¶ Humble Inquiry Missteps
I want to talk to you about a common misstep that myself and many , many other people have when they have begun developing the skill or the practice of humble inquiry or , more clearly , asking open-ended questions . Like in all things , we learn a new habit and we kind of just swing .
The pendulum swings all the way to the other side and it's the only thing we do .
The reason I recommend that you start spending more time asking open-ended questions is so that you can build connection with the human beings in front of you , so that you can better serve the people in your space , instead of giving them answers and solution , shanking them to death .
It really is a way to demonstrate interest in the human being and build relationships and have a better understanding of what they're thinking is and the things that they care about . Now , if you're like a manager and you have direct reports and you never ask open-ended questions , what you're usually doing is telling people what to do .
Sure , that's part of the job , but that's not all of the job . If you want to elevate and grow your career , you need to develop people . And so how do you develop people ? Well , number one you help them or support them in engaging their critical thinking , help them stay tied and connected to their own agency .
Giving answers all the time is not the way to do that . Asking questions is the way to do
¶ The Coaching Scale Explained
that . And , more accurately , not leading questions , not closed-ended questions , but open-ended questions . What have you tried ? How do you think that will work ? Who else has worked on this ? So that gives the individual in front of you a pause to say , oh well , I haven't tried anything . Okay , how many times have you done this ? About five times .
Okay , what'd you do the last time ? See where I'm at . It's like you ask questions to help them realize that you've got the skill set , you've got the capability to overcome the thing . Now , it is a hard skill to build , so it takes practice .
It takes intentional focus to ask open-ended questions , and what usually happens is we go all the way on the other side and only ever ask open-ended questions . Now , if you're a manager or a boss , you're going to ruffle some feathers by doing that , and so here's the deal .
Yes , open-ended questions are absolutely valuable , they're critical and they're probably the tool that you don't have in your toolbox . But let's fast forward a little bit . Let's say you've been practicing and building that skill of asking open-ended questions , and now that's all you do . People are getting frustrated with you .
People know that if they come to you they're going to get some wishy-washy question . That isn't going to help at all , and that's also like not cool , because now you start losing credibility , and that ain't no good , especially when you're leading people , leading teams or leading a business .
So then it's like well , but I thought you said to ask open ended questions . I guess Building the habit of asking open ended questions is powerful , but that doesn't mean to only ask open ended questions . So the question then is when is the right time ? And so what I want to present to you is the coaching scale . So think of it as a sliding scale .
On one end , like coaching , is asking open-ended questions , that humble inquiry thing . On the other end is telling them what to do , or doing it and demonstrating so they know how to do it .
Now that does like the doing and the demonstrating doesn't build a whole lot of critical thinking , but if they've never done it before , they need somebody to demonstrate how the hell to do the thing . And if they've done it before , then the open-ended questions are can help them recognize that they do have the resources to overcome the task at hand .
So then , how do we figure out or how do we gauge right ? One of the important questions is have you ? When they bring you a problem or bring you a situation , the first question you can ask is have you dealt with this before ? How many times have you dealt with this sort of thing ?
Their response is going to signal to you whether they have high capability , moderate capability or low capability , no competence . They've never done it before . If they have never done it before , it is your job as the leader , as the authority , to demonstrate how to do the thing . Tell them how to do the
¶ Capability Assessment Process
thing . Asking them open-ended questions is only going to irritate them and they will stop bringing problems to you , and that's not okay . You're the leader , right ? You're supposed to help solve problems . That's your primary job , and so I want you to imagine a kid trying to teach a kid how to tie their shoes right .
If you've ever done that before , maybe you just buy Velcro . That is an option . But if a child needs to tie their shoes and they've never done it before , it doesn't matter how many open-ended questions you ask them . They will not be able to tie their shoes because they do not have the skill set . They don't have that capability . So what do you do ?
You start off by tying their shoes for them , ask them to pay attention , to look at what you're doing , and you do that a bunch of times . And then you start doing it together . You say , hold this and do this , and you kind of walk them through it . So now you're doing it hand in hand because they're building
¶ The Shoe-Tying Example
their capability . They're still not ready to be asked open-ended questions . And then , once they got it , you let them do it , but under your direct supervision . You know , coach them through the little knick-knacky things or things that they might forget Super awesome way to do it .
And then finally , once you know they've demonstrated they know how to tie their shoes . The next time they say I don't know how to tie my shoes , like , well , what did you do last time ? Well , I did Okay , and you can ask them open-ended questions to get them over the finish line .
And so the point is you need to be prepared to slide all the way across the coaching scale in terms of humble inquiry , open-ended questions on one end . The venue for that type of coaching is when people have high competency . They've done the thing before , they have experience on the thing . You just need to help them .
Remember that by asking them those open-ended questions If they've never done the damn thing , before you tell them what the hell to do . There's a bunch of steps in the middle .
The one thing that I'll add in the middle , just in case , like this , is all new to you from telling people how to do it or doing it for them to just asking open-ended questions right in the middle is providing some options .
Well , here's a few things to consider , and the reason I say here's a few things for you to consider is because I'm not telling them what to do . Ultimately , they're going to make the decision , and that's ultra , ultra important , because when they make the decision , they maintain the ownership of the thing , and so they bring
¶ Providing Options Without Taking Ownership
me a thing . I say Ooh . And I say how many times have you dealt with this before ? I've never dealt . Well , I did once . How'd it turn out ? It didn't turn out too good , oh okay , how can I help you ? Well , I did once . How did it turn out ? It didn't turn out too good , oh okay , how can I help you ? Well , I'm looking for some guidance .
It's like okay , well , you've only done it one time . It didn't turn out the way you wanted it to . What do you think about these three options ? Right , and option A , option B , option C , these three approaches , and then they start kicking it around . It's like , okay , which one do you feel most confident with ? We'll just say option C Awesome .
What do you need from me to help you execute that thing ? They answer you , you do what they ask , except for doing it for them , right , because you want to build the capability and send them on their way . So that's three points .
There's a bunch in the middle like scattered all around , but the important takeaway I want you to know is , when you're building the habit of asking open-ended questions and demonstrating humble inquiry , be careful not to stay stuck there .
Also , know that as the leader or just a decent human being , sometimes you just got to get your hands dirty and go in there and do the damn thing with them or for them . If this landed with you , leave me a comment in the chat and , when you get a chance , check out the replay of the live stream I had on time management . Be kind to yourself
¶ Finding Balance and Key Takeaways
, be cool and we'll talk at you next time . Peace .