You may love your pet and we probably feel the same way about ours. But let's get this straight, we don't really like or even want to know about your dog, cat, iguana or squirrel monkey. We're weary pet owners and we are not afraid to say it. Woof.
Everyone loves surprise parties, right? Uh, that would be no, especially when it comes to our 2 curmudgeonly Legends. Don't even bother trying with Dave and Johnny, they'll just be sarcastic and ruin it.
How much is too much? When it comes to adult beverages Johnny and Dave agree - there is no such thing. When it comes to holding on to old worldly possessions, they couldn't disagree more.
When do we, as males of our species, become creepy, dirty old men? Yes we may indeed be older, but our minds are still in that proverbial youthful gutter.
Ah, the fun and camaraderie of the great American football tailgate; complete with heavy doses of alcohol, tobacco and obnoxious fans. And we love it.
We're the kind of guys who just come out and say it. No euphemisms for us. But some people are a bit more careful, especially about the words you use for stuff ... "down there." Discuss.
Ah, the joys of becoming an older man and the intimate details of a "special" medical exam. Keep your fingers ... uncrossed.
Our 2 Legends' "favorite" local chain restaurant has a new menu. But that doesn't prevent them from recycling the same old complaints.
Let's face it, our 2 Legends are essentially misanthropes. ($10 Word Alert) And just when they think they can trust people again, they get screwed.
They say a penny saved is a penny earned. We say: Really??!!
Is bad toupe a redundant term? Johnny is bald and proud of it and he can't understand how a man could even think about wearing a wig.
Our 2 Legends just want to eat what they want and they don't appreciate their loving, caring family members worrying and nagging them. Can't they just have their cake and eat it too?
Dave and John both went the distance recently. Hey, get your minds out of the gutter, we're talking about driving ... in their cars! Give me a break...
October is here, time to pick apples, watch the leaves change color and buy a Christmas tree. Wait, what? Yup... it's time to grab, push, shove, there are only 84 more shopping days.
Is it possible for a thief to steal your car and leave it in exactly the same condition he found it? It is when it's Johnny's wife's car.
A stunning revelation in church which had our 2 "legends" scratching their ... heads?
Sometimes tattoos can be difficult to look at, and even harder to understand. Of course it took Dave a couple of minutes to realize we weren't talking about Hervé Villechaize.
Dave doesn't like to fly... but that won't stop him from traveling half way across the country! There's no drive too long (or absurd) in his mind!
Stay away... That's all we ask... when you see the 'No Soliciting' sign, just stay away! If you 'Don't Ask', we 'Won't Tell' ... you off!
We've been known to enjoy an adult beverage or 2... and sometimes we've been known to have more than 2. Sometimes, as many of you know, that's not a good idea.
Ahh our 2 legends 'tackle' fantasy football (pun intended). We're obviously better at puns than fantasy football...
We always try to call things as we see them.. Sometimes that works for us, sometimes it doesn't....
Sex after marriage - such a wonderful memory... well, it's almost certainly just a memory... And usually a very distant memory too.
They say 'texting makes the heart grow fonder'... Well, we think that's what they say... At least texting leads to less fighting. And after all don't we all just want peace?
What do ostriches, Cowboy cheerleaders, Scott Baio and crappy podcasts have in common? We don't know, but Jonathan Novack of ABC's On The Red Carpet and Tennis Channel joins us to give us some answers.
Ahh bathroom etiquette... There are so many unspoken rules for using public bathrooms... We just wish people would keep EVERYTHING unspoken in there.
One of our "Legends" loves to get text messages - especially when they were meant for someone else. Socially unacceptable doesn't even being to describe Dave's responses to wrong-number texts.
We're not superstitious guys but (knock on wood) you'll like this (rabbit rabbit) ten minute discussion (salt over the shoulder) of how silly people can be when it comes to (God forbid) protecting themselves from calamity. (Uh oh, black cat)
Lately, New York politicians have been making it very easy for us to entertain ourselves at their expense. At the same time, they've been making it very hard on themselves... uh boy...
You'd think going to the grocery store or wholesale discount club would be so mundane that it wouldn't be worth talking about. As it turns out, nothing is too mundane for us!
