"Blooming Stone". Hey everyone, welcome back to another Heart of Horror. I am one of your hosts. My name is Bo. With me, as always, the abulient, the literary, some might even call bookish, or perhaps even sexy, librarian-esque. "blooming Stone". Kate Pollock. blooming?
Stone. Um, thanks, sure, hi. Well, it's funny. It's kind of ironic that you called me bookish librarian, because the first word I don't know what it means that you used Right, I'm clearly not that bookish. But no, actually it's funny that you mentioned that because I just got off interviewing another author for my new show, plug Plug.
Yes, and what is that called and where can people find it?
It's called Kate Anjou's book reviews. Ornju is about A-N-J-O-U it's my middle name because I just I don't know, I don't know why I just didn't want to use my last name on it and it. You know, I had this joke where it's like it sounds better than Kate Pollock tracks book bollocks. But apparently everyone thinks that that's a better name.
It's pretty good. It's pretty good.
But no, I went with Kate Ornju's book reviews and I've done all the logos and I'm now like four episodes in. So it's that one, I'm afraid, guys, but my next one maybe I'll say Kate Pollock tracks book bollocks. But yeah, so you can find that. You can find that in pretty much all your normal places, but I also have a YouTube channel what what?
Yeah, so it's just Kate Anjou's book reviews and, essentially, if you want to follow me on socials Facebook, instagram and TikTok Instagram and TikTok have little full stops between each word, but it's just still Kate Ornju's book reviews.
So go follow me and stuff on there, because it's all about promoting and reviewing indie books, primarily fantasy and horror, although I'm open to most things, but like it's, a lot of the indie authors I know are in those genres and it's my kind of like favorite genre and I also interview the authors of the books. So yeah, so there's like two little episodes where there's one's a review and then one's like an interview.
So I just got off interviewing the lovely Seren Farangray who does dark fantasy romance. So lots of lots of spice, lots of gore, lots of demons. It's great.
I think, most importantly, how do I get on that show?
You ought to write a book. Have you written a book?
You've written a book, haven't you, I have written a book.
You haven't. You can go on and say it.
But it's been a long time and it almost feels like that would be cheating, although I've been you know, the itch has certainly been there of late and I think I may do that over the summer. I think that may be my summer project, just to write a novel.
Okay. Well then, yeah, you have to follow me and shit, and then, you know, slide up in my DMs.
Sure, that's. That's what I'm known for.
You can just pop me a message and ask me like an old person. Yeah, yeah.
Like you ask, you ask my kids. They will tell you that I'm pretty much the sliding into DMs type.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
They're like look, we don't know much, we're still, you know, just young people, we're just ninth graders.
Yeah.
But one thing we do know for sure is that Mr Randsell is the coolest person.
Yeah.
That has ever lived 100%.
I thought they need to know. They don't need to know anything else. You know information will see them through life. Okay.
So I you know I was making fun of myself, of course, because my kids think I am an old nerd and and rightly so.
That's. That's not a lie, that's a pretty accurate representation of me.
But I did have a genuine, like a moment where a kid was genuinely impressed by me and, at the end of the day, like you can't really give a shit because they're teenagers and they don't know anything. So like their opinion of you can only matter so much, otherwise you're, you're fucking finished.
No, I definitely seek validation from teenagers. I ain't going to lie.
I do to an extent, but at but also you have to understand that they're fickle.
Yeah.
And so you can't like like a teacher goes through that thing that a parent does where the the teenager is like too cool for you. Yeah, but it happens all the time.
Like it's just now and she's five.
And it really sucks because you're like I know that you want to hang out and have fun and talk, but it would seem like you, you would. You would seem unusual to do so.
But the point being is that I'm at my desk today and a couple of the kids are doing some, some other shit nearby, like drawing on the dry race board and stuff, and because you know I don't actually teach anything, I'm just like, look, I'm just keeping you off the streets for 45 minutes, that we had had a lot of testing today and blah, blah, blah. So we weren't like it wasn't a regular class.
But one of the kids mentioned one of the girls, I will say for the time being and for the sake of argument in my class who recently came to me and was like hey, I want you to call me this other name because I'm kind of going through a journey right now and I was like oh, okay. Fucking whatever sounds great. I hope it's. I hope it's bringing you happiness and peace.
Fuck yeah.
And so you know, I've been calling her by that name for I don't know, you know if you weeks now and she wasn't there today. But one of the other, one of her friends, was talking about about her and was like, oh yeah, they're not here today and and use, you know the new name, and so forth. And I was like, oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask about this because I suspected that this was the case. But is she now like, is she identifying as non binary?
And they were like, yeah, you know, at this point they preferred their pronouns to be they, them, they, them. And I was like, okay, got it. I didn't. I felt awkward about asking them directly, but now I know that and I got it, okay, registered, and it one of the kids like genuinely was taken aback by it and was like so, like you don't care.
And I was like no, no, no, whatever, you know, whatever makes them happy, then that's what, that's what we'll do, like, it's not my position to tell them one way or another. You know what their pronouns are, that's their business. And, and they're like so many of the other teachers were like Well, that's not what it says on your, your file, or whatever.
And I was like oh, that fucking sucks.
But it's also Tennessee and I get it. And but I had. But it was a nice month where like a kid was like, oh okay, so not like I'm a cool teacher, but of like, oh okay, you're a decent person.
Yeah, there's a respect.
Right, yeah, it really was a nice moment of like oh, okay, so we're safe with you about this stuff.
Okay, good, that's so important for kids to feel that way about their teachers, Like it's more in fact, I would say it's more important than the educational side of things like, at least in terms of a child's wellbeing is just to feel like that they have that safe space, that there is someone in like outside of the family, that they can trust and talk to when they maybe don't want to talk to their family.
Cause, even if you have the best relationship with your parents, there's still something you don't really want to talk about with them, especially at that age. So the fact that you know you, you've displayed the type of person that you know they can, they can trust with that kind of stuff and know that they're going to be respected that's so fucking huge. Like, yeah, like that's so fucking huge, that's awesome.
Yeah, I mean, look I, that's bare minimum shit, right, no it?
absolutely is, but unfortunately we live in a world where bare minimum isn't even being met. Yeah. So half the time. So you know, a little goes a long way.
Yeah, yeah, and you know what? What you said is true. I think that, more than like all the grammar and shit that I try to teach these kids To varying degrees of success, but beyond that, it really is just about like, hey, here's how you be. Like, just not an asshole, yeah. You know, like right now, you're at your ninth grader, you're a freshman in high school and you're an asshole, and that's not entirely your fault. Like that's hormones and so forth.
Like there is a reason that, yeah, like there, there is a reason that you know, these kids are assholes for the most part. Some are, but, but most of them are you know, but it's that's just, that's fucking how it goes. Yeah, hey, enough of this bullshit, though. We've got important stuff to talk about, and namely, we have got to talk about these documentaries.
Oh yeah, that you have seen because. Okay, so I've heard we you mentioned that you'd spoke. We spoke about that in the episode.
Yes, yes, yes.
And I have since caught up and we're talking about escaping twin flames. That's right. Oh fuck, like fuck. For those who haven't seen it, it's this, basically, it's this, this, these love quote. unquote self love gurus that will guarantee that they will find your twin flame. For you, if you complete these courses, pay all this money, do all this shit, you will find your twin flame, which is essentially like. It's almost like a fate. You're fated to be together. You're the most perfect person.
You reach others halves. You compliment each other completely perfectly. They're the perfect person, lover, companion. Everything for you, right. Right. So that's your goal? Okay, but you have to pay all this out and you have to do this and you have to do this, oh, and if that's not enough, we're going to completely dictate all of your fucking behavior and, on top of that, if you're not the gender we want you to be, we're going to make you change it.
That's what you were saying Fucking are just, it's just the most backwards, fucking like it's so weird because it's it's so, it's so backwards because it's. They come across as though, hey, we're pro, we're pro, you know, sexual identity and diversity and stuff, and we're pro this and pro that as long as it's within our rules, which is so the opposite of what gender is. Gender is about freedom, the way that you feel inside yourself. It is not about what someone tells you you are and that's it.
And people have gone through fucking top surgery and shit to achieve these standards that these fucking people who are in charge have set, and they have brainwashed them to fucking think that they are trying. Maybe some of them are I'm not going to say that they're not and maybe this journey has helped them realize a little like help them be more authentic to themselves. But I can guarantee you a fucking ton of them are not.
And then, on top of that, they isolate you from your family, they take all your money, they make you completely dependent on them. So, even if you don't like what's being done, you can't leave. Oh, it's the most, and they are the most and he is the most, and you just want to fucking fucking punch a stupid fucking grin and face in yeah, it's take over by. It's making me angry.
It's fucking crazy. And so there are two documentaries there's one on Netflix, one on Amazon.
I prefer, I like the style, I think, of the Netflix one, but I like the content of the Amazon one more, because the Amazon one is the one that gets into like we're going to go to their house and we're going to hang out with them a little bit, and that's kind of the stuff that I want to see is like, because in the Netflix doc you never get the moment of oh, they have some of the members of the cult living there with them.
No, I think both. I think you get different things, so I would say watch both. Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure, but yeah, because in the next one they didn't say about them actually living with them and things, and yeah, it's, and they focus, they focus a lot more on like the victims in terms of like each step of the program and how they manipulate the members to then be perpetrators as well.
And you know, and the transgender forcing, like the, you know the gender reassignment forcing and things like that. And then, but then in the Amazon one, as you say, yeah, we have this, the journalist. Fuck a comment for a name now.
Yeah, I don't remember either.
But yeah, and then she's doing this article for Vanity Fair and she goes to their house and she sees all this black shit crazy. And we also get like interviews with like their family members and old friends and things. Yeah. Her dad is heartbreaking.
Yeah, man, the thing that's really really like moving about the documentaries and and they're, I mean, fairly salacious like to call them moving is probably overstating a little bit, but it is really interesting and and getting into like like where they're making their money and what they're spending their money on and like I just kind of dug all that stuff.
And so yeah, so I've really had a good time With both of those documentaries and digging into like cult leader stuff, like I love a good cult leader and this is all 100 percent that kind of stuff.
Oh it's, it's that shit, it's so. They're so manipulative and like you know you see footage in there like really just emotionally and mentally abusing these people and like verbally abusing these people. It's just, it's just crazy, like how someone can be so stripped of their identities, their self worth, their you know, their dignity, and then not only that, but they pay for the fucking privilege. It's just oh.
Yeah, yeah, that's real fucked up and yeah and it's. It's. The thing that I always love about cult stories is the psychology of both the cult leaders and the people that buy into the shit, and I think especially the the Amazon one. That's kind of the stuff that I get more from.
Yeah.
And that's why I? You know, I don't know if I recommended it to you this way or you just did it this way, but you said that you watch the Netflix doc and then the Amazon doc.
Yeah.
And I think that's the way to do it.
Yeah, I always agree because I think that you kind of it's it's kind of like working from the ground up, isn't it? Because you see how people get involved with it in the Netflix one and how certain you know people rise up the ranks and things that then, like with the Amazon one, you then see like the top of the food chain thing with Shalia and oh my God, I forgot his name.
Yeah, it's been enough time since I've seen it. I don't remember, but I mean, let's just call him Nico, because he seems like a Nico.
No offense to other Nicos.
Sure, no offense, but also a little bit of offense, because A little bit.
If you're a Nico, you know what you did.
Yeah, oh, you are well aware.
You know who you are.
Yeah, yeah, you know what's up, yeah, but yeah, yeah. So yeah, I would recommend watching him in that order. But yeah, I mean, you know we talk about relationships and stuff all the time and the fact that they they swindle people by, like I can get you this thing that you're searching for, that you think is going to be this thing that you know fulfills you.
Yeah.
But you know, like you said, you got, you got to pay your way, and it ends up being like just real fucked up.
Yeah, and you can't pay your way, that's okay, because you can work for us for nothing.
Right, right Right.
And that's how you can pay. Your way is you can just work for us, but we won't pay you, but you'll spend every single waking second of your time doing this job. Yeah. It's absolutely crazy. And then like, and also as well, what like blows my mind is how they're completely showcasing showbone, all of the stuff that they are now getting, like you know, the driving Ferraris live in this like really big house and like they're like millionaires and stuff and everyone's good and they're.
And they're spinning it as though like hey, we came from nothing and now we're here because I found my, we found each other and we can. We're now basically all powerful and I'll get to that more in a minute.
And then they say and then they're using it as this like success stories, like, but you know, but like how are you not putting together that it's the money that you're paying for this bullshit is paying for all of this stuff and you are miserable and they are fucking living the life of luxury because of your fucking money, like.
And then when they turn, when they turn around the Netflix documentary, and then he turns around, he says basically I'm the second coming, yeah, look at the picture of Jesus. And then look at me, we're the same person. And he genuinely seems to believe it.
And they say they've got this like special communication with God and how God speaks to them and says that it's just literally, even, even, even if I were religious, like the fact that I'm not religious in that way, like I don't believe in in like a God like that, like at all, but like you know, I'm finding it outlandish, but like if I were religious I I'd be so offended.
Yeah, yeah, sure, and these people who are religious and stuff are in this, in this cult, you know, because it's a cult, they were going, yeah, you know, and oh, and, if you dare speak out and all the whole thing about like, oh, if you don't find your twin flame, you must be fucking miserable. And it's one person Actually. No, I'm pretty happy I've got a good done that. No, you're miserable. Yeah, all right, buddy.
Right, right, right. Yeah, I'm fine. No, you're not. We'll tell you if you're fine or not. And well, that goes along with the gender stuff that you were talking about, where they're just like and you've now got masculine energy. Therefore, you're now the man in the relationship and that's how you're going to live and you're going to go by a man's name. And I mean, yeah, and it's just, it's fucking nuts.
It's I I mean, I've watched a fair few cult documentaries and stuff. I've never seen this kind of thing before. Like this is another level of just insamay. And like they're still. I went on their website. I have morbid curiosity. And it's all functioning, you can still pay, you can still sign up for a free trial. And then I'm like what? And the fact that they said that there was no, they found no, the police investigating, they said that there was no criminal stuff going on.
I'm like are you, are you high? Like what? But then they did apparently refer on to the FBI. So you know, we'll see.
Yeah, I mean that, and it also feels like the word is out right, like you would have to still be in that cult to like think that being in that cult was OK.
Yeah, and like the Vanity Fair article, apparently like after reading that, a lot of people left, didn't they? They said in the Amazon documentary, yeah, they said like a bunch of people dropped out after that because it kind of like pulled the wall from their eyes. But yeah, there are still thousands and thousands of people all over the world part of this universe.
Well, universe feels yeah.
It's, I'm using their word. Yeah, and universe. I'm not like giving them additional gravitas.
Yeah, it's, yeah, it's just, it's just. I mean I'm continually like amazed and surprised and fascinated by that kind of, you know, brazenness, because you have to be pretty bold to be like, hey, you need to change genders, like you have to be feeling yourself in a way that is beyond my kin, like I've never been that confident about anything in my whole life.
That's not confidence, that's fucking arrogance and narcissism. That is.
No, well sure, yes, you're right, you're right.
But yeah, go check it out there everyone, it's really great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Documentaries. Sure, yeah, if you haven't seen it, you absolutely should. Yeah, it's, it's really, really fun. Okay, so that's you know, our recap on love cult documentaries, a new segment that we have yet to title. But in the meantime, what about? Do we have some some ghostly slash alien fuckery to?
get into. Well, we actually have gone like a slightly different route which, I excuse me, sorry, I messaged you about and it was just, it was just batch it enough for it to be something that we want to do. Why is my phone not opening? Oh my God, yeah.
Yeah and right, like we have. I was talking to Duncan about this, that we have kind of moved on from just ghostly dating to just straight up like hey, what kind of weird shit are you fucking?
Yeah, I mean it could be the new segment name of just like instead of you should be fucking, you shouldn't be fucking right.
Right, you're flying in the face of all wisdom from Doug and a bow come correct. Yeah, sometimes, sometimes, maybe you shouldn't be fucking maybe sometimes you shouldn't be fucking.
Yeah, I mean, I will come back to ghost, because there is still like a plethora of of articles and whatnot out there, but these ones, this one just I saw it just on by chance on my Instagram feed and I was like what? So? Meet Spanish artist Alicia fromis, the first woman to marry a hologram. Naturally marriage it right here. So the multi discipline. And Liz was a heart the multi disciplinary artists from Barcelona.
Alicia fromis will be the first woman to marry a hologram generated by AI in a ceremony that will take place this summer. When was this article written? Oh, recently. Okay, so you're saying, there's still a chance at the depot boymans van runing in museum in Rotterdam. That's probably not how it's pronounced. Apology.
It's probably perfect. That's probably the move.
So right, let me just Okay. This description may not fit the ideal relationship for many, but it embodies a love from an alternative dimension. Spanish artist Alicia fromis will have the curious honor of being the first woman to say I do to a virtual partner a sophisticated hologram of her own design, tailored to satisfy all of her emotional needs I am sure not just emotional, if she's catered it to herself. Well, how does that work?
Anyway, though currently categorized as a performance, that artist's depiction reflects a scenario that could seem to be off fucking. She's not even fucking, actually. Maybe I'll go back to one. Okay, I'll read on. With this project, fromis aims to reflect on the interactions between humans, artificial intelligence and contemporary art. The artist has advanced some of the details of her relationship with the holographic image.
Called for fuck's sake, so I'm not sure how it's pronounced, but it's like a Ilex, but like Alex.
Oh, okay, I got you Like.
Ilex and something like that. Which she created from profile oh this is fucked which she created from profiles of her past relationships.
Oh no, oh no.
Okay, cool this. I'm glad I continued Because the one I sent you was very like a limited article, so I sort of like looked up quickly before we got on here. But I just read this through properly Framers is currently designing her wedding dress and determining the attire of those attending the ceremony, which will take place this summer, of the roof of the museum in Rotterdam. Also, together with the LAM museum or LAM museum, the Dutch food art museum, framers is working to create molecule.
You say about me being bookish and reading, and I can't fucking say.
So far, so good.
Molecular food for their wedding banquet that both humans and humanoids can enjoy. I want to make an artistic documentary that includes drawings, interviews with other women, sketches about bodies, arms, romantic dreams, domestic situations in the daily life of my partner. I want to explore how to integrate the hologram into my daily life as proof of their relationship and coexistence.
Framers shares videos and photographs on her Instagram account in which she appears with her partner, alex, sharing everyday tasks such as cooking and dining, love and sex with robots, and holograms are an inevitable reality. They are great companions and capable of expressing empathy. Just as phones saved us from loneliness, did it, did it and filled the void in our life. Did it, though? Did they yeah?
I think there is a lot of scientific evidence to the contrary on this one, but go on.
Holograms as interactive presences in our homes can take it even further. Oh my God. The artist is also exploring the possibility of creating the first mortgage to purchase with a holographic companion, as well as a house designed specifically for a hologram and a human being.
That sounds expensive.
Yeah, they're not going to work love. They don't have a paycheck. How are you okay? A new generation this is a quote a new generation of lovers emerging, whether we like it or not, in which humans will marry and maintain relationships with holograms, avatars, robots and so on. Just as we practice new languages with Duolingo, we will practice relationships with these entities. That's not the same, yeah, yeah, yeah that learning from a computer is not the same as having a relationship with one.
And also, as well, like a new generation of lovers emerging where you're the first person to do this love. I don't think anyone else is doing this. I mean, you know, having an evening with your fleshlight is one thing. Go on. Marrying a hologram. Oh my God is Krieger.
Krieger oh yeah from Archer. Yeah yeah, yeah, he's got his waifu. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Oh my gosh.
Yes, you're absolutely right.
God, okay. Framasus dedicated her artistic career to bringing science and art together to cultivate meaningful relationships, offering support to people facing illness. Don't make it. Don't make it philanthropic, like offering support to people facing illness, disability, gender imbalance or traumatic experiences. I'll see. Now I feel bad. Okay, fine, this is kind of sweet, I guess.
The latest performance project, a performative project, is also conceived as a therapeutic tool for those who have suffered trauma abuse, as well as those facing the loss of a loved one. Yeah, yeah, I can't get that, I suppose, but it's still kind of weird though.
To an extent, right like the therapeutic side of it. I can kind of see but, it like it doesn't sound like she is doing this purely as like a way to call attention to this. You know like need to, you know like, hey, we've got to make sure that everybody has an opportunity to love and feel companionship. And also I'm going to do it in the weirdest possible way.
And yeah, and also like incorporate all the personalities of my exes. Can you imagine? Surely there's some sort of infringement there.
Not only that, like there's a reason, they're your exes. Why are you pulling from failed relationships?
Like I, just that part is fucking weird. So last bit, this is not from a pharmacist's first experience incorporating non-human elements into her art. In 1996, she became the first artist to coexist with a mannequin named Pierre. The resulting work, Cinema Solo, was composed of 36 photographs and a dialogue between Frommis and the mannequin, inspired by Marguerite Duras's book La Maladie de la Motte.
Hmm, okay. So I think I know why her and her exes are exes, and I'm not going to point fingers, but I'm pretty sure it's her.
Yeah, almost certainly. Yeah, allegedly yeah. I mean like all of this reminds me of a woman I dated years ago who was a poet.
Yeah.
And it was awesome that she was a poet, until the poet side really came out and it was like, oh, you're just also a crazy person.
Got it.
Okay.
How was she crazy?
She was very anti-vax, which was a problem, and left out a lot of important details about her life. Like I think she might have been an escort to some degree while she was dating it. Yeah, well, we did not date that long. Yeah, okay, but maybe, like it was just a real weird kind of situation that I never fully got a great read on. And all of it was just like. Your life sounds very complicated and I don't think you need me. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you got some stuff going on before you really need to be in the dating pool, right.
There was just a lot of moving parts and I'm not sure exactly like what the whole situation was.
Anyway, like.
I know we are being very like, upfront and honest, but this is one of those stories that is really completely unsatisfying, because I don't have a lot of details, just a lot of hunches. Okay, based on things like you know, when we started dating, she was like, well, I'm still seeing other people. I'm like, yeah, that's fine. I mean we're not. We've gone out for you know a couple of times and that's not a big deal.
Yeah.
But then it was like yeah, so you know, I've got to go get this dress because I'm dating this guy, but he's married and I'm like huh that sounds.
That's a red flag, isn't it?
Right, it sounds like a real rough situation.
It's not an E and M situation, like the wife presumably doesn't know about it, so yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was. It was not good, but like I never knew anything specifically about all that was going on, but I knew that it was messy enough that I wanted no part of it.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
She's the woman that they sing about in her unholy, you know, by Sam Smith.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, okay, so, yeah, yeah. So, dating a hologram? I don't know. I mean, what's the sex like Do you think is it is that?
all pre-programmed as well you would think Well, I mean, it's a hologram, so I can't imagine there's much penetration going on or any kind of physical I mean, unless, like she gets, maybe she, maybe she puts Pierre the mannequin with him and superimposes the hologram onto his face, puts a strap on on and goes to something. Town, I can't go to Happy Town.
Happy Town, yeah, like yeah it you would almost want to do. Have you ever seen those things where it's like a Twitch plays a video game, where it's audience members selecting inputs for a controller, so playing a video game by community?
Yeah.
Okay, so what if you did that with the sex toys? So it's just like hey, it's time for Sexy Town with my hologram. I'm just going to throw it up on, you know Instagram or whatever, and if people respond, with a heart then it goes to this speed and you know an eggplant is this speed or whatever the fuck?
Yeah, although I mean God. That's a really great way to make money on only fans, though I bet.
Oh, you would think.
Maybe she's on something.
Yeah, I had to. I asked Duncan a very dumb only fans question recently.
Why did you ask?
Well, because I was like is it just fucking on, only fans?
No.
And yeah, and so that's what I've since learned.
How does Duncan know?
Duncan has an only fans.
I'm sure he does.
You know, he was a panda.
No, I respect Duncan way too much.
It's the big blue. Is the big blue Because you know the pride of Scotland.
Yeah, I got it yeah. And yeah did you know that the Scottish National Animals, or like whatever mascot, is a unicorn, so using that horn for some good.
I, you know, I did know that, and that's still the craziest fucking thing.
Like I don't think you should be allowed Dragon.
I just don't think you should be allowed to have magical animals on to represent.
Stupid lion.
At least it's real. I can go to a zoo and see a lion. I have to go to like a two bit circus to see a unicorn and then it's not real, so that's unfortunate, to say the least.
I quite like that is a unicorn.
It's. Look, I get it, but I don't know. Like I had one of the kids today as we. What I did like about monarchies.
Where's it began.
Yeah, and I was like because they're stupid.
What's why?
Why would you ever let anyone run your country by virtue of what vagina they came out of?
Yeah, it's ridiculous. They really run much in this monarchy anyway. But yeah, it's, it's, yeah, it's a totally pointless archaic institute. It's just stupid. It's so stupid.
Yeah, well, you guys have, you know, the constitutional monarchy, which you know obviously the way to go.
Yeah, I mean they don't have any real input, yeah, which is quite good. At least as far as I know, I don't think they do. So that's one thing, I suppose. But then look who we do have in charge. So you know, it's six of one and half dozen of the other, sure.
Yeah, look, neri, a perfect world to be found, like you know, you see what's going on over here in this country, and I mean yeah it's a fucking nightmare.
Yep.
Right, it's a. One choice is bad and the other is catastrophic. So you do the math, yeah.
I don't like that math. I've never been good at math and I don't like what you're, what you're summing up there.
No, it sucks. All right, we should. We should get around to actually talk about this movie, we should, and also okay, so we're talking about near dark. Catherine Bigelow is near dark, yeah, and I get the impression that you either had not seen it very much or were not a fan.
No, I just hadn't seen it Ever. No, oh really, I thought I had, but I hadn't. I was, I think, I don't know what I was getting it confused with, but I was getting it confused with something, yeah, but no, I hadn't seen it because I, when I brought it up, you're like yeah, okay, and I was like really that that seems like a a tepid reaction to near dark. Oh no, do you know what it was I was when you were messaging me.
I'd like I had like a million things going on and I was just like, yeah, cool, that sounds great you know kind of going for efficiency. Yeah, in that moment yeah, but no, I hadn't, I hadn't seen it. It had been, as I say, it had been one that I thought I had seen. I think possibly as well, because I thought I'd seen it but I like didn't overly like remember. I thought I hadn't overly remembered it.
I was just kind of like yep, okay, cool, that sounds good, you know sort of thing, but like no, I hadn't seen it. But I did really like it. It was a very different sort of vampire, vampire film on a road trip.
Exactly. And I thought that made it kind of interesting, because one of the things that I wanted to talk to you about is going on trips with you know in quotes loved ones or people that you're involved with.
Yeah.
Because that, my friend, is a real weedy shrinker, I think is what the scientists call it. Because it's like that it's. It's one of those relationship hurdles that's like, okay, this is either going to kill it or we're going to get past it. Because traveling with someone, it's like it's not being intimate. It is being intimate, but it's a different kind of intimacy. It's not just like we're going to fucking stuff, but it's like we're going to pack together and like lay out our shit together.
And it's your first kind of like time, of basically kind of living with someone, and I think as well how people behave at an airport shows their true colors.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, yeah presumably the trip you're going is, you know, involves an airport. But, like you know, my dad is a nightmare in an airport like he. Just he's so oblivious and he just wanders off. Wonders off to what to wear. It's wherever it is, the way he's going to the gate. So he doesn't like he's quite a fast walker and he just goes off and he doesn't keep. He doesn't let you kind of like keep pace, he doesn't. He just just he's off and you're like all right, cool, I guess I'll.
I'll see you on the flight then, dad, you know like, and he'll just be like, oh, I'll just be, let you get through security and he'll just be back in a minute. And it's just like where's your father? Where's he gone? What's he do? It, you know, and then like, and he gets really like irritable about things as well, like if the queue is too long, he's like oh, what's just ridiculous, that's gone.
Mom, can you get that that?
Yeah, like, and you know, and he just oh and like, especially like since he's moved to Greece. My parents live in Greece, they retired out there and like, here's this thing, because in Greece is perfectly acceptable to do this. I'm like, yeah, but dad, you're not in Greece right now and you just come off as asshole. If you want someone's attention, like like a server or like an assistant, like you know, you need some assistance in some sort of, like you know, public space clicks fingers.
Oh, I hate that that's.
That's quite rude, like that it's really rude but it's acceptable.
It's the only way you can do it in Greece, because everyone's really loud all the time, and so you kind of, you put you know, you make eye contact, you click at them and like it's the most just, you want the whole world to cave in over you when he does that? Because, like you can see, on whoever he's clicking out face, like yeah, Okay, and I'm like, I'm so sorry he doesn't understand, he's not from around here, you know, like he was?
he was kicked by a goat.
Yeah, and I'm just like dad, you can't fucking do that and it's all right. I'm like, dude, it's fucking not all right. It's not fucking all right. You know, like and he doesn't mean it in a horrible way, it's just he's lived there for the last like 12 years and it's just now. That's just what he does. So like it's things like that. So like my, my dad's, just basic. My dad is a lovely bloke.
I don't want to, like you know, slag him off too much, but like when he, when he has a sort of thing in mind, like he kind of forgets about all the other people around him, and he's just like, right, that's that. I wouldn't do that, I'm like that. And he doesn't really communicate or let you know where he is or what he's doing. He just walks off. It's just like, for fuck's sake. So, yeah, that's my dad.
So like when, yeah, when we've like gone on holiday and things me and my mom have, like when I was, especially when I was like younger and stuff, I don't really holiday with my parents so much anymore. Well, I do, actually it's all I do because I go over and visit them, but like I don't go on holiday with them so much anymore. But like it'd be me and my mom and we'll just be like, right, we'll keep hold of our bags, we're keeping hold of our passport. Your dad can do what the fuck he wants.
We're going to go and get some food. It'd just be one of those. But yeah, I feel like when you're with someone, especially when it's like in a relationship and and especially if it's like the first time you're going away with them, it's like you see everything because presumably you haven't moved in yet and you know, so you're. You know you're sharing a bathroom, you're with them all the time. You're.
You know, even if it isn't a very idyllic kind of like, you know environment, you're hot, you're in a like, you know you might be. Well, presumably you're hot, like in England we always go to hot places because it's always so cold here. You know, generally speaking, it's hot and like you've been traveling and you've, you know, in an unknown country and you know, even though you are relaxing, stressors can be a little bit higher and things. So yeah, it's. It's an interesting experience for sure.
Have you been on many holidays with, like, loved ones, partners and such?
Yeah, like as you were talking, I had such a wash of memories. One is I don't think my parents ever went on vacation together.
Really.
Yeah, as I'm thinking about it now, I don't think they ever did.
So they were just vacation like separately.
No, they just. I don't think they ever went on vacation.
Huh, do you not do that so much in America?
No, we do, they just didn't.
Oh, they didn't.
Because when but like we took vacations as kids, we would go with my grandparents all over the place, so like we would go to like Disney World and the mountains and all kinds of stuff. But now that I'm thinking about, I'm like, oh yeah, we always did that when I was a kid with my grandparents. My parents actually never win anywhere. Huh, that's weird.
My parents, we used to go away every year. Every summer we'd go away. We would go to the south of France or we would go to like later on we then went to Greece and then that's when my parents decided they wanted us to move there. Occasionally my granddad when I was younger he'd come to the south of France with us, and every now and then my nan has come away with us. But I wouldn't be going away with my grandparents, and that's my mom's side.
My dad's parents never they'd fucking barely left the house because they were just old and hermity. But yeah, I always went away with my folks.
Well, so that was one thing that came up. The other is this and I may have told this story before, but I'll keep this short the one time and I've gone, like I've traveled with a number of people that I've dated over the years and in some cases it was great Actually. So let me start here Maybe the best trip that I ever had with somebody that I was involved with, but we'd been dating a while before we went on the trip and we went to New York and yeah, it was really fun.
Like she had to go for a conference and so I met her like a day after she got there and then we just spent the weekend in New York and it was a great time. But the thing was, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like I don't know that we fucked on that trip. I think you know like it was great, we had a wonderful time, but I think that we were just so fucking tired at the end of every day.
I don't know that we and, like I said, we'd been dating long enough that we you know if we didn't you were past the rippie shutters, close off stage, or something. Right, but still it was New York and we should have but we didn't because we were old and tired. But then I've had, like I had another trip with and it was real early in the relationship and it was just fucking disastrous the whole trip. It was like a weekend away where we were just like gonna go and hang out and it was just.
It was one of those like one thing after another of like, oh, this isn't gonna work out, and that sucked Like and both of us kind of knew it and it was the worst part of because we had taken a trip to go. We rented a cabin together and like hung out and like shop during the day and all that kind of fun stuff. And on the way back, though, like that car was fucking silent. That was.
It was rough because, like neither of us really had much to say, we both knew like, oh, this is probably gonna be over with.
And yeah. Were you just kind of like sick of each other's company by?
that point it was a combination of like sick of each other's company and really bummed out that it didn't work out Because, like, initially we went into it into that weekend. I think both of us were like this could be something and then by the end of it we were like this is absolutely not a thing, but it's good, like putting a relationship under that kind of pressure. You know, it's like putting a coal under pressure to see if it forms a diamond or just turns into dust.
And that's how this was like. It just became dust. But I don't know what about you? Have you ever had like a vacation with a romantic partner that just went way better than anticipated?
No. Yeah as I think about it like.
I think you can only lose.
The only. I've had two good trips. I wouldn't say better than ex-fist anticipated, but just as anticipated. One of them was the first time I went away with a partner and it was actually super sweet.
It was my 21st birthday and we had only been dating for about two months and he had secretly planned this whole weekend away to Paris, booked a four-star hotel, everything had arranged with my boss to get me the annual leave, so that, like I didn't know anything, he told me what weather it might be, just so I knew what to pack.
But like that was it, although, bless him, he got too excited and he'd been holding on to the secret for like about a month and he checked in with all of my friends to hey, would Kate like this? So they all were keeping the secret. He asked my parents whether it would be okay because it was my first time away out of the country with a partner, and like they were, and so everyone knew but me. And two days before we were due to go he got too excited and he slipped up with where we were going.
Oh no. Yeah, but I was so excited, like I actually was quite glad, because, like it meant that I could hey, I could pack a little bit more concisely and also as well. I kind of just had that couple of days to just build up that excitement. He was so pissed off himself, though, but we got there and it was a really, really wonderful weekend.
And it was over Valentine's, because my birthday's February 10th, and so it was over Valentine's weekend, and we had this incredible meal on Valentine's Day, which was the Saturday, and we went and did all the touristy stuff, and it was quite funny because we did have sex a lot.
Nobody likes a braggart.
Oh well, I'm about to get humbled real quick. Uh-oh. So he, we were having sex and he wanted to do the the relatively, I think, optimistic thing of pulling out and then getting it into my mouth.
Oh, wow, okay, yeah, that's a pro move.
Yeah, right, so that's what he wanted to do. I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he misses and it shoots up my nose. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha, it fucking hurts so.
Really Like how? So Certainly I wouldn't think it's state.
It's like your throat still.
Oh sure.
It's not the way that God intended and like it. Just. I was just like, like it's a rush of the bathroom and I was like hocking up and sneezing and just it was just too much fluid in all of all of my fucking sinuses and like, and I was just like what the fuck? I was like you had one job and like, yeah, it was just. It was just a bit of a dis I mean, I can laugh about it and stuff. And the next day we were laughing about it, but at the time I was just like that's really funny.
Oh my God, yeah, Like literally, like I and I've had it in the eye before and honestly I think the nose is worse Like when it comes at that velocity as well just kind of. Yeah, it's just kind of like the tobacco spit, you know, like it just like goes through my nose and then like hits off the back of my fucking throat somehow, and just a whole thing, Like it's just yeah. And then I mean like.
You know who among us has not had that moment where you're like okay, what would I prefer, come in the nose or come in the eye?
I feel like you don't grow as a person unless you've had that question answered.
Right Ask and answered yes.
Yeah, try the narrative and then the other one was with the sociopath a couple of years ago, and that's all I'll refer to in a nutshell, especially as I've started dating somebody with the same name. So yeah, like I've seen, by the way, said to start dating, we've had two dates and very, very, very early days, kind of casual, but you know.
I actually, but sounds good, sounds good.
But yeah, so it sounds good. So far it's got lots of green flags, as opposed to this guy who was just walking red flag. But yeah, we went to his parents' caravan Cornwall with two of our friends who are also a couple. There were two bedrooms right next to each other and caravan walls are not thick, they are essentially a sheet of metal. Uh-huh. And so you can hear everything. And, like the I don't know first or second night we were there, we were essentially marathoning each other. Uh-huh.
And like they could hear us, we could hear them and we were, like you know, essentially having a competition about who could make the girl come more. Uh-huh. And then there was a bit where there was a bit where, like I was okay, so I was on top. Uh-huh. I was getting a bit tired, so I hopped off and went to give him some head just to give myself a little bit of a chill time. And apparently all they could hear in the other room was the breathing and moaning, everything's stopping.
And then, about two seconds later, all they heard was oh, a blowjob. Ha, ha, ha ha. Oh, delightful. Ha, ha ha. And then apparently that was just them done, because they were just laughing too hard. They just couldn't continue and I declared us the winner. Sure sure. And there were loads. Oh, there were. Yeah, I might. Yeah, there were a few things that trip Like.
We came back from a dinner, we were all so we drove down in our mate's car and she was driving giving her partner a hand job in the front seat while the sociopath was fingering me in the back seat. It was very incestuous and so we got in. We quickly departed. We thought that they were just going to have, they were having like. So we were on about oh, when we get back we'll play some drinking games or whatever. And they went in their bedroom.
So we were like oh well, ok, if they're doing that, then let's. We were in the living space, the communal space. Turns out they weren't doing anything, they were just having a bit of a change of clothes and freshening up, kind of thing. They came out into the living space ready to play drinking games, to find the sociopath between my legs while I'm sat on the sofa. I hadn't been wearing underwear at all that night, by the way, sure. So, because ofs and so he was going down on me.
He hops up and I'm like oh shit, and I'm still sat down and a couple of seconds goes by and the other guy turns around and I was like Kate's forgotten, she's not wearing underwear. I was like oh shit. I just quickly closed my legs Because I was wearing a skirt and he was kind of like, but it was a short skirt.
Sure sure.
Yeah, and he was like, yeah, kate's forgotten that she's not wearing underwear. And I was like, oh fuck. So that's quite funny. That's something that we still bring up now because I'm still friends with the other two. So, yeah, it's just like yeah, well, you know.
I mean I like as far as sex on trips goes, I like a good hotel bed and I secretly always hope somebody's in the next room. You know like an exhibitionist eh. You know, like I don't want to interact with them, but in the back of my head I'm like. You know, it's kind of fun to be that couple. That's like I wish they would just go to bed already.
You know, it's fun.
I like feeling like you're making somebody else's trip more interesting.
Yeah, or just more depressing, because they're not having great sex. Sure you know and, as always, encourage the lack of underwear and all its guys yeah yeah, well, I mean, apart from anything else, it was for practical reasons too, because I was wearing a very kind of like fitted, you know figure hugging dress. So I don't want a VPL and I don't really I don't mind songs, but I don't know, I just find them. If you don't sit right in a thong, you'll know this, though, sure sure, sure.
If you don't sit right in a thong.
Yeah, I was going to bring this up earlier.
Yeah, no, I did it for you. Man, You're welcome. If you sit awkwardly on a thong, that can like the worst fucking wedge, and I've even. Okay, I think we're past the point of saying oversharing on this show. Sure, sure, sure. But like I've even once like cut myself with a thong yeah, just sitting down, just like you know, like just a real bad wedge. So I was always kind of I'll wear a thong if I have to for whatever reason, like you know, if a partner has a real thing for him or whatever.
But like if I'm choosing either, if I, if the other alternative is no underwear, I'll go no underwear. Like if I can't wear other types of underwear because of I don't know, a VPL or something, then I'll just opt to wear no underwear, cause it's way more comfortable.
Yeah, I can see that.
And if you're on a date, it's also very sexy.
So Well, right, especially if the date starts going well and you get to drop that little bomb.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What's your move? How do you let that go?
Um or do you just show.
Oh my God.
I. What should I do that time? I think? I think I think I tend to just do the lean in and whisper yeah. Okay, all right, all right yeah. Um, and then like I'll just like walk away to go get a drink from the bar or something, um, but like, one time I did One time I did that I met. I was meeting my ex for the first time, um, because we met online, and we were meeting in Bristol, temple Meads, which is this massively busy train station. Um, it's huge.
It's constantly like everyone's everywhere, it's like a really big sort of hub and I thought, hey, what would be really sexy is if I wear this like bodycon, tight fit dress, stockings, heels and no underwear, right, what I didn't anticipate was, when we met um, kissing him, and then him Bend me over, like, tip me over, like in that very romantic.
Oh sure, yeah, yeah.
But to keep balance, like because I was in stupidly high heels. I kind of I know this sounds weird to keep balance, you take your foot off the ground, but it just to kind of lever yourself out. But I was so aware that my skirt had ridden up and I was wearing no underwear and stockings in the middle of rush hour, 5pm on a fucking Friday, in one of the most busy train stations in the southwest Um, yeah, that was. I mean, it was fun still. But I, um I was like should we go?
I want to go now, let's go, let's go.
Right? Well, you know again, you're giving everybody something to think about on the way home.
I mean, yeah, there is that, there is that.
You may have. You may have unintentionally created a romantic mood for some of those people who then took it home to their spouses and then like, unwittingly, you could have, you could have generated, you know, a thousand orgasms.
I could have You're right. I like the idea of this. I like yeah. I mean, I'm nothing if not a philanthropist.
Is that? Is it? Do you think that's what it would be called Philanthropism? Is our philanthropy?
Why not? There's no money or anything involved, but I feel like I sold my dignity.
Philanthropy. There's something there, there's something there?
Yeah, that's a joke in that somebody can work it out.
Um, which is to say that near dark is a movie. It is Um but yeah, I mean, it is a road trip, Uh, and, as much as I can, you know, segue somewhat organically. But yeah, it's a, it's a road trip movie, like you said. It's a vampire film, first and foremost, where we have, uh, adrian Pazdar is our star, uh, which is a sentence that you almost never hear.
Um, Stop it.
I mean he's fine, but he's just, you know, like watching this movie. Here's the thing about near dark and uh, and and this may seem uh controversial, but you know this show is nothing if not one hot take after another.
Absolutely.
Um, I think the side characters in this movie are way more interesting than the main characters.
Oh my God, yeah, absolutely yes, yes, like.
Bill Paxton and Lance Henderson and Jeanette Goldstein and Tim Tomerson as the like doll man himself. Yeah.
Jack Death himself Tim.
Tomerson.
Yeah, great.
Yeah, and so like all of those characters are kind of more interesting. But yeah, so this dude named Caleb meets May uh, played by Jenny. Wright. Um, and you know they're doing a little bit of flirty and teasing. Uh, one thing leads to another, and you know, sexy vampire things happen, and and she decides she is going to, uh, induct him into the world of vampirism. Uh, which is not unlike the plot of kiss of the damned, really.
Yeah, yeah, I drew that comparison as well.
Um, although I would also argue kiss of the damned is the sexier movie 100%.
Um definitely Did I tell you I bought that, by the way.
Oh good.
Yeah, I bought them blue.
They oh man, I that's a movie I it's been just long enough that I'm about ready to go back and revisit it.
Yeah.
Um cause that movie is hot.
I might suggest it for a movie night with this new person.
Oh yeah, that's great.
Yeah.
And then have them chain you up later.
Yeah.
You do like growls. Well, all right, um, that's, that's more of my kink, um, but uh, yeah, so, uh, caleb and May um end up kind of running off together along with her in quotes family. Uh, who is basically the cast of the movie aliens? Um, it's Lance Henriksen as Jesse, jesse Hooker.
Yeah, what a great name it's a.
That's real good. Uh, there's Bill Paxton as Severin.
Yep.
And uh, jeanette Goldstein plays diamond back, yeah, Uh, because apparently they're also all assassins from the kill bill universe.
Yeah, definitely yeah, I'm still Jesse Hook is my favorite name.
Uh, and then you've got Homer uh, played by Joshua John Miller, who is a child actor, and and in interview with the vampire fashion, it is that story of hey, I am trapped in a young body but, I am now an old man, yeah.
It also kind of gave me um, uh, buffy vibes with the, uh, the anointed a little bit, yeah, yeah. From early days. Season one well, end of season one, beginning of season two. Oh no, that's a lie, it's oh yeah. No, it is end of season one, beginning season two. Yeah.
I'm about ready for a Buffy rewatch as well.
I'm always ready for a Buffy. I mean, you can always do worse Um 27 years ago, on Sunday, the first day I had to just saying oh really oh no Friday Friday.
This Friday is is 37 years, 27, 27.
It's not too much. Um, hmm.
Okay. Old enough now to rent a car. Buffy the vampire slayer 27. Well, it's 25 in the US, but you know really.
You just have to have a license here. Now you have to like uh, no, you can't, you just have to pay more on the insurance.
Uh yeah, they don't even let you. If you're uh until you're 25 in the US, you uh unless that law is changed. That could have changed Um, I'm not even sure what's. We are free and easy.
This was I only know well, I don't know what it is like now, but when I rented a car to drive around Germany, um, I was 25, but my mate, who wasn't quite 25, we were going to share it, but the insurance was just going to cost double if we put her on. So I did all the driving. But yeah, that was 10 years ago now. So yeah. Um might change to, but yeah.
So, anyway, yeah, so yeah, a lot of, and the thing is like, near dark is 87. And and so it kind of predates a lot of the stuff that you like, the stuff that we're talking about, uh, that, um, uh, it sort of reminds us of other films in oh yeah, right, they like after this, but obviously after this yeah. Right. It was all kind of inspired by uh, near dark, which is, um, like it's kind of. It's one of those movies that I don't love it, but it's kind of fascinating. Uh like, I like it.
There's a lot of good stuff in it. One scene in particular is fucking great, but like the movie as a whole, uh, like I said, I don't think the two leads are always the most compelling and and that's, you know, a problem, it's the lead to your film. I don't.
I only think it's a problem if because, as you said, in this one, like the side characters are so rich, I think like that's it's okay because we have these really cool side characters. Um, but I think if, like the side characters, even if they were cool but they weren't kind of this interesting, then it would pose more of a problem for me. Because I ended, I can empathize enough with the two leads.
Plight for me to kind of like care about them as characters, but I'm getting my entertainment from the others, you know. Yeah.
So here's what's crazy, so near dark, directed by Catherine Catherine Bigelow, like we said who went on to win an Oscar for the hurt locker.
Yeah.
So, and this movie is really well directed Like it's, yes, it's so well shot. Yeah, it's a beautiful looking movie. Yeah, like it uses a lot of like Southwestern vistas and a lot of natural beauty to help with the production of the movie. That's not very expensive, yeah.
And uses all the weapons in our arsenal, didn't she?
Yeah, and I think she was married to James Cameron at the time or was involved with James Cameron at the time.
Oh, right, okay.
And so the reason that you see a lot of actors from Alien show up in this is because she knew them through her husband.
Yeah.
And also written by Eric Redd, whose movie before this one was the Hitcher.
Oh, really, okay, which is another road trip movie through the Southwest. Yeah, yeah, okay Cool.
So you learned a little something at this show.
Yeah, edutainment.
Edutainment, exactly. But yeah, so the you know they're off on the road, may and, and I almost said, jesse Hooker and. Caleb are with, with Jesse and Severin and Diamondback and Homer, and they're basically teaching Caleb, the main character, how to be a vampire. Yeah, and they're kind of these nomads out. It's very like Old West inspired. Where they're you know, these outlaws driving around the Southwest, you know, killing their way when they, when they need to feed.
Oh, they also as well. Another thing that came afterwards gave me true, not vibes too, Just their dynamic and the way that they're kind of nomads and they all kind of you know. Obviously, like you know, they don't have Rose the Hat as their leader. That would be cool.
If only.
If only they weren't fucking getting involved. Well, they might do actually I didn't actually end that well for her either but the but yeah, that kind of like they're a family and they have like a particular, they're very sort of like insular and you know they don't like outsiders and all of this kind of stuff. It's just a very.
It kind of reminds that their whole dynamic as a group reminded me of the true not yeah, it's like they're from all these different time periods, but they're, you know, hanging out together.
There's a touch of loss boys in it.
I got that too. I don't know whether it was just because it was like the 80s and like the sort of the aesthetic of it, kind of like a bit kind of cowboy-ish and whatever, like not cowboy-ish in the world, but their characters are very just sort of like on the lamb yeah.
And this is the same year that both these movies came out in the same year.
Yeah.
So it's not like one was inspired by the other. They both just kind of captured this. Like you said, it's a very 80s kind of vibe and and also this, very like there are kids involved in both. Yeah, you know, there's that sense of like a pack of vampires, a nest of vampires, if you will. And yeah it's, and I wonder if near dark didn't suffer because lost boys came out in the summer.
Possibly, but lost boys is the better film I don't disagree with that.
I'm not over the moon for lost boys, but I do think it's better than this. But still, you know, like there, there, there was something in the water. You know, in terms of these kinds of vampire movies where and even lost boys was a little bit sexy, like this is a little bit sexy and it's not just you know vampires coming for you. So yeah, there there's a little bit of shared DNA there, although this one has a hundred percent less half naked saxophone players.
And it suffers for it Right.
I'll let the lesser for it, sure, and, but what I? What I do like is in the journey to teach Caleb how to be a vampire. There is the bar scene, and the bar scene is fucking rad.
Yeah, I thought that's what you were talking about when you said about it. Yeah.
It's because they roll up in there and you know it's a bunch of vampires in this, like shit kicker bar in the middle of nowhere.
Yeah.
And I'm and immediately know like it. You can see on their faces it is the confidence of. We have done this a bunch of times before. This is not the first or the last bar that we will clean out of rednecks and like we're going to basically pick a fight with a group of people who have no idea what they're about to get into.
Yeah, it's that kind of again.
It's that sort of like, that kind of cockiness, that kind of bravado of like, yeah, we're going to fuck shit up, you know, and like you can't do anything, no repercussions are going to happen, we are free to do whatever the fuck we want and like, even if you don't know it yet, you will, you know, like it's yeah, it's very that and this is, and the way, especially like Severin and stuff, and Severin is like the real kind of wild card and he just, oh my God, like he's phenomenal in this scene.
It's so fucking good.
Yeah, bill Pax. Then, as Severin is the best part of the movie because yes he's the most fun character, like he loves being a vampire he loves he's got such bloodlust, yeah, and he's like the, and at the end of the movie he is the most pissed at Kayla because he finally accepts Kayla at a certain point when they're like being chased by the law and the sun and all that stuff.
And yeah they don't really accept Kayla, because he's he's really resisting being a vampire. He can't kill anyone, he's never. You know, he keeps getting me to do his kills for him so that he can kind of like feed and things and they're just like fucking. If you're going to be a vampire, you got to fucking toughen up and at the moment you're just a liability. We're putting up with you for May's sake, but we're not going to make it easy for you. And Severin is really hard on him especially.
He really just doesn't give a fuck. So, yeah, so by the time it gets to a point where he's kind of coming around to him, you know, and then like yeah, as you say, like it's yeah, he gets really pissed off with how things turn out.
Yeah, and it feels betrayed, right, like you know, we let you into our family and you turned your back on us because, like at a certain point, uh, after, after the bar scene, we should linger there for just a second more, because it really is like Bill Paxton wears these spurs all through the movie.
Yeah.
And we learned that he is using them in these moments to just open up a dude's throat as he is dancing around on a bar and using these spurs to bleed these fools that are eye level to his boots.
It is yeah.
Uh, and he's just having a like Bill Paxton is having such a good time.
Oh, yeah, yeah, 100% he is. He is absolutely loving life playing this role and I don't blame him either. Like this is the kind of role that, like I think, gets actors going. You know, it's not necessarily the main part or whatever, but just having these really fun parts where you get to tap into a side of yourself that you might not normally and like it's yeah, like that, if I, if I was going to be an actor, this is the type of shit that I'd like to do, I think.
Yeah, and I think it's like you know, like, like Bill Paxton certainly starred in movies, but he always felt like a character actor through and through, that he was most at home doing something like this and, by virtue of how much fun he's having with the performance, he ends up being the thing that you walk away from the movie with. They're like, you're like, yeah, the movie's fine, but Bill Paxton's fucking amazing in it.
Yes.
And yeah, he's so good and but like him, blood faced, you know, just like streaked, with gore saying mm finger licking good Actually he's such great one liners, oh, that shit, it's so much fun, he's having such a blast. So yeah, that bar scene is just fucking nuts.
And then you know, it is kind of post that that our vampires end up being on the run as Tim Tomerson, as Caleb's father tracks them down along with the daughter, like Tim Tomerson's daughter, caleb's sister, and Homer takes a real shine to her and is like, oh, I can turn her into a vampire and after a few decades I'll have another adult trapped in a child's body.
That I can, you know have this relationship with yeah and she's like no thanks.
Yeah, and once Caleb gets wind of it, that's where he's like fuck you, fuck this, I'm out of here. Yeah and uh yeah, and goes back home and Tim Tomerson uses like basically uh uh, transfused blood transfusions to get the vampiric infection out of him, which I think is kind of an interesting take on it, you know.
Yeah, I mean, what I quite enjoyed about that is how it it kind of does make a sense, like if we, you know as much sense we're talking about vampires. You know, because the whole, the whole way you become a vampire is essentially through a blood transfusion. You know, to quote Buffy like they suck your blood, you suck their blood, it's like a whole big sucking thing. So, um, you know, it's like you, you share those fluids and then I'm listening.
And then you know so, to have a blood transfusion to sort of essentially like override the initial blood transfusion. There is a logic in there, so it's not something that you really like. I mean, I can't think off the top of my head where I've seen that exact thing, but it's like if it was going to work that way, like if it was going to, if there was a way of being able to reverse vampirisms and business, and then that would be the, that would be a logical way of doing it, I would think yeah.
Yeah, I mean it's kind of goofy science, but it's kind of science.
Yeah, I mean it's science in a world where vampires are real, you know.
Yeah, right, exactly, but yeah, so he's okay. And finally we have a big showdown where, like you know, may tracks him down with the rest of the family and yeah, I love this bit too. And you know it feels very. Speaking of James Cameron, there's some real Terminator vibes, yeah, in the last act and it's all really good and fun and, like you know, bill Paxson gets blowed the fuck up and, you know it takes a spur.
Right and and at the end of the day, you know like Caleb manages to get May like humanized again.
Yeah, I don't know if I like that. Yeah, it's. It just seems to be like too tied up, you know, in a neat bow. Yeah.
And I think that one of the things that hamstrings this movie, you know, aside from hey, the side characters like Bill Paxson and Lance Hendrickson and Jeanette Goldstein, like, are all way more interesting characters, and even Homer is kind of a more interesting character than leads.
Yeah.
And the other problem, I think, is that it's way more fun being on the road with the vampires than the love story or the resolution, and so when you end on the love story, you're like, eh, okay, fine, I was never really invested in that to begin with.
Yeah, exactly, it's sort of, it's almost becomes like a side thing. But their love story almost becomes like a side story, because what I want to see is what I'm sort of more invested in, is the survival of this vampire group and no-transcript, and also as well, to an extent, like the the, the more, like the weather, where, where, where Kaila's morals lie and like, where's his, where's the line, where's he going to draw that line?
Um, I by that point had really kind of like I just don't care about that relationship anymore. Yeah, more interesting things are going on. So when it like they bought a back house, I was like, oh yeah, okay, cool. And like, um, I would have.
I think I'd have probably rather have seen, like um, him realize, like, if anything, I was rather seen like him realize that, like his life was more exciting and he was going to get to go see the world and everything through different eyes and like, get her to change him back and like, but the threat, but the threat of the gang has gone. So he knows his sister's safe, you know that that's okay.
His family kind of understand they can say a proper goodbye, closure, or all the rest of it, and then he can go off and live his best vampire life with his, with his misses, and not like try and change her.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, one of the most frustrating things is when a movie forgets what the fun part of the movie is.
Yeah.
And it's like why? Why are we screwing around with you know? Oh my God, is this you know it's fusion from dull man going to work? When we could be hanging out with Bill Paxton and fucking up bars Like where is? Why are we not with them? Yeah, yeah, the movie needed to be from their perspective, I think, and it would be a different movie, but it would be a much more entertaining movie.
Yeah, yeah, no, I agree, yeah, um, or just have it that, like you know, everyone dies in the vampire's escape and they're free to rain hell on everything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like, yeah, like he gets free of it, you know, maybe brings May along with him, and that's how you play it, as opposed to you know like we're going to have the big showdown.
But yeah, I would like the show done, though I do too.
Like it is cool, but like if that's the case, then in everything you know one of them needs to die, then, like, if you're going to get or or may has to kill, be the one to kill, like Jesse.
Yeah. Um there has to be some sort of sacrifice somewhere.
Right, right.
And I just was. I think this is what bothered me, that there was nothing, there was no, everything just kind of I don't want to say came easy, but like for a movie about vampires, it kind of came easy.
The getaway too clean.
Yeah, exactly.
You know, there, like you said, there there needs to be a sacrifice made, and it doesn't feel like that has ever happened in the movie, or at least not from the main characters.
Um but.
but that's not to say the movie is bad. In fact just the opposite, it's really good. And if you've never seen near dark. You should see near dark because there's still great stuff in it and it's beautiful to look at and the uh it's got like a a tangerine dream soundtrack and like it's stylish as fuck.
Yeah.
And and I like that style, but it is. It just has its flaws, and there are other vampire movies that kind of came after that perfected sort of what it's going for. Maybe maybe not exactly Like I could see somebody making a really good remake of near dark.
Yes, yeah, definitely.
And who? But who do you cast as Severin? Like that's the thing.
Who, who who? who do you know what? I could see, Like you know what. This is not now, but maybe like 10 years ago someone like either Christian Slayer or Tim Olyphant Timothy Olyphant.
Yep, yep, I could yeah that Timothy Olyphant may be a little old at this point.
This is what I mean. Like. That's what I mean Like 10, 15 years ago Now, I don't know Right, it's tough.
It's a tough yeah. It's a tough role to cast, because they've got to be able to be scary and also kind of goofy yeah.
And it's a it's what?
maybe Sam Rockwell would be great, but he's too old yeah but it's that vibe right. It's the, you know like a crap. Gary Oldman back in the day could have done a good seven, yeah, yeah. So I don't know. Listeners, send me a message and tell us who should be severing in the remake of Near Dark. That will inevitably happen.
Yeah, when we, when we fund it and direct ourselves.
Oh boy. Wouldn't that be good. That would be good, yeah, like listeners, send us I don't know what do you think Five million bucks, five million dollars. Yeah, I'll do, give us five million dollars, we're going to go make a remake of Near Dark.
You'll set up a go fund me.
Yes, if we can't secure the rights, we'll call it Near Dusk.
Yes, perfect.
And that way it is legal. It's all in the up and up.
Yeah, and we're going to change it enough that they can't say that it's the same script.
Yeah, absolutely. Instead of in the Southwest, we'll put ours in the Southeast and we're driving around like Georgia and Louisiana.
Yeah, I'm going to do it from the vampire's perspective. Oh, definitely, and then and the ending will be different. So, yeah, yeah.
Legally distinct, I think, is the way that we can.
Is that the term?
Yes, yeah, this is a legally distinct property.
Yeah, definitely. I'm trying to think of an actor now. That's annoying.
It's tough.
I'm looking at all my blue rays and it's like everyone's just too old. I just I'm just still living in, like the nineties, and unlike the two, thousand and everything can't be Timothy Chalamet. Oh Jesus, no, and he wouldn't be able to do this anyway. He's Farty Somba.
And in two-frail. In two-frail he's got like little bird bones.
I almost went, bill Skarsgard, but I don't know yeah.
You know, even in Alexander Skarsgard might be all right for this.
He seems like he could pull that off. I don't know. I reckon he's a bit too old now.
Yeah, you're probably right, god.
Everyone's fucking old. Yeah, I thought everyone stayed young in Hollywood, aren't they? It's supposed to be some sort of like past, some sort of blood cult.
Hey, look at Nicole Kidman. She hasn't aged a day.
She hasn't.
I mean, she's beautiful.
Neither is fucking Tom Cruise, though, so what's that about?
I don't know. I watched that last Mission Impossible movie and there are a couple of scenes where it looks like Tom Cruise only slightly melted. You know it's. Yeah, he's getting that fifties, like everything's just starting to sag a little bit and there's you know like and he, but I like the fact that he's not if he's getting any work done. It is subtle and it is professional.
Yeah.
And it's not like all of a sudden he goes from hey, I'm, you know, almost 60 to I look 45 and surprised all the time.
So yeah, he's not pulling any juncture, volters.
No, no, no, no. Like every now and again, like Joe Biden will get, like one of them, clothes pins at the back of the head to tighten everything up on his face and it's like, oh wow, you like all of your wrinkles are gone, but you still look old, and that's weird. That's, that's an unsettling combination of factors.
Like Benjamin Button.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, every now and again, it's Benjamin Biden yeah.
It's like one of those things where you have to double take, like my eyes are playing tricks on me, kind of thing. This looks like an old man, right.
There's something not right there right, but there are no wrinkles, so it looks like a very old baby. Yes, exactly, exactly, and that is like you said. It's a Benjamin Button scenario and that's creepy as hell.
It is very creepy yeah.
And also just not very narratively satisfying. What a what a one of the few venture missteps in in the filmography. I would wager anyway, so anything else about traveling or do we move on to Tinder is the flesh. I don't want to sell you short at any point.
Oh no, what anything about traveling? Anything else? Anything else happened in that trip that's worth noting. No, those are just like the two funny moments. No, I mean, one time I was the person who was the asshole on holiday.
How so.
So we went on. So this is me, and, like my first, this is the same guy who took me to Paris. We were about four years into the relationship now, though, and definitely on the way out, and we were in fuck, where do we even go? Tenerife, I think, and we went on one of those all day excursions.
You know where, you're in a coach all day, and it just drops you off at different places, picks you up, drops you off, picks you up everything, and they had the hotel, had like sorted us out at lunch, as you do with these kind of things. We left. We were at about five in the morning, to leave at something like six in the morning. It was like one of those real full on days. It was hot, shit. It was hot on the coach. I don't I. Heat is one of the things that gets me irritable.
Hungry being hungry is the other, and we had eaten the lunch, but we didn't get back until something like 10 pm, and we were staying in this little kind of like hotel that was sort of out of the way of everything. It was one of those like all inclusive resort places, and we got home later than they had said we were supposed to be getting back at eight and we got back at 10.
And shut at 9, 30. And I was in just the worst mood because I was hot, tired and hungry Three things that you do not want to see me experiencing and I I was right. I want to just preface it. I am aware that my behavior was not acceptable. I am aware that it was not this person's fault. I went into the kitchen. They were clearing everything up and I was just like, oh my God, like I just need some food and so we're really sorry the kitchen's closed, we don't have anything.
And I was and like it was. Even though it was, it was even though it was all inclusive. They didn't do room service. It wasn't anything like once the kitchen was closed. That was it. The kitchen was closed, but there wasn't even anywhere nearby that we could pop to the shop or pop for something to eat. You know what I mean there was. It was literally one of those hotels where it's like how have we chosen this location, so you have to stay here?
And I literally just lost my shit at this guy and I was just like what? I was like I don't care, what is it that you give me? Just give me some bread, some, I don't care, just give me some. I've been out all day and I literally just like lost my rag at this guy and he got his manager. Oh no. Yeah and and like in the meantime he lost his manager. Like my boyfriend at the time was just like what the fuck, kate? And I'm just like don't care.
And he's just like Kate, you're being so unreasonable, what the fuck? He was just like just have something to breakfast and I'm like I need something now. I was literally, I was being such a fucking cunt. And then his. By the time his manager came out as typical with these sorts of things, I had calmed down.
Sure. I was like a little bit to be like, look, like I was still pretty hip, but I was like, look, we have been out all day, your hotel provider's a lunch for an X amount trip and ended up being a Y amount length of time. I am starving, I just need some food. I feel sick. Just, I don't care, give me some bread.
And like he was like okay, and he went out and he literally just got me one of those like tiny little bread rolls Like you know that you get, like you know, when you have a buffet, and they're just sort of like piled up one of those little bread rolls and like one little packet of butter and he just shoved it into my hands.
He was like there and I was like thank you and just like walked off and then, obviously like me and my then partner had a major round and then the next day I tried to find the guy and apologize, but I couldn't find him. He probably quit that night, right?
That was his last night.
He left the city moved back to the farm had enough of rude I was so rude I'd say I am not justifying anything that poor guy Like I did once I'd eaten and got some sleep and got back to a normal temperature. I was a human again and I felt awful and yeah, and I did in fairness, I did. I guess it must have just been like one of those like total shift changeovers because the manager wasn't there either the same one but I spoke to a manager and I said look whoever was working last night.
Can you please tell them? I'm just so sorry because I was being well out of order. I was just really, really, really, really, really hungry. But yeah, no, I was not. Yeah, how do I gain something in thisBro ÙÙÙÙ , which is not the best hole on that trip? Yeah, I don't think we're my partners together for the next summer. I think we broke up that year. Yeah, but I broke up with him though, so you know. I had a thing.
All right, we can move on to Tinder after this, and this won't take but a second. So there was one trip I took with a girlfriend of mine and we were in Chicago for a wedding that like it was a friend of hers or somebody in her family or something. It had to be somebody in her family because a lot of her family was around.
But it was such a miserable time with her because she just she went off a rocker a little bit and I think it was just the pressure of the situation etc. But I knew like, oh, this is over with. But it was one of those situations where, like, I know that the relationship is over, but she doesn't know that. And we're on a plane back from Chicago to Nashville, right, and I'm like, as soon as we land, as soon as we land, I'm going to do this.
Oh, the whole time You're even going to let her have like a day back.
No, because as soon as I know that's fucked up. But but it was also like what is the point, like this was terrible. I don't want to. I don't want to waste another day. Just like just putting this off Like I, because it sucks, like I hate breaking up with anybody and. I hate it. It's one of the worst fucking things. Every time that I'm in a situation where I'm breaking up with somebody, I feel like total shit about it.
Same.
And so I was very much like I just need to rip the bandaid here and be done with this, because I feel like I feel sick about it and so yeah, it was awful.
But yeah, I did get that.
But it sucked. You're right, but there's no easy way to do it Like there's no right time.
You know, at a certain point.
You know like you want to make sure that you're weighing the decision fairly. You're not just popping off at the mouth. But once you know for sure, like don't sit on that information.
Just be like you know what.
I think we're done here.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to get my shit and then I'm going to go and I hope everything goes well for you from here on out. I just won't be around to see it.
Yeah, and thank God and yes. And we'll both be better off in the long run 100%. So yeah, so Sorry.
Because even if I stayed, I would eventually kill you.
And you'd get away with it as well, you watched a lot of horror Right.
I would murder you, and I'm thinking about it now, which is why I think we should break up.
Yeah, because this isn't about me. Yeah.
Yeah Right, it's not you, it's me and my motorist impulses.
Exactly, yeah, we're such givers. We look, we're so selfless.
Once again we have shown that as partners in a relationship, we are Like anyone would be lucky to have us.
Right Me and all my angry rages.
Yeah.
Just keep me. I'm very easily. That would just keep me fed and happy. That's all I ask.
And cool and cool. Yeah, I don't know.
A temperate environment and food. Yeah, no, come up my nose, and well you know, that's just a breezy bonus if you can avoid it.
Sure, I don't feel like that's a deal breaker for anyone here.
For some people it's a turn on Right.
Sometimes you got to pay extra, yeah.
So what happened then?
What the breakup?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I mean not. Well, she was like, but we just had a trip and we had so much fun.
Well, one of us did.
I was like did he, you know? But like I'm. It was like but I like, I like to cite evidence right, like here's why we are breaking up, because you responded to this thing in this way and this is how I feel, this is what I think that means about how you view the world and that does not like you know. She got real freaked out over me, playfully flirting with her like 90 year old aunt.
Joking yes.
No, I mean, that's absolutely like she lost her nut about it and I was like I cannot like the. If you think that I'm going to run away with your you know octogenarian aunt, then obviously this relationship is not in a place where either of us feel good about it. No, oh my God, yeah, it was it was fucking crazy Cause like like I'm like. This is in the middle of the fucking rehearsal dinner, she stands up and storms out because of this.
Oh my God, we doing like rubbing her thigh or something? No, no, not at all. I mean, I don't even remember exactly.
It was something really innocuous, it was just. I might have even said something like to her aunt like well, we shouldn't talk right now because she's here listening or something. You know something like that, but just goofing off, right Like clearly I wasn't trying to make any time with this old woman.
Obviously not.
But yeah, oh my God.
Oh, my God. It was kind of I don't even know what that speaks to, Whatever it is.
Oh, I'll tell you, it is some real self-esteem issues that. I do not want to be around for the management of.
Yeah, I mean, it gets to a point, doesn't it, where you, like, you want, like you're not trying to change, but you know, you, you know, love someone for their good parts, their bad parts, you know. But there is like a line where it's kind of like, okay, when am I their partner, or when am I their parent slash therapist, like, and how much is this going to drain from me?
You know, because, like, I'm all about supporting partners, I'm all about supporting friendships, but there is a point, though, where it actually just starts being like I'm not helping you, but you are sucking the fucking energy out of me in the life of yeah, yeah Right, when you come home and and like all relationships are worked to some degree. Of course yeah.
But if you come home and and dread it because you know you're going to be even more exhausted by the the the like the dynamics of the situation. Yeah, then it's just like you it's. It's untenable.
And I think we've all been. We've all been in those situations.
Oh, yeah, yeah. It is exclusively how I date.
That's exclusive how I've dated so far, like as in, like it gets to that. It will always get to that point. Which is why I'm kind of like I started seeing somebody new, like very new. But like I'm also kind of like do I want? Do I like I'm quite happy being by myself? And also when you're a wise woman, old wise woman in the forest, that doesn't come with a partner. In fact, the fact that you're like an old spinster is part of the whole deal.
And you know you're supposed to have rumors about you eat children and cut men's unsuspecting men's hearts out of their chest for your midnight moon blood sacrifices. It doesn't work if you've got a partner there.
I mean, you can still go off and get laid. That is well within the bounds of oh 100% yeah, but having a partner, yeah.
Here's the thing.
I find myself fantasizing about at this point. Okay, it's not like I'm going to meet the right person and settle down or something at this point.
It's like I'm going to get an RV.
And I'm just going to drive around the country with my dogs. Fuck, yeah, and just like see the see, the sights and go to terrible restaurants and two-bit side shows. Yeah, can I come?
This is like I think. I'll help on and kind of deal, like I'll meet you over and like wherever, and like we'll go see some fucking weird side show, can I?
and then like sure, sure, like we'll fill our bodies up with as much cholesterol as possible.
And then, like I'll, I'll go back to my little cabin in the forest and hibernate for four to six months.
I'm telling it. When I fantasize about this, it's like, well, that's going to be the last 10 years of my life. I'm just going to be a nomad, you know, speaking of the true knot, but I will be my own true knot going down to 10 and like just visiting old friends and stuff, like hey, I'm going to, I'm going to go to Wisconsin and see some friends of mine there and I'll hook my RV up, you know, at some shitty RV park where. I can live for three days. You know like that sounds so appealing to me.
That sounds great. I doesn't it? It really does. I'm such a nomad myself. Like, like I, like I never. The only reason that I'm staying currently in one place is purely for my kids' sake. As soon as she's old enough to move out and able enough to move out, as in financially so in about 50 years, I am out, I am gone, I am moving abroad Like I've I think it was like in 10 years, I think I moved something like 14 times for various reasons.
But like I just don't like staying in one place for too long, I don't like feeling like tied down in any kind of way. You know, one of the reasons why I'm trying to be a hairdresser is because it's something that I can take with me wherever I go, and like it's not a job that necessarily requires me to stay in one place. And like I like any, I've had a mortgage in the past, but it was purely because my partner wanted one and I figured I was going to spend the rest of my life with them.
So I guess we're having a mortgage, but I wouldn't have a more. I mean, you know the market, a market, say, the market aside, I still, if I ever did get a mortgage. If I ever did buy a property, it would be to rent out to someone else and have it as a source of income as opposed to like somewhere I would live.
Well. So that's kind of when I think about it. It's like, oh, I'll just rent out my house and I'll use you know that money plus retirement, plus some royalty, like I'll make a fine monthly income.
Yeah.
And and then I'll just like, I'll plunk down, like, look, this is. I'm looking at this thing right now. It's this a good looking RV, 120 grand, which you know. I mean, yeah, that's 120 grand, but that's where you live, that's your, your. You know your home on the road. And and I dig it, I like, I like this idea.
Yeah, it's a, it's a sweet idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Like you know, the yeah the whole, like bedroom in the back, little kitchen and and and so forth, and that's really that's really the dogs. You know. A little table to do some writing. And that's what I would say, like I travel around, if I'm like, hey, I'm going to stop in this place, I'm just going to sleep here and write for a couple of days and there'll be enough internet to publish it, and like I've really given this a lot of thought.
Yeah, and also cause where you live in America, like you've got such an expanse of different landscapes, you know so, like, whatever kind of landscape you're in the mood for, environment you're in the mood for you've got it without even having to cross water, yeah, Right, and I could go all the way up to Alaska.
And, yeah, right, like the world is my burrito, I could go all through Canada.
Oh, I'll be living there by that point, so come say hi to me, great. Yeah sure, Let me know, let me know where you are, and you know I mean to be, you know, shacked up together, clearly.
So like. But in my head now I'm like okay, well, so I'll teach for about the next 10 years and then I'll just buy my motor home and I'll just drive around.
Fuck yeah.
It's like it's really got me charged up, Like it sounds like a great idea, but none of that includes like well, and I'm going to find a nice lady to do that with. It's just like, ah, I'm just going to go fucking do it.
Exactly, exactly, yes, yes. Speaking my language, though, speaking my language.
Should we do Tinder? Yes, yes, tinder is the flesh, and then get out of here.
Yeah, nice, right. So our first contender behind door number one, we have Scott 34. My name is Scott. I have a sense of humor, all right, Wait, wait, wait let me.
I'm sorry I got to stop you right there, cause when you say my name is Scott, I have a sense of humor. This I'm having a space ghost coast to coast flashbacks because, there's a story that Brack tells that starts with hello, my name is bingo. And it's a story about a talking monkey and it goes hello, my name is bingo. Can I have a banana Eek?
That's not how this goes. Spoiler alert All right, but just starting off.
Hello, my name is Scott. It feels a little silly.
It is.
Okay, sorry, sorry.
And also your name is right there Like people and you only have a certain amount of like characters you can use in a bio and it's when people like, so you have so much already that they just that you can. You can say where you work, you can say what your sexual preferences, where you live, your height, all in the bitch, you don't have to put any of that in your bio. You've got so much more to put in your bio and it's so.
It's when you'll have, let's say, scott, 34, 5 foot 10, right Lives in X, and then in the in the bio they have hi, I'm Scott and 34 and I'm 5 foot 10.
It's just like buddy, you know it's speaking to getting kicked in the head by a goat. Hi, my name is Scott Uh-huh.
I'm 5 foot 10.
Yeah, I'm I'm 5 feet 10 inches tall.
I'm 34 and a half years old.
Look I just need to renew my driver's license. My name is Scott. Yeah, I got that earlier.
It's like that 10 seconds on from 51st date. Hi, I'm Tom yeah.
All right. So is there someone else I can talk to you? Do you have a manager? I'm 5 feet 10 inches tall. All right, I'm just going to come back. Goodbye, my name is Scott.
Oh, my God, I'm really glad that the next one is, because if there's anything else, I think it would be very disappointing, right? So, scott, my name is Scott. I can't do it now. I have a sense of humor. I'm hung like a horse as it's between my legs and smells funny. I have a daughter and would probably have more children. My boobs are real. All right.
I don't like him talking about his horse stick and his kids in the same body.
It's gross, isn't it? It's gross when they do that.
It's a hard left turn that's tough to navigate.
Well, you hope it's a left turn, because what if it's not fair?
Right and like and I hope to have more is again. This is all just bad phrasing this. This is a first draft at best.
And to be mentioned that starts up with hi. My name is Scott Hi.
My name is Scott.
I'm hung like a horse and I want more children.
It smells funny yeah.
You have to stop touching your phone, yeah.
It's when I touch it a lot, it spits at me.
Oh boy, oh my God, all right.
We're going outside, scott, put on your helmet. My name is Scott. Oh my God, my stomach Okay. So Scott clearly a winner. So far, so good.
He wins. I won't bother with the other two. Scott wins today, so this one. A second one, oh my God. So he's put as his name dirty Dave.
Oh sure.
And, as an added extra, in one of his little photos slash videos, it's a video of him playing acoustic guitar singing. Can you guess? Wonderwall. Oh boy. Yeah, and his bio says well, some sort of handle. It says handle whatever, that is cam. So I see cam on anything, I'm immediately thinking it's some sort of sex stream. And then it just says for by itself. And then it says I like to party and fuck content available, also reconfirming my cam concept. I've got five dogs.
Psychedelic astronaut supply kiss. Psychedelic spell room Wait psychedelic what. Astronauts. Okay, yeah, so for I like to party it by, in fact, content available. Also, I've got five dogs. Psychedelic astronauts apply, and he's playing Wonderwall badly on a guitar. He's called himself dirty Dave.
All right. So how old is dirty Dave Do we have?
any 28?
Yeah, that still feels old. Calling yourself dirty Dave and playing Wonderwall, that's. That's a young man's game, that is that is first year college.
Anyone's game, I think, at this point is just like just it's immediate red flag.
You're right, Like that was. That was a move when I was 21.
I feel like as soon as it became a move, it became a cliche. Yes, yes, like, kind of like how anytime Ed Sheeran releases a ballad, it's already a cliche as a first dance song.
Yeah, right, right, right, yeah, it's, yes, it, it. There was a window of about eight and a half minutes.
Yeah.
Where it was an effective ploy to play Wonderwall on acoustic guitar for a woman.
Yes.
And the window rapidly closed. They there. There was one man, kevin Jeffries, who pulled it off, and that was it.
Not even lowland. Liam pulled off. No.
No, that was. That was a door that closed behind Kevin Jeffries and it will not open again.
Yes, Exactly so. Yeah, so we've got this old pervy has been five dogs, which I think you know you were saying with two dogs that you were getting creepy.
Yes, this guy's got five. Five is except. Five means that dogs is what you do.
Yes.
That is, that is the whole of your personality.
It is. And then, yeah, misspellings aside, psychedelic astronaut supply doesn't even fucking make sense.
I don't know what that is. I'm still trying to work it out.
And the fact that he signs it all off with a little kiss Like he loves you. Still, it still might be better than my name is Scott, which is my name is Scott is terrible at the minute, at least I know he's got a big dick.
Yeah, but it also smells, I'm not blowing him?
I'm not blowing him and he's using a condom.
Yeah, okay, all right, and yeah, you're not getting, you're not getting wind of anything down there.
Yeah, and also I'm not going to end up on camera. So no, no, no, no, no, all right.
What is what's behind door number three here you ready?
This is a doozy.
Yes, I am.
Okay, ready to get political? Alex 34, six foot one. Okay, just just returned from three months in Thailand. Pretty cool, cause the Thailand flags are as well, just in case you weren't sure, to the snow. Need someone to break me in gently winking emoji? If you're a chubby girl, don't waste either of our time not times time by liking me. I like feminine, physically fit women with something going on upstairs. I'm right wing and a Trump supporters, and no slippery lefties either.
Okay, so it's a nice little emoji. United flags, even though he lives in Cardiff, and then the American flag next to it.
So why the fuck is anybody in England a Trump fan?
I Do not know. Good, not tell you know. And I know is to clarify.
Yeah, that seems very. I guess you have to be like what super Tory Is that? Would that be the thing?
Yeah, yeah, I think if that's yeah, but I think even the Tories just kind of think he's a bit Of a joke.
Yeah, I don't. Yeah, like, if you're that would be like me being super invested in. Okay, what's the Prime Minister's name? Now I can't even keep up.
Oh, fuck me, I don't know.
June, not Juno oh.
This is bad, isn't it? I just I switch, I switch off after a while. I'm not gonna lie. Oh, I'm looking up.
Yeah, yeah, I got it to you. It's Wow, rishi Sunak.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah.
So boy, the conservatives have really been chewing through him, teresa may. Boris Johnson, listress and Rishi Sunak.
All in the what like seven years eight year, yeah, seven, eight years.
Well, and it Teresa may lift in 2019. So yeah, the past five. Yeah it seems like a lot.
But it's pretty shambolic over here.
Yeah, anyway, but we can still get abortions.
So there you go.
Yeah, well you know you can in most reputable back alleys here. All right, but all right. So the choices. Which of these three it would be the? The recommend.
Yeah, so you got the right wing Trump supporting fat-shaming asshole.
That's a disaster. That guy I Like that guy is going to be appealing to a very specific kind of person. Yeah and it's going to be a person that also believes in the same nonsense. So, yeah, he is totally off the table and also should be on a list.
Yes, agreed, he's definitely in, and so.
Yeah, yeah, if it wouldn't make sense if he was the dude with five dogs.
Yeah you know, he's actually in as well. He's actually from the photo of what I can see of the screenshot that I took. He's actually not a bad-looking guy. Yeah so it's kind of one of those things where, like, he's clearly on tinder for his personality. You know, like like Men who are on tinder, who are good-looking Generally, like I mean, as in like Not just good-looking, but like very good looking. You know like the kind of like what are you on here for?
Oh right, because you have a shitty personality. Girls want tinder because everyone else, they know, all the guys that they know, are just ourselves. We hope that by like Casting out our nets a bit further, we're gonna have more success, but no, no.
No same shit the difference of code same shit.
Yeah, exactly, so yeah. But when, when good-looking men are on there, they're either a catfish or they're an asshole generally, so yeah.
I should start cat fishing.
No, it's such a cruel practice. Did I tell you about the time I got catfish?
No.
So I yeah, I'll keep this brief, so I Sorry, just getting more comfy on my sofa. So I this is oh god, this was Jesus about ten years ago it's between my two big long-term relationships and I was on tinder for the first time and was pretty naive to the concept of things like cat fishing. And there was this guy I was chatting to, had been chatting to you for a little while.
We were on WhatsApp by this point and I had sent him some risque videos, pretty risque, and photos and whatever and like yeah Anyway, so I Was shopping with my mom this before yeah, no, she'd come back from Greece For a little bit and we were out shopping and because I was with my mom, we went into Marks and Spencer, which is a big kind of department store for the middle-aged and typically and for the frumpy yeah, yeah, basically.
And then so we go to the men's section because mom wants to get that some pants and take them back with her right. So we go to the men's section and low behold, right in front of my face, about eight foot high, is the profile picture of this guy. I've been chatting to you for two months. Oh no and I am pretty sure he is not a model like, because in his bio he was a technical engineer.
So, yeah, I don't know who the fuck I'd sent that shit to, and at that time it wasn't even so much of the fact that I'd sent it to someone who wasn't who he said he was. I was like, shit, I hope it was no one I went to school with. Yeah, like or anything like that, because that would. That's to me. That's so much worse than a stranger. Oh, right right.
Yeah, somebody that Knowingly you know tricked you into sending you know the goods.
Yeah, that's yeah. I'm pretty sure I did keep my face out of it. I'm pretty sure I like to think, but yeah, still like yeah.
The yeah, I like I have always been kind of uncomfortable with that practice, you know. Now.
Now they have a thing, though, where you can't screen shot. You can put it on like view once. Yeah, then you can't screenshot it, you can't do anything. It's all like, if you miss it, that's it, it's gone.
Oh, so anyway picking our, yeah, so so, yeah definitely not right wing yeah.
Yeah so we've got the. My name is, my name is Scott oh man Boy, that's real rough I.
I think these are real, though Scott's boobs are real, so that's a right Him saying I have, I have a good sense of humor and then making a my boobs a real joke. That's oxymoronic, one of those things. Yes, yeah, they don't compete so yeah, so that's not great, but, like you said, he might be hung. Yeah and like he might be Filled to the brim with dad jokes and bad puns.
I thought you were gonna say come. But well, also that, probably that's a yeah, common puns.
That's the bookshop I'm gonna open, so I I'm thinking it's my name is Scott.
My name is Scott as well.
And and not just because of the good time we had with him, but yeah, I think that I.
Mean. He does have a sense of humor. I can't say whether or not it's very good, but it's a sense of humor and also, as well, I like to think that I could rescue his daughter. Yes, come with me if you want to live.
Come with me if you want to be cool.
Yeah, exactly, come with me if you don't want to be the lettered lifted.
You need to get away from your father now. My name is Scott Quick. Come with me.
Yeah, yeah, definitely yeah, but only Scott, just to save the daughter and maybe Get some dad jokes and maybe stretched out of it.
Yeah, yeah, we stretch it out with the, with the condom. Yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure in fact. Right, right, right. You might Maybe just get them to make a mold of it.
Maybe, yeah, mm-hmm, yeah, I can say it's like a king, a special king of mine, not personal to you, in that weird smell that's coming from your genitals. But you know my, my own kink.
This one has hairs in it.
Oh.
You're supposed to shave first. 5 foot 10.
Like oh my god, you know what he does what. I just saw this. He works on a farm of course he does.
Of course he does. I like the animals. What, what type of Godate Cheerios out of my palm and it tickled.
Fucking that explains so much.
Really like the animals sure or Well it's, at least you know he's accurately describes himself having a horse got cuz yeah, right, he's got a comparison right it's right there. Scott, you're one in a million, sir.
Yeah, good stuff.
All right. Well Kate what do you say we get out of here?
Yeah, let's do it.
All right. Where can people find more out of you between now and when? Next we talk about Romance and horror and come in the eye.
Come in the nose the nostril far more refined sure.
Oh yeah, only the best people Get come in the nose. Did you hear what happened to Barbara? Come in the nose.
Oh.
She is ready coming up in the world. No more vaginal coming for All facial orpices.
Oh yeah, so the mouth is just so pass a right.
I hear next, next spring, she's going to get come in the air, oh.
No, I hope not. My egg and I was a really narrow.
Well, that just means they're, you know, ripped for his pleasure.
Yes, what's your question? Where can you find me? So, as earlier I said about my social medias and listening stuff for money, podcast Kate Anjou book review, so I won't repeat that. And then you can also find me on Eternal darkness of not so spotless minds. We we talk about horror movies, new and old. We have lots of fun and shenanigans and giggles and the occasional interview with horror people which we started doing since we go to festivals now. We go to festivals now.
Oh well, have you heard about. Barbara going to the festivals getting calm in her ear.
No, I haven't Must find myself a ticket, it's it brings new definition to upper crust.
Oh, I won't take it back. So, anyway, you're going to festivals.
That oh, yeah, we're going to festivals now, well, yeah, so, anyway. So yeah, we've got some stuff coming up which will be cool and yeah, yeah, it's good, it's good times. So that's me and my co-host, matt, and you can find us on all your usual listening places. That was not on YouTube, not yet.
Anyway, we're working on it and yeah, and you can find us on Facebook and Instagram and if you just type in Eddinesses are just the acronym Ed o n s s m, or a tunnel dance of not so spotless minds you'll find us and come followers, come chat with very interactive and it's lots of fun to be had. So, yeah, that's basically it, and obviously this one. What about you, bo? What say you?
You know, dark parade is where you can find all the stuff. If you're listening to this, you're. You're exactly where you need to be. You're just settled back. Let the, let the semen wash over you and fill all the holes in your face.
Made easier by not wearing underwear.
Yeah, I feel like we've imparted a lot of lessons tonight and that's the. You know, as you said, it's entertainment, but we went. We went hard on the edgy of the entertainment this time.
We did, we did. Yeah, you're welcome, guys, don't say, we don't give you nothing.
All right, bye everybody.
Bye.