Ah, there we go. Hello there. That's better. Hello. Welcome to Science. Welcome to Ranking of Horrors Episode Two. That is my oversized mug of water. I've had a cold of late. I'm mostly over it, but you know, still not 100%, especially voice wise and just a little bit of congestion, right? But hey, that's what happens when you dance with science. Sometimes science dances right back. Okay, so we are doing a little bit of a theme here and said theme. I'm going to adjust that camera
a little bit. I should have done this shit or whatever. Okay, well that's not good. Let's try that. Okay, that's better. Oh, man, coming in hot tonight. Anyway, so we're going to do a bit of a haunting thing. Last time we were talking about possession and the Omen and exorcist believer and whatnot. In fact, let's let's not dilly dally. Let's move over to the list. And there you have it. There is
is science lead bear best horror movie ever made as of this recording the Omen. The worst horror movie ever made is a unknown visitor that door cam movie that that really in the movie. That was real bad. That was that was that was real bad. And the Omen, of course, you know, I mean terrific. What are you going to do? So let's let's get into it. I've got a list of 10 films. The idea is about every 10 films.
We are going to pause do one of these shows. Make sure that we have done the appropriate amount of science as is needed as is called for. So here we go. Let's start with you see we got a we got a few. Let's not let's not start with a show stopper. I'll tell you what here's an interesting one. Let's start with terror net. Terror net. If you are in the know or not in the know, terror net is a found footage film in which a team is being assembled to produce a show where they do
kind of ghost hunting show right there on the internet for all to see. They're not like haunting or like investigating a silums and stuff like that like in most of these movies and a lot of these found footage movies. Instead, it is much more about like they're they're all going to be experts and they're going to talk to somebody who's going to call in and say, hey, I've got this weird
shit going on. And in the case of terror net, we're shit indeed is going on. And so one of the people on this would be a team since her device that measures EMF and can do EVPs and all kinds of business. And then things go squirrely. It turns out she actually is being haunted. And I think the reason that I'm doing this first is it's a bit of a bridge between the twist the last episode in this because it's kind of a haunting, but there's also a demon at work. And the demon is like up to
up to no good. And one of the fellows that is on this ghost hunting team is a younger guy who's kind of the tech guy. And then there was like an older like fading actress kind of character. And then finally a psychic. And you know, this poor woman whose house is possessed and etc. So what what I find interesting about this because all of that sounds really routine right very run of the mill kinds of stuff. However, there there is a moment in the movie where one of the team
members is possessed by this demon. And I have to say that is actually interesting. And then okay, so why what makes this this possession interesting and different than any other possession movie. And it comes down to the performance of the actor and I suppose you know script and direction as well where the demon doesn't understand computers and shit. You know, like the demon is doing
demon shit. The demon does not compute. And as a result, the demon the dude who's possessed is just kind of staring at people on the on the camera and occasionally moving the mouse around and clicking on some shit and just be like what the fuck is going on here. And there is something really amazing about the idea of a demon possessing somebody but not understanding technology in a way that makes it tough to demon. And anyway, so the and I gotta tell you the best for my money
folks. The best moment comes when the demon dials up the cam girl that the you know main character I suppose is is fascinated with is enamored with and has given a lot of money to by the way. And when he you know at first she's kind of playing chords. She's like hey thanks for sending me all that money and I hope everything's okay with you and we haven't talked and you look a little weird and he's just like undress and she's like well okay, you know you did just send me several
thousand dollars so I can give you a little a little tease and he's just staring at her the whole time and she's like are you gonna say anything this is creepy and he just goes obey and that's the moment where I was kind of like look this movie hasn't completely won me over like it's not a good
movie per se but it's kind of interesting it's kind of like that aspect of it and the payoff isn't great the the ending is whatever you know the demons bouncing around and blah blah blah but that like five to ten minutes of the film where the demon is just trying to get its bearings in a
new world was really original I don't recall ever seen anything quite like that and if you know look if if you're in chat and have a film that has a demon really struggling to fit in with the world but still in a horror movie context I'm kind of there for it let me know what that that
movie is but I enjoyed that aspect of it and then you know the performances are pretty good I think the kind of claim to fame here is that the fading actress character is played by the actress who is Romana in Dr. Who even though I'm not like I vaguely remember that I think that was the
Tom Baker years and I think that was kind of my my era of Dr. Who when I when I did watch you know semi regularly so at any rate the you know the performances overall are pretty good I would say yeah so you know all that said it's got a lot of downside it's it's kind of dull for big
stretches up until the demon starts hopping around and getting a lot more fun and you know it's it's good it's good but it's not great and and I think that's that's my problem with it is it is not necessarily great and and it is pretty middling overall so yeah yeah that all said
let's get to an actual ranking shall we okay let's let's bring up the list sorry I was kind of eyeballing to make sure that there wasn't some technical problems which they're honestly may have been may have been but regardless I've got the recording I'll go up then so that's fine
but let's look at the list here where does where does Teranette belong in in this grand grand scheme of things where does Teranette fall so hmm all right so look it's way better than gods of the deep it's more entertaining than black water abyss for sure all right so better than devil inside
better than hmm see this is where we get into some business because uh it's it's it's better than chasing the devil even though chasing the devil hmm yeah I mean it's in this realm right like we're it's not as good as the cleansing hour it's not as good as the cleansing hour so the question is is Teranette better than chasing the devil and both movies are basically found footage movies that have one good scene uh and are one good sequence but Teranette does have better performances overall
it is a little more clever well chasing the devil is unlike has more premise than execution Teranette has a little bit of both okay so it's better than chasing the devil so the question is is Teranette scientifically speaking is Teranette better than exorcist believer exorcist
believer's bigger budget looks better better performances but and it and it the first hour is okay the first hour is okay uh the last half of it is real dog shit though it's real silly it's it's it's really not good um and there was no single thing in the exorcist believer that had me
as excited as the thing that happened in Teranette the the you know the demon in Teranette was more interesting and engaging than anything going on in exorcist believer the the thing that makes the exorcist believer good is that there's a lot of promise in that first hour and it never pays
off i think i think Teranette scientifically speaking is is better than the exorcist believer not what i would have expected before doing the science but i it is not as good as the cleansing hour it is not as good as the cleansing hour yeah okay Teranette you're new number five
fifth best horror movie of all time good job congratulations to everyone at Teranette um okay let's let's keep it going let's let's dive into the hauntings shall we with a movie uh entitled we are still here we are still here uh relatively recent horror film um all things be
unequal by relatively recent um uh that's 2015 so it's almost 10 years ago now um directed uh by uh is it Ted Guzion who recently did Brooklyn 45 um i mean look we haven't done the science on it but i'd be willing to wager um Brooklyn 45 is a better movie scientifically speaking then uh we
are the devil or not we are still here sorry uh we are still here uh it's Barbara crampton um Lisa Marie shows up in it as kind of a psychic Larry Fessenden speaking of Brooklyn 45 uh Larry Fessenden is bouncing around in this one and it's um it's a little full core mixed with
a haunted house movie with some really great ghost visuals and uh some good performances you know this is the movie and i might be mistaken about this i have not done the research i i have not conducted the science on this particular aspect but i want to say we're still here feels like the movie
where people were like oh Barbara crampton's coming back Barbara crampton is now a going concern again and we and we are happy and we are better as a people and and we've missed her and we wanted her back and here she is uh that feels like about the time that that happened maybe your next um
which your next was uh let's see the year before i want to say maybe i've got that all wrong uh no 2011 holy shit yeah several years before um anyway look we're just providing background to the science right now um uh yeah yeah yeah uh ramans and uh didn't remember we were still here
that was the reason i wanted to go back to it um and then and it was kind of one of the early movies that set the trend this this month of haunted house stuff because i wanted to revisit it too i remember feeling largely unimpressed by it but but thinking it was okay and uh on on a second watch
i kind of feel the same way uh i think it's i think it's good um it's interesting it it has a really uh a really writerly family drama hook to it that i like um but and it gets increasingly weird and silliest time goes on and and i like the fact that it is it like there's a little bit of
the fog in it there's a little bit of um the house by the cemetery and gates of hell in it there's definitely some full-cheey um you know i'm kind of fascinated by it as this weird amalgamation of films i definitely a little bit strangely of uh amanyville when we stick around we're going to talk
about amanyville um so it's been uh interesting to look at this as this this weird you know casserole of other movies that are probably better the ghosts do look cool like they burned up and so they have these glowing eyes and this kind of red ember skin um it's cool like the ghosts are
striking in this um but the family drama even though it's a very uh it's it's fertile ground but it's also been done and it's not particularly good family drama it's a very much like older couple lost a kid kind of stuff and then when you get into the lore of the town um that's kind of fun
um and there's some some decent gory in it uh but you know in all of that stuff never quite comes together in a way that's that's really satisfying so uh we are still here um is ultimately i think a little frustrating it feels like it should be better than it is
even when you're watching it you're like i all of this feels like something i should like more than i do um and i think it's just because the characters even though it's fun they're good actors and it's great to have barber cramped and you know really taking a lead role in a film like this uh like Jacob's wife is probably the best example of later barber cramped and just like coming in and and kicking ass and taking names uh but this was a case where um it was great to have her in the movie but
i don't know that she had all that much to do and and that's disappointing so uh we are still here feels like a little bit of a uh a misfire in a lot of ways but um you know let's hey let's get to the science of this let's you know there's no reason to dick around let's science it up um
we are still here is definitely gonna be above it i mean look we're we're definitely above exorcist believer which has weirdly become a dividing line of sorts right now um but it's better than that it's more entertaining than that uh you know it's shorter than that uh it hangs
together better which is to say that exorcist believer barely hangs together at all as a movie whereas we are still here um has all the right ingredients even if the temperature on that cake was a little off or something um so definitely definitely top of the half of the list such as it is
um okay is it better than terror net yes is it better than the cleansing hour yes yes it is better than the cleansing hour is it better than late night with the day with the devil which has a great David Desmalchan performance um it doesn't break new ground but it's really
good at what it does the ending is is is really bonkers for better or worse but it goes places it's a bold ending uh even if i you know it's unsatisfying it's an unsatisfying ending uh but it's really compelling like most of late night with the devil rocks um so i don't think we are still here gets to late night with the devil territory i i memories uh let's do a little bit of this okay i'm insert cut cells that's all what i do oh my goodness um yes so that's what i want to do okay yeah um well
oh the list she is still new okay we are still here in number four there you go science being bang boom that's how it's done uh okay we're still here uh our new number four congratulations uh to everyone uh at the you know we're still here family all right enough of
that sweet home sweet home is a movie uh if you listen to the most recent dark parade podcast the main show um court and i discuss sweet home sweet home is a movie that inspired a uh Resident Evil or the game tie-in that was released alongside sweet home was uh an inspiration
for the Resident Evil video game series although sweet home aside from taking place in a home uh it bears little resemblance to what happened in the Resident Evil films um or games okay enough of that background sweet home is uh is is bananas um it is about a film crew trying
of you know shoot uh the the these murals from a brilliant lost artist and uh along the way run a foul of ghosts that live in the place and uh it turns out there's a it is incredibly tragic backstory of the the wife who lived in the house having accidentally killed a child there uh which features
a few things first of all features dick smith um special effects dick smith from the exorcist speaking of the exorcist um and that burned up baby puppet in sweet home holy god you guys holy jumped up bald head of Jesus palamine that is one crazy bird dead baby puppet uh it's shocking
it's shocking um sweet home is great uh it's a lot of fun um it it has a very kind of traditional uh ghost story haunted house kind of kind of vibe to it but everything about it is just a little bit weirder it's like 20% weirder than you think it needs to be um like when people get killed
they kind of melt into this red goo or something and at the end of the movie where there's a ghost being dealt with like the ghost of the the woman who killed her baby is being dealt with um then uh uh it like that becomes this giant monster for no discernible reason but that's what
happens and and one of the members of the crew gets semi possessed by this woman and goes and digs up a baby in the backyard and then the crew is like hey you're acting all crazy and then they just rebury the baby all over again it's crazy sweet home is crazy um like with a lot of
Asian horror it's very silly at times it's it's it's over the top it's very arch um you know it telegraphs everything you know like i love that but we're talking about science here and as much as i love sweet home there are things about sweet home that don't work um the relationship between
the father and the producer is real half baked um you know it forgets that care the father character entirely until he shows up as a coward at the end um there are things that does that are like really interesting as well and i'll you know i like it but is it is it universally good you know
is this a movie that you could put in front of anyone and and they're gonna dig it and on that level i think sweet home is a little more of a niche taste because it is kind of crazy like part of the fun of sweet home is holy shit i can't believe that they did that or i can't believe
it looked like that or i can't believe that character is dumping you know two gallons of sand out of one shoe you know that kind of weird stuff it's it's it's the way that um you can't really recommend full-throatedly like a full-cheat movie because it's like well the story doesn't make any
sense and there's no characterization it's just kind of a vibe thing man and and that's a little bit of sweet home uh it's not entirely without you know objective merit um but it's not it's not a stone cold classic or anything and it's it's not something that you can just hand to anybody uh
hey Gary what's up man yeah i'm doing well i'm still getting over a cold but uh you know look science waits for no man okay so speaking of science we we have talked to death sweet home so let's let's let's look at our list and where on this list a sweet home go definitely definitely
above the exorcist believer line right uh better than taranet better than the cleansing hour oh is it it's more memorable than the cleansing hour the cleansing hour is a solid movie um it's like the the cleansing hour i feel like really is the mendoza line here where
everything below the cleansing hour have some pretty substantial flaws the cleansing hour is is okay throughout and then everything above that like we are still here is better than just okay um so i feel like that's where we are that's my thinking as i'm looking at this list unfold and
what the science is is determining what the science tells us and so i think uh to that end sweet home goes above cleansing hour because it's better than just okay but it is niche so i don't think it's late night with the devil the question is is sweet home better than we are still here
which is i is weird that the first two are kind of going head to head but is we are still here better than sweet home i i think sweet home is better that's the initial reaction we are still here is is good throughout good performances the family drama stuff doesn't work
but neither does it work in sweet home um sweet home set pieces are more frequent and they're weirder and they're more fun even though we're still here has some fun too i i think if we're honest about the science sweet home is better than we are still here um so
so let's see if this feels like the science is is leading us to the right conclusions lena yeah yeah yeah this list hasn't gotten stupid yet uh yeah good okay okay that was mmm that was a little that was a little bit tougher a little bit tougher i'm not gonna lie um
all right let's look let's just keep the hits coming uh let's just one banger after another sweet home to the end keepers let's talk about it let's talk about the end keepers we're talking about ty west um we were talking uh the some truly great haunted house stuff we're talking killing
McGillis uh you know uh with the syrup accident um and for me when i think about uh the end keepers i i'm forever thinking about the relationship between um pat heli and serapakston um i think without that working the movie entirely false apart
and i think the the writing between them is really good the relationship between them is really good they have chemistry together um all of that stuff is great um the ghost stuff is good it feels like a parlor ghost story for a modern era and i think that's
tough to pull off um because it doesn't ignore things like uh you know sort of the the you know where capitalism brings this illustrious old hotel and um you know this you know the this connection to the web that also brings about this loneliness one of one of the big things
i think in the end keepers is this pervading sense of like isolation and loneliness and i think that's um it's it's effective it's heartbreaking it's captivating like all of those things i think are true i really like being in the world of the in in keepers as a viewer i think
it's a really sad movie i think there's there's a real uh morose quality to it but i think like most good ghost stories there is an underlying sadness like there's some scares but also uh there's this pervading sense of like loss and and sorrow and that's the stuff that really
comes through in the end keepers i i think it's a ghost story in in some of the best ways where the the characters are interesting and you want them uh to discover something but then once they start discovering stuff you're like this is getting kind of creepy and real and the movie is grounded
enough that it does feel real that even though the stakes are ultimately quite low in the in terms of where most movies go i mean there are life and death matters but um it's not you know if we don't stop this then ghosts will take over the world it's this very quiet and intimate story and the
the aching that you get from pat heli of how he feels about Sarah Paxton and him being aware like she's probably younger she certainly looks younger but he's just such a sad sack and he's he's trying to be a good guy but kind of fucks it up because he's just human you know he's he's a little
cowardly he's you know he lies to her about seeing stuff in the hotel just because he wants to hang out with her and like all these things are you know they kind of knocks against him as a person but there are also relatable things and uh i really love it i think the in keepers is a really wonderful
movie um and Kelly McGillis is really interesting as this actress who's kind of you know real salty upfront but then becomes uh this almost maternal figure for for Sarah Paxton or at the very least a friend um yeah it's and you know the thing with the old man at the end it's like you know when
it goes for scary the scary works for the most part but i don't think it's the most memorable thing about the in keepers i don't i don't think that the in keepers lives and dies by the the ghost stuff being overly scary it's just you know to go back to the thing about you know
Fulci it's kind of a mood but it's a mood that is constructed really well by ty west it's not just like hey ty west has this crazy style and if you're into it you're gonna dig it like the in keepers is a really well done well crafted well written well directed film um which
i you know at this point that means we got to rank it where where does it fall in this list um it's good question i think definitely above cleansing hour no doubt about that it's gonna be above sweet home it's above late night with the devil is it better than near dark is the in keepers better
than near dark which is another vibe movie and it's beautiful and it's got an amazing center piece scene the secondary actors are incredible it i mean it's you know groundbreaking in some ways but but the two main characters are not that good everything else about the movie is amazing
but the two main characters are not that good and it's a big hole in the middle of that movie um the in keepers is better than near dark it is not the open it is not the open okay okay um we we've been lia lighten up that top half of the list let's talk about loss voyage
loss voyage is a movie starring Judd Nelson and uh uh who else is in it there's uh Lance henryksen i think he's speaking of Lance henryksen uh he is in this loss voyage movie uh mark shepard uh is in it from supernatural the guy plays crowley in um
in supernatural he's in it and oh man it's okay so it's it's very event horizon it there's if event horizon and go ship had a baby but they couldn't afford a real hospital loss voyage would be the movie that was was born out of it um it is uh directed by Christian McIntyre uh who is known for uh such films as phantom force uh which kind of seems like the same movie uh silent warnings which is about crop circles and then a movie called antibody uh also starring Lance henryksen um
anyway hey that that is not a filmography uh that you necessarily you know won't buy your bio but then again i'm the asshole who wrote lost after dark so what the fuck do i know um okay so lost voyage very event horizon jenelson's parents go on this cruise he can't go for some reason
they the ship disappears in the brumida triangle and then uh it's found again uh by Lance henryksen and his salvage crew and they go out to uh to get it so um jenelson is brought along because he you know uh has some tie to the the ship and the story and uh so you know they go out there he's
investigating for like ghosts and things that go up in the night there's a tv reporter along for the ride uh there's land henryksen and his goons that are there for the salvage rights um and the premise is not bad you know it's not new like none of this is a surprise but it's you know okay fine
ship goes missing comes back you know uh immediately weird creepy stuff starts happening all that stuff is is is totally fine um but uh the big problem with lost voyage um is that it's incredibly cheap like you know i don't want to undersell how cheap it is it's one of those movies
where lightning is going on all the time but sometimes they're in rooms in the interior of the ship and there will still be lightning and you're like err i don't know about this um it's it's just a mess like it's cheap it's clearly done on the quick nobody was paying attention um the
actors equip themselves well i will say that Lance henryksen is pretty good in this mart shepard is fun in this jenelson has some moments i'm kind of a jenelson apologist i would i would say i think he is i think he is a better and more interesting and quirkier actor than you know
fate would have you believe uh i think he made you know like the dark backwards was really i think a dividing line where people were like err i don't know about this jenelson thing uh maybe not maybe not maybe he's not a real movie star um anyway um so acting is fine and oh my god at the
end of this movie it's like everything pops off it's a big you know ghost bananso with ghost flying everywhere and it looks like utter shit it's embarrassing the some of the stuff that like some of the internal scenes of the ship when they're like in these state rooms and whatnot
it's just it looks so bad it's like a silent level bad it's just awful um so let's not waste any more time um all right loss voyage definitely bottom of the list definitely worse than taranet worse than believer worse than the devil inside yes yes worse than black water abyss oh now this is an
interesting question this is interesting is is lost voyage better or worse than gods of the deep oh man that's a real that's a real question gods of the deep is also super cheap you know what yeah okay okay yes the acting alone is better in lost voyage so lost voyage is
is our new number 13 lucky 13 yeah it's a bad movie but it's not it is not uh there we go uh it's not gods of the deep bad it is not it is not that bad um okay all right working our way through these oh um you know what let's do this next speaking of go ship um uh oh
like that I don't think I uh I fit that correctly um speaking of go ship let's try that again there you go um yeah so lost voyage go ship one and the same and and watching lost voyage led me to rear-praise go ship because I hadn't seen this in years and years you know you remember the
opening scene because of course you do but I remember the rest of it being uh you know just off-putting and I didn't remember shit about it and so uh it felt good to go back and at least kind of confirm what I thought but you know all right to say it for the record for the sake of science
go ship is uh 2002 stars Gabriel Burns Juliana Marles uh who else Ron Elder Isaiah Washington Carl Urban Emily Browning uh you know the the lady what from sucker punch and well and all um yeah she's in it as a as a real little girl um and it's directed by Steve Beck who also did 13
ghosts which is a better movie in my head I mean without getting science involved but in my head the better movie is 13 ghosts okay so go ship has the amazing opening scene which is everybody on deck dancing and this wire you know cuts loose and then gets jerked hot and like slices of
uh you know everyone dancing on the the aft deck in half or cuts off their head or whatever and it's a great scene that's a really memorable striking scene and then just as I recalled from the last time uh I watched this movie which was almost nothing and chances are well give me about I don't
know 90 days and ask me what happens in the movie go ship and I won't remember that either because it like it is a movie seemingly designed to make you forget what the hell happened in it but it turns out that uh the ship went essentially to hell again it's kind of an event horizon scenario
where the ship goes off to somewhere with West Bentley and uh and comes back and you know the salvage crew is uh doing its thing and um yeah and and you know the salvage crew led by Gabriel Byrne and and Julianna Margulese find the thing and they're like oh shit uh you know this is
international waters we can take it and um and Gabriel Byrne seems as the captain of this you know salvage crew um is pretty fun in it up to a point um but you know it's it's the hey he was a former alcoholic and he's definitely gonna have a drink somewhere in the course of this movie
um but he's the one that's like you know uh been out on the sea for a long time laddies here's some stories of ships lost at sea and the men who walked on them and were cursed cursed all year he says in the movie um yeah it's it's you know like that kind of stuff is really fun
that's what you want this movie to be but it's not very good when it comes to its scares aside from that opening scene with everybody being sliced and diced you know I remember vaguely how people die in the movie but it's fucking boring it's a boring movie um which is frustrating
it's frustrating that this movie is as boring as it is because 13 goes again not gonna say it's a good movie but it's got a pace to it and and also I guess Matthew Willard bouncing around which is something but it's yeah this movie's real real dull is dirt kind of filmmaking and you know it's
got a twist in there like oh the horror is still real oh and also some early CGI going on in this movie um which is from what oh two so you know 20 plus years ago but after Jurassic Park and this is an Jurassic Park effects there's a lot of green screen explosions and stuff like that it looks bad
it's it's just boring it's got one good thing about it and we've talked about a couple of these movies tonight where there's like that one thing there's one thing that makes it interesting but that's not enough to carry the movie um okay so with the evaluation done let's look at where go ship is below below the cleansing hour oh I mean is it that easy is it all right is it better or worse than the exorcist believer oh again it's got that one seen but that's all it's God
is it better or worse than the exorcist believer I can't believe I keep coming back to this place where I'm thinking about the exorcist believer as this weird standard um of missed opportunity you know I mean we're south of the line where the movie is good and we're and that's right because it's not a good movie um definitely better than black water abyss definitely better than the devil inside is it better or worse than chasing the devil it's better than chasing the devil
is it better or worse than exorcist believer I mean the all right so the exorcist believer has good performances you know when when people are trying Ellen Bernstennis uh burst inside um um I don't know what is go ship it does have that one crazy scene it does have some decent performances
woof this is tough you guys um um is it better or worse than terror net maybe that'll help it's that yeah no it's definitely it's definitely worse than that um hmm I'm struggling with this one is go ship better or worse than the exorcist believer
you know what okay okay the exorcist believer the plots nonsense but the effect stuff is pretty good yeah okay yeah I'm sure I don't I got only notice what I oh did I say water potential um okay all right yeah yeah so go ship worse than the exorcist believer okay okay
oh that's tough those are real neck and neck those are those are some real neck and neck kind of films um yeah Rayman I'm I'm looking at you're thinking too I think that's the science here go ship is wasted potential the exorcist believer has a good buildup that just doesn't go anywhere
and at least it's got it's got a solid 45 minutes of entertainment before I lose all hope and go ship does not have that yeah yeah good good good good I'm glad to see that fellow scientist Abraham uh what a battle for mediocrity says yes um yeah you know what you know what's not mediocre
uh well I don't know let's see what the science says 1986's house house not house sue uh not the house starring Michael Manson that's right isn't it the cheap movie Michael Manson haunted house maybe anyway one of them it's in more size more uh look uh I have a long history with this movie I have um
I saw it when I was a kid before I even saw it there was a magazine a scene if you will called the horror show uh that I was a subscriber too as a kid because I was a big horror nerd and um on uh or within the pages of the horror show they reviewed uh house and give it a positive
review uh which I agree with uh all things being equal and um but it it stuck with me like it was a movie I was anticipating and then I saw it and it's really weird but I really enjoyed it there things I really loved about it I watched it a million times later on I had the good fortune to
interview the writer Ethan Wiley and I remember saying to him the thing that I really like about house is that once you're inside the walls it seems like all the rules are off that like just crazy things can happen left and right and Wiley said no no no there are very specific rules but he
didn't elaborate and I was not in a position to say I need you to explain them uh but I I wonder about that to this day and I think Ethan Wiley may have passed on um hopefully not hopefully not but uh let me let me confirm before uh I say something terrible that uh poor Ethan Wiley
is not you know uh no longer with us but let's see uh Ethan Wiley um biography do do does not say I maybe he's still alive maybe maybe he's a be an older man at this point but uh you know as of 2017 was still writing stuff um so good for him hope he's doing well uh he was
an interesting guy to talk to anyway um so I like this movie is just kind of been a constant presence in my life in a lot of ways so uh you know but my feelings aside like if I were looking at this list just me personally this would be around in keepers um but scientifically let's let's think
about this um it's the story of William cat aka the greatest American hero who uh inherits uh his aunts house after she kills herself in that house uh that same house um his son disappears seemingly into the swimming pool and uh also it turns out that he was he grew up there that his aunt raised him
um that he's uh he's a horror writer very Stephen King like I think blood dance is the book they keep talking that I love the blood blood dance yeah thanks um to my best friend what is uh not Omar something like that um anyway I'm thinking the whole book signing scene where
it's just one weirdo after another coming to get a book signed and at one point Roger Cobb aka the greatest American hero says to his age and our publicists like who are these people and he says your biggest fans um that that's aligned that's hung with me for many many years
uh so yeah is so there he moves back into the house to write a book which is a memoir of Vietnam and in the process of doing so discovers that there really is weird shit going on inside the house and that maybe those weird things hold the secret to um you know finding his son
and um the weird things that happen in the house include uh but are not limited to a monster that comes out of a closet only at midnight um a swordfish that comes the life on the wall um a weird ogre like creature that seems to be a doppelganger of his wife uh that tries to kill him with a shotgun
um what am I leaving out oh flying garden utensils um you know a dog that runs away with part of a zombie hand you know all just normal stuff right just normal regular smegular uh horror movie stuff also bull from night court is the heavy in the movie as an old friend of rogers that he was in
Vietnam with who uh tragically died in Vietnam and roger deals with like he's going through that trauma and the thing that is interesting about the movie and retrospective watching it through adult eyes is seeing how much it's trying to do like it's it's trying to talk about the Vietnam war
and keep mind you know like this movie was made a decade after Vietnam so not that far historically from from ground zero um it's trying to do Vietnam stuff it's trying to do this broken family thing it's trying to be a comedy it's trying to be a horror film it's it's it's it's
schizophrenic to say the least and yet i think William cat is pretty good in this he's got a delivery um with his neighbor George went from cheers uh is his neighbor and uh at one point um you know he's trying to get George went to help him catch this monster in his closet and he has told him that
there is in fact a monster in the closet and George went says um no no i i thought you said there was a monster in there i'm not gonna help that's crazy and he's like nah uh it wasn't a monster it was a raccoon a really big one and then his delivery though the weird delivery is on this line
you're no you're not afraid of a raccoon are you and it's this weird oria that he does uh it it one of those quirks of an actor that has stuck in my head for you know 30 40 years um ever since i saw the movie for the first time um anyway there's that that's a very funny moment
for me likewise uh there's a moment where he and and William cat and George went or having dinner and he says do you think i'm crazy and George went says well you know your kid went missing and you lost your wife your aunt killed herself in this house so you got a couple of marbles loose but
you're not crazy and i really i like that that vibe you know like yes or you got a couple of marbles not going around up there but yeah sure who wouldn't uh mostly you're fine um that the problem with house is that it's a lot of vignettes it's a lot of little bits and pieces and it doesn't really
fit together very well like the jigsaw puzzles are kind of forced into place um it's kind of funny and you know that the end of the movie is sufficiently heroic but also it's it's pretty silly and you know it feels like it's making fun of its own premise and it and that it can't take
itself seriously and so if it can't take itself seriously how can you take the drama and the least interesting stuff in the movie as it turns out is the bit with him and his kid which should be the whole center of the movie and it's kind of the least interesting thing it's way more fun
to see this guy like banging around and you know talking to you know norm from cheers and trying to make a little time with the lady jogging on the street and living in a haunted house the whole time like that feels like enough for the movie without the kid thing and the broken marriage but
eh you know I just don't think it totally works completely but I think it's good it's fun um and and so that brings us to the science of it which is where does it fall so definitely we can we can put exorcist believer in our rear view it's way better than that
it's better than terranet it's better than the cleansing hour it's it's it's it's better than we are still here because it's more fun it's in the ballpark of sweet home like I think house live somewhere in this neighborhood somewhere in here house lies um is it better or worse than sweet home
hmm it's not as good as late night with the devil late night with the devil is a better movie so it's really is it above sweet home is it below sweet home um it's it I would read yes I wouldn't far rather deal with house then we are still here we are
we are still here has it suffers from some of the things same things right like it suffers from that uh a little it doing a little bit too much of everything and not doing one thing particularly well but it is it's just more interesting it's more interesting it's more entertaining um it's
it's a pepier it's got a real a real spirit to it um much like sweet home I think I think house is is better than sweet home um as much as I like it and we've already talked about sweet home uh it does feel like a particular taste house also feels that way but it does feel like
it's more of a popcorn movie than sweet home and that doesn't necessarily make it better or worse but it makes it a little more accessible um so yeah yeah I think this is house and we'll we'll put the year on it because we may encounter other houses along the way but um yeah your
new number five house uh starting William cat um all right I think I think I have the order in which we do our final three so let's let's do this because we're already over an hour um okay um a movie that I will be talking to um one Richard Glinch met about in a very short
order uh you will we're recording that episode this weekend you will hear it shortly thereafter um um a movie on a uh or an episode of the dark parade on a movie called X-Cross uh this was uh directed by Kenta Fukusaku uh who is the guy who directed Battle Royale 2 and also I think
Black Rat is the other movie that that uh he did um and I I feel like I've either seen Black Rat um or I have circled scene at so many times that I just feel like I have seen it but I need to uh I need I need a I need a double track that you'll look that we'll get around to it you know once
once the science uh calls for it um also directed a movie called Yo-Yo Girl Cop which I cannot believe I have not seen because it does in fact appear to be about a girl cop who uses a Yo-Yo as her uh as her weapon of choice um but we're talking about X-Cross X-Cross uh I'll tell you what
it this is a pretty good summary so let me let me uh rip through this recovering from a failed love affair Shiori heads to the country in the company of best friend and bad girl Aiko having taken along soak in the hot spring they're retired to their respective cabins they soon discover
that the tranquil village is the home of a cult with a fetish for cutting off female legs lift leg in particular that's me that's the editor's note trying to escape they are split up and kept and keep in touch via their mobile phones multiple points of view and timeframes
keeps the viewer on their toes trying to discern the grizzly fate of those lost girls um okay that is a pretty good summary of what happens in X-Cross um X-Cross is another Japanese film that can best be described as bananas it um so the mentioned the timeframes jumping
pardon me not only do the timeframes shown there is it's like another movie collides into this there's the movie with Aiko and Shiori going to the hot springs and Shiori is unsure if she can trust Aiko and there's a little bit of like body snatchers s paranoia of who can I trust and who
can I not trust in this movie that works pretty well there's some moments where you really do feel like oh Shiori is completely on her own there's you know everyone is lying to everyone has betrayed her um but there's that and then the you know as you see on the poster poster that way uh this girl
with a patch on her eye and the scissors uh that's Reika um she just slams into this movie because she has a beef with Aiko and uh that becomes this whole other thing happening in the movie and and it it does feel like there were two movies and one like neither were enough to fill the runtime
but just like chocolate and peanut butter you can put them together and they're two great tastes that taste great together and all of a sudden you've got this movie where a cult is trying to cut off Shiori's leg but also Reika is in gothic lolita attire and has giant scissors and is
trying to kill Aiko for fucking her boyfriend and that movie is happening and Aiko keeps getting the best of Reika and every time Reika comes back she looks and acts crazier leading to a you know a point in the movie where these two things finally collide and it's it's kind of great is
you know X-Cross is really uh it's bonkers and and really gets out there but it's it's fun it's a good movie and we'll talk about it in a lot more detail uh when rgs and I talk about it uh this weekend and you know like I said that episode will be up you know soon uh once we record
it we'll be up soon soon thereafter um but in terms of ranking it uh you know um you know let's look where do where does I think like X-Cross uh show up on this list and it's it's definitely above cleansing hour it's it's better than okay it's better than we are still here
it's better than sweet home is that right is it better than sweet home another Japanese horror film is it better than that sweet home has its problems like sweet home doesn't totally hang together X-Cross shouldn't but it does so it's better than that it's better than house
is it better than late night with the devil woof is it better than late night with the devil late night with the devil we we've talked about this already but it's it's it's very good it's very fun it perfectly captures the time period that it's uh doing a pastiche of it's
got a great performance in the middle of it um I and even though the end isn't quite what I would want it's it's it's still pretty good so I think this is I think this is not that tough I think that X-Cross fits pretty neatly right there
I think yes because even if you're not a Japanese horror fan like X-Cross is weird and wild enough that you would get into it just because it's it's got that kind of spirit to it and it does have a really interesting take on you know female relationships and and you know
what is the the female equivalent of bros before hose whatever that is that's kind of the vibe of X-Cross and I dig it um okay so we've got two to go and these are both these are both big deals to one for for different reasons uh the first is just look every now and again we got to
talk about the the best of the best and that's where we talk about the haunting uh from 63 I want to say uh let me let me double check my math on this um uh yeah 63 directed by Robert Wise of course who did like west side story and um geez what else did he do I mean like uh classics across the
board with sound of music uh did star trick the motion picture the day they're stood still um the andromatist strain uh somebody up there likes me the sand pebbles Audrey Rose um run silent run deep that's a movie I've been thinking about watching for a while now um yeah I mean look this guy's filmography is he's just incredible like the like Robert Wise is an amazing director uh the haunting is an amazing movie um uh as uh letterbox would have you believe the
plot is dr. Markway doing research to prove the existence of ghosts investigates hillhels a large eerie mansion with a lurid history of violent death and insanity um okay it is a hell of a fill uh it's got great performances uh Julie Harris uh clear bloom uh rust hamplain dr. Jacobi himself is uh uh is in it um uh clear bloom by the way as uh Theo in the movie her relationship with uh uh Julie Harris who plays Eleanor um yet much has been made of this and and rightfully so it's
an interesting dynamic where Theo seems to be bisexual maybe lesbian um you know look it's 1963 it is not directly addressed but it is a thing in the film uh it is something that that uh kind of insinuates itself into some of the scenes it's a really interesting dynamic um what
this movie is still a banger it it it definitely has the trappings of its era you know it feels very theatrical uh in a way that you know movies moving into the late 60s and early 70s became prettier and more realistic and this isn't that you know uh but but judging it on its own merits
using using science as our guide it is incredibly layered um it is a movie that you can take on the surface as this is a story of people going to investigate a haunted house and a woman shows up there and the house targets her and it ends up killing her and now she is part of the house
I at its most superficial that's the story and that's enough that's enough for most movies that is more than enough um but the haunting works on deeper and deeper levels um is Eleanor really the cause of what's going on in the house is this all in her fucking head um you know there are moments
that she shares these uh moments with Theo but it's just banging like we never see what's really going on the suggestion by wise is that there is a real haunting going on um but even if that part is true then you get to the like help Eleanor come home uh you know uh that scrolled on the
wall one night did Eleanor write that did she not write it if she didn't write it if this was something that the house wrote then where is the comma you know is it please comma help Eleanor come come come home or is it please help Eleanor come home like is the house talking to her directly
um so there's all that stuff there's uh the background that is told in very uh careful bits and pieces of Eleanor's backstory and taking care of her mother and there's that great scene with her and her sister of like hey the the cars have mine and I'm gonna take it and you can't stop me
and I've never done anything because I've always been taking care of our mother and you didn't help with that and now I'm gonna go have an adventure and so much of the movie is about her wanting to home wanting to belong somewhere having difficulty with that not being able to do it appropriately not
you know this fantasy of like Dr. Markaway is gonna be this lover and then his wife shows up and you know what that does to her and the questions keep coming uh which are is this about Eleanor's crumbling mind is it about a haunted house is it about the haunted house affecting Eleanor's
crumbling mind it's like all of this stuff is going on like every scene there are like five different things to kind of focus on and think about and pick apart and you know even something as simple as when they first get to the house in Dr. Markaway is like yeah I mean this house has a
reputation and there's a reason for that like look here's these doors that will absolutely close uh because they're hung on uneven hindrance so he opens the door and he stands there and the door doesn't close turns around he talks to the ladies they turn back and the door is closed and he's
like see what I tell you but it's it's always the thing that happens out of sight and there are people who get frustrated with this movie because you don't ever see anything explicit but that's the genius right that's the three barrels and jaws uh and it's what makes the haunting so good
because the what you don't see is way scarier than what you do ski see and especially because wise is playing this game about like well let's think about the psychology like what what if this isn't just a haunted house you know um anyway sorry I think the the dog just peed on his bed
goodness gracious cash we got a real problem with this dog lately anyway um so back on track um the the haunting is a great movie like they're like hands down a great movie it ends with that terrific rust hamplain line about you know the house should be burned it should be burned and the
earth should be salted and it's a great way to end the movie it's it's just terrific uh and so let's go to um the list and and the question is where does the haunting fall on this list because the haunting is a tremendous tremendous film um it's better than near dark the question is
is it better than the in keepers yeah I mean in a lot of ways the in keepers is a riff on the haunting um what about um what about the omen is the haunting better or worse than the omen um um the haunting is better the haunting is better than the omen um okay okay
I mean like the omen is fantastic don't get me wrong um but the omen um is much more of a popcorn kind of movie and the haunting is operating just it's just a different level it's it just is um um okay yes science is going to tell us the haunting is the better film all right last movie
let's talk about it it was bound to happen sooner or later somebody recommended this on the the the facebook group who might have say no uh amityville to the possession now amityville uh the amityville horror we have not talked about yet uh it is a a pretty straightforward ghost story um on the
other hand you have amityville too which originally this is how I understand it so please please if I have some details wrong feel free to correct me but don't take what I say here as the gospel because I feel like I read this but I did not look we're doing science based on the movies the
the biography of the film does not matter but if memory serves this was supposed to be uh the defao story but uh the the the actual defao family was like the fuck you are and so as a result um it became you know this fictional um this fictional family and um which is probably for the best
and this is another case where it's kind of two movies that collide the first is a movie about a family that moves into the house on ocean avenue the amityville horror house and in the process of that that um you know we're things start to happen and in particular the oldest sun seems to be a target
of the evil inside the house and um it's tough to know how to talk about this because this movie truly is a strange and wonderful thing um it so this family led by by the way uh uh cinemas one of cinemas greatest dirtbags burnt young aka cousin poly from the rocky movies
um he is the dad in this family you've got a young dianne franklin as the younger sister uh you might remember her or I remember her best as the french girl in better off dead um or you might remember her from this movie as the sister what is getting it on with her brother
at a certain point um yeah and so they they move into this house um you know it's it's as thing as he gets possessed there's a whole possession scene that's very dramatic with his uh you know stomachs sucking in and his ribs protruding and all of that and um and then um you know
that that's when things get fucked up in this movie oh and by the way the vibe of the house is terrible and everybody's arguing all the time and yelling at each other and at one point the sun pulls a gun on ber young and it's just it's fucking crazy it's crazy um
but the the moment that the movie turns is as I was alluding to the moment that uh the main character this you know this possessed kid it when he seduces and and has sex with his younger sister and you're like is this a dream sequence it is not that is what happens and it clearly happens
on the regular because at one point she goes to confession to say like hey I don't know that I should be doing something you know real grown up uh she leaves out the fact that it's with her brother but you know uh she is clearly feeling some guilt about it and he kind of necks her at a certain
point when they're having a party and she's like I you know why won't you look at me why won't you talk to me after what we've been doing and he's just like would have a babe it's just like it's a like the movie is supposed to be about this haunted house and and that's how it starts like
there's a plumber that comes to look at something in the crawl spaces filled with flies and you're like oh yeah amityville stuff and then about you know 40 minutes into the movie when you're having you know the the incest breakfast you're like what the fuck is going on in this film um and then it
goes from incest to all out murder where again I thought it was a dream sequence I've seen this movie I don't know four or five times and every time I'm like that's not how this movie goes right because he just goes around and kills every member of the family this kid does um including younger
brothers and sisters including Diane Franklin including his parents J he just hunts him through the house and murders them is taken to jail and then that finally the priest kind of roll in or like we should probably do an exorcism right yeah let's do an exorcism and so that's kind of what
the end of the movie is uh FYI Andrew prime one of the exorcists um kind of he shows up towards the end of the movie but it's a real like come into me ending so the movie ends in a way that is both unexpected unnecessary and also unsatisfying but I don't know how you in this movie because you've
just up the ante over and over and over and over again until you've reached this fever pitch and it's just crazy amity viltu is fucking crazy um okay let's put it on a list shall we and and wrap this thing up um okay what where does amity viltu it is definitely better
than we are still here like like there is something salacious and sleazy about amity viltu that makes it difficult to rank because it's broken the story doesn't work the mashup of genres doesn't work the tone doesn't work but it's shocking and there's imagery that you will never see
anywhere else it's um I mean I think x-cross is a better movie I don't think it comes above the x-cross line is it better than we are still here yes it's it is more broken narratively but it's also more outrageous and more memorable it's it's probably better than sweet home I don't
think it's as good as x-cross so it's it's somewhere in this neighborhood it is somewhere in this neighborhood um is it is it better or worse than house house is really fun it's also totally a mess it's a little okay okay here's here's where it goes here's where it goes and here's why here's
the science um house is probably as narratively broken but it's more good natured fun and it's it's a more crowd pleasing film and viltu is undeniably nastier but it's it has all the plot problems it has all the tone problems and it's off putting and it's triggering and it doesn't
handle incess with any kind of delicacy and yet it is better than sweet home on account of the fact that it is so memorable that there that it does go there in a way like sweet home feels very antiseptic you know which in in a way is what I'm praising house for but house has a like a real
spirit to it of silliness and not that's we know home doesn't but it's house is more successful in that end amony viltu is of this stripe but it's sort of the you know like it is the meaner version of sweet home which I think makes it a better horror film but it doesn't have as many highs as house
so I think that's where we land so here we are uh your new number one the haunting the best horror movie of all time and I got to tell you guys it might be a while before this gets knocked off I mean we'll we'll gather some recommendations from you know Chad and Facebook and all that stuff
but hauntings a real good fucking movie and then way down the bottom unknown visitor hanging on to the bottom spot but lost voyage in the conversation which is something so there you have it there's our top 20 as soon as we have another 10 movies to do we'll be right back here
to do this all again hey look thanks for hanging out thanks for being part of this thanks for taking part in chat thanks for recommending movies on Facebook we'll do some more of that I'll do another call very soon and and you know thanks for hanging out thanks for supporting this and
especially if you're watching this video on patreon thank you so much for supporting Legion podcast and in by trickle down effect this show in particular so that'll do it for now I'll see you soon please check out all the stuff coming up a new episode of the dark parade I'm gonna be
doing a bunch of teapot stuff pretty soon as well as more dark parade stuff as well as found footage full and Ricky of wars and all that stuff so you know stay tuned we're we're in the real swinging thing so thanks again for for watching and and we'll talk to you later bye