that gives him 25 minutes to fight Roper, kill him and get out and talk to him. Actually, probably 20 minutes.

Well, he says, we will meet Mr. Williams later. Yeah, that's it. Okay. And then he shares him around, he shares him all the different weapons he's had from all the different cultures around the world. And then we see lots of different hands, like a claw hand, a bear hand, all in this cabinet. And then at the very end, there's a skeleton hand. And that was Hans' real hand at one point. And he says, yeah, what about this? And he goes, a souvenir.

We know what it is, we know.

Yeah, it's weird. And then he says, you're a man of whatever, Mr. Roper, but I wonder how far you'll go. And he puts the... He says, will you put your head on this guillotine? And Roper's like, no, I don't think so. And he's like, go on, do it. And he's like, no. And he goes, all right, if you won't do it. And then just like a Bond villain, he's carrying a white, fluffy cat, isn't he?

This is Bond, is this Doctor No, isn't it?

And he puts the cat on the guillotine. And he says, there's a line I won't cross, Mr. Han. And he picks the cat up. But then we find out the guillotine is actually a secret elevator. When you pull the chain, it goes down into the opium den. And this is where he shows Roper around. He says, this is my business, you know, I've got lots to do, da, da, da. And then the first thing Roper sees is a massive cauldron. And he sees it, and he goes, opium, uh-oh. He says, uh-oh.

As soon as he sees stuff, he's like, oh, that means I'm stuck now, basically.

And then he says, these are Meet My Girls. And he's like, oh, wow, they're all beautiful. Each one is more beautiful than the last. And he's like, no, no, no, these are my daughters.

Yeah.

And they sort of flip Roper on the ground.

Well, obviously, on my birthday, we did a No Magic, Secret Service, and we said it was quite into the Dragon and he's like, no, no, no, these are my daughters. Yeah. Well, obviously, on my birthday, we did a No Magic, Secret Service, and we said it was quite into the Dragon, didn't we? Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so No Dragon obviously came out of the No Magic, Secret Service. Um, and then we see that not only is he creating opium, but he's also injecting it into these waifs and strays that are all trapped in these cells. They all look comatose. And Rope is like, I don't think I want to join you, to be honest with you. And he goes, okay, maybe this last thing will change your mind. And this is where he reveals William's hanging, stripped down to his pants, hanging above a pit of acid.

But then it just cuts. So I wonder how awkward that lift ride was back up to the top. Do you know what I mean?

With the cat.

I'm just going to go and have a lie down, I think.

Yeah, because later that night, Ninja Bruce is out on the mission again and he's had straight back to the trap door that he knows leads to the opium dead. But this time they put a cobra.

But I like the fact that he's trying to get Saxon to join his team. Now, when companies are, sorry to go back to this, but when companies are head hunting someone, they don't go, right? We've got different packages for you and different benefits. And just to get you teased, I'll take you out on a night out, we'll go spend loads of money on you, we'll give you a nice dinner. And come on, do anything else you want on this watch. It's not nice. He does, Han doesn't. I've killed you, mate.

That's it.

That's my perk. Is that the perk to get me to join your organization?

I mean, he showed him, he showed him the money they were making, then he showed him the girls.

Oh, this is quite good.

Then he showed him the opium.

But obviously he showed it to him to be like, if you don't join us, this is what happens to you.

Because they have a good conversation, because he says supply and demand. And Roper says, yes, supply and demand. It's simple business economics. And Roper is a man, he's a wheeler dealer. He knows the score with drugs and stuff. But yeah, when it comes to his buddy being thrown into acid.

I just don't know if it's the best tactic to get a new employee to your business. I'm not going to do Deadbolt Films, Deadbolt Media. Do you want to join us? Here's your cat.

Dan's hung up about acid.

That's what happens if you don't join Deadbolt Media.

So Ninja Bruce back out on the night, and he gets to the trap door. But like I said, there's a cobra this time. So he grabs the cobra, he gives it a little slap, puts it in his little duffel bag.

Like we always do.

Like we always do. He climbs down, keeps his legs perfectly straight as he climbs down the rope, because he's a fucking ninja, this guy, isn't he Bruce Lee? Jesus Christ. And then he takes out a couple of guards.

If he didn't find that snake, what's the bag for?

Put the rope in, maybe. He had the rope in it, didn't he? OK. He, as he climbs down, he sees some of the junkies in the little cells, sort of high. Then he sees the radio room and he thinks, great, what I'll do is I'll pop this Cobra into the radio room.

What was he going to do with the Cobra otherwise? I suppose it's kind of like Jackie Chan picking up anything around you. But what was he, if he did, if he went, oh, I could use that. What was his intention otherwise? Just have a pet? I don't know.

I'm a bit worried it bit me through the bag.

He doesn't seem to care, does he?

He's Bruce Lee.

No, because the snake would have been in the dark, it would have been a little bit more chilled.

So he puts the Cobra in through the door of the radio room and the two guys absolutely brick it when they say, oh, shit, there's a snake in there. They smash the window and they climb out through the window.

He puts his foot in the snake and does Morse code.

It's multitasking. As soon as he does Morse code, that sets off the sirens because it's obviously wired up. And he's like, oh, for fuck's sake, I'm rumbled here. And rips his top off. He rips his top and this is just the cavern fight now.

Now we get here again, actually goes into slow motion again, and it's just, wow, and there's the music, it's like, wow, and he's just slowly fighting people. And it's like, I don't know what it is for slow motion stuff and the score, it just kind of makes it creepy in a way. Or dreamlike or nightmarish.

But the editing is great because of the last slow motion punch he does, everything goes back to normal.

Yeah.

There's no score now. And we get like 12 different guys coming. And isn't that a cool choice?

That's a really good choice.

And then we-

That's an editorial choice.

And the reason it goes back to normal speed is because they obviously want to show Bruce's speed.

Of course.

And there's this couple of scenes where he's moving so fast with these guys. And it's hilarious because he goes up to the lift and he presses the button for the lift and it's not coming and he thinks, oh, and then he hears a noise. And behind him, there's like 20 guys. He takes them all out.

Oh, no worries.

And then finally the lift opens and it's just full of more baddies. So he runs off, he picks up a stick. He starts battering the guys with the long staff. Then he gets two little sticks, then Bruce, then Jackie Chan comes in. If you blink and you'll miss it, you'll see Jackie Chan getting his neck broken. And the more and more of a fight, one of the guys decides I'm going to use some nunchucks. And he tries to use them, and Bruce takes them off of him.

I love the fact that this guy, this security guard's like, right. Oh God, oh shit, look up there. Who's that dude? What's he doing? This isn't our normal Monday afternoon.

Oh fucking hell. It's being up 20 of my colleagues.

Oh shit, I've got these things. Nice, I'm going to hit him with this. He has no idea what this dude can do with these things. You have no idea.

Now, I didn't see this nunchuck scene until I was probably in my 20s.

Yeah, in the 2000s.

Because for anybody who isn't from the UK, ninjas and nunchucks were very highly banned in the UK by the British government. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. Any scene with Michelangelo was cut down. Even the Ninja Turtles movie and any nunchucks were banned in the UK.

Why? Who was getting killed by nunchucks in England?

Mary fucking White House.

Who got killed by nunchucks?

I don't know.

How many people got killed by alcohol?

So when this scene was finally put back into the full version of the movie, and this is a scene with Bruce Lee using nunchucks, at the speed of light, because he does a demonstration before the guys attack him, he goes... And they're just flying all over the place, and the guy's still trying to attack him. He takes them all out.

I'm not attacking anyone who could do that.

I'd just be like, oh yeah, you're pretty good. I'll see you later, mate. Yeah. He beats up a load of guys, runs into a room, but the door's shut and he's trapped. And you hear Han, and Han's up above him on a balcony, and he says, your fight with the guards was exceptional, and your skills are too. And I was going to ask you to join us. And he's got Bruce, and Bruce just sits down and put the nunchucks around his neck and sits in a sort of lotus stance, like, okay.

But we cut to the brave way, and he actually wakes up, and I think pretty much gets his morning tea. He's got a little note, he's got a little note. He's like, God damn it, this came in half an hour ago.

And he starts making a call, yes, get me whoever it is, he says. And outside we see Ropras waiting with his hands tied behind his back, and Bruce Lee's there as well.

I kind of want to say like, danger mouse, you can do it.

And Han says, you two need to fight. And Ropras says, well, I'm not going to fight Bruce Lee, because I've got honor. And like I said to you earlier about the cat, there's a certain line I won't cross.

Ropras like, I'm not fighting him.

And also, it's Bruce fucking Lee.

He killed someone yesterday's tournament. He had one fight and he killed them.

He beat up 30 guards just now.

And he killed someone yesterday. He's beat up many people.

So instead, he says to Ropras, we will strive to be worthy of your honor, Mr. Ropra. I will find somebody else for you to fight. Ropra, Bolo! And you're like, oh, for fuck's sake, he's got to fight Bolo now. British, the Hong Kong bodybuilding, powerlifting champion of the 70s. So Bolo steps forward. Bruce actually goes to fight him and Ropra taps Bruce on the chest and goes, I got this.

Yeah, but Ropra gets him. Ropra wins.

Yeah, he bites his leg though, doesn't he?

Yeah, but he's playing dirty though, isn't it?

It's pretty decent. So he bites his leg. Meanwhile, downstairs, Mei Ling releases all the prisoners in the opium den. So they're all like, they're getting ready to come upstairs. Ropra kills Bolo, like you said. And then this is where Han says, Attack! And he just tells all of his men, he names them all individually and says. Get them!

And this is where the music goes, doodle-dee-dee, doodle-dee-dee, doodle-dee-dee, doodle-dee-dee-dee.

And Bruce, there's a series of kicks.

Oh no, no, it doesn't do the theme. It's just a doodle-dee-dee, doodle-dee-dee-dee.

There is a series of kicks that Bruce Lee does at this point. I said to my wife, she didn't get it, I remind this, and I said, watch this. Just watch these 10 seconds, because Bruce doesn't use his hands, he does a kick, then he does one kick, and then a guy comes towards him and he kicks him. One, two, three, four, five in the face with the same foot, without putting his foot back on the ground. And you're like, what is going on? Then you cut to Roper, he's taken out loads of guys as well.

Yeah, yeah.

Of course, we get a quick insert of the helicopter taking off.

The cavalry is coming.

Because this is where Bravewit's gone. I don't really well care who he's sleeping with. You wake him up now. So they're on their way. Amazing choreography. Some of my favorite fights.

What I love is, a gather of information, because Bruce was there just to get some information, turns into a massive brawl on the island, shutting basically the whole island down. Why did they just do that in the first place?

Because all the prisoners now run up.

Oh, yes, it's a massive...

Oh, God. Bruce Lee and John Saxon and about 50 drunk prisoners versus every other person on the island. And it's just a massive rumble. Han opens his little special box he's got on his throne, and he puts on the bear claw, doesn't he? It's a big wooden block with spikes on it.

Pretty gnarly.

And it's got a hair on the back, just to add to it. And he sort of slices a guy's face. So him and Bruce have a little bit of a pre-fight fight. Bruce attacks him. We get the score really kicking now. He cuts Bruce's face, and Bruce chases him.

Yeah.

And they go downstairs into the weapons room, and he walks her in, and he says, You've offended my family, and you've offended a Shaolin temple. And they start this little fight.

But doesn't Han think, how have I offended your family?

Also doesn't Han think you've killed about 50 guys?

You're just some guy who joined a tournament, and you just literally snooped around my place.

But he knows who he is. He must know who he is, because he was in the Shaolin temple with him. So he must know who he is.