THE PODCAST ON HAUNTED HILL EPISODE 173 - SPOOKIES AND CLOCKWORK ORANGE

The Podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing. I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work. I saw this when I come. And be one of us.

Hello, and welcome to The Podcast on Haunted Hill, episode 173, ka-pow! Me and Dan are, whoo-hoo-hoo, Kung Fu Cruddy Masters.

Yeah, that's right, baby. I'm Dan, I'm Sensei Daniel-san.

And I'm Gav.

You are Black Belt Gav.

Black Belt Gav.

There we go. Don't know why we're doing that because what we're talking about on this episode is nothing.

No, absolutely nothing. We're not doing any martial arts movies whatsoever.

It's because I'm sticking my foot up like that. Welcome to The Podcast on Haunted Hill, episode 173, Gavin has said.

Welcome. I hope everyone's happy, safe. Well, everything else in the world.

Healthy.

Wealthy. I hope everyone's wealthy.

Healthy, wealthy and full of stealthy, baby. Yeah, it's a bit different from the point break one. Exciting. This is a Patron. Gav, have you got something to say to my listeners who are new or returning?

If you are coming back. I have to write it down. Literally, my mind has to think about it. It's such an easy thing.

I'll help you if you're a regular.

Welcome back.

If you're a part-time.

Or a first time.

Sorry, if you're a first time.

Welcome front.

And if you're someone who just listens in now and again.

All around the side. Yeah, my brain just can't initially get the stepping block to get going.

We'll write it down for you. You want to post it?

I should not just have it on my Mac here. I could do it each time.

But yes, it's a patron pick, which means for anyone who doesn't know, we have patrons, very kind, beautiful, sexy patrons. And one of their privileges is every three episodes, one of our patrons gets to pick what we watch. Tell us why they want us to watch it, what they think of it. And Matthew Godley is our king patron of this episode. Matthew Godley. Let me get the crown out.

Where was it?

That's the cock ring. That's the wrong one. Here we go. Here's the crown. That's nice and shiny. Pop that on his head. Imagine me, virtual head. Head on his shoulders, of course. He is our king patron, and he has selected a couple of doozies for us. Now, Matthew kicked off this whole thing. He's the one that suggested patron picks. So very special place in our heart. Thank you, Matthew. And he's selected...

Yeah.

1986, crazy creature feature, phantasm on acids. Who knows how you describe it? Is it six films meshed together? I don't know, but it's 1986 is Spookies.

Yeah.

You've all heard it. Some of you have probably seen it.

I had never seen it.

It's one that's kind of well known in the horror community, whether you've seen it or not is another question. So that's a bit of light. We're going to do that one first from 1986. That's the sort of light bite, and the main course that he selected for us to get our teeth into later on is Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange from 1971. That is an ET sandwich.

That is, I think, more of a fuller conversation than the first one.

Yes, I think so as well. We'll have fun with Spookies, but I think we might end up crying with little clamps on our eyes by the end of the second conversation. So that's that. And also Bill Murray will be popping in for World Of The Strange. He's told me it's something to do with an experiment he wants to do on me. So Lord knows what that will be. Hopefully, it doesn't involve clamps on my eyes or anywhere else.

He messaged me in the week and told me what it was.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

He sent me diagrams and pictures and all sorts. It started in the 1700s. It's not good.

I think I've seen this in a museum in Amsterdam.

What, the Sex Museum?

Yeah. Yeah.

That's right.

OK, cool. Well, that's what's happening in this episode 173. Other than that, we're finding Dandy. Gav, what have you been up to? What have you been doing? What have you been watching?

The past weekend, I've been working for Deadbolt Films very, very, very hard. Deadbolt Films is a little side company, Bone Idol Comics. Do follow Bone Idol Comics on Instagram to see all the comics which are being produced and made because we've got lots on the go, still lots to come. We spent all weekend packing Eldritch Lust 3, episode 3. So if you kickstarted it and you put it in, it will start getting to you.

So for anyone who doesn't know, just to interject, Amanda starts off during the pandemic as a series of short, connected found footage. Well, it's a found footage story told in small segments. However, it was decided that we would splice this together into a feature and had it out a little with bits and bobs.

Yeah, there was just a couple of bits in it, which wasn't a huge amount. When I actually took the bits out and he looked at it as a block, you're like, oh, there's those bits and those bits got me filled in. So that's a lot to be filled in. But there's some really good bits in it, which are not. It's like, I can't just throw this away. There's some kind of cool bits in it. One of them, you know, the main one. Yeah, that one. I had to do a hand signal for it. That's just, that's gold.

Yes, the animated one that's like the telling of how Megatron and Optimus Prime were friends and then...

Have you seen it?

I haven't, but I've heard about it. You know me, I'm a geek. I know this.

It's really good.

Really?

Yeah, it's really good. I really enjoyed it.

I was put off.

Some good humor as well, actually.

I was put off. I will watch it, but I was put off because I thought, why are they making them friends for us? It's like, it's a bit to me like in Smallville, the series where the Clark Kent and Lex Luthor were best friends.

Yeah.

In that series, but then that kind of did work in Smallville. So I guess I did like Smallville. So I guess it would kind of work in this. And at the end of the day, it's a fucking animated cartoon about some giant robots that can transform. So who am I to say what's realistic and what's not really?

It's worth a watch. But you know, like it's one of these things. I watched these movies with like Elijah and I could say to Sarah, but she's like, well, when am I going to sort of sit and watch, say, Tracks Wars 1? I know you would, but say, for example, the average person probably wouldn't. So I don't know. But I actually thought it was a pretty good film overall. You know, yeah, Sarah came by, set up the projector, watched a few movies, watched the movies for this.

I haven't seen it.

Really? I watched it again. And I don't know why I was really pissed off. I must have not been very happy this time. I completely gave it another three ratings. I gave it a seven out of 10. I was like, no, I really enjoy it. It's basically a James Bond film. Audrey Plaza, whatever her name is, she's in it. And I think, I don't really like her. She's kind of weirdly cast. But apart from that, it's kind of like a James Bond film.

Grant, yeah.

Yeah, I think it was Richard Grant. Also did Lethal Weapon on a big screen, which is nice. I did a couple of other films. I think I was kind of having a bit of a Henry Cavill week as well, funny enough. It's a bit weird.

Oh, he's a handsome man.

Just so I'm trying to get to what I watched, I do apologize. They're all Guy Ritchie films, to be honest with you.

Just while you're looking at that, you might have just solved Amazon Prime's quest for the next Bond. I've just realized it should be Statham.

That'd be hilarious, isn't it?

The name's fucking 007.

Bond. That should be Dandora. I watched The Ministry of Ungenerously Warfare again.

Still haven't seen that.

Oh, I really enjoyed that one because that's like just basically a bunch of guys who are like these are like crazy fuckers in this World War II. Like, go on, off you go. You know, go and do a mission first with no one knows about it. OK, no worries. Really enjoyable.

You've recommended that to me in the past. They steal a giant boat or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's really enjoyable, actually. And I did another one as well. I can't remember what it was. I was doing just Guy Ritchie movies and shit, really. That's kind of how I was this week with things. Apart from that, man, not much, you know, busy. I'm busy with dead bulk films. Getting Amanda finished has been my main priority. And it's been six years in the making. And they can fuck off now. They can go out to the world. I don't have any. I have no hand in it now.

It's a shame it's not called Felicia, because then you could say, bye Felicia.

I could do it, bye Amanda.

Well, I've been busy. I've only really managed to watch one film of note, really. And that's a film from 2011. I've got a new job, so I've been extremely busy getting to grips with that. Really enjoying it though. And obviously children, who are returning four in a couple of months, so they're taking up all my time as well.

Well, this week you're going to be watching the full finished copy of Amanda because you're just checking doing a QC for me. And so you'll be actually watching a movie which hasn't even come out yet. So that kind of helps. At least that makes you feel better.

Yeah.

Brings you back into it. The game.

That's it. That's it. That's it. Yeah. So there we go. That's that.

Should we get on with it?

Yeah. Let's let's do Matthew's email. Yep. And then we'll jump into a trailer for Spookies. So, as I said, Matthew is the sort of patron, king patron of the episode. He is the guy that actually suggested patron picks many years ago, about three years ago. And I think it was. So I think this is his third or fourth go round. Might be his third. Oh, so let's see what he says. And again, for anyone who doesn't know, our patrons don't have to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we spoke off air, didn't we?

Yeah.

It's a strange one, really. Well, I know it's been disclosed what happened, but it's still quite sad.

Yeah, really weird. So it turns out it looks like, so for anyone who doesn't know, Gene Hackman and his wife and dog were all found dead in their property. They've been there for about two or three weeks. She was quite mummified. I think it might have been longer than that, actually. Yeah. And what had happened is she died of a parasitic virus that you get from rodents. They probably had like rats or something. And she died and he, his dementia was so bad, he didn't realize she'd been dead.

I just wandered around the house. I'm assuming he must have shot a dog in a door or something. The dog probably starved.

It's so sad to think, not just of Gene Hackman, but of anybody having...

Or that ending for their lives.

Yeah, he was just so oblivious to it. At least, I guess he was oblivious to it. But I just really hope he didn't suffer, or her, of course, or the dog. But it was a really weird thing when they announced, you know, both of them are dead and the dog, and everyone was like, what? Who's killed them? What have they done? Have they done something to P. Diddy or the Weinsteins? But turns out it was just a really weird set of circumstances.

Great actor. It's a real shame because there was a point when he lost the passion because he was actually just doing movies to pay for divorces. And that's why he's doing it. And he even said to... He was watching Kevin Costner do some something. Kevin Costner has turned his story recently. And he was watching him do something. And Kevin Costner says some stuff to the director.

Yeah, because famously, he famously fell out with a lot of directors in the beginning of his career.

I understand not liking fame, I don't think I'd like it.

On the set of The French Connection, him and the director almost came to blows several times.

Oh, Freekin?

Yeah, because Freekin was really... didn't like him. Because he's a tough guy, isn't he, Gene Hatman? And he was a bit, in real life, a bit of a tough guy. Although apparently quite a softy as well when you got to know him. Because obviously he played Lex Luthor in the original Superman movie. So he had some funny bone in his body and he was a good guy.

They didn't like, both of them didn't really like playing Schneider as well. Both didn't like playing the sort of badder people. Even though, and Gene Hackman especially, because Freakin said about this actually, Gene Hackman was like, I don't like being out in Freakin's like, that was the character, that was the cop, that's what he was like. You have to be like that.

Yeah, it was the racials that he didn't like. He didn't like having to be racist.

But a good actor, though. But a good actor, but unfortunately lost the passion due to not getting along with the wife and getting divorced.

We'll probably never cover any of his films because he wasn't really in any horror films, but just worth a mention because he is a Hollywood icon. He made it to 95.

Yeah, great actor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fantastic stuff. So back to Matthew. Sorry about that, Matthew, but I'm sure you appreciate that. You know, Gene Hackman, we have to mention.

Unforgiven. Yeah, Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman.

Yeah, great movie.

Yeah, I actually covered that on someone's podcast.

RJ. McCready's podcast.

Oh, good, good, good.

Bite Size Cinema, I believe that was. It's still out there if anybody wants to check it out. Shout out to RJ. McCready.

That was great. Sorry for forgetting, RJ. My brain just does not remember any information. Stephanie. Input, Stephanie.

Stephanie need input. Maybe we'll cover that one day, short circuit.

I think it's the sexual ones, Stephanie. You want input?

Weirdly, I covered short circuit, but not on RJ. He's on Ricky Morgan's show. So there we go.

Anyway, our podcast in Tentacles. Go on, get on with it.

Get your tentacles out of me. Matthew says he doesn't say that.

Hello. His letter is get them tentacles out of me. Signed off, Matthew.

And that's it.

Is that it? What is going on, Matthew? With those tentacles, eh?

He says, hi guys, as per my previous Patreon picks.

He might like Eldridge's last comic series if he's into tentacles and game places.

Hello. As per my previous Patreon picks, I'd like to give you something a bit more heavy hitting as the upper teeth, followed by something a little more easy to digest as a compliment. We're going to switch it though, Matthew. We are. He said, I considered a range of hard hitters, including Salo. Thank God we didn't have to cover that one. The Painted Bird.

I don't know.

I settled on one which I think you and the wider haunted audience would enjoy. He starts with Clockwork Orange. I'm just going to read out what he says about that. He says, I first saw this film on its DVD release following Kubrick's death, was blown away by it on several fronts. Everything in this film is downright weird, but some of its parts adds up to a terrific movie.

The old In-N-Out.

A little bit of the old In-N-Out. The ultraviolence, my droogs. It's just one of a kind, isn't it? He says, it is perfect. It is gorgeousness and gorgeous and gorgeosity made flesh. On a deeper level, though, it brings up questions of choice, totalitarianism, gang violence, imprisonment and social issues, which feel as relevant today as they did when the film was released in the 70s. And I agree there. I was watching this now. I think you'd fuck me in it.

Well, that's great because I quite often find the film in the conversation with you. I have notes, you have notes. We see they put together and we go, oh, and we sort of discover stuff as we go, which I quite like. And The Clockwork Orange is definitely a discovery movie of different things. Yeah.

He says, I always feel that a sign of a good film is one where you when you're disappointed when it ends. And I certainly was when the credits came up on this film. I felt that I could have watched another few hours to find out what became of Alex and his dream.

I'm not sure Spookies is in the same vein, but.

No, no, but it is patron picks.

I know, no, no, no, no, absolutely. I like the juxtaposition of them both. But I mean, you can't have this deep metaphorical conversation or whatever the fuck we're going to talk about with Spookies. I don't feel as much as we can with Clockwork.

There's certainly a conversation to be had.

There is.

He says, for me, this is up there in my top 10 films, but don't put it out. Don't put it on when the kids are awake due to the smatterings of ultraviolence and scenes of the old In-N-Out.

I was about to say, my kids like the ultraviolence. I don't know about the In-N-Out and I don't want to know.

They like the ultraviolence. They like the violence. He said, but when the kids are in bed and you are alone, close the curtains, put on this film, sit back, relax and get one in the Yardballs. If you have any Yardballs, you're unique jelly though. But moreover, video well, Gav and Dan, video well. I love that. Then he says, for Spookies, I first saw this film after recording it from the TV on the Bravo Channel back in the mid-90s. That sounds about right, doesn't it?

That sounds exactly right on Bravo.

He said, when I was about 10 or 11, I had an agreement set up with my parents.

I think that's where I saw Bad Taste the first time.

Amazing. He said, I had an agreement set up with my parents. Well, I would circle in the TV Times, which was a magazine in the UK, TV magazine for anyone who doesn't know. I wanted them to record, so he'd say, this is the one for tonight and they would. He said, then when I was at school, my mum would watch the film and judge if I was allowed to watch it when I got home. Amazing. This is amazing. She's like the BBFC in the house, you know, TV. Right. That one's been circled.

The British Board of Mum Classification.

Yeah, the BBFMC or whatever.

That's amazing, because my parents are totally different. My parents are very much like, I'm going to watch the movie. Yeah, go for it. See you later. Don't make a noise. Oh, OK. Not that they didn't love me, but they're just like, do whatever you want. Go over there and do that. And I'd watch anything I wanted, which is great. But I love the fact that your mum sat there and watched different films.

He says she was actually my own, very own Mary White House.

Indeed.

As long as there was not much swearing and only limited and very fleeting nudity.

Are we saying your mum's in the 80s sitting there in the living room, folding laundry or whatever. And there's just porn, not porn, but I mean like sex scenes on which a lot of movies you're not allowed to watch. You won't. And she's going, Oh, he can't watch that as she's folding. Someone's getting shot gunned in the head or something. Oh no, he can't watch that.

But imagine her having to watch Spookies. She'd have been like, what the fuck is going on here?

You can watch that. I don't know what was going on with that.

Similarly, Matty, my parents did something like that, but they did this really annoying thing where we sit down as a family, just me and my sister because my brother was much younger. And if we got to a point in the film where there had been too much swearing or there was a sex scene, my parents would then stop the film. We'd all have to go to bed. They'd then review the rest of the film and then tell us whether or not we could watch the rest of it the next day.

That's so bad.

We did it with Ghost. We got through the sex scene in Ghost and that was fine. And then as soon as he says the F-word in the train station, my dad stopped it, said, I'll tell you if you can watch the rest of it. We were allowed to watch the rest because there's no more swearing or sex in it. That's fine. I had to go to bed thinking, what's going to happen to Patrick Swayze?

This is me. OK, this is my childhood. I was sitting there at work when my mum and dad worked. My mum was a receptionist in the coal business. My family comes from the coal business. Obviously, not anymore. I actually packed coal when I was a kid. I was 15 or whatever. No, I was younger than that. Anyway, regardless of that. I was sitting there one day. My dad's there working. He delivered the coal.

There was a lot of boobs in that first one as well.

Yeah, so that was kind of how it was for me. I just didn't care.

I used to have to trick my mum because my sister was much younger. So on a Saturday afternoon, I'd usually get to rent something from the local mum and pop sort of store on the corner. And I'd always trick my mum and tell her, oh, I've seen this at somebody else's house, you know, like a kung fu movie, like a Chuck Norris film or something. I'd never seen it. And I just had to hope and pray. That's a good way. She didn't walk in the room when there was something bad happening.

I think he's going to wipe it in a curtain soon, mum.

I wasn't watching that anyway. Back to Matthew.

That's hilarious though.

Yeah. Sorry. That inspired quite a funny little offshoot there, Matthew. I hope you appreciate that. He said indeed though.

But very quickly, we have kids now ourselves. I have a 10 year old son. And so we watch, say we watch good games, the violence and that is not bothered me. There's a fine, fine. Because they are a little bit more desensitized with some YouTube and stuff like, you know, some stuff gets passed and they see stuff. But yeah, I am still with that though, I want movies to watch there. So we're still just getting into sort of things now at 10.

And actually, funny enough, I messaged you the other day when Dad was off sick, my son was off sick and we sat down together and he loves Labyrinth, he loves Princess Bride, you know, two of my absolute favorite films of all time. And on Prime, next to one of them was The Dark Crystal, which is, you know, really dark film. And we put it on, even though it's Jim Henson. And within 20 minutes, he was crying, you know, it was really scary for him, so I turned it off.

I'm trying to make you watch them. But I said to you, and I said to you, Army Of Darkness, I think, is the best gateway horror movie you could get kids to watch. Honestly, it's not that bad. And it's got comedy and spoofness in it. You can see it's like fantasy and it's not real. It's medieval. So do you not mean?

I've got a few lined up like Monster Squad and things like that, which when they're older.

Yeah, that's older. But honestly, Army Of Darkness is a good one.

But back to Matthew. He says, Spookies did pass my mum's test, but it came with a warning from her. She said, you can watch it if you want, but it is bloody stupid. That would make me as a 10-year-old be like, fucking hell, get it on now. He said, and I've had a weird relationship with this film ever since, whereby I really consider, whenever I really consider watching it, whereby I never really consider watching it, but when I do, I always enjoy it.

This is a nostalgic movie for you, because this was my first time watching this in 2025 at 48.

He said, similar to food, sometimes you don't always fancy an aesthetically pleasing three-course gourmet meal in a hoity-toity restaurant. Sometimes you just want a greasy burger and chips at the local fairground.

You do.

And that's exactly what Spookies is. It doesn't pretend to be anything other than a cheap fairground burger. But it definitely hits the spot if the mood is right. Actually, thinking of fairgrounds, it reminds me of the old ghost trains you get on the British coast. Both are full of mishmash, varying standards of props. There is a feeling that anything can happen next, but both have that nostalgic smell of the 80s.

All right. Yeah, I'll say that. If it's a fairground burger, I think the meat's gone off, but we're getting to it.

Just for context, Matthew's picks over the last couple of years have been Hansel and Gretel from 88 and Bram Stoker's Dracula.

That's one of the licking the bowl through the window, wasn't it?

It was.

It had been fucking sterics.

It almost killed you, that scene with the donkey licking the custard.

Don't start. I'll go off again on it.

He then picked fucking Flash Gordon and Dead Man's Shoes. And obviously now we got Spookies and Clockwork Orange. So Dead Man's Shoes was a dark conversation, wasn't it, as well?

I really enjoyed watching it again, though.

Really good movie. So Matthew, thank you so much for your email.

Yeah, thank you.

We hope we do you proud on this episode.

The other day, I went to the zoo, speaking of laughing out loud.

Was there a donkey?

My eldest, Charlie, went and took a picture of my middle child, Daisy, when she put her head through like an otter thing. So on the other side, it looked like she was an otter. She had zoomed in, and it just looked like it was actually an otter with a little pair of glasses doing this face. I started laughing so much, I hurt my jaw so bad I couldn't eat properly for two days. I stood there just laughing so much that I actually started hurting. And go, ha, ha.

Funny enough, I was at a zoo this weekend, just as I've told you.

And that's funny, we're both at zoos.

And you can't make this up. I was looking at some raccoons.

You got caged up with the monkeys.

I was taking a picture of a raccoon to send to us.

They thought you were a monkey.

No. I was taking a picture of a raccoon to send it to RJ. McCready, because Guardians Of The Galaxies Rocket Raccoon, I knew he'd love that. And while I was doing that, I could hear a load of commotion from my kids. They're three, turning four in a few months, so they don't know what's going on. And Alice is pissing herself. And I'm like, why is Alice laughing so much? My wife. So I go over there, and these two animals, I don't really know what animals they were. We're just fucking going at it.

You don't know what animals they were. Did they have four legs?

They had four legs. It was like a rodent, big rodent thing from Australia.

I don't really know what it was.

But they were going at it. Hammer and tongs. And my kids were just watching, going, what are they doing? Are they cuddling? Are they fighting? What's happening? And it's like, you're three. Just move on to the next cage, please. But they were really, it was almost like they've waited for an audience.

They were waiting for the three year olds.

Vera! Come on, let's go.

I think those ones are three year olds. Let's disturb them for life.

Honestly, it was horrible. They were, and later on, they were still going at it about 45 minutes later.

They're coming back. Stick it in my mouth.

Jesus Christ. Well, on that note, flipping the script on what Matthew has put in his email, we are going to do Spookies first.

So, yeah, yeah, I feel like we have such a conversation with Clockwork again. Spookies would be like, I don't know.

I'll be exhausted. I'll be spent.

I feel like it's like a really disastrous dessert that they've just given me. Oh, I don't like that. That's horrible.

Well, let's have a little trailer for Spookies and then we'll get into some Spooky Dookies. With the approval of Matthew Godley's mother, of course.

Brilliant. That's weird. No name. Happy birthday, Billy. No, no, no, no. Come on, Megan, it's Spooky as Hell inside.

Spookies from 1986, rated 18 an hour and 25 minutes. A wicked sorcerer tries to sacrifice a group of people inside his house with the invention of using their vitality to keep his wife alive. To be honest, I watched this movie, and a day later, I couldn't remember what happened. So that's all new to me almost.

Spookies, it is a bit of a cult movie, horror fans.

I've seen the cover.

Love it or hate it.

The name is brilliant. Yeah, yeah.

Um, it's one that I've seen. I think it's probably my third time I've seen it. I didn't see it until much later than Matthew. I probably saw this in my twenties. I don't know where I saw it. I think it was on Sky or something. And then I saw it again, probably not only about five or six years ago. Um, and I had completely forgotten what it was about. So we watched it. And, you know, exactly as he described, it is like a greasy burger at a fairground.

It is confusing for that effects thing. See, if this was a big studio product, I'd say this is fueled by cocaine through and through. 86, you know. But it is weird. You know when we watched like A Nightmare On The Street 4, and we said that's pretty much an effects show for the effects artist rather than an actual movie? I think it was four or five, one or two. This feels almost the same.

Four and five, I think we said.

Quite possibly. This feels almost the same in some sense, do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's like we've got all it because it's like you wouldn't write this film and then have them effects because anyone, any producers could come along and look at that. It's going to go. That's going to cost an absolute fucking fortune. You can't have all these effects. Or if you had you got to move a backstory off it, can't you?

Yeah, I've got a little bit of a production history.

Or you've got someone, a director who's already friends with an effects artist who already has a lot of shit already made. And it's like, yeah, let's do this. I've got this. OK, I'll write around what you have. You know what I mean? That's how I see it.

There's a bunch of different monsters and zombies and like a werecat pirate boy.

Yeah, there's so much. And it's weird because some of the effects are really elaborate, huge things. But it's like they're not good enough to be, say, like a really good Rob Bolton sort of effects or so from the thing or something like that. Do you know what I mean? But like someone's put a lot of fucking effort in anyway, and it's cost a lot of money for materials, a fuck ton of money that would have cost to make all those effects. So I am confused and surprised by what's going on here.

One thing you would say, I mean, I was just about to say, I guess at 10 or 11 years old when Matthew watched this, it's a child's dream really because it's just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, you know, constant.

Well, that's why I didn't remember any of this next day because there's too much going on. I started off going, okay, this is what's happening. Then it was like out the window. What is going on?

Well, here's a little bit of production sort of backstory on the movie. And I'm sure Matthew's already aware of this.

The production team accidentally was shooting in a warehouse, which was full of cocaine from some drug dealers that used to be there once upon a time. And they went, Oh my God, maybe what is this? And it just went everywhere. And they went, I've got an idea. The effects artist said, look, there's some speed over here as well. I'm going to go and make fucking 500 monsters now.

Is that what we're going to have a Chinese spider lady whose head sort of explodes? There's so much.

It's so elaborate.

And a little pirate cat.

That's why the director or whoever wrote this did not write that stuff in because the producer had been like, what the shit, what world do you live on that we can afford this?

You know, this feels like before I read the, yeah, yeah, yeah. This feels a bit like phantasm sort of little step son that you know, I mean, it's got that because that phantasm doesn't really make sense.

It's taking a lot of drugs.

But there's a lot of shit going on in phantasm, and you're just there for the ride. And this is in some ways a bit like a lesser phantasm.

I feel drugs are involved somewhere in this production, though.

I do.

I keep coming back to that. I don't know why.

Maybe Spookies means like coke. So Spookies, yes, it's a 1986 American independent horror film, which was directed by Brendan Faulkner and Thomas Duran with additional footage, which we'll get into in a minute, directed by Eugenie Joseph. So it follows a group of partying adults who find an abandoned mansion, become trapped inside as the warlock tries to sacrifice them to keep his bride in a coffin upstairs alive.

Yeah.

The pedo in the tree that talks to him.

Yeah.

The cat boy, which if you think about it, he never interacts with anyone but the warlock upstairs, the warlock himself, the girl in the coffin, and all the zombies. None of those were in the original film. And that's why you don't really see a lot of them interacting with the main cast. They also added the witch in the basement and the little blue boy that lives in the cupboard. So yes, all of this is in one film.

There's a part of it where I felt like I wanted to say Sarah. Sarah, is bird coming out my ears? But yes, so I was on the train when we started this going, Karen, Karen, yeah, they added in a lot of the bad guys.

There was already the muck man and the spider lady and that were already in it because you got those mud men that far. You know the ones that just turned up at one point. They're just farting at them. But yeah, they added in a whole extra bunch of stuff. Turn this into an hour and 25 minute feature.

It feels like some dream I was having to be honest with you.

It's like a dream. And it's going to be difficult to break down, but we will try. But yeah, it's definitely, now I know that this was probably about 60 minutes and they added another 25 minutes in of additional stuff. You can kind of see that where some of the characters don't interact with each other, but it is what it is. It's got some crazy monsters in it. It's got something for everybody in it. If you like spider ladies that want to kill you and suck you dry.

Let's go.

It's got everything in it. It's even got Boglins in it.

It's very weird. Like I said, at the beginning of it, I was on the train for it, then all of a sudden I was like, I don't know where this train is going. I'm just going to pull the hat over my eyes, go to sleep almost. I didn't. I did watch it all. I didn't go to sleep.

So there's an interesting, almost giallo score as well at times, which is promising at the beginning, and you get a very cheap title card then up here on screen.

Yeah, it's kind of like a really cheap version of Creepshow.

Yeah, yeah, I suppose it is. And again, a lot of these effects are frustratingly quite good, but not really good. Yeah. And we start off in a graveyard, and there is a great scene here of a grave pulsating.

Oh, yeah, that's kind of cool.

Then it cuts in that form.

Yeah, the flexible grave. It does when you get this kid all of a sudden that pops up after you've had like the man talking with a cane, talking to a coffin.

Yeah. So we get the sorcerer whose name is Creon and it's his house that we're all going to be going to in this film. Creon is sat in his sort of magic room saying, Oh, yes, all I need is more victims and they'll be here soon to bring my wife back to life. Then we shall be together forever. And he's got a coffin and he obviously knows that.

Essentially, it's Dracula.

Yeah. But he needs the life force of these other people to bring his dead wife back from the dead. Seventy years later, apparently.

But we're outside again of a kid. There's this gravestone, which is just looks like it's made out of fucking foam. They're just painting on some grains carved in a few. It looks so bad. So, yes, really, really bad. I can get my kids to do better than that. That's really bad.

And this is the first time we see a little vampire werecat pirate boy.

Pedo in the trees.

He comes up in a minute. But the little vampire boy, he's spying on this little boy called Billy. Now, Billy's decided it's his birthday and he's decided to run away from home. So he goes out in the woods and he sits down with his little bit of birthday cake all on his own. And this is where...

What is this kid's backstory? We don't know.

We don't know.

It's so random.

But then some kind of weird pedo pervert goes, Hey kid!

Yeah, all of a sudden there's a pedo.

What are you doing out here in the woods? And he's like, it's my birthday. And he's like, you got a light for me, kid? And the other kid does have a cigarette lighter. And he likes this. He says, what are you doing? He's like, I ran away from home. It's my birthday today. He goes, oh yeah, your birthday.

And he goes, how old are you?

I know.

What's your one of those age?

And then Billy says, well, look, I've got to go anywhere. I'm not afraid of anything. And he walks off and that pedo gets killed by the vampire pirate boy.

Fair enough, though.

Fair enough. If you're going to kill anyone. And we then get the introduction of the most craziest mishmash of people that I've seen in a long time in a film. Two cars with people of all ages.

Who's the weirdest couples?

There's like an older couple that you might think of the parents at the beginning.

It must been like, literally like, is anyone around to make a movie? Yeah, we are.

We need seven or eight people.

Give you a bit of money, not much. We like feed you some pizza. All right. Yeah, you could be a couple. You be a couple. And it's like, why are these friends even hanging out? What is their common interest?

One of the guys is dressed head to toe in leather, like Eddie Murphy, stand up.

I've seen you wearing that.

Yeah, black leather he's wearing throughout the whole movie. And there's another guy with a hand puppet for no reason, who just uses that to annoy everyone. What the fuck?

When they're driving along in a car, there's no engine sound in the foley. They haven't put us... No, because they've obviously, if you didn't know this, quite often, the car doesn't move. Someone's just rocking it out, so. It does. George Miller, he goes out and shoots Mad Max top rooms and obviously it does. But for this case, for ease on a studio, or in a sound stage, whatever, it's just there, you have a car, you have people around it moving it, the car could be moved a bit.

And we've seen this sort of conversation in Evil Dead, in the Friday movies where there's a group of people on their way to a place that's obviously going to be cursed. And they're all getting drunk and chatting about what they're going to do when they get there and that kind of thing. Yeah, there is a really weird mishmash of people.

And it does feel like an Italian horror film, though. You would always find these carloads of like kind of random people in Italian horror and they're going out to a graveyard or a castle. Yeah, so it does have that sort of it does feel like definitely that the people made this, there could be some fans of horror made it up presumably, and they might have been fans of Italian horror.

Yeah, I 100% agree with you, and particularly with some of the scoring as well.

There is quite an ominous score going on. It's not amazing, but it's what's good about the scores. It doesn't actually sound dated. Sometimes music scores can sound dated with the choice of instrument, because it's called at the time or whatever, do you know what I'm saying? And this doesn't because it's really weird choices of sounds here and there, but it actually kind of makes it okay. So I am giving it some slight props for this.

Well, there's a lot of props in the film. In fucking loads. So we then cut back to the sorcerer, Creon.

That PV suit is a fucking amazing PV suit, by the way.

At what?

PVC black suit the man wears is incredible.

He's just in my notes as leather man.

I think it's PVC, but either way, it's incredible. It's black and shiny and it's looking good.

And it's a two piece. Creon, the sorcerer, back to him, he opens the coffin and we see this beautiful bride in there. She looks a lot like Winona Ryder when Winona Ryder was blonde in Edward Scissorhands. She's wearing a bridal gown and he says to her, my beautiful bride, I've waited 70 years to wake you. Once this group of people arrive, I'll be able to take their life force and bring you back to life. It's a really, I've written here, really bad script.

We've got the kid just walks into house, it's full of balloons. What's going on?

So Billy, who's run away from home at the age of 13, nearly got grabbed by a pervert. He's found the house.

He's not doing well. He's just left home for a week, almost got lapped by a perv.

He comes across this giant house in the graveyard, which is Creon's house, and he walks on in. And he sees a table set up with balloons. And one of the cakes says, Happy birthday, Billy. And he's like, Oh, brilliant. You've set me up a surprise birthday party. This is so good.

I have got it here, though. I kind of like the fact that this film kind of does drip in straight into it, and it kind of drips the atmosphere a little bit. Do you know what I mean? I'm quite intrigued of what's going on at the moment. This does kind of wane, though.

Well, we leave Billy at the birthday table for a moment, though, because we cut back to the Catboy Monster Pirate Kid, who chucks a branch in the road as a sort of decoy for the two cars full of people, and they get out the car, Leatherman, sort of like, hey, come on, let's get this branch and Leatherman, and Puppet Boy.

Puppet Boy, to sound like, sounds like a movie we shouldn't be watching.

Sounds like a movie we should be watching.

I don't know about that.

But they move the branch out of the way, and they're all kind of like, oh, we gotta get to where we're going. They don't really explain why they're going to this mansion. They don't really explain, really, they probably explain what their connection is. At the moment, there's about seven or eight adults of various ages, from the ages of about 20 up to about 50, maybe, that are apparently all friends, all drinking, some of them, anyway. Some of them are wearing leather, some of them are puppets.

Is this a description to the police? Some of them were wearing leather, officer?

One of them had a puppet, so...

What about a puppet? What did they do to you, sir?

They put a branch in the road. Yeah, so Billy, in this mansion, he's very excited that, you know, he's got this birthday party, and then a little toy robot comes up behind him, and he's like, oh, wow, toy robots. Then what I can only describe as a Jawa from Star Wars creeps into the mansion to spy on him again. And I'm like, at this point, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. Already, we're about 10 minutes in, I'm like, I'm a bit lost already, what's going on here? Why is there a Jawa creeping in?

This is, this is, I was already quite intrigued at this point. I was like, what's up then? And I was like, oh, this movie is going to be a, what's that then doing movie, isn't it?

What, what's that then doing? It's like a vampire child in a Jawa's outfit basically. And it grabs a knife, Billy opens his present, but inside the present is a head.

Because he says, is it a bowling ball?

And it's the head of Creon and he says, people, stay Billy.

It's like obviously there's the boxes on the table and the man's underneath the table through his head in the box.

Billy runs away and we'll see what happens to him in just a moment. But as he runs off back into the graveyard, the two castles of party goers arrive at the mansion.

The weird couples.

And they're like, hey, what the hell? Why is there a mansion in the middle of a graveyard? Or, better yet, why did somebody build a graveyard around their mansion? Who knows which came first? And they're like, oh, I don't know. It's all a bit strange, though, isn't it? So while they're there, we keep seeing this fucking cat boy vampire thing with a hook for a hand.

Is it the security cat wolf, werecat, which we have in the garden?

With a hook for a hand.

So he's outside.

Why has he got a pirate hook for a hand as well? And he's wearing like sort of a waistcoat, like an 18th century. I don't know. But now I understand he was spliced into the film. That's why he's always creeping around in the corridors.

So they've just shot these shots of this thing just because. I love it when they went out there to shoot this and the guy's doing this. So what's my direction? What's the purpose of my character? What's my goal?

Two cars have just arrived full of people.

That's it. Just you're kind of looking at the house.

Creeping around with your hook for a hand and he's like, OK, cool.

Why have I got a hook? That's your backstory. You figure it out.

What's my character? Am I a pirate or am I a werewolf or am I a vampire boy?

Or am I a cat? What am I?

You're a werecat zombie.

All of what you just said just look creepy. Go.

Take some more cane. Action. Get on with it, please.

And action.

So, yeah, they look at this mansion. Leatherman, of course, says, let's go in.

Leatherman always wants to get in.

So they go, oh god, all right. When the older couple were like, oh, do we have to? Yeah, come on, then. Leatherman says it. So they all go on in.

That's them walking.

You got the guy with the puppet and he's going, hey, puppet, puppet, puppet. And everyone's like, for god's sake, John.

If I was there, I'd be like, I want to kill all of you right now. I'm not staying in this mansion with you, let alone the car.

Why the fuck is a grown man got a puppet on his arm? He's like a reject character from one of the Friday movies. I can imagine Crispin Glover having a puppet in one of the Friday movies. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

But anyway, they've got shitloads of beer in their cars, of course, and they set up a party with some music. There's some slow dancing going on. And it's just a weird mix of old and young people. You've got a couple of older people slow dancing. The younger people are kissing. Puppet man's going around, going up to everybody. Leather man's dancing with his girlfriend. It's all going on already. They've got this party started.

They don't need any 80s. You didn't need anything to get a party going. You literally turn up a house and press play in the stereo, you get a tape deck, and everyone just goes, yeah.

Cool. I guess this is a party. Billy, the little boy outside, he is attacked by the vampire cat zombie pirate.

Bang wolf.

Okay. And he's chased.

It's a private joke between me and Sarah.

Bang wolf. Okay. And he is chased. We'll come back to him again in a moment. While they're in the house, all the lights have gone out. What the hell's going on? I know all the lights are on initially. Why are all the lights on in the house? Maybe someone lives here. I don't know. Who could it be? Could it be Creon the Sorcerer living in the house?

At this point, it could be fucking the Bonball Snowman up there in a fucking leather apron.

Now, I thought this next scene was quite cruel and quite good because it's like a 13-year-old boy and the vampire cat.

I like the kid getting killed.

Yeah. He gets attacked by the cat boy thing who rips his face open with the hook. And then he chucks him in an open grave.

This was actually the most full-on thing in this film.

Yeah. And this little boy is sort of lying in the grave.

And he just throws dirt all over him.

And he just keeps burying him. He keeps burying him. And then he's just...

It was really interesting. Like, oh, OK. Unfortunately, we didn't really go there again with anything as intense as that.

I think he comes back later as a zombie. I don't know. But yeah, so Billy is dead. And then the zombie boy cat man heads back to the house. I hope you're with us, listeners.

Yeah, yeah. And when we get back there, we're back with our random group of couples. We still don't know why they're there. They're just there.

I've written here, party's still going on. Puppet man is clearly deranged because he is just going around with his puppet on his hand. And the leather man is quite upset about something. And again, they don't explain why he's crossed with his girlfriend or what he's crossed about. You know what he gets like sometimes. They don't explain why he's upset.

There's no explanation of any of it. So I'm presuming none of it was actually written in the first place in the script. It was literally like a group of kids go there. That's what we watch horror movies. Group of kids go there. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Add this, add that.

I would have written, he's upset that his leather is chafing his bollocks.

That's what we go with. We go with leather chafing.

Leather chafing. Now, we get a cool little moment now where they're sort of looking around and one of them finds a planchette from.

Yeah, really weird. Weegee board chaper, isn't it? It's for one, isn't it? It's for one person. I was like, I'd never believe that. I'll be like, no, you're moving it. I'm not moving it.

Well, before that, they find this planchette. Bear in mind, what they're about to find in the cupboard doesn't make any of them leave the house. So they're like, what is this? And I don't know what it is. Well, we as an audience, we know what it is. It's a planchette for a Weegee board. But then Leatherman's like, hey, I found a locked door over here. I'm going to smash it open. And they're like, well, why would you do that? You know, someone could still be living here.

And it plays a really loud, weird music score over the top. But it does keep a slight atmosphere still.

Yeah. Now, what's quite cool. And another thing I do like is when they ask the Ouija board questions, the man upstairs, the Creon, not God, Creon, the old dude in the Attic or wherever he is. He answers, he says, You will never leave the house. You know, they say, like, when will we leave this house? Will we be together in three months' time as a couple? And he says, No, you will die tonight. And then what he said, whatever he says, the Ouija board spells out.

Is this when the old man's vein in his forehead pumps?

Yes, his vein really sticks out in his forehead, doesn't it, when he's doing this?

It's a practical effect. It's not actually the actor.

I think that's to symbolize that he's controlling her with his mind. So they were like, how are we gonna symbolize that? Get a big vein, a big bladder, one of those effects in his forehead. And it's like a big penis vein on his forehead, just really throbbing.

Is this where the woman gets possessed and goes like, Tim, you evil dead?

That's what I just literally did. Do you know, I listen to what I'm saying.

Yeah, I do.

You don't. That's what I said though. Carol turns away and then they're like, Carol, Carol.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turns back and she's like, isn't it like a team, you evil dead? No, it's like you asked the evil dead, like head prop come and this turned up. What's that?

Well, you do supermarket online delivery and they're like, we didn't have the good coffee, so we've sent you like the really crap budget price coffee.

Yeah, that's kind of it. Yeah.

OK, I'll have to take that as an alternative. Yeah, it's relatively good effects.

There's one problem this whole movie, though, we get a point soon as the zombies just appear and the zombies don't look too bad. The problem with this whole film is the lighting has been done so bad because they're just like, like everywhere. Well, should we just turn some of the lights down here and there to make it a bit more shadowy and spooky? And it's just lit, lit, lit, lit, lit. So that does, unfortunately. And it would help with the effects as well, if you sort of darken stuff a bit.

They are a little bit, but I suspect there's two reasons for that. I suspect firstly, that they weren't as experienced enough to know about things like that whilst making this.

And secondly, which seems crazy, but yes.

I think they wanted to really highlight some of these effects and they didn't want to put them in shadow because they were proud of it. And I guess, you know, they started making this in 83, 84, I think I said. I guess they would have been proud of a lot of these at the time.

They probably would. And there is also, we have to remember, with old films in the 80s and stuff, the effects artists realized also that, you know, once they've been played on the cinema, they go to VHS and people's homes, and the quality, like darks and things like that, come a lot darker, and the quality is not as good. So that actually helps some effects, because sometimes you watch films now with a 4K restoration or whatever the fuck, and you're like, oh, that looks pretty bad.

Well, Carol is possessed, and Creon says through Carol, she says to them all, she is mine now, and she attacks them basically. This is where they start splitting up. So one of the couples runs out to the car, and another guy runs off into the graveyard. He gets killed immediately, because a tombstone appears with his name on it, and he then gets sucked down into the ground and into the tombstone, and he's dead. So that's an easy cast member done and dusted.

I've got a note that says, bet if I read the script, my head would explode.

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of this was ad-libbed really, or made up on the spot.

There's like weird fart sounding monsters in the basement.

We'll get to them in a minute. That's quite a fun scene actually with the sort of sex in the basement and the mud monsters farting all over them. That sounds weirder than it is, but so yeah, they split up into smaller groups. Always a good idea. Some of the guys head upstairs. Leatherman and his girlfriend go off in a different direction. And this is where the bride, Creon's bride wakes up upstairs and Creon is like, I'm so happy to see you. I've waited 70 years. And she's like, let me die.

And she's like, you look well crusty and old.

She says, why the fuck have you got hold on to me? I don't want you anymore. I don't want to be with you. Just let me die and release me. And he's like, well, I'll never let you go. You're never going to escape from me. And he suddenly goes from like being this guy who's like really romantic. I've kept her body and I want to bring her back to life. Suddenly he's like, well, tough, because you're going to be mine and I'm never going to let you go. There's no escape from me now.

I don't even remember this.

And he says to her, I found some wine. And she's like, don't open that, Leather Man. And he's like, no, come on, let's drink it. And it's disgusting. He spits it out. And all of a sudden the mud monsters arrive. This is like, I'm describing a fever dream to you, isn't it?

It feels like you're describing a dream I had the other day. How do you know my dream?

Now, these mud monsters, they kind of come out the ground. And as they walk and move, everything they do is just farting sounds, just to add to the weirdness of this film. Apparently, some of the producers weren't keen on it, but the directors insisted now they have to make farting sounds because they're mud monsters. So they grab Leather Man and his girl, but they managed to fight them off. And they realize...

All it does, in my mind, I'm watching that going, must really be smelly in there. I don't think anything more than that. Why did they have to have fart sounds?

It's almost like... What were we watching recently, where whenever the cop showed up, they had silly music playing in the background?

It was... Was it Halloween or was it Friday 13th?

I think it was Halloween, wasn't it?

Yeah, Halloween 5th.

What was that about?

I don't know. Well, again, they thought that would be funny. So it's not. It takes you out of the movie, you know.

Leatherman and his chick fight off these mud men by finding out that they're allergic to wine. So they get an axe and they break open a big wine vat. The wine pours out, melts the mud men, and they go back upstairs. They decide, probably not a good idea to have sex right now. There's a lot of monsters in this mansion. Let's go back and find our friends. And that's what they do. Puppet Man gets attacked because he gets locked in a room. And his friend Carol, the demon now, she attacks him.

We've got a couple that find a hanging person. And this has actually got better lighting. It actually has some shadows and stuff. It's actually like someone's actually fought this out. It's like, wow.

Yeah, I don't really know who this is that they find.

I don't have a clue. It's just at this point, it's just pictures in front of my eyes.

It is literally like a greatest hits of special effects. And it's like a ghost train.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like a ghost train. While puppet man's locked in the room, because Carol vanishes, the demon, he's like, well, if you're going to come and get me, Carol, then get it over with. I'm just going to take a piss in the fireplace then, in that case. And he just starts pissing in the fireplace. While he's doing that, though, thank God that the pirate cat boy werewolf kid opens the door for him and lets him out of the room. Doesn't think anything of it.

Yeah.

Quite good. Commit the same place.

What is this noise?

What is all this noise? All the furniture starts to move and shake and her fella and her have an argument and he says, well, I'll tell you what, if you like guys that drink so much, I'm going to drink too. He takes one swig of a bottle, passes out cold, leaving his poor lady to worry about why the furniture is moving around. And that's when the Boglins arrive. Now, do you remember the Boglins?

Yeah.

Little toys that you put your hand in. They basically got the toy boglins to attack the British lady and her fella. And these little creatures who are like rejects from the the Goolies, Goolies Four, one of the later ones, they just start attacking her and she's poked one with a fireplace poker.

Very terrible music score of random notes just playing horribly.

And they look...

It's really bad.

This this scene is...

Literally tone deaf composer.

This scene, the music, the effects, the acting, this is hands down probably the worst scene in the film. I hope Matthew's not getting too offended. But it is terrible and she stabs one. She fights them off a bit. While all this is going on, Catman, the little cat boy, he's stood outside the window just dancing.

I think I wanted it to finish at this point. It's just like, please, can this finish now?

Yeah, that didn't quite happen yet, though, does it?

No.

Because she heads upstairs and Creon says to his bride, Your children are all here. She's like, what children? We only have a son. And Ebrich says, son, come here. And it's the little blue vampire boy in a Jawa costume from Erudir. He's their son. What the fuck? Why? I don't get it. And he says, all of my creatures are our children. I've used my darkest magics to summon them all. And they all do my bidding. And they're our children, my dear.

Is this where she's running along and meets some weird tentacle monster that strangles her?

Well, yeah. First of all, she sees the guy, her boyfriend that's just been killed, in a corridor. She's like, David, you're okay. What are you doing? And he's like, come here.

David, what are you doing?

And then for no reason at all, he turns into the Gill Man.

Yeah, I know.

With tentacles.

At this point, I think I was like, why didn't you just take some of the money it cost to make all these effects and make one or two good effects?

So listen to this sentence I'm about to say. Her boyfriend, who's dead, approaches her, turns into Gill Man, who has tentacles that electrify her to death. Electric tentacles, now that's a bad name.

Electric tentacles, that's not bad. Then we've got a bit where someone walks through a cave and they kind of meet a woman that looks like she's from Thunderbirds, the puppet show from the 60s. She does, she looks like she meets one. And they're like, what's going on now?

And she's like, oh, I've come to help you. And he's like, oh, great, how can you help me? Yeah. I'm going to turn into a great big fucking spider woman, and you're going to get stuck in my web. Then she sucks him dry. Not in a good way either.

No, no, that would have been interesting if it had. And at this point, the film's just a scene. Then there's just another scene. Then there's a scene. It doesn't mean that the scenes are actually connected in any way.

Well, then we get a fight. Leather Man starts a fight with one of the other guys, and they start throwing each other around. It's quite good choreography, like busting each other around with chairs. It's like wrestling.

It does feel a little bit like because you've got the synth notes, which feel like the Adam West Batman TV show. But I did actually, that the fight is quite funny because when we get these low budget things, I've actually got kudos to the actors for doing the fight scenes, because the choreography by them is pretty decent. Those two, do you know what happened?

It looks good. It's like a cross between the 60s Batman show and a Western bar fight. Yeah, with a little bit of wrestling.

Absolutely. And also it shot like how a little bit, some of it shot a little bit from a distance, kind of like how action shot now are, so we can actually see what's going on.

It's also got that little bit of that James Bond fisticuffs.

Sean Connery-ish.

Yeah, like where it would have been under-cranked a little bit.

Yeah, yeah.

That kind of thing. So yeah, I quite enjoyed this bit. And especially because there's a big, while they're fighting, listeners, there is a big white statue of a grim reaper overlooking all of this, which then comes to life while they're fighting. Because yes, we need another monster. And it slices the leather man. And then the other guy that the leather man was fighting, does this move to get out of the room where he runs like Bruce Lee at the door that's locked.

Yeah.

A wonderful move. And they all manage to get out of the door because he's smashed through the door with his Superman body. So they all escape.

And then I've got a bit of it. I don't even know if it's a rhyme or not. It's a bit where someone falls or is pushed off a roof. Or pushed into a road or something, but then they explode.

Yes. So the Grim Reaper that was just trying to kill those two, they all climb out for no reason. They climb out of a window onto the roof. It follows them out onto the roof. Then he goes up to it, pushes it off the roof. It lands. And then there's this gigantic explosion that's bigger than a car exploding. And I'm like, what? Why did the Grim Reaper explode like a car bomb? I don't know. Something you might not notice, Gav, you know I've got a key knife for detail.

He sucks, yeah.

Do you see what's on his T-shirt?

No.

He's got a picture of himself on his T-shirt with his puppet on his hand.

Wow.

Now Matthew, did you notice that? Please let us know, because I noticed he's on his own T-shirt holding his puppet. That's how much of a brand he's trying to push for himself. Is he going to be the next sort of Gordon the Gopher? I don't know. Not anymore, because he's just been sucked off by the Spider Lady, but. So yeah, the Grim Reaper explodes. They climb back in. They find a room full of artifacts. And this is where I thought, oh, they're going to explain what's going on.

I know this really has made no sense, but.

And then loads and loads and loads. Now we turn it into a zombie film.

Now it definitely turns into an Italian zombie film, but it actually looks like it's going to be a zombie gang bang. The whole time, it's very sexually, almost the way she's dressed and running. It looks like it's going to be a zombie gang bang.

Well, they start pulling her, because they pull her bridle dress off.

Yeah, and then they chase her for like 10 minutes.

It goes on, she runs around in circles, backwards and forwards. And there's about fair play. They've got about 20 extras dressed as zombies and they're all pretty well made up. And they just keep grabbing at her and grabbing at her and piling on top of her. Then she escapes and they pile on top of her again. And then we get this weird moment where she climbs down over a wall and finds a random man that's never even been in the film. What's he doing out in the middle of nowhere, out of his car?

Brian Wolf.

And Creon bursts out of the coffin at the end and laughs. And the Jawa Boy is sat in the chair upstairs going, dad, we did it. And I'm like, did what?

What in the team you effects happened here?

And we end on a freeze frame. My final notes say that was weird, like phantasm in some ways.

Yep.

Now, look, that's the film.

That is the film. Thank you for that, Matthew.

Now listen, let's summarize this, because there are some good things to this.

I can't agree things are allowed.

It's not the worst film we've seen, certainly not me. You know, I've seen some absolute.

No, I've seen worse. For the fact of the effects and stuff. Okay, you carry on.

I can appreciate why it's got a cult following. This is the third time I've seen it. I probably would never watch it again. No, I've seen it three times. Don't need to, but that's not to say that I'm never going to yuck someone's yum. And I, if I'd have seen this at the same age as Matthew, this would definitely be one I'd be going back to a lot.

I didn't know what you meant then. I thought it was some weird sexual thing.

No, it's a common saying. Don't yuck someone's yum. Someone likes something, you know.

I've never heard it.

But at the same time, it's not... It's such a weird film. You kind of have to see it to know what the hype is about. But once you've seen it, you'll be like, well, I've seen that now. I don't ever have to watch it again. Yeah. A bit like, funny enough, Say Lo, which I saw for the first time ever about two months ago. And I know Matthew mentioned that in his e-mail. I've seen it now. I never need to see it again. Kind of wish I hadn't seen it, really. But there we go.

I didn't really like it. I give it thumbs down. Don't bother watching it.

That's your first time watching it.

Sorry.

It's fucking bat shit, isn't it?

Yeah, it's just that I'm so impatient nowadays. I just am. I struggle with life, finding time to do stuff. And I couldn't if I had free will of the the vast library of the world of cinema, I'm never going to choose this freely.

But that's the beauty of Patreon picks.

We get told what to watch. Matthew, you made us watch it. So thank you.

Would you watch this or Hansel and Gretel again?

Hansel and Gretel, definitely.

I might just go off and watch that donkey scene with the Custard just for the laugh. That is one of my favorite moments of podcasting with you in 11 years. I thought you might die from laughing at that point.

Yeah, that was quite funny. I still like the beer attacking me. Let's get out of here because we've got a proper conversation coming up.

Bill Murray's coming over.

I know he is.

He's strapping me down.

He's wearing that black PVC suit from that movie.

That's pretty cool. He's got the puppet.

He's actually got all the zombies with him as well.

He's got the puppet on, not on his hand.

Oh, well, how does it move? Oh, that's why it's moving like that. Pretty cool. Right. Okay then, Bill, take us away.

Hi, welcome back to World Of The Strange.

Oh, I love the day, it's a strange world.

Well, thank you, Bill Murray. He's undone the straps. Let me sit up for this.

I'm glad.

Now, the reason that I am almost strapped down is because we, in tying into Clockwork Orange, which famously involves a government experiment, I've got a list of some real life scary government experiments that actually happened. You'd like this.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

You love it.

You love it. Is it like Stranger Things or something?

It's kind of along those lines, yeah, because Stranger Things was inspired by the Montauk project, wasn't it?

Are you going to do MK Ultra?

That is on my list, Gav, yeah.

Of course it is.

Well, let's start off with a cat, a spy cat. This is a bit cruel, so a little bit of a trigger warning here. In fact, a few of these are to do with animals, so you might want to skip.

Don't listen to Sarah.

In the 60s, during the Cold War, Espionage, as you know, was the name of the game. So there is something quite interesting happened in America. The CIA, they got ten million dollars budget.

Ten million dollars?

To set up a cat as a spy cat. So let me explain what they did to the cat. They implanted microphones into this cat. They put an antenna in the cat's tail. This is a real cat and a battery. So they inserted a battery, microphones and an antenna into the tail of this cat. And basically, they were going to use this cat to just sort of put it into bad guys' properties.

They think it's James Bond and he's going to be stroking the cat.

This little cat here.

I have him as my evil cat sitting on my lap.

It's what we're going to do to the president of the United States. I'll just tell you now, while I'm stroking this cat, like that was going to happen.

That's amazing.

However, before they could even send it off on its first mission, the cat seemed to be acting a little bit crazy. Not surprised. It's got a battery, microphones and antenna implanted into it, and it ran off and basically committed suicide. It ran under a speeding taxi and was crushed to death before they could even use it. So all that surgery, $10 million to do this to a cat.

Dickhead.

Sixties for you. What do you think of that?

Dickheads. Absolute dickheads. Fucking nobs. All right.

Well, let's move on to my next story, which is head transplants.

OK.

You heard of this one?

No.

OK. So in 1954, doctors performed a human organ transplant. So that was the first human organ transplant. It was a kidney. So, you know, there possibly could be a head transplant someday. Well, let's get into that, shall we? Because there already was one, because in 1908, a US surgeon called Charles Guthrie successfully transplanted a dog's head onto another dog's neck.

Oh, my God.

This was all funded by the American government. Later on in 1951, Vladimir Demikhov, a Soviet surgeon, attempted to perform a canine upper body transplant. Now, what he did was, he transplanted the shoulders and head of one dog, a puppy, onto a larger dog's head.

What the fuck?

And they lived for quite some time. Oh, my God. Until eventually, there was a rejection of the tissue and the organs. But they, one of them lived for a month. So you would have had this little puppy's front legs and head on a big German shepherd's body. So weird. Wondering, what the fuck's going on? Why have I got this big back and big thing?

I don't know.

I think it might. They also did in 1970 a head transplant of a monkey onto another monkey's body.

OK.

And that worked for a time.

Because obviously, getting to the point where we were like, right, we can now do it to humans. No, no.

I mean, it worked with Nicolas Cage and John Travolta. Still not seen it. Fuck off.

You said this last time and I said, I didn't want to watch John Travolta for that long.

Yeah, but it's Nicolas Cage.

Yeah, it's what you said last time, too.

And it's John Travolta doing an impression.

No, because it's going to confuse my head. I've got, who do I not like? I don't understand.

It's John Wim.

Who I don't like.

There might have to be a birthday pic for me soon. I think coming up. Or if any of our patrons want Gav to watch Face Off, do it.

Yeah, I just know I found John Travolta.

Okay. Well, the next one is of quite a sad and real. All of these are real cases. And you may have heard of this one. This is the Tuskegee syphilis experiment.

No.

Really bad.

This is putting syphilis into people.

Yeah. So the Tuskegee syphilis experiment involved a study of untreated syphilis among the black male population. So in the name of receiving free treatment, this study turned into an infamous tragedy, attracting widespread condemnation. So 600 men, all black guys, enrolled for this project.

Tricking them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh gosh, if you got syphilis, come here, we'll give you some... No, we're not really going to give you anything. We're just going to see what happens to you over the next few years.

Cunts, so many cunts throughout the world. Still are, right now.

Yeah, and at least there was a presidential apology for that. Not that it makes it any better, but it was noted.

Yeah, well, while they're apologizing, behind the scenes, behind doors, they're doing something just as bad and ruthless.

Really weird. Okay, on to the next one then. So this one is called the Zombie Dog Experiment. Do you like this one? Okay. Two Russian scientists once released controversial videos featuring dog heads being kept alive, just the heads.

Oh, my gosh. Reanimate her.

Through an artificial blood circulation system.

Wow.

The release videos were known as experiments. They were called Experiments in the Revival of Organisms. In these controversial videos, the scientists used...

Those dogs would be so traumatized.

Yeah, just the head. They used something called an autojector, which was a piece of special heart and lung equipment to display the dog heads, which were blinking, licking their mouths and wiggling their ears in response to sound around them.

Wow.

And in 2005, American scientists... So this is 2005, 20 years ago, that's all. American scientists repeated the same experiment by flushing the dog's blood out of its body completely and replacing it with a sugar-filled saline and oxygen. The dogs came back and lived for three hours with no blood in the body, just this replacement sort of thing.

What was the purpose of this experiment?

It's to show that you can bring back dead organs or a dead...

If not for long, though.

It's basically Frankenstein.

Any messing with death and life and transferring of organs and bodies to other things is Dr. Frankenstein.

Again, I don't know how I gave that trigger warning, but again, those poor dogs, man, just they're...

They might not be... It might have been... Yeah, it might just be confusion and just the... Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, because they say, as we all know, that they say that the human head lives for around 20 seconds after it had been beheaded, you know, but who fucking knows that? No one actually knows that, you know.

I'm still alive! Look at me! I love the gag in Severance, because he's arguing earlier on. One of the guys is arguing that the head can't do that. Then it happens to him. He's like, oh, no, no, he's arguing people saying it can do that. Then it happens to him. And because he's so like, yeah, right. He's sitting there with his head going, huh?

Huh?

Because he's so happy he's right.

And then he dies. Yeah. I've got a couple more. MK Ultra.

Yep.

CIA. One of the most famous ones.

You've got Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson, for fuck's sake. You've got Charles Manson's documents just coming out of fix. I've not seen it yet. But the idea of MK Ultra is with Manson as well. What's going on? But go on.

Yeah. So in brief, the CIA intended to develop a mind control technique. This is crazy. This is science fiction. And they did this to so many people so that they could unleash it on their enemies during war. So they carried out the project, the MK Ultra project, from 1950 to 1970. So 20 years, it wrapped up 7 or 8 years before we were born, that was all. The primary goal was to put America in the lead of mind control technology.

I think it is Pineapple Express.

Yeah, they jokingly touch on it in there, you know, because they use different strains of weed, LSD, multiple different things to try and get different results, mind control, sound waves, music.

They were just trying loads of different stuff and just without the public knowing.

It's pretty crazy. Probably one that you guys should cover on your, yeah, on the High Strangers podcast.

The last podcast on the left did a series on it, which was quite interesting. I don't know if, yeah, I'm not sure. We might have done, we've gone through that stuff before slightly in an episode, I'm not sure, but yeah.

I think you touched on it, because I think you did some Marilyn Manson, some, not Marilyn, some doing it now, some Charlie Manson stuff. But yeah, it's pretty fucking mental. And like I said, a good rabbit hole if you ever want to go down it. I've got two more then. We've got one that's regenerating dead human cells. So we're back to zombies again. Frankenstein. So again, it's going to sound like science fiction. But scientists tried to grow human brains on a mouse.

A massive human brain on top of a mouse's head. My head's so heavy.

Well, have you ever seen the mouse with the ear on the back of it? It's weird, man. So scientists discovered they could dry a pig bladder tissue into a type of powder. And this powder could then be used to regrow human fingers. And they found that the pig bladder lining cells commonly contain a unique protein that boosted the tissue growth. So like a lizard regrows its tail, basically. So their goal was for an amputee or you lose a finger or an arm.

Have a little... Right, basically we're going to grow your finger on a little mouse farm. It's basically a mouse and he is the farm. And he's just got different fingers growing out of him as he runs around. What the fuck are you talking about? Have I just woken up in some nightmare?

No, the good news is, Gav, you were in that horrific car crash. And you did lose your left arm. But the good news is, you've been in a coma for three weeks. We've already grown half your arm on the back of a mouse. So give us another couple of months. We'll have a full arm for you and we'll reattach it.

It'll be perfect. It's just grown on a mouse. What do you mean it's grown on a mouse?

The only thing is, when you lift up your arm in the armpit, you've got a little mouse tail that sort of wiggles around.

There is an issue where you might be rubbing your nose at times and wanting cheese.

You will really be into cheese.

But it's worth it for another arm. You're just going to have a cheese intake.

If that's one of the symptoms, that might have already happened to me because I am quite addicted to cheese.

So maybe a mouse has grown a part of you and you've had it sewn on you. Hopefully not your cock. So Daniel, the accident, I'm afraid you lost your penis. It's the only, it's the weirdest thing. You had a car crash and literally, I don't know how, the only scar or anything on you, there's not even a cut anywhere, your penis came off. I don't know how, but it's not a problem.

Not again.

We've got a mouse over there in that case. See that mouse running around, it keeps getting stuck because something's hitting it, hitting the wheel as it goes around. Pong, pong, pong. That's your new cock.

And all the mice are going, look at dick back.

I mean, painers, sorry, sir. Painers, I shouldn't say cock.

Wherever they grow it on the mice, though, they'll have to grow it on its head, so it'll be like a proper dickhead mouse.

But anyway, that's your pin. Don't, oh, he's nibbling it again. Docs, he's nibbling my cock.

They tried to grow human stem cells as well in the brain of a mouse, and they've used similar treatments to develop new fingertips. Like I said, they've reattached severed fingers, and they actually re-generated an Iraqi war victim's destroyed muscles with this technology as well. So, they're on the right track.

I thought you were going to say they restored an Iraqi who died, and they just grow him on the back of a mouse. What are we doing? What's going on?

A lion can carry on screaming when they get their finger and they re-generate it.

What's happening? This mouse is like, this is so heavy.

No, but if they have to grow him on like 24 different mice, and there's a bit of it growing on them.

This is turning into the worst body horror movie I don't want to see ever.

It's like a foot on one of the mice.

It's turning into the substance or something.

Well, that one is... they're on the right track there.

Yeah, absolutely.

We've talked about it in World Of The Strange once, where someone's hand was severed, and they sewed it back onto his chest while his limbs healed, and then at the right time, they could unsew it from his chest and put it back on. Someone's had their dick on their arm. Do you remember that guy who had a dick sewn? His dick was... I don't know what happened to it, but they sewed it onto his arm for a few months while his body healed.

Daniel, OK, this is going to be bad news for you. I know there's been an accident and you've woken up.

Why is it always me? Because it is.

Unfortunately, you've lost literally your legs, the whole bottom half, you're literally half of you. But if you take a look over here, we've brought a big pen into the hospital. If you look over here, there's a... Actually, it's quite interesting. It's a panda bear. And if you look on his back, he's got a load of legs with a little pair of Nike trainers just hanging off at the end. That's your new leg, sir.

Or if you want, we can attach a German Shepherd's lower half.

The panda can't stay there, he keeps running away with your legs. What did you say?

I said, or if you want, you can have a German Shepherd's lower half attached back onto you. Well, I've got one more for you. It's a little bonus one at the end. Spider genes in goats.

What, like, Levi 501s?

Genes is in DNA. That would be cool, though, if a goat was just wearing some jeans.

Where did you get it from? Spider?

Spider-Man.

I didn't spot it out there.

So a team of scientists succeeded in inserting the genes of a silk spider into goats. Once they did this, the goat's milk then contained a protein that forms silk. Hang on, hang on. In turn, this literally makes it possible to harvest massive quantities.

Spider goats.

So they can basically make silk.

Spider goats. Yeah.

But they can make silk from goat's milk, which rhymes nicely. Experts consider spider silk to be five times stronger than ordinary steel, as we know. You know, there's that whole thing to make bulletproof vests. So basically, they've done this. What the shit? Then they can milk goats and go, right, we've got enough milk to make you a bulletproof vest.

So they're doing this because people like killing each other. So we have to have bulletproof vests. I've got an idea because we like killing each other because we're fucking idiots of humankind. Let's make things to stop us getting the ones killed.

Bring in the goat.

Bring the goat in and the spider over there. We're going to make... What are you talking about, Captain? Have you been on the MK Ultra?

And then an eight legged spider goat walks in.

As Dan's wielding with all these animals. And he says, Oh, you do my bidding. Grow me parts of my body.

It's like a cross between the fly and the island of Doctor Moreau. I was going to say the island of Doctor Moreau, but I can't remember all of that. All of them. So to summarize...

Jim Carrey on Doctor Moreau as a fly.

So to summarize, that last one is basically they milk these goats that have got spider silk DNA in them, and then they can use their milk to make silk that they then turn into bulletproof vests.

Is this a part of that movie we just reviewed?

It feels like it. So thanks to these goats...

Oh, man.

You know, what... Carrey, you got shot in the chest in my...

I'm worried about it.

I'm worried.

Spider goats.

Goats, milk, silk. Goats, milk, silk.

Goats, silk.

I want this in the next Marvel film.

Got silk?

Spider goat.

Got silk?

Maybe it was... Was that in the Marvel Spider-verse? That cartoon one? Goat Spider? I don't know if he was in that one.

Yeah, there was. Yeah. Dude, did you just make... We haven't even started to talk about Clockwork Orange, for fuck's sake.

I know.

Christ Almighty.

Bill, can you help me with all these body parts?

Please, Bill. Please. Please.

Before you go, though, Gav, if you did lose your lower half and you could choose any animal, you can't have human. Any animal to have the lower half of that. Dolphin, lion, whatever it is, what would you have as the lower half?

Lower half?

Any animal. Bear, horse. You know, think how cool it would look, like a centaur.

Fuck it, I'm there. I'm going through every animal in my head right now. I'm pitching it.

Is the brain to go like this?

I think I might go cheetah so I can go really fast.

Little skinny spotty legs.

I've got little skinny legs anyway. I can go really fast. I've been down the gym trying to get, I've been doing, I haven't been skipping leg day, right? They don't do anything. They do not look any better. My upper half keeps getting bigger, but my bottom half doesn't. It's really annoying.

You're turning it to Johnny Bravo.

It's really annoying.

Yeah. I think I'd probably go for like a shark. Lower half shark.

Yeah. Half male, half shark. That's a Dr. Octagon song.

Yeah.

Cool Keith.

I think I'd probably have lower shark.

No one liked this the other day. On Facebook the other day, someone put a pitch up and there's this dude just loads of teeth wherever he's going. Someone said, what's this rapper's name? And I said, Cool Teef. And literally not one person like that. And I was like, probably didn't even know who Cool Keef is. I know. Cool Teef, like Cool Keef.

Okay.

Let's end this experiment. Bill, please take us out of here. You can take these clamps off my bollocks. Jesus Christ.

Well, actually, we're going to experiment on you, aren't we, Bill? Bill?

That's all the time we've got for this week on World Of The Strange.

Next week, though, give me iron. There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim. And we sat in the Carrova Milk Bar, trying to make up our Zootox, what to do with the evening. The Carrova Milk Bar sold Milk Plus, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultraviolence. Hi, hi, hi there, my little droogies.

The evening's the great time, isn't it, Alex Boyle?

He's enterprising, aggressive, young, bold, vicious. He'll do.

Who else could that be?

Now it was lovely music that came to my aid, a bit of the old Ludwig van. Fiddy well, little brother. Fiddy well. Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh.

So, A Clockwork Orange from 1971, rated R. R. Two hours and 16 minutes. Alex Delage and his droogs barbarize a decaying near future. And that is it, that is the synopsis. Directed, of course, by the late, great Stanley Kubrick. From the book by Anthony Burgess, which I've got and I've read, but adapted with Kubrick, did some screenplay stuff work on this as well.

A friend of mine was getting me into Stanley Kubrick. He was just watching a lot of cinema, which no one else is watching. I say that, I mean, is in like we were watching the normal movies and whatever was out, Rambo, Rocky, whatever, do you know what I mean? And this was probably sort of the 90s, actually, sort of early, mid 90s. And he's just like, oh, do you know Stanley Kubrick? I was like, no. And we sat and watched 2001 and this, and some other bits and bobs.

For sure.

Why were you when you watched it?

I saw this at the cinema in my hometown. You know, everyone had heard about it, everyone, because everyone thought it was banned. It wasn't banned at all in the UK. It was withdrawn by Stanley Kubrick. He didn't want it shown in the UK because he was worried that it would influence the youth. Ironically, he was worried that the youth would form gangs and go out and commit crimes and rape and robbery.

Hmm.

I think that might have already happened, Stanley. But yeah, so I think it was about in 1999 when the film, because he died in 1999, so it would have been not long after that. But they were like, oh great, he's dead. We can pop this out now in the UK, which is crazy. So I went to see it in one of the art house cinemas.

Isn't it disrespectful? But at the same time, you're like, but people saw the merits of this film, like public should see it.

So I'd say it was probably about 2000, so about 25 years ago, I saw this in the cinema with a friend of mine back then, and I didn't get it really, exactly as you've just said, I didn't really get it, but I knew I was blown away by it. I just didn't really get it. It was a visual and aural, as in sounds and sight and everything, just this crazy assault.

Kind of like 2001 when I watched that though, because I was watching that going, I've seen Star Wars, I've seen The Thing, I've seen these science fiction movies set in space or whatever, Aliens, Alien. What's this? This is like really grounded, but not grounded and just kind of weird, but not weird, and there's some monkeys here and it's just kind of dreamlike, like the movie before, in a sense, like that. And this was kind of it. That's why you know it's the filmmakers themselves.

Yeah. So I think it was 2000, I probably saw it. And then I bought it on DVD. It came out on DVD, obviously, in the UK then, and I bought it just because I used to just buy everything. I still have the copy on DVD and I'll never get rid of that. And I've probably watched this. I'd say this is probably about my fifth or sixth time of watching it. It's not a film I've watched a bazillion times, but it's definitely a film I know.

Well, we're at a place really, aren't we, in society, where the government's not trusted, but the government will try and go ahead and try these experiments of different types. Do you know what I mean? I'm using it almost like a metaphor, but obviously they do experiment this, but different experiments to try and tackle youth. And it's not actually dealing with what the actual issue is with youth and why youths are out there with knives. It's not just try and take the youth for a knife.

Yeah, Anthony Burgess, a really, really good book. I'm quite a very short book.

What other stuff does this person or did write? I don't actually know. The only book of his I own is that one. I'm sure he's written other things.

But it's like it's almost like a dystopian future. Yeah. But unfortunately, I think maybe they were thinking of this time where we are now.

Um, I do think this is Kubrick's best film. I do really think that. And, you know, I love The Shining and I love a lot of his work. But I do think that this is his best film in that he got to really be Kubrick in this. Uh, you know, very creative, really creative. The fact it's set in a dystopian future, he just kind of got to do whatever the fuck he wanted with regards to set design, colors.

Well, it's great, it's great. Some of the locations of the buildings, there's a lot of very gray concrete, but we've got these sort of architecture here and there, which is very artsy, 70s, loads of lines and just weird stuff. But it's great for him to have used those perfectly to make this seem like another world, like the beginning when they're in that sort of club and there's just these naked lady model tables. I don't know if they're real or not, these people.

No, they're not, they were just mannequins.

Okay, they look very realistic as tables and just all these guys in this place. And it's just, it sets it straight away, sets the film straight away. It is in like, we're going about to go on a journey somewhere now with this film, when he's staring at you in the face and the camera slowly pans back. It saves you, here we go.

And that's one of his trademarks, isn't it? The Kubrick stare, the bathroom scenes, you know, this is really where he started developing his style and his blueprint of what he does in a lot of his movies.

I love you almost have like a futuristic cockney type thing going on.

Yeah, I mean, the act and that's the whole thing, isn't it?

The dialogue and the language, the way it's said and is. Yeah, it's just it's very much like a dream.

But then with that and we'll get into we will get into the plot in a minute. But even with that, you know, if you went back to the 70s and you said, this is what language they're going to speak in 2025, I don't even understand a lot of what the young kids are saying, you know, with their skippity toilet and all this nonsense, which isn't nonsense to them, you know, it's there.

I know some of them more than me.

But you know, I mean, oh, it's so cap and all this stuff like, but then I said stuff.

But it's just a different dialogue, yeah, we said stuff.

I said, and we still say, me and you still say dope and whack and stuff like that, that was probably quite 80s.

I remember being at school, this is how cool I am. I remember being at school and saying, yeah, that's old school. And these people looked at me and said, what are you talking about? This was like 93. And what are you saying? I got it from Skate Magalene's, so I know what was going on. But yeah.

We used to say safe, when something was really good or really cool, we'd say, oh yeah, that's safe.

Yeah, this is a really interesting film.

It is. And, you know, there's a lot of trivia with this. We'll get into some of it. I want to talk about though, Malcolm McDowell.

Yeah, and Kubrick. Very quickly on with Kubrick, if we're talking off air about this, if you didn't know, he was terrified of flying. And that's why you never got a Kubrick film like set elsewhere. If you look at Full Metal Jacket, it's actually shot in England. So wow, okay. That's in crazy, the Philippines now, that's England. You know.

By the way, we were talking about the language, it's based on sort of old literature in Shakespearean type language mixed in with other stuff as well.

It's really interesting. But you were about to say about Malcolm McDowell. Very quickly.

Well, just before you get that, sorry, I just wanted to say as well, another weird fact about Kubrick is, because no one knew he was a bit of a recluse in some ways, although he worked in some big Hollywood films and so on.

Oh, I know what you're saying.

No one knew what he looked like.

It's funny.

So people would come to his house. Oh, Stanley Kubrick at home. We want to talk to him about a new project. And he'd say, oh, no, he's not home at the moment. And he just shut the door on them.

Yeah, because they didn't know.

They didn't know who he was.

Apparently he had quite a really good, strong relationship with Malcolm Dowell on Clockwork Orange. Then he never spoke to me again.

Yeah, they were like best friends for the whole filming of this.

And then never spoke to him again.

Malcolm was like, you never spoke to me again after this.

It does. It does happen, though, in films. You're like just that film, like you sit here so many times and people say like, yeah, I never saw that person again or whatever. It's just that you're intensely with him continuously for 10 months or whatever. Then that's it. Never see him again.

He had 16 cats as well.

Obviously, we know Kubrick was famous for at times filming many, many takes. I've heard also at times he wouldn't do many takes, so two or three takes and be totally happy and get good performances. But we've heard him doing over 100 takes, where someone like Ridley Scott says, if you do more than three takes, you don't know what you're doing. I don't know. Put Ridley Scott's movies next and then Clockwork Orange. Stanley Kubits together up there. I don't know. They're both good filmmakers.

His favorite film, he quotes his favorite film of all time, or at least one of his favorite films of all time, is A Razorhead by the late great David Lynch, and his three favorite TV shows of all time were Seinfeld, Roseanne, and The Simpsons.

Nice. That's definitely 90s TV there.

Imagine Kubrick tuning in for Roseanne. Well, Simpsons. Yeah, I can imagine him watching Simpsons, though, because that's quite satirical. But Roseanne, I just wouldn't see it, really. But there we go. But yeah, Malcolm McDowell's performance is incredible.

He's great. Yeah.

Absolutely mind-blowing.

Well, it's that sort of thing, isn't it? Like Jack Nicholson and Shining.

Yeah.

That performance.

Yeah. And that's Kubrick drawing out of him. Obviously, they're talented actors. That's why it's Kubrick drawing out of them as well.

Can't really use it. Tom Cruise thought he could do that as well.

Oh dear. Tommy, just stick to running around.

Just jump out of airplanes. Come on.

You love Tom Cruise, though. I love Tom Cruise.

He is an entertaining person to watch on camera in the film.

He sells tickets, doesn't he?

He is an oddball, but yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's just crazy, really. But Malcolm McDowell is incredible in this.

Yeah, they've just released the new footage put in. So it's actually the film it's supposed to be intended, not by the producers came in and put loads of porn into it. It was Caligari... What's it called? Caligria.

Caligria.

That's the one. They've just released that. And I watched the trailer for it out of interest the other day. And he looks the same age as when he did Clockwork Orange in it. And his performance in that, you can see the way he's talking. It's like he's in that same world of acting where he was when he was young and hungry.

He's like Oliver Reid.

Yeah, that real come from theater and you're hungry for it and you're going to go out there and do stuff, which is not safe, you know?

Funny that he ended up being in a lot of crap towards the end, you know, of his career.

It was paying bills, though, isn't it, again? It's not what we talked about. Well, I don't know, we'll get to that. I think I might turn around on... That first Halloween is not too bad.

Yeah.

Oh, you mean... No, sorry, I was thinking Rob Zombies. No, he was in the later ones, wasn't he?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Or was it Rob Zombies?

Yeah, it was the Rob Zombies.

Yeah, that's not too bad.

Yeah, but even so, it's like, wow, weird. And he's been in, like, real, like straight to video stuff recently.

I'm kind of looking forward to when we get some Rob Zombies Halloween to review it because we've got that coming up.

Yeah.

Got it.

Well, let's get into this because this film has got everything in it, including Darth Vader and a pair of Speedos, and we'll get to that. But he's there, a little tiny pair of Speedos with little glasses on.

Did you say infamously this was pulled from the cinema?

I did mention it, yeah, that Kubrick pulled it.

What a thing. Uncle Elise would be like, he must have been, like, pressured by people or investors or whatever to release it. And then maybe he had it already planned, but he's like, I have to release it because I want to. But then I'm saying, no, I think it's bad and pull it straight away. But that's crazy.

Only in UK cinemas, though. Only UK distributors.

Why?

Because he was worried about the youth, the British youth.

Then again, there was no internet in that, and he probably didn't give a shit about anyone else but Fart from England.

I mean, there are dark stories we hear about Kubrick, and he didn't give a shit. You know, and Shelley Duval, some of the stuff that we hear about the Shining set and the multiple takes. But I don't know, like you said, it's all hearsay.

Oh, no, I know, yeah, I know that he was doing that and he's pushing it to the limit.

And you can say that about a lot of the big directors.

You can see that you can watch the documentary his daughter did.

Yeah, Hitchcock wasn't particularly nice to the women on set.

And I'm not saying it was just women, Hitchcock's thoughts on actors are that they're just things to do. He wants, yeah, he had no real care at all for them. I think Hitchcock was more about the whole picture, as in every department. And I don't think he just didn't really care. They're there just to do what's on the script. So everyone has different techniques and different ways of doing things. It's very interesting.

Well, your favorite thing, AI will do that for you sometimes.

Yeah, but that's not, that's not. You need, you need people growing up with certain way they grow up, what they're, what their interests, them as young, what makes them turn into the person they are, which turns into what they decide and around them and what was the right creative output for them at that time in space. That's what makes art so amazing. It's because it's, it's, it's what happened there and then. Does that make sense? Like I love found footage movies.

I think with Kubrick, he did love music and the arts. He was a jazz drummer and things like that. I think he falls into the same category as people like David Lynch, who again had their fingers in lots of art projects. It wasn't just film.

Music as well.

You can even include John Carpenter.

John Carpenter is a musician.

There is probably a good dozen directors that you would put into this category that are out there. They do what the fuck they want. They are known for film, but they do other stuff like music or painting or art or video games, whatever it is. But they are very much just them, and they will never ever change. And whether some of that stuff is bad because they've got certain views, whatever it is, but you're getting this rule, incredible art from them.

Do you think that I'm quite chucking it in my head now, like Tarantino and Cuebac and John Carpenter. These directors that have, sorry about my throat, these directors that have the music being a massive part of their DNA of them as a director, like Tarantino is not a musician, but music is a massive part of how he designs his films. They all are quite out there directors, aren't they? Not John Carpenter, he's a composer himself. They're not box pigeonhole. They're quite out there.

And there's two more that I would include, and I'm just enjoying this conversation at the moment before we get into the film. Spielberg, although he always works with Williams, the way he views things in his art and his mind, and the way he brings John Williams into the majority of what he does, that's very much, they go hand in hand.

Well, I feel creating a film is creating a painting. I sit there, but it's a painting of all different sonics and visuals and different forms and different layers. It's not a painting which is on canvas with just one set of oils and you can see it there. It is that, but it's all of these things make the painting, which is the film.

I think my favorite of them all with regard to that is Argento, because he does all of this.

Then look at him with what he's done with the color, then Goblin, just those two things, the color palette scheme of Argento, then the music, then the mix of those two. It's very out there and what comes from that are very out there films.

I bet you Kubrick loved Suspiria.

I bet he thought of Suspiria. I imagine that he liked Italian cinema, definitely.

Wow. Good little conversation there around Kubrick and directors and art.

I'm a composer and a director. I actually quite often hate bringing up that I'm a filmmaker because I feel like a cunt doing it.

Brilliant.

Because I just don't like doing it. I don't, but I do it quite often. I know I don't really like doing it at the same time.

It's part of the conversation, isn't it?

I know because that's exactly it. I can come in and say how I find and fill with the things.

You see a different side.

Yeah, I see it from the making of the mechanics.

Yeah. Yeah. And I get them.

So I'm not a prick.

I'm just not creative. I get them, though. I get that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're totally right.

That's why Argento is, you know, in my top three directors. You know, I'm not a massive Kubrick fan. I think he's great. But there's other directors I prefer above him. But again, going back to The Clockwork Orange, this is my favorite Kubrick movie. It's not a perfect movie, but it is fucking incredible. And it's an assault on the senses. So let's assault our senses. Let's get into it, shall we?

Let's do it.

Excuse me. So we start off with just a red screen. And a score comes in.

I quite like these blocked colors.

Yeah, it feels really 60s or 70s, early 70s, which the film is, you know.

Yeah, it does. It doesn't tell you what the film is yet, but even just those colors, kind of with the fact that it's two different, it's like red and green, or something like red and blue. Real big block color, just the whole screen is that color. It's, there's something in there, and red's definitely something which is used a lot in this film. Especially early on.

And when he talks about seeing the blood on the screen later on. Who is the composer? Because the music, you know, is really well composed throughout this.

Yeah, I can tell you.

Obviously, there's a lot of...

There's a lot of musical pieces...

lutafilm in this as well. .

But we start, basically, we have, we just open up, like I said earlier, it's a basic, it's a full full break from the get-go. We've just got someone looking at the camera.

It's the Kubrickian stand.

When you have, you know, that full form is there, it's, there's two ways of it. It's the filmmakers letting you know that we know that this is a film, you know it's a film, we're all in this together. We can go anywhere we want now. And there's another way it could be, we're doing this, but we do know you know this, but we're pretending we don't know you know this. And we're doing this as an artistic merit. So I don't know which choice is for this.

I think it's the former, I think it's the first one because there's narration.

Yeah.

And he's sort of...

That is very much so. It does give you that indication straight away that whoever's narrating is the person visually looking at us now.

He's basically looking at you saying, hello, I'm Alex. This is my story.

It does. I love this. I do quite like, I don't know all the time, but I do like a film that has a bit of narration. And it's so interesting, the choices of narration that come and go. There's a point later on, I was with Sarah and I was like, well, at this point, yeah, you should really do some narration. It would make so much sense. And he just starts talking, as I said that, and I was like, it's weird. It just, I don't know. Yeah.

So it's almost like Kubrick knew what he was doing.

It does seem that, yeah.

So we start off in this weird bar. Now, you talked about this bar earlier. There's female mannequins everywhere in various positions. There's tables and chairs. There's even one that you squeeze the nipples of to get some milk out of.

They're proper, like the proper molded mannequins. There's vagina parts. So it's like, wow, they actually did some good molding on people. Cause that's the whole thing. You could probably put, I'm going to roll up 10 pounds and just leave it there for the moment. Get it later, you know.

Wow. OK. Yeah, it's really very, very strange and supposed to be futuristic. It doesn't really feel like that now, but it was at the time, and it does still feel otherworldly.

We've got these four characters sitting there. If you've not seen the movie, we'll go for it. You've got these four characters sitting there in like white underpants type clothing, like what you'd wear underneath your suit back in the day to keep warm.

Long johns.

Long johns, the whole thing. But they might be braces. One of them's our main character, Malcolm Maddowell, Alex has got his eye painted a little bit and stuff. Bart Simpson had it as a costume in one of the tree houses before.

Everybody knows the costume. You know, it's very iconic, really. And I'm not going to do this all the way through, but there is the quote that we open with really, which sets up the language, which immediately you're like, what the fuck are they saying? But within a couple of scenes, you get what they mean. The quote is, bear with me here. So he says, There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie and Dim.

Find milk, like in Sunny in Philadelphia. Fake milk, fake milk, whoa, whoa. Yeah, it's just this opening, just that bit in the tables and those four there. And then other people left and right, just different forms of people. But you know, it's a bar, but this is like this is no bar that I've ever been in.

It's kind of like Jabba's, not Jabba's bar. Kind of.

It's another world. It's another totally different world. And yeah, basically, it's a Friday night in England where it used to be. I don't think it is so much anymore. You know, go down the pub, get drunk and go and have a fight.

Do you think it's the same chain as the Tatooine Cantina? You know, where they're all drinking blue milk in that one. Yeah, it could be.

So yeah, it's just some dudes getting ready to go out and bust some heads.

And that's what they do. So this is the youth of today. There's not really any much police or authority around in the future. So they head out of the bar, all hyped up on their super milk, and they come across a poor old homeless man, a tramp.

Now, where this is, I've shown you this when we drove to London before, I think. Yeah, we ran around the roundabout. So there you go. There is that. I've skated there as well. I turned up there to skate. The ground is pretty rough. I turn up to skate and I was on the top of the roundabouts and the cars behind me, and I'm going to think I'm going to drop in, so I'm going to basically hop off the wall on my board into the bank and ride it down.

Bloody Clockwork Orange.

Clockwork, and it's called The Clockwork Orange, that's a gay spot. Anyway, and there's this homeless guy, he's a bit drunk and he's like, hey guys!

Now a good story, Give me some water, my nephew.

Yeah, go on.

Good story for me is, it doesn't always work, it's bookended, and this Irish tramp will come back towards the end of the movie. And I do love the bookends.

It's well, well, it's more a almost camera type thing going on here. It's kind of like, this is why Cubic's pulling this, but like at the end of the day, there's people who are going out committing crime, but then they're being punished for it. And then they're being absolutely seriously punished for it, meeting the people that they did the crimes against.

Well, they find this Irish tramp who's like, could you spare some change, boys, please? And they're like, they just instantly go in on him and start.

They talk to him for a bit, and they kind of mock him a little bit and talk down to him. He kind of laughs at him a little bit. And then they do. And then they push a cane into his chest, and he's just like, go on, then fucking do it. Just kill me, then I just don't want to be here. Whatever. Just fucking kill me. And that's kind of how he's at in life. And they just beat him. You know, we don't see, we don't we don't think he's been killed. We don't really know. They kind of cut it.

Yeah, they beat him almost to death, but we know he comes back a bit later on.

You know, they're beating him just for some fun, there's nothing to do. And we all, I expect most of us have come across these people in life at some stage, even if you're a school in a school bully, people just don't give a shit and want to go and have violence and fights because they think that's the form of entertainment and fun. Fucking losers.

And you know, I've had it happen to me. I've just been beaten up for no reason.

Yeah, fucking losers, honestly.

You know, it's just the way it is. And that was as a growing adult, you know, it happened to me. It's just, yeah, there's these people out there. And there's kind of a bit of a warrior's kind of gang vibe now because they come across Billy, Billy Boy and his four friends who are about to commit gang rape on a poor lady.

On a stage inside a derelict theater.

Yeah, before they can actually do the deed though, Alex sort of inadvertently saves this girl, I guess.

By the way, classical music has already started and now continues for most of the film.

Yes.

It really does. I mean, like scenes will cut and go to other scenes and classical music is actually at times, it's still playing.

Yeah. And it just adds to the dream like weirdness. It is madness, isn't it?

It's to the madness.

So Alex and his friends short shout at Billy and his buddies. And she runs off and it's time for a fight.

Very quickly, it's such a quite unique choice to have classical music. Obviously, the juxtaposition of the violence and the classical music, or if not a juxtaposition, if anything, maybe a parallel of craziness, because classical music as well can be quite out there and going for it. They almost work together. It's almost weirdly genius choice.

Yeah, no, definitely.

Yeah.

And they're kind of like pirates as well for me, these gangs, because they've all got their little territories, and they're kind of almost like pantomime pirates. So they shout over to Billy, if it isn't stinking, Billy boy. And they sort of shout at him, come and get one in the Yardles if you have any Yardles.

And the naked woman runs off.

Yeah, and they have this fight now, which is like a wrestling match, where they're just jumping across tables and smashing chairs on each other's backs. And there's quite a lot of good choreography, really. It's going back to Spookies. I'd like to have seen more fights like this in Spookies. That one, we had that one fight in Spookies, but yeah, it's...

Maybe Stanley Kubrick should have directed Spookies.

They really kick the shit out of Billy. Can you imagine? They really kick the shit out of Billy Boy and his buddies.

And classical music still playing. It hasn't stopped, just to say.

And then they go off for a drive.

They steal a car, the classical music still playing.

We get some classic rear screen projection while they're in the car here. And again, they're all staring at the camera. They're just looking at you while they drive. We sped into the night looking for a little bit of the old in-out or whatever it is they say, and they're just off for the next. They've already, you know, beaten up a tramp, and they got into a big fight with another gang, and now they're off out in the street. And off they go, and they're causing cars.

They're nihilists. They don't care. They are on a road to destruction, and they don't care who is coming with them.

And they say, Alex narrates, we decided it was time for what we like to call the old surprise visit, which is where they basically just go to someone's house, break in and do whatever they feel they want to do at that time.

It's home invasion.

Yeah. So they go to a house, a big house.

Out in the country. It's very art decor, whatever you want to call it, fucking artsy house. Out in the middle of the country. So I guess in a way, no one can hear you scream in the country.

Yeah. And like in some ways, this character is a bit like Stanley Kubrick. He lives out in the middle of nowhere in this big house. He's a writer.

A bit of a recluse type person. I could see myself as this person.

You know, but again, with Jack Nicholson in The Shining. So he's clearly drawn to this type of character.

That's quite true, actually. I didn't even realize it. Imagine if it had been actually... That's where I'm going to be using AI. I'm going to be like, right, can you just pop Jack Nicholson's character from The Shining as that person?

Not sure Alex and his droogs would have stood a chance.

Jack Nicholson's madness.

Oh my god. Although that would have been a hell of a film.

There's always someone with madness in Kubrick's films, isn't there?

Yep, there certainly is. So they bang on the door and his wife goes to the door and they say, help, help, there's been a terrible accident. Can we please come in and use your telephone? He sounds quite a sweet boy, doesn't he, Alex, as he's saying this through the door. I need to call police, there's blood. There's an accident.

Please, missus, there seems to be some blood. Oh, come on, there's been an accident out here. Please, missus, will you let us in? I swear there's nothing else going on out here. That sort of thing.

And, of course, they burst in and they're all wearing masks. And Alex's mask specifically seems to have a bit of a dildo nose going on.

There's a massive red theme here. Everything's like really red going on. Yeah, there's a weird dildo nose going on.

There's a lot of cocks in this film, but not actual cocks, but there are cocks. There's a few cocks in the film later on, but there's a lot of phallic objects as well.

Do we review a film which had loads of cocks in it recently?

Probably, yeah. There seem cocks do come up every few episodes.

I thought it was a movie. There's loads of cocks in it.

I mean, obviously, going back to episode one, you know, Old Man's Cock. Yeah, they burst in. They tease them.

Let's explain. Let's go into it a bit more. Right, we've got this writer there. He's just a typewriter writing away. And there's a lady there, seems to be his wife. The door knocks and they're like, who on earth could that be at this time of night? She goes up there. They are pleased, missus. They come in, they bust in. They then just start bullying these two. There's four of them and there's two of those. And they just play around with the woman, start trying to take her clothes off.

And apparently, I think it was Gene Kelly's estate didn't like the use of that during this scene, because obviously it's alluding to a rape scene.

That's a shame. Do you know this year, though, that song came in public domain. So I at some point will be using the movie and I will be had and singing in the rain.

That's a great song. Yeah.

I want to be raining blood, though, when it happens.

Perfect. But they, yeah, they cut her clothes off. First of all, they cut off the area around her breasts. Her boobs are sticking out of her dress.

They kind of make a reverse bikini.

Yeah. And then they cut her entire dress off, all while her husband is tied up and gagged on the floor. Yeah.

They're basically going to rape her. Now, when I watched this the only other time, when I was like 18, 17, 18, whatever it was, this scene was very, very traumatic for me. And so it's interesting Kubrick pulling it because of the youth. I was actually the youth when I watched it. And I actually found it quite traumatic and I thought the scene was way longer. And it's not.

It's so sadistic because he's singing a really jolly song. And with every sort of note of in the rain, he sort of hits him with his cane or kicks him and then they go into...

Well, he goes to the rape, then you get the theme music of the actual film. It's the first time we hear it comes in.

Yeah.

And that cuts to them go... As soon as the rape happens, the theme music goes in and it cuts to them going to the club.

And I do respect Kubrick not showing the rape because I'm not a fan of seeing rape. You know, I get why it's written into stories.

But it's that thing of using your mind. My mind must have gone through that in my head a couple of times and I didn't like it. And I extended that scene multiple times in my head for like a long scene of someone being raped. And I watched it and I was like, that's really short.

Thankfully. Yeah. So once they'd finished, Alex says, well, after we had a bit of the old in out, we decided to go back to the bar for a nightcap. So they go back to the bar that they were in at the beginning. So they started off in the bar. Let's recap their evening so far. Left the bar, beat up a tramp, got into a massive gang fight, stole a car, caused three automobile accidents.

Beat a man, raped a woman.

Broke into a house, beat a man, gang raped a woman. Drove the stolen car back to the bar for a nightcap. And while they're in there, they see some of what they call sophisticated people, which are richer people who are probably in the industry discussing a script and something they're working on. And then the girl starts singing. And I think she's singing Ludwig van because Alex is, and again, this is Kubrick.

Is she doing a poem, I thought she was saying?

No, she's singing.

Okay, all right.

And again, Kubrick really being into music. Alex is really into music. And he has ties to the world, isn't it?

Yeah, he has like a massive respect for it. So because of that reason, one of his gang kind of goes to mock this person out loud and laugh and go, whatever, that sort of thing. And straight away, he smacks him.

Because he's the leader and he wants to, his authority.

He wants to lay that down. But he's actually saying, like, don't be so disrespectful. And the lady goes quiet and everyone looks. And then I think she probably obviously continues with the scene cuts. But he's just saying to don't be like that. That's wrong. So in some ways, he's being good.

But Dim tries to stand up to him. After he hits him.

Trying to show his authority.

Dim says, what did you hit me for? And he says, for being for being a bastard with no manners and not a duck of an idea to compose yourself in public.

Yeah, it's almost like Shakespeare dialogue in the way it's been. It's almost like a play or something. But the way the words are phrasing and stuff phrasing, it's so interesting.

And we get the sense now of mutiny stirring amongst his gang because Dim tries to stand up to him and says, I don't think I like the way you're speaking to me and I don't think you should hit me and I won't stand for it. And Alex says, I'll scrap you any time you want, buddy boy.

This is the movie of loads of cocks in.

There are a few.

This is the movie that does loads of cocks in this. I've just started noticing the word cock in my notes coming up a lot.

So there we go.

It's this movie.

Malcolm McDowell gets it all out of it later on as well. Fair play to him. Yeah, so Dim does back down in it. Although there's mutiny stirring in the ranks, we do understand that they're all a little bit afraid of Alex because he's the one who's the most mental out of the four of them. That's why he's the leader. And then Alex goes home back to his mummy and daddy.

Very quickly, the first place we saw a lot of the sexual pictures was just pictures. Most of the pictures in people's houses are paintings of sexual things. Everything is sexual in this.

In Alex's bedroom, we're going to see that in a minute.

Yeah, everything is sexual in this and there's a lot of cock but gone.

So Alex goes back to his house. He lives with his parents in what we call a flat in the UK or an apartment, in a very rundown building where the lift doesn't work and he has to go up the stairs. He comes home to his mom and his dad. He goes into his bedroom. In his bedroom, he plays some Ludwig Vang because he loves a bit of the old Ludwig Vang.

He must have stolen that stereo system he's got there. Is that from the house? It must have been from the home invasion because it looks like it's such lovely stuff and the paintings look like ones from that home invasion.

He's got a drawer full of watches and stolen goods. He's got a painting of a woman with her legs spread and he's got a pet snake which is crawling towards her vagina. So it's all very sexual.

There's a big meal of loads and loads of cocks.

Yeah, there's four Jesuses that seem to be dancing, but they've all got their dongs hanging out.

Cock statues, Jesus cock statues. Yeah, it's just loads and loads of cockiness for some reason. I don't know why.

He loves cock.

Who? Kubrick?

Alex.

Yeah, but Kubrick must have liked cock too. It's his movie.

Yeah, well, cock, cock, cock, cock for everyone. Yeah, pet snake. He plays the Beethoven. He has a wank. Does he? Well, yeah, it's important.

Oh, it's just sort of a projector. I should have seen that. I don't.

Well, I mean, it's implied.

Oh, okay.

Because he starts imagining, because he's so deranged, he looks like he could be having a wank whilst he's there, because then he starts imagining all these visions of death and destruction and hangings and people chasing. And I'm assuming he's masturbating to these horrific scenes in his head because he's so detached from reality.

Yeah, it's a montage of him as like a vampire. Yeah, a stop footage of like old explosions. It's basically him relaxing. That's what's going on in his mind, which is a very destructive mind. Him being a vampire must mean him just sucking the world dry. I don't know.

I don't know, but he's not a well boy. Let's put it that way.

Absolutely not. The thing was, though, when he gets the actual treatment that they give him, why do they drop him back off exactly where he was? Not knowing that he's going to be able to live with his parents. If they're to give him money and take him to a whole other place, he might have actually been all right because the treatment's actually working for him. That's what it's annoying. Anyway, we're getting there.

I can't wait till we get to Joe the Lodger later on.

What you're doing to your mum and dad's not very nice, is it?

Dad, there's a strange fella in our living room. That's Joe the Lodger. Anyway, he wakes up in the morning, his mum says, Alex, you're going to be late for school.

What the fuck is going on with her purple hair and the way she's dressed? Short-leathered dress, purple hair. I literally couldn't write notes fast enough in this movie.

Gav, it's the future.

I said, what the fuck? I had so much to take in for this movie.

But he says to her, mum, I can't go to school. I've got a terrible pain in my gulliver. It's not going to be something I'm going to be able to do. She's like, you haven't been to school all week. He's like, I know, but lots of rest and relaxation. I'll be fine, mum. Honest.

So it's like a little schoolboy's door. That's ridiculous of it. Then he's walking through the house, where everyone's gone out.

Just before that, his mum then goes up. This is just to show how normal they are. His mum then walks over to the dad in the kitchen, goes, Alex is still ill. He's not going into school again. He's like, okay, no problem. They're all just so normal, considering what their son has been doing. And then they say, where do you think he goes at night? Because he said he's got a job, but he doesn't get into all hours. Little do they know, he's out raping and pillaging like a viking.

So they go to work and he's basically having a Ferris Bueller's day off here. This is Alex's day off.

It is Ferris Bueller, isn't it? Oh, oh, chukachuka!

But unfortunately not. As he's walking through the living room, itching his bum and the camera follows him as he goes along, he just walks past the room and there's a man sitting in it and he keeps on walking, he turns around and comes back. Who is this guy? He's from, oh, later on there's a guy from The Wicker Man in this, one of them, randomly.

Well, this is Mr. Deltoid, the school counselor.

School counselor, right. How's he got in there?

He says, Alex.

How's he got in there, though?

Well, he said, your mother gave me the key so I could come up and talk to you. Come and sit on the bed with me, Alex. And he makes Alex sit on his parents' bed next to him.

Really close to him.

And then he touches his leg. Now, consider Alex is supposed to be in the book.

He was in The Wicker Man.

Quite young.

This guy was in The Wicker Man. He was not the bartender, it was one of the other guys.

Now, in the book, Alex is supposed to be quite young. So this guy is clearly a bit of a pedo.

Absolutely.

And he sort of makes Alex lie down with him on the bed. Now, Alex is only wearing his underwear. Then he grabs his balls and says to him, you must behave yourself. You've got to be a good example for society. You're going to let your parents down, and you're not going to do well at school. And this is what I want you to do. I want you to buck your ideas up, you know, and just get back on board, get back on. And while he's doing all of this, he tries to sort of have a little swig.

He has a big old drink, and I thought he's such a bad ass that he was doing this on purpose. He goes to drink a glass of water, but it's got false teeth in it, which have been cleaning it for the night. He doesn't know, he drinks it for a while. And I was like, that dude's bad ass. It's disgusting, but that guy's hard as nails. But then he realizes, he's like, oh my God. And it's like, oh, okay, it's kind of a comical thing.

And then he gets up and leaves and he says, stay out of the dirt, Alex. And he's basically trying to do right for him, but he is a pedo as well. And this shows to show that everybody in Alex's life, his parents are so submissive, they just let him do what he wants. His school counselor is hitting on him. That's why he's in this violent gang, because that's what society is now. It's just, there's just no authority. The only authority is trying to fill him up. It's crazy.

So, Ferris Bueller spends his day off from school, and he goes to the record fair. And as he's, hang on, it's like his place has just record shops.

What's he wearing?

Oh, I can't remember, what's he wearing?

He's wearing like a fucking David Bowie. I can't even explain it. It's like something Bowie would have worn in Labyrinth, but also like something Shakespeare might have worn, mixed with Blade, the vampire hunter.

Bizarre stuff. But he goes in, there's these two women looking for records because there's always record salesmen in this area. It's like a shopping fair, market fair or whatever.

No, they're not women, Gav.

They're girls, sorry, these young girls.

In the book, they're about 13.

Oh, well, I don't, I just saw ladies, I don't know. And they're basically both sucking cock lollies.

Yeah.

There's just cock everywhere. And he just sort of says to them both, do you want to go and have a free some at my place, mum and dad on there? And they're like, great. And then we have a thing with Jiggy, a time frame, a time lapse of them just having sex, lots and lots and lots.

To the William Tell Overture of...

Which is comical, isn't it?

It's like Benny Hill, isn't it?

It is Benny Hill.

But yeah, and it goes on for quite a while. So to film that scene must have taken an hour.

When he's standing tall, and there's one record you can see, and it's 2001, Space Odyssey.

Thank you. That's the first time I noticed that Easter egg as well.

Fuzzy Warblers.

That's the first time I noticed that.

Fuzzy Warbles, or whatever he says to them.

Fuzzy Warbles. Yeah. But yes...

His gang's downstairs, though, and they've been waiting for him in his apartment block after he's finished.

After he's finished with the two girls, he comes downstairs. Oh, what are you all doing here? What a nice surprise. We're waiting for you, Alex.

They try to turn the tables on who's in power.

Yeah. They say there's new rules in the gang now. I kind of diss him a bit. No more picking on Dim for a start. And he's like, okay, what are the other rules? And they're like, and we've got a job that we want you to help us do. And he's like, but I pick the jobs normally. Okay, what's this big score then? What's this big job? And the guy says, it's big, big money. We've got a plan. And we get this Reservoir Dog slow motion shot now of them walking.

Yeah, because I actually thought he... I couldn't remember it. I actually thought he stabbed them all up and killed them. But no, he's just kind of teached them a lesson.

Yeah.

It's going to bite him on the ass again, though. Everything he does, every action has a reaction.

It does. Well, it cuts to the bar now, and they're all sort of sat there silently. And he goes, no, now I've got my authority. But it basically says to them, well, now I've shown you that I'm the boss, I'm the leader, and you can't go up against me. We're all friends now. And I'd like you to tell me what this big job is that you're interested in.

I think Kubrick likes cocks and vaginas.

Who likes them more, Kubrick or...

Kubrick.

Or what's his name, the other guy that did Aliens and Species?

Oh, Giger, yeah.

Imagine Kubrick and Giger making a film together. Or Clive Barker. They all love cocks, don't they, those three?

My friend got, another friend of ours, a book, and it was a Clive Barker book. I don't know why he got a Clive Barker book. He's not really a matter of horror fan. He gave it to him, and it was artwork, and it was just all cocks. Every page was a cock. And he gave it to him. He gave it to my friend. And what the weird thing is, though, about five or six years later, that friend who he gave the book to came out as gay. I don't think giving the books made him gay. I think he was really gay.

It would be the same if someone gave me an HR Geiger sort of coffee table book.

Actually, it could have been a Geiger book just full of cocks. Maybe. Maybe one clove barker. One or two.

Lots of cocks either way.

Just cock. Cock everywhere.

I imagine pinheads cock. I don't want to. So they go to the health farm. They put on their dildo masks again and they do their old help, help. There's been a terrible accident, but she's like, she's like, no, fuck off.

She is more hard as the hard, isn't she? She actually fights back.

So they sneak around the back.

She's the right cat lady as well. She's basically lived by herself with loads of cats.

Kubrick, 16 cats he had. So he's putting elements of himself in this film.

I can actually see him in lots of these roles.

Yeah.

And the madness as well.

The recluse, the madness.

Oh, lots of things.

I reckon he probably had a dildo mask.

He probably spent the days wanking in his mansion, I think, in there for all his pictures of cocks and vagina in his head going around.

Wow. 2001 wanks in one day.

Is that where he got the name from?

Yeah. And then the studio was like, can you change it to 2001 A Space Odyssey instead?

2001's my daily quota.

2001 A Wank Odyssey. Kubrick. A Clockwork Wank. She doesn't open the door, like I say. So they sneak around and she calls the police, tells them, you know, and this is the start of his downfall now.

Classical music starts again now.

And he sneaks into the room in his dildo mask. And she's like, who the bloody hell are you? What are you doing here?

She has a massive cock statue, which is so funny because he just taps it. And momentum starts rocking, and it keeps coming in and out of shot, and it's really comical. Even though he's about to possibly rape her and attack her, it's so comical.

It's like that little bird in Alien on the spaceship that goes backwards and forwards, but imagine a giant cock that does that.

A massive cock could go, Worm form.

And she keeps saying, don't touch that. Don't touch that. And he's like, oh, well, you're a fruity one, aren't you? What's this you've got here? And she's like, don't touch my big cock. I've told you. And eventually he picks it up.

But just before that, she was clever enough to actually, as soon as she knocked the door, she went and rang the police.

Yeah, so I said, this is the start of his downfall now, because she's called the police.

Yeah. OK. Yeah. So she she actually rang the police and said, it's just a bit of a weird thing. I know. I don't know if it means anything, but someone's just knocked at my door. But it seems to be the sort of same MO of the person that got attacked a couple of nights ago. Just want to say, and then we're bringing some out to you, essentially. We can't hear that. She's like, oh, only if you're sure. So yeah. And then just as he puts her phone down, Alex walks in.

My notes are so pornographic from at this point. It says Alex walks in, he starts rocking the big cock. He tries to attack and she tries to attack him and he uses the giant cock as defense.

To get in the way.

He pushed the big cock in the way. Then I put, he knocks her out with the big cock and he smashes her in the face with it a few times. Now he actually kills her, but he doesn't realize that. And then he suddenly hears the sirens, he thinks, oh, I better be off now. So he runs downstairs and says to his other buddies, oh, shit, the cops are on the way. And they're like, yeah, well, guess what? They bottle him.

They smash milk bottles, which obviously have been there. This is what I assume is this. When he went in, they all went, hey, do you know what we should do? They've looked around and said, oh, grab a milk bowl. That's what they've done. And the actual milk bottles were milk and he gets blinded in one eye, he thinks, oh, he's blinded.

It's because they-

And they run off and leave him.

He's so crazy that I think they just want to do robberies, but he wants to add the sexual element because he's really deranged and they don't want to do all the quite extreme stuff.

I think they just fed up with his shit.

Yeah.

Simple as that. But he's left there and they run off and the cops turn up. We hear the sirens and obviously they wiggle phones and he's turned up and he's arrested. And that is probably a midpoint turn in the film.

Yeah, that's kind of like the end of Act One really, I guess.

No, I wouldn't have thought so. I'd say more midpoint turn.

But either way, he's in jail now at the moment, awaiting what's going to happen now because...

Oh, he does grab a cocks dick and they punch him up a bit.

Yeah, the cops beat the shit out of him quite a lot.

And that school council turns up and says, that's the end of the line for me, I'm afraid. And he says, please no, sir, please sir, I'm innocent, sir.

He said, they forced me to do it. That's what they did. And he said, Alex, you're a murderer. And he says, these are lies. These are lies. And he's like, no, they're not. The woman that you beat up with a giant cock died.

Yeah. And he says, that's what he's like, the end of the line for me as the council, I've tried to help you and you won't take it. So there you go.

And then the cop leans down and goes, if you want to beat him up a little bit, we can hold him for you, if you like. We've all had a go. But he doesn't beat him up, he just spits in his face. And I think it's real, it looks like real spit as well. We'd be surprised if they just spat in Malcolm McDowell's face. And then he just says, you've been a great disappointment, Alex, and just walks off.

The narration after this trial, he was sent to 14 years.

Yeah, 14 years in prison. So he gets checked into the prison.

But when this happens, when he starts getting checked in his empty pockets, he at this point here, we didn't see him do this. It's almost like there's a scene left where he was in the cell and we just slowly zooming in on him, right? And he's just sitting there quietly and just thinking about stuff. Angry, then it turns to anger, turns to him tired and starts to cry. And then it goes through the visual turning of where his mind is.

It's all a bit of a game, though, to him, isn't it?

Of course it is, he's faking this all the way through. This is like him saying, I've found God or something.

He only ends up serving two years of his sentence, doesn't he?

Yeah, because he does from this very on. He is so polite to this guy. Yes, sir. No, sir.

And that's because he's a bully, he's a manipulator, like he's done to his gang, he knows how to really...

Yeah, he's trying to break the system. But we never saw this thought process happen. And all of a sudden, it just... All of a sudden, he's just being polite. And it is really interesting that that did that without it being telegraphed to us.

And I really enjoy this really slow scene, though, where he's been told the rules of the prison, given his number.

Extremely polite.

You know, empty your pockets, don't step over the red line. And you've got this like screaming British sort of guy who's like, I guess they're real old school army sergeant type.

And he then says to him, right, go over there, undress, come on, take your clothes off. And he just goes over there, takes the clothes off. No problem whatsoever.

One chocolate bar.

He's extremely accommodating to-

One packet of cigarettes.

Yeah, man, do it in. And he gets totally naked. And this guy says, okay, bend over. And we see the camera's the side view. And he actually looks right into his arsehole. He pulls those bum cheeks and he looks up there. It's all in one shot. It's all in one take. It's actually done. It's like, fair enough.

Imagine that today. I'm doing another scene today.

Got Chris Hemsworth today. Chris Hemsworth's going to bend over and I'm looking at his bumhole.

Well, you went to Chris Strait. I was going to just talk about Malcolm McDowell, but you're thinking about what he'd like.

Nowadays, I'm saying that nowadays in a movie.

That's what you'd like to do. Is there a cut for the Hemsworth bum?

No.

It's probably got Thor's hammer up there.

When he's going, when they've cut to a scene in... Shut up. We cut to a scene in the prison and it's the prison church and he's at the front and he does a bit of talking and he's looking down at one of the prison guys who's looking at the guard and he's just giving him like the wink and blowing kisses.

Oh no, he's looking at Alex. Yeah, yeah. Because Alex is a young...

Is he looking at Alex?

Yeah, because Alex is a young...

Oh, I took that as looking at one of the guards.

No, no. Alex is a young, good looking boy. And he says, the narration is like a lot of these boys, these men in here would love to have their wicked ways with me, being as though handsome I am.

Ah, sorry.

And that guy is really, really, really...

He's horrible, isn't he?...

letterous towards you. But, you know, considering what Alex has done to other people, you know, they're singing him in the church and he's pretending to have found God.

But his narration says, I was never interested in the big book.

Yeah. He said, I like the beginning bit with all the lashings of ultraviolence and the old in-out.

Yeah.

I don't like the end of the book.

And then there's shots of Jesus being whipped. All of a sudden, we've actually got a reenactment. You didn't need to do this.

Kubrick did this.

A reenactment of Jesus being walking on the cross, being whipped and loads of people around. It's like, why did you film? This probably took a week to film.

And then that reenactment turns into a fantasy of Alex being a Roman, sort of having loads of women and orgies and whipping Jesus. He's the one whipping Jesus. You know, this is it. His mind always turns to derange sexual.

Then it does cut to a father saying, you should in general want to reform, but it's obviously these parts are like we've had before when he's laying in bed listening to music. We're basically having what's in Alex's head each time. Yeah, it's very interesting.

Well, the priest comes up to him and says-

But yeah, he thinks he's reformed and obviously it's a whole ruse, we know that.

Well, he says, the priest says to him, you really like the big book, don't you? And he's like-

I want to be good. I want to be good.

He says, I want to be good for the rest of my life. And I've heard of a new treatment, father, that will make me good. And he's like, where did you hear about that? And he's like, well, people talk, people talk. And then that's kind of- so he's dropped in there now that he knows about this treatment that he wants.

Yeah, because then we got a shot of outside of all the all the prisoners lined up and a suited gentleman come along and like a go- like a- like an-

He's like a government official.

Yeah, and a few people and they've got to stand there. And he's going over to people checking them and he's basically looking for a guinea pig.

Yep, a candidate. And Alex has the balls to shout out something. And he's like, who is this? And he's like, prisoner 39642, whatever it is. And excuse me, I've just sneezed. And he's like, oh, I like him. He's- he could be an ideal candidate. And then he says, great, take him away. We'll transform him into a good, you know, pillar of the society.

Let's transform us now.

Um, don't know where we're going off on Transformers here, but there we go. Alex is told he'll be transferred to a medical facility tomorrow, where he'll have two weeks of treatment, and then set free. And he's like, ah, this is great. Just a fortnight to go, and I'll be a free man. He doesn't think the treatment's gonna work.

Again, though, the treatment would have fucking worked if they didn't drop him off in the same places where he came, did all the acts of violence.

I love it, I love it when they drop him off. And everything crumbles around him.

Yeah, it's so stupid.

Just jumping ahead, what I love about that is it demonstrates that if you do really bad shit, no matter what you do to reform or try to prove to people you're not like that anymore, people will still look at you as the person that did those things, whether it's your parents getting a lodger in while you're away in prison, or whether it's your friends who haven't forgotten what you did to them, or a drunk Irish tramp, whatever it is, people will never forget what you did.

I start singing karma chalamellian in my head then.

Karma, karma, karma, karma.

It's already going in my head.

So the next day, he arrives at the facility, the doctor signs him in and he's shown to his room, and he's loving it. It's like a little hotel.

The warden, because they're told what's going on by a little meeting of what's happening. And the warden is sitting there, and he's explaining what's happening. In two weeks, he'll be released to the public. And the warden is sitting there going, ha, ha, ha. And you can see on his face the disgust of this idea.

So he thinks he's a horrible little animal, a little piece of scum.

I think it's a ridiculous idea, basically. The actual, yeah, because that's the guy, the sergeant one, looked up his bum, thinking that. And the actual warden himself thinks it's a ridiculous idea.

But he's in his little room in this facility, which is like a little hotel room, where he's going to get lovely food and everything. And he gets an injection in his bottom to start the treatment. He says, what's this for? I've got nothing wrong with me. She's like, it's just vitamins, et cetera.

Is that why he's having his breakfast in bed?

Yeah.

Straight away, he's like, wow, yesterday I'm like this, today I'm being treated breakfast in bed by these beautiful nurses or whatever.

And he says, what are we going to do? What's the treatment then? And the lady says, we're just going to show you some films, Alex.

Oh, I like the cinema.

Oh, lovely.

It's what he thinks.

Fucking hell. And everybody knows, everybody knows this. This is the most famous scene from A Clockwork Orange. So to paint the picture for anyone who hasn't seen it or anybody wants us to, he is strapped down. And this is all they did this to, Malcolm O'Dell, they clamped his eyeballs open with these little clamps. He actually cut his eyes on the metal in real life.

Strange, yeah, wires on his head. And he's basically sat there forced to watch cinema, regardless of whatever is in front of his eyes, he cannot look away or shut his eyes.

He can't even blink.

Yeah. So he has to watch, but whatever is on, he's watching it.

And first of all, he quite likes it because they show him a film.

Well, it's like a gang. It's kind of a gang, aren't they? And they're just like beating up a woman or going to rape a woman or something. And he's like, oh, that's cool.

Yeah. And he's thinking, oh, great. And then when the blood, he's like, I do love it when the blood comes out in there.

Yeah, because he thinks it's Hollywood. That's what he thinks it is. He's like, oh, it did look really real. Yeah, because they've actually got real footage somehow of this happening.

His narration says, it's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you video them on the screen, especially the red, the blood red, because he loves blood, you know, and he loves seeing it.

He does though, start to say, I start to feel unwell. Well, I try to forget about things.

And then we see some rape on the screen and then he feels sick.

He said, it's a gang rape. He said, at first, it was okay, but then by the seventh guy, I start to feel a bit sick, but I couldn't shut my eyes or stop looking.

And afterwards, the doctors, well, while this is going on, the doctors are discussing what's happening to him, which is basically overloading his brain with rape and violence.

It's gonna make you feel like death.

Yeah, so that you cannot stomach it anymore.

Yeah, actually feel like death. The worst come over you've had from taking drugs or anything like that, or hangover or anything, whatever it is, this is like it. You're gonna feel like death. It's like, oh my God.

And afterwards, he's taking back to his little room and the doctor says, the female doctor says to him, how did you find that? And he's like, oh, I do feel a bit woozy. She's like, well, you've got two sessions tomorrow, Alex. And he's like, two sessions? Oh, Jesus Christ. OK. But he says, I'll do whatever it needs to get through the next two weeks if I'm going to be a free man.

Because he's still being very accommodating.

So the next day, he's shown lots of Adolf Hitler, Nazis, war, bombs.

He does Nazi footage also. And he does say that he says that he feels sick and he doesn't understand it. And they're like, oh, so your treatment is starting to work, though, you know, that's why you're feeling sick. It's OK.

And they say, don't worry, we'll play some music to go with it. And ironically, it's his favourite music.

And he's like, not this, not this. And they can't hear him. And he's trying to shout, not this, anything, but this, because he likes Ludwig.

They're ruining music for him. And they're ruining. The two passions he's got are violence, sexual violence, crime and music. And they're putting them together so he can never enjoy them ever again.

So he's sitting there with a doctor on another day and he said, I'm cured now. And they're like, no, you're not cured. No, I am. No, it's not. It's not even been a fortnight yet. You're not cured. I don't know where they've got this idea that a fortnight, you know, they need the 14 days or whatever. But anyway, and he tries to get out of it. But they're like, no. So they keep him at it.

For 14 days and after two weeks, all the sort of people who are in charge of the project, doctors and funders, etc. They're all sort of sat in this room.

Here he is, ladies and gentlemen.

They parade him out.

No drugs, no hypnosis, nothing. And tomorrow we will let him into society.

But now a demonstration, if you will. And they bring a man out.

This guy comes up to the stage and goes, who's this guy? He's not even like a big guy or anything, though. But it's this guy just starts like dissing him. Then he just starts slapping him. And he's like, what are you doing that to me, sir?

And then he tries to you, brother.

And essentially, it's an experiment. He's doing violence and lust. And he tries to attack him. And he just kind of starts retching. And it's just falls to the floor. And he can't do anything.

And the man says, lick my shoe. And Alex just licks his shoe.

And then, OK, that's enough. Thank you.

And he said, I stuck out my tongue, ladies and gentlemen, and I licked that shoe as much as I could, because all I could do was to not be sick everywhere. And everyone claps.

The warden and the army guy who checked him earlier looked up his bumhole. They're all sitting there, just so you know who he is, in context. He's the bumhole looker.

Inspector Bumhole.

Inspector Bumhole, like it. They're kind of getting more on the side of the government now, and going, oh, OK, because they especially, Inspector Bumhole, he's smirking when he's getting violent and getting treated like shit, because that's what he wants him to happen to him. And he quite likes it. But all of a sudden, they bring out a lady walks out with her breasts out, and she's come out to lust him into like wanting him wanting to do something.

And it's a room full of really well to do people in ties and suits. And they're all like, oh, here she comes. And she comes on out there and she walks over to Alex.

And Alex narration is going along and he's saying, I wanted her. I really did. And basically he can't. He goes to grab some boobs and feels sick.

He feels sick and she just stands over him.

Yeah.

And then they all clap and cheer. Well done, Doris. Off you go. And she bows. And he's free. Well done, Alex. You're now a true Christian. The treatment has worked. And that's it. Yeah. He's released the next day.

And like I said, I saw this on on Blu-ray on my projector screen is fucking brilliant.

So we're going into our final act now, where, yeah, where Karma is going home.

This is the third act. This is the third act.

He goes home, walks into his normal apartment, looks in his bedroom, and it's like, oh, there's a load of random things in this room. That's weird. It's not how my room was two years ago. But oh well. Then he walks into his living room. There's his mum and dad, and there's a man sat next to his mum on the sofa with his arm around her. And they're all sort of reading the paper. They're like, Alex, you're here. And he's like, yeah.

Eating toast.

And he says, that's Joe, the lodger. He's been renting your room out for the last two years. And Joe says, yeah, and I'm more of a son to them than you've ever been. I read all about you.

His accent's hilarious.

He says, I read all about you and what you did. You're scum. You're sick. And Alex wants to swing at him. But Alex, as soon as he sort of raises his hand, he instantly feels sick, of course.

He starts burping, and he's saying weird things. And he kind of just sits there, and they all just kind of... And he says, he's disgusting, he is. He can at least put a hand over his mouth. Oh my god, that's the new guy.

He says, dad, where are all my things from my room? And he goes, oh, they were confiscated by the police. We have to give the money back to the victims. So they came and they took everything. Where's my snake? And this is the funny thing, is dad goes, oh, your snake, it had a bit of an accident. It passed away. Your snake had an accident and it passed away. And that's what drives him. He's like, no, and he goes, look, son, we can't kick Joe out. We've got a contract with him.

And Joe goes and puts his arms around his mum again. And basically he's been replaced. Yeah, they've replaced a nice new son rather than the psychotic rapist.

I don't know if you noticed what his mum was wearing in this scene. She's dressed as exactly what a fucking Oompa Loompa wears in the Gene Wilder movie. Wow. Yeah, Joe really rubs it in now and says, oh, you've upset your mother again. You have come on now. And he puts his arm around her. So he says, well, I guess I'll be leaving if none of you want me here. And he takes all his stuff and he leaves, Alex. So he's already got no home. That's number one. First kicker. Here comes the next one.

And also he sits there, he cries as well before he leaves and he realizes he can't do any violence now or anything. He can't. That's not a niche. It's not a thing to retaliate. It's not a way to get over people. He has to just, I don't know, start again.

There's an element of this, which is kind of like the whole should you new to someone, you know, because that's kind of what he's always been new to, doesn't he, really? You know, he can't can't fulfill what he wants to do anymore. So he goes for a walk along the river and you wonder if he's considering suicide and that comes back up later on and he's looking at the water and then the tramp comes over from the beginning.

It's the homeless guy who he beat up at the beginning and he says, Hello there, sonny boy, can you give me some change? And then he looks at him and he realizes who he is. So he grabs him and starts pulling him into a tunnel. And it's basically what happened earlier is actually the same shooting really with sort of silhouettes of the light behind them in a tunnel.

But don't worry, Gav, because the police come and save the day.

And that's a good thing. Apart from, I don't know how on earth these guys got the job.

But it's Dym and Georgie.

Yeah, it's his old gang. It's reason he's called Dym because he's fucking a bit thick. But like, I don't know how he got jobs at Copper. But they're policemen now.

And they're like, oh, it's Alex. What are you? You got out of prison then? Oh, yeah. And he's like, you can't be policing. He's like, oh, we are. We're the authority.

Really should have started fresh in another town.

They say, don't worry, we'll take care of you. They drive him off and the police go out to the country handcuffed.

Yeah.

Then they beat him up a little bit.

They put him in a hay and a trough.

Now Gav, this as a filmmaker, but also as a film fan, as someone who appreciates takes, they put Malcolm McDowell in this trough of water. And he was under that water for a good 90 seconds to two minutes. Holding his breath for this scene, because they could half drown him.

I didn't see if it was a one take. It must have been different.

It was, yeah, it was a one take. It's just from that side shot. And then they pull him out.

And they leave him.

They just leave him in the woods, soaking wet.

So he's like, right, I'll best go have a little wander, see where I am. And he doesn't notice, it's fucking obvious. It's not going to be many houses look like that. He goes back to the house where he went to for a bit of the ultraviolence earlier.

But he wouldn't notice because firstly, it was two years ago. And also he doesn't pay attention to these little things because none of these people are like you said, like you said with Hitchcock, he doesn't see any of his victims as actual people. They're just toy toys to him.

And it's back to the writer from before, who earlier had a red typewriter, which he stole and took into his room. But this time he's got a blue typewriter.

And he's now in a wheelchair because of the beating he took.

And instead of a lady there, because I'm assuming... Oh, we find out what happened to her. She killed herself. In fact, there's a muscly man there.

It's Darth Vader.

Oh, is it? It's funny though.

Yeah, that's what I said.

I didn't realize that's him.

David Price in Speedos. One of his standout roles apart from Darth Vader.

Not bad physique. I was checking the muscle form on him.

Fucking huge. And where is he from? Bristol. And who knew him? My dad.

Oh, nice.

There we go. My little claim to fame there. Yes, David Price is like his bodyguard slash carer, because he can just pick up the guy in the wheelchair in his actual wheelchair. He picks the wheelchair up with the guy in it at one point. It's how strong he is.

And walks down the stairs.

Just moves him around the house where he needs him. So, yeah, he bangs on the door and he's going, please help me, please help me.

Well, it's interesting that the Darth Vader doesn't know of this guy and what happened before. So he goes and he just falls to the floor and he just picks him up and just takes him down. Darth Vader basically just picks everybody up.

Like a little baby.

He just picks everyone up, doesn't he?

And he brings him inside. And Alex suddenly realizes, oh, shit, this is the house.

He, yeah, Alex realizes where he is, but he, in his head, he tells us, he narrates it, goes, oh shit, I realized where I was. But the guy in the wheelchair who was attacked doesn't recognize him.

He says, I know you. Don't I know you? And he says, he says, you were on TV and newspapers. You were that young man. He does recognize him in some way.

It's a bit weird, though. Surely the person that essentially reasoned your wife's dead and you were paralyzed was name you're probably never going to forget. Was then in the paper for his experiment released. You would know that that's the same guy. Surely.

It takes him a bit of time to put it all together, doesn't it?

Well, it's because he hears him singing and singing in the rain. That's any reason. But it seems a bit silly. He didn't know.

He says to Julie and Darth Vader, he says, draw him a bath. Poor man is freezing and we'll prepare him something to eat. And Alex is thinking, I'm coming up roses again here. This is great. You know, I've already I've gone from one great thing to another. So I'm in a bath.

While he's in the bath, though, Mr. Wheelchair Man, he seems to be very excited by the fact that he's got this guy here. He's had this experiment and he wants his mates to come around. He's on the phone ringing people up, wants them to come around because of it. It's really weird, though, because when they come around and what happens when it does, then they don't batter an eyelid for what he does to him. But he doesn't say on the phone that it's this guy. He doesn't know that yet.

Yeah.

It's like there's something missed there possibly.

But he loses his mind when he hears Alex singing.

He's in the bath singing. I'm singing in the rain, and I sing, and he starts singing really loud. He's like, dude, you were doing this when you were raping his wife in the same house singing that song.

Two years, only two years ago.

You're both not very good with your memory.

Um, and yeah, the guy in the wheelchair, the writer has some kind of PTSD type seizure.

He starts realizing the trauma comes back hard.

And later then, Alex is then giving a meal.

I'm running, and then after that, he rang those people back up and said, by the way, this is him, because obviously he then goes and tells his bodyguard, this is the guy.

Because they come in the room, Julian and the writer come in the room.

Give him spaghetti, bainese and wine, and basically just eat, drink, drink, eat.

And he says, it's very good, sir, it's very good. And he's like, would you like some wine? And he's like, no, thank you. And he's like, what about you?

He's really aggressively, no, thank you.

And then Darth Vader is like, no, thank you. I don't want none, because he's from Bristol. And he says, oh, I'll have myself another glass then. And then he keeps pouring in wine, keeps making Alex drink more and more wine. And he says, do you live here on your own then? And he says, I had a wife, I miss her. She's dead. And he's like, oh, so sorry to hear that. And he says, yeah, she was gang raped. They told me that she died of, I can't remember what he says.

Or just the trauma of being raped.

Yeah. But basically she's dead now. And then there's a knock at the door and he says, I phoned some friends and the doorbell rings. And that man and lady walk in and they say, hello, nice to meet you, Alex. We want to help you. And he's thinking, something's not right here. What could this be? And he says, we've read all about you.

He's still sitting there with his spag bowl, by the way.

And they say, we can't, we hear you can't listen to music anymore. Is that right? And he's like, yeah, well, it's actually only one piece of music I can't listen to, which is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. Oh, what happens if you listen to it? It just makes me want to die.

Makes me feel funny.

And then he just collapses and the wine's been poisoned.

His face goes into the spag bowl.

Yeah. Which again, it's quite comical. Cupid does these funny little-

And his guests don't bat an eyelid when it happens. So obviously they knew what the plan was.

Yeah. And he says, Julian, remove him from the spaghetti. And then he wakes up on a bed upstairs with Beethoven's Ninth Symphony playing. Really loud because he set up these giant speakers downstairs on the snooker table. Great shot of that guy getting every single ball into the pocket. Did you see that guy?

Well, I found it interesting that that man and the woman have got- Yeah, yeah. He's just pushing the ball into the pocket. So that man and woman have gone there, and the woman and the wheelchair man are very like listening, almost like getting off on it like a bit. And that guy, the snooker table and the balls, is kind of not bothered. He's not interested.

They're all quite casual about it, aren't they?

Oh, the other ones are really like fascinating. They're looking up, but he doesn't seem too bothered. It's a really weird dichotomy.

But this is too much for Alex. This song is driving him mad.

Yeah, he's locked in the room. He can't get out.

He looks at the window.

Real chair man downstairs is traumatically smiling.

Massive smile on his face. So Alex looks at the window and thinks to himself, I'm going to do this. He actually says, all it would be is one moment of pain and then I'll sleep forever and ever and ever. And it's so dark. It's like that's what crosses people's minds when they're thinking about ending it. You know, I don't want to get too dark with this, but you know, it's really well written and narrated. He jumps out the window.

He's like almost a full body cast in the hospital.

Oh man, it just keeps getting worse for him.

Yeah, but it doesn't though, it ends up being all right for him, which is such a weird flip again.

So he's in the hospital, like you said, full body cast.

He comes to, there's a shagging doctor nurse just at the side that come out and she puts her boobs away. Oh, he's come through. He's come to, oh.

Because when he wakes up, you hear, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Yeah, there's a shagging.

Where's that coming from? And it's like a carry on movie. She runs out with her boobs out and they're like, oh, he's awake, doctor.

Yeah.

They were just having sex next door to him. Yeah. So.

Mum and dad visit.

We get the newspaper headlines saying the treatment is inhumane. We start seeing that the government experiment has been, you know, all over the headlines and people are saying it's terrible. It shouldn't happen. It made a drove him to almost suicide. Yeah. His mum and dad come to visit and they say, look, we saw you in the paper. We're a bit sorry about that. We still don't want you to come home, but we are sorry about what you've been through, son.

Yeah. And she's like, yep, very good. Very good. So it's almost like they expected it. I don't know.

Yeah. And then they say to him, you've got a special visitor now and it's the prison minister again from earlier.

And he comes in and he who feeds him food.

Now, you know that this was completely ad-libbed. Really? Kubrick was getting really bored because they did this scene about 20 times. And so Malcolm McDowell was getting a bit bored, but he thought, I want to entertain Kubrick a little bit. So here's what I'm going to do. So he opened his mouth and the guy just went with it and started feeding the food to him. And Kubrick suddenly sat back up in his chair like, oh, this is great. And so they kept it like that, then, because...

Well, it shows the power changing and him going, if I play my cards right here and I just do what I want me to do, they're going to give me everything I want.

So he's literally spoon feeding him and spoon feeding him an apology and says to him, we failed you. We're really sorry.

I want you to regard us as your friends.

Yeah.

Basically getting out of being sued.

He says the writer man, the writer was a lunatic and was... They put him away. Yeah. We'll spin it because he wanted you dead and we'll spin that. So don't worry. He's in prison now.

So this guy, all he was guilty of was sitting at home one day writing something and his wife was raped and killed, taken away from him. He is put in a wheelchair. This guy comes back to him. He gets revenge and then he's put in a way for that forever.

That's the government.

Yeah. Yeah. This is very much a comment on the government. They still like it now.

And he says, we'll give you a job and a house. It'll be a very well paid job as well. Like you said, Gav, it's all a bribe. Oh, and we've also got a special treat for you and they wheel in a giant speaker and they play him some Beethoven. And they say, can we just take some photos with the ministers saying that you forgive us?

Loads of press come into the room and he just has a little thumb through his car stick up. He's like, yeah, yeah, perfect. And there was some ministers smiling saying he's absolutely fine, he's great. But we know that he's not. So basically, what's going to happen? He's going to get out of that car, get a job and he's just going to do stuff again. Here get caught, here get arrested, here go back. And there'll be a massive thing in the government, they fucked up.

But the crazy thing is, is that when he realizes he's no longer affected by sex, violence or music, he looks demented. The tears are rolling down his cheeks because he's so happy.

And he says, I was cured all right.

And he looks absolutely deranged. And then the credits roll with, And that's the end. I'm singing in the rain.

Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. That is a masterpiece.

That's fucking insane. What a movie. You could take away many things from that. I'm sure there's many more intelligent people who view that film for us and come out with some real deep shit in there. There's many ways to look at it. The government, the experiments, the way to treat public, the karma, being good and being bad.

Also, the fact that it ends on a bad note, like the bad guy wins.

In the end, yeah. It's a strange one.

It is a film gods movie, in my opinion. Everything came together in a very specific way.

I don't know if I could totally say film gods, but it definitely is a film that should be kept in an archive.

Yeah.

To show what cinema does.

Yeah, and the story behind the scenes of Kubrick pulling it and all of that kind of stuff, it is an assault on the senses, both sound and sight. And it's wonderful. And like you said, there is a lot more to it. There's documentaries galore on it and rabbit holes. You can go down with it.

So that's a thumbs down from me. Please don't bother watching that film. Mine's a full body cast thumbs up.

Mine's a big rocking cock thumbs up.

If you've never seen this film, watch it.

Yeah, it is incredible.

But you kind of need to know what you're getting into when you watch it.

And I would also say the first time you watch it is not going to be the same as the fifth or sixth or tenth time you watch it. Because as you get older, you know, you get more out of it. But yeah, wow, Matthew, thank you so much for that.

Thank you.

I hope we did it justice.

Yeah.

It's good stuff, man.

Yeah. Right. I need another glass of water because that's a lot of talking. Should we come back?

Let's come back for our outro.

Let's do it. And we're back.

We're back again, singing in the rain. Wow, well, I gotta take the crime, Matthew, back.

Sorry, dude.

There we go. But thank you very, very much.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure for the former, but the latter was lovely.

Yes, certainly good chat, though, with Spookies. Very deranged film. Well, they're both quite deranged films in very different ways. But yeah, that was your third round, Matthew. So start thinking about round four.

Wow.

That was episode 173. What's coming up next, Gav? Should I tell us?

Oh, tell me, because I forget.

OK, so our next episode, episode 174, is going to be an actor special. Bruce Campbell, The Chin.

The Chin.

We're going to be covering, talking of Army Of Darkness earlier, 1992's Army Of Darkness. So we've covered the other two Evil Dead movies.

Oh, that's so funny.

So that, and Bubba Hotec from 2002.

I'll get, if I possibly, I'll see if I get Elijah to watch Army Of Darkness with me. He will really enjoy it.

It's a fun, fun, fun film. Probably my favorite Bruce Campbell movie.

Yeah, and you will see when you watch it, how it's such a gateway for horror for kids.

Well, it's very Harryhausen as well, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can tell Raimi's love of Harryhausen in that. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, that's our next episode.

So what is it, sorry?

Bruce Campbell Special. Armie Darkmason, Baba Hote.

Sweet, okay.

And then it's my birthday episode after that. So as mentioned, that will be The Substance from 2024.

Excellent.

And Enter The Dragon from 1973.

Well, well, well, well, well, well.

Boreshit, Mr. Hen Man.

You can straight out of a comic book. I know. Me and you could probably just do the whole dialogue.

Literally. It won't be that, though, guys, I promise.

Well, try not to be.

It might be. And then after that will be episode 176.

What's your style?

My style? You could call it the art of fighting without fighting.

What do you mean? Show me some of it. Not here. That island. How do we get there?

We could take this boat.

Oh, no, it's too good, isn't it?

After that will be another Patron Pick.

Very, very quickly. Sarah's first example, because she hadn't seen everything in The Dragon. Her first watch of it has been meant to cinema to watch it. She had never seen it.

Amazing.

Yeah.

I'll take you, you, you and you.

Sorry, I'm a little tired.

So after that will be episode 176, a Patron Pick. It will be our buddy, RJ McCready. And he has selected two films.

What are we going for? What are you giving us?

Two films about daughters going missing. One of those is 1985's Commando.

Oh, it's so good.

And he's paired that up with 2008.

Put an ice cream in my nose.

Ah. And he's paired that up with 2008.

Oh, I know.

Taken.

I know what it was. Yes.

I've got a very special set of skills.

Oh, I just, I can't wait to review both of those films. What a laugh.

You've got Arnie and you've got Leonice, and both going after the men that kidnap their daughters.

Um, I guess I'll just do the Commando Witch version, which is on Disney. I don't know if it's the uncut one, but obviously the uncut one's got the blades going into the guy's face when he opens up the tool shed. That's pretty much the difference of the uncut one.

Knock, knock.

Knock, knock.

I eat green berries for breakfast. You said...

Matrix! Matrix!

You said you wouldn't kill me.

I lied. You said you wouldn't kill me to last, Matrix. I lied.

So, yeah, we've got some... We've got a Bruce Campbell special, followed by Substance and End of the Dragon, followed by Commando and Taken.

So we've got...

It's great. We've got some good episodes coming up. I'm really excited to get into those. So stick with us, guys. We've got some fun. And after that, you know, we've got plenty of stuff set up for the future as well. So good stuff.

I'll see if I can get a photo of me carrying a log.

Please.

Through the woods.

Please do. And I'll be on the phone saying...

I've been getting buff, so...

And I'll just be on the phone saying, I will find you and I will kill you.

And I'll just get Elijah, put ice cream into my nose. And I'll go...

With a deer behind you. Let's feed this deer. Come on. Do it.

I just love the fact that the bad guy is just thrown into it all of a sudden. I think he was the last minute replacement.

He was. That's what the vest doesn't fit him.

And he's just like fat.

He's not...

He can just run around him a few times. He's going to get out of breath soon. Don't worry about it.

And he's got a Freddie Mercury moustache.

You don't say Freddie Mercury. That's the funnest thing of it. I can't wait.

It's going to be so good. So that's our next three episodes. So before we say our goodbyes, we'll do our little bit of housekeeping that we do. Our admin. So thank you everybody for listening. I hope you enjoyed the episode. We are the podcast on Haunted Hill. And we've, have always been, and probably will always be, a member of Legion Podcast Network. You can find out more about them if you goto Legionpodcasts.com.

Yeah, the website is getting revamped soon because we're getting an e-commerce shop going because we can then start selling comics from the shop. The ones which people don't get for the KickStars. We sell them at conventions, but we'll be able to then sell them. You can be... I don't even know if you can do that yet. We'll be able to sell also digital copies as well. Yes, do come check out stuff. Best thing to do actually, go to YouTube, subscribe, because Amanda's coming out soon.

Our handle on Instagram is DeadBotFilms. That's all one word. Yeah, lots of exciting stuff as well as this podcast and also Gav's other podcast that he does with Sarah.

The High Strangeness Podcast.

Recently covered one of my all time favorite conspiracy theories, the Mandela Effect. I still believe in that. I still do think that the Hadron Collider did cause a slight rift in realities and there are several realities bleeding into each other. But that is a story for another time. Yeah, but if you want to know more about that, go and listen to Gav's show The High Strangeness. And finally, we are part of Patreon as well. So first of all, thank you to all our patrons.

Dan sends you a nudie postcard.

I do not do that, but I do send you a T-shirt in one of three colors in your size, anywhere in the world that you live or anywhere in the outer worlds that you might live, whether it's in a Mandela universe or not. You also get exclusive content via Patreon, as well as our entire back catalog is available now on Patreon. And sometimes we do early access to the episodes as well. So lots and lots of fun to be had.

Thank you so much, guys. Again, we would do it without you guys, but it wouldn't be as regular, that's for sure.

So thank you. For as little as a pound or a dollar a month, you can become a patron and help support the show. That money goes back into us renting or buying films that are more obscure sometimes, or even paying for equipment, the upkeep. It does take a lot of time and money to do the podcast these days. So really appreciate anyone who wants to do that. But of course, you know, thank you to our current patrons. And that's it from us for episode 173. So it's been a fun one.

What surprise visit?

Knocking on your door with a big dildo mask on.

That would be a surprise. What are you doing here?

Let me in Gav. There's been a terrible accident out here.

I haven't got loads of cock pictures though.

You've got a big cock to rock, haven't you?

Well, thank you for coming along and listening, guys. We do appreciate it. And I hope you enjoyed us talking Stanley Kubrick and talking cinema.

Indeed. And yeah, art and all that kind of stuff. Because we've got quite a high brow at one point.

Yeah, it's nice to get into that conversation about directors and art and stuff earlier.

But for now, it's a good night from every type of fucking monster there ever is that all lives in one mansion in the middle of a graveyard for no reason at all.

It's a good night from the old In-N-Out.

It's a good night from the Carrova Milk Bar. And it's a good night from Billy Boy and his droogs who are going to get the shit kicked out of them by Alex and his droogs.

It's a good night from Darth Vader carrying the world up and down stairs.

In his little hot pants. Thanks, Julian. Yeah. Good night from Gav.

Good night from Dan. Good night.

Good night.

Bye. Thank you for listening to the Podcast on Haunted Hill. We will be back again real soon.