We Need a Wingman!

What is that? Oh, my little angel, little.

Angel angel, don't call me your angel.

My little my little, my little angel haired sex spot.

Stop I'm saying that. Get your mouth closer to the mic.

You're a professional, right most of the time.

Seriously, it's driving nets anyway, Hello, thank you for listening and watching Laura Keane after Dark. And stop squeezing my butt? What's wrong?

Why would anybody think that I would be doing that?

Okay, we're going to talk about uh, hidden gems in San Diego that I did stories on this week. First of all, what's going on here? What's going on with this whole?

Look?

We got there's a lot to take in as far as every week.

Sorry, looks every week.

I can't hear you use your microphone?

Yeah no, how about now.

There it is there?

You are problem anyway? Oh gosh, looks every week.

Okay, no, but he's got it. There's several things going on. We have the shoes. What's what got No one?

What do you have a phone in your back?

What's going on?

What is that?

I know it's coming from your bag?

Oh you know what what?

I have a secret phone?

Oh boy, are you do like a yes?

Oh?

Oh my god? Why all coming out tonight on Laura Kane After Dark Laura's Secret Life.

You don't have anyone to like cheat on or you know.

Okay, is it a flip phone?

No? It was one of these things and I was and my boob is probably falling out.

Okay, great, now we're going to be NC seventeen.

When I was on assignment and I was down at Walmart, there were there was a couple of people that were behind a table and they had these phones on a table and they're like, YadA YadA, YadA da da da da, how much you make you do you qualify?

It? Is?

Well one thing I led to another. I got a free phone?

Did she? Yeah? Free? Is it?

I don't want to go into this specific, so I kind of want to hear this specific.

I kind of do too.

But they gave me this phone because I qualified.

Because did they sell you Swamp planned in Florida?

Too?

No? They didn't. I didn't have to buy anything. I didn't have to buy a plan. I'm not on any This isn't attached to any.

It was this outside of Walmart.

Yes, Oh it's a really weird phone too. You've never heard.

Why did you get it? You don't need a new phone.

I don't. I don't, but I'm like, you know what, maybe having to maybe a backup phone might be okay, Like, okay, an emergency phone.

There's also no way it's free.

I have so many questions. What information of yours? Do they have all of it? Oh?

What's all of it?

They don't have like my bank account or anything like that.

But the credit card? No, what you have to dose are like stolen phones.

These are not stolen phones. Okay, how am I going to say this?

This shouldn't be complicated?

No, okay I could.

I could literally have a full time job just selling you shit that you don't need.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no. Now you know how I always tell way more than I should.

No, now's the time. Well, now that you've.

Now this is one of this is one of these times. This is one of the times when I probably I'm going to regret what I'm about to say.

You should start regretting what you've done and not what.

You've talked about. Regret what you're saying.

To Okay, it all started, this phone all started way back in COVID days. Because of my income, I was able to qualify for uh, people that make very little money low income insurance.

Mm hmm.

I'm not going to say the name. So throughout COVID, I had this insurance, which it was great. It was a blessing. You know.

Don't like health insurance? Yes, oh yeah, like cal what you call it?

Like medical?

Yeah?

Okay, Well it got pushed forward, pushed forward because you know this and that, this and that it's kind of connected to that. It's like for people that don't have that don't make tons of money, this is a phone that's available. And these people were out there saying, hey, you have this phone available to you if you make under this amount of money. And da da da da da da.

I see.

Were these like government employees?

No, they were not government.

And you really want to see the phone.

It's a cloud like three, like a cloud three phone.

I really, I've never heard of it. I really want to see it.

Even if you okay, even if your story is completely legit, it is legit. Okay, even if what they gave you is as legit as you describe it. You don't need another phone.

I don't and I never use it.

But it was somebody just called you.

It was I know that's what it was. That's that's what's freaking me out, because yeah, okay, I've given nobody the phone. Different phones.

Is where the scam is coming in.

This is, Yeah, somebody's asking for their phone back.

Like a ago, if someone came up to me they're like, hey, do you want to free phone, no strings attached, I'd be like, not really, I mean you like the shirt, but you know me like that, Yeah, that's good than.

Wow. The black hole of all persons her Louis Vauton black hole person.

I'm amazed she doesn't get scammed more. But you know, you're so gullible. Don't you ever try to not be so gullible?

Oh? Man, it is.

Oh, I explain it like this. I'm not I'm gullible because I believe that people have the best intentions and they don't and I know and I'm learning that slowly.

I'm afraid to take her to a bar. Now why because somebody, some guys can hand you a purple drink. He'd be like, don't worry, I put it Alca Seltzer in it so you don't have a hangover.

Well, is I don't drink, so I'm not going to drink the camera alone.

Camera Wow.

No, but he'll okay, he'll hand you a purple sprite and you'll be like, thank you, I love that's so nifty purple and right it it's like, I don't know, why don't you try it? And you would down it one step and you'd be like, oh my gosh, this is fun.

You're probably right.

Yeah, okay wingman here, mister Eric, you have to keep an eye on her eye.

Oh that's going to be a full time job. Yeah, okay, right, so.

Where are we going right now? Do you want to know about the phone. Here's the phone. I really I kind of don't even know how to work this phone. Yes, it's a weird one. Oh, it was like a news flash about Pope Francis.

Like twelve hours later.

It lets me to I want you to install the McDonald's tap.

Yes it does, and uh it says a G. Brown's stolen car drama. Okay, a NFL thing.

It's basically good for giving you news.

But I'm sure to get rid of it. Okay, what if it's tracking you?

I don't really I don't really take it anywhere. I usually leave it here.

But this is the phone that she takes all the dirty pictures on.

No, I don't. I don't.

It's with that camera, got I hope not.

Yeah, I thought it would be cool to have just an emergency phone just in case I lost mine. What's an Okay, I don't know, just to because I do have some numbers memorized, like I can call my mom. I have her cell phone memorize.

That's why they sell just like prepaid phones at Walmart for like you know, Well.

This one was free, so I took it. And it's really weird and I and yeah, it probably is tracking my every move. It probably knows everything I've done in the last like three months that I've had it. Probably it's probably like.

I'm surprised it hasn't just shut off in shame.

Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't shut off in shame.

God, But I don't know. I love technology. I love phones.

I I love having technology and her gadget.

Ever that's archaic.

Anyway, Well, they ran out of the Samsung Android or something, so I got this weird thing.

Oh oh, how convenient they ran out of the Samsung. Sure they did.

This is a long time ago. Leave me alone.

This wait, God, sorry, we just ran out of the iPhone sixteen plus Pro. We'll just have to get you Cloud nine.

They were not offering up iPhone and something. I'm going to tell you that much. That's how that is for sure. All right, now listen, guys, what are we still on for Friday night?

Yeah?

Is it this Friday?

Yeah?

Okay, Brian, thank you for being enthusiastic. I just said, yeah, I know in a nice way, this one? Is it Friday night? Don't you want to help a sister out?

You like Wait, you have plans all the time, you like going out. Why are you now like bars? We're going to a classy place. It's not like a bar.

Bar. I went out to a bar on Friday night with this one to see Lee.

That's Moe's. That's different. It was different.

It was I think we were there exactly forty seven minutes.

Okay, wait a minute. But it had nothing to do with me, no, but you know what though it did.

She made me go now okay, now, no offense to most my lovely but Moses nice place. Moses not classy. Though we're going to a classy place.

Moe's is not classy. Okay, yes it is.

It's not it's not classy, but it's not supposed to.

It's not trying to do What is your definition of classy?

Classy is like, I don't need to just define classes.

What is your definition of classy?

I know it when I see it.

Okay, Well, I think Moe's does have class, it.

Has style, does not have class. But that's okay, because not every place should be classy. That'd be boring.

The problem we had with Moe's on Friday night was that they were airing the drag race group called drag Race live on all the screens.

So watch that. Yeah, it's like a.

Big global thing.

I love Paul drag Race.

Yeah, it's huge, like worldwide now. Anyway, So there were people watching it live and it was packed, and Lee was in town hot lye from Malaysia and we got to meet his fiancees. It was so exciting. So that's what we did on Friday night. Yes, and that's why we were at Most and that's why we were at a bar boor.

I had to gasp me up for like two days to get me to go.

I know. So Friday night, here's the deal, this is what we're trying to do. My roommate and I are single. My roommate is twenty nine and and I am not older than that. I'm a few years older than.

Just how many years give us the exact number and add five to it.

It stop it. But I could probably be her mother, let's just put it that way, mommy. But we're both gonna go out and you you two are going to be our wingman.

Okay, I guess I've never wing manned a woman before.

Usually it's so let's talk this out. Let's see how how is this going to work? Because I want to go home on Friday, this coming Friday with an.

STD Oh, okay, I just clarifying things. You said you wanted to go home on Friday. I just didn't know what you wanted to go home with phone numbers.

This is going to be impossible because he's gonna, like every guy that comes up is going to be either like you're gonna find something you don't like about it.

Totally like a guy I'll walk up to approach you and I'll just look at him and go, no, I.

Don't do that. You have to give people a chance. No I don't, Yes you do, Yes, you do. It's like one of the new dating things right now.

If they look like they are going to roofie you, it's a hard no.

Well yeah, but the new thing is like dating out of your typical dating pool, like dating people that you normally wouldn't date.

That gives me a lot of options for you. I already told you what my tapelines are going to be. What I'm gonna tell potential suitors that you have no gag reflex and that you're super, super limber, super.

All right, all right, let me let me rain this back in a little bit.

Brian, Please, she's double joined in her knees.

That's not interesting. No one wants to hear that, Brian.

Yeah, yeah, Please give me your concept of Friday night.

It's going to be it's going to be a show.

No this coming Friday night. What's gonna happen?

Okay, Okay, here's what we'll do. What time are we We're meeting here at seven?

Right?

Yes, and we're going to carpool there. Okay, We're going to meet in North Park?

Right?

Are we meeting in North Park? What we're meeting here?

We'll meet here and then we'll go to that and.

We'll carpool there and we'll chill for an hour. I'll get a drink because I'm probably the only person I'll drink. And the bingle they have a dance room, okay, with Park and Wreck.

I like that.

It's University Heights and I don't know what I looked at their their dance them or their music theme is just parties. I don't know what that is. But it'll be better than what I went to.

So that's what's fun.

We can dance we want.

To, Okay, we can dance if we want to.

Sure, I'm gonna be honest, it's mostly gonna be youngish people, but there'll be some older people there.

I bet I just have one thing to tell, don't do that.

Okay, Well we'll dance. Marie will have Murray. Weill have a great time. That's that's in her age bracket. And then I was thinking Laura's.

Gonna be asleep at like a back belly table at like, well, maybe I will be.

We'll stay there for an hour two and then we can go down to Lafayette or something if we want to. We can get dinner there too.

How are you two going to help the two of us single ladies?

I have no clue here's the thing. Straight men don't typically wingman for women.

I know they.

Go after women.

I know, I know.

So I'll be like, Hey, that guy's cute.

Hey, I know what to do.

What this is all hit on guys? Eric can teach me how to like hit on guys, and then I'll, you know, dude, like the gay guy.

Know this is great? Hear me out on this, Brian, I think you and I are going to be with this. I'm going to tell her potential suitors that she's only ever been with women and she wants to experience men, many, many, many men.

What I don't know if I recommend that?

No?

Why?

Eric?

What's wrong with that?

I want this to be serious.

I'm serious.

It's not a joke. I am not a joke. I'm not a joke.

I know you're not. I am a real huge sun.

Okay, how about let's rephrase this. Let's not structure this in a wingman like situation. Let's just go out and have fun and let's support each other in their attempts to.

Get Wow, who thought you were gonna be the voice of reason? Why have I not been the voice or reason?

Okay, Look, Marie and I are single. And we want to meet someone mingle, Yes, we want to mingle.

But.

Dating apps. I don't know bars, I don't know activities, I don't know. So this is we're diving in. We're just trying things out. So I want to see what you guys can do to help us, like jump in, you know what I mean, like help us, like start, like, maybe you'll see a potent for me, maybe like an older guy thirty nine, forty nine.

Yeah, thirty nine will be pushed nine.

I like him young.

I told you, Oh, you'll have plenty of opportunity to prove that.

Anyway, if you see somebody, maybe like scope them out, sus him out. Maybe go up to him, not with me, but alone and ask him some questions. Maybe ask him, Hey, do you see that person over there, that old lady?

You see that old lady there?

Yeah, do you find her attractive?

Don't do that. You're gonna need to stand in the best possible light.

Don't do that. Don't be like, do you find her attractive?

She taught? Do you find that lady over there at the bar attractive? No?

Only thing you can do is you can say, Hey, that lady over there thinks you're cute, and then you that's all that you walk off?

Oh okay, okay, okay, So Brian you're a potential suitor. Okay, And Laura says, hey, that guy over there is hot. I'll saunder her up to Brian and I'll say, hey, see the blonde over there. She'd like to climb you like a tree. No, now that how does that sound? No?

No, no, I say, you gotta be like you'd be like, sorry, hey man, sorry, Bobby. I don't usually do this, but that you go there is bugging me. And she thinks you're cute, so I let you know, and then you walk off?

What about this?

That's cute?

What about this? She's bugging me to come over here and tell you she'd like to ride you like a stolen bike.

I think you should tone down the intensity.

Yes, mellow, wow, you didn't like you.

Are difficult?

POSI, you are intolerable. Oh my god, this is going to be insane?

Are you starting to sweat?

Yes? I really truly just want to it is.

Not nonplussed about the whole thing.

Oh my gosh. Well, I bet I love my roommate more than anything. She is just she is a catch, and I want her to find somebody so special, and Brian, I'm putting it in your hands. Any promises, I know, I know you're not making any.

Promise I can. I would almost promise that I will not be that helpful.

But but this will be fun.

Can I say something about your dickdar Oh my god.

How about you?

Don't my dick doar is doesn't registered in straight clubs? No, it only goes off occasionally, doesn't. I can't like do it like I can't. I don't have dick dar on Brian.

I could have.

It just comes to me.

We could have like a I could say, Hey, this is Laura Kane from the Laura Kane After Dark podcast. Everybody line up and she's gonna tell you if you have a big dick or not.

I think Eric is trying to get uninvited because he doesn't want to have to go.

I know he's grumpy. Why are you so grumpy?

Just think I'm a freaking delight.

It's just it's just being difficult. It's it's been obscene that.

We're all gonna go out Friday night somewhere you've never been and it's gonna be fun.

We're gonna go to a couple places. We'll hit the strip.

We will have a good time.

You do know that I have to work in the morning.

We all do.

Wait on Saturday.

What time nine?

That's not even that early. You'll be fine.

That is so early, Eric.

I'm gonna wear my sleep patch just to the That's fine, bar Come on, Ray, got a head start on it.

No, hold on, let's take the pressure off. Let's not don't focus on this whole setup wingman thing. We're just going out to have fun, met people organically. That's how it goes.

Yes, yes, yes.

You're good at that. Laura. Well, if that's what's happening, then I can bow out.

No, you're not baling because I want you by my side.

I will say. Lord, if you find someone you like that's in your appropriate age bracket, and you think you have a good shot with, and you just approach them and make a conversation ask for their number, you have a pretty good chance of getting it.

Yeah, thank god, you're on your own.

Guys, like a spawn, respond to aggressive women typically.

But what if I don't want to be that aggressive woman? I mean you might have to wait, you can't if Okay, here's a scenario, we're all sitting at a table, the four of us, and I see somebody probably maybe ten years younger than I am. Don't say anything. I'm like, that guy is cute.

So he's sixty.

So mean to me, it's not even funny.

Okay, we'll just say he's roughly forty ish.

Okay, five, And no, we won't what it says, don't leave Laura alone if she meets somebody, we won't.

You gotta give her time to get them some space.

And I don't even Norah's going with the story, but like.

Like, you see someone who's roughly forty five, and I'm.

Like, okay, that guy is very attractive. Okay, So at that point, do I send you over and say.

Yes, that's the night where I go over? I should not do that? Yes, And I make some small talk and I'm like, so I.

Should you should not send Eric over?

Do I go?

You should just go over? Yeah?

Well?

Then what want? What do you need me for? Well?

At one point you may have been helpful, but I think it's pretty clear now that we do.

I'm not sure, but I.

Kind of want you for support, but I don't know how supportive your guy?

What if going to be supportive.

What if you are too bashful? Because I know, but what if you say, hey, I really I think that guy is good looking, and I wander over and I'm like, so, see, you know my my friend over there, the shy blonde. Yeah, what do you think of her? No, don't do it.

The what do you think of her?

Oh? True? Yeah I shouldn't say that. I'll just say, hey, a couple of things about her. She can't get pregnant, so nope, check that box, my god, check and check.

See he's been he's doing he's been intentionally like too far.

We are being completely serious right now. This is it's happening. It is Friday in it, it's tonight, it's tonight.

How about i'd be Marie's wing man.

That would be even worse. No, why I would feel even worse about that.

Marie would bow out super quick.

You're going to be better, You'll be better when we're there, and you don't think so, he's just gonna take this seriously.

You don't need a wing man. We'll just play by.

Your Yeah, we'll just wing it.

Wing the wing man.

You should do zero winging. You should just we'll get to a sprite and a nice corner decension.

She's got all her teeth.

Like, whoops, yeah, I do. I do have all my teeth. Yes, I haven't lost any heath. I've a couple of cavities, but that's so about it.

She's got a couple of cavities.

Okay, yeah, keep your keep those things to yourself too. Lord god, you guys are some of those repulsive people.

There was like something I was reading a study that like people were saying that authenticity is really in right now and that you should just like spill it all out there because oh no, well why not.

I would beg to differ.

Authenticity is good. I wouldn't spill it all out there.

Well, just get it over with.

I would keep a lid on things some stuff, yeah, like all stuff like most.

Oh my god, Okay, I'll tell you about some cool things I did this weekend. What Okay. So I'm doing a couple of stories for Cogo because I'm a news person now am six hundred cows and we're doing a San Diego week So my assignments were San Diego Gems, Hidden Gems in San Diego, and the other one was, oh the Tijuana San Diego connection. So I did that one, and I talked to the dentist that I go to down there and people who travel down there. I interviewed. It was really fun. And this the hidden gems I

There's like a million of them.

It's they're really cool.

There's the one in.

Like Banker's Hill, the Spruce Street suspension bridge, which rocks back and forth when you walk across it. It's so seventy feet off the ground. That one is really cool and you can do I think the hike is like five two or five miles or something, but you can hit all seven bridges and and do this seven bridge hike in one day. And another one is the Vermont Bridge that oh, yes, you know at the very end of where Ralphs, Yes, Ralphs and one of the trader Joe, Yes, that bridge.

These are the gems where the just bridges. Well, these you got to see. These bridges are so cool.

Well, they're they're interesting because they're so old. They were built in like there's one of one of them was built in another state and sent to San Diego and I think that one.

I forgot what bridge that was. But they're all in and around Balbo Park area. But it's cool and you can do all seven. You can do them in one day. And it's wheelchair, stroller dog friendly because it's all flat, so you can do that fun thing. And then another hidden gem. Have you heard of the Cave store in La Joia? Yeah, oh my god, it's so cool.

Yeah, have you.

Been down in there? I got to talk to the guy. Oh my god, he has worked there for twenty.

Five Oh my god.

It doesn't own it.

No, he doesn't own it.

That's pretty neat. The Cave's cool.

The cave Okay, so you go down. It's one hundred and forty five stairs and it's really low, like the ceiling is super low, and it's like it's a cave. Basically, you're going down the stairs, these wooden, rickety stairs, and they get wet the lower you go because you're getting toward the ocean. And then it opens up into this kind of little deck and then boom, there's the ocean, there's the cave and you can see kayakers going by.

I will say the going through like the stairs is actually cooler than the view at the bottom.

The view at the bottom was awesome size.

But the ocean. You go back up and you see the ocean again. Like the cool part is actually going through like the you know, the limestone or sandstone whatever it is. Yes, that's I think that's the cool part.

And did you know it was built one hundred and I think it was one hundred and twenty two years ago. Yeah, because bootleggers were trying to get alcohol and they they and some like German dude who owned the spot where the cave store is, had some people dig hole and so they could get the alcohol and up the cliffs and out.

I feel like Laura would be like shocked to learn that things existed before she was born. She's like, wait, this was around since before me? What this bridge is old? This is incredible.

It's just so cool, like these little hidden gems of San Diego.

I don't know, do you know the Horton Plaza building in downtown used to be up at actually Horton Plaza and they moved it down to downtown piece by piece.

What Anyways?

You know the Horton Hotel in downtown, Yes, that used to be up north. They brought it down north where somewhere up and by Horton Plaza, Okay, where Horton Plaza used to be, Okay, which is somewhere up north, And they brought it to downtown piece by piece. They had all the bricks labeled like legos.

Oh yeah, yeah, and then they built Horton Plaza.

I guess I'm a little I'm a little fuzzy on that part, but I know, I know. The Horton Hotel downtown was moved, was moved to downtown San Diego from elsewhere, piece by piece. It's one of the oldest buildings in San Diego. It may be the oldest building in San Diego.

Is it haunted Corton Hotel? Uh?

Yes, I think it is.

Everything's haunted if you give it enough time. I guess even the bridges.

Yes, the cave is haunted. To the case. So my next story that I'm doing is on dog parks in San Diego, and I have to interview a bunch of people at the Dusty Roads dog Park in O b.

Dusty Roads sounds like an old porn star.

Dusty Roads Dog Park is the best because they have a big dog park area and a small dog park area and they're all off leash and they're fenced in so they can run around and it's super cool. And there are these people that around noon they gather. It's like a it's like an AA meeting, and they all like sit in a circle and they just talk about everything. And I I when I used to take Elvis all the time before I got a secret dog and he's

That's gonna be us when we are old and lived together, which isn't that far off. We'll steal our like may locks and dependens from Walmart and then we'll go sit at the dog park while Elvis rds around and talk about showbiz.

We don't need to steal, You've daddy's got enough money.

Day He's he's just on one tonight. He's just still being a little rascal.

He is being a little rascal. He's gonna buy or depends.

I will. Don't worry. Please, don't worry. I'll get you. I'll get your the really pretty like long ones. Thankco bitch please yeah, bitch, please.

Us Anyway, So, and then my other story is being single in San Diego and.

That is ongoing, agoing and ongoing for a while.

Now I know, so sad. And you know, people bring it up to me all the time. Did they say, why are you single? Or or you should be looking for somebody? Or times running out or you know people.

Probably I think we're a couple.

Really, I don't think they think that.

One person, my my ex boyfriend, used to oh really yeah, yeah, it was very strange. Yeah it was. It was a weird thing. It was a weird thing.

You know.

I actually I guarantee you I could find you a boyfriend in one night. But we're going to PEB and you're gonna have to lower your standards a lot. Don't you'll find someone?

No, I don't want to go to PEB. I want to know that those aren't That's what I'm saying.

You don't. Maybe it's awful.

My people are the North Park area, University Heights. Yeah, I'm comfortable.

I love South Park actually Park amazing. There's no fun stuff to do there, like at night. But South Park's great.

I love Golden Hill all those places.

No parking is the biggest problem.

Parking.

Yeah, yeah, I know that is except University Heights, which has parking.

When Laura said she like Golden I wasn't sure what was going to follow that, So I'm really glad it.

Was Hill's God. Anyways, So to recap, we'll go to Park and Wreck, spend an hour or two there, yes, and see how it goes. We'll go to the Laay.

Wait, did you just say an hour or two?

Then we'll go to the Lafayette Boy. Lafayette's classy. Yes, it might be some older older men there would be.

Great if mal was performing.

No cool.

We should go to the LULUs sometime. I really want to go to Luluse. Anyways. We'll grab maybe some late night snack the diner there, which is fun. We won't go to the restaurant because that place is expensive. Oh, Kyoto, Kyoto is so good. I love Kyote.

What okay, I don't know if I should make this a bet or not.

Oh no, what are the terms of your bet? And then we'll decide.

Yeah, because I might have batchulism. No, on the event night, I would.

Like to kiss somebody on Friday night, a new potential person in my life. If just it doesn't have to be like a sloppy kiss, just a kiss. Of the chances that I will end up kissing somebody on Friday.

Night one, it depends on you, Okay.

If if you were like I mean, do you think if you were not eighteen years shober, I'd say really easy, you could probably guarantee that.

Let's get her, let's get her the lady viagra.

I don't know.

It has nothing to do with her. It's fighting the person. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe maybe you might have, but you'll have to be aggressive with it.

I just you know what, I just don't have game. I just don't have game.

You do, You're fine. Just you have to be slightly forthcoming, and you have to also find someone that will also aggressive and forthcoming.

And yeah, boom, but that's not yan yang.

That is yin and yang.

That's forthcoming and forth coming.

Ying and yang is not a thing.

You got to compliment each other.

For two aggressive people can be complimentary. It's how they work together. It's not like those traits can never work out together. That's a bunch, that's a big lie.

I'm just frustrated that you're gay. Oh that's not fair.

Yeah, I hate that about you. Eric.

You're my soul may You're supposed to be with me always, You're my person. Why did you have to be gay?

I'm trying. I really want to make some really bad jokes. It'd be so funny right now.

But not fair. Life is not fair. I love you so much.

I love you so much. He doesn't love you that much otherwise.

God gave you the best soul mate ever, but actually he gave you.

The worst one.

Can him.

You could, he just wouldn't like he ate it, he hate it.

I'd cry through.

Who just take one for the team.

Oh my god, he couldn't do it.

He would not be power.

He couldn't do it. He wouldn't be able to do it.

Could you have to? Roofy be?

Don't we're going to a bar. I just kidding, rufe lend's illegal. Don't do that. I don't even know where you get that crap.

Oh my god.

I do love you and think you're beautiful, but not that beautiful, Not that beautiful, No, super beautiful. I'm gonna say last week, I'm gonna say, you're I may have been being nice like a nine point okay, all right.

I may have been being nice with an eight. Who knows so?

Anyway, So we're gonna have a good time Friday night. We will give you full rundown next week on what happened, who we met, they did. No, you are not bowing out of this one, or it'll end her friendship.

Won't We'll go without him? You say that.

No, this is important to me. I don't know.

Anyway I know it.

Hey, hold on, close your eyes.

I lose your ice.

I don't know. Lean forward a little bit, lean forward?

What are you going to do?

Nothing? I'm not gonna do anything. This is not gonna be funny. Jared, Laura, meet your wingman for Friday night.

Oh god, no, I don't want this stupid thing.

God, he looks like a mean, old dank brow me on the ground.

If you don't come, you're out of my life. I got to make some cuts. Your toxic. You're toxic.

He loves you too much. You can't do that.

Oh my god.

All right, you dirt? Do you have some daily dr I have dirt? Let's bring it on. I'm done talk about dating.

Power through power through this.

Oh boy, Now I have my Hollywood Report and I have two new jokes for you for make Laura laugh. What do you want to hear?

First, let's get get the dirt at away. Yes, limit the dirt to actually interesting stuff and not.

We play the dirt theme.

Yeah, no, housewives.

The housewife' stuff is no people people, you say that, I've never seen any evidence of that.

Brian, people love that house.

You really don't know everything. Mm hmm. You don't a lot and people watch that show a lot.

Yeah, not like a lot a lot.

Are you? Are you ready for this?

I am ready.

Pope Francis is dead at eighty eight.

Okay, I'm going to turn the music off now.

That just got depressed a double pnemonia. It's Laura so sad uh number two, It's about to get more depressing. Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Ara Kowit were laid to rest in a private funeral over the weekend.

What was their official cause of death?

Well, I just read that she allegedly had COVID.

Oh so, if I remember quickly, he had really severe Alzheimer's. Yeah, and she actually died a week before him. Yeah, and he was kind of wandering around the house. I think he was just out of it. But I forget she had made I thought she almost had like pneumonia or something.

Yeah, they said it was COVID. I allegedly it was COVID related. I believe it was what they said. Yeah, and that nobody Clay, even though they have kids, nobody claimed them. Their bodies were unclaimed since they died.

Still.

Yeah, so at the private ceremony, the kids showed up, but nobody claimed the bodies. That's isn't that weird?

Yeah? So now what happened?

So I don't know if like the kids were like estranged from I mean, if they were a strange, I don't think they would have shown.

Up for the right. But they don't want the bodies.

Yeah, they didn't claim the bodies.

That is.

Yeah, something's up.

Something's fishy, Okay. Wink Martindale dead at ninety one from cancer. Oh no, game show host?

Yes? How old was he?

Ninety one? Ww I'm gonna save one of these for last because the backlash that these this group has been getting is hilarious. So I'm gonna I'm going to tell you what it is, but we'll talk about it at the end. It's gayl King, Laurence Sanchez, Chan Lauren Sanchez, Jeff Bezos's girlfriend, and Katy Perry along with I think two or three other women that quote unquote went on a space mission.

They went into space.

H Yeah, an eleven minute Disney ride. They went up and came down and came back down.

I hate everything about this, but it's fine. It's not that big a deal.

Well, you know, I mean it was forty million dollars to go.

I I want to say, Katy Perry might be the most annoying person on the planet.

While she is getting her and Gail King are getting the heat. Why people that it was tone deaf in today's climate, political climate and everything. They're like, who goes on a ride like this with all this disposable income? You know? Yeah, so people have been riding them like a stolen bike.

I don't have an issue with that. I think that's a stupid reason to hate it. I just think they're they're just kind of it was kind of a Katy Perry was really irritating about it.

Yeah, she was. And I like Katy Perry, but Gail King when she said when she was like, you know, have you ever been weightless? And you know, like made some comment about being weightless, and people were like, how do you think astronauts prepare to go into space? Like you're a you're a journalist, like shut up, like they were.

Just yeah, it was they made a super big deal of something that ultimately actually wasn't that interesting. Yeah, they went up to a lower orbit for like eleven minutes.

Yeah, they went to the line where it cross so right where it crosses over to where you would technically go into outer space.

Space is a strong word for where they went.

Yeah, so they made a big deal out basically nothing.

Okay, it was kissing the dirt and talk about how it made her in touch with divine, feminine magic or anything. Just like very like so dramatic and that like.

And then Lauren Sanchez, who's had looks like she has had everything done, was like, oh, you know, the only thing we didn't bring was our glam squad And people were like shut up, like like what are you going to do your makeup in space?

Like shut up, Oh my gosh, you know I wouldn't go.

Well, we just talked about it so I don't have to wait till the end of the segment to talk about it. Blake Lively was named as one of Time Magazine's one hundred most influential people. Next, Yeah, I don't hate that.

Most influential.

Yeah, that seems to be the case, regardless of if you like her.

Or not, because she and her husband donated the So they donated to a like A.

Doesn't it only that mobile?

Yeah? And aviation gin But remember how when they got married, they got married on a plantation and I didn't go over.

Well, Okay, I don't think that's that.

I think it's a little odd.

Well, I get the like the history, but plantations beyond that still serve a purpose in modern day.

They don't have this. They don't have tone deaf too.

Where does the whole uh Blake Lively?

Just so, a crew member just came forward two days ago and totally sided with Justin Baldony's. They said she hijacked that whole film. She was a nightmare. So that doesn't look good.

For well, I know that doesn't really mean anything.

Is Taylor still talking to No.

That's done. She's thrown everybody under that bus. I don't think anybody's talking to her anymore except her husband. We'll see how long that lasts. Haley Joel Osmon remember him, I see dead people from the sixth Sense. He was arrested in Mammoth Mountain skiing. He was so drunk. He was just nasty, uncooperative. Alcohol and cocaine. Oh no, combative, very intoxicated. Yes, unruly was another word that they used

Is this a recent Yeah.

This is just He was on The Carrie Katy Perry's last season, so season eighteen I think it's nineteen oom. Yes, Fentanyl, methadone, amphetamines, and cocaine and the death was ruled accidental. Dude, that's a lot of drugs.

Yeah, that is. That's a lot of that's a big mixture right there.

Yeah, Terrence Howard, remember him from Empire. The actor. He has a new podcast coming out and it is going to be juicy, juicy juicy.

He's also insane.

Yeah, well, he's gonna spill the tea on Hollywood media companies, studios, private figures. His CIA legal ballad that battle when he was on Empire, CIA, which is Creative Artists Agency, allegedly wanted to take him take a huge pay cut to be on that show.

Yeah, there's something up with him.

So he actually in the last couple of years, he believes he has discovered the key to a new way of science. He feels he thinks he solved science. Oh basically, and he's got like all these patents for like kind of like random weird stuff that don't really makes sense. He's a little delusional. Okay, He's been talked about by like actual physicists and stuff. Joe Rogan did an interesting interview with him and Eric Weinstein, mathematician. He's he's a

Oh yeah, I do remember hearing about that. Yeah, this news has got me. I can't wait.

Oh this what you're about to say?

Oh, yeah, what, I am so excited. So you know, Kelly Clarkson was absent from her show for a couple of weeks due to a personal matter. She just dropped on Instagram. She's coming out with new music. The first song is called where Have You Been? So excited? Cannot wait?

And it hasn't dropped.

No, I haven't heard a beat of it.

When is it going to happen?

Not sure yet.

Oh my gosh, it's She's one of your songs.

I love Mike Kelly Clarkson.

Yes, skinny Kelly Clark's.

Oh, oh my god, I loved her heavier. I loved her Skinny. I love her. She has a beautiful voice. Although her tickets for her Vegas residency are so expensive.

Really yeah, oh my god.

So maybe she'll come out with a Netflix special because I am not paying those prices to see her. Yeah, for like Nosebleed, it's like three hundred dollars. No thanks. Kristin Stewart got married to girlfriend Dylan Meyer over the weekend. Oh now, if you google these two ladies, now, I was Stuart used to be she was twice, she was in Twilight, Charlie's Angels. I have maintained this. I don't understand how she's an actress. Why I think she is the most boring one note actress on the planet, Like,

Well, I think she is a very pretty person, and I think I do think she does she has some talent. I saw her at the Cannes Film Festival when I was there one year, and she was walking down the red carpet and she had these dark, dark, like almost black circles under her eyes. I was like, how why would you go out like that? Like why didn't her make a person like help her or what's going on?

Kristen Stewart, Yeah, yeah, terrible actor.

Yeah, I just do not. The only movie that I've ever seen her in that I liked was a movie called underwater. And it's because she barely said anything the whole time I saw.

She was in a movie called I think it's called a venture Land with Jesse Eisenberg. They work at like a summer park and it's a great movie. She's not great in it, but like I mean, she's she's not a terrible actress. She's just intensely mediocre. Yeah, Like it just feels like I'm watching like like you could put any stand in it, like a narrator could read her lines, and yeah, like I could have like Siri just read out that her line.

It's just the most one note, Bland, don't send any hate mail if you like her, I don't care, but like I just don't like her. So well, congratulations on your nuptials. On your nuptials, Elizabeth Hurley, remember her hot British dish. Guess who she is allegedly dating?

Is he younger?

Uh? Maybe a little bit? Brad Pitt, No, we could only be that lucky. Take one more guess, You're never gonna guess.

Okay, well, then tell.

Me Billy ray Cyrus.

Wait, Billy ray Cyrus is Miley.

Cyrus's dad is dating Elizabeth Hurley allegedly.

Whoa, that is a crazy coupling. Yeah, I don't think that's healthy.

No, she is smoking hot.

She's smoking, and I think that he's not well.

No, and he looks like one of the members of zz Top but that big idious beard, long hair. Oh god, just anyway, I had something else.

I heard the second weekend of Coachella was really good, and that Ed Shearon showed up and during postma yes set, and I forgot who else showed up on stage, but that all in all, it was all about Lady Gaga.

They called it Gagachella billed it.

Yeah, I knew something was there yesterday last night for the last day, and she said was mediocre.

Did you and the guy, the guy that is one of the founders of Coachella, did you hear that he went to the went to the I guess the board or whatever of Yuca Valley or like the Indio Indio and apologized for all the traffic issues. And he's like, we should have done better, Like we've been doing this long enough, because I told you in one of my previous reports that people were waiting for twelve hours to get in. Oh my gosh, no food, no bathrooms. I'm like, no peace out. I would just never go.

I don't know why people go. I don't see the appeal whatsoever.

No, it's dirty.

Yeah, some people make it a annual.

It's yeah, but like you could do that, I have anything, I don't know.

And you can watch it now online they I know, they stream it, Yeah, they stream it plus like I watch.

Something big, you're probably not. Chances are you're not gonna get within a mile of the stage exactly.

Also, who cares when I went, Uh, there are no hotels that are right, no, no, no, you camp or you stay in the hotel, and when you stay in the hotel, you have to take the shuttle and the shell takes forever to get to the field. So you go to Coachella, you have to stay there and you should just stay there, and you have to stay there. It just stay there all day long, and that's the problem. And when you don't drink, it's kind of like.

Now what you know, it's weird.

I always thought I just discovered this, But for some reason, I always thought Coachella was way up in northern California, and I have no idea why it. Like I learned yesterday it was in Palms the Palm Valley, and that like blew my mind. And it wasn't one of those things where I just said, like never realized, like I actively was like one hundred percent sure it was up in like northern California. Yeah, I don't know why.

That's very strange.

Yeah, a half hours away from here.

Yeah, India.

Who goes to Indio?

Seriously, my mom and Auntie Doo Doo, that's my mom is going to go out there the other weekend. I go, Mom, don't get caught in that traffic. Do not go to see Auntie Doo Dooo.

Do not should be up for twelve hours. Yeah, so I have two more things. Okay, do you guys. Have you guys ever heard of the group? I don't know if they're rock. I've only heard the name a couple of times, but I never listened to their music. The New Pornographers, I've heard of.

Them, The New Pornographers.

No, are they rock?

I actually I think so.

I don't know. Well, they're probably not gonna be around for much longer. Why there. I believe it was their drummer. His name is Joe Cedars. He was arrested for alleged child porn and molestation.

God, that is sadly ironic.

I'm gonna I'm gonna read it. I could. Oh, I've got two Yeah, I've got two more stories. So yes, he's the drummer, and he seems to be living up to the name of his rock band. He's been arrested for allegedly possessing CP. He was taken into custody to last week and booked into jail in Riverside County, California for alleged possession of child porn, annoying, molesting a child,

Gross.

Okay, yeah, that's that's like the saddest irony ever.

So do you guys remember Charlie Sheen.

Of course she's alive, right, yes.

Yeah, don't they look exactly like wait, who is that? That's Kristen Stewart in the and the wife.

Yeah yeah, they look alone.

They look miserable anyway, So he So, Denise Richards has that show, her own show called like Denise Richards Wild Things or something, and it's her her husband and her two three daughters. Okay, Lola and Sammy are the two daughters with Charlie Sheen's and then she adopted the little girl that special needs. It's so cute. She's a good mom, like I think so. Charlie Sheen is playing a family man.

Well, she needs to process all the things that her fault.

Yeah, I think my dad was Charlie's geen. I'd be a big bitch too. Well and yeah, obviously, Okay, So my last thing is, oh, how was your Easter? Was it good?

You know what, I worked and I didn't get to see my mama. Oh, and I don't have kids here. One's in Oregon, on's in New York City, So you've got this big kid here. There were no Easter egg hunts. It didn't really feel Easter to me.

Yeah, me either. So I watched some good movies. Okay, I watched a great movie, a good movie, and a good TV show.

Okay, great, good and good.

Go.

The first one I watched was a movie called Companion. Okay, have you heard of it?

I've seen it. I've seen the like the posters, So.

Don't really let anybody tell you what it's about. Just watch it. It is good. It's got a little bit of humor in it. And it's one of those movies where things kind of go off the rails and then just bad stuff starts happening.

Is it ai stuff?

It's about a robot okay, okay, And when you think, okay, this might be kind of dumb, it's not at all.

So this is the great one.

It is great. Like it's by the producer that did the movie Barbarian. Okay, and that was great. Did you see that? No? Oh, that was so good. The next one I watched was with Julia Garner and it's the Bloomhouse remake of the movie The wolf Man.

No thank you.

So it's a little low to start, but it's good.

Okay, I'll see no, he didn't like it.

No, I did like it. I thought I didn't like it as much as Companion, but I did like it.

I think you're just being Nope, the show that I watched, okay, that you like or yes, okay.

It's been around forever and I've never watched it. Okay, Black Mirror.

Oh hello, welcome to the world. My isn't it awesome?

God?

Which one did you watch?

Well, Oshin did you like the best? So the first one I watched was I don't remember what season it was, but it was the woman who videotapes her boyfriend torturing her child and they make her. Have you seen it, Brian?

I have seen some of Black I've seen a lot of individual episodes. I'm not sure if I know the one you're talking.

So they make her every day. They literally it's almost done as like a game show where people show up and they're like, hey, take pictures, run after her, do this, do that, just don't touch her and blah blah blah blah blah, and they drug her and every morning she wakes up with this symbol on her TV set. She doesn't she knows this is her daughter and stuff like that, and she's just it's just a lifetime of torture for her because of what she allowed this guy to do to her kid.

Oh my god, you have to see the one with Aaron Paul.

Have you seen that one? That's pretty crazy.

I watched the one with Asa Ray last night the Hotel.

I don't know what.

It was really good.

Well, Black Mirror is good because it's really episode is a different story. It's really really cool.

Yeah, it's it's almost like the twilight Zone kind of Yeah, it's like it was really good twilight Zone. Laura Kane, are you coming in from Hollywood with a story or are you yes?

I am?

Are you yes, Ladies and gentlemen, Hollywood correspondent just got here from La Laura Kane.

You know who Jelly Roll is?

Yes? I always get him and post Malone Countist.

Because they both have tattoos on their faces. He was a country singer, big boy. He's lost a bunch of weight and uh, he's a really good guy and he's becoming he's huge now, huge as in famous. He always gives a good interview, He's always very honest and he always tells it like it is. But maybe he should have stopped this time because he and Luke Brian were on the Jennifer Hudson Show the other day and she asked them, what's the most embarrassing thing that has ever

I did have gone my entire life without hearing that story.

He goes, I thought it was air, but it was not.

It was a shark.

It was a shark.

She said. Uh, he said, I watched the crowd go from completely loving me to being completely out because yup.

Oh so it made an appearance.

It made an appearance.

Wow in various ways. Wow lovely. So there's not yes.

And yeah, that's all I have. And I'm excited about Thursday show because I am so into this. I can't get enough of this. I watch every new video about this. I believe in this.

You're not gonna like what I have to say.

Oh boy, oh boy, maybe I should Laura.

Don't do this, Jimmy Bryant. But it's gonna be about UFOs and uh, we're gonna we're gonna talk about aliens and are we alone? Are we alone? So we're not.

I have a question for you. What I have one last little segment for you. Let's let's save this. I'll do it Thursday. It'll break up the.

What Okay, just tease it.

Make Laura laugh.

Oh okay, all right, and you won't I will nope anyway, nope, all right, that's it for tonight. Thursdays coming up. We have a good show UFOs and make Laura laugh.

Oh yeah.

And then we're going out on Friday. It's gonna be thumb fun.

You guys are gonna have so much fun.

I'm so tired. Are you tired.

We'll take a little nap.

Hope you guys are having I hope we had a great weekend. And happy Easter.

And love your podcast, Love your podcast.

I love you, my sweet babies. Bye bye.