THE PODCAST ON HAUNTED HILL EPISODE 158 - THE HILLS HAVE EYES AND THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS

Podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.

Thanks for watching! Welcome to the podcast on Haunted Hill episode 158 Rhymes of Masturbate. The only reason I said that, Dan, said that before we recorded. This is not a bingo haul, but we normally rhyme when we do bingo in, don't we, Dan? Well, we don't actually compare or MC bingo in, but Dan, maybe we should start...

Maybe we should, maybe we should.

Even a bingo podcast.

Yes, the reason I do that, dear sweet listeners, is because sometimes, because we are now into the hundred-odd episodes, to remind Gav of what episode he's about to introduce, I like to throw a little rhyme at him.

Well, I said it last time, didn't I? I know that sometimes you're looking at me going, what number is he going to say?

Well, I try and rhyme it with something sexually related, because Gav has got a good brain for that.

Anyway, my name's Gav.

My name's Dan. This is episode 158, as Gavin has said, and it does rhyme with masturbate. It also rhymes with great, great, great, great directors, because this is another director special, Gav.

Yes, it is. Mr. Wesley Craven.

Indeed. Now, we covered Wes Craven a while back, when we covered Scream and the original, Nightmare on Amstreat. This was many, many years ago. But he is one of those directors, much like John Carpenter, that it's worth coming back to. He's got a pretty decent body of work. So we've selected each one of his films. We won't be going too much into his career this time, because we did that when we covered his first, well, his first director special.

But what did I choose?

You chose, oh, you chose, yeah, for some reason, you chose The Hills Have Ice. It was a long time ago.

Yeah, well, I chose it because I thought, oh, I like that movie. But we're good. We're good to that.

This is the original 1977 Hills Have Ice, the video nasty, the one that was banned, but not banned, but then it was, but then it wasn't.

I didn't think of an alternative title for it. You know, you get like Twin Peaks. I thought like the mountains have knockers.

The mountains have knockers. Brilliant. The Hills Have Ice, the mountains have, what about the mountains have ears?

I like knockers.

Yeah, of course you do. Knockers is a British slang for boobs, breasts, titties. We've paired that one up with My Choice from the early 90s, featuring the hit song by Redhead Kingpin, Do The Right Thing. I don't know why I said that. Yeah, it's a brilliant song. But it's The People Under The Stairs, starring Ving Motherfucking Rames.

Yeah, looking a bit more youthful than Motherfucker era.

Motherfucker. Yeah, and a few other people are in that. So yeah, The People Under The Stairs from the early 90s, very political, racially charged undertones, and that one we'll discuss. And one of the original nasties, which Wes Craven was known for in the early part of his career, obviously he made Last House on the Left, then he made The Hills Have Eyes, and both of them were very, very, very considered very naughty in terms of cinema. They got R ratings, Xs, whatever stuff that was.

They're both pretty grimy.

Very grimy. So that's what we're covering. World Of The Strange. Yes. Bill Murray is already here. He arrived yesterday. Shh, he's sleeping at the moment. Still a bit jet lagged. But he's very excited for me to go through a list of stuff that potentially relates to one of our films. So you know the drill, Gav. You know what he's like with his lists. Yeah. Oh, Billy Murray. So that's what we're doing, dear sweet listeners, for this episode.

I've seen the picture, but I hope we pay attention. I just figured it's something for the generation, which is not me.

Yes, but you will like it because of that. Yes, because everybody in it is a cunt, as you would say. Don't use that word very often. They're all a bunch of social media, Twittering, Facebooking wankers, assholes, entitled, all these people that are very, very sort of like, I need to be in the same space and all this kind of stuff, people that play the victim and all that kind of stuff. And nobody in it is likable. It's incredibly funny.

Okay, I was about to say, you're not selling it to me. Why do I actually spend time looking at these people?

Because it's incredibly funny. It's got an incredible twist or two. The ending is fantastic. And the way it's shot is all shot in the dark. Basically, they play this game called Bodies, Bodies, Bodies. They all go to a mansion, all get drunk, do loads of cocaine.

Will they even notice?

They probably won't. They'll probably be too busy tweeting about. My latte was delivered with the wrong spelling of my name on it, and it wasn't the correct temperature.

Yeah, possibly.

OK, that's a shame you haven't seen it, but it is on UK Netflix for anyone that hasn't seen it, and it is worth watching. It's got that Pete Davidson guy in it, you know, that comedian stand-up guy who I hate, but he was quite good at this, actually.

He did a pretty good film called The King Of Staten Island.

He did? Yes, you're right. OK, yeah, that makes me think that actually maybe he's a pretty good actor.

That's all I could tell of him, but after all I did, I just kept sort of seeing him in pictures.

Well, he's popped his penis in quite a lot of famous ladies over the last few years. And then he's turned up in Eminem's new music video.

He didn't turn up in Eminem.

He didn't turn up in Eminem, that I know of.

That might have happened.

But did he want to have turned up in him?

Did he do it? Did he not?

Did he diddler?

Who did he knows? Nobody knows.

Diddly dum diddy. Well, let's cut straight to the main course of what we've been watching. We both watched it. My first watch, your second watch. I'm a big, big fan of Jordan Peele. So I was very excited to watch. Managed to avoid all spoilers, considering it came out of the tail end of 2022. It's just hit UK Netflix again. So thank you, Netflix. We are not sponsored by Netflix, by the way. Can you tell I've had a big coffee? If I was peaking 100 miles an hour, I'll slow it down.

I had those.

But, nope. Alice watched it with me. She said she was bored by it, which is the complaint I'm getting from a lot of people.

It does seem a little pretentious with length. It doesn't need to be as long.

That's what she said.

I don't understand why all these films have to be so long. You don't need to be. We can get to the point quicker, please.

Isn't it two hours?

It does dawdle at the beginning. It does dawdle for quite a while because I watched it with Charlie, and Charlie was like, and then, yeah, phones came along. No worries. It dawdled for a little while. It could be tired. I enjoyed it again, though, second time, because I fucking hate us. I think that's no shit.

I know you do.

But I love Get Out. So it's a bit of a, you know. But this one, really, I actually quite enjoyed it.

Yeah, man, the thing is, and I know you don't often like it when a film is layered and you have to go back and look for bits and bobs.

Only if they're making you work.

Yeah.

Us is making you work, and it's fuck off, you cunt. I'm coming for this.

I really enjoyed No, really enjoyed it, in fact. Put it on the level with us.

For me, sorry to cut you off very quickly. For me, because I like Alien films, like Bigfoot films, like Royal films. There's only so many of all of those, which I, in my opinion, I think are good. Yeah. And No, it sits in there. It's a very good Aliens. It's very good, well done in the clouds, because you know how much I love UFOs.

It's very original.

Yeah, you know how much I love UFOs. So for me, it's like a good representation of UFOs with clouds and shit. So I quite dig that.

Yeah, I really like what Jordan Peele does as well. He brings it, he always brings in a new look or a new take on something. So the fact that, and there's no racial or political agenda, but the fact that he really explores the fact that actually 50% of cowboys were black, you know, and the first family that wrangled horses in Hollywood was a black family. So he's got this black family that raised Hollywood horses, and they just happened to get caught up in this crazy UFO shit.

To be fair, watching it this time around, I didn't actually notice any colour at all. Do you know what I mean? I literally didn't at all.

Oh yeah, it's not about, and that's what I'm saying, it's not about that, it just so happens to be.

And I didn't though, which is quite good, because he was commented on in social media, as always, you'd get people saying, he's always sort of repping the black people and stuff. Oh yeah, fair enough. Yeah, he is black. He can't do whatever the fuck he wants. But that was commented on a lot, and I didn't really give a shit about it, but I did notice a lot of people saying that either way, like pro or con, for whatever reason.

I'm going to go out and say a bold statement here. This was like Spielberg and Shyamalan combined, because it had a lot of...

It's got scope. Family dynamic and scope.

When he was making it, he said, I want to make the sort of film that I went to watch in the summer, like a Spielberg movie, and that's kind of what he's done with this. But also, it's got those little twists, and if you want to find the little details and the little clues, like the Shyamalan films, it's got that and it's well. It's got some genuinely creepy and terrifying moments. It's got a very original concept for an alien.

But I generally enjoyed it. I don't really need the monkey bits in it so much. Charlie's like, what was it? It's just there.

Well, the reason that was in it is because.

I know, it's because that guy was when he was younger, and that's what he remembers.

But well, he so the whole meaning behind it is you're trying to find this fame, and Hollywood quite often literally eats and spits out people. And that's kind of what the whole thing behind this is. So the character in it who had a terrible time with a monkey when he was a child, he because he survived that encounter, he's under the impression that you can tame like an apex predator, like a monkey or a lion or an alien.

But again, I came at it as just a viewer watching a UFO movie. So if you took that out of it, it would have changed the UFO feel for me anyway.

And for me, I could have lost it.

Do you know what I mean?

The only reason I know that is because afterwards I went online and I watched it. Yeah, because I love Jordan Peele, you know. And it's fine.

I'm all up for films doing these things, or even if they're not, and people interpret them that way. But if there's these messages, fine. But like I say, I don't want to work for it. But with this film, this time around, I felt like he made it for the people who, if they want to go searching for the treasure, buried treasure, go for it. It's there. But if you just want to come and be entertained, I'm definitely going to entertain you.

And I think that was the same with Get Out. Get Out was like an amazing film. But if you want to search for it, it was there. But I think, like, I understand with us.

But with us, it's making you have to work. It not insulted me. It felt like I was kind of stitched up in a way. I paid to go to the cinema. I didn't pay to come here to work. I paid to come here and enjoy myself for entertainment.

I know what you mean. Well, for me, it's a three out of three for three for him. I love all three of the movies he's done. And his new project's just been announced. It's got no title yet, but it's coming out in October 2026. So it's a long time to wait. But he's just started production on it. And I'm excited for that. And Marvel have approached him and asked him if he will direct the new X-Men film.

Stay away from Marvel. Sorry, Dad, I know you're a fan, but stay away, Jordan.

He will probably turn it down because he was offered his favorite film of all time is the Japanese manga Akira. And he was offered the chance to direct the live action version of that. And he said, absolutely not. I'm not going to direct my favorite film of all time. No way. Why would I remake that? So he's got a good head on it.

I think he is. And it's funny, Get Out and Note both had Daniel in it.

Yes, Daniel Kaluar, yeah.

Maybe that's the thing that I'm missing from his movies. If you like us, he's not in it.

Yeah.

So as long as he's in the next one, I'll probably like it.

Maybe he's definitely developing a style. Before we finish up our intro and get into the trailer for The Hills Of Ice, Gav, I sent you...

Very quickly, going back to that, I've got to say, then, after the first Jordan Peele with Get Out won an Oscar for it, and obviously Daniel's in it, and rose him to like, wow, look at this guy, and his performance is great. Him and obviously his first-time director, obviously he had done, Jordan Peele had done loads of his TV show and would have directed episodes. That's why I think they're honed their skill of being able to do different things.

Yeah.

And very well as well.

Keaton Peele, incredible show.

They're working, obviously, his acting in Get Out is great. So coming back for a third time, working again, because he's brilliant in this as well.

Oh, he's a fantastic actor.

I'd like to hope that we see that going forward then, but you know, Scorsese, the De Niro, or DiCaprio.

And I really loved the girl that played his sister in Nope as well.

I thought she was cool, yeah.

Funny and really great. I really loved the tech guy as well. Angel, the guy.

I really enjoyed watching it again. I love all the dynamics. Even the TMZ guy turns up with his helmet, because you're like, who the fuck's this guy? And then it kind of ruins it, because he's like, it's just TMZ. I thought he was like some guy from the future or something.

Or Men In Black or something.

Anyway, Nope, recommended by the podcast on Haunted Hill.

Oh, I'm glad to hear that you like that. Yeah, it's getting a lot of slack online, which is weird. But before we wrap up then, I sent you a picture.

It's weird on the internet that people don't like something.

People have their voice in their opinions.

Even if they don't like it, they want to do it because they want to be...

They're saying, if you like this film, then you're sucking Jordan Peele's dick. That's what it is.

Secretly, I couldn't even make that movie if I fucking tried.

I know, I love it. I love it.

And you do also find sometimes failed scriptwriters. No offence, but some people, or reviewers now, some of them who haven't had that break, and they do get bitter, especially actually in Hollywood and Los Angeles.

Sons of guns. Let's wrap up with the final little thing I wanted to quickly talk about. I sent you a picture today of a poster for a new film and a franchise that just keeps on going.

Oh, I thought you meant that other...

No, no, not that one.

Those other things you sent me, and I was like, it's too much info for this early in the morning.

I sent you a picture of a poster for a film called The Amityville Backpack.

See, I thought this was... I didn't even notice you on my WhatsApp. I thought maybe it was someone in the Deadbolt group or something, because I thought it was a dildo in a rug sack, so I thought it's not inside out. So I thought it was some comical fake-ness. So I watched you and I was like, it still could be a comical fake movie, because you send me that shit all the time.

Well, yeah, but the thing with the Amityville franchise is, they're all real. They're all very real.

Because then you said, what's going on with this? I said, oh, it's real.

I thought it would be fun to very briefly take a look at the franchise and where it's gone in the last few years.

Well, before we do, though, you got to say, like, there is a proper franchise, which is a studio franchise.

I'm going to start with that.

Then the people just go, I've made this movie called Bob Sleigh.

I know what we should do.

Amityville Bob Sleigh. Put that on the front. Ship it. Go.

I love it.

We should make one.

Yeah. Amityville. Well, I mean, let's look at the list for us, because a lot of the titles are already taken. Probably. So this franchise started in 1979 with the Amityville Horror. Everybody knows that. We have never covered it. We will cover it one day. I like some of the sequels. Yeah. Amityville 2, The Possession, Amityville 3D. Amityville 4, The Evil Escapes, Amityville Curse.

It's about time.

Amityville. It's about time. Amityville, A New Generation.

I watched this about time recently.

And then, uh, 97 was the last one for a while. Amityville Dolls House.

There is some more. There's one which I was watching again recently. Old Prime also pops on. It's at the house. The old lady's there, the mum, and the family go and stay at the mum's house. And then the gas guy comes along, or the water guy, and he gets stuff go on his face from the pipes, and it melts his face.

Well, then after the Amityville Dolls House in 1997, there was the remake with Ryan Reynolds, which is meh. Then we had a bit of a break. And then 2011, the Amityville Haunting came out, just another sort of reboot remake. Then we had the Amityville Asylum. Then the Amityville Death House. Then the Amityville Playhouse. Then Amityville Vanishing Point.

Everybody have a shot each time. Oh, do you know why shots are called shots?

Because they're the size of a bullet.

Once upon a time, back in the day, in the old western days and that, sometimes some cowboy type gentleman didn't have enough money to pay. And certain cartridges was the same price as whatever, so they'd give those over. So they said it's a shot of whiskey.

Well, there we go. Well, we had four Amityville movies come out in the same year, Gav. Amityville Vanishing Point, Amityville Legacy, The Amityville Terror and Amityville No Escape all came out in 2016.

Fuck hell.

Things started getting crazier then. Following year, we had Amityville Exorcist.

They just mash it up now.

Amityville Evil Never Dies.

We've got Amityville Halloween.

Amityville Prison. Amityville The Awakening, Amityville Misery Road. Amityville Murder.

The thing is, there is no monopoly on the name Amityville. Anyone could just throw that on any old film. And it doesn't even need to be there.

Well, let's get into some of these new ones now then. So we're on 2020 now. Amityville Islands. Amityville Vibrator.

I'd check that one out.

A haunted vibrator. The Amityville Witches Academy. The Amityville Harvest. Amityville Poltergeist.

Come on.

The Amityville Werewolf. The Amityville Vampire. The Amityville Scarecrow.

Scraping, aren't they? Is it Amityville Frankenstein?

No, there isn't. There's the Amityville Gas Chamber. The Amityville Cult. One of my favorite titles. Amityville In Space. Of course, they went into space, as all franchises do. The Amityville Witch's Hex. Here's another one. Amityville In The Hood.

Oh my God. What? Are they saying the house has just moved into a hood? Or are they just saying the house is situated now in a hood?

Yeah. Amityville Karen.

Wow.

Amityville Christmas Vacation.

What's the synopsis for Amityville Karen?

It's about a blonde, bobbed haired lady who gets possessed and goes full on mega Karen on people.

What's Christmas Vacation then?

I don't know. I haven't got all the synopsis here. After Amityville Christmas Vacation, a couple of months later, we've got Amityville Thanksgiving come out, Amityville Scarecrow 2, so there was a sequel to that one. Must have done well. Amityville Death Toilet. What do you think of that? Amityville Death Toilet. The Amityville Elevator. The Amityville Emmanuelle.

I've got a synopsis here. Oh, that might be all right. Anfield Christmas Vacation. Wally has won a vacation of sunny Amityville. While there he has met a woman, a ghost woman. Can the spirit of Christmas bring these two opposites together?

What sounds awful?

It's not even an hour long. It looks like someone's watching a trailer. It looks like someone's got a torch. Terrible.

So after Amityville, Emmanuel, the last one is the one I sent you, which is the first one of this year, and that's the Amityville backpack. There we go, Gav. Some interesting titles there. Death Toilet, Karen, In The Hood, Vibrator. I just thought it would be worth having a quick look at the... One day I'll probably work my way through all of those.

Yeah, probably.

But for now...

Daddy, daddy, why won't you play with us?

Because I won the 65th title in the fucking Amityville franchise. That's why. Amityville Dino... What's missing there? Amityville Dinosaurs. We need a dinosaur in there. Amityville Shark. Why has no one done Amityville Shark, Gav?

Amityville Bigfoot.

Oh my God. Amityville Sasquatch. I think that's got more of a ring to it. Amityville Sasquatch.

Is it odd watch, that probably? Yeah.

Amityville Shark. You know I'd watch that one. So they're missing out too. They're straight away.

Amityville.

Fucking hell.

Let's just fucking go there.

That's going to be like Inception.

It's like a double. Oh, the house actually folds in.

So like you're watching, the family that are watching the first Amityville film, and then they start becoming part of an Amityville franchise.

The fun thing is with the Amityville story is that it's like someone actually just went around that house killing everyone.

The fun thing. I love the way you like the fun thing.

I don't mean the fun thing. I mean like the...

The teenage boy killed everyone in their sleep.

It was that. And then like another family moves in, and they write about the spooky experiences. Hang on. Like there's a mass murder on the children and everything. It's fucking full on. But now we've got like... Because of that, like that, the children died, and it's so awful and horrible. We've got Amityville backpack.

Amityville vibrator now. How do you think the victims' families...

People are making money chucking that name on, because kids were shot one night.

Oh, dear dream. Another bloody Amityville. Which one is it now? Amityville vibrator. Oh, God. We can have to watch it.

Make sure they're not using our names or anything.

Oh, God. Any others you would throw in there? Amityville shark. Amityville Sasquatch.

Amityville.

Abduction. Amityville abduction.

Amityville Pope Hunter.

Pope Hunter.

Amityville Pope Hunter. And it's either someone's hunting a pope in the Amityville house, or the pope is hunting ghosts in the Amityville house.

That sounds good. Can Russell Crow be in this?

Yeah. Isn't it? There's another Russell Crow, spooky, I'm a religious man.

Yeah, the Pope's exorcist, it came out last year.

Oh, it's the same one. Is that the one that Boz told us to watch?

Rest In Peace, Boz. Oh no, maybe it isn't that one.

Maybe it's the same one. I think it's another one.

I think it is. I don't know.

I still don't see that other one.

Well, I'll leave you with this. I really, really hope that when they make John Wick 5, it's called John Wick 5 Amityville.

Fuck yeah, Keanu, I'd probably do it.

Probably. Amityville Marvel. Get some superheroes in there.

Throw them in there. Didn't it say that the Avengers movie is going to have like 30,000 fucking characters in it?

60 returning characters.

What the fuck is that all about? Less is more.

There was about that many in Endgame, though.

You'd probably have a lot better time with just Wolverine and the old...

Deadpool. I'm excited for that one next month.

That's just two dudes. You'll probably have a lot more fun in fucking 60.

It's not just two dudes. There's about 30 cameos in that one, though. Don't watch it, then. Don't complain about it.

I won't be.

Don't watch it.

It's OK, because I won't be. I won't watch it anyway.

Exactly. Why don't you go and download Amityville Vibrator and relax?

And watch that 60 times instead.

It's probably only five minutes long.

You got a few I should talk about?

No, I think it's time to go into a trailer for the 1977 grimy, gritty, slightly inbred, very weird mutant, grimy movie. The Hills Have Eyes.

The Mountains Have Knockers. Here we go.

They wanted to see something different, but something different saw them first. The Hills Have Eyes. Mister, don't take your family back in that area. The Silver has been gone for 40 years now. There's nothing back in there but animals. What began as a vacation ended as a nightmare. She thought she knew what the world was all about, but nothing prepared her for this. The hills have eyes. Oh, you go with my baby. A mother fighting for her child loses it in the worst possible way.

The Hills Have Eyes from 1977, the year I was born. Rated X. Hour and thirty minutes, nice and to the point. On the way to California, a family has the misfortune to have their car break down in an area close to the public and inhabited by violent savages ready to attack.

What?

A family has the misfortune to have their car break down in an area closed to the public. Sorry, I've got my glasses on already. And inhabited by violent savages ready to attack. Yeah.

So, his first film was banned and made out that it was the worst thing ever committed to celluloid, like a lot of films were in the late 70s and early 80s that pushed the boundaries, particularly within horror and representing violence and things like that. And this film also had a, not quite as bad, but similar time when it was released. It was banned in the UK for a while. I, at the age of about 17, 18 maybe, the first time I saw this, I'd heard of it.

I actually have, you only just reminded me, it's until next year and I could get a bigger place, I could actually see what fucking films I have. I actually own a big box VHS of this, which cost me £3. And I got it about 15 years ago, actually. So not even in the 80s.

So the age I was at when I saw this, I wasn't shocked by it, but it was certainly, it had enough of a reputation that I was worried about what I was going to see in it. It doesn't quite live up to that.

The thing is, it's kind of like the fact that they had the same cameras used from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I think it was the same cameras.

All the same props as well. They actually borrowed all the props.

And the thing is, again, with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, this is going with the exact same formula. The hills have eyes. It's the same sort of thing going on. Do you know about where this idea come from?

A true story, I believe. Wes Craven read it.

Do you know about Sawney Bean?

The Scottish Clan.

In the 16th century, there was this... I watched a video, a YouTube video, where these American Goths... Best way to describe them, because they were... They went down to the... has this sort of path down to where the beach is. You can only get to it when the tide's out. Basically in Scotland, there's just this... On the side of a cliff, there's a fucking cave. You can only get there when the tide's out, and that's why the people, the clan of almost 30 people, got away with it for so long.

That was part of his inspiration, but the other part was a real incident that happened to him. When he was, him and his wife were going on a motorcycle trip through America, and they stopped in Nevada in a very, very small town out in the middle of nowhere.

Oh no, I remember, but yeah.

Yeah, and three locals shot an arrow at them, and it just grazed his head.

Just gave him shit. Classical Hick sort of thing movie, where you go out and you're deliverance.

But Wes Craven being the young Hollywood, like, I've just made the last, I said, I'm going to sue you all, we could easily kill you and leave your corpse in the mines nearby, and no one would ever know, so get out of town, so him and his wife did.

Yeah, so a mixture of that and this made this story.

And on top of all of that, he was a huge fan of Toby Hooper's, obviously, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and wanted to make his own film along that side, and ended up becoming friends with Toby Hooper and borrowing or using all the props in this film. A lot of the props were from that.

Difference between this and Texas Chains, we do actually have D Wallace and Michael Berryman, actors that would go on to have quite a career, actually.

Yeah, I watched D Wallace in a film today, funny enough.

Yeah.

Crocosaurus, not Crocosaurus, Robocroc. Robocroc.

Yeah. And she's a fluffy werewolf, wasn't she?

She is. She's been in a ton of movies. She's the 80s mum. She is.

But it does have a Texas Chains or a massacre filter. I chose this because I hadn't seen it for years. I got rid of the DVD a long time ago. The British DVD, the UK release, she has a documentary with it. Not to do with this really, just a documentary on horror, which is quite good. Worth a watch. I chose this because I wanted to go back to it and review it as a kind of, I couldn't remember earlier, but I would have assumed it would be because it's just kind of a bit rough around the edges.

You can do both as well. You can look at it now. I like to also think about what it must have been like in 1977, you know, Star Wars had just come out, you know, and this film hits cinemas in the US. People are talking about it, you know, let's go in and see this, the Hills of Eyes, cannibals. We're going to eat the baby. There's a rape scene. You know, there's a bird gets its head ripped off. Dogs are killed. That's a big no-no. So I think that's why it was so shocking at the time.

It's not a short film. It's a perfectly lead film.

But it suffers from, where for me, the only area it suffers is the same as when we review Trollhunter. The locations are all very samey.

That's where it comes in slow.

So you feel like you're stuck in one place and not a lot's going on. But actually it is moving along.

It does, but it's a lot of, I think, close shots, close ups. Probably only had a couple of lenses more nightly. And yeah, not much is going on geographically. So I think that's where it comes from. I slight go, oh, it feels stilted, you know.

But it's a sort of film now that is, you know, without this, there will be no wrong turn. You know, all these hillbilly movies, it kind of jumpstarted that entire subgenre of hillbilly movies and inbred movies. This was the granddaddy of them really.

Rob Zombie would have used it as an influence, like he did with Texas, you know.

And it was remade quite well, if I remember rightly.

Well, as I speak to Sarah about this, she also finds this a bit boring, this film here, but she probably loves the remake, and she doesn't mind the second one, because there's a part two as well.

Yeah, the part two all takes place in some mines.

I can't remember the first one. I remember the second one. It's a bunch of army guys.

In mineshafts.

Something like a shaft.

It's a bit like The Descent, the second one.

But I remember them both being real violent.

Yeah, very, very violent. And this is violent in its own way, but yeah, I mean, for anyone that doesn't know, we're obviously going to go through it, but the plot is essentially a bunch of big family driving on holiday to celebrate the mom and dad's anniversary.

Why mutated? Is it radiation from like testinucle bombs?

I, that's my theory. They never explicitly say it, but there is a nuclear test site nearby.

That's what they were doing. And this did actually happen.

So yeah. So when the kid grew up.

I don't actually think mutant babies are born and went around living in mountains, killing people. But I think with radiation poisoning. Well, it could be.

But essentially he caved the face in of this child and dumped it in the desert, expecting it to die. But it actually went on to live in the mountains.

It's not to thrive and be stronger than most people I know.

It stole a whore, and they had a bunch of crazy children between them. One of them is Michael Berryman, who many of you might not know the name, but you will certainly know the face, because he has shown up in a lot of movies.

You've fallen in this. Young.

Oh yeah, he is very young in this. Do you know, he's got lots of conditions, physical conditions, which is part of the reason he looks that way. But one of them is he has no sweat glands.

Yeah, we know another person like that, don't we?

Andrew, Prince Andrew.

Yeah, Woking Pizza.

We don't know him.

Pizza Express.

But yeah, so bear in mind, poor old Michael Berriman is working in 120 degrees heat in the desert.

I don't want to know Prince Andrew.

I don't think Prince Andrew is involved in this.

I don't think Prince Andrew wants to know Prince Andrew.

He is part of an inbred family though.

At the moment, his older brother is trying to kick him out of a 70-bedroom mansion he lives in. Who do you live there with? Like his ex-wife. What are you doing? How many rooms do you need? And he won't have it. Now, I'm not going to go to this other fucking lovely place you want me to go. Fuck off, you little fucking cunt. Fuck off down to a fucking council estate. Live down there, you fuck. Not saying that that's bad a council estate, but down there, it's real people.

So, grandpa Fred, as he becomes known later on, runs this gas station, and Ruby, who is the daughter of this hillbilly family in the mountains, she shows up. She says, I want to trade. I need some food. We need some water. I don't really have anything to trade with you at this point. And he says, listen, your goddamn lunatic family have robbed a military vehicle. People are going to be here looking for them. You need to get out of here, you and that pack of crazies. So they know each other.

I started watching this. I was like, I have no idea of any of these people. And I do not remember any of this. I must've watched it when I was probably like learning horror when I was probably like fucking 15 or 16. I was like, I have no idea. Is this, is this dad, is she gonna kill him? Is that his daughter, is there? What is going on? It's quite interesting because I didn't know who this guy was. So it's like, you know, is he in cahoots, is he not?

Yeah.

But he's not.

No, he's not. He actually is quite fearful of this family.

He's actually trying to get him, yep, fuck off to Hollywood.

And Ruby actually says to him, I don't want to be with them anymore. I want to leave, escape. And he's like, they'll never let you escape the pack, what are you talking about? But then yes, the family pulls up. Now we've got a big family here with Bob, big Bob Carter and his wife, and then they've got their children who are all adults, and then one of their brother-in-laws and a baby.

On the way to Los Angeles.

They've also got two huge German shepherds called Beauty and Beast for protection.

Stupid fucking names.

I sent you a story about a German shepherd today, didn't I?

Too much information too early.

It's about a burglar who got trapped in the dog flap when he was trying to burgle somebody and he ended up being rogered by a couple of Alsatians.

What was he wearing?

I've checked it.

How did they take the trousers down?

I fact checked it, and it's not real.

Of course it isn't.

It's a fake headline.

Unbutton his trousers. Oh, yeah, not saying Scooby would bum burgers.

Jesus. I mean, he might do depends.

A burglar buggerer.

Imagine that in Pulp Fiction.

Beware, Scooby Doo.

Spider is going to fly.

Bring it, bring it, Scooby Doo.

Oh God, Scooby Doo comes out of the box.

Scooby Stacks.

And then the song would come on Scooby Snacks by the Fun Loving Criminals while that scene unfolds. Well, anyway, we digress. So yeah, this is the family. And like you said, they're headed to California, to LA, parents, daughter, baby, et cetera. Fred is very rude to them. Gas station Fred. But like Gav said, it's because he wants them to get out of there. Don't hang around.

He seems helpful. So I was a bit like, is he? Is he not? I just couldn't, I couldn't tell.

But he says to them, you need to get a move on because the military used this area for gunning practice. So it's not safe around here, and there's not a lot around here. He doesn't say to them, you better move on because there's a bunch of inbred mutant cannibals living in the hills. He just says to them, military operations, get on. Doug, the young Doug, snoops around and while they're all filling up the gas station, at the gas station, and he hears Ruby talking.

But it's not later on though. Later on he's like, hey, what are you talking about the whole time? I just want to bonk in the trailer back here.

Yeah, but she was in her prime, wasn't she, D Wallace?

I need my disco mustache.

Can I get some goddamn privacy anywhere? No, you're on your family vacation. You've left your baby with your mother-in-law in the caravan inside, so you can bonk your wife outside. No, there is no privacy on a holiday like that. Sorry.

I get where he's coming from, though.

When you're horny, you're horny.

Yeah.

So, they drive off, and while they're on the road further down, the inbreds blow up Gas Station Fred's truck, and they leave a bloody handprint on the wall like a warning sign to say, we know you spoke to Ruby, we know that she's planning on leaving the family, and we know that you spoke to some holiday, some vacationers. So, it's a warning.

On the road, you do actually see Arab, like, military airplanes.

A few times, you see jets going overhead.

So, it wasn't a ruse, what you're saying. He was just saying, legit, like, you know, this is a testing site, which makes sense, because out in the middle of nowhere, that's where they do it, especially in nuclear testing.

It's definitely not a ruse, because later on, Doug actually hikes to try and find the military bases on the map, which is cool.

Yeah, but more than likely, there is probably radiation from testing, more than likely.

Now, we hear some voices on the CB radio, and it's like, Pluto, come in, Pluto, and Mercury, and they've all got names that are to do with planets, Jupiter, Mars. So this family have named themselves after planets.

Well, we see this when they're, first of all, watching the trailer.

Yeah.

That's after they've broken down, because the actual snaps and they're stuck. That is the catalyst for them getting stuck.

Well, yeah, because they get lost.

They first get lost, and then it gets the worst at the actual snaps. So it was a case of, I think, it's six miles back to where they come, or the other way, keep going to the military base, is what they've got.

Yeah, because it's not just a flat tire. The axle is snapped, and that is pretty...

It's going to have to be towed and changed.

But they are an all-American family. They have a gun or two. They have some camping experience, hiking experience. But we should say that the dad, Big Bob Carter, he was a retired police officer. And the reason he's retired is he's got a bad heart.

He looks like a cop.

He does. And he's got a bad heart. He looks like a racist cop as well, Gav, doesn't he?

You can tell, can't you?

It's just something about his mustache and his bad heart. Makes you think, you don't like people of color, do you, mister?

There's someone recently, I was chatting to work staff, that I'm not getting their names off, obviously. But he used to be a cop. And I went, he used to be a cop, didn't he? And he said, you can tell, can't you? It just looks like a policeman. It just does.

Yeah, sometimes you can tell. Not always, though.

They've been watching binoculars and stuff, and like you say, they have walkie-talkies, and they've got all these names. And there seems to be quite a lot of them, because I was really confused who was who, to be honest with you.

Well, maybe we'll get into that in a minute, then. But while we're sort of waiting for them to figure out what to do, they let the dogs out, and they sort of explore the surrounding area.

One thing very quickly he does, but he's just looking, he sees the girl, whoever's got a binoculars, and he draws like a sort of porn picture in the sand, of a girl, pretty girl.

Yeah, he says, oh, pretty. And then he draws like boobs on the sand.

And then he almost kind of grabs it. It's like designing his own spaff mag, you know?

So while they're being spied on and potentially wanked over from afar by this inbred family, and the dogs are exploring, we learn that the dad, definitely a racist ex-cop with a bad heart, and a couple of the teens see a vulture, a turkey buzzard, and they're like, oh dear, it's not good, is it, when you see those flying overhead?

Dee discovers animals and things. Dee discovers a trench, a trailer, and she's very scared, and she stamps on it. She doesn't, it's off camera. And they actually just discovered it outside, so they just put it on and used it, because that's what you do when you're doing indie filmmaking.

But they released it safely, apparently back into the desert afterwards.

Yeah, yeah, definitely, because the thing is... Sarah, I'm just saying that for Sarah. The tractor's probably shit scared of going, what the fuck's going on? Put me back in the sand, please.

Similar, as everyone knows famously, to the roadkill, you know, at the beginning of the Texas Streets massacre. They just saw that and shot it, you know, because it looked cool.

Unfortunately, sorry again to Sarah for this. Sarah lost one of her tractors.

Oh, I'm sorry, who was it?

Oh, I can't remember which one it was now. She killed me for not remembering.

Well, I'm so sorry, Sarah. I hope everything's okay. And you've got lots and lots of other ones that can replace, because I know she loves each of them dearly and they've all got their own personalities. Creepy though, a lot of them in there.

I don't notice it anymore.

Yeah, I suppose you wouldn't really.

I have one next to my head. Sometimes I wake up and go for a drink and just my glass is right next to my drink, pretty much.

It's like morning gov.

The ones I don't like are the really big, black, sort of hairy ones. And she's got one which I'm just like, man, that just looks evil. It just looks evil. But the one I've got on my side is quite cute looking, actually.

Well, the family start joking around, watch out for rattlesnakes, blah, blah, blah. They give some little facts about snakes in the desert. And then they decide their plan of action, which is going to be, because they're CB ready, it doesn't work. And Doug says it's due to the iron in the hills, the huge hills that are surrounding them.

So they can't get a CB signal on their main CB, but yet they take off walkies, don't they, with them? Do they? No, they don't.

No, they don't. But the family have got CB readers because they're up high.

I know the clan. I know they have. But these guys, because they're down low, they can't actually get a signal back to actually help them. That's correct.

And they give Bobby a gun. And again, because they're the all American, no offence to any American listeners, but because they're that sort of stereotyped all American family, just before they head out on their separate ways, the mum says, please, can we all just say a prayer before? And they have to do this big group hug and do a prayer. You know, Lord, watch over my boys while they go on to try and get a phone or gas or an axle for our car.

The old fella's got, I think it is a 7.5 miles back to gas station. And I was like, in this heat, he's going to walk 7 miles. Yeah, I didn't know about the bad heart, but I'm just like 7 miles.

He's heavily overweight as well.

It's like, yeah, that's crazy.

And we also find out the reason for this trip is it's their parents 25th wedding anniversary. So happy anniversary to them. They're all going to get eaten and raped. So Beauty begins barking. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. That's absolutely fine. Is that Beast? No, you know Beast never barks. So we learn the personalities of the two dogs. Beast never barks until the last second. He likes to creep up on his prey. Beauty is very mouthy as a dog.

The film would have been a very short one if they actually had not stopped and they just carried on driving, they got out of there.

It would have been, they would have just driven off and said, that guy was rude, wasn't he, that sold us the gas?

And that would have been the worst of it.

Well, he would have been blown up, and that's it.

It's true.

But Beauty, yeah, she's barking a lot and she ends up running off into the hills. And Bobby chases after her, and we hear a voice, here, Beauty, come here, Beauty. Horrible voices. And they'll growl and attack someone. And then Bobby hears the classic whimper of a dog that something terrible has potentially happened to. Quite what it is, we will find out in a minute. So that leaves three women left. They're concerned that Bobby's run off.

The mountains look lovely. They look really, really good. I know it's shot on film and it's quite old and stock or whatever, but the mountains look really good.

They look like you'd get in the old Star Trek series or something where they're on another planet. Do you know what I mean? They look like another planet, don't they?

I saw this on DVD, but funny enough, I was in a shop earlier, and I saw a 4K copy of this for some sale. And I was like, that's weird. So you're upgrading from 16 mil probably, and upgrade to 4K. I don't know how that looked.

I don't think I've ever seen this on anything but my copy of VHS.

It'd be weird to watch on such pristine.

Have you got Texas Chainsaw Massacre in a really, really high definition?

I've got it on three formats. I've got original VHS, I've got a DVD because the DVD has some things, which the Blu-ray doesn't.

I've got the DVD special edition.

And I've got a Blu-ray copy.

So how is it on Blu-ray? Because obviously, again, it's a really grimy, rough film.

I can't totally remember. I'm going to lie if I try to say one way or the other. I think it's pretty good. I don't think it's incredible. I'll have to revisit and let you know.

Yeah. Well, Bobby, as I said, that leaves three women in the trailer with the baby. And they're concerned because Bobby's just run off after the beauty into the woods. And Bobby does find beauty, but sadly she has been gutted and her entrails have been ripped out. And someone's in the bush nearby, which scares him.

That dog's really good effects. That's really good effects.

It's a real dead dog.

That's why.

Yeah, they got a real dead dog from... I can't remember where they got it from, but they used a real dead dog from somewhere.

I've got dead dog shown. Good effects. Dot, dot, dot. Hoping it was FX. So it wasn't FX.

No, it wasn't.

I didn't realize that. I'm kind of glad that I didn't know that because I wouldn't have liked to have seen that.

I've got something I know about it here somewhere. Maybe I've made that fact up, but I'm pretty sure it was a real dead dog.

I was shocked because obviously the budget for this is probably not huge. The effects at the time would have been fine, but that dog looked really, really good.

I'm pretty sure it was a real dead dog.

I think so because it looked so good. I think it would have cost at that time, $77, or $76 had made it probably, it would have cost probably too much for the budget.

So Bobby's seen the dead dog. He turns around because he's heard a voice in the bushes. He runs off, but he stacks it, drips over and knocks himself out. What a full bonk on the head. Mum is on the radio. She's, what does she say? Maypole, Maypole. They're like, mum, it's Mayday, not Maypole. Bless you. And she's trying to... She's trying, for God's sake. But what does she get, Gav? What does she get on the other end of the radio? Someone basically doing heavy breathing.

But Bobby comes back.

Well, actually, he scares Brenda, doesn't he? Because she's taking the beast, as they call him, the other dog, to look for Bobby. And she finds him in the dark, and he's all beat up, and he's holding the dog chain, Beauty's dog chain. But he doesn't have the heart to tell them that Beauty is dead. So he keeps this weirdly, keeps this secret for quite a lot of the film, doesn't he?

That's the music for Black Beauty. The horse TV show from the 80s.

But why has that got to do with the dead dog?

Nothing.

You could have done like Lassie.

Yeah, but it's called Beauty.

I would have gone for the Littlest Hobo.

Okay, what's the music?

There's a voice. It's where I'm gonna be. Every step I take, I make a new friend. Can't turn around, keep going on, and I'm off again. Maybe tomorrow, just keep moving on. The Littlest Hobo. There's a lot of dog shows in the 80s, 70s and 80s. Lassie, The Little Hobo. That's probably it. So not a lot, really. There we go. So yeah, he's got the dog chain. Where's Beauty? She ran off. What's happened to your face? I don't want to talk about it. Okay. Weird. Keep your secrets then.

This cracked me up. It starts off, I was loving the sound design. It's this, ooh, for ages. I was like, that's pretty cool. What is that? Then he goes and puts his hand on a fucking like a catalog pipe.

And it's, ooh, it's just the wind. And it's just the wind and he's stopping his thought.

I was like, oh, you've made it funny now, because that's actually quite good.

I like that though. I think that's different and interesting.

I thought it was hilarious that you think it's the sound design in the movie, like part of a score soundtrack. And then he just instantly stops it. It's almost like a spoof or something, like Leslie Nielsen would do.

It's fucking classic. What would have been better is if he played a tune on it. A bit like Golden Shard. Well, somebody shoots at him. Pew, pew, pew.

It turns into Weston. He turns around and he shoots as well.

Nobody shoots at me, god damn it.

I was a police officer.

It's probably the blacks shooting at me.

Then he all of a sudden finds the gas guard trying to commit suicide. What are you doing, you crazy man? He pulls him down.

Get your crinkly old ass down from there before I pump your guts full of lead or something.

You're just helping him.

He says, tell me what's going on. He says, you're trespassing. That's what's going on. He says, well, what do you mean I'm trespassing? I've come back because our car's fucked. I've come back to see if you've got a phone. And he says, look, I'll tell you about the gang and the danger that you're in. So he tells him the story of how...

He's just like, I want to use the phone. I don't know anything about this. Also, I guess it's this guy's large story about his freakishly large son that came out sideways splitting his wife into... It's like, oh my God.

The funny thing is, he says to him, have you got a phone? He goes, he kind of ignores him. He just goes, I started in 1929 when me and my wife first moved here. And he basically explains, yeah, we had a deformed kid. Hairy, huge. I put it in brackets, nuclear?

It's like Night Of The Creeps, where he starts saying, and he starts saying the thing, and he says, should I be hearing this? And he just ignores him totally. He carries on talking.

He says, when he was older, he killed their kid.

He came up sideways, hairy as a monkey.

And he says, when he was older, he burned the house down, killed the other child that they had. So he split his face open with a tire iron, dragged his body up to the desert left in there.

He also found chickens with their heads cut off, and the house was obviously burned down, like you said.

Just when you think that's the end of the story, then he says, when he was older, he stole a whore, and he raised a pack of inbreds up in the mountains.

Now, when are you trying to commit suicide? Shall I help you? Have you got a phone? But I love the fact that he says to me, what, you think a ghost is tracking you? And I was like, hmm... Ghost Tracker? I like that! A tracking ghost!

Ghost Tracker! Starring, I don't know who.

Mad Tracker from Mask.

Oh, I love that. Mask Crusaders! So, he tells them the whole story.

Tells the whole story. What a kwingy dink! Just as he does that, his freakishly large sideways hairy big son, as big as him when he was ten, smashes you in the window and pulls him out.

And he pulls him out through the window.

Just as the guys are going, have you got a phone?

He beats them half to death, runs off, and then...

The old guys, obviously this is cop training, slightly stalled, keeps his composure, goes out with a gun, you know.

Looking around, where is he? He finds him dad, nailed to the inside of a toilet door.

So he goes, right, I've got to get the fuck out of here, and dad does, so he's going along. As it happens, Pluto, is it Pluto? Okay, narrates his running along. Oh, come on, keep running. Yeah, that's it, run, come on, run. Oh, you're struggling a bit, are you? Yeah, it's just like, what is going on?

This is all the heat's getting to you there, is it? Oh, yeah, how's your heart feeling? Oh, yeah, that's right.

It is almost spoof like this film at times.

It's different, isn't it? It's new, like in 77, people didn't know what was going on.

I think it's drugs.

Cocaine.

Cocaine's one hell of a joke.

Not so much cocaine in the mid 70s, but it was still there.

I don't know, I don't want to say, I don't want to tarnish Wes Craven's name and put cocaine involved in there. Wes looks like a guy that did coke. I'm just saying. He looks like a guy you could party with. Back in the day, when he was younger.

He was friends with Toby Hooper, and Toby Hooper was a massive cocaine fan.

Where's Big Hippie? Oh, Toby, what?

He absolutely loved the white stuff. That's why him and Stephen King probably had some fantastic parties. Jesus Christ. And then the climb comes out of the sewers. Brilliant. Love it, Stephen. What else have you got?

Jesus. That would be too much for me probably.

What a cocaine party with Stephen King and Toby Hooper.

Yeah.

Fucking hell. So cut back to the trailer. The trailer is in good condition considering the car's got its axle smashed off. The trailer survived, but the others are inside the trailer and they're getting more and more freaked out. They tell Bobby that we heard some heavy breathing on the CB. They hear lots of noises outside. And Bobby says, right, I'm going to go outside and take a look and see what's going on with his gun. So he does that.

Sexy times.

Bobby gets startled in the dark, but it's Doug.

I bet they're sexy times.

It was awful.

They always have eyes like daddy's going to watch or whatever. Because they would be with each other, wouldn't they?

I found me a goat. We got an extra visitor tonight. Well, Bobby gets startled by Doug, and Doug accidentally reveals some of the plot points here. If you listen carefully, he says, I found what they call a military base, but it's like a stash of like brand new equipment and vehicles and guns and water and supplies. It's like someone has just dumped it all there. So I brought back loads of stuff here.

Well, couldn't they just take a vehicle?

I don't think they could find a vehicle that worked, but they've definitely found loads of other stuff. But the dogs are missing. The dogs are missing. Where are they? We don't know. So, interesting. He says, I think we might be dealing with some scavengers here. But let's all go back inside the trailer, where it's nice and safe. And in the distance, they hear a beast barking at someone. But what we should say is that this family are very good at mimicking animals, aren't they?

Baby sheep.

Yeah, I love a bit of lamb. I love a bit of baby sheep.

I don't like lamb. You know, that's not for me.

Metal.

But it's just weird, though. Just little baby sheep. They're so cute. Who slaughtered baby sheep?

What about baby cows? Do you like baby cows?

No.

Oh, I love it. So tender.

You're making angry for vegetarian people.

I don't really eat meat that much anymore.

No, I don't much. When I'm out, I do.

I probably eat meat about once every two, three weeks. I might have like some beef or something.

OK, no, I eat meat more regularly than that. But I eat out. That's some rubbish. When I'm at Sarah's, I'm getting cooked incredible meals all the time. And most of the time I'm vegetarian. I'm fine with that.

Yeah, we only really buy corn and vegetarian and vegan stuff. I don't know why. It's just something we do. It's cheaper and it's better for you.

Yeah, I only eat that stuff. Yeah, exactly that reason actually.

I think our generation grew up being told you need to have meat with every meal. But actually that hasn't really done a lot for our hearts, has it? Yeah, so I try not to give the kids meat too much really, but I'm not that they're vegetarian. They have burgers or sausages and everything. And they do have fish fingers occasionally. But for Father's Day, I was taken out for a big roast and I did eat a lovely bit of lamb. Delicious.

The night before, I got a McDonald's, their choice, and Burger King, Elijah's choice. I was like, I'll get a Burger King if I've got to have two of them. Take out. That was my Father's Day.

I do love a Burger King.

I had a Whopper and it was fucking lovely. It was like, this is super nice, actually.

You have got a Whopper, haven't you?

I'm not talking about that.

OK, so mama who's feeding her daughter dog says, the reason that you're being fed this dog is punishment because we know that you want to escape. That's why we've got these chains on you, because you want to try and run away from us, you traitor. And they said if the dog is here, then he's not in the trailer, because they see the other dog running around. So they know that the family don't have any protection now, or any guard dogs.

Michael Berryman's outside stealing fuel while they're bonking. And he's not even that bothered with it. That's a little look. It's like, no, the fuel is, fuel's good.

He was like, they're not even related. It's not sexy to me.

So they're getting fuel for possibly one of their vehicles. It also incapacitates them even further. But not that they're going to get the vehicle fixed anyway.

Well, 11 o'clock comes, dad's not home. So Bobby decides it's time for action. Now we hear the dog howling, but we don't know at this point if it is the dog or if it's the inbreds doing the impression of the dog, because they're very good at doing it. So he goes outside and he says, I'm going to go search for him because I've heard some dog sounds and a stressed dog, but it's the hillbillies, like I say. And they're confusing Bobby.

Yeah.

They've got a lot of Sprite and Coca-Cola in their fridge.

I've got some Sprite and a fridge. I've just had some Coke, so I'm going to get on the Sprite next.

All right, Michael Berryman, calm down. Well, he starts grabbing all the food and everything. He's more interested in that at this point. You know, he's probably had a lot of dead dog recently. He wants something different. Bobby gets the keys, and he goes to go inside. But before he does, he says, this is the reason I'm so stressed out, Doug. Doug's like, what? Tell me. And he says, because the dog was gutted. I saw Beauty's guts ripped out and thrown all across the place.

And Berryman's not very happy that Papa's going to be doing some raping because I think he wanted to be doing the job.

Well, I think they both have a bit of a go on her. Yeah. But yes, dad is on fire outside. They hear the screams.

Not, not, on fire. It's not like that sort of on fire.

No, like I am literally burning to death. And I've been crucified to a bit of wood. Can you please help me? So Mars, Papa Mars joins Pluto in the trailer, and he says, you're not a man yet. I'll show you how to do it. And he takes her off the girl.

Papa's really horrible looking.

Mid-rape, he rips his son off of the girl and says, I'll finish the job, son. Don't worry about it. It's awful. Absolutely horrible. And probably reasons why this was banned as well. There's a poster on the wall in there, isn't there, Gav? Of a Steven Spielberg shark film.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah. Do you not know all the stories behind this?

Is it like a Resident Evil? Is it like an Evil Dead thing? You know, the posters back and forth?

Well, yes, because this was... Wes Craven is saying, this is scarier than your film, Spielberg, your shark film. And then when Sam Raimi did Evil Dead, he was like, this is scarier than The Hills Of Ice. So he put The Hills Of Ice poster ripped in that one. So it's kind of a little thing that followed through the movies. So yeah, if you look carefully, you'll see a Jaws poster. Doug extinguishes dad, and he's howling in pain, obviously, as you would do when you've been set on fire.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wes Craven doesn't like budgies very much, maybe. I'm not sure. So they both rape Brenda.

They say about the baby, they're baby, fat and juicy.

Yeah, they touch the trailer and then they fight the baby.

They're going to possibly put baby on a spit roast and eat it, which is a horrible thing to say. That's full on as fuck, but that's what they're going to do.

So they finish the rape job. Sorry to use the R word so many times, but that's what happens. Then they want to take the baby, like you say. They cut dad down. He's barely alive. Ethel is crying, obviously, as you would. A couple of them go back to the trailer, and dad just dies. There's a great shot when he dies, and some smoke just comes out of his mouth. It's just a nice little way to end it really for him. And Bobby says, I'm going to get these bastards. But Mars has the baby.

He kills him and then the dog gets the radio and takes it off. In the second one, we have a dog having a flashback.

Yeah.

Which presumably is one of these dogs.

Beast, because the other one's dead.

Yeah, so this dog later on is very clever, takes the radio walk CB, like, oh, I'm clever, I'll take the CB, because I know that humans need this somehow.

Yeah, and also it's a sort of way of saying, this is who I killed.

Yeah, possibly. And later on, I'm going to have flashbacks to all this distress and time.

And it made me think that there's a couple of dogs in horror films that are real heroes, aren't they? You got the one in Bad Moon, who takes on the werewolf at the end. He's an absolute badass of a dog. You've also got that dog in Silver Bullet.

You need good strong dogs.

I think it's Silver Bullet, but usually in a werewolf movie you get dogs. But yeah, I love a good hero dog.

No, you need Fright Night.

Fright Night, that's it. Yeah, I love a good hero dog.

Lost Boys.

Oh yeah, of course. Well, that's a baddie dog there, isn't it?

Yeah, and actually Fright Night is the person that turns into dog. Evil. So kind of the werewolf dog thing. So actually Lost Boys would be Chinook. Yeah.

So yeah, hero dogs. Well done to Beast for killing Mercury.

Is it Chinook? I don't think it's Chinook actually. The dog in Lost Boys.

It might be. I can't remember what it's called. No, Satan, is it?

No, it's called something like that.

Damien? Reagan?

Get on with it.

Papa Jupiter tells Ruby that he's that he killed Grandpa Fred. He says he's dead now. He was the, you know, he's the reason that we're all here. But I've killed him. I killed Grandpa Fred. He's not going to help you escape the family. You're staying with us. And Doug goes back to the trailer. He's all shaken up. And obviously, you know, he's missing his baby and his wife's dead. He looks at the empty baby crib. Very sad times. Mama, she is so happy to be eating this baby.

It's annoying here. Doug goes up to the top, and Doug actually has his eyes out, and he can see what's going on. But it's completely useless, because they can't get hold of them, because they're in too deep in the valley for the C&B frequency.

Yeah, he's really spinal.

They're coming on you? They're coming? Oh, what's the plan? Oh, right, I'm up here. Great.

Yeah, he sees Pluto and Papa Jupiter sneaking towards the trailer. But then they trick them a little bit, because they get somebody on the other end of the C&B, the nice family, going, hey, don't worry, this is the military. Just tell us your position. Do you have any weapons? And then they just start laughing, and it's actually Michael Berryman doing a pretty decent impression of an all-American army hero guy, and it's very cruel, very cruel.

The mum's died as well, by the way.

Yeah, Ethel dies.

Even though you can see her eyes move when they're shot of her dead.

That's all right, because they might be able to use her as a booby trap later on, Gav. Use your own mum as a booby trap.

It's a bit like Danny Trejo in Predators.

Yeah, just lying there with his head slumped. Help me! Doug sends Beast and Bobby lights a fire to attract the attention, and then they set the booby trap, which is essentially the body of their mother sat in a chair. And as soon as the dad of the Inbred family goes near it, they start the engine of the car. They've taken the wheel off, and they've got a rope attached to the bare wheel so that it's a lasso that catches his foot and drags him along. Meanwhile, Beast rips out Pluto's throat.

No, it was fine.

He rips out the Achilles tendon, and then he munches on his throat. So Michael Berryman is out of the picture now. And we see Ruby running off with the baby, but it's actually a pig because she's trying to help the Carter family. She gives the baby to Doug. Mars chases them. And then the bit with the dragged body, like the corpse of their mum is the bit I got ahead of myself just now. And they go back in the trailer, Bobby and Brenda.

Axes him a question?

She axes him a question with a massive axe. Bobby shoots him dead. And meanwhile, in the mountains, there's a little scrap going on. And then finally, Doug manages to get the baby back. There's a snake and some other bits and bobs. Ruby grabs the snake and makes it bite Mars on the back of the neck. And then I counted. Doug sits on him and stabs him nine times while screaming.

Yeah.

And you're like, well, that pretty much epitomizes this film really, like very bleak and very stark.

I thought it was quite inventive that they did a plan to get Papa in there and they put some gas going on and the match struck to the door, so when a door opens, it strikes on the packet and it blows up. I thought that was quite inventive. And I was quite surprised that he's not even attacked, but that must have just been all that ferocious anger built up.

Yeah, I get the impression that Doug's probably a bit of an angry man at heart. Do you know what I mean? A bit of a man's man keeps it all bottled up and he just let it all out at that time. But of course, he's been pushed to the limit because his wife was dead and his baby had been kidnapped and most of his family have been wiped out at this point. So you probably do what you got to do really at this point.

The end is a bit, yeah, do you know what I mean? It's like, okay, okay.

What I like about the ending though is I like that it just ends and you're like forced to just stare at this frozen face of anger.

It's, to be fair, movies of such era did that a lot. Do you know what I mean? It just stops.

And it doesn't wrap up with a nice bow. It doesn't be like, oh, Doug and the baby went on to live on their own in LA. It just sort of ends. We don't know what happened to the rest of the family unless you go watch the sequel. We don't know what happened. All we know is the majority of them were wiped out.

From Funis, again, I was a little bit bored. I don't recommend it. Well, I don't know.

You don't recommend it?

If you're a horror person that's never seen it and you're a horror fan, yeah, I guess watch it. But not really.

The tagline for this was the lucky ones die first.

It didn't do a huge thing for me this time around. So, you liked it though, didn't you? You enjoyed it.

Yeah, well, I have decided that I, given the choice between this and Texas Chains mascot, I'll always go for this.

Oh, fuck no. I love TCM.

Yeah, I know you do, but I prefer this.

Fair enough.

I think it's got better script, better characters, more of a cohesive story, and it's still the same thing, you know, it's still a bunch of inbreds eating and killing people. But I like, it feels like this film pushes the limits more with the whole threatening to eat a baby, the rape scene, it really pushes the boundaries of what was going on at the time. Whereas Texas is quite soft. Obviously, I'm not saying Texas isn't a good film. It's incredible. And, you know, it's a game changer in horror.

The Mountains Have Knockers.

Knockers.

That's his unfinished film. Or is it the film that you can't find that he did once? He did do Pawn though, didn't he?

He did some Pawn. He did some Pawn. He might have done The Mountains Have Knockers.

Can we speak about Wes Craven? Backstory of him so much.

No, because we did it when we did the first Wes Craven.

Yeah. I think Texas Chainsaw Massacre is more of an artistic film to this. Yeah. It's some beautiful shots in it.

He didn't know it was at the time though, did it?

Yeah, but the director of photography knew what he was doing. He might be stoned out of his head, but he knew he was lining up some beautiful shots.

Yeah, The Hills Of Ice is more of a film film, isn't it?

Almost more like a Hollywood film, which it isn't, but it's got more structure, like you say. There's like D-Wars, there's been an actual rehearsal, there's probably a thing. Toby Hooper of Texas, they were all probably like, let's just make a movie, guys! But I like that still over this.

Yeah, that's fair enough. But that's The Hills Of Ice, guys. And I think if you haven't seen it, it's one that you need to tick off your list.

If you haven't, you're a horror fan. Yeah, it is one to watch. If you've already seen it, up to you. If you're like, oh, I haven't seen it for a long time. I'm not going to recommend it, but Dan does, so go for your life.

Interesting, interesting.

Well, I can see Bill.

Hello, Billy Bob. What are you up to?

No, I'm not doing it again. That last week was awful, Bill.

He wants you to watch that video. No, we're not doing that. We can't repeat.

I can't do that again. That was terrible.

We can't repeat the same thing we did in the last World Of The Strange. Why don't you take us into World Of The Strange? Well, okay. He's getting frustrated. Go, let him speak.

All right, go for it. All right, here you go.

Hi, welcome back to World of the Strange. Here we are, thanks Bill Murray. Mr. Bill Murray.

He's been with us for so long.

He's been in this press for six, seven years now doing this. Thank you mate. Appreciate that.

He never asked for a penny once.

No, he's a good lad.

In for a penny, in for a pound, eh Bill?

He's always in for a penny and a pound.

A pound of flesh, what? What does that mean, a pound of flesh?

He's talking about his penis. So, our next review after this is going to be the people under the stairs. Take us into that to get us in the mood for people living in the walls, under the stairs, in the basement.

Oh no, creepy people doing creepy things. Is it Gary Busey, hiding in the house?

It's not. So this is a couple of very short news articles about people that have found creepy things or secret things in their house.

Finding Gary Busey in the house should be on this list. It would be creepy.

Yeah, that would be creepy.

I've been living up here. I've made a false wall and everything. Okay, Gary.

And then just when you think it's okay, you find out that Nick Nolte is living in your basement, secretly.

I've been down here making a, uh...

Gary Busey would be more fun.

I'm up here!

Pissing on the Indians, pissing on the cowboys. Great stuff. So, let's go into the first story. So this is some students in Ohio State University. And they thought they were living in a haunted house. F**king students. They kept finding cupboard doors open, food was missing. They kept hearing noises in the night. So after a few weeks of living there, they decided to do an extensive search of the house.

I love this, though. Bob, have you been eating my Coco Pops?

Where's my sandwich gone?

No, Fred, I haven't. Frank, have you? No. Jane, have you? No.

I had a sandwich in the fridge. It's gone.

They were like, what? Each one of you is denying eating the food. Like, I've seen this happen in every campus house on here. I don't believe it's a ghost. It's one of you cunts.

Well, they did an extensive search of the house, and they found that in the basement, there was a cupboard, which they thought was the maintenance cupboard, you know, with a few bits in it. But there was a secret door in the cupboard that leads into another room, a secret room.

Now, now, stop me right there. I've seen a video where a woman and some people were doing their house in London. I found a hole, just knocked away one bit. It's like, oh my god, a whole massive space. I would just be like Justin Long in Barbarian with the tape measure, but fuck me, this makes my house so much bigger. I've got more room. That'd be it. Hilarious. It would be creepy, but I'd be straight away like, this is amazing. I can make an office here.

Well, within this room, this little tiny room, they found a double bed, some student textbooks, framed photographs, and basically they realized that a student has secretly been living in a secret room in their basement called Jeremy.

Jeremy. Jeremy spoken.

So they decided what to do. And do you know what they did? They left a note for Jeremy saying, You're not welcome here. Please leave. And they checked the next day and he was gone. He'd moved out.

Well, that was a very, was this in Britain? No, it wasn't, was it?

No, it was in Ohio State University.

It sounded like such a British thing to do. But, dear Jeremy.

Please fuck off.

We don't like you living here.

Stealing our food, leaving our cupboard doors open. The thing is, Jeremy's silly if he's leaving the cupboard doors open in the kitchen in the night, he's going to get cool.

He's probably pissed coming back after his kebab hasn't filled the hole.

Very strange. Well, here's another creepy one, which I think you've got a story similar to this. So a Reddit user shared some images that he'd found in his house that he'd bought of a small passageway. He didn't know about it.

I will say I've told it many times, but I will tell it again after this.

And in the tiny, tiny space he found at the end of it, he could just reach it, squeeze through. He found a little locked door, and inside the locked door was a safe, and inside the safe was a briefcase, and inside the briefcase was a videotape, and lots of videotapes. They all had different labels, and one of them, the label was, No, no, no, no, no.

This would be funny for you. My old boss would just say, No, no, no, no, when he was pissed off with you. And you'd just take a piss out of him. So sorry. He even wrote it on a sign once, to stop people walking to room. It just said, No, no, no, no. So sorry. That threw me there. And like many people I worked with would wet themselves now. Sorry. No one else. No, it's fuck all. Carry on, Dan.

So, the guy, rather than watch the videotapes, he decided to hand them in to the police. And the police took the case on in their own way. We don't know what happened or what was on those videotapes. I don't think we want to know what was on them. But this sounds like sinister to me.

So he found a place.

A secret passage in the wall. And in the wall, there was a cupboard. And in the cupboard, there was a safe. And in the safe, there was a briefcase. And in the briefcase, there was loads of videotapes, all labelled really sinister. Sinister? Things like the movie.

But the safe was open.

He managed to open it somehow. Crowbar or something, I don't know.

Yeah, well, same story for me. I've said it before. My friend was selling a house, and he said, oh, come check this house out. The people are coming in soon just to clear it. So basically, come in. This guy had some weird sort of stuff. I'm not going to say who it was. And because it's like a famous music. It's a British music musician. He's kind of famous in Germany, but I'm not going to get into who it was. And he said, come and check it out.

Yeah, she knew. She'd been sent to collect whatever that was. That's not good, is it?

No, no, no. And this was like a really famous person in the 60s in Germany.

And we know, sadly, what was probably on those tapes.

Yeah, so anyway, I still use, I still got the crystal ball I took from there though.

Well, the next story is a bit of a lighter story. There's a castle on an island in New York called Singer Castle. This is a bit of a Scooby Doo. So it's an ancient, obviously an ancient castle with paintings all over the castle, but you can slip between the walls of the castle and you can use all the paintings. You can tilt them back. You can slide the eyes across, and you can spy in every single room of the castle. So it would have been used back in the day to keep an eye on everybody in there.

I love that. It's my almost favorite genre.

I've always wanted to go in a castle with haunted secret passages. Do you know what I mean? Like Scooby Doo, where you slide one wall across and you end up up some spiral staircase going up to another place.

So good. Imagine playing hide and seek.

Oh, that would be brilliant. I played hide and seek once as kids. Well, not as kids, as adults. We had a friend who had a very big six bedroom house, and we decided to play hide and seek. We turned out all the lights, and it was terrifying because it was such a big house. And I was the first person to be seeking people. And I was really scared because I was looking under beds thinking, is someone under here? Is someone in that cupboard? It was very scary.

Jason and Keza.

And they said, what should we do about this bookcase? Let's move them. Oh, it's a door. Opened the door into the next room.

What country is this?

Where was this?

I like to get a scope of what's going on with the story.

Doesn't actually say. I think it's the UK. All right. For the next bit. So inside the room, there was a note from the previous occupant warning them of black mold in the house. And that was it. It says, congratulations, you found the secret room. I used to own this house for a short while. I was discovered to have a serious mold problem. It's made my children very ill. So this point that we've moved out. So I'd advise you to check into this. And a few more bits and details.

So I'm guessing, I guess the person is like, I can't leave this note out because they're going to... It's good. The people selling the house are just going to get rid of this note. You know, so I leave it in the secret room.

They ended up suing... The couple ended up suing the agency that sold them the house. Weird.

I'd be like, I'm going to keep it, though, because it's got a secret room.

Very weird.

What do you have in a secret room?

If I was a drinker, I'd have like a liquor cabinet.

Not children prison?

No, I wouldn't have that. That would be in the basement.

A liquor cabinet? A room?

Yeah, it's like a secret room. No, no, no. I'd have like just one of the things I have in there. Like a bar?

Oh, sorry.

You know, and I just have a few little... It'd be like a little den. You know what I mean? Maybe a TV with like a...

Dans den.

Video games up in there.

You could have a little YouTube channel.

You could just vanish into it and no one would know.

You sitting there just playing games in a vest game.

And playing Golden Axe.

For hours and hours. Um, I don't know what I'd have. Maybe a little skate park.

A little Warwick Davis.

A little disco. Everything. All my little special things on my decks. A little ramp for skating.

Warwick Davis would be in there.

Warwick Davis. I can't keep Warwick Davis in there. He's going to die. Like suffocation or no food. You feed him. I can't keep Warwick Davis as a pet in the Seeker Room. People are like, Oi, are you going to go home? No, don't go home yet. No, I'm tired. Honestly. Come check this out. Look.

Do you like those leprechaun films?

Wow, is this a secret door? Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, but look. What? I've got Warwick Davis in it. Why have you got Warwick Davis in your little Seeker Room? I don't know. Just to have for visits like this. Spontaneity. Warwick Davis. Surprise.

Say hello, Warwick.

The Warwick Davis surprise.

Or we could sell tickets. Poor old Warwick. Well, the next story is a man who owned a house for a year or two and then found some unusual floorboards and boards in his basement. So he thought, this is strange. I don't know much about the foundations of this house. Let me break down this wall and break through a bit of the floor. And inside, he found loads and loads of guns, cases and even a grenade. What the hell was going on?

In the fucking cartel's house?

He reported it to the police and they came and removed the stash of weapons.

Yeah, yeah, come on, though. You gotta go out to the woods and just shoot some rounds, aren't you?

I'd take that grenade out to the woods. I'd pull the pin and I'd lob it and see what happened.

You know what would happen? You'd be like, I've got to make sure I throw it, because if you don't throw it, we're going to die. And you know you're going to just slip out your hand. I don't know if I want to fuck with a grenade.

Turning up at the hospital. Well, how did you lose your arm, sir? I found a grenade in a secret room in my basement.

When I was on the shooting range, so in America this was, I shot, I think, an AK-47 and another gun, I think it was. And I was shown very much how to use it. But as soon as, because I'm sure some of our listeners have guns even and shoot guns frequently possibly. But I'm a novice. I don't know how many guns you've shot. Have you shot guns?

Yeah, I've shot just a rifle, like a shotgun.

Yeah, I've done a shotgun. And yeah, but once you kind of do it, it's not much work. It's all very smooth and reloading. And it's not, do you know what I mean? It's not a lot of work, if that makes sense.

Yeah, it's just the more the before and the after, isn't it? It's the carrying of the gun and carrying it around.

And I think you've got to be overthinking, especially early on, especially. It becomes a muscle memory after a while, but being careful with it.

You told me at the shooting range where they were shooting AK-47s that somebody stupidly turned round.

No, it was when we were just handing on weapons back in the room. We said, thanks very much. Because my friend was a member there, so he paid for me and him to go in there for a birthday present for me. And then it also said, beep, beep, and they shut down. It says, do not look down the barrel of your weapon.

Oh, my God.

And someone was looking down the barrel of their weapon.

Jesus Christ.

But at least, though, it was quite good. They were very much on it. There's cameras there the whole time. Because obviously, someone could just turn around and just shoot everyone, surely. Do you know what I mean? But you wouldn't do that because everyone else has got guns. It would be a bloodbath. But yeah, so they're very much, I guess, on it with everybody what they're doing. So I knew that as well. I knew that I was being watched. And I've never, so I was very, first of all, very slowly.

Yeah.

Spray the area with my semi-automatic.

You sprayed, oh, I'm glad you said that. Spray the area with your semi-automatic.

With my Jizz Trumpet.

Jizz Trumpet, wow. You surprised me again on the episode. So another student, very excited. His parents bought him a house in New Mexico. Thanks, mum and dad. Moved in. And after a couple of nights, he started to hear banging noises coming from under the floorboards.

Oh, that's not good.

After a few nights, he decided to investigate, and he found a door on the floor of the pantry, which led to a secret basement, which was adjacent to the main basement. Beneath the floor, in this room, was a desk with working lights and a cigarette still smoking on an ashtray.

Oh, they were there.

But after he discovered it, the person never came back. He changed all the locks and...

That was that.

That's all I know of the story. But yeah, that's creepy. Very creepy.

Are you going to say the one about... Have you seen that video of the lady that comes down from the attic? Oh no, at the cupboard, some space that she's in. Comes down, she's pissing in the sink, then eating food and even watching TV while the girl was sleeping because eventually she put cameras up. Have you not seen it?

No.

Oh, it's so creepy. What? I'll find it.

Oh no, I have seen that.

It's so creepy.

She crawls out slowly.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, pisses in the sink, then eats cereal in front of the TV while he's asleep. It's so cheeky.

Well, here's another case one. A family didn't want to give their names for the story, but they bought a house, realized that behind the bookcase was a spiral staircase. That's cool. Leading down to a room that someone was recently living in because they found a crude bed, some dolls, some sweet wrappers. So they ran away and called the police, and the police came and said, you need to board it up, and we'll look into this for you.

That's like having a child down there, isn't it?

Oh, that's horrible, isn't it? That's it. That's all my stories.

Well, that ended on a sour note.

What about that? Or a sweet note, if you like sweets. But yeah, I love these stories about, because there's nothing more terrifying than something creeping around the house. Whether it's a ghost or whether it's, we once told a story about that person that had crept into someone's house and was under their bed for the whole time that I heard her boyfriend relying in bed for almost a whole day.

I think someone would be scared if they're under the bed listening to Sarah and I. Not what you think I'm going to say. This is some of the stuff we talk about and the horror movies we're watching. They'd be like, oh my God, I'm out of here.

I watched Campfire Tales, you know, that movie that went straight to video in the 90s recently, and there's that brilliant one in there. Well, there's a brilliant story in there of the girl who meets somebody on an online chat room, and she says her favorite thing that brings her comfort is at night when she's having a bad dream, she puts her hand down and her dog licks her hand and it makes her feel safe.

Goodbye, Bill. That's all the time we've got for this week on World Of The Strange. Next week, though, give me iron. In every neighborhood, there is one house that adults whisper about, and children cross the street to avoid. Now, Wes Craven, creator of A Nightmare On Elm Street, takes you inside. All sorts of rumors about what goes on in that house. The police never took it serious. She's been feeding that thing between the walls again. What goes on in this house?

The People Under The Stairs from 1991, one hour and 42. Two adults and a juvenile break into a house occupied by a brother and sister and their stolen children. In there, they must fight for their lives and fight. They do, Gav, directed and written by Wes Craven.

You broke out a little bit when you came in there. So I think it sort of says that under the stairs. So cue in any other thing you want under the stairs.

The elephant, anything you want. The donkey, the donkey under the stairs. Because that's the sequel, Wes Craven, again, wrote this and was inspired to write it again after reading a real life news article about burglars. Burglars broke into a house and when the authorities arrived, the burglars had disappeared, but they discovered locked doors with noises coming from inside. And there were children locked up in the room by their parents that had never been outside.

Well, you take inspiration from everywhere.

Yeah.

You know.

It's interesting. It's very interesting.

I tell you what is really fascinating and interesting. Had it happened to me today, actually, I imagine it happened to many people who are creating something. When you're in the throes of creating it, for some reason, you kind of tap into everything in your life, literally what's just going on, and you go, oh, that would be really good. And it's everything that's just happening in your life at that moment, do you know what I mean?

Yeah, interesting. In this movie, we've got Ving Rhames in one of his first roles. Plays Leroy, great character in this. We've also got Everett McGill and Wendy Roby from Twin Peaks.

Yes, the same married couple from Twin Peaks.

Although in this they are a married couple who are also brother and sister, but call themselves mommy and daddy. The reason they call themselves mommy and daddy is because that's what Ronald and Nancy Reagan called each other. And this movie is a political satire. Yeah. And this movie is a big statement, all about what was going on in politics with poverty, with classes, with race, and really says a lot of really meaningful things related to that.

I watched it as a kid and I don't remember nothing. I remember the Mega Drive game more.

I've still got it on VHS. I haven't watched it since I found out Michael Jackson is a terrible person, although that's all alleged. But I used to watch that all the time. I was obsessed with it. So again, I discovered this at a tender age. I was probably 17 or 18. The movie only came out in 91. So it was only about five or six years old when I discovered it. All I saw was a VHS for sale that said from the director of A Nightmare On Elm Street, the film was called The People Under The Thames.

It's not a bad front cover.

Let's check it out.

It's video rental fodder. That's for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I was down at a video shop with some friends, I think. It's that or Sky Movies. And yeah, just a nice sandwich. I think I must have had it on videotape at one point because I used to watch this quite a bit. I know this really well. I didn't even need to, I could have probably done it almost by memory. But yeah.

Yeah, it's a very good, well-written, he's really crafted, you know, a good story and script here. And he's managed to, like I say, thread in a lot of comment, commentary on race, class, poverty, how, you know, the huge divide between the rich and the poor, and make it funny, make it quite creepy. It's not necessarily a scary film, it's more of a creepy film and an uncomfortable film at times. There's a lot of weird gimp outfits and incest and strange children living in the basement.

It is throwing a lot of things at the wall, seeing what sticks. Most of it does, to be fair. It's really... I found this a tad bit boring again, I don't know why, the last one I found boring. I don't know why, if it's just the way I am now and I just fucking got no patience anymore. I don't know. But I knew the story over and over and over and over, so it wasn't anything new for me, but I did enjoy it.

Indeed.

And it felt, when I was watching this, though, this felt very much like it, if you take the horror element out of it and what happens, I guess, the white people in the house, if you just took that away as something else, this could have been a movie of someone living in where they live and something else happens, do you know what I mean? Someone gets shot or the police are looking for them or the kids.

It could be like a John Sengotton movie.

Without a horror element. And I was quite impressed by the way Wes Craven handled all of these bits, because there's a lot of scenes in the flat talking, the thing Raym's talking about, you know, your mom ain't got shit, man, you're gonna die, you ain't got the money for the meds, etc.

etc.

I thought it was really well handled for someone who looks very white, Wes Craven looks quite a white guy, do you know what I mean? In a little lov-sense sort of way he is. So yeah, I found it really interesting. I thought it was handled really well in that way and made me think like, or I'm thinking about it now, how many of these other directors we have could step into that and do that?

Especially a guy that's come from the Hills of Eyes and, you know, the last text on the left. Yeah, a Nightmare on Elm Street.

Fairly straight white horror.

He does suburban horror well though, as we know, with Scream and with Nightmare on Elm Street. All he's done here is do it in a poorer, more ghetto area.

And personally myself, I don't really see colour, I see humans, so maybe that's the same for him. It's just, it doesn't matter, they're just actors working, but the fact is...

It's refreshing to see these poorer, more black areas explored in a horror, because it isn't that scary, like I say, but it gives it a different spin. Because if this was just a very white neighbourhood or a middle class neighbourhood, but because this is all taking place in a really poor area, and obviously we've got the very rich landlords, mummy and daddy, who are like the king, it's almost like a bit of a fairy tale because...

I've just thought, let's not have a Jordan Peele remake.

Yeah, he won't.

But you can imagine this is like almost an early Jordan Peele type film. Yeah, yeah.

He probably quite likes this.

And I think, and it's quite impressive the way Wes Craven has handled that culture.

I also think anyone who can get a kid to act really well, you know, because kids aren't always the best actors.

It's all in the casting.

Yeah, but Brandon Adams is fantastic. And him and Ring Reims and their buddy Spencer have a really fun chemistry between them. And then Mummy and Daddy are just having a blast. Everett McGill and Wendy Robie are having an absolute blast in this.

Oh yeah, they're cheering up scenery. They're enjoying it.

Absolutely loving it. And it's got a great ending as well, fun, rewarding, fist pump ending as well, you know, which we'll get to.

Straight off the bat, we'll recommend it. If you've not seen this, definitely watch this movie. But like I said, impatience for me, I found it, but it was slow. But then again, if we go through this as we do, I might change my opinion slightly via us talking about it to the next time I watch it, because it is in a way a fun film and it has a very easy storyline which people can relate to with the whole, we can't afford rent, need rent, etc. and other bits and bobs. What can we do?

It's a bit like, don't breathe or whatever it's called, you know, that kind of thing, you know, breaking into a house, but you're fucked once you get in there, you know? Yeah, and it's got some great stuff in it with the dogs and that. Let's get into it then. So we start off by meeting our hero, Fool.

Start off with me not, I've forgotten all about this, Tarot cards, pretty much telling the whole story of the film.

That's right.

Which is a really interesting way to start a movie, really simple, but gives you like the whole narrative of what's going to happen.

So his sister, Fool's sister, is reading his Tarot, his future, and you know, she says, there you are, that's you, the Fool, and she says about the picture on the card, he's either going to step off the cliff and die, or he's going to turn around and burn in the sun.

Well, it's such a fucked situation and it's like this is the this is the hard thing with a private health care system and having to have health insurance and a lot of people not being able to afford to do that.

And fool doesn't even know that his mom has cancer at this point, but fucking being Reims, it's an old bad, does he?

She got the cancer kid.

I'm going to go very quick.

You carry on. I'm going to very quickly see how much health care insurance is, roughly.

OK, interesting. This is research. So his sister, Ruby, she has this friend, Leroy, who's played by being Reims. And he's kind of a bit of a, he's not a gangster. He's a bit of a thug, bit of a guy that will do anything to pay the bills. He's being Reims, essentially.

And he tells Fall straight, he says, have you found it? Well, Fall doesn't even know who he is. He's like, who are you?

Yeah, he's like, I'm Leroy.

But then goes straight into it. It's like, wow, that's an intro.

You know, he says, he says, I'm Leroy. You're being evicted because the landlords want to tear this building down. And you're the last family living in this building. Your mum's got cancer. You can't afford to pay for her. So do you want to earn some money? Do you want to come with me and rob a house? And fool's like, no, I don't want to do that. I want to be a doctor when I grow up. I want to go to medical school. And he's like, you're not going to be able to afford to do any of that, kid.

Four hundred and seventy seven dollars a month.

It's not too bad.

What if you've got a family of five people?

Yeah, exactly.

I guess there's probably family deals, I suppose.

If you've got cancer and you can't work and you're a single mum, like Fool's mum is in this, and you've got two children, you can't afford to pay your rent, you certainly can't afford to pay for that.

No, no.

Yeah. So, yeah, that's our introduction to Leroy. That's Fool's introduction to Leroy. And we cut to the landlords, Mummy and Daddy, as they like to call themselves, to each other, even though they're a brother and sister, but they're also a couple. They're all very fucked.

I didn't know it was brother and sister.

Yeah, yeah, they're brother and sister. When they later on, when they get told the story by a grandpa, he tells the story of a grandpa.

Do you think, you know?

Yeah, they do. He wears a gimp outfit.

Yeah, but it doesn't mean they actually, you know.

We should also add that they're cannibals, but we'll come to that. They're very naughty.

So this is Wes Craven doing cannibals again.

Yeah, yeah.

What is it with him?

Inbred cannibals. He loves a good inbred cannibal, doesn't he?

Apparently, he was a really lovely, sweet man.

Where's Craven?

Yeah, in real life.

I should imagine he probably was.

Yeah, apparently a really, really sweet, lovely man and would make stuff like this.

Well, it's the same with someone like Sam Raimi.

All our horror makers, filmmakers.

Sam Raimi would always show up on set. He still, to this day, always wears a suit and tie on set. Because he's an old school director.

Yeah, you are. Would you be, yeah, you are.

You've never shouted at me.

Last time, last World Of The Strange one, and you did.

You did, yeah, you were cross-whimming me there. Last episode. I meant more on set.

No, and I've only shouted at Tom. Tom deserves to be shouted at.

Shout out to Tom.

Shout out to the Tom.

So mummy and daddy have a daughter called Alice that they keep as a pretty much a slave. And she's never been outside, it transpires. We'll get more into her later. But yeah, that's our little brief introduction to them. They're a slave daughter who they keep inside the house, Alice. And so we begin our adventure.

Yeah, because the big range places in that. I know where you can earn some money, are you game? I don't trust him in the slightest. But at the same time, this young kid's got basically all the...

If I was a 13 year old boy, Ving Reims said, I'd follow him into the sun. I'd do anything for him. He's a hero. He's brilliant.

But it's a situation that this kid all of a sudden is that man of the house. Not saying it should be a man of the house, I'm just saying, and taking that role because we don't know what happened to dad, presumably, unfortunately, and it still happens a lot. The male figure opts out to just to walk out and leave. I don't understand how someone could do that.

So that's why he's looking up to Ving, I think.

Well, yes and no, but he's realized that he needs to step up and be the man of the house. So he's going to have to do whatever he can to make money quickly. So yeah, he's going to trust him.

And to emphasize that, as Ful gets home the next day, we find out that the building that he lives in, he's the only family to live in there, but the rest of the building now is just full of hobos, junkies, prostitutes or sex workers. And it's just not a very nice place for a 13-year-old boy and his dying mum and his sister to live. And when he gets home, Leroy's there again. And this is where he really hammers home, you know, it's cancer. It can be cut out of her. You just need to pay a doctor.

It's the way he says it, though. He's basically says, you got no money for doctors, school and that. Heck, you can't even pay to get a cancer taken out of your mum. Like, fucking hell. I know. So fucking tell it to him straight.

And you know something, Bing Reims, although he's like often cast as a sort of stereotype, he's a really great, he gives great, what's the word I'm looking for, monologue. He can go on and on and on.

He's a good actor, yeah, he's fine. I also like him in Dawn Of The Dead remake.

I like him in most stuff he's in, and sometimes he does turn up in shitty films. But I tell you, one of my favourite scenes people don't often know about is in, weirdly, a Demi Moore film, Striptease, where he goes to...

See, I watched this as a teenage kid and stuff, and I would have been like, what the fuck is that? But the thing is, the title does give it away, but obviously makes it intriguing, the people on the stairs. But if you didn't know the title and it's called The Pea...

No, not even The Pea...

The House.

Let's Rob the Landlords.

Yeah, Rob the Landlords. That would be quite shocking, more shocking possibly. What the fuck? What the fuck's going on? Do you know what I mean? But because it's called People on the Stairs, it doesn't as come across as shocking.

So mum's very cross that Alice has been feeding the thing between the walls. Daddy bursts in the bedroom and says, the N-words have robbed the liquor store again. So he's all out racist. Even though they live in a predominantly black area, he's a complete racist. And they own a store, like a convenience store that got robbed. And then mummy says, oh, god damn it, this neighborhood's going to hell. Well, listen, Alice needs to be punished because she's been feeding that thing in the walls.

So it turns into Mission Impossible.

It does a little bit.

It might even be Tom Cruise as a little boy scout.

Which Ving Rhames was in.

True, true.

Cause I always remember the end of the first Mission Impossible, not expecting it to end in an English pub. I think in Surrey near you, and it's Ving Rhames and Tom Cruise having a pint in a pub at the end to sort of say, yeah, we did the mission.

Oh, is that the end of the first one? I've seen the first one. Yes, I do like the Mission Impossible movies.

Imagine walking past that and filming that scene and seeing Tom Cruise and Ving Rhames having a beer in your local pub.

Yeah.

Yeah. Fantastic stuff. He loves filming in Surrey. He filmed a bit of, what was the other filming? Oh no, I'm thinking of Brad Pitt with World War Z. He filmed some of that there, didn't he?

Yeah. I was in London once having a fry up outside, an English breakfast, sitting outside in a cafe, and Bill Bailey walked past me in a dressing gown.

Amazing. I've seen Phil Jupiter's in the shower. Oh. Not naked, but I saw him going into the shower when I was camping at a festival.

Didn't rush in there when I was naked. Hey, how's it going?

I met quite a lot of celebs that weekend because we had a VIP camping site because we were essentially staff. And I got to meet some of the Return Clan and a few other people here and there. It was great. I didn't meet Snoop, sadly, but I'd love to have met him.

I think that whenever we watch the show, they show black books.

Yeah, I've seen it.

There's an episode in it, and he's wearing a dressing gown. So that day of shooting that, just think if you ever watch it, Gav was having an English breakfast just before this was shot.

Lovely. Good to know. Well, cutting back to our movie then. So yes, Leroy, Spencer and Fool are all driving around. They go and scout the mansion out, and they're like, that's the house. It's huge.

And it makes sense. So they've got Fing in the front, and his mate.

Spencer.

Spencer. And the other dude, Fool, in the back. They're kind of bringing them along, but Fool's kind of just, they're kind of, Fool's just like one of them now. It's kind of accepted, really, isn't it? Funny, yeah, but they don't, funny enough, don't sort of disrespect him, which I imagine they would have done more.

Well, they need him, don't they? You know, because he's, you know, no one suspects a kid, you know, that kind of thing. And actually Fool sees Alice looking out the windows, and she thinks, hmm, he thinks that's a bit odd. So he goes up in his little boy scout outfit.

The cookie salesman approach.

Yeah. Hello, ma'am, I'm selling cookies. And she's like, get out of here, you vermin. So again, slightly racial undertones from her.

No, she's not actually straight away. First of all, she comes across there. Oh, no, no, thank you. And actually, I was quite surprised because I was wondering how she's gonna handle the situation. She's actually a lot more polite to her. There's a, okay, ma'am, but can I use your bathroom? And she's just like, no, no, no, no, it just won't take him in. No, no, no, no. And she, but she is actually being polite.

Well, while he's doing that, his eyes are looking all over the building because he's, you know, been told to do that. And he realizes that all the windows are barred and they've all got locks on the outside. So basically the whole house is locked up nice and tight from the outside. And he's seen that there's a little girl in there or a young girl in there as well. So he's got all this information, which he reports back to the boys.

Because Spencer's pissed at him for not getting in. And she says, I couldn't get in. She wouldn't let me. He says, why not? And then he says, like he's saying to, like there's padlocks on the outside. And things are on the outside. Like they're not expecting that shit.

He says, okay, we'll come back on Sunday and we'll do it on Sunday.

But Spencer is, as it should be, I want to get in there beforehand because I want to know if there's an alarm system. Cause I'm not going to go into that fucking house without knowing if there's an alarm system. And to be fair, if there's padlocks on the outside, there's probably an alarm system. So he is right in what he does. And it's Mission Impossible time again.

So we put the Boy Scout costume away, and now Spencer is disguised as a gas engineer.

Looks pretty good.

Hello, madam.

Look, this is what, in what I do with work, I quite often turn up to places, banks, all sorts. And quite often, they don't care. I could talk my way into pretty much most things.

I've been with you, and I've talked my way in with you.

Yes, and without them really caring.

They don't even ask me who I am. I'm just like someone following you around.

Yeah, just wandering to be, yeah, yeah, go ahead. No problem. And if you just play it cool, you can actually do it very easily.

And that's what Spencer does. He says, hi, man, we need to check your meter. He's got all his answers. She says, well, the meter is outside. It's over there on the end of the driveway. He says, oh, no, but there's another meter inside your house. She says, no, there isn't. He says, well, there is, I'm afraid. And we can enter your home because we are the gas company. So I either can come in now and check it, or I have to come back with the cops and a warrant because it's all about gas safety.

And they can't believe it. Like, there's no way that he could be left in. But so things are so, I know what's going on. He's fucking in there, hiding all the good shit for himself.

He's getting the gold. He's taking the gold for himself. I know that's a snake.

But still, it doesn't make sense that she's left.

Yeah.

So it is weird, but she must have. But it might have done it. She tries to be like, I've got to go out. Okay, just let yourself out. Okay, another thing I do, I go to people's houses to work in their house, and sometimes I've never ever met them, and they're like, I'm going to go out. I'll see you later. Just shut the door when you're finished. Like, okay, no worries. And it's so like, I don't know if I have a trustworthy face or what, but they're just so like, yeah, no worries.

Well, they don't trust him. So Leroy says, come on, let's go. So they go around to the side garage.

And the reason that he was invited in there, did you say about the ring? She sees the she thinks he's legit until just before she sees, which is a bit like, like really, just because the person is wearing a ring.

With a skull on it.

It's a ring with skull. She's like, he can't be a real gas man. Real gas men don't have rings with skulls on it. Obviously, he's a fake person, which is a really thing, jump to the conclusion, things do, but does. And that's why she gets him in the house.

So Leroy and Fool go around to the side garage, and Leroy breaks the window, and they manage to get inside, and all the doors are really heavily fortified. They're in some kind of green house. Then he manages to pry a door open that makes the whole wall slow. So the whole wall is a door. It's like a vault to a safe. But that's only going to get them into the kitchen. So they think, what the hell is in here?

And in fact, the fool still says, like, yeah, about being a doctor. And he says, what do you mean, a doctor of burglary? And then they maybe think, well, come on, from the hood, you do get Dr. Dre. He wasn't a real doctor.

You do get Dr. Dre. He's going to operate and cooperate.

I love the fact that Dr. Dre is Dr. Dre just because he was a DJ. So he could be the operating on the decks.

But he used to wear a surgical mask. It's so funny.

Like, but somehow kept the name Dr. Dre.

But it's like, Andre Young doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

I know, but Dr. Dre is so funny because he's not a doctor.

The doc. Fake doc, just like Dr. Who's not a real doctor, is he?

He might be a doctor of space. Big Tardis, isn't he?

So they slid this massive steel door open, and sadly inside there is a great big fucking dog, a Rottweiler, which attacks Leroy. Well, they managed to escape it by running into the next room, and they managed to lock the door so it's trapped out in the sort of garage, sort of shed bit, and they're now trapped. They can't get out. All the doors are locked. Even the cabinets are all locked shut.

Yeah.

But he stays downstairs and...

But Ving does treat him thinking almost like he's an adult at the same level, which is really funny because you imagine him talking down, but he doesn't. That's why he says, Who are you, pussy? Because he's not looking at him as a kid. That's the so funniest thing with this.

Well, Fool is quite brave because he hears noises coming from underneath the floor. So he decides to head into the basement. Hmm. He's probably never watched a horror film. And he hears some whispers.

Well, he thinks Spencer's down there, so he goes down.

He hears some whispers and he finds Spencer's clipboard and thinks he's definitely been down here. But it's really, really dark. And then he hears a TV and he finds a really weird sight of a TV facing the wrong way into a hole in the wall. So there's a really old TV with the screens all sort of green because it's so faded and had just been turned on for years. And something in the walls is using that TV to just for a bit of entertainment, really.

And Spencer has a gold coin in his dead hand.

And he hears a voice that sort of goes, Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, which is basically what you'd sound like if you didn't have a tongue. But we don't know that at the time. It's just a weird voice. But we find out that it's Roach later on. Yeah, but then it would. And then something drags Spencer and starts pulling his body under the wall. And what's his name? Fall Is Jumped by Roach.

I guess this kid, Fall, is mad hardcore, because at this point, I'd be freaking the fuck out. There's a dead body in front of me, and there's people here under the stairs, like hands coming out and going, oh, I'd be completely shocked. He's pretty calm.

He is locked in, and then suddenly Alice opens the door, and he escapes from the basement, and then he hears mommy and daddy coming home. They pull up in the driveway. It's a bit like when the Clopacs arrive home, when you're digging up their back garden, you're about to get caught in the act. So yeah, mommy and daddy come home, so he goes, Leroy, Leroy. No answer from upstairs. Oh, for fuck's sake, mommy and daddy are home.

And they realize someone is in the house.

Yeah, but the window's smashed. The dog's here. Well, the door's been barricaded from the inside. So he goes upstairs, and he sees Leroy lying face down with his head in an air vent. And he thinks, oh my God, he's dead as well. But he's not, he's just a bit of a jump scare. And he's like, shh, be quiet, fool. I thought I heard talking coming from the air vents. And fool says, listen, I found Spencer dead. If you thought he was white before, he was even whiter.

But why is he holding hands with Fall?

That's in a little bit. Initially, it's just Fall that gets shocked by the door. So they send Prince, the dog, his name is. They send him in, they bend the door a little bit, mommy and daddy, so they can send the Rottweiler in to attack whoever is broken into their house. And Leroy says, listen, here's what we'll do. You stand in the middle of the rooms, the dog, the giant Rottweiler comes running at you, and I'll hide behind the sofa, and I'll pop that sucker when he comes in the room.

Very heavy, strong skulls. It's gonna take a fucking, it's gonna break your hand probably punching one.

Yeah, so it doesn't work because he jumps out too quickly, Leroy. The dog goes for him and they kind of tussle on the floor. The dog grabs Leroy's leg. And this is when Fool has the idea to hold hands with Leroy and then hold the door handle. And they kind of let the shock of the electricity go all the way through to the dog, which kind of knocks it out a little bit. And they run upstairs, and you hear mummy saying, get him, daddy, get him from mummy, which is a bit Jason or easy really.

Leroy's trying to kick one out, but it's just too much, too strong.

Daddy grabs a huge gun.

Cock it.

And then presses a button to lock the house down, which means all the shutter has gone down. All the lights go out. And he begins to hunt them. And he's loving this, Daddy. It's not his first time. He's probably done this, I would say, because they do mention they've been broken into before. So I'd imagine they just end up eating whoever breaks in and feeding it to the people under the stairs. So he manages to shoot Leroy, who gets scared out of the closet.

Oh, he's hiding them. That makes him jump and fall out of the cupboard. So yeah, get shot.

Thing rings, falls down the stairs, and he is dead. Wow, I'm gutted. I really like that character.

Yeah, totally.

Mommy and daddy do a dance of excitement when he falls down the stairs, don't they?

It's like a murder jig.

Is that what you'd call it?

I'd go with murder jig.

Stand for our murder jig! Did, did, did. But fall stays hidden, and he climbs into the air vents just as daddy approaches. He sees Alice, who says, follow me, follow me. She leads him through these secret passages between the walls. And daddy knows that he's in there, so he starts shooting into the wall space.

Well, originally, I thought it was just one, but yeah, and then realized it was, oh no, yeah, so he still thinks it's one, and he's just shooting at fall because he's trying to get fall, isn't he?

Yeah.

Fall's got in between this, the girl later on says fall got in between like the cupboards and stuff, so it's making dad go mad. So he's just going around shooting stuff because they're obviously insane, this man and woman.

Fall comes out of a secret passageway into another corridor, and he sees Alice in the bathroom, and this is where they kind of meet, they do a bit of a handshake.

She's never been outside or nothing.

Well, it's a funny little joke as well, because she's staring at him and he says you've never seen a brother before, meaning you've never seen a black guy before.

But she doesn't understand that.

She's like, I've never had a brother. And he's like, okay, but you've seen a boy before. And she's like, no, I've never been outside ever.

But she has, she's seen Fall.

Well, yeah, but she's never been outside. But it's still a funny joke anyway, I thought.

Not Fall, sorry, Roach.

Yeah, Roach, old Roach, Cockroach. Daddy, what does he do next? Oh, yeah, he steals the body, sorry, he steals the body and cut.

The dog's got a hand as a treat.

Yep, here you go. And it's got the ring on it still, the skull ring. Eat that, good boy, good boy.

Police turn up, though.

They do.

Sorry, my notes could be more spot broken out than yours.

That's okay. Yeah, so she tells, so Alice, when they meet, she tells him, I've had brothers, but they weren't good enough. So what daddy would do is cut the bad parts out of them and then keep them in the cellar. And he feeds body parts to them. And then you hear, and he's like, who is that? And she's like, oh, that's Roach. He lives in the walls. He's the one that escaped. He drives daddy nuts. So that's the bit you were saying just now. He drives daddy nuts. My next note says, Gimp Hunter.

That's the title for a movie.

Amateurville Gimp Hunter.

Ah, see?

Amateurville Gimp. Just that would be enough. Amateurville Gimp. And daddy likes to dress in a full head-to-toe Gimp outfit when he starts hunting, which he does. And he's shooting at the walls because he knows that there's somebody else there and he wants to get Roach, who he knows lives in the walls. So Alice helps Fall get into the wall again. And I think, what does Roach do to daddy? Hits him or something, or taunts him at least.

Yeah, yeah, taunts him, yeah. I know why the police are there now. I looked at the rest of my notes.

That's right, yeah, because outside, please continue.

The van, which was used locally in a store robbery, which was the robbery that daddy talked about earlier, was in fact on their driveway. So the police come by saying, you know, what's this van doing here? It was in a robbery. And they just say, we don't know. We came home and it was here. And the police leave. And he's like, surely you should clam that van. You need to do something or tow it away to the impound. What are you doing?

She's quite convincing. She's like, this neighborhood is getting worse and worse, and we are scared.

I just don't know why the cops don't get the van towed away.

Yeah, I don't know. But poor old fool sees the cops outside and he's banging on the glass, but it's soundproof, bulletproof glass, and they cannot hear him or see him. So he's thwarted.

They look in the van, though. Once the cops go to go, this is why the van is still here. It's got to work for the story. Anyway, they look in and what do they find?

But what the cops do say to them, well, listen, if these men are out there, what I would say to you is stay inside and keep your doors locked. And she says, don't worry, we will keep our doors locked, as in, we're not letting anybody out of our house. Yes, inside the van, mummy and daddy find the boy scout outfit, and they know that Fool is in the house now as well. So he is fucked. Yeah. So they send the dog into the walls, and you've got this Prince, the dog, funny name for a dog, isn't it?

I like, yeah, well, I like the way that Fool says to the girl, your mother's one sick mother.

Yeah. And then he says, and your daddy is too.

Your dad's a sick mother too.

So funny. So it's good dialogue in this, isn't it?

It's fine.

The dog, yeah, the dog chases them through the crawl space, and he manages to lock himself in the bathroom, but the dog's trying to come in. Daddy blows a hole in the door and he smashes, but he smashes daddy's head with the toilet, the classic top of the toilet smash over the head. We've seen it done before. So Fall is fighting back. He's doing a good job here. And Roach grabs him and pulls him in and sort of goes, pretty much middle fingers daddy as he shuts the cupboards.

I watched it the other day. I've been going through them again. And Dee's cat got in the wall. So Charlie says, put another cat in the wall. And then that goes wrong. So Dee puts a canary in there. And then that gets eaten. So she comes back and Danny DeVito is there as well, Frank. And they smashed them all down. They've put loads of cats in there.

So funny. That's like first season, I think.

So then Dee goes, fuck it, I'm going in. And she gets in there and she gets attacked by them. No, it's like season four.

Oh, yeah. Because Danny DeVito wasn't in season one.

He was in season two. But yeah, it's very funny.

Yeah, it's so funny. So Alice manages to introduce... Oh, we should mention as well that they send the dog down a chute because there's lots of booby traps in the house, and they send the dog all the way down a chute into the kitchen. And they're like, where's Alice? That little kid's going to get to her and have his way with her.

He's had a fortunate run against the penis.

I don't know. I don't really know how to answer that. Might be might be a delicacy if you live in the wall.

Could be.

It's like when you get a call in the caterpillar cake for your birthday, you want the face. Oh, throw him in. I want the penis.

I guess.

Poor old Alice is taking upstairs for a bath. She's thrown into a scalding hot bath and scrubbed with a wire brush to get cleaned up. And Fool gets chained up and left in the basement. And this is where he's approached by the people under the stairs who are all pale skinned zombie looking creatures. They're the boys that have either been caught and brought into the house, or they're some of the most sons of mommy and daddy, so inbred, because mommy and daddy are brother and sister.

Listen, if you can't see what I can see, there's like a little puppet there as well. Animated Dan.

Watch this film, you'll know exactly what I was going for then. So he pretends to be a ghost or a zombie, which scares away the people under the stairs. He unlocks Fool, and they climb into the furnace to hide from the dog, which is again after them. And then up through the vents, there was a John McClane all the way up through the vents in the furnace. And they realize that Roach has a gunshot wound, and he shows Fool the coins and says, blah. Which means there's coins in this house.

What did he say?

We should mention his tongue was cut out. He does show them quite a nice little effect earlier, where he says, daddy cut his tongue out. And he says, he basically says, I want you to go and save Alice and get the coin, get all the coins. And then he dies. So we've lost Roach now as well.

I must not really like Roach in this movie because I thought he was in it fucking loads. And I was like, oh, that fucking nerd kids, fucking hell. He wasn't even in it. I love yours. Yours is sweet, cute and funny. But his was just annoying. As a kid, it wasn't too bad. He's not even in it that much to be fair.

Hillary Swank, you know, the actress. She auditioned to play Roach because at the time Roach was neither a boy or a girl. They were happy to take either. But they ended up going with Sean Wallen that played him. But it could have been Hillary Swank going, no, no, no. Imagine that. So yeah, he dies. Poor old Roach. So Daddy then goes upstairs and threatens Alice. He tells her he killed Roach and he thinks he's killed Fool as well. But Fool pops up and does a full on testicle punch to Daddy.

Wall climber. Amityville wall climbers.

Amityville wall climber. Amityville wheelchair.

Where's that come from?

I'm just thinking of random objects that you could attach to it. Just Amityville trousers. Oh, my trousers are haunted. Every time I put them on, I shit myself.

Amityville.

Amityville. Just Roach for 20 minutes. So Daddy burns Roach's body in the furnace and makes the vents very, very hot, which makes it very difficult and very smoky for Alice and Fool, who are still crawling through the vents. So they go back into the main wall space, and this is where Daddy again starts shooting the walls. And they come up with a plan. Well, Fool does anyway.

It's like a bayonet, isn't it?

Yeah, and the dogs come in, and it's got on top of Fool. And what he does is very cleverly, he waits until he knows the spike's about to come through the wall. He lifts up the Rottweiler, and it gets stabbed, and then he goes, Ow! Like that, so that Daddy thinks he's killed Fool, but he finds out that he's killed his precious prince.

Oh.

Oh. He does a little dance, though, just for that. Another death dance.

Sad death jig.

Well, the reason he does that dance, then he says, I got him. I got him. I got him. I got him. Mummy says, murder jig. Prove it.

And that's where they find the dog.

Yeah. They find the dead dog. So Alice and Fool find a window that leads to the conservatory, but you do have to jump into a pond. So Daddy comes in and tries to stop them. Fool falls off and lands in the pond and manages to be OK. But Alice remains trapped. And Mummy says, He got away! Go get into your suit, Daddy! And by suit, she means your gimp suit.

Yeah.

And why is it? What is this gimp outfit about, Gav? When you go hunting for burglars in your walls, do you put on a gimp suit?

A, I don't go looking for burglars in my walls. B, I don't have a gimp suit.

When you go looking for the goat that lives, that used to live in your attic.

Goat, goat, man of loft.

Goat, man of loft. Get your gimp suit on. Go find that goat.

It's gone now. There's rats on it. All gone now.

Amityville goat.

Amityville rats.

There we go. That would be a good one. I love it. Amityville anal pro.

Last night was really hot. And do you know what I fancied watching? I popped on YouTube. Amityville anal probe.

Did you watch that?

That's not what I watched. You shocked me. So I pulled myself back for that. But I'm going back forward again to where I was. I was hot. And I was like, I'm going to watch something. So I watched YouTube. And I knew what I was going to watch. But it's really annoying. Because as soon as they start speaking, someone else in Spanish would just say just a little bit underneath them, the same line in Spanish. And it was, um, Silver King movie with the rats.

Oh, yeah.

What's it called? Graveyard Shift. I was like, I'm going to watch that. It's a hot movie.

Yeah. I hate that on YouTube where it's like, Hey, how are you?

I think I've got a videotape there. Yeah. It was that exactly. I was like, I could carry on. I could decide for it.

Well, the fool is escaped. You'd think that was the end of it. He goes to Grandpa Booker and he says, Here's a coin. What do you think of this coin?

And he says, He's got a few coins though.

He says, son, I can confirm that you can afford to pay your rent for the next 10 years with this, as well as pay for your mum to have the cancer removed. You are good as gold. But let me tell you about that crazy mummy and daddy. They aren't who you think they are. They're actually brother and sister.

And he calls the police about child abuse.

Yeah.

Hello?

Hello, police, what do you want? I'd like to report a child abuse. Okay, where? In the rich people's house. Okay, we'll get someone there to go and investigate.

Is that the information he gives?

Yeah. So the police come around.

Everybody's poor apart from one house.

Yep, there's about 10 police in their house now. And mummy's frantically going around making more coffee. Would you like sugar and cream? Would you like some biscuits and cookies with that? And she's making sure they all feel very happy and safe. And they're all, oh yeah, coffee donuts, brilliant. These cops are absolutely loving it. And they're putting on a good show.

I imagine it's pretty much soundproofed up stairs and downstairs.

But I do get elements of this that remind me of the burbs again.

They say they had a kid and the kid left them. And that's why there's a bit of distress in all of this really.

Well, no, the kid died. Because they go upstairs and the police find Alice's room. And they're like, I thought you said you didn't have children. And they're like, Oh, dear sweet Alice, she's no longer with us. And he's like, Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be really hard for you. And she's like, she says something like, she never really left. She'll always be here. And then she looks around knowing that Alice has probably heard her say that because she's in the walls.

Let's go.

So they leave. Daddy's, another funny bit is while the police there, Daddy's frantically running around hiding all of his Gimp shit. He's picking up all the little spiked gloves and shotguns.

Do you think she's the Gimp in Pulp Fiction?

Yes, because Ving Reims. Oh my God. This isn't the first time Ving Reims has worked with a Gimp. This is crazy.

Yeah, I don't know how my actors can say that.

I've worked with two Gimps in my career.

They call me what is a Gimp scene needed.

Medieval on your ass.

Medieval on your ass.

Jesus, that scene, I did not expect that scene in the cinema. And the worst thing is, they show you a little bit of it. I know we've already reviewed Pulp Fiction, but they show you a little bit of what's happening to Ving Reims. And then Bruce Willis takes an extreme, too long to decide which weapon to go down the road. I get he wants to make sure, but that guy is getting absolutely buggered senseless downstairs. Come on, pick your weapon quickly and go and save him. Yes, a samurai sword.

And I'm going to get bent over here. Yep, that's it.

Okay, he's going to come in with a samurai sword.

A really creepy guy with a side gun.

Yeah, that's it. And then the guy from that Jim Carrey movie, The Mask is going to be the one that orchestrating it all.

So weird.

It is weird. But yeah, Gimps. So he's holding all his Gimps shit and all of his guns. They pretend they lost their child. Da da da da da, the police have to leave and that's fine. And then he says, she says, you better get a new dog tomorrow. A real big one, daddy. So they're like, all right, we're over the dog. Let's get a new one tomorrow.

Very quickly. Simpson's parody that fucking scene.

The Pulp Fiction scene.

Yeah. Have you ever seen that?

No, I haven't seen that.

It's fucking well good. There's a fight going on with, who is it? Two characters are fighting and they roll in into the store. And Millhouse, his dad and Millhouse go in there and Millhouse comes in and says, excuse me, can my son use your toilet? He really needs to use the bathroom. And Millhouse, and he says, what? No, it's only for customers. And Millhouse accidentally picks up a, puts a knife thing on and has a old ball with spikes on it, swings it around and knocks people out and stuff.

I love to Google, I love to YouTube that.

Yeah, totally.

That sounds funny. On a side note, while we're talking about The Simpsons, you're an expert on The Simpsons in some ways. Could you answer me a quick question? So I believe there's what, like 25, maybe 30 seasons of The Simpsons now, right?

About 20, 29, I think.

Does every single season have one?

Tree House Of Horror.

Yeah.

Is that right? Yeah, I think even the first season, maybe not the first season, maybe it started on the second season. I don't know. Because I'm, yeah.

I'm gonna, for one of my Halloweens at some point, I'm gonna do every single Tree House Of Horror for my Halloween 31 days.

Yeah, I'll tell you what. In fact, there isn't 31, but in one of the recent seasons, they did an It special. So one episode was It, but it wasn't a season. So you could include.

And if you look through it, you might be able to include a couple more, which is almost horror-y episodes, which aren't Tree House or make up 31.

Like the one episode I've seen the most, because I don't watch The Simpsons that much, as you know, but the one episode I've seen the most is the Cape Fear one, where they get relocated and become the Thompson's. I don't know why I've seen that one the most. Weirdly, it's because it was on TV a lot back in the day.

But you've got Disney, haven't you?

Yeah, yeah, because it's all now.

Yeah, this October, Halloween, just go do that.

Yeah, because if you go to Halloween last year, the reason I was inspired to do it is because Halloween last year, they were like get into the spooky season and they'd actually compiled all the Treehouse of Powerers into one section. Yeah. So I might do that.

Don't do it, yeah.

That'd be fun. Thank you.

But that one of the parody is a 21 short stories about Springfield. I think the episode is called.

Amazing. Amazing. So what they don't know, what Mummy and Daddy don't realize is, is that while they were distracted with the cops, they left the back door unlocked and Fall snuck into the kitchen and he's in there and he sneaks upstairs with a big poker. He hears Mummy and Daddy saying good night to each other. Now he knows that they're brother and sister, it's all a bit gross. And they say, well, Daddy, we need to say our prayers before we go to sleep. And he says, oh, sorry, I almost forgot.

Never, never.

Imagine that in a British pub. And then he made me so angry, I took off my gimp mask. Oh, Nigel, you didn't. Yes, oh, you must've been very angry. I was furious.

I hate you, I hate you, I certainly hate you, Nigel's the gimp.

Nigel the gimp. I'm gonna have to build Nigel.

That dies, I was feeling Nigel gimp time.

So, Fall climbs up in through the chimneys, and he realizes that Alice is tied to the outside of the chimney with a bolt through the chimney. So he pops the bolt out from the brick, and he starts taking the bricks down. Daddy comes in, she pretends to carry on being tidied up, then he leaves again, because he's gonna have his way with his own daughter. At this point.

Yeah, Thor has actually told her as well that they stole you, they're baby snatchers.

Yeah, he said to her, they're not your mum and dad, they're actually brother and sister. So he leaves again, because mummy's like, come out here, come and help me. So he leaves again. So they plan to escape. He finishes unlocking her, and they think, well, should we get out through the window? And she says, we can't jump into the pond this time, that you jumped into, because daddy drained it, and filled it up with broken glass and barbed wire.

There's somebody at the door.

Who is it? It's Ruby, Fall's big sister. Madam, I've come to you with a petition because you have been charging people way too much rent and then evicting them when they can't afford it. And what you're doing, frankly, is disgusting. She slams the door in her face, opens it again, and grandpa's there this time. And they're sort of trying to get her to listen to them.

Well, well, the door knocks again. It's the police. And it's not just the granddad.

That's right. He pretends to be the cop, but it's not. Mummy opens the door and she gets so annoyed.

She almost says the N-word.

She does. She does because she sees that the entire neighborhood is showing up.

The whole hood is there.

Literally, the whole neighborhood is there. I really like it. I love this way that they all show up at the end. It reminds me of the end of Streets Of Fire, which I watched the other day, actually, where the whole neighborhood shows up at the end to take down the gangsters.

Do you think in the British version, the boys in the hood is like young gentlemen in the neighborhood?

Yeah, why not?

Go for it.

I doubt if they're gentlemen, though.

Green light.

No, in the horrible little shits that ride around on electric scooters in my area. With balaclavas over their faces.

I told you about a kid.

Yeah.

Justin Bieber, Eminem motherfucker. Yeah. He's like a kid, he's like a fool. I'm in a town, he's like, this British nowadays is what you get in England. He's like 14. His jeans are really low down, and I've always been doing that myself because I've skateboarded, I've got no ass, so it's always full down. Anyway, his jeans are really full down, though. No top on, and his pants really high up. And with a baseball cap sideways, and he says, you got to shut for me.

Amityville gangsters. Oh, Amityville gangsters. That would be a good one.

Amityville fake gangster kids.

So essentially we get to this big scrap where daddy falls down the stairs unconscious, fool tells the people under the stairs, you can escape now, and he finds what I can only say is Scrooge McDuck's money stash. You remember in Ducktales when Scrooge goes swimming in his money? He finds the equivalent of that, a big vault of money. And he says, no wonder there's no money in the ghetto. So I'll in here. And it's literally every penny from the neighborhood is in that special vault.

And I hate just the fact that these people will never, and he says like, the money fall through your fingers. I've done that many times before. And it's such a, such a weird way to live. If you love so much, just money. I love money so much. It turns into like more than the fact of what money is worth. It takes your whole life, makes you just really, like that's the only thing that matters, even though it doesn't. And when you die, you don't take it with you.

Yeah. Scrooge McDuck, you bastard. Give us some money. So cutting back quickly to Alice fighting with her fake mum, she stabs her, and then her mum is swarmed by the people under the stairs, and she says, they're not my mother, and you're not my mother. And they kind of start ripping at her and tearing her apart. Daddy sees her body. He's very cross. He runs down to his vault where he knows Fool is, and Fool is set up a booby trap where he's put coins in the candles.

And where were they gonna go?

I don't know. Got working in the local corner stores, the convenience stores.

Honestly, why are they like this? What are they gonna do? They got no tongues. How are they gonna explain what's happening? They go right down, I suppose, I guess.

Going in the convenience store. Hello, can I get a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka, please? I don't know how much is that? $20, is it? So they escape, and then it rains money on the ghetto people. And they're collecting up all the money that they can, and it's literally raining money. And we finish up with, with Do The Right Thing, not talking about black and white thing, because that would cause conflict, and it makes it legit. The Redhead Kingpin song.

I even read a song, I was like, oh, this song, I don't.

Which is called Do The Right Thing, was written for Do The Right Thing.

Spike Lee joined.

But didn't get on the soundtrack. And then Wes Craven really wanted a hip hop track for the end credits. So they said, oh, well, this is available. And he said, oh, great, I'll take that. And there we are. And if you look on the surface, this is a fun, almost adventure with some darker elements thrown in, like these people under the stairs and stuff. But if you look below the surface, there's a lot to be said. And it's saying a lot about politics, race, class, poverty. A very, very clever film.

It is quite different.

It is. It's just really fun. And as much as I like The Hills Have Eyes, this is a film I've gone back to many times. It's a fall asleep film. You know it so well, you put it on in the background to sort of unwind and fall asleep sometimes. You know, it's one of those ones. I'm a big fan of it. What were your takes on watching it this time around?

I thought it was a bit slow, needed to wrap up a lot quicker. There's a couple of times where it's just like, come on, get on with it now. It just, you know.

And again, I agree with you. And we've had this conversation on so many episodes where-

So many reviews of films, it feels like, yeah, can I tighten this up more?

Because it always happens in films where they spend 10 minutes running from room to room to room to room to room. You can just cut about 10 minutes out. This was an hour and 45. If you chopped it down to maybe an hour and 35.

Yeah, I'll just not even miss.

Yeah. But overall, they're still fun. Some fun characters.

I don't know if I'm really gonna go back to it again. I don't know if I need to. Do you know what I mean? I saw it loads as a kid. I know the story so well and now I've reviewed it. It's all right. Like, it's cool. It's all right.

Yeah, it's definitely a thumbs up for me because it's one of my favorite Wes Craven movies. I think I said to you, it's probably my top three, along with Scream and A Nightmare On Elm Street.

Yeah, and I was trying to think out, I don't know if it would be, but I was like Scream one, two and three for me, because I was like, maybe not, maybe Scream one, two and four. I don't know.

Yeah, I can't remember three that well.

It wasn't as good.

I still haven't seen the sixth one, but... I will check it out at some point. I was really legit surprised by number five.

Yeah, I didn't really care for it.

Really liked it. But yeah, so it's a thumbs up from me, and not sure thumbs up from Gal. I suspect you're saying if you've not seen it, check it out.

If you've not seen it, watch it, but if you've seen it, I don't, there's nothing to go back to. There's plenty of other films you could be watching.

It's on Prime if you want to rent it. Fun one though, and always good to come back to Wes Craven. We may come back to him sometime for another couple of his beauties. You never know, we might go to the last house on the left if we've got the guts to go there.

Actually, like, I actually can't remember that for one of my top three of his.

Yeah, I can't remember it too well.

Yeah, I remember it pretty well. I saw it actually, I think, last year again. But yeah, I wouldn't put it up there.

Unpleasant.

Yeah, it is a bit, but I don't know. It was okay. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, there we go, Mr. Craven. Rest in peace. Thank you for that. Hope you guys enjoyed those two reviews. And I think it's time for us to have a little goodbye, isn't it? Let's have a little break and then come back for a goodbye.

Let's get out of here and be back. And we're back again.

We're back again. I love that. Just before you press record, it's Gary Busey. And we're back again.

We were just talking about your loft, and I said, what if you find Gary Busey up there?

I'm weirdly linked to this episode. I'm in the process of potentially getting my loft converted into a storage space, not a room. And I just had to go, imagine if I found a secret room up there. Because when I first went up there, I was really hoping to find like a box of treasure or something, you know, but all there was was a table up there, and a huge piece of cardboard, and that's it. Nothing else. Lots of spiders.

Okay, what have we got?

Don Collier, he has chosen, now he loves his find footage. He does his podcast on that, which is Donnie Darko's find footage. So if you want to check that out, do so, please, I recommend it. So he's chosen a classic Spanish find footage movie for us. And I think you know where I'm going with this, Gav?

Wreck.

Wreck from 2007. Yeah, I haven't seen it for a long time. So I'm excited to go back and check that out and to review it. I remember it being a bit of a game changer because find footage was doing one thing and this showed that you could do another thing with it. Do you know what I mean? And yeah, it was a bit demonic, but it's on me, very scary at times, so good stuff. And he's paired that up with a film that I've never seen by Ty West from 2022, X.

Yes, and I saw this in the cinema and I was very excited and I came out hating it. So let's see what it's like in a review situation.

Oh, no, the other reason I'm excited for it is because I've wanted to watch it for a long time because I know there's a sequel called Pearl, which a lot of people are raving about. And I know there's a third one, third and final one called Maxine, which has just finished production and will be out soon. So I'm happy to finally start this trilogy thanks to Don. So yeah, we'll be checking out X from 2022 and REC from 2007. X and REC, that sounds like a good hip hop duo from the 90s.

I even X came on Prime one time and I went back to it, tried watching it and I turned it off, I couldn't do it.

Well, you'll be watching it for Don.

So I will, Don, and I will be positively criticizing it, not negatively criticizing it.

Well, after that-

If I can do that.

After that, we are getting more into the summer and for some reason, summer movies, so for episode 160, summer movies aren't summer movies without a bit of poltergeist action. And we've already covered the first one, so we're going to be wrapping up the poltergeist franchise for episode 160 with Poltergeist 2, The Other Side from 1986, and Poltergeist 3 from 1988.

That's amazing. It's a strong sequel.

Yeah, yeah, totally. So 2 and 3, so that'll be wrapped. We won't be doing the fucking awful remake. Awful. I watched it with you. I watched it at your house, your old house. We watched it together and we were like this, because we both love Sam, what's his face? And it was like, this is shit.

Well, even under press circuit for that, Sam Rockwell said, it's a film.

Yeah, you didn't really sell it to me. And then after that, Gav, for episode 161, we're going back to the directors. This time we're looking at M. Night Shyamalan, the man, the man that the twist, the legend.

Good job about him, I think, really.

Yeah, yeah, we've not covered him before. So we'll be reviewing his classic, his break into Hollywood with The Sixth Sense from 1999. I can't believe that was so long ago. 99 was a good year. The Matrix, The Blair Witch Project, American Pie. There was so many crazy movies coming out in 1999. I think The Mummy came out that year as well. But anyway, The Sixth Sense from 1999, and one of my favorites of his, legitimately creepy Mel Gibson 2002, Signs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Alien Scarface.

I remember watching this, it's an ex-girlfriend of mine, in the afternoon, we sat and watched it, and I was creeped out by it in the middle of the afternoon.

Yeah, yeah, Signs is probably creepier than Sixth Sense in my opinion.

It's a good UFO movie.

Yeah, and you love a UFO movie, so that'll be a good couple there to watch. So yeah, that's what's coming up next, a Patreon pick with X and REC. After that, we'd be doing Poltergeist 2 and 3, and then for the one after that, Shyamalan.

X and REC sounds like a German bass group or something.

No, I think they're a hip-hop duo from the early 90s. A British hip-hop duo that didn't do very well. X and REC. Oh, why know why? Because there's a group called RECs and FX, isn't there?

True.

A rap group, RECs and FX. So it's X and REC, REC and X. There we go. So there we go. It's time for me to do some housekeeping and then we can do our goodbyes and farewells and goodnights. So thank you to everybody for listening and supporting you. Sharing and doing all the things that you do. Obviously, we are and have been the podcast on Haunted Hill, a proud member of Legion Podcasts Network. I have been for a good 10 years now. We're also under the Deadbolt Media umbrella.

Oh, Strangeless Podcasts, where we talk about spooky things.

Yeah, so if you want to know more about that, go to deadboltfilms.com. There's a YouTube channel as well, so just search for Deadbolt Films. And again, we're on Instagram under all one word, Deadbolt Films. Finally, we are part of Patreon. So if you want to become a Patreon supporter, you can. You don't have to do so, but if you want to for a little as a pound or a little or a month donated, you can help the show continue to grow, move forward, tick along nicely.

Shipped, not shitted?

Unless you live under the stairs, we won't be sending it there. Oh, we might do. We might send it to you if you live under the stairs.

Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, if you're a person under the stairs, you'll get a T-shirt.

Just try to explain when you go, oh, what that is to us.

You also get... I love your little one. You also get access to our entire back catalog. Every Friday, we publish one of our old episodes on what we call Freaky Friday. So some people wouldn't have even heard some of the very early episodes. They stay on there. So if you're a patron, you will always have access to our episodes.

If something happened and all our episodes just vanished, if you're a patron supporter, you will still have access.

You will indeed. And most importantly, not only will you have access to any bonus content we occasionally put up, but you will also get to pick two films for us to watch. So every three episodes is a patron pick. So roughly, we do about two every two months, roughly, if we do two shows a month.

Yeah, if we're on schedule.

Yeah, if we're on schedule. And you'll get to pick something that is horror, horror, or sci-fi, or cult adjacent, as long as it's in that wheelhouse, and we haven't covered it, we will cover it. If you are a patron, I'll just contact you, and when it's coming up to your time, and you'll just need to send me what you want. And if you want to, a lot of people do send us a quick paragraph or two about why they've chosen that film, what it means to them, and all that kind of stuff.

Thank you so much.

Very much for your support. Means a lot to us. We love you all. And we love everybody.

Thank you so much.

Listening, sharing, liking, subscribing.

Likey, likey.

Likey, likey. So yeah, that's it.

So it's a good night from Amitaville Good Night.

It's a good night from your mother's got cancer. You can't even afford to get it cut out.

It's a good night.

He just delivers it brutally like that.

It's a good night from me.

And it's a good night from Michael Berryman.

And do remember to look under the bed for Amitaville.

And.

Fring Reims.

And mutants.

Yeah. Anything could be under that bed. Good night.

If Fring Reims is under your bed, I wouldn't be happy.

Motherfucker. Good night. Thank you for listening to the podcast on Haunted Hill. We will be back again real soon.