Zombies Are Coming

Welcome to another episode of Laura Kane After Dark. Thank you for joining us, thank you for listening, thank you for watching, thank you for sharing, thank you for commenting all the things. I'm Laura Kane. This is there Grimmar Hi and we have producer Brian behind the mine.

Hello.

We have almost been out this for six years. August, it'll be six years, six years doing the same thing. Two episodes a week. I know on my little thing where I load the episodes it I know we've done more because some of them we erased, but it says five hundred and fifty episodes.

That's a lot, a lot.

That's a lot.

And that's not even as many as we have done. The earlier ones I had to erase because they were two naughty, the ones we did for your bed. Oh yeah, yes, okay. So Evan's birthday was yesterday. She's not twenty one. She's legal. We can not like like I'm gonna go drink with her, but like she can go to clubs in New York and stuff now. So she's super excited. I leave to go see Charlie with my mom and we're going to ranch Withokamonga and we're flying together. Yeah, but check this out.

It's all freeboarding.

Yeah, I love it, and it's great for my mom. And it's good because she's gonna see Charlie. And you know, it's not lost on me that she's eighty four and that seeing Charlie living in Portland is rare. And she's gonna see Judy Church too, because thirty minutes from Charlie.

So that's going to be something.

On Friday morning when we wake up, we're going to a casino in Washington. Jesus, it's not me, it's my mom and Judy.

She can't go like one.

No, they love it. They love They love to go get their bloody Mary's, sit at the penny slots and smoke.

That sounds fun.

Hey, you know what, I am all for it. You've earned the right to do whatever you want and if this makes you happy and like smile, do it. Yeah, you know what I mean. It's okay, okay, So I told you I was gonna tell you something that you can try out for This weekend, there's a casting call happening in Peebee in a parking lot behind the Bank of America on Felspar Street. They've set up a pop up villa where you can go, show up and try out for Love Island, USA.

Isn't that said?

Oh that's not the one I got it I got. The one I got was for.

Love Island is where I mean barely. They're bikini these bare chess hot people, betrayal drugs, yes, yes, and then they end up with another, you know, another person. There's tears, there's drama. So they're coming to San Diego to look for some fresh faces. So if you fetch your jam, you want to be part of.

It that show.

The one I got was for Temptation Island.

Oh, the same sort of both of them. We would not qualify. We would not not unless they had like and who would want to see an old version of Love Island? Love Island over fifty. I know nobody wants to see like us in one pieces with like sashes around our waist because we don't want to showld butts anyways. So if you want to go, it's between two and seven on Saturday and there you go. Good luck could be fun, you could be famous. Yes, this is scary as hell. Life imitating art, just like the show The

Oh I heard about this.

It's just a matter of time. It's a matter of time before it is a real thing where zombies exist. A deadly fungus is threatening the US. The Daily Mail says a lethal fungus is rapidly spreading, especially in states like Florida in texts Oh good. It can cause serious lung infection and lead to death in very vulnerable individuals. Doctors say, if you're at risk, avoid soil, wear masks in dusty areas, and maintain clean air in hospitals and homes. The fungus is critical.

So what I'm hearing is that this is nothing like the Last of Us.

That's how it all starts.

It was a specific strain of fungus based on something called cordus steps. They are capable of growing infiltrating your mind.

So smart. Our boy is so smart.

He just retains information that.

Is like, yeah, he's just more smart, But I also just retained a lot of useless information.

Mart according to the World Health Organization, due to high death rates and arising drug resistance. This is critical. We're all going to turn it.

That's like black mold zombies.

Hey, stick with me, because in a zombie apocalypse, I will be so good.

I just went out in the event. If you guys getting affected, I am killing you. Please do please, thank you, putting you down.

I'll get all.

There's a cure coming boom too late.

Sorry, yeah, seriously, because you know what, I don't.

Want to take the chance.

I'll keep us safe. Don't worry, I don't want to.

Where would you, okay, what would you do in the zombie apocalypse? What's your first move?

Hide where somewhere where they can't get me.

No, he would not. You would not last because it would be everything is torn, everything is all rotted, and everything is there's been no humanity. You have to fight for like a canna beans and.

Then there's nobody to annoy me though, and.

You have to live in like a shack with like No, you'd hate it.

I wouldn't. I'd live in my glamorous apartment.

No, there would be no glad. It would be falling down to the ground because it'd be so old because humanity has gone so long and you're one of the only survivors. Who would you have to show it to nobody?

You know what I do?

I'd book a cruise.

And then just die in the water.

No, what are you talking about? Those things and stay off shore for months.

Oh yeah, that's a really good idea.

But you got to make sure you've got on that cruise before the infection hits.

True.

That make sure that people are because you're dead if you got there.

True.

So if it's a safe bet, if they're like it's you know, it's early enough where they're screening everybody reliably. Yeah, get on that cruise.

Yeah, do that one hundred. Well there was there's a cruise that'll take you throughout the whole world, and.

There's cruises or something.

Yeah, let's do that.

All right? Move over luxury cars, because thieves are now stealing emblems not from Beamers, not from Ferraris, not from Hyundai and Kia. Why why the Kia logo lately? It is great, it is cool, it's super cool. So anyway, are they stealing the one from that's the wings?

I don't know, okay, one, yeah.

They say teens are are searching for these kind of cars to steal the emblems. It's like a sign of like, I don't know, I'm cool if I have this emblem, So watch out. If you have an authority, say park in well lit areas and report any suspicious activity if you see anything.

Got it?

How do you guys sleep naked night?

No?

Like?

In what position? Generally say okay, what side?

Both?

Mostly though mostly I start and left. I think I had to right.

Yeah, I think I start in my right side.

I'm left because the TV is right here and I usually fall asleep to the TV. Sleeping on your back is bad for you. According to health officials whatever unhealthiest position.

Of all, left side is healthier the right side.

I do know that experts recommend right side is healthy the left side.

It's because of how your.

Stomach, because it can aid in digestion drained in your stomach, prevent acid reflex.

Yeah, I have that problem.

And promote spinal alignment. Oh so sleep on your left if you're going to sleep on your side, but don't sleep on your back because it can cause all kinds of issues.

I don't think it'd be that big of deal.

I don't usually sleep on my back, all right.

I nap on my back exclusively, though. If I'm taking the nap, it's on my back.

Do you nap like do you like.

Hands over the stomach?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, old man napping.

I do that.

But I do like the dead body and the coffin. Now that's sir.

Yeah, I do old man napping.

Okay. Today's job applicants want a whole lot more more than.

We did.

Your generation wants a whole lot more.

Yeah. Well things are more expensive now they have to know.

No, I'm not going to talk about it.

Okay, let's hear it.

Generally people want paid over time.

Okay, it's not always how it's been.

No, not always some companies, but this is.

The want over time.

Paid sick leave is a must.

That's federal. That's federally mandated.

Comprehensive health coverage, all right.

Sometimes that's reaching. Depends on what.

Coverage they don't always Yeah for one kod and further down the list, uh, financial security is most important for men, top priority for women. It's PTO inclusive benefits, family needs, and workplace culture. Now here's where it gets interesting. No one has higher standards than gen Z and millennial workers. Here's what they want. Here are non negotiables for them. Gen Z professionals are seeking let me guess, four day work weeks.

Of course.

Wait, that's a non negotiable. I don't think anybody is offering that widespread.

This is what gen z ears are now.

Maybe that's what they want.

Okay.

They want fun rooms with games like ping pong and other recreational activities. Okay, they want nap rooms.

That's called your car.

That's thee is essential.

Yep.

And they want pet friendly alices. They want to bring their dolls. Mine needs to be cut friendly until.

You're dog everywhere?

Am I tell Dodge pooped in them? Yeah? Okay? What is something that happens so often in movies that is one unrealistic I'll give you to some example. Somebody falls and catches the edge of something, hanging on by just their fingers or holds or you know what. You know, how hearted is to lift somebody by the arm if they're falling off of.

Actually the hardest to lift yourself up off the edge of a cliff.

Oh I don't have your arm.

I die even I could do pull ups and everything. I still don't know if I'd be able to actually get myself over the edge of a ledge though. That's an actually insane amount of for body strength.

Yeah, oh my gosh, okay, I was rehab story. We went to this outdoor woodsy like obstacle course thing like to see how strong we could be, you know whatever. It was an exercise and one of the things we had to do was to figure out how to get over this huge wood wall using each other as like platform.

Like.

Yes, so I was the one that had to climb over. I had to step on on a knee and then I had to step on a shoulder pulling myself up over that. I did it. Eventually. It was the hardest thing, one of the hardest things I've ever done.

A most most men can I even do ten pull ups. I don't even know if I could do ten. I can do a couple of but pull ups are really how oh my gosh, I carry your own way. It's hard.

People getting pistol whipped, being knocked and conscious and then waking up light later just kind of normal as if nothing happened. Maybe with like one little scrape, No, you're jacked after that. A character moving four feet from the other characters and having a full volume side conversation that nobody else can hear. No, a hero being assaulted by a dozen henchmen using fist feet and metal bars, only to end up with a small butterfly bandage and okay to move on, John Wick.

Yeah, in real life, two or three guys are attacking you, You're done. Oh yeahh no.

You could punch it in the face, your lights out.

If you can do, if you can reliably do a one on one, like a one on one fight, then even two on two or two on ones, you're done after that.

Probably unemployed bachelors with spacious, beautiful penhouse apartments aren't filled with trash night Yeah, waking up looking fresh and stuffild and mostly in a good mood. No, that's you know. You can always tell when actresses have makeup on. Oh yeah, ordering a meal, eating just one bite and then checking the whole thing because you have to go somewhere.

Oh that's a pet peeve of mine. I hate that. Or they like order a cup of coffee that take a sip and leave.

Yeah, that's such a waste. I hate that. Oh my god, I have a website for you after this, or no one app Uh, no one ever looks for parking. It's just there. They just.

Still in front of the restaurant.

Yeah. And finally stopping my to have breakfast at a friend's apartment before work. Yeah, right, like you're gonna have time? Yeah, Eric, you want to come over before eight o'clock and have breakfast with me?

Absolutely not work? No?

Not?

Okay.

Can you imagine the day that I was like, sure.

I'd be like, wait, I was kidding, I'm steal in bed? Are you kidding to weirdo? It was joking? Okay? Is there a weird rule that you've made up and you continue to fall like? I'll give you an example of those. If you need to retie one shoelace, you must retie the other shoelace, because if you don't, you'll end up with one shoe that feels too tight and one shoe that feels too loose. Do you have to do that?

No?

Do you? No? Okay?

Each armpit gets the same number of deodorant sprays.

Or rolls stick, so I use the stick.

Do you do the same amount of wipes? How many wipes?

I don't know. I definitely like a pattern though.

If you go one, two, three, one two three.

That's what I do.

I don't know if it's like one two three. I just like have like a like a motion like routine I follow.

Okay, wait that okay. I want to do this right now.

Okay.

I want you to stand up me mm hmm, and I want you to pretend like you're taking a quick shower. I want to see where you start washing and how you do. What's your routine? What's your routine? Here we go left y, yeah, here if you just got in the shower, the water's running, okay. Here we go your naked Okay, you have the okay, get your soap, use a loofa or yeah, there's your soap. Okay, okay. You start with your chest.

What I use?

I use the wash yeah body okay, so anyway body, are you using a loofah? Okay? Wait, so you go from chest down to groin. I go from chest, stomach wainer okay, then legs. Arms. Arms are one of the last things.

No, no, no, I do my arms at the same time I do.

My chest okay, and then down and then okay, and then what about your butt? Is that the last? Do you do your face? After your butt? When do you do your face.

Then I rinse everything up. Then I do my face.

Face.

Yeah, face is a whole separate first. No, I do face wash and I don't even.

Okay, scrub your bits?

What are you using? Are you using bar of soap? Loofa hands?

Okay, I am using body wash and then I'm getting the.

Okay, wait, Eric, do you just use your hands?

Yeah?

No, Lufa is crazy to me. Sometimes okay, loofahs make the soap go way farther.

Sometimes I.

Can't. I have to use a loofro now, pump.

It out, Okay, but lace wash off and then I take this back scrubber.

I should get a back scrubber.

And then I have a thing on the ground that scrubs my feet. Put some stuff on the ground my feet, and then I was off and then my shower.

Wow.

We have similar similar alright, shattered similar pattern.

That was pretty exciting.

Exciting. Okay, if you wake up in the middle of the night, you're not allowed to look at the clock because there especially if you wake up early.

Oh, I can always look, but I don't know.

But when you see that, it's like ten minutes before your alarm goes off. Don't you just get so depressed.

Oh, I just will get up then you do. Yeah, that's what do you mean?

I just go, oh, man, it makes me so bommed, Like I didn't get that last ten minutes of sleep.

I go, damn, beat the alarm clock.

Let's go okay, what about an hour before you wake up?

I got back to bed.

Yeah, that's why I know.

I'm like, oh, only have an hour. Damn it, that's an hour.

That's enough time to get back into rem sleep.

Anyway, Oh, this is good. I never do this because I believe this. Never use a fake excuse like I can't go because my grandma is sick.

Never use a fake excuse like I've got to go out of town for two months.

No that's okay.

No, oh, because nobody's dying or sick. Because she does get sick, then you think it's your fault.

Just say family emergency, because if anyone questions you what it is, it makes them look like an asshole.

Good point yep, because that's inappropriate.

Yeah, if they say what family mergencies? Go, it's personal. Thank you.

You can't rag about a random act of kindness because if you tell somebody about it, it cancels out the good karma.

No, yes, there's no such thing as karma.

Now this is extremely important because when we go to our little singles getaway in Palm Springs eventually just a getherway. It's a singles getaway get away. Here we're going to do this and I don't want to hear any complaints you might because they probably have a good one in Palm Springs. What how to pick the best KARAOHI say.

Nope, I'll go. I'm not going to sing.

No, what is wrong with you?

Why so am the world's worst singer?

We should just go without him? He's never available.

He's being a bitch about he won't do anything, you know, big time bitch.

Well, just me and the ladies, we'll just go.

Yeah, why you, but you're not on this.

I don't do karaoke.

Also, let's get real trip. Eric's not the life of a party. He is past eight thirty. He's he is like a kind of a little of a drag. Not gonna lie.

Yeah, well I'm very old.

Well he'll have his like space and then we'll go out.

We'll do that.

Sounds great.

We'll do the late night.

I'm going to bring a book.

Then we'll come home wake him up and tell him everything that happened.

You're gonna walk, You're going to enter the room of the butt naked man.

Nakedness.

Yeah, in fact, there will be no There should be no sharing of rooms for everyone's saying toy okay.

So if you're ever at a karaoke bar and you're like, God, what am I going to sing? I'm up next, da da da da. They told me how to do it. Here's how you picked the song. Does it make you say that's my jam?

Like?

Is it something that you know? Well? You got to know.

Does anybody use that phrase that's my jam? I don't think I've ever.

Probably like six years ago, my one.

Hundred years of living on this earth.

Has it been stuck in your head lately? If you've been humming it or singing it, you probably will sing it well and do it well on stage. No. Is it a crowd pleaser? You always have to think about that. That's why Bust to Move is a good one. If you can, oh, it's a great one.

Try No, I don't like my song. It's way too old. You're showing your age here. I'm showing even worse because you're trying to choose like a kind of a cool hip song, but it's it was cool hip not too long ago.

It's a crowd pleaser.

No, crowd pleasers are like Bohemian Rhapsody, Mister Bright's Side, There's more but bust movies.

Do you know what would be the ultimate crowd pleaser? I'm not sure if i'd agree, But is.

Me not singing it at a karaoke night?

You wouldn't even see come on vogue?

No, nope.

Do you believe in love? Do you know most of the song? You should know much of the songs? You're not stuck and don't be afraid to move around, move around, take the stage, be a performer. And now, finally, this pisses me.

Off a little bit.

We have baby showers for the mother to be, we have showers for a bride to be. Now we're supposed to attend grandma's shower. Nopes, there's a new trend of baby showers for grandparents. And yeah, this is in addition to all the other showers for a mom and dad. Some people say grandma showers and grand baby showers are heartwarming and a way to honor a new chapter in life, but others say it's inappropriate.

Sorry, dumb tough luck.

The bigger issue is, okay, another party where you have to go to and buy a freaking gift. No, no grammar showers. No, I'm happy for you that you're a grand barer.

Yeah, good for you.

You don't need any presents or gifts. What do you need?

Life is your gift.

Being able to see a grandchild is your gift. And I don't know if you want to hear this story that the ten college degrees that pay the least if you have somebody that's just graduated.

Oh boy, here we go.

Oh wait, anthropology that's number four.

I thought it.

Wh Theology and religion is number ten.

Sociology the last seven.

Okay, all these make under forty two thousand dollars.

Oh wow, now hold on, that's also national average. So sure that's not like that would be higher in California, but still pretty low.

Social services is number nine. Biological science is like lab tech or research assystem you.

Need, Like, that's that's just undergrad without like, yeah, graduate degree, you're going nowhere with that.

General education.

I don't know if that it's a degree.

I don't know.

Oh, like that's just an associates, isn't it? Sorry?

Sorry, Family and consumer sciences. Is that even a thing?

Yeah, that's like I think that's a branch of marketing.

Early childhood education.

That's a preschool teacher.

I agree.

You won't get you won't be making too much money. Oh, this isn't good. This is not good. Number three on the list performing arts.

You have a performing arts degree.

Everything is, everything is by AI.

But you're yourr to not choose the safe, stable career path.

All these loans. She knows that, right, you know what, she has made a complete she's she has branched into.

A new realm, which is.

The culinary world.

Oh no, no.

It's good. It's cool. She's got an internship at this chain of really high end like cafe as Good, and she's working with thee it's called Mamal. They're in like all only on the East Coast, and the culinary scheft in charge of all of them is He's She's going to be interning for him.

Wow, that's good, because changing your mind when you've got student loans is not always a good idea.

Well, I said, you know, you know, Charlie got a degree in psychology and now he works he has a company car. He has a great job. He works cleaning gutters and roofs. He's making great money. I said, you know what, it doesn't matter as long as you have a degree, it doesn't matter what it's in. Really, you can change your mind.

You're allowed to change your mind to a certain extent.

Yeah, he tried the crisis line thing, and he you have to be able to take not take it home with you, and he's too sensitive psychology.

Then he's a graduate degree or it needs you need know what field you're going into afterwards precisely.

And it was just like a thing when he was nineteen. He's like, well just pick this, you know so anyway, and then general social science is like counselor or teacher's aid. That's number two. The worst degree you can get, the worst paying degree. A foreign language like measoring in French. That's the lowest on.

Ul get a good translating job. There is not many of them.

Maybe anyway, are we done? Sure?

All right?

You know what?

Oh, I got to tell you what happened to me?

What happened to you? Now here we go, Yeah, get my.

Car washed yesterday. Yeah?

Is this gonna be a good story, because sometimes you start stories or is it a joke? It's the most media.

I think I'll get a little guffa out of both of you because it could only happen to me. So I got off work yesterday, No, it was the day before.

It doesn't matter.

Exactly what I mean.

I was at lunch.

I had gone to get my car washed at lunch because I was rushing, and I go through the thing.

I pull up and it's probably on.

What can you tell what it was? Superstar, Superstar? Oh car wash?

Okay?

And I go to get out and I undid my seat belt.

And I usually during the car wash will.

Take my seatbelt off. And I don't know what I was monking around doing, but I forgot to take it off during as I was going through. So I go to take it off, and I don't know what happened, but my arm got hooked on the thing and I'd opened the door, and as I started to get out of my car, I my arm was stuck in the seat belt. I tumbled out of my car onto the and I tried to break my fall by grabbing onto one of the hoses.

Pulled that thing.

You know, what is with you falling.

I know everybody that was drying their car around me just looked at me like, hello, what.

You Once you get old and you get like actually old, you're gonna die after you break your hipp and I can't recover.

Don't say that. Don't say that.

Five years.

Yeah, you're like quiet falls so often. You gotta start. You gonna start feeling more careful to get a wheelchair.

No walker, I need that footage from Food for Less. You're in front of food for less. I am going into foodener out. Yes, I'm not going into food for less and asking them. Oh, I will ask for the serene. Oh my god, that has got to be the funniest freaking thing that'll go viral that No, hell yeah, we'll pixelate the Wiener's fine.

No, we'll post on Twitter. There's some funny videos that showed wieners no falling, like super funny.

Oh yeah, I've seen some. Do not even think about it, you too.

I'll just pixlate your face then so nobody knows it's you.

Actually, I saw a video once. It reminded me exactly if Eric's it's this kids sitting on this tree branch and he's like bouncing on it, and then he tumbles backwards, so he like falls over backwards, but his short skick caught on it so that it loops him. And then he's literally hanging upside down by the pants and then the sound it flashes everybody. It was so funny.

Did I ever tell you this story about my God? This was so embarrassing. So where I used to live, this was years ago, we had in sweet washer and dryers, but we also had a laundry room. So I opted to have my washing and dryer taken out because I wanted more storage because I lived downtown and you know, there's no storage down there. So I was like, I'll use the laundry room on the floor.

So there were two. There was a.

Neighbor of mine, and I used to watch their dog when they were gone. So one night I was getting my laundry together and I had these track pants on that had like a snap crotch, and I had like a tank top on, and I was getting all my laundry together, putting it in the laundry basket.

I had the laundry basket.

In one arm and the my you know, fabric softener and detergent in the other I'm walking down the hall towards the laundry room.

This is a true story. The elevator door is.

Open and my neighbors walk out, and I'm all, hey, how's it going? And they look at me and they're all and they had been drinking. So thank god there was alcohol involved in there, because they kind of looked at me and they kind of shuffled into the apartment really quick, kind of looked at me really odd, and I'm all, that was weird.

They were like, Hi, I'm just kind of and I thought, okay, that's weird.

I walk all the way down to the laundry room, go to bump the door.

Like this because my hands were full.

I look down full wiener out that I had not snapped the crotch closed and it was just out getting some air.

Okay, I love your podcast again?

How many times? How many times does this have to happen before allway?

Stories? Wrap it? All? Right? These are draining. These are like emotionally draining to listen to you said it there? Okay, sorry, sorry that was accident. He got so upset. That was on accident. I hit the wrong over it. But it's that's what's coming next.

Okay, anyway, we'll see you later. Thanks for watching you.

Love your podcast, Love your podcast.