THE PODCAST ON HAUNTED HILL EPISODE 146 – NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION

The podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

I am the devil and I am here to do the devil's work. I sell this vicon. Be one of us. I didn't tell you my name, hang up. I didn't tell you my name. They're all apart. They're all apart. Come it is time to keep your appointment.

Hello and welcome to the podcast on Haunted Hill 140. 66 is Happy Christmas, merry Christmas. My name is Gav. I'm Dan to Clause. Dan to Clause, indeed, gavi Christmas.

I like that. Gavi Christmas Sounds like a children's TV presenter.

Hope everybody's having a good time and is happy and festive and pleasant. And if you don't celebrate Christmas, you're just doing what? If you do and you're happy though, or if you don't like being happy, you're sad in what you do, I don't know what to say. I suppose, if you don't like to be happy and you're always annoyed and sad, but that makes you happy, surely that's you being happy. So I don't know. I'm stuck for that now. I'm confused.

One of my best friends is only ever happy when he's got something to moan about, and I'm not talking about you.

I know who you're talking about as well.

Yeah, rob. So some people are happy, but listen what Gav's trying to say is, but that is him happy even though Greg Orn never happy.

But you're happy, not being happy, he's not happy actually.

If he hasn't got a list of things to moan about, he's not happy, he doesn't know what to do with himself. But I think, gav, what you're trying to say to our lovely listeners is happy holidays, happy festivities, even if you don't celebrate it. You might just get a half a day or a day to put your feet up, whatever it is. Relax, enjoy yourselves and enjoy this festive time. This is a very, very, very, very, very Double celebration Special episode double rainbow.

Yeah, yeah, I absolutely adore podcasting. I loved doing it. I was doing it last night with my lovely lady a new episode of HighStrokesPodcom, which we did Christmas murder. So if you don't like happiness, you want a bit of death at Christmas, you can pop over there and listen to that. Yeah, I love podcasting. I love podcasting with you. I love talking about horror movies. If we didn't podcast, I'd still be talking to you about horror movies, just with a microphone there.

Yeah, exactly, exactly that, and we will get going to get into all of that today. So let's run through what this episode is about. Obviously, it's our festive episode, so we're going to be getting very festive in Christmasy. We're going to start off by talking about Christmas, what we like to do, tradition, what we've been doing, what films we've been watching.

It's got a. It's quite an outlander sort of cult hemisphere I'd say really. I know it's not genre, but it is. It's there with a massive fan base of you know it's John Hughes as well. It's not a straight average Christmas movie. It's a little bit off the side there. And it's just enjoyable fun, so we thought fuck it.

Well, it's both a part, you know, in our top five Christmas films of all time. We really love it and what fun to talk about.

How many years ago was that memory podcast in front of an open fire? Richard's Get.

Truck.

I've actually heard of some of our listeners and thank you, listeners, for being listeners all this time and listening to us. I'll say listen a few more times, Listen, listen. I remember one of our listeners possibly saying to us at one point our older episodes of audio quality not as good.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think we kind of I don't know, I don't know what's going on with that, because it's not like I've got better, because it's in 10 years I'm still doing I don't know.

Well, I think we have got better. I think we've been doing it long enough that we can record. We don't really edit much. You know, the odd time we might take something out or add something in or something might distract one of us and we have to like quickly stop recording for whatever reason. But we can do this. You know, we set aside an evening for anyone that doesn't know and we just sit down and we record. Then we take breaks, you know, as the breaks you hear throughout the episode.

But we could do like a YouTube video behind the scenes.

This is how we make a podcast. Everybody knows.

But yeah, I think there was an episode where you and I sat river fire so you'd have heard the fireplace crackling away and us. But we would have been sharing because just amateur, because like the same device I record our show on if I got to tell you what it is Zoom H4N, which I use for all our filmmaking as well this is the best. I love this device 200 quid. I bought it 12 years ago. It's fucking amazing. You can get it super cheap now and I'm really good.

But we you know it's dirty.

But with Sarah, for example, I have a mic going, an extra mic going direct into it, as well as a mic I've got on it going into it, so we could both talk. But when me and you used to do it, it would have been just that mic in the middle of the room and it's not like we were nose to nose. So we'd be like, hey, how are you doing?

Yeah, I'm not bad, but we did sit very close to each other on the sofa to try to make the same biscuit as we did. It's terrible.

So those episodes would just be kind of like whack documentary style audio of just one mic in a room somewhere. If someone's talking you can't really hear them.

But I think it's safe to say podcasting has come along way for everybody, for the whole world, in 10 years, because I think when we started out it was still relatively new. You know it was probably been going for a year or two but people were still finding their feet there and you know one was like there was no Joe Rogan's or that kind of thing. You know people weren't getting paid off of it Not that we're getting paid off of it.

I'm not sure when Joe Rogan did start actually he probably was around 10 years I thought yeah Well, you got to think the advent of the smartphone was not till 2010 with Apple's first iPhone. And that would have been a lot easier for people to listen to podcasts on the go.

Yeah, well, that's the other thing. It's not just about the recording. It is, then, about people being able to how they listen, if they're not just a home based on a computer or in the office, which people would do as well.

I'm going to check out the stats for Sarah and I's show, the High Strangers podcast. I could see what devices listen. It's crazy. So I can see if it's a desktop or whatever, and most of the time Gav can see you. I can see what you're doing Most of the time, it's Apple iTunes on, I think, smartphones Most of the time and you can sort of see what it is. But yeah, back in the day, not so many people did it, so that's what we're doing.

Well. It's Christmas time, so let's start things off festively. I've got some mince pies in the kitchen which I'll be eating periodically on our breaks.

I fucking loved. Yesterday I made a bubble and squeak out of leftovers.

Can you explain to anyone not from the UK what bubble and squeak is? It's a very British meal.

The bubble and squeak is basically what happens when you do the cooking. You get your leftovers from a traditional roast dinner, so you know your turkey, your potato, your vegetables, any other little bits, and you have to have pretty much 50% potato to whatever else you have, because potato is the form that sticks it all together. And you get a frying pan, you put some oil in it and a knob of butter and put all your leftovers in.

When I was a kid, my mum had two budgies called bubble and squeak. So there we go. That's a little, but yeah.

I put mine in my parents' and I said to my dad we have good Christmas, girlfriend. I was like yeah, yeah, dad, no ice, yeah. I said to her well, my bubble and squeak, it's the best thing, it is Better than Christmas dinner. That is the bubble and squeak. And she said I think I'll move you. Yeah.

Oh Well, I've got some mince pies to snack on and I think very quickly because I was rolling with my parents.

But my parents say, yeah, air fryer for Christmas. My dad was a chef in the Navy. He's old now. He's not bothered about being here. He'd be happy where he's dead. He's the way he is now. He don't want to go anywhere, stays in the house, don't want to speak to anyone. Fuck off everybody, that sort of thing. That's how he is. So I've got him an air fryer. Did he want it? Fuck did he. No way, does he want an air fryer? Tell my mum. No, I'm not using it. Could change it's different.

I was like it makes your life easy. My dad was the same. I bought him a CD player 15 years ago.

Oh, no, no, no. A couple of days ago Dad got your CD player trade he said.

And then mum looked at me and said they said we're not going to use it. And then within about five years they had a library of hundreds of CDs. Same thing happened. I bought him a DVD player. And probably five years after DVDs were a thing.

This is exactly what I told you You've got to get him a dog, and every dog he says fuck off. You love a dog. If you had one.

Well, my dad's got a blue ray player. Now You're the best planning buggy ever, but yeah you know he's all over it, but I've got some strawberry milk. I'm really into chocolate and strawberry milk this year, so I've been buying cartons of that. I had a carton of eggnog as well, which is nice.

Because I don't drink anymore. I haven't drank for four and a half years, but when I used to have mice by about some sprites, I ended up getting addicted to chocolate milk.

Yeah, chocolate milk, strawberry milk, I've been buying those, I know why. But it's very festive as well. Yeah, and my in-laws bought me a huge tray of really high quality cocaine.

No, Was it good?

Really high quality gingerbread. And, my God, I am fucking addicted to this stuff, to the point that my wife gave me a kiss good night last night. I was staying up late watching Santa's sleigh and I sat there with my glass of strawberry milk and she gave me a kiss and she went right, you need to stop eating this gingerbread. And I said what she went? You stink of gingerbread. I can smell it on your breath. You've got a crumb of it in your beard.

No, I've been told off.

Don't gobble your nuts while we're recording.

I'm not allowed to do munching while we're recording.

If anyone's going to gobble your nuts, it'll be me, all right, hello.

So I could have 100 moles between this, but all right, no.

You've got long balls, so it's fine.

I do, I have, but no, why am I telling you that?

I love the honesty. This is the many years of friendship and ten years of podcasting.

Yeah, it's like I'm happy, though it's not like this is going out to the world, so it's fine. You completely fucking frame me, all right, you frame me, fuck it.

Well, look, let's start talking about what we've been watching, what we like to watch. Let's start off with anything we've watched recently. That's quite new. I know you're very excited to talk to me about a film called Hands of Steel.

Yeah, it's not new to me, though it's not new to me. I know, I know but I still want to hear about it. Oh man, Hands of Steel, I might tell you what. Let me just pull it up for a second. What about the?

synopsis Well yeah.

Basically Hands of Steel. Last night I said, sarah, I managed to get to see Sarah this Christmas. I didn't think I was going to and I managed to get to see her and it was our last night together, I mean you know you don't see each other that much. So, like, what are we going to watch? It has to be something like it's really frustrating. You get to say go, that's a fucking waste of two hours. We could just say a chat or something.

Please do, because you've been banging on about this so I want to hear.

Oh, I told you about it. I had some friends come over earlier and I was chatting to them about it. Oh no, a cyborg is programmed to kill a scientist who holds the fate of mankind in his hands.

Like all over this straight away.

A cyborg is programmed to kill a scientist, who holds the fate of it? And the scientist in question is John Saxon. Fuck me, he fails in an Italian film. He fails and hides in a diner what he fails and hides in a diner run by a woman who likes him. She wants him dick. The people who sent him here sent him what Sent him after him, so it's the local arm wrestling champ. That is really bad.

What the local arm wrestling champ.

Right, this dude escapes from John Saxon and he's basically massive. He's kind of your Swatchenegotype, but he's kind of charismatic as well in a sort of way. It's a bit I don't know kind of. He wasn't just like completely brain dead, do you know what I mean? That's what you kind of possibly thought. He escapes and he manages to get to this bar out of diner and it happens to be a load of rough guys in there, sort of mobike gang type of that.

I mean, I've just looked at the poster and it looks fantastic from the poster.

The poster was what in the video shot back in the day that was that movie would have got it and I'd been happy. I was over the moon with this film, like I'm telling you now. So he looks down.

It sounds like the Terminator meets over the top, but done with John Saxon and Italian.

Yeah, with big laser guns as well. That's another boy.

Oh, come on.

And he looks down and he starts writing something called the kitchen worktop, snaps it off and throws it on the table at them because they gave it, and it just says you're on, that's it. That's a bit of a waste. So, anyway, he beats the guy and all this sort of stuff. And then there's other stuff, though. You've got John Saxon and his guys and the FBI after them after him, because he's out of control. But there's a segue to our last episode.

Bloody hell.

So John Saxon were a daughter in the 80s.

Thank God he didn't.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this film.

Well, I've just added it to my watch list. It's on Prime for free to watch if you've got Prime. So, hands of steel. Everybody watches it.

Just get on that shit honestly, it's so good.

I love it when you come across or I come across one of these, oh Hands of Prime is a beauty for that, like when I recommended that Island of Death to you.

It's just a film that I yeah, we watched it, and Sarah says we should cover it.

Yeah, I think we should. It would be a fun discussion.

That's the thing, though, because sometimes certain movies visually might not be good, but audibly, doing a podcast reviews, it comes across so much better. But anyway, hands of Steel for 1986 is 1800, hour and 30 minutes. Just fucking get on that, get on it.

Well, I discovered a hidden gem myself from the 80s, which a lot of people will already know about, but I believe it's a German or French film. It's called Deadly Games from 1989. And basically it's like Home Alone.

Oh yeah, I know of it, yeah.

But Home Alone meets. It's Halloween, I guess.

Yeah, I think they're a bit gutted. It's because it wasn't American.

If it'd been American, it might have been possibly picked up before they actually tried to sue John Hughes, but he was able to prove that Home Alone was already in production. But it's about a young boy who lives in a huge mansion because his parents are rich but he's on his own and he lives there with his grandfather and then a man, a really creepy guy dressed as Santa, breaks in and tries to kill him and his dog and his grandfather and he basically has to home alone the shit out of it.

I got Colombo Boxer from Sarah for Christmas and I watched uh Vincent Price and Martin Sheen episode and it was really enjoyable yeah, colombo's.

We've talked about Colombo before. It's very well crafted, you don't? They just didn't. They don't make them like I used to.

It's just kind of enjoyable, but it's. It's my age. I am as well like if I've been a 17 year old, be like I'm not fucking sitting here watching this for an hour and a half the age I am now quite happily just sit there and go. Okay, we, because of the formula of the way it works, we know who did the killing. We've seen that in the first 15 minutes. Now we've got to figure out. Colombo's going to figure it out and it's such fun and that's actually I take about what I said.

They do make them what they used to, I believe, in the last five years. Tv is actually really, yeah, incredible now. Um, and people you know you've got big Hollywood actors appearing in TV shows now that are incredible. You know some of the Star Wars stuff on Disney plus. Some people don't like it, but some people do. Some people are saying it's the best Star Wars stuff since start the originals. And then there's other stuff.

I'm gonna see the first few seasons, but I've seen the first three.

I want to see the new one actually it's on Amazon Prime also.

I've got all four seasons, three.

That's how I watched the third season yeah, I need to.

Uh, I probably just jump on to the fifth one. That's a new one. I should really do the fourth.

I haven't seen. I'll probably watch season four, but, um, I'm not in a rush because they're quite slow paced, but they are very enjoyable, um, okay, well, let's talk about, aside from National Olympians, christmas vacation, which we're going to cover in great detail, christmas favorites to watch for, and some of these I'm sure you will agree with as well. You know, you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine.

It's so cheesy and silly, but I had it on the background this year for Elijah because, um, elijah and I, whenever he's over with like he doesn't have a bedroom here, he's like the living rooms, his bedroom with me, you know, and so we're always together a lot. So, in the background, while he's playing and stuff, I put on Jingle all the way it's just so good, um, you know, and it just makes you feel festive really.

I also watched and I do watch this every year, probably, since you saw it in front of us, better watch out which it's just an incredible film that came out for Christmas yeah, I uh uh.

Elijah and Charlie, formerly known as Jay um, watched um it because they're like no, I've seen that. I was like sure you haven't seen that, because I swore that's the perfect movie for us to watch yeah and they hadn't. So we saw them, watched it and they really enjoyed it. It's a good gateway horror for you know, I've, I've kind of just with Elijah, I've kind of just recently he showed me a Netflix TV show called One PC.

Yeah, and you know what? My dad did the same with me.

He, not he understands effects because he's been with me when I've been making films my dad did the same with me.

He introduced me to the bruce lee movies around about the age of 10. Yeah, you know.

And then yeah, once I was once that was okay.

I then got into stuff that had a bit more violence in it, and then things like sitting down and watching the thing you know and I already see. We grew up watching movies that shouldn't really been aimed at children, like some of the indiana jones scenes, joules, these movies that definitely are questionable.

I do feel, though, in a way, a lot of this stuff is good. Like I um what we're watching horror movies was quite young and, when it comes down to it, I, you learn lessons from these movies because you see these idiots do really stupid things, you're like, why'd you do that? And you just you learn stuff from movies. Um and uh, alongside, I don't think it's too like uh, uh, we're getting into realms of rape or uh, mental abuse or torture or anything like that, or animal torture, I think.

I don't think they're bad lessons on these films yeah, and I think the only that's the only area my parents drew the line was they didn't they weren't comfortable with me watching sex scenes at a young age and, to be honest, I wasn't comfortable because I didn't really understand what I was watching.

yeah, because you're going upstairs to bed going what's going on then?

and you're going to watch what's Patrick Swayze doing.

You can imagine what happens. Yeah, what I did because he got a clay penis. What's going on?

but yeah, um, also, you know, every year I watch Home Alone. For first Home Alone, it's got to be watched. It's an absolute classic. And again I'm trying to sit in there with my two year olds. We have Home Alone. Yeah, I'm trying to explain to them because they're getting upset, because the burglars are getting hit in the head with bricks. You know they're getting their heads set on fire and they're looking at me going daddy, he needs a plaster. Daddy, he needs a doctor. I'm like, fuck he does.

Imagine that Home Alone was that Joe Pesci saying happens to him if he goes to hospital, comes back. Gets saying happens and if they go to hospital, come back. Just, it's like your, it's for your twins friendly fucking hell, what a different movie, but the hospital didn't question it. They patch them up and send them back because in your kids, mind they need that he's just keep going back and comes back with another bandage. He comes back and comes out.

One guy at four degree burns all over his head. I don't know what happened to him, but um bandage. It looked like he'd been hitting that, but four bricks Strange. But yeah, I've got to watch Home Alone every year as well. Um, I watched Rare Exports again.

Uh yeah, I've seen it for a few years.

Well, I thought it was fitting because, as you remember, we covered that as our first film we ever covered Old Man's Coxe 10 years ago. Yeah and god, there's a lot of old man's coxe in that flapping around in the wind at the end of it.

It's not best when you get into High Definit, is it? Are you staring at on Blue Race? Yeah, that was.

If you're gonna see an army of naked old men swarming your village, you want to see an High Definition Gav, really Every grey pube.

you want to see it Every swinging and thirsty.

But yeah, that is a good one. Rare Exports Um, I also watched a couple of the classics, like Black Christmas.

Oh, yep, so I did Black.

Christmas Day.

Christmas Day night. For me, every year is Black Christmas.

Gets under my skin. Doesn't fucking love it.

I also watched for the first time Bob Clark's other Christmas film as well.

What a Christmas story.

Never watched it before.

It's my favourite Christmas film of all time.

I really enjoyed that and it's and it's Colchak as his dad.

Yeah, that's why I always think you always mention Colchak. I'm like what the guy from Christmas Story is.

He's more famous. He's the guy from Colchak.

for me, christmas, Story is like, um, probably the American Colch Christmas film, but somehow my family recorded it when I was about eight or nine, off of television and we watched it every year and now I own it, um, and I. It hit differently this year because I'm a dad and my kids really get a Christmas and that scene where him and his wife sit back and just let their kids stare into the presents I just thought they've worked so hard to get everything they can for their kids.

It does happen, though, when you have children, every time you go back to the movie every year, not just Christmas, different films as well. You start to see them different, yeah, and then you start to change your opinion of things, and then, all of a sudden, you're like, yeah, I quite like them. I'm dad and I used to think they're twats. Yeah, yeah and now I'm like fuck them kids.

Well, I'm funny enough, like with home alone, because my kids have watched probably watched that about 10, 15 times in the last two or three weeks and I realised that Kevin McCullister is a bit of a little dick and actually, yeah, his mum is quite sweet but he calls her a moron, you know, okay. Yeah, he gets into a situation where he's a bit stitched up and he gets picked on perhaps a little bit by his brothers and cousins, but he's not very nice to his mum at times.

Yeah, because he's not. He was basically. I was watching it for Elijah. I was like you're about the same age. I think he's eight years old, so he's slightly younger, so I asked Elijah what would you do? And he's just like uh, he's just because he's already cared about as his tablet, anyway, so we're watching Home Alone, but, um, yeah, he's not even a teenager. If he's a teenager, I would understand that response. So yeah, elijah would never speak to me like that.

Well Home Alone these days, anyway, you've got the internet. So if I was, you know if I'd left the kids at home, accidentally, on purpose?

I tried to introduce Elijah to the Terminator, terminator 2. I didn't feel the first Terminator is a. I thought it was a bit too dark.

I think the second one is a bit more kid-friendly.

He wasn't really interested, watched a bit of it. But I said to him would you want to Terminator 2, look after you? Do you know what he said to me? Why do I need a Terminator when I've got you and you're the strongest and kindest person I know?

Wow.

And that made me very happy and I was like job done yes.

That's good man, but respect from my son. Yeah, it's nice to feel like you're a hero to your kids. Definitely. My kids tell me I've got big muscles. Yeah. But I haven't. They clearly don't know their dad. And last night funny enough just last night Edith didn't want to. She struggles to get off to sleep at the moment, so I have to lie in the room with her and sort of stroke her hair. And last night she said I like you, daddy. I said why? She said because you've got big, soft hands. There we go.

Yeah, I was very stoked to my compliment.

Well, you are the you. You are the biggest and strongest person. I know as well, gav, and I wouldn't. I wouldn't need the Terminator if you were around.

I'd look after you, but I'm not big.

Would you pick me up on a motorcycle and drive me through some Bioducks, bioduck things, yeah absolutely.

I can't run my bike, so I'm a crash, but yeah Well. I still like that you try Shit movie when I come back naked in the streets.

Imagine you walking naked into a bar full of bikers.

Fucking dangling testicles. Oh I who's got a fucking bike coming then I need you. I'm a dirty little cane for us. I need you motorbike and your clothes and your boats.

Another festive favourite of mine, which I watched the other night and got, as always, a bit teary at the end, was Scrooge, because some people don't like the ending of that movie.

I've not seen it since we covered it.

But Bill Murray, just that speech he gives at the end, man, and the fact that he's got real tears in his eyes, just great. And also it's it's got some really good horror elements in that man as well. Some of the ghosts are great.

All the Scrooge ones are good. Last year I really enjoyed watching the George Lee Scott Scrooge. George Lee Scott. George Lee Scott. I really enjoyed watching him be Scrooge at one point, one of the one of the. It's always the ghost of Christmas past is always the best one. It's always like the gothicy, the big, the creepy one.

Yeah, that's the one everyone looks forward to, because they're like what's he gonna look like in this one?

Yeah.

Yeah, he's pretty spooky stuff. Cut off a sail. I've watched Die Hard.

Yep, yep, sara and I did Die Hard. It's another staple of mine. I had a boxing day, though I used to think.

I really liked Die Hard too, and I do like it, but it is nothing compared to the first one. The first one is just no, but it's still enjoyable. I think the first one is a. I would give it a 10 out of 10. It's a pretty perfect film really. The cast, the lines, you know everything about it really. And for the first time, I got emotional at the end. You know, when Al and John find each other this year, I was thinking, feeling a bit festive, and I thought, wow, they're in love.

And and, uh, algol drives him yeah he's there driving.

His tunes are always so banging, he's so funny Made me realise that Christmas and Hollis by Run DMC is probably my top five Christmas film songs of all time.

Oh yeah, I walked in CX yesterday and it's just finishing. I was gutted, gutted. Whenever I hear it, I'm like it's Christmas time and while I was in there, I picked up National Land Cruiser location on Blu-ray, which was quite handy. I never got to see the commentary track which I was going to do, or gutted for, and I'm gutted that I never did the Randy Quaid sequel.

Oh, I've done it. Oh great you can tell us about. Let us know. At the end of the first one. Last night when everyone was all tucked up in bed, I watched two more and then I'll stop then and we'll talk about, we'll get into other things. I watched the calendar which we covered the advent calendar last year, which still holds up, because we both really enjoyed that and that was a lot darker than we thought it was going to be. That was great.

Listen to our review lot from last year.

Yeah, last year was upset. And then, to finish up the evening was I sat there with my glass of strawberry milk and my my gingerbread, while my wife told me off. I watched just human sugar. I was just literally. That's why I had a mental mid-night, it's a fucking hard line.

I've just been doing all that I need for the horses.

You watched. It's a Wonderful Life, didn't you?

just like I didn't get through all of it because I did it whilst cooking. It's quite a long one that one, yeah, and I did enjoy it, but it was a case of like I was pausing at times there because people come in to talk to me and then we're leaving the kitchen again. I'd carry on cooking. I wasn't cooking in my own kitchen, I was cooking in the ex-wife's kitchen.

And also that's what the mum in Gremlins watches.

Yeah, I know, and that is kind of I quite a dig that that I was doing that, you know, while I was cooking.

I did watch Gremlins as well, and that's that's probably another film that we watched at a very young age. Talking about earlier topic, when you look back at it now you think Jesus Christ man there was. She was putting these things in the blender in the microwave.

Well that I do apologize. Got a bit of a cold in that time. Yeah, that's what made me feel sick. I went around my friend's house as a kid and his mum gave us tomato soup and said, yeah, I'll watch the Gremlins. So I sat and ate a bottle of bowl of soup, you know, and it got to that scene and they're blending the green stuff and I I can remember it like it was this morning, honestly.

That's the weirdest. That's two scenes for me that really hit me as a kid, where the dog being hung in the Christmas lights because I'd never seen an animal harmed. That I can remember in a film up until that point, and I was probably eight, nine when I watched Gremlins and I thought, jesus Christ, these things have hung a dog. You know, I didn't didn't know that he was dead, I just knew that he was hanging from the lights.

I turned up to Sarah's house Christmas day evening after I'd been cooking and with the kids and stuff and I turned up there and they were playing board games and watching Gremlins 2.

Gremlins 2 so.

I kind of sat there and watching Gremlins 2 in the background while they were playing Monopoly for hours and hours.

Monopoly. You sounded like Ali McMinn then.

Monopoly.

Mr McClane, would you like to be the top hat if we play Monopoly?

Mr McClane, should we play Monopoly?

Elliot is a piece of shit. Just a very quick side note.

Yeah, sarah, I could hear her come out. And what a dick, because it is a he'm trying to. Oh, he's waiting. He's trying to say the show him a watch, show him a watch.

Hans Booby. Honestly, I know he's fairly innocent but when he gets blown away. When he gets blown away, I'm always like yeah.

Ah, it's just like what fucking coke adult forts did they make him go? Yeah, I've got, I could it. What are you gonna give? How are you gonna just go? Bruce Whisk could go. Yeah, all right, don't know you, I'll finish, I'll come back down.

Insane. Why, alice? Who do you hate more, alice from Die Hard or Walter Peck from Ghostbusters, who is also in Die Hard in a different character?

Oh shit, that's a good combo. I thought you could say that, franklin, there's almost.

No, no, no no, no, no, these two these two are like these two are like Walter Peck, because they're like little weasels that get under your skin.

No, I don't like Walter Peck, and I'm not speaking of Walter Peck as for Ghostbusters, because he's not like one either, but I mean in this because he's in Die Hard 2 as well and not that good Does. Holly Does Holly any other Die Hards did he.

I don't think he did. Did Holly punch him at the end of Die Hard she does, doesn't she?

It ended with the first one, yeah.

Yeah, she knocked out good. Well, I'm glad that he got punched and I'm glad that Alice got killed.

Quite frankly, Good to meet her. They think Bruce Willis is is mental. I don't know what the name of what he has, but they think it actually was from an accident on a film set.

actually, they're thinking it's a form of dementia.

I think it's a film set in the 90s where he had an accident in his head or something.

And this, he's basically lost the ability to communicate.

Now but he still knows what's going on, ish.

But this explains why and we've really gone, been mean about it but we didn't know. But over the last sort of 10 years, his career is him picking up little tiny snippets here and there, you know, and he it's because he, I should imagine he was struggling to remember some of his lines. He didn't know it though at the time, you know, we all just assumed he's been. Oh, he's found in another performance.

One of the first podcasts I ever listened to literally was a Kevin Smith one interviewing the dude who made Looper, ryan Johnson. Yep, and he worked with Bruce Willis and, um, oh, was it him or someone else? It was the first time filmmaker and they worked Bruce Willis and they were really good and he was was like what he was good for you. He's like, yeah, it's fucking amazing.

Well, I know Shyamalan and him, get on with him as well.

Well, apparently it used to be that Bruce would be quite good with first time directors for some reason, like really championing them like first time filmmakers, but then something like Kevin Smith, I don't know but it's weird that he was quite friendly with Die Hard 4 and that's when he met.

Well, I think I was talking to my dad on the phone the other night about Die Hard as you do, and I said to him, like hands down, that's the Bruce's best performance and people might think of it as a dumb action film, but it's so much more to it than that it's not.

Chris, I had to sort of. I couldn't help it. I had to do it again with Sarah. I took a reminisce over my sneaking onto Nakatomi Plaza and being right in front of the glass door, standing there and going, oh my god, oh my god, because I'd just gone through some back door up. Some fucking thing just snuck on there. Then the guards came out and I was like, oh, they're used to their guns. No, they weren't used to the fact that I was there. They're like how the fuck did you get up here, that door?

A similar thing happened when I went into the library from Ghostbusters when I was in New York and I walked into the library and I said Alice didn't really get it. But I was like, oh my god, oh my god, this is where they see the, the, the ghost and the lady. Are you, alice, menstruating right now? I said your name's Alice too. This is brilliant. And then I looked around and there was literally about 10 other bloke saying pretty much the same thing to their wife or friend.

I've got a friend who's in New York right now and this morning he put our picture of him standing in front of the Ghostbusters place.

There we go there we go Christmas, christmas, christmas.

But Die Hard 5 I actually quite like, just very quickly, and I put it off for many years and started watching it and I was like this is such shit. I watched it one day thinking it's gonna be shit, kind of enjoying it. It's really weird. It's completely not a Die Hard movie, though I've seen it once You've got to like take that out of it. It's just an action film.

For me, one, two and three are great, and three is like, not amazing, but it's still good.

Samuel Jackson as a team cop buddy type.

The reason it's fun is because originally it was a lethal weapon script and then they flipped it. You can tell that the dynamic between them is very rigged and murder.

That could have been a lethal weapon movie, then why didn't they just make it?

Because I can't remember what happened there. I think they thought they weren't going to make any more lethal weapons.

Are they still making a new one though?

Apparently, apparently. They better hurry up.

We've got Beverly Hillscott next year.

Did you see the trailer? Yeah?

it looks right.

The chemistry looks great still between them and the fucking I'm not expecting to be amazing because I keep getting disappointed by the NGA Jones or whatnot.

Yeah. Anyway should we get into Christmasy stuff or whatever?

Yeah, well, before we get into what we're going to do next, guys, we're going to take a break and then we're going to talk about 10 years of podcasting. So, for anybody who hasn't been with us from the beginning, we're going to talk about some of our favorite episodes, moments, memories. We're going to talk about the highs and the lows. We're also going to talk about our lives and how they've kind of changed in 10 years, because a lot happens in 10 years.

I don't know. It's kind of like the cinema. I understand when people don't want kids to cinema. So that's why you do actually have 18 over cinema for movies which aren't 18, even if they're 15, so younger kids can't go in. So maybe, like, if you're doing that, find a restaurant which is like going like we're not taking kids. I don't know what restaurant would do that because they'd get fucking social media out.

But also, this wasn't a fancy restaurant. It was like a bar and sizzle grill, which is like a chain of really like in the UK yeah, yeah, we had the works, but um, they. It's not like a fancy restaurant, it's just like a pub that also serves food. We wanted to keep it cheap and cheerful. Still costs us 150 quid for the four of us. But I don't know, man, some people, you know, I get, if you're dealing with grief, I get. You might sort of say stuff.

And now I just always have it. When I was out there, there'd always be someone, because my, my three are fucking out of control at times. Feral children just fucking like I've got no chance. And you know, and I've had it before. People tell me can you control your children? And just the looks that people give it, just like fuck off. I know it sounds shit. Uh, I'm not me saying fuck off there, I'm gonna give a fuck about that. I mean, for those of you, I don't know, I feel like they're screaming.

I can't fucking help you. Let's, let's be kind. I think let let listen, guys probably take a break. Let's leave that there. Let's say let's be kind and remember at Christmas, just try and be even a little bit more kinder.

Really um we've all got a liver together yeah, if not, then fuck off, take your granny somewhere else if she's a bit sad.

Anyway, look, let's take a break, and then we'll go down memory lane and talk about 10 years of fucking podcast. And what was that?

Halloween theme for free. Halloween free boop boop, boop boop. Did I all right back in a minute. Ho ho, ho, we're back again, we're back.

We're back. So, gav, again, happy anniversary. Ten years, crazy, crazy, crazy. I thought what we could do would be fun now to talk and get real and talk about podcasting, but also, like ten years. Ten years is a long time. We've been friends a lot longer than that, but, yeah, crazy times. We've both been through ups and downs and we've also reviewed some shit films and some great films. So let's jump in, jump into the mix really and talk about it. Where do you want to start off?

I don't know you lead it.

Alright, I'll lead it, okay. Well, ten years, Ten years ago, both very different.

We recorded our first episode, and then what?

Dimper's record.

No, we didn't.

Not to do it again. We did Because it's too drunk. I wasn't a married man ten years ago either. Obviously I am now. I'm still with Alice, but I also become a dad in that time as well.

I don't think I was a married man.

You were a married man.

We've switched roles, yeah well technically Still converse, but yeah, not really.

Separated from your ex-nate. But you've got the lovely Sarah now in your life, which is awesome, fantastic. I'm so happy for you. Hello, sarah, merry Christmas.

Shit, oh, she just got in there. She's had a do-mary Christmas.

Fuck off. Yeah, I've got some kids now as well, which is crazy. Your kids are grown-up man, because 16-year-old now a 14-year-old. Yeah.

Nine-year-old ten this year.

I mean, you only had two children when we started podcasting.

Yeah.

Which is nuts, and the oldest was six at the time.

Oh shit, yeah.

Can you I mean, this is what I'm saying like ten years, is it?

To be fair, it won't be that long until they're 17. So it's just like what the fuck Nuts.

Absolutely nuts, and we've taken a few high-atices here and there, you know.

No, that's good then, because that's only a year Now. Kick them out the door 18. Off you go.

Get at it, fuck off. I want to see that. I want to see what you do with that.

I don't think I'm going to do that to my autistic child. Yeah, please don't. I don't think that'll go well.

We've taken a few high-atices here and there because life throws you curveballs, like we said, and Galf separated from his ex. But you know, for the best really, and you find Sarah now and you know I had some stuff I dealt with as well. I lost my mum and got married six days later, which is a bit of a rollercoaster for me really.

Yeah, that was insane and that was the last time I was proper drunk.

Yeah, we got married six days later and then we celebrated being married for a few months and then the fucking world shut down for the pandemic. So my brain lost it at that point.

Didn't we podcast quite a lot in pandemic because we were in the house going. Should we podcast?

Probably two episodes a month. I'd say we were doing then.

Yeah, two, you're squeezing to three quite properly.

Yeah, we were doing a lot. I think everybody was doing a lot more content, weren't they? During the pandemic.

There's some parts of the pandemic I kind of liked I've got. I'm not going to lie. There's parts when I was up in my little loft because, honestly, I had a little room in the loft and I was just making a little miniature house out of foam. I just got nothing to do.

And that's why 10 years the last 10 years has probably felt quicker, because three years of that, a good two of those, was the pandemic really.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, 20. To 22. And then after that the first spouts of years are coming back. Obviously we're only 23,. Going into 2024 soon. It was sped along but all of a sudden now I feel like it's kind of slowed again. I don't know why if anyone else but I feel like it's slowed down again. But when we came out of it it was just like go, go, go. It's like ah, it's foam, go, go, go. So weird, weird, fucking time.

It's been crazy. Yeah, I'm a dad now, which still wrapping my head around it still feels very new to me, but also I feel like they've always been here, you know.

Yeah, it's funny because you keep obviously saying bits and bobs. It's just stuff like you're learning and as you're, because you grow with your kids, because you're growing as a every day, you're a parent for the first time of that kid of that age, yeah, so you're always learning stuff. It's funny because you're always coming on stuff and it's not funny because I was there 10 years ago doing all that shit. No longer than that you know so it's funny seeing it here and it from you now.

And now I'm seeing friends start having children and they're asking me advice. And I never give out advice, and if somebody asks me something I'll tell them how I dealt with it or something. But everybody's journey is different.

As a parent, look what funny it is for me now, as I'm completely thrown from it now, if I could change an app. You know the problem because it comes up memory. You know muscle memory sort of thing. So I could do that. But there's other stuff I can't remember. It's so long ago now, being a dad.

Well, the thing is even for me my time is gone you know, even for me with two, two and a half year olds, I don't remember those first few months because you're so tired. It's such a blur Like. My brother has recently become a dad, his first child and whenever he hands me his baby I'm like how do I hold it again? He's like you've got two.

I'm like, yeah, but I don't know, I've got that stuff I could do really well, but there's some stuff I'm like oh, don't get me wrong, I can hold a baby, I'm not gonna drop it.

But also you kind of like, you forget that you had to do all this stuff. You know, you think how do we get through all this?

Yeah, now, I had a baby last year. I think it was Last year or two years ago.

I was like you, had a baby last year. Held a baby? Oh right, thank you.

And it was funny holding a baby again. But I always start to the point where it's straight away and a neighbor kind of comforted the baby. So yeah, if I can hold on to this, no worries.

Yeah, I do like holding my brother's baby, because what's great is he just kind of lies there and then I look at him and he doesn't really do a lot. He doesn't give me any back, talk or ask for a biscuit, and then I can just hand him back to my brother and say he's done a shit. You need to change him, not me. But yeah, so that happened as well. Lots of stuff, really, and also we, you know deadbolt films. We've done a lot in the last 10 years. You know, slightly outside of the 10 years.

It's on Amazon now for Rent and Buy, which is fucking kind of an achievement. I was actually for the first time ever, I looked at the Amazon Prime and add the whole thing rating and the characters in the background and I was proud of myself. For the first time ever, I was proud of myself.

I looked at it last night and that's the trailer place. While you're reading it you're like wow, and it seemed myself in that trailer, you know, and I was thinking this is weird that Prime, although Pret-o-Natural, another of our pictures is it not on Prime anymore.

No, it's actually free on YouTube via the actual company or Plex. Okay cool. Actually no, I think you could probably still rent it on Amazon, but I'm just giving you the cheat codes.

We've done a ton of shorts as well, Most recently, of course, Star Wars, Sanctuary Moon, which we're very proud of. So sorry, Star Wars, Sanctuary Moon, which we're very proud of. It was an amazing experience filming that and getting to be part of that. Sadly, we'd be remiss to not mention our buddy Boz, who we lost shortly after that and he sadly never got to see it. But yeah, fellow podcaster, Some of you guys will know Boz from his show, the Little Pod of Horrors. So that's a sad moment.

But yeah, no Guided you never see the Star Wars film so Guided. For that reason, you know, just I don't know.

I know, I know, but it's one of those things, but yeah it did really well with Deadbolt films over the years.

It was just this little. I just literally called it Deadbolt because Peter Jackson had winged up.

I remember the conversation with you and you said that and I said, well, I like that, that's fine, okay cool yeah, I remember sitting in your living room with you while we were working on this, our second well, your second and my first script, because we banged out a few scripts in the early days. Yeah, it's been very productive year.

I've even interviewed Richard Brake one of the first ones actual legit people.

Do you remember when we got messaging Tom Holland for a while of Psycho? Well, charter Wave no yeah. Yeah, and his assistant kept saying yeah, yeah, yeah, we just need a date, we just need a date.

He never got back or forth. No, yeah, he sent me a few years ago. Have Merry Christmas to me. Oh, christmas day, that was about it. It's just, I think he wanted to do it, but then he was trying to get through to whoever's organizing it and it was just like, can't we just sort it out? And, yeah, it didn't work. So yeah, we don't really have people on the show often, very rarely.

Yeah, we've had a few guests in the 10 years some fellow podcasters like Kate, and some of our friends like Andy and John.

Yeah, early years. Yeah, we're just fucking now. Just put the microphone in the room and we all sit in the room. It's ridiculous, so bad.

It is difficult just to sometimes organize our own lives around getting a show recorded though, which is why sometimes there are delays, but we appreciate that you guys still support and listen. I mean, if anybody wants to know the way that we work is, I'll come up with the theme of the episode. Really, I'll check with Gav that he's happy with that, and Gav always gives me I want to cover this film, so I put it on the list and I usually try and pair up a couple of similar films.

I just generally need to chop the nose and tails, the heads and tails.

Yeah, and then we will. I'll write up a little piece that Gab will then attach to it and it goes up online for everybody to yeah, I have to obviously pull the trailers and the audio for that. Oh yeah, that was a little thing.

I have to put all the sound to fit with the length of our talks, conversations, but actually I've got it down to a T now where it's not too much work on my end actually and I can have it edited within the hour.

And we've said it a billion times, but we'll say it again we both love doing this. We do this even if no one else is listening We've got patrons but we do it even if we didn't, because it is a little bit of therapy for both of us. We're friends. Obviously, we get together, we shoot the shit, we catch up. We always catch up a bit before we hit record, but we do a lot of our catching up while we're recording as well.

I don't know why, though I can't remember it.

really, you made us watch the Burbs, which I will watch anytime. I didn't make you watch the Burbs, that's for sure yeah we love it. The Lost Boys Fright Night. This is my choices, these are your choices, yeah.

Lost Boys and Fright Night. It's a birthday, OK.

Yeah, you also picked for your Tarantino birthday. You picked the Sorry, not Tarantino, but Snowy. You picked the Thing and the Hateful Eight great combo.

Did we do the Thing and the Hateful Eight together? Yeah, what year was that?

It was our third year of podcasting.

See, that's the thing, though If you go back now, the audio's probably like good. We almost need to do fresh reviews of these things. Mm.

You know, the following year you picked Silver Bullet and the Howling.

I guess if we ever get to a point maybe we could cover it. We could do that, but that's not going to happen. I suppose Silver Bullet and the Howling I didn't want to pick the Howling you would have must have put that in there, because I'm not Howling's alright.

No, no, you would have picked it. I never, I always let you pick the real thing.

That's not a weird thing because I'm like Howling that's alright. So strange that I picked that rather than the Marquardt from London. Well, we covered that separately I think yeah, I know, we did yeah.

Did a commentary you also the following year. You picked to support and sort of discuss mental health. You picked First Blood and Session 9.

Yeah, that was one of the first episodes. That was a hair of the episodes.

Yeah, Well, my favourite birthday episode was the following year, where you picked the Deadpool and Tend to Midnight, because, my God, I had such fun with those two.

It's for jacking off.

So much fun. If anybody who hasn't seen Tend to Midnight with Charles Bronson from 1983, get and watch it. It is good. And the Deadpool definitely, definitely my favourite of the Dirty Harry films, I've got to say is my favourite of them.

And it gets dissed, though, and it's like I don't think you guys are looking at it properly.

Yeah.

There's a funness to it which is not in the other films. It is a different movie from the others.

And the following year you got Very British with us. We did what a Carve Up with the Carrion team and you paired that up with the House in Nightmare Park, Nice, Frankie Howard.

I definitely picked that.

That episode with those two films has got you written all over it, your cheeky, insensitive humour, oh yeah. And then last year we did the Relic and the Horror Express. Horror on a train no, not horror on a train, but creatures sort of.

You could see, as the years have gone, I've got more like ooh and I've slowly thought about it and picked up good parents, you know.

Yeah, definitely. Well, I love it, and obviously our next episode will be well, not our next, but the one after will be your birthday and you've picked Sorcerer William Friedkin and Studio 666. So we'll be covering that in a couple of months.

Yeah, and so you're still a strange one for it. But I want to just say fun, because it's quite modern compared to Sorcer, which is not.

Yeah, but I think when it's your birthday episode, you can go crazy.

I just want something fun to go over that film.

So that moves on to me then. So my first birthday episode I picked Alligator and Brain Dead. Wow, brain Dead.

I can't even remember doing talking about Brain Dead. I remember talking about Alligator, because I pronounced the name wrong and Beau messaged us to say it. I pronounced it Robert Forrester Forrester.

Oh.

Robert Forrester Forrester, but he would pronounce it wrong. I don't remember, but I can remember that the following year I picked Psycho.

It's a great movie and I paired that up with, randomly, jason Six, because it's my favourite of the Jason franchise. Obviously, that's what's banning in the works, because we're now currently annually reviewing the Jason movies every summer. But Kill kill, kill kill, but yeah whatever. The following year I did oh, this was a good year. One of my favourite birthday episodes I picked the Fly and the Monster Squad Great, great couple of movies.

And I remember doing that because I now have to fly in Blu-ray randomly and it's body horror.

Yeah, that's why you're a bit apprehensive of that one.

I find body horror yuck, I don't like it. But I remember doing that as a review and you really enjoying reviewing it because I was looking at it for a review, as always, of the film and it came across differently and really more appreciate. More an intellectual look at it, I guess.

Possibly my favourite, Cronenberg, I would say it's a yeah.

I'm not a big Cronenberg fan because of the body horror, so yeah, probably would be for me. I suppose I do like a history of violence. That's what.

The following year, I chose two sequels that don't always get a lot of love Ghostbusters 2 and Psycho 2.

Yeah.

Psycho 2's great, yeah. Tom Holland yeah, and Ghostbusters 2 is. I love that too, so it's fine. After that I got Stephen King the following year. I did Stand by Me, and Misery Stand by Me and Misery. Stand by Me and Misery Bastard. I don't think you were much of a fan of the following year when I made you watch Teen Wolf and Labyrinth.

It's really weird. You keep saying these movies and I'm just sitting here going.

Oh, you've got them in town then.

Actually Daisy's Obsessor is Stand by Me. Fucking loves it.

Have you got a copy of Teen Wolf or Labyrinth right there?

No, I've got a lot of girls' films.

Not good.

Bridesmaids and Clueless and stuff. Um no.

After that I got Arnold in the mix. Oh, I made us review Total Recoil and the Running man, some sci-fi 80s, goodness Sweet. And then last year or this year, because we're still in 2023, we did Happy Birthday to Me and April Fool's Day. In the flesh I remember recording those sat nose to nose with you, oh, really, we were together.

We did, probably didn't rock two Mike Frans, did we Still one Mike was it.

Is this a Beastie Boys quote? We were at two Mike's, and we were at two. What year was that? That was this year.

This year we were sitting together. Oh, so yeah, of course you were around us, because we were shooting the Century Moon, weren't we?

That's right.

Ah, so we would actually have two Mike's. That would have sounded proper.

Indeed, indeed. Indeed, we also enjoyed our first year of having Patron's Pick movies, patron's Pick. So we've had Patron's Pick, patron's Pick. We got some Patron supporters a few years ago and one of them, matthew Godly, came up with a fantastic idea of letting our Patrons pick two films for us to review, which we've now incorporated into every three episodes as a Patron Pick. It's a great way, to you know, give them something back for supporting us.

And it's amazing that you all support us. I appreciate that. I seriously appreciate it. I'm not a very enthusiastic person when I talk, sometimes it comes across possibly, but I really appreciate it.

But also we've got to review some absolute crazy stuff that we wouldn't normally do. So we've had Hansel and Gretel and Bram Stoker Stratkula.

I've loved being able to do some of these Patron films because it's like when would we do this?

I can't wait.

Next episode's fucking banging.

We've got a couple of good ones coming up RJ picked the Land that Time Forgot and All Lords of Atlantis for us. After that we got into some what do you call it? Hag exploitation. From Jamie. She picked whatever happened to Baby Jane and Straight Jacket.

Yes, that was really interesting.

A really good episode. And then after that we got a Poltergeist and a Redditory thrown at us which was again covering Poltergeist. I don't know why we just never covered it, but we got to finally do it. After that, the legacy and the changeling again the changeling is just a phenomenal film. I don't know why we've never reviewed it.

And the legacy that was that building that I was going to go to. I never fucking got to it, it's just a road.

You developed a bit of a man crush on what's his name in that from Roadhouse, which kind of a stash, and his sculpted buttons Sam Elliott, sam Elliott, yeah.

He's quite a handsome fella.

And then I remember Holly after that through a couple of curveballs that us would sell from 2016,. The Stephen King Scribd movie and Razorblade Smile. Oh yeah, we covered that, which is crazy. It was like an early Matrix vampire British thing. That was a weird one. And then, most recently, rachel is picked Mum and Dad and Run to parents.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, it was funny seeing that oxy between the lines here, right yeah?

And our next patron pick, which will be our next episode. We've circled back around, so Matthew has selected Deadman Shoes and Flash Gordon, so we're definitely going to keep this going because it's so much fun getting these things thrown at us guys and we really appreciate you doing that. So start thinking about your second round.

I can't wait to watch Deadman Shoes and Ages, and that is a great film.

Yeah, it's a dark one. I think we might have to do those Deadman Shoes first and then finish up with Flash Gordon, because I think he'll save every one of us. Um lastly because it's our. Christmas Sorry, Because this is our Christmas episode. I thought I'd remind us and our listeners all of our Christmas shows that we've done in the 10 years, so our very first Christmas episode that we didn't press record for, I mean it's a record.

I was going to, but I didn't get round to it.

After that we did Black Christmas, the classic, and we paired it up with William Shatner drinking cocoa in a cardigan in a Christmas horror story which I'm a big fan of, that one Drinking cocaine.

William Shatner drinking cocaine.

I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be surprised. After that we got quite modern with Better Watch Out and we covered the classic Die Hard. So that was a really good Christmas episode. Yeah, after that we did Krampus and Gremlins. Again, the Christmas keeps on giving, doesn't it? Then we did that weird movie that you picked to follow the year after that called Secret Santa, about the family. That's punch gets spiked and they all start murdering each other.

Yeah.

We figured do you know what it's our show? It's our Christmas movie to us.

What was that first one called?

Secret Santa 2018.

I remember when we did Calvair that was great.

Yeah, well, that was the last year. So after that we did Silent Night, deadly Night and Scrooge, then we did Die Hard 2 the year after that with the Wolf of Snow Hollow, and then, like you say, last Christmas we did Calvair. The ordeal which is certainly that, isn't it Gaff?

It is an ordeal. The only movie I've seen, sarah Look Away Disgusted, and I've watched some films of Sarah.

Yeah, for anyone who hasn't seen it 2004,. Great but dark film.

But I really like the movie and I have it in my DVD collection.

And we paired that up with another equally dark Belgian film or French film called the Advent Calendar, which I talked about earlier, from 2021. So you know we've done that. We've done New Years. We went for a run of doing New Year's themed movies, but there aren't an awful lot of them. The only other time we really try is Valentine's. We try and do stuff that's got a slight romance or sexy or love.

I like Alien, Aliens and Prometheus. The rest I don't really care about.

So every year we watched one of the Alien franchise all the way through to Covenant, which isn't too bad. But we then did Alien vs Predator as well.

That's okay, that's fairly all right. Entertainment AVB too. Did we do that. Do we not bother?

No, we didn't bother with that one. We've got to control the lights.

But then it's the Critters.

Well, we did, because Critters come out of eggs. We thought, well, let's do the Critters movies, critters 1?.

We got that review from someone.

We got a bad review because I think for Critters 3.

They just didn't like me.

Well, you just couldn't find anything positive to say about Critters 3. And as for Critters 4, it isn't any better. Really, it's just awful.

I think when I started with Critters 2, I was like shit us too, they didn't like me saying that and I was like I'll get nothing from this, I can't help it.

However, after that, because we'd run out of egg-themed horror films and Easter-themed horror films, I said I've got an idea. St Patrick's Day usually falls around spring slash Easter. We're still doing that, though let's do the Leprechaun film. No, we finished them though.

Oh, thank God.

So we started off with the Leprechaun.

Or Frank Satan.

And then we did Leprechaun 2 and 3, which I could tell when we got that to that point you were already done. Then we got to Leprechaun 4 in Space, 5, in the Hood, 6, back to the Hood and we found some fun stuff to talk about.

No, I remember the second one of the.

In the Hood ones.

Wasn't that actually not like the stuff? Production value was OK. I'm pretty sure I had.

Yeah, it was a pretty good production.

I'm pretty sure it's going to be surprised by it, I think.

It's because the one before it, the production was so low, they spent all their budget on iced tea being in it. Do you remember?

Yeah, the second one was actually just a little bit better. I think I remember now, fucking hell, I remember.

Well, it was only this year we recorded it.

That's why the budgets were the same, but it was just different people making it different director, production, whatever so one of them was more talented than the other. Sorry, that's the way it is.

Now my question to you is I already know that your least favourite films we've covered are going to be in one of those two franchises, but which franchise to you is the worst one, Critters, which is only four films, or Leprechaun, which is six, not including the two recent sort of reboots, oh my God, which we're not going to cover, by the way. What one's worse? Yeah, which is worse.

Probably the Critters, because at least with Leprechaun's it's Warwick Davis as well. He continues throughout the films slight theme. It's quite funny because Warwick Davis as well. I'm going to go with that either, as more. I don't know If you said like, right, that's it. You're sitting in this room, you're going to watch a Critters' movie, back to back Looped, or the six Warwick. I was probably going to six, I suppose, because there's more of them, I don't know.

If you could smoke weed and watch the Leprechaun movies and have a bong every time Warwick Davis has a bong, it might make you better. Yeah, well, I thought I'd ask that one because you know, I know that I've put you through a lot over the ten years, gav, I'm really sorry. I've made you watch some of those films, but I think 90% of what we've watched and reviewed has been fun. Often that we come out of a film both sort of going like shit.

Eight 85.

85.

There's been some movies I've been like.

I think the good thing about our conversation, though, is we always find something funny or silly and go on. What are you going to say?

The difference between you and I. I will sit there and fucking go no and get moody and not moody. I just have more of a and it's not a negative opinion, because I'm a happy but like person. But I will really fucking give it to a movie where I don't feel like it. It's where you'll be a lot more upbeat about it and that probably makes it better listening rather than us both being in the exact same page, because that'd be boring.

It would be boring.

Unless it's a justified good film.

Yeah, you know when we're reviewing Die.

Hard.

It's something, of course, but then people are tuning in knowing that they're going to hear two people really loving Die Hard, I was going to say by hard. Then I don't know what that is.

By hard.

But I think what makes it is our silly tangents and stupid voices and jokes over the years. So long may it continue. And it's been an incredible journey and we're just about to. You know, I don't know what else to say. Really, it's just incredible.

Shall we get on to the episode?

Yeah, 2024, here we come. I was going to say here you.

I thought you could say here we come.

Oh Well, thank you for sticking with us everyone for ten years, but now we're going to review a one and only Christmas film for this Christmas episode which is the National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. After vacationing across America and throughout Europe this holiday season, the Griswolds are going to play it safe. Clark, we're stuck under a truck.

Oops, they're staying at home. I give you the Griswold Family Christmas tree. Hope you're not getting sat well over your sweater, clark.

All Clark wants is a quiet, old-fashioned Christmas. Sorry. That little knot here. Do work on that. What he's going to get is the gift that keeps on living. Merry Christmas, His family. We didn't come to impose. Oh hell, let's play in your room. Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that?

is Mom. Well, I'm sleeping with your father.

Have you got a kiss for me? You better take a rain check on that Art.

He's got lip fungus seen identified yet. But no holiday could ever be more deeply touching. We were going to call, but anyone had to make it a surprise. If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.

Ah, we're really going to fly down the hill with this stuff, so genuinely moving. I refill your eggnog for you, drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead. More truly uplifting, can I show you something? Let's just blouse browsing For more down to earth. Merry Christmas. If Santa is smart, he'll stay well clear of this jointed to death trap.

What Then? Christmas with the Griswolds? Everybody come out quick look at the lights. They want you to say gris.

I pledge allegiance to the flag the United States of America.

This year let's chevy chase light up your holidays. National.

Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. The thing had nine lives. You just spit them all, you whoo crack up. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation from 1989, rated 12 and hour and 37 minutes.

The Griswold Families Plan for a big family Christmas Predictably turned into a big disaster. Don't worry guys, we're not going to do that.

There's too much review like that.

But we just figured, because there's only one movie.

There's too much for you like that, here we go. Ostar Angelo, you do one word from your notes Fucking hell, what crazy people is going to decipher that review. I figured it out the biggest brain in the world deciphered their review of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

This is written by John Hughes, who is very good at writing Christmas films, and, weirdly, directed by Jeremiah S Chichik, who Did a lot of music videos and does a lot of TV. Now, he's only ever done a handful of films. You wouldn't know any of them other than this one and the Avengers. Now, I'm not talking about Marvel's Avengers, I'm talking about the British God awful film with Sean Connery, uma Thurman, ray Fiance, british TV show. Yeah, awful film, but in a cheesy kind of way.

but yeah, well it. It differs really because this, this product, would have been one of some strong willed minded people and Chevy Chase being one of them, been a supposed to be kind of hard to work, with Christopher Columbus being kind of put off by wanting to work with Chevy Chase and declining, and John Hughes saying I can't do it I'm still wrapping up post on Uncle Buck, but you can imagine like sometimes you don't actually have to direct, you could.

Yeah, and I think the cast Really Drive it because it is an ensemble piece. Although it's Chevy Chase, there's a lot of cast members that all play their part, you know Randy Quaid, etc. And Without all of those cast members, all the children, all the old relatives, everybody, the neighbors, that's what makes this film and I can't. I'm it, didn't probably do it Incredibly when it came out, but it's one of those films that is a cult classic.

It's needed, it's like you need it. It's Halloween.

Yeah, it needed to take a long time before people started appreciating it.

I think, really the two strong people, and it really would have been John Hughes and Cherry Chase, those two even though John who's and Cherry Chase producing. Just because they are, they're gonna be saying, no, this is what we're doing, that's what we're doing. This is what we're doing. John Hughes is quite visually directing. He's a director that no, it's a Quentin Tarantino. They know a crystal Nolan, they know where they're gonna go, what a movie looks like in their mind.

Yeah, and that does happen, like you say, from time to time. Where it's it's more about the, the clay behind.

Where it happens mainly isn't TV. Hmm that's why you have a director. Come on to a couple episodes. You might see a slight signature, but they don't have time. It's move on, shoot move, shoot move. We just need a director who's available at the time.

When did you first come across this film? Is this a childhood one or I have no idea.

I think the childhood I do remember. I think a lot more the other lampoons. Yeah, the European I think European, mainly being English and known London, and this is, you know, pre-internet. So like it felt more homely to me, I guess. Yeah, I don't know this. But then one day my buddy is like oh no, we watch national boot cruise focus. It's like Christmas day or Christmas Eve, christmas Eve.

yourself. I think I Don't really remember seeing it as a kid. It was certainly wasn't on rotation when we were kids. It wasn't something we would watch every year, but we had seen it. But I think it felt like a bit more of an adult film so I didn't really get it so much. It wasn't really until I Really I mean, if I'm honest with you, the first time I really properly fell in love with it Was was watching it with you, probably a good 10, 11, 12 years ago.

Everybody warning don't drink egg mog. And because I have one of the most glasses as well we were probably full of cheese, and you know crisps. But I think is that our podcast is style for the cheese.

But I think, like our jokes, I think that was when I started to really fall in love with it. And then I've watched it every year. I think for the last 10 or more years, and In fact the last couple of years, it's moved into my top five Christmas films of all time. And this year I'm talking to my dad because he said I'll do a watch along with you and I said, oh, I can't because I've got to make notes.

Randy Quaid, john Hughes. The second film that he wrote of the national impunes didn't do so well in a box office and it didn't involve cousin Eddie and he felt like this film had to have cousin Eddie to make it more, make it more Acceptable in a box office and you know, get the money back against up a thing any. For only Randy Quaid can do it as well. So that happened. I wonder what he thought of part two, if he is still alive, john Hughes, when he part two came out.

It's called Island vacation, cousin Eddie's island vacation.

Yeah, what happens I?

Don't. The only reason I watched it is because bow Randall did did it for his Christmas special a couple years ago Pick six movies to show one of his shows and and him and his buddy covered it and they were ripping it to shreds and I thought I've got to see. I think it was on prime for free to watch. I thought I've got to see this and see if it's as bad.

I watched a very sorry that bug bust the movie or what's over it's called. Oh yeah, that's amazing. I'll talk about it on last episode. Yeah okay, great, yeah, ready, great. I kind of don't mind him, did he go, but hasn't he got a bit yeah?

Him and his wife.

In the world, and they were.

I think they live in like basically where tin foil hats and think the government he basically is turning.

It's one of his characters independence day.

Yeah, but he's phenomenal in this and I have some of the best lines. But Clark is my favorite character, or Sparky as his wife likes to call him. Yeah.

She doesn't look like her anymore. No, she looks very different. It's like a totally different person from all the plastic surgery.

She's had a Beverly DeAngelo. She was in Vine at night, wasn't she?

and I didn't know it's her until it's half way through. And I've been watching her. For If you said to me who's that woman, I'd be like I have no idea. I've never seen it before. Probably wouldn't notice her voice eventually, maybe, but weird.

We also got gracefully.

Juliette Lewis in this as well, a young Juliette Lewis, and then one of the dudes from that Popular program. It's all about space theory or something. Okay not sure about that one. What's it called?

Oh, you mean that got? Back in theory I can hate that show.

He's, he's in that as me.

He is fucking. Oh, you're right, I forgot about that. Yeah, it's because I've really I try and avoid that show. I Really get greats on me that show does oh that's that show.

I'm funny enough I'm about to say it's a Marmot show, but I'm not because I'm like, I Don't really have any opinion of it. To be honest, I understand why it has a following.

Yeah, I do as well. But I think what annoys me is I don't find it very funny and I don't, and I don't like it. And everybody tells me, oh damn, you must like the big bang theory. I'm like, no, I don't know like what why would they like to think that? Because Catches on. Yeah, exactly, and I like some science fiction, but I'm not like these guys. I'm not socially inept, hope. Well, let's get into this film. We're gonna talk about this film and you know we're gonna, so.

If you've still, it is still Christmas Eve for you. You're probably back at work or saying baby if it isn't see if you can have the little hot chocos. But say hot choccho, what's hot choccho? Choccho sounds like something you smoke and drink some eggmark. I have me a hot choccho and smoke some.

Jesus Christ. Well, like I say, this film, basically this movie is a series of sketches, really, with the plotline being that Clark Griswold is trying to hold it all together. He's got various members of his family in Laws aunties, cousins descending on him and he's happily taking everyone in over Christmas, all whilst waiting on a Bonus check to come through from his boss.

Well, I actually had this sort of as a reviewer, looking at this in a different type, different than I ever have before, and looking at his choices and what's going on, and it's it as I can figure out. Okay, I have to work it out through clues in the film. This, this house, was his parents and they gave it to him and moved to a smaller place. This is what I've had to come to the conclusion, so it helped me this bit. Okay and he now has the house.

Well, only edit.

Cousin Eddie is Okay, but that's an idea I'm gonna be staying for a month, but those guys do turn up in the 14th, which is just to be insane, hmm, Anyway, so that's how I figured this out, because I couldn't, I had to. I've never really figured the movie out, and that's what's going on. And cousin Eddie just happens to hear that this is happening and turns up. And the reason being is when he finds a small packet present that he hid when he was a child in the loft For his mum.

No, no, that's the present that he bought his wife, I think, for Mother's Day. Oh really. But I still think your theories is good, because he finds all those old videos canisters and also he's a man who is Almost obsessed with tradition. Absolutely he wants to keep this dream alive now.

The reason I relate to my and having a big family meal now from everybody there.

And everything you've just described is actually is my dad. My dad is Really loves tradition. He loves having a big family thing. You know, christmas was his big Thing. The house turned into Santa's grotto if everyone was there. You just see him sat in the corner watching everybody interacting, drinking and eating.

He's just such a good guy at heart really well, I think also he's probably invited everybody down because he's getting a swimming pool.

Oh, yeah, and.

Yeah, I don't know. I do say it's one of things Sarah also said. Well, the house in America probably cheaper, but so many movies you have the people with like ridiculously big houses is, I don't know, I thought like it's just a bit like yeah, I'm like then how do you afford everybody's flights? It's just a bit like it. I don't know. It almost I don't know if it wouldn't intentional, but goes almost put people down, or do you know what I mean?

Well, there is that.

I never thought about that shit, and even on middle-aged, you know.

Clark's plan is, on boxing day morning, to reveal to the ball that he's building swimming pool.

Obviously, that plan and that's why I'd invite everyone down.

I could you but then at the same time he wants everyone to know so that he can then fly them over for the summer when the swimming pools ready and they can have a big family summer thing. So he, he's still doing it from a family point of view. He's always got his and he loves his kids and he loves his wife and they love him and even when things go wrong or he looks like a buffoon, they still support him and say, dad, you did a good job, you tried your best, we love you, dad.

Who live in Murdoch's Murdoch's, murdoch's house, murdoch's house. Relief a weapon, yeah.

But other than those two, he, he loves everyone and he loves Christmas.

Murdoch, murdoch, murdoch, murdoch. Can't fucking a crossover, just those two.

Well, I mean, if Murdoch's pissed off with Rick's behavior, if we, if Murdoch gets pissed off with Rick's behavior, what's he gonna be like being paired up with Murdoch? He'd be in a. It'd be in a helicopter.

It's not just a why he's not gonna be like this fucking white guy. It's not.

It just that it's like this white guy and he's flying a helicopter upside down and he's like why are we upside down? I'm too old for this shit, murdoch.

Murdoch.

Oh man Murdoch, what a great character.

I want to see that. Should we get into it?

Yeah, let's do it, so we still have a car. Well, we start off with the nice animated credits, which always gets me in the Christmas spirit.

Yeah, oh, my god, that song. Please kill me now.

I oh, really I love that song.

No, no, it's. Please choose a different singer.

Maybe you can do it. Oh man, yeah, you're right, we're in that. We start off in a very eight, late 80s American family wagon, station wagon, and we're driving along and the family is singing Again. This gives us straight away we know who Clark is.

He's there, oh what what is with with this is you see the wife just been like okay, husband, I would you know Long fit is. Oh, come on, kids, here we go. And it's just so funny the dynamic and the mum and dad Absolutely adore and love each other, which is quite sweet and it's quite evident. Idiots like my kids think I am you know Accia recently they my kids think it's quite cool I've got a movie for rent and buy on prime shadow death Amazon Prime. They think I'm quite cool.

Well, the kids, you know they're sat in the back. So I'm like, oh, because then they start singing jingle bells as well, you know.

The idea that he's just gonna go out to the woods, not not just close by, they're gonna hike, it's like. It's like. It's like, you know, just out in the middle of fucking nowhere it's gonna go and find a tree. Doesn't take us all which really eventually find out what is the idea in this. It's not. I love the fact that he's just trying to be proper old-school, traditional. Hey, come on kids.

I think the problem is the problem with Clark is he thinks with his heart and not his head.

Evident.

Because they're like well, where are we going?

Basically, it's almost like he's like his heart has gone Tree. No, let's go. Everybody cut in the car. Let's go, we're going.

It's not just the tree, is it it? He says the big, we're going to pick up the, the centerpiece, the Symbol of our family's Christmas, and I'm talking about the Griswold family tree. It's the most important thing. If we've got that in the house, then Christmas can start. So it's it's like the symbol of everything that is Griswold Christmas. Yeah, and they're like why don't we just go and buy me? So that's not how it works. We have to go into a field, hack one down and bring it home.

I am. I am never going out and getting a train chucking on top of my Prius. I never make it anywhere.

Don't, don't do it, especially this tree with the roots and all well, before they get there, gov, they get some jackasses riding their tail, don't they?

I love these guys couple of hillbillies in the vehicle which was in they live.

Is it that car is?

that live anchor Russell's job car in overboard brilliant.

Well, these guys really are riding their tail, so they sort of go around him and he flips them the bird, and then Then they put the brakes on and he always crashes.

I know finally they put these break. They did. It's that old-classic trick. I've had people do it to me before. I had some kids do it to me once. It's really weird. I was with someone else going what these, what these teenage kids have just learned to drive doing, and they're like Thinking that I was really close behind them because I think the kid had learned, just let it drive and didn't know perception, and I said I'm not even that close to them.

He says to them Well, you wait and see what I'm gonna do, don't worry. I think he says I'm gonna burn dust, I'm gonna tell them to eat my rubber rusty is trying to explain to me.

Yeah, you can't even get the words right. I don't think this is a good idea, but but you know he's still gonna go for it Because yeah, because he has a jacket. It's right in his tail, as he says.

Well, they eventually run him off the road by tricking him into the path of a log lorry from to final destination to so he's Thinks on his feet and he just pulls out.

But as he pulls out, it's something you do when you drive, Dan.

You look in your mirror just pull out.

You go, huh. No, I won't go. There's a big fucking lorry on the other lane Wife for that and then I'll pull out. No, no.

So. So this stunt is something that I've seen in a Jackie Chan movie once as well, and what they managed to do is get and it's probably attached, I should imagine but they think he accidentally drives his car underneath a huge juggernaut, the space underneath it, and then they're trapped and and he's like what do I do? What do I do? She's like I don't know.

It's a ridiculous.

His daughter's frozen who's?

carrying it Him and that Lowe's for.

But his daughter can't carry it because she's frozen from the waist down and her eyeballs are frozen. She can't see.

It reminded me of if I tried to take Daisy out and just out of that I would hear every swear word under the Sun. And it do not mean I could. You can never get a teenage girl out there, I don't think. Happily.

Yeah, well, like you said earlier, how?

did he get out? Do they get big foot to pull it out eventually? I don't know how they put it out the ground that's the thing, though, because we're doing a review, as I on this, I started doing logic and I was like I stop, gav, stop putting logic to it, it's just fun sketches.

Yeah Well, somehow he pulls out the ground and the next shot, the next shot is you see three, which is about twice as big as the car With all the roots that attached not just the roots, like a whole mound of triangle of turf. It's fucking hilarious.

When he gets back though, todd and Margo happy to be out there there. There you're. Yuppie, I've got to say 90s. Here You're up, he kind of jogging pair like they're the new type of when event, when we originally had like people going to like mineral vidman shops and things like that. Do you know what I mean when it's a more than any, a certain amount of people, do that?

now Everybody does and they're really into their technology because they've got a fancy high-fi stereo system.

Anyway, they've got a certain class that they feel that they are, or whatever. A cousin any really makes them Realize there is definitely other classes and and they basically see him and I, oh my god, look what he's got over there. And obviously we see the neighborhood rivalry. So they sort of say, hey, chris world, where you just take that tree, yeah he says when did you bend over? And I'll show you that's no way to talk to me. Chris world, who do you think you are?

I wasn't talking to you and it's just such a great exchange and you know that although this guy's a bit of a softy, he will not take shit from these neighbors.

Well, he's got a Hockey mask on and chainsaw raring at raw and at them over his head.

Why don't you bend over and I'll show you what a great comeback.

I wasn't talking to you.

It's so good, it's so good. Well, he gets like the tree in the house. Somehow it's all tied up with rope and he says here we go, guys, this is a big moment. And she's sort of saying it's very bees, yes, it is a little fool.

A third of it is bent over because he doesn't fit. It doesn't fit in there.

Will the staff? And he's like, yes, I'm sure it will. We might need to trim some of it down, but it's fine. He says, right, he's getting ready to cut the ropes to let all the branches settle. And he says I give you the Griswold family tree and and they're all looking like excitedly because the kids really believe in their dad. You know, he cuts the ropes and it takes up the entire living room, smashes all the windows and in golf sim, he's inside it somewhere.

All you hear is him say a lot of sap in here, a lot of sap and then he's in bed and Covered sap with Ellen and they're just basically stuck to each other.

He's reading a magazine and his fingers are sticking to the pages, then he sticks to her hair and then he sticks to the lamp.

Very funny but silly comic stuff and the next day is December the 14th, my middle child's birthday and also the day of the grandparents both turn up at the exact same time.

They do. Before that, though, we do see Clark at work with his Tasmanian devil cup full of cocoa, and this is where we find out. He's talking to his colleague who says oh, we should be getting our bonus check soon. He says look, I've got a secret. You're right. Clark says I've got a secret.

Bill Murray's, not his boss. Sorry, bill. No, not you, bill. That's later the segment. No, your brother was in the movie.

Yeah, yeah yeah, bill Murray's brother is his boss and he says so, he sucks up to him a little bit, he doesn't shit. But he also shows his colleague you know, I'm gonna be getting this swimming pool. I've already put down $7,500 Deposit on this, so when I get my bonus check I can pay the rest and then I can tell my family we're getting a, you know, for Christmas. I'm getting you all a swimming pool ready for next summer.

He says these are department stocks. He needs get in some a present and he thinks I might get in some underwear, some sexy underwear, and this is where he just gets like Like a very 80s 90s man.

This, this girl working in the department store is Pretty special. She is hot, yes, she's right, she's hot as hell and I've always thought that. And yeah, he, she's flirting with him and he keeps saying he's keep, because she's very. She's dressed in a way that you really your eyes drawn to her cleavage and she's very pretty, blows in a browsing for something.

It's been nippy outside, nipple. What am I saying?

Why am I saying nipple, I don't know why I'm even saying that. And then she says some, can I take something out for you? And he just sort of has a breakdown, he's.

It's quite like you know this little human, but he uses?

he uses a pair of panties to dab his forehead. Yeah, doesn't he? It's so funny.

Rust comes along says I see, you can't even see the line, can you? Rust, no dead.

Well before that he's saying to her and these are for my wife, she's dead. He says she's dead. He's like well, she's not dead, but you know we're divorced, yes, we're really divorced. We're not together. So he's like what are you, what are you even saying, clark? You're just thumb because some hot girl has been your attention. You can't get your words out. Then she says to him the underwear I'm wearing right now is really high cut. Look if I lift up my skirt.

Oh, yeah, and and it shot really claustrophobic with all close-ups.

They're all sort of shouting each other, but it's not all arguments. It's like they've all got news like I've got hemorrhoids Can you believe that I've got hemorrhoids? And then somebody else saying oh, I've got banyons in my feet. If I give you a shit, a dollar, would you rub my feet for me? And then I, you've grown, haven't you? And they're also hugging and kissing each other and it I've been here before where families, big families, meet up and it's just.

I went for the first time. It's really bad of me because I've been living in the same village as my auntie and uncle for two years and I've not gone around see him and I haven't seen them for fucking years. So my parents on Christmas Eve to see them and and it's my dad's older sister and it basically looked like my dad, shorter and fatter, with a black wig. Amazing it was incredible. I will show you the picture sometime. It's absolutely amazing.

My dad is one of seven and my mum was one of seven, so I've quite big family, lots of cousins. So particularly when we were younger, christmases were very, very busy like this. Like home alone, I was related to the home alone family dynamic because this there was always so many of us in the house. In fact the first time I watched home alone was with about six or seven of my cousins.

Yeah that's.

The only difference is if my dad shaved his hair and grew a moustache and then when he left my my wife Alice was saying Fucking hell, your uncle is is literally just your dad with a moustache, isn't he? I was like, yeah, he really is. It's funny when you see that, isn't it? Yeah yeah, rusty says sorry. Clark says Russ, let's go outside and put some lights on this house. Hell, yeah. So we get some funny moments now where he's slapstick.

Nice ladder slapstick.

Yeah, he's falling off of ladders. He's stapling his hands to things.

Yeah, yeah, it's classic stuff. It's very nice when he really upsets Todd and Margot's stereo system.

Yeah, that's brilliant when he because he uh explain, explain it well, he slips off the ladder because he staples his glove to the. He's using a big stable gun to staple the lights to the gutter, but he slips off the ladder, grabs onto the gutter, rips the gutter off of the the sort of the side of the house which is full of ice. This then fires the ice javelin, as I've called it in my notes Such a velocity that it shoots across the road straight through the window of Todd and Margot's.

I don't understand it. And where did this water come from?

and this this is an urban legend that Are you doing? No, no, they found Someone's dog was found dead in the garden or in the house yeah, in the house. And there was a puddle of human piss next to it and a hole in the ceiling. And they realized that an aeroplane had flushed or discarded its toilet waste. I don't know if this is true, it's an urban legend, I could say.

He goes to turn the lights on everyone there. Let's do a drum beat.

And he gives us, he does a speech, doesn't he? He says, um, he says something along the lines of I'm so grateful to have you all here. Yeah, you know, I dedicate this house to my entire family of griswolds, because that the lights on this house demonstrate my love and he does draw to the world, like you say, plugs it in what happens nothing, nothing happens. Uh, it is a check, all that.

Is parent and also just like see what a waste of time this is kids. What a way I she says resources.

I hate me for learning what a waste of resources this is. And, um, yeah. His daughter says he worked really hard, grandpa. And his grandpa says yeah, and so do washing machines.

Yeah, what a bastard. Anyway, it doesn't work. They all go back in. He's kind of pissed off and so leave it, and it's just like, for fuck's sake.

His son says really good, try dad, you did really well. And they can't figure he's, he's probably checked all the bulbs.

It's very interesting on the front cover. I'll get over the blu-ray. That doesn't actually happen.

No, it doesn't does it.

I've always thought that, never liked that post, so no where, cherry chase on the front in a Santa costume and he's been electrocuted by the light bulbs which would imagine, unless it's a deleted scene, I don't know, but where'd you get the idea from?

To me that looks more like um the poster for the Santa Claus with Tim Allen. Do you know what I mean?

It's not, it doesn't look, it's not even cherry chase.

It's just, someone's just drawn that up and it doesn't look good. I've never liked that poster. No, um, yeah, it's all family supportive. We go back inside and the children have to sleep together. So Russ and his sister have to sleep in the same bed because all the grandparents are sleeping in their beds. Um, not great situation. And it's only gonna get worse when cousin Eddie turns up. Um, yeah, and in the morning he goes back up into the attic.

Why. I guess he's trying to be this traditionist and that kind of explains it, but it's like who's gonna be looking for presents you mentalist? Why don't you just go put them under the tree?

He just wants to keep it a nice surprise.

That is trying to do. I think showing that old present though he'd forgotten which is up there, is obviously showing that it's a tradition that he does on it and he just wants to keep that. But it's just like there's no surprise. Just put them in the fucking under the tree.

Well, my theory is this is that every time he questions whether he's doing the right thing, taking all these people in and trying to have this big family Christmas excuse me he gets a life lesson given to him from the universe. Now the life lesson here is he's locked in the attic, he goes through loads of old boxes and obviously he wraps himself up in old city clothes to keep warm. But he also finds all the old film footage Christmas 1955.

I think it's a reason to show that. So it's a good set up for that, I suppose. But it's just like, why are you putting a hide them in a loft? But anyway anyway, it does help with some slapstick, with him falling down the loft, but they come back.

Well, the comedy timing is he sat there crying watching this and then all of a sudden his wife opens the attic and he sat on the loft hatch and falls out. So it's great comic timing.

It's quite a cheesy montage when he's looking at the footage and stuff. That's just me now, but you know.

Yeah, but I love it. I know you say that's the difference between you and me.

I'm like, yeah, it's pretty fucking cheesy but yeah, but yeah, I've written here.

it inspires him to try and be better and try and be even nicer to his family, even though he's already fucking nice enough, if you ask me.

He tries his lights again that evening and they come on, but then they go off and then they come on.

And he's getting more and more frustrated here because he can't figure out why they, and the reason being is that one of his in-laws keeps going in the attic and whenever she turns the light on it that ridiculous adapters all plugged up like a pyramid. It's about a hundred adapters plugged into one extension.

It's like that one spark and you're gone.

And we get a fun moment now where, when it does turn on, the floodlights come on and blind his neighbours who are in the middle of a back to get down to some saucy sexiness. But they then smash their bottle of wine all over the floor. Then the lights go off, so they're blinded. Then they come back on and he falls down the stairs. Basically they destroy their house because they're blinded by Chevy Chase's floodlights.

Clark, clark, just being Clark somehow destroys their life pretty much.

Yeah, just being Clark.

Just being Clark and they just happen to not like him. So that's what I think the message there is don't dislike your neighbour because accidentally he will ruin your life.

There's a very John Hughes moment here where he just before the lights come on properly because his wife saves the day, ellen is the one who figures out his switch, but just before that he kicks the shit out of a big model, Santa and reindeer.

He punched reindeer and broke his small finger but they kept filming.

But this also really reminds me of something that Steve Martin would do in plane tracers and all sorts of videos where he loses his shit. It's a very John Hughes-type thing and it's really funny. But then, like we say, ellen saves the day, she figures it out, she turns it on, he starts hugging them all, one by one, each family member Mum, dad, can I call you dad, even though you're my father-in-law?

Looks great Clark.

Love it and he thinks, what the fuck? And then you realise cousin Eddie's there with his wife.

And actually just stands there for a while going, eddie, eddie.

He can't quite believe it.

And that's his brother-in-law, and Eddie is living on the fringe.

Well, he's not his brother-in-law, he's his cousin, isn't he or cousin-in-law or something?

But yeah, no, this is it actually. Can you work this out for me then?

Well, he says well, he's cousin Eddie, so I'm guessing he's just his cousin. I don't really know.

Because art is.

It's father-in-law yeah it's father-in-law.

So Beverly, the angel's wife, Ellen's mum is, so that's Ellen's brother.

But why is he called cousin Eddie? Maybe he should be uncle Eddie, I don't know.

I've never really got that. I know it's kind of confusing why he's cousin Eddie.

He's got a great big Rottweiler as well, called Snots. We call him Snats because he's got a problem with the sinuses. That's all he does. And then he says roll over. And you let your uncle Clark stroke your belly. And he says word of warning, if he starts going at your leg, just let him finish. All right, just let him finish.

The common tree for this movie is Randy Quaid. I wanted to watch it beforehand, but the common tree is Randy Quaid. Why have they got so many people? Randy Quaid, beverly D'Angelo, rusty and then Randy Quaid's wife.

Yeah, but they do everything together Then director and then the producer.

So many people who does what all together? What do you mean?

Heyman is wife in real life. They do everything together. They're attached to the hip.

Oh what Randy Quaid's wife.

Oh no, no, that's why she would have been oh sorry, not his real life wife, the woman that plays his wife in this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, sorry, I mis-invited you.

It just seems a lot of people work.

And to paint the picture as well Randy, a cousin of Eddie, his wife and two children and giant Rottweiler. They are living in an RV, a recreational vehicle that is huge and is parked on Clark's driveway. It's a real eyesore. And he says, clark, if it's all the same for you, me and my wife would like to stay in the RV because you know it's been a long drive and we've got some catching up to do in the bedroom, but if you could just have the two kids in with you.

I never hear. I mean never knew. He said gerbils bit.

Yeah, the rubber sheets and the gerbils.

I'm sure he's kidding, but it's a dark sense of humour. I'm not going to say that to Sarah.

Well, one of my favourite scenes is next, where cousin Eddie and Clark are drinking eggnog together and he's sort of they're chatting away. Clark seems very annoyed.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate cousin Eddie's a sweater?

combo. Oh man, he's got like this roll neck.

He's got a turtle neck, a black turtle around his neck, so it goes on. But it's not a turtle neck, which is a long sleeve top underneath a short sleeve top or whatever, or sweater, it's just a rectangle going down the stops. It's almost like a church thing, collar piece and he's got this white top on top, which is all creamy coloured tops.

And he says oh, I'm really excited that we're going to be staying here for a whole month as well.

He spits his eggnog out to show he chased us because he's not happy about that.

And he says well, let me know if there's anything else I can do for you, eddie, you know, maybe drive you out into the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead One of my favourite lines. He just kind of half says it under his breath because Eddie's so dumb he doesn't really catch it. No, no, it's okay, clark, you're doing enough as it is. Thank you, buddy.

Someone I know I do this to because, for whatever reason, they have a selective hearing, like literally, say something, you go to respond.

I think I know who this is.

And they just carry on talking and you're like what? So I will then carry on saying stuff and I'll say you fucking don't even listen to me, you fucking idiot. I'll just carry on going and they won't take any of it in. It's incredible.

Well, it's legend time Gav.

It is legend time, one of my favourite highlights as a child in this movie.

So Clark works for a company that makes food products and one of the products they've made is this really good grease or oil for your pan for cooking, and he basically smothers this sort of dustbin lid, metal dustbin lid in it Because he says this will make it go 100 times faster, and his kids are all excited. Everyone's like, wow, you're going to go really fast, eddie. And he's sorry Clark, and he says, yeah, yeah, you watched me, I'll go first to make sure it's okay.

Well, well, well, randy doesn't want to because he's got a metal plate in his head, but the metal plate had a problem not long ago as an accident and that changed metal plate in this other stuff, which is a little bit softer, and if you really push in there, push it, it can feel my brain.

Have a little push. Well, he says it's because basically whenever my wife would use the microwave I'd pass out and piss myself, so we had to replace the metal plates. It wasn't very good really, and it's like wow, okay. And also earlier, his daughter. He says this is my daughter. You remember her? Look at her eyes. Her eyes aren't crossed anymore. So funny she fell down a well. Her eyes got crossed. She got kicked in the head by a mule. It uncrossed her eyes.

It kind of gives you an impression. I remember years ago as a younger person just like imagining these dudes living out in nowhere and just doing like running around playing with snakes for the fun to do.

Getting kicked in the head by a donkey Just you know, and just random stuff, yeah. Well, he climbs onto this greased up, dust-binded sledge and he says right, I think he says like surfs up, dude, catch you on the flipside. He tries to be all cool and say this like surf, dude talk.

It is what it is. It's kind of fun.

Yeah, it is fun. Like you said, there's a scene that everybody likes in this. Really, there's always. You know, everyone's got their favorite scene Cut to nighttime and he's dreaming about his bonus. He's stood in the kitchen on his own the rest of the family, obviously and he's looking out the window, looking at the garden, imagining what it'll be like when that pool's there, and he's imagining all of his family and their swimming outfits. They're all really happy with him.

Well, he's watching all his family. Then he says cousin Eddie, he's standing over his beer and vest tucked into his but she's mug-less.

Yeah, it's swimming trunks and just waving to him, and then it just changes to the lady in the laundry or the department store and she starts stripping off for him and he's watching up against the kitchen window, really pushed up against the window, and then all of a sudden his little knee spooks in and interrupts him.

I think he's full of Christmas because he's in a red dressing gown.

Yeah, and she starts talking to him about Santa and this is where it's revealed that actually cousin Eddie and his family are in a really bad time.

And that's why they're there.

They've got no money. I don't even think we've got money for presents. I was told that there's no Father Christmas, there's no Santa Claus. But is that true? Uncle Clarkney says, look, if you believe in something and it will happen, I promise you, you guys are going to have a great. So again, life's got him down a bit, but it gets reminded by this little girl that there is a magic to Christmas and he can make her a Christmas.

Shit to his fool.

Well, is that the next bit? Yeah, next morning it is the next bit. Oh, I was going to say the bit where the little girl says about He'll be shitting rocks and shitting bricks and he says, oh, you shouldn't say that. She says, sorry, uncle Clark, he'll be shitting rocks. She just changes it slowly. But yes, the next morning, the yuppies. The yuppie, one of the yuppies is leaving for a jog and he smells something in the air. Classic scene. Everyone knows this.

Cousin Eddie's there in his underwear. With a beer, a hat and a cigar and a big old pipe in his slippers, big old pipe emptying his waste, his chemical waste toilet, just going all over the place and he's smoking a cigar, just doing it like it's just kind of having everybody does it, and he says shit, it was full. Just looks into the neighbors hey, hey, hey, shit, it was full.

And he's burping away, scratching his ass, cigar. Somebody says to him you know that stuff's flammable, he shouldn't really do that. Well, that will come back later on, as we expect in a John Hughes film. And they go shopping and in the shop Cart basically says look, what's been going on with you, eddie. And this is where Eddie says all right, I'll tell you the truth. It's been a really rough year. We live in the van. We don't have a house anymore.

But we do know that for seven years he hasn't had a job because he's been waiting for a managerial position.

He's been waiting for a management position.

It's just taking any hand. So basically, fuck him, get a job.

Also, he's got two older children. One of them is in a rehab and I can't remember what the other one's doing there, but they're both got sad stories. So their family's really been through the ringer. Get a job. So he says. He says similar, okay, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'd like the opportunity to give you a Christmas and I want to get your kids some presents. And for a couple of seconds Eddie says oh, clark, I can't, I can't do that.

I don't know. I understand doing it for the kids now, but I'd still be like, why don't you go a fucking job? That would be my conversation.

Don't worry about managerial positions for me.

Just get a fucking job. If you're flipping burgers, you're still fucking working.

If you can empty a chemical waste toilet, you can do anything. While smoking a cigar and drinking a beer, you can do anything. Well, it's December 24th and crazy Auntie and Uncle arrive. Uncle Louis, Uncle Louis, is it?

Louis, yeah.

Yeah, and Auntie, the crazy old, deaf Auntie, and they're ancient, they're like 90 years old.

In real life she's 82 and he was 61.

And in real life she's very, very famous for being the voice of Betty Boop in the cartoon.

Betty Boop. Oh no, that's not singing.

No, that's Betty Boop, the rapper, betty Boop, the cartoon, as in the boo boo, boo, boo boo, that one, you know the one I mean.

I know, I thought they were both connected.

I think Betty Boop named herself after Betty Boop with a P. But Betty Boop is a rapper. I was well into her in the 90s. Betty Boop, she's cool man.

I only know one song.

She had. I've got her album on cassette in the kitchen. Fair enough, Just there you go. You didn't expect that on a Christmas episode, did you?

Talking about Betty Boop cassette album. You have no.

So yeah, they're crazy, they're deaf. He smokes a lot of Stoge's, she keeps farting and there's a lot of comedy mishaps around those two. He accidentally pulls Uncle Lewis's wig off.

She's basically giving him a Christmas present and it's her cat wraps up.

Yeah, how does he get the cat?

in her books.

She's meow. This presents Meow in. Basically, what Auntie does is she hasn't got much money, so she just picks things from around the house from up somewhere. But she gets confused and I think she's wrapped her cat up. And at this point Eddie comes in and goes ah Clark, this one's leaking and it's green. And they're like what, why is green? And he just sticks his finger in whatever. This is Eddie, and he just goes.

no, he doesn't Beverly Ellen sticks her finger in and he sucks her finger.

That's right, Like a lot and he goes climb. It must be a key like pie.

Imagine that, like just picking up stuff around your house and wrapping it up and giving it to people, but forgetting what's what, and then just giving out people.

But I think the worst thing here is that your cousin Eddie sucks your wife's finger in front of you.

It isn't good.

But then it's Eddie. You know, when you've got Eddie in the house, you can just expect anything to happen, really. So it's dinner time, it's turkey time, gav Joy old turkey. And again he's like with a tree, like with the lights. He's got an announcement.

He says you know, I always remember watching this and being like what? What? You made a Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. What's what Making tomorrow, a Christmas dinner? Like what? So you just gonna let your wife's just fucking spend all day in the kitchen?

Maybe they'll do Well, maybe they'll make Bubbling Squeak on Christmas Day. So he gives his big speech about the turkey and he says but because this is auntie's 80th birthday, a very special one, I'd like you to say grace. And she goes Grace, no, grace died 25 years ago. No, she wants you the blessing Old cut old shenanigans.

It just all breaks open. It's nothing, it's just dried up inside the fridge. That was great. It's just how did they do that.

I don't know, it's a special effect, isn't it?

But it's not that I was like how would you cook something in it?

She cooked it out for too long.

Yeah, but the outside was fresh, though that's the thing we do have. The outside in Klingville was I Do. You know what I mean?

But again he's so optimistic he says no, no, no, I'm sure this will be fine, it's just a little dry, that's all. And then he goes oh, I can see the heart. And then it cuts to them or really try and chew and all you can hear is crunching and chewing and they're all drinking water and pouring gravy over it, apart from Eddie who's like eating all the potatoes and everything he can, because it's just because of Eddie. And yeah, the turkey is absolutely disgusting.

Yeah.

It takes them under a chair to play with them.

Yeah.

So we'll come back to that in just a moment. Love this moment Again. Clark trying his best to help cousin Eddie's kids. He says oh guys, I just heard an announcement on the news that a pilot flying in from New York City just spotted Santa flying over in his sleigh. And they all go, wow. And what does cousin Eddie say?

Are you really real Clark? Is that true?

Clark, I really believe that. So sweet that he tries to do that. And then we get the dog underneath the table. The whole table starts by breaking.

He says is there? He's not choking up stuff that he's been eating. He's been rummaging through the bins in the kitchen.

He says he's just yakking on a bone. Then you hear a bleh and he goes there, he's got it up. So the dog threw it up on the table. He smashed the trash can in the kitchen so there's food everywhere. And while they're cleaning that up, uncle Lewis says if you're not doing anything productive, could you get me one of my stovies? So they give him his cigar and he likes it near the tree and the whole tree goes up. He doesn't even notice he's done it.

The cat's been electrocuted as well.

Oh yeah, I forgot where that cat has been electrocuted. Well, first of all, uncle Lewis turns around and his back's on fire. So they jump on him, stop, drop and roll him with a rug and put him out. And then they realise what's that smell. They pull the armchair away and there's what used to be a cat underneath the armchair. That's just completely fried. And the next shot is just cousin Eddie and Clark taking this burn armchair outside.

And Clark and Eddie saying, if you don't mind, clark, I think I could probably clean this up a little bit. Actually.

Do you want me to ask him how much? It was brand new? I think I can refurbish it for you, but he wants it for himself, really, doesn't he? Poor old Clark, it's not going right and you can see now the mental breakdown is starting to happen now. It's just starting to happen ever so slightly. He gets a delivery from work now, because he's found out that all his colleagues have already had their deliveries. Where's my check?

keeps on giving Clark.

But he is guided because that was going to be the swimming pool. What can he do? No bonus. So he starts losing it. He starts necking eggnog now and he gives a big speech. Now he says what do? You know what I really want? I want my boss right here with a big red bow on him, so I can tell him what an asshole he is. And he calls him, he starts swearing, he says everything under the sun.

Apparently, the other actors had signs around the necks with just words on swearing words. So if you watch him, he's looking up, looking, in case you look up at words.

Amazing. Yeah, he loses it and the family you know, upset with him. Cousin Eddie drives off in his RV. We don't understand why. Initially Clark goes out and says I'm going to get it. This is it. Now the mental breakdown has started. He gets his chainsaw, he cuts down just a random tree in the front yard and brings it inside. It's why it's like honey, are you okay? He's like I'm fine. It goes on as he's walking across the landing. The top of the banister is a bit loose.

Yeah, you're right. Though this is where he has a mental breakdown and unfortunately, as much as I like to find it funny, now looking at it I'm like oh God, because I've had a couple of weeks go off. Oh God, I was having a little one and it's not the nicest of feelings, gonna tell you. So you watch it now looking at that like that's like oh God, that's actually kind of dark. Next time watching, we're like oh God, he's having a mental breakdown. It's not the fun.

That's not a fun thing. Then they realized that there's a squirrel in the tree. Yeah, just to add to the commotion. And he says get my hammer.

Well, when he cuts it down, todd and Margot, get us. I said, do you? Think we should have got a Christmas tree this year, I don't know, they're a bit cheesy and corny, and then all of a sudden, through the window just comes the end of the tree.

He says where would we even get a tree?

This is our own Christmas Eve. And a tree comes through the window.

Yeah, so he's destroying their Christmas again. He gets his, he wants his hammer. Great scene with the squirrels on his back. When he turns around and says where is it? I think he might have left, but it's on his back Chases them around the house a bit. The dog runs around with them a bit. It's all very slapstick, but it's fantastic stuff. And then the dog chases the squirrel, the woman Yuppie, what's her name? Margot, margot. Margot says to Todd, march on over there and punch him in his face.

He's like I can't just go over, you're not man enough to do it, and I will. And she stomps on over there and bangs the door, but she doesn't know there's a rock, wiler, I've chased the squirrel around the house inside, so she gets her face full of squirrel.

And then a fucking face full of wiler.

Jesus Christ, the weight of those dudes, she goes back to to Todd and he's.

he's such a chicken shit because he's let her go over there and she goes back. All her clothes are ripped, she's got bruises and cuts. She fucking. Yeah, what happens to you? So she knocks him out. Yeah, good, good for her. We get a second big round here now because they're planning on leaving. And he says where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving, nobody's walking out on this fun, old fashioned family Christmas. We're all in this together.

It's funny because I had to do it to Charlie Insisted days. He was like OK. And every Christmas whatever, but for her to do it, and I do it in there like it's just. He does it every year. Come on, this is all right, come down.

But as he gets towards the end of the story he says oh, there was a man in the pajamas with handcuffs and cousin Eddie, what's going on? And cousin Eddie took his words literally and went and kidnapped his boss and it's brought him back to his house with a big red ribbon on him, kicks him in the living room and he says oh, it's you, chris, and he's like, it's Clark, chris Ward, he's like. That's what I meant. And so they have this impression of us. Thank you, thank you.

Yeah, the people, it's the little people that matter really.

And he's he's given them all a year subscription to a jelly of the club, jelly of the month club, whereas they used to get, like, this giant bonus. And something I really believe here, which a lot of companies don't do, is Clark says people come to rely on their Christmas bonuses as part of their salary, and you can't just drop it. I've worked for you, for I think he says, like 17 years or something, I've had a bonus every year and you just decide this one year.

And he's like, yeah, why did his wife not get dressed For? The house is the weirdest fucking thing. It's like you, honestly, a couple of minutes you could put something on just your underwear. It's very bizarre.

Who knows, maybe she, maybe she's been in saucy. Yes, his boss isn't pressing charges. Everything seems fine. And then, of course, someone likes to cigar outside. How does the flame? Where's the Lewis?

lights, and this is Stoge and it.

Let's not forget that Santa Claus and reindeer is the model is that on top of the sewer where a cousin of he's been pumping his shit and when Lewis that's the expression Lewis lights his cigar and that Santa Claus explodes and flies off and the kids look at me and they go look Santa and it's just the reindeer flying through the air on fire. The model Santa goes flying and Clark says I did it and it's going to get a swimming pool. The music plays with Christmas.

You got a friend.

Yeah, and that's the end. And, like I said to my dad and like I said earlier, I'd never related harder to somebody in a Christmas film than I have in this one, because, you know, I can't relate to John McClain, I can't relate to Kevin McAllister, but I can relate to Clark Griswold trying to hold it all together while your family, especially when there's a lot of family members that's what me and Alice did a very low key one this year, which was me and her and the kids.

Yeah, yeah, I would say so.

So there we go. Any other thoughts on it?

No, I think we've got it pretty much. I do like this film. It's a very entertaining movie and I do like trying to watch it, but she is.

Yeah, it's a great one to watch and, like I said, I've got very happy memories of watching this with you, of all people. You know, with an eggnog or whatever, we were drinking, probably anything and everything we could get our hands on back then and, you know, slowly getting a bit more drunk is probably on a box in there or something. We were watching this. I don't know when I used to come over. I can't remember we used to do fake most, didn't we? When I come, reigned.

He says, where's cousin Eddie he usually eats these things.

No, no, he's found out there.

I ain't cholesterol, so he's taking a break from them. So shall we come back to see out the show? Well, I think we've got a little Mr Murray, who wants to chat first, of course, bill.

Sorry Bill, he didn't mean it. No, no, all right then. Well, we'll be right back.

No, no, all right, then we'll come back for that, won't we?

Here's Bill Hi welcome back to World of the Strange. World of the. Strange. Oh oh, oh. World of the Strange. There we go. Thank you very much, bill, as always, taking time out of your busy Christmas schedule to just do the intro and the outro of World of the Strange for us. We really appreciate you doing it. Thank you, I think he's pretty hammered, but he's got that mistletoe on his belt.

He's got that. Look he sometimes gives us when he's you know, he's a bit horny.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He's got a mistletoe on his belt and he's supposed to kiss under the mistletoe when that wasn't Eddie's dog.

when he goes to town on your leg, just let him out of it.

If Bill Murray starts humping your leg, garth, just let him finish, let him finish.

If he doesn't finish, just let him finish. It's easier.

Cut the balls. Now I've got a list of similarly to Clark Griswold's family, some family Christmas has gone wrong, which we probably shouldn't laugh at people's misfortunes. But these people have posted these online because in hindsight, they're laughing at the craziness of the situation. So I've got a few of these to read to you.

All right, it's funny. Last night they've murdered us. Okay, go on then.

Here we go. The first one says I was opening presents with my then boyfriend in front of his huge religious family. We've been together for some time, do you know, and we all thought he's going to propose to me. They all waited with bated breath and I opened the envelope from him and I thought he's got, he's put a lot of thought into this. This is going to be like a clue. Is it going to be like a treasure hunt? Nope, the envelope contained a gift certificate for laser mole removal. Wow, laser.

So there's a mark on someone in the body that he doesn't like and he wants it gone yeah. I thought you'd like this.

She said I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry, but we broke up a few days later. Wow, wow. How about that Laser mole removal? Here's the next one. My uncle got sent a letter, which arrived a couple of days before Christmas, from his 18 year old son that he didn't know he had. He told us it Christmas.

So say that again.

My uncle got sent a letter which arrived a few days before Christmas. He opened it on Christmas morning and realized it's from his 18 year old son that he didn't know he had. Wow. So he told us all at Christmas.

It's because at 18, now, they are able to go and find their true parents themselves.

Merry Christmas family. I've got a kid I didn't know about from 18 years ago. Imagine that I dread the day that a mini dad knocks on the door.

I don't think that's going to be a problem with me, ok Well, I just don't think that's going to happen.

Years ago. Here's the next one. I was dating a guy for a few months. Christmas came around and it was that awkward time where you'd only been seeing each other for a few months. So I thought what do I get him? Do I get him something nice? Do I get him something small? So I thought, you know what, I'll splash that a bit. And I got him a GPS system.

Oh no, he realized oh shit, I better give a sign Hang on.

There's more here. I don't even like it one little bit. Nor have I ever expressed an MMA or even talked about it to him. I think he, on the other hand, he loved MMA, so he tried to move on. I said thank you very much. I put the magazine down and opened the next present from him, which was a DVD that had already been opened and the rapper was missing. He went quiet and then said look, basically I got a bit bored yesterday, so I opened your DVD and watched it.

Very nice.

On to the next one. When I was a toddler, we were supposed to go to Savannah to visit my mum's family for Christmas, but we couldn't. My dad said I've lost my wallet. It turned out what had actually happened was some prostitutes with an S that he'd slept with had stolen his money, id cards and all of the cocaine he'd been carrying, so we ended up going to hot on holiday without him. Unsurprisingly, my parents were divorced later that year.

So what he went on? He's on holiday with his family, but he'd been banging prostitutes at sex work.

No, no, no, no. He couldn't go on holiday with them.

Because he lost his wallet because of the sex workers at home.

He said to them I've lost my wallet. But it turned out he'd had his wallet stolen by some prostitutes who'd also taken all of his ID and some cocaine that he'd been carrying, and her mum and dad broke up many months later. Merry Christmas. Yeah, at least it's white. She was a toddler when that happened as well. Yeah, white Christmas. Indeed, she was a toddler when that happened as well.

So it might have been very poor. He was banging sex workers as well. He had a little kid.

He had a big old orgy basically.

He's a nice man then.

So this was my family, thank God, but one of my friends. So my uncle, sorry. Her uncle got cheating at the dinner table when his phone buzzed and her auntie saw the message coming in, she started screaming and crying and throwing dinner at him. My friend, her daughter, started to laugh, so her mum turned on her and started insulting her, saying you'll never get a man, You're too ugly.

Yes, that was a fun one.

I've never been back there on.

Christmas again. I'm glad I've done that. I have families and all this sort of stuff going on, or I don't have family, but yeah.

Imagine Chevy Chase in these situations as well. He's just trying to hold it together. Yeah. My husband's stepmother gave me a 36 year old at the time gave me a kindergarten size backpack for Christmas. When I opened it she said I actually bought that for a child about five years ago but the child hated it. So it's been in the closet for ages and I saw it and thought I know what you're like that. None of us like it, though.

That's a lot.

You see we're all sitting down to dinner with my auntie.

It's a lot of cooking.

It is so my auntie, whose house it was, got into an argument with her sister. It escalated to the point where they were screaming at each other and my sister, my cousins and I were being herded into the basement to go and play with something and try not to listen to the adults yelling.

Play with something in the basement.

It ended when my auntie yelled that she was sick of the family drama. It's time to come clean. She announced that my oldest cousin is actually not the daughter of my auntie, but the daughter of the other auntie. Basically, when her auntie got pregnant, she was too young and irresponsible to raise her, so the other auntie stepped in, who's a bit older.

Okay.

My Christmas day, revealing this Amazing In front of 35 people. Happy Christmas, short one. One Christmas, my brother and father got into a fight. The cops had to be called and my brother was arrested and spent three months in jail beating up my dad. So much so her brother beat up her dad.

Wow.

The next one is a true Clark Griswold story. A few years ago, one of my brothers or sisters said something that pissed my mom off so much that she just cracked. She pushed this Christmas tree over, went down to the basement, got a saw, came up and started sawing it into tiny pieces in front of a saw. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

A couple more, 2012,. My family had reached boiling point that year. My brother had been kicked out of the army, I was a 17-year-old stoner about to drop out of school, my parents' marriage was a shit show and almost ripe for divorce, and my sister was over from the US for the holidays. The mood was bad. In the middle of Christmas dinner, the doorbell rang. My dad shouted who the fuck disturbs a family?

Amazing, what a family.

Two more stories, short ones again. I love this one. My grandmother went out to the garage to smoke a cigarette after Christmas dinner. She intentionally slammed her arm in the car door, breaking her wrist in the process. You might ask why she was drunk. She said I wanted to see if my pain medication was working.

Fucking hell.

So she broke her own wrist in the car door to see if her pain medication was working.

Fucking dickhead.

We spent Well, no.

Well, it might have been.

And even if it was, it doesn't make you super human. We spent the rest of Christmas night in the emergency room, wow, and the last one is one involving poo. Lovely. And a church. I went drinking with my friends on the 23rd of December. The 24th. We went to midnight mass. Things were going well, but then it suddenly hit me. I got the shits 10 minutes into the service. My guts forced me to let out a silent fart, but it had the power to melt candles. It was such a bad smell.

Wouldn't you though I know it's a bit more disgusting would you use your hand and then just wash in the wash basin? I know that's kind of disgusting I think the diarrhea was so bad.

I think it was so bad that my hand's not just going to get in.

So it must have been all over the bum cheeks.

Well, yeah, because he says there. I waited outside my parents car in the freezing cold in just a t-shirt, because my jacket and my jumper were in the bin in the toilet.

The public clears the bin.

And then my parents came back outside after the service.

Shitty clothes in the bin.

And they asked me why I had poo all over my trousers. I told them the whole story. They laughed at me the entire way home on Christmas Eve night.

But don't just, don't sit down, yeah.

You had to lie on the back seats front down, I should imagine. Yeah. Fuck, hell. Well, there we go.

Nice.

Clark Griswold. I think if I were, to Happy shitmas. I don't even want to pick which one of those I'm going to be. I'm just going to leave it there.

Yeah, I think so.

Happy shitmas indeed, Bill Bill. Take us out, Shall we come back and have yourself a very Murray Christmas Boy and a happy bill yeah.

That's all the time we've got for this week on World of Strange. Next week, though, Gimme iron. Hairless pets Weird. I'm a back.

Back again for Christmas time. Ten years of podcasting, that's it. That's all I've got. I haven't got any other lyrics. That's what we work on it Excellent. Well, merry Christmas and a happy new year to you, gavin, to all our listeners, and happy tenure anniversary all over again to us. Fantastic stuff, it's been a wild ride. Yeah, it's very enjoyable. National Lampoons and all that business.

I love putting words in your ears.

This is the last episode of 2023. So let's talk about what the next three episodes are going to be as we enter into a new year. First episode of 2024, episode 147 will be a patron pick. Patron pick, matthew Godley's, your turn again. You, as we discussed, have selected Flash Gordon and Dead man. Shoes, ups and downs, highs and lows there, motions.

Yeah.

After that Gav you old git. It's your birthday episode 32. Episode 100. He's only 32, guys Even that sounds old. It does really. Episode 148, Gav's birthday episode. It's going to be Sorcerer 47. It's going to be 47. He's not really 32. Yeah, mugs.

Sorcerer and Studio 666.

Sorcerer and Studio 666.

Two completely different films.

I've not seen either of them.

Amazing.

And after that will be episode 149. And, as mentioned previously, any episode we can. For the next year. We're going to do director specials and we're going to kick that off with episode 149, which will be an Adam Green special. Looking at this relatively newcomer to the horror game, he's been around a while now, but not yeah, I was going to say it's good 20 years it's still fresh-ish.

And I actually know a lot about Adam Green as well.

Yes, well, that's what's going to be fun to discuss. So that's what we're doing next, patron Pit, gav's birthday and an Adam Green special. Well, it's fun to kick the ear off, gav.

I thought you said a dog bark. You have a dog there.

I don't have a dog here Weird, it's just jacking on a bone, just knots. Well, gav, I think what I'll probably do at this point is say some admin stuff before we say goodbye to Merry Christmas. Anything you want to add before we do that?

Thank you Everybody. Have a great New Year. I'm glad everyone's happy. If you're happy.

Don't do this all over again.

Exactly, you're not happy, then. I'm happy that you're not OK, we'll confuse again. Carry on Thank you. I certainly just said anything.

I can see you're really regretting opening your mouth. He's just wrung in his shoulders. Everyone, as always, then, and as we have been for the last 10 years, we are the podcast on Haunted Hill, a proud member of Legion Podcasts Network. You can find out more about them on: legionpodcasts.com That's the network we're under and all the other shows that are part of the network. If you want to go over to Facebook, you can search for the podcast on Haunted Hill.

And quite possibly, as I'm wearing one, I'm wearing a tie-dye t-shirt that I was given by my middle child. It's stole one of the fresh t-shirts and tie-dye it for me and it looks kind of good. So it's a chance. It might be a choice of a tie-dye t-shirt.

Yeah, bit of tie-dye action, taking it back to the early 90s. Good stuff. So, patron, patron, patron. If you want to become a patron, just go to patron and search for the podcast on on Tiddly, or, alternatively, message me and I can help direct you there. As always, thank you to our patrons all. Thank you all individually, now by name, in a very Christmassy fashion. So, first of all, thank you, don Correa. Thank you, matthew Godley. Have you been a good boy this?

year. Oh has Father Christmas given you a good tickle.

Oh right, this might get bad. Oh, jamie Jenkins, you've been a very good girl.

Did you have a good pull-up cracker?

Oh God, this is Gav saying these things off-screen, kevin S5. You very good boy.

Jingle bells, jingle bells Sarah.

Kay. No, oh, sarah Kay. I hope you enjoy your presents.

Oh, roast potatoes, why I?

don't know, I don't know. Oh Rachel, oh Rachel, I hope you get a white Christmas. Oh yeah, oh, oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh. What a good boy you've been. Sit on my lap, oh oh, rj. Oh, rj, you have been a good boy, and finally, Lex Boo, what a wonderful girl you've been this Christmas. May your days be merry and bright. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh. I've always wanted to be Santa. Yeah.

Thank you, merry Christmas Patreons.

I hope you guys all enjoyed that and I hope Santa comes down your chimney and empties his sack all over you. Oh the place, oh the classics, the classics. But listen, go pour your cracker and whatever it is you do, stuff your bird, stuff your turkey and pour gravy over everything. And drink some egg drink some egg mog and smoke some chocochoccalola, chocochoccalola, chocochoccalola.

Chocochoccalola. Smoke some chocochoccalola.

Smoke some chocochoccalola and drink some egg mog, and may your days be merry and bright.

You know maybe your days be buried, buried.

Days be buried under the sun.

Let's finish this now. Let's finish this.

Listen, it's a good night from Clark Griswold. It is. It's a good night from Coslett, it was you it was Paul, and it's a good night from Snotts yacking on a bone.

Indeed, it is and it's. A good night from you.

It's a good night from me and it's a good night from Santa and it's a little helpers and it's a good night from me.

Good night everybody.

What does Snoop Dogg say at Christmas? I don't know. Ho ho, ho. Good night everyone.

Thank you for listening to the podcast on Haunted Hill. We will be back again real soon, merry Christmas.