22. Rick Torrison on Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

Rick is a leadership coach , internationally recognized speaker , best-selling author , founder of RightNow Leadership LLC and Revival Rivers nonprofit . Rick is a prolific trainer and facilitator , working with a wide range of clients from Fortune 500 companies , solopreneurs , to improve their performance and reach their business goals .

He is a certified success and John C Maxwell coach , executive director of the John C Maxwell team and a certified disc trainer who specializes in communication , conflict resolution , skill development .

Rick builds on his 25 years of experience working with high-performing leaders and organizations to help passionate and growth-minded individuals achieve greater impact , influence and income . Rick speaks to thousands around the world , sharing ways to break through their limiting beliefs and become more successful as people and professionals .

He has changed countless lives through his mentorship , sound counsel and supportive guidance . Rick's newest book , born Limitless Crush Limiting Beliefs . Cultivate an Infinite Mindset . Beliefs cultivate an infinite mindset . Unleash your true potential . The USA Today bestseller , is widely available now for purchase .

Rick earned his Bachelor of Science in Education and Psychology from Coe College for going on to receive his Master's in Divinity from Asbury Seminary and honorary doctorate at Julianna King University . You can find a link to Rick's social media and book in the description of the episode . Rick thanks for joining us today .

Hey , but real quick , before we get too far into this , because I know we're going to dive into some great conversation , I'd like to ask a question , if I can , and flip the script real quick . Is that okay ? Can I have your permission to ask ? Yeah , of course , awesome , and maybe your guests will love this too .

Maybe they already know this , but it'll help me . So , as you mentioned , I wrote a book recently called Born Limitless and I'm honored that it made the bestseller list . I was not trying to do that . Well , I was , but I wasn't , so it was really cool .

But it's about limiting beliefs and it's all about our mindset and how our mindset drives behaviors that lead to outcomes . Right , and so you've been really successful . I love the things that you do , your coach , your strategic planner , you do generational training , which I love because I think it's so necessary .

You know , you've really had some amazing accomplishments in this podcast as an example of that . But to get there , I'm sure you had a limiting belief or two along the way and I'm wondering if you could share with us , maybe , what's that limiting belief .

You had to kind of face head on and crush to get to that limitless belief , that mindset that you've got that has carried you to where you are . I'd be really curious if you don't mind sharing .

We were off to a big executive leadership development program week-long , the start of a big strategic planning process . I remember sitting in the back of the room looking around and seeing that just about everyone in the room had as much work experience as I had time on earth .

And trying to speak from a place of being a coach , being a consultant , being someone who can add value , but not having much professional experience , I would say , was a big uh , something I was very self-conscious about . I remember a few months later I was talking to one of the executives we were working with and she was like a no-nonsense marketing .

She was brilliant , she was direct , she was candid . And I remember sharing with her this big weakness I had of my age and how can I add value , how can I be useful to our clients being so young ? And she said to me something I'll never forget . She said , alex , you don't get it . Your age is not your weakness .

Your age is your greatest strength Because you can share a perspective we don't often hear in a language we can understand . She said that it clicked because they're leadership consultants . In fact , by nature you have to be very experienced to have that .

So the ability to speak with the perspective of one that's more aligned with most of their workforce , most of their customers or clients , but to do so in a way that executives could understand and act on with humility . The limiting belief I had to overcome was that my age was a weakness and truth . I can't change that , uh , more than a day at a time .

I'm sure some of your listeners have heard parts of those stories before , but but it's so true and the reason I say that , you know , asked you that is because I think for many of the people that are listening and people that you and I relate to , talk to , coach and do some consulting with you know we're afraid to face those limiting beliefs , face those

situations where we struggle or that have caused challenges in our lives . And I mentioned to you on the outset . You asked me a great question , which is the theme of the podcast , right , is what's something that I learned the hard way , the easy way , and my response was really about discovering and accepting this authentic self .

And , if I can , let me just share really quickly a context and let you ask some questions in there . And , alex , just so you know you're going to have to , you know time me out or say something .

I won't be offended if you interrupt because you'll notice really quickly I've got more words than we have time , so I'm going to be real conscious of that , but you can help me if you need to . It won't offend me so real quickly this idea of accepting and discovering and accepting my authentic self .

I said discover and accept because I think to do that I had to go through two things I had to recognize that I wasn't living an authentic life . So sometimes we live this life inauthentic , right With this mask or whatever .

For so long we have owned it as if it's our identity or who we are , becomes normal and we don't know that it isn't really our authentic self until we take time to reflect and we look at .

For me it was looking in the wake of my experiences and realizing there's this wake of and the example I'll give you is a relational example and I could give you business examples as well . For me it was a wake of relationships in my past that were broken and damaged , that I had been the catalyst for not even realizing it .

So let me let me quickly explain . When I was young , five , six years old I was abused by a babysitter . Now I know that's a heavy thing to dump in there , but I'm through this , I've gotten real healing with it and I know a lot of people could probably relate to some trauma .

So I had a trauma at a young age that happened with a female babysitter , right and in that space . As that was happening , I didn't know what to do with it . I had no one to talk to single mom she's working all the time right and a grandmother that was there but had no context . So while this was happening , I had to define the experience .

I had to try to reconcile it and understand it internally . So I began to create a narrative about myself and the situation . I must not be good . I must deserve this , I must have asked for this . This must be what all women are like . They just desire to take advantage or to hurt me . So these are thoughts , not things out loud .

I probably didn't even think them clearly like that , but these are the emotions and feelings that are happening internally . And here's what I've learned over time is these ways that we interpret experiences begin to shape what we believe . So I began at that age to start having a construct of a belief system about women .

Let me just I'll use that one thread right . And so that belief system about women , that they were actually going to hurt me , that they were out for something right All those things caused me to start behaving in a manner that reinforced that belief , the outcome of those beliefs and behaviors . There are outcomes . Every behavior has a result .

So what I was saying to you , as I looked back over my life , I saw this broken relationships and this history , a trail of really painful things , and it was mostly me as the perpetrator . When I was 25 , I met my current wife . I had met her and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her . I was like this is the woman that I want to be with .

She's amazing , she is everything . I'm not , and we just this is who I want to be with . And slowly , over time , I'm destroying this relationship . I'm watching myself do things and say things and act in ways that are divisive and destructive . And I've caught myself . I said wait a minute , how I'm living is not reinforcing what I desire to be with her .

And in that moment I had to stop and go . Man , what is ? How do I change how I'm living if I really want to be with her ? And so it took some real self-reflection , some coaching , some counsel to help me understand .

I had a belief system that was driving my behaviors , that was leaving this wake of broken relationships and she was going to be the next one if I didn't shift my beliefs so I could have new behaviors . Does that make sense ?

So that was really something I learned , and I'm thankful that I did , because we've been married for 33 years , right , and so that's awesome . But man , oh man , I almost blew it .

And I would just say to everybody listen and listen , don't run away from the trauma moments , because they stay attached . Face them , recognize how you've defined it and interpreted it , and determined to reset it , to reframe it in a new way . So what I had to do is I had to say you know what ?

I'm not bad , it wasn't my fault , I didn't ask for this , I didn't deserve this , I did nothing wrong , right . And then I lumped all women into this category , that all of them wanted this . That wasn't , those were all lies , that in a scenario , and started to believe it . I began to manifest that in relationships .

So I would tell people listen , we've all got our trauma , our moments , and they're not okay and you didn't deserve it and you might have ended up in places , but they don't have to define your future , your destiny . Your past was never meant to define your future . You were , and so I just . So I'm sorry I interrupted .

I just want to make sure people hear listen , this is life right and it doesn't have to define you or be the clothes that you wear for the rest of your life .

Um , because you , you , you just don't have to deal with that kind of stuff by yourself , and I think a lot of people , when they have those traumatic things happen , you feel alone , you feel isolated , feel like no one understands .

why ? Why ? Let me ask you like , why do you think people don't typically initially seek counsel , help , community in those places ? What do you think keeps them from doing that ?

I think it was minimized culturally yeah and not just here but but in many cultures around the world , and we're probably further ahead than some and lagging behind in others .

So I think there's a culture of , you know , stiff upper upper lip , uh , you know , get through it because of some of the traumatic wars and you know , especially in america , the context of world war ii and the survivors of that and all the subsequent wars , and people want to model the behaviors they see in in their role models I think .

I think that's one element . I think too , you know , there's , there's a time when people need , um , they're not ready to process it , and if you , you know , the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing , right , so true . So people have to be in a place where they can address it , and for some they have . They have built up more resiliency .

For others , they may not , or maybe their resiliency has been tapped out . Maybe it's just one more traumatic thing in a line of many , many traumatic things . I think that's my response .

And you think in the workplace you know we've got five generations still , but very at the edge of it , right , but there's still in this workspace and you've got a generation at the top end that are making decisions and running companies and in charge , that are have this mentality that says work harder , suck it up , show up early , leave late , the responsibility

side of a generation which was powerful and amazing . But when we don't recognize that that's not the only way , right , that's not the only thing , then we impose that . And so then that next generation feels like I can't say anything . I mean they're asking me to do this . And so then that next generation feels like I can't say anything .

I mean they're asking me to do this , right . And so then we have this clash in the workforce and in relationships and in families across generations , because we don't realize that not everyone sees life and lives life . The other part for me that I would encourage all your people and everyone that's listening that might catch this .

If you're not sure where you are with this , if you're not sure if you have a limiting belief or you're not living your authentic life . Ask yourself a question Is the life that I'm living , is this experience that I'm having , is it normal ? And what if it's not ?

In other words , if we run into walls , we run into challenges , we can't seem to get ahead in certain areas , like we're killing it in some areas of our lives and other areas we struggle and we just say , well , I'm not good at that , this was never meant for me or I've never been able to .

Whatever we say to justify why this doesn't work , I would ask you if you wanted to really dig in and self-reflect and just ask a simple question what if the normal I'm accepting and living isn't normal ?

Most of my coaching clients , if I can get them to just propose that they don't have to agree with it , they don't have to go , you know , end up saying , well , it is or it isn't .

But if you'll just ask the question , it opens up so many possibilities and opportunities to explore why I do what I do , to continue to get results that I get that actually aren't serving me or putting a . They're putting a ceiling on my potential , the thing I was born and created for .

It's actually a ceiling that I've laid over myself , because I've just said this is how it is and maybe it is , but what if it's not ? And so that's you know . I would encourage people to just challenge your normal and if you end up back in the same place , no harm .

But if you realize that normal isn't normal , there's something greater and more that you are called and created for , then man think about the opportunity and the possibility to level up where you are personally and professionally .

I'm interested , you know , is that the question you asked yourself when you were 25 , to have that moment ?

So here's part of one of the things that I use in my coaching is you have to have a destination or a vision of where you want to go . So this female , this woman that I met , she was my destination . I was like I want a life with her . So I had a clear , focused vision of something I desired .

But my current reality was telling me that I can't have that , because every time I try to go down that road , I self-destruct or crush someone or whatever . So now I've got this , here's what I desire , here's my current reality . I'm like man , this is a mess , there's a big gap . And so that caused me to say , man , am I willing to risk another relationship ?

So you said this it's about timing . It was like I don't know why I didn't ask that prior to , but I don't ever think I had the motivation I had in that moment of someone who I said this is who I want to spend the rest of my life with .

That one simple vision or destination that I desired changed everything , because I was realizing I am not working towards it , I'm actually fighting towards it , I'm actually fighting against it . I had no clue for an answer . I didn't know what to do , I didn't know where the problem was , I just knew I couldn't keep behaving the way I was behaving .

And so when I presented that , I was able to find some good people in my life and a certain individual that's asked me some of those questions that challenged my normal . And he asked me that question in a roundabout way what if the way you're viewing life and relationship and women isn't normal , isn't okay ? What if it's wrong ? What if it's a lie ?

And I went holy crud , where did that come from ? And then I hadn't thought about my child , my trauma . You don't think about that , you bury it . And so we didn't sit on the couch . It wasn't a huge therapy session . It could have been , but it wasn't . He just said well , where did you get this idea that all women you know ?

Because he started asking me questions . I said , well , I don't know . I've always felt that way . And he just kind of kept pressing and we sat for a little bit and I said you know what ? I had an experience when I was young and in that moment I made a decision .

And then he asked me this question this is another question I tell you Is that how I interpreted that experience , that trauma ? Is it true how I interpreted it or is it a lie ? And when he asked me , I had to face how I defined the experience . It doesn't minimize the experience . Tragic , traumatic , not okay . But how I interpreted it was wrong .

It was a lie . And when I got that I was like , oh no , that was a lie . And he said well , then tell me what the truth is . And he power in our words . I heard you say that in a couple other podcasts that our words are powerful . I had to make declarations . I am a good person . I was created for a future and a hope .

I am a person of compassion and love . All women do not want to hurt me right , are not out to get . I had to flip the narrative and reframe that experience and how I defined it . The minute I did that , I felt a shift in me . My behaviors didn't change right away , but I knew they were gonna . So I felt that break .

That said there is a new reality I'm gonna grab a hold of and I'm gonna make these declarations . I wrote them down and I posted them and I began to declare them , even before I fully believed them or I lived like they were true . Does that make sense ?

But as I declared them , everything started to shift in me , because this and I'll let you jump in all of our behaviors must agree with our beliefs . Our actions will never be contrary to our beliefs .

We can try to change it for a while , but what happens is because our belief says one thing if that behavior doesn't align with it , it'll eventually move back to alignment with beliefs , because all behaviors stem from something we believe . So I can , will myself to change a behavior , behavior modification . Change your behaviors , it'll all be better .

And why do we end up back in that same place , or worse , 98% of the time ? Because we never dealt with the belief that drives the behavior . So we always go back to what we're comfortable in , what we believe , and so we pivot back to that place .

And when I realized that's the premise of my book , the premise of my coaching , the premise of my life what do you believe that's driving the behaviors ? That's not serving you . That's driving the behaviors . It's not serving you . That's getting outcomes that you don't like in an area of your life .

I've been through the whole behavior but as I've experienced 25 years of working with people almost 30 now and all the coaching I've done , the cycling back to old patterns , working so hard , striving so hard to change our systems , our processes , our behaviors which are true , but your behavior , if you think about what you just said , my action comes from something

I believe I have to believe to act a certain way . You cannot just , I can't just say I'm going to go act this way . Why am I acting this way ? Because I believe it will help me in the future . I believe it will change something , I believe it will move . So there's got to be a belief that causes me to institute a new behavior in my life .

You don't just behave without thought .

If that mindset so I'm not saying we can't , it's not about behaviors we will never get to that place . If that mindset so I'm not saying we can't , it's not about behaviors we will never get to freedom unless our behaviors change . You can't keep doing the same thing . You know the insanity and expect a different result .

But so where I got off with behavior modification , with people and the journey that I was on with my psychology and all that is all of this stuff that says you just got to get a new way of doing this , and I agree , you'll never get to freedom . But we never talked about why we were doing what we were doing .

We never dealt with the source of that behavior . We've been living for so long and if we don't marry those two things , I think , however , we get there .

So I agree with you I don't think true freedom is possible If we don't marry the belief structure and the behavior system , however order you want to put that in , those two have to be married to get true transformational freedom .

To know that that it's there and to recognize it and to help them recognize it too , yeah , so I I really appreciate what you said and it's , you know it's . Of course it's like everything more nuanced than one way or the other , but I especially there's not .

I know you as a coach and me as people , and you even said this at the beginning that someone told you our job is to try to simplify the process , to be understood and give them a place to put a stake in the ground and begin to move towards that goal , that desire , that freedom , right , and so I ?

I do have counseling training and I can go that road with my coaching , but I don't . I choose not to , because when it gets to that place where I feel there is some deeper things that need more professional mental health attention , which I could do , but I don't do and I refer them to that place .

But what I've realized is we can do a lot of work with this . That's what the guy did with me . He wasn't a counselor , he just said , well , why do you believe all women are this way ? And I said , well , I don't know , it's just kind of the way . It's how I and I dug . Oh well , because I had a bad experience .

He didn't deal with the trauma of the experience , he helped me reframe it Right now . There was still the trauma I worked through my life and other things . There's another side to that that for my freedom , that I had to go through and it was awesome and I'm so thankful I did .

But the start of the journey was recognizing how I interpreted or defined the experience , and so the simplicity was we'll redefine it . What is actually true ? I was a good person . I was this . I wasn't these things I thought I was . I actually am this .

Sometimes we don't give a lot of grace to people because someone says , hey , I'm sorry , forgive me , I didn't want to do that , that wasn't okay . And then that person says , okay , I understand . And then I go and do it three days later again and what happens ? That person , well , you never meant that , you didn't really want to not do this , you don't care .

And I'm saying , no , no , my heart is I don't want to act this way , but I've been acting this way for 25 years . Not an excuse , but my behaviors . To modify my behaviors , to shift those behaviors , it takes time . I didn't end up in my depravity or brokenness or my ugliness or whatever it might be overnight .

I progressively got deeper into this is how I do things and the world's just going to have to deal with it . Now I've realized that's not okay . So my behavior I first have to recognize it's not okay , reframe it , reset the truth . Now my declarations begin to move in my subconscious , my new behaviors , so those behaviors take time to catch up to the belief .

Right , and so giving grace to people to understand we're a work in progress . That was how my wife made it , because someone said , listen , do you trust his heart ? Do you believe his heart and his desire is to do better , be better ? She said absolutely . Then give him some grace in the journey of becoming .

Don't give excuses to the things he does , but give him grace as long as you believe his heart's desire is to be better and do better , be a better man , be a better husband . Right , then trust the process , don't excuse it . Trust the process , and that helped us make it through the transition that I needed to go through .

you know , I'm willing to stick it out with this person and I think it's you know what I'm hearing you say you should never put yourself in harm's way , right , and even in marriage relationships .

The other mistake we make , or the misconception is the only way I can be free is to cut this person off and not have them in my life . So , yes , I believe there's a place where that becomes true , but I think we're too quick to get there because we think if I separate , then I am not .

You know , and I'm saying no , get distance , get out , move , do whatever , watch , observe , pray for whatever your world is that you do , don't put yourself in harm's way , but allow that person , if they're serious and sincere , to do the work . To do the work .

extreme . We have to work at coming back to that plumb line , that place of stability , of truth , right In this context , and it's hard to do because we're emotion , feeling based people and so that drives a lot of us and how we respond to things that happen in our lives .

You know the other thing I would say , because I know we've got business people that listen , right , we both coach . We're talking about some personal things here . But here's another thing I believe in my coaching . So I do a holistic kind of coaching process even with my executives of companies and Fortune 500 companies I work with .

It's holistic , it's always personal before it's corporate . People want to solve the corporate issue and I say absolutely we can work and move towards that . But typically our corporate issues , the professional issues , stem from a personal understanding , belief , process , behave something here . So if we can work on this , we will get to the corporate .

And I tell people it's personal before it's corporate . So let's do the work personally so that we can establish the foundation , so you can show up as your best self professionally , and then we can deal with whatever needs to be dealt with professionally .

And so I always start in that space with all of my clients , whether they're coming to me as a personal coaching client or I'm being asked to coach leaders within an organization .

But as you internalize this language at a young age and started to incorporate it into your philosophy on leadership , on organizational coaching , can you talk a little bit about how you did that , how you built on this , you know , discovery and acceptance of your , of yourself , where it morphed , both personally , you know , in the years after your light bulb , but

also in how it influenced your professional process .

It has been a progressive evolution of understanding , from from some dogma in me that was like this is right and wrong and this is how you do things and this is truth to understanding .

I don't believe truth is relative , I don't fall into that camp , but I do believe I am not the , the character , the curator of truth , right , and so I have a truth based on my knowledge and revelation and understanding and experience , and I'm I'm not wishy-washy with it , but I also understand that there is a greater revelation that could be around that truth

that I don't hold .

And so when I take that mindset as I move through relationships , personally or professionally , I understand that everyone I'm dealing with has a starting point , their anchor , that is their safe place , that protects them , that propels them , that compels them , whatever it might be , and so giving them freedom to help them identify those things that have anchored them

and serve them to this point in their life . But here's the thing if they're in front of me , there's something that drove them to me right , something that said I'm stuck , I'm recycling , I can't break . Whatever it is , there's something that I want to elevate or to step up and I'm just not seeming to find that path on my own .

So there is a willingness in that moment to come and visit and have a conversation , right , and so I reaffirm and edify the life they've lived at that point that has served them well . And then I ask them to define or describe for me where they'd like to go . What is the vision ? It could be tactical in their business , it could be personal life .

Where are you headed ? What is it you're desiring to go to ? To do the destination , and if I can get them to begin to start to clarify that destination , honoring their current reality I know this is an audio podcast , but if you put your hands up apart from each other , there's a gap .

One hand is current reality , the other hand is the destination and the space in between is the bridge we've got to create . And so if I can get them to understand that and say my job is to help you build the bridge to get from where you are to where you desire to be . But the only way to do that is you have it's a GPS .

You have to have an exact location of destination . I live in Houston , texas . I love Mexican food . I don't put in my GPS best Mexican restaurant . There's over 4,000 . That's craziness , right ? Or I can't just put in Mexican . I have to know and I know which one it is . For me it's Hugo's , shameless plug in Houston .

But Hugo's is for me the best Mexican restaurant . I have to put in its address . If I've never been there and I want to get there , I won't make it . But that's not the only thing GPS needs . I still won't make it if I don't put in my current location . Now the GPS does it automatically . But the reality is it has to be there .

It needs a current location and an exact destination . Clarify that for people . They can define that , the easier it is to then begin to tap into their motivation , their resources , their beliefs and build a bridge . And it doesn't make any sense . It doesn't .

I mean , I work with 25-year-olds who are just starting and they're not sure , right , they just want to know what it looks like for the next 12 months , the next year , or they want this ethereal . I want to change the world . Awesome , right and so .

And we work through clarifying that so we can help them build steps towards that and identify anything that might get in their way in that journey . And the sooner we can identify those things that might get in their way and deal with them , the easier and the quicker they'll be able to get to where they want to go .

I don't know if that answers your question .

My question back to you is does that starting point have to include that recognition of your authentic self , or can the starting point be a place of self-deception , not having your authentic self clearly in mind ?

Take an honest self-assessment in these critical areas of your life , of where you are Not good , not bad , not judgment , not self , authentic self or not . It will show up in that journey . As we try to get there , we will discover if that current reality has some flaws or brokenness or beliefs that are keeping you from getting to where you want to go .

So I'm not worried about getting the deep work in at the current reality . I just want them to go . Yeah , I struggle with this . I've never been good here . My current reality is I'd love this , but every time I try I don't . Or man , I'm really good at this and I love doing these things , and so I built these three businesses .

I've got an example of a guy I've coached right who he's an executive entrepreneur , bought and sold businesses millions of dollars in cash and liquidity and business the whole thing right , five marriages . So in one area of his life he's killing it . Everyone would say look how successful you are . And then over here .

He's not and he's broken because he says I long for an intimate relationship . For the rest of he's getting older . Right , he's like I don't , but this is who I am , this is how I do things , this is the way it is If people can't accept . So he built a narrative to protect himself in that one area .

So his current reality was I'm really good here and I'm no good in relationships . And so we had . I said fine , so you've identified here's where you're at . What do you want ? I said fine , so you've identified , here's where you're at . What do you want ? I want a long , lasting , no-transcript , let's , let's go to work , right .

And so then the work is the process of asking questions , like you're coaching , right it's . We ask questions , we dig in , we find out what motivates them , we find out the resources they have , we , we build a roadmap right To help them build a roadmap to that desire .

at . Is it's , it's OK to start today , as opposed to you know , well , gosh , I need to do some self-discovery work before I can even start thinking about my long term direction in future .

But if we try to jump into difficult before we've had the time to really reframe and refresh and reset your belief of yourself and your I can , I am , I will kind of thing the mindset and we just try to go to difficult right away , you'll shut down , You'll self-protect . We're designed to protect ourselves .

The fight or flight Like hey , no , you can't , I ain't going there , right , it's like , no , I've been there before . Right , that's no good . So you're exactly right , alex , come as you are , 100% okay . Just be honest about it . All I ask is be real about where you are . No guilt , no shame , no condemnation . This is my current reality . It's where I am .

It's what I love about it . It's what I don't like about it , okay , great .

Other things were more important . They didn't care , whatever . But at some point there's a disruptive action that happens in their life where they say I'm really done , I don't want that whatever .

And it's at that point that I really hope and pray that they can find someone they connect with , someone that can help them understand this is the best place you can be and they know how to help guide them from that to wholeness and freedom and future and a hope right that I believe they were designed and created for .

But there has to be , at some point , a revelation that it's there . The other thing that we already said is what makes it so hard to see . Until that interruption is it's normal . I have lived this way for so long . It is just who I am . We make statements .

But , or we use but , I'd love to do that , but All of those are indicators that somewhere in that process is the limiting belief or an identity that you are holding on to that is holding you back or putting a ceiling over your life . It may be true , it may not be true , but anytime we disqualify ourselves right away . I've tried that before .

Oh , I've been there and done that . Oh , I'm never any good at math , or me and relationships don't work , or I'm not a leader . All those negative statements they may be true 98% of the time . In my 25 years of coaching and leadership development , I found them to not be true .

But they , they were true to them because of how they defined something , was said to them something , they did , something that happened and they said , oh , this must mean and from that moment on , that became something taboo or something they put in the corner .

We've been talking about the narratives . We tell ourselves what's the influence of the narrative others tell us about us and how this interplays with this yeah , that's a great question and and it's not .

Right , all that may not be true in its source , but it is real and we have to acknowledge this journey is real and it's hard . So I just want everyone to understand we're just talking through like hey , just this is just change your thoughts and change your actions , and it's a listen . I know this is not as simple as we make it sound or as easy .

It's simple but it's not easy . So I want everyone to understand that . So , then , I would say most , all of , I would say , a good portion of , probably , the belief systems we have . I don't know what percentage , but I would say in my experience it's a little bit over 50% , probably 60 , somewhere in there of these limiting beliefs .

These beliefs that we hold came from , either intentionally or unintentionally , things that were said or done by other people , people we love . We may love our parents dearly . They served us really well , they were good parents , but they had this one thing they would always say hey , the Taurusians that's me . The Taurusians are never any good at math .

We'll never be mathematicians , right . And so I hear that as a young child I'm like I'll never be a mathematician . So anytime math comes my way , I've already predetermined I'm not going to be good at this and so I don't even really try . It's a self-fulfilling prophecy .

I believe in those because what they are is me telling myself something for so long that it manifests what we give energy to . I don't remember who said this . You may know what we give energy to grows right . So our thoughts , our energy , our emotions , our energy when we give energy to something , it begins to manifest .

That's why I tell people you can't have a negative destination as a goal . I don't want to be angry anymore . Great , what do we do ? We're angry all the time because our subconscious only understands angry . It doesn't understand , don't ?

So it grabs our subconscious , grabs this idea of angry that it hears us say or think , and goes hey , the boss said angry , let's go make sure we're angry . And so it reinforces that thing . I had a coach one time .

That made this so clear to me because I had anger issues and my kids were young and that wasn't violent , wasn't physical , but I'm already passionate and loud your listeners can tell right . But I would get angry and intense and it would scare my son and I knew it . And I could see myself after I do it I'm like man , what did I just do ? Right ?

So I'm getting help . I'm like somebody's got to help me . So I went to somebody . They said well , what's going on ? I don't want to be angry anymore . Okay , so what do you want ? I just told you okay , what do you want ? Well , I don't want to be angry , I don't want to yell , I don't want to get mad . I understand , but what do you want ?

And I got , I got mad . It's like you're not listening to me . I'm telling you this is what I want . He said no , you're , you're not . You're telling me what you don't want . How that's ? How's that going for you ? And I just kind of sat there and listened . You have to be teachable , my friends . I'll tell all of you .

You don't always have to agree with everyone , but at least be open and teachable . And so I had a teachable heart . I was like , ok , let me listen to what he's saying because I am missing something .

So I was open to receive his comments and he said to me he said you're telling me what you don't want , not what you want , and as long as you define what you don't want , you're always going to get that . And until you can define what you want , that destination , you're not going to change your outcomes .

I was like , okay , and it was hard for me to say what I wanted . You would think it'd be easy , but I was so locked into what I didn't want to do and be that I kept doing and being that and so I started saying , no , I want to be calm , I am calm , I am peaceful , I listen . Well , I listen to understand , right ?

I started making declarations of what I desired and I saw it slowly begin to change temper , that anger and my response to my kids . It was that simple thought of not what I don't want , but what I want .

And what you also said that I agree with and I think 50% is probably undercutting it is that the narratives people plant in our heads about us become the things that , like you said , what you give energy to grows , and so like with kids .

I remember things that were told about me , about my style , about how I am , that I look back and say , you know the grand scheme , that that wasn't true . Maybe that was true in my family union , about how I am or my style , and it had to .

I had to do a lot of unlearning about how I saw myself in the context of that environment versus in the context of the world . I agree with you so much and it's you know , what gets said gets repeated , and often that repetition comes in our own head and how we frame our actions .

If that was a lie , right , and we chose to engage it because we didn't know what else to do with it , we received it . The power is you can unreceive it , you can reframe it , you can say something different , you can create a new narrative , and that's the beginning of transformation and change .

It's not the only work you do , but you don't have to own that . You don't have to wear those clothes anymore . I say this , and I mentioned already our past was never meant to define our future . It was meant to inform it and refine it , but not define it .

We are meant to stand on the experiences of our past to get to the potential , the limitless life that I talk about in the book that we were called and created for .

So typically stuff like that has to find a weakness within us , our subconscious , our world of something that we owned in a past experience . So it's like it can't stick to steel or to confidence or to clarity or to whatever , so it hits and falls off .

But if we get impacted by trauma or an experience or what people are saying to us and I'm 30 years old or 25 or 50 years old it's typically hooked onto something else . So we can deal with it If we can recognize it .

We can also recognize there's something else in there that it found as a safe place to attach itself to in our belief system as a safe place to attach itself to in our belief system .

And then we there's a lot that goes with that , but I'm just talking about something people say . Or a boss that comes in and does something , or friends that say , you know , whatever , um , it's looking for a place in us to attach .

Yeah , and so if we can do the work that we're talking about and narrow those places and remove as many of those as preempt as much as we can , we can be stronger , build greater , grow quicker and then , if we recognize that something sticks to us , have the wherewithal to say , wow , why did that stick to me ? Why am I holding out ?

Why do I receive that so bad ? Why does that cause me to be so offended or frustrated or sad or whatever ? What does it happen ? What is it grabbing a hold of ? That's already in me that I am like reeling about this . If I will have the world to ask that question , it's my first step to really moving , because we all experience it .

Are companies , teams , organizations , is there an element of them not living an authentic self ? And the place I'm asking this question from is I work with a lot of leaders and they would describe the culture of the organization one way .

But again , one of the strengths of being young frontline employees are also much more comfortable to talk to me and share things more authentically , and I often see a disconnect between what the boss says and describes versus what the people on the ground doing , the nuts and bolts of the work .

So I'm wondering if there's an element of what we've been talking about that you see in your work with teams , organizations , companies or groupings of similar nature .

. We have a culture audit that we use with companies , so everything you just said . So I look for principles . So the personal audit that we use with companies , so everything you just said . So I look for principles . So the personal principles that we talked about , about beliefs , behaviors and outcomes and all that .

That's a principle that is universally true for individuals , teams , organizations and companies . The principle is universal . So if we can address that same principle , we can move organizations , because there's a mindset of an organization , a belief system that an organization has or holds that either helps it or hurts it , and they don't even realize it .

We've always done it this way , right . So really , what we do is I go in with companies and organizations and we do a culture audit . It's a generic thing , we do it globally . It's an amazing assessment that allows an organization to get an honest look at the culture of that organization , based on its vision , its values , its mission , relationships .

Because what we're after is how do we create an accountable culture and we have to redefine accountability . Accountability is what I hold someone to . Accountability is the commitment to do what I say I'm going to do . We are accountable to people and responsible for things right .

And so to create an accountable culture and you know , this culture is a byproduct of lived values around a shared vision . We can have it written on walls and t-shirts and brochures , which is good , but is secondary to what is actually being lived and spoken and called by the top level leadership all the way through the system .

And so we go in and work with cultural leadership all the way through the system .

And so we go in and work with cultural reassessments and resets to help if the owners are willing because it's hard sometimes , especially if it's an owner who's a founder right To actually re-look at their organization and go , yeah , this is how it is , and they see this audit and it gives them opportunities for growth and strategies that we can partner with to go

, wow , it's not what I thought it was . Okay , that's okay , right , that's real , that's our baseline . We now have a current reality . What is it you desire ? Well , I want an accountable culture where people are able to share , and that okay , great . These are your values .

You want a value-driven culture that is lived , not just written Right , and so that's really without going . And there's so much I could go into with this , but the simple answer is 100 percent , absolutely , and culture now is more important than ever . Since COVID , as you know , everything has changed . We're not going back to anything .

We are continually evolving in our businesses and the way we do things Right and so and most of the owners , except for the new startups and people in the last 10 years , are generational , who started with one mindset , moved through generations and going holy crud , I don't know what to do with this new generation of employees .

And so it really takes humility and a willingness to care about something more than just the bottom line or the dollar or yourself , and really see your organization is a vessel or a tool to grow people , to impact culture , not just in your organization but in your world , right To see your thing that you have owned or built or running as something greater than

just the widget it creates .

I've changed too ? Am I different than I thought I was ? And that is a hard realization . Going back to all the other personal reflection we've talked about , because people associate who they are with what they do now , and maybe it's always been like this , but it's very salient .

I don't . I'm not a proponent . I think it's a mistake in how we define it . I believe in having a holistic life where our priorities drive our behaviors , relationships and families .

But we have a couple of generations in there that are so different in what motivates them and what drives them , and they're not as money-based as the other , not as status , and they want impact , they want influence , they want to make a difference . This new generation coming into the workforce is a global generation .

They've never not had a smartphone in their hands , right ? They're the first generation . From birth to today , they have lived globally , although through technology , but they've lived globally . They're the least biased , least prejudiced , most aware and most attached to a global community . So there's power , but we don't know what to do with that .

The older is like okay , yeah , isn't that nice , but we got to make this widget and we got to produce and we got to build productivity and they're not opposed to that . But you have to tie that to something greater and give them a path forward .

Yes , yes , the importance of , of impact and fulfillment in their work , yes , now , that being said , I just saw something recently that 71 of gen z have a side hustle , and so it's not that they don't , of course , you know the perception . They just don't want to work .

It's that the channels or avenues of their work are different and I believe it's because they've seen , through a lot of the financial crisis , loyalty to a company not be rewarded , that when push comes to shove , layoffs happen . The company is going to survive at the cost of people .

But I think people do define themselves in what they do , even if what they do has several different outlets or channels , and I guess I don't know if that's changing . I think it's evolving .

But the acceleration of change in information and technology , with AI , with government , you know all these things , you know you've got a country led by 80 year olds and I'm not , I'm not knocking Paul , I'm not , but you know what I'm saying . So there's this whole .

It's ingrained in us that we are rebelling in a positive manner against the structure that needs to shift and change and adapt , and that's universally true principles governmentally , business , structurally , relationally , service oriented .

There's just this transformation that's coming and those that are going to survive it are willing to do what you have courage to self-examine and to see the world through something greater than just themselves . And I would say what people are after .

You know that it's not necessarily work that's defining them , but it's the value of the work they're seeking to define them . They want their work to have value so that they can attach to that value that is in something greater than themselves .

In that way they're seeking to there's a connecting with my identity and my work , and if they can't find that value , they're gone .

So we've covered , Rick , a lot of ground today A lot of stuff , man .

And you know you've definitely left an impact on me Discovering , recognizing your authentic self questions you can ask , you provide a ton of great ones , ways you can give grace to yourself , to others , the impact of our self-narrative , of the narrative others tell us about us , and how all this wraps in life and work .

But I want to just turn it to you for a final word . If there's anything you want listeners to take away , what is that ? And I'll just turn it to you for a final word . You know , if there's anything you want listeners to take away , what is that ? And I'll just turn it to you Well .

Man , really , really well done , thank you so much , and I can't wait to promote your podcast and to continue to create opportunities for people to learn from the amazing people you bring on your show . You've had great guests and great conversations , so thank you for that .

I would say you know , if I was , if my core message of my existence , who I am and why I do everything I do , it's that personal before it's corporate and it's principle based . But here's what I would say I believe that we were born limitless .

Life happens , narratives , situations , circumstances that cause us to adopt a belief or a system or a process to maybe protect us , to do whatever , and sometimes that thing that was once protecting us is now a cage , and there's actually . I believe in our . I'm a faith person , so I believe in our createdness , in our .

We were born with limitless opportunity and potential in front of us , but because of the way we've defined our narrative , our circumstances , life , environment , whatever , we have believed and settled for something less , and so I would want your listeners anyone who's listening to know this , listen . You were created for more , not more stuff .

Not more things , not positions , not paychecks , but more influence and impact . You were created for a future and a hope . If you don't feel like you're living into that , like you're settling for something less than , don't give up . Don't settle in .

Have the courage to run through and to face it , because your past I've already said this doesn't define your future . You do . You are the author and star of your story . Stop letting the world and others pick up the pen and write it . Take the pen back and become that author and write the narrative . The future is a blank page , hasn't happened yet .

Stand on your past and begin to write out your narrative for your future , because there's greatness inside of you , right ? And so that would be my hope for people to just grab a little bit of something there to say , ok , I'm going to keep pressing forward towards , and then seek good counsel , people like Alex coaches .

Don't be afraid to say , man , I'm no good here , I'm struggling here , this is hard and go surround yourself with some people who are where you want to be and learn and listen from them to get there . So thank you for that opportunity . And then , yeah , if people want to follow , I would say , alex , instagram would be a great way .

If you don't mind just me putting a plug there , just at Rick Torsen , and if you guys will message me , if you'll come visit me on Instagram and learn more what I do .

Tell me a limiting belief , message me with a limiting belief . I will send you a one page framework on how you can begin to crush that limiting belief , how you can begin to reset that limiting belief , change it to a limitless one and begin to change your behaviors and outcomes .

So come and follow me on Instagram That'd be great and get a copy of my book , if you get a chance . It's on all the outlets .