Mastering Long-Term Success in Business and Personal Relationships

Well , because I love instant gratification , right . If I decide to be a better guy , I want a parade for the decision before I've even done the work . If I decide I'm going to lose weight , I want six pounds to come off my belly before I apply discipline , to be focused on what it is I'm eating and upping my exercise , et cetera .

So there's this thing within me . I know not you , just me that I want the results . I want the return on effort idea right right now . Now , just because I want that doesn't mean I let the delay take the wind out of my sails , and it's taken me a lot of years to build up that endurance or patience .

I think the I'm going to use the word patience here a bunch , and I'm even going to drop a little hint about the conversation I had with my next interview that will be coming out next week . So , anyhow , delayed gratification .

It's a thing you've probably heard of it , but I've heard these two combinations of words that have really helped me categorize or delineate this delayed gratification thing , because it's not just that basic and simple to wait until things get better .

My impatience or my desire for instant gratification surfaces and gets in my way in other areas , which is a little more nuanced . And so the first one is patient ambition . So I learned that phrase , patient ambition , from my next guest , mr John St Pierre .

Well , you got to listen to that episode because the dude's dropping bombs , he's sharing wisdom , real life experience , and he also has happened to build a few companies that are running a hundred million dollars in revenue , which is no small feat .

The second combination of words is tactical patience , which I heard from my BFF , jocko Willink , and that was probably the first one that I heard . It's probably been a few years now when I heard the idea of tactical patience . Now , obviously , I am not a veteran , never been in the military , so I don't understand it from that context .

So I want to talk about just a little bit more story time around , what tactical patience and patient ambition mean to me and how I apply them , or I'm attempting to apply them .

And the reason I want to share that is to maybe it'll give you some insight or a different way to think about things , so that you can get out of your own way and let things be as awesome as they can be . And so I want to start with tactical patience .

Like I said , I heard that from Mr Jocko Willink and as I was listening to that I was like , oh man , that's exactly what I do like or what I struggle with .

And so when I think about tactical patience as it relates to me and the most the times that I get to exercise that the most is when I'm working on a deal get to exercise that the most is when I'm working on a deal , meaning when I'm negotiating a deal with the client and figuring out what services they're looking for , what's the pace and rate that they want

to do the thing , what are their needs like , what is it exactly that they need and what is it exactly that I can provide to help them close the gap right , to help them meet the outcomes that they're seeking Within me , what's happening within me is , as soon as I get that first text or that phone call , the DM , the email about hey , we're in the market

for a consultant and we have these things . My instinct , what I want to do , is drop all the services I could provide , drop a link to every single little bitty thing . Drop a link for testimonials . Share , um , share a list of references of people that I've served well that I believe will sell really , really great things about me .

Then send them an invoice , then have them sign it and then show up that afternoon , which that's probably not going to work .

I've never done that , but that's how excited I get about the thing , because I want to help them and because I like doing business , I like helping people with their problems , and so the tactical patience in that situation requires me to go slow , right , pump the brakes and let the conversation or let the play develop , even though .

But having those things ready to go in my back pocket to help or inform the prospect , my prospective client , having those things ready to go is going to increase my chances of earning that gig and also help them make the decisions that they need to be making . But the pace is what's important . You got to let the play develop .

It reminds me of my high school coach who would say Jesse , you got to let the play develop just a little bit . I wanted to be a shortstop on the baseball team . I ended up in the outfield because I was fast and because it was another shortstop that was way , way better than me .

Well , there was three or four that were way better than me in the position , but anyhow , my problem was I would attack the ball at full speed and I hadn't developed the footwork and the hand-eye coordination to do that and pull the playoff smoothly . So it caused a lot of errors .

It caused a lot of fumbling the ball , a lot of bad throws , and coach would say Jess , just sit back a little bit and let the play develop . Let the ball get a half step closer to you or let the second baseman get a step and a half closer to second base before .

Yes , you have to throw it to second base if we're turning a double play , but you also have to throw it to second base if we're turning a double play . But you also have to throw it with the appropriate timing . And my argument was well , he just needs to get there faster . I never could figure that out . So he threw my butt in the outfield .

But the lesson remains let the play develop . So when for you , if you're out there in sales , or even if you're just talking ? I mean , if you take it into , like the dating context right , when I was in middle school I did the same thing . I'd meet a beautiful young lady . She'd smile at me and , boy , I'm asking for her number .

I want to hold hands and like are we a thing ? You want to go around ? I don't know if any of y'all know that phrase you want to go around ? That used to mean like you're officially boyfriend and girlfriend Back in the day , back in the day day . But that's too fast . There's no tactical patience in that .

There are specific steps that we all kind of intuitively know , or maybe there's a process out there that you know . This is step A , step B , step C , step D , step B , step C , step D , and we want to do them all in the first , at first contact , which will destroy the outcome . So tactical patience Pump the brakes . So this is what I have to do .

Somebody reaches out . It's like yeah , I'm interested , like , what kind of problems are you dealing with ? And let that conversation develop for as long as it needs to develop . Sometimes it turns into a lunch , sometimes it turns into a meeting at their office to get to know their people and , again further understanding what their situation is .

And then , when they make the ask of like , hey , what do you have ? Like , can you help us with these things ? What would that look like ? Awesome , let me show you and here's some references . If you want to like , check up on me and make sure that I'm not just a hack . And then let that ruminate and generate .

And then the next step right , okay , let's set up a schedule , or I'll propose a schedule so that we can get started , and blah , blah , blah . Anyways , the whole point of that is that's the way I see tactical patience . When I know a situation and it's pretty predictable , there are pretty predictable ways that that situation or engagement will play itself out .

Me embracing delayed gratification is tactical patience . Right , because I know what needs to be done .

They know what needs to be done , but we need a little bit of time for all of those things to happen at the appropriate time so that nobody feels rushed , nobody feels pressured and we can build that connection that is really , really important , especially like in a business relationship . The connection , the trust , is ultra , ultra important and hyper .

Rushing through anything leaves a question in the other person's mind , which isn't good for me as a consultant or service provider , because if there's a doubt in their mind that they made a bad decision , we're not . It's going to be very difficult . All it takes is one little slip , one little hiccup and you're out the door . So that's tactical patience .

And so now let's talk about patient ambition , which you know , y'all already know I probably split hairs on a lot of things , and that's just because I'm obsessive .

I like to think about things and obsess about them and twist them and chew them , and chew them , and chew them , and so I'm offering this for a little help to you and also , if it don't make no sense , you know , just slide , go to the next video .

But patient ambition , like I said earlier , I learned this one from Mr John St Pierre and he shared it as one of the , as the bit of advice that he shares the most with people . And yes , it has the same word patience in it .

And yes , it's absolutely about pumping the brakes and slowing myself down , and hopefully you'll take , like that's the big takeaway Slow your wants , your desires , your insecurities , your needs , slow them , bad boys down so that you can have better outcomes . But when I think about patient ambition , what I think about is letting people catch up with me .

And so what do I mean by that ? It's different than the pursuit of trying to get work or starting to blossom a brand new relationship . It's more about we're now in a relationship .

I don't mean that just romantically it could be romantically but in the business sense , if we're working together on a team , a project , team , department , at the office , consultant relationship , service provider relationship , like all of these times , there have been times in my past where I could see that we could advance and make things super awesome , super fast .

And because I'm obsessive and I've designed my life the way I design it , I can go super fast . But that does not account for other people's pace or other people's rate of growth and learning or comfort with the unknown . And I have left people behind or terrified people so much that they just jumped off

the boat . One example is my good buddy , david O'Lean . He was an apprentice . I worked with him . He came to work with me on one project . We were doing a mechanic room . He came in over the weekend .

The dude was smart , he had it going on , he had his tools , he was eager , he did beautiful work and I decided right then and there that that guy was going to go through the apprenticeship . He was going to go to the national championship , he was going to be a foreman within four years .

I called the office and I said , hey , this guy David , he needs to be with me . I want him with me so we can , so I can help develop them . They said , sure , he's yours . I never asked David if he wanted any of those things and so we worked together for about a year and a half and then he ended up quitting and I was like , what , what , what ?

What's going on , bro ? Like I thought we were buds , like how do you just quit ? And I not know that there's a problem ? And he said , jess , like for real , dude , it's because you . I said , what do you mean ? He said , well , jess , you know , it's kind of being your friend and you believing in me is a is a gift and a curse .

I was like , oh my God , what are you talking about ? He's like it's a gift because you really do help and you pour into me and you believe in me and all those things he's like . But it's a curse because , man , your expectations are so damn high and it's just too much for me , it's just too much stress , it's too much expectation .

I don't want to let you down , I don't want to fail , I don't like the pressure , so I'm just going to go do this other job , and he's done phenomenally . This was 20 years ago but he's doing beautifully . He's doing very well over there . It fit him exactly and precisely .

But because of my ambitions for him and myself like I'm not trying to make it sound like I'm Mr altruistic , loving , caring guy I really wanted to be able to say I developed him because I knew he had the potential right .

But for real , the selfish part there was yeah , I wanted to be able to say that's my guy , I helped him get there and I also wanted him , wanted to see him grow into all the things I saw or believed that he could grow into .

My ambitions ended up fracturing or severing that relationship , fracturing or severing the connection , because I didn't wait for him to catch up . That's not to say that you know , wait for everybody , because there's some people like they're just never going to get there and that's OK . That's a different thing . But fast forward to today .

If you haven't checked out , no BS with Jen and Jess . You best be checking it out . We live stream every other Saturday , 8 am Central . Jennifer and Lacey and I are working together on that . We're co-laborators , co-troublemakers on that whole thing . And over the past couple of years we've launched a few things right .

We've launched the Lean in Love 5S Love Letters book . We launched no BS with Jen and Jess . We launched Emotional Bungee Jumpers . We're Fixing the Loss , launch the Cultivation Crew . I'm a single man . I live in my house . I have no pets , no plants , no people to slow me down , get in my way or that I even have to think about or worry about .

She's got a family , she's got a full-time job , so the rate at which we can do things is very , very different . And had I not learned ? So maybe I owe a big shout out and thank you to David for helping me understand that if I don't pump the brakes a little bit on my ambitions , I could lose people .

Had I not understood that , I would have done the same thing and gone 100 miles an hour and severed the connection between Jennifer and I , because back when we started doing the 5S Love Letter live stream , I'll leave the link down in the chat or in the comment thing down there . That was just the one-time thing that was supposed to . That was it .

It was just supposed to be five live streams . It became very apparent that it could be something bigger and I saw that by like the second live stream . I was like , oh my God , this thing can be amazing . All we have to do is these things right .

The tactical , like the ideas , the button pushing , the things that we could do , that needed to be done became obvious . But I knew better . I knew like you just got to slow down .

Let's build agreement between Jennifer and I and understand what pace she can actually commit to so that she doesn't burn out , so that she doesn't abandon all of her other responsibilities and so that this doesn't create like a negative experience for her . And it's been awesome . Is it difficult for me ? Absolutely it's difficult for me .

It is tough for me to pump the brakes and slow down . That I've been a part of or that I contribute to . They are sustainable and they provide value for other people and people can depend on me and the thing , whatever the things are .

And so for you , if you're struggling with like super , super hyperactivity and it's creating problems and creating gaps in your space .

Obviously , delayed gratification is a concept that could help benefit you , but for me , thinking of it more precisely in terms of tactical patience and patient ambition really helps me recognize what's going on within me in the moment , and that's when it matters the most is in the moment . I mean I could always mess up and go back and say , hey , my bad .

Like can we try again ? Uh , but when I can recognize it in the moment , like okay , I want to do that , but hold on , like I need to help the people catch up , what do I need to do so that people can catch up faster ? That's my patient ambition in play .

Or , okay , let this thing develop , let it simmer , like let let let's let that call defrost a little bit , let's let them warm up before I introduce the next phase or transition into the next phase . That's tactical patience . And so the secret to those things is what am I doing in between ?

What am I doing while I'm waiting for people to catch up or waiting for the play to develop ? There are a lot of things that we can do Connecting with human beings , taking care of my physical wellness , taking care of my mind , journaling , spending thinking time , learning new ideas , new activities , new perspectives .

Working on a project , lawn care chores Like when I am on the path of pumping the brakes and pulling the reins on my ambition and practicing discipline on not pushing too hard on the next step . I have to stay busy , and so that's what I do . It's like , okay , this is going to be tough . I got to let this bad boy defrost .

What are the chores that I need to get done ? What's on my to-do list that hasn't been done ? Let me go knock those things out . What's the book that I said I was going to read , or that I started and haven't finished ? What are the phone calls ? Who are the people that I haven't talked to in a bit ?

So those are just some ideas for you to consider and put into play in terms of getting it all done and changing the world the way I know you want to change it . Appreciate you taking the time for listening the way I know you want to change it . Appreciate you taking the time for listening .

These ideas , these solo casts , are intended to help you stay on the path to becoming the promise you're intended to be . If it's gibberish , leave a comment down there in the deal If you got a little bit of something out of it . Let me know , do the likes , do the reviews or shares and all those things . I would really appreciate it .

And until next time , be kind to yourself , be cool and we'll talk at you next time . Peace .