THE PODCAST ON HAUNTED HILL EPISODE 159 - REC AND X

The podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

The podcast on.

Hello, and welcome to the Podcasts on Haunted Hill, Episode 159. My name is G-G-G-G-Gav.

And my name is G-G-Dan.

And we are old school. How are you? I hope everybody is safe, happy, and well in this crazy, crazy world. And you've been sitting and watching lots of films, and films is what you love, and that's why you're here, because Dan and I love films.

Indeed, indeed. And if you're in England, you've probably been watching the football and the politics, but we're not gonna talk about neither of those on this episode, because we're here to talk about horror films. How are you, Gav?

Well, okay, yeah, I'm not too bad. Life stuff, gotta move, gotta move, because the landlord wants this place as Airbnb.

Yes, indeed.

So just working out live shit at the moment, and it's gave me nine days of insomnia, but ladies and gentlemen, last night, I broke it. So it was good.

You broke his penis finally. Oh, you broke the sleep cycle, sorry. I broke my foot, man, you broke it. And talk.

How are you?

I'm very well, thank you. I have not been sleeping much either, but that's because of my children. So such is life, but we, luckily, you and I love coffee. And you mentioned live shit. Do you wanna just fill in our listeners on your smelly situation currently?

Well, I've got some candles going currently. Just lit the candles, because I couldn't find the joystick holder. The dog shit in the house last night, oh, in the flat. In the bathroom on my grand's rug, which I used to lie on as a kid, watching in the company of wolves with my grand. It's shit on the grandmas rug. And you can't really clean it, because it's like really old school sheep, big sheep pole thing. It was probably just for the pits.

Just to set the scene, as Skype opened up, all I could see was a topless man, he looked naked to me, because I couldn't see the bottom half of him, on all fours on the floor. And I was like, are you everything all right? And you're like, dog shit under the desk.

I found out the dog is shit all under the desk, but also on my lead for the power for the Mac, the iMac, so I'm gonna have to try and scrub that off at some point. It's not like I could just throw it away, I don't know, you know. Then I ran the wheel from the chair that I'm in over it, so it all went into the wheel, so I had to use a cloth in one hand and a cloth in the other to scoop out and clean and anti-back everything.

Well, in local news, actually before I talk about what's going on locally, before I talk about that, let's tell everybody what we're doing this episode, because it's a special episode as I remove the patron pit crown from its box. And give this to our patron, our king patron of the episode, Mr. Don Collier. It's a patron pit. Mr. Don Collier selected two delights for our eyeballs. Now, Don is a found footage fanatic. He does his own podcast, found footage with Donnie Darko.

I watched it after just to compare, actually.

Yeah, yeah. And the other movie was a first time watch for me. And that is a Ty West's X from 2022, a relatively new film, which I'd never seen. Gav had seen once before.

It's a sort of cinema.

Yeah, it's a sort of cinema. And it's now part of a trilogy, which I've actually watched the second one, Pearl, which I can again touch on when we get to X, the X part of the podcast. But yeah, so that's what we're doing. So Don, you are the king for this episode. You wear the crown proudly, and you've sent in a fantastic email, which we'll get to, and I'll read out in three parts, as well. As I always do, to introduce the films, and also just to introduce yourself in a moment.

Isn't it Rec and Effects?

Rec and Effect is like a rap, R&B rap group from the 90s.

So yeah, you got that.

Yeah, well, in my local news, my city, Bristol, is in the news, sadly, at the moment, because...

Yeah, I saw this just like an hour before we were recording.

Normally, we're in the news because the Bristol crocodile is spotted. Now, there is apparently a crocodile lurking around the rivers of Bristol, which I myself took a photo of once. I saw something suspicious, couldn't tell what it was, but it looked like the nose of a crocodile. And there's been several sightings over the last five or six years, but this isn't anything to do with that.

What if it's just empty cages? Have you seen a urbex-type folk on YouTube go check it out at all?

No, not yet. No, maybe I should look at that.

Oh, that'd be really interesting, just an empty zoo, got creepy as fuck.

But they found two suitcases only in the last 24 hours nearby, and these suitcases were contained human remains.

Yeah. Looking very shifty, apparently.

Yeah, a man got a taxi up to this part of the city very late at night with two suitcases and has dumped them. So there is a manhunt currently in my city for this gentleman. The pictures of him have been released, and there's a helicopter going overhead. Saw it earlier today. But then we always have a helicopter going over Bristol. I always think of Cyprus Hill, pigs in the sky, whatever it is. But yes, that's-

Or I think Ice Cube Ghetto Bird.

There's that one too. Either way, duck down. But yeah, that's a crazy bit of news. I'm not proud of it, of course, but it's a bit scary that there's a man on the loose in my city who-

Chopping up bodies.

Chopping up people and put them in suitcases. Yeah. In other news, before we talk about what we've been watching and stuff, Shelley Duvall. Hours before we recorded, the news dropped that sadly, Shelley Duvall has passed away. Not a huge scream queen, but she was obviously very well known for her role in The Shining.

Yeah, like, you know, it's just that one role. I only really know of that one role. I think she's in Popeye?

I'm not sure if she was in Popeye. Oh, yeah, she was in Popeye.

I've only seen her in The Shining, but I think that one role itself is just pinnacle in horror. Like, very much still images, the treating of her from Stanley Kubrick, or supposedly, her performance in that movie, incredibly.

Yeah, I mean, she didn't do much after The Shining because of that. Her mental health suffered terribly. She was in Annie Hall very famously with Woody Allen, but did a few bits and bobs. But yeah, we know her mainly from The Shining, sadly passed away in her sleep due to complications linked to diabetes. She did make her comeback last year in a film, I think it was. But yeah, I just wanted to acknowledge that because whenever a horror icon passes, we generally will acknowledge it.

Yeah, I think she was in an indie horror movie which they're crowdfunding. I think I saw someone crowdfunding for a movie and she was going to be in it.

Amazing.

I don't know what happened to that though.

Arguably, The Shining is genius as it is, arguably, yes, okay. Well, Jack Nicholson is part of that reason, but without her, you know, without Wendy, and that character and the way she plays it, and I know it's all for behind the scenes and on Kubrick's treatment of her, but she really does make that film what it is as well. It's hard to watch kind of now when you really know.

Yeah, because I said supposedly, but I don't need to say supposedly because I thought back and I was like, oh yeah, there's that video behind the scenes footage of the way he's talking to her.

Yeah. Yeah. But there we go. Shelley Duval, Rest In Peace, I might try and watch The Shining. I haven't seen it for many years. I might try and watch that over the next few days if I can.

I will introduce Charlie to it because they've been saying to me for a long time. I said, well, I feel like you need to be older because you'll be bored. But I think they're 17 now. I think fine.

We covered it years ago when we teamed up with the boys from the podcast and The Stairs, didn't we?

Yeah.

We did a long time ago. I had a lot of fun with that one because I think we got stuck on the blowjob bear scene for quite a while.

Probably.

Famous little scene. But there's a lot in that film to take apart and look at.

I was going to say, the Fright Festa line up came out today as well.

Tell me. I don't know why I got really camped then.

No, I don't really know. But I did notice the last voyage of Femijiggy. That one. Yeah, that's playing there on the Saturday, which is strange.

Funny enough, I was talking to our buddy RJ. McCready about that movie. And we were saying like, it kind of didn't really come out properly. So maybe this is its chance.

They might be having a release maybe soon.

They might even chuck it in the cinemas again. Because I know it was a limited release.

I didn't mind the movie. It's all right. It's nothing amazing.

I'll definitely check it out. Because I'm a big fan of the director. Well, talking of watching things. Gavin, what have you been watching?

I thought you were saying I got zoned out or something, Gavin.

Talking of watching things, there's someone behind you watching you.

I have been watching things. You go first. Let me have a little think.

Okie dokie. Okie dokie karaoke. So I've been on a bit of a Netflix documentary kick. I don't know why. It just happens sometimes. And I've whizzed through these, but I've watched a couple of good documentaries. I've watched a four-part documentary called Encounters, which came out last year. I don't know if you've seen this. It's about alien slash UFO encounters from around the world. Very famous ones. And then they really dissect them. Each episode is about 45 minutes to an hour.

Why did you watch that?

Because it was so fascinating. It was late 80s to the early 90s. There was a lot of cocaine, a lot of steroids, and it was just interesting to see how they started making this program. They didn't even have any health insurance. They didn't even have a first aid kit, and they literally built that program from the ground up, and it was just fun. I really enjoyed it. Another one to throw you, I watched a documentary on TLC called TLC Forever.

Yeah, waterfalls, you know.

Waterfalls, you know. Some of them creep. There's some great ones as well. I watched a documentary on Wham.

Are you sure you're not gay?

No, called Wham, which is great, because that was, it's actually, the narration is by mainly Andrew Ridgely, but a little bit of George Michael as well. And it's all to do with scrapbooks. Andrew Ridgely's mum kept a scrapbook from the day they got signed. She's got over 50 scrapbooks. I think it's really interesting. And the last one I...

I was going to say, George Michael is a very incredible, tainted musician in his own right.

He wrote, Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. He wrote and produced and did all that, and he's pretty much in his bedroom at 21 or 22 years old.

Yeah, he just had a thing for music.

Club Tropicana, I have so much respect for it.

So does our faith.

Incredible. I always knew he was a good singer. I didn't realize he wrote so much of the stuff as well and had so much, such a hand in it. He just didn't have the confidence. Andrew Ridgely gave him the confidence, and Andrew Ridgely came up with all the costumes and their look.

Sometimes you need that though. You need two people, back and forth. You and I, sir.

What I came away from it was...

Who's George Michael in this dynamic, though?

Me?

It would be you, because I'm the background kind of tech problem person, aren't I?

And what I came away from it was that Andrew Ridgely is probably the biggest George Michael fan, which is really sweet considering they're best friends. He will always be his biggest fan, and believed in him the most.

Was his biggest single, Cotagen?

No, I don't think it was that, but he did famously. He came out because he was cool doing that. And the last documentary I watched before we pass over to you was...

Oh, this smells of shit in here. Go on.

It wasn't that one, but I have seen that. It's good. Was Remembering Gene Wilder on Netflix, which is a really sweet documentary, and again, it's narrated by Gene Wilder again.

I'll check it out, because obviously Willy Wonka and Young Frankenstein and Haunted Honeymoon.

Everything. It's all on there. There's movies on there. There's a movie with Harrison Ford, which I can't remember the name of now, when they were cowboys. He was a Jewish cowboy, and Harrison Ford was like not cast in Star Wars yet, so he looks great as a cowboy. But then I tell you what, you will need a handkerchief towards the end because it gets teary, obviously, his health deteriorates and stuff. It's Mel Brooks all the way through it.

You remember when he set himself on fire, not Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor.

Yeah, Free Basin.

Crazy fool. Well, I watched The Dark Half. I've never seen that before.

Oh, yes, that's good. What did you think?

I randomly was on Facebook Marketplace. I'm trying to get off social media, but some things are quite handy. The Marketplace is quite good for finding things. And someone's just giving out DVDs. I had a look at them, and I was on my way passing their road. And they had Poltergeist 1, 2 and 3.

Fantastic.

Bumblebee. Yes. And this movie, Dark Half.

Well, this is fake, really, apart from The Dark Half, because I recently told you to watch Bumblebee with your son.

And I need to watch Poltergeist.

And on our next episode, we're covering 2 and 3.

It is just really weird. It just happened perfectly. Anyway, watch Dark Half. It started off OK. I kind of just, with Stephen King, I do find he's got great premise and idea, but it lingers and then goes a bit flat.

It's always to do with the director. It depends who directs it and does the script writing.

That's George Romero. But George Romero said that he wanted to just make his film, Stephen King's, not George Romero. He didn't want to make a George Romero film. So it's just really flat. And just like, you know, there's a couple of nice scenes. There's a couple of shots which are really nicely colored, but it is a bit boring. I did enjoy Death Wish 2.

Is that the one with the bazooka? Or is that Death Wish 3?

That's 3.

Yeah. I can't remember the Death Wish movies. I remember the first one a bit.

I quite enjoyed it. I recommend it.

They're really trashy, but they're good fun.

I would say we could do 1, 2, 3 and 4 as an episode.

In the UK here, we've got Channel 5, and then you've got 5 US, and 5 US always shows things like Death Wish, the Dirty Harry movies, stuff like that, like really gritty 60s, 70s, 80s movies. And it's always on. One of them is always on there on a weekend.

It was good. It had... Well, let me tell you very quickly. Architect Paul Kersey, that's obviously Death Wish, once again becomes a vigilante when he tries to find the five street punks who murdered his daughter and housekeeper, this time on the dark streets of Los Angeles. And there's, again, Michael Winner and rape scenes again. But one of the punks, who's a rapist in it, was... Oh, for God's sake. Oh, Laurence Fishburne. Oh, dear.

Because he was in... Was it one of the Friday the 13th movies? Was it his first movie? No, one of the Freddie movies.

Oh, yeah, it was in Nightmare on Elm Street. Yeah, but he can act in it absolutely fine. So I don't know if it was Michael Winnard just being like, you guys just be punk. I don't know.

Maybe he didn't feel comfortable with the rape scene or something.

It's like he's fine, but... I don't mean that in a weird way. We also checked out, we haven't seen it for years, it's Jack Brooks' Monster Slayer.

I've only seen it once. I remember having fun with it, but I've never gone back to it.

I'd probably say that if we had another movie which was a fun American type, monster-y comedy movie.

What about Tucker and Dale?

Yeah, that would pair up pretty well with that.

That would be a fun episode, Tucker and Dale and Jack Brooks.

Jack Brooks was just kind of fun.

Is it hold up all right? Is it fun then?

Yeah, it's great, really good effects. Yeah, it's fine.

It's shot really well, it's made well. Am I right in thinking it's a bit of a love letter to horror as well?

Yeah, I'd say so. Robert England's main character as well. It's a decent movie for just kind of a film that kind of no one ever, ever speaks of or you never, ever see it anywhere.

Yeah, that's interesting. I wouldn't mind going back to it, so that might be a good one to add to our list then.

I would say so.

Because I've wanted to talk about Tucker and Dale for a long time.

It would go Tucker and Dale. They're both kind of summary movies as well, I'd say so.

Okay.

Also Black Sheep.

Fantastic film, and we will be covering that for a New Zealand special at some point.

And that has great wetter effects, you know, Lord Of The Rings, fellas. Yeah, really, really good.

Very funny, but also very scary, because it makes you realize that fucking sheep are actually quite scary. In fact, animals like that, and Gav, we've got a bit of a story like that, haven't we? Do you remember on my stag do when we were waiting? We were out in the middle of nowhere in the country, and I got cottage.

I've got it on video somewhere.

You have, you filmed it on your phone, and there was all those cows that had just gathered around the entrance to our sort of bit of land that we were renting for the weekend. And they were all just staring at us, and we were all looking, there was like eight or nine of us, and we were all like, what's going on here? And then you or somebody stomped their foot, and all the cows went, ooh. It's really scary.

I kind of knew it was going to happen, and I just went, ooh, like that. Just eight, I don't know. It wasn't me trying to be cruel to the animals. I don't know. It's just, ooh, like that. See what happened at the spur of the moment. And in unison, a wall just went, vwoom, what the hell?

Because a cow is a big animal.

But they all moved at once.

It must be like an animal instinct, like to protect themselves.

Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're the exact same creature. So they're made exactly the same, very simple as well. So it's just a natural thing for them. It's live or die, isn't it, for them? Eat, eat or die. And make the occasional cow sex. It must be hard to have sex with a cow. It's just going to roll off, really, aren't you? You can't really get a grip.

The thing about cows, Gav, is they really look after each other.

They do?

See what I did there? You're ignoring it.

It's fine.

Oh, I won't milk it anymore. Right. And what else have you watched?

That's it, really. I did do a hammer movie. I can't even remember which one it was now. I think it was a hammer movie. Or maybe it wasn't, actually. It was a Vincent. It was a Peter Cushing film. But I can't remember.

Did you want to talk about Quarantine now? Or do you want to save that for when we talk about REC?

No, we can talk about Quarantine now very quickly. I wanted to watch it just for comparison. I literally watched it the next evening. Sarah and I sat and watched it. And it's interesting. It hits all the same beats. It's like exact same beats. Not like they've taken the script and worked off it. They've watched the movie and gone, OK, at this point here, we need that person to reveal that. Then behind them, the character is going to fall down and hit the floor. It's exact same beats.

I remember enjoying it, but I would always go back to REC if I'm going to watch one of those films. And Quarantine 2, not as good again, and I just feel like if I'm going to watch those films, I'm going to watch REC. It's the same with, and I know you prefer the remake, but the same with Let The Right One In, because these European films, the Spanish or whatever they are, they always do really well, and then they get remade.

Yeah, that's right. I think there was a bit of a time, wasn't there, when American remakes were coming out fairly quickly.

Yeah, same with The Ring and The Grudge, you know.

Yeah, and there's that one I've got, which I've got both of them, where it's the shot all in one take film.

Oh, yeah.

I've got both of them in there. They keep me into watching.

Is it The Silent House or something like that?

Yeah, that's something like that, yeah. Because I actually said to you, maybe we should cover both of those two films, but that's silly because they're the same film. Yeah, it's interesting. And obviously, it's for a business perspective. That's why they do it. And then if they could buy the rights, and they know it's going to... if the right actor and the right director get hired, they know they're going to make money from him.

I was thinking about this the other day.

If it's already blown up as well. That's what gets their attraction.

Well, they figure, oh, no one's going to watch this that speaks English, so we'll remake it. I was thinking about this the other day, and I was thinking, this is a weird comparison, so bear with me.

I forget about that with Vince Vaughan. I forget that he's in that movie. I forget that movie exists, actually, because it's like, why would you watch that movie?

Yeah, well, and the Poltergeist remake. What a weird, shitty remake.

Especially Psycho, because it is shot for shot, and that was Gus Van Sant's thing. He was like, it's going to be shot from shot. Like, yeah, but why bother, apart from wanking?

Well, the last film I wanted to talk about is not horror related, but it's certainly one that we're fans of, and that is the new Beverly Hills Cop film, which hit Netflix this week in the UK, and probably worldwide, and it's called Beverly Hills Cop Axel F.

I'm looking forward to watching it.

Yeah, I won't spoil it, obviously, because it's only just come out.

I reckon I'm going to get me a takeout pizza and shit.

Do you know what I mean? Listen, Gav, it's getting 50-50 reviews online, and that's because newer people are coming to it, and they're expecting a level of John Wick or Bad Boys type action.

I'm not bothered. I'm going to be happy anyway.

The best thing about it is that he slips back into the Axel Foley costume. I don't mean like the clothes. I mean the character perfectly. He's never been away from it. He's 62, and he doesn't fucking look a day over 40, the bastard. You've got all the original cast back, you know, Taggart, you've got Billy, and Paul Reiss is in it as well. You've even got Serge. Yeah, he's in it, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, one of the big fans.

He's a detective in it, isn't he?

Yeah, he's dating, well, used to date Axel's daughter. So there's a bit of a thing there, and it's funny, and there's some Cobra, for anyone who doesn't know, the original Beverly Hills Cop was originally written for Stallone, wasn't it?

Yeah.

And Stallone took parts of it and made Cobra. So there's two Stallone references at the beginning. There's also a...

Please say Akwell is cutting pizza with scissors.

He's not, no, sadly, but there is a knife in it, a Rambo knife, and there's a reference to Airwolf in it, if you listen carefully, during a helicopter scene, the music changes slightly. The soundtrack is incredible all the way through, and there's a Wesley Snipes reference as well, where he pretends to be Wesley Snipes. So there's a lot of fun in it. It's Eddie Murphy blagging his way into posh people's houses to get the information while he's on the case. That's all you need. The action's okay.

What is the Expendables?

The Expendables, just loads of old detectives.

Yeah.

But yeah, I really enjoyed it.

Have you ever seen a movie? I've got it on DVD. It's not something you'd see anywhere, actually. I've never seen it on TV or anything. It's called Murder By Death.

Yes, I have seen it. I borrowed it from you, I think.

Ah, OK, yeah. Yeah, that's where you get all the detectives, don't you, all together?

Yeah.

And I see Columbo's there. And there's all these amazing people on there. Yeah, very good.

But yeah, I'd love to know what you think when you've seen it. Do settle in for a takeaway.

I'm going to have myself a little pie. I'm going to crank up the volume.

As soon as the scene kicks in and they've got... I think it's everybody's doing the neutron dance. It's one of the songs from the original's first two movies. The soundtrack is littered with them.

As soon as you just eat your fit back in.

Yeah, exactly. As soon as it came on, I was like, I'm here.

I've got to admit, I gave away my box set DVD trilogy of Bedby Hillscop recently to charity shop, like literally last week.

All four of them are on Netflix, obviously.

Yeah, it's one of those things. I've seen them many, many times. The last time I actually watched them, I said, Sarah, do you want to check them out? We actually watched them on the internet, didn't watch my DVD collection. And I also gave away some already Murphy movies because I did Raw and Trading Places. They're good movies, but I just don't have the room. You know what?

I think we could get away with covering the first two because they are quite gritty and...

What, Beverly Hills? Yeah.

I think that could be a fun one to do someday.

I would say, no, I'd say do Beverly Hills, then do maybe another film in that sort of ballpark. That would be like a fun summer 80s cop thing just for a laugh.

Well, there we go. Well, there we go. Well, here we are. It's our Patreon pick, Gav. So before we take a break with the trailer.

I'm literally just sitting here holding it because I couldn't find the joystick holder. So I'm just sitting here holding the joystick.

I'm watching in there. It's like watching a weird ritual unfold.

Oh, I can hypnotize myself.

You guys, if only this was a visual podcast. So as always.

I've also got air fresheners plugged into the wall as well. I'll do this for you guys, by the way, because we could cancel.

What, the whole show just gives you dog shatter to the desk?

Yeah, yeah. I'll get cancel.

Cancel my dog.

That doesn't mean I'm going to kill my dog, people. I love beans.

His dog's called Beans. He's not just declaring his love of beans.

Normal conversations. And then just carry on the conversation.

My son does that. It doesn't do as much anymore, but we've had proof-based shatter now.

I love goats.

You just go out to people, I love goats. That was his thing. He would tell everybody because he loves fucking goats, not fucking goats. That's weird. Wow. He loves goats. He fucking loves goats. Anyway, look, Don Collier is here. He's sent in a fantastic email, giving us a bit of a story and also his reasons for the films. But what I'll do is, Don, I will start by reading out your intro and outro to the email as I do with everybody.

It's very well organized here. We're like a really slick machine, aren't we? Well oiled.

I am. Yes, indeed. No, we both are. Wham over here. George Michael and Angie originally.

Where'd he whim?

Whim. We'll be... No, I can't think of another good one. You win with that one. Okay, so here we go, he says, Dan and Gav, I like this, starts with, good morning, gentlemen.

Depends what time it is, I suppose. Yes, good morning.

He says, I'm honored to have the opportunities to present you guys with a couple of movies to discuss, and I really appreciate it. I so much enjoyed the episode on her redditary Poltergeist, which was his last pick last time, which was a fun episode and actually, Don, you'll be pleased to know.

Yeah, doing podcast two and three, so that's good.

Yeah, on the next episode. He says, I'm really glad to hear you're covering Poltergeist. Oh, there we go, Poltergeist two and three in the near future, on the very next episode, Don. He says, I'm a big fan of part two, for sure. I also really want to thank both of you for continuing to share your lives and being as open and honest and real, even if it's dog shit, with the stories that you share about the topics you disclose with all of us.

Yeah, thank you. Yes, I haven't gone into everything that's going on at the moment, but it hasn't been brilliant.

Let's not go into it all. He says, Dan, I also really appreciate your support of my silly little podcast. It's not silly, dude. As I told you, I listen to every episode when it comes out. He says, I'm a complete amateur and I do not know what I'm doing, but it is therapeutic in its own way, and it blows me away that anyone at all listens to it, let alone yourself. So thanks again.

Literally, before we got on, I said I'm in a great place recently, and just mine's been a bit, though, a lot of things going on, so it's been scrambling a bit, so it's made me a bit unhappy. So I said, I'm hoping this will get me good, because I was podcasting with Sarah the other day, and I don't feel like I was there completely with recording, but I think this one is good. So yes, we were just speaking of that earlier.

Yeah.

To hijack the note.

No, no, it's fine. So he says thanks again, and he says, my last episode was a bit of a manic raving at times, but I'm planning to record again soon, if I can figure out the new format. I'm not technically proficient, to say the least, lol. And I just want to talk about movies and life, because why the hell not? Exactly, exactly, Don. That's exactly what we do. I won't say, I won't read out any more of his email until the outro now.

I know the thing, but no, isn't that... Is that the... You can say what movies you're watching and...

Yeah, what you watched and you review them, you give them a rating of five, I believe. Clearly, neither of us are on it, Don. He says, it's one of the few apps I'm active on, and it's fun to see what other people are watching. I love to leave reviews. If you guys are on there, I'd be interested.

I might well do, yeah.

He gives his username on there, which I won't give out now, because he might not want us to. He says, but if you're on there, check me out. And if not, maybe look into it. I know you both have a lot going on, but it's just an easy way to log what you watch and see what others are thinking of.

Actually, I might turn my phone on a second, just quickly download the app, because I have this problem. So I was like, are you gonna take notes for the next time you podcast when Dan says, what have you been watching? I use my IMDB. I make sure I clock in to check the movie when I'm watching, then I can go to my history. But that's a better way. So I'm gonna download that now.

I use IMDB and I rate everything I watch, TV and film on IMDB. And I have got over 7,000 ratings on there, because that's how much shit I've watched. But obviously IMDB has been going a long time. So I might look at it too, Don, but I do use IMDB. I'm old school. But Gav, as we speak, is perhaps downloading the app. So you may have done something to him here. He says, anyway, I'm excited to hear what wonderful thoughts you guys have on these movies.

Thank you, Don. That's very much appreciated. Yes, me and Dan love all of you very much. And I really appreciate you guys to the max. And I know to the max, because I'm on my old school in 80s. And I know I'm not very sociable and I don't speak very much on the social stuff because I just, words don't work well in my head sometimes.

As demonstrated by that sentence.

Yeah. Oh no, audibly, it's not too bad. It's the written. I just, I don't have the patience. I'm terribly, terribly ill-patiented. But yeah, thank you for that. We really appreciate you even just listening and giving a fuck. Writing all that down, come out of your brain to your fingers, to the app, to us. And Dan read it out, and thank you, you know.

Yeah, I do love the interaction with our patrons. And I must thank Matthew Goddey again for suggesting and kickstarting the whole thing. It's great, and it's great, you know, it's great that we're on the second rang now and we're getting a taste of, you know, potentially what our patrons are into, you know.

Yeah, I generally, as obviously that makes sense, I'm trying to make proper films. I love film, I love film. It's like, you know, I know it's a bit weird. And I always say, I think we're living in a simulation. I don't know, I can't still run away from that thought at times. And film is like these little lives that we could live. We go into them just for a moment as a viewer standing on the street watching. And it's just nice just to encapsulate yourself in the warmth and the comfort of a movie.

Yeah, and then naturally, you know, as we've grown up.

Escape what is your reality at times, so it's just lovely.

But as we've grown up, we've learned about the work that goes into making films, and we appreciate directors, actors, script writers, you know, all of that stuff. So it just grows, doesn't it, as you get older, and we're both approaching the big 5.0 now. Well, we've been watching films our whole life, you know?

As a kid, I used to watch the Hammer Horror movies, and I was just like, I want to do special effects. I didn't know what that meant. I just saw monsters on the screen. So I knew there was someone doing that. And then just, I don't know, got into it so much that now I, as my main sideline, I don't really get paid for it, is making films. And I spend quite a lot of time on Deadbolt Films, making, it's all films. It's making films. And we're making this amazing music video.

Thank you, Don. Well, we're covering X first, I believe. Is that right? Or rec, which one do you want to cover first?

Rec's older, so I was just gonna say go rec.

Okay, we'll go rec first. So Don, we're gonna switch it.

We generally, yeah, sorry, Don, but we generally go year, it makes more sense.

Yeah, that's fine. Well, we'll do rec first, so.

Well, sometimes the year of the film actually has something to do with political landscape at the time of that, have some, always sometimes to do with the actual film. So I think even though they're not connected in any way, it's good to do them in year, I think, just for that reason.

Great. All right, well, we'll do rec first then. So we'll take a break. We'll go to the rec trailer. And when we come back, we'll do the synopsis and Don's reasons and discussion of why he wanted us to cover it. And then we'll get right into that apartment block in Barcelona and be scared out of our fucking minds.

All right, we'll be back soon. Check it out. Come on! Correct from 2007. A television reporter and cameraman follow emergency workers into a dark apartment building and are quickly locked inside with something terrifying.

Fantastic, and it's a very short runtime, isn't it?

Yeah, our 18 minutes with a 7.4 out of 10 on IMDB.

Well, let's get into Don's reasons for this and his little blurb about it, and then we will wreck it, as they say, wreck it.

I'm gonna wreck it. Watch us wreck the mic. And we are podcasting, wrecking on the mic.

Yeah, boy. You can't take us away from hip hop. Okay, so Don says, now for wreck. When this came out in 2007, it immediately claimed a spot on my top five found footage movies. Very good choice, Don.

I don't think we should say PJ and Duncan's hip hop, though.

No, you're talking about the, for anyone who doesn't know, PJ and Duncan were a very crap pop band in the nineties who tried to do rap. Sorry about that, Don.

Sorry, it's my mind, Don. You must know my mind by now.

Top five found footage movies of all time. I have to preface by saying, please watch the original Spanish wreck, not the awful American remake of the film called Quarantine. Wreck is such a better film and does all the things I want my found footage films to do. I love the setting and the wonderful buildup as we meet the entertainment reporter, Manuela Velasco, and see her and her cameraman as they prepare for a segment of their up all night TV series.

I forgot about all those.

Yeah, yeah, 2 is good. 3 was the wedding? No, actually, 3 is not bad. 4 is on the oil rig, I think. I can't remember now. He says it is unfortunate regarding the sequels. Finally, though, he says...

Do you, very quickly, do you think Wreck 2, 3 and 4 would exist if it wasn't for Quarantine?

I'm not sure.

I need to check out the years before I state something like that.

You carry on.

Sorry, Don.

He says, finally, that ending and that creature are amazing. I love the night vision sequence and the sounds and images we see and we don't see. And we then see the tall, lanky creature that looks just like something from a nightmare. Bravo. Well done, Wreck. It has just enough of the horror aspects to make it creepy and enough faint footage to make it feel real and possible. And that's what he says about Wreck. Before we get into it, I agree with a lot of that, pretty much all of it, Don.

Yeah, it's like a year later. They did The American, and then a year after that, Wreck 2. So I would say that actually would have helped influence backers for the movie. Knowing that there was quarantine coming out and made a thing, admittedly Wreck by itself was a hit, but I imagine if a 234 must be because of American, well, maybe not, maybe not. Disgust.

Well, I agree with you, Don, in that this, you know, it feels like it's been done a million times since, but this was probably one of the first sort of news report found footage horror movies really 2007, you know.

It's a good reason we found footage. Obviously, why are you filming?

Yeah.

So it's a good, it's a great, great reason.

And I, you know, spoiler here for my feelings on this film. This definitely is probably in my top five, maybe even top three found footage films, particularly for scariness. You know, The Blair Witch would always probably be my number one because I don't know why, it's not even that scary, but just the whole thing around, it does get to me. But this is definitely up there.

I think you should come around mine, put on my PlayStation VR headset, because you can just, you don't need-

I'd shit myself.

It's not 3D, but you watch it in a cinema screen at your eyeballs, do you know what I mean?

I'd be shitting under your desk, not your dog.

Yeah, it's a really good film. It's in the found footage realms genre, because I'm a massive fan of the, you know, I'm making new one now. In the realms of that, it's a really good one. It does it well. It's got some great beats that go on, and it's a short movie. It goes by pretty quickly. It's funny that the American one zips by quicker somehow. I think it just gets bigger and louder. But this one's great.

Yeah. And it takes itself really seriously, but not in a poncy kind of like, you know, it takes itself seriously in that it just feels very real. Like Don said, it feels gritty. It feels real. It's just a very amateurish TV show called Apple Night, and they're gonna follow these firefighters in Barcelona. What could possibly go wrong, you know?

And it's a late night show as well, cause it's live.

Yeah. So it's all happening very early hours of the morning.

I would imagine the people in charge of locking the building down would have cut that live feed very quickly.

Well, it wasn't live.

I think it was just being recorded, wasn't it?

Maybe. I think one of the retic ones might be live, but this one is all being recorded, but she says we have to keep reporting on it because it's important for people to understand what's going on.

It's not live because you got the part which is in both films where in this one, it's like not done in many of our future films where generally how it does in quality, where it says the replay on that, the person wants to watch the camera, which we're watching. And then all of a sudden in the American one, which normally do, is you cut to afterwards. Yeah, it's just a small gap. But with this one, you have the actual being rewound.

Yeah, really good actually.

And then forwards is up, so it doesn't record over the stuff that we've seen and plays, which is like really weird and fucking meta. But you don't see that in the found footage genre very often.

Works really well.

Yes, it was interesting.

I guess the other thing really before we get into it is, it's just fucking original. Do you know what I mean? It's just a really original film.

In the early days still, because obviously in 1999, we got the Blair Witch thing, which actually listed a very interesting conversation, which everybody can listen to for free actually. The Movie Crit Podcast did a roundtable about the Blair Witch product, and it's the two main actors saying how badly that they got nothing really for it. They eventually got 300,000 over the course of five years with loads of money for taxes, 40% off for fees and stuff like that.

And similarly in this one, they wanted to use fairly unheard of actors so that people wouldn't be attached. If it was a big Spanish film star, you wouldn't really be into it, would you?

It's good. It being a non-English speaking subtitle film, and then it caught on. It's always good for, I think, those films to open up for people who do not like to do subtitles. I've got to admit, found footage and subtitles though, is and can be sometimes a bit of an issue, because you do need to be watching quite often a lot because of the camera movements. It's quite hard to keep a focus point, and then read some time, where are we? Because it moves so quick.

And the Spanish language is incredibly fast as well, isn't it? They speak very quickly. But that adds to me the intensity, and that's why I love world cinema, because to watch something like the Godzilla movie, minus one, to watch something in its own language, you get that emotion from that culture. And to me, the reason why that adds to this, obviously, it's a very intense situation. They're trapped in a building with zombies or whatever they are, demonic, possessed things.

This, I'd like to think we get to a point with AI where we could probably go VR, anything we want. And you could probably become, we found footage, actually be there.

I do not want to go into this Barcelona apartment.

Actually be there in the camera, as eyes. That'd be really cool and scary as shit.

It's got some great scenes in this, some great set pieces. And as Don said, some great kills as well.

Yeah, let's do it.

Let's do it then. Okay, yeah. So we meet Angela, who is the reporter, as we mentioned a couple of times. And she does the While You Sleep, or While You're Asleep show, where I guess she goes to different, businesses, security guards, fire departments, whatever. And while everybody's asleep in Barcelona, these are the people that are up all night working. And this time, they're going to the Barcelona Fire Department. And we get the usual fine footage stuff.

Oh, I don't know.

It's just her and Pablo. So it's just two of them, you know, we haven't got an elaborate, like, there were three of them in the play, which is just two of them in this one. But we do like meet a cop and a fireman that are kind of become like heroes as well. And yeah, we just kind of get eased into the situation. She says, you know, can we come on a call with you?

Which is really interesting. I don't know if it's going to happen or not. That place where we had our meeting, which we're going to have our meetings, is called Public Enemy, and it's like this place they do up cars, and it's a really cool little place. And I think I spoke of it before, but MGM are there tomorrow, because they might be making a TV show there, just filming it, because they just do really cool car restorations, I think.

Is Exhibit going to be there?

I have no idea.

Pimp my ride, baby, pimp my ride. So Angela gets introduced to Manu and Alex, two firefighters who are basically going to be looking after her. They're probably thinking, we have to babysit this woman and her cameraman, but whatever, we might be on TV. That's fine. And they get miked up. They don't have GoPros, because there was no GoPros back then. I guess if this was made now, the cameraman and the fireman would all have GoPros on, wouldn't they? But then it would be too confusing.

You've got that one with Jake Gyllenhaal found footage movie.

Fucking great film. Where he's a cop. Last Shift, not Last Shift.

It's found footage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great.

Watch, Last Watch.

That's it, Last Watch. I know it was Last Something. Yeah, that's a really good film, actually. I love Jake Gyllenhaal. He's great actor. She actually says, Angela says to them, well, I really hope the alarm goes off. And they're like, well, we don't. We don't come to work and hope to have to go and rescue people. So she's walking around the fire station and she's explaining, when the alarm goes off, they can be ready in three minutes because their boots are in their trousers.

She's a bit bored as well, isn't she?

She is. She's walking around. Oh, here's the dining room. They're all asleep in there right now. Shh, don't wake them up. But Gav, what does happen is the alarm goes off, doesn't it? They're all playing basketball and she looks around like, what's that noise? And they're like, what's the alarm? And the voice, the sort of live speaker saying, there's a person trapped in an apartment building. There's a person trapped in an apartment building. Please go and get ready now. So they all run off.

Oh, bless them. At this point, they just think it's a routine job. And they don't know that it's going to be zombies involved.

They just think it's an old, they just think it's a stepmother who's trapped in a washing machine.

No idea that they're about to be into the zombies. They can be zombies.

They're going to get eaten.

They can get eaten and turn in. They don't know that they're about on their shift tonight. They're going to turn into zombies.

Zombie firemen.

And the last meal that they're having, they're sitting there eating in the mess hall, is the only thing which could not be human.

Well, they arrive at the scene at the apartment block, and there's a lot of activity. There's loads of police there already. All the residents have been evacuated from their apartments.

And as soon as they see, obviously, the police, they're a bit like, oh, this is a bit more serious. You know, it's a bit like, obviously, it's a bit more than normal.

And Angela's thinking, because she's a bit like, what's her name from the Blair Witches? Why can't I remember her name? The lady in the Blair Witch, what's her name?

I can't remember.

Heather, Heather, Heather. She's like, oh, this is great. You know, this is going to make... I thought we were just going on a routine, but there's police here, so something extra has happened. So she starts speaking to all the residents. Why are you all gathered here? Well, we've been evacuated. One of the ladies says, I heard lots of screams coming from one of the, like, crazy screams coming from one of the apartments in this building.

It's the only way you're going to get, I suppose, them or an ambulance crew. The only way you're going to get permission to police. I don't know. It's a very touchy thing for the police, because if something goes wrong, obviously, and death's involved with police, they could obviously shoot someone or whatever. If it goes wrong, you probably don't want a camera crew on them. So, I don't know how much you could get away from this, but I guess, I don't know.

There's a good little scene here, where a couple of the firemen, a couple of the policemen, and Angela and her cameraman, they all head upstairs to this apartment where the door is locked and they've heard the screaming. And she turns to the camera and says, right Joe, just to explain what's happening. We've heard screaming.

And this is beat for beat in quarantine as well.

She said, Mom, are you OK? Is everything OK? And they're like, what's happening here? Why isn't she? And they're like, turn the camera off, turn the camera off. So they pretend to turn the camera off. This is something that we get a lot in fine footage films. It's off now. It's not recording. I promise.

And as a camera person myself, if any chance I can, you document it, you film it. It's just the way it is. I have that from my skateboarding filming from back in the day as a kid.

Because growing up, I used to watch all those skateboard videos, not yours, but skateboard videos of just people crushing their nuts on railings and smashing their ankles up. Back before the internet was a real... That was like the first thing on the internet I used to watch, really.

Yeah, slamming.

But that's how I accidentally watched the beheading. Somebody tricked me, and the link that I thought was going to take me to loads of skateboard fails was actually a man being beheaded. And I was like, why the fuck am I watching this?

Oh, I want to see that.

Didn't sleep very well that night. There we go.

Bring the episode down.

Sorry, sorry. Well, back to the naked old lady covered in blood. So she screams at them. She's covered in blood, like I say, and they say, right, we need to call an ambulance because this is serious. She then attacks them. She bites one of the cops. Really great. Always love when you get to see the meat being ripped off the throat. Do you know what I mean? Always love to say I'm doing the acting.

It must be a latex being stretched like mozzarella.

Yeah. Tasty. Very gory. I would say, actually, great practical effects all the way through this. You know, it doesn't need to be because it's all fine footage and very shaky. Some of it is in the dark, but they went full hog, you know, and it looks great. So they run away from this woman. I think they lock the door again, and they carry the cop downstairs. She's been bitten. The lights go off for a bit, and then they come back on, and they're like, oh my god, he's bleeding to death.

I'll bet this is really fun to write as a script. Do you know what I mean? Because just the next thing, what would be the worst thing that could happen? They couldn't get a building. I guess the building's been locked down. Do you know what I mean?

I'll jump ahead, but also when the sheets go down as well.

Yeah, that as well. Double fucked lockdown.

Yeah, double fuck. The name of my new album, double fuck.

I thought you then said the name of my auntie. I don't know why I thought that.

My auntie double fuck. She was a porn star.

I was going to say, I don't want to know why she's got double fuck.

We'll come more to that, more to the strange. So yeah, the building is locked down from there. So the loudspeaker says, so it's the local government saying, well, everybody stay calm. Listen, we're going to try and get you out, but we can't get you out yet. So just listen for more instruction. So at this point, they're just like, what? Why are we locked in? We've got someone in here who's dying. We need an ambulance.

And again, quarantine, exact same camera positioning, exact same staircase, geography, everything. But yes, great introduction.

We hear lots of screaming from upstairs. Shit has hit the fan, essentially. Your dog shit under your desk has been picked up, thrown directly at a fan.

It's not good.

How's it smelling in there at the moment?

Well, I was doing all right until you said that. I'm going to get the old thing going again.

The jostic? Gav's burning a jostic.

I'll have to hold it, though, and wave it around.

What I love about our interaction with our patrons is when something like this happens, Don never thought his episode would have us talking about, you know, dog shit. But hopefully he appreciates it.

Yeah, you never know what you're going to get, really.

He's now picturing you with a big flaming... He's blowing. You can never blow in the jostic.

There we go.

It's lit again. It's lit again.

It's like a sparkler or something.

That's great. So they go back upstairs to look for, you know, whatever's going on up there and find out why this guy was throwing down. And they find a girl who's been injured and she's screaming. The old woman from earlier is now going fully 28 days later. Very feral. She charges them. And one of the cops pulls out his gun and blasts her. And obviously, Angela's got this all on film.

Gold. Television gold.

She is shocked, though, because it's gone from a fledgehammer breaking a door down to...

It's gone from bored at the fire station.

Yeah. It's gone from, this is where they sleep to, oh, we've just seen someone murdered. And well, two people murdered. Three. A man's had his throat ripped out, another man splattered off the top of the floor, and now we've got a woman been shot. An old naked woman covered in blood has been shot. So she's pretty shocked, but they would decide we need to go back downstairs and regroup and figure out what the fuck is going on. And this is the rewind and rewatch moment we talked about.

We get introduced to a woman now whose daughter happens to be ill with the flu, doesn't she?

She's just got tonsillitis.

She's just a little girl, leave her alone.

She keeps saying she needs her antibiotics. We need to get out of here. And they're like, all right, I know you're worried about her.

But I tell you what, first, I watched this, not knowing what was going to happen. Spoiler. Obviously, do watch this film if you haven't seen it. I quite enjoyed the just that thrown in there. It actually made it more of a like. I didn't think of that any more than that. For some reason, I just thought that, oh, that's us to give our sympathy for, which is a deeper thing for this film. Another layer. Give us sympathy for this young girl that needs that.

Well, it's a really well written film because they start threading all these plots, you know, when they bring the dog in as well.

It is very good, like throwing all this together. And like I said, an hour and 18 minutes is snappy as well.

Pack it, pack it in there. Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin.

Like George Michael.

What did he do? Pack it in there. He did. So they break into that textile shop next door and try and find an exit. They try and find an exit, but they cannot get out. All the exits are blocked. And again, the live speaker says, You are sealed in. Please do not attempt to leave. We can possibly shoot you. We have to wait for the health inspector to arrive. So stay back. And this is where the sheets are dropped.

Yeah, they got no phone signal and all that still as well. So it would be quite scary, wouldn't it really? Do you know what I mean? You know, remember how everyone was kind of a bit scared of COVID? When there was lockdown, there was a lot of people, some of you this is maybe like I wasn't at all, and a lot of people were not, but there was a lot of people for the first time ever, scared on a worldwide scale, a fear of humanity and what the future was.

And what makes it worse is you've got this person saying, stay there, a health inspector is on the way, and he doesn't tell you any more than that. What does that mean?

Yeah, and the best thing is, though, if this wasn't actually a government thing, and just government being dicks or something, obviously this is something they've got to contain. They're doing what's meant for mankind, womankind, humankind, do you know what I mean? But I don't even know where I was going with it.

I know what you mean. No, it's just a scary, it's a very real situation.

It is. Imagine that's the situation that you would just be filled on.

Watching this after the pandemic.

I was thinking about the pandemic. I watched with this.

This is one of the few I didn't watch, actually, because I know we were all a bit sick and twisted, but during the pandemic, I watched 28 Days Late. In fact, we covered both the movies during the pandemic. Everybody watched all those films. I never watched this. I don't think to watch it.

First time I watched that Mark Wahlberg and Night movie.

Yeah, yeah, the happening.

I'd never seen it. Come on, bro. I watched it afterwards and actually watched it. If you throw COVID in there for some reason, the whole sort of things going on in that, it made it feel not too bad. Everyone says it's a ridiculous film. And I watched it and went, after COVID, it has a different look, I'm sure.

I've got a bit of a soft spot for that film. But there we go. Well, they try and communicate through the windows and sheets because they get to the fire exits, but the cops pull guns on them on the other side. And they say, step back, and they're like, look, we've got a girl in here who's really ill, we've got two dead people, and another guy who's bleeding out through his throat. And they're just like, tough, tough luck. Just stay back.

And that would scare you more, wouldn't it? This is what I was going to say, sorry. It's great for them, the government, they've got a couple of people in there who are on their payroll.

Yeah.

So they can say to them, say to everyone else, just listen to the professionals you have in there. And they'll just outside laughing going, this is brilliant, because we're giving those guys the keys to the building and saying, you guys are in charge. And they'll be like, oh, I'm going to step up to this, it's quite important. And I've got to do my job. It works very well. And they can't really communicate.

And this is where Angela says, look, due to the gravity of the situation.

Sorry, very quickly. The walkies work, do they?

Yeah, but they're short range, aren't they?

That's how they get their information back and forwards in and out, aren't they?

I can't remember now. I feel like I don't think so. But this is where Angela now kind of convinces everybody, you know, the gravity of the situation is we are being treated really badly. And this is a scary situation. And it's really important that I document this, because she's thinking I'm going to win loads of prizes. But also she's genuinely a lot of reporters genuinely love reporting and documenting these crazy things. She's fucking loving it.

So honestly, I'd be the same.

So everyone's just like, as long as we all survive, you can fill my arsehole if you want love. I mean, maybe not that, but I tell you a reason.

There's a reason why DJ and there's a reason why I stand behind the camera. I used to quite a lot. Not so much. No, I still do, actually. Not necessarily my camera anymore, though. It's because it's a kind of escapism. You're looking for a lens, especially with that, or DJ is different, but you're kind of segregated, but you're still a part and a main part. And it's quite interesting for the camera person to be like, I've got to document this as well. That's a whole thing itself.

Like an unboxing video on YouTube.

I suppose. But interesting for the camera person. We never seem to think of the camera person themselves. It must be wild. You know, because we know they're not going to die. Well, unless the camera gets passed to someone else, which does happen. But generally we know that that person could be right, because that's our way of watching.

Yeah, our safety net.

Essentially.

Well, for a film that is super intense, it knows it because we now get a little breather, where everybody gets into a little quiet space, and the audience can catch their breath. They can catch their breath. Angela updates to the camera and says, this is what's going on. It's 2 a.m. right now. You know, we're locked in. We're treating the wounded. Some of the wounded are being treated. And I put in brackets in my notes. Are they turning?

I was going to say, also for the camera person and her, it's a bit of escapism from what's going on for them to go, like, we've got to focus on this.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, they start asking all the residents, you know. And everybody gives their take on it, you know. They've all got their ideas about who's in what apartment and...

They do seem calm-ish. They don't seem too panicked. I'd be fairly panicked.

Well, one of the people they interview says, I think this is just mass hysteria. I don't know. And they speak to the old people who were incredibly racist, because they say, well, I think... Oh, no, it's Caesar they speak to, who's incredibly racist. And he says, oh, I blame the Japanese, because they eat funny food, and they eat raw sushi.

He means the people, not just the nation and country.

Yeah, he means the people in the apartment. And there's an empty apartment, which is the penthouse, which we find out more about later. And there's an old couple that have lived there their whole life. There's the woman with the kid who's ill. There's a couple of people living there. And she goes and speaks to the sick girl called Jennifer, and her mom interrupts her. She says, look, when I'm talking to her, you can't interrupt because I'm documenting this. I'll interview you after.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very realistically done.

And she talks about her dog, Max, who's at the vet's because he's sick. And that's kind of like not really thought about, but cleverly comes back in later on. Really cleverly actually comes back in later on. Then the interview, yes, Caesar, who's weird. He blames on the, he actually says, I think they're Chinese or Japanese or something. He doesn't really care. He's just being slightly racist. I'll say slightly, very racist.

And they're really unwell. What's wrong? Oh, sort of fever, flu type job, you know. Right. Okay.

Great. This is great. So there's an extra sick person in the building now, which now sort of makes everybody a little bit more worried. And we can see the silhouettes through the sheets of the government outside.

They're getting prepared for a health inspector to come in and take some samples.

Now, if you were trapped in this situation, the last thing you want to see is a man donning a full hazmat suit. This is where I get really like, oh, God, it's not good, is it? It's like the crazies when they get the hazmat suits on.

So this fella comes in and he just goes to speak to the professionals, obviously, and they go off. And we've got the vet guy who's like their doctor, really, for the situation in the building, this guy who's a vet. He's with the patients, keeping them stable, but they obviously need a proper attention, won't last. And so they're going to a room, lock themselves away, push the camera crew out, you're not coming in here. So it's a cop, fireman, health guy and vet and victims.

Yeah, and they put the camera down for a little bit here, and while they sort of whatever, and Jennifer sort of looks, plays around with the camera lens, and then we hear some candid conversation, just discussing, you know, is it infection? Do you think it's contagious? We don't know. So Angela starts snooping around, and this is where they sneak up to the room where the professionals, as you say, Gav are, you know, and the injured people.

So they're reanimating him?

No, no, no, I think they kill him.

Oh, right.

I think they're trying to kill him, put him down like a dog, because they don't want him to reanimate. And they hear them talking about things like it spreads through saliva. But what is it? What are we doing? Why are we doing this? Like the cop doesn't know why he's injecting this guy or handcuffing these guys. He's just being told what to do by the government, by the health inspector. But yeah, the guy reanimates and attacks them. They lock him in an office.

Yeah, so basically it was rabies.

She says, hang on a minute. Was the dog called Max? And they're like, well, how do you know that? Oh, fuck, it's Jennifer's dog.

It's not good, is it?

Jennifer's fucking dog.

Hang on. Isn't Jennifer the little girl ill herself with a fever? Yeah, she is. They don't even need to say the same in the quarantine. They don't even need to go into details. Everybody knows what's going on. So the mom's straight around on the defense.

You got tonsillitis? She says, it's just tonsillitis.

But you would as a parent.

But it's not tonsillitis, because Jennifer, they go upstairs to speak to her, and she fully hulks out on them. And there's creepy, creepy little girl, good makeup effects. What's wrong with her eyes? Yeah, it's really good effects. And again, they mention the Japanese elderly man upstairs, and they're like, we might have to go and check him out as well. We've got to bring everyone downstairs now at this point and make sure that everybody's okay.

Is it probably better that he just stays in bed?

Yeah, leave him up there.

Well, like, hoping, they're hoping it's going to soon be sorted out. Going to get an ill person out of bed when it's like a hazard. Very, it's not like just the lights have gone out. It's a proper hazardous conditions up there. Health and safety over the top to health and safety to 11. There's zombies, dead people, handcuffed to stairs. There's electric going off and flashing everywhere. There's just no lights. It's just health inspectors in there. There's people being bitten.

And a racist man called Caesar.

Exactly. Well, they go upstairs. On the twelfth day of Christmas.

It does. On the twelfth day of Christmas.

And a racist man called Caesar.

And they go upstairs. Like you say, it's very dark, barely any light. Great lighting in this. They've got their guns drawn, and they find bloody footprints everywhere. And they find the growling girl. They get the needle. Her eyes are black again. She attacks them. She sounds like a cat, the little girl. Like a tiger or a panther. And they, I think they try to inject her. But the old lady that they shot is still alive, and she comes at them as well.

Well, I've got to say, listeners, for us, it's not just a found footage film with subtitles we're sort of going against. We're also trying to make notes. So really, to be honest, we should probably have done these two viewings, really.

Yeah, but I've seen it. So yeah, lots of running and panic in the dark, and the health inspector runs back upstairs. Jennifer's mom has been handcuffed to the stairs. They're like, you've got to stay here. They leave her there, which is brilliant, because in a minute, something terrible happens to her.

Interestingly, in quarantine, the only difference is they handcuff her on the other side, the staircase where it curls around, and it's where she's right there. So you have to go past her with a handout to get up the stairs. So it's really interesting they put her there, rather than on the staircase itself.

Well, the infected people break through and start coming at them. So they all run upstairs, and they just leave Jennifer's mum. She's like, help me! I'm handcuffed to the stairs. And they just grab her and start biting at her. And I'm just like, that woman downstairs is being eaten alive. This is crazy. And she's probably thinking, oh, we're not getting it on film. Yeah, probably. We should be getting it on film. They realize that the health inspector has been bitten.

It's such a very fast paced film. That's why I think this review is going through very quickly.

It feels like that. We are going on a few tangents. So the health inspector grabs someone and through the wall bites them. And then that just leaves the fireman and Angela and obviously the cameraman left alive. They have to find the keys, which they think might be in one of the apartments upstairs, of course. So we have to go back up the fucking stairs. Oh shit. The fireman grabs the Japanese guy, the dad, and breaks his neck.

I do feel this movie, these guys could really make the best Resident Evil. I said that before of The Dead, but I think these guys would make a really good Resident Evil film.

Yeah, that's true.

Because it's like in one place, they're going around a place looking for things, like keys and stuff.

Yeah, and they don't make it feel boring, although we're running up and down the same flight of stairs, it doesn't feel boring.

I'd say this is the closest you'd get to a proper Resident Evil film.

That's true. I think if you were going to do Resident Evil 1, these guys could do it, and then when it goes out into the city, then get the guys from The Dead to do the sequel, where it's a little bit more widespread. Guys, if you're listening, you directors out there...

It's part 1 and part 2.

Perfect. Yes, Pablo turns the light on, and we see a zombie right in his face, and he's coming up the stairs, and the fireman says to Angela, pass me that mallet. She's like, what, this one that you used to batter down a big, thick, old Spanish door? Yes, and he grabs the mallet, and he caves the person's head in with his giant mallet. They all head upstairs into an apartment, looking for the keys. My favorite shot now, where they look down the stairwell, and you just get all of these infected.

On different levels.

And they just start charging up. That is terrifying. So they all start running.

They get into his penthouse, which no one's been at for months and months and months.

Spoiler alert. This penthouse, just to jump to what it is, belongs to an agent of the Vatican, who hasn't been there for a while. They don't find this out yet. They start exploring this place, and there's a laboratory set up in one corner. There's loads of religious stuff everywhere, obviously, because it's someone who works for the Vatican. There's also loads of newspaper clippings about people that have been infected with something and demonic possession has been reported in the press.

It's a very evil dead almost.

It is, isn't it? The Kandarian texts. No, he doesn't say that. But they talk about a disease that they tried to cure with a vaccine, but the vaccine mutated the disease. And whatever the demonic possession was is now mutated. So basically, it was like a girl was possessed by the devil or a demon. They tried to vaccinate her. This is my understanding of it. Correct me if I'm wrong.

It's a shame that that's not known earlier and it's more looked into. Do they look into it more in the second one? Is it more religious?

Yeah, I think I think the sequels, at least one of them goes more into detail. It kind of ends quite demon-y really with people crawling on the ceilings. I think the second one, which I'm not really into. I don't like my demons crawling on the ceilings, unless it's like an Evil Dead movie or something. Then we get a fucking terrifying scene, which really resonated with me because I've just had my loft converted.

Are you always loves looking into a dark hole?

I do. Just going back to George Michael again. And don't raise your eyebrows at me as you drink your lemonade. A ginger beer. And they find a hatch that falls open above them. Pablo's like, I'm going to look up there. Andrew's like, don't.

No, it makes sense. I'll just put the camera up there and look around. That makes sense. But it's a bit of a cheap scare. It's done a little bit better in the second one.

It got me the first couple of times I watched it. Not this time though. I knew it was coming. So there's a kid up there, chained up like a demonic kid who's chained up. And it is the first time you watch it. It will get you definitely. And the light gets broken on the camera because of the hat.

Yeah, that's the light, isn't it? It goes out.

Pablo's like, I didn't see what it was, but something broke my light.

So don't worry. I've got night vision, but that means you're going to have to rely on me telling you what's going on.

So I got to say, this must be influenced by Silence Of The Lambs because it's a great scene in its own right, but Silence Of The Lambs did a fantastic night vision scene as well, where she's sort of wandering around towards the end.

I bet this was intense for you.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because she's like, where is it? He's like, just keep quiet, keep quiet.

Just a real tall skinny thing of an axe or a pickaxe or something, just wandering around.

And it also reminds me a bit of The Descent as well, you know, where one of them can see it and the others don't know what.

There's some night vision in that, isn't there?

That's what I mean. When we see that fucking thing at night, when he turns his night vision camera on, and she does in the cave, sorry. So they keep hidden, they keep quiet. Really good sound design. And I do remember the first time I ever watched this was on a laptop with my headphones on. So that always stuck with me, this end scene. You can just hear all this like... And all this scraping, and Angela's sort of whispering, like, what is it? Where is it now?

Yeah, it is pulled back. Yeah, it's got good.

Good way to end it.

Yeah, it's fine. There's a really good use of the music cutting from a sound on the mic. So it's really muting and going back on at times. It's really nicely done. Makes it more encapsulating, more actually happening, immersive.

Yeah. Oh, that's true. Yeah, because it goes like the mic's been sort of distorted or something.

Like the high end goes, it's just really...

Yeah, like after an explosion in an action film, where Will Smith's like... And then after a while, the hearing comes back in. Will Smith broke my heart with that. So, that's the movie. It's fucking great, let's be honest.

In the found footage, in top 10, I imagine, of all the best found footage films there are.

Yeah, I'd agree. It's probably in my top five, I agree with Don. Maybe even top three for me.

I'd have to make a list one day.

Yeah, me too, actually.

Maybe I can on Letterboxd, I don't know.

There we go. What my gripe with the sequels is, if this was just a one-off standalone film, brilliant, because I don't really need to know anymore about this disease or the Vatican. Just the fact they gave me little snippets that this is known by the Vatican, and there's a little, there's something else out there, like the End Of Demons almost, where they break out of the cinema and they realize this is worldwide. It's not just happening in the cinema.

Yeah, I actually, back in the day when it came out, I was working with a guy who's not really one to be seen watching movies. He's like, fucking shit me up.

Yeah, and it's great. Good stuff. And I really wanted to cover this one for a long time. We occasionally do a country special, a special on a particular country. I was thinking we could go back, because I think we might have done Spain. Tombs of the Blind Dead, they're Spanish, aren't they? And I was thinking maybe do this and High Tension, or Switchblade Romance, which is Spanish as well, I think.

With what?

With this. But I'm glad... With what?

Oh, originally? Sorry, I thought you were going to say Tombs of the Blind Dead. I was confused.

But I'm glad to have bumped this up, and I'm glad that one of our patrons picked it, because obviously it means a lot to Don, and it's just a great chance to talk about this film higher up the list. So thank you, Don, for that. Now, Don will be pleased that Bill Murray is currently waving a... How many inches is that, Bill? 10-inch dildo, swinging it around above him. Does that mean that World Of The Strange is going to get sexy and strange, does it, Bill?

Bill?

He's saying it's going to relate to our next film, X, which is a film about making pornos. So I think strap in, is that the words to use here? For World Of The Strange, I think it's going to get sexy. He's passing me some lube.

Let's get to World Of Strange. Let's get out of here. Come on. We're stuck here. But the audience don't want to hear this.

Bill?

Here we go. Hi.

Welcome back to World Of The Strange.

I don't know why. Okay, what's going on, Dan?

Well, Gav, our next film is about making porno, porn films, dirty movies, stag movies. So, in keeping with that theme, there's two parts to this World Of The Strange for this episode. Pleasure and pain, which would you like first? Would you like pleasure or pain first?

Oh, that's weird.

Is Isaac late? He looks a bit happy.

I don't know. Let's go pain.

Okay, we'll do pain first. So, to start with, I'll be just going over a couple of quick stories, which are bad things that have happened on the sets of porn films.

Oh, no.

No, just for stories, maybe. Now, I've not fully read into some of these, and I am going to delete my internet history after this, because this article takes me two pictures from the actual fucking porno that it's from. So there we go. But the first story, the headline for it is Prince Yashua, who is the name of a porn star, Prince Yashua. Prince Yashua's cock explodes. Yeah, OK. OK, I'll just read this out as it is. A hard cock may look tough, but they're much more fragile than you realize.

Oh, my God.

Nearby crew members were covered in the blood as it was sprayed everywhere. He lost half a pint of blood. Because obviously, when you're erect, all that blood's pumping into that part of the body. So he had to be catheterized during his healing period. So he had a catheter in while he recovered. But since then, he's gone on to get his penis back to normal and go on and make hundreds and hundreds of porn films. But that was caught on film.

I hate this one. My worst nightmares and fears.

This guy has a particularly long one as well. So easily snapped, I guess. There we go. All right, then, moving on, then, to April Olsen and her messy first time.

Are we still in pleasure? Pain, sorry.

Pain. Yeah, we're still in pain. Right. So this is about April Olsen's first anal shoot. I'm going to take my glasses off for this. So April Olsen.

I don't like the fact that what I can smell, but go on.

First anal shoot was with somebody called Mike Adriano. She was paired up with another lady as well called Anna Claire. She was only doing blowjobs for that shoot, she thought. But April said, no, no, it's all right. I'll take it up the ass for this for this episode, for this scene. So the shoot went on for about two hours. So she was getting pounded up the bottom for about two hours. You know, they cut and they go right to go and move the camera and they carry on.

Well, yeah, she was open. But that's just so, like...

April says, thanks to Anna, who was one of my co-stars, I didn't feel embarrassed because she said, don't worry, it happens to us all during that first day.

I thought she was going to say, don't worry, and just start shitting on the floor as well.

So, yeah, that's April.

What happened in May?

There's another one here. A guy called Derek Pearce. Derek Pearce. Shooting a scene with his partner who was having her period. So she inserted a sea sponge into herself, which is an alternative to a tampon worn by women who are in the porn industry. It absorbs menstrual flow. Whilst in doggy position, Derek was ploughing like a machine until he realized something else was going on down there. He removed his penis and found that the head of his cock had not only just been rubbed rule.

He didn't just remove his penis, he moved it from the lady.

From the lady, but his penis head was almost coming off because of the sea sponge. So it rubbed the end of his penis so hard and he was being so vigorous.

Was he fucking up high on coke or something? Surely you would feel that and be like, this hurts for some reason.

Well, I've got one more story, then we'll move on to the pleasure section of this World Of The Strange, because this is getting messy. And Bill is getting really excited. Aren't you, Bill? Here we go then. The last one is called, Casey Calvert lubes up an eyeball with her butt. There's an image. Carry on. Here we go. So anal scenes can be pure chaos behind the camera and on set. I love the way this article is written.

Anal shenanigans.

But it's not what you think. Wasn't that the name of House Of Pain's first album? I know that was Shamrocks and shenanigans. There's many layers to how an anal scene can get messy, but one day while shooting an ordinary anal scene, just shooting an ordinary anal scene, Gav, things were going as planned, but Casey wanted to switch to reverse cowgirl.

No, it depends whether it's film, because it's probably photos for a magazine, maybe.

Oh, it could be. But this was a porn film.

Yes, to take photos.

Oh, yes, two for one. I guess. I didn't think of that, really. Should we get into the porn industry? Not after these stories. So the penis popped out of her bottom, shall we say, and there was a blood-curdling scream coming from the other end of the room, because the lube up her ass had flown out as the cock was pulled out and hit the photographer right in the eye with a handful of butt jelly.

What? So he'd lubed her up, his inside, then pulled himself out of her, but then the lube was like a big ball of lube.

Yeah, and it flew out of her bottom and hit the photographer on the other side of the room, squaring the eye.

How weird is that?

He quit as a porno photographer after that.

Oh, you would.

Never heard from again in the porn industry. He probably lost an eye.

Probably got pink eye. Probably got rainbow colour eye.

Seamen, lube and poop in your eye at the same time. There we go.

You should wear goggles. Come on.

Imagine that on the set. Right, get your goggles on, guys. It's an anal scene. Get your goggles on here.

And your face masks. What if it got in his mouth?

He's lucky. I'd get a plastic bag over that camera if I was you, mate. My cameras were a thousand pounds.

Must have been like a turn or something. I don't understand how it could be a ball of lube. Anyway, let's get on to the pleasure.

Well, I think as he pulled out, and the pressure shot it out, you know. Yeah, but it's still weird. Maybe she farted at the same time. Anyway, look, let's get to the pleasure side of it. So to wrap things up nicely, keeping with porn, I'm going to just run through a list of porn parody titles, which I think you will really appreciate.

Yes.

I thought you'd like this, because we talk about this occasionally. Here we go. Just want your thoughts on these. If you've got any sort of... Because there's no synopsis for any of these, so you could just say whatever you want. Okay, I love the first one. You ready? Asphentura Crack Detective. Isn't that great? I love it. Asphentura Crack Detective. What's going on there, then? Oh, right. Like a glove. I bet he said like a glove in there somewhere.

And he said, I want to ask you a question.

Tone-loke.

Tone-loke's probably in it.

The next one. Dawson's Crack.

Dawson's Crack, yeah, okay.

The next one's going quite deep. It's a bit of a cult film. Dr. Buttlove, or it's got the full title, Dr. Buttlove, or How I Learned To Stop Clenching and Love the Plug.

That's so obscure. Someone that is into Dr. Strangelove.

The next one is a genius one. Drill Bill.

Drill Bill.

We all know of the next one, Edward Penishands.

I always thought it was Edward Dildohands.

Edward Penishands. You're going to really love this next one, because firstly, you've seen a porn parody of it. You may have even seen this one. It's called ET. The Extraterrestrial.

No, I've not seen it. That's amazing.

Not the extraterrestrial, the extraterrestrial.

But what does that mean? Does that mean ET has an extra testicle? Or ET happens to be your extra testicle?

Oh my God, can you imagine if you look down there?

So you look down, you've got dick balls and a small ET.

A little finger.

8-inch ET.

Oh, ow.

What are we going to do now with my finger? I just, I don't know, Mr. ET.

Well, the next couple are horror movies. So classic one here. Every one I did last summer. Another one, quite simple, Evil Head.

Evil Head.

Ferris Bueller gets off.

I like it.

Fifty First Orgasms. Jesus Christ. Good Will Humping.

Brilliant.

Forest Hump. Yep. Intercourse With A Vampire. Of course, that's perfect. Lara's Craft, Womb Raider.

Oh my gosh.

You like that one? I got a few more of these.

Yeah, of course.

The Booby Guard. Yep. Ocean's Eleven Inches. Night Of The Giving Head.

Brilliant.

That is good, isn't it? Yeah. The Sperminator.

Brilliant.

These are all real porn films. A Few Hard Men.

Amazing. It's a very good movie, not that one. I don't know about the porn one.

You Can Handle The Dick.

That's probably what it says.

The Bone Ranger.

Who plays Jack Nicholson in that trick?

God knows. Probably Nicholas Cage. The Bone Ranger.

Nice.

Here's another horror one. Village Of The Rammed.

That's my favourite.

Cliffbanger. OK. Apparently about a guy called Cliff. Breast Side Story. Saturday Night Beaver.

Saturday Night Beaver is good.

Any Given Come Day.

Excellent.

A Clockwork Orgy. An Officer and a Genitalman. That is pushing it.

What's a genitalman?

Gulp Fiction.

Brilliant.

The Bear Bitch Project.

Should be Gulp Friction.

Oh, even better. The Bear Bitch Project.

Seen it. Yeah.

Let me guess. They're lost in the woods, so they all bang.

It's softcore. It's not hardcore. Yeah, I watched it once. I was trying to entice a girlfriend into getting some.

There is another one called Pulp Friction. There you go, so you can buy them now. Buffy The Vampire Lair.

Amazing.

School Of Cock. Brilliant. How To Lose A Guy In Ten Gays.

What is that about?

Gang Bangs Of New York.

Excellent.

Martin Scorsese's classic. White Men Can't Hump.

I can't imagine Martin Scorsese stand there directing that though, off camera. White Men Can't Hump. Oh, racist.

Throbbing Hood. King Dong. Phil Bill.

Bill? Bill Murray's.

Romancing The Bone.

Romancing The Bone. Is that what you say, Dallas?

Do you want to romance my bone?

Being that you're a damn bone.

And that's my list.

Amazing.

Favorite one?

Village Of The Rammed. It's excellent.

It is good, isn't it? It's unexpected. Mine is, for cleverness, and just sort of hits you is Night Of The Giving Head, because it rhymes, it's very clever, you know what's going on in it. And there we go. That was porn, pleasure and porn pain. So I think the lessons we've learned, Bill, are, oh, you've got goggles on already. It's wear goggles when you're on a porn set, and watch some of these porn parodies and tell us what you think, guys. Bill, have you been in any of those?

I don't want to know.

Oh, okay.

That sounds like it. It smells worse than this.

Don, I apologize.

Get it off.

Can you get him to...

That's all the time we've got for this week on World Of The Strange. Next week, though. Give me iron. Hairless Pets.

Okay, so X, probably the shortest title we've ever reviewed from 2022, directed by Ty West. In 1979, a group of young filmmakers set out to make an adult film in rural Texas, in a farm when their reclusive elderly hosts catched them in the act. The crew find themselves fighting for their lives. So there we go. I've not seen this before, but before we get into it, let's listen to what Don says about it. So he says, back to the business at hand.

It was Schwoddy Woddy instead, wasn't it?

It was, yeah. No, it was, we actually changed it to Three Little Birds by Bob Marley. Because, not to bring the tone down, but because my mum passed away six days before my wedding, we felt that landslide, beautiful as it is, was a little bit too depressing, really. And we wanted something more upbeat for our first dance, so we chose Three Little Birds. But anyway, I agree, it's a great scene. He says, it's such a great conversation, a dialogue and a beautiful song.

Yeah, I did a cinema viewing to check this out. It came out as a big Ty West fan. And I do love the innkeepers. I do like the sacrament. I do like the House of the Devil. I've particularly liked the House of the Devil.

Yeah, me too.

The aesthetic of it, it's the tension, the slowness. It's brilliant. So I'm a big fan of Ty West films. Not all of them. And then so I was quite excited to go watch this in a cinema. So yes, second viewing for this.

I'd forgotten he'd done The Sacrament, which is fantastic. That's fine footage, isn't it? Yeah. I was going off Ty West. I liked The Sacrament. I really liked obviously House of the Devil. I didn't like Innkeepers. I'm one of the few people that doesn't really like Innkeepers. I've watched it about three times. You know what I'm like? I like to give films a chance, especially if people like them, like you. Someone I, you know, who I love.

Innkeepers are quite a go-to for me if I'm just like, oh, yeah, I do like Innkeepers because it's so innocent and simple, and it's locked down. And there's no one else could be there. It's the last time. It's just those two. They're quite simple and innocent. And I just quite like it turned into a spooky thing.

I wish I liked it. I just don't.

Yeah, I really, really enjoy it.

But House Of The Devil is for me is fucking genius. We've covered it. And I like The Nest. He did The Nest, didn't he, as well?

I've never seen it.

Yeah, it's fun. It's fun.

He did The Roost, sorry. Is that what you mean?

The Roost, sorry. Yeah, not The Nest, The Roost, sorry.

That's his first, that's his debut. Yeah, so should we get into it?

Yeah, indeed. I'll be like from the, you know, I'll say from the off, I really liked this. I didn't know what I was gonna think of it, but I purposely didn't know anything about it, other than I've heard my goth was really good in it. I didn't even really, you know, it was fully about making porn films. So I didn't know what to expect really.

Just to say my thoughts on it, when I... Yeah, yeah, please do, yeah. I was really quite excited for it. I saw stills from it, and I saw the look of it, and I was like, it's very Texas Chainsaw massacre, and it's going somewhere to make like a porn movie. I'm loving that idea. But when I came to it, to come watch it, I felt it didn't do anything new for me whatsoever. Spoiler to a death, a dude looks through a thing in his eye, and I was like, oh, don't say you can stab his eye.

Yeah, I can see that because the RJ, the cameraman, you know, the guy who's the director of the porno, really wants to make an art film, not just a dirty movie.

And Mia Goff, who I want to call Robocop because of her no eyebrows, she's the whole time saying, I want to make it, I want to be a star. And I don't know if there's something of that coming out. And he was just in a strange place. I might be making this all up and just looking at something which isn't correct. But that's how I decided it. Halfway through the film, reviewing it, I went, I wonder.

And we've also got Janet Ortega in this, who recently has played Wednesday in the series. And people will know her from, I think she was in one of the new screen films as well.

And the reason I said it very quickly is just in case, I said now, so as we go through it, I might be wrong. But as we go through the film and its themes, keep that in mind as a little seed, just in case that you might go, oh, that could be right, actually, so that's what I'm saying now.

Like my Christine slash cocaine theory. Indeed. We've also got Kid Cudi, the rapper in this, as Jackson, the man with a gigantic penis. A couple of cocks in this, actually, haven't they? And old lady boobs, we don't get old lady boobs very often. Old man's cock we've had in the past, but old lady boobs in this one. Martin Henderson plays Wayne, who I first saw in a film with Ice Cube called, what was it called?

And just very quickly, Ty Rester is a writer, director and editor. And I can't remember the term, but he said he was gonna try something new with the editing, but there's bits of it which just frustrate me. The two flashes of the next scene, then the third flash being the going into the next scene, stop it, don't do it. It's interesting.

I guess that bit with me is like, some people would like it, some people wouldn't. It didn't bother me that much. It was confusing the first time.

I probably only know it's because I'm an editor.

It confused me the first time it happened, but after a while I was used to it, and I just figured that was to add to the confusion.

It's a style choice.

I will talk about Pearl at the end, but what I also appreciate is that they secretly made Pearl and this back at the same time, because, spoiler, and if you haven't seen this, it's a big spoiler here, Mia Goth plays two roles in this film.

I don't know why I thought it was her another point, but it can't be, yeah, of course.

Yeah, so she plays the old lady, Pearl, who we don't know the name of really, until the sequel, in heavy old person's makeup. And I did not know that. And Mia Goth also was in Suspiria.

Oh, what, she played in X?

She played Pearl, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. So she played, but they kept it secret.

Oh, that's cool. I'll give it more kudos.

And Mia Goth also wrote Pearl with Ty Wess.

So obviously, when they're shooting those guys together, they just did like, when we did Shadow of Death, you still never met Sophia. And yet you're in a scene with her.

Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, I think it's pretty clever that they made two movies at the same time. One was the prequel to the other one. And at the end of this, if you want to, you can then go and watch Pearl and find out about the old lady on the farm and why she's doing what she's doing.

When's Vin Diesel going to come into this then, Harold?

Yeah, but the worst thing is his catchphrase is family. So he's going to be in like a total like...

What, the same as Fast and Furious?

Yeah. Well, I don't know. He says that in all of his films, doesn't he?

That's it all the time. Is it? Does he have a big family or something?

But why are we going to break into this bank, Vin Diesel? Family. Family. Okay.

Does he have a big family, do you think?

I don't know. He's got a twin brother. Yeah, but he doesn't look anything like him. Oh. They look like complete... Like, you know, like the Chuckles Brothers. Actually, no, they looked quite similar. I can't think. But basically, like, have you ever seen Scully Hanson's twin brother?

Are you saying it's going to be a Chuckles Brothers movie and it's going to be Vin Diesel and his brother playing them?

That would be amazing.

Scully Hanson's brother, no.

She's got a twin brother, but they look nothing alike. Yeah, obviously, because you can't have identical twins if they're different sexes. Anyway, we've digressed. Let's get to X. I do apologize. So yes, Don is right. We start off with what you think is that sort of, I don't know the technical term, you'll know it, the square box aspect ratio. And we are watching a sheriff, who seems like the sheriff from Dust or Dawn, that kind of thing in Texas. And he's investigating-

This is shot in New Zealand, by the way.

Yes, it is. Given away by a couple of landmarks, apparently, but unless you know, you wouldn't know. It's very clever.

I can say on the second review of this film, the film's fine. I don't dislike it. It just does nothing new for me, but it's absolutely fine. I watched it. It was all right.

I'll give my full thoughts at the end. So yeah, but it's actually, it's not that aspect ratio. It's just that we're looking through the window, and then it goes full screen, and it's a cop at a crime scene, and there's a body under a sheet, very bloody body under a sheet, and there's a hatchet stuck in the floor of the porch. There's pools of blood. The TV's on, playing the television evangelists saying, God is good and God is right, and this isn't the life I chose, and all this kind of stuff.

Which is all right. It's a cliffhanger as such, I guess.

Yeah, and we know we're going to come back to that, which we do. So credits roll. Cocaine comes out. A lot of cocaine in this, isn't there? Mia Goth is loving the white stuff in this, not in real life, obviously, her character Maxine. She's sniffing the coke. We've got a spooky, cool disco funk playing, and it says 24 hours earlier. A lot of title cards, 24 hours earlier. Houston, Texas, 1979.

Mungo Jerry Summertime. Who is Mungo Jerry's son? I know him, he lives in Farnham.

I know, because we were going to try and get him to let his dad have this song for the Shadow of Death. But we never got around to it in the end. I'm just gonna, bear with me, I'm just gonna open this can. Thank you. Not often we do that on this show. It's not a beer, don't worry, I haven't reverted. It's a CBD drink, if anyone's interested. Very nice, I was just telling Gal off mic. It's very nice. Chills, chills you out a little bit, as you would expect.

Is she kind of like based on Linda Lovelace? I looked it up and there was nothing in trivia from that, but she just felt very Linda Lovelace-y.

Essentially.

As a character.

This was around the time when Debbie, because they talk about Debbie Does Dallas. There were a couple of adult films that were hit in the mainstream. People were like, oh.

Like Deep Throat.

Yeah, Deep Throat.

It was the most well known, and that starred Linda Lovelace, who was then famously kind of abused by her boyfriend, who made her have sex with a dog on camera.

Oh my God, I didn't know that bit.

Yeah, she went to a bad place, dog place.

Oh dear. That sounds awful. So yes, Maxine's boyfriend comes to grab her, and that's Wayne, good old Wayne. And he says, come on, Maxine, time is money, we gotta go. And they hit the road in their van, and as you say, Gav, we get in the summertime where the weather is hot. It's a great, great song. In fact, great soundtrack. Surprised they got the rights to some of these great songs throughout this. But I guess a lot of films have Don't Fear The Reaper in them as well.

I gotta say, I kind of feel we've Don't Fear The Reaper. It's kind of like when you see Night Of A Living Dead on a TV. When you hear Don't Fear The Reaper, it's been like, okay, it's Don't Fear The Reaper. I know, I get the idea. Cause Don't Fear The Reaper is deaf. And it is a good song, but. It's been, it's like, we've heard the song before.

But also it's kind of reminding you, hey, we're in the late seventies here. So yeah, they hit the road. Three guys and three girls. That's all you need for a party, isn't it, Gav? And basically, there's three porn stars and the director, the cameraman, RJ, who is the editor, director, et cetera, and cameraman. And then Jenna Ortega plays Lorraine, and that's RJ's girlfriend. And she's kind of just on hand as a bit of a- Yeah, but she does a bit of everything. Although later-

That's an important role, though.

Later on, she wants to do a little bit more than that. And they're chatting in the van as they're driving, and we find out they're on their way to make what they consider to be an arty adult film. You know, it's the American Dream, et cetera, et cetera. They really want to get this made. So we know what's going on now. They're off to make a porno, basically. They pull up to a gas station. Right, everybody, let's use the bathrooms. Let's fill up.

And that's why I just watched this, just like that. Then even then, it's just, oh, and they put up to a bathroom, a van full of kids. And it was like, I've seen this, I've seen this, I've seen this. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Don't bother me too much, though.

I don't know why I feel negative. I think it's because I really like Ty West. I went to the cinema going, this is gonna be fucking brilliant. And I was like, like, like, House Of Devil. I was like, that's taking that film that we already know, the babysitter trope and just making this really long winded, but tension building, amazing film. And I thought he was gonna do something really good with this genre. And I was just a bit disappointed.

I disagree, but-

No, please.

But agree, but disagree. I agree that it's not exactly anything new, but I don't feel like it outstays its welcome. I feel like it's hitting, it's taking all the right boxes. And some of it is a bit newer than stuff. Like, I mean, for fuck's sake, throwing an alligator, I'm there, you know me.

I like the alligator shot. I think I give that props. I give that props, yeah.

While they're at the gas station, Maxine is talking to Wayne, who is not only her boyfriend, but also the guy that's running the whole show. So he gets to watch his girlfriend get fucked by other guys on this porn shoot, which comes up later on. They're talking about Debbie Does Dallas, which has just become a huge hit. We wanna make as much money as that. You know, and he says to Maxine, listen, you've got the X-Factor. And she's like, I'm gonna be world famous.

Yeah, this is the other porn star who suggests that.

Yeah, because she thinks she's a bit of a Marilyn Monroe of porn, doesn't she? That's Bobby Lynn. So they start shooting that scene. Not much goes on really. They buy some groceries.

Oh, yeah, they do, yeah, sorry.

And the TV show's on. So it's out in the sort of Bible Belt part of Texas, where there's a lot of evangelist TV shows on TV, guys just preaching. And that's what it is. And that's the way it goes. And they stop at a... They have to slow down as they get to a terrible crash where a load of cows has come out the back of a lorry and they're all in the road.

I didn't see a point of this.

Well, it's just got kind of...

It's quite bloody, but it's like...

It gives us a little... Well, it gives us a little, perhaps a little bit of foreboding because someone who gets run over by later on and there's some gore on the truck. And also Maxine sort of almost vomits. But then obviously later on, she's going to be more into gore as we find out. Spoiler alert. But yeah, it is very bloody. One of the characters has been hit by a huge semi. And Maxine says, I hate blood and guts. And it's like, okay, well, I'm sure you won't later.

And then they just drive on. I just see it's kind of wasted, really.

And they drive on, and then the sheriff that we saw in the opening scene is there, and he sort of looks at them as they drive past, and that's it, really. He's going to come back later on. And they arrive at a fantastic set. There's a farm, there's a lake, there's an old cabin next to the farm. And it's very, very Texas Chainsaw Massacre, as Don himself said. Wayne says, right, you guys wait here. I'm going to go and tell the owner we're here.

He's kind of like President Biden, isn't he?

Oh, Jesus, he is a bit. I'm not, he really is, actually. Yeah, Christ, forgetful, old and doddery. He pulls a shotgun out on Wayne. Really, I've got to say the score, obviously the choice of songs is good, but the score for me is really good in this.

I have to go back. Some reason I didn't catch it, but I have listened to some of his movies scores before, because they're pretty good. I wonder if it's the same composer.

It's really, really good. Very elements of it are sort of a bit, text has changed from Massacre, but not, it's hard to explain, and it's got some kind of like vocal, like chorus-y bit, choral bits in it as well, it's just voices and stuff is really good. I liked it. Anyway, he's got a shotgun pulled at him. Not good. And they spot this from the van, and oh shit, something bad's happening. Why is the guy pulled a shotgun at him? And he's like, Howard, you must be being forgetful.

Yeah, I think this movie is made of influences of probably his love of horror films or something.

Yeah, but the other psycho thing is the way they dump the cars in the lake. Just like, you know, so, and you know my thoughts on psycho, I absolutely love it. So Howard shows Wayne where they'll be staying, which is a cabin next door to the farmhouse.

Obviously doesn't know they're doing porn.

Doesn't know yet. And he's got coughing and falling over. And Wayne's like, are you okay? And he's like, yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. Very old, again, just like Biden. It's a really lovely, cute little cabin, sort of your Evil Dead style cabin. But Howard is very concerned, because he says, I didn't realize it'd be six if you stay in here. Well, I thought it might just be you and your girl. And he sort of gets a bit suspicious, and they're like, don't worry about it.

It's like a 16 millimeter type look.

I knew you'd be able to tell me the numbers. RJ is loving directing this. Now RJ again is the guy that thinks he's making more than just porn. Really, he's making porn, let's be honest, but he thinks it's more than porn. And he's like, can we go a different angle? Can we do this? Can we do that? And at one point Jackson, who's the main porn star says, why don't you just handle the camera and let me handle the screwing? It really puts him in his place.

Banging away.

And Maxine, while they're filming this sex scene from many different angles, Maxine decides to go outside in nothing but a dungaree dress and explore the area. Now, while she's doing that, someone is in the woods far behind her, spying on her. And it's an old lady, probably the old lady belonging to the farmer, his wife.

I was just quickly checking. I don't think they do. I was wondering if they actually shot with a 16 millimeter camera. No, not I can see. So I think they just put the effects on afterwards.

Cool. Well, the old lady watches Maxine, and Maxine undresses and has a little skinny dip. Fair play to Maya Goth. She gets it all out in this movie. A lot of the girls show bits and bobs. Not that that matters, but it makes it more realistic, because they're making porn. And plus, in the late 70s and early 80s, girls were, and guys sometimes were getting naked. And we do see, like I said, we do see a couple of penises in this as well, although one of them belongs to a dead man.

I do feel Meagof's old woman look, now he knows Meagof, I do. I wonder if it is muddled on the old, the young boy, I think it is, whose hairs goes all white on the bike in the mouth of madness.

Maybe.

Do you remember, it looked really, I was like, that's a bit like that.

It's horrible.

Yes.

Especially when she flashes her old creepy boobs, her old creepy boobs. So Bobby Lynn and Jackson are having a cigarette and talking after the sex scene. And yeah, we get the weird cuts. This is the first time we get the weird cuts, the weird editing.

It's just cutting into the next scene, but-

Three times.

Well, the third is the next scene. So there's two flashes of the next scene coming in. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, it's different. I'm not like hating on it. It's just, I can take it or leave it.

And most people won't really notice, probably.

Now Maxine is in the water, floating naked, having a great time chilling out. What she doesn't know, but what we see-

Big, big drone shot, I presume.

Yeah, and we see that there's a fuck off, great big alligator in that lake.

See-

Not as big as Lake Placid alligator, but still pretty big.

So you do get overused with drone shots at times, but this is a really good use because it's just simple, literally static.

And she gets a weird feeling because she sees a vulture circling around and thinks, hmm, I might go back now, I might swim back to the shore. She doesn't see the alligator. So she swims back, and again, Don mentioned this in his blurb. We get this great bird's eye view now where she's swimming and it's taking her ages because she's casually swimming back to the shore and the alligator is closing in, which she doesn't know about. And she jumps out just in time. The alligator doesn't show itself.

Yeah, it's good.

And I was like, again, my first watch, I was like, so is this gonna be about an alligator? What is going on here? They're making porn, there's an alligator. This has got everything I like in it.

It's like that Toby England Robert, Toby England? Toby who's the Robert England movie?

Eatin Alive.

Yeah.

And again, this definitely references that, I think.

Yeah, I think he's just pulled out his DVD collection and watched them and made a script.

Well, some people do that, not for somebody, and some people don't. So they shoot more footage of acting, knocks on the door. Hi, I'm a detective, can I come in? My daddy ain't home right now, but you can come in. It's a really bad porn acting, but it's fun.

The Farmer's Daughter, I think it's actually an extra on the DVD.

Oh, really? Yeah, because they're making a film called, is it called The Farmer's Daughter, the name of the film that they're making?

Oh yeah, I think so.

So Maxine outside sees the old lady now, she actually sees her and she waves to her, and the old lady just sort of beckons her a little bit. She thinks, should I go in? So she goes up to the house. The old lady says, lemonade, lemonade. Scary way to ask for a lemonade. She says, yeah, sure. So she has a lemonade with this old lady.

Now, this is why I've got to give a little clap to Ty West for the editing here though. I do like the framing of both situations, the poor movie and what she's doing in the kitchen into splicers in the same position of them. So it's like a comparison for whatever reason.

Yes, it's a mirror, isn't it?

It's got it showing, yeah, because we find out obviously she was younger. She just like shagging herself.

Yeah, so what Gab's talking about there is the old lady of the house is pouring a lemonade and sitting down and trying, well, not really saying much to Maxine. And then it keeps cutting back to the porn film where they're shooting a scene where the farmer's daughter is pouring a lemonade for Jackson, who's the detective in this porn film. And there's a seduction going on there, but there's also a seduction going on.

In a way, it's trying to put a comparison of both. This is what's happening, yeah. And this is all good stuff. Sometimes like that, you go, that's pretty cool.

I like that as well. I really like that too. Yeah, so the scenes do mirror each other.

I wish more of the movie was staged and made like this.

The old lady does sort of talk about the war and how her husband went away for a long time, then came back and how she lost her family. And then she sort of looks at her and says, you have a special face. And Maxine's like, oh, thanks very much. Yeah. You know, I know I do. I'm gonna be famous. She didn't say that, but she knows she's gonna be famous. And then we cut to the other scene and Jackson starts kissing with Bobby Lynn.

What, Boogie Nights?

Yeah, do you like it?

Yeah, of course.

Fucking great, isn't it? When that came out, that was like, there was a new type of cinema happening when that came out. I was like, this is so good.

Yeah, it's just really thoroughly great acted story. It's a world you can believe. And then it goes through traumatic events and it was just, yeah, it's very good.

It's kind of like a bit Saturday Night Fever-ish in a way, isn't it?

In a way.

In a way, Saturday Night Beaver. That's right.

Saturday Night Beaver.

Forest Hump. Oh, the one they didn't mention in that list, by the way, was Shaving Ryan's Privates. Why didn't they mention that one?

Definitely.

That's a clever one, isn't it? Yeah, it's good. Anyway, back to X. Sorry, we're going all over the place with this. So where are we at? Oh, yes, so Howard, unfortunately, sees two empty lemonade glasses on the table. So he knows someone's been in and talking to his wife.

And it's kind of been a narrative for the old ladies herself.

Yeah.

You know, the story in the porn film is supposed to be reflecting again, or it's been set up with the table and the way it's set up there and the geography of that and where it is now and what she's saying.

And when you watch Pearl, there's even more to this. LinkedIn with that.

Yeah, because there's a bit where she goes, oh, in a fake porn movie, you wouldn't like daddy when he's angry. And that's obviously often about her husband.

Yeah. Yeah. So after Maxine's scene...

They seem to be mesmerized by her. I don't know why. I don't see nothing special.

She's got the expats we have.

I don't see nothing special in her. She looks like RoboCop. Come on.

But the old... I think she's hot. But then I think RoboCop's hot, so...

There you go.

And that's another one. RoboCock. Why wasn't that on the list?

Exactly.

You have 20 seconds to come ply. Dead or alive, you're coming with me. It's brilliant. Drop them. As in drop you into a... Any others? No. No, okay. But while Maxine is riding away, old lady creeps up to the window.

Have a little burr through the window, like a dude at Ted Bundy.

Well, no, I was going to say she does a Vince Vaughan.

That's true.

She's having a little Vince Vaughan.

She's having a little flick, isn't she?

I don't know if she flicked the bean while she was watching.

She's not flicking, she's a bit old. She ain't flicking nothing.

Later on, she gets right into it.

She might set a fire down there, she starts flicking.

Oh my God, moths coming out. Dry as a witch's snatch, that's the same case. The first time I ever heard somebody say, oh, is this dry as a witch's snatch? Was back when I used to smoke, or someone was smoking cigarettes and they had a pouch of tobacco. I said, oh, can I have a cigarette? And they said, yeah. They said, oh my, I've got to be honest, this very old tobacco is this dry as a witch's snatch. And I was like, what did you just say? And he was like, it's dry as a witch's snatch.

And there you are telling the world.

Telling the world on a podcast many years later. So yeah, old lady caught a little sneaky peek. So she now knows they're making porn.

She also wants some old Bangkok now.

She does. She is horny, no? Everyone in this film is pretty horny. Even Jenna Ortega, the little nerdy church mouse, as they call her later on. She's like, you know what? I'd like some cock too.

I want some sausage.

Get me some cock, please.

Get me some battered sausage.

So yeah, it's almost like the old lady envisions herself as Maxine, because she sort of suddenly, she is on top of the guy, but it's not really the old lady, it's Maxine. But she's just thinking, oh, I really want some cock. So nighttime.

Battered sausage outside of England, listeners, is a way to deep fry a sausage in batter. And it's just battered.

It's my go-to at a chip shop.

I've never done the bad Mars bar, but it's a thing.

I've had that in Scotland.

It's a bit of a Northern England thing.

I've had it in Scotland, and I've had battered pineapple, pineapple fritters, we call them. It's one of my favorites as well.

No, I'm not really into pineapple.

What about battered spam?

Oh, I've never had that.

Oh, come on. Anything in batter.

I love the fact, oh, come on, like I should have eaten battered spam.

Spam fritters, come on.

That's spam. I've got a battered sausage in the freezer.

That sounds like a good bad name, doesn't it? Battered spam.

Battered spam. Oh, no, it's battered spaff.

That is what we'd be called. Instead of wham, we'd be spam.

Spam. My dad used to know a guy called Michael George.

Oh, pretty, isn't it?

Just used to fuck my head so much. It was a kid, it was in the 80s, and George Michael was famous, and out there, and he was Michael George. It's just like, blow him a little mind.

I remember when I first started at my last job, and I got an email from Ed Murphy. I thought, what the fuck? There's a guy here called, and his name was Edmund Murphy. And I thought, oh, this is crazy. And I was emailing him, he was in a different department. And then one day, I had a meeting with him and a couple of other people, white guy, glasses, didn't look anything like Eddie Murphy. I was gutted. I really wanted some black guy to walk in the room, start laughing.

I wanna be James Brown. Funnily enough, my friend's dad's James Brown.

Amazing. Well, we know Dean Martin as well, one of our listeners and friends.

Yes, exactly.

Dean Martin.

Shout out, you're in the names.

Yeah, we haven't mentioned you for a while, Dino, but you know, big Dino, as we like to call you. Well, I do, anyway. It is his nickname, don't worry. Anyway, we've digressed again. This X-rated film is taking me all over the place. It's because I'm getting hot and horny. Do apologize.

Just get on with it.

Okay, so it's nighttime, and Howard is fuming about someone drinking lemonade with his wife, and his wife comes up to him and she says, Howard, touch me like you used to. Tell me I'm beautiful. And she gets her old lady boobs, and he says, Oh, I can't, my heart might not be able to take it. That's a good excuse if you're not up for it.

Well, it's, yeah, she don't have to keep pressure on him though.

Women say, I've got a headache. Men, if you don't feel like it, just say, my heart might not be able to take it. What are they going to do? Give you a heart attack?

Well, Roger, anyways, we discover eventually.

Yeah, indeed. So music time. Everyone's happy, cooking. The porn, first day of porn shoot went well. Got some music playing. Ah, it's fantastic. Well done, Maxine, you did really well. You're definitely going to be a star. Lorraine, this is Janet Ortega, starts a conversation. Can I just ask some questions? How does it feel to watch your girlfriend get absolutely banged by this guy? And he's like, ah, it's just business. It's just business. She's like, yeah, but-

It's fine if the camera's rolling, he says.

Yeah, she's like, yeah, but how can you have trust and love? And it opens up a really good discussion all about what it must be like working in this industry.

I think it's probably a very slim percentage of the porn couples who are actually, relationships carry on for a long time.

But even like, how do you deal with the fact that like a small scale is if your wife or your girlfriend was a collab dancer, you know, even that would like fuck my head off.

Even sex work.

Yeah. So that opens up this whole discussion. They discuss how, you know, it's the seventies, we're all free and we're open and we're all gonna get rich. And it's all thanks to the perverts because our job is to turn the perverts on. And that's all quite fun stuff. And they raise a toast to the perverts. And then Jackson starts playing the guitar. And this is the scene now where Bobby Lynn sings Landslide, which is, like I said, a beautiful song. I know Don agrees.

I'm sorry. At this point, I wanted to say, fuck off, you cunts. I just wanted the guy from Kill This to come along, pick up a guitar and smash it all over and say there's a time and a place and just get rid of that guitar. I hated this part. Sorry.

I really loved it.

It's Cringe City.

I loved it because it reminded you that although they were making porn films in the 70s, they thought they were doing it all for love and obviously money, but...

I just, it was split screened and it was soppy as shit. Then it shows the lady getting ready for bed and the song saying about getting older. And it's just like, fuck off. Get this out my face.

It's a great song, guy. It's fucking classic. Smashing Pumpkins did a great version of it. Yes, you're right. So we get the split scene. I've written here, it's a beautiful haunting moment. And you've just taken a big shit all over that.

That's what mine says. But obviously, you are your opinion, mine's my opinion. I might be completely wrong. That's just how I feel.

But an opinion is never wrong, is it? It's just an opinion at the end of the day.

Of course, of course. And the film's always gonna be there regardless. When I die, the film's still gonna be there.

Indeed. Well, after the landslide song and after we've seen the old lady, who we know from the second film is called Pearl, sort of sat in front of the mirror crying because she's old and not beautiful anymore. Lorraine then pipes up with, I think I'd like to be in the film. And her boyfriend's like, what? What do you mean? She's like, I'd like to get fucked in this film. And he's like, hang on a minute. Firstly, you're my girlfriend. Secondly, there's no, I've written the film.

She's going to do it anyway, don't she?

Yeah. She's her own person, but he basically says, all right, so she's added to the movie and straight away, it's like, all right, let's do your scene now. She can't wait.

She's pretty happy.

She, I like this scene. General Tague is quite hot and she climbs aboard Jackson. She mounts him. It's an interesting scene. This film left me feeling lots of different ways, Gav.

It must have done. I watched it with my girlfriend.

Oh, I didn't. I mean, I've got a wife. I don't have a girlfriend, but.

But what if you had watched it with your girlfriend? As you've got a wife.

I've got a secret girlfriend. So there we go. She's now shagged, and Howard wakes up. It's a full moon.

I don't want to say her boyfriend's then crying in the shower. Fuck off, you dickhead.

I love that bit though, because it's a role reversal. Where we've seen a woman crying in a shower after something terrible's happened.

I understand that it maybe is really into her, and it is in love or whatever, and then she's doing that, and obviously must be quite horrible for him. But at the same time, you're making porn. Like, you can't expect some of these bad things to be in it.

He didn't expect that.

Well, that's a curve ball we should expect. Uncertainly unexpected.

She was a quiet little Catholic girl, church maestas called her.

He's introduced it to her. He's the problem. He's like the pusher.

Yeah, but the problem is, Gav, it's not just the fact that she shagged that guy. She went for it.

And she probably would shagged him probably better than she shags him.

Exactly.

Exactly.

And RJ, RJ is crying his eyes out. And then he says, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna take the van and see how far they get without the van.

He has a little mood, doesn't he, a tantrum.

He puts on the radio and we get, don't fear the reaper, come on. Starts driving, then he sees the old lady in the headlights. Oh, oh, are you okay, man? Are you okay? You're in the way of the van. What's going on? She gives him a hug. He's like, okay. Then she gives them a full on smoochy smooch on the mouth. And he's like, why did you do that? Why did you do that?

The closest I've ever had to this of an older lady.

Oh, God.

Me and my friend Johnny, we were working at this lady's flat. We're going into his flat, it's working pretty quick in and out. But I was like, I'll use your loo. I went into the toilet, and all these thongs up on this like thing, which you're just drawing.

G-strings.

Yeah, and it's a bit like, these are strange underwear for you. And she was very keen on me and Johnny, my mate, say his name. And to the point she goes, would you both like a drink of that? She goes, how about a shower? You seem really hot. Maybe you could have a shower. You could have one, I've got towels. It's like, no one has ever asked me to shower when I'm working at their place. Never.

She wanted you and Johnny to shower together so she could watch.

And then the dude who set the work up later on said, oh, did you meet Zoto? And I was like, yeah, he goes, yeah.

What is he?

No, I just think it's probably a thing. And she's keen. And she's an older lady. She's exactly like this. It's pretty fair.

I dated an older woman once when I was in my, oh, I must have been in my mid-twenties.

How old?

She was about 20 years older than me. So about my age now.

Yeah, yeah.

Really. But she loved having a younger man. And we weren't really fully a couple, but I'd go around her house a lot, if you know what I mean.

So you're usually for the rabbit you were.

But it's funny that you say about the shower, because one of the things, now thinking about it, she used to do, when I used to get around there, I used to always go around there straight from work, and she'd go, you probably want to take a shower. And I'd go in, and she'd go, do you mind if I sit and talk to you while you shower? And she'd watch me shower.

She's gonna like grooming you.

It is great, though.

That's so weird.

Anyway.

Everybody knows this now. Don said. An old lady used to watch you shower. Like, funny enough, I remember when the PE teacher used to do that at middle school.

Yeah, but it wasn't just an older lady. It was a lady that I was having relations with.

But it's interesting that she'd want to watch you shower. What's all that about?

But listen, our patron of the episode loves it when we share these stories. So that's why I'm giving the extra today.

Are you still Facebook friends?

Me and her? No.

Facebook wasn't a thing then, was it?

It ended really badly.

Tell us how.

No, I can't. It's really bad.

Yeah, you can, because no one's gonna know.

It's really bad.

Go on.

Oh no, because I can't.

You've been in so many relationships situations, and I have, your mind's so boring.

I'll edit this story as best I can then. So she was really close friends with someone who I'm still really close with. And I was asked by that person, in fact, I'll just go ahead and say, it was my sister's boss, and my mom and my sister sat me down one day and said, she is losing her mind. She thinks you two are going to end up in a couple. We know that you're not interested in that.

Did you sort of say that this film's themes are like our relationship?

Headed for a huge crash. We're all going to die in flames. Well, I broke it off, and she locked herself in the bathroom and told me she was going to hurt herself. And I was like, oh, come on, no, don't do that. And I had to like get one of her friends around or something like that. She wasn't going to do anything. She was just having a, you know, crazy... Moment. Then, about six months later, oh, I can't even tell this, but I sound like a dick.

Dickhead.

I know, I know. Just because of my pride. I was a mid-20s stupid boy.

Well, that was her choice to muck around with a stupid boy.

Look, I don't know why I've told this entire story now.

It's brilliant.

It's because we're talking about older ladies.

I've got no interest in toys.

Older ladies. Anyway, back to RJ. So he sees the old lady in the headlights. She kisses him. She tries to show him her old lady boobs.

She wants to watch him have a shower.

She doesn't. What she does do is she sticks a knife in his throat.

Yeah. If you're not sticking me, I'm sticking you, sunshine.

She then climbs on top of him, Gavin. Now, you know, I like to count the thrusts in these films, as it were.

Is she using this as sex?

23 stabs. Well, 24, if you can include the first one. 24 stabs in the throat.

Amazing.

I counted them. While she's sitting on him, she stabs him 23 times in the throat. And it's really good gore. It made me feel uncomfortable. And I thought she's literally going to behead him at this point. And while she's doing that, the blood's going on the headlights of the van, so it's all illuminated red. It's great, in my opinion, really great shot, great color, looks good. And then she starts writhing around on top of him, doesn't she? Like she's sort of...

I imagine, I don't know, because I don't know her story beforehand, if she's a killer. I guess she probably is. And it's not her first time, but maybe if it was, because from what we know, it's her first time killing, she's getting off on it, and it's re-infigurating certain areas of her brain, which is the same as almost sex, you know?

Well, basically, this horny old lady has pretty much decapitated RJ with a kitchen knife.

The red blood on the hit in the van lights is lovely.

It's lovely. Cut back to his girlfriend, Lorraine, she's like, hang on a minute, where is RJ? He's not in bed next to me.

It is her first kill an hour into the film.

Indeed. So Lorraine thinks, I better go find my boyfriend because he's not around. She goes walking around the house in the dark, you know, she's like, where could he be? Where could he be? Wayne wakes up too, and he says, all right, I'll help you find him. And Wayne is just wearing the tiniest pair of white pants.

He don't walk around a farm with no shoes on for a start.

Why has he got no shoes on? Such a dickhead. But if I was him as well, I'd put some fucking trousers on.

The pants say it's five, he's got some boots on. It might be fucking hot though, if it's real hot.

If I'm going looking around for some old lady in the middle of the night, for someone's boyfriend in the middle of the night, I'm putting trousers on.

I'd probably be in my pants. You know what I mean?

Well, you're always in your fucking pants. I've seen your bollocks so many times, like, you know, that one time you Sharon Steyn me when you heard your dressing going on. And I was like, yeah, you got up in the morning and I stayed at yours and you came downstairs. You sat chatting to me. We were about halfway through our first cup of coffee. Then you did your Sharon and I said, I've just seen a testicle. That would be my long one.

He said, I'll put some pants on in a minute. And we carried on with the conversation. That's a close feel in a minute, I'll put some pants on, but let's finish what we're talking about.

Once upon a time, I got a story where there was a work do, a work out and we all stayed in it because we trashed the hotel room that I paid for other people and stuff. And we went and all crashed in this other hotel room because everyone from the works do was pretty much staying over in this big hotel. And I thought this dude was asleep, he was laying down.

Oh no, no. Yeah. He wore a loose fitting boxershort.

Not many people see my nuts, probably a few actually.

You should do it, only fans.

Just my nuts.

This is exactly what our patrons want, isn't it?

I don't know if people want to see my nuts.

No, I don't mean your nuts. I mean, what they want is us to have these conversations where we just go on these random tangents back down, showering for older women and Gav's almost tea-bugging someone by accident.

You totally pictured that in my mind though. Not you naked in a shower, but a person having a shower, but then a woman, more the woman, just laying, sitting there across the glass. So, was it a good dead work today? Don't forget to get behind your ears. Bend over!

Behind your ears? What am I doing? What's she doing with my ears? Are you washing? Yeah, but that wasn't the bit I was washing.

Cracks.

Well, anyway, so Wayne wakes up as well, as we said, and he's in his pants. He goes in the stables and Lorraine goes to the house and she sees Howard. She says, I'm really sorry to disturb you so late, but have you seen my boyfriend? And he says, have you seen my wife? So he's looking for his wife. She's looking for a boyfriend. Okay, great.

Maybe the boyfriend and the wife are together. Well, she would be like, wouldn't it? Those two might be like, hang on.

Yeah, but except for one is about 50 years older than the other.

I know, but it just went off.

Hey, age ain't nothing but number, Alia said, and then got forced into a marriage with R Kelly at 14. Anyway, moving on from R Kelly.

Gonna piss on you, drip, drip, drip.

Still love that Eminem lyric from his new song where he says, R Kelly's favorite group was the Black Guy Peas. The Black Guy Peas. Fucking great. Fucking great. Anyway, Wayne is in the stables in just his pants, as Gab is very annoyed about. And...

No, no, boots, just with no boots on whatsoever. That's what I'm annoyed about. Barefoot is just silly.

He stands on a nail. It's a very home alone moment. The cows moo at him.

It's well done. The camera sits there in front of a nail, waiting for it to come. So we know it's happening. And then it really goes in there. Well, it looks like it goes in there. So it's probably a CGI nail, maybe, sitting there, I guess.

He pulls the nail out. He says, God damn it. I'm gonna get tetanus. And he sees somebody. He sees somebody moving around in the shadows, just outside. And he's like, RJ, is that you? For God's sake, I've been stabbed in the foot. Can you help me? He peeps through the holes.

I feel like, honestly, Ty West had the day off running in. This was a seamless road. Can you write this for me, and just gave it to someone else?

You gotta watch Pearl, Gav. I think you'll have a different understanding of this from when you've watched Pearl.

I hope so, you know.

But it's a pitchfork as well. That's the other good thing is, it's not just a stab, it's a pitchfork through the fucking head. And you've gotta remember that one thing we haven't mentioned is, at the beginning of the film, everything they've said, they've described their own deaths, because at one point Wayne has just been pitchforked through the eyes. He says, what we're gonna film this weekend is gonna make people's eyes pop out of their heads. And his eyes get popped out of his head.

But that's something you can just put in, go back to the script and just write that in.

But I really like it. Not often you get a pitchfork through the eyes. So, Howard says to Lorraine, help me find my wife, go down to the basement, go down to the cellar and get the other flashlight. Fuck that. If an old man is sending me down to his dark cellar.

What old man wants you in his dark cellar?

Well, got a story about that as well, which I'm definitely not going to tell on this episode.

An actual story about a cellar?

Not a cellar, an old man. It's really disturbing, and Alice always winds me up about it, but it's quite not very nice either.

Toilet on with you then?

An old man stood outside the public toilets, and he asked me and my friends to go in the toilets with him.

What? Just like you were coming and looming.

Do you want to know what he actually said to me?

Yeah, of course.

He said, do you want to come inside with me? And we said, no. We didn't know why he was asking us. We were about 12, 13.

Oh, really?

And he said, apologies to anybody. You know, I'm not trying to trigger anyone. He said to me, go on, I bet you're so juicy. And I didn't know what that meant. I thought, I still really don't know what he means to this day.

Well, he needs to be arrested.

What part of me was juicy?

I hate to think what else happened with that person.

But sometimes if we're talking about like fruit or we're drinking or something, Alice goes, that's juicy. I mean, I was with like six of my friends, nothing would have happened, but it was weird that he... I mean, it wasn't weird.

It was around the time then, and you could do that and then just wander off, and it wouldn't be even like a massive thing.

He did, he just wandered off.

Yeah, and it would even be like a big thing.

And we didn't really think anything of it because we didn't really know what paedophiles were, really. We just thought, why's that man said that? That's weird. Weird thing to say.

Yeah.

What would I have done in the toilets with him? Thank God I didn't go in and find out. Anyway, like I said, apologies to anybody. I don't mean to trigger anyone. Anyway, cutting back to X, this is going on a wild ride and I'm loving it. I'm loving this X conversation. So we...

It's gone downhill.

We flash cut...

With your toilet talk.

I know, I know. We flash cut to Wayne dying as the pitchfork is pulled out of his head. And it's the old lady. She's killed again. And then she walks up to him, sticks it in him once more and then just covers his body in hay. So...

Hay? Why not?

It's the last straw.

Good one.

I almost bailed on that joke, but yeah, you know, I'm good. I'm quick with these puns, Gav. That jakes. Yes. So where are we at? Lorraine finds out that she is locked in the fucking cellar. Of course she is. I'm locked in. I'm locked in. Doesn't she start screaming? She starts wandering around in there. She finds a dead man hanging, just hanging there with his knob out.

Knob is out.

Dead naked knob. Now that man, we're about to see him again, because Jackson wakes up in the middle of the night next to Bobby Lynn. What is it, Jackson?

Well, I wake up totally unaware of anything that's going on.

Well, he says, I thought I heard something. I'm just going to go and check it out. And he goes to the fridge and he pulls out a carton of milk. And on the side of the milk is that man missing that we've just seen naked dead in the cellar.

Oh, I didn't catch that.

And he drinks some milk. And then he looks around the cabin a bit. And then he sees Howard outside. He sees a flashlight and he opens the door. He says, you okay, old man? He says, have you seen my wife? She's missing. She gets confused sometimes.

You've got a good old man voice.

Thanks. And then Jackson says, I'll tell you what, I'll help you. And then we cut back to the silhouette of him stood there with this monster penis springing between his legs. I mean, you don't see it. We just see the silhouette of it because he's but naked talking to this old man. And he's like, yeah, I'll help you because he was a Marine Jackson. They talk about this earlier.

I'm sure it's a prosthetic penis.

Who knows? Kikuni might have a gigantic one. Yes, I'm sure it was. But so he says, yeah, I'll help you. Don't you worry about that. We get the point of view of somebody approaching Maxine in her bed. And it's the old lady. She's so horny. She wants everyone. So she pulls the sheet off of her and she starts caressing Maxine's butt and her back, but she's got blood all over her hand. So she's smearing it all over her.

It depends how heavy you sleep. Like Sarah is a deep sleeper. I could wipe blood all over her back.

Fucking hell.

Sarah, I don't do that.

She'll wake up like, what's all this on me?

Jam.

Strawberry jam. So anyway, Jackson and Howard, they go searching. And he says, look, I don't need a flashlight. I was a Marine. Once a Marine, always a Marine. If she's out here, I'll find her. You kind of trust him. You're like, okay, he's a porn star, but he's an ex-soldier. He's a badass.

No, I like this dynamic here, him actually helping. I don't trust the old guy as far as I could throw at him. But I do like this bit here, because it's my safety blanket as such, I guess. So someone like, hey, I'm going to do this for you. I've been in Vietnam, if she's here, I'll find her.

And you think, great. And the old man's like, okay.

And he kind of goes along with it as well, and I kind of like that for a little bit. But even though I know it's a ruse.

So while that's going on, all that nicey-nice relationship, we cut back to poor old Maxine, who's currently getting her face licked.

I know why I liked it, is because the old guy, because the gentleman that says that he will go looking is the kind of black. And obviously, the era we're in, it might not be at all. Because he was also a Vietnam vet, so he's worked for his country and stuff. And I might take some prejudice away from this guy. But this old guy, I don't know, do you know what I mean? But I'm assuming, I shouldn't, but I'm assuming of the era that he might have a slight racial tone to his way of thinking.

And when they were talking about Vietnam, Jackson also said earlier, he says, oh, I was shot at by enough farmers in Vietnam, which again is foreboding of his death. But we'll come to that a minute, because at the moment we cut back to Maxine, who's currently getting her face licked by an old lady. As you do, as I did back in the day. And she then smells her hair and tries to kiss her.

Wasn't an old lady though, was it?

No, she wasn't. She was my age right now.

That's what I'm saying.

I was just 20 years younger.

I watched Polk Guys 2 the other day, and you know, the main, God is in his holy town, Polk. I watched him. I was like, it doesn't seem so old this time round.

It's funny, isn't it?

No, he doesn't look that old to me. Okay, that's scary. Carry on. That's next episode.

Cut back to Jackson and he finds an old car. It's submerged, half submerged in the lake.

Yeah, very psycho.

It's a bit weird. Then he sees a light in the water and thinks, Oh God, the old man's fallen in the water. So he goes in trying to, Old man, are you in here?

What was that then? Did the old man throw the lamp in there to get him in there to get the crocodile to eat him maybe?

I'm not sure. I'm not sure why he did it.

I assumed the old guy threw the light in there to get him to go in there. Then I thought he was going to shoot him in the water, actually.

Well, we'll find out in a minute. But we cut back again to Lorraine, who's still trying to find her way out of the cellar. She grabs a hatchet and she full on Jack Nickerson's the door. So she's trying to break out there. And then Jackson finds Howard in the woods and says, oh, man, I thought you'd fallen in the water. What's going on? Howard just points a shotgun directly, like point blank, at Jackson's chest.

Well, he says to him, the last Bohemian who was enticing my wife, saying all this sort of stuff. I know what's going on and then shoots him. The thing is, in the House of the Devil, someone gets shot. The surprise element is brilliant. In the car. You don't know it's coming. It's brilliant. This, you knew this was coming. You know who's going to shoot him.

I didn't. Did you not? No, no. I didn't think he was going to shoot him, like point blank to the chest.

Because I thought he was going to shoot him in the water, and then he comes out and he's going to shoot him. I didn't feel the tension was here. But, you know, and it's a shame because I thought it was a dynamic going on slightly.

So definitely one of the creepiest Nightmare Fuel scenes is next, is where we go with Maxine in her bed. She rolls over. She's nose to nose with this old lady who is herself. You know, it's Maya Goth playing both these roles.

Very interesting.

Very clever. And she slowly opens her eyes. Imagine seeing this nose to nose with you. This old lady smiling like a horny, really old lady smiling naked lying there. And she does what we would all do. She screams, which wakes up Bobby Lynn, who then sees the naked old lady running off. And she's like, what the fuck is going on here?

What are you into?

And then we see Lorraine chopping through the door. She reaches for the handle. She's trying to turn the handle. Howard's turned up with his shotgun, and he smashes her hand with the butt of the gun, possibly breaking her hand or some fingers.

Very, very much breaking her fingers.

And he says to her, be quiet, you get back in there. Sort of makes her go back in the cellar. And he turns on the TV, and it's the evangelist again, sort of preaching and preaching. And Maxine does what we all would do at this point. She's just woken up naked with an old naked lady, nose to nose with her. She washes and snorts a load of coke. Get yourself back on point, as it were. Bobby searches outside, and she sees the naked old lady on the edge of the lake. We've been waiting for this.

And she does say, it's not my fault you didn't leave. The other one says, it's not my fault you didn't leave the life that you wanted.

That's right.

And I was like, it's this Thai West midlife crisis script.

Well, either way, she gets pushed in the water and the gator grabs her head. And it's a fucking great scene. And you don't get many gators in films like this. So, happy, very happy to see a big monster gator eating. Now, I didn't know the difference. I do know the difference between a crocodile and an alligator. But, you know, one's in Africa, Asia, the other one is in the Americas and Australia. But do you know that an alligator is so much bigger and stronger and faster than a crocodile?

Really?

So yeah, if I'd never, like, an alligator is the more monstrous of the two. Huge, big, muscly things. Fast.

Did you know, actually, the other day, you know, the James Bond movie where Roger Moore jumps over the crocodiles?

Is that the one where he dresses up as a Japanese guy?

No, I don't think so.

Is that the one where he gets inside a crocodile and pretends that he's?

No, that's not the pussy. No, he jumps over the mill there, and he jumps, jumps, jumps, jumps, and I watch the outtakes. And it's a stunt man just folding the entire time, and the crocodile trying to get him and then quickly pull his leg out.

You're telling me they didn't get Roger Moore to jump across loads of, was it real crocodiles?

Yeah. What? And he's running across them, they must have positioned them. They must have been really docile or something. And he runs across their backs.

They wouldn't do that these days.

Fourth time he makes it. See, he falls in at the end, and the crocodile has to pull his leg out super quick. It's like, that's insane.

Jackie Chan used to do shit like that.

Yeah.

You know, hippos, tigers.

I started watching Armour Of God the other day.

Ah, it's one of my apps. Probably top three Jackie Chan films.

I only got through to the beginning. I stopped, I was like, Sarah, be into this. And we did watch it though, but it was just like, that'd be a real fun movie to watch.

It's Jackie Chan's love letter to Spielberg.

Really?

He basically plays-

It has like an adventure theme to it.

Indiana Jones. Yeah, he's based at Indiana Jones. He collects artifacts from around the world.

Ah, nice.

But the fight scenes are insane.

That's what I'm wondering.

Also, famously, the movie that he almost died in, because he cracked his skull falling out of a tree and lost a hearing in one ear. And I've talked about this story in the podcast where when I had dinner with him, that time, I felt the hole in his head. He's got a plastic plug in his head. Yeah, it's from Oh, God. How interesting.

You felt his hole.

I felt his plug in his head, and it vibrated when he sings, which is weird. Things I've done in my life.

Did he keep your hand on it, so for the rest of the evening, he started singing, and you're like, oh, it's vibrating now, Jackie.

No, but he did ask me to shower so he could watch.

I bet he did.

He didn't.

He didn't.

And I'll hear nothing bad against Jackie Chan.

No, he doesn't watch young lads shower.

Ask somebody else.

They're not juicy.

Right, come on. Okay, so anyway, she dies due to the gator. Howard.

They have sex now, don't they?

Howard walks up behind his wife and says, was that the one? And she says, you know I don't like blans. So he knows that there's one of them she's got the hots for. But then, yeah, Maxine showers, she goes searching. Howard and his wife re-enter the house.

Howard does some re-entrance.

He says four down, he does. He says four down, and she says, Howard, tell me I'm special. He's like, you're beautiful. You are, you're beautiful. And she shows her old boobs to him, and he says, but my heart, I might not be able to take it, Pearl. And she says, come on. And then we get a scene, which is terrifying, because we're all going to be old someday. But seeing two old people, seeing that old man's butt clench as he thrusts, and she's there going, ah.

I didn't pay much attention.

I did.

You had a rough time with this movie, and Rick, emotions all over the shop.

Up and down. That's why I did the pleasure and pain bit in the old World Of The Strange, because I was, pleasure and pain for this.

This is your pleasure.

This is my pleasure.

Oh man, clenched buttocks.

The worst bit about this is that while they're going at it OAP style on the bed, we realize that Maxine is under the bed.

Yeah.

And she's having to listen to all the, ah, and the crinkly and the bones creaking. All the sort of noises you'd hear.

My heart, my heart, oh.

Anyway, she crawls out from under the bed as quietly as she can. And she runs out to the van. She finds RJ dead in front of the van. She goes back in the house. She finds Lorraine. She lets her out the cellar. Lorraine, stupidly, this is the only bit I didn't really like. She runs, she goes, this is all your fault. And she runs off screaming, and like she should have stuck with Maxine. I don't know why she ran away from her, but she runs off screaming. And of course she gets shot.

So that's a good kill.

It's a good kill. She's done. And they drag her body back inside, and Howard's heart gives out on him, because she does a death splatter, a death stutter, you know, when you're sort of dead, but you get, and it makes him jump back, and his heart gives out, he did. Literally 10 minutes before, he was dragging a dead body in his eyes. He was having a good old time with his wife. One last time. Yeah, fair enough. That's a good point. The old lady gives Maxine the keys to the van at gunpoint.

Midlife crisis script.

Oh, but the gun is empty. She can't shoot the old lady, but the old lady very slowly raises the shotgun, and Maxine has time to duck. Now, the old lady earlier was talking about, I don't wanna break my hip and fall. Well, this shotgun recoil is hilarious. It takes her back out through the door and into the garden outside, and she breaks her hip. So, again, lots of foreshadowing. And she's lying on the floor with a broken hip, and Maxine shushes her and says, just stay there, I'm gonna go.

And that's the end of the film.

That's the end of the film.

It's fine in places. One other thing is, I don't care about any of the characters, so I don't care if they die. That's the problem I've got also. I'm not rooting for anybody. But the film's all right. It has some good moments here and there. That's what I think.

Did you enjoy it more the second time around?

I enjoyed it more, reviewing it slightly here and there, because I could look at some stuff in a bit more detail and a bit more clarity as such from a viewer's eye, and appreciate some bits and bobs. There's bits in it, I did a few here and there, bits I'm like, that's a really good bit. But overall, I didn't feel anything new, and I didn't have any care for any characters.

So this was my first time watching it. I was really impressed. It wasn't like mind-blowing, the same as Axel F, which I talked about in the intro. It didn't blow my mind, but it ticked all the boxes, and I had a great time with it. I'd give it a solid 7 out of 10. It's better than a lot of the stuff I've seen for years. And for a new film, and it's 2022 now, so for a newish film...

Hill's Cop or Axel F or X?

Both of them, I'm saying. It didn't blow my mind, just like Axel F, but it still ticked all the boxes. It was like going back to a franchise. Do you know what I mean? Plus, it had a gator in it, which was new for me and great for me. And the porn angle was good. I thought the acting was great. And what really blew my mind was when I realized, thanks to the credits, that Mia Goth had played The Old Lady as well.

Would it be better to watch that first if you're new to the whole game?

No, no.

You have to watch it like that.

I'd prefer to watch it this way, because then you're like, okay, let's find out why Pearl gets like that, you know? And you find out about Howard going to the war, and you find out about the Gator, and you find out her family. And this one is, it's less slasher, more... It's even more psycho, and it's even more like the sequels to the text, so change the massacre. But it isn't as like... It's less of a horror film, more of a psychological thriller, but there was a lot of gore in it.

It's got some bits which are all right, but I don't really like it. There's nothing new for me.

Well, I had a blast with this, and I certainly had a blast with Wreck as well. Very intense films in different ways, and very horny this film. They did a good job of making you horny. Making me horny. I'm not going to lie. I never lie to our listeners. There were times where I was like, well, this is well done. I wasn't like...

I didn't do that for me. Maybe my porn's too hardcore.

It was only the Gator that got me hard.

I guess.

Anytime a Gator's around, I'm like, hell no.

Let's get out of here.

Well, hang on. Hang on. Before we do that, let's just wrap up and say thanks to Don. Don really enjoyed these two movies. Wreck, fucking great, as you know. I really loved X. Really glad to get to watch it. Definitely a thumbs up for me, but not from Gav for X, I'm afraid. But it'll be one I go back to at some point, especially when Maxine's out. What I'll probably do in a few years' time is do like a triple bill or something of them.

Look what the wax candles have done.

It's turned into a penis.

Isn't that hella funny?

That is so funny that we're talking about X. You guys can't see this. Gav, you're going to have to keep that and post that on the Facebook page, or send me the picture, because you're not on Facebook at the moment, and I'll upload that. It's almost like us talking about the porn industry made your candle melt into a penis shape. It's even got the shaft.

It's so weird.

That is weird. I'll post this up, guys, if you're interested in Gav's penis shaped candle.

It's hilarious.

All right, let's have an outro. Let's take a break. Put your penis candle away.

And we're back again.

We're back again to say goodbye.

Dan just blew my mind. We were saying Kelsie was going to tell us, but we never got round to it.

Maybe I'll save that story for another podcast episode. Yeah, yeah, probably best. So yeah, that was episode 159. Okay, thanks, Gav. Gav's showing me more wax. Not from his ears, may I add. Yeah, that was episode 159, another Patrons Pick. It is time, however, to give me that crime back. Thank you, Don. You've been a legend for doing that, and you're amazing. Thank you, Don. And everything you wrote. I absolutely loved it. Loved reading out what you guys write for us to read.

Yes.

But we must move on, Gav, and I know you're asking.

Asking.

What are you asking?

What's coming next, Daniel?

So we've already touched on this, but episode 160, they're here again. Episodes 160, we'll be finishing up the original franchise of the Poltergeist movies. So we'll be doing Poltergeist 2, The Other Side, from 1986, and then the sad to watch now, really, Poltergeist 3, 1988. Interesting, we can talk a bit more about the legacy, which we've talked about in the past, but all the stuff that goes with Poltergeist. We're never gonna cover the remake.

Yeah, Sam Rockwell.

Great actor, love him. Have you ever seen Moon? Yes, very good. So good, so good. It is sad, but brilliant. It's like, Cool Runnings is incredible. Not Cool Runnings, fucking hell, Silent Running. Have you ever seen Silent Running? With, you know, Mr. Rumsfeld, isn't it? It's great, it's set in space. He's got three robots called Huey, Dewey and Louie, and it's just him and these three robots trying to restart a rainforest in a space station. And it's really sad and amazing.

Swing, swing away.

Swing away. So yeah, great two great movies, great director in my opinion. We've already talked about that happening on this episode. Yes, okay, he's had a few misses, but he's had mainly hits. So I'm really excited to talk about Shyamalan's career, and review those two films. And then after that, it's another page, run big, big, big, big, big. And we've got Kevin S. Fife lined up.

Back again.

Back again, and he's picked two, goddammit, he's picked two, giallo movies. 1973's Torso.

Oh, amazing. Whores Meet Sores.

Directed by Sergio Martino. And 1982's, you're going to be excited for the next one, because he's also picked an Argento. 1982, Tenebrae.

Oh, Tenebrae.

Probably, well, it's in my top three Argentos several times.

Can't wait.

Deep Red, Tenebrae and Suspiria. Tenebrae and Deep Red are interchangeable. They're both very good.

I like Crystal Plymouth as well.

So, yeah, Kevin's given us a couple of Jallows. So that's going to be a fucking exciting one as well.

That's super cool. And we could talk about Jallows as well.

He got in early with those as well. He was like, I already know what I want. Months ago, he said, this is what I want. And I was like, dude, I'm fucking happy. So, yeah, so that's what we're doing next. A couple of Potter Guys movies, a couple of Shyamalan movies and then a couple of Jallow movies. So stay tuned for the next three episodes.

We haven't been to Italy with horror for a little while.

I do love the Jallows. Jallow is the kind of movie that I like to watch with you. You know what I mean? Back when we used to drink, when we had a glass of red wine. Sit there watching it with our leather gloves on, if we can.

And our knives and our heads.

Knives and our heads. Just being really horrible to women, strangling them. We don't do that. So yeah, that's what's coming up. That was the episode. Just time really now to do a little bit of housekeeping and then we can say our goodbyes and thank you. So thank you again to Don for being our patron of the episode. We have been and are, always will be, until we die, the podcast on Haunted Hill. That sounded a bit morbid, didn't it?

The High Strangest Podcast.

Which Gav and Des with Sarah. They delve into the dark and murderous world, and sometimes the sort of urban legend-y world as well. It's fun. Just an uncropsy, didn't you?

Yeah, next episode, things that wash up on beaches.

Yes.

Just randomly.

I think recently a huge bag of dildos washed up on a beach somewhere.

There's all sorts. So there's bags of hands, severed hands have been washed up on beaches, all sorts.

Amazing. Oh, there's that one boy that's been collecting Lego.

A massive Lego.

Yeah, huge crates of Lego got dropped in the ocean, and he's been collecting them for years. And he's got thousands of pieces of Lego that keep washing up on his beach in the UK. Imagine that, a kid.

Amazing.

Yeah, so that's the high strangeness. And we are a Patreon member as well, which means if you want to, you can support us on Patreon for as little as a pound or a dollar a month, or as much as you want. You can support the show, help us to keep going and growing, going and growing and flowing and showing.

Thank you very much. Massively appreciate it. It's just lovely that you like to listen to us natter on about Dan's former sex life.

Yes, former. That sounded really bad. I still have a sex life. Just the days before marriage and all that. Anyway, let's move on. So yeah, thanks to all our Patrons. Thanks to all our supporters, listeners, people that even just like the Facebook page, share and all the other shit that you do. If you're a friend, you're a friend for life. Like Chuckie says, friends to the end. We're not going to do that. Don't worry about that. And that's it, really. So fucking hell, I'm horny.

It's a good night from an alligator.

It's a good night from a man in a pair of pants wandering around the stables, wondering why he's just got tetanus in his foot.

And it's a good night from Juicy.

And it's a good night from me watching Gavin in the shower saying, go on, you and your friend take a shower.

Oh, and it's a good night from you. Good night.

And it's a good night from Pearl. Good night, everybody. Take care and listen, if an old man asks you to go down in his cellar to find a flashlight, please don't do it.

Don't do it, don't do it. Gonna be all sorts down there, more than just flashlights. Good night.

Good night.

Thank you for listening to the podcast on Haunted Hill. We will be back again real soon.