THE PODCAST ON HAUNTED HILL EPISODE 163 - FINAL DESTINATION PART 3/4/5

The podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work. I saw this when I come.

Hello, and welcome to the podcast on Haunted Hill Episode 163. Dan tried to move his fingers quickly. He wasn't going to throw up 100 fingers in seconds, but I mean, he's in like 163.

Wow, imagine if I did actually 163 fingers.

What's that crazy hand thing to me? Whoa, welcome, ladies, gentlemen, non-general people, aliens, ghouls, spacemen, space cadets, anything you'd like.

Tony Todds.

Anything, anything. Dead people, death itself. Welcome, welcome. If it's your first time, welcome again. Welcome, welcome back.

If it's not your first time, welcome friend. This is becoming a new catchphrase for 2024 for us.

It kind of is, isn't it?

For you anyway, for fuck's sake. I am Dan, you are Gav, we are Podcasts on Haunted Hill.

I hope everyone is happy in the world and everything is dandy for you. And merry and gay. Yes. What we are doing today?

Merry and bright.

Well, I know what we are doing today and it's going to be a real fun one. What we are doing, Dan, explain to everyone else.

Well, welcome. Yes, we are this year, we're either doing director specials, it's our 10th year of casting, as the cool kids say. So if we're not doing a director special or something else, we are trying to mop up some of the franchises that are outstanding. Last year, we started a franchise, the first two entries, Final destination 1 and 2. And this episode, we will be looking at 3, 4 and 5. So three movies for you in this one.

The Final Fragments, yeah.

The Final Chapter. And then Final destination 5 from 2011.

Is it saying final? You're like, I'm gonna have to go and watch it because they're telling me it's the last one. And if I miss this, it's a whole thing of my life that I've missed culturally.

You did this exact skit when we did Friday the 13th 4. The Final Chapter followed by 5 A New Beginning. You said, there was an old lady who was like, Harold, we've got to go and see number 4. It's the last one. It's saying it's the final chapter. And then the following year, she's like, they bloody got us. Harold, it says 5 is out in the cinema and it's the new beginning.

Booster. I think you should go for all the sort of humorous things I've said over the years. Put together, take back to me. I'll be like, this guy's amazing. I find him so funny.

It was you all along. Oh, my gosh. Because we're doing three films. Yeah. It does mean that we are not. I'm afraid. Sad to say. We're not having Bill Murray here.

Oh, no. Yes, that's.

There's no word of the change. But that is also partly because he did call me earlier and say he's been really freaked out by all this talk of flights and, you know, death, stalking him. And he just doesn't feel like he wants to get on an aeroplane and come over and do the intro for World of the Strange. And I said, look, we'll let you off this this episode. You can have a have the time off, you know, and we'll see you on the next episode.

I'm very well, actually. Very, very, very well. Yeah, I actually found out in February here. No, April here near me. They've got a horror convention on. And I was like, what the fuck? Just literally found this out last night. I can't remember what it's called yet. I'll find out later on to tell people.

A certain Bobby England might be there.

Robert England is going to be there, presumably. But some of these events sometimes don't go ahead. They happen, does happen quite often with horror ones. I've noticed. Anyway, we're hopefully going to have a stall there. Deadbolt Films. But yeah, that's quite cool. But I'm fine. Got a flat, which is quite nice because I didn't know where I was going to be living, but I figured out where I'm going to be living. That's good. So I will have a new podcast in Premises coming up.

I have no idea. Did you manage to get the place with the glass ceiling and the stripper's pole in the corner and all that kind of stuff?

Couldn't get it. Tried for the dungeon too. Couldn't get that one. So just got a regular.

That dungeon was really good as well. I love those stains on the wall. We just didn't know what they were.

It's getting nice. I'm moving to a town. I'm actually moving to the town. After Alec Baldwin was in that movie Rust, and unfortunately the director of photography was shot and died, unfortunately. He was in a town really just two weeks later, walking around filming himself. I think people will remember it because they're all like, what the fuck's he doing? He's walking around town going, I love these sort of towns. I don't know who would live in these sorts of towns. Well, it's going to be me.

It's not great.

Yeah, that's like the studio very close to me, but not that means anything. Just a studio.

Well, talking about Alec Baldwin, good segue there. Slight tangent, but as anyone who knows us knows, we love our hip hop.

Is that Alec Baldwin's hip hop album?

Yeah, it's finally... No, I've finished listening to the new Eminem album. I'm saying new, it's been out about a month now, but I don't have a lot of spare time these days. So I finished listening to it, and even Alec Baldwin gets dissed in one of the tracks. He talks about pulling out a gun and shooting at you like Alec Baldwin. And I just thought, whoa.

I was thinking like in hip hop, I'll get back to that in a second. Just very quickly, this note on this. When they say pop a cap in your ass, any other word apart from cap is going to be odd with that sentence, isn't it?

Pop a sausage in your ass.

Exactly. Pop a Mega Drive in your ass. It's just weird, but it's odd.

Pop a finger in your ass.

It's just anything.

That's what the doctor does. Yeah. Talking of hip hop, the other thing I just wanted to mention.

Exactly. If you had Dr. J say, I'm going to pop a finger in your ass. Hell yeah.

How's my prostate? Is my prostate OK?

Hell yeah.

Thanks, doctor. Can I get a hell yeah? The other thing related to hip hop, very briefly, because occasionally we do talk this.

Sorry, sorry. Hang on. The outlaw building thing, what happened?

He just got dissed. You know, he disses everyone. Bill Cosby, everyone. Anyway, I also listened to another new album this week. LL Cool J. He's got a new hip hop album out.

Oh, really?

It's produced by Q-Tip, and it is fucking brilliant. Really good, because all the tracks sound like a Tribe Called Quest songs from the mid-90s. And because it's Q-Tip producing every single one of them.

How's his voice, do you know?

It sounds great.

It must be aged though. Is it deeper?

Or LL?

Yeah, of course.

Sounds the same, to be honest. He's got a song on there. Funny enough, the reason I said way, he's got a song on there with Eminem called Murder Graham. And they rap really fast, taking it in terms of...

LL Cool J has always been really good at rapping.

Well, him and Eminem really go for it.

I think he's overshadowed his rapping with his acting.

But the video for Murder Graham made me realize what success Eminem has had as a white guy in the hip hop game. Because he's in a video with LL Cool J and LL stood on a car, an old VW Golf, like he would have done back in the day, and he's wearing the leathers and he's rapping about, I'm the guy wearing leathers back in the day with a panther on a chain, and all the kind of stuff that he used to do. And he's rapping like he used to, but a hundred miles an hour.

I've got crews to Sarah's tomorrow, so I will listen to it amongst other podcasts.

Yeah, the new album is good. It's called Force.

Oh, cool, man.

LL Cool James' new album Force is on Spotify right now.

Ladies love Cool James.

They do. The ladies love him. Shall we talk about what we've been watching and some horror and some horror news?

It would be better if Jimmy Savile's LL Cool James.

Fucking hell.

Big battle, isn't it?

I must have knocked you out.

Can't do rap on radio. I can't do Jimmy Savile's.

Fucking hell, what was that? I don't know.

I must have knocked you out. I'm a bit unprepared when Jimmy Savile comes out of your mouth and thought, Oh God, that's not good. You're unprepared for it. You don't know what's going to happen. It never meant it. It's worse when you go, I can't do it. What's going on? I've lost my Jimmy.

Oh.

I'm glad.

Well, there we go. We aren't kooky. Totally thrown you off course. That reminds me to thank Kevin, our patron, who said thank you for the episode and thank you for your kookiness. Yeah. Because we are kooky. We're crazy.

Yeah. And I don't want to talk about Jimmy's half-all either.

Right. Right. So listen up. Before we get into what we've been watching, I'm angry. I'm cross. There's been some news that's come out.

You told me earlier and I was like, oh, talk about this in the intro.

They're remaking one of our favorite films of all time.

Yeah.

Our favorite film, probably our joint favorite sort of horror comedy of all time, Gav. Remind our listeners what it is.

The Burbs.

The Burbs for Tom Hanks. It's fantastic. It's got everything you want in it from a family horror comedy. And it is horror. Say what you will. It is. Well, they're remaking it. Peacock. You've heard of Peacock, the streaming series in America and the sort of production company of remaking the Burbs.

Well, before we get into it, like the Crow recently. Oh, God.

It's not done well, is it?

No, no, no. It's done very, very, very badly. It's lost a lot of money and it's come out streaming very quickly because they could try and recoup what they can. But the only reason that that property has been taking a long time going through various producers, whatever, was going to be done was because the first one's beloved. So they've just looked at numbers, not actual what people say and gone, oh great, the word, the name, The Crow is going to make us money.

It didn't. It did okay.

I don't imagine it was it. Tom Hanks was doing a lot more going into the family set. He was comedy at the time. It's got, you know.

That was his first slightly more adult because he'd done Splash and Big. And then he did the burbs. This was so he made the burbs in 88. It was released in 89 and it did okay. It made its money because people would go mainly to see Carrie Fisher was in it. And it was an ensemble cast. You know, you had your Corey Feldman as well.

It's quite off to the side. It's quite out there, isn't it?

Yeah, people knew the direct term.

So why are they bothering? It's not really like it's a property where you can see why they... What I'm saying is you can see why the crow was made. Yeah, well, even though they shouldn't have done it.

Maybe when I read to the little description of what they're going to do with it, you might understand why they're what they're going to try and do with it. I think I think they're going to try and draw in here a little bit. I think they're going to make it a racial tension or something. So the only actor that's been cast so far is Kiki Palmer, who played the sister in Nope.

Have you ever seen Neighbours?

Yes.

No, no, no.

Not that it's traded so proper.

Oh, the shorts Neighbours with the thing with Jiggy's died now. Baloochie, Jim Baloochie and Dan Aykroyd. They play Neighbours, rival Neighbours.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Kiki Palmer is in it who played the sister in Nope, who was one of my favorite characters in Nope. So that's great. But this is what they're saying about it. Now, don't do bear in mind, all that's happened is they greenlit this and they've got an actress attacked. Attacked? Bloody hell, attached. She hasn't been attacked. Bloody hell. So it says here, set is going to be set in the present day and it's going to follow a young couple returning to the husband's childhood home.

No, no, no, and that sounds like your general sort of thriller movie, which I quite like that. It's your fright night. You're there's lots of films like it. Your rear window top sort of scenario. Why do they say it's going to be filmed in present? Well, the burbs when that came out was filmed then as well in the present. What are they saying that it's not going to be 1987 or 86 film? I've no idea.

It doesn't even need to be a burbs film remake.

They could just say, yeah, they're using a name.

I've seen versions of the burbs. I've seen that movie with what's his name? Shia LaBeouf.

I can't remember what it's called, but I like that.

I don't know. Disturbia. That was good. And that's like the rear window or like the burbs. And you could say the burbs was almost a bit of a loose remake of rear window, maybe.

But, you know, they're just using a name, aren't they?

Yeah. But it's a weird name to use.

But there's no point because it wasn't like the Crow, which was a massive thing in the zeitgeist, especially.

Well, the thing about the Crow is it wasn't just the movie. It was a comic book as well. And then there's like three sequels in the TV series.

Yeah, it had a thing going on. The Burbs doesn't. It's just going to piss people like me and you off. Yeah. Again, it's like what are you doing? But then again, it's Peacock. So it's just a streaming show. So it just goes back out on this on their channel. So I don't have Peacock. So I won't be watching it.

So we'll watch this space and see what happens with that.

I was gutted the other day. Went to watch the Monsters. I was like, I'm going to fucking watch Rob Zombie's Monsters.

It's on 2B.

I was like, I'm fucking going to watch it. I'm going to fucking do it. In a way, kind of was not looking forward to it, but kind of very for the first time ever, very open to it. I was like, yeah, I'm going to do it. I want to watch like a Rob Zombie PG thing. Let's do it. And it's not on there anymore. It's gone.

Who plays Lily Munster in that one, Cuff?

I'm not sure. Who is that? It's his wife, yes.

Oh, fucking hell.

Of course it is. I don't know. I always try and cast the same people in my films. I don't know.

Well, talking of shit films.

Yeah.

It's that time of the year. Every 18 months or so, this film comes into my radar and I watch it, because I want to love it.

Yeah.

Ghosts of Mars. I watched it again the other day.

Yeah, I watched it again a couple of years ago. I went, this is shit.

And I know in about two years' time, it'll be on the horror channel. And I watch it again.

I get like 40 minutes in, I'm like, fuck this film.

Because it's got that cast. It's got Pam Grier.

But it's a weird cast. Jason Statham.

Jason's got that terrible hair, before he started shaving his head.

So he's got that really bad. And Pam Grier already directed by John Copter. What is this? An AI movie that someone's made on acid?

Well, then you've got, Oh, who's hot right now? The girl from Species, Natasha Hennstridge. Get her in it.

Yeah. Who else?

Ice Cube? Get him in it.

It feels like a producer's movie, doesn't it? Not a John Copter movie almost. But I don't know. I think he enjoyed it. It's a bit weird.

But I want to like it.

Yeah, but I watched recently his re-Village of the Damned, Sarah's Round. It was really late at night. And I was like, tell you what, we've been wanting to watch this for ages. Let's put this on one of Christopher Reeve and that.

Yeah, I quite like it, man.

But we started watching, we got about half way through and I was like, fuck it is. We were at the bed.

Go on. We'll get around to it at some point. The thing, what I'm going to say about Ghosts of Mars is what I have realized is, I've come to the realization it is actually a loose remake, talking of loose remakes, a loose remake of an earlier Carpenter film, Assault on Precinct 13. It kind of feels like that really, except it's like weird zombie, pissed ghost Martians attacking them because they're in a little prison rather than. But it feels like a loose remake of that in some ways.

Makes me think of putting these on.

Gab's currently sharing me his night vision goggles. That's not a euphemism.

And I definitely haven't bought them to silence the lamb someone. It's not what's going on.

Hey, Gladys.

We can use them for a movie, but they're proper night vision.

Sorry, I never say that word.

The word is fine, but in a context like that, it's just not appropriate.

It's Sir Anthony Hopkins that said that.

It's not. You said it. Sir Anthony Hopkins once said it. Then you've gone and said it again.

Do you think when the Queen knighted him when she was alive, and she was like, there you go, there you are, you're a sir now. And then she thought in her head, don't, don't. Sorry about that. Sorry about that, Your Majesty.

I'm glad he didn't say it. To her. Stop it.

Anyway, another film I watched, which came out in 2019, which I loved when it came out and I watched it and I raved about it. I think you hated it. And quite a few people hated it. I rewatched it again the other night and I love it even more now. And I've been determined for us to cover it one day. And that is The Shed from 2019. It's so good.

No, it's not.

I don't understand why no one likes it.

Because it's shit.

It's really not.

It is.

Why is it shit?

I don't know. I'd have to watch it again and go through why it's so bad.

It's not bad.

I don't want to watch it again.

It's a fantastic story.

Sarah's got to buy it on Amazon. It's on her Amazon this because she can't get it off it.

Two bullied boys. And they find something in their shed, which will help them with the bullies and everyone else in their lives. And then it gets out of control and it's brilliant.

When you sold it to me originally, I was like, sounds fucking great. It is brilliant. What ratings it got on IMDb?

4.8. Do you know what I give it?

It's pretty high. 8. It's brilliant. Yeah, I know it is. I love you.

You're so positive.

You're so positive you are.

I love bullies.

Speaking of positive, I knew you would be. You watched Beetlejuice today, the new movie.

Yeah, well, I've watched a lot of new films.

I think it doesn't matter, even if it had been the worst movie ever, and Michael Keaton is sitting there jerking off in a chair, and you watch that for an hour and a half. And all that lovely treated food you ate earlier, you were probably so happy. Reclined in your big leather chair.

Just because I have a positive outlook doesn't mean I don't say these films are shit when they're shit. Like I've just said about Ghosts of Mars and stuff.

Me and you sometimes quite agree on a movie being shit, and it's always quite infuriating both of us.

Yeah, that's shit. But yeah, I did watch Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, only today this morning.

And you enjoyed it?

Yeah, I'm a big fan of the original. It was a big staple in my family home growing up.

It's a massive love film, isn't it? I'm not in the camp, but it's a massive love film.

Probably my favorite Tim Burton film, sitting exactly the same level as Batman for very different reasons. But Beetlejuice is fun. It was only the second film he ever made, which is crazy, second feature film. And Michael Keaton, when Ernie Rider's first major film, everything about it was fantastic. And everything about it, importantly, was Tim Burton. It was weird. It was wonderful.

Only in the 80s.

It didn't make any sense.

Probably got a lot greenlit.

Yeah, with crazy soundtrack, lip sync scenes, and stop motion animation. Well, I'm happy to report that Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice is the most Tim Burton film I've seen since, I'd say, Mars Attacks. Because that was the last time he was allowed to just go nuts, in my opinion, and just do a crazy film with crazy stop motion and other stuff going on in it and musical moments.

Oh, cool.

That is what the first one didn't have. The first one was just, they were going to call it Ghost House. It's just a spooky, comedy, slightly dark.

What's the film about? I can't even remember what Beetlejuice is about. I've seen it the once, I think with you, and I wasn't into it.

Well, Beetlejuice is a couple who are so happy, living in this dream home, and they die in a car crash. And then they realize they're trapped in the house. They can't get out of the house. Another couple, another family move in, we're knowing a writer's family move in, and they want to haunt them out of the house. They can't figure out how to do it, so they accidentally call Beetlejuice, who is a bio-exorcist, so he exorcises the living.

I was thinking I'll give it another go, the first Beetlejuice.

It's on Netflix, on Netflix for the week. It's been taken off soon. The sequel, I can't really give too much away, because it doesn't show you a lot in the trailer. I can't really give anything away. I wouldn't want to spoil it, really, because they haven't really given anything away in the trailers, other than, Winona Ryder is a grown-up, obviously. She's got a daughter who's Jenna Ortega. There's a family funeral. They all have to go back to that house in the first film.

That's cool. Yeah, because it's one of those things that Hollywood doesn't like to play it, they like to play it safe. They don't generally like to do things you don't know, because you feel comfortable going into something you know. So it's always nice when they actually let people who are creative be creative.

That's why he quit filmmaking. He semi-retired Tim Burton because he made, he didn't really want to make Alice Through the Looking Glass, the sequel. He said he'd never do a sequel after Batman Returns, but he was forced into doing Secret to Alice, which didn't do well.

The second one didn't do well. You won't have a career, you won't make another movie unless you do this film.

Then he tried to his best with Dumbo by bringing in people that he loved and that he's worked with in the past, like Michael Keaton and Danny DeVito, etc. But sadly, the studio pushed him, pushed him, pushed him, and Dumbo came out not how he wanted. So he quit. He quit. He said, I'm semi-retired. Nothing's really ever going to get me back in the game.

Like Rob Zombie and the Muncers.

Oh, fucking hell. But yeah, so after he directed Janet Ortega in the Wednesday show, he got his spark back. And the first thing he did was contact Michael Keaton and say to him, that script, let's finish it. Let's get it. Because Michael Keaton's helped with some of the writing of it. He had lived a lot of it as well, Michael Keaton. They got Winona on board. Winona was always on board.

I did, funny enough, that might make sense. I did hear an actual review of Beetlejuice, the new one, and they said that Winona's acting was like she's acting in Stranger Things, not like the person from the first Beetlejuice film.

Yeah, because she's not a 16-year-old kid, I guess.

I don't know, but they said it in a negative way, but whatever. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it.

Yeah, I did. Talking of Halloween films, I saw another movie which is relatively new. It came out last year, but it's just hit Netflix in the UK called Cobweb, which is also set at Halloween, and I recommend it to you.

I'm going to watch it.

I also said to you to wait until October to watch it.

Yeah, yeah, no worries.

It's a great little movie. Again, I can't really give too much away, but it's about a boy that hears knocking in the walls, and then he hears a voice, and the voice guides him to do things which aren't always... Some of the things he does are quite violent, based on what the voice tells him. But then there's a bit of a switch halfway through, and it turns into a couple of different types of horror films, but it kind of works, in my opinion.

Speaking of Halloween next month, that's quite cool, actually. This is next month. We're just trying to work out, of 31 and 31, you've got things you're doing. I don't think you're saying it just yet, though.

I'm happy to say it, but...

Yeah, you're doing the 31 Universal Films and Simpsons.

I am, yeah. I'm going to do 31 Universal Monster Movies. I've picked the best 31 out of about, I don't know, there's about 60 Universal Movies. I pissed, pissed, I picked the best 31. And I'll be doing the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror, because I've never really seen more than one or two of those.

Yeah, yeah.

So a bit of a weird mix up for me.

I might. I don't know, it's really hard. Whenever I put a label on it and then I start to put down the movies, it just doesn't happen. They don't work. Last year, I tried to do movies I've never seen, and I got to them, I was like, don't fancy watching it, no, don't fancy it.

I remember. I remember.

And it all went tits up. So this time.

I'd say watch your favorites.

Yeah, I think I'm going to go for my favorite films.

Watch Hubie Halloween, watch the bird.

I'm going to do Hubie Halloween.

Watch the cobweb.

I think I recommend it. I'm going to just do some of my favorite horror films.

Make a werewolf, chuck a couple of class zombies in there.

Did you see that bust I sent you on Facebook?

Yeah, I did. This is a bust not as in breasts, everyone.

No, it's a head sculpture of the werewolf with its big old red gummy jaws sticking out of the mouth. And it's actually...

Life size, isn't it?

Yeah, and the hairs are actually made from the hairs used from the actual one made in the movie. And they're selling it near me for 450 quid. And I was like, oh my god.

Imagine buying that and then putting it in someone's house and when they come home late at night, and that's just...

The thing is, I was fairly tempted, but I'm about to move into a really small flat. I'm just going to have this massive werewolf head just sticking out the wall, and I'm like, I don't know.

Imagine a burglar.

If Deadbolt already had... Oh yeah, let's shit him up, wouldn't it? If Deadbolt were at a studio set up, then in there, no worries, but...

Yeah, that'd be one for the future, that one.

I know. So I don't know. I was thinking of saying, 350? Would you take 350? I don't need it. I want it.

That's like all the best things in life. You don't need them. You want them.

Well, I'm really stripping down. It's quite good. I'm moving to even smaller place.

Oh, you mean...

And I'm getting more minimalistic. And but that's just all of a sudden, me just going, bought a fucking well-fed though. Yeah.

Look, I've got rid of all those old socks. I've only got one pair more.

Got a well-fed.

Don't worry about it. Gav, you haven't got any furniture? Yeah, I'm doing this whole minimalistic living thing.

Can I have it in your bedroom? When you wake up, it's just there looking at you. Fucking hell.

Well, that's what... So in my attic right now, I've got a life-size blade, cardboard standee. And...

Where's these knives in your lofts?

On one side, it's Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker.

Not Nick Nolte. You need a gay boozy. Hiding in the house.

Well, on one side, it's Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan, Rush Hour of One.

Really?

And then on the other side, it's Wesley Snipes with a big sword staring at you.

It's the shape of Wesley Snipes with a sword, the same shape as those two.

No, it's a big square.

Oh, so how did they magically do that? Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker doing the exact same shape as Blade with a sword.

But I used to always have to, when I lived with like two or three people, I'd always keep it at the top of the stairs, but with Blade and the girls that we lived with would never want that, because when they got home late at night, the first thing you see is you come in the front door, you look up the stairs. Wesley Snipes! Wesley Snipes, sunglasses and a sword grinning down the stairs at you.

I was gonna say, well, if you had something really bad, and I was gonna go, and unfortunately, pulled me right back to Jimmy Savile again. Imagine Jimmy Savile cut out and they come home and he's just there looking at them. That'd be awful, wouldn't it?

Jesus. Yeah, so I've got Wesley up there now.

That's amazing. Why is he not behind you now? He's fucking brilliant. I don't know when else can see it but me, but it's just for my pleasure.

Well, maybe I'll take him out next time. The kids will be like, what's this? I mean, that's Wesley Snipes. You'll find out when you're older. He's your real daddy.

I have been watching Bits and Bobs here and there. I watched a movie with Sarah, a French horror spider movie called Infested. Not too bad. People in a lockdown wreck situation. But with spatters, lots of spatters.

Yeah, it's getting good reviews.

It's not too bad. Towards the end, I've got to start getting bored. But it's not too bad.

Funny enough, it came out at the same time as another movie called Sting, which I watched and I would recommend to you. Sting takes place in a lockdown situation. Sting is set during a ice storm.

It doesn't star Sting, does it?

It doesn't. Imagine if it did. It was just Sting taking on spiders.

Boy, Sting. Sting does self-track. Every bite I make. I'm a spider. Walking on the moon. Walking on the cobwebs.

No, Sting is about a little girl in a bit of a fucked up family, and she's got a pet spider, but it's not a normal spider. I won't say any more than that. However, the apartment block they're in gets hit by a really bad ice storm, and they're frozen in, and they can't go out, it's so cold. So it's a perfect Gav movie. isolation, cold, snow outside. And then one by one, people in the apartment start disappearing.

Yeah, I will watch it, yeah.

I recommend it. It's an Australian produced film, but it's an American. Okay, that's interesting. Really good, I enjoyed that.

I also watched a film which is a contained film, which I like, and it's an aeroplane film, which I like. I do like a good contained aeroplane film. And it was in fact, it also had things going around. It was Snakes on the Plane.

Oh, I thought you were going to bring up No Way Up for the third episode in a row. Every episode. I watched a film called No Way Up.

Everyone's like, have I heard this episode?

So you watched Snakes on the Plane? I haven't seen that for years.

Exactly that. And I said, well, when I'm with Elijah, and he's in like in the kitchen straight living room, he's there as well. And he's like, he's watching YouTube, he's doing claim, he's just doing his own thing. I'm like, well, I put Snakes on. So I have to like, it's, you have to kind of judge what you're going to watch. As you know, as a parent, you know, and he's okay. I can, I can put on horrory stuff, but he doesn't like horror. He told me, I don't have attention.

And it had Samuel Jackson in it as well, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Decent. And I think we kind of dismissed it as a culture when it first came out. Watched it again, kind of enjoyed it, got to the bit. I was like, I want Samuel Jackson, a load of snakes and a plane.

They made a sequel, which I've never seen, Snakes on a Train.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, they didn't. Asylum made Snakes on a Train at the exact same time as Snakes on a Plane.

Oh, wow, wow, okay.

Because it was in War Wolves when we still had War Wolves in UK. And I was like, what the fuck is that? And the Snakes on a Plane had just come out in the cinema. Oh, and that was my first ever inkling of like, what is this? It was Asylum very early on. And it's like, like you said, it's like the first film that got all that shit going where we are now with like a shark documentary because probably of these sorts of things.

Basically, what I do with my spare time watching Mecha Shark versus Giant Wolf Bear.

So I think you should go back to the grand day. It's like Blair Witch or whatever.

Well, we will go back. We've got it paired up with Cannibal Apocalypse with Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez in Anaconda. So I think we'll be doing a snakes episode probably next summer.

Yeah, it was just fun.

A man gets bitten on the willy. I do remember a snake on the willy.

I guess I haven't really watched much else, but speaking of fun though, I did watch some bits and bobs of Sarah, but Sarah and I did a whole day of the Final destination films, ones for this review. And I've got to say, the Final destination movies are so accessible because I didn't... I was just like, oh man, free reviews. As my brain and I have to move around, gonna take it.

We had some snacks, some drinks. Hold that thought, then we'll come to that when we get into the movies properly. One final movie that I want to talk about before we go into our first review then. We both watched a brand new film by a director, Jeremy Solnayer, who is the director of Green Room, whom some of you may have seen about the punk band that gets embroiled in a big sort of horrible, violent riot. Have you seen Green Room? I'm sure, Gav. Yeah, yeah, long time ago.

Patrick Stewart.

That's right. Jesus, yeah, like Neo-Nazis and stuff. Well, that director has done another film. He's done a couple of movies, but he's done a brand new movie, which originally starred the lad from Star Wars and Attack the Blob. Why can't I remember his name? Can't remember his name now. But anyway, he pulled out and then Covid happened, this, that and the other. And eventually they got a new guy to play him. Aaron Pierre. And it's a film called Rebel Ridge, which went straight to Netflix.

Yeah, very much.

With some John Wick elements, very small John Wick elements in there.

Yeah, a lot less action than John Wick. It's not a John Wick type of film.

But with a slightly, a slight racial tension in there, because it's a bit deep south, and he's a black ex-Marine.

Yeah, it's playing with the John J Rambo thing of going to a town and not being welcomed. And it's playing on that. But then obviously, you can look at it and playing it on color a little bit as well. And it's really interesting because the main protagonist in it all the way through is just over the top polite.

Oh, he's so calm and lovely to everyone.

Because that's his training. He even says, I've never had a street fight, but this guy's like a fucking trains killers to be killers.

He's an MCMAP, which is a Marine Corps for martial arts, something or other. He basically trains Marines to kill people with their band. And he can take you down, whether you're 10 feet away with a gun or whether you're in front of him with a knife, he can take you down, you know how to do it.

It was a really enjoyable film and he's basically just in a, there's certain reasons. He's there, he's in a tent.

It was very tense, almost too tense for me at times.

And the main sheriff was great.

With Don Johnson, yeah, he's good.

There's a one point where he shits himself where he's just looking outside on the phone saying, Tell me what, what is he?

Oh, thank god for that. What did he do in the Marines? MCMAP. What does that stand for? I don't know. And then they find out what it means.

Oh yeah, but he's already tattent him. They find out what it is when they're tattent him outside.

You want to put some distance between you and him immediately. And he's like, what? And he goes, I've just found out what it stands for before he can do anything. Boom, boom, boom. But yeah, I really recommend it. Yeah, if you guys like it.

I'm a big fan of the action. Well, as a lot of people are, because people don't like the injustices of the world. So people like to get back. So we only have a lone soldier whose guy's, right, you've pushed me too far. I've been polite. Right. You're pushing me. And I like those films. I was looking for one the other night. Yeah, okay. I did watch another film. I watched Last Blood again. I really dissed it before. It's okay. It's okay. It's not bad. It's not bad.

Don't worry. I'm sure Sly doesn't mind too much. But yeah, that director, Jeremy Selniere, The Green Room, and he did another one called Blue Ridge, or something like that before. No, not Ridge. He did another one. But I really feel like he could do a great horror movie because he does incredible tension, and there's always really extreme violence in his films. So I'd love to see him do a horror.

I found Rebel Ridge not forced at all. It just kind of played out. That guy was so... I put it to read in the book. You kind of sit down and just want to watch a film, kind of just let it unfold in front of you.

Yeah, it was really enjoyable. The main actor was really hypnotizing, like really handsome. Yeah, he had pretty, lovely green eyes. And it's just this big black fellow that was just so polite. But then when you find out that he's a killing machine, you're like, ah, fuck. But then you want him to just take out everybody in the town, don't you? You're like, please get him.

Oh yeah, I was watching, I was like, and he got pretty eyes.

He has, he really does. He's hot. Yeah, anyway. Well, Final destination, save all your thoughts, Gav, because what we'll do now is we'll have a trailer for Final destination 3.

Yep.

And when we come back, we can talk about Final destination Franchise, get into that movie and its kills. And we're going to have some fun for the next couple of hours, guys. Here we go. Let's do some Final destination. Gav, you ready for a trailer?

Let's do it.

Pop a cap in your ass.

Or anything else, which isn't a cap.

The ones who got off that roller coaster are still going to die. Unless we can figure out how to stop it.

I never thought I could see my own death before it happened. Final destination Part 3 from 2006, rated 15, an hour and 33 minutes. Wendy Christensen and a group of teens who escaped a fatal roller coaster crash, face a bloody date with death. Sorry, I don't have my glasses on, the text was a little smaller. Here we are, ladies, gents, everyone. Part 3, we're back again. Everybody knows what we're back for. It's the same as the last time, it'll be the same again after this.

Yes. So you were, before we get into this movie, let's talk about this franchise very briefly. You were talking about, it's an accessible franchise, because you know what you're getting.

It's a fun one, because, yeah, you know what, you come, it's like the reason Friday the 13th was popular for a certain group of people was, what's the kill going to be? So they'd go to the movie, seen how Jason would take people out. This is like, you go to the movie, because you want to see how elaborate the death sequences are.

The same with Nightmare on Elm Street.

It's so fun.

What wacky dream sequence is Freddie going to get you with?

When you know the formula, you know what it is, because this does a Tony Todd kind of loosely, but there isn't really like you, Robert England, Freddy Krueger or you Jason. There's not really a massive themed person, there's looseness. They know of the actual instance that happened in the previous films. In that universe, they've happened. So they sometimes mention them back and forth. Oh, once upon a time, there was an airport, this thing happened once before.

And they're liked by non-

And people want death to do its thing.

They're liked by non-horror fans as well, fans that are casual horror fans. Same with the Saw franchise.

Accessible.

Yeah. And with these movies, you know what you're going to get? You know you're going to get a big opening disaster.

Yeah.

And then you know you're going to get lots of weird deaths.

You're going to have a couple more big set of pieces, but you're going to have some small things. But I can even take the first one, I'd probably say, not like three or four or whatever, to my mum and probably say, check this out. And she'd probably watch it and go, oh, that was fun, wasn't it? Even it's that accessible, you know? And it's not like when you say a horror movie, it's not like it's going to be a zombie or serial killer, or you don't really know what's going to happen so much.

And that is what makes, in my opinion, elevates this franchise.

You can make these forever.

Yeah, because that's what makes them a little bit scarier, is that it's a presence. Rather than having a masked killer like most slashers or good franchises, it's a presence that you don't see. You know it's death, but death is inevitable. We all know that. And so therefore, whatever you're doing can get you.

Poltergeist doesn't do it like this. But this just, I don't know what it is. You can't see it like you're saying. It's just really fun.

If your number's up, your number's up. And if your number's up, because you've dodged the big event at the beginning of the film, you've got to then be paranoid for the rest of your life to try and avoid, you know, I can't have any sharp objects near me. I can't get a car, all that kind of stuff.

It's pretty crazy. But what this turns into, these films turn into, for Sarah and I, I just came up to it with Sarah, I was like, fuck it, we could just rate all the kills. Then I was like, right, I'm fucking messaging Dan right now. Message you to say, can we rate the kills? Because really, this is the fun shit.

So what we're going to do, guys, is we're going to rattle through three, four and five. We'll do them obviously in order. We're going to do three first. We will briefly talk about the plot. But what we're going to do is we'll talk about the kills when they come out. Each of us are going to rate them out of ten. And then right at the end, we've got a couple of other bits and bobs we want to do with regards to the franchise once we've done the fifth one.

And everybody always, how many people put up a picture as the meme of the truck in front of you? And they always say, well, I'm not going out driving today, or I've sent the picture through to you saying, fuck it, what's in front of me? You know, I'm not driving at the same time. I'm a passenger.

Well, this time it's a roller coaster. And there have been, we covered it a couple of episodes back, actually. We talked about roller coaster rides gone wrong.

But imagine, though, when you're first time watching these in a cinema or whatever, and you go to watch this and you're just like, yes, it's a roller coaster. I suppose you'd seen a trailer, but you might, if you hadn't, you'd be like, yes, it's a roller coaster. That's going to be it.

Yeah.

You said Tony Todd's in this. My first note says no, Tony Todd. You said he does voice to you.

He does the voice of the main ride.

Kind of loosely in it.

The devil's flight.

He's not in part four though, is he?

He's in all of them in some way. He does voices if he's not in them. In this one, he does the voice welcome.

It's the end of the line. It is in it, but it's not really in it.

Yeah, but it's still Tony Todd. He gets the credit.

Tony Todd's cool, but I think that's bullshit, but must be busy.

What a voice. Talking of voices, probably should mention we lost James Earl Jones, another fantastic voice in movies.

I feel bad to say this. I thought it had passed a long time ago. I don't know why.

He was in his 90s.

Yeah, I just haven't seen him for a long time.

The voice of Darth Vader, the voice of Hakeem's father. I'm looking for my son.

Oh, of course, he was in the remake, wasn't he?

The remake of Coming to America.

Coming to America, yeah.

Yeah, he was in that too.

Yeah, so I saw him in that, and that was only two, maybe two years ago.

Also played the lion King's father. He's been in everything. And his best role, in my opinion, wasn't Darth Vader. It was in No Retreat, No Surrender with Eric Roberts.

Of course it was.

But anyway, just talking of great voices, Tony Todd's got one of those voices too, and that's why he plays a coroner in most of these movies, or just as a voice somewhere in the background.

Anyway, fairground.

We're at fairground, and there are clues. There's always these movies. You're getting little clues, you know, close-ups of a screw that looks like it might be a bit loose, or close-ups of a breeze coming through an air vent, and all these little things. This is how death gets you. It relies on little tiny things, coincidences. And we meet Wendy, played by Mary Elizabeth Winses. You're a fan of her, aren't you?

Oh yeah, I fancy her. Sarah knows it, Sarah, you do know it.

Ever since that Thing movie came out, I think she's pretty cool.

Yeah.

You were like, she's great.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think this might be the first film I ever saw. And she's been in a few bits and bobs.

Do you know she's a singer with Daniel Automator?

Oh wow, that's brilliant. I did know that.

I've heard stuff, not really my sort of thing, but Daniel Automator famously, like, you know, Dr. Octagon or loads of stuff.

There's any other one person I want to mention from the cast, because they're mostly unknown people. But there is one actor in this who has got one of the best screen names ever. His name, his real name is Harry Balsack. Texas Battle.

Oh yeah, it's a good name.

Texas Battle. What a name. He sounds like a Native American, doesn't he?

I reckon his parents own guns.

I'm wondering if that's his real name or if he didn't choose that because he became an actor and he thought, I want to be called Texas Battle.

Texas Battle.

But it's up there with River Phoenix, isn't it? River Phoenix and Texas Battle.

Yeah.

Anyway, so yeah, here we go.

And he got the main jock from Tucker and Dale.

Oh yes, he's in that too.

He's Mary's boyfriend, maybe?

Yeah.

One thing in this, they're sitting there, just chatting away in there, having some food and stuff. And one of the boyfriends just does a total upskirt photo.

Well, yeah, let's come on to that. So this one thing this movie has different to the other movies is Mary Elizabeth Winstead, her character Wendy, has got a digital camera because it's 2006. And she does something different for this movie. None of the other films do this that I remember. She's taken a bunch of pictures from The Night of the Terrible Disaster. And when she looks back at the movies later, it's like the omen when he looks at the photos. Yeah, it is.

And her boy, the guy who's doing it, his girlfriend, his girlfriend, I'm getting confused then, his girlfriend's there. She's like, oh, don't ever. Sort of says stuff like Sarah said to me, if you did that, we would be having some serious words.

They're going to break up anyway, because when he goes, when he's away, Erin's like, I'm going to dump him. So she knows he's a sleaze bag anyway. The girls that he took the photo of.

And at this point here, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, it's fine just doing upskirts of people. No one was really too bothered.

Well, they're called Ashlyn and Ashley.

Nobody's bothered by it.

No, well, they get their boobs out later on. They're fine with it.

Yeah, but even the people around him, everybody, no one's bothered by the fact that he's taking photos upskirts.

I think digital cameras are a new thing. There was a law that said when you first got a digital camera, for the first 12 months, you're allowed to do upskirts.

It's actually only become illegal recently in the past two years.

It's disgusting. Yeah. I was on a stag day once in Berlin, and I was sat on the grass.

Did someone take a picture of your shorts? Up shorts.

Six, six or seven of us lads all led down in a park. I had a drink because it was Berlin. One of the guys looked at me and he went, Are you a fan of upskirt, Dan? What? I went, What? He said, Are you a fan of upskirt? I thought, What the fuck kind of a question is this? And all the other blokes looked at him like, Why are you asking Dan that for? And I went, What? Why are you asking me that? And he went, Look over there. And we all looked trained.

It's like a group of men all turn and look like savages.

Luckily she didn't see, thankfully. She was facing the other way. But I just thought, Oh, the fuck's...

Pack of wild wolves.

Why ask me that?

But hang on though, let me just get into this more. He's just like, a fan of upskirts. Because he's on his mind that much, so he doesn't know what other thing in the whole world to bring up as a conversation opener. You could say, have you seen the price of soap recently? It's gone down.

That would be like saying to me, Oh, are you... Do you like red Lamborghinis, Dan? What? There's one over there.

It is, it is, but this is like, do you like to not let people know that you were trying to look at their private areas and take photos of them? Do you like, not just into it, are you a fan? Like a fan club, like I've got posters on my walls. What the fuck?

I know. Anyway, upskirt. Anyway, so yeah, we meet these people. There's two couples. Well, I just thought I'd have to bring that up. There's two couples. One of them is going to break up anyway. And we also have a guy called Lewis, who's played by Texas Battle, and he's really strong and he works out.

Because he's called Texas Battle.

And he smashes the hammer, you know, rings the bell and all that kind of stuff. He knocks the top off of it. And we hear the devil laugh, ha ha ha ha. That's Tony Todd. And the devil's laugh is on the ride that they're going to go on, called the Devil's Flight.

But what does Tony Todd actually say? Is that later on?

He says, welcome to Devil's Flight.

Is that it?

He says, make sure you strap in for what might be the last ride of your life or something along those lines.

Is that the only thing he's in the movie?

No, I think he says a bit more later on. I can't remember that.

I'm not having this. I'm not having this. I'm saying he's not in the movie and I don't care what you say.

Well, hang on. We need to talk about Frankie. Frankie Cheeks. He refers to himself in the third person.

Does he? Are we sure of that?

He's the one who thinks he's a ladies man.

You got to remember, everybody, that I did go through three movies in one day. So, Gavie's little brain isn't always that good and it might get confused.

That's your problem. But Frankie Cheeks is the pervy guy that tries to hang out with them all. And he tries to, like, perv on all the girls and ask them out on dates. And he wants to take videos of them.

Oh, God, that guy.

He said, come on, get your sweet butt cheeks out. I want to take a picture. And he's like doing all this horrible stuff.

He's basically got a camera and he's just like before everyone's got a phone. He's just got a camera in everyone's face.

Yeah, but make sure you flesh them titties when we get to the top of the ride.

It's really like you're not going to pull a guarantee. You're not going to pull of what you're saying. But because of the way he is, he gets the camcorder knocked out of his hands, which is a catalyst.

Yeah, so Wendy is our main protagonist. She sees lots of signs, just like all the people before her in the other Final destination movies, signs that something doesn't feel right. She just gets a feeling and her eyes drawn to a leaking fuel cable underneath the roller coaster ride and a screw that looks loose. And one of the barriers doesn't seem to be working properly.

It turns lost, boys, when they're hanging on the train track, and they're all just dropping down.

Well, first of all, one of the cars just goes flying off the ramp. See you later, mate, you're gone. Yeah, and then they stop upside down on the loop, don't they?

Yeah, and then people just drop in.

And you just see them one at a time.

It's really cool. And it's not that long, really, because we then have Mary wake up as she falls and she freaks out.

Well, just before that, we do get someone beheaded as well. And then Wendy falls. OK, she's she's about to die. But yes, then boom. So this is your back in the room moment. Yeah. So when they have a vision, I always call it a back in the room moment. And she's back and she says, whoa, whoa, whoa, this roller coaster is going to crash. The usual thing. I want to get off everybody. Let's get off. It's the hydraulics. And everyone sort of goes, all right, come on, then. Let's get off, then.

So it's the exact same set up as the say the first one, you know.

What we should say is Wendy's boyfriend couldn't get off the roller coaster.

Yeah, I don't understand that. He's like, can you let me off? And the two fucking teenage spotty employees.

Oh, look at each other.

Like, just go press that button and let the dude off. Like, why are you not listening to the customer?

Well, he dies.

He dies.

That's that. So we've had our disaster and we've now had our survivors, six or seven people, various perverts and horribles.

When this happens, like, say, the original, for example, I'm going to use that as my base level for the movies. The original, once the incident happens, you get the reactions. The first one's got more in-depthness to it than the other films, especially with character development slightly. There's a bit more with them because you've got Stiffler in the first one. You know? Yeah. So you've got all their reactions and it gets their reactions, seeing the plane crash in really on that.

Well, the first film, the plane explosion, when it happens for real, not in the vision, it's so less is more in a fantastic way because you only see the explosion from the airport and the glass blows out.

It's really good.

Yeah.

And their reaction of that happening.

We just hear the roller coaster crash, crash, crush and fire explosion.

And that's lacking from it. I wanted to see a little bit more of that, but that's that's just my own opinion.

Well, cut to about a week or two later. And Wendy goes to school at night. She's clearing out a locker.

By the way, I did school that one just over all.

Okay, what did you score that?

I gave it a seven and Sarah gave it a 7.5. And that's out of a 10 for the whole, the whole incident.

Yeah, I only gave it a five.

Okay.

Why about 10?

It's gonna be really interesting to see what we feel like.

Because it didn't really do it for me and it didn't tap into any. So the reason how I'm scoring them is related to whether or not it taps into any fears I have as well. As well as the amount of gore.

For me, generally, it's gore and then tension. Some of them don't have any tension and it's literally boom gore. But the gore is good, but it's like there's no tension.

Sometimes there's a blue balls kill, which I call them, which is where you're teased and teased and teased and teased, and nothing happens. And a good example of that is The Dentist in number two.

Then it comes to something else. Yep.

That is a blue balls kill right there.

Well, let's carry on then.

Okay. So yeah, I gave that one a five.

A dude's talking to Wendy about the first film. Well, not really the first film, but what happened?

Well, he says to her, you know, I heard about another incident, like you mentioned, to do with some kids that were on a flight, you know, and all the survivors, da-da-da-da-da. And she's like, well, I don't expect me to come to the graduation. He's like, what do you mean? It's like, well, I've just seen half my class killed. I'm clearly not going to come to the graduation. All right, cool. That's that. And then it's tan time.

It's tan time. It's two ladies who want to get their breasts out and do some tanning.

I love that their names are Ashley and Ashlyn. They're like the biggest airheads you've ever seen.

They've been literally. You can almost read at the script and imagine what the description can you.

And they walk in and you've got a not a sleazy guy, but a guy who can run in the place.

Yeah, he's just like, yeah, whatever. And he's on the phone obviously dealing with some business.

He's speaking his wife or something, isn't it?

Other language and not really too focused, but they're regulars because they will even say, like I've been here last week, so and so, whatever. So they're kind of all aware of each other and he's kind of just like, yeah, cool, whatever. Just fucking go in. Just don't take the drinks in there.

So they do take the drinks in there. And while they're getting set up.

And he goes outside and just shuts the door, but puts a wedge there, so it's all right. And he goes outside. And he goes outside, he's on the phone and that's his way to get back in.

Tube slowly squeezing away.

What dickhead, with a heavy door, uses a tube of fucking toothpaste type thing?

This guy.

What an idiot.

So while they're getting set up, we will come to them, back to them in a minute. While they're getting set up, we also get Wendy talking to her sister. She feels the breeze. The breeze of death's breath, death's breath, it's death's breath. And she's like...

Kylie Minogue Popsole.

She's looking at the camera and she realizes, oh, I've got pictures from the night of death. And she's just like, I need to buy her the camera, because no one's got cameras on their phones back then. She's like, all right, let me just empty the memory card. And then she starts realizing, I've got all these pictures of my dead boyfriend and all my friends. And then she starts realizing small details. The photos seem to predict everyone's death. Anyway, back to Ashlyn and Ashley.

Oh, I don't remember.

Oh, look, it's the... Of course it is.

And they're singing it, aren't they?

Something that they always do in the Final destination films is have the music match up, will be ironic. Like in the first movie, you had John Denver singing Rocky Mountain High, when obviously John Denver died in a plane crash. So they always do like quite cool little things with the music. And that's why I really love this franchise.

I'm sure John Denver would love that.

John Denver, what a legend. So the AC comes on because the heating, she's put the heating up because they were cold. Well, that's because you're in your pants, you're donut, you're silly, silly girl. But the air conditioning blows, the coats over on a shelf, which knocks a shelf off. The shelf flips, lodges them into their sunbeds.

They're locked, locked in.

And then they get hot, they get cooked. They get hotter and hotter, and they basically fry. And it's really effective, nice sizzling skin.

Kentucky Fried Woman.

And the guy hears them screaming outside and smells the burning, but he can't get in because the tube of Suntown Ocean is empty, meaning the door is shut tight.

And they burn, burn, baby burn. Yeah, double fry.

What do you give this death?

Well, by the way, there's a third silent partner in this, and that is Sarah, because I've got all of her scores as well. OK. So Sarah's a six and I'm a seven. What are you?

I'm a seven. And the reason for that is this is the first double death.

OK, I didn't think that, but I do like the whole picture.

So yeah, yeah, I like the trapped in the build up. Good tension been done in other movies where someone almost fries or starts getting for even in lock stock. You know, but the fact that it was two of them, two for the price of one in this one and they tried. So I gave it if it was just one of them, I probably would have given this like a six, but because it's two girls and the set up like you said, and the roller coaster song playing just added to it also seven. Yeah.

Yeah.

Like that one.

Nice.

So it's begun.

I've literally now got no other notes until the drive through and I've got my score for that.

Great. Well, I'll quickly fill in that.

So go for it. Yeah.

We cut to a funeral, a funeral for all the people that died in the roller coaster, which is half the class. And Ian, we meet Ian, who's a bit of a weirdo in the school. And he kicks off a little bit and says, you know, why did they die?

Why am I still alive?

And all that kind of shit. He's a bit of a goth and he sort of storms off and gets walked off by two of the bigger lads, Lewis and somebody else. Frankie's there saying, oh, they were prime meat if it wasn't for me, trying to take pictures of them upskirt and look at their boobs. You know, they wouldn't have gone and got tanned on that sunbed, oh, it's just my fault. And they're like, I don't really think you're responsible for girls trying to look hot. Weird, pervert, fuck off.

You just see like, it's a good, it's fairly good setup because you got a drive-through and they are the ones just waiting for their food. And you got a car behind them as well.

So there's a car in front of them and a car behind them. But then a lorry pulls up and a lorry pulls up to the side.

Yes, they're kind of stuck. And there's in a distance coming down the hill, you can just see a bloke going, oh, waving his arms.

He's not going, oh, like that.

Oh, God, I'm in trouble. It's like a carry-on movie, oh, matron. And there's this truck just freewheeling, no driver going straight towards them. The guy, the couple behind actually see it, reverse and get the fuck out.

Of course, surprisingly. The guy in front, he's beeping and we don't see who the guy in front is and he just flips them off without turning around. Like, fuck off, I'll get my burger and then I'll go. Don't rush me.

Yeah, well, generally, I've never been at a takeaway and then takeaway drive-through and someone's like, starts beeping, I think. I bet it's a one-way truck behind coming for us. It wouldn't be my first thought. So yeah, he's flipping the bird.

Yeah, and it turns out that it was Frankie, pervy Frankie Cheeks, who was in front of them. And they get out of their car just as the truck smashes into them.

Good one.

The motor of the truck comes, the engine block comes flying out with a little propeller motor bit on the front. And it just goes straight into the back of Frankie's head. Now, you don't see anything initially. Yeah. You kind of just see like a tuk tuk and then it's cuts away. But then we see because we see the aftermath.

Now, I love that head coming off.

I only give this a 5 out of 10. Oh, my description is aftermath is better than the actual kill.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. What did you use for it? Sarah's a 7.5.

Oh, OK.

And I'm a 7.

The aftermath for me, if the aftermath had been, if the beginning bit had been as good as the aftermath, it would have got higher. But it was just the aftermath. It was really all I got. But it was good. Good to see that skull chopped up nicely. So that's Frankie Cheeks gone. That's another one of them off the list. And now they're starting to realize that Wendy is talking sense. This is where we meet our coroner. Tony Todd.

Oh, Tony Todd is actually in it, in this one.

Is he in this one?

I don't know. You tell me. I've got no nights, really.

Well, I've written here a coroner. They discuss whether their theory is correct. It's not Tony Todd. OK. Well, they discuss whether their theory is correct or not. They look at some photos and they're looking at, you know, Oh, Lewis is in this photo. There's a picture of him with swords above him. Oh, hang on a minute. He's at the gym working out right now. And there's a big set of swords at the gym that he works out because the team that they he plays for has got swords in the logo.

And there's one bit. I've got a note here when the guy says, Tell me how do I die? Is it something up my ass? Why out of any way would you die? Do you think it's something up your bottom?

Well, he says to her, I don't want to see my photo until it's time. Unless it's something embarrassing or is it really going to hurt? Or is it something to do with my ass?

And she's like, Is it something going up my ass? Like, what?

Well, people have died with things going up their arse, Gav.

Why would that be the first thing you think of?

That man with the horse? Remember that man that got raped to death by a horse?

Why would that be your first thing you think of?

Oh, I'd want to know about it if it was going to happen.

Yeah, but why would you go there?

I don't know. Some people like horses.

I like all decapitation. Hopefully it's not decapitation.

How would you want to go?

If I had to be go, I had to choose.

I had to be go.

Had to be go in. If I had to choose a way to be killed. Do that quick and easy.

You know mine.

Fucking put it, I guess, put it to the head.

I want a shark.

A shark?

I got to be a fucking shark killing me. Damn bone, taken out by a shark. You love shark movies?

You could do like, jump out of an airplane, but that would be bad, because on the way down, you would be having some wild thoughts.

I'd like to jump out of an airplane into a shark.

Into a shark's got a gun.

Fucking hell. A nuclear shark.

A gangster shark from the 1920s with an atomic gun. And he's actually called Tommy. Tommy the Shark.

Well, you're never going to make my death happen. If you can, that would be brilliant.

Tommy the Shark is going to take you out. He's going to pop a shark cap in your ass.

I cried the other day reading a story about a couple who were going to Switzerland to go into one of these assisted death capsules together because she's got the early start of dementia and she's been a dementia nurse her entire life and she knows how bad it can get. So she wants to go and die. And he said her husband, they've been married for like 45 years, her husband said, I'm going with her and we're going to die in each other's arms.

It's really dark man. You've really darkened this episode, haven't you? It's Final destination. That's not fun, is it?

Jesus Christ. Well, anyway, let's go to the gym then. So they know Lewis is in the gym and he's in the and all these testosterone guys are in there going.

See, a while ago, Sarah's daughter had a membership, gym membership. So Sarah's like, oh, I suppose I have to go with her. And Sarah's idea of the gym was this. Sarah now goes to the gym about two or three times or as much as she can a week, and she fucking loves it. It's like her new home. She fucking loves it. But it's because it's not like this. This is such a...

This isn't really a gym. This is like the boys, this is like the boys gym locker where they work out after a football game at the school. So it's full of the boys who are all in the same team and they hate the opposition team. And they've got a big bear, like a pretend bear that they've got, that they all punch every time they walk past it, because that's the mascot for the opposite team.

They're like, fuck the bears, yeah, fuck the bears.

They're all doing that as they're working out.

But I love it. This is when we get, when Mary walks in there, Wendy with the dude she's with, and they walk in there straight away, and they say though, which is great, because we're the audience, it's reinforcing it to us, the audience, us what we know already, and just letting us know it again, anything in here could kill him. And they're looking around at all the stuff that could kill him. And starting way, we're like, yes, this is why we're here for this film.

There's like a wobbly bench, there's a radio with a loose plug, there's some water dripping near an electrical socket.

This is why you could make these films forever, honestly.

And then you got those two big swords up on the wall that are wobbling every time they do the weights, they're wobbling, and you're like, what's it gonna be? And they walk straight and they go, Lewis, you're gonna die.

He's like, I don't die, I just win, baby.

Yeah, I just win all the time, that's all I do. And they're like, no, no, you listen to us. Death is coming. It's taken out Frankie Cheeks. It's taken out this, that, and the other. You know, the two girls got fried. And he's like, no, man, I just win. I just win. And he's benching so hard, benching so hard that those swords chop down and they miss him.

And he's like, woo!

He goes, see, I win, baby, that's all I do. I just win. And then he pulls the weights down, not realising that those swords have cut the cables. And when he pulls them down, the two heaviest weights you've ever seen go...

Crush his head.

And explode his head.

Wow. Sarah and I both gave it a 6.

8.5 out of 10 for me.

Well, for me, it's not enough build up for me, intention. It was just the gore.

Yeah, but for me, it was the testosterone. It was like the release. He scored it high because it was just a throw. All this shouting and then it just ended with a massive explosion.

The muscly sweaty men, was it?

It was like a big cum shot at the end. After all that testosterone build up. And the fact that he shouts just before he died, I just win, baby. And then his head exploded. Plus, it tricked you. You thought it was going to be the swords, but it was actually the weights that killed him.

I misdirect. I don't, definitely not. I don't put 4 of my books, but yeah, yeah, okay, cool.

My favorite kill so far, that one.

All right.

All right, then. So next up, we are going to the DIY store that Ian works at with the other chick. And they're there together. They're sort of packing up for the night. Ian's killing nails.

This is-

Pigeons with a nail gun.

It's funny, because they've gone there. We know that whoever they've gone to see, we know is about to die. Bless them. It's like, don't come, ring me up. Don't come visit me. Whatever you do, both of you stay the fuck away from me.

It's like whenever Jessica Fletcher goes on holiday somewhere. Yeah, don't do it. Why does she come to this city?

That's why I want to do the ultimate episode where Jessica Fletcher is the killer.

Yeah, you find out that's why. I mean, let's be honest. Everywhere she goes, someone dies. It's got to be her.

That's what I'd do. If they were under the merge, she wrote a movie. Nowadays, that's what I'd do.

With the use of AI in years, you can do that. And Columbo will be the one hot on her heels everywhere she goes. She's always pulling up going, Jessica, you're here again.

Why? So they're at this warehouse of these two who are working late. Which is quite funny. At one point they go, we're just going to knock off for work now. Yet the next scene is they carry on working. And they're still doing some more work. What are you doing? You said you stopped working. Regardless, they're at this big warehouse going around. No one else is there. So somebody, they're just stacking shelves or whatever.

It's a huge Home Depot store full of every tall and sharp object.

Pigeons, little bastard, he could just shoot them away.

His boss has told him to kill them.

And he's got a big nail gun, so straight away, I'd fucking hell.

I hate pigeons. I'd kill them with a nail gun.

All right, all right, calm down.

Pigeons and seagulls, I don't mind killing them.

I tell you. Okay.

I've hit two pigeons in my life. I threw an apple at one, because it was trying to get my sandwiches. And I told it several times and it kept coming over and I bit one bit out of my apple and I launched it and it hit the pigeon. I felt great about it. Pigeon flew away and left me alone. And another one flew up in my face and I swung my fist and I sort of ended up doing like a bit really camp slap on this pigeon.

He stroked a pigeon. Get away.

That's my two fights with pigeons I've had. Anyway, anyway, that's enough of Dan's animal cruelty back to what they're so yes, everything can kill you. They show them the photos. They still don't believe her. They said, look, we don't know the order yet. We're trying to figure out who else was on the roller coaster and who wasn't and where people were sitting. We can't figure out who this person is.

It's pretty good. Just that looks good. But when I said build up, it wasn't really in your face. It's very subtle. So I didn't like the fact that there's not much build up. But that visually, she looks like a fucked up pinhead.

Yeah. And I give that 8.5.

So I gave it 6 and I gave that a 5.

Oh, the reason I gave it so high is because it looks so painful because it's not just a one and done. It's like six or seven nails to the back of the head coming out the front.

It's too short of a kill for me and it wasn't enough tension.

I really, really, really liked that one.

So we've got different, different likings.

That's fine. We're different likings. So now they say, well, who's next? And Ian's obviously pissed off. That was his girlfriend. So he said, oh, maybe because it skipped you, it will go to somebody else now. So let's all go back to our own houses and chill out. And Wendy talks to her sister and she realises, hang on a minute, the person in the rollercoaster in the photo was wearing the charm bracelet. That was my sister. So it was my sister that was on the rollercoaster. So she's next.

Why would you have a horse at wireless fireworks? What a fucking dumbass shit that is.

Dumbass.

Dumbass shit.

Well, it runs, it grabs, it accidentally catches Julie by the foot, which is Wendy's sister, with a rope, drags her along. Kevin manages to cut the rope with a sword just before she gets dragged into some spikes. But then Perry, who is a girl that we've never met before, is impaled on a flag. I mean, apparently she was there on the ride. She gets impaled on a flag. I didn't bother writing that one, really. Yeah. Give it like a five.

Yeah, Sarah and I both gave it a five. So we're all... Actually, that's the first one. We're all same school.

It wasn't that good. But Kevin survives. Some flames explode in his face near the barbecue. And he survives. Runs off. So he didn't die in the way he thought he might. Ian starts chasing Wendy. Some fireworks miss Ian, and he's sort of like, Ha!

Ha! Fuck you!

And then a cherry picker...

Yeah, never do that. Have they not seen Creepshow 2?

Lands on him. And that was another 8.5 for me, that one. It was a high one.

Sarah and I both gave it an 8.

Because you think it's going to be the fireworks. And out of nowhere. And it's a really good gore.

Yeah.

And out of nowhere as well.

Yeah.

It reminded me of the boy who comes out of the dentist at the end. And then out of nowhere, that plane of glass just splats him. So yeah, that's a really good kill as well. So some great kills in this one. Five months later, Gav. I love the ending of this movie. They're on a subway train. And she hears a busker singing the song that's kind of haunted her throughout the film, which is that, someone is behind you, someone's following you.

That is the creepiest conductor.

Why is he saying it in that way?

Mind the gap. Fucking hell, get someone else doing it.

And then she randomly bumps into her sister on this train.

What are you doing here?

She says, oh, that's all right. She says, oh, it's okay. Don't worry.

Come meet my friends.

We're all safe as long as Kevin isn't on the train. Oh, Kevin. He's like, oh my God, what a coincidence. We're all on the same train.

Weird.

And then we see a rat chew through a cable, the train derails, and everyone gets splat, splat, splat, splat, splatted.

Epic deaths. Epic deaths going on here. Score wise, what'd you give that?

This last one, it gets like a... It's hard to see what was happening so much, so I'd probably give it an eight.

Sarah, I have both on nine.

Ooh, it's good.

That's our best scored so far.

It all happened so quickly.

It does, but it's some good epic ones when it went on, yeah.

And then it ends with Wendy on the track.

Of course it does.

And she's like, oh, I'm going to get out of here. And then, and back in the room. And she says, not again. And then, yeah, that's it. It's the end.

Yeah.

Great movie. Good sequel. James Wan coming back to the franchise.

Yeah, really good still, yeah.

And I like that they do two things here that they've never done before. The camera, you know, we didn't go into that very much, but when you watch this movie, you realize they're looking at all the photos, they're figuring out, they're using that as a way, but they never came back to that in the franchise. And I really like the ending, where you, which is five months later, which is quite a long, long, long from a lot of the other movies in the franchise.

Yeah.

Love it. So that's Final destination 3.

Yeah, pretty good movie. I do quite like that film.

Thumbs up, thumbs up, thumbs up, definitely.

Totally. Well, let's just jump straight into it. So I'm a trader for Final destination, the Final destination. Yes, because it's the last one. It's part four, but it's the Final destination.

It's the last one.

It's the last one, guys. So magically, we're just gonna make up a film to review for the next one, because it doesn't exist. All right, check out the trailer. Hey, how old is this place?

You got me. We're fine, that's why they built the fence there.

We have to get out of here.

We're all gonna die, all right? There's gonna be a crash. Have you lost your mind?

You saw it before it actually happened.

We're alive and so are a lot of other people. I keep having these visions. I see how the next person was gonna die. What do you mean, the next person?

Survivors and the accident.

What if we weren't meant to survive?

What's gonna happen to us? I think we can stop it.

The Final destination from 2009, Hour and 22 Minutes, just a little one, this one. Directed by David R. Ellis, who directed the second movie. A horrifying premonition saves a young man and his friends from death during a racetrack accident, but terrible fates await them nonetheless. Nonetheless, I love that word. There we go.

No turning side. It's gone through all the cast members.

Great arse death in this one.

Arse death? Yeah.

Great arse death.

Okay.

We'll get to it. So it's a bit of a NASCAR track, this one.

It's a nice set up. Straight away, when you saw it, you're like, oh nice. I don't mind the main sort of protagonist in it. We've actually got a kind of guy who's our person. We're kind of following around. He seems likeable enough.

Oh my god, he's the worst actor I've ever seen in my life.

Yeah, not the best actor.

He's a terrible actor.

The thing is, though, it does come down to the director who's watching it and saying, this is the performance I want. And if they put this out and they only go, yeah, that do.

To be honest with you, most of the people in this film, this film, I'm just going to share my comments now. It's a good film for a Final destination movie, but it's my weakest out of the five. And it's mainly because of the acting. But at the same time, this film is more of a comedy than any of the other ones are. The second one had a lot more comedy, comedic elements in it, but this one is definitely leaning more into comedy.

We had that 3D resurgence for about three years. Funny enough, didn't we? Really, it was thick and strong. They were coming. Oh my God.

That was my nickname.

Then the TVs came out. The 3D Blu-ray players you could buy. And then, you know, Ben Deadbolt Films. He's got a T.

He says he's got Predator. I know, he voted you over for Predator, didn't he?

Yeah, and I haven't done it yet, so I need to go around and watch Predator around there.

But... The fifth one was in 3D as well. So the fourth and fifth Final destination are in 3D, if you want to see them, if you did want to see them. But yeah, here we go. So we get to meet Hunt, who is a cunt.

It's not... Yeah, it's not a good...

He's not great, is he? No. And Nick, the two lads, and their girlfriends, Laurie and Janet. And they are at this NASCAR sort of race style thing.

Go away with they. Nazi town.

Yeah, there's some not very nice people here. There's a nasty racist guy who doesn't like George, the security guard, who's a black guy. There's one woman who's described in the credits, her character name is Milf. She's the tampon mom. She's the tampon mom. We'll come to her in a minute, with her little boys and her husband.

Actually called racist, yeah, Milf.

Yeah, he's called racist. There's mechanic. They didn't want to name them anymore.

Racist wife, cowboy.

Mechanic, mechanic's wife. Milf's husband. Yeah.

Milf's husband.

They're all in there. But yeah, the only characters that really named are George, Hunt, Janet, Nick and Laurie.

I'm in the movies in the cinemas this weekend. Oh, nice. What are you doing? You're still acting. Yeah, yeah, totally. What are you doing? I'm kind of a background actor, really. I'm not, you know, in it. OK, what do you play?

What character are you?

Milf's husband. Oh, at least you're playing someone's got a hot wife.

My little cousin's in a new horror film. He plays a tampon kid too.

I play a racist, racist wife, racist wife.

I play the cowboy. Someone's called cowboy because that's the guy that says, Oh, sorry, ma'am, am I in the way?

There's one called girl on top. What do you play? I'm labeled as girl on top.

Girl on top.

On what? You have to watch it. Water gun, brat.

Yeah. So our four people are here. Nick, sorry, Hunt, as I've said, is a word that rhymes with his name because he's a bit of a boozer and he's also a bit of a ladies man, even though he's got a girlfriend. And he's just a bit of a bit smarmy and not very nice. And he's got some binoculars that he can drink booze out of. They're not real binoculars, are they?

Oh, and he's smart.

And that guy says, hey, can my girl use your binoculars? And he's like, she's like, I want to drink too. And she knows what they are. And then they see a mum, the milf, put tampons in her kid's ears because the noise of the race cars is so loud. And they're like, oh, that's so funny. And then there's some cracks in the building appearing. And he's like, how old is this stadium? And then there's some oils, some spills, some litter, some blows.

It's quite an epic thing. I can imagine the producers like having a heart palpitations when they read the script first of all. What do you mean a car track? So it's a little bit CGI here and there. Yeah. It kind of spoils it a little bit, but it's quite a big epic thing to try and do with Practical though.

An engine block lands on a girl, someone gets a spike through the mouth, loads of cars piling up still.

It's all right. It's nothing amazing.

Some kids get crushed under cement, and they're back in the room.

I did score it. Sarah gave it a four, I gave it a five.

I gave it a five.

It's nothing amazing.

Now, I must say that this incident is based on a real life disaster. So just to give you a bit of background, in 1955, Le Mans, which you would have heard of, there was a disaster, a terrible disaster. They had the 24-hour Le Mans endurance race, but there was a multi-car collision, which launched an engine block and the hood of a car and other wreckage into a crowd of spectators, killing 84 people in total.

Can you imagine the health and safety there has probably lapsed?

Oh, it's f**k all. In 55, there was f**k all.

We've got this. So what are you going to do? The blood of the cars went to people. We've got this stuff called cardboard.

There was still black and white bathrooms back then in parts of America. They weren't looking at health and safety. They weren't caring about that at all. But yeah, I just wanted to let you know that a lot of those deaths we've just talked about that actually happened. They based this incident on that, which is pretty sick, but also not bad. Well done, Final destination, for getting some of your facts, right? So Nick says, oh my god, I just had a premonition, guys. We need to leave.

Oh, a tire just out of nowhere just kills her.

Comes flying over, because there's a huge explosion.

I quite like that, because the racist guy is getting, what are you fucking talking about? I like the fact that right then, well, you could shut up. You've been shut up.

Because Hunt says, well, this is what I'm here for. I'm here for the explosions and the death.

What did you give the tire?

8 out of 10, because it was really out of nowhere. Shut her up, because she was mouthing off, and also unexpected. She deserved it.

So it's 4.5 or 6.

Good gore as well.

Yeah. And credits. Roll the 3D credits.

Oh, I love these credits.

I love.

So we cut to some credits, which are like the new Immortal Combat games, where when you do like a death blow, it zooms into like an X-ray of the skeleton with a crushing and skeletons breaking and everything. And you get this like heavy metal music playing, and it's pretty epic, pretty sort of NASCAR. I quite like it. It makes me sort of get in the mood. It's one of the few things that made me realize because this is my weakest out of the franchise, but I like the credits and the metal.

Friday the 16th.

Friday the 16th. What happened on Friday the 16th? Bought some bread.

Just ran out of milk, went down the shop.

So they go to a cafe called the Death and Death by Caffeine shop. Great. And they're all saying, Nick, what happened? Was it a dream? You know, and he's like, I don't know. I can't explain it. I just...

At this point, it reinforces here to me how important casting is in films. I don't really care about any of these people. obviously, I'm only one democrafe out of many. But I don't care about these people. There's nothing here. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, yeah, well, we all know my feelings about her. But there was other people I care about, you know, not cared, but invested in more.

Well, sadly, the one that stands out really is Hunt, played by Nick Zano, the dickhead. He's the one that stands out because he plays it really well. You know, everyone else is pretty bland.

But he's not supposed to be liked anyway, is he?

No, no. They ask Nick, you know, was it a dream? Should we go to the memorial? Are we the lucky ones? Why are we the survivors? Da da da. All the usual stuff that we've seen in the other movies. And of course, they do go to the memorial later on. So for everyone that died at the event, so they get back to the stadium, and there's a few people there crying, and Nick and Laurie are there, and...

Someone's saying the N word.

Yeah, well, we'll come to that in a sec. So the tampon one comes up, the MILF comes up to Nick and says, I want to thank you for, you know, you saved my boys and me and my husband by getting us out of there. And he's like, oh, that's all right.

Does he look like a MILF? He's pretty hot.

Okay, I don't remember. And then the security guard, George, comes over, who's a black guy, and he says, yeah, I want to thank you as well.

Oh, yes, we had a racist.

And then the racist guy whose girlfriend's head got exploded by a tire. He just walks over and goes N-word, walk on and calls them a few other little things as well. And then Nick, quite frankly, says, whoa, what the hell? Jesus Christ. I don't know what to do. If I ever heard someone say it like that, right? I'd just be like, I'll probably take their head off. But they're like, sorry about that. And George is like, don't worry about it. He's used to it.

Well, I don't remember this. I must have just completely phased out of this.

And he wakes up and he goes, Whoa, I've just had a really strange dream. Like a vision of the future. And it's like, oh my God, could you not have done a different take? Get another take. What's the director doing? Really bad. See, I'm not always positive, Gav.

Yeah.

Cut to the racist, because that's his character name, drunk in his pickup truck. He's ticking all the boxes. He might as well have a MAGA hat on as well. But let's not get political.

And have a pig in the back.

Yeah. He's driving around.

They eat your pets.

The immigrants, they eat your cats and your dogs. Let's move away from politics. So he's driving around, listening to his metal music, drinking beer, just crashing his pickup truck into everything that's around him. And he's like, I'm going to go to that black guy's house. I'm going to do something terrible to him. And now George, bless him, one of my favorite characters in this film, he couldn't be, they couldn't have made him look any more wholesome in this scene if they tried.

But this though, I was looking at this as in I didn't, Coup Cuts Clan wouldn't do, they'd drag people along by horses.

They did do that, yeah. No, they did do it by cars as well. Yeah.

And I thought it was a play on that. And I quite liked the way they did that actually. Okay. Yeah. But is it for that, for death, what did you give that death?

I only gave it a 4 out of 10.

Sarah gave it a 5 and I gave it a 6, but I gave it a 6 because of the fact I liked that transition.

It was a flip.

The white guy being pulled.

Yeah, it was definitely that.

So I scored a 4 for the racist getting it, for being racist.

Yeah, and George has seen it, so he's really now, he's in the club now of OK, maybe I'm in Def Club. Maybe I believe Nick now.

Can I be in Def Club?

So Laurie and Nick see the news. A racist man was dragged behind his own pickup truck today. And he says, I dreamed about that. I dreamed about a hook and a pickup truck and a racist. I dreamed about, oh, did you? You're acting's great. So he has another vision with more clues. And she comes in and she says, well, how do you know it? And he says, because when the death is coming, I feel a presence. It's terrible acting. It's so bad. It really took me out of it, his acting.

This film just doesn't pull me in. Like the other three films before, one, two and three, this is the weakest so far.

Cut to the tampon kids.

The kids who survive.

And they're throwing stones at a guy who's trying to fix his lawnmower. And he's like, why don't you dumbass, you stupid kids. Yes, and their mum's like, well, here's some money. Fuck off down the amusement arcade for an hour and let me get my hair done. Because I'm going out with the girls tonight.

And they're like, great.

And she gives them like a hundred dollars. They're like, whoop, whoop. And they run off. And she walks in and they're like, well, look, your beauty, whatever your guy is, is not here. She's like, but I really need my hair and my nails done because I'm going out with the girls tonight. All right then. And cut to close ups of a million things that could kill you in a beauty salon. Scissors, nails, being scraped, a wobbly fan above your head, lotion being spilt, loads of stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

But I only gave it a 5 out of 10.

I just said, so interesting. Sarah gave it a 6, which I thought was interesting, and I gave it a 4. So between us, we've got the whole range there, 4, 4 and 6.

And the reason for that was the build up was better than the execution. In my opinion, it was a really good build up and then it was just like, it was all right, it just didn't do it for me. If her head had exploded a bit more, I'd have been like, yeah. I was really hoping the kids would get killed in some way.

Lovely. Then we cut back to our unappealing protagonists who I don't care about. I have no interest in waiting for them to get killed.

And they say, well, did you hear that Mrs. Milf has died as well now? So that's what she's called. And Nick says, I've been having visions.

Of a bucket or something.

And they're like, well, what are your visions? And he tells them about Flight 180, that he talks about Final destination 2. And then he says that people got off the freeway, and he says, oh, there was also a roller coaster incident. All this kind of stuff. tensions get very high. And Hunt says, well, fuck this. If we're all gonna die, then I'm gonna die doing what I love. Get inlaid. See you later, motherfuckers.

Oh, come on, look at this.

And I'm like, fucking hell, you've got the whole thing on CCTV, George. He's like, yeah, let's rewind it and watch it. So they watch all the different deaths unfold. Surely, the police would have that videotape. George has just got it. He's got access to it. And they work out that the mechanic is next. Oh, we forgot about the mechanic. Who's the mechanic? Don't know. He just credited his mechanic. All right, let's go visit him then. And the mechanic works in a Pimp My Ride garage, doesn't he?

Yeah, with exhibit.

Lots of danger there. Sparks flying, dangerous machinery and hydraulics and gasoline and all this other kind of stuff. They literally turn up and go, You're going to die next. He's like, What the fuck? I'm trying to get on with my life. You know what I mean? And they're like, No, no, you're going to die. And his boss says, You need to get these guys out of here. There's a lot of dangerous machinery in here. Get them out. And he's like, All right, all right. Takes them outside.

I'm cheating death.

But then a spanner hits a gas canister, which comes flying out of the garage. And basically cheese grates him through the fence, the wire fence.

With 3D, that probably looked excellent.

Yeah, it's good.

Good. That one Sarah and I both gave out a 5.4.

Seven for me. I like a good cheese grater death.

Do you like the Resident Evil one at the beginning?

Yeah, I do. It's good. I've never seen that before and I quite like that. And that happens in another Final destination, I think, where someone gets cheese grated, potentially. Anyway, they discuss who's next. Is it Hunt or is it Janet? We need to figure it out. One of us get hold of Janet, the other one get hold of Hunt. Now, Hunt is at a swimming pool, He's such a twat. having sex with a lady. Janet has gone to a dry cleaner. A pigeon shits on her windscreen.

Just get out of the car and get a cloth and wipe it off yourself, you fucking idiot.

It's a lot of poo from one pigeon, isn't it?

It is a bit, but you don't need to go car wash.

Yeah, come on. So they tried calling her and she's not picking up her phone because she's driving.

Human hybrid pigeon flew by, did a big wipe poo.

The moth man. It was the moth man.

It's the pigeon man.

And there's a good call back here where Nick looks to his right when he's in the car and he sees Clear Rivers Water Supply. And Clear Rivers was the character from Final destination 1 and 2, who ended up locking herself up in the mental asylum in the second one. So played by Ali Lata. So that's a good call back. But something in that triggers him and he thinks it's going to be water that kills them. They're both going to die by water. Oh, my God, we need to go and we need to go and do something.

See, this is super yucky and I go and carry on.

Yeah. Well, we'll come back to that because we go to Janet then.

Yeah.

We're juggling two deaths at once.

I did like the fact that this is the first time actually editing wise in all the films that they adjust the position or cut in between two kills and build it up to two. First time editing wise, I've done this.

And because he's had a vision that it's water and one's at a swimming pool, one's at a car wash. So like, why is it going to be both of them? Or is it going to be one of them? So it's actually very good. Probably the best moment of the film.

It's good. They can go either way. It's misdirected quite easily. Or go for both. So it's quite good.

George and Noriko to find Janet in the car wash.

It's good for pacing anyway.

There's some faulty bits and bobs in the car wash. Sparks fly. She gets trapped. Her bloody sunroof opens and the car starts filling up with water.

This is just ridiculous. And then her head gets stuck. It's the most dumbest fucking thing ever as well.

But they showed you that her sunroof was broken earlier.

Yeah, so her head gets stuck out of it, but it's still filling up with water like she's having a fucking bubble bath.

But she's heading towards one of those like really strong brushes that's probably going to take her face off.

I know. Well, I was looking at this car as well. What car is this? And there's no make or model. I think they had that car specially made.

Yeah, they wouldn't like Nissan or whoever would be like, I don't want to be.

Yeah.

That's not us.

So there's no badge in it or nothing. It's really odd.

So she's picture it, if you will, ladies and gentlemen, it's essentially a car with a woman's head on the top.

Just going along.

Full of water, about to get her face scraped off. Then cut back to Hunt who gets hit with a golf ball and it drops his lucky coin.

Earlier on he was a cunt and took a kid's water gun, just put it in the bin. So this is like his calm of being a cunt.

But he drops his lucky coin and it rolls into the swimming pool, gets sucked into the drain. So he goes down to retrieve it and his butt gets stuck to the drain. Now this is an urban legend where we've heard people getting stuck to the drains, you know.

I never saw this one in an urban legend movie, but yeah.

You know what I mean?

But it should have been.

Yeah, and his butt gets stuck to the drain. So now we've got him stuck underwater, potentially drowning with his butthole stuck to the drain, sucking him in.

And her head stuck out a fucking car full of water. It's so silly.

Laurie and George, they crash into her car and they push it backwards.

The car's electrics would fail if it's totally full of water. It would just, you know, I'd admit the sunroof would definitely stop, but the car should probably just not work.

But it's on the...

It's on the pulley track though as well.

Well, they save her anyway, so she's all right. But we cut back to Hunt, whose, you see his back suddenly crush.

Oh God.

And he gets sucked inside out.

I couldn't look. I had to look away. It's too gross for me.

And then you see the drainage machine outside on the top of the swimming pool. This is the fountain of blood comes out.

This is like whatever that thing was. I've put it out my mind now. You made me live watch Yum Yucky thing, wasn't it? I don't remember what it is. Don't remind me.

OK.

Some word of the strange thing. I forgot what it was. I hope everybody watched the video.

He's the guy with his grandma. Oh, yeah.

I hope everybody watched long of that to get more, you know.

So so Hunt basically sucks inside out into the drain and the last thing you see, and amongst all the splat is his coin drop on the ground. Now, OK, what did you give it? Now, this is an amazing death, but I only give it an eight. And the reason why it would have got so much higher is if they'd gone down the alien resurrection route where you saw him, you know, an alien resurrection when it gets sucked into the window and you see it go...

No, I don't remember that film.

Yeah, you do. Alien resurrection at the end when the baby alien hybrid thing gets sucked into the... What the hell? We covered it. Sigourney Weaver, come on.

I put it out my mind.

What an earth. Well, anyway, if you'd have seen more of him getting sucked into the drain, this would have easily been the best death in the whole franchise. But because you just see a little bit of his back get sort of sucked in, it's still an 8 out of 10, though, because this one is an awful way to go with your butt stuck to. And also, it's a call back to number three, where the guy says, it's not going to anything to do with my butt, is it?

Sarah gave it 7.5 and I gave it a 5 because it's too yucky for me.

Oh, you should score higher then if you.

Yeah, if it scores and watches horror, yeah, and it is horrific for me. But no, I didn't watch most of it because I looked away because it's too yucky. I don't like it.

Why? I thought it was brilliant.

I don't know, I'm a bumhole being things pulled out of it. I was thinking, this is what made me start thinking about horror. Did you like, is there a different reason some people like horror movies for a certain reason, because they've had things that happened to them or it's their most fears, I suppose.

You know, and that's how I've rated some of these, you know, for me, that's what we were saying earlier, it's psychology in it. You know, even when I take my kids swimming on the weekend, when I go past the drain, I always think, what would happen if my hand got stuck in here, you know?

Now, we cut to a really funny bit. Now, for me, this just made my little mind tickle with laughter as I went off in a little world, imagine in a scenario where George, they cut to, they go round to see George, and he's been trying to hang himself and he can't. I wet myself at this point.

Yeah, this is like Groundhog Day, isn't it?

It's like, do now cut to the montage, because it starts off all day long, trying to top himself or his different scenarios.

Well, it starts off quite dark because they get to George's house and he's hanging from the rafters. And you think, oh no, George, what are you doing? And he's like, because earlier you found out, you know, my wife, he killed his wife and kid in a drunk driving accident, I think it was. And so he's always feeling terrible about that. And, you know, he's, I'm got nothing to live for. And then like they get him down. He's like, for fuck's sake, I've been trying to kill myself all day.

I just want to see that montage.

Or even with the music from Kirby Enthusiasm every time we try something. Boom, boom, boom. So yeah, he says, I've been trying to kill myself all day. Nothing works. And so maybe saving Janet has destroyed the list. Am I immune? Am I able to live forever now? And he says, maybe we should have a toast. Toast to life. So he gets out some apple cider and they will have a nice toast.

We're all going to live forever.

We're invincible.

Don't buy some fucking fancy booze if you're toasting to life. Come on.

Nicky and Laurie say, well, we're going to go on a holiday now. It's packed for our holiday. Laurie says, well, I'll just pop to the cinema with Janet and do some shopping as well.

And says, we're going to watch a chick flicks in 3D. I was thinking, a chick flick in 3D?

I was thinking that.

What is that going to entail? Oh, let's go shopping. In 3D. What's the point?

I don't know what a chick flick would be in 3D. How would you do it?

I don't know. Trying to get that boy. Oh, I'm going to make him to be my boyfriend in 3D.

It's right in my face. It is.

It's pretty shit.

Ryan Reynolds buttocks in my face. Sorry, I was just saying that out loud. Yep. So, yeah, Nick has another quite... My notes, let me read them to you. At this point, Nick has another, quite frankly, ridiculous 3D vision. It's really bad. You must remember his vision here, where it's like a screen saver from a Windows 98 PC. These things spinning around, and he's like, oh, another vision.

This fucking inept orderly.

Well, there's a poor old fella who's on a bath host.

He's got racist as well, hasn't he?

Yeah, he is.

We killed your kind in Vietnam.

I'm Chinese.

Same difference.

Oh, nice.

That's so fucking small minded, isn't it?

I'm trying to help you.

So small minded. Unfortunately, this happens.

He lifts him up in a bath house though and leaves him there.

He puts him in his bath on a winch. And then also says, oh, go do that. Just runs off, doesn't think like a fact. Maybe turn them taps off and this old guy just sitting there going, hey, it's flooding.

The bath is overflowing and it's probably a ton of water.

It's such a funny death.

And it starts dripping down through the floor and the room below has got the cowboy in it.

And in fact, in writing, they just had old guy that they said, you need to make a reason why this old guy is going to probably die as well, because, like, you know.

I don't think he dies, though, you just see him.

I think it's just got a reason that he's not very nice. Let's just get him in there and give him a racist line.

He's got to be called old racist or something. You can't even see him listed, but he must have a credit of old racist or something like that. Have a look. Bedman or something like that, he'll be. But yeah, the water drips down onto the cable of his face, which wakes him up a bit, but also makes him slip out of the bed. And then, oh, I've written here then, the most ridiculous moment of the film. I'll wait till you've looked him up.

I can hear you, keep going.

Okay. So the most ridiculous moment of the film now is when, is when Nick and the remaining survivors are in the lift with complete strangers.

What score do you give?

We haven't done it yet.

Oh, we haven't got it yet. Sorry. Apologies.

So this is my biggest gripe of the film. Nick and whoever else is in the lift, and there's all these doctors and strangers in front of them in the lift. They can hear every word they're saying because they're in a fucking lift, yeah? And Nick says, We have to get to him because he's next on Death's List. And they're like, Oh my God, we need to save him. Because if we don't save him, then Janet did it. And they're like describing the potlice.

Is it supposed to be made of humor for the other people? And they have to be like, What's this? Is that supposed to be in the nut comical?

But none of them, they just all ignore it. Like they can't hear it.

Yeah, it's weird.

Ridiculous fucking moment.

No one but it's not a good film this one.

Anyway, the bath crashes through as they open the door. They're like, Hey cowboy. And then the bath just crashes down and absolutely annihilates him. It does. Two out of ten.

Oh, Sarah and I both give it a six.

Don't see anything.

Don't see any blood. Don't know.

You knew what was happening. It was you could see it coming a mile off. Two out of ten. Awful. Janet and Laurie are shopping. And Laurie sees some signs. Oh, there's a crane. There's some men working on. Feeling that funny feeling again. Outside, George is running along and he says, Oh, got that weird feeling that my wife says about. And Nick says, what do you mean? He says, deja vu. You know, my wife says, when you've had the... Ambulance takes him out. Seven out of ten. Love it.

Oh, me and Sarah both on a two. Two out of ten.

There was like the bus from number one.

Yes, just...

Came out of nowhere. And because he was describing, it was because he was describing deja vu as well. Which the line apparently was going to be, my wife always says, used to say, cause she's dead, if you have deja vu, that means you're in the right place at the right time. But he didn't get to finish the line cause the ambulance just took him out. And he gets killed again later on when...

We got such contrasting scores.

That's cool though. That's cool. Have a look. Then we get a weird moment now. This is why this film doesn't really work. Cause this construction site isn't really anything to do with them. It's just for convenience of the plot really. But there's this construction site basically, where these guys are like working behind the cinema, where the girls are going to end up. And there's a few little sparks and embers.

It's got a good set up.

Yeah, but it's also nothing to do with... It's not like they're in the Home Depot store or... You know, it's just for the sake of moving the plot a lot, or it doesn't... I do have my gripes with this film, really. But anyway, there's a great red herring where her lace gets stuck in the escalator, and you think...

Colorful fish.

Yeah, colorful fish. You think, oh, she's gonna get pulled into the escalator, but she doesn't, she managed to put it out. Then they go in the cinema, and they watch that movie in 3D. And there's a great moment on there where there's a bomb in the movie that they're watching, and he says, three, two, one, time's out, suckers, or something like that, and then the bomb explodes. What they don't realize is behind them is an actual explosion.

Sarah and I both gave it a six.

Oh, perfect, 666, nice.

We all gave it 666, so it's nice to have that. I like the fact that if they're watching a 3D movie, and all of a sudden they actually came out of the screen and killed it, it would be quite fun.

Yeah, I thought I liked that.

I knew it for a few seconds until you realized, oh, this isn't 3D.

Those nails look really good. I feel like I really feel the pain of the impaling.

Your brain would be really tricked and confused. We've got a shopping center next.

It's a bit like when you and me went to watch the Ghostbusters 2018 movie, and we were in those chairs that move in the cinema. We had those wobble chairs.

Why did we get them?

Because they were the only seats we could get.

God, it was that...

And we were just like wiggling around. Now and again, when the really bad jokes were being said.

I can't believe we went to cinema. I can't believe we gave that guy money to make the movie.

Five D or whatever it was.

His new movie, Paul Figg, I think it is, is with that John Cena on Amazon Prime. And the trailer looks awful. And it's like the trailer doesn't explain what this is. I saw something in the other movie and I was like, Oh, you made that Ghostbusters movie with no one on it.

I saw something today that said...

How does he make movies?

Someone today said, I like Paul Cena, John Cena, but I've just seen his new film, that one you were just talking about. And I do wonder how he keeps getting work in films, because he's not a very good actor.

Well, it again comes down to the director, but is that director?

I think he's alright in some roles.

Again, it's Hollywood not knowing what the fuck they're doing.

After she's impaled the shopping center, the shopping mall starts exploding and collapsing, and Laurie is in fact sucked into an escalator.

Fucking 7.5 for Sarah, 6.5 for me.

9 for me.

This is the best kill. It was really cool.

Because one of my biggest fears is, will I get trapped in an escalator? And I'll tell you why that is. At school, we had a policeman come in and show us a video of horrific injuries.

Oh, good.

And one of them was someone who had got their legs stuck and ripped off in an escalator, just like this.

And before that, were you scared of escalators? Until they showed you it. So basically, the police came in and scared you into being scared of things.

They also then showed us what can happen if you play on train tracks, and they showed us bodies on train tracks that had been cut up.

What was all of this proving?

To scare us off of train tracks and escalators.

To scare you off of escalators in the shopping center. That's one of the way you got to go up and down.

Remember the rules on them at least. But yeah, what a bunch of cunts. What's great about this is half the escalator is broken, so she's falling into all this sort of, you know, like when you see those TikTok videos of like a giant, what do you call it? A grinder, where you put like industrial like metal in it, it just crushes it up. And it's one of those, and she just goes in there.

Then we fucking wake up and it's a guy with a premonition, and then he rushes to the cinema and puts out the fire. And so, oh, what?

But he comes to just as George gets splattered. So poor George gets killed yet again by the ambulance. So quite like that, but yeah, you're right. He goes in, he puts the fire in.

Oh really?

Yeah. But then he gets his arm nailed to the wall by a freak.

He does say, he's trying to put the fire out, and all of a sudden the death's going, you're not going to intercept this. I shall stop you.

So he sets up a sprinkler.

So he's stuck with nails, nail gun stuck him to the wall basically, but and not to kill him, just like...

Just keep him away.

Yeah, take him away.

But he manages to use a very long stick on fire to set off the sprinkler, which puts out all the fires. And then we cut to the end where Nick is banished up and he goes for a coffee with the two girls and a homeless man from earlier says, hey, this is another ridiculous moment.

Hey, I know you. You're the guy that saved everybody at the shopping center.

Yeah. Why would what has that got to do with anything? And then they sit in the window seat and then Nick feels the presence, sees a couple of signs and outside some scaffolding falls, which makes a huge truck swerve. And we're watching this in 3D.

So we're going to cut to CSI deaths.

Big truck comes flying in.

But it all goes to like a CSI. Have you ever watched CSI?

Or Mortal Kombat.

Oh, OK.

Mortal Kombat films.

What, the deaths?

Video games.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because we see them all die, but in 3D, X-rays, CGI.

What an old shit.

And that's the end credits.

What do you give that one? I'll give it, I can't remember what we gave there.

And probably a five, it's slap bang in the middle. No, no, no, like a three, I gave it a three, sorry. Because even though you got three for the price of one, it was-

So I gave it a three and I gave it a two.

I give it a three. Overall, I actually would say, I'm gonna say this, unless you're a completist, this is a thumbs down, this film.

Yeah, it's not very good.

I don't say it very often, but- You don't? Unless you're a completist, it's not worth watching. The other four movies in the franchise are great. And this one just isn't-

Yeah, even the next one's fun.

Oh my God, the next one. Can't wait to talk about-

Speaking of which, let's hop out of here. Have a trainer for the next one.

All right then.

Let's do it.

Don't fear the Reaper.

I'm trying to get all the pieces of the puzzle together. It says right here in the statement, I knew it would happen.

I had a vision.

We knew to warn everyone the bridge was going to collapse.

Everybody off the bus!

And minutes later, it did. I'll tell you what I believe, there's an answer for everything.

Authorities aren't calling the Dridge Collapse a freak act of nature. Those natural causes? Yeah, more like supernatural.

Death doesn't like to be cheated. I've seen this before. A lucky few survive a disaster, and then one by one, death comes for them all. Are you saying we can't stop this? You're not supposed to be here, so let death have somebody else in your place.

Wait a minute, we kill someone, we get their life? When we're done, you'll have perfect vision. I'll be right back.

Final destination Five, they lie to us, they lie to us, girl.

Ooh, they're back again.

2011, one hour and 32 minutes. Death Returns to Claim, The Lucky Survivors of a Deadly Bridge Collapse. And this fifth frightening installment in the series, directed by Stephen Quell, first time to the series. And it's got a few people in this you might know from The American Office, or Anchorman, and a few other people in it that have been in Bits and Bobs. This is, after the last movie, this is a real return to form for the franchise, for several reasons.

And what the audience wants, and what it needs to do also to facilitate that. It's good casting.

It's, yeah, it's good casting. It definitely some good acting. Yeah, fucking incredible opening sequence, you know, that must have it's the longest one. It's four and a half minutes long. Directed fine, you know, the effects are great for the bridge scene. And. Spoiler, as we always tell you, but, you know, this has got a fantastic twist. When you get to the end of it, you realize this was all set before the original Final destination.

I had forgotten all about this.

And it's so good. And if you watch it, knowing that, and you think, oh, no one's using any modern phones or internet. And you can see they've all got older computers and TVs, et cetera. And even the fact they talk about like older, you know, at one point somebody says, I see dead people. Well, that movie's only just come out. That's why they're quoting it, you know.

Yeah, I didn't know.

The end scene. Yeah.

So you say it's like you're saying, like through the movie, they're hinting towards the fact it's set in the Final destination land, first one.

Indeed.

Because that's a really interesting thing. It's not like it's a precursor or anything. It's actually set in the same universe at a different plane.

Yeah.

Which is really cool.

I love it. So yeah, let's crack into this.

Get into it.

So we start with more Skull credits. And again, we feel like this is the confidence is back in this one. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Even from the credits. And we get callbacks to the previous four films. We get roller coasters and nail guns and all these things. So it's like, hey, I'm reminding you.

Tony Todd's actually physically in this film.

He is. And he looks great. He still looks great, doesn't he? He's just this quick, big, imposing guy. When he turns around and he's got a coroner written on his back, that's all you need. You're like, ooooh. He also delivers an incredible line, which we'll get to. And we are having breakfast outside of people waiting outside their offices. They've set up a big breakfast table.

See, here, straight away, a director knows what they're doing because they're setting up this, well, even in the script writing, but they're setting up all the characters in this long car park opening. Because you're like, what's going on here? But I quite like the fact they're going through all the different characters and what they're going for. And it reminds me of Severance, because they're going on a work do.

They're going on a retreat.

Yeah.

We've got budget Tom Cruise, Peter, who looks like a basically Tom Cruise double. We've got Sam, we've got Nathan, Molly, Candice, Olivia, Isaac, the pervert, Dennis, the boss. What I love about this film as well is, and the other movies haven't done this, we've got the detective on the case, Agent Block, who's always one step behind.

When we get to him, I've got words to say. The boss, Dennis, that's the bald dude from Hot Tub Time Machine.

Anchorman as well.

I really like Hot Tub Time Machine. It has come up in my books.

I really like Anchorman.

Yeah. I need to watch it again. I'll see it maybe once.

He plays champ kind sports. He's like a real pervy sports guy. But yeah, he's good in this as the horrible boss, essentially.

But like I said earlier, at this point, we feel like you're in safe hands. I think the director actually cares about the characters and cares about the fact that he wants, or they, but is he, wants us to like or dislike the characters, which is quite nice. It makes us go, Oh, it's a proper film. So what we get really is, even though we want the kills, that goes against what I said earlier, we are here for kills. It is nice to have a little bit of character wants.

So we get a typical office sort of setting, really. These guys, you know, you've got Sam and Molly that are a couple, but they're kind of breaking up. You've got Peter, who's having a bit of an affair with Candice, but because he's going to be the boss soon, he doesn't really want everyone to know about it. You've got Nathan, who's a young black lad in front of all the guys in the factory, who seem to be slightly racist. They certainly don't like the fact that a younger lad is ruling over them.

I guess, if any connection to all the movies then is the score, which obviously is a thing you need in slasher films and stuff.

Yeah. We get a close up of small things happening, you know, little, oh, that doesn't quite work, or the screw for this, or the hinge. Little mishaps.

Yeah, trucks going by, it makes you feel like the second one, you know.

Yeah. There is, there is a truck, actually, isn't there? You know, just like it. And then we see some cracks appearing in the concrete. Well, that's not good, cause this is a bridge.

I think they're really playing into what everyone's like from the previous films. Yeah. It's simple. Why not? Like, yeah.

And Sam says, something's going wrong here. Let's get off the bus. Things are cracking. Oh my God. One of the girls falls off the bridge.

This is so good. This whole thing, from now on, the movie itself, I'm sitting there going, I wish I'd seen this in the cinema. I was happy as anything. The CGI and stuff looks incredible as this bridge collapse, but go for it, Dan. Tell what happened.

I mean, like I said-

I gave this a nine. I'm just throwing it out there right now.

So I gave it 8.5.

Yeah. It's fantastic.

Yeah. It's going to get a nine for me. And the reason for that is, as I mentioned earlier-

One of the best.

As I mentioned earlier, it's the longest out of the five movies. It's four and a half minutes long.

Great build up. It looks good. I like the people.

It looks good. Each individual death is pretty brutal.

I kind of care if they're actually going to make it or not.

And it's a bridge to collapse, which is a very real thing that happened recently. Yeah, exactly. So as the bridge collapses, one of the girls falls off, lands on the sail of a boat. And again, 3D. So that's good. But it goes straight through her. Isaac is crushed, he remains in the bus. And as the bus falls down into the water, he falls to the front windscreen. He would have been crushed by the pressure of the water hitting the bus. So he's crushed. Sam and Molly run away.

Yeah.

Whoa, that was a nine out of ten.

Absolutely.

You know, that is up there with the part twos. That's great. It's really good.

We're back in safe hands.

So he's on the bus. Whoa, guys, I've got a really bad vibe. I've just had a weird vision. I think we all need to get off the bus. What do you mean? The bridge is going to collapse. What are you talking about? The bridge is going to collapse. And the bridge starts collapsing. So they all get off the bus. They watch the whole thing from afar because they're all off the bridge now. And they see the whole thing collapse. And this is where I love this element now.

What's my problem? This is what stupid fucking line of questioning. Go and actually be a detective. Like if you got to just look at all the people who are going to know what's happened structurally with that bridge and go, well, this is obviously what's happened here. At no point has any terrorist action gone on. And why would he think this kid, look at the kid's background. Is he got any fucking terrorist links? What stupid ass fucking, I was doing it again, stupid fucking detective.

Well, it adds an extra element of tension because they question everybody. And they say to Sam, they say to Sam, so you were overheard saying you had a vision and you knew that this is going to happen.

What a waste of time. Why bother even questioning him?

And then they question his friends. Does your friend have any extremist views or any?

What?

Terrorists.

How's that going to help with him? A premonition of being a terrorist. What is that connection? It's fucking ridiculous.

But then before they can question anyone else, they say, Detective Block, sorry, Agent Block. Yeah, basically the lab reports have come back and it was essentially a combination of high winds and construction damage.

Yeah, see? The specialist has told you what's happened.

Yeah.

Before then, he even asked the guy's girlfriend, Oh, what was he like when, ex-girlfriend, what was he like when he broke up with you? What?

Is he violent, man? What, he's gonna collapse a bridge because they broke up?

Did he, well, I'm gonna go collapse a bridge.

How would you collapse a bridge? Even a terrorist would have a hard time collapsing a bridge without some explosions at least.

Yeah. So it's just really annoying.

The only person I knew that could do that is the Hulk. The Incredible Hulk could collapse a bridge. I don't know any other person that could do it.

Exactly. This is the only problem I've got in this film, is they could have been a little bit more intelligent here and written this for a little bit more of a reasoning without this going on. There could have been some other things going on here.

But I read this as a comedy, a comedic element personally, and it might not be.

It's played totally seriously.

It was funny to me.

Yeah, because it's shit.

They do say on the TV and everybody is sad to say that this bridge collapse was nothing more than an act of God, an act of nature.

So that's kind of the premonition terrorist again at large.

The premonition terrorist at large. That's a good album name there. So, funeral for the co-workers, because almost everybody that worked to this paper company has been wiped out. There's literally about six or seven of them left.

By the way, we've got a few openings that have come up.

So there's eight survivors left.

Tony Todd's there.

Seven or eight survivors left. Yes, that's right. Well, before we get to that, the survivors all sort of gather at the funeral and they're all a bit suspicious of Sam in different ways. And the boss gives a eulogy. I do like the fact he says, I'll just name some of those people that are deceased. Isaac. And Isaac's like, I didn't die, I'm still here.

That's actually pretty fucking good.

And it keeps coming up later on. They're like, oh, poor old Isaac died. He's like, no, he stood over there. He's the guy in IT.

Oh, that's weird, but I quite like the fact that this dude's just got it wrong and just got sent home, stood here.

But then when he says that, they all look at him and go, I see dead people. So they do, quote, six hands, which would have been in the cinemas when this was out, which is another clue. It's great. Yeah, Tony Todd is there. And then he says to them, by the way, death won't be cheated. And they were looking at him like, what the fuck? What are you on about? And he says, all I'm saying is, be careful. Okay, great. I love it. Just turn up, say something scary and fuck off. Love it.

Yeah, yeah.

He walks home and he goes to visit Molly, his ex-girlfriend, because they've broken up by now. And he says, he gets to her apartment, he says, I'm getting some vibes, some weird vibes in this apartment. But I need to tell you something. I'm thinking about moving to Paris and taking this French apprenticeship.

Oh, and now we know the ending.

Yeah, because Paris is where the school are going. Is it a twist? He says, I think I'm going to take the apprenticeship. He's like, well, you know, that's great. He's like, do you think you'd want to come? They don't really talk much more about it. Cut to, so this is a few weeks later, obviously, Candice is at a sports hall, gymnasium, where she does her gymnastics.

This is great. Now, the tension with the pin on the beam is so bad.

Should we go through it?

Yeah.

Okay, so she is one of these on a beam gymnastics who I admire these women. This is mainly women that do this incredible backflips and front flips and spins all on like a six inch wide beam. I don't know how they, how they do it, but she does all this. obviously, though, she's getting ready. We've got close ups, as we do with Final destination movies, lots of things going wrong. The air conditioning is dripping. It's a bit broken. There's a worn cable. There's a pin that falls down.

Health and safety nowadays is absolutely no way in fucking hell. That lead, which is broke like that, would be allowed anywhere near anything.

I don't know if you noticed that the plug was worn away in such a way that it looked like a skull.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, it was cool. Like a skull's head. And she's got these lucky rubber bands that she always carries. And one of them snaps when she's sort of winding it around her wrist. So she's a bit worried. And as Gav mentioned earlier, a screw from the air conditioning falls down and lands on the beam stuck up in the air.

Now, we keep getting this macro lens look.

Look at it on a drawing pen or a thumbtack.

The horse is only some places you can walk at some point, the steps and the camera angles just looking at it in the foreground. In the background, we get coming closer, just these steps and feet like, no, no.

Now bear in mind, Peter, her boyfriend has gone to watch and support her here. So he's watching her, you know, go on, you can do it, Candice. So she's doing those great stuff, flips and slips and so on and so on. And her foot is always inches away from this screw. She never quite stands on it. So we've got a build up.

Great tension.

Great tension, great build up. Now it's time for her to go.

Get comes off it and she's fine. She misses it.

Right. Get on the bars on the, you know, one higher, one lower bar. I don't really know what they're called. Okay. She does all that. She gets, starts to do the flips and flops.

So we're expecting any second.

And another girl gets on that beam.

Yeah.

She does a bunch of somersaults. Her foot lands right on the screen. She screams, falls off, knocks the chalk over. A big cloud of that goes up in the air.

Yeah.

Flips into Candice while she's in mid air doing a somersault. And she literally lands like a sack of shit on the floor.

She's just a bit, her spine just sort of.

You see her spine sticking out of her butt and her knees and her butt bones sticking out of her shoulders.

This movie, apart from a stupid detective asks us any questions, it's fucking off the chain this one so far. Sarah gives this a nine.

I gave this a nine.

I gave it a seven.

Nine.

But straight away, this movie, you're like, this is up there. It's beaten for, no worries.

Because it's so painful looking, but also so sudden as well.

And the tension, it's not so sudden, that tension to build up to that pin.

And it's a bit ridiculous that all of her bones would be sticking out of her body like that. But also, this is a Final destination movie, so fuck it. Peter's upset, of course he is. He's just witnessed his girlfriend have every bone in her body, poke out of her skin. So he's upset.

They were poking for him too.

They were. I mean, depends. We're in the office. Now, I've just realised, Gav...

What a cheap cunt, here, going around taking, stealing shit out of the dead people's drawers.

Hang on, hang on. Sam and Molly, they're the couple in this. We covered another film with Sam and Molly. Ghost. I've just raised here Sam, and so I've realised maybe that it's a bit of an homage to Ghost in some way. I don't know, maybe. But yeah, Sam and Molly are there and they're clearing out their desks, obviously. And, oh, Olivia comes in and she says, Oh my God, we've all got a bereavement payout in our paychecks. It's pretty good.

He's leading anything.

He's leading some loose change, some sweets.

Well, he finds a voucher for Massage Plot, and he thinks it's a rub-and-tug, doesn't he?

Yeah, he thinks he's going to get a little reach-around hand job from the lady. But so he puts that in his pocket. He's just being a perv as usual. We'll come back to him in a minute. Nathan shows up with some beers and says, Come on, guys, let's have a proper toast to our dead colleague. So, yeah, good old Nathan. That's cool. Let's go to the massage parlor then, go.

Yeah, go to the massage parlor, walks in there straight away, to the young lady at the desk, starts saying, Oh, I'm here for this. It's, you know, trying to say basically.

He basically, yeah, and he's so slightly racist. It says at one point, yum yum dim sum to one of the girls.

So, wow. So she says, Oh, OK. She figures him out straight away because she sees it all the time, I'm sure.

Henry Swanson's the name and excitement's my game.

Exactly. So she takes him in the back and he's like, brilliant, this is going to be wicked. She's like, get your clothes off, lay down, et cetera. Thinking he's, she's coming back to give him.

Because it's a very hot Asian girl that he's got in the room that we should say. So he shuts his eyes and when he opens them, it's a very old Asian lady. And he's like, Whoa, whoa, you aren't the lady that I just, because he thought he was going to get, you know, real good time. Now in this room, there's some incense sticks burning. There's a statue of a Buddha on a shelf. That's very wobbly, isn't it?

By the way, just going back to gymnasium, just to finish it off very, very quickly. We had a detective turned up.

Oh yeah, that's right.

And he can't figure it out. Like, fuck off, you dickhead.

Well, the guy says to him, the crime scene guy says, I couldn't, I cannot tell you for the life of me what happened here. I don't know how this happened. It's just a literal freak accident. I just can't tell you how it happened. And he's like, maybe it's still a terrorist act.

Maybe it's the premonition terrorist again.

How has he done it?

It's so frustrating that it's such a shit way of bringing him in.

Awful, awful. So yeah, Isaac, back to Isaac. This lady is very rough with him. She's bending him up, bending him left and right. Nothing sexual, but she's doing all the cracking bones and all the... And look, I actually look like I'd like that. I'd like the old lady to have a go at me, to be honest. I need it.

I wouldn't mind a bit trying a bit of acupuncture. I'd just try it out, actually, get stabbed up.

Well, we'll come back to that in a minute, because Olivia, quickly, we get a cut to Olivia, who drops a photo and sees something. Oh, the photo's got a smash over my eye. That's weird. A crack on my eye. Anyway, cut back to Isaac, and he starts having some acupuncture, lots and lots of acupuncture needles in his forehead and his chest. I've never had acupuncture. I don't think I ever want to, to be honest. I reckon you'll be all right.

The thing is, the fire breaks up, he could just turn and stand up and just walk out of the room. I don't know why he can't just get up. There's no reason why he can't stand up. But he does fall with his face for the pins.

He pulls one of them out and it's in so deep.

In his chest.

And it's curved, it's bent and twisted.

It's a good inch and a half.

I'm not a fan of needles, so this was awful for me. And then some cleaning alcohol spills all over the floor as well.

Last Friday, I gave blood with a needle, then I went and got tattooed. Double needle day for me. Yeah.

I mean, I've got a load of tattoos and I've had to, I've not ever given blood, but I've had loads of blood taken.

It was, I wasn't giving blood as in that I had to have some tests.

I just don't look. I always say to them, I always say to them, I'm not very good with needles, despite what you see on my arms.

I don't pay attention.

But I say to them, if you see me looking a bit gray, because I've almost passed out from having blood taken. And even when I've had a thing put in my arm, the hospital and stuff, that's the bit that makes me feel like you can take as many tumors out of my neck as you want. I've had all that done. But it's the catheter, not the catheter, the cannula in my hand I don't like.

It fucking hurts.

They can never find my veins, and I'm feeling a bit faint talking about it. Anyway, well, we don't see this one coming, but basically there's a fire, there's needles in him, and then all of a sudden, a big Buddha falls off a shelf.

That's karma.

And fucking splats his head open. 7 out of 10.

Sarah 7, me 6.

Because you don't see it coming, you don't think it's going to be the Buddha. No.

It's not bad, it's not bad.

And the needles, it's the needles.

It's fine, it's kind of like your tanning salon. It's fine, it's the same setup. Tony Todd said, collect the body.

Yes, he says, the best line, he says, I've seen this before. And they're like, what do you mean? And he tells them, you know, death's design, if you interrupt it, it will find a way. And they're like, okay, we start, they start sort of, you know, understanding that there's an order and a design. And then he says, they say to him, this doesn't seem fair. And he says, my favorite line, he says, hey, I don't make the rules. I just clean up when the game's over.

I laser clinic.

Oh my God.

Now I wear glasses, I tell you.

My sister used to be a laser eye technician for about seven or eight years, by the way.

I tried to get contact lenses years ago. My eyes just would not let it happen. So even just putting a clamp in the eye is absolutely horrible to myself. I hate it. It couldn't do it.

This is horrible.

You could not get me to have that done.

So poor Olivia, who wears glasses, she's decided, she goes out and she says, I just want things in my life to be a bit clearer. She's had a couple of near misses. She wants laser eye surgery, so she doesn't have to worry about glasses. And that's great. And that's fine. Go for it. She looks great in her glasses, I think, but whatever. She dumps them in the little pot and the guy says, come inside. And she's like, what are the teddy bears for?

I didn't like that, when she just dropped them in the pot. Wait till you get it done. What if you go in there and say, oh, sorry, we're going to have to do another day. She's then going to be there fishing around, trying to find her glasses.

Well, she grabs the teddy bears, he says, they're for our younger patients, but some of our older ones let them too. So she's very nervous and she's squeezing this teddy bear so hard that it's bloody eye pops out, doesn't it?

You'd probably go with a friend or something like that. You need to get back again. You're always, you're not going to be able to see anything, are you?

Well, you can't get home. This is what my sister, when my sister used to do this as a living, she used to say the amount of people that didn't realize you can't see for a few hours after you get home.

What are you supposed to do? Just start to wander about?

They're like, oh, I didn't bring anyone with me. Well, how the fuck are you going to get home? You can't see for about three hours. People are stupid. Anyway, she lies on the bed thing and he says, right, I've clamped your head and you cannot move your head now. She's like, no, I can't. Now, what's horrible here is, so let's build up this picture. She can't move her head. Then next to her, there's a screen that she can see with a giant close up of her eye, your own eyeball on this big screen.

Ain't it right, Douglas?

And he leaves her alone. Now, while he leaves her alone, a little bit of water drips onto a plug, usual thing, sparks. The machine starts heating up.

It just builds up to a fucking laser going off in her eye, which is horrible.

It might as well be a lightsaber right next to your eyeball. Oh my God. And like I said, she's got a close up of her eye on the screen.

Oh, it's just burning into her eye.

The effects are fantastic here, because the effects of the laser burning her eyeball, to start with, are good. Then she manages to put her hand up, and it burns across her hand. And that looks great as well.

Oh, so horrible.

She manages to put her head up off of the clamp, just as Sam and Molly run in. And she's got one eye at this point, just like the photo she saw earlier, which she smashed. And she then, you think, oh God, the poor girl. And then she slips on the eyeball from the teddy bear, straight out the window, down into a car, which pops her eye out. Her eye rolls towards the screen, and then a car runs over it twice.

What is that saying about laser surgery? Did the right or the right have a bad problem with eye laser surgery?

Nine out of ten for me.

Me and Sarah both get a bit of six.

Trauma, eye trauma.

There is, I think I might give it a high, because eye trauma, I'll give it a seven, because the eye trauma.

But also, it doesn't stop, you know, it goes from the laser in the eye, to the laser in the hand, to the slipping at the window, to the trapping on the car, to the squashed eyeball, it's just constant.

Now we do cut to the detective, who actually at this point does go, well, I think you know something, but I know you didn't do it.

Yeah.

Well done. Slow clap for you.

Well done. They say to him, well, we weren't supposed to survive, and death is trying to set things right. And he looks at them like, okay, that's not exactly what I was expecting when I just said to you, I think I know.

At the same time, what else are you going to say? They're just dying, everyone's dying, and what am I supposed to say?

Sam keeps replaying the bridge incident in his head and tries to remember the order, and he realizes that Nathan is next. Nathan is back at the factory, ordering the factory workers around, and he says, I want to talk to Roy.

Oh, yeah.

And Roy comes up to talk to him and he says, listen, you've been doing too much over time. And Roy's like, listen, Sonny, Jim, I got a mortgage to pay. And they start having a bit of an argument, and then a crane hook sort of just got out of nowhere, just comes down. And he pushes Roy underneath it.

Well, he tries to stop it. It doesn't try and kill him, but he ends up, this poor guy, still working, he's been working hard, gets killed. Just because-

What's great is it-

It should be the other guy.

It breaks a hole in the floor.

It's just a random person's been killed.

Which Roy falls through, and then he lands on the hook.

Yeah.

Underneath his chin.

But this isn't a line of death, is it?

No, no.

It's just a random person. Is this the first time we have like this?

I think it might be, the first non-

Civilian.

Yeah.

8 out of 10. Unexpected. Great little hook under the chin.

Because the note builder whatsoever, Sarah gave it a 4.5 and I gave it a 4.

Oh, okay. I like it.

Thing is, when it happens, Sarah and I then have a quick, well, what do you think? And sometimes our scores can be quite the same because we have the kind of back and forth of disgusting, you know, a little.

Well, Dennis arrives, the boss, just after this incident, and he's like, who's died now? What on earth is going on? And just as he gets there, because this guy's died, and they sort of say to Nathan, did you do it? Did you do it on purpose to skip your go of dying? And he's like, well, I didn't mean to, but I guess I kind of did. And they're like, well, who does that mean? Who's next? Dennis walks in. Dennis is the next one. He walks in, starts shouting about them.

Uh, weirdly, no score from Sarah and I. I must have just missed it somehow.

It's very quick after that last one.

Yeah.

So they realize, you know, there is a way that you can skip a go if you kill another person, which Peter thinks, oh, maybe I'll go out and kill someone.

What a dickhead. How do you think, how do you think that that's going to, how the line works? Oh, okay. Well, if I just intercept and I'll just go and shoot someone and kill someone else, that's surely how it's going to stop me. No, death's coming for you.

What a twerp. Well, Sam's back in the kitchen doing his job, and there's danger everywhere, including a meat grinder which jams a bit of a red herring, because nothing happens. He cleans up the kitchen, closes it, and he says to the head chef, look, is it still all right for me to cook a meal for my girlfriend tonight in the restaurant? He's like, of course, just make sure you clean it.

And he says, all goes weird though. Yeah, okay.

It does.

It does.

It's messy.

Yeah, it's convoluted.

He says, I want to accept that apprenticeship in Paris. And he says, good, you're the best chef.

I know. It's all right, but we're kind of getting away from what we're here for. We're kind of going into something now. It's like, this is too late for this.

So they have a candle at dinner, but Peter shows up, very shaken up.

He says, can you open up the door? I need to talk to you.

He says, I'm next, aren't I?

Well, this is that dickhead that thinks that if he kills someone else, it's going to not affect him.

Well, he tells them all day long, I've been trying to kill other people, strangers, push people in front of cars.

But I couldn't do it.

I just can't do it. But I've got this gun, Molly, and I'm going to kill you because I lost my girl. So I'm going to kill you.

So he's just going to go over there. There's probably CCTV footage for a start, cameras for a start in the restaurant. What is this place? This is why it's now like at some point goes real weak here.

It goes to a thriller. It turns into a thriller.

It totally turns into a thriller. And it's like, this is a different film all of a sudden. Like, did they run out of money? Is this a quick rush thing you had to do and just shoot, film something inside a kitchen? What's going on?

Agent Block shows up. He hears a shot fired. He says, he calls for backup. There's a fight now.

The detective shot.

Peter knocks out Sam, tries to find Molly in the dark restaurant. He kills Agent Block.

It's now an action movie. And so, where's this time come from?

He's killed the detective. Then he says, well, Molly, you've seen me kill a cops and I've got to kill you too.

It's just, there's too many questions to throw this in here. So this unfortunately is making the movie go downhill.

Sam jumps in, a gun lands on the grill and starts heating up while they fight. Peter grabs a knife, chases Molly, and then Sam ends up kebabing Peter with this huge spiky thing. Two out of ten.

Really weak kill. Me and Sarah didn't score because it was awful. Funnily enough, I'm more interested in the fact that I had a kebab last week, and it's fucking amazing.

Excellent. Well, the gun goes off because it's been heating up, but no one gets hurt because they're safe.

Loads of chilies.

It's great. And cut to what makes this film great again, the final scene.

See, this is now good. So why have it happened just a moment ago? They needed to rewrite that and do something better with that. Why didn't they just kill that guy and just have him as the death and then cut to it?

Why did they have to kill off Agent Block? I don't know. As much as you had problems with him, he didn't need to die.

He actually didn't even need to come back in it, to be honest with you. I'd forgotten about him. That's fun.

But, wow, the ending scene. So they're on a plane. We don't see this coming. So we see this film.

They do pull it back by this, but they did fail almost.

Are you excited for Paris? I'm excited for Paris. That's good. And then they look around and they see the cast of the first movie.

Very clever.

So it's a shot from the first movie done to look like it's happening. And they're being kicked off because one of the boys, Alex, says, Oh, my God, there's this plane's gonna crash. And I'm like, why is that kid getting taken off? Oh, I don't know. Turbulence happens and then the plane catches fire.

Yeah, the whole thing happens from the first.

It's really good. Molly gets sucked out. He catches fire. And then we forgot all about Nathan who survived because he's at Roy's Memorial in the bar. And Nathan's like, Oh, man, I'm really like, of course I was going to come and see him. Oh, he was going to die anyway. What do you mean? Roy had a brain tumor. He was about a week away from dying. So he would have died anyway. It's probably a good thing that he died. And then the plane debris comes straight through the engine.

Crushes Nathan. I love it.

And that's an 8 out of 10 for me, because that was the whole thing as well, isn't it? But I give Nathan's death an 8 out of 10.

I think we did the whole thing. So I gave it a 9 and I gave it a 7.5.

And then the end credits show all the deaths from all the films. Like this is the final film, but it's not because there is a 6 coming out.

Yeah, and they could carry on making these. I don't know why they hadn't already.

Definitely a thumbs up for that one for me. To tell people to watch that one. Look, this is a great franchise. Somebody online, Keith, one of our listeners and followers and supporters, said, this is much better than the Saw franchise. And I agree. There are many more Saw movies.

A lot of Saw movies.

But this franchise is fun. It's got rules. It follows every episode.

Yeah, in comparison, this does the same as what Saw films do. You go there for the deaths. But I don't like that torture shit. That's bullshit. That's like people in situations. This is like every day where people could relate to more.

Yeah, it's a fun concept. And it's got great rules that we like, you know.

And humans have a fascination with death. So, yeah.

So, that's Final destination 3.5. Now, Gav, I asked you a couple of days ago to think about your least favorite to your favorite of the Final destination films. So, I'm going to start with my least favorite, which will probably be the same as yours. My least favorite is The Final destination, part 4.

Yes.

I assume that's the same for you. OK. My next is a joint place. 3 and 5 are exactly the same. I like them both equally. They're good. What about you?

Yeah. Just after reviewing part 5, then how much better that was. Yeah, possibly, because I've got 5 here next, actually.

I would say that 3 is slightly better than 5.

Yeah, I've got 3 at my number 2, funnily enough.

Oh, well, my number 2 is number 1. The first one is my second favorite. Because it's dark and it's the one that started it all.

OK. I think we're confusing everybody. So mine's the fourth, then the fifth, then the second, then the third, and then the first.